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Oh, sorry.

Forgot that you don't talk dog.

Now, now, don't be alarmed. Yeah, I know.

It's kind of weird to see a dog talk, right?

Well, dig your paws in and listen up, okay?

So that is my dad.

His name's Eric and he is a great guy.

Means the world to me.

And that's my mom.

Her name is Marsha.

The three of us are one happy family.

My life couldn't be any more perfect.

When my dad found me at the pound,

I was just a puppy.

I knew the moment I laid eyes on Eric

that he'd be my dad.

Would you stop, please? I've had enough, Eric!

Please, come on.

Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad. Marsha!

Just telling the folks here all about

the perfect little family the three of us make.

Would you just relax?

We've been together 11 months

and you still haven't introduced me to your family?

What does introducing you to my family

have anything to do with my feelings for you?

Is there something wrong with me?

I don't like where this is going.

No, there's nothing wrong with you.

Well, then why won't you commit to me?

I am committed!

Come on, we spend almost every day together.

That's why I even bought you this gift.

Ooh, I wonder what's in the box.

I bet it's something nice.

We're together on your terms, though, Eric.

That's not the way to treat someone.

I want to have kids someday.

What? Like, people puppies?

Exactly.

You're not ready for kids or marriage.

It's not that I don't want kids.

What do you need kids for when you got me?

It's okay. I just don't know that I'm ready yet.

You're in your 30s, Eric.

If you're not ready now, you are never gonna be ready.

Why do we have to be in such a rush?

My clock is ticking, Eric!

What does this have to do with clocks?

And if you don't want to have kids with me,

then I just...

Come here. I'm sorry, okay?

It's not that I don't want a family.

Well, then what's the problem, Dad?

You know, it's just...

You know, it's so final.

What is that supposed to mean?

Yeah, what is that supposed to mean?

Nothing. Just that...

Just that I'm the last person in the world

you'd want to have that with?

No.

I mean... No.

What have you done? Just stop.

She's serious. You need to stop her now.

Marsha, would you come back here

so we could talk about this?

Sarah, you're such a hopeless romantic.

What?

What's wrong with hoping for the best?

It's cute. It's just...

God, why are you so hard-headed?

Did you just call me hard-headed?

No! It's just that...

You're being irrational!

Yeah, you know what, Eric? You're right.

I have been irrational. This is rational.

Stop.

Yipes! Hey! Hey!

Come on!

Hey, hey, sorry, sorry.

Hey, sorry about that.

She's, uh...

She's just kinda having a rough day.

Yeah, aren't we all?

Yeah, you can say that again, but it's not her fault.

She wants puppies.

I'm really sorry.

No worries.

Now go inside and call her. Go, go!

Yeah, go.

Okay.

Did I say one happy family?

Yeah, you mind if I take that back?

Sarah, I get it.

You're a hopeless romantic.

But if you want to find your soul mate,

you need to get into the game.

I don't want to find my soul mate

if he's part of a game.

Look, I know a few guys

that I'd really like to hook you up with.

Oh, no, no. Come on!

No, I don't think so.

Come on, it's just a few dates

with some really nice guys that I know.

Perfect.

I'll set it up.

You won't regret it.

Mom, Lucas flushed my Barbie doll down the toilet.

No, I didn't! Yes, you did!

I'm gonna get you! Lucas!

I'm gonna do it from home.

Bye.

Yeah, I don't know what my problem is.

Well, that's easy.

I know what's wrong with you.

First of all,

you talk to your dog way too much.

It could put people off.

Hey, I resent that comment, Jerry.

If anything, he talks to you too much.

Second, you're a guy, man.

I mean, we're not made to commit.

It's not in our nature.

Yeah. It's not in your nature, Jerry.

No, I want to commit. Just to the right woman.

Well, see, that's the thing.

I don't believe that there is such a thing

as the right woman.

I think it's the right women,

you know, women.

Dad, why are you even friends with this guy?

Maybe I just need to get out of L.A.

and find a woman that makes the hair

on the back of my neck stand up.

Well, dude, you don't have to go that far for that.

I had one of those here last night.

I mean, whoo!

I think my standard of women is a little higher

than yours, Jerry.

Yeah, I think so, too, Dad.

Anyway, I think I'm going to London.

Whoa, wait. What's this about London?

The magazine's thinking about opening up

a European bureau there.

Oh, yes, London.

They're crazy about dogs over there, even the Queen.

She loves her Corgis.

Hey, before you get all excited about

driving on the other side of the road...

Too late. I'm already excited.

Let me at least set you up with a couple of girls

who understand the species.

Jerry, I'm afraid of the species of girl you might know.

Dad, be careful.

Girls who are at least WTP, you know?

Yeah, with the program.

Ooh, I smell trouble.

Or maybe I just smell Jerry.

So, how long have you been single?

How long haven't I been single?

That long?

Do you have a problem with the fact

that I seem to have trouble meeting women?

No. No, no, no.

It's just, um,

you're a very good-looking man

and I would have thought that...

That by now you would have found that someone special.

If I had found that someone special,

I wouldn't be sitting here right now

with you, now would I, huh?

I wasn't trying to insinuate that...

women shouldn't date you.

I was just trying to say that it isn't all about looks.

The world is all about beauty.

It's just something I don't have.

Well, you're a man.

You're not supposed to be beautiful.

You're handsome.

You think I'm handsome?

Well, you know, I'm sure if you cleaned up a bit...

that you'd find love.

I'm not interested in love.

Love is a lie.

Then why are you dating?

Is this what you call a date?

Uh, yeah.

Then I'm outta here!

This is not as bad as it looks.

It looks like it might be pretty bad.

Did you have a party here?

Sarah, I might be a little bit too nice to be a babysitter.

Did you lose all control?

How would you define control?

Hey, Mom!

Hey, you guys, don't forget about me.

Why is he still here?

Thank you, man, for letting me hang with you.

I'm sure my boat will be fixed in no time at all.

Does the word "mooch" mean anything to you?

What are friends for, huh?

Dad, I'm your friend.

Jerry's more of a stray.

...and historical attractions.

London's Underground can take you to places

such as Big Ben and the Parliament Building,

both historic sites not to be missed.

It's a sign.

Maybe you're right, Dad. It is a sign.

I am done with women.

Really?

Really?

Yeah, for a little while.

That leaves more quality time for just you and me, Dad.

I mean, at least American women.

I so know what you mean.

I feel the same way about German Shepherds.

We are headed across the pond.

Isn't that right, Gabe, huh?

Yeah, man.

Shepherd's Pie, fish & chips, bangers and mash.

Whoo-hoo, you're making me hungry.

What's this?

You're gonna go and just, like,

leave me here?

Yeah, it's just a one-year commitment.

We're really gonna miss you, Jerry.

Not.

Dude, a year is a long time.

Oh, man, London, England, Europe?

I always knew I had canine karma.

What are you doing?

Chief, you're under arrest.

This is outrageous!

You're right, Mayor, this is an outrage.

Come with us.

- Let's go. - What's going on here?

You're gonna regret this.

We'll see about that.

I want to know.

Love it, love it!

Had me on the edge of my seat.

Nice work, Marty.

Thank you, sir.

Okay, anybody have anything else to add before we adjourn?

Sir?

Yes, Miss Eisen.

Yes. Dedicated to Serve

is the next great American novel.

Are we really going to use these sophomoric marketing tactics?

Okay, I really think we should just let Mr. Caldwell

finish the meeting and then we can all talk...

Mr. Caldwell, as the head of your legal department,

I do think it would be wise to include

Mr. Dutton in the marketing process.

Mr. Dutton doesn't care about the marketing process,

publicity or awards.

All he cares about is that the public

reads his stories, okay?

Look, this meeting's through.

I'm very happy with where things stand.

All departments, please, please,

prepare for our release, okay?

Let's get out there and do it.

What do you mean, quarantine?

I'm sorry, Eric, but I checked with the TSA,

the FAA, the CDC, the FCC

and the Immigration Department.

Whoa, quaran... what?

The Federal Communications Commission?

Yeah, you never know.

Anyway, they said to take a dog out of the country,

it needs to be vaccinated.

Vaccinated? You mean like shots? Oh.

Once it's vaccinated, you need to wait

for the vaccine to take its course.

Well, what if I vaccinate him and just take him anyway?

They'll put him in quarantine

and you won't see him for the next six months.

This quarantine business

is starting to sound a lot like jail.

At least.

Six months?

Six months of quarantine in a prison

with a bunch of smelly dogs?

I'll never make it.

Eric, I'll never make it.

Nooooooooo!

What are you two staring at?

Better yet, where am I?

Oh, man, look at you two.

Looks like you been rotting away in here for years.

And you, you look like you probably

eat little puppies for lunch.

And you, over there, what are you,

a porcupine or a dog?

Oh, man, I'll never make it in here!

Nooooooo!

Oh, no way am I going to quarantine.

Come on, there's got to be another way.

I'm sorry, Eric.

I know how much you love Gabe.

Sorry.

Will you please reconsider this London thing?

Quarantine sounds terrible.

Finally,

you're taking the London Bureau position.

Congratulations, Eric.

I wouldn't be congratulating him yet.

There is a complication or two.

Before you clear out your desk here,

I have one last assignment for you.

It's called Dedicated to Serve.

It's coming out this Thanksgiving.

One last assignment, huh?

Maybe there's an opportunity for me.

Now there's already huge buzz going on this,

but so far, nobody's been able

to interview the author yet.

His name is R.L. Dutton.

I want an interview with that man immediately.

Well, it shouldn't be too hard.

We'll see about that.

Mm-hmm. For some reason, the publishing house

is refusing any interviews.

Why?

That's for you to find out, isn't it?

Or not.

Oh, and if you don't find out,

you're not getting the London job.

Hey, that works for me.

Come on, that's not fair.

Life is not fair, Eric.

I think we're both starting to figure that out.

No matter what, I can't let London happen.

Now where do I start?

As you know, the company is putting

all of its resources into promoting the book.

Yes, sir.

And it's bigger than we thought.

There's a mystery to it.

Our audience is captivated by it.

Looks really good.

Okay, so what are you saying?

Sarah, what I'm saying is I think

it's in yours and my best interest

not to tell the world that my secretary...

Your executive assistant.

My executive assistant is actually the author

behind what could be the biggest selling novel

in the company's history.

No, no, but, sir, you promised me.

I know I promised you.

But we have a contract.

That contract says that I decide

when it's time to reveal that you're the author

of Dedicated to Serve.

Look, you're writing another book, right?

Yes, but... Great, great.

We'll tell the world then

with the release of your second book.

It'll all be okay.

Hi, hi. Yes, yes.

This is Eric Miller.

I'm the features editor at Left Coast Magazine.

Hey, I got two words for you, London Schmondon.

I'm just wondering if you worked with anyone on the force

that has the initials R.L.?

Do you really think that I'm gonna let you

find this R.L. guy and move off to London?

No way I'm gonna let that happen.

Kind of like Button, but Dutton with a D?

Take that, R.L. Dutton!

Chewing things up has never been so important.

Stop... Gabe, would you stop it?

No. No, ma'am. I did not say babe.

This should mess things up, yeah.

You do have a Dutton?

Gabe! No...

Hey! Arf! London is over, Dad.

Got that? Over?

Rhymes with Rover? Over!

Grandpa's place?

Ooh, you're not thinking of leaving me here?

No, no, no, no.

Hey!

Hey-hey!

Haven't seen you ride like that for years.

Well, you know, with the hip feeling a lot better

after that replacement surgery,

I'm sitting a lot deeper in the saddle.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Great to see you, son.

I'm really sorry about Marsha.

Oh, it's too hot in this car.

I need some fresh air.

Hey, Gabe, you be careful!

Oh, no, it's those two dogs.

I forgot about them.

Where you goin', Gabe?

Yeah, Gabe, why you runnin'?

We just want to play a little while.

Hercules! Hannibal!

Let that little dog alone!

Guys, why you always picking on me?

Don't you know we're the same species?

Same species? Get a load of this guy.

Yeah, right. Good one, boss.

But we are the same species. I'm a dog!

No, no, no.

We are studs.

Good one, Herc! You're just a runt.

Well, smell ya later.

Get him, Hannibal!

Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Hey, hey, hey. Hey there, Gabriel.

Oh, those big dogs scaring you?

First you want to leave me for London,

then you want to torture me with these guys?!

Get out of here, you two.

Stop making trouble for Gabriel.

Go on, you heard me.

Go chase a squirrel or something.

Squirrel? Did he say squirrel?

Yeah, squirrel. Where? Where?

Are you sure you don't mind?

No, I don't mind.

I think he's gonna love it here at the ranch.

Why don't you guys just give up?

There's no way I'm staying here.

Good, 'cause the only other option I got

is Jerry and he lives on a boat.

Small dogs need the room to run just like the big dogs.

Yeah, but, see, the small dogs

shouldn't be chased by the big dogs.

You hear that, Gabriel?

You gonna be okay with Grandpa

while I'm off living in London?

Get me off this train.

I am not going to London!

I think he's gonna be just fine here

with all the other animals.

What? No. I can't stay here.

It shouldn't be too much trouble

finding this R.L. Dutton.

Dad, you can't leave me here with Hannibal and Hercules.

They'll tear me apart. They'll rip me to pieces.

You know, I really do appreciate

you looking after him and giving him a safe spot,

Dad, while I'm off in London.

Safe? You're kidding me, right?

I'd be safer in quarantine.

He might not want to leave when you come back.

Hey.

Please, Dad, you can't do this.

Just drop the whole London thing, please?

I'm begging you.

I want to show you something. I'm begging you, Dad.

Grandpa, Grandpa, please.

Talk some sense into Dad here.

He just can't leave me here, not with those two dogs.

Would you pipe down?

I'm trying to get some rest here.

Who just said that? Up here.

Oh, so now you're giving me attitude.

Come on, what is with this place?

We're all animals, right?

Maybe if you stopped yapping so much,

we'd have less of a problem.

I'm a little dog.

That what we're supposed to do.

Hey, kid. You want to know how to make things right?

How?

You ever hear of Cupid?

Who?

Your name's Gabriel and you never heard of Cupid?

No, never heard of him.

He's the angel of love.

The ancient Romans thought it was Cupid

that brought lovers together.

Really?

Act like Cupid. Find someone for your master to love.

Cupid, huh?

Find him a woman and he won't want to leave.

That's brilliant!

Find him someone to love and he'll stay here.

Oh, you're smart.

Yeah, you could say that.

Well, then I'm now only gonna be referred to

as Cupid Dog.

I like it.

More like Stupid Dog.

Good one, Herc. Stupid rhymes with Cupid.

Hey, Sweetie.

You all right?

Yeah.

Today Mrs. Weddington talked about fairness

and made me think of you.

Why is that?

Well, because it's not fair

that you don't get any credit

for all that hard work.

Ah, I'll get credited eventually.

It's just that Mr. Caldwell thinks that the book

will sell much better if the public thinks a man wrote it.

That's really unfair.

Well, unfortunately, I agreed to the deal.

If I didn't, the book might never have been published.

Sometimes we have to make compromises.

Like you and Daddy splitting up?

Like your dad and I coming up with a solution

that's best for you and Lucas.

Hey, tell you what,

I'll see if I can drop Lucas off at Timmy's house

and you and I can have a mommy-daughter afternoon at the mall.

Really? Uh-huh.

Okay, deal, yeah. Okay, deal.

Thank you. Okay, go get ready.

Ugh. Doesn't this guy have a home?

Okay, I don't know how to work this.

Oh! You gotta turn it on first.

Hello, I am Lana Valentine and welcome to Cupid's Arrow.

Look at that, a show about Cupid!

A show that will teach you how to make any woman

in the world fall in love with you.

Today we're focused on finding the right woman

to fall in love with you.

The right woman?

Anyone that keeps my dad from going to London

is the right woman.

I do not want you to be picky.

Do not be picky.

Picky? My dad is not picky.

Have you met his friend Jerry?

And this is why, my friends.

You are gonna practice the techniques

that we learn today on these women.

You may not always want to go out with these women,

but practice makes perfect.

You know this stuff will rot your brain, right?

Would you be quiet, Jerry? This is important.

Don't watch anymore.

There is more to a woman than just the way she looks.

This is what often us experts call...

Okay, you're giving me the creeps.

Now duty dating is where you may fail the first time,

but that's okay 'cause you just get right back up there

and you try again.

Well, Dad's definitely good at failing with women.

It's your duty to take these women out

and treat them like a princess.

Starting to see how this whole idea could work.

Sorry, Dad, no London for you,

but at least you'll fall in love.

Okay, I'm not gonna be picky,

but I've gotta find someone for Eric to fall in love with.

I gotta go.

I gotta find someone now.

I am Cupid Dog!

There's got to be girls around here.

Like Lana says, don't be picky.

I think there's a bikini girl around here somewhere.

Maybe down the block.

Right, this way.

Mission Cupid Dog is now on!

Okay, just don't... don't pay attention to me.

All right, here we go.

Hi, little puppy.

Okay, in just a moment, you're gonna meet Eric.

He's my dad. He is the man of your dreams.

What are you doing?

I've got a great way

for you to meet my dad.

Hey!

Get back here with my bikini!

You mutt!

My bikini!

Just a little closer.

Just a little closer.

Dad, answer the door. Stay right there, puppy.

Come on, Dad, answer the door!

Hey, what is going on?

Your dog stole my bikini top.

Sorry, your bikini?

Yeah, I stole it, Dad, but it was for a real good cause.

Yes, that's mine. Do you think that's funny?

No, no, it's not funny.

Gabe, what are you doing? It doesn't matter.

What matters is, she's a woman

and you could fall in love with her right now.

If you don't give that back right now,

I'm calling the police and the animal shelter!

Look, you don't want to do that.

Just give it back to me and make sure your mutt

never sets foot on my property again!

Okay! God.

Ouch, right on the nose.

That hurts.

You pervert!

I will call the police if I ever see that dog again,

believe me!

Dad, go after her. Don't let her get away.

Sorry.

She could be the one.

She could be the one that you fall in love with!

Gabe, what are you doing, huh?

You're gonna get me in trouble. You're gonna get me arrested.

Don't be picky. Lana says don't be picky.

Go on!

What's happening? Gabe.

He took this girl's top.

Came up here, gave me a hard time about it,

Said I'm gonna go to jail.

I don't know what's going on.

Time's running out.

I need to find a woman for my dad, or maybe women.

Hello, ladies, I'm Cupid Dog.

Meet my dad. He needs a girlfriend.

Yeah, he could take you or you or maybe even you.

That tickles.

You know, I think my dad would like that too.

Hey, where you girls going?

Come on, come back, come on!

Gabe!

Girls, I'm serious.

Come on, come back and meet my dad!

Hey, I got to call you back, okay?

Gabe!

Wow, you three are in really good shape.

Hey, isn't that the dog that lives behind us?

Yeah, that's him.

Come back, please! I can't lose my dad.

He's all I've got.

I think his name is Gabe.

How do you know his name?

'Cause we hear his master yelling at him all the time.

Gabe, stop! Gabe, come!

Gabe, gimme that!

They live right behind us.

Really?

Gabe! Hey!

Hey, girls, looking for love?

My dad's looking for love.

You want to meet him? Wait, wait!

Don't go anywhere!

Hey, Dad, did you see those girls?

They're pretty, huh?

You could date them, one of them or all of them.

What are we doing in a park, Dad?

Time's running out. Come on, we got girls to meet.

Stan, hey.

Dad, come on, seriously.

We need to meet some girls. Come on.

You know what? Just keep doing the research.

I'm sure one of the cops got to know who he is.

Girls, girls, I smell girls.

Oh, there they are over there.

I'm gonna go meet them.

Anyway, I'm gonna meet with the publisher later today.

Hey, Gabe!

Stop running around like you never been in a park before.

Here I come, ladies. Get ready to meet my dad.

Oh!

Hi, I'm Cupid Dog.

Wait right here a second. I want you to meet my dad.

Dad!

Get back! Gabe, stop. Hey, Gabe!

So, do you cook? Any one of you cook?

My dad loves cooking.

Oh, no, don't be afraid of me.

I just want you to meet my daddy!

- Sorry about that. - Hey, Gabe!

My dad'll help you up, though. Dad?

Stan, listen, I'm gonna have to call you back, okay?

Okay? Bye. Dad, talk to them.

I'm off to see if there's more girls in the park for you.

What are you doing? I am so sorry.

I apologize. That was... I'm sorry.

Gabe!

You can't do that, especially to nuns!

Oh, my goodness. I'm okay.

Dad, go talk to them.

Dangerous.

He should be on a leash!

So sorry. Here you go.

I apologize.

Which one do you like, Dad?

I mean, any of them will do, really.

Just take your dog and go.

Come on, Sister. Talk to my dad.

He's a nice guy. Okay.

I mean, he's not gonna bite. He's just...

He should be on a leash.

You should be on a leash.

You're right. There are rules.

Go!

And you should go to church!

He should be on a leash.

I know they're nuns, Dad, but Lana says

you shouldn't be too picky.

Oh!

You okay? I'm okay.

Okay. Okay!

Okay, Gabe, don't forget what we talked about.

Just be good and be cute.

Cute? When do I get to stop being cute?

Hi, how are you?

I am here to see Mr. Caldwell.

Do you have an appointment?

No, but I was hoping that maybe you would see if he's available.

Sorry, Dad. No appointment, no interview, no London.

Now let's go.

What's your name? Eric Miller.

I'm with Left Coast Magazine.

Oh, that rag?

Ouch.

That one had to sting a little.

Well, there's his assistant now.

Sarah, this is Eric Miller and his dog.

They're here to see Mr. Caldwell.

Hey, I know you.

Oh, bye.

Hey, I think I know you.

You live in the neighborhood, around the corner?

Oh, yeah.

Oh my gosh, what an interesting coincidence.

And how's your girlfriend?

Yeah, she's gone, but we need

another girlfriend now and you'll do.

Uh, ex-girlfriend. Oh.

Yeah, she's, you know.

And who's this little guy?

This would be man's best friend, Gabriel.

Hi. Well, it's certainly very nice to meet you, little man.

It's nice to meet you.

I'm Cupid Dog and I'd like for you

to fall in love with my master.

You two make a great couple.

But you two would make an even better couple.

Uh, thanks.

Yeah, Gabe's the best dog one could hope for.

Sure, Dad, and that's why you're leaving me behind

when you go to London.

So, since we know each other, maybe you could get me

an interview with R.L. Dutton?

Oh, no, don't help him get to London, please.

Don't be cruel to animals.

Unfortunately, no.

I'm not above groveling.

I really need this interview.

Come on, Dad, start groveling.

You got to do better than that.

Hey, how about we take you to lunch?

Great idea, Dad.

Come on, Sarah, say yes. Please?

Oh, and sit there while you beg and plead

for an interview with Mr. Dutton?

Yes.

No, he'll beg and plead for you

to fall in love with him, though.

Yeah, no, I don't think so.

Listen, we're both in the publishing business.

We're neighbors.

Yeah, yeah, you've got lots in common.

Now start dating already.

We're human.

Speak for yourself.

Could I take you to lunch, please?

Miss Walters? Yeah.

Mr. Caldwell would like you in a marketing meeting immediately.

Okay.

Sorry, no, I've got to go, but it was very nice

to finally meet you, Mr. Miller, and you.

You as well, so maybe tomorrow.

Well, I'm not giving up, Dad, no matter what.

I won't give up.

Thanks.

Tomorrow.

Hey.

Hey, doggie.

Hey, guys, get this.

I'm trying to get my dad and your mom together.

Oh, don't be scared. It's just us.

Over here.

Can you come over and play sometime?

Oh, that'd be great. Yeah, you're so cute.

Kids?

Come on. Time for dinner.

Mom.

Don't "Mom" me. Come on now.

It's a school night.

There she is!

She's cute. For a human, that is.

We'll be there in a minute.

Sorry, doggie, we have to go.

Maybe we'll see you tomorrow.

Sure. I have a feeling she's gonna be great for my dad.

Bye. Bye.

- Goodbye. - Coming!

All right, Gabe.

We have got to continue our hunt for R.L. Dutton.

Not if I can help it.

All right, you're gonna hook up with Stan

because he has got a nice little cat for you to play with.

I know you're trying to be funny, but I like cats.

Okay, now remember, you're my wing man,

so I need you to do that cute little dog thing

that you do, okay?

Not that it really worked with Sarah.

Sorry, can't go. Got a lot of work to do.

Got to figure out how I'm gonna make Sarah fall in love with you.

Okay, fine. Have it your way, all right?

Just don't make a mess.

Come on, Lana, I know you're here somewhere.

I need your advice.

Hello. Bingo!

I love DVR.

Welcome back to another segment of Cupid's Arrow.

I'm Lana Valentine.

Lana, I need to know: How do humans fall in love?

Now I'm assuming that you have

implemented my techniques and you've gone out there

and located a woman.

This is our target.

Now we need to learn how to keep our target.

Oh, yeah, I got my target.

It's Sarah.

The simplest way to begin is by giving a gift.

A gift? Like food, right?

Flowers.

That was my second guess.

Flowers are a very simple way to show your love.

Women love flowers.

When a flower opens up, it is like a woman

opening up her love to you.

Flowers, huh?

Well, you're the expert.

When a woman shows her vulnerability,

that's when you know you're gonna keep her.

Vulnerability, huh?

Yeah, I don't know what that means,

but it sounds important.

Flowers, my friends.

It's a very simple way to show your love.

Flowers, huh?

That doesn't sound too hard.

And, of course, with flowers,

you need to have a card, right?

Operation Flowers for Sarah is a go.

Let's see, I got some red ones,

I got some yellow ones, I got some orange ones.

Oh, this is gonna be great!

Come on, Sarah, just open the door.

Yes! Here we go.

You like them, right?

Lana says that flowers make a woman vulnera... something.

Yep, they're from my dad.

Oops, can't let her see me.

Oof, that was close.

Dad, answer the phone!

Eric Miller.

Hello, Eric.

Uh, who's this?

It's Sarah Walters.

Oh, hey!

Dad, is it her? Is it Sarah, huh?

What are you doing calling me?

Is it her? Is it her? Come on, tell me.

Change your mind about R.L. Dutton?

It's not gonna work.

What's not gonna work?

The flowers you left at my doorstep.

Flowers?

Ooh, what'd she say about the flowers?

Did she like them?

Oh, come on, Eric. Don't be coy with me.

You know exactly what I'm talking about.

I'm not gonna give you any information about R.L. Dutton,

but my dining room looks and smells a lot better now.

Okay, I am thoroughly confused.

I did not leave you flowers on your doorstep.

Hey, did you do this?

Dad, you really think Jerry knows anything about flowers?

Uh-huh.

Then why is your business card with them?

Dad, just tell her you left the flowers. Come on.

Would you...

Why don't you go over there? Come on, Dad, go over there.

Would you just leave me alone?

Fine, I'll leave you alone, Mr. Miller.

No, no, no, not you, Sarah. My dog is pulling on my leg.

Come on, Dad, just follow me over there.

I thought I was pulling your leg.

No, my dog is literally pulling my leg.

Gabe, would you stop that?

You're a strange man, Mr. Miller.

Sorry, Sarah.

You surprised me, that's all.

Maybe I'm calling too early in the morning.

Should I call back?

Yeah, why don't you call me when I leave

a brand new car in your driveway?

Ha-ha.

Are you serious, Dad, because I don't drive

and I really don't know how to find a car either.

Very funny. Goodbye, Mr. Miller.

Goodbye, Miss Walters.

Goodbye? No, no, no.

Don't get off the phone yet, Dad, come on.

Hey, did you leave flowers on Sarah Walters' doorstep?

Dad, leave Jerry out of this.

This is about you, me and the love of a woman.

Oh, you mean the hottie who lives behind us?

You know her?

Well, sure I do.

She's friends with a girl that I am dating, yeah.

Someone's dating you?

Yeah, that is hard to believe, Jerry.

So you left flowers on her doorstep?

I didn't say that.

But, Eric, I am here to help you, okay?

Thank you.

Sure.

You didn't do it, did you?

Yes, yeah, it was me.

I did it.

All the numbers seem to indicate that

Dedicated to Serve will be the biggest selling novel for the holidays.

Nothing's even close.

Sir?

My distributors want to know more about R.L. Dutton.

How come we can't know who this mystery writer is?

It's really starting to look like we're hiding something.

We are hiding something.

By hiding something, we're creating excitement.

Okay, but are we ever gonna meet Mr. Dutton?

Julie, I really think that we should just trust Mr. Caldwell.

He knows exactly what he's doing.

Thank you, Sarah.

Look, after the release date, I want a full-court press

of this being number one on the best-seller list, okay?

And top honors of the North American Book Awards.

Everybody got that?

Great.

Let's go out there and sell, sell, sell.

I'm like a bloodhound on the scent.

I found a cop who knew an R.L. Dutton.

He's a detective named Henderson.

Up!

Thanks.

All right, so why don't you give me his number

and I will call him?

Don't have it yet, but I'm working on it.

Call me when you get it.

Yeah, I will. Okay, bloodhound?

All right.

I've got to do something else.

Eric's got to fall in love with Sarah.

Hello, my friends.

I'm Lana Valentine and welcome back

to another episode of Cupid's Arrow.

Lana, give it to me.

What advice do you have now?

Did flowers work out for you? No? Yes? Maybe?

Don't worry, because Lana has so many more tips for you.

We're moving on to our second way

to communicate our love: words of affirmation.

Words? Words are good,

especially words like "Dinner's ready."

Excellent, excellent source for communicating our love.

It's simple, simple technique.

I'm always amazed that men don't know how much bang

they'll get for their buck

if they just write those words down on paper,

a poem.

A poem. Oh, what a great idea!

You know, I think I've seen one of those sitting around here.

What you need to do is think of the words...

Here's a poem that Dad wrote.

Oh, there's nothing like young love.

Now read it. Come on, Sarah, read it.

It's so good, it's gonna make you cry.

Come on, just read it, come on.

Flowers, poems. This girl better be in love by now.

Ring, ring!

Come on, Sarah, just call.

Hello, my friends, I'm Lana Valentine

and welcome back to another episode of Cupid's Arrow.

What is Jerry watching?

Don't turn it off, Dad. That's Lana.

She holds the key to your happiness.

Is he trying to hook me up with women?

Are you, huh?

Yes, it is me, but I'm trying to find a woman

for you to marry so you don't pull a Lindbergh

and fly across the Atlantic.

Dad, answer the phone.

It's Sarah.

Hello?

Well, is it her, huh? Is it, huh?

Okay, buddy, what's going on?

It is her.

I recognize her voice on the phone.

Uh, Sarah?

What did I do this time?

Well, you certainly have a way with words.

Really? Did you read one of my articles?

No, I didn't read your article.

I read your poem.

My poem?

Yes, just go with it!

Yeah, "Your beauty pervades my thoughts all throughout the day?"

"The visage of you swirling in my brain

makes me want to sweep you off your feet?"

You know, where did you get that?

Let me guess. It was on your front doorstep.

Uh, yeah. How did you know?

You know, I wrote that poem 15 years ago.

And how do you suppose it landed at my front door?

No way I'm waiting here.

I've got to hear what they're saying.

All I can think is that my friend Jerry is up to this.

Okay, well, you and Jerry should really get

on the same page if you're seriously interested in dating me.

Dating?

Yeah. Why not?

Is there something wrong with me?

No, there's nothing wrong with you.

I didn't even know if you were dating available.

I mean, I don't even know if you're single.

Well, I am and I'm a very nice person

with some very special qualities.

I'm sure you have a lot of redeeming qualities.

For example, she likes my flowers and your poems.

And just because my recent dates

have been complete disasters doesn't meant

that there's something wrong with me.

Okay, well, me neither, and I guarantee you my dates been worse.

Your dates have been pretty terrible, Dad.

Oh, no. No.

Nothing is worse than a sweaty guy

with a steak knife.

A tattooed girl with 15 piercings in her bottom lip?

Or the really obese guy who took his shirt off at dinner?

A crying girl that thought I was her long-lost brother?

You know, maybe we should get together sometime.

We should.

Yes, the plan is working!

You know, we have a lot in common,

so maybe, I don't know, dinner?

That'd be nice.

Really? Sure, why not?

Exactly, why not?

Yeah, why not?

That's a weird way to talk on the phone.

But no questions about R.L. Dutton.

R.L. who?

Yeah, R.L. who?

Mom?

Oh, sorry, I've got to go.

Okay. Okay?

Okay, bye. Bye.

Okay, I'm feeling good about these two now.

I just want the truth.

You want the truth?

You want the truth?

You can't handle the truth!

Enough of the games.

You just teed that one up.

Hey, listen, um,

we're having kind of a personal crisis here for a moment.

Is there any way you guys can come back in, like, an hour or so?

I really wanted to go on this tour.

Let me get this straight.

So, first, she got flowers from you that you never sent.

Yep, that was me.

And then she got a poem from you that you never gave her.

Also me.

And now you got a date with her.

Exactly.

Exactly.

So, dude, what are you complaining about?

Yeah, what are you complaining about, Dad?

Eric, listen to me.

The universe works in strange and wonderful ways.

Yeah, especially when a dog is helping you fall in love.

I would just go with it.

For once, I'm in complete agreement with Jerry.

So you did do it?

No, I didn't say that.

However, if the date is a huge success, yes,

I may take a little credit for it.

However, if it's a big flop,

no, I didn't have anything to do with it.

Well, if you didn't do it, somebody is setting me up.

Yes, and that someone would be me.

So what's the big deal?

It's not like they're setting you up

to look like a criminal.

They're making you look like a Casanova.

Who's Casanova?

Thanks.

So how'd your date go?

My date was beautiful.

Why do I not believe you, Jerry?

Answer. It might be her.

Yeah, Dad, maybe it's her. Answer it, answer it!

Hello?

Yeah. You know, just text it over to me, okay?

Oh, man, it's not Sarah.

Hi, Jerry.

Hey, that's Sarah's friend.

I remember her from the office.

Julie? Sarah's friend?

Where'd you meet her?

The universe.

You look beautiful.

Hello. You again.

Hi.

And a hello from down here, too.

Hmm.

Listen, those people are gonna come back

in about an hour and I'll be done with them

and I'm free for the rest of the afternoon.

Come back and hang out.

You know, seeing you once a day is enough for me, Jerry.

Welcome to the yacht.

Just think, Dad.

If things work out with Sarah,

we're gonna be seeing a lot less of Jerry.

Won't that be nice?

Welcome back, my friends.

I'm Lana Valentine and you are watching Cupid's Arrow.

Now I'm assuming that you have implemented my techniques

and you've gone out there and located a woman.

Lana, this isn't working.

I need more.

He's got to fall in love ASAP.

Now we have discussed compliments

through spoken word or poems.

We have had flowers given

and now it's time to move on

to something much more special.

Those flowers were pretty special.

Something bigger.

Bigger?

Diamonds.

Diamonds.

Diamonds are a girl's best friend

and they are an excellent way to up the ante

and show her what she means to you.

Diamonds, huh?

Oh, yeah, those little white rocks.

This could be an investment into your future.

You could spend the rest of your life with this girl.

Diamonds, diamonds. Where to get diamonds?

Oop...

I'm sure glad Marsha didn't take off with these.

Hope these do the trick.

But to be quite honest with you,

I think the book was very well written.

You think so?

I do.

I think the tone was spot on.

I don't believe the procedural stuff

was superfluous or excessive.

I honestly think it could be nominated

for the North American Book Award.

Really?

I don't understand all of the secrecy.

Oh, well, did you ever consider that a lot of it

could be a brilliant marketing campaign

that Mr. Caldwell came up with?

Okay, well, regardless,

my boss Arlene thinks that whoever the author is,

is very contemporary and forward-thinking.

Thank you.

Thank you?

Well, I'm sure... I mean, you know,

I am very proud of Mr. Dutton's novel.

Oh, Lana, I hope their date's going well.

This has to work.

I wonder if Sarah has shown him the diamonds yet.

By the way, we've been here for almost an hour

and you haven't even noticed.

Noticed what?

Okay, Eric, why can't you just admit

that you're a very giving person, huh?

What did I give you this time, hmm?

This, silly.

Are you all right? What's wrong?

Uh, where did you get that?

It was at my doorstep in a little blue box.

What's going on?

Well, what's the difference?

I mean, it's bringing us together,

so whoever's doing it must be doing something right.

Thank you. It's beautiful.

You're welcome.

Oh, God, you've got...

Oh, right here?

Umm... Did I get it?

I'm gonna go fix my makeup in the bathroom.

I'll be right back.

Well, Lana, I guess we'll find out if diamonds

really are a girl's best friend.

I sure hope things work out between these two.

This is all I've got.

Hi. Hey.

Sorry about that.

So, can I ask you something?

Yes.

If you find R.L. Dutton,

are you actually gonna move to London?

I've committed to the job.

I mean, they're kind of expecting me

to show up and set up

the whole UK division of the magazine.

Yeah, but is there any way out of the commitment?

You know,

if circumstances change?

Well, I guess it

really just depends on the circumstances.

Yes, yes!

The plan's working!

So?

Uh, no...

London, London, London.

Leave my dad alone. He's in love.

Forget about London, Dad.

Just think about Sarah.

Come on, guys. Enough kissing already.

Let's go!

Okay, now would be the perfect time to kiss.

Hey, what's wrong?

Nothing's wrong.

Right. Nothing could be wrong, Dad.

This is perfect.

Why don't you move with me to London?

Oh, no, no, Dad! That's the worst idea ever!

Eric, I've got two kids.

I can't just get up and leave my babies.

She's right. Two kids, bad idea.

Why don't you stay?

Yeah, stay. That's what I'm talking about.

I've already committed to the job.

You can always back out of it.

It wouldn't be right.

Who cares? Whatever keeps you here.

Don't you like what's happening between us?

Of course I do.

Yeah, me, too. I love it.

Then why would you ruin it for a year in London?

Yeah, Dad, why ruin it?

Me moving to London is gonna change

how we feel about each other?

Eric, be real.

Long-distance relationships don't work.

She's right, you know.

I tried it with a poodle in Altadena.

It just doesn't work.

Hey.

They can't break up.

I've got to stop this.

You Miller?

Yeah, I'm Eric Miller.

You must be Detective Henderson?

Yeah, yeah, call me Bob.

Hey, Bob.

You want to head inside?

I've got to get Eric and Sarah back together again.

Dinner usually works.

Oh, what's this?

Ooh, Chinese food.

Oh, it's empty.

I'll order some more.

So how well did you know R.L. Dutton?

Knew him pretty well.

I'd say he was a friend.

He owned a bar downtown, knew everyone.

Cops told him everything.

So whatever happened to him?

Well, last I heard he was out in the Palm Springs area.

You know what he looks like?

Can you give me a description?

Oh, I haven't seen him in a long time,

so he might have changed.

But you'll know him if you see his forearm.

His forearm?

Yeah, he's got a tattoo of an anchor.

He was a sailor during the war.

That is good to know.

Oh, ordering off the Internet.

What a concept.

Yeah, moo-goo gai pan.

That sounds delicious.

There better be leftovers.

Let's see, I just click the mouse here

and then I type in our address here and, voila!

The delivery man shows up.

Finally, he's home.

Plan Cupid Dog, phase two is now on.

Hey, there.

What is going on?

How are you? Yeah.

Dad, come take a look at what I've been doing.

All right.

Looks pretty good, huh?

Notice anything different?

Somebody cleaned up? I did.

Looks good, doesn't it?

But I couldn't move the couch back into place.

It's a bit heavy.

What is going on?

Don't be mad. I have a surprise for you.

Hi.

Hi.

Are you gonna invite me inside or...

Dad, invite her in already.

Yeah, come on in.

Why do you look so stunned to see me?

I mean, you did ask me over for dinner.

I did?

Well, actually I did.

I did.

That's right, Dad, take the credit.

Enjoy dinner, you guys.

That was a really cute way to invite me.

Really?

So you liked it?

Of course, she did. She's a girl.

Yes, a takeout menu and laying down rose petals

all the way to your driveway is probably

the most romantic invitation I've ever had.

Well, I am Cupid Dog, you know.

So what's for dinner?

Well, who could that be?

Don't worry, Dad, I got Chinese.

I know it's her favorite.

Who is it?

Chinese food delivery.

Good stuff, huh?

Yeah. It's, uh...

I'm full. Are you finished?

Yes, oh, my gosh, I'm so full.

It's one of my favorites.

I hope you liked the moo-goo gai pan.

I know I do.

Dibs on the leftovers.

Man, that was delicious.

Awesome.

Yeah, you know, City Wok is one of my favorite Chinese food places.

Mine too, so here's to my Chinese cousins,

the Shih tzu and the Pekinese.

You want to drop a little on the floor, please?

Wow, I really enjoyed myself.

Me, too.

You know, um...

I can't.

You can't?

You can't?

I feel like I'm being unfair to you.

Why?

Why have you been spending so much time with me, with my kids?

Yeah, and why have you been spending so much time with her?

It's because you love her, right?

I don't know. I guess I wasn't thinking.

Yeah, you're not thinking, Dad, because Sarah

is the one for you.

Maybe this is just all too quick.

Hey, no, quick is good.

We don't have a lot of time.

I mean, you did just get out of a relationship.

You're a good man, Eric.

I appreciate that you're looking out for me.

No, no, this is all wrong.

He's not even looking out for me.

It's just, I...

You what?

I think I found out who R.L. Dutton is.

Oh, no. It's going from bad to worse.

You did?

This is a disaster.

No matter what, though, I ain't going through quarantine.

How did you find him?

Stan, my lead researcher,

thinks that he found R.L.'s old friend.

Stan. I never did like him.

So I guess this means you're moving to London?

No, Dad, say no.

Don't do it!

Well, I mean, I have to write the article first.

And then you're moving to London.

Well, I don't know.

You don't know?

Have you thought just once about my feelings?

Yeah, Dad, what about her feelings?

What about mine, for that matter?

You don't have relationship issues.

You have maturity issues.

She's right about that.

Because you can't make a decision.

It's time to grow up!

Oh, not again!

You've been stringing me along and it's not fair.

Stringing you along? What are you talking about?

Come on, Dad, fight for her!

What? You don't understand?

We've been spending almost every day together.

My kids are falling for you, I'm falling for you,

and yet you keep talking about going to London for a year.

Well, either you're going or you're not.

Just make up your mind already

because not knowing is driving me crazy!

Look, I'm not trying to manipulate your feelings.

Going to London is important to me, okay?

Yeah, well, sometimes the road changes.

Sometimes there's a detour and you have to take

another path, but sometimes that path is a better one.

Come on, Dad, you need to listen to her.

You know, you just go ahead and write your trivial

little article and enjoy eating

tea and crumpets the rest of your life.

You ready for that, Dad?

Eating crumpets alone in London?

You have no idea, do you?

Idea about what?

There's a lot you don't know. Just stop meddling!

You reporters always think you know better.

Well, you don't.

You have no compassion for other people.

All you care about is the story.

I don't understand.

You're blowing it, Dad. You're blowing it big time.

Well, someday you'll understand

and you'll kick yourself for not recognizing

what you've done.

Don't just stand there. Go get her!

Sarah?

Come on. It's all right.

She doesn't deserve me.

You blew it, Dad, big time.

Now I really have my work cut out for me.

The numbers are skyrocketing.

Dedicated to Serve is breaking all records,

so I'm gonna talk to Mr. Dutton

about publishing his next novel

sooner rather than later.

I just have to get these two back together!

I'm going to Sarah's.

I've got to make this work!

Hey, come here, kid. I got a message for your mom.

There you go, little guy.

Oh, yeah, put it right there.

Umm, turkey.

I miss you.

I miss you, too.

My dad loves your mom, okay?

Don't forget to tell her that.

Bye.

Dessert, people!

Jerry, I got your favorite.

Dessert. Let's go, come on.

Stan?

Eric!

Desert Paradise Assisted Living

in Palm Springs just called.

R.L. Dutton is there.

Okay, I'm on my way.

Stan, what are you doing?

Stan?

Listen, I might be gone for a little while, okay?

If I'm gone too long, Jerry will come by

and take care of you, okay?

Oh, Jerry's a load of joy.

Where you going, Dad, seriously?

I don't like the feel of this.

Maybe Lana has some advice for Cupid Dog.

Hi. I'm Lana Valentine and you're watching Cupid's Arrow.

Honey, if you're still watching my show,

it means that you have failed in your search for love.

You could say that again.

And now we've got to go to extremes.

We're gonna have to think outside the box here.

I'm listening. This is my last chance.

Because, Gabe, you are not a loser.

Wait, did you say Gabe? Lana, it's me.

I'm your biggest fan.

You can get these two lovers together.

We're just gonna have to do something big.

Big? Big is good. I can do something big.

Something different.

Different? Okay. Different's good too.

Something really extreme.

Extreme, huh?

I like the sound of that.

Hmm, what's extreme?

Lana's right.

I need something extreme to get Eric and Sarah

back together again, but what can I do?

I think I got an idea.

Yeah, it's extreme

and it's definitely different.

Did you hear that?

Hear what?

Sounded like something dying.

It's probably just the dishwasher.

No, it sounded serious.

Everybody stop.

There it is!

I heard it.

Sounds like it came from outside.

Gabe!

Oh, he looks really sick.

Hey, boy, what happened?

Are you okay?

Of course he's not okay. Look at him!

He looks really sick, Mom.

Okay, well, he's still breathing.

I wonder what happened?

He sounds really sick, Mommy.

Please do something.

Call 911.

I can't call 911 for a dog. They'll arrest me!

Then call Eric.

Oh, such pain.

- Call Dad. - Mom!

You two stay here. I'll be right back.

And we're back talking about the Freeway Series,

Angels versus Dodgers.

The Dodgers are a far superior team.

On what planet is that?

That is on the planet earth and let me tell you why.

The Dodgers have the talent.

They have got the hitters. They've got the sluggers.

The talent they have is in a bush league.

If they were to play the American League...

Hi, this is Eric Miller with Left Coast Magazine.

I'm not available. Leave a message.

He's not there.

Okay...

Okay, there's an emergency animal care on PCH.

We'll take him there.

Come on, go get your shoes, go!

Keep trying my dad.

The plan is for you to call my dad.

Okay, it's gonna be okay.

It's gonna be okay, honey.

It will be okay once Eric gets here.

Let's go. Hurry.

All right, you ready?

Okay, come on. It's okay, come on.

Now, let me ask you something:

Do you think it was wise to trade Washington

away from the Lakers?

I do, and I'll tell you why...

Hello, hi.

Oh, hi, hi.

We have an emergency.

Our dog... well, my friend's dog... is very sick.

You got to do something. Okay, no problem.

I'll call the doctor.

Here he is now.

Please, we can't lose him.

Okay, okay, what's going on with him?

He's breathing really weird.

And making really weird sounds.

Okay, is he an indoor or outdoor dog?

He's an outdoor.

Are you guys paying attention?

This hurts.

Mickey? Okay, yeah.

We're going to do the very best we can.

What's his name? Gabe.

Gabe, okay.

I'm gonna start some blood work on Gabe.

Okay, Nancy's gonna take some information from you.

As soon as I know something, you'll know something, okay?

Okay, all right, it's okay.

He can't die.

Gabe's like our puppy, too.

It's gonna be all right, okay?

It's gonna be okay.

Hey, kids, I'm really sorry for what I put you through.

It's okay, Mommy.

We understand that you're going through a midlife crisis.

Yeah, a mental breakdown.

I think they call it a nervous breakdown.

Ha-ha-ha, okay, that's enough.

Anyway, I'm talking about Eric and I.

I like Eric.

So do I.

Are you gonna marry him?

No, I'm not gonna marry him.

We're just dating.

I thought you dumped him.

I'm confused.

Sort of.

So then you're not dating.

Yes, no.

Anyway, you know, it's just that it's all part of dating.

I don't think I'm gonna date.

I'm just gonna marry someone I don't know first.

No, no, no.

You don't want to do that.

Kids, it's just that relationships can be complicated.

You're telling me.

I don't know why you just don't tell him

that you like him and he tells you he likes you

and, voila, you get married.

Just like that?

Well, I wish it were that easy.

You know what?

You guys stay here and I'm gonna be right back, okay?

Okay.

Wish we had cartoons.

Hi, this is Eric Miller with Left Coast Magazine...

Come on, Eric, where are you?

Do I know you?

No, sir, you do not, but I know you very well.

You do?

I do. You mind if I come in for a moment and have a chat?

Sure, come on in.

Always nice to have visitors.

Don't get many anymore, except for my granddaughter.

She comes once in a while.

Well, I brought you something.

I'm not sure if you could smoke it here,

but you can certainly chew on it.

Well, thank you.

Ah.

Have a seat.

Reminds me of the time this mob boss was in the bar

and he insulted one of the cops.

He knocked the cigar right out of his mouth.

Smelled just like this.

You didn't tell the damned nurses about this, did you?

Oh, no.

Good.

Well, what can I do for you, son?

Well, to be honest with you, I'm a journalist

with Left Coast Magazine and I'm here to talk to you about a book.

A book?

A book. Dedicated to Serve.

That's the name of my bar.

A Detective Henderson told me that every cop

in town used to come to that bar,

have their drinks and spill their guts.

Is this true?

That sure is true, yeah.

Those cops had lots of stories, I'll tell you.

I used to listen to them talk all night long.

They didn't think I was paying attention,

but I knew every cop, every beat, every criminal.

That's my granddaughter and her kids.

Didn't know I was old enough to be

a great-grandfather, did you?

Sarah Walters is your granddaughter?

You know her?

Yeah.

Pretty woman.

Yeah, when she was a little girl,

she used to come visit me every day after school.

She wanted to hear all my stories

and I would tell them.

For hours, she'd just sit there listening.

She never got tired of hearing these stories of mine.

In fact, I had to chase her out of the house

just so she could go home to supper.

She loved those stories.

Hi, this is Eric Miller...

Wow, come on, Eric, where are you?

Jerry!

Eric, hey!

You still have that friend down at Entertainment Today?

Listen, I don't know that I would call her a friend.

What we have is more like an agreement.

It wasn't my finest point in the past few years.

Jerry, I don't care about that.

Does she still work there?

I believe she does, yes.

I need you to do me a huge favor.

Dude, I would love to do you a favor.

Can you contact her and tell her

that I'm gonna break a huge entertainment story today

and I need to get on the air here

at a local station in Palm Springs?

Wait a sec, you're in Palm Springs?

Yes, I just met with R.L. Dutton.

Okay, whatever that means.

Jerry, remember the book?

Just call her, okay?

Okay.

It's a great book. Have you read it?

Uh, no, no.

Attention, this is a note for our affiliates.

We are breaking in with a live broadcast in five minutes.

Repeat, we are breaking in with a live feed

in five minutes. Thank you.

Is Gabe's owner here?

Yes, yes, hi.

I'm Gabe's owner... well, not actually his owner, but how is he?

Hey, guys, look, I'm alive!

It's a miracle!

Your dog is healthy as an ox.

What?

So have you guys reached Eric yet?

He couldn't be any healthier.

That can't be.

I don't know what to tell you.

Usually, when I tell families

news like this, they're elated.

No, no, it's just, you know, the dog

looked like he was on the verge of death, you know.

Well, I gave him every test possible

and he passed with flying colors.

Wow.

I can't understand his behavior when he came in,

but clean as a whistle.

I'm okay. I'm gonna be just fine.

Okay, should we give him any medicine?

I would suggest you take him home

and make him a nice wet meal.

I think he earned that.

I agree with the doctor guy. I have earned it.

We interrupt this program to bring you this breaking news.

Hey, I wonder what this is all about?

And sitting with Mr. Miller is the newly crowned king

of the national bestseller list, R.L. Dutton.

Mom, that's...

Grandpa?

Mr. Dutton, your book was electrifying.

I couldn't put it down.

But before we get into the book,

I'd love to know: why all the secrecy?

Why all the secrecy?

Well, it's quite simple.

Simple?

These quarter figures are perfect.

Mr. Caldwell! Mr. Caldwell!

Oh, my God.

You can fire me later, but you got to turn on your TV right now.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on, turn it on.

What's going on here? You'll see, okay?

This better be good.

I owned a bar for over 50 years and,

in those 50 years, I never once wrote

anything but orders for beer and liquor.

I couldn't write a whole sentence if you paid me.

What's going on here?

I sure would like to take credit

for this brilliant novel, but unfortunately,

I think the public's been duped a little

for purposes of sales and marketing.

I never wrote a book in my life and

I certainly didn't write Dedicated to Serve.

So who did?

The author of this great American novel

is someone who is very close to my heart.

I used to tell her all my stories

when she was a little girl.

She?

The author is a woman?

She certainly is.

She's a very special woman.

The author is my granddaughter, Sarah Walters.

Aren't you Sarah Walters?

Yes, that's my mom.

This is perfect.

Perfect?

Did I stutter?

Perfect.

Why?

Do you realize how many people

are watching this right now?

The book sales that this is gonna generate.

Grandfather outs granddaughter, news at 11.

I love it!

Wait. What's the point of all this

if nobody mentions Left Coast Magazine?

But before we go any further,

I'd like to introduce you to the man who

brought you here today.

A journalist from Left Coast Magazine

searched you out and discovered the truth,

Mr. Eric Miller.

Did she say Eric Miller?

Eric?

Eric?

Dad?

What are you doing on TV?

Mr. Miller, could you please tell our audience

how you discovered Mr. Dutton

and how you found out he's not the author

of Dedicated to Serve?

Mr. Miller?

Sorry, I'm not used to being on TV.

That's okay.

How did you find Mr. Dutton?

Well, before I explain anything,

would you mind if I took a moment

to speak directly to Mr. Dutton's granddaughter?

Go right ahead.

Well, I certainly hope that Sarah Walters

is out there watching this someplace.

I just wanted to say something directly to her.

Okay, Sarah, first of all,

I wanted to let you know

that I had no idea that R.L. Dutton

was your grandfather until today.

I had no intention of hurting you or your grandfather.

I want to make it up to you, though.

I understand why you're so upset at me.

Yeah, Dad, you've got a lot of making up to do.

I realize that, since we've been apart,

that you are the perfect woman for me.

Oh, this is what the doctor ordered.

And I realize that I cannot live

without you

and I realize that I've been waiting

my entire life for a woman like you to come into my life.

And, uh...

Lana's a genius!

I'm a genius!

Sarah Walters...

What's going on here?

Back off, lady, it'll be over in a minute.

Sarah Walters, will you marry me?

Yes!

Operation Cupid Dog is coming together!

Answer it. Answer it, Mom.

Answer it.

What are you waiting for? Answer the phone.

Sarah, answer the phone.

Answer the phone!

Answer it!

Answer the phone, Sarah, for the love of God!

Answer the phone!

Answer it!

Come on, Sarah, even I know how to answer the phone.

Answer it.

Answer it!

What are you doing?

I'm proposing to you.

On TV?

A proposal on television? Oh, Cupid Dog rules!

What a better way than in front of a million people?

Well, are you gonna answer the question?

Come on, Sarah, what have you got to lose?

Plus, you get me in the deal.

Say yes, Mom!

Say yes, Sarah!

Say yes! Say yes!

Say yes.

Say yes!

Say yes, say yes!

Say yes.

Say yes.

Just say yes. Come on, throw me a bone here.

Yes, I'll marry you!

She said yes! She said yes! All right!

Yeah!

Aww...

I love you.

I love you, too.

Oh, we're gonna be one big happy family now.

You look pretty good on TV there, Dad.

It was my idea. Turn on the TV.

You did good, kid.

So, Stan, how do you like London?

Seriously?

I always wanted to go to the East Coast.

Are you sure you're okay with Mommy getting married?

Yes. Yeah, we like Eric.

And we really like Gabe.

We're gonna be a family.

I love you guys.

Oh, Miss Walters? Yeah?

I hate to ruin the celebration, but your bill.

Oh, oh!

$1,200?

Well, it could be a lot worse.

How?

Gabe could be dead and you'd still have the bill.

Hey, nice thinking.

You get a time out, you know that?

Upstairs.

Sure, if you two want to be alone.

Now!

Okay.

I...

I'm sorry.

I'm sure you had better plans for today.

Oh, you don't need to apologize.

I'm sure Gabe had the best of intentions.

I'm just glad nothing's wrong with him.

You know,

since I proposed to you on TV,

I, um...

Didn't quite really have a chance to give you this.

Yes! That's what I'm talking about.

Are you sure you know where it came from?

I swear, I had everything to do with it.

Yeah.

Oh, it's beautiful.

Whoa, humans sure look funny when they do that.

So is it safe to assume the London trip

is a thing of the past?

Yes, as a matter of fact, I quit my job today at the magazine.

Yes! Yes!

No more London, no more quarantine.

You did? I did.

I was offered a job as a reporter for the TV station.

It doesn't mean you have to move to Palm Springs, does it?

No.

Oh, thank God, Dad.

Palm Springs is way too hot.

I'm gonna stay as close as humanly possible to you.

You know what?

Now it's official.

I am the Cupid Dog.

Hey!

I said time out.

Yes, sir.

I'll be over there if you need me.

Melissa Smith, reporting live

here at the wedding of Sarah Walters,

the author of the nation's number one bestseller,

Dedicated to Serve, and Eric Miller.

We received exclusive rights to broadcast their beautiful union.

I just love weddings.

So much food.

Yeah, yeah, you owe it all to me.

I know, you can thank me later.

Wow, wow.

Well, son, looks like it worked.

Your dad's getting married

and you're not going to London.

It's all because of you and her, Lana Valentine.

Oh, my, you're just gorgeous.

Well, Major, you did give me the idea,

but Lana gave me the tips.

Happy to help, kid.

You know what, Major?

You, me and Lana make a pretty sweet team.

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today

with these two very special people

to witness their union.

Do we have a ring? Jerry?

Here you go, buddy.

Oh, my, my.

What do you do for a living? That is real pretty.

Okay, so let's see, you're gonna repeat, sweetheart.

With this ring...

With this ring.

I thee wed...

I thee wed.

Well, I now pronounce you man and wife.

Eric, you can kiss her.

Well, Major, looks like we're gonna be one big happy family.

Well, congratulations, kid.

You're quite a dog.

I'm more than just a dog.

I'm Cupid Dog!