subtitlecat.com

All language subtitles for Ernest Goes To School (full movie)

Afrikaans

Albanian

Amharic

Arabic

Armenian

Azerbaijani

Basque

Belarusian

Bengali

Bosnian

Bulgarian

Catalan

Cebuano

Chichewa

Chinese (Simplified)

Chinese (Traditional)

Corsican

Croatian Download

Czech Download

Danish

Dutch Download

English

Esperanto

Estonian

Filipino

Finnish

French

Frisian

Galician

Georgian

German

Greek Download

Gujarati

Haitian Creole

Hausa

Hawaiian

Hebrew

Hindi

Hmong

Hungarian

Icelandic

Igbo

Indonesian

Irish

Italian

Japanese

Javanese

Kannada

Kazakh

Khmer

Korean

Kurdish (Kurmanji)

Kyrgyz

Lao

Latin

Latvian

Lithuanian

Luxembourgish

Macedonian

Malagasy

Malay

Malayalam

Maltese

Maori

Marathi

Mongolian

Myanmar (Burmese)

Nepali

Norwegian

Pashto

Persian

Polish

Portuguese

Punjabi

Romanian Download

Russian

Samoan

Scots Gaelic

Serbian

Sesotho

Shona

Sindhi

Sinhala

Slovak

Slovenian

Somali

Spanish Download

Sundanese

Swahili

Swedish

Tajik

Tamil

Telugu

Thai

Turkish

Ukrainian

Urdu

Uzbek

Vietnamese

Welsh

Xhosa

Yiddish

Yoruba

Zulu

Odia (Oriya)

Kinyarwanda

Turkmen

Tatar

Uyghur

Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,707 --> 00:00:11,177 [waves crashing] 2 00:00:25,425 --> 00:00:28,528 [THEME SONG - "HAIL TO THE MUSKRATS"] 3 00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:37,303 THEME SONG: Hail to the Muskrats! 4 00:00:37,404 --> 00:00:41,174 The mighty, mighty Muskrats. 5 00:00:41,274 --> 00:00:42,242 ERNEST: How ya doing? 6 00:00:42,342 --> 00:00:43,476 THEME SONG: Hail to the Muskrats. 7 00:00:43,576 --> 00:00:46,346 The mighty, mighty, daunting muskrats, 8 00:00:46,446 --> 00:00:50,350 Someday the Muskrats prevail. 9 00:00:50,450 --> 00:00:53,753 Here the might warrior goes, to the C, to the Chickasaw-- 10 00:00:53,853 --> 00:00:56,322 Come on, ladies, put a little effort into it. 11 00:00:56,423 --> 00:01:06,900 THEME SONG: Chickadee [inaudible] 12 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:08,501 [shouts] 13 00:01:08,601 --> 00:01:10,103 (SHAKILY) Whoa! 14 00:01:13,373 --> 00:01:16,876 [band plays off key] 15 00:01:22,549 --> 00:01:25,452 [groans] 16 00:01:37,297 --> 00:01:41,801 OK, girls, hit the showers. 17 00:01:41,901 --> 00:01:43,336 TEAM: Yeah! 18 00:01:43,436 --> 00:01:47,173 THEME SONG: Hail to the Muskrats. 19 00:01:47,273 --> 00:01:48,775 Hail to the Muskrats. 20 00:01:51,678 --> 00:01:55,548 Hail to the Muskrats they do what all they do the Muskrats. 21 00:01:55,648 --> 00:01:59,752 Cheer for the Muskrats, we're for the Muskrats. 22 00:01:59,853 --> 00:02:03,122 Hail to the Muskrats! 23 00:02:03,223 --> 00:02:04,724 Wah! 24 00:02:04,824 --> 00:02:06,125 Ow! 25 00:02:06,226 --> 00:02:07,126 Ooch ow! 26 00:02:07,227 --> 00:02:08,728 Ow, ow! Ow! 27 00:02:08,828 --> 00:02:09,696 Ow ow. 28 00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:16,503 Ooh, Oh ow. 29 00:02:16,603 --> 00:02:21,975 Can anyone [inaudible] I need help. 30 00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:25,879 [inaudible] 31 00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:28,348 Way to hustle out there Cardell. 32 00:02:28,448 --> 00:02:30,650 Good hit, Raymond. 33 00:02:30,750 --> 00:02:34,320 Fane, Fane, Fane, you gotta use both hands when you punt. 34 00:02:37,423 --> 00:02:40,393 Spinx, you've got to keep your eyes open. 35 00:02:40,493 --> 00:02:42,562 You're not seeing your secondary receiver. 36 00:02:42,662 --> 00:02:44,631 [laughs] 37 00:02:44,731 --> 00:02:46,466 I must be doing something right, tomato head. 38 00:02:46,566 --> 00:02:48,701 We haven't lost a game this year. 39 00:02:48,801 --> 00:02:50,036 Yeah, but-- 40 00:02:50,136 --> 00:02:53,473 And if we win next week, we'll be in the district finals. 41 00:02:53,573 --> 00:02:58,778 So when I want your advice, I'll rattle your cage. 42 00:02:58,878 --> 00:03:00,380 I was just trying to give you the benefit 43 00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:02,348 of my vast years of experience. 44 00:03:02,448 --> 00:03:06,452 And open my giant storehouse of football savvy, know I mean? 45 00:03:06,553 --> 00:03:09,455 If you'd like later I could give you some pointers. 46 00:03:09,556 --> 00:03:10,390 No. 47 00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:15,328 Yeah, a football field is 100 yards long, 48 00:03:15,428 --> 00:03:18,331 but it's a game of inches, of mere inches. 49 00:03:18,431 --> 00:03:22,535 Plus football ain't a sport, football is a art. 50 00:03:22,635 --> 00:03:25,438 And it's all in the fundamentals, 51 00:03:25,538 --> 00:03:27,574 like blocking and tackling. 52 00:03:27,674 --> 00:03:30,810 Suppose I had this little problem to tackle. 53 00:03:30,910 --> 00:03:33,346 [water drips] 54 00:03:33,446 --> 00:03:37,250 What I need to do is block it. 55 00:03:37,350 --> 00:03:39,719 Then we put the hammer down. 56 00:03:42,855 --> 00:03:44,924 And hold that line. 57 00:03:52,865 --> 00:03:56,436 Yep, the right tool for the right job 58 00:03:56,536 --> 00:04:01,140 and a firm belief in the fundamentals. 59 00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:04,644 Yeah, I remember that cold rainy night when coach Brasswell 60 00:04:04,744 --> 00:04:08,681 walked up to the bench I was warming and says, (DEEP VOICE) 61 00:04:08,781 --> 00:04:12,318 Crazy Legs, what we need is a miracle. 62 00:04:50,156 --> 00:04:54,460 Yeah, Coach Brasswell always knew who to call on when there 63 00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:55,862 was a tough job to be done. 64 00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:58,931 Crazy, he'd say, he always called me Crazy-- 65 00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:04,871 [screams] 66 00:05:33,933 --> 00:05:35,835 [laughs] 67 00:05:35,935 --> 00:05:37,837 [pipes creak] 68 00:05:37,937 --> 00:05:38,838 Huh? 69 00:05:38,938 --> 00:05:41,240 Uh. 70 00:05:41,340 --> 00:05:42,208 Oh! 71 00:05:42,308 --> 00:05:45,812 Oh, uh. 72 00:05:45,912 --> 00:05:48,815 [screams] 73 00:06:01,894 --> 00:06:04,797 [wails] 74 00:06:06,699 --> 00:06:10,169 [music - "hail to the muskrats"] 75 00:06:22,081 --> 00:06:25,017 RODNEY (ON PA): Good morning, Chickasaw Falls. 76 00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:26,486 Hello, Muskrats. 77 00:06:26,586 --> 00:06:28,721 The question of the day is who put the snake 78 00:06:28,821 --> 00:06:30,723 in Karen Turpin's locker? 79 00:06:30,823 --> 00:06:32,658 And where is that snake now? 80 00:06:32,759 --> 00:06:34,193 Oh my god, it's huge! 81 00:06:34,293 --> 00:06:35,661 [hissing] 82 00:06:35,762 --> 00:06:38,664 Can Rodney escape the hideous clutches of the reptile? 83 00:06:38,765 --> 00:06:40,433 Stay tuned for the exciting conclusion 84 00:06:40,533 --> 00:06:43,202 of Rodney, King of the Jungle. 85 00:06:43,302 --> 00:06:45,638 [monkey screech] 86 00:06:45,738 --> 00:06:48,040 Chickasaw Falls High School is the glue that holds 87 00:06:48,141 --> 00:06:49,876 our entire community together. 88 00:06:49,976 --> 00:06:52,912 Closing it down now would be a fatal blow to the town. 89 00:06:53,012 --> 00:06:56,449 I answer to the taxpayers of the entire district. 90 00:06:56,549 --> 00:07:00,520 And the only way to cut costs is to consolidate the 91 00:07:00,620 --> 00:07:02,755 obsolete schools like this one. 92 00:07:02,855 --> 00:07:04,824 I realize the building needs work. 93 00:07:04,924 --> 00:07:08,427 But our students and our faculty are second to none. 94 00:07:08,528 --> 00:07:10,329 Let's cut to the chase here. 95 00:07:10,429 --> 00:07:11,864 The board is giving you a four week 96 00:07:11,964 --> 00:07:14,200 probation period to see if there's anything worth saving. 97 00:07:14,300 --> 00:07:16,702 And personally, I don't see it. 98 00:07:16,803 --> 00:07:17,770 Really? 99 00:07:17,870 --> 00:07:19,505 I think you'll be surprised what you find. 100 00:07:19,605 --> 00:07:22,308 We are on course to graduate every senior this year 101 00:07:22,408 --> 00:07:24,844 and that's never been done by any school in the district. 102 00:07:24,944 --> 00:07:28,614 That reminds me, Procter, new regulations. 103 00:07:28,714 --> 00:07:31,651 From here on, all school employees must 104 00:07:31,751 --> 00:07:33,986 have a high school diploma. 105 00:07:34,086 --> 00:07:35,721 No problem there. 106 00:07:35,822 --> 00:07:39,592 Our faculty is fully accredited and of the highest standards. 107 00:07:39,692 --> 00:07:42,328 You have an Ernest P. Worrell here. 108 00:07:42,428 --> 00:07:44,897 My records indicate he never graduated. 109 00:07:44,997 --> 00:07:46,499 Well, yes. 110 00:07:46,599 --> 00:07:48,367 But, but he's not faculty. 111 00:07:48,467 --> 00:07:49,702 You see, he's just-- 112 00:07:49,802 --> 00:07:51,437 I don't make the rules. 113 00:07:51,537 --> 00:07:55,208 The regulations say, all employees. 114 00:07:59,679 --> 00:08:00,780 Here we go. 115 00:08:07,687 --> 00:08:09,889 Excuse me. 116 00:08:09,989 --> 00:08:12,291 Your name wouldn't be Worrell, would it? 117 00:08:12,391 --> 00:08:14,927 That's me and boy are you in luck. 118 00:08:15,027 --> 00:08:17,063 You're just in time for a personal demonstration 119 00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:20,800 of (DEEP VOICE) supremo vac, the world's most powerful vacuum 120 00:08:20,900 --> 00:08:21,500 cleaner. 121 00:08:21,601 --> 00:08:24,170 Maybe some other time. 122 00:08:24,270 --> 00:08:27,773 (LAUGHING) 123 00:08:28,574 --> 00:08:30,977 Your loss. 124 00:08:31,077 --> 00:08:34,547 [shrieking] 125 00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:53,366 (YELLING) Ernest, turn that thing off and get in here, 126 00:08:53,466 --> 00:08:54,300 please! 127 00:09:00,773 --> 00:09:04,277 [fast paced jazz music] 128 00:09:07,947 --> 00:09:10,850 [banging] 129 00:09:31,671 --> 00:09:35,174 [whirring] 130 00:09:47,353 --> 00:09:50,556 A job well done. 131 00:09:50,656 --> 00:09:54,160 [door opens] 132 00:09:56,062 --> 00:09:58,698 I'm sorry, sir, it never acted like that before. 133 00:09:58,798 --> 00:10:01,300 And wouldn't you know it, it's just out of warranty. 134 00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:02,969 We've got a problem, Ernest. 135 00:10:03,069 --> 00:10:05,171 Oh, the leaky faucet in the locker room? 136 00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:06,305 Don't worry about it. 137 00:10:06,405 --> 00:10:07,540 It's been taken care of. 138 00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:09,308 Seriously, they've changed the rules. 139 00:10:09,408 --> 00:10:15,481 All school system employees must be high school graduates. 140 00:10:15,581 --> 00:10:19,852 Or, or what? 141 00:10:19,952 --> 00:10:21,721 Or you have to go. 142 00:10:21,821 --> 00:10:25,491 But, sir, this is my life. 143 00:10:25,591 --> 00:10:26,626 This is my career. 144 00:10:26,726 --> 00:10:28,127 This is my spiritual fulfillment. 145 00:10:28,227 --> 00:10:31,030 It's, it's my job. 146 00:10:31,130 --> 00:10:35,001 It's either that or you have to go back to school. 147 00:10:35,101 --> 00:10:36,002 Oh no! 148 00:10:36,102 --> 00:10:37,136 Not that! 149 00:10:37,236 --> 00:10:38,104 Anything but that! 150 00:10:38,204 --> 00:10:40,439 Not back to school! 151 00:10:45,811 --> 00:10:49,415 [students chattering] 152 00:10:49,515 --> 00:10:52,551 RODNEY (OVER PA): Good morning, Chickasaw Falls. 153 00:10:52,651 --> 00:10:54,687 Got something special today. 154 00:10:54,787 --> 00:10:55,888 Got a new student. 155 00:10:55,988 --> 00:10:58,257 A man I like to call Ernest. 156 00:10:58,357 --> 00:11:03,229 Lets all give him a big Muskrat welcome. 157 00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:06,832 Good morning, ladies. 158 00:11:06,932 --> 00:11:08,734 So you're going to give it a try? 159 00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:10,136 Yes, sir. 160 00:11:10,236 --> 00:11:12,038 You know what that famous Dr. Frankenstein said, 161 00:11:12,138 --> 00:11:16,375 a brain is a terrible thing to waste. 162 00:11:16,475 --> 00:11:17,676 Good morning 163 00:11:17,777 --> 00:11:18,577 Good luck, Ernest. 164 00:11:18,677 --> 00:11:20,079 You can do it, Ernest! 165 00:11:20,179 --> 00:11:24,216 No problemo heir teacher a-scientificus. 166 00:11:24,316 --> 00:11:25,151 Go ahead. 167 00:11:25,251 --> 00:11:27,520 Don't be late. 168 00:11:27,620 --> 00:11:31,057 Ah, he doesn't stand a chance. 169 00:11:31,157 --> 00:11:32,058 Nah. 170 00:11:32,158 --> 00:11:33,459 Nope. 171 00:11:33,559 --> 00:11:39,965 152, 152, 152. 172 00:11:40,066 --> 00:11:41,000 152! 173 00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:44,203 There you are my little locker of love! 174 00:11:44,303 --> 00:11:48,340 My little personal port in a storm of knowledge. 175 00:11:48,441 --> 00:11:53,813 My little sanctuary far away from the teeming masses. 176 00:11:53,913 --> 00:11:55,681 OK, Ernest, you ready? 177 00:11:55,781 --> 00:11:56,615 Yeah. 178 00:11:56,715 --> 00:11:57,716 Let the games begin. 179 00:11:57,817 --> 00:11:58,617 All right, good luck. 180 00:11:58,718 --> 00:11:59,552 Thanks. 181 00:11:59,652 --> 00:12:00,486 See ya later, okay? 182 00:12:00,586 --> 00:12:01,387 Thanks. 183 00:12:01,487 --> 00:12:02,688 Go get 'em. 184 00:12:02,788 --> 00:12:03,689 Quick review, lets see. 185 00:12:03,789 --> 00:12:06,325 Homeroom, mathematics. 186 00:12:09,462 --> 00:12:11,197 This is supposed to be memorized, bud. 187 00:12:11,297 --> 00:12:12,298 No, I need that. 188 00:12:12,398 --> 00:12:13,966 What's the matter, Ernie, did your mommy 189 00:12:14,066 --> 00:12:15,234 hold you back a couple years? 190 00:12:15,334 --> 00:12:17,403 More like a couple of decades, huh? 191 00:12:17,503 --> 00:12:18,437 Ow. 192 00:12:18,537 --> 00:12:19,605 Here we go. 193 00:12:19,705 --> 00:12:21,740 That's go all my room numbers. 194 00:12:21,841 --> 00:12:23,709 I can't find my way around without-- 195 00:12:23,809 --> 00:12:25,444 Get out of the way, buddy. 196 00:12:25,544 --> 00:12:26,812 That's got my classes on it. 197 00:12:26,912 --> 00:12:28,414 Not too close. 198 00:12:28,514 --> 00:12:30,249 I don't know my way around, yet. 199 00:12:30,349 --> 00:12:33,119 Come one, guys. 200 00:12:33,219 --> 00:12:33,886 [bell rings] 201 00:12:33,986 --> 00:12:35,721 Please, I I need that. 202 00:12:35,821 --> 00:12:38,190 I get lost, I, I, can't find my way around. 203 00:12:51,337 --> 00:12:52,138 Hello? 204 00:12:52,238 --> 00:12:53,672 [voice echoing] 205 00:12:53,772 --> 00:12:56,275 Is anybody there? 206 00:12:56,375 --> 00:12:58,811 Does anybody know where math class is? 207 00:13:03,315 --> 00:13:05,618 [horse neighing] 208 00:13:05,718 --> 00:13:09,221 [western music] 209 00:13:20,733 --> 00:13:24,236 [gulps] 210 00:13:28,741 --> 00:13:33,078 Math class is room 205. 211 00:13:33,179 --> 00:13:35,848 Thanks. 212 00:13:35,948 --> 00:13:42,121 Hey, you'll need a hall pass. 213 00:13:42,221 --> 00:13:43,055 Thanks. 214 00:13:58,904 --> 00:14:11,417 [horse whinnying] 215 00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:13,686 All right, class. 216 00:14:13,786 --> 00:14:15,487 Blackboard problem. 217 00:14:15,588 --> 00:14:18,991 [door creaks loudly] 218 00:14:24,196 --> 00:14:26,131 A produce truck has a trailer 12 feet wide 219 00:14:26,232 --> 00:14:28,033 by 10 feet high by 20 feet long. 220 00:14:28,133 --> 00:14:29,635 It carries the load of oranges, which 221 00:14:29,735 --> 00:14:33,072 are packed 48 to the cotton. 222 00:14:33,172 --> 00:14:36,041 Each cotton is one feet wide by one feet high by two 223 00:14:36,141 --> 00:14:37,343 and 1/2 feet long. 224 00:14:37,443 --> 00:14:38,077 If-- 225 00:14:38,177 --> 00:14:40,346 [shoes squeaking] 226 00:14:40,446 --> 00:14:43,649 --the trailer is fully loaded, how many oranges does it hold? 227 00:14:51,857 --> 00:14:53,259 Who has the answer? 228 00:14:53,359 --> 00:14:54,260 Anyone? 229 00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:55,194 Yeow! 230 00:14:55,294 --> 00:14:56,462 (LAUGHTER) 231 00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:57,563 All right, Ernest. 232 00:15:01,367 --> 00:15:03,202 Why don't you step up to the board 233 00:15:03,302 --> 00:15:06,005 and show us all how to find the answer? 234 00:15:09,008 --> 00:15:10,409 MALE STUDENT: Man, this ought to be great. 235 00:15:10,509 --> 00:15:11,477 I'd love to. 236 00:15:20,252 --> 00:15:21,720 First, we have to take into account 237 00:15:21,820 --> 00:15:24,523 that at this time of year the most likely crop of oranges 238 00:15:24,623 --> 00:15:27,826 are the sweet, juicy Valencia oranges, 239 00:15:27,926 --> 00:15:29,228 grown mainly in Florida. 240 00:15:31,630 --> 00:15:35,567 If these oranges are picked by overzealous migrant workers 241 00:15:35,668 --> 00:15:40,372 some of them may be too ripe and this could lead to spoilage. 242 00:15:40,472 --> 00:15:41,740 [spurting] 243 00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:45,244 [laughter] 244 00:15:51,383 --> 00:15:54,286 Assuming that rot doesn't spread too quickly, 245 00:15:54,386 --> 00:15:57,022 we could subtract, say, three oranges per carton 246 00:15:57,122 --> 00:15:59,058 just be on the safe side. 247 00:15:59,158 --> 00:16:00,659 Plus, if there are any big grapefruit 248 00:16:00,759 --> 00:16:05,764 mixed in there or any of those big, fat, swollen orchard rats. 249 00:16:05,864 --> 00:16:07,399 Sit. 250 00:16:07,499 --> 00:16:09,001 I'm just getting to the answer. 251 00:16:09,101 --> 00:16:10,202 These big fat rats they-- 252 00:16:10,302 --> 00:16:11,136 Now! 253 00:16:19,378 --> 00:16:22,614 [popping] 254 00:16:30,889 --> 00:16:33,592 (ANGRILY) Take your seat, Ernest. 255 00:16:33,692 --> 00:16:36,662 Sit down. 256 00:16:36,762 --> 00:16:37,896 Be my guest. 257 00:16:37,996 --> 00:16:39,031 Thank you. 258 00:16:41,734 --> 00:16:43,469 Sit, Ernest. 259 00:16:43,569 --> 00:16:47,506 I have told you to sit, so, please sit! 260 00:16:47,606 --> 00:16:50,442 [rips] 261 00:16:50,542 --> 00:16:53,812 [teacher yells] 262 00:17:07,893 --> 00:17:11,363 [whistle blowing] 263 00:17:12,231 --> 00:17:14,666 All right, ladies. 264 00:17:14,767 --> 00:17:18,704 Today we're going to do a little wrestling. 265 00:17:18,804 --> 00:17:19,838 Who wants to help out? 266 00:17:23,142 --> 00:17:25,778 Worrell. 267 00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:27,446 You just volunteered. 268 00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:34,019 I think not, Coach. 269 00:17:34,119 --> 00:17:36,422 With my extensive background in the WWF 270 00:17:36,522 --> 00:17:40,159 and since I've seen every single Wrestlemania since the Hulkster 271 00:17:40,259 --> 00:17:41,860 was defeated by the Ultimate Warrior, 272 00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:44,296 I hardly think it would be fair to the other youngsters. 273 00:17:44,396 --> 00:17:45,230 Uh-huh. 274 00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:49,668 Get up there now! 275 00:17:49,768 --> 00:17:53,172 [teenagers cheering] 276 00:17:53,272 --> 00:17:55,073 I'll move slowly, Donald, so you 277 00:17:55,174 --> 00:17:57,209 can observe my cat-like moves. 278 00:18:01,980 --> 00:18:05,417 [laughter] 279 00:18:15,794 --> 00:18:20,732 Coach Carson, you ready? 280 00:18:20,833 --> 00:18:24,269 [roaring] 281 00:18:30,142 --> 00:18:33,645 [rock music] 282 00:18:57,069 --> 00:18:58,170 Ay, woah woah! 283 00:19:03,408 --> 00:19:04,910 Yo, where you at? 284 00:19:17,289 --> 00:19:20,759 [ernest groaning] 285 00:19:28,567 --> 00:19:30,636 Hey, he's going to try the atomic drop. 286 00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:35,474 Yeow! 287 00:19:40,979 --> 00:19:42,281 [students cheering] 288 00:19:42,381 --> 00:19:46,518 Coach, coach, I've got him pinned. 289 00:19:46,618 --> 00:19:47,452 Coach! 290 00:19:50,889 --> 00:19:53,725 [coach carson screams] 291 00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:57,262 Hey, come on, Coach! 292 00:20:00,132 --> 00:20:02,000 Woah! 293 00:20:02,100 --> 00:20:04,703 [ernest yells] 294 00:20:16,481 --> 00:20:20,352 MALE STUDENT: Yo, that's gonna hurt, man! 295 00:20:20,452 --> 00:20:23,288 Oh, Earnest, are you all right? 296 00:20:23,388 --> 00:20:27,559 That last hold was clearly illegal. 297 00:20:27,659 --> 00:20:29,928 Ah! 298 00:20:30,028 --> 00:20:40,572 (GROANS) 299 00:20:40,672 --> 00:20:43,208 What you're about to see is for your eyes only, Ernest. 300 00:20:43,308 --> 00:20:46,211 If this experiment fell into the wrong hands, 301 00:20:46,311 --> 00:20:48,280 world governments would fall, my friend. 302 00:20:48,380 --> 00:20:50,048 Weapons of mass destruction could 303 00:20:50,148 --> 00:20:52,117 fall into corrupt hands and Bobby 304 00:20:52,217 --> 00:20:53,785 and I could lose our jobs. 305 00:20:53,885 --> 00:20:56,989 [pig snorting] 306 00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:58,557 What's that on Mogley's head? 307 00:20:58,657 --> 00:21:02,094 You are about to witness the trial run of a Nobel prize 308 00:21:02,194 --> 00:21:03,629 winning ticket to the big time! 309 00:21:03,729 --> 00:21:04,563 Bobby. 310 00:21:07,766 --> 00:21:09,501 With the aid of this device, Ernest, 311 00:21:09,601 --> 00:21:12,137 this lowly beast should be able to solve 312 00:21:12,237 --> 00:21:14,406 this simple mathematical problem as easily 313 00:21:14,506 --> 00:21:16,141 as it can count and root. 314 00:21:16,241 --> 00:21:19,211 A four! 315 00:21:19,311 --> 00:21:20,379 Ernest! 316 00:21:20,479 --> 00:21:21,580 Oh, sorry. 317 00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:24,950 Give him another one, Bobby. 318 00:21:25,050 --> 00:21:28,387 [computer keys clicking] 319 00:21:33,659 --> 00:21:35,594 Concentrate my little piggy. 320 00:21:40,899 --> 00:21:46,271 Come on, make mama proud, two plus four is? 321 00:21:46,371 --> 00:21:47,706 Seven? 322 00:21:47,806 --> 00:21:49,374 Why? 323 00:21:49,474 --> 00:21:51,143 We were so close. 324 00:21:51,243 --> 00:21:53,512 Our family names in the text books. 325 00:21:53,612 --> 00:21:55,313 Why, Bobby? Why, Bobby? 326 00:21:55,414 --> 00:21:56,214 Why, Bobby? 327 00:21:56,314 --> 00:21:57,349 Why? 328 00:22:01,520 --> 00:22:04,456 Nothing to be ashamed of, Mogley. 329 00:22:04,556 --> 00:22:08,093 Math was never a good subject for me either. 330 00:22:08,193 --> 00:22:11,663 [overlapping chatter] 331 00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:17,202 Well, you know, just tell me about-- 332 00:22:17,302 --> 00:22:20,706 [overlapping chatter] 333 00:22:23,508 --> 00:22:26,011 Ah, puppy love. 334 00:22:26,111 --> 00:22:29,948 These are the moments to be treasured for a lifetime. 335 00:22:30,048 --> 00:22:31,083 Yeah right. 336 00:22:31,183 --> 00:22:33,218 Maisy doesn't even know I'm alive. 337 00:22:33,318 --> 00:22:34,953 Well, have you told her how you feel? 338 00:22:35,053 --> 00:22:35,954 Are you kidding? 339 00:22:36,054 --> 00:22:38,256 I don't even dare say hello. 340 00:22:38,356 --> 00:22:40,192 Well it's probably best for now. 341 00:22:40,292 --> 00:22:43,061 Your academic pursuits are the most important things 342 00:22:43,161 --> 00:22:45,130 in these formative years. 343 00:22:45,230 --> 00:22:48,834 Still, the hardened heart is a lonely traveler. 344 00:22:48,934 --> 00:22:52,471 Should I be writing this stuff down? 345 00:22:52,571 --> 00:22:56,074 Class, class settle down please. 346 00:22:56,174 --> 00:22:58,877 Settle down, thank you. 347 00:22:58,977 --> 00:23:00,679 As you all know, the survival of our school 348 00:23:00,779 --> 00:23:03,615 is somewhat in question at this time. 349 00:23:03,715 --> 00:23:05,484 Our very existence may well depend 350 00:23:05,584 --> 00:23:08,920 upon the image we present to the community at large. 351 00:23:09,020 --> 00:23:11,690 That's why we're fortunate to have Miss Flugal 352 00:23:11,790 --> 00:23:14,426 as our new band instructor. 353 00:23:14,526 --> 00:23:16,495 [harp plays] 354 00:23:16,595 --> 00:23:18,630 She has a reputation for producing the most delightfully 355 00:23:18,730 --> 00:23:20,766 entertaining halftime shows. 356 00:23:20,866 --> 00:23:23,101 I'm sure you'll give her your complete attention 357 00:23:23,201 --> 00:23:26,271 and cooperation. 358 00:23:26,371 --> 00:23:28,540 Hello, I'm Ms. Flugal. 359 00:23:28,640 --> 00:23:30,242 And I'm looking forward to getting to know 360 00:23:30,342 --> 00:23:32,711 each and every one of you. 361 00:23:32,811 --> 00:23:37,482 With hard work and enthusiasm I know we can put this band back 362 00:23:37,582 --> 00:23:40,185 on the map, so to speak. 363 00:23:40,285 --> 00:23:43,021 Man, with this group she doesn't stand a chance. 364 00:23:43,121 --> 00:23:44,723 So let's get started. 365 00:23:44,823 --> 00:23:48,126 If everyone will please turn to Strauss' Blue Danube. 366 00:23:48,226 --> 00:23:51,163 And that will give me a sense of your musicality thus far. 367 00:24:02,407 --> 00:24:06,077 One two three, two two three, one two three, two two three. 368 00:24:06,178 --> 00:24:09,881 [MUSIC - JOHANN STRAUSS, "THE BLUE DANUBE"] 369 00:24:18,657 --> 00:24:22,127 [bubbles popping] 370 00:25:02,467 --> 00:25:05,971 [ernest yells] 371 00:25:36,902 --> 00:25:39,004 Ernest, snap out of it! 372 00:25:39,104 --> 00:25:40,205 Oh! 373 00:25:40,305 --> 00:25:43,675 [cymbal crashing] 374 00:25:46,811 --> 00:25:48,113 [electricity zapping] 375 00:25:48,213 --> 00:25:50,949 So, by applying exactly six milliwatts of DC power 376 00:25:51,049 --> 00:25:54,252 from these Duracell batteries, the frogs leg demonstrates what 377 00:25:54,352 --> 00:25:56,922 we call a galvanic response. 378 00:25:57,022 --> 00:25:59,824 And that's what my project is about. 379 00:25:59,925 --> 00:26:01,726 Did you hear that, Bobby? 380 00:26:01,826 --> 00:26:04,195 He has been using DC power but we have been 381 00:26:04,296 --> 00:26:07,265 using AC on the you-know-what. 382 00:26:07,365 --> 00:26:09,100 Good report, kid. 383 00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:10,602 Way to bugs that toad. 384 00:26:10,702 --> 00:26:12,971 This is it, Bobby, this is it. 385 00:26:13,071 --> 00:26:18,710 So, you, kid with the yellow shirt thing, do yours! 386 00:26:18,810 --> 00:26:19,878 This is the break through we've been 387 00:26:19,978 --> 00:26:21,980 waiting for all of these years. 388 00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:25,750 If only dad were here to witness our moment of triumph, yeah? 389 00:26:29,020 --> 00:26:30,388 What? 390 00:26:30,488 --> 00:26:32,958 Eyes up front. 391 00:26:33,058 --> 00:26:37,829 One of our most beloved American writers is Mark Twain. 392 00:26:37,929 --> 00:26:40,966 His real name is Samuel Clemens. 393 00:26:41,066 --> 00:26:44,903 And a number of his works are considered classics. 394 00:26:45,003 --> 00:26:48,173 Who can tell me the names of some of the books 395 00:26:48,273 --> 00:26:51,576 Mark Twain wrote? 396 00:26:51,676 --> 00:26:53,144 [students laughing] 397 00:26:53,244 --> 00:26:54,079 Ernest! 398 00:26:58,316 --> 00:27:00,318 - Tom Sawyer? - No! 399 00:27:00,418 --> 00:27:01,353 Life in the Mississippi? 400 00:27:01,453 --> 00:27:04,189 - No! - Wizard! of Oz? 401 00:27:04,289 --> 00:27:06,257 No, your hat's on fire! 402 00:27:06,358 --> 00:27:08,326 I thought that was Dr. Seuss. 403 00:27:08,426 --> 00:27:10,328 The fire extinguisher! 404 00:27:15,266 --> 00:27:18,670 [yelling] 405 00:27:23,274 --> 00:27:25,677 To be blunt, I am very disappointed in you, Ernest. 406 00:27:25,777 --> 00:27:26,945 It seems like there's little chance 407 00:27:27,045 --> 00:27:28,713 of you passing your regular courses much 408 00:27:28,813 --> 00:27:30,348 less the state examination. 409 00:27:30,448 --> 00:27:32,717 Well I realize things haven't been going too well, 410 00:27:32,817 --> 00:27:34,519 but I'm out of practice. 411 00:27:34,619 --> 00:27:38,490 No, I think we'd be best to just admit the whole experiment 412 00:27:38,590 --> 00:27:40,458 was a mistake and move on. 413 00:27:40,558 --> 00:27:42,727 You mean, I'm finished? 414 00:27:42,827 --> 00:27:43,995 I'm outta here? 415 00:27:44,095 --> 00:27:46,164 I'm on the streets, up the creek, 416 00:27:46,264 --> 00:27:54,406 down the road, dropped, purged, cold, fired, flunked? 417 00:27:54,506 --> 00:27:56,174 Please, don't throw me out. 418 00:27:56,274 --> 00:27:56,908 A deal's a deal. 419 00:27:57,008 --> 00:27:59,010 Please don't make me go. 420 00:27:59,110 --> 00:28:03,248 I know we had a deal, but, but I can't let that decision 421 00:28:03,348 --> 00:28:04,516 jeopardize the school. 422 00:28:04,616 --> 00:28:06,217 What are you stalling for? 423 00:28:06,317 --> 00:28:07,352 Get rid of this idiot! 424 00:28:07,452 --> 00:28:08,720 He can't cut it. 425 00:28:08,820 --> 00:28:10,855 I can too cut it. 426 00:28:10,955 --> 00:28:12,457 I'll make you proud. 427 00:28:12,557 --> 00:28:15,994 You'll see, but please, please give me another chance cause, 428 00:28:16,094 --> 00:28:18,730 cause if I don't have this, I don't have anything. 429 00:28:18,830 --> 00:28:21,566 Well I want to be fair with you, Ernest. 430 00:28:21,666 --> 00:28:24,569 So I'm giving you one more week to show some improvement. 431 00:28:24,669 --> 00:28:25,637 Oh, thank you, sir. 432 00:28:25,737 --> 00:28:26,938 Thank you. 433 00:28:27,038 --> 00:28:28,706 I'll do my best and it'll be good enough. 434 00:28:28,807 --> 00:28:31,342 And everything will work out, you'll see. 435 00:28:31,443 --> 00:28:32,677 You'll see. 436 00:28:32,777 --> 00:28:35,146 I'm going right now to study real, real hard. 437 00:28:38,049 --> 00:28:41,519 [door opening and closing] 438 00:28:47,625 --> 00:28:49,461 Get rid of this idiot, he can't cut it. 439 00:28:49,561 --> 00:28:51,062 I can cut it. 440 00:28:51,162 --> 00:28:56,167 Uh, ah, sure, I've never cut it before, but anyone can change. 441 00:28:56,267 --> 00:28:59,704 MATH TEACHER: Ernest, you will answer me now. 442 00:28:59,804 --> 00:29:01,706 Could you repeat the question? 443 00:29:01,806 --> 00:29:02,640 AXWELL: Flunk him. 444 00:29:02,740 --> 00:29:04,342 He can't cut it. 445 00:29:04,442 --> 00:29:07,278 I can, I know I can. 446 00:29:07,378 --> 00:29:08,780 I think I can. 447 00:29:08,880 --> 00:29:11,249 You are such a loser. 448 00:29:11,349 --> 00:29:12,150 You're hopeless. 449 00:29:12,250 --> 00:29:13,585 I'm not. 450 00:29:13,685 --> 00:29:14,853 I can change. 451 00:29:14,953 --> 00:29:16,254 I just need more time. 452 00:29:16,354 --> 00:29:17,822 FEMALE TEACHER 1: What's the chief export of Guam? 453 00:29:17,922 --> 00:29:19,591 FEMALE TEACHER 2: Who wrote the autobiography 454 00:29:19,691 --> 00:29:20,859 of Benjamin Franklin? 455 00:29:20,959 --> 00:29:22,193 MALE TEACHER 1: I must have your paper. 456 00:29:22,293 --> 00:29:24,362 MALE TEACHER 2: Who's buried in Grant's tomb? 457 00:29:24,462 --> 00:29:25,263 MALE TEACHER 1: Papers. 458 00:29:27,632 --> 00:29:28,433 They're right. 459 00:29:31,903 --> 00:29:34,339 I can't do it. [knocks] 460 00:29:34,439 --> 00:29:37,742 GERTA: Ernest, in here. 461 00:29:37,842 --> 00:29:38,743 Gerta? 462 00:29:38,843 --> 00:29:41,880 GERTA: Yeah, sure. 463 00:29:41,980 --> 00:29:43,481 - What are you doing in there? - Sh. 464 00:29:43,581 --> 00:29:44,516 Come. 465 00:29:44,616 --> 00:29:45,683 And don't let anyone see you. 466 00:29:45,783 --> 00:29:46,584 Come. 467 00:29:54,025 --> 00:29:57,529 [machines whirring] 468 00:30:03,368 --> 00:30:07,272 ERNEST: Gosh, these lockers hold more than I thought. 469 00:30:07,372 --> 00:30:09,107 Ernest, come in. 470 00:30:09,207 --> 00:30:09,841 Come. 471 00:30:09,941 --> 00:30:11,342 Step a little closer. 472 00:30:11,442 --> 00:30:12,277 Come on. 473 00:30:12,377 --> 00:30:13,812 It's OK. 474 00:30:13,912 --> 00:30:14,712 Closer. 475 00:30:14,812 --> 00:30:16,281 Stop. 476 00:30:16,381 --> 00:30:19,317 You've been having some problems with you school work, yeah? 477 00:30:19,417 --> 00:30:21,586 Bobby and I would like to make you an offer 478 00:30:21,686 --> 00:30:23,254 that could change your life. 479 00:30:23,354 --> 00:30:25,757 Not to mention the course of history. 480 00:30:25,857 --> 00:30:26,925 Well, I'm game. 481 00:30:27,025 --> 00:30:30,295 Good because we've done it, Ernest. 482 00:30:30,395 --> 00:30:34,699 You are looking at the world's first subatomic brain 483 00:30:34,799 --> 00:30:35,900 accelerator. 484 00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:37,468 And you are the lucky student who 485 00:30:37,569 --> 00:30:41,306 has been selected by our blue ribbon panel, me and Bobby, 486 00:30:41,406 --> 00:30:43,408 for the honor of being our very first-- 487 00:30:43,508 --> 00:30:44,976 Guinea pig. 488 00:30:45,076 --> 00:30:47,946 I prefer the term mental pioneer. 489 00:30:48,046 --> 00:30:49,514 Think of it, Ernest. 490 00:30:49,614 --> 00:30:53,218 All the knowledge in the history of mankind at your disposal. 491 00:30:53,318 --> 00:30:55,220 Well, gosh do you think this thing 492 00:30:55,320 --> 00:30:57,889 could help me pass a math test? 493 00:30:57,989 --> 00:31:00,325 Pass a math test? 494 00:31:00,425 --> 00:31:02,961 Pass a math test? 495 00:31:03,061 --> 00:31:06,431 Try rewriting the theory of relativity. 496 00:31:06,531 --> 00:31:08,900 Well, if you think it really needs it. 497 00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:10,301 Now you're talking. 498 00:31:10,401 --> 00:31:11,736 OK, the important thing is that you're comfortable. 499 00:31:11,836 --> 00:31:12,770 Come sit down. 500 00:31:12,870 --> 00:31:14,138 I want to see if it works here. 501 00:31:14,239 --> 00:31:14,872 Yeah? 502 00:31:14,973 --> 00:31:16,207 Yeah, are you comfy? 503 00:31:16,307 --> 00:31:17,141 Mm-hmm. 504 00:31:17,242 --> 00:31:17,842 Good! 505 00:31:17,942 --> 00:31:19,244 Strap him in, Bobby. 506 00:31:19,344 --> 00:31:21,846 All the straps may not even be necessary, Ernest. 507 00:31:21,946 --> 00:31:26,818 But that's what being a mental pioneer is all about, isn't it? 508 00:31:26,918 --> 00:31:28,453 Are you ready, Ernest? 509 00:31:28,553 --> 00:31:30,388 Actually I am having some second thoughts. 510 00:31:30,488 --> 00:31:31,756 Oh! (SHUSHING) No. 511 00:31:31,856 --> 00:31:34,158 Now, Bobby, fire it up. 512 00:31:34,259 --> 00:31:37,929 Now, Ernest, get ready to become smart. 513 00:31:38,029 --> 00:31:40,565 OK, Bobby, let her rip! 514 00:31:40,665 --> 00:31:44,135 [electronic buzzing] 515 00:31:48,006 --> 00:31:50,341 Ernest, how I envy you. 516 00:31:50,441 --> 00:31:53,344 [ERNEST MAKING UNINTELLIGIBLE SOUNDS] 517 00:32:04,622 --> 00:32:07,692 Professor, pull it out to just the left hemisphere. 518 00:32:22,974 --> 00:32:23,808 Uh, Bobby. 519 00:32:23,908 --> 00:32:24,976 Shut it down. 520 00:32:30,648 --> 00:32:31,516 Shut it down! 521 00:32:35,520 --> 00:32:36,788 Ernest? 522 00:32:36,888 --> 00:32:39,857 Oh, Ernest, Ernest, my friend. 523 00:32:39,957 --> 00:32:43,227 Are you in there? 524 00:32:43,328 --> 00:32:45,063 (INTELLIGENTLY) By saying, are you in there, 525 00:32:45,163 --> 00:32:47,165 you must be making the philosophical assumption 526 00:32:47,265 --> 00:32:48,800 that I'm a conscious entity wholly 527 00:32:48,900 --> 00:32:52,337 capable of existing outside the body you see in front of you. 528 00:32:52,437 --> 00:32:55,039 (ERNEST REGULAR VOICE) Know what I mean? 529 00:32:55,139 --> 00:32:56,040 It works! 530 00:32:56,140 --> 00:32:57,175 It works! 531 00:32:57,275 --> 00:33:00,411 Oh, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, it works! 532 00:33:00,511 --> 00:33:01,612 Am I smart now? 533 00:33:01,713 --> 00:33:03,281 Oh no, not now. 534 00:33:03,381 --> 00:33:06,918 But for a few brief moments there baby, you were brilliant! 535 00:33:07,018 --> 00:33:08,653 Gosh, fellas, I don't know how to thank you! 536 00:33:08,753 --> 00:33:10,054 Ah, yeah, nothing. 537 00:33:10,154 --> 00:33:12,123 Listen, you got to get here bright and early 538 00:33:12,223 --> 00:33:13,291 so that we can load you up. 539 00:33:13,391 --> 00:33:15,093 And if my calculations are correct, 540 00:33:15,193 --> 00:33:17,095 a normal sized brain can only maintain 541 00:33:17,195 --> 00:33:20,331 a charge for about three hours. 542 00:33:20,431 --> 00:33:22,533 So in your case, liebchen, we're looking at 45 minutes 543 00:33:22,633 --> 00:33:24,202 to an hour tops. 544 00:33:24,302 --> 00:33:26,871 Well, gosh, maybe this means I could pass now. 545 00:33:26,971 --> 00:33:28,706 Just remember, Ernest, give yourself 546 00:33:28,806 --> 00:33:31,976 plenty of time to recharge before every class, OK? 547 00:33:32,076 --> 00:33:33,077 Eureka! 548 00:33:35,847 --> 00:33:39,250 [theme song] 549 00:33:48,359 --> 00:33:51,195 RODNEY (ON PA): Good morning, Chickasaw Falls, 550 00:33:51,295 --> 00:33:54,098 and the countdown is on to find out who'll be little miss 551 00:33:54,198 --> 00:33:56,100 perfect, the homecoming queen. 552 00:33:56,200 --> 00:33:57,935 Yeah, real excitement there, with a win 553 00:33:58,035 --> 00:34:00,204 this week we can go to the district finals. 554 00:34:00,304 --> 00:34:02,740 We can be football heroes! 555 00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:04,041 (CHEERS) 556 00:34:04,142 --> 00:34:07,345 [ernest unintelligible noises] 557 00:34:13,251 --> 00:34:16,721 [bell rings] 558 00:34:36,941 --> 00:34:39,210 Right class, who can give me the answer to the problem I 559 00:34:39,310 --> 00:34:40,344 said for homework? 560 00:34:44,382 --> 00:34:47,218 Come now, surely someone must have worked it out. 561 00:34:54,692 --> 00:34:57,728 Ernest, all right, what's your guess? 562 00:34:57,829 --> 00:35:01,299 (INTELLIGENTLY) The answer is y to the fourth power plus 16y 563 00:35:01,399 --> 00:35:08,773 cubed plus 71y squared minus 4y minus 420 equals zero. 564 00:35:08,873 --> 00:35:09,740 That's right! 565 00:35:09,841 --> 00:35:11,275 Well of course it's right. 566 00:35:11,375 --> 00:35:14,378 (CLASS MURMURING) 567 00:35:14,479 --> 00:35:17,849 Why don't you show the rest of the class 568 00:35:17,949 --> 00:35:20,184 how you arrived at your answer? 569 00:35:20,284 --> 00:35:21,319 Be glad to. 570 00:35:27,124 --> 00:35:28,459 The key thing to remember here, class, 571 00:35:28,559 --> 00:35:30,495 is that by increasing the true roots 572 00:35:30,595 --> 00:35:34,065 of an equation we therefore decrease the false roots 573 00:35:34,165 --> 00:35:35,466 by an equal amount. 574 00:35:35,566 --> 00:35:38,436 And on the contrary, by decreasing the false roots 575 00:35:38,536 --> 00:35:41,506 we increase the true roots by an equal amount. 576 00:35:41,606 --> 00:35:46,077 Am I going too fast for those of you who are taking notes? 577 00:35:46,177 --> 00:35:47,178 Good. 578 00:35:47,278 --> 00:35:49,780 So to continue. 579 00:35:49,881 --> 00:35:51,949 Increasing the true root, five by three 580 00:35:52,049 --> 00:35:53,518 we diminish each of the false roots 581 00:35:53,618 --> 00:35:55,553 so that the root previously four is now only one and the root 582 00:35:55,653 --> 00:35:57,722 previously three is zero and the root previously two 583 00:35:57,822 --> 00:36:03,461 is the true root equal to minus 4y minus 420 equals zero. 584 00:36:03,561 --> 00:36:04,996 Now that we've covered the basics, 585 00:36:05,096 --> 00:36:08,733 why don't we go on to something a little more stimulating? 586 00:36:08,833 --> 00:36:12,203 (CHUCKLES) 587 00:36:26,984 --> 00:36:29,954 [students chattering] 588 00:36:31,389 --> 00:36:32,857 So, how did it go? 589 00:36:32,957 --> 00:36:33,858 (NORMAL VOICE) Great! 590 00:36:33,958 --> 00:36:37,094 I never knew I was so smart. 591 00:36:37,194 --> 00:36:38,296 Come on, come on, let's go! 592 00:36:38,396 --> 00:36:39,697 I'm gonna be late. 593 00:36:39,797 --> 00:36:41,732 Well, excuse me. 594 00:36:45,169 --> 00:36:48,573 [machines beeping] 595 00:36:59,717 --> 00:37:02,286 Would everyone please get out the Sousa book, 596 00:37:02,386 --> 00:37:04,722 Stars and Stripes Forever. 597 00:37:04,822 --> 00:37:07,024 And we'll see if we can't discover what we were 598 00:37:07,124 --> 00:37:08,793 doing wrong the other day, hm? 599 00:37:20,705 --> 00:37:23,407 (INTELLIGENTLY) Hello, my little friend. 600 00:37:23,507 --> 00:37:25,977 How come all the sudden you show up late for everything? 601 00:37:26,077 --> 00:37:28,245 I'm bored by the preliminaries. 602 00:37:28,346 --> 00:37:30,414 They're so elementary, don't you think? 603 00:37:30,514 --> 00:37:32,283 That's another thing, how come all of a sudden you're 604 00:37:32,383 --> 00:37:35,052 such an expert on everything? 605 00:37:35,152 --> 00:37:38,556 Everyone has the potential for brilliance, my boy. 606 00:37:38,656 --> 00:37:41,559 I've just been fortunate enough to find the key that unlocks 607 00:37:41,659 --> 00:37:44,695 the powers of the human mind. 608 00:37:44,795 --> 00:37:45,963 Right. 609 00:37:46,063 --> 00:37:47,298 From the top. 610 00:37:47,398 --> 00:37:49,867 Think pitch, trumpets. 611 00:37:49,967 --> 00:37:51,636 One two, two two. 612 00:37:51,736 --> 00:37:53,871 [MUSIC - JOHN PHILIP SOUSA, "THE STARS AND STRIPES FOREVER"] 613 00:37:53,971 --> 00:37:55,406 (BAND PLAYING OFF KEY) 614 00:38:06,851 --> 00:38:08,052 All right people. 615 00:38:08,152 --> 00:38:09,887 People, please. 616 00:38:09,987 --> 00:38:11,856 May I make a suggestion? 617 00:38:11,956 --> 00:38:14,358 Well yes, Ernest. 618 00:38:14,458 --> 00:38:16,761 First of all you must understand 619 00:38:16,861 --> 00:38:18,896 that this song, perhaps more than any other, 620 00:38:18,996 --> 00:38:22,700 represents the fighting spirit of the United States 621 00:38:22,800 --> 00:38:24,435 of America. 622 00:38:24,535 --> 00:38:26,837 So as you raise your horn to your lips, 623 00:38:26,937 --> 00:38:30,374 try to think of those courageous young soldiers, the loved 624 00:38:30,474 --> 00:38:34,545 ones they left behind, Thanksgiving dinner, Christmas 625 00:38:34,645 --> 00:38:37,181 morning, the Easter Parade. 626 00:38:37,281 --> 00:38:40,785 [trumpet plays perfectly] 627 00:38:56,434 --> 00:39:00,204 Your middle valve needs a little oil. 628 00:39:00,304 --> 00:39:03,874 Woodwinds, woodwinds, woodwinds. 629 00:39:03,974 --> 00:39:09,447 The color, the nuance of 50 distinct individual United 630 00:39:09,547 --> 00:39:12,149 States. It's all up to you. 631 00:39:12,249 --> 00:39:15,753 [clarinet plays perfectly] 632 00:39:25,229 --> 00:39:26,530 Everybody now. 633 00:39:26,630 --> 00:39:30,101 [band plays on key] 634 00:40:06,904 --> 00:40:10,908 Class, I think we've found our new drum major. 635 00:40:11,008 --> 00:40:12,676 What do you say, Ernest? 636 00:40:12,777 --> 00:40:14,612 It'll take a lot of work. 637 00:40:14,712 --> 00:40:16,614 And I have my reputation to think of. 638 00:40:16,714 --> 00:40:18,115 Oh, come on Ernest. 639 00:40:18,215 --> 00:40:19,049 Please, Ernest? 640 00:40:22,319 --> 00:40:24,755 Well, if you insist. 641 00:40:36,667 --> 00:40:40,104 [football players yelling] 642 00:40:44,909 --> 00:40:47,178 As you are probably aware, there 643 00:40:47,278 --> 00:40:50,781 are certain persons associated with this football team 644 00:40:50,881 --> 00:40:53,083 that would rather we didn't play halftime 645 00:40:53,184 --> 00:40:54,752 at the homecoming game. 646 00:40:54,852 --> 00:40:58,055 They say, we're an embarrassment to the school. 647 00:40:58,155 --> 00:41:01,625 They say, we defile the name of the mighty Muskrats. 648 00:41:01,725 --> 00:41:04,795 We'll I say, why are we going to allow the football 649 00:41:04,895 --> 00:41:06,664 team to have all the glory? 650 00:41:06,764 --> 00:41:10,501 Glory, which by all rights, is ours! 651 00:41:10,601 --> 00:41:13,003 How do we do this, you ask? 652 00:41:13,103 --> 00:41:14,605 Who could we impress? 653 00:41:14,705 --> 00:41:18,075 We're just a bunch of no talent losers. 654 00:41:18,175 --> 00:41:21,846 Why we don't know an eighth note from fly poop. 655 00:41:26,350 --> 00:41:28,886 Well, I beg to differ. 656 00:41:28,986 --> 00:41:32,022 A good leader could turn this no account rabble 657 00:41:32,122 --> 00:41:36,227 into a drum pounding, horn blowing, foot stomping, 658 00:41:36,327 --> 00:41:38,629 precision marching unit. 659 00:41:38,729 --> 00:41:41,832 A good leader could take you deadbeats 660 00:41:41,932 --> 00:41:43,901 and turn you into a marching band 661 00:41:44,001 --> 00:41:46,937 better than any Chickasaw Falls has ever seen. 662 00:41:47,037 --> 00:41:51,308 And honesty compels me to tell you that I am that leader. 663 00:41:51,408 --> 00:41:54,745 [band members agree] 664 00:41:58,616 --> 00:42:01,852 [students gasp] 665 00:42:02,887 --> 00:42:07,024 Oh, Bradley, did you lose this? 666 00:42:07,124 --> 00:42:09,827 [laughter] 667 00:42:11,195 --> 00:42:11,929 All right. 668 00:42:12,029 --> 00:42:15,266 In one two, one two three four. 669 00:42:15,366 --> 00:42:28,579 [MUSIC - JOHN PHILIP SOUSA, "THE WASHINGTON POST"] 670 00:42:28,679 --> 00:42:29,914 Can you feel it, Harold? 671 00:42:30,014 --> 00:42:31,849 There's a new spirit in here, and it's great. 672 00:42:31,949 --> 00:42:34,852 You've got another full week to enjoy before the ax falls. 673 00:42:34,952 --> 00:42:36,787 Well, I'd hate to be the one to close down 674 00:42:36,887 --> 00:42:38,422 a school with the winning football team 675 00:42:38,522 --> 00:42:40,357 and a rousing halftime show. 676 00:42:40,457 --> 00:42:41,292 You don't have to. 677 00:42:41,392 --> 00:42:44,061 That's my job. 678 00:42:44,161 --> 00:42:47,598 After school what say we drop by the video arcade and you can 679 00:42:47,698 --> 00:42:50,734 watch whilst I dazzle one and all with my uncanny 680 00:42:50,834 --> 00:42:52,937 hand-eye coordination. 681 00:42:53,037 --> 00:42:54,772 No, no, I don't think so, Ernest. 682 00:42:54,872 --> 00:42:56,040 We could go by the park and you 683 00:42:56,140 --> 00:42:57,708 could see how many games of chess 684 00:42:57,808 --> 00:42:59,577 I could play simultaneously. 685 00:42:59,677 --> 00:43:01,912 No, you don't need us to do any of that stuff. 686 00:43:02,012 --> 00:43:05,015 Besides, I have to study, not like some people I know. 687 00:43:05,115 --> 00:43:07,418 As I've told you before, I've learned that secret 688 00:43:07,518 --> 00:43:09,486 to unlocking the powers of the mind. 689 00:43:09,586 --> 00:43:12,356 Yeah, well, however it works I don't know how to do it. 690 00:43:12,456 --> 00:43:13,857 So-- 691 00:43:13,958 --> 00:43:17,428 My good man, would you happen to have any sauce venais 692 00:43:17,528 --> 00:43:19,863 for this meatloaf ordinaire? 693 00:43:22,700 --> 00:43:25,002 Fresh cilantro? Picante salsa? 694 00:43:28,172 --> 00:43:29,473 We got ketchup. 695 00:43:29,573 --> 00:43:32,543 That's what I like to eat it with. 696 00:43:32,643 --> 00:43:34,845 Yes, I bet you do. 697 00:43:37,881 --> 00:43:41,719 You know Ernest, you've turned into a real jerk. 698 00:43:41,819 --> 00:43:43,687 I liked you a lot better when you weren't so smart. 699 00:43:47,124 --> 00:43:49,727 GERTA: Yeah, that should do it, Bobby. 700 00:43:49,827 --> 00:43:51,395 Now the machine's perfect. 701 00:43:51,495 --> 00:43:55,532 Oh, I cannot wait to try this on a real human brain! 702 00:43:55,633 --> 00:43:58,569 But, until then, Ernest will have to do. 703 00:43:58,669 --> 00:43:59,903 Wakey, wakey, fellas. 704 00:44:00,004 --> 00:44:01,739 I'm running late this morning and I've got 705 00:44:01,839 --> 00:44:03,707 lots of important things to do. 706 00:44:03,807 --> 00:44:06,510 Yes, good morning to you, too, Ernest. 707 00:44:06,610 --> 00:44:08,078 We have made some slight modifications 708 00:44:08,178 --> 00:44:10,381 that I think is going to make this baby work even better. 709 00:44:10,481 --> 00:44:14,251 Gerta, I'm sure that's all very fascinating to someone 710 00:44:14,351 --> 00:44:15,919 who really cares. 711 00:44:16,020 --> 00:44:18,222 But could we please dispense with the small talk 712 00:44:18,322 --> 00:44:20,424 and get on with this? 713 00:44:20,524 --> 00:44:21,759 Come, Bobby. 714 00:44:21,859 --> 00:44:24,094 We've got a very important person here. 715 00:44:24,194 --> 00:44:27,998 Wouldn't want to waste any of his valuable time. 716 00:44:28,098 --> 00:44:29,566 Thank you. 717 00:44:29,667 --> 00:44:32,369 [machines whirring] 718 00:44:50,120 --> 00:44:53,857 There, that's more like it. 719 00:44:53,957 --> 00:44:55,426 And the next time, would you both 720 00:44:55,526 --> 00:44:57,294 try to be ready when I get here? 721 00:44:57,394 --> 00:45:00,197 I'm on a very tight schedule and having to wait on you 722 00:45:00,297 --> 00:45:03,067 two doesn't make things any easier. 723 00:45:03,167 --> 00:45:05,836 Good day. 724 00:45:05,936 --> 00:45:08,872 Being smart hasn't done a lot for Ernest's personality. 725 00:45:08,972 --> 00:45:13,911 Got a pretty high opinion of himself, for a lab rat. 726 00:45:14,011 --> 00:45:15,946 Bobby, what is this? 727 00:45:16,046 --> 00:45:18,015 You've held the power back on him? 728 00:45:18,115 --> 00:45:20,818 Ernest will only be smart for another 38 minutes! 729 00:45:20,918 --> 00:45:22,519 Why, Bobby? 730 00:45:22,619 --> 00:45:26,056 Why, Bobby, you devil. 731 00:45:28,892 --> 00:45:30,194 [bell rings] 732 00:45:30,294 --> 00:45:31,862 FEMALE TEACHER: All right, now class, settle down. 733 00:45:31,962 --> 00:45:34,565 Settle down now please. 734 00:45:34,665 --> 00:45:35,499 Settle. 735 00:45:39,169 --> 00:45:44,041 Today we'll be continuing our study of America in the 1800's. 736 00:45:44,141 --> 00:45:47,745 This was truly a century of great unrest, 737 00:45:47,845 --> 00:45:50,814 mixed with major strides forward as the United 738 00:45:50,914 --> 00:45:54,118 States began to take its place on the world stage. 739 00:45:54,218 --> 00:45:56,086 Blah, blah, blah, blah blah. 740 00:45:56,186 --> 00:45:57,688 Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 741 00:45:57,788 --> 00:46:00,457 Ah blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah blah. 742 00:46:00,557 --> 00:46:03,026 Oh, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 743 00:46:03,127 --> 00:46:05,596 Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 744 00:46:05,696 --> 00:46:06,597 Blah, blah, blah. 745 00:46:06,697 --> 00:46:08,198 Blah, blah, blah. 746 00:46:08,298 --> 00:46:09,566 Blah, blah blah. 747 00:46:09,666 --> 00:46:10,968 Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 748 00:46:11,068 --> 00:46:12,569 Uh blah, blah, blah, blah. 749 00:46:12,669 --> 00:46:14,104 Blah, blah. 750 00:46:14,204 --> 00:46:18,642 And so, I hope you all can see what an exciting period 751 00:46:18,742 --> 00:46:20,444 of history this was. 752 00:46:20,544 --> 00:46:23,547 Now we only have time for one report today. 753 00:46:23,647 --> 00:46:26,517 Who'd like to give theirs? 754 00:46:26,617 --> 00:46:27,451 Ernest? 755 00:46:32,456 --> 00:46:34,057 Well it's about time. 756 00:46:37,861 --> 00:46:40,230 Thank you. 757 00:46:40,330 --> 00:46:44,067 While I'm sure most of you have heard of Seward's Folly, 758 00:46:44,168 --> 00:46:46,470 I am equally sure that none of you 759 00:46:46,570 --> 00:46:49,506 understand the important historical significance 760 00:46:49,606 --> 00:46:51,341 of this momentous event. 761 00:46:51,441 --> 00:46:54,645 I refer to, of course, the Alas-- haha, 762 00:46:54,745 --> 00:46:57,314 the Alaska purchase. 763 00:46:57,414 --> 00:47:03,654 (NORMAL VOICE RETURNING) The year, um, 1867. 764 00:47:03,754 --> 00:47:07,925 The man William He-He-He Henry Seward. 765 00:47:08,025 --> 00:47:11,628 He was a prom-a-ha-na hey-nada ha-nada 766 00:47:11,728 --> 00:47:14,464 the United States senator. 767 00:47:14,565 --> 00:47:21,805 Who can be-he ca-ha me-he uh-coh hon-uh --gressman. 768 00:47:21,905 --> 00:47:23,040 That he be-he na-had 769 00:47:23,140 --> 00:47:26,643 [stumbles over words] 770 00:47:30,013 --> 00:47:31,215 Thank you. 771 00:47:31,315 --> 00:47:34,284 [ERNEST MAKES UNINTELLIGIBLE SOUNDS] 772 00:47:49,967 --> 00:47:50,867 Wacka. 773 00:47:50,968 --> 00:47:52,069 Wacka, wacka, wacka. 774 00:47:57,941 --> 00:48:00,010 Come, Ernest, come. 775 00:48:02,946 --> 00:48:05,582 Bobby just speculated a little lesson. 776 00:48:05,682 --> 00:48:08,051 He didn't mean anything by it. 777 00:48:08,151 --> 00:48:10,787 Wacka, wacka, wacka, wacka, wacka. 778 00:48:10,887 --> 00:48:13,023 What's that, Lassie? 779 00:48:13,123 --> 00:48:14,291 Timmy's in trouble? 780 00:48:17,394 --> 00:48:18,295 Did you get it? 781 00:48:24,568 --> 00:48:28,438 (INTELLIGENTLY) Show business is my life, people. 782 00:48:28,538 --> 00:48:30,274 And if there's one thing I've learned 783 00:48:30,374 --> 00:48:33,777 in this crazy, mixed up biz, is you've got 784 00:48:33,877 --> 00:48:36,013 to give them what they want. 785 00:48:36,113 --> 00:48:38,649 You've got to razzle them and dazzle them. 786 00:48:38,749 --> 00:48:43,353 Astound them and amaze them and leave them begging for more. 787 00:48:43,453 --> 00:48:48,225 Now, listen up because I'm only going to say this once. 788 00:48:48,325 --> 00:48:53,930 If you lose your place and don't know what to do watch me. 789 00:48:54,031 --> 00:48:56,733 If the crowd makes you nervous-- 790 00:48:56,833 --> 00:48:59,102 ALL: Watch me. 791 00:48:59,202 --> 00:49:02,606 Tubas, if we get fatigued on that last credenza 792 00:49:02,706 --> 00:49:04,775 what are we going to do? 793 00:49:04,875 --> 00:49:06,343 ALL: Watch me. 794 00:49:06,443 --> 00:49:08,111 ERNEST: All right, now from the top. 795 00:49:08,211 --> 00:49:11,782 And flag twirlers, I want you to wave those flags 796 00:49:11,882 --> 00:49:13,417 like patriotic zealots. 797 00:49:13,517 --> 00:49:14,351 All right. 798 00:49:14,451 --> 00:49:18,288 A one a two, a one two three four. 799 00:49:18,388 --> 00:49:21,658 [MUSIC - JOHN PHILIP SOUSA, "THE WASHINGTON POST"] 800 00:49:35,906 --> 00:49:37,107 All right. 801 00:49:37,207 --> 00:49:40,010 Well Wanda hits the gong as fireworks queue, 802 00:49:40,110 --> 00:49:41,478 I hit the kettle drum. 803 00:49:41,578 --> 00:49:42,813 Rocket, rocket, rocket. 804 00:49:42,913 --> 00:49:44,548 I hit the xylophone. 805 00:49:44,648 --> 00:49:46,850 Rocket, rocket, rocket. 806 00:49:46,950 --> 00:49:48,251 They've been working so hard. 807 00:49:48,352 --> 00:49:49,786 All they can think about is the firework 808 00:49:49,886 --> 00:49:51,321 display at the homecoming. 809 00:49:51,421 --> 00:49:52,889 I'm sure they will be just fine 810 00:49:52,990 --> 00:49:56,126 as long as they keep it short and don't try to embarrass-- 811 00:49:56,226 --> 00:49:57,527 what band is this? 812 00:49:57,627 --> 00:49:58,895 That's Earnest. 813 00:49:58,995 --> 00:50:00,097 I mean that's us. 814 00:50:02,833 --> 00:50:04,868 Hold it, hold it, hold it. 815 00:50:04,968 --> 00:50:07,037 Wrong, all wrong. 816 00:50:07,137 --> 00:50:08,572 MISS FLUGAL: Ernest? 817 00:50:08,672 --> 00:50:11,308 Ernest, Mr. Procter would like to have a word with you. 818 00:50:14,678 --> 00:50:16,380 Take five everyone. 819 00:50:22,352 --> 00:50:24,254 Miss Flugal tells me you've completely turned 820 00:50:24,354 --> 00:50:25,722 around the program, Ernest! 821 00:50:25,822 --> 00:50:27,190 Congratulations son. 822 00:50:27,290 --> 00:50:30,761 You have no idea what this could mean for our school. 823 00:50:30,861 --> 00:50:32,295 Thank you, sir. 824 00:50:32,396 --> 00:50:33,830 It's a shame our performance will have to be interrupted 825 00:50:33,930 --> 00:50:37,768 by a mere football game. 826 00:50:37,868 --> 00:50:39,236 Well, yes. 827 00:50:39,336 --> 00:50:42,973 Keep up the good work and good luck tomorrow night. 828 00:50:43,073 --> 00:50:44,174 Thank you, sir. 829 00:50:44,274 --> 00:50:47,978 Oh, I'll be right with you. 830 00:50:48,078 --> 00:50:50,046 Ernest, I-- 831 00:50:50,147 --> 00:50:52,082 Yes? 832 00:50:52,182 --> 00:50:54,885 There's a dance after the game tomorrow night 833 00:50:54,985 --> 00:50:57,421 and I have to chaperone. 834 00:50:57,521 --> 00:51:00,290 So I was wondering if you'd like to go with me? 835 00:51:00,390 --> 00:51:04,761 Well I, I haven't checked my schedule but um, 836 00:51:04,861 --> 00:51:05,796 I think I'm free. 837 00:51:11,935 --> 00:51:13,737 People, people! 838 00:51:13,837 --> 00:51:15,138 Once more from the top. 839 00:51:15,238 --> 00:51:18,742 And this time with feeling! 840 00:51:18,842 --> 00:51:21,711 [students chatting] 841 00:51:47,971 --> 00:51:49,973 [cheering] 842 00:51:50,073 --> 00:51:51,174 CHICK (OVER PA): Chick Hansen here. 843 00:51:51,274 --> 00:51:53,310 Well, it's a gorgeous fall evening. 844 00:51:53,410 --> 00:51:55,345 And it's been an all Muskrat first half 845 00:51:55,445 --> 00:51:59,583 as we've managed to skunk the Knights of Regal View. 846 00:51:59,683 --> 00:52:02,285 Star quarterback Brad Spinx has never looked better 847 00:52:02,385 --> 00:52:04,988 at finding his receivers as the Muskrats again drive 848 00:52:05,088 --> 00:52:08,658 deep into Knight territory. 849 00:52:08,758 --> 00:52:12,229 [cheering] 850 00:52:18,101 --> 00:52:20,370 That's another six for the Muskrats. 851 00:52:20,470 --> 00:52:23,940 This homecoming crowd has really got our boys fired up. 852 00:52:29,012 --> 00:52:31,581 Way to go, girls. 853 00:52:31,681 --> 00:52:32,516 Bravo. 854 00:52:43,360 --> 00:52:44,928 I am so excited. 855 00:52:45,028 --> 00:52:48,598 Look at this crowd, I've never seen so many people. 856 00:52:48,698 --> 00:52:50,834 A fitting audience for my crowning triumph 857 00:52:50,934 --> 00:52:54,237 as drum major to the stars, don't you think? 858 00:52:54,337 --> 00:52:56,473 I just hope everything goes all right. 859 00:52:56,573 --> 00:52:59,242 Don't you worry your pretty little head about that. 860 00:52:59,342 --> 00:53:02,445 As long as my youngsters remember the number one rule, 861 00:53:02,546 --> 00:53:04,447 everything will be just fine. 862 00:53:04,548 --> 00:53:06,016 And what's that rule? 863 00:53:06,116 --> 00:53:08,051 ALL: Watch me. 864 00:53:08,151 --> 00:53:08,985 You see? 865 00:53:09,085 --> 00:53:10,253 What could go wrong? 866 00:53:13,256 --> 00:53:14,291 Ernest, where are you going? 867 00:53:14,391 --> 00:53:16,359 Oh, I just remembered I, I left 868 00:53:16,459 --> 00:53:17,360 something in the band room. 869 00:53:17,460 --> 00:53:18,929 I'll be right back. 870 00:53:19,029 --> 00:53:21,064 Well you better be, Ernest, everybody is counting on you. 871 00:53:21,164 --> 00:53:23,133 Would a King miss his own coronation? 872 00:53:23,233 --> 00:53:24,301 I think not. 873 00:53:27,904 --> 00:53:31,341 [crying] 874 00:53:36,112 --> 00:53:37,380 (NORMAL VOICE) What happened here? 875 00:53:41,117 --> 00:53:43,186 The came like thieves in the night 876 00:53:43,286 --> 00:53:48,191 and attacked cruelly and without provocation. 877 00:53:48,291 --> 00:53:50,627 Who would do such a thing? 878 00:53:50,727 --> 00:53:52,662 People chose with small minds. 879 00:53:52,762 --> 00:53:57,000 Defenders of the status quo, afraid of a brave new world. 880 00:53:57,100 --> 00:53:59,269 Philistines, barbarians. 881 00:53:59,369 --> 00:54:01,471 Republicans, who knows? 882 00:54:04,341 --> 00:54:06,409 Well, can you fix it? 883 00:54:06,509 --> 00:54:09,045 Oh sure, Ernest, let me just get this knot out. 884 00:54:12,882 --> 00:54:15,251 What am I gonna do? 885 00:54:15,352 --> 00:54:18,021 I can't go out there like this. 886 00:54:18,121 --> 00:54:19,889 I'm just me. 887 00:54:19,990 --> 00:54:23,159 (GULPS) Oh. 888 00:54:23,259 --> 00:54:26,663 [drumline playing] 889 00:54:29,833 --> 00:54:32,002 CHICK (ON PA): And now, the marching 890 00:54:32,102 --> 00:54:35,972 Muskrats of Chickasaw Falls. 891 00:54:36,072 --> 00:54:36,940 Where's Ernest? 892 00:54:37,040 --> 00:54:37,941 I don't know. 893 00:54:38,041 --> 00:54:39,676 But we've got to go on now. 894 00:54:46,116 --> 00:54:47,484 I've seen these kids rehearsing. 895 00:54:47,584 --> 00:54:48,785 It was quite impressive. 896 00:54:48,885 --> 00:54:50,587 (SARCASTICALLY) I'm on the edge of my seat. 897 00:54:57,360 --> 00:54:58,728 Well, it's about time. 898 00:54:58,828 --> 00:55:00,463 We've got to go back. We can't go on. 899 00:55:00,563 --> 00:55:01,898 This will never work. 900 00:55:01,998 --> 00:55:03,800 It's too late for that, the show's already started. 901 00:55:03,900 --> 00:55:05,802 I've got to tell you something, 902 00:55:05,902 --> 00:55:07,504 it's not what you think. 903 00:55:07,604 --> 00:55:09,439 I'm not really smart. 904 00:55:09,539 --> 00:55:12,008 You get up there. 905 00:55:12,108 --> 00:55:14,144 Remember what you told me? 906 00:55:14,244 --> 00:55:16,780 Watch me. 907 00:55:16,880 --> 00:55:17,714 Go. 908 00:55:30,160 --> 00:55:33,630 [daunting music] 909 00:55:44,074 --> 00:55:54,317 [wind blowing] 910 00:55:54,417 --> 00:55:56,586 Oh. 911 00:55:56,686 --> 00:55:57,487 Uh. 912 00:56:07,130 --> 00:56:14,571 [baton tapping] One two, one two three four. 913 00:56:14,671 --> 00:56:17,974 [MUSIC - JOHN PHILIP SOUSA, "THE WASHINGTON POST"] 914 00:56:35,458 --> 00:56:38,328 CHICK (ON PA): How about those marching Muskrats! 915 00:56:38,428 --> 00:56:41,931 [audience applause] 916 00:56:50,039 --> 00:56:50,940 ERNEST: Yelp. 917 00:56:51,040 --> 00:56:52,909 Help. 918 00:56:53,009 --> 00:56:55,912 Ah. 919 00:56:56,012 --> 00:56:59,315 Ah, ah. 920 00:56:59,415 --> 00:57:02,919 [audience laughing] 921 00:57:09,392 --> 00:57:10,293 Yeow. 922 00:57:10,393 --> 00:57:11,895 Whoah. 923 00:57:11,995 --> 00:57:14,898 Whoah. 924 00:57:14,998 --> 00:57:20,670 Whoa, wah ho. 925 00:57:20,770 --> 00:57:24,474 [band plays off key] 926 00:57:36,352 --> 00:57:39,856 [ernest yells] 927 00:57:44,160 --> 00:57:48,631 ERNEST (MUFFLED IN TUBA): Oh, oh, uh, oh. 928 00:57:48,731 --> 00:57:50,233 Get me outta here. 929 00:57:57,740 --> 00:57:59,642 Help me get outta here. 930 00:57:59,742 --> 00:58:01,811 Help me get outta here. 931 00:58:19,696 --> 00:58:22,198 Help me, help, get me outta here. 932 00:58:26,302 --> 00:58:28,204 [fireworks whistling] 933 00:58:28,304 --> 00:58:30,173 Run, run! 934 00:58:30,273 --> 00:58:33,176 [screaming] 935 00:58:55,665 --> 00:58:58,534 [ernest screams for help] 936 00:58:58,635 --> 00:59:00,537 FIREFIGHTER: Come on, come on. 937 00:59:00,637 --> 00:59:02,739 Get the hose on, lets go, huh! 938 00:59:21,624 --> 00:59:22,525 It's your fault! 939 00:59:22,625 --> 00:59:23,760 I hold you responsible. 940 00:59:23,860 --> 00:59:25,295 I never should have allowed you to let 941 00:59:25,395 --> 00:59:26,696 Ernest take over this program! 942 00:59:34,604 --> 00:59:38,074 [ernest moaning] 943 01:00:04,567 --> 01:00:07,236 I know I let everybody down. 944 01:00:10,873 --> 01:00:12,709 I had my chance and I blew it. 945 01:00:15,712 --> 01:00:21,117 I'm sorry about everything I'm sorry I'm me. 946 01:00:47,610 --> 01:00:49,278 Good-bye my faithful locker. 947 01:00:52,115 --> 01:00:54,217 Good-bye my little monkey wrench. 948 01:00:58,054 --> 01:01:00,923 You coping saws seem to be taking this very well. 949 01:01:06,295 --> 01:01:08,831 I really blew it this time, didn't I, Mister Needle-nose? 950 01:01:08,931 --> 01:01:10,433 (AS NEEDLE-NOSE PLIERS) You sure did, Ernest. 951 01:01:10,533 --> 01:01:12,301 You let the whole school down. 952 01:01:12,402 --> 01:01:14,370 (NORMAL VOICE) I let the whole school down. 953 01:01:14,470 --> 01:01:17,140 (AS NEEDLE-NOSE PLIERS) You let Miss Flugal down. 954 01:01:17,240 --> 01:01:19,108 (NORMAL VOICE) I let Miss Flugal down. 955 01:01:19,208 --> 01:01:21,310 DONALD: You treated Donald like scum. 956 01:01:21,411 --> 01:01:23,513 I treated Donald like scum. 957 01:01:23,613 --> 01:01:25,715 RODNEY: And you acted like a real jerk to everybody. 958 01:01:25,815 --> 01:01:27,917 I acted like a real jerk to everybody. 959 01:01:28,017 --> 01:01:30,987 And now I got to study just like everybody else. 960 01:01:31,087 --> 01:01:33,823 And now I have to study like e-- 961 01:01:33,923 --> 01:01:35,825 wait a minute! 962 01:01:35,925 --> 01:01:37,460 That's not your voice! 963 01:01:37,560 --> 01:01:39,695 Didn't think you'd get out of that easily, did you, Ernest? 964 01:01:39,796 --> 01:01:41,864 You have to take a test like the rest of us. 965 01:01:41,964 --> 01:01:46,736 Yeah, we're gonna tutor you til you scream for mercy. 966 01:01:46,836 --> 01:01:48,905 Are you sure there's not another way? 967 01:01:49,005 --> 01:01:52,608 No, you're just going to have to study. 968 01:01:52,708 --> 01:01:54,644 Gosh! 969 01:01:54,744 --> 01:01:56,612 What's the predominant element in bones? 970 01:01:56,712 --> 01:01:57,847 Who shot Abraham Lincoln? 971 01:01:57,947 --> 01:01:59,082 What's the fifth most common element? 972 01:01:59,182 --> 01:01:59,982 Yogurt. 973 01:02:00,083 --> 01:02:01,250 Cheese. 974 01:02:01,350 --> 01:02:02,452 Some guy with a gun. 975 01:02:02,552 --> 01:02:03,653 Not dairy products, Ernest. 976 01:02:03,753 --> 01:02:04,854 What guy? 977 01:02:04,954 --> 01:02:06,556 Great potato famine of mid 1800's. 978 01:02:06,656 --> 01:02:07,657 Chalk. 979 01:02:07,757 --> 01:02:09,292 Um, the Klingons! 980 01:02:09,392 --> 01:02:10,326 No! 981 01:02:10,426 --> 01:02:11,594 - Colonel Sanders. - No. 982 01:02:11,694 --> 01:02:12,595 Abraham Lincoln. 983 01:02:12,695 --> 01:02:13,529 The Penguin! 984 01:02:13,629 --> 01:02:15,531 This is hopeless! 985 01:02:15,631 --> 01:02:16,566 Elements. 986 01:02:16,666 --> 01:02:17,600 Wyatt Earp. 987 01:02:17,700 --> 01:02:19,235 Elephants. - What country? 988 01:02:19,335 --> 01:02:20,603 Are you sure it's not the penguin? 989 01:02:20,703 --> 01:02:22,505 Idaho. ALL: We're sure! 990 01:02:22,605 --> 01:02:24,173 - Country. - Ivory. 991 01:02:24,273 --> 01:02:25,174 Garth Brooks. 992 01:02:25,274 --> 01:02:28,444 [rodney groans] 993 01:02:30,446 --> 01:02:32,482 Helium. 994 01:02:32,582 --> 01:02:35,451 Nine to the fifth power. 995 01:02:35,551 --> 01:02:37,820 Seward's Folly. 996 01:02:37,920 --> 01:02:41,457 54 40 or fight. 997 01:02:41,557 --> 01:02:43,826 Agriculture. 998 01:02:43,926 --> 01:02:47,330 [snoring] 999 01:02:52,235 --> 01:02:54,137 RODNEY (ON PA): Rockin' Rodney, here. 1000 01:02:54,237 --> 01:02:57,573 Today's question is who set fire to the Ironman float 1001 01:02:57,673 --> 01:02:59,775 last night after the pep rally? 1002 01:02:59,876 --> 01:03:02,979 And quite frankly, how do we thank these people? 1003 01:03:03,079 --> 01:03:04,947 Got the big one this weekend. 1004 01:03:05,047 --> 01:03:07,116 Got the district finals, got a chance 1005 01:03:07,216 --> 01:03:09,919 to win the whole enchilada. 1006 01:03:10,019 --> 01:03:12,288 Hey, were going to be football heroes! 1007 01:03:12,388 --> 01:03:16,325 Yeah, fighting Muskrats taking their place in history. 1008 01:03:16,425 --> 01:03:19,295 Oh yeah. 1009 01:03:19,395 --> 01:03:20,263 Ernest! 1010 01:03:20,363 --> 01:03:21,197 OK. 1011 01:03:21,297 --> 01:03:21,898 Here we go. 1012 01:03:21,998 --> 01:03:23,299 The big test. 1013 01:03:23,399 --> 01:03:26,903 Now all you have to do is relax and concentrate. 1014 01:03:27,003 --> 01:03:28,471 My brain hurts. 1015 01:03:28,571 --> 01:03:30,039 I think it's broke. 1016 01:03:30,139 --> 01:03:32,175 I don't think man was supposed to have this much knowledge, 1017 01:03:32,275 --> 01:03:33,643 know what I mean? [banging from locker] 1018 01:03:33,743 --> 01:03:35,278 GERTA: Ernest, open up! 1019 01:03:38,247 --> 01:03:39,715 We fixed it! 1020 01:03:39,816 --> 01:03:41,284 I never thought we could do it so fast 1021 01:03:41,384 --> 01:03:43,219 but when Bobby sets his mind to something, let me tell you, 1022 01:03:43,319 --> 01:03:45,321 there is just no stopping him. 1023 01:03:45,421 --> 01:03:46,255 That's great! 1024 01:03:46,355 --> 01:03:47,690 That means now I can pass for sure. 1025 01:03:47,790 --> 01:03:48,624 GERTA: Yes siree! 1026 01:03:48,724 --> 01:03:50,159 Ya vol! 1027 01:03:50,259 --> 01:03:51,761 We got a new and improved brain accelerator that is just 1028 01:03:51,861 --> 01:03:53,229 waiting for you to plug into. 1029 01:03:53,329 --> 01:03:55,331 OK? 1030 01:03:55,431 --> 01:03:57,500 Thanks anyway, Gerta, but I think 1031 01:03:57,600 --> 01:03:59,802 I better do this one on my own. 1032 01:03:59,902 --> 01:04:02,972 You're joking! 1033 01:04:03,072 --> 01:04:05,575 GERTA: Ernest, what about science? 1034 01:04:05,675 --> 01:04:07,310 What about the Nobel Prize? 1035 01:04:07,410 --> 01:04:09,445 What about giving us a break, we need you! 1036 01:04:09,545 --> 01:04:11,380 We can't afford a chimp! 1037 01:04:11,480 --> 01:04:14,684 [students chatting] 1038 01:04:14,784 --> 01:04:18,287 [hitting desk] 1039 01:04:19,188 --> 01:04:21,824 All right, students. 1040 01:04:21,924 --> 01:04:22,959 No talking. 1041 01:04:23,059 --> 01:04:26,629 No wandering eyes. 1042 01:04:26,729 --> 01:04:29,632 Ready, begin! 1043 01:04:29,732 --> 01:04:33,236 [ominous music] 1044 01:05:20,650 --> 01:05:24,153 [metal clinking] 1045 01:05:30,026 --> 01:05:33,529 [clock ticking] 1046 01:05:35,031 --> 01:05:38,534 [fly buzzing] 1047 01:06:01,590 --> 01:06:02,892 [fly buzzes quietly] 1048 01:06:02,992 --> 01:06:06,395 [footsteps] 1049 01:06:06,495 --> 01:06:10,733 Is there a problem Mr. Worrell? 1050 01:06:10,833 --> 01:06:11,734 No, ma'am. 1051 01:06:20,176 --> 01:06:23,646 [fly buzzing] 1052 01:06:42,998 --> 01:06:45,868 [teacher burps] 1053 01:06:45,968 --> 01:06:49,438 [clock ticking] 1054 01:06:52,908 --> 01:06:56,379 [grunting] 1055 01:06:58,914 --> 01:07:00,349 How did it go, Ernest? 1056 01:07:00,449 --> 01:07:03,552 I don't know, it's it's all just kind of a blur. 1057 01:07:03,652 --> 01:07:04,987 Know what I mean? 1058 01:07:05,087 --> 01:07:09,258 Well whatever happens, I'm proud of you. 1059 01:07:09,358 --> 01:07:10,493 Come on. 1060 01:07:10,593 --> 01:07:11,460 Come on. 1061 01:07:19,068 --> 01:07:20,369 Chick Hansen here. 1062 01:07:20,469 --> 01:07:22,838 Well it's a perfect crisp afternoon for a game. 1063 01:07:22,938 --> 01:07:24,473 And what a game we've got! 1064 01:07:24,573 --> 01:07:27,209 It's a once in a lifetime David and Goliath match up 1065 01:07:27,309 --> 01:07:28,644 between our own fighting Muskrats 1066 01:07:28,744 --> 01:07:31,547 of Chickasaw Falls and the undefeated Ironman 1067 01:07:31,647 --> 01:07:33,249 of Central High. 1068 01:07:33,349 --> 01:07:35,084 A school that produces championship teams 1069 01:07:35,184 --> 01:07:36,886 is not the kind of school that should be closed. 1070 01:07:36,986 --> 01:07:38,354 Wouldn't you agree, Miss Nichols. 1071 01:07:38,454 --> 01:07:40,055 Oh, well, as a private individual I do agree with you. 1072 01:07:40,156 --> 01:07:42,291 But as chairperson of the school board, of course 1073 01:07:42,391 --> 01:07:43,859 I'm trying to keep an open mind. 1074 01:07:43,959 --> 01:07:46,362 Anyway the question is moot because Central is going to win 1075 01:07:46,462 --> 01:07:48,063 today and they'll be champion. 1076 01:07:48,164 --> 01:07:49,298 Oh yeah, is that right? 1077 01:07:49,398 --> 01:07:50,633 MALE STUDENT: Hey Principal Procter, 1078 01:07:50,733 --> 01:07:51,567 can I see you a second? 1079 01:07:51,667 --> 01:07:52,535 Excuse me. 1080 01:07:52,635 --> 01:08:01,077 [drumline playing] 1081 01:08:01,177 --> 01:08:02,411 Knock 'em dead, Ernest. 1082 01:08:06,182 --> 01:08:09,685 [groans] 1083 01:08:13,155 --> 01:08:15,024 CHICK (OK PA): Ladies and gentlemen, the lady 1084 01:08:15,124 --> 01:08:17,193 Muskrats of Chickasaw Falls! 1085 01:08:21,997 --> 01:08:24,266 AXWELL: Slow down a minute, Coach, we need to talk. 1086 01:08:24,366 --> 01:08:25,835 Nah, this is not a good time for me. 1087 01:08:25,935 --> 01:08:27,937 You've heard about my plans to close your high school. 1088 01:08:28,037 --> 01:08:29,205 Yeah, yeah, I've heard. 1089 01:08:29,305 --> 01:08:30,739 Well, I've got a little problem that I 1090 01:08:30,840 --> 01:08:32,107 think you can help me with. 1091 01:08:32,208 --> 01:08:33,375 COACH: What? 1092 01:08:33,476 --> 01:08:35,544 If you win today, you'll be district 1093 01:08:35,644 --> 01:08:38,647 champs and that'll make things a lot harder for me. 1094 01:08:38,747 --> 01:08:39,348 Well we're gonna win! 1095 01:08:39,448 --> 01:08:41,116 We're gonna whoop 'em! 1096 01:08:41,217 --> 01:08:42,585 I don't see how I can help ya. 1097 01:08:42,685 --> 01:08:46,188 You can make sure your team loses. 1098 01:08:46,288 --> 01:08:49,024 Why would I want to do that? 1099 01:08:49,125 --> 01:08:51,994 If you lose, I'll guarantee you 1100 01:08:52,094 --> 01:08:56,499 the job of head coach of Central High when we merge the schools. 1101 01:09:03,172 --> 01:09:04,473 I don't know. 1102 01:09:04,573 --> 01:09:06,175 Chickasaw Falls will close anyway, you might as 1103 01:09:06,275 --> 01:09:07,543 well get something out of it. 1104 01:09:17,920 --> 01:09:19,088 We could've beat those guys. 1105 01:09:19,188 --> 01:09:20,489 So what? 1106 01:09:20,589 --> 01:09:23,192 A week from now nobody'll remember who won what. 1107 01:09:27,096 --> 01:09:29,398 We could beat those guys. 1108 01:09:29,498 --> 01:09:30,666 Could've beat them! [knocking] 1109 01:09:30,766 --> 01:09:31,467 RODNEY: Hey! 1110 01:09:31,567 --> 01:09:33,569 Somebody get me outta here! 1111 01:09:33,669 --> 01:09:34,737 [whistle blows] 1112 01:09:34,837 --> 01:09:36,939 All right, boys, bring it on in here. 1113 01:09:37,039 --> 01:09:37,940 Lets go! 1114 01:09:38,040 --> 01:09:41,510 [team cheering] 1115 01:09:49,952 --> 01:09:51,787 All right, listen up fellas. 1116 01:09:51,887 --> 01:09:53,389 I got a new game plan. 1117 01:09:56,258 --> 01:09:59,762 [dramatic music] 1118 01:10:02,631 --> 01:10:05,100 CHICK (ON PA): This is certainly not the caliber of football 1119 01:10:05,200 --> 01:10:07,503 we've come to expect from Coach Decker 1120 01:10:07,603 --> 01:10:09,104 and his fighting Muskrats. 1121 01:10:09,205 --> 01:10:11,473 The Ironmen seem to have our Muskrats 1122 01:10:11,574 --> 01:10:13,676 completely fooled out there. 1123 01:10:18,914 --> 01:10:23,819 And that's another six, now seven points for the Ironmen, 1124 01:10:23,919 --> 01:10:28,857 which puts our Muskrats at a pathetic 18 to zip. 1125 01:10:28,958 --> 01:10:32,294 Well the good news is the first half is almost over. 1126 01:10:32,394 --> 01:10:34,330 The bad news is there's still another 30 1127 01:10:34,430 --> 01:10:36,632 minutes of this massacre to go. 1128 01:10:36,732 --> 01:10:38,000 [banging] 1129 01:10:38,100 --> 01:10:39,001 RODNEY: I'm in here. 1130 01:10:39,101 --> 01:10:40,002 Could you let me out? 1131 01:10:40,102 --> 01:10:41,270 Hey! 1132 01:10:41,370 --> 01:10:42,972 Hey, if anyone's out there, I'm in here. 1133 01:10:43,072 --> 01:10:43,973 Could you let me out? 1134 01:10:44,073 --> 01:10:46,575 You gotta let me outta here. 1135 01:10:46,675 --> 01:10:47,543 Well, hey! 1136 01:10:50,846 --> 01:10:53,249 Ah, I owe ya one, pal. 1137 01:10:53,349 --> 01:10:56,785 I love this guy! 1138 01:10:56,885 --> 01:10:59,154 [crowd boos] 1139 01:10:59,254 --> 01:11:00,923 Look out. Comin' through. 1140 01:11:01,023 --> 01:11:01,824 Look out, squirt. 1141 01:11:04,526 --> 01:11:06,095 Rodney, where have you been? 1142 01:11:06,195 --> 01:11:07,763 Oh, man, it's a long story. 1143 01:11:07,863 --> 01:11:09,164 But here it goes. 1144 01:11:09,264 --> 01:11:11,133 That Axwell guy, he talked Coach Decker into throwing the game. 1145 01:11:11,233 --> 01:11:12,034 What? 1146 01:11:12,134 --> 01:11:13,235 They can't do that! 1147 01:11:13,335 --> 01:11:15,137 Well, who's going to stop them? 1148 01:11:15,237 --> 01:11:16,038 We are! 1149 01:11:16,138 --> 01:11:17,606 Yeah, right. 1150 01:11:17,706 --> 01:11:18,874 With what? 1151 01:11:18,974 --> 01:11:19,908 Don't you see? 1152 01:11:20,009 --> 01:11:21,977 We're the last line of defense. 1153 01:11:22,077 --> 01:11:24,513 It's the Battle of the Bulge and it's up to us 1154 01:11:24,613 --> 01:11:27,916 to hold the Greek hoards off the Pacific fleet. 1155 01:11:28,017 --> 01:11:29,018 So what do we do, Ernest? 1156 01:11:32,388 --> 01:11:34,957 Luckily, I've got an idea I've been saving 1157 01:11:35,057 --> 01:11:37,192 for just such an occasion. 1158 01:11:37,293 --> 01:11:38,527 Does this make water? Does it? 1159 01:11:38,627 --> 01:11:39,728 We need your help! 1160 01:11:39,828 --> 01:11:41,530 The fate of our school depends on us. 1161 01:11:41,630 --> 01:11:44,967 Bobby, for Chickasaw Falls. 1162 01:11:45,067 --> 01:11:48,337 For truth, justice, and the Germanic American way. 1163 01:11:48,437 --> 01:11:50,005 [speaking german] Um. 1164 01:11:50,105 --> 01:11:51,674 - Maisy. - Maisy. 1165 01:11:51,774 --> 01:11:52,741 Great, OK. 1166 01:11:52,841 --> 01:11:54,043 Ernest is going to stall as long as he can. 1167 01:11:54,143 --> 01:11:55,644 Here's what we need. - OK. 1168 01:11:55,744 --> 01:11:56,845 OK, we're going to need some sleeping gas with gas masks-- 1169 01:11:56,945 --> 01:11:58,247 CHICK (ON PA): And now, the marching 1170 01:11:58,347 --> 01:12:00,816 Muskrats of Chickasaw Falls. 1171 01:12:00,916 --> 01:12:02,184 [crowd boos] 1172 01:12:02,284 --> 01:12:05,454 No, not your marching band. 1173 01:12:05,554 --> 01:12:07,322 They do try very hard. 1174 01:12:07,423 --> 01:12:08,891 There won't be this kind of embarrassment 1175 01:12:08,991 --> 01:12:10,092 at the new school. 1176 01:12:10,192 --> 01:12:11,226 CHICK (ON PA): Now it's time to get 1177 01:12:11,326 --> 01:12:13,362 down and do the funky Muskrat! 1178 01:12:18,267 --> 01:12:21,370 (SINGING) Get your soul food a la king, Muskrats marching 1179 01:12:21,470 --> 01:12:24,206 to a James Brown thing. 1180 01:12:24,306 --> 01:12:26,275 Homeboy's grooving down the street, 1181 01:12:26,375 --> 01:12:28,844 got his mojo working on a Muskrat beat. 1182 01:12:37,319 --> 01:12:40,789 [players yelling] 1183 01:12:44,293 --> 01:12:47,763 [gas hissing] 1184 01:12:54,670 --> 01:12:56,939 Good, boys, the towels. 1185 01:12:57,039 --> 01:13:00,309 Right now, their vision is getting very blurry. 1186 01:13:00,409 --> 01:13:02,544 A sense of well-being is creeping over them. 1187 01:13:02,644 --> 01:13:07,416 They're experiencing vertigo and a strong desire to lie down. 1188 01:13:07,516 --> 01:13:09,251 OK, turn it off, Bobby. 1189 01:13:09,351 --> 01:13:10,686 Let's go. 1190 01:13:10,786 --> 01:13:12,688 Remember guys, this is very powerful sleeping gas. 1191 01:13:12,788 --> 01:13:14,523 So keep those masks on tight. 1192 01:13:14,623 --> 01:13:16,091 Go on, go on! 1193 01:13:16,191 --> 01:13:18,427 [players snoring] 1194 01:13:18,527 --> 01:13:21,530 [lullaby playing] 1195 01:13:22,765 --> 01:13:24,433 RODNEY: Maisy, this isn't going to work. 1196 01:13:24,533 --> 01:13:25,934 We can't play football. 1197 01:13:26,034 --> 01:13:28,170 MAISY: We can play better than these guys are playing. 1198 01:13:28,270 --> 01:13:29,304 Come on, you guys. 1199 01:13:29,405 --> 01:13:30,873 Lets get these uniforms off them. 1200 01:13:30,973 --> 01:13:33,175 Someone's gotta try and win this game. 1201 01:13:33,275 --> 01:13:35,911 [crowd cheering] 1202 01:13:36,011 --> 01:13:38,480 CHICK (ON PA): Would you please put your hands together 1203 01:13:38,580 --> 01:13:41,617 for the amazing horns in space! 1204 01:13:41,717 --> 01:13:45,187 [fast paced horns playing] 1205 01:13:56,665 --> 01:13:59,968 Symmetry and artistry join hands with Ed's TV 1206 01:14:00,068 --> 01:14:04,139 and Appliance to bring you the graceful spiral of life. 1207 01:14:22,191 --> 01:14:24,092 [crowd cheers] 1208 01:14:24,193 --> 01:14:26,762 The Sabre Dance. 1209 01:14:26,862 --> 01:14:30,132 [MUSIC - ARAM KHACHATURIAN, "THE SABRE DANCE"] 1210 01:14:40,742 --> 01:14:42,978 GERTA: OK, kids, look, this is-- 1211 01:14:43,078 --> 01:14:45,881 All right, good work, get out there man. 1212 01:14:45,981 --> 01:14:46,648 So far, so good. 1213 01:14:46,748 --> 01:14:47,816 That was the easy part. 1214 01:14:47,916 --> 01:14:49,184 We better go see how Ernest is doing. 1215 01:14:49,284 --> 01:14:50,419 OK. 1216 01:14:50,519 --> 01:14:51,453 Come on 'Rats band, let's go get 'em! 1217 01:14:51,553 --> 01:14:53,922 All right guys, lets do it! 1218 01:14:54,022 --> 01:14:56,124 GERTA: I hope being quarterback doesn't go to Ernest's head! 1219 01:14:59,895 --> 01:15:03,899 The most important thing is that a team have a leader. 1220 01:15:03,999 --> 01:15:05,067 A star. 1221 01:15:05,167 --> 01:15:08,103 A bright light that shines through the darkness 1222 01:15:08,203 --> 01:15:10,305 so that others may follow. 1223 01:15:10,405 --> 01:15:13,141 And I am that man. 1224 01:15:13,242 --> 01:15:14,543 DONALD: That sounds familiar. 1225 01:15:14,643 --> 01:15:18,614 In my prime, I was known as Crazy Legs Worrell. 1226 01:15:18,714 --> 01:15:21,984 So just give me the ball and watch the show, 1227 01:15:22,084 --> 01:15:23,252 know what I mean? 1228 01:15:23,352 --> 01:15:24,887 CHICK (ON PA): The Muskrats look much the worse 1229 01:15:24,987 --> 01:15:27,789 for wear and no wonder after the brutal beating 1230 01:15:27,890 --> 01:15:29,024 they've taken thus far. 1231 01:15:31,526 --> 01:15:32,561 Hut! 1232 01:15:42,571 --> 01:15:44,039 CHICK (ON PA): These Muskrats are 1233 01:15:44,139 --> 01:15:46,909 playing like they don't deserve to be in championship game. 1234 01:15:47,009 --> 01:15:50,512 And, in this man's opinion, are a disgrace to the proud colors 1235 01:15:50,612 --> 01:15:52,114 of Chickasaw Falls. 1236 01:16:01,523 --> 01:16:04,393 Ladies and gentlemen, oh the humanity, 1237 01:16:04,493 --> 01:16:06,295 never can I recall a more wretched 1238 01:16:06,395 --> 01:16:08,463 display of physical ineptitude. 1239 01:16:08,563 --> 01:16:12,601 And with the score standing an embarrassing 39 to nothing 1240 01:16:12,701 --> 01:16:15,370 there is no joy in Mundale tonight. 1241 01:16:15,470 --> 01:16:17,506 Ernest, come with me. 1242 01:16:17,606 --> 01:16:18,874 Come. 1243 01:16:18,974 --> 01:16:21,009 I know that philosophically using this device 1244 01:16:21,109 --> 01:16:24,780 may be repugnant to your sense of sportsmanship and fair play, 1245 01:16:24,880 --> 01:16:27,816 but quite frankly my friend I think it is high time we 1246 01:16:27,916 --> 01:16:33,689 introduce the Ironmen to the new and improved 1247 01:16:33,789 --> 01:16:36,658 subatomic brain accelerator. 1248 01:16:36,758 --> 01:16:38,226 Make me a master Muskrat. 1249 01:16:38,327 --> 01:16:39,127 Great! 1250 01:16:39,227 --> 01:16:40,495 Let's hurry! 1251 01:16:40,596 --> 01:16:43,498 Oh and Ernest, this time try not to act like such a jerk, hm? 1252 01:16:43,598 --> 01:16:46,368 [machine whirring] 1253 01:16:53,842 --> 01:16:54,876 (DEEP VOICE) All right. 1254 01:16:59,247 --> 01:17:02,918 Now the gloves come off. 1255 01:17:03,018 --> 01:17:04,486 CHICK (ON PA): It looks like the Muskrats 1256 01:17:04,586 --> 01:17:09,491 are going with a new quarterback and it's Ernest P. Worrell? 1257 01:17:09,591 --> 01:17:11,026 The Muskrats have the ball fourth and 27 1258 01:17:11,126 --> 01:17:14,329 at their own 49 yard line and it looks 1259 01:17:14,429 --> 01:17:15,731 like they're going for it. 1260 01:17:15,831 --> 01:17:18,900 I guess they figured they've got nothing to lose. 1261 01:17:19,001 --> 01:17:22,070 ERNEST: 39 hut, hut, hut. 1262 01:17:22,170 --> 01:17:25,440 [theme song] 1263 01:17:30,512 --> 01:17:31,780 Go, Ernest, go! 1264 01:17:31,880 --> 01:17:32,781 Bring home the bacon! 1265 01:17:32,881 --> 01:17:33,715 [pig squeals] 1266 01:17:33,815 --> 01:17:35,350 Oh, sorry, Mogley. 1267 01:17:35,450 --> 01:17:36,351 Beep, beep, beep. 1268 01:17:50,532 --> 01:17:53,802 The Muskrats have the ball and they're finally on the move. 1269 01:17:53,902 --> 01:17:58,306 [FOOTBALL PLAYERS CLAP AND BREAK] 1270 01:17:58,407 --> 01:18:03,445 37, 25, a one two, a one two three hut. 1271 01:18:03,545 --> 01:18:05,981 [ballet music] 1272 01:18:06,081 --> 01:18:09,017 [football players groaning] 1273 01:18:18,460 --> 01:18:19,928 [whistle blowing] 1274 01:18:20,028 --> 01:18:21,730 CHICK (ON PA): It looks like the Muskrats have the Ironmen 1275 01:18:21,830 --> 01:18:25,333 completely baffled out there. 1276 01:18:25,434 --> 01:18:28,904 [waltz music] 1277 01:18:31,807 --> 01:18:34,876 [football players questioning] 1278 01:18:50,325 --> 01:18:53,662 [whistle blowing] 1279 01:18:53,762 --> 01:18:54,896 Ha, ha, ha. 1280 01:18:54,996 --> 01:18:56,398 I don't know what's gotten into them, 1281 01:18:56,498 --> 01:19:00,102 but the Muskrats look like a different team out there. 1282 01:19:00,202 --> 01:19:01,403 Animals, right. 1283 01:19:01,503 --> 01:19:04,406 You are a wolverine. 1284 01:19:04,506 --> 01:19:09,144 OK, you are a, uh, rhinoceros. 1285 01:19:09,244 --> 01:19:12,714 You are a fuzzy little mouse, but you're mean, 1286 01:19:12,814 --> 01:19:15,650 you're vicious. 1287 01:19:15,750 --> 01:19:19,221 [ernest laughs] 1288 01:19:20,722 --> 01:19:25,560 And the extra point is good! 1289 01:19:25,660 --> 01:19:27,362 There's the kick off. 1290 01:19:27,462 --> 01:19:30,031 And the Muskrats bring 'em down near mid-field. 1291 01:19:30,132 --> 01:19:33,135 But with just 20 seconds left on the clock, 1292 01:19:33,235 --> 01:19:36,438 it looks like the valiant heroics are all for naught. 1293 01:19:36,538 --> 01:19:38,473 All right, so what do we do now, Ernest? 1294 01:19:38,573 --> 01:19:41,009 I don't know, fellas, I'm fresh out of ideas. 1295 01:19:41,109 --> 01:19:42,244 Leave it to me guys. 1296 01:19:42,344 --> 01:19:43,178 Here's what we do. 1297 01:19:43,278 --> 01:19:45,113 OK, I'll need your help. (WHISPERS) 1298 01:19:45,213 --> 01:19:48,917 Off-center and then you guys back me up. 1299 01:19:49,017 --> 01:19:51,219 Yoo-hoo, number 57! 1300 01:19:54,723 --> 01:19:56,224 Hey, you're cute. 1301 01:20:00,028 --> 01:20:03,465 [violin playing romantic song] 1302 01:20:03,565 --> 01:20:04,432 OPPOSING TEAM: Break! 1303 01:20:12,974 --> 01:20:14,276 IRONMAN PLAYER: 32. 1304 01:20:14,376 --> 01:20:15,243 32. 1305 01:20:15,343 --> 01:20:16,178 Hut! 1306 01:20:18,380 --> 01:20:19,214 MAISY: For me? 1307 01:20:19,314 --> 01:20:21,416 Thank you. 1308 01:20:21,516 --> 01:20:22,450 MUSKRAT PLAYER 1: Timeout! 1309 01:20:22,551 --> 01:20:23,752 COACH: It's the old cupid play! 1310 01:20:23,852 --> 01:20:25,720 The old cupid play! 1311 01:20:25,821 --> 01:20:27,489 What a game! 1312 01:20:27,589 --> 01:20:30,625 The Muskrats have called their last timeout with just three 1313 01:20:30,725 --> 01:20:33,962 seconds left on the clock. 1314 01:20:34,062 --> 01:20:37,199 And meanwhile, the backfield comes back 1315 01:20:37,299 --> 01:20:39,534 here to cover me on the play. 1316 01:20:39,634 --> 01:20:41,736 Any questions? 1317 01:20:41,837 --> 01:20:44,105 All right then. 1318 01:20:44,206 --> 01:20:45,106 Lets go. 1319 01:20:48,543 --> 01:20:49,611 Wait a minute! 1320 01:20:49,711 --> 01:20:50,579 Ernest! 1321 01:20:50,679 --> 01:20:51,546 Oh, Bobby! 1322 01:20:51,646 --> 01:20:53,215 Did you charge Ernest? 1323 01:20:53,315 --> 01:20:54,216 Nein! 1324 01:20:54,316 --> 01:20:55,183 Ach der lieber! 1325 01:20:55,283 --> 01:20:56,117 Ernest! 1326 01:21:14,135 --> 01:21:15,570 MUSKRAT PLAYER 1: Hey, who's that in our uniforms? 1327 01:21:15,670 --> 01:21:16,905 MUSKRAT PLAYER 2: What are they doing out there? 1328 01:21:17,005 --> 01:21:17,739 MUSKRAT PLAYER 3: What's going on? 1329 01:21:17,839 --> 01:21:18,673 ERNEST: 37. 1330 01:21:18,773 --> 01:21:20,075 21. 1331 01:21:20,175 --> 01:21:21,276 39. 1332 01:21:21,376 --> 01:21:22,944 Pi to the ninth, pi to the ninth, pi to the ninth. 1333 01:21:23,044 --> 01:21:23,879 Heba-dee. 1334 01:21:23,979 --> 01:21:26,381 [spluttering] 1335 01:21:27,782 --> 01:21:28,617 Oh, boy. 1336 01:21:31,720 --> 01:21:34,623 [football players grunting] 1337 01:21:36,124 --> 01:21:37,626 [ernest groaning] 1338 01:21:37,726 --> 01:21:40,595 [fast paced jazz music] 1339 01:21:42,764 --> 01:21:43,598 IRONMAN PLAYER 2: I got him! 1340 01:21:43,698 --> 01:21:44,599 I got him! 1341 01:21:48,703 --> 01:21:49,671 Hey, Ernest! 1342 01:21:49,771 --> 01:21:50,605 Ernest! 1343 01:21:50,705 --> 01:21:52,207 Ho, ho, ho, ho! 1344 01:21:52,307 --> 01:21:53,208 Ow yeah! 1345 01:22:07,355 --> 01:22:08,189 Uh-oh. 1346 01:22:15,063 --> 01:22:16,564 Come on baby! 1347 01:22:16,665 --> 01:22:17,565 Come on, do it! 1348 01:22:20,468 --> 01:22:22,937 CHICKASAW PLAYER 1: You can make it, Ernest! 1349 01:22:23,038 --> 01:22:25,540 CHICKASAW PLAYER 2: You're almost there! 1350 01:22:25,640 --> 01:22:26,941 GERTA: You can make it! 1351 01:22:27,042 --> 01:22:30,545 [ernest laughing] 1352 01:22:33,048 --> 01:22:34,149 Oh, yeah. 1353 01:22:45,627 --> 01:22:48,530 [ernest yelling] 1354 01:22:50,999 --> 01:22:54,102 [wind howling] 1355 01:23:19,961 --> 01:23:20,962 I got it! I got it! 1356 01:23:21,062 --> 01:23:22,163 Come on, come on! 1357 01:23:22,263 --> 01:23:25,533 Right here, right here, right here! 1358 01:23:25,633 --> 01:23:26,468 I got it! 1359 01:23:26,568 --> 01:23:27,869 I got it! 1360 01:23:27,969 --> 01:23:29,270 [whistle blowing] 1361 01:23:29,371 --> 01:23:30,872 CHICK (ON PA): The Muskrats win! 1362 01:23:30,972 --> 01:23:32,240 The Muskrats win! 1363 01:23:32,340 --> 01:23:35,043 They're the new district champions! 1364 01:23:38,613 --> 01:23:39,848 Yes! Yes! 1365 01:23:39,948 --> 01:23:40,849 Yes! 1366 01:23:40,949 --> 01:23:43,451 Get him off of there! 1367 01:23:43,551 --> 01:23:44,853 Get the cops! 1368 01:23:44,953 --> 01:23:51,493 Get the [inaudible] 1369 01:23:51,593 --> 01:23:52,427 Yay! 1370 01:24:01,903 --> 01:24:04,806 [ernest groaning] 1371 01:24:15,283 --> 01:24:17,118 And that's exactly why, hey! 1372 01:24:17,218 --> 01:24:20,221 I heard you trying to sell us out, you dipstick! 1373 01:24:20,321 --> 01:24:21,823 I don't know what you're talking about. 1374 01:24:21,923 --> 01:24:24,025 I never thought you'd go that far. 1375 01:24:24,125 --> 01:24:25,593 Listen, I can explain. 1376 01:24:25,693 --> 01:24:27,862 Everything I've done, I did it for the good of the school 1377 01:24:27,962 --> 01:24:28,897 system as a whole. 1378 01:24:28,997 --> 01:24:30,331 That is your opinion. 1379 01:24:30,432 --> 01:24:32,634 But I think you, along with your buddy 1380 01:24:32,734 --> 01:24:34,669 Decker, will be out looking for new jobs 1381 01:24:34,769 --> 01:24:36,838 once I tell the school board what you've been up to. 1382 01:24:36,938 --> 01:24:37,839 No! 1383 01:24:37,939 --> 01:24:38,807 Don't do that. 1384 01:24:38,907 --> 01:24:39,908 We can work something out. 1385 01:24:40,008 --> 01:24:41,443 I mean-- 1386 01:24:41,543 --> 01:24:44,612 [inaudible] [inaudible] a school that produces champions 1387 01:24:44,712 --> 01:24:47,048 isn't the kind of school any enlightened person 1388 01:24:47,148 --> 01:24:48,917 would think about closing. 1389 01:24:49,017 --> 01:24:49,984 You, you mean-- 1390 01:24:50,084 --> 01:24:52,487 Chickasaw Falls will stay open. 1391 01:24:52,587 --> 01:24:55,890 [theme song] 1392 01:25:21,349 --> 01:25:23,751 [students chattering] 1393 01:25:25,019 --> 01:25:27,489 So you actually passed the big test? 1394 01:25:27,589 --> 01:25:28,256 Unbelievable. 1395 01:25:28,356 --> 01:25:29,657 Yeah, Ernest. 1396 01:25:29,757 --> 01:25:31,259 By Friday night you'll be a high school graduate. 1397 01:25:31,359 --> 01:25:32,861 Didn't doubt you for a second, pal. 1398 01:25:32,961 --> 01:25:34,863 (NORMAL VOICE) Well you guys were a big help. 1399 01:25:34,963 --> 01:25:35,997 Thanks a lot. 1400 01:25:36,097 --> 01:25:37,065 But you know? 1401 01:25:37,165 --> 01:25:38,900 I think I had it in me all along. 1402 01:25:39,000 --> 01:25:41,202 MISS FLUGAL: Ernest? 1403 01:25:41,302 --> 01:25:42,437 (WHISPERING) Good luck, buddy. 1404 01:25:42,537 --> 01:25:43,371 Come on! 1405 01:25:49,310 --> 01:25:50,879 Ernest, I just came by to say how 1406 01:25:50,979 --> 01:25:54,749 proud I am of you for finally getting that diploma. 1407 01:25:54,849 --> 01:25:56,351 Good for you. 1408 01:25:56,451 --> 01:25:59,521 Well I couldn't have done it without you, Miss Flugal. 1409 01:25:59,621 --> 01:26:02,223 Oh I, I made you something. 1410 01:26:06,127 --> 01:26:07,729 Oh! 1411 01:26:07,829 --> 01:26:10,098 It's a music box. 1412 01:26:10,198 --> 01:26:12,066 Ernest, how sweet! 1413 01:26:12,166 --> 01:26:15,937 You made that for me? 1414 01:26:16,037 --> 01:26:17,906 (QUIETLY) Listen. 1415 01:26:18,006 --> 01:26:21,509 [shrieks loudly] 1416 01:26:46,000 --> 01:26:46,834 Hmm. 1417 01:26:51,372 --> 01:26:54,909 Once again, the right tool for the right job. 1418 01:26:55,009 --> 01:26:56,277 Know what I mean? 1419 01:26:56,377 --> 01:27:14,028 [THEME MUSIC - "HAIL TO THE MUSKRATS"] 1420 01:27:14,128 --> 01:27:17,532 Hail to the Muskrats. 1421 01:27:17,632 --> 01:27:19,567 The brave avenger Muskrats. 1422 01:27:22,470 --> 01:27:23,771 Hail to the Muskrats! 1423 01:27:23,871 --> 01:27:26,507 They do what all they do for Muskrats. 1424 01:27:26,608 --> 01:27:30,445 Cheer for the Muskrats, we're for the Muskrats! 1425 01:27:30,545 --> 01:27:34,382 Hail to the Muskrats. 1426 01:27:34,482 --> 01:27:38,519 Those fuzzy mighty Muskrats. 1427 01:27:38,620 --> 01:27:43,358 Hail to the Muskrats, those mangy, beaten, marvel Muskrats. 1428 01:27:43,458 --> 01:27:44,959 One day the Muskrats prevail. 1429 01:27:48,763 --> 01:27:50,732 [western music] 1430 01:28:12,987 --> 01:28:14,989 [light music] 1431 01:28:21,562 --> 01:28:23,731 [fast paced music] 1432 01:28:37,245 --> 01:28:40,381 [theme music] 98964