All language subtitles for Welcome.To_.Flatch.S01E14.480p.WEB_.h264

So, yeah, I mean,

only Father Joe knows but uh,

I'm going off to art school
in Cleveland next month.

Bye, antique store.

I'm just uh, doing
my goodbye tour of Flatch,

just soaking it in
while I can.

Shrub, there you are.

I'm playing Santa Claus
this year.

So every Christmas Eve,
my dad throws a party

at the Christmas Tree Farm.

It's mostly to get people
to buy last minute trees,

which is genius.
The whole town comes.

Normally, my dad plays Santa
and me and Shrub are elves.

But this year he said,
he's too busy with Jessie

and the new baby,
so he promoted me to Santa.

And I accepted.

Kelly, that's a big job.

I mean, I'm so good
at multi-tasking, I can do it.

Dude, you can't even put on
a jacket while watching TV.

I mean, yes, you'll still
have to play an elf this year.

So I will technically be your
boss, but it's temporary, okay?

Shrub, it's happening,
our dream!

Like, we're gonna be
running that place someday.

- Yeah.
- Yes!

I'm so excited.

Shrub, these financial aid
forms are due in a week,

and you haven't filled out
any of them.

Have you looked at the menu

that they posted
on the school cafeteria page?

No, why would I?

Like what the hell is pest-o?

That's what
you're worried about?

No, I mean,

I also have questions
about the boneless chicken too.

I mean, like,
what's wrong with bones?

They hold us up.

Uh, pesto is a sauce

made of pine nuts,
basil, and olive oil.

Shrub, going off to college
is a big deal.

I wouldn't blame you
if you were nervous.

Yeah, I'm not nervous.
I just don't like weird sauces.

- Have you told Kelly yet?
- No, I mean, not yet.

I mean, she needs to get
through the Christmas Eve party

without destroying
the entire Santa brand.

You should probably
tell her soon.

It's not gonna
be easy for her.

Oh, please, dude.
Kelly can withstand anything.

She's like a cockroach,

in, you know,
a very positive, resilient way.

I mean, like,
when her dad left, like,

she only stayed in the basement
for, like, four days,

dyed her hair green,
and ate two blocks of cheese.

Yeah, I should probably
tell her soon.

Yeah.

Oh, my God, Lloyd.
The first time I had pesto

in Florence was
a transcendental experience.

Oh, dude,
I am a pine nut nut.

My new college roommate,
Chris Jordan, and I

met last week on FaceTime
and we are totally simpatico,

which I don't know
exactly what it means,

but it sounds pretty awesome.

Um, and oh,
I'm going by my real name,

Lloyd, when I get to school.
Yeah.

Lloyd loves pesto

and scarves.

It is my first Christmas
in Flatch,

so I am ready.

I started a secret
Santa gift exchange

and got seven good people
of Flatch to join me.

We exchange on Christmas Eve,
$25 limit.

And guess who I got?

Irony alert.
Joe.

I already got him a gift.

It's a bonsai!

It's important
to put thought into your gifts.

If I get one more
smelly candle,

I swear to gosh,
it is such a cop out.

Nadine!

I am so excited
that you signed up

for the secret Santa
gift exchange.

You know what's a great gift?
Not candles, but Bundt pans.

Good try, but I'm not
revealing who I picked.

- Are we in a staring contest?
- Nope.

Dylan and the baby and I
are doing a live nativity scene

for the Christmas party.

Can you believe?
I'm so excited.

I'm practicing
staying totally still.

Nadine forced me to tell her
who I got for secret Santa,

and it turns out, I got her.
She's making me

do this live nativity
as her secret Santa gift.

Three hours, no moving,
no bathroom breaks.

It seems like it's worth
more than $25.

So it's 6:00 p.m. sharp,

he flips the fake switch,

you plug this in there, copy?

Copy.
Got it.

All right.

Hey, so, Dad, you know,
I was sort of thinking

this is probably
the first step in,

you know, my helping you out
here full time.

Oh, yeah?

You think you're ready
for that?

Oh, hell yeah.

I could run this place
for you some day.

You really wanna do
a good job?

- Mm-hmm.
- Sell this crappy tree.

I've been growing it
for four years.

No one ever buys it.

I figure we dress it up,
someone will bite.

A big part of playing
Santa is upselling.

Upsell.

Are you ready?

Ah, hey.
Yeah.

Go, I got this.

It's a baby.
How's my baby, huh?

- Let's go.
- How's my baby, Ashlynn?

You wanna go see Santa?

Ho ho ho.

Okay, so when breaking
bad news to Kelly,

it's always best
to bring donuts, okay?

It's very specific sugar math.
Okay?

Like, uh, for example,
two donuts for this time

I had to tell her that
I lost her Def Leppard hat.

Four crullers for when I found
that same hat at Goodwill

and she had to buy it back,
so me going off to college

is for sure
a dozen jelly filled.

Hey!
Hey!

Hey.

Getting our yule tides on.
You ready?

Yeah, that's right.

I have really good news.
Since I'm now the boss,

big guy,
I'm promoting you to head elf.

We, uh, never really had
a head elf before.

I know, but I'm the boss now
so I get to make up.

Check it out.

Here.
Don't lose that, okay?

It was mine.

I put my name in it
and everything.

I once had to buy my own hat
back from Goodwill,

so yeah,
name goes in everything now.

Put it on.
Ticktock, dude.

Okay.
Look at you!

- Hey--
- Donuts?

- Hmm.
- Thank you so much.

Glen, this is for you.
I'm your secret Santa.

But I need to be in the
nativity in like ten minutes,

so yeah, Merry Christmas.

It's supposed to calm you down.

Glen!
Oh, my God!

That's an essential oil.

You're supposed to rub it
on your temples.

It tastes like crap.

Oh--

Hey, my bro.

Oh, no one's putting this elf
on a shelf, huh?

Huh?

- H-hey, Beth.
- Hi.

Okay, we gotta go.

So, like,
we're kinda in charge,

so we can't really
be hanging out.

But also, you guys,
this very special tree,

gorgeous, right?

She's on sale today only.

And, like, a lot of people
want it, FYI, okay?

Thank you.

Well, if I thought love
was gonna keep me in Flatch,

that ship has fully sailed.

But you know what?

Chris Jordan says that there
are tons of girls at school.

And they're from all over,
like, Wisconsin.

Cheese!

Oh, my God.

Okay, elves, huddle up.
Huddle up.

As you can see, there's
a new gorgeous Santa in town.

That does not mean
you can slack off.

We might have had fun
the last few years,

but it's not like that.

Okay, I'm gonna make
my dad proud

so you need to stay in line.

Shrub is your new boss,
and he'll report to me.

What?
That's some.

I have total elf seniority
over him.

So I used to help chop down the
trees at the party for people.

I've got the upper
body strength,

and I know my way
around an axe.

But a big strong lady
carrying around an axe

in the dark
doesn't always go well.

So I agreed to start dressing
like an elf

so people could see me coming.

No good deed, man.

No good deed.

This is some straight up
North Pole nepotism.

Big Mandy and Levi,

you're in charge of keeping
the line moving, okay?

No pitter patter.

Also, no eating
the candy canes.

And bathroom breaks

are staggered
every two hours, heard?

What?

I only do this
for the free candy.

Kell, this is kinda rough.
I really--

I'm sorry.
Are you management?

Yes.
You are, Shrub.

Keep your elves in line,
boss elf.

Also, everyone, sell the crap
outta that sad tree, okay?

It's part of the job.

But don't call it sad
to anyone else.

Okay.
Ho ho ho.

Three, two, one.
Christmas elves.

All right.

I'm your secret Santa.

Glen!
Thank you so much.

- Is it cooking oil?
- Yup.

And a new scooter

and a box of Legos

and a baby sister.

Hmm.

And a lizard and--

Okay, we get it, buddy.
You like stuff, yup.

You don't sound like Santa.

Hey, Kell.
Line's getting long there.

- On it.
- Come on.

Hey, also get your parents
to buy that tree.

Okay, who's next?
Who's next?

- Hey, elves.
- Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Where are Mandy and Levi?

I don't know, dude.
I don't know!

You had one job, Shrub!

It's my turn!

What is this?

A list of our demands.
Me and Levi are unionizing.

Five minutes off an hour?

Like, there's no--
that's not realistic.

And free hot chocolate.

With mini marshmallows.
That was my idea.

Boom.

Okay, did you
know about this?

No.

Okay, well, I'm not giving in
to your labor demands, okay?

You know what?

You're fired.
Both of you.

Thank God.

Let's go make
some Kwanzaa wreaths.

- Sounds good.
- You coming?

No, he's not coming.

Kell, they had
some fair points.

Okay, you're management.

You don't side
with the workers, okay?

- We're a team.
- No, we're not, dude!

You're kinda bossy and mean,
and I'm going away to college.

- What?

Hey, there, boss elf.

Hey, I told Kelly
about school.

Good for you.
How'd she take it?

Tell Shrub that I want
my fidget spinner back,

the "Trolls World Tour" one,
not the janky blue one.

- Kelly, Shrub's right here.
- Tell him.

Shrub, Kelly wants--

Okay, fine, you tell her
that I want my gym bag

and my guinea pig back.
How about that?

Flatch doesn't even have a gym,

and that guinea pig died
nine years ago of old age.

Yeah, while
you were guinea sitting.

Well, she didn't take it
as well as I thought,

so I'm just gonna give her
some space, I guess.

- Hi, Shrub.
- Hey, Beth.

Uh, where's your boyfriend,
Mickey?

He's getting us punch.

And he's not really
my boyfriend.

Really?

Well, um, I'm glad you
found someone to hang with

'cause I'm actually going off

to college in Cleveland.

I'm happy for you

but sad for me.

You are?

Well, I guess I was hoping

we might, um,

get back together.

Mistletoe.

Oh.

Hey!
Sorry it took so long.

They were playing early
Britney in the wreath tent.

And my head said, "Go."

But my feet said,
"Oh, heck no."

Oh, mistletoe.
Mm.

Wisconsin girls
might be cool,

but I just kissed Beth.

And Mickey.

- Surprise!
- Oh!

I'm your secret Santa.

Well, this is exciting.

Uh-huh.

- Candle!
- Mm-hmm.

Oh, that's so sweet, June.

- And this...

is oil.

For plants.

Hey there, buddy.
I'm your secret Santa.

So here you go--straight
from Cottage Grove, Minnesota,

a real local delicacy.

Fresh old walleye.

Yeah.

You might want
to keep these refrigerated.

Oh!
Oh, jeez.

Oh.
Oh, boy.

These guys are smelly, huh?

Oh, boy.

Stop moving!

Look!
Father Joe's a wise man.

And he's offering
the baby fish?

- Let's go get a wreath.
- Yeah.

Mm.

I got you something.

Oh.

Bundt pans.

Mandy, how'd you know?

Girl, the whole town knew.

And I got you,

um, this.

Ooh.

Ooh!
Thank you!

And that.

Oh, hell no.

Okay, I gave this to Nadine

last year for her birthday

after I got it from Leotha
for Valentine's.

Kudos to you
for trying to pawn it off,

but the nightmare ends here.

No more, Leotha.
No more.

We're done.

I do love the candle, though.

Oh, I'm glad.

So someone didn't mix
enough elf-ade.

So guess who has to go get
some more lemonade mix?

And the kids actually booed me
when I left.

And I was like,
"Oh, hell no.

You do not boo
a national treasure."

Santa's beard's messed up.

You're messed up, dude.
God.

Dylan.

Dylan, I don't feel so--

like, I don't feel--

Hey, what?

Get the camera
out of my face!

Get it out!

Nadine, are you okay?

Get your fish hands aw--
away from me.

Get--stop!

Kell!
What are you doing?

You've got one minute
till the tree lighting.

On it.
Sorry, Pops.

Binghoffer, your secret Santa

told me to give this to you.

Who am I kidding?
I'm your secret Santa.

No way!

A bonsai?

I love little things
I can obsess over.

Cheryl, this is--

it's the best gift ever.

Thank you.

And I got something
for you too.

Why?
You're not my secret Santa.

I know, I know.
But just come here.

Santa's coming through.
Sorry.

Um, you know I like

to shop for gifts early.

So I, uh,

got this for you
for Christmas

before we broke up.

Oh.

You bought me the sky.

No, I got you a star.

Oh.

Yeah, it comes with official
paperwork and everything.

Oh, Joe.
That's so sweet.

Yeah.

There it is,

the Cheryl star.

Oh, I love it.

Anyway, I took
the Christmas tree star

when we split,

but now you got a new one.

What if I want the old one?

That can be arranged.

You smell like my future.

And walleye.

Yeah.

Three, two, one!

Aw, boo!

- Come on, come on.
- Turn on the tree!

What happened?
Come on!

Oh.
Ah!

Fire!

Whoa!

All right!

Somebody call
the fire department!

Someone call
the fire department!

- Yeah!
- Oh, man!

You thought you could
run this place someday.

You can't even plug in a string
of lights without screwing up.

Okay, well, like,
in my defense,

Mandy dumped a bunch
of oil back there

and all my elves quit on me.

You know, you don't
even look like Santa.

I knew this was a mistake.

I mean, who's gonna
buy the tree?

Look at it.
Look!

I don't think it's so bad.

It's, like, cute
in a non-cute way.

And you know what?

Just because it's old
and not super pretty

doesn't mean
you should just throw it out

for some new cute tree
like it doesn't even matter.

Maybe it was perfect
just the way it was, Dad.

And you don't look
like Santa either.

I might have puked
in the crèche,

but it was
for a totally good reason.

And that reason
wasn't stinky fish.

I'm pregnant.

I'm just like Mary.

It's a Christmas miracle.

Okay, well,
I'm not just like Mary

because we actually tried
pretty hard.

Oh, no, no, hold it, Horace.
I'm just testing it out.

Seriously?
Oh, God.

Sorry.

Go for Lloyd.

Hey, Lloyd, question.

Um, which side of the room
do you want?

Oh, um,

Kelly usually just tells me
which side I get.

Who's Kelly?
Is that your girlfriend or--

Oh, gross, no.

She's, uh, like, my cousin.

Oh.

Oh, you sleep
with your cousin?

Lloyd, that is some
serious hick town.

Um, uh, no,

I don't sleep with her, perv.

No, she's awesome.

Like, I mean, you'll see,
when she comes and visits.

Oh, okay, Lloyd.
That's a hard no.

I can't have visitors
in my space.

Like, I need to maintain
my creative autonomy.

Come on, Shrub.
You gonna ride or not?

- Who's Shrub?
- Uh, me, dude, I'm Shrub.

And guess what?

You know,
my hick town is awesome.

And my cousin rocks

in a totally not sexy way.

Here is the fidget spinner.

I'm pretty sure
it's not yours but whatever.

It's mine.

I stole this
from nan's fridge.

I'm just gonna say it, okay.
Like, you can't go away.

You hate sleeping in new beds.

And your wheelie bag is broken.

And it's not because
we've, like,

never been apart for Christmas

or that I couldn't run
this place by myself

or that I can't just drink
this whole thing by myself,

'cause you know I could.
I could chug it, right here.

Well, I've been
thinking about it,

and, I don't know,

I might just...

stay in Flatch
a little bit longer.

You know, take a gap year,

which Chris Jordan says

that people in England
do it all the time.

Who's Chris Jordan?

This guy.

He was gonna be
my college roommate.

Um, hi, okay, weirdo,
Chris Jordan?

Shrub, okay,

you can't trust someone
who has two first names.

Yeah, thank you.

Uh, who pyroed the ugly tree?

Me, I guess.

My dad reamed me out,
but I told him off a little.

You know he's
a total, right?

Yeah.
Sometimes he is.

Hey, come on.
Give me that spinner.

I have an idea.