Original subtitles

thank you

welcome to creature features Friday it's

another Friday Night Show yeah we've

been doing these and people like them I

think I I like them do you like them she

likes them I like them I think you're

gonna like them too especially tonight

because we've got a wonderful movie

entitled Damnation Alley 1977 with Jen

Michael Vincent and George Peppard

I like that name he he sounds like he

sounds like some kind of dish one would

find in a nice restaurant I would like

an order of papad please right anyways

uh wonderful movie 1977 this uh this

movie was uh it costs a lot of money to

make because they built the entire

landmaster vehicle and I have a great

tale to tell you about that thing at the

next break but uh this film uh the

future is not good but if you've got a

vehicle like this it's it's not so bad

it's a great way to travel better than

an airplane right anyway so what else

about this movie you've got any facts

about this movie I should know

all right right so tangelo says that uh

during the filming of this movie they

were filming Star Wars as well same

studio and they kept taking money from

this movie and giving it to Star Wars

it's like oh George Lucas needs more

money for his film we're gonna take your

money and they kept doing this and it

was released the same year as Star Wars

so you can imagine the box office for

this film was not too wonderful

in any case uh it's a it's a good film

we think you're gonna love it let's go

ahead and start damn nationally and as

we get into the movie don't forget

subscribe we want you to subscribe to

our Friday Night Show

see you halfway through the film

thank you

thank you sir thank you sir

good morning officers and gentlemen

morning Sergeant how you doing Keegan

aha fantastic man I got a leave coming

up yeah where you going I don't know yet

but it's going to be some place very

green

but I can see you're not carrying any

booze or women or animals on your person

which is as it should be

well that's a new one

you got old Joe Bradley pretty good yeah

I did catch him a little bit didn't I

guess I'm you're the one I can't catch

major that's because he's so Shifty

how long would it take to do a portrait

Knowles

what about a week of preliminary

sketches in a month of painting

you want to be immortalized by me major

no not me I'm gonna give my wife an

anniversary present

you're gonna have a nude then

as a matter of fact I can give you a

great deal on a news

but if you're serious I'd be happy to

well we'll see what she says when she

comes back from Chicago okay

should I move major

Bishop to Queen four Bishop

oh you poor fool Bishop the queen

thank you sir

thank you sir

he's a pretty good artist

yeah I don't know what the hell he's

doing in the service

I think I should mention I've applied

for a roster change

oh

why is that

I just think we're not temperamentally

suited as a work team

thank you sir thank you sir

unless you subscribe to The Conspiracy

Theory

you're just gonna have to believe you

don't meet specifications

whose specifications sir

mine

thanks for telling me at least I can

plan my future

good morning hot coffee and sandwiches

it really is Captain thank you sir have

a nice day same to you

check

what we're here

step one

looks like a satellite re-entry to me

appears to be a burnout

red Talent

where one break break

part one

three

Charlie

Alpha foxtrot Tango

part two Tango

Alpha charlie delta

x-ray Oscar

part three zero four two three four six

authentication Sierra Alpha

I have a valid message I agree

multiple Warhead strike confirmed

a territory strike on advisement Jesus

armo missiles

all missiles

armed positions at zero five one zero

one five

Zulu Zulu whiskey four M1 alert one

we've confirmed hostel hostile missiles

heading to Major U.S population targets

foxtrot golf four two zero three hundred

interceptors air confirm any Interceptor

missiles launch in progress

300 interceptors Airborne flight select

switch to all flight select switch all

blca launch options switched to 99 plca

option switch99 all CBM prepared to cop

alert zero five launch retaliatory

missiles all enemy targets

two five unknown

ready for launch

cert keys

inserted

rotate on my command

three two one rotate

one two three release

foreign

C5

not Charlie

10 missiles

launch in progress

confirm intercept affected

foreign

enemy missiles destroyed

missile strikes confirmed

Boston

Philadelphia

Trenton

Washington D.C

Detroit

foreign

Portland

Charlotte

Denver

St Louis

boys yeah

foreign

foreign

foreign

founder and Barstow talked her into

being your next model buddy

ah damn

you want us to come out and give you

some cover oh you just watched my style

son

all right

anything

this is where you get off

we got sick daddy can't leave her like

that

foreign

what the hell are you talking about man

she was

tell your key I think I finally gone

over the edge yeah

I come back from Barstow with that dummy

behind me talking to her the whole way

I swear I even stopped the bike and

kissed her

that's crazy ain't it

well I don't know about crazy but

show us selfish

foreign

sorry I had to go see General Landrum

yeah

he won me 20 minutes 20 minutes

what's the big deal out 20 minutes mine

worth a big deal about 20 minutes isn't

mine and I wanna okay okay

weirdo

how far do you think we'll get depends

on the conditions we find

you know that that thing's never really

been tested

Tanner says he's been as far as Phoenix

give me a 3 16.

you believe that

it might have

he's crazy enough

why did he quit the service

um why don't you go see if that one fits

you get signed authorization General

Landers and we can go

if you don't mind my saying so sir

I don't think the general really knows

what's going on

I mean he just sits in that control room

every day and and drinks

he's our CEO

you start taking off when we feel like

it

basic collapse in a month

but you're right Tom Landis is gone

there's smoke coming from the main

building

foreign

two days and I can still smell a smoke

nobody made it

I know

poor bastards maybe they're better off

out of it

I don't agree with each other

Ty you want to come along with us

so I don't have to re-enlist no Tanny

you don't have to re-enlist as long as

it's clear

I'm in charge

well that's a mighty subtle difference

but if you're coming get your stuff

together

Keegan you ride with Perry

Tana

you go with me

Eugene's still given orders

foreign

landmaster two landmaster 2 to

landmaster 1 over keep visual contact we

will halt at 1200 hours Roger

Albany

you got relations there

it's the only place we ever got a signal

from

we make it there in these things

we sure can't make without them

Albany is a place to aim for

sort of the objective of the operation

huh

they even called that

yeah

I mean there's a

there's a way across

well

it's not really a way across

but the screens show it to be the path

of least resistant it's not good

this be God

what happens we make a wrong turn areas

of radiation we couldn't get through

it's not a matter of Wrong Turns damn

nationality is nearly 100 miles wide a

lot of the way

Damnation Alley who named it that

I did

I believe there's a bit of the

swashbuckler in you after all major

well it's a great rig

that was all the secrecy about these

damn things off limits to unauthorized

personnel

how about let me take it for a while now

it's about time you started on your keep

ready yeah you got it

there's a tachometer

the rest was just like your family car

except there's a manual overriding

transmission

go ahead give us some gas

oh this thing's got some juice in the

bottom end don't it she will go

this machine can handle a 60 degree

incline can operate in water

cruising speed is 60 miles an hour

there's three separate Drive sources

you can operate with either the front or

rear wheels out of action

how does it do on gas

guys quit the Air Force

what Air Force are you referring to

well the service then

well I mean after the bombs fell it

didn't seem to me to make much sense to

keep on doing all those duties and

fatigues gluten and Sarah and

what do you think would have happened if

we'd all felt like that

more people have felt like that to be a

hell of a lot more people feeling and

thinking

and playing baseball and singing and

making love

raising babies

hey why don't you just call me when you

want me to drive this mother

yeah try not to get lost

you think I can follow this thing

the machine will do it on its own

you just hang on the wheel make it look

good

now headed Northeast on that compass

you get a green light yeah man now you

got it now you get off course you're

gonna get a red light just turn it back

you'll get a green but you can handle

that

sure who couldn't yeah

your eyes like a trolley

you gotta put up the signs and

Damnation Alley

on route to Albany

Lewis stops at Las Vegas and Salt Lake

City another scenic turnouts

pick 10-4

thank you

no country and western music anymore

no xerb

not even any River night

I was I will stand in by my window

on a cool and cloudy day when I saw

what's your message landmaster one over

seeing you sinners

come on will a circle Be Unbroken by and

by Lord bye

bye there's a better oh my waiting in

the sky Lord in the sky

afraid I'm gonna have to interrupt you

two sons of the Pioneers to speak to

Major Denton over he's asleep what you

need come on well there's a there's a

trace up ahead on the TV screen what's

it look like come back

I don't know

but it's big and it's moving

take it easy Lieutenant I can see it

looks like some kind of storm

operational procedure is to dig in and

let it pass see you on the other side

give him

I just hit this thing digs itself in

because I don't have to go out there

with no shovel

what's happening picked up a storm it's

gonna go around but I don't think that's

going to happen what are you doing

we're going through it first Barry

I think he's digging in we advise you to

dig into yeah he instructed I guess

about to be better to try and run from

it

Baja 1000.

start digging baby

it's almost here

land master mask designs withstand

stresses about

pretty good huh

pretty good wasn't it pretty good pretty

lucky and pretty stupid you should have

followed Perry's instructions and dug in

you're gonna do things my way you're

gonna walk

a message to the line Master One

foreign

matcher one come in

land Master tuner landmassing one come

in

landmaster two this is landmaster one

have you got a copy come back

thank you

there it is

that doesn't look good

can you bend it you mean forwards or

backwards is it broken

I don't think so it'll be all right

uh

Harry's dead isn't he

got to move some gas and supplies I need

your help

you don't feel like admitting you're

wrong do you major now don't make

something personal out of this town I

Perry's dead that doesn't mean you're

right and I'm wrong it means Perry's

dead

requires

Once you turn it off for there might

have been more I've been broadcasting

that same message for two years nothing

more nothing less

why nothing more

it's a tape

program to go out the same time every

week which is supposed to mean

it means that after the bomb there were

some people alive

and they got enough power to broadcast

you mean where love will go all the way

to Albany and just find some little

bitty computer and a great big old empty

building I don't know what we're gonna

find

but getting there is the only way we'll

ever know

hey there it is who will you look at

Vegas

I'll always look better at night daytime

kind of looks like Barstow with a high

rises hey that's Circus Circus

why don't we stop

all right I'm gonna get your new feather

for your hat

why nothing changes bomber no bomb the

lights never go out in Vegas

hey Tana

wanna play a little blackjack

you're on

oh in my hand all right

again hit you again all right there you

are I'm gone

Housewives as usual

hey look at here somebody ran off

without their winnings

it must be a first for Vegas you know

they had to be in a hurry hey look at

that man

yeah

take this hole with me

on a nickel come on

you just need that man

hey made your face on here come on yeah

go ahead major what you got to lose

accept his money

machines

thank you

thank you

huh

well ain't that just our luck the major

noser

you're doing just fine darling don't

stop now

oh hello

[Laughter]

you were asking me how I survived

it's very strange

because I was beginning to think I had

not survived at all

I was playing here for almost a year

and I was writing songs and trying to

get them to the stars who came to Las

Vegas

I wasn't succeeding

the manager he said you would help me he

said the new Frank Sinatra

I know it's a very pathetic story

but who knows maybe he was a very close

friend

I never found out

he broke me down to the full art shelter

so I could do him a favor for the favor

he was going to do for me

and just after I had done my part

the bombs came

so I've decided I wasn't meant to be a

star

do you not think that it was sensible of

me

what about this guy the manager what

happened to him Alex

she was very unlucky

he could not accept that it had happened

never

he would wake up in the mornings and

believe things were all right then

remember

he had a heart attack he died in about

six months

first I used to hear planes and cars and

one night I woke up I heard a bell like

on a bicycle

I run out looking for it

I don't want to cramp your style Miss

but I don't think you'll need most of

those clothes

we don't have that kind of room

oh I'm sorry you have to forgive me

it's such a long time since I left on my

trip

oh just one suitcase to do and

I suggest uh

t-shirts and jeans

you know this this child of yours looks

like it's been through a nuclear war

hello welcome back uh damn nationality

wonderful film and nuclear war is not a

good place to be I don't think I'd do

too well during a nuclear aftermath

well I don't think you do too well

either who's gonna do your hair

she cannot do her own hair and okay so

fun movie a story to tell about the

landmaster vehicle so when I lived in

Los Angeles I drove by Dean Jeffries lot

many many times and he had this vehicle

the landmaster in his parking lot and I

I one day I rang there oh you've heard

the story there's a true story I rang

him and I said I like to purchase that

vehicle and he goes fine thirty thousand

dollars and I said all right so I went

down with thirty thousand dollars in my

pocket

and uh he took me to see the vehicle and

I walked around the outside and I said

wonderful let me see the inside he said

no

but the plug said no

I'm buying a vehicle from him and I

cannot see the interior of the vehicle

so uh he he became angry and decided

that uh he didn't want to sell it

anymore so here I was thirty thousand

dollars and you know he didn't even have

a Batmobile for me to buy no anything

like that so I ended up not getting it

but uh true story it now belongs to

somebody else who apparently has fixed

it up and made it nice as I would have

you know I would have made it into a

recreational vehicle

no no it would have been like a

limousine with you know the blue lights

and everything

I would have put a stripper pole in it

though that'd be obnoxious right any

case uh let's get back to the film and

we will see you on the other side but

don't forget to subscribe to our little

show because uh we do this on Friday

nights and Saturday nights and you're

gonna enjoy one of them and hopefully

you can enjoy tonight see you soon

thank you

close to the shower scheduled to uh help

and serve water and generally straighten

out who goes when give you some privacy

so I'm happy to say we can all have a

shower once a week whether we need it or

not

oh my God

look at this

ah don't worry about them their troubles

are all over

I can just imagine him coming back from

the supermarket

but there's something about these

skeletons major

what well I mean they're awfully clean

like they've been polished almost

well they've been there two years I know

that but the doors are still closed

we're gonna go to town let's see if we

can pick up

we're gonna do with that crowbar you

gotta have a credit card when you go

shopping major

you think she'll be all right with him

of course she'll be all right with him

just what is it exactly that you have

against him I don't hold anything

against him I just don't think he's

reliable

oh shoot

I hate bugs

oh

look at the size of it down armor plated

cockroaches I suppose there's a restroom

down there

I get the hose

hang on

okay start the pump

let's get out of here

Sam Sam

now now this is Denton this whole town

is infected with killer cockroaches

no kidding

[Music]

we're on the top floor of Gregory's

department store we're going out the

window there's some kind of a parking

lot across the waves

our way to your location

hang on Baby

hey look at that

come here look at this

Hey kid come on out we're not gonna hurt

you

come on out kid

come on kid play fair

son of them

it's all right Sam we aren't gonna hurt

you

a kid

he's in our son

he's We're Not Gonna Hurt You

after my mom died me my pie just started

moving around

no place especially just mood

kept moving for a long time

you didn't see anybody else

after what happened to my mom me and my

past stayed well hid what about your

father

what happened to him

and broke his legs

fell down a cliff and broke both of them

oh what did you do

so that was until he died

how long ago was that

around four moons as near as I can

recollect I know my hair grew quite a

piece

he's been wandering around ever since

well don't do no good you're sitting

still

we're going all the way across country

in that machine out there

you're welcome to go with us so we can

give you some supplies and leave you

here

whatever you like

tell me more of that oh yes sure

that bike you chased me on is it hard to

learn

well I'll go with you if you teach me to

ride

you got a deal

so what's gonna happen nothing

this is it that's how things are going

to be really

with all those explosions they they

knock the world off its axis that's its

axis it's kind of like a center

yeah something like that

and if it comes back

everything could come back to normal

oh would it take another explosion to do

that

Straighten It Up

I don't know

it could do it all by itself nothing

good ever just happens by itself

no matter how much you want it to

you gotta make it

you want to drive this rig

you think I could

try

come on we'll do it together for a while

there's a little wheel

something

it could be he's got some gas still in

this tank

foreign

folks we got a 10 minute refueling stop

refreshments and restrooms available

should be a generator let's look out

back

how you feel it's been

a fancy looking machine you got out

there

where are you headed for

making for Albany

how long you been been around

since everything went to hell

it used to be more of us now there's

less

all the dead are dead

and all the living are dying

which goes for you as well

well is there anything we can do for it

before we move on

well let me check

how about it boys

anything you got a mine for

I know

you can show us around that machine to

yours

General

we like that

the boy and the little lady can stay

here

and rest

maybe a little lady will play some more

that was real nice

why don't you play something for me

what do you want me to play

I don't care

just play something

and keep on playing

stand over there by your mom

she ain't my mom can you ate my paw I

don't have to stand anywhere

don't go bad for him when I get him

you better call him back in here

come back

can I have a sucker get out can I just

have one more sucker please

I won't tell your friends

you say you're going Albany

that's a fair ways

hey you get back in there

I've got to be on his own with my mom

[Music]

I'll take care of this

you keep an eye on these two

come on boy

I want to be with my paw let him stay

here

how about that friend of yours my wife

huh

take it easy mister

he ain't doing anything we ain't all

going to be doing

he's just doing it in the wrong order

I've got a plca99

I agree

thank you

thank you

slow it down and after to keep it from

welding up

I'm losing again rear end

take it to uh

0-15 degrees north

yeah should get what we need up around

Detroit

you can get spare parts for this thing

designed to use spare truck parts semi

can do what I need

now keep it under 40.

I think things will ever get back to

normal

who knows Billy

we're not looking so bad right now

though

still got food and drink

fireworks in the sky

hell who knows well Denton can keep that

thing running we might just make it

someplace

where Albany

doesn't really matter

six on a machine that's why we're here

Tana

we are on that side

you're all right over here you got

plenty of room

to let you back it out

what we need is a semi

maybe go this way

well look at that must be the truck

Department

it's like my own pickup over there

buddy off of Disneyland

I hereby declare this park a National

Monument

this one looks all right

Tana I need your help hey do you hear

that noise

what about it I don't know it's like a

whining or an engine somewhere

I don't know

I've never seen so many cars before

that's your heritage Billy

what's Heritage that's where people

leave other people after they find out

it don't work

hey that noise is getting louder listen

I gotta go help them don't you wander

off this place is full of wildlife full

of Wildlife

yeah they got wild cats barracudas

Mustangs cougars Impalas places a gosh

dang Zoo

tell me

when we can sit out

sit out of this video

clear enough the sky's blue

okay I'll get live so you can get the

hatch open

damn thing stop need some help

I need that crowbar

coming in back here too are we gonna

sink

God this vehicle is designed to float

when she's half full of water

how about when it's all full

let's not think about that

you're good on this thing with me Janice

Hold Us

thank you

you got that bike fixed yet

yeah I'm just cleaning the plug

well hurry up I gotta get on it take my

trip like hell you are I'm only one

that's going to ride this bike

Channel

this is Albany New York broadcasting its

daily program to whoever is out there

we're on the air daily at noon with

music and informal programming our

transmission on 720 kilo Cycles will

continue after a two-minute pause for

any incoming broadcast

wait a minute we got two minutes we got

two minutes

I get the distinct impression of a tall

redhead about 25. what if she's 65. I'll

live with it

hello hello Miss Albany we read you do

you read us we read you do you read us

over

yes who is it who are you please

identify yourself

my name is Major Eugene Denton United

States Air Force there are four of us

we got two men

a woman and a boy

we are near a large body of water

can you locate us yes

do you have transportation yes yes I do

I understand you've got a subtle reading

of eight one degrees I'll come to you on

the reverse heading of two six one

get off that back we're going to town

for pizza and beer be back by dark Tana

come back here

come back here

then do you read me oh yes Albany I I

read you

we are sending you uh an emissary

his name is Tana

please don't take him as an example of

the rest of our party

thank you

and so ends Damnation Alley Albany New

York you know I've been there once

before and it's a lovely place you know

if I were to go someplace after a

nuclear Holocaust I think that would be

the place

especially if the weather cleared up

okay so wonderful movie we'll maybe show

it again one day I don't know maybe we

won't they never made a sequel did they

they should have made a sequel to this

film it could have been called

nice things happen after

nuclear war

I don't know I'm not good at titling

films you know my experiences with music

I I've never learned a title movies in

any case uh thank you so much for

watching the show please like And

subscribe because if you don't then uh I

I we're going to do something else on

Friday nights right like go to the Disco

instead because you know if nobody likes

this and they don't subscribe what's the

point right yeah exactly and uh also

make sure you catch our Saturday show I

don't know what we're showing this

weekend it'll be something fun so

tomorrow night you can have another

horror movie of some kind and uh we'll

probably have a guest right don't we

typically have a guess

now we we typically have a guest on that

show it's a whole different thing the

entire cruise there it's fun and uh if

you'd like to support us financially you

can go to our patreon page which is

appearing down over here somewhere and

uh you can help us keep the show going

so that uh pretty much sums it up uh oh

we also do mail on Saturday nights which

I was going to mention to you we're

getting a lot of mail about you and that

that Skillet of yours now that people

complaining that you're injuring too

many people with your Skillet no they

they've been saying you've been injuring

them well of course them they're

watching the show

Tangela

oh Tangela