Original subtitles

Pleasant viewing -- The translator

Countermay

where several threads converge in the tapestry of worlds

a world of settlers both by choice and accident

a world of conflict between civilizations

young and ancient, noble and cruel

living and, otherwise

a world unresolved with many vying to shape its fate

only one thing is certain for Countermay

its future will not be determined here

or... here, for that matter

at last

show them in

seven years of riddles and traps

seven years of waiting for you to make a mistake

and now we have you

the shadow

the shadow

the shadow

you've ruined my carpet

so we have

where is the girl, fiend

straight to it then, no foreplay?

you will release the princess at once! and what, in our long relationship

suggests I would do this

there's but one way this can end

with your death, and us departing with our prize

for women are prizes to be won, yes?

you simple surface dwellers

the princess was never my objective, on no

merely a means to an end

you see, I have discovered a great secret about our world

a truth that defies all...

don't you dare...

it might be work

are you going to get that?

let it go to voice mail

you were saying

I was

you simple surface dwellers, the princess was never my objective, no

I have discovered a secret about our world a truth that defies all of...

I'm surprised you even get reception down here

If you answer that I will punch you forever

it's work, I've gotta...

Hello

No, no now's a great time

boss, uh.. some guy has a question about renting a room

that's on the rate sheet

right, he'd like to know how much it costs

oh! yea that would be on the rate sheet

and if we're going to take a break

I need to feed the meter I uh... I actually have to get going

you've got to be kidding seriously?

sorry, we have an early loading in the morning

and we still haven't cleared the bay

you're killing me guys, you're killing me

and that's really what I should be doing

guys, this is going to be a while

we've pissed off a pretty big customer

yeah? who?

china...

to be continued

so... same time next week?

I'm good

Ah yeah, I'm not this isn't going away any time soon

I'll be in tech and I've been drafted into helping with tech

Grumble thank you sweetie

grumble I say

oh freakin come on!

this keeps happening!

are we really gonna miss another session?

we're down 60% of the party

so what do you suggest?

does game night not mean anything to anyone anymore?

if I wanted to play once every two months I'd be Lodge's sex life

hey!

why didn't you hey?

hey!

relax, sometimes life gets in the way

yes I'm still here yes you're still stupid

it's not like it's gonna be a year till we game again

A year later

five more minutes and we kill him

firm but fair you shut up!

I'm the antagonist, I can't antagonize?

so... china talking to us again

seriously, where the hell is he?

what is that noise?

my minions... minioning now shut up

what the shit crapped all these dorks in my store?

we're double booked

sorry I can't game

I guess we're not gaming

the streak continues

I can grab us a table at the AFK

we can still have waffles I've earned waffles, waffles of shame

that would be lovely

I warned you

you sell card games and they'll come

those mouth breathing card floppers in ones and twos at first

and then more would follow and now, they've nested!

and taken over my precious table space

is this what you wanted, Leo?

a gaggle of shambling fail elementals clawing the air?

I do not get your nerd rage on this

you love breaking games

why don't you just stick around see what happens

oh! might I? might I please?

perchance to spend hundreds of dollars on a non

interactive game with no underlying narrative?

sqwee! hold me back! this is sarcasm by the way

this game has absolutely zero...

(oh my god!)

You, beard face, you the T.O.?

hey, other beard face boom! card me

oh our first Holden player tonight

mind if I ask your build? quest military switch

awesome my own special blend

yeah I miss switch, I used to run something very similar with the Tuatha

before the legacy broke us

it was my favorite deck ever

sorry man yeah I quit the game after that

kinda stopped being fun you know?

...hey what's she doing out of the kitchen? hey, take care of Dundereal for us?

you got it

girls suck at games!

here we go... hey, could you make me a sandwich?

we both know you don't need any more carbs

come on, show us your tits!

I left them at home!

hey, is it hard to shuffle

with my dick in your hands?

sorry, all I heard was virgin virgin crusty sock

allright Chad, I warned you you're outta here

Hans! door!

why's it my fault that she can't take a complement?

right this way!

fascists!

ahm. miss I'm really sorry about that comes with the territory

how dare I game with ovaries?

you only won cause boobs!

oh I can use that one

nice!

sup crag chin?

am I kicking your ass today?

nah, Cas here hates ccgs... ...that offer no competition

maybe I'll meet you in the tourney

Yay!

no, wait, sorry

I meant meeeeehhhhhhh...

I need three things to live water, salt and her name

oh would you look at that we're actually just past the sign in phase

an entry fee is 10 bucks but for you

20

I'll give you 30 if I meet her in the first round

I'll take that 30 and the +3 beads of protection

do I look like a sheep? cuz I'm getting fleeced

you still need a deck to play

ah whatever I'll take the grand mighty empire of... green one

you don't just grab a faction at random

your choice of empire is the most important decision that you shall ever make

they each have their own unique histories, and tactics and varying victory conditions

take the Tuatha green one

we are a people of mighty power green one!

we were the first to uphold the... green one

34.95

thanks

citizens of Countermay

one generation ago

Simm Buxtehude and Tuatha Dundereal

led an alliance against the god king Shad Hujem

and his undead allies

they toppled the dark one from his god head seat

and sealed his throne under a mountain of stone

but

hey, Natalie right?

I know, hard guess the only girl here

that is how I wanna be remembered

I'm Cas and you have already turned tonight's fortune completely around

I have a tazer

the sunken pyramid of Ixhasa

rises from the deep

and from it issues forth the dread army

with a single goal in mind

to return Ulix the eternal emperor to the god head seat

and restore their empire

will Ixhasa be victorious?

or will the mortal men stand together

and claim the throne for themselves

we shall have the answers to all this and more

when we cry havoc!

HAVOC! cry havoc!

HAVOC and let slip the dogs of war!

well, that was pointless

where were we?

allright yeah, lets play

with cards

I do not get your angle man

welcome to the romance of the nine empires collectible card game

where you take the part of one of the nine warring factions

ho oh yeah, ok nine of them I gotcha

yeah I'm just going to declare victory now

allright you got me I don't actually play this game

wonder of wonders!

I'm just a chiseled gamer guy who saw a gorgeous gamer girl

and was willing to risk total humiliation for a chance to talk to her

after this is all over what do you say you teach me how to play over a cup of coffee?

I know this great waffle place it's open all night

ok

let me break it down for you

you're cute, sure

you speak in complete sentences

and I'm reasonably certain that you bathed in the last 24

yep

the thing is I'm here to game I have this tournament to win

and a whole army of the undead to thwart

I can do 20 pull-ups

not in a row or anything...

Tazer Ok! yeah sure

you just do your thing

and I

will just eh...

wanna see how the whole shebang turns out

play it off and back away and...

she totally franced ya, didn't she?

ah, course she did

ah how does utter defeat taste? bitter I hope

this is not sarcasm by the way

the night is young, and as you said victory conditions vary

you got a... little.. here, come here

Skafla

oh no hey look I'm sorry

but you know it's like I've always said men are bad at relationships

and women are bad at things

ladies and gentlemen

our winner and regional champion

Chris Hunter boo...

congratulations you've won a birth in the national championship

and the storyline prize

so...

what's it gonna be?

war or diplomacy?

war of course! boo...

hey hey hey if you don't like the way the game is going

all you gotta do is beat the legacy at Gencon

come on! hate me more!

your pulp rage gives me strength

great game Natalie

way to give the legacy another win

hey, you kicked some serious ass in there

I lost

now I gotta play my way through the Swiss

fucking legacy

right, you don't play

they're this... cabal of elite dickbags

who like fucking with the player base and making unpopular story decisions

they created the starvation deck that all denial thing you saw in there

and they just sit behind an undead army

that doesn't have to eat while they wipe out all food production on the board

so you can't even bring your heroes into play without them starving to death

and they just whittle you away

while you sit there watching your deck burn

and they're gonna ride that pony all the way to the championship

and flush questing down the toilet

Them's the stakes

Ixhasa wins

questing's gone as a victory condition

I never thought I'd leave this game

but I can't take this shit anymore

and without any ability to affect anything

wow, I've really ranted all over you

it's ok I didn't understand most of it anyway

so... waffles?

tell you what thunder jaw

win Gencon for Holden

put my queen on the throne

and sure, I'll go out with you

challenge accepted

no it wouldn't and I'm telling you it would!

There is zero evidence to support your claim

the evidence is rather clear!

Let's ask Cas. Cas!

Say that you were to chop off the hydra's dick

do you think... Shut up

Ready for this?

We're going to Gencon!

The best four days in gaming!

Expecting a bigger reaction!

well, Joe and I were already going

Yeah and now someone from the group

actually has a chance of getting laid

Hey!

So I'm winning a tournament for this card flopper chick

She's totally into me

Will he be there?

yes, Gary, of course he'll be there.

He's always there

You're gonna have to deal with him sooner or later

I don't think I'm ready yet

Now all I have to do is learn how to play the nine kingdoms

Empires

yea tomato tomaaa I don't care

Allright! Which one of you guys

wants to lose to a guy who's touched boob?

Buxtehude, you are summoned to the queen!

It is as I feared war has come to Holden

The cult of shad Hujem marches against us

Meet them in battle, Myriad

Save our kingdom

The god king shall return

I'm warmed up now rematch

and use a real deck this time

Buxtehude, you are summoned to the queen!

It is as I feared war has come to Holden

The ord of the floating isles march against us

Meet them in battle, Myriad

Save our kingdom

I said real deck

Rematch

I'm bored

I'll play! I'll play

Buxtehude, you are summoned to the queen!

It is as I feared war has come to Holden

this... feels so familiar

Something unlike anything I have ever seen marches against us

Meet them in battle, Myriad

Are we even playing the same game?

I'm playing chibi dance number one, hurray

I don't know what you're playing

Man you are like an anti montage

come on let's leave that sad man alone

You just keep getting worse!

Please, from the bottom of my heart

and I do mean this sincerely

Keep trying

You're flailing at mediocrity is

Marvelous entertainment

Might I have a look at your deck

It's not like you're going to be able to help

Those kids were obviously cheating

Now he's blaming kids!

This is like Christmas

And my birthday all at the same time

Let's do a test draw see if we can find the problem

Buxtehude

Am I summoned

to the queen?

Yes

We must face... Is it war?

Has war come to Holden?

War?! Heavens no!

I merely wished to assess our defenses

Have you been sleeping? You look troubled

I've been having the strangest dreams

at least that's what I think they are

dreams

Majesty

our defenses are woefully inadequate

not a kingdom in the world can stand against the dread army

and with famine rampant we have neither the troops nor the wealth to prevail

If we are too weak to stand on our own

then, what we clearly need are allies

A political marriage would strengthen our position

I'm of more use to us here

What do you suggest?

How shall we defend ourselves?

No

let me quest, majesty

the way my father did, the way that made Holden great

the days of epic questing are over, Myriad

They died with your father

majesty

Assess our defenses

I would know how inadequate they are

before I take marriage off the table

There's your problem

Your gold to food ratio is off

you've got too few quests

and a metric butt load of heroes

if you're questing...

you need to focus around these two

Myriad, and Dundereal

We have only these few men

Do they look strangely similar to you?

We can't supply a larger army and our weapons selection is...

embarrassingly out of date

we cannot defend ourselves with this

my father could have

I wonder

crafty as he was I doubt even old Simm could have

made a go at this with these paltry resources.

sly old fox

I miss him

There has to be something we haven't considered

Something we haven't thought of

There is

Retreat

Leave the castle

lead your people back into the marches

This

Holden

It has been a wonderful experiment

and a welcoming refuge

but Simm made may enemies when he carved it from the wilderness

enemies with long memories

I've been through the fall of a dynasty Myriad

Life goes on

Life goes on if you allow it

Byron, could you please go count the bulk dice again?

Sort them by color.

Generation

Holder won't last a generation

Crushed

or annexed

it's only a matter of time

Dundereal won't say what the whole court knows the queen will have to do

is marry me off to secure peace

which wouldn't have even been an option if I had been born your son!

This is about the first 10 years of R9E

I have play sets of all the rares

All the promos

Some of these even go back to the initial print run

These are total collector items now

Practically impossible to find

And I've kept them hidden for years

His journals, his unfinished work the quests he never completed

I found them Did we need to bring them all?

We thought these lost

Where ever did you find them?

No where that can't be repaired

I'm sorry? These are rather heavy

We can complete the quests he never did

Find the artifacts and allies we need to defend our kingdom, don't you see?

And these are the edge you need

You know how to play this game?

Yes, and I can teach you

if...

and I mean you gotta convince me

if it's a worthwhile use of my time

so I'll put it to you straight

this girl...

is she worth it

yeah

there's just something about her

the drive, the poise

the way she made that 11 year old cry

the moment I saw her I just knew

this girl's special

this is a girl

that I could really

really have sex with

yeah

that's all I needed to hear

with this deck you'll be questing

so you'll need a blend of strong mid-game quests

game ending knockout quests

and quick cheeser quests to get you started

here is a classic

a most peculiar lamp

oh just so you know when I remember this

I'm totally gonna imagine the matrix training sequence

what?

cards, lots of cards

so the lamp yeah

it's 10 renown

plus you get to search for and play 3 cards

from your own deck

if you got 40 renown already

this will push you over the edge

most peculiar lamp lying in wait to hijack

I'm gonna assign colonel baker

who is using his reaction to assign mike

who is using his reaction to assign the Chaplin

who motherfuckin ha

where'd they come from?

I've been wondering that for 30 years

thanks for showing us the way

now stay down

down I said

we need that lamp

this strikes me as an appropriate time to slip by in the vain

hello Mike is it?

sleep!

aaah!

you stay down

hey who am I?

baseball!

democracy

apple pie

you are ageless, not immortal

you can't go throwing yourself into risk like that

why ever not?

Holden needs you

well

Holden has me

the lamp

oh baby oh baby

man, good game, wow

everybody, give it up

for our second place finisher

second place?

what, did I miss the finals?

well I mean, it's a... you know...

it's a formality

I'm not in the know today who am I playing?

oh, you.. you don't know

allright!

The die has been cast and the cards drawn

and this year's sacrificial lamb

will be played by a newcomer

Shawn Cassidy!

it's Cas

the legend

mark

the Meach

Mayjam!

Meach...

Meach... Meach...

Meach... Meach...

Meach... Meach...

Meach... Meach...

Meach... Meach...

Meach...

rise my friends

so what are you supposed to be like the end boss or something?

look around you Mr. Cassidy

what you see is a row of championship banners

for this is my home store

it is here I have qualified for every global storyline tournament

since the dawn of the game and yet the topic of conversation tonight

is not my inexorable 10th consecutive qualifying tournament victory

but is instead

of some newcomer

slinging a slate of vintage quests

why is this?

regimes change and empires fall

that sure looks comfy

does that come with the win?

one half or one third?

will I be defeating you tonight with one half or one third of my deck

pick half...

it's less embarrassing

I think you're already playing with half a deck there buddy

no...

one third it is...

you go first

we're not cutting for it?

start out strong

set yourself up for victory

there's a reason you're carrying three of these

biggest turnip?!

quick 2 renown

biggest turnip?!

not every quest gets to be epic

maybe I'm missing something

what exactly is the big heroic deed here?

growing a giant freak vegetable?

more or less

and said mutant tuber has the potential to win you the game?

I don't think turnips are tubers

so...

your empire's at war

and regardless of the tactical or

economic realities on the ground

you could theoretically win a military conflict

by growing a turgid bit of purple stew bait

hey, I have an idea how to end this flashback

oh?

turn

take another

I'm sorry?

take another turn

I insist

now take another

come on man

take

another

turn

it's like we talked about

a desperate offer could save your ass

you get 3 renown to give 1 of your quest rewards

to one of your opponent's guys

and that helps me how?

it might buy you a turn

might!

I said might

a word of advice Mr. Cassidy

no matter how gimmicky your deck

the jank that gets you through the Swiss

won't hold up in the elimination rounds

tell your puppet master

questing is dead

our champion

for the 10th consecutive year

the

Meach!

Meach... Meach...

Meach... Meach...

Gary it's conversations like these that keep you single

but, but the logic bears out, right?

tell me I'm wrong here's the thing

I'm not! If I have to pick a side

you do fine

yes, two dicks would grow back

see? it's simple science!

I don't know what Lodge's problem is

hey, hey ah, can I talk to you? please!

hey!

you did great

he beat me in 9 cards

the Meach has won 4 Gencons!

he's arguably the best player in the game today

great, so...

how am I supposed to beat him at Gencon?

with any luck the legacy will knock him out of the tournament

ok, how am I supposed to beat the legacy?

with any luck the Meach will knock them out of the tournament

you're not helping!

every year in the sweltering late August heat

a strange creature will follow its instinctual migration pattern

here to urban Indiana

the gamer

during this great annual migration

gamers of all species from the Midwestern neck beard

to quivering man joy will descend upon Indianapolis in the tens of thousands

a group of gamers, called a table

is virtually unheard of in these numbers

but congregate they do every year

for Gencon

they have come such a distance for the same reasons as any migratory mammal

to build up resources for the long winter months

and to mate.

the pageantry of the 4 day con is not to be missed

members of this giant table will adorn themselves with colorful plumage

and perform bizarre mating displays to stand out from their rivals

competition among males for the demographically fewer females

is fierce but seldom lethal

of the gamers who do successfully mate

many will return a year later with their offspring

the geeklet, assuring the cycle of gamer life will continue

for at least another generation

but for every successful pairing there are multitude of failures

male gamers who fail to successfully find a mate

must return to their feeding grounds alone

where they will content themselves with their comic books

video games, and their latent misogyny

I knew you had it in you.

you're being a bit of a dick

come on, we gotta get you signed up

keep working on that!

yes my master!

ok

today's all about placing high enough in the Swiss

that you advance to the elimination rounds

that's where the real fight begins

but first we gotta get your deck logged in the...

are you even listening?

oh Fortuna...

hey Natalie!

hey wenchhead!

remember me? I'm the guy who's gonna put your king on the throne

right!

only it's queen

and.. oh dear god you thought I was serious

I expect that date when I win

awesome why's a bowling team here?

so full disclosure

my tazer's not actually legal in the states had to send away for it to Singapore

I'm detecting a hint of negativity

it's a.. it's you!

from... right! yeah!

displaced military switch tacs yeah!

you're telling me he plays?

are you joking?

oh my gosh, he's awesome well...

you lasted what like nine cards against the Meach?

9 cards, yeah

they got a lot to say don't they?

have you recruited him yet?

ah... why no she has not tell me more

oh man, check it

so a bunch of us story players formed

an alliance

to take down the legacy, and...

keep questing in the game.

we're gonna get the best anti-starvation deck into the finals

whether it's ours or somebody else's

isn't that great?

oh check it, even we got buttons!

buttons, wheeee!

wait, wait, so...

it's an alliance to lose?

clearly nothing that you would be interested in

it's an alliance to win

as a team

oh shit, like NASCAR?

and we'd love to have you man

ah...

here's the thing...

I'm trying to wrangle a date with ginger smack over there

Natalie? yes and I can't do that

unless I get her monarch ass down on the god head seat so...

I have to win

just gimme the damn button

I wanted to thank everyone for making nine empires the game it is today

you know 15 years ago when we started this people told us

we were crazy for making a card game where the players could influence the story

and, well, they were right

but here we still are

and here's your head writer for nine empires: Penelope Chalk

The fate of the world lies in your hands brothers and sisters

in 3 days time we will crown our new monarch

until then

we cry havoc! HAVOC!

cry havoc! HAVOC!

let slip the dogs of war!

it's a dollar per roll

or 7 for five, but you have to roll

and you only get a kiss on the cheek if you roll a 20

otherwise, it's a chocolate kiss

so 1.4 rolls per dollar at the wholesale rate

with a 5% chance of return will yield a total

bulk value of approximately $14.25 per kiss

so, here...

is five hundred dollars

you owe me 35 kisses

it's for charity

come here come here

badges please

there's so much cool stuff here

oh that's really nifty

there's so much going on

CHIBI CHAN!

CHIBI CHIBI CHIBICHAN CHIBI CHAAAAAN

CHIBI CHAAAAN

CHIBI CHAN!

Hey look! CHIBI

I don't have a problem with you man

we can both enjoy the con, ok?

you go your way, and I'll go mine

CHIBI CHAN what the hell did you just say to me?

ah CHIBI.. huh?

CHAN!

you think I'm just gonna stand here and take that, huh?

CHIBI CHAN?

we may have a situation

take it back, take it back

is this man bothering you?

this is no man!

hey, hey hey hey hey

sorry sorry

sorry, our friend's dehydrated

that humidity and air

you guys, totally worth taking those ewoks

I hate ewoks!

CHIBI CHAN

good game well played

how are you doing this?

were you just pretending not to play?

because I need a pity victory because I'm a girl?

I'm five and one today dude

hey, not what he's thinking

at all

I mean your, eh... you... you...

being elite is not even on his mind right?

you ok? so...

what does it matter if he just learned how to play the game?

he's... what are you today? four and two

he's four and two

do you know what that means? I do. It means that if he

wins the next match we all advance

alright?

that's some go team stuff right there right?

that's why we're here

female

shoo!

you got a pretty mouth

Buxtehude, you are summoned to the queen

It is as I feared war has come to Holden

the dread army of Ixhasa marches against us

at the very least we can stop wondering when they come

the undead are already burning our crops

blading our fields

they aim to starve us out!

if anything we can thank them for using consistent tactics

one mo

what quest awaits us?

to pale mountain?

we need to stop an army not have questions answered

the apple of life then? no one's died

besides we'd never complete it

why wouldn't I complete it?

because they'd never find your body

this card needs to be torn in half to activate the quest reward

it's a rare rare

a Gencon participation card from 98

there were only 500 of these ever printed

just slide that back in your deck

then where are we bound with the dead at our door?

plague of locusts on your farm

consistent tactics plague of locusts on your other farm

I take the field

turn

here

let's find a most peculiar lamp with all haste

thwarting

with skinny

according to my father's notes the lamp was entombed in the wall

winded old man?

ehhhh you again

I'm... sorry?

you're about to wish for a bountiful harvest to feed your people

and torrential rain to turn your home battlefield to mud

this will stymie the dread army

and buy you enough time to quest for victory, yay...

yeah that sounds good

well?

yes, we'll do that

you actually have to say that you...

we wish for a... bountiful harvest

which is ho in this season and pairs quite nicely with...

torrential rain

and maya for my third

that is a bounty

you're the first guy to knock a legacy player out of the tournament

ok, so, these you can totally redeem for other cards

and this book is a history of the game

ok... so he can play

ok so he can play hell yes he can play!

you lost!

to whom?

who the hell is that?

some punk throwing vintage quests out of Holden

quests? you lost to a quest deck?

fascinating...

your wishes are granted

I thank you

to Holden? oh no need

your enemy has withdrawn

how can you know that?

because...

this is hardly the first time we've done this dance

it's not always the same enemy

and it's not always you or the pair'em

and you are not always victorious

you do usually have the turnip though

ignore him he'd trick you out of your last wish

does this have something to do with this...

sense that I've been living the same moments

over, and over again?

my... you are a perceptive one

excuse us

what are you talking about?

it's hard to say, it's it's...

it's a feeling like a dream you can't quite remember

a sense that we've done it all before

like we're trying to remember the steps to a dance that we can't

quite recall until we're dancing it again

the phrase you're looking for which from a language of

artiste and romance is deja vu

I would know more of this

how to explain...

this realm is locked in a quantum state

your world exists only as possibilities

this encounter is but one of many iterations

shadows...

like the one you may become

of a single true reality

that has yet to be determined

when this version of events fade it will do so as a dream

but one you will not remember for it will never have occurred

and you

will return to the place you always do

I am summoned to the queen

with no memory this has happened a thousand times before

this can't be true

this can't possibly be true

good to be here it's good to be here

so...

iron chops

Jayce would like to invite you... Oh.. no no no, and others...

Jayce and other members of the alliance

would like to invite you to the LARP tonight

sorry, I don't LARP

I'm not a.. LARPER

so, furries are people that LARPers make fun of

and LARPers are people that gamers make fun of

and gamers are people that people make fun of

plus I'm gaming with my group for the first time in like...

a year, so... which sounds

that sounds awesome

that's very cool

but if you change your mind for real you are invited so

please stop by

what's happening?

is the world ending?

not ending... just resetting.

and we'll not remember this?

I won't forget, I couldn't

I'll remember it all

stop that you can't know what I'm going to say

gargoyle

lemon tart

dance on my face!

there is one rather major variation this time around

I'm surprised you haven't spotted it

you only used two... I wish to remem...

so...

I made it to the elimination round no surprises there

ok, so, where were we?

ah, yes...

the shadow no wilk wait, I want to savor this

it's been so long

ok, go

the shadow welcomes you into his chamber

please, sit

I'm pretty certain he's dead

are you certain? quite

I'm afraid the homicidal slattern murdered him

with my minion knife

see?

oh yes, of course.

minion knife? well yea, not gonna get minion blood

all over my main weapon

how are you a cleric?

the lord works in mysterious ways

enough of your games, demon

games? what have I done other than offer you refreshment

and watch you reassassinate my servant?

the girl, the princess, where is she where did you take her?

now that, is a matter of no light conversation

please, sit

that wasn't so bad now, was it?

it's been so long since I've had stimulating conversation

CHIBIII CHAAAAN

no! no!

CHIBI CHAAAN!

well we've lost Gary

so... same time next year?

you got a lot of nerve showing your face around here

look dude you can't harass the mascots ok? (Cease your chattering, manflesh)

chill (Or you shall meet the same doom as your friends)

we might need security

CHIBI CHAN (That's right, I killed them)

CHIBI CHAAAN (I killed them all)

CHIBI CHAN (Their tears were delicious)

CHIBI CHAN! (and there's nothing you could do to stop me)

CHIBI CHAN! (JUST LIKE LAST TIME!)

dude, are you ok?

I need security in the ... small room

every damn con

CHIBI CHAN

If we cannot come to some accord

find some way to trust each other and form a united front

the Ixhasa will reach the god head seat

and an age of darkness will consume us all

and out of character that means questing is dead

and I'd rather not have that happen on my watch

the Tuatha will join the alliance with Holden

if you hand over the traitor Dundereal

you do not represent the Tuatha you speak for the Unseely

The Unseely won the war

and so we are the Tuatha

the price for our cooperation is your Seely prince

Never!

nice timing by the way thanks

did someone mention prices?

we of ash are listening

what Malchior needs is food

yet you built your kingdom on a mountaintop

food or land. Give us a farming province we'll send you an army

no sell it to us, we'll give you a good price

why should it fall to us to fight the dreaded army

it's clear whose fault this is

Arcanix they shattered the new mountain with their magics

and exposed the sea you will not put this on us

no.. excuse me

you provoked them with your crazy magics

that pyramid was under water till you woke them up

and now that we have awoken you are all doomed

if you want our help it might be wise not to insult us

all of you! all doomed

if it's anyone's fault its yours a city king bomb was supposed

to destroy the seat entirely

what... what?

dudes seriously those costumes are unreal you guys went all out

ok a little too into it

why does it keep happening?

nice! can barely tell the tale

I'm so glad you changed your mind

I was hoping you'd come

why aren't you wearing a costume?

oh I, I am, I'm LARPING as a guy who hates LARPING

she's behind me isn't she?

yea... directly.

look, this may look stupid to you

but it's one of the highlights of my year

so if you're gonna be a colossal dick

just go dick it up in the corner

where were we?

you were belittling us

so much for your vaunted technology

so how is it I haven't seen you at a tourney?

vintage cards like that you just don't find them laying around

ah they're a friend's

I'm just passing through

well enjoy it while you can

this might be going away

a lot of players are leaving the game

yeah, but, not these guys

really?

aren't these your most hardcore fans?

they can't stand to see what the legacy is doing to the game

con after con tourney after tourney

what they need is hope really

what they need is a champion

I'm just passing through

hey we didn't see you complain when our a-bomb blew up the god king

and that was our last chance to get home

we'd help miss

but there's just goddamn too few of us

we can't risk open warfare and leave the home state undefended

what about your neighbors

would they be of any help? HAH!

the Hujem? you remember the god king

arrrr...

we'll have no dealings with the displaced

let the dead take them

but if one of us falls, we all fall

the strong of faith will prevail

forget it

a waste of time

you really need to get over this minor dispute with the displaced

minor dispute? they killed our god!

and we'd do it again!

not helping!

there will be no accord

it's not enough that doom is on the march we must be complicit in our own downfall

and where are you?

because you're clearly not here

I'm really not

what would you say if I told you that none of this matters?

nothing happening here that it's all for naught

I'd say I don't understand

I however do

at a diplomatic summit?

you were not invited

it was open to the representatives of the nine empires, was it not?

and is Ixhasa not one of the nine?

there's a lad

a word with your lady

she's not my lady

so you know it's liberating isn't it

knowing that the fate of our world is not determined by us

I don't believe you

I don't need you to believe me

we're but pieces on a board fleshling

toyed with by powers unaware of our existence

powers that favor Ixhasa

the hands that deal our fate do so in our favor

the outcome has already been determined

you need not die with the rest of your people

Dundereal need not die with the rest of your people

what has come over you? you just do not understand!

nothing we do her matters! we cannot affect the outcome!

the entire world is at stake the entire world

the kingdom your father build and you speak of abandoning

perhaps we can escape the cycle

oh get a hold of yourself!

Did you win?

it's a LARP

oh so you all lost?

where'd she go?

hey cardligula

you seen Natalie around here anywhere?

ah, you're confused

you see in human society when someone asks a question

unless she's a card in one of these decks

I haven't seen her

did you see me beat that starvation deck today?

I quested the shit out of it

you beat the lowest ranking member of the legacy with a deck

they'd never seen

congratulations are not yet in order

riiiight

oh uhmmm, Jayce and Natalie and some of the story players

have this whole little alliance thing going

I have no dealings with the lesser kingdoms

is that a starvation deck?

cuz if it is... I'm sorry

did I interrupt your sentence with the middle of my ritual?

you dropped this

in each...

in each of these envelopes is a potential future

for the nine empires

nine versions of the story depending on who wins the god head seat

by a vote of 37:19 the regional qualifying winners have chosen war over diplomacy

and as a result the elimination round will be played under conquest rules

any unique hero killed from this point forward

will be permanently dead in the storyline

Buxtehude, you are summoned to the...

Buxtehude...

something's different

it certainly is

I'm so sorry

if I... stop

do you regret this at all?

would you change it?

have had it never happened?

and in what way have you wronged either of us

Buxtehude!

You are summoned

to the quee... sleep

is it my turn?

and that's 50

turn

ahhh ok...

good game?

yeah something like that

you too? yeah but I tagged every card he played

his whole deck, right there

this guy could ruin our plans

Sean Cassidy vs. Chris Hunter

we're switching tactics

you're gonna lose to the quest deck

what? come on I can take this guy

you don't need to take him, you need to kill off his heroes

we were tarred for conquest rules let's use them

understand me?

sweep the leg

well?

coming?

brilliant, brilliant!

we've seen too much of their army for this to be a split attack

Holden is not the target

we are! why we're but two people?

two people tying up their army

let them pursue us it means Holden's safe

is it now?

I gave you an out

you remember Skafla

Unerring strike

that won't thwart the quest I win next action

yeah

without one of your heroes

so who's for the chop?

sleep

ok thanks

ok who was it?

wow...

wow...

hey hey

good luck tomorrow

congrats on making the semis

thanks same to you

Dundereal

That's

yeah

you know I actually won the tournament that...

brought him to Holden

it really, really hurts my deck

it got wicked bonuses with Myriad in play

I don't know how I'm gonna make up the difference

that's why it's sad?

because your deck suffers mechanically?

not because Myriad lost the love of her life?

what it's not enough to win the damn tournament?

I have to get everyone's favorite character across the goal line as well?

and I'm telling you it is the best way to kill a hydra

ignore the heads with the teeth and just keep chopping dong

until so many have grown back... to gracefully change the subject

if you'd all just sit

how long are you gonna keep me cooped up in here?

I've been wondering that myself

till you're ready to not start any shit with CHIBI CHAN

so... gaming? Anyone?

can we play?

can you? you have half a party

yes, yes we can!

we could still play, see?

hey everyone

this campaign's dangerously unboring

but don't worry, I'm here to fix it

first off, we're gonna avoid combat whenever possible

and negotiate with inferior opponents

and remember take everyone's feelings into account

especially random one-off NPC's with no continuing story

tee hee

girl stuff

kiss me up you big handsome pally

muah

muah mmmmuah

see? can't even tell the difference

and how are you going to play without a game master?

who's controlling me, for instance

finally! if it's either of the we're starting now

deliver us from the undead!

please win the tournament save our heroes

take this in tribute

who is it?

ahhmmm

another bunch of freaks convinced I'm their messiah

is this... is this merv?

close the door before Gary gets loose

oak in the wind baby

damnit!

excuse me

Gary! thanks!

hey hey, hey guys

could you just give us a minute?

like, go into his room

yeah cool

the hell was that!

we lost Gary containment

and...

now a bunch of card floppers are in my room offering me bounties

baby naming rights if I beat the undead

I'm sorry, I did not mean to get everyone's hopes up

their hopes are up because they think you can save our game

I know! it's so stupid it's not even why I'm here!

Right

you're here for a piece of ass

hey oh, I'm sorry

is that not the entire reason you came to Gencon?

don't have a stroke I get it

hot gamer chick

the latest in fantasy fuck toys another game to be won

and walked away from

don't need to know anything else do you?

but you don't, right?

know...

anything else about me

at all

yeah

that's about what I thought

and you wonder why I think you're a joke

you may be too cool for this game

or the people who play it

but I'm not

so please excuse me if I'm not swooning over

someone whose idea of a good time

is shitting all over the thing that I love

why do you even care?

all I've ever see is these asshats turning you down and ignoring you

they're fawning all over me and you've been kicking ass

for what, years?

go join the legacy

you belong with them

Natalie...

Natalie!

hey, quest-hole

you're coming with us

really?

cuz it looks like I'm doing the exact opposite

looks like we got us a frisky one

maybe you don't hear so good

or maybe you need me to explain how things work around here

but I said you're coming with us OH!

oh! what the hell, man?

are we not fighting? I thought we were fighting

I'm a hemophiliac you dickwad!

I'm sorry it was clear to me that we were fighting

I have to go to the hospital I'm pressing charges

fine, just least the way I'll go just...

don't bleed on me

number one team team hurray

ninja dragon riders

secret rock star USA

ninja dragon riders

honoring techniques of our ancestor now revenged

ah? yeah!

ninja

dragon riders

what a show huh?

so sad what happened they deserved better

yes they did!

I hate that chibichan

strutting around the con

like we're gonna forget it was his fault the show went off the air

yes! yes exactly!

gone, boom

all of those plot lines unresolved

oshee, is she ever gonna know her daughter is still alive?

huh? or Hekaru

is he ever gonna collect the seven dragon crystals?

we'll never know!

and you know why?

that fuckin rabbit

he puts his show on in the exact same timeslot as NDR

sucks away all the ratings we never even got a change to say goodbye

that's so crazy you know

it's like you're reading my mind!

CHIBI CHAN! (Now we have you)

CHIBI CHIBI CHAN! (There is no escape)

CHIBI CHAN (DOOM!!!)

CHIBI... (YOUR SOUL IS MINE!)

(MINE!!!) (MUA HA HA H---)

yeah!

rabbit season!

hey!

blast him!

you! pack your bags all the rest of you out

come on, let's go move along

move along

let's go move along move along

come on

now Mr. Cassidy

I suppose you're wondering why you've been brought here today

no not really

a common theme one finds in classical mythology

is the belief that all events are predetermined

that all outcomes have already been decided

by gods

weaving together the strands of fate

on a related note you may call me

weaver

no

I'm sorry?

no I'm gonna call you...

Lewis

you look like a Lewis to me

I see that we are evenly matched not really no

is this going somewhere?

you're a good player, yes but new

inexperienced

you'd be wise to ally with us

go your own way if you must

but be warned, we set our agenda into motion years ago

and it is unstoppable now

we're gonna turn this into another poker

another magic

starvation is just a tactic to frustrate the story players

and it's working, it's driving them away from the game

with them gone, the publishers need to look for different revenue streams

a.k.a sponsored tournaments with cash prizes

and that means money

you hear me?

getting paid to play games

wait

that's it?

that's the big evil plan?

what about the story? fuck the story!

that's just there to keep people invested

and after we kill questing when I win tomorrow

in a couple of years the only players left will be guys like us

and you could be a part of that...

oh...

did you just brain freeze yourself?

no...

the legacy has dominated the tourna scene

yeah ok we're done here

you're doomed if you cross us! I'll keep that in mind

we're more powerful than you can possibly imagine

I'm sure you are...

what's up? do it

no no no, aaah!

can't we just accept that he's not coming?

the finals start at noon

it's not noon

ergo, the finals haven't started yet

he's coming right?

why would I know that?

nice lecter I'm not cosplaying!

hey

I heard about what happened it's a shame

shame was definitely involved

history of the nine empires

weird reading about it in the third person

you know I played in some of the tournaments that helped write the early chapters

yeah? yeah!

fall of the god king founding of Holden

was a great time in the game

you know what I loved about it?

the fact that it was never just about what you yourself were doing

I mean, not if you were in the tournament circuit

when you had years of other players accomplishments to consider

to live up to and you get onto that stage

and all of those people pulling for different factions

my hands were actually shaking during some of the matches

and the cry havocs? where everyone's howling at the top of their lungs?

and it barrels down in your chest and focuses things like a laser

and puts you in a state of no mind how many games have you played

where you control the landscape of what's to come?

where you drive the game? where you're part of the story

I did not know this world existed

and now that you do what the hell are you doing out here?

the finals are going on and you said this girl was worth it

what's changed?

yeah it's this way yeah

that's what's up baby ah!

Cas! where have you been?

I'm really sorry the finals start in like

now! look I'm really sorry

I can't play tonight

ok sure you can

get up there, kick ass my deck's gone

burnt actually

guess who did it

no no no no you you'll hey hey hey hey hey

it's ok you still got a champion oh no

still got a champion she's sitting right there oh no no

you're not playing?

I accept your concession sidebar

now!

what is your angle, ok? how is this supposed to get me in bed?

when it started it was all I was after

but then

Kinda against my will I got invested

in the story, Myriad and the group

and if I had my deck I'd hurl it headlong into getting our queen on the throne

date or no

so quit wasting time on me and go kick some undead ass

hey buddy have you got Cas's deck list?

ah yes but I can't give it to you

listen up people

ok so we've got.. oh sh...

we've got eight minutes to rebuild Cas's deck

or he can't play

hey look I know, I know it's not gonna be easy

right, some of these cards have been out of play since

forever

but I have seen them!

I know we have them

as trophies as trade stock

so please dig deep people

everybody's gonna get their cards back, but this

this here is to stop the undead

this

this is for Countermay!

let's save the world

cards up everybody lets go

thank you thank you oh my...

ok good good good I don't deserve this

no

but this isn't about you

beautiful what you got?

oh that's coming back to you!

why?

because I've had enough

you're gonna keep doing this until you get whatever it is our of your system

so you just... go!

and if I see you on the news tomorrow

I will deny you three times

you can take the mask off

no

I kinda like it

thank you thank you thank you we are so...

we're so close

we're one short

alright? it's a hang on

kind of a... huge one

I need an apple of life

who's got one?

who's got one?

anybody

apple of life come on we just need one we got it

I could use some help against the undead

go team

you damn right

Ixhasa, Malchior, Holden

in one of these envelopes lies the future of Countermay

today we crown a new high monarch

today we shall have a reckoning

today we shall cry havoc! HAVOC!

cry havoc! HAVOC!

and lets slip the dogs of war!

CHIBI... CHIBI CHAN

cannot wait to get my beer on

hey no autographs dude

Buxtehude, you are...

not again

I had hoped for a more even match upon a return engagement

I see I'm to be disappointed... I have never had such a bad draw

it's like these cards have a mind of their own

will Myriad be joining us?

it's like she's not even in here!

what do you mean, gone?

her chamber is empty and there's a map missing from the cache

which map?

yours is a world of many possibilities, yes

and few are aware of all the versions played out

before the course of events resolves

what of those who control our destiny?

the ones playing games with our fate?

you have it backwards!

these players do not determine the fate of Countermay

they are reading its history and through a means of divination

as old as time

cards?

it is as I predicted

your quest tricks may get you through the Swiss but they will not hold up

against an elite build in the elimination round

there is no time left to quest majesty

Malchior is here

the hell have you been?

do we stand any chance of defeating them in a pitched battle?

None

well then... Chealy?

to battle!

quite liked Myriad

it's a pity another Buxtehude has to die because you two overestimated yourselves

I got nothing

damnit!

this is why we hunt and you gather

Lewis weaver advances to the final round

great game Natalie

I am here to treat with your queen

I've seen you beat a legacy starvation deck

a feat I myself have been...

unable to accomplish

what's that have to do with anything?

a test draw!

that's what I saw you doing you were doing a test draw against starvation

If I tailor the deck to beat starvation I leave myself open to military

it was a gamble

you overestimated yourself

touche

I propose an alliance

oh so now you want an alliance watch your tone

I'm one turn away from crushing your pathetic little army

an army that, oddly enough...

has show that it can beat starvation

so here's my offer support Malchior

in exchange

we will meet the dread army in the field and delay them long enough

for Buxtehude to quest for victory

should you succeed

you will choose

king hammerdoom of Malchior to sit the god head seat

and Myriad will marry prince Rannon to make our alliance permanent

reject this offer and Holden burns

accept this offer and I will concede this match

this is my choice

my answer is yes then our swords are yours

what's wrong with you? (Don't listen to me --)

where are we? (my voice is full of lies)

That's not my real mouth

Gary

Hekaru?

Is that really you? No, not really

just another hallucination born out of your rapidly deteriorating mental state

I blame the energy drinks don't try to stop me

I can't stop you

that's not really why I'm here

I'm here to ask you one simple question

is this what a ninja dragon rider would do?

you know what he did to you! I certainly do

and if you truly believe that this is the right way to honor our memory

torch the fucker!

but you're gone

you and all the other ninja dragon riders

you're gone, Hekaru

acceptance is the final step

and all the deliciously appropriate revenge in the world won't bring you back

Remember us Gary

remember us and we shall rider our dragons which are also ninjas across the skies forever

there there

let it all out

ok...

getting a little weird now

thank you Hekaru

I think that I'm ready to hate productively again

I'm gonna be ok

I'm gonna be ok

hello a little help please

the final round will take place with Ixhasa

and an alliance between Malchior and Holden

You should have been one of us man

hell you are one of us

dude, I'm nothing like you

it's not too late to join you know

you and me we could rule this scene

cut the crap and your deck allright

but consider this

the Meach the guy who beat you in 9 cards

he's afraid to play me

music!

don't look surprised you had to know that it would end this way

your choices sealed your fate before we had begun to play

stop blaming luck and chance poor craftsmen only blame their tools

remind the other fools what happens when they face the legacy

we are the legacy!

what have you brought us?

nothing

the emissary of the dread army it's like she know every move I'm gonna make

she's everywhere thwarting every quest

we won't last much longer

I have only one quest left

one we've never attempted

I was wondering when you'd arrive

the apple of life

which blossoms...

once a millennium

and has enough life force

to raise an entire army

shall I eat it?

return to the golden ageless life of the fey

we could run away together

spend more stolen moments in side chambers

of course...

Holden will fall

and it's people join the dread army

but if that's what meant to happen who are we to prevent it

I understand now what you were trying to tell me

about our world

the emissary filled me in when she gave me the gift

you are not Dundereal

shall I prove it?

in more intimate ways

a string of kisses down your spine perhaps

I will kill you

one hand in the small of your back

the other at your navel to steady you

hoist you, like a mainsail

take my word, little girl

for I've been around long enough to know

there is no escape from predeterm...

we make our own fate old man

five short

too bad you won't last the turn

for this?

my army's starved and died for this bit of sodding fruit?

it can raise the dead!

the dead are here

you may have lost the kingdom to save one man

saving Dundereal was never my intent

activating apple of life

not that it really matters but who are you raising from the dead?

you

oh you clever bitch

what just happened?

I believe he just resurrected your entire army

an entire army that you now have to feed

and yep, you don't have any food production on your board

holy sex balls

he just starved a starvation deck

did you just forget that my entire army will reanimate next turn?

did you just forget that I'm 2 renown away from victory?

no

not like this

best game I've had in years

so who's our monarch? the Mach's guy

king hammerdom

hammer doom

it is a time of celebration

the dread army falls defeated by an alliance of might and metal

where her father buried the god head seat

Myriad put an ally upon it

assuring beyond all doubt

that more than one Buxtehude

will live on in legend!

we won we won we did it we did it

we did it we did it

everybody

get naked!

da Vinci

mark

your student...

acquitted himself well today

and yours got a little out of hand

admittedly so

I'll be far more discriminating the next time I elect to train a team

the game can't survive another legacy

the game

misses you

the game's in good hands

Meach...

Leo...

actually...

my flight doesn't leave for another 6 hours

do you wanna get a bear?

hell yes and I'm buying

thank you Simm

dearly beloved

we are gathered here

before the eyes of god... of all gods

to recognize the wedding

of Myriad Buxtehude of Holden

and prince Rannon of Malchior

so congrats, you saved our world

please, that's a little dances with wolvesy

I won a card game

I was gonna go last samuraiesque or avatarish perhaps

we're really talking about birth of a nation

except your not a racist fuck(?) indeed indeed not

I'm a dick not an asshole an important distinction

hi

thanks

you're gonna want to wipe your prints off that

thanks for the tip

so...

I suppose you'll be expecting that date now?

naah

I didn't actually get your monarch on the throne

plus I owe you an apple of life card. you and Leo

it died for a good cause

lets face it, getting a date with the whole I did X so you own me Y thing

is kinda... douchy

well, you're kind of a douche bag so...

kinda expecting you to contradict me there why? it's true

so uh...

will I be seeing you at the next regional qualifier?

I think you might cool

I hear you know this great waffle place

maybe we grab some coffee after, sling some cards, talk about the game

I'd like that

see you around Cas

wife

I have something for you

a belated wedding present

what is this?

the roots of the tree of life grow through many worlds

there is another realm where the apples of life blossom

a world far closer to the root

we may still be able to save your love

our marriage is one of strategic interest

but that doesn't mean that we have to suffer for it

oh... my am I early?

I was just leaving

go

save your love

and leave behind that ridiculous dress

suits you not at all

father try to keep up

what else is there to say?

you were such an important part of my life

and... and it's just isn't the same without you

and I miss you

but even though you're gone

I still love you

I always will

thank you

for the time that we spent together, and...

and wherever you are

may you unite the seven dragon crystals of destiny

the same way that you united the seven dragon crystals

of my heart

can I get a minute guys? of course, you bet

thanks

number one king team hurray

ninja dragon riders

secret rock star USA

you can't take the sky from me

a little left there

a little more to the left

now split the difference

actually I don't know what I was thinking that's way too left

oh come on

are you ready?

allright that's good

thank you

this guy

thanks

look, congratulations and everything

but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't excited to not have your face around

polluting my favorite game anymor...

they based a card on you oh look at that they totally did

would you...

sign this for me? sure

game time yeah

cool

lose the beard, Jesus

what a dick

so... this sure seems familiar

yeah haven't we all been here before?

it's like deja vu all over again

so...

the shadow...

now, give us the girl

the girl was but a means to an end

to lure the five of you here to kill us

you? no...

my quarrel was never with you the great secret I mentioned

do you remember it?

what is that? is that...

oh my my quarrel has never been with you

rather...

it's been with those who've continually thwarted my plans

now you...

I have quite the quarrel with

don't look surprised you had to know that it would end this way

your choices sealed your fate before we had begun to play

stop blaming luck and chance poor craftsmen only blame their tools

remind the other fools what happens when they face the legacy

we are the legacy!

you story guys the answers there if you take time to look

if narrative is what you crave why not just read a book?

hey here's my story it's called winning you might give it a try

you simply can't deny the awesome sauce that is the legacy

we are the legacy

gods are we can't you see

who are we we are the legacy

Coded from hearing Aviad Pineles

Dedicated to my beloved wife <3<3<3<3<3