Original subtitles

(laughter, applause)

- Four decades of laughs

From the world's biggest comedy event.

Welcome to our star-studded anniversary celebration,

Just for laughs 40.

We begin with great britain's finest, jimmy carr.

- Thank you.

Sure, sure. (applause)

Beautiful! Thank you.

Thank you! We made it.

Thanks very much, everyone.

(crowd cheering)

Being here for the 40th anniversary of just for laughs

Is a dream come true,

For you, I'm guessing.

(laughter)

Though canada is not in the strictest sense a monarchy,

You've shown your support for the royal family

By also allowing yourselves to be led

By the unqualified children of former rulers.

(laughter)

(applause)

And don't get me wrong, I love canada's current leader.

The world's most handsome, inspirational,

Occasionally black prime minister.

(laughter)

Yeah, it's true.

It's true. Trudeau was so desperate

For canada to be diverse,

He was even willing to do blackface.

Just for laughs began 40 years ago,

Of course, back then, canada was run by trudeau,

And the white house was inhabited by

An ancient senile man.

So much has changed.

Montreal is famous for two things:

The just for laughs comedy festival

And only being famous for one thing.

(laughter)

The next act is katherine ryan,

She's a canadian. (cheering)

Yeah, yeah.

Now, katherine ryan proves that women can be

Just as funny as men and at a fraction of the cost.

I'm not slut shaming,

But katherine is the only woman I know

To have completed tinder.

I'm joking. Katherine recently

Married her childhood sweetheart.

Yeah. It sounds cute, but really what happened was

She fucked literally everyone she'd ever met

And had to go back round.

Please welcome my dear friend, the hilarious katherine ryan!

(applause)

(indistinct chatter)

(♪)

- Oh...

Thank you!

Jimmy carr, everyone!

(crowd cheers)

Oh, gorgeous man.

When I look at jimmy carr's new hairline,

I realize where kim kardashian's old one went.

(laughter)

His laugh is the reason his parents never tickled him.

Aw...

(applause)

Sad. It's very sad.

But it's wonderful to be back in canada tonight.

Bonsoir, montréal! How are you?

(cheering)

Oh, my goodness.

I enjoyed coming here last time, I was a single lady,

I had the great privilege of empowering a generation

Of young feminists

To say you don't have to fit into the traditional

Shape of a family,

You are enough, and then, as jimmy said,

Recently, I got married like a stupid whore.

It was not my fault, I bumped into my high school boyfriend.

He will always be my first love,

He will always be the second dude I lost my virginity to.

And he was looking good, also canadian.

And so, when I saw him, I knew that I wanted

To bang him for a laugh.

That's right, for a laugh.

That's why everyone loves canadian girls.

In my defence, I thought he was already married.

(laughter)

But we got along so well that he followed me back

To london where I live now.

A lot has changed in my life.

Now, we have two children and one on the way.

I am factory for straight white men.

(applause)

I'm disappointed in myself.

Until I met my high school boyfriend and fell back

In love with him,

It was just my daughter violet

And me against the world,

For a decade, and she is 13 now,

So we're no longer friends.

"can't do that, mummy, can't say that, can't wear that."

She criticizes my clothing, like I'm not spending my life

Snatching crop tops out of her wardrobe

So she doesn't leave my house

Dressed like a waitress on epstein island.

That's my life now.

It's very difficult.

Is anyone else harbouring a teenager?

(cheering) ugh!

It's like having greta thunberg in the house, isn't it?

How are you gonna save the planet when you leave

Enough lights on to land a plane, babe?

Everything I do is wrong.

"do you know what your problem is, mum? You're a karen.

You're a karen."

I'm a karen? I'm... I'm a very progressive person.

Karen, if you haven't been called this in your own home,

Is a meme started in america.

You know, there'd be a nasty lady, middle-aged,

Short blond haircut,

She'd be kicking off in a walmart refusing to wear a mask,

Calling the police on a black child's lemonade stand.

Now, you tell a child you own to clean a room in your house,

You're a karen. And you can't complain

About being called a karen,

'cause that's exactly what a karen would do!

You just have to take it like a bitch.

I really love the baby. The baby is one year old.

He just turned one. He is breastfed,

But he will only take the milk in a bottle

Chilled in the fridge,

Probably due to the high white wine content, I don't know.

I love my current husband so much so far.

I love him so much so far.

Though my marriage has been very oppressive.

As soon as I married, I wasn't allowed

To see my friends anymore.

I couldn't go to work, I had to cover my face,

I'd gone full taliban overnight.

And I love him, but I haven't been married that long.

See, I have a girlfriend in london,

She's been married 30 years,

And she said something that scared me.

She said, "katherine, the other night I saw a funny-looking

Mole on my husband's back,

Decided not to tell him."

(laughter)

She's like, "we'll let those chips fall where they may."

As a newly married woman,

I really hope this is not my future.

I didn't think there were female murderers, by the way.

But I see you ladies, you're just very

Passive-aggressive about it, aren't you?

Yeah, yeah, I slowly took the vegetables out of his diet,

Upped the sodium, 12 short years later, the house was mine.

Thank you so much, montréal,

It was so nice to come see you again! Good night!

- Next. Please welcome canada's own,

Russell peters.

- Thank you, why thank you!

Thank you.

Thank you, guys.

Bon sour! Um...

40 years of just for laughs.

I've been coming to this festival for 26 years now.

And the first time I played the festival,

They didn't pay me, they didn't fly me in

And they didn't put me up.

I'm not even sure if I was part of the festival,

In all fairness.

Anyway, look at me now, I'm back year after year,

And trust me, I make them pay now.

I do, I do.

(cheering)

There's a reason your tickets weren't free, you know?

This montreal-born comedian's success is an inspiration

To every canadian comedian that if you're talented,

Work hard and have persistence,

That one day you too can be introduced by me.

(laughter)

Please welcome my good friend miss caroline rhea!

(♪)

(cheering)

- Hi, everybody! How are you?

Hi!

It's so nice to be in montreal since I am from montreal.

(cheering) I know, it's very exciting.

I live in los angeles, everyone always comes up to me,

They go, "oh, my god, your face is so full, caroline,

What kind of filler do you use? Is it restylane?"

I'm like, "um, it's mostly fudge."

And uh, yeah.

With a little vanilla, right here.

And then some rocky road.

I live in a 100-year-old house.

It's ridiculous, everything is wrong with it.

I feel like a very sick old man married me for my money.

Um, no, he's like a very old man,

Like the foundation, it's not hard anymore, okay?

(laughter)

There's barely any wood left.

It takes forever for any liquid to come out of the pipes.

You know what I mean? It's just like, come on!

So now that the pandemic is sort of over,

I've decided I want a full facelift,

So I went to a plastic surgeon, they were like,

"did anyone recommend you?" and I was like,

"yes, zoom."

And um...

'cause you know what happens sometimes,

Women get like a second vagina in their neck, I know,

That's terrible,

But they do! And honest to god,

I'm not using the first one enough to need a backup. I...

So, the plastic surgeon literally goes like this,

He takes my stomach and then, I swear to god,

He moonwalked for about five feet.

He was just like this.

And he goes, "it's not gonna snap back,

There is no elasticity."

I'm like, "well, could you just walk it back,

'cause this is horribly awkward, okay?"

I asked a doctor, I go, "why does sex hurt so much,

Besides the fact that I hate my boyfriend?"

And um, she said, "because as you age, you know,

Your vaginal walls get thinner."

I go, "are you serious? I exercise six times a week.

The only part of my body that's getting thinner is my vagina?"

(laughter)

The only... No one is seeing that!

No one is walking down the street going,

"her vagina seemed much heavier on television. It's tiny!

She's doing a kegel right now."

I get hit on by young men, it's ridiculous.

I can't sleep with anyone who could ask me if the cat

Was real from sabrina.

That's my rule. And I...

Yeah.

I have standards!

Anyway, this young guy that I was going out with,

He was like, "I want you to send me a picture of your boobs."

And I was like... (laughter)

It was funny, right? I know you all do it,

But it's a ridiculous concept, okay?

So I said, I kept on saying, "you want me to send you

A picture of my naked boobs?"

And he's like, "yeah."

Okay, so I sent him my mammogram, and um...

Yeah, it got rid of his lump. And it is...

It is so much more difficult

To take a good picture of your boob

Than you can imagine.

Okay, men, I don't care what you're thinking,

But honest to god...

Because, first of all, if you take it up from up here,

You have like 18 chins, you're like...

So I was like, okay, so then, at first, I was like...

I lay on the bed. The boobs were on the nightstand

In one second.

One second!

One was reading a book, the other's making a phone call.

I was like, come on!

It was like bad children trying to take a christmas card,

One was forward, one was back, then they switched,

I was like, come on, girls!

Finally, I had to text him and say,

"I'm sorry, I'm going to have to send them one at a time."

(laughter)

Thanks very much, hometown! Appreciate you!

(♪)

- Greetings, just for laughs!

Oh, I can't even believe it's the 40th anniversary.

Uh...

I mean, my time in montreal

Just for laughs was so incredible, because...

I'd never been to montreal before

And I had no idea

That your delis are spectacular!

Why didn't anybody tell me that?

You know, I'm a young comic, struggling.

If I had known I could've flown north for corned beef,

For a pastrami, for a nosh, for a knish...

Tremendous.

Thank you.

And thank you for the laughs.

But mostly, thank you for the knish.

(♪)

(♪)

- Everyone knows that the road to success in american comedy

Runs through canada for some reason.

Does anyone understand why? I'm confused.

Uh, no, no, it's an incredible festival.

I got my start there at... New faces, 20 years ago.

I can't thank the folks at just for laughs enough.

It's the best comedy festival in the world.

Uh, you all do an amazing job.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, I will keep coming

For the rest of time.

Over to you, tommy!

- Thank you! It's uh...

I was always going to be doing this.

You know, I was always gonna be travelling around.

I lived in loads of different places.

I'm travelling the world as a stand-up comedian.

Standing the world as a travelling comedian.

Travelling the world as a stand-up comedian. Fucking...

Standing the travelling world...

(indistinct)

Yeah, yeah, it's all falling apart now.

(laughter)

Look at the state of me.

I have a hairline like the former yugoslavia.

It's breaking up into a series of independent republics.

(laughter)

I don't care about my health.

I don't care.

Like every man in this room over the age of 40

Has at least one thing wrong with him that he's keeping

To himself in the hope that over time,

It will clear up of its own accord.

And I'm no different.

I've had a case of itchy hole now for about nine months.

(laughter)

And it'll not get the better of me, it'll not...

I'd rather die scratching than give into it.

It'll not get the better of me!

I've gone into the bathroom,

I've gone through the wife's stuff

To see does she have a tube with itchy hole written on it?

But she doesn't!

I've gone to the market on a Saturday to ask

The mystery tramp from clare,

Does he have a special leaf I could put on,

But he doesn't.

If you think I'm going into a pharmacist...

And some pretty little woman behind the counter...

And if you think I'm going to her...

...And saying, "do you have anything for an itchy hole?"

You've another thing coming.

She'd just about stopped herself from laughing,

But she'd pressed the button she has under the counter

And all the other pretty little pharmacists

Will come trotting down...

To see who the filthy monkey is.

You get older, you have to get certain procedures done.

Had to get me prostate checked.

You know, my wife was going on and on and on and on about it.

Eventually, I said, "okay", and I went down...

Went down to the local doctor, she's a country girl.

She grew up on a farm.

She didn't wash her hands, she spat in them.

(laughter)

She says, "come on, will we horse into this?"

I says, "okay, okay."

She says, "drop the baggage."

So, I undid the belt, took down the trousers

And the boxer shorts,

Stood there, stiff as a plank...

With me dignity around me ankles.

Still... Butt cheeks clenched tremendously.

Still maintaining some sort of say over entrances and exits.

But she was a white witch and she was working for the devil.

(laughter)

And she knew how to open me up.

(applause)

She says to me, "lie up there on the bed."

You know, the bed they have at the doctor.

So I lay up on the bed, on me side,

Still stiff as a plank,

Butt cheeks clenched.

And then, as if it was the most casual thing in the world,

As if there were going to be no consequences to it at all,

She says, "now, tommy, just pull your knees up to your chest."

Sure, it sounded harmless enough, didn't it?

So off I went.

(laughter)

It was only when I got to her desired destination

I realized how truly evil she was.

'cause that just opens up

The whole shooting gallery right there.

It's very hard to defend yourself...

When you're holding your knees up to your chest.

And then she got her finger...

She got her finger and drove it into me.

Not even out of common courtesy or manners

Did she spend a few minutes just tickling me sphincter!

(laughter)

Just to get a bit of a buzz going. No!

Straight in!

Straight in!

And when there was her finger inside me,

She said one of the most frightening things

I have ever heard in my life.

Her finger is in me and she says,

"just accept it, tommy."

(laughter)

But I was so scared.

I said to myself, "no, tommy, don't.

Don't just accept it."

So, I pushed her finger back out again.

(laughter)

She must have thought it was a game we were playing.

She drove it back into me!

I pushed it back out!

For the next half hour,

We're driving in, pushing out, driving in...

Ah, it wasn't too bad in the end, I suppose,

I kind of...

I go quite regularly now.

Montreal, it's been a pleasure talking to you.

Thank you very much!

(applause)

(♪)

- Hi, I'm jimmy kimmel

And I would like to wish a happy 40th anniversary

To just for laughs.

I first visited montreal for the festival

Almost 25 years ago. It was the most fun.

And it is the best comedy festival in the whole world.

And I often wonder why I was never invited back.

But happy anniversary.

And now, in french.

Bonjour.

Well, that's really all I know.

(♪)

- Please welcome just for laughs veteran, nikki glaser.

- I deserve that! Thank you so much!

(cheering)

Thank you!

Thank you, thank you! I deserve that.

Thank you, montreal. It is so great to be back here.

Can you believe it has been 40 years since covid started?

It feels like... It seems like 100 actually. But this uh,

This year is jfl's 40th anniversary.

It's 40 years old and just like most 40-year-olds,

It's considering vaginal rejuvenation surgery

And regrets not freezing its eggs five years ago.

But about the festival, not many people know the story

Of how the festival began. So, the story is,

Back in the 80s, there was a very enterprising young man

Name jean-guy juste pour rire and...

(laughter)

Am I saying that right? And he noticed

That a few of montreal's streets just weren't under construction.

And he said,

"I think I know a way to clog them."

So, he hired a handful of acrobats and mimes

And he set them loose on the road.

And the first festival was born.

And in the beginning, the festival,

It was just a couple days long and there was no english.

So in other words, it was parfait.

Um, parfait is, of course, french for "fancy yogurt."

But... (laughter)

Today the festival is a worldwide phenomenon

That boasts a line-up comprised of the biggest names in comedy

Who don't already have a better-paying gig,

And that's... That means something.

And that's why I'm here, actually,

Because carrot top is in vegas, but...

And props to him for that, literally.

I'm so excited for this performer.

He worked as a painter in Italy before opting

To pursue a career in showbusiness,

Following, actually, in the footsteps of michelangelo,

Who famously gave up painting the sistine chapel

To become a ninja turtle.

So please welcome one of the funniest people I know,

He puts the "gay" in gala, it's matteo lane!

(cheering)

(upbeat music)

- Hello. Bonsoir, montréal.

(cheering)

I've actually spent a lot of time in montreal

And I really just wanted to say something nice

About this beautiful city and so, if you'll allow me,

I'd like to sing this song to you.

(cheering)

Okay.

I feel like celine dion.

(soft music)

♪ I got the call ♪

♪ the call I've been waiting for ♪

♪ the call to take me far away from this hell ♪

America.

♪ the call to perform international ♪

♪ the call to montreal ♪

(cheering)

♪ I was so excited to sing and dance ♪

♪ in the north american version of France ♪

♪ where everyone is really nice and not withdrawn ♪

♪ after all it's the home of celine dion ♪

♪ and oh I dreamed of friendly people ♪

♪ who give me a cheer up and oh ♪

♪ I pictured beautiful rivers ♪

♪ of fresh maple syrup ♪

♪ oh canada was my answered prayer ♪

♪ and I never thought that I would end up there ♪

♪ I feel so safe 'cause of medicare ♪

♪ I'm so glad I got the call ♪

♪ to montreal ♪

(cheering)

♪ I'm so happy to leave my routine ♪

♪ to come to the land of hot poutine ♪

♪ I don't understand your thing with the queen ♪

♪ but I'm so glad I got the call ♪

♪ to montreal ♪

(cheering)

♪ now we'll fast forward to where I stand now ♪

♪ I've been coming to jfl for six years wow ♪

♪ I bet you'd like to know what I have to say ♪

♪ for my thoughts of montreal on this day ♪

♪ it's charming ♪

♪ it's lovely ♪

♪ I'm sick of eggspectations ♪

♪ it's quirky ♪

♪ and whacky ♪

♪ I love tranna wintour ♪

♪ tim hortons and bagels ♪

♪ cold winters and hockey ♪

♪ basically montreal ♪

♪ it's like cleveland but you speak french ♪

♪ it's cleveland ♪

I'm kidding, cleveland's gross.

♪ you're so much better I love you ♪

♪ montreal ♪

♪ merci ♪

(cheering)

Merci, montréal.

Bonne nuit! Grazie!

(cheering)

(soft piano music)

- Hey, just for laughs, happy 40th anniversary.

Wow. Congratulations. It's your girl wanda sykes here,

Just taking some time from my vacation in cannes

Because I can.

(chuckling)

Don't pan, it's just a camera person trying to do too much,

Ain't nobody asked you to pan.

Anyway, just want to say happy-- of course, that was alex.

But anyway. Happy anniversary, I love you.

Thank you all for so many great memories

And I can't wait to make more of them with you.

Big love, muah!

Gros bisou, merci beaucoup.

And... Joyeux anniversaire!

(cheering) quatorze.

(woman): Quarante. - Quarante!

See, getting involved again. (chuckling)

- Hello everyone! It's me, trevor noah.

I just wanted to say congratulations to you all

On the 40th just for laughs festival.

It's an amazing accomplishment for both the organizers

And the performers because, you know,

Comedy doesn't always age well.

But your comedy festival has.

Yeah, but seriously, don't let anybody see the jokes

In 20 years, just burn the tapes for your own protection.

Uh, to the new faces,

I hope you can experience what the festival is all about,

The love of performance and stunting as hard as possible

On everyone back in your local scene.

And to the networks and the reps and the agents in attendance,

For the love of god, buy something!

Don't just say, "oh, I loved your set."

Get that person a deal or at the very least, buy them a meal.

But seriously, congrats again, good luck

And remember not to fill up on poutine before your set.

I did that once. It did not end well.

- Here's windsor's own, dave merheje.

- Um, I know most of you don't know who I am.

I'm here because I'm ethnic.

(laughing)

Russel peters is here because he's russel peters.

I'm here because I'm lebanese.

Not even a dope lebanese, I'm catholic,

Like nobody gives a shit.

(laughing)

Catholics... Everybody thinks I'm muslim.

And they get jacked, they're like, "yo, are you muslim?"

I go, "nah," and then they just walk away.

(laughing)

And they're like, "you got this beard though, man,

You got this beard. You're muslim."

I go, "nah, I was just depressed."

The truth is I was depressed and I had sex with a girl

And she goes, "I like this beard on you"

And I've kept it ever since.

I was like, "I'm not going back."

I honestly just want to say though,

From the bottom of my heart, man,

Is that just for laughs, you know, I watched

Just for laughs when I was a kid, you know,

Lebanese kid and I got to be in this festival in 2011

And ever since then, man,

I've been coming back and I mean it from my heart that

They've helped my career and they've helped elevate me

So I just want to say I love you, because it's...

(applause) I mean it, I love you.

So allow me to introduce chris redd.

- Yeah!

(cheering)

What's up, montreal?

(cheering)

I don't know why I'm like this.

I'm trying to figure it out, I'm in therapy.

I thought therapy was for white people.

And then I got a little money, took my first vacation

And I realized, "oh, it's for people with money. And time."

White people just had that first.

I knew something was wrong because I was living

The best day of my life.

I told myself if I ever made a little money,

I want to live one day like jay-z in the big pimpin' video.

And if you're not familiar with that video,

Which I can tell by some of your faces,

Absolutely not, I'll break it down for you.

It's about one man, jay-z, a little bit too old

To be rapping, in miami, having the best day of his life.

He got champagne, all his homies, money, cars,

Chains, booty everywhere, and I love booty,

Especially when it's everywhere. You know what I'm saying?

And I wanted to do that. He was on a yacht, doing it all

And I'm like, "I'ma do that." so when I made my first cheque,

I called on my homies and I was like,

"yo, we're gonna do the big pimpin' video."

They was like, "yeah!" so we went down to miami,

I got all my homies, got all the girls, the money.

We got a yacht. I think it was a yacht.

I don't know yachts that well,

But it was a yacht to me until somebody said,

"this ain't a yacht, this a boat."

And I said, "walk the plank, mother f..."

And then he... He's like, "there ain't no plank on here"

And I pushed him. I ain't never seen him again.

(laughing)

But it was the best day of my life, man.

I was pouring champagne, booty was everywhere,

I was crying real hard

And jay-z didn't do that in the video at all.

Have you ever cried next to a woman twerking with all her might?

It ain't cool-looking, you know what I mean?

"go ahead girl."

"what's wrong with him?"

So I asked my white friends

How they found their therapists, you know.

And they were like, "yo, it's like dating, chris.

Sometimes you gotta go through a few

Until you find the one that's right for you."

And that... That gave me a lot of anxiety, you know what I mean?

'cause what if I find a therapist, a black therapist

Who can speak to my life experience, you know what I mean?

And we hit it off, we have a great relationship

And then all of a sudden, it gets rocky,

Like all relationships do. Then we break up.

So I picked deborah. White, 75, hair on her chin,

She don't know nobody I know.

(laughing)

You can have all my secrets, deborah,

I'm triggered as hell, dog.

We do not run in the same circles me and deborah.

My circle rappers, comedians, degenerates.

Her circle? Dead, probably. I don't know.

(laughing)

She was the first person to tell me I had anxiety.

I have anxiety, adhd and depression.

And I'm black in america. It's a whole lot going on here.

But she was the first person to tell me I had anxiety.

I said, "say something else about me..."

"what you think this is, deborah?"

She said, "deflecting." I'm like, "you're right."

(laughing)

All my therapy sessions have been over zoom

So I'm not sure if my therapist has legs.

(laughing)

Now, I assume she has legs because a lot of people

I know have legs, but I also know there's a legless community

Because I'm not ignorant!

Wake up, sir.

There's no visual proof she has legs, you know what I'm saying?

She's never walked into a zoom, you know?

She started every zoom settled, you know what I mean?

And there's no professional way to ask a woman

If she has legs.

You can't even comment on the legs they do have

When you see them.

I tried to trick her one time on a zoom,

I tried to trick her, man. I tried to act like

Somebody was in her house so she'd get up to go check.

I was like, "ooh, somebody's in there."

She's like, "ain't nobody back there."

I'm like, "damn."

I meet her in three weeks for the first time in real life

And if she don't have legs, I have to act like I knew that.

We've all been there, when you show up

And you see somebody they got something you didn't expect,

You know the rules, full eye contact,

Don't even look down, don't even mention legs until she mentions legs.

And my therapist can't stand that joke.

(laughing) thank you all very much!

(cheering)

(upbeat music)

- Hey guys, denis leary here, happy anniversary,

The 40th anniversary of just for laughs,

I can't believe it's been that long and I want to personally

Thank you guys 'cause you had me there in 1991

When nobody knew who I was and it was a big success

And that led to no cure for cancer opening off broadway

Two months later in new york

And selling out from opening night,

Which really made my career take off.

And two other career highlights you gave me,

1997 I came back and I sang the asshole song

With the leader of celine dion's band on stage at the gala,

That was huge.

And the biggest, maybe one of the biggest

Moments of my career,

In 2002, when I shared the stage at the gala

With yvan cournoyer and phil esposito,

My own mini summit series reunion.

So thanks a lot, guys, and thanks for letting me play

Ball hockey with you guys whenever I come to montreal

'cause I believe I'm a plus five.

(upbeat music)

(upbeat music)

- Next up, a just for laughs favourite, fortune feimster.

- Woo! Montreal, you're beautiful.

Oh man, we have had a lot of fun making jokes

At just for laugh's expense.

But she's a big girl, she can handle it.

But it all comes from a place of love.

On behalf of every performer who's ever been fortunate enough

To have been part of this festival, let me say this.

Nothing compares to just for laughs.

It's the largest festival in the world for a reason, right?

(cheering) yes. That's right.

I made my first appearance at this festival back in 2010

And I've been lucky enough to be invited back several times since

With different jokes, same haircut.

(laughing)

It never gets less special to be here,

Making it one of the rare things in comedy that ages well.

I can honestly say, if not for just for laughs,

I would not be where I am today.

Because where I am today is on this stage at just for laughs.

(laughing)

(cheering)

So from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Thank you just for laughs for 40 years of comedy magic

And I'll see all of you back here in 10 years

For the 50th anniversary show,

Which I am proud to announce, I've been booked to appear on.

By me, just now.

(cheering)

So I'll see you in 10 years, just for laughs.

I will be the one with this haircut,

It will not change.

And now to close out our show, we have a very special guest.

The only things more beloved in this country

Than this next gentleman are hockey fights and beer.

So please welcome the og of canadian comedy,

The goat, rick mercer!

(cheering)

(upbeat music)

- Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Thank you very much!

I know what you're thinking, my god, what happened to him?

The vaccine did this.

It is so great to be here for the just for laughs

40th anniversary, what a legacy.

What a legacy!

(cheering)

40 years of creating laughs,

40 years of being on tv six times a day,

Always after midnight.

But you know, we need to laugh now more than ever.

I have never seen our country so divided,

And you really notice it now that things have opened up.

Extended families are getting together for gatherings

Or getting together at events like tonight

And someone's always saying, "everything is gonna be fine,

As long as we don't talk about politics.

Everyone's gonna get along as long as no one brings up

Justin trudeau in front of your uncle gary."

So, let's not talk about politics.

Let's talk about something less controversial.

Let's talk about religion.

Organized religion.

I'm talking about crossfit.

(laughing)

Do you know who's big into crossfit?

Pierre poilievre.

Yes, the saviour of the canadian conservative party,

Pierre poilievre. He says he's doing crossfit

To help him prepare to be prime minister of canada.

Because you never know in a crisis

When you might have to flip over a tractor tire in the driveway.

(laughing)

He's wanted to be prime minister his entire life,

He's never done anything else but politics.

In fact, there's no evidence

That he's ever actually held a real job.

And by that, there's no evidence he's ever done anything

That you or I would consider work.

There's no evidence that he ever washed dishes

Or waited tables or delivered a newspaper

Or shovelled a driveway,

But he says work experience is not important

Because he has life experience.

On his website he's...

The part where he talks about his real-life experience,

He points out that he's a long-time member of the legion.

Like he's served in the military.

Look, I'm a big fan of the legion,

But just to be clear, anyone can join.

It's like costco.

Of course, pierre has strong views on which fighter jet

Canada needs to protect our sovereignty,

After all, he is a member of aeroplan.

(laughing)

Of course, airports all over the world now are in chaos,

All over the world. But when it comes to chaos,

Toronto is now number one.

Now don't worry, montreal,

You were certainly in the running for worst airport.

You came very close, but in the end, toronto had you beat.

It's a great rivalry between two storied airports,

Toronto and montreal.

It's like the habs and the leafs.

And in the end, toronto will always be the best

At being the worst.

(cheering)

But I tell you this, I feel bad for pearson.

I feel bad for pearson, not the airport, the man.

Lester b. Person, canada's 14th prime minister,

He won the nobel peace prize, for god's sake.

He solved the suez crisis. He was loved wherever he went.

And now, all anyone says is "god, I hate pearson!"

"pearson is awful! Everyone stay away from pearson."

Used to be, if you googled pearson,

You'd be reminded that he gave us the flag,

That he got us universal healthcare.

Google him now, you get page one of the star saying,

"pearson killed my dog."

Having an airport named after you is a terrible idea

If you're a politician.

So this is my proposal. We stop naming airports

After politicians who have done big things.

We name airports after politicians who've done nothing,

Who just stick around long enough to get their pension

And then sneak off to the private sector

Under the cloud of scandal.

Then you can say, "of course, I'm in a bad mood,

I just flew in to denis coderre."

(cheering)

Astronauts have it figured out.

They've got it figured out.

They get high schools named after them.

They all do.

Chris hadfield has a school, marc garneau has a school.

Even julie payette has a school.

Julie payette who famously said,

"in space, no one can hear you scream...

At the staff."

(applause)

But...

Do you know who I think they should name the schools after?

The teachers.

In my book, the teachers are the heroes.

Are they not?

I could never be a teacher, especially these days.

In my days, teachers, they just taught, right?

In the states now, they want to arm the teachers.

Ever see a teacher try to operate a vcr?

Do you remember that?

You'd be sitting in class, dreading the fact that class

Was about to start and the door would open

And the teacher would come in, but he'd be coming in backwards

And he'd be dragging that big metal rack

With a giant vcr on the lower shelf...

And he couldn't drive that thing,

It'd be banging off walls,

Knocking children out of their seats,

Running over their little legs.

All he's trying to do was show an episode

Of the nature of things and children are getting maimed.

They can't arm teachers.

My god, I had a teacher in grade 3,

Every time she wanted a window open she would call

For an older boy in grade 6 'cause she couldn't operate

Anything with a latch.

"could someone get a grade-6 boy in here,

I can't get this thing out of my holster?"

But I would name schools after teachers

Because a teacher in grade 10 changed my life.

If it wasn't for her, god knows where I would have ended up.

And you know, teachers never get the credit.

The only time teachers get credit, believe it or not,

Is on awards shows.

Right? Actors love to get up on stage

And get all emotional and say,

"I owe it all to miss brandon."

You never hear that from people on the stand

Who are being sentenced to 12 years in prison.

"why did I burn down city hall, your honour?

I owe it all to miss brandon,

Who told me if I can dream it I can do it."

Which is exactly what my teacher told me and look at me now,

I'm at the 40th anniversary of just for laughs.

(cheering)

And I...

Please god, I will be at the 50th,

But I tell ya, next time, I'm skipping pearson

And flying directly into poilievre.

(laughing)

Well, ladies and gentlemen, that is our show,

Thank you for being here and for watching at home.

Happy anniversary, just for laughs,

Have a good night.

(cheering)

Thank you very much.

(theme music)

Subtitling: Difuze