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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:07,200 Look at Stewie. 2 00:00:07,200 --> 00:00:10,300 Isn't he adorable playing with his Sesame Street phone? 3 00:00:10,500 --> 00:00:12,100 Put me through to the Pentagon. 4 00:00:12,200 --> 00:00:15,200 What sound does a cow make? Don't toy with me! 5 00:00:15,300 --> 00:00:19,400 I've already dispatched with Mr. Hooper. I've six armed men outside Big Bird's nest. 6 00:00:19,500 --> 00:00:21,300 And as for Linda? 7 00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:24,700 It's difficult for a deaf woman to hear an assassin approach, isn't it? 8 00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:27,600 Can you count to three? Indeed I can. 9 00:00:27,700 --> 00:00:29,900 One! Two! Three! 10 00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:35,100 Can I count to three? For God's sake, I'm already shooting at a fifth-grade level. 11 00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:38,800 "It seems today that all you see 12 00:00:38,900 --> 00:00:42,200 "is violence in movies and sex on TV 13 00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:45,700 "But where are those good, old-fashioned values 14 00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:48,600 "on which we used to rely? 15 00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:51,900 "Lucky there's a family guy 16 00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:55,600 "Lucky there's a man who'll positively tell you 17 00:00:55,700 --> 00:00:57,300 "all the things that make us 18 00:00:57,400 --> 00:00:58,900 "laugh 'n' cry 19 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:03,800 "He's a family guy" 20 00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:07,900 Come on, Stewie. 21 00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:10,900 You can't leave the table until you finish your vegetables. 22 00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:15,700 Then I shall sit here until one of us expires. You've got a good 40 years on me, woman! 23 00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:20,800 Sweetie, it's broccoli. It's good for you. Now open up for the airplane. 24 00:01:22,300 --> 00:01:25,500 Never! Damn the broccoli! Damn you! And damn the Wright Brothers! 25 00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:29,900 My, aren't we fussy tonight. Okay. No broccoli. 26 00:01:30,200 --> 00:01:32,000 Very well then. L... 27 00:01:33,100 --> 00:01:35,000 Who the hell do you think you are? 28 00:01:35,100 --> 00:01:38,300 Honey, it's not gonna go away just because you don't like it. 29 00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:42,700 Well, then. My goal becomes clear. The broccoli must die. 30 00:01:46,900 --> 00:01:48,900 Mom, will you take me out to practice driving? 31 00:01:49,100 --> 00:01:53,500 I'm teaching a piano lesson in half an hour. Maybe your father can take you. 32 00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:56,900 Sorry, Meg. Daddy loves you. But Daddy also loves Star Trek. 33 00:01:57,000 --> 00:01:59,600 And, in all fairness, Star Trek was here first. 34 00:02:00,100 --> 00:02:02,800 Captain's log, Stardate 8169.7. 35 00:02:02,900 --> 00:02:06,400 The Enterprise has just discovered a strange new planet... 36 00:02:06,500 --> 00:02:09,700 ...in the Gamma Faloppia star system. Mr. Sulu, ahead Warp 9. 37 00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:12,100 For God's sake, Peter. 38 00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:15,100 You've been in front of the TV since you got home from work. 39 00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:17,600 Why don't you spend some time with your family? 40 00:02:17,700 --> 00:02:19,900 I will, during the commercials. 41 00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:23,700 And if that's wrong, maybe I'm missing the point of having commercials. 42 00:02:24,700 --> 00:02:28,000 Please. My road test is tomorrow and you haven't taught me anything. 43 00:02:28,100 --> 00:02:30,300 You may want to find a better teacher than Peter. 44 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:32,700 What are you talking about? I'm a great driver. 45 00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:34,300 Remember your trip to the Southwest? 46 00:02:38,900 --> 00:02:41,100 - Jeez. Did I just hit that ostrich? - No. 47 00:02:41,200 --> 00:02:42,800 - Are you sure? - He's fine. Keep going. 48 00:02:43,100 --> 00:02:45,900 Don't believe that. I always keep my eyes on the road. 49 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:48,600 I don't miss a thing. We now return to Star Trek. 50 00:02:48,700 --> 00:02:50,400 Holy crap. Uhura's black? 51 00:02:52,700 --> 00:02:54,700 All right, Meg. Now here's your first lesson. 52 00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:57,300 You always want to be aware of other cars on the road. 53 00:02:57,400 --> 00:03:01,700 If you catch eyes with the guy next to you at a red light, you gotta race him. 54 00:03:05,500 --> 00:03:07,300 - This guy's asking for it. - But Dad... 55 00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:10,400 I don't make the rules, honey. Now rev your engine twice. 56 00:03:10,500 --> 00:03:11,600 Okay. 57 00:03:15,500 --> 00:03:16,500 Go! 58 00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:33,000 You forgot to flip him off. But other than that, nice job. 59 00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:36,700 You're back already? That wasn't much of a lesson. 60 00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:39,300 I didn't want to overload her on her first time out. 61 00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:41,100 Besides CHiPs is about to start. 62 00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:46,200 So let's sit back and get lost in a world of California Highway Patrol fantasy! 63 00:03:49,700 --> 00:03:53,100 - What's the charge, Officer? - Driving without my phone number. 64 00:03:58,700 --> 00:04:01,500 Or maybe I should arrest you for being too beautiful. 65 00:04:04,300 --> 00:04:06,900 So, broccoli, Mother says you're very good for me. 66 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:11,100 I'm afraid I'm no good for you! The first rule of war is know thine enemy. 67 00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:15,000 And I know this! Cold kills broccoli! It's so simple. 68 00:04:15,500 --> 00:04:18,900 All I need to do is build a machine to control the global environment. 69 00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:23,300 Forecast for tomorrow, a few sprinkles of genius with a chance of doom! 70 00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:28,800 This is taking forever! 71 00:04:28,900 --> 00:04:32,400 Come on. Let's go. Fox is running one of those new reality shows at 8:00. 72 00:04:32,500 --> 00:04:34,400 Fast Animals, Slow Children. 73 00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:38,500 Come on, guys. Wait up. 74 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:43,400 Dang. I got honey all over my legs. 75 00:04:44,900 --> 00:04:48,600 Dad, we can't leave now. My entire life depends on getting my license. 76 00:04:48,700 --> 00:04:52,000 If I can't drive, I'll never have a boyfriend, never get married... 77 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:55,600 ...and then I'll have to adopt a kid like Rosie O'Donnell. 78 00:04:55,700 --> 00:04:58,000 Are you implying that Rosie O'Donnell can't drive? 79 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:02,100 I'm so nervous. 80 00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:04,800 You're gonna do great. Remember everything I taught you. 81 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:09,700 - Let's start by going down Main Street. - Okay. 82 00:05:19,700 --> 00:05:22,100 - What are you doing? - I'm driving. 83 00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:30,600 Are you gonna mark me down for not flipping him off? 84 00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:36,000 God, my life is over. I am the biggest loser I know! 85 00:05:36,100 --> 00:05:39,700 I know how you feel, pumpkin. I've had my share of disappointments, too. 86 00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:41,400 It's a girl! 87 00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:43,700 Can you check again? 88 00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:47,800 You just have to remember that life has its little ups and... Jeez! 89 00:05:47,900 --> 00:05:51,300 We're gonna miss the beginning of my show. There it is. 90 00:05:52,900 --> 00:05:53,800 Dad, watch out! 91 00:06:08,100 --> 00:06:11,600 Meg, honey, are you okay? Yeah, I think so. 92 00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:16,400 The Quahog Cable Television Transmitter. 93 00:06:19,900 --> 00:06:22,500 You just knocked out cable TV for the whole town! 94 00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:25,100 Boy! Look. There's Bigfoot! 95 00:06:25,500 --> 00:06:28,000 Whoa. This isn't about me. This is about you. 96 00:06:28,100 --> 00:06:29,900 At least I bought us some time. 97 00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:33,800 - She did it. - What? Dad, you were the one driving! 98 00:06:33,900 --> 00:06:37,700 I was teaching her to drive and she lost control of the car. 99 00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:40,800 Come on, we all did stupid stuff when we were kids, right? 100 00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:43,500 I remember when I tried to sneak into an R-rated movie. 101 00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:50,000 - Come on. Give the kid a break, huh? - Why should we? 102 00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:53,500 She got her arm shot off in Vietnam. 103 00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:56,700 Poor kid. What a senseless war. 104 00:06:57,200 --> 00:06:59,700 I can't believe you just sold out your own daughter. 105 00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:04,400 I know what I did was wrong. And I know it's not the first time I've embarrassed you. 106 00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:08,200 And if you add the measure of the angles of a right triangle, the sum... 107 00:07:08,300 --> 00:07:11,200 Meg, clean out the shower the next time you shave your legs. 108 00:07:11,300 --> 00:07:13,100 It's like a carpet in there. 109 00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:16,500 I hate to see you so upset. 110 00:07:16,900 --> 00:07:21,200 I know. Let's play a little game called Taking the Fall for Daddy. 111 00:07:21,300 --> 00:07:24,300 If you win, I'll buy you a convertible when you get your license. 112 00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:27,800 Really? Daddy! Now I love you again! 113 00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:30,800 You're gonna make some Jewish guy a great wife. 114 00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:36,900 Because of an accident at the Quahog Cable Company... 115 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:40,500 ...television transmission will be out for an undetermined amount of time. 116 00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:42,700 Of course, no one can see this news program... 117 00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:46,000 ...so it doesn't really matter what we say. I'm the Lord Jesus Christ. 118 00:07:46,100 --> 00:07:48,800 Think I'll go get drunk and beat up midgets. How about you? 119 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:51,700 Tom, I just plain don't like black people. 120 00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:54,900 You guys, we're still on in Boston. 121 00:07:59,100 --> 00:08:02,000 Excellent. The weather machine is nearly completed. 122 00:08:02,100 --> 00:08:04,500 What do you say to that, broccoli? 123 00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:08,400 Stop mocking me! What's this? 124 00:08:08,500 --> 00:08:12,200 It appears the witless provider has finally brought me something of value. 125 00:08:12,300 --> 00:08:15,700 I can use that crude device to amplify my deadly signal. 126 00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:17,800 Victory shall yet be mine. 127 00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:19,700 Guess what, Mom? 128 00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:22,000 Dad crashed the car into the city cable transmitter. 129 00:08:22,100 --> 00:08:23,500 - What? - It's okay. 130 00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:27,000 If I take the blame, he'll buy me a convertible when I get my license. 131 00:08:27,100 --> 00:08:31,600 Meg, it's not exactly taking the blame if you go around telling everyone. 132 00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:34,400 Peter, you're bribing your daughter with a car? 133 00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:36,000 Come on, Lois. 134 00:08:36,100 --> 00:08:40,200 Isn't "bribe" just another word for "love"? You wanted me and Meg to bond. 135 00:08:40,300 --> 00:08:41,500 That's what we're doing. 136 00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:44,200 Dad, I was in a chat room on America Online... 137 00:08:44,300 --> 00:08:47,900 ...and Doomie 22 told me some idiot knocked out the cable. 138 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:50,100 We could be without TV for weeks! 139 00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:53,700 Now, Chris, now let's not panic. We can manage just fine without TV. 140 00:08:54,900 --> 00:08:58,300 - What's that supposed to mean? - Face it, you're addicted to television. 141 00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:01,600 You're not exactly Mr. Cold Turkey. Remember when you gave up candy? 142 00:09:02,100 --> 00:09:05,600 I'll ask you one more time. You didn't eat anything in my factory? 143 00:09:05,900 --> 00:09:06,900 No. 144 00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:09,000 - I'm just asking... - Are you calling me a liar? 145 00:09:09,100 --> 00:09:10,900 - I'm just saying... - Shut up, Wonka. 146 00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:13,100 Yeah. That was different. I'll be fine. 147 00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:15,900 - Are you sure, honey? - For God's sake, you guys. 148 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:19,400 You think I'm some simp who can't live without TV? Give me a break. 149 00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:23,400 - What's happening now? - Sipowicz is finding who stabbed the super. 150 00:09:23,500 --> 00:09:26,400 Are you gonna tell me, or am I gonna have to show you my ass? 151 00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:29,100 I ain't saying nothing! All right, it was Jimmy the Hat! 152 00:09:29,500 --> 00:09:30,700 Forget it, Mike. 153 00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:33,600 Without actually seeing his ass, this is just radio. 154 00:09:35,300 --> 00:09:39,600 Class, we were scheduled to watch a PBS program on the mating rituals... 155 00:09:39,700 --> 00:09:42,500 ...of the nude large-breasted Weewok tribe of New Guinea. 156 00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:46,000 Unfortunately, Megan Griffin ruined TV. 157 00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:49,000 So instead, we're having a surprise test. 158 00:09:49,100 --> 00:09:52,100 Suddenly I was public enemy number one. 159 00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:54,200 It was time to tell the truth. 160 00:09:54,700 --> 00:09:57,700 Wait! I didn't drive into the satellite dish! 161 00:09:57,800 --> 00:09:59,300 And who did? 162 00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:01,700 I was just a 15-year-old girl. 163 00:10:02,300 --> 00:10:06,300 But at that moment, I realized I had a whole lifetime to make new friends. 164 00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:10,400 But only one chance to get a new car. And I had to take it. 165 00:10:10,700 --> 00:10:12,200 Okay, I did it. 166 00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:17,000 I don't know how much longer I can last. 167 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:20,000 It's been a whole week since I seen a TV show. 168 00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:23,000 I wonder what Scooby and the gang are up to now. 169 00:10:23,100 --> 00:10:25,400 We now return to The Scooby Doo Murder Files. 170 00:10:25,900 --> 00:10:26,900 Gee whiz, gang. 171 00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:30,200 The killer gutted the victim, strangled him with his own intestines... 172 00:10:30,300 --> 00:10:33,700 ...and then dumped the body in the river! - Jinkies! What a mystery! 173 00:10:34,900 --> 00:10:38,200 You're right, Scoob. We're dealing with one sick son of a bitch. 174 00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:42,200 You just need to find something to fill the void that's left in your life. 175 00:10:42,300 --> 00:10:45,800 Lois has knitting, Chris has video games, Meg's learning how to drive. 176 00:10:45,900 --> 00:10:47,800 And me, I like the sauce. 177 00:10:49,900 --> 00:10:53,000 Whose leg do you have to hump to get a dry martini around here? 178 00:10:56,200 --> 00:11:00,900 Can't live without TV. Must see TV. 179 00:11:41,900 --> 00:11:45,000 Stewie, I expect you to finish off your vegetables. 180 00:11:45,100 --> 00:11:49,100 Rest assured, you relentless harridan, I expect I shall finish them all off! 181 00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:50,400 And you as well! 182 00:11:50,700 --> 00:11:52,900 Brian, I'm a little worried about Peter. 183 00:11:53,100 --> 00:11:56,400 Last night I woke up and he was channel surfing through static. 184 00:11:56,500 --> 00:11:58,900 I'm sure he'll find a way to cope. 185 00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:02,900 - Morning, Lois. - And you were worried. 186 00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:07,200 - Peter, what the hell is that? - It's my favorite TV family, the Griffins. 187 00:12:07,300 --> 00:12:11,500 Peter, you're scaring me. I'm beginning to think you're losing your grip on reality. 188 00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:15,700 Boring. I'll go see what else is on. Peter! Keep an eye on Stewie. 189 00:12:17,100 --> 00:12:18,400 Don't move! 190 00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:26,400 A little help? 191 00:12:29,700 --> 00:12:32,100 It's Glen Quagmire, the wacky next-door neighbor. 192 00:12:32,300 --> 00:12:35,000 What's he up to this time? I'm going to work! 193 00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:37,900 Him and his crazy get-rich-quick schemes. 194 00:12:40,100 --> 00:12:43,000 We have to find your father, Chris. He's not well. 195 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:47,000 I never knew anyone who went crazy before except my invisible friend... 196 00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:48,600 ...Col. Schwartz! 197 00:12:51,700 --> 00:12:53,800 I get all the channels on this thing. 198 00:12:53,900 --> 00:12:55,300 Lifetime. 199 00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:57,000 CBS. 200 00:12:57,400 --> 00:12:58,500 Hey, UPN. 201 00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:01,700 All right. 90210. 202 00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:07,600 - Dad? - Meg, what are you doing at West Beverly? 203 00:13:07,700 --> 00:13:10,400 They're really reaching for guest stars in the 10th season. 204 00:13:10,500 --> 00:13:12,800 Dad, what are you doing? Get out of here! 205 00:13:12,900 --> 00:13:14,800 I'm already a total outcast because of you! 206 00:13:14,900 --> 00:13:18,100 You're just upset because you wrecked the cable transmitter. 207 00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:22,100 I did not! Forget it. What good is a car if I have no friends? 208 00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:24,900 I didn't wreck TV! My dad did! 209 00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:26,900 - What? - What'd she say? 210 00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:29,300 - Peter Griffin ruined TV? - And blamed his daughter? 211 00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:32,100 That's the lowest thing I've ever heard. 212 00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:35,300 Peter, take that thing off and come home. 213 00:13:35,500 --> 00:13:38,200 Hey, Lois. You're just in time for the exciting conclusion. 214 00:13:38,300 --> 00:13:41,200 Looks like some boob's about to get lynched. Let's watch. 215 00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:42,600 There they are. 216 00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:50,300 That's the guy who ruined our cable. Let's get him! 217 00:13:51,300 --> 00:13:54,700 Stop! What is wrong with you people? 218 00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:58,900 Okay, yes. My husband is responsible for knocking out TV. 219 00:13:59,300 --> 00:14:01,000 But we should be thanking him. 220 00:14:01,100 --> 00:14:04,200 He's broken television's hypnotic spell over us. 221 00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:06,700 Now we can see the world for what it is... 222 00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:11,300 ...a beautiful place full of wonderful things just waiting to be experienced. 223 00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:13,000 Another chick flick. 224 00:14:13,100 --> 00:14:16,200 She's right. All the hours we've wasted on that damn idiot box. 225 00:14:16,300 --> 00:14:19,000 - I'm gonna paint my house! - I'll build a ship in a bottle. 226 00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:21,500 I'm gonna push a hoop with a stick down a dirt road. 227 00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:23,000 I'll take you home, honey. 228 00:14:24,700 --> 00:14:29,300 I can't believe I let Meg take the blame. You were right, Lois. TV is evil. 229 00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:32,200 I hear that Manson guy watches it in jail all day long. 230 00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:35,000 If I haven't seen it, it's new to me. 231 00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:39,300 You just went a little overboard. You need a little balance in your life. 232 00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:43,000 There are other things to appreciate besides television. 233 00:14:43,100 --> 00:14:47,000 - You mean like this lamp? - Yeah. Okay. 234 00:14:47,100 --> 00:14:50,600 - The lamp gives us light. - I get it. 235 00:14:50,900 --> 00:14:53,000 And your family gives you love. 236 00:14:53,100 --> 00:14:56,700 You should spend some time with our kids, Peter. And with me. 237 00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:58,800 What could me and you do together? 238 00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:02,600 Lois! You've got a sick mind! 239 00:15:02,700 --> 00:15:05,300 Peter, I'm talking about making love. 240 00:15:05,500 --> 00:15:09,100 I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs... 241 00:15:09,300 --> 00:15:10,400 ...for beer money. 242 00:15:15,700 --> 00:15:19,100 What a gorgeous day. Isn't it a gorgeous day, Mr. Sun? 243 00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:22,200 It's always a nice day with two scoops of raisins, Peter. 244 00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:29,400 - Top of the morning, everybody. - Excellent! 245 00:15:29,500 --> 00:15:32,900 Thus completes the penultimate adjustment to my weather control device! 246 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:35,200 Victory is... Release me at once! 247 00:15:35,300 --> 00:15:39,600 Your mother was right. It'd be a crime to sit around and wait for the TV. 248 00:15:39,700 --> 00:15:44,300 - Great. You can teach me how to drive. - There'll be time to drive when you're dead. 249 00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:47,700 There's a world out there waiting for us to grab it by the short hairs! 250 00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:49,000 - Damn! - Let's go. 251 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:30,700 I'm so tired. This morning's fly-fishing really wore me out. 252 00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:34,200 Wake up! You promised you'd get this hook out of my mouth. 253 00:16:35,500 --> 00:16:36,400 Thank you. 254 00:16:36,500 --> 00:16:40,000 Now, kids, your father's just trying to spend time with his family. 255 00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:42,900 Or kill us. I'm not sure which. 256 00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:45,400 The Chinese sure like to spit, don't they? 257 00:16:45,500 --> 00:16:48,800 Diane, that last report was so good, I think you deserve a spanking. 258 00:16:48,900 --> 00:16:51,000 I don't think your wife would appreciate that. 259 00:16:51,100 --> 00:16:54,600 That frigid old cow lives in Quahog. She can't hear a word I'm saying. 260 00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:57,600 Actually, we're back on the air in Quahog. 261 00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:01,300 Thank God! 262 00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:05,200 Their puerile minds are once again distracted by that flickering box. 263 00:17:05,300 --> 00:17:06,900 Time to be bad! 264 00:17:09,900 --> 00:17:10,900 Come on, everyone. 265 00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:14,100 We're late for the Bavarian Folk Festival. You know those Germans. 266 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,200 You don't join their party, they come get you. 267 00:17:16,300 --> 00:17:18,300 But Dad, the TV's back on. 268 00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:21,100 What do you know? Okay, let's go. 269 00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:24,800 Peter, I'm thrilled that you want to spend so much time with the family. 270 00:17:24,900 --> 00:17:26,600 But we're exhausted. 271 00:17:27,100 --> 00:17:29,900 Maybe we could just sit and watch some TV together? 272 00:17:29,900 --> 00:17:32,800 We're too busy living life to the fullest. Come on, let's go. 273 00:17:32,900 --> 00:17:35,800 - I'm sick of life. - Yeah. My dogs are barking. 274 00:17:35,900 --> 00:17:37,900 - But I thought we were having fun. - We were. 275 00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:42,000 But now it might be nice to watch other people have fun or get killed. 276 00:17:42,100 --> 00:17:46,100 - You know, whatever's on. - Look, Peter. It's your favorite show. 277 00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:50,900 This is a dangerous mission. And it's likely one of us will be killed. 278 00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:55,100 The landing party will consist of myself, Mr. Spock, Dr. McCoy, and Ensign Rickey. 279 00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:56,300 Crap. 280 00:17:56,500 --> 00:17:57,400 Sorry, Lois. 281 00:17:57,500 --> 00:18:00,600 There's only one show I want to see. It's called... 282 00:18:00,700 --> 00:18:04,400 ...Make Every Day Count, starring Peter Griffin as himself. 283 00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:08,200 Come on, Peter. Don't you miss TV just a little? 284 00:18:08,300 --> 00:18:12,900 The familiar stories, the broadly drawn characters, the convenient plot turns... 285 00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:16,700 ...that bring a character around at exactly the right moment? 286 00:18:17,100 --> 00:18:19,300 Hi. I'm William Shatner. My car broke down... 287 00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:22,600 ...on my way to give a speech on how TV keeps families together. 288 00:18:22,700 --> 00:18:23,700 Would you like to hear it? 289 00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:26,800 No, I don't want to miss the all-you-can-eat schnitzel bar. 290 00:18:26,900 --> 00:18:29,000 Wait a minute! I love schnitzel! 291 00:18:29,100 --> 00:18:32,100 Come along. I bet you could squeeze into Lois' lederhosen. 292 00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:34,100 I'll change in the car. 293 00:18:35,800 --> 00:18:38,800 If I had a nickel for every time one of my parents walked out... 294 00:18:38,900 --> 00:18:42,200 ...instead of teaching me how to drive, I'd be one rich little... 295 00:18:42,300 --> 00:18:43,600 Let's go, Meg. 296 00:19:05,300 --> 00:19:06,900 Fare thee well, broccoli! 297 00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:24,200 I don't know. I can't imagine choosing life over television. 298 00:19:24,300 --> 00:19:26,200 I'm telling you, it's great, Bill. 299 00:19:26,300 --> 00:19:31,000 The only thing that would make this perfect day better is if my family was here. 300 00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:33,200 My God! 301 00:19:33,300 --> 00:19:35,400 It was sunny a moment ago, but now it's pouring! 302 00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:37,700 Let's take off our shoes and run home barefoot! 303 00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:40,200 Griffin, you're a madman! Barefoot, you say? 304 00:19:40,300 --> 00:19:41,400 This is not safe. 305 00:19:41,500 --> 00:19:44,400 I'll teach you how to drive some other time. Pull over. 306 00:19:44,500 --> 00:19:46,600 Mom, I can't even tell where "over" is. 307 00:19:52,100 --> 00:19:54,600 You were right, Peter. I've never felt so alive. 308 00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:56,400 Victory is mine! 309 00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:02,300 God damn it. 310 00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:10,700 My God. 311 00:20:14,500 --> 00:20:16,800 My God. I hit William Shatner. 312 00:20:17,100 --> 00:20:21,900 Light growing dimmer. Can't breathe. Beam me up, God. 313 00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:26,000 I did not see that coming. 314 00:20:28,100 --> 00:20:31,500 Daddy, I'm sorry I ran you over and killed Mr. Shatner. 315 00:20:31,700 --> 00:20:36,400 Don't worry. Once I'm of this body cast, I'll do enough living for me and Bill. 316 00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:39,900 Honey, can't we go back to the way things used to be? 317 00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:42,800 There's a big dent in that couch that nobody else can fill. 318 00:20:42,900 --> 00:20:44,900 Haven't you guys learned anything? 319 00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:48,100 TV took over my life once. I'm never gonna let that happen again. 320 00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:49,700 My God. 321 00:20:50,500 --> 00:20:51,900 We've lost him. 322 00:20:53,900 --> 00:20:56,500 If you help me out of here, I know a meadow where... 323 00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:58,700 ...the blueberries are begging to be picked. 324 00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:03,100 Look, buddy. Just go in the pan. And don't call me unless you're flatlining. 325 00:21:03,700 --> 00:21:06,000 Turn that TV off. Nurse? 326 00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:09,500 What would you do for a Klondike Bar? 327 00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:12,000 Would you stand on one leg? Sure. 328 00:21:14,200 --> 00:21:16,000 Would you act like a monkey? 329 00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:21,700 Would you kill a man? 330 00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:32,700 Daddy, now that I've finally passed my driver's test... 331 00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:35,000 ...can I still get a convertible? 332 00:21:35,100 --> 00:21:38,300 No. But I'm proud of you for getting your license, sweetheart. 333 00:21:38,500 --> 00:21:42,400 And I'm proud of you, Peter. You taught us all a valuable lesson. 334 00:21:42,500 --> 00:21:45,800 It's not what you do that defines the quality of your life... 335 00:21:45,900 --> 00:21:48,700 ...it's who you do it with, and your family... 336 00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:49,600 It's on. 337 00:21:52,500 --> 00:21:55,500 I know you don't like broccoli, Stewie, but you'll thank me... 338 00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:58,000 ...when you grow up big and strong like your father. 339 00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:01,100 A compelling argument. You've swayed me, woman. 340 00:22:02,100 --> 00:22:05,100 That is good. I feel stronger already. 341 00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:07,900 It's good tasting and good for you. 342 00:22:10,100 --> 00:22:11,000 Nice try. 343 00:22:11,100 --> 00:22:12,500 - Quadruped. - Mutant. 29592

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