Original subtitles

(man on film ) Welcome to the Wizard Kelly Theater

where it all started with a basketball...

just like our comfortable seats.

Oscar, how are we supposed to sit on basketballs?

Check this out.

(beeps)

Wow, that's cool.

Shoot, they don't call him "The Wizard" for nothing.

They ought to call him "Lucky." Just don't make no sense.

Boy plays a little basketball and now he owns half the world.

It's not right. George Washington Carver never owned theaters.

Mama, quit hating, and eat your Salisbury steak.

Mm-mmm, this is the best Salisbury steak

I've ever eaten at a movie theater.

-Sojourner Truth never owned any theaters. -Mama!

Marion Anderson never had any theaters

and they wouldn't even let her sing in one.

Shh! Remember, no talking

so we can all enjoy and hear tonight's feature-length film

which will be brought to you in Wizard Kelly's

-"Look-Out-You're-Surrounded Sound." -Huh?

Let me demonstrate.

(echoing bounce)

( whooshing )

(in echoing voice) Freaky, huh?

Man, when is the movie going to start?

Oh, just one more thing.

One week from today

is the Wizard Kelly Junior Spelling Bee.

So, children, get your ABC's in order.

The Wizard is giving out plenty of prizes.

And now, our feature presentation.

Penny, did you hear that?

Yeah, finally the movie.

Not that, the spelling bee.

Oscar, shh!

Yeah, Daddy, nobody cares about some old spelling bee.

Nobody cares?

Everybody cares about the spelling bee.

I saw that, Mama.

(chuckling)

Come on, baby girl, we've got to start p-r-a-c-t-i-c-i-n-g, practicing.

But Daddy, the movie...

Daddy, please, I want to see the movie.

Look, baby girl, you don't understand right now

but that spelling bee can change your life.

How do I know?

I'm a former spelling bee champione.

Oh, sorry, Crandall.

Crandall?

Crandall Smith, what a coincidence.

That's Smythe, Proud.

Penny, I'd like you to meet the man

your daddy defeated in the 1977 Spelling Bee Championship

Crandall Smith.

Excuse me, but your win was an abomination.

Yep, I was the bomb, all right.

You ignoramus, your ability to spell is nothing more than a fluke,

a cheap parlor trick.

You hadn't the slightest notion what the words meant.

All you are is a spelling savant.

And champion. Let's not forget that.

Which would make you... the loser.

Misspelling one word would hardly qualify me as a loser.

(Boy) Come on, Dad.

I really went to the mat to get you this job.

You can't be slacking.

The Smelly Business got them barfing in theater 12.

Go clean it up.

Loser! If you'll excuse me

I've got to go practice with my daughter

the next Wizard Spelling Bee champion.

Come on hither, Penny. We have moil to do.

You do remember that word, don't you, Smythe?

M-o-i-l. It's the one you missed.

It means strenuous activity that involves difficulty...

like spelling, for some people. (chuckles)

Let's get on out of here.

No more shoveling puke.

I quit.

And you're quitting, too.

What are you talking about, Dad?

I'm about ready to move up to nachos.

No, my cheesy son.

You're about to embark on a journey of revenge.

Come along. Time is short.

♪ The Proud Family ♪

♪ What? ♪ ♪ You and me will always be tight ♪

♪ Family, every single day and night ♪

♪ Even when you start acting like a fool ♪

♪ You know I'm loving every single thing you do ♪

♪ I know that I can always be myself ♪

♪ I love you more than anybody else ♪

♪ And every day as I'm heading off to school ♪

♪ You know there's no one I love as much as you ♪

♪ Family, a family ♪

♪ Proud Family ♪

♪ They'll make you scream ♪

-(doorbell rings) -♪ They'll make you want to sing ♪

♪ It's a family thing, a family ♪

♪ Proud, Proud Family ♪

♪ The Proud Family ♪

♪ They'll push your buttons ♪

♪ And make you want to hug them ♪

♪ A family, a family, A Proud, Proud Family ♪

(Oscar) Okay, Penny.

From this moment forth

you're officially 4in training.

That means you spell everything when you talk to me.

Here you go.

Sushi?

Ah-ah-ah!

S-u-s-h-i.

Sushi for breakfast?

It's brain food.

Yeah, but it's being served by a d-u-n-c-e.

Mama?

Just trying to show the child spelling can be fun.

Okay, Penny, now focus.

You can't be a good speller with a bad diet.

We've got gingko biloba, for your memory

fish juice, to flush out all the slang from your mind

and walnuts, to boost your brain.

-Walnuts? -Yeah,

it even looks like a brain, doesn't it?

Yeah, just like yours, 'cept it's larger.

Daddy, I don't want to be in a spelling bee.

That's for nerds.

I knew you'd say that.

Now, take a look at this, baby girl.

Do I look like a nerd?

Eww, why's your hair sticking out like that?

Because it was n-a-p-p-y.

It's not sticking out.

That was the style back then.

I had that Jim Kelly, Artis Gilmore Linc

from The Mod Squad thing going on.

Who?

Never mind. Eat your walnuts.

(Dijonay) Penny Proud, let's go!

Sorry, Daddy, but I've got to j-e-t, jet.

Okay, but the minute school's over, meet me at the mall

at the Wizard's Kids Store.

-We got to pick up a few... -B-y-e, bye, Daddy.

-(door closes) -...things.

Oscar, please come straight home after work today.

I need you to take the twins

to their play baby development class.

I can't, Trudy. I'm meeting Penny at The Wizard's Kids.

I got to do a million things to get her ready for that spelling bee.

You've got to do it, Oscar.

I've got to go to the clinic.

It's the first day of our annual spay and neuter drive.

You know how important that is.

I know how important it is to a lot of dogs and cats

-that you don't show up. -Oscar?

I'll take them for you.

Thank you, Suga Mama.

Oh, don't thank me. I owe it to you.

You know, the Oscar thing.

(all chuckling)

(Man) 148... 149...

Hold it. Hold it. 150.

Look at you parents. All of you are weak.

But I'm impressed by you, Suga Mama.

You got true grit.

(woman over PA system) Mr. Eddie, call on line one.

All right, 12 sets of jumping jacks while I'm gone.

(crying)

Suga Mama, you're in command.

You heard him. The man said I'm in charge.

Time to have some fun. Here, Puff.

Put this CD on for me.

-♪ Come on, come on ♪ -All right, now, y'all, come on here now.

-♪ To the right ♪ -Hey, to the right now.

-♪ To the left ♪ -To the left.

-Take it back now. -♪ One hop ♪

-No, hop two times. -♪ Right foot, let's go ♪

Now, cha-cha-cha.

-Bring it down, now. -♪ Cha-cha, now, y'all ♪

Go, Puff, go, Puff.

It's your birthday. It's your birthday.

Now, everybody freeze.

(music stops, restarts)

-♪ Right foot, left foot ♪ -Bring it down, now.

♪ Cha-cha, now, y'all ♪

-Now, cha-cha-cha. -♪ Bring it down ♪

Oh, take it back now.

-What is going on here? -♪ Take it back now ♪

We were just trying to have a little fun.

-Join the party, Mr. Eddie. -No.

My whistle!

(gasping)

Dang, Mr. Eddie's a big boy.

(screams)

Hey, Mr. Eddie, I'm here to pick up...

Here's your money back. I never want to see her again.

Suga Mama?

Hey, look at it this way, Trudy.

You got this class for free.

And I got a workout.

How come you got to go in this nerd store?

Stop calling it that.

You're not a nerd just because you come in this store.

Penny, please. This place reeks of dorkdom.

Yeah, nobody who is really cool would ever be caught dead in here.

Hey, Zoey, your dream interpretation book came in.

Shall I put it at your usual table with the magnifying glass?

8-X?

All right, I've been in once or twice.

Look, Proud, as much as we'd like to, we can't hang here.

We've got to shop for the school beach retreat.

Yeah, it's going to be off the heezy.

There's going to be a bonfire, a weenie roast,

and most important of all, it's going to be unchaperoned.

I thought Miss Thompson was the chaperone.

She is, but she lost her eyeglasses.

Oh, man, I can't wait.

Why? you can't come.

It's the same night as your spelling bee.

Oh, no, what am I going to do?

I don't know. I wish I could help you.

See you. Wouldn't want to be you.

Ever.

Look, Penny, I'm not like them.

I don't think you're a nerd.

Could you do me a favor and drop that dream book

by my house on your way home?

-(LaCienega) Zoey! -Bye, dork!

(door signal beeps)

Hey, Penny, isn't this great?

Just being here makes you feel smarter, doesn't it?

Daddy, the school beach retreat is the same night as the spelling bee.

(laughs)

Would you rather freeze on some dark beach or become the queen of the spelling bee?

"Queen... bee... spelling..." get it?

Daddy, I'd rather be at the party.

Win the spelling bee, and the party will come to you.

Oh, look at this!

"Dr. Brainiac.

Learn brain surgery with none of the mess.

Ages six to nine."

Wow, Penny, can you believe this? Penny? Penny?

Well, hello, little baby.

Aren't you cute!

Egads, did you gargle with garlic juice this morning?

There's a dollar behind my pillow.

Take it and go through the car wash.

With your mouth open.

This store is great. Look at that, a talking doll.

Where do you keep the batteries?

The same place the ventriloquist puts his hand in you.

Wait a minute.

I think you've just insulted me.

No, sir, that outfit insults you.

I merely mock you.

Ah, you got jokes? Who are you? An ugly Chucky wannabe?

No, I'm just your mental superior.

Now, it's time for your line. It should go something like this. "Duh!"

Don't let that formula-encrusted mouth of yours write a check

your diaper rash bottom can't cash.

Hey! You and me, shorty.

Outside, now.

(Crandall) What's the matter, Proud? Even babies won't play with you?

Crandall, give me a large popcorn...

butter in the middle... and some Red Vines.

That's so funny.

But you know, I don't do that anymore.

I'm back in the world of academia.

Hey, Crandall, cleanup in atomic energy aisle. Wear gloves.

Loser!

Excuse me, sir?

Do you have The Wizard Kelly Experimental IQ Increaser?

Makes kids smarter by increasing their brain power.

Did we get those in?

It's over there but we only have one left.

(groaning)

Give me that, you fool.

I got it first. Besides, you can't afford it.

Get off me, Crandall...

I can't believe this stupid spelling bee is making them act so crazy.

All I know is, this whole thing is wack.

Tell me about it. Want a walnut?

I already have some.

You cretin!

You broke it.

Look, I got to catch up with my girls.

See you 'round.

Yeah, yeah, see you.

(Nubia) Psst!

Hey, kid?

Word on the street has it, you need to win a spelling bee.

Yeah, can you hook it up for me?

Unless you can spell c-a-s-h money,

the Gross sisters can't fix nothing.

Okay, okay, okay. But no violence.

Ah, you want to do it the hard way.

That'll cost you extra. Break out some Jacksons.

Okay, this is all I have.

So-so how you going to do it?

Don't worry about it. Just know, you're going to be

the new Wizard Kelly Spelling Bee Champion.

(chuckles)

Penny Proud, time to get up.

Time to do some spelling.

Oh, come on, Daddy.

It's Saturday.

We all have to make sacrifices.

This is my cartoon day.

Now, up, up, up, up!

That's the spirit.

Now, for a little spelling music.

♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ♪

♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ♪

♪ A B C ♪

♪ It's easy as one, two, three ♪

♪ As simple as ♪

♪ Do re me ♪

♪ A B C ♪

♪ One, two, three ♪

♪ Baby, you and me girl ♪

(laughing)

♪ It's easy as one, two, three ♪

All right, Penny.

This game is called Horse.

If I make a shot then you have to make the same shot.

If you miss, you get a letter.

First player to spell horse loses.

That'll probably be you, but don't worry about it.

It's the spelling that's important.

Any questions?

I think I got it.

♪ Your education ain't complete ♪

♪ Teacher's gonna show you ♪

♪ How to get an A ♪

♪ Oh, A, B, C ♪

♪ It's easy as one, two, three ♪

Did I mention we're playing horseshoe?

All right, Penny.

I'll give you the word and Buzz Lightyear here will spell it in the clouds for us.

Make sure your seat belt is tight

because this is going to be wild.

Yes, Daddy.

(Oscar) Okay. Now your first word is parody.

(Penny) Parody... P-A-R-O...

(Oscar) Oh!

Daddy, there's only one "O" in parody.

Daddy?

Come on, Daddy, I'm tired of spelling.

Tired? Champions never get tired.

I have a grade-three concussion and I'm not tired.

Will somebody pick up that doggone phone?

Daddy, the phone isn't ringing.

That's not important.

Three more words and you can go to sleep.

-Comatose. -Comatose.

-C-O... -(thudding)

(snoring)

The only thing that girl got from me was her good looks.

Oscar, you have worn this child out with your spelling frenzy.

I'm teaching her to be tough.

No, you're trying to relive your glory day.

They'll be no more spelling.

Tomorrow is a day off.

Fine.

If she grows up to be soft it's your fault.

Croissant. C-R-O...

Sleep tight, baby girl.

...I-S-S-A-N-T.

Okay, baby. Now this is the big time.

Just remember everything we've done.

(Wizard Kelly) Welcome everybody.

This spelling bee is brought to you live courtesy

of Wizard Kelly Cable Connection

where the picture quality is low like our rates.

And parents, a videotape of tonight's competition

will be available for only $59.95.

Be sure to capture what may be your child's only moment of glory

they'll ever have.

-Ever. -(static feedback)

In their entire life.

There it is.

(drumroll)

Everybody... ooh, this is it!

(applause)

The first word is "albumen"...

the white part of an egg.

As in, "Wizard likes his albumen scrambled."

A-L... B-U-M-E-N.

Albumen.

-That's right! That's right. -(applause)

You got no albumen on your face.

And the next word is knack... a talent or aptitude.

Like the Wizard has a knack for basketball.

K-N-A...

C...

K. Knack.

Is that your final answer?

Don't be scared.

Ooh-whoo!

That is correct!

(laughs)

(applause)

Chlorophyll...

the green coloring matter

of mother nature's little trees and plants and things.

Chlorophyll.

(high-pitched ding)

(clears throat)

Shoot! That's an easy one.

I should have been the one up in this mud.

C-H-L-O-R-

O-P-H-Y-L-L.

Chlorophyll.

Correct!

Woo-ooh!

(applause)

I-N-S-I-Z-O-R.

"Insizor?"

Oh, I'm sorry.

That's a foul.

But don't feel bad.

You get a copy of my new audio book...

-It All Started With a Basketball. -(crying)

J-U-D-G-E-M-E-N-T.

Judgement.

Ooh-ooh!

Mm-mm-mm.

I'm so sorry.

You got to go hit the showers.

(gasps) Oh!

(buzzer sounding)

My bad.

I got a judgment from the judges.

They say you can spell it with or without the first "E."

-(gasps) -Therefore, that is correct!

-(applause) -(sighs)

-(cheering) -We're down to our last three contestants.

The next word is "milieu."

-Timothy? -Uh, milieu.

M..., uh...

I...

-(loud static) -(woman) Uh, give me...

three fish sandwiches, and five fries.

System! He's wired!

(beeping)

(Nubia) M-I-L-I-E-U.

Milieu!

Dang, he's slow!

Now that's a foul.

Hit the bench. You're disqualified for cheating.

Bobbin... a spool upon which thread is wound.

I personally prefer "bobbin" for apples, not thread.

Just ain't right, just ain't right. Wrong!

Just wrong.

B-O-B-A-N.

"Boban."

Ooh, I'm so sorry

but that is incorrect.

Ms. Penny Proud, for the championship

please spell "bobbin."

Bobbin.

B-O-B...

(clears throat)

(clock ticking)

B...

I-N? Bobbin?

Correct-omundo!

Which, by the way is not a real word.

Please don't send letters.

Penny Proud, you are the Wizard Kelly Spelling Bee Champ.

(cheering)

(laughing)

(applause and cheering)

We did it, baby girl. We did it!

She did it, Oscar.

Yeah, in spite of all your foolishness.

Your mother's right.

You did it, Penny.

You're in the record book along with your daddy.

Daddy, I need to tell you something.

(Chang) You can't spell incisor.

Lighten up. They didn't stand a chance

against the Proud kids.

-Dad. -Okay, baby girl, what were you saying?

Can you believe that Crandall kid tried to cheat?

That's what I want to talk to you about.

Congratulations, Penny.

Oscar, you've got a real winner for a kid.

I don't know where I got this cheater from.

Timothy's not the only one who cheated.

Who, baby girl, who?

Let's get them before they leave with our prizes.

Me, Daddy. I cheated, too.

Ooh!

This girl is delirious.

Let's go.

No, Daddy. I cheated.

Huh?

-And you helped me. -I knew it!

You don't know anything.

Wait a minute now, baby girl.

Why are you saying this?

Penny, what are you talking about?

You see, I really didn't know how to spell that last word

and then I looked out in the audience

and Daddy, you were mouthing the letters with your lips.

I'm sorry.

I always knew that boy's mouth would be his undoing.

I heard the whole thing.

Kid still had her microphone on.

Sorry.

Where's Debby Chang?

She wins by default.

Hold on, Wiz!

Read my lips.

You better let that go.

You human cue card, you cheated.

Oh, no, you don't! Give that back.

Get your hands off this!

What are you talking about?

Your kid spell bobbin with an A.

Your kids are cheaters.

This is going to be the start of the Chang Dynasty.

Hey, guys, if we hurry

we can still make the beach retreat.

Yeah, they should be starting the bonfire right about now.

(All) Hey, we're down.

Let's make like a ball and bounce.

(laughter)

(Mr. Chang) This is coming home with me!

(Oscar) Get off the track. Give it to me!

Cheer up, baby.

It was an honest mistake.

But it's all my fault Penny lost.

I got too caught up in reliving my glory days.

I promise you, baby, I learned my lesson.

I'll never push my kids again.

Well, will you at least watch them?

I've got to empty the dryer.

Sure, go ahead.

(children laughing)

Trudy, look! The babies are spelling!

These kids are making words

and they've got no idea what they mean.

Just like their daddy.

The Proud genes continue!

(theme music playing)