Original subtitles

I miss you so much!

I don't know if I can wait three days to see you.

I love you.

Michelle, the journey is almost over.

What the hell are you doing here?

We've got a problem with a stowaway.

What do you mean?

Right on time.

What now?

Kill me now and you destroy the merchandise.

Shoot him in the legs.

Call off the search in Hong Kong.

Toby Wong just hit 'Frisco.

♪ Baby I love you ♪

♪ He wonders how can he keep her ♪

♪ As a... ♪

Sounds like this early morning drinking's turning into a career for you, Malik.

Yeah, but the pay sucks, Joey.

So do the tips, my friend.

So do the tips.

Here. A solid breakfast is important.

♪ Life is simplified ♪

Man, I don't know why you wanna waste so much time

writing these sappy love songs nobody wants to hear...

least of all, the woman who dumped your sorry ass.

Oh, well, thank you, doctor, I feel so much better now.

Truth hurts, baby.

Well, you know what the truth is? The truth is my time is comin'.

My time is comin', baby.

♪ She loves him so ♪

- Help you? - ♪ He wonders how can... ♪

Beer.

You know, the only reason I open up so early is to keep your out of work ass off the streets.

Now I have a customer.

Well, why don't you tell your customer

about the importance of a good breakfast and leave me alone.

Let me write, okay? Please, Joe.

Like I said, my time is coming.

Look out that door. Look out there.

What do you see? My time, right out that door.

And I'm gonna take you with me, because you can sing a little bit, right?

Just like Johnny fucking Cash, baby.

Johnny fucking Cash.

That's all I need.

Hey, you look like a music lover.

Check it out.

Hit song right there.

Check the back.

Right.

Shoot his legs.

Ah, shit, shit, shit. Shit.

Put the gun down or he's dead.

Come on, man, let's talk this out like gentlemen.

This is between you and me.

Like gentlemen, please.

Shut up.

Put the gun down.

Now he's running out of time.

We'll pick this up later.

- Freeze. - Freeze.

Oh, hey.

I've got a wife and a family and kids and everything.

Thank god you're here!

You move any closer and I'll kill him.

- Kill me? What are you... - Shut up!

Back off.

Hey, just be cool, man.

Just let him go.

We don't want to see anybody else get hurt.

Just put the gun down.

You follow me, he dies.

Oh my god, oh, thank you! Thank you, ah!

- Come on, let's go. - We are going. This ain't the Batmobile, man.

Want me to through a rod? It's an old car.

Just drive.

Look out!

Oh, my paint!

- Baby, I'm... - Your paint?

- You're gonna get us killed! - Easy, easy!

Did I scare you? I'm sorry, did I put your life in danger?

- Shit. - Shit is right.

I'm not the bad guy, okay?

What?

Just relax and drive.

Relax?

Relax and drive with a gun to my head...

What did do?

What did I do to deserve this shit?

Look, I'm not gonna hurt you. You just keep driving.

Okay.

Oh, hey, man, anything you say goes.

You're the boss, Mr. Gunman. You're the boss.

You're the boss, man.

Hey, easy. Easy, cousin. Easy cousin.

I'm just going for my cigarettes. Cigarettes, see?

Oh, that's raisins.

Cigarettes. Cigarettes, cousin.

Easy. Smoke?

Those things'll kill you.

Oh, God, yeah, if I don't die from a gunshot wound first.

Don't smoke in the car.

I'm sorry...

You don't want me to smoke?

In my car?

Can I open a window and smoke?

Oh, this is fucking beautiful.

This is fucking...

You know what? You're right. I'm going to quit.

I don't know who died and left you Surgeon General, but you're absolutely right. I'm gonna quit.

Tell me something. Tell me one thing.

How long do I have to put up with this shit? Where are we going?

Los Angeles.

Los Angeles? Are you out of your fucking mind?

- Excuse me, Yosemite Sam. - Wong.

- Toby Wong. - Hey, hey, hey! Malik Brody.

Pleased to meet you, pleased to meet you. Do me a favor, man.

Find some other brother with a better car,

kidnap him, and make him put the miles on his car.

I can't do it. I'm not going to do it.

I'm sorry, but you don't have a choice.

All right. That's typical.

That is so typical.

You know, you just fresh off the boat,

kidnap the first brother you see, and force him to be your chauffeur.

You don't look like Miss Daisy. I shouldn't be driving you no-fucking-where.

Shut up.

Can't smoke, can't talk... My fuckin' car!

You take the car! I'll walk, drive your-fuckin'-self!

All right, ladies, hold it, hold it, hold it! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

That was... that was quite a round, ladies!

This show is not as good as it once was.

They used to use criminals who were real badasses,

now any butt-pin who pulls a drive-by gets fifteen minutes of fame.

I hate it.

I wanna watch Walter the Einstein Frog.

You know what I hate?

I hate that I have to call that son-of-a-bitch in Hong Kong and listen to him nagger at me.

Corey Feldman's gracious sacrifice will prolong the life of another.

But first! Your final diagnosis, Dr. Walter?

In English.

Vic Madison for Mr. Lau.

One moment.

What's that, Walter?

Pancreatic cancer?

Mr. Madison.

Judging by your expression, you have unfortunate news to convey.

Oh, I gotta hand it to you, Mr. Lau.

No one pulls the wool over your eyes.

You haven't recovered our property?

- Nope. - I'm disappointed.

No shit.

Your arrogance never ceases to amaze me.

Now, I don't know about arrogance, Mr. Lau, but I do know that I enjoy my work.

And the object you've lost is about to supply me with a sizable amount of pleasure.

If you knew that you would be held responsible if the competition acquired this object...

Now, Mr. Lau, I have been a faithful employee and you know that.

Even as we speak, action is taking place to recover the object.

There's no need for threats.

Of course not.

Leung Corporation. Have a nice day.

Sayonara, shithead.

Must be nice being married to the boss's daughter.

Walter, you've just saved the life of the president's son.

I'd better go see how Longmire's doing in prep.

- How we doing? - Would you turn that shit off?

Must be a routine DUI stop.

In the middle of the day?

Don't do anything stupid.

You're about six years too late with that advice, pal. Thank you.

- Howdy. - Sir.

Huh?

Can I see your license, your registration, and proof of insurance, please?

Yes, you may, officer.

Yes, you may.

I got that right here.

Here you go, here you go. Here you go. Here you go.

Can I have your name, sir?

Sammo Hung.

Can you step out of the car, please?

Me? Yes. Yes, sir, I will be glad to.

- Freeze, asshole! - Hey!

- Hey! - What?

Get your hands out of the window where I can see them now!

Nice and slow.

- Out of the window! - Yeah, yeah!

- Open the door. - I know the routine, okay?

So let's not get too rough.

- Get out! - Up against the car.

Turn around, get your hands behind your head.

- Wait... - Shut up!

- Hands behind your head. - I'm not the one. He's the one!

I'm the kidnapee.

He's the kidnapper.

You're under arrest.

Under arrest? I'm a fucking hostage, man!

What are you talking about?

This motherfucker shot 30 people in a bar.

Tell him! Say something, motherfucker. Say something.

- Hey, knock it off! - Tell him how you just shot 30 people in a bar.

You have the right to remain silent! Anything you say can and will be held against you.

- You fucking bozos. - That's enough.

- Jesus! - That's enough. Let's go.

What about that big ass gun he got?

Yeah, put him face down like they do the brothers in Watts.

Uh-oh.

Hey, man, thought we was going to the police station?

Hey, man...

Hello?

End of the road.

Please, what happened?

They cut the funding for the highway patrol or something?

Got special instructions.

Nothing personal.

I knew these guys weren't real cops, man.

Oh, they're real cops. Real dirty.

Oh, you'd better slow your roll, big fella.

This is the original five fingers of death right here.

Aren't they all.

See ya.

I've got a funny feeling we're going to see some familiar faces.

Funny fee... Well, your definition of funny and mine

must be completely different, 'cause I don't see a damn thing funny.

He-he.

Mr. Wong.

Face to face again.

You have become one festering boil on my ass, Turbo Drive.

Hi. Excuse me. Hey, man.

I don't know you and you don't know me,

and I don't know what you want, and I really don't give a damn.

- I got a mission to get home and catch videos of... - Hey, Bob Marley, quit your wailing.

You boys become pen pals yet?

These hostage situations do tend to lend themselves to a sort of bonding experience, don't they?

- So back to me and videos... - Sorry, Bob, it's my job.

This gravel pit puts me in mind of that little trip we took to Kentucky a few years back.

Was that when we took out the governor?

Nuh-uh, that was New Mexico.

Kentucky was the VP of Psychoplasmics.

You remember that roast chicken we ate?

Hot damn that was good. Them little garlic taters.

Just shoot us, Madison. Don't bore us to death.

No... whoa, whoa, whoa, Madison. Just shoot him. Okay?

I enjoy chicken as much as the next man.

A man after my own heart.

Yeah. Hey, you ever been to Popeye's Chicken?

- Popeye's? - Yeah. Real spicy, spicy recipe.

Extra spicy?

- It'll flip your wig, cousin. - You don't say?

- Yeah! - Kill this guy.

Ow!

- Ow! - Move!

What are you do... what...

Let's go.

Oh, bedpan lickers!

Would you wait for a minute for a...

- Would you make up your mind? - Just follow me.

Look, Sportshoes, kill the big guy, not the little guy.

You remember "Sesame Street?"

You remember that?

That whole big-little thing was explained pretty dang well, wasn't it? Yeah!

Shoot the big guy in the head, little guy in the legs.

Are you with me on this?

Yeah.

Wait! Wait!

Come on!

Shoot this son of a bitch! Toby, shoot him!

Come on, Madison. Shoot me.

Do it.

You ain't so bad.

Oh! Look out!

Let's go.

Bucket! Come on.

What'd you want the bucket for?

- Where are you going? - We're going down.

- What? I ain't going down there. - We're going!

It's suicide! Can we talk about it?

Tell me on the way down.

God damn!

God. My back.

Water!

Man, I hope those asshole cops didn't take my car, or it's gonna be a real short trip.

Go, man, go!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

- Come on! - My side! My side! My side!

My side.

Shit! Crap!

Goddamn it, you messed my suit up!

Fuck!

Fuck me, man!

How do I get involved in... How did I get involved in this, man?

- Are you okay? - Okay!?

Okay?

I'm in one piece, motherfucker, but okay is something I ain't been since we met.

It's time for you to download some information to me, man.

Tell me something.

Why are those guys trying to kill me more than they're trying to kill you? Huh?

They're not supposed to kill me.

I'm too valuable to them.

Valuable?

Val... Oh, yeah, you're about a penny a pound as far as I'm concerned.

If you so fucking precious, why did you kidnap me?

Why did you get me involved in this? I know I'm good looking, but damn!

This is like... like, shit on Malik week.

I really don't think it's a good time to stop the car.

- If we could just keep driving a little... - You don't think? You don't think?

Well, think back, dumb ass. They took your gun.

So I'm not afraid anymore,

unless you plan to slit my throat with a paper napkin,

which is all we've got,

you better start talking.

I want to know why we're being chased.

And you better tell me before them wild motherfuckers catch up with us.

Have you ever heard the term, "bio engine?"

Yeah, that sound like Beaver Cleaver saying fire engine.

No, it's high-tech slang.

It means biological energy module.

I have one in my chest.

Really?

Wow, that's a pretty amazing coincidence, Toby, because I have one in my ass.

Yeah. I have a little brown one.

In my ass.

Come on, man. I want to know the truth. We ain't got time to bullshit.

I used to work for the government in Hong Kong,

after the Red Chinese took over in '97.

They put one of these things in me...

A prototype.

I'm here because I heard that there's a corporation in L.A., ConTech,

that wants to buy the implant.

All I have to do is get down there, deliver it to them,

and they will pay me $5 million for it.

$5 million?

And, of course, the, uh... The Red Chinese, they don't want you to sell it.

Uh-huh.

Tell me something.

Does everybody live happily ever after at the end of this fairy tale?

- Look, I'll make you a deal. - Oh, please, Monty Hall, no deals.

- No, no, no, listen. - No deals.

All you do is, you help me get to L.A..

I'll give you half the money. What do you say?

I say, we go to my house, we get a ha...

Half the money, like $2,500,000 half the money?

Exactly.

It's not enough?

- No. - No?

- I mean, yeah. - Yeah.

I mean, no. Hey, would you cut it out?

Don't do that Bugs Bunny stuff with me, all right?

Just... no. We're not... no!

Absolutely not.

I mean, I can't.

Do you expect me to believe this fire engine story?

Bio engine. Biological energy module.

- Fire engine! - Go fast.

Fire engine! Whatever!

- This is your house? - Not exactly.

Look, I've only been a barfly since I lost my job.

And my wife.

And my house.

Come on.

What?

She remodelled.

This place is great!

Put a sock in it, would ya?

Boy, did you let yourself go!

Tools are in the garage.

Yeah, look at that.

That super scientifical hard stuff... It ain't so bad.

It'll cut...

What the hell are you doing here?

- Uh, uh, well... - What the hell is going on?

Take it easy, Carolyn. I can explain.

This guy here, he kidnapped me.

- But now he's gonna let me go. - Oh my god.

Are you in trouble with the law?

No.

I'm not. I'm... I'm good.

But, uh... but he's on some other shit. They're gonna fry his ass.

You don't want to know...

Why aren't you at work?

I had to meet a deadline. I was at work all night.

All night? So wait a minute...

That means you left Bria with the asshole?

His name is Steve.

- Oh, I'm sorry... - How many times do I have to tell you?

The asshole part is silent.

You know what? That's a real nice Kmart family portrait old Steve paid for.

- That's a nice portrait. - But it ain't his family.

At least he's a grown up.

- Oh, he's a fucking cheeseburger. - He works for a living.

- He's a cheeseburger. - A cheeseburger?

Yes! A nasty, fat coagulating-around-your-heart, not-good-for-you cheeseburger.

And you know what? I don't think you like this Steve guy as much as you pretend to.

- And do you know why? - Why?

Because you didn't hit me when I called him a cheeseburger.

And the only nice thing you can say about him is he's a grown up?

Okay, okay... he might be a cheeseburger.

- He's definitely a cheeseburger. - He might be a cheeseburger...

Baby, this motherfucker is straight outta Nebraska corn...

He might be a cheeseburger,

but that's better than being an aimless, irresponsible fool.

That's right, a fool.

Look, I can't have you around here.

I... I just want you to saw your handcuffs off,

do whatever you gotta do,

and leave.

- Carolyn. - Please.

I hate this Steve guy.

Me too.

God!

Thank you, but that shit I did not need.

Once I get you to the bus station, man, I'm dropping you off,

and I'm finding me a new favorite bar.

I don't need this. And she leaves my kid with that asshole.

God. What is this, man?

I can't understand... women make me sick.

Ah, man.

Leaves my kid with the asshole, man.

How long have you been divorced?

What?

Divorced. How long?

- We don't even need to go into that... - Please, I... I'm just curious.

We're not actually divorced yet, uh...

It keeps getting put off.

I think she still loves you.

- Oh, you do? - I do.

I think, uh...

I think you should go catch your bus.

Come on, man. Give me one.

For old times' sake. Come on. Don't hurt me, now.

You hit so hard, you bad ass.

Take care of yourself, man.

Man, oh, man, oh, man, oh, man.

She still loves you.

And I love you, man.

Stay fruity, man.

Don't twist any ankles.

Don't pull any groins.

Let's get out of here.

Oh, shit.

Oh, no, he's going to have to handle them.

I can't do three, I can't.

No, I can't.

Come on! Don't look all confused!

Shit, she might love me a little bit more with $2.5 million in my pocket!

Mr. Lau, Mr. Chow is here.

Sir.

How was your trip?

I...

Excuse me?

Isn't travelling wonderful now that the Orient Express is operational?

A long, miserable flight,

made short and pleasant

by new technology.

Yes, sir.

A very pleasant flight.

A pleasant flight.

You failed to capture Toby Wong,

and yet you had a pleasant trip.

That is not what I meant, sir.

A Leung Cooperation advanced model.

What Toby Wong could have been.

Again, new technology,

capable of turning a long, miserable death into a short, not-quite-pleasant one.

Prepare a group of our finest.

You're going hunting.

Hey, man.

Ay, man. Talk to me.

Tell me about China.

Is there a lot of Kung Fu shit going on over there?

What... What do you mean?

I mean, is it like, you know,

guys running up to each other on the street talking about,

"Hmm! Your Kung Fu is pretty useless, as well as obsolete."

"You insult me. You bastard. Prepare to die. Hmm!"

Not a whole lot. No.

Really?

You know, I would've thought that...

I mean, a lot of people have some sort of martial arts training,

but you don't see much chop socky going on in restaurants or anything.

Mm.

That's funny, the image that Americans have of China is that, you know,

it's a country full of people with little tiny feet,

and they run around and kick the shit out of each other every day.

Well, that's the same image we have of America,

except you guys have big feet and you kick the shit out of each other less gracefully.

I can see there.

So... so, um, tell me about the fire engine in your chest.

What's the big deal, is it an artificial heart or something?

In a way.

Except the implant increases your strength and reaction time.

So why you?

They want you to compete in a karate competion or something?

No.

They just want a...

perfect assassin.

Oh, shit!

Oh, man. What next?

Hey, I think we blew a hose.

We're going to have to make a stop.

There's a little town coming up. We can get a motel room.

You can sleep, I'll fix the car.

But I thought we decided on the safe approach?

Toby, safe or not, if I don't stop and fix it, we won't get a mile down the road.

Jesus. Ay, man.

Toby. Rise and shine.

We're here, man. Rise and shine, partner.

- Yo, we're here, man. - Hi!

Oh, man, am I glad to see you guys around.

- Hi. - Yeah.

- Wow. - So tell me, how you doing?

- Well... - Oh, man.

This thing is a real piece of shit.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you there.

I just have never seen anything that looks quite this bad that still runs.

Oh, that did sound real bad.

- Yeah, act... - You need a room?

Please. Please, tell me that you need room, please.

You need a room?

You want a room?

You need a room?

Yeah. We need a room.

So, what should we make that? A double?

Oh, yeah. He's a blanket hog.

I know all about that. My boyfriend's a real blanket hog.

Ex-boyfriend.

Ex-citing.

My much-too-trusting parents took off on business and they left me in charge of this place.

The only problem is, is that there are no guests in the motel,

and the remodeling won't be back for at least another three days.

Oh, god.

Let me see. Eenie, meenie, miny...

You all right, kid? You look wiped out.

The implant screws up my metabolism. It keeps the adrenaline pumping.

- To do that, I have to crash hard. - Dig it.

You know, I think this should be the biggest party opportunity of my young life.

And nobody to share it with.

Oh, that's rough. Um... Look, do we have any forms to fill out?

'Cause my man needs to get a little rest.

You're in luck Magilla Gorilla.

I am offering you the Deliverance party weekend special.

Oh. What does that include, exactly?

- Exactly. - Lots of sleep, I hope.

- Yeah. - Nope.

It exactly includes free room and board.

- No shit? - Yep.

- Oh, who's gonna know? - Yeah.

But you owe me.

I owe you what?

Entertainment, chocolate boy wonder.

- Show off. - Just trying to stay awake.

Is the second floor okay?

We've got double beds, free cable TV with the naked channel,

and complimentary shampoo. Oh, awesome.

My dad has this huge garage right next door if you guys want to use it to fix up your car.

- Oh, yeah. That'd be great. - Great.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

Bye.

Hey, listen, be careful going up the stairs, 'cause we're going through some renovations.

All right.

Hey.

Huh?

Nothing.

Yeah.

- Bye. - Bye-bye, now. You just...

I swear, Hedgehog...

All this junk food you're eating has turned you into a smelly mountain of shit.

My bodily functions don't concern you.

Yeah, well they do when I gotta be subjected to the consequences of your flatulence.

We've gotta bring Toby Wong in.

He's trying to make me look bad.

He's always tried to make me look bad, even before he got wound up with that Turbo Drive.

I knew he'd be trouble.

- He's good. - Goddamn right he's good.

Son of a bitch could eat flour and shit cupcakes.

Don't talk about cupcakes.

I'm going to carve him up.

Right on time.

Good.

Good. A little touch up paint,

bang out some of those dents, and we're on the road.

Oh, get outta here.

Happy birthday!

Oh, Toby, you old player!

I love you.

Yeah, I see, you just looking for somebody to double-date with.

How's it going?

Oh.

That is a terrible habit you have, child.

I'm, uh, just working on my car.

Mm. These old Challengers are super cool.

What's this... a '73?

Yeah, that's exactly what it is, a '73.

Make out car to the max.

I'll bet you that backseat could tell some old war stories, huh?

Probably a little...

Yeah, this is a hell of a garage you've got here.

It's my old man's.

He used to be a hot-rodder back in the old days.

Now he just customizes other people's cars.

Says it keeps him young.

Yeah, I can dig it.

You're into cars? Hm?

Oh, uh, I dabble a little bit.

Oh.

Hey.

Wait. Do you want to see something that is just really great?

- No. No, no, no. I don't... I'm not... - Oh, no, come on.

I think you'd love it. Please.

Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait a second. Wait a second.

Oh, you're gonna be so excited.

It's fabulous.

God!

It's my dad's.

This is a classic!

It is totally custom.

It's got a rebuilt special edition...

428 Hemi...

V8 supercharged...

trip 4-speed auto, and...

and a fuel injection for a 747.

This is the shit.

I knew that you'd like it.

How do you know so much about cars?

God...

I love them.

There is nothing like a mean go-getter.

You know what they say, you can tell what a man's like by the kind of car that he drives.

When did Godzilla get ahold of your car?

Oh, wait a minute, now, Godzilla didn't do nothin' to my car.

Look from this angle, this... this is not so bad, is it?

Mm-mmm.

I love this car!

Tell me...

Where would two guys in a bullet-riddled 1973 Dodge Challenger be headed?

- You are full of questions... - You are not full of answers.

We're going sightseeing.

- Hmm, right. - Yeah.

- Right. - Really.

As a matter of fact, you should go wake up Sleeping Beauty

because we don't have much time to hang out.

Oh, got an important sight to see?

Exactly!

The important sight to see is called a paycheque.

Who's paying you?

What, are you writing a book?

Okay?

Do me a favour,

- don't be so inquisitive, okay? - Okay.

That kind of shit gets people shot.

Is something wrong with your eyes?

Look, if you gotta know, go ask Toby.

He loves to tell his story.

Go ask him.

Wrong way.

We're closing in.

Yeah. Good, hot day for a killing.

Toby?

Readout, Walter.

Good lord!

It's an uncharted asteroid belt swirling through space like a cosmic food processor.

The ship's computer calculates our survival at 70,000,012 to 1

We've been hit!

System malfunction, Walter.

Hull breach at 80%.

She can't hold on much longer.

Toby.

Toby, Toby.

Toby, Toby, Toby.

Lock 'em and shock 'em, gentlemen.

Just touch a little bastard with one of these,

he'll be about as tough as a jelly full of pudding.

Do me one small favour fellas.

When you're shooting at the chump he's traveling with,

keep your eyes on the fire arms.

Mr. Wong has a tendency to take them away and use them on their owners.

So without any further ado,

you three go around back....

you guys take the garage...

Conte, the Hedgehog, and myself will go in the front.

Rock and roll, boys.

Hey, Toby...

We can have a fun day.

Time to get up now.

Hey.

Hello?

Who says violence is not the answer?

Oh!

Ow. Shit. The story of my life.

♪ Out of that bed and on your feet, out of the cool and in the heat ♪

- Check the first floor. - Sir.

Madison, you copy?

I read you.

We found the car.

Good. Stay sharp.

Roger.

Yo, yo, man, that's how...

- What? - Yeah.

He... he hit that man right here and blammo... took off...

Some party weekend this is.

You saw him go into that building right there?

He just ran over there.

Shit.

- Where's Malik? - He was working on the car.

Can you get this to him?

You can bank on it, sweet cakes.

Oh. Okay.

Malik.

Fuck.

Say goodnight, Stacy.

Shit.

It's Gracie, dorkstick.

What the fuck are you doing?

Hey, good looking.

You need a hand?

No. I'll take that, though.

Keep your head down. I got you covered.

- You got me covered. - Yeah.

Okay.

Oh, come on.

What the fuck is this?

Give me...

Are you out of your mind?

Okay?

Never mind, come on. Come on.

It's Bob Marley, he just capped Epping and O'Neill.

Man, you've got bigger problems heading your way.

Whoa.

Oh, look out!

- You guys okay? - We was doing our thing, man.

They're coming. You hide in the back. I'll take of them.

Okay. Good plan.

Come and get it.

Take him down.

Oh, wow!

- What? - He's fantastic!

Stick your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye, Turbo Drive.

Jesus, shit, howdy.

Now that's eating pavement!

Shit.

Oh!

They're destroying my motel!

Stay here!

Hey, wait, Toby!

Fuck that! I ain't staying here, come on.

I got the front!

Toby, come on!

- Oh, shit! - Oh, man!

What a shot!

Boo-yah, baby! Give me some, kid.

Yes! Hey, now, wait a minute.

What took you so long?

What the hell were you doing while I was getting my ass kicked?

Well, I was catching up on an episode of "Walter the Einstein Frog."

- What do you think I was doing? - Oh, really? You was catching up on...

That is one really smart frog.

What?

What?

What's so funny?

Okay, boys. We are all set.

It's called the Apollo 14 Bar and Grill,

and it's about an hour up the freeway.

Sprad is going to loan us his car.

He's my ex-boyfriend.

Okay, time out. Okay?

What's this we?

We? You're not going anywhere.

Uh, hello. Remember me?

The one who helped you guys out back there.

It was tres cool, fool.

I was the ultimate bad ass bitch!

Yeah. You were bad.

- I was bad! - Bad.

But the badness has to stop right here.

You can't come with us.

That is not fair.

You guys wrecked my motel.

- You owe me. - Wait a minute.

He might've wrecked your motel, but I'm going to take care of it.

Okay?

You're not coming with us, though.

Oh.

Okay.

Okay.

You guys better come back here.

And I mean alive.

- Good plan. - Okay?

All right.

I must say, it has been a pleasure meeting you.

- You wild woman, you. - I am.

Thank you, Deliverance.

Hey.

Bye, Toby.

Bye.

Hey, Malik.

I know I rocked your uvula.

Well, I don't know what the uvula is,

but, uh, you definitely put some rocks in it, baby.

Take care of yourself.

Mm. You too.

- Bye. - Bye.

Hedgehog, come in.

Hedgehog?

Hedgehog!

Hey, Hedgey, you alright?

No.

Why is this so goddamned hard?

What the hell did I do to screw up my karma this bad?

Could've looked up no goddamned amateurs.

Now we've been doin' this shit...

How long have we been doin' this shit for?

I can't think!

Yeah, well, we've been doin' this shit for a long time, my friend,

you can tattoo that on your ass.

We keep this up, we're bound for Hell's greasy shitter for true.

Hey, you can see my face, right?

So why don't you speak English as soon as my ugly mug pops up,

or do I have to fly over there and bitch slap you?

One moment.

Having a bad day, Mr. Madison?

Yeah, I'm having a bad day, Mr. Lau!

Another failure.

I can't say it was unexpected.

Look, we ain't no goddamn lost and found, Lau. We're assassins.

So why can't we just shoot the bastard,

stick an apple in his mouth, roast him up for dinner,

and yank his frickin' heart out?

'Cause frankly, I'm sick and tired of having...

Working for your money.

An advanced model has been upgraded and is already on its way via the Orient Express.

What?

He will be arriving in San Francisco shortly, and will rendezvous with you.

You will work under his orders.

Now you wait just a goddamn minute.

I'm not taking no orders from no Turbo Drive.

You will take orders, Mr. Madison.

It's part of your job description.

At any rate, we have no more use for the prototype,

and you can yank his freaking heart out if it pleases you.

Just bring it back to me in one piece.

You trying to make it up to me, Mr. Lau?

Goodbye, Mr. Madison.

The target's pinpointed at a resort not far from here.

Report to the rendezvous point.

Holy shit.

She said Apollo 14, right?

Yeah. My guess would be it's the one with the giant rocket ship sticking out of it.

Yeah, you probably saw that movie, too, huh?

Wrong mission. That was Apollo 13.

You watch too many movies, Toby.

Now, this is what makes America great.

Yeah, right. That's too bad.

Why don't we get our wheels and get out here, huh?

- Hey, man. How you doing? - Hey.

Is, uh, Spam around?

Spam?

Yeah. Spam went to the cooler.

He'll be back in a minute.

Can I get you guys some drinks?

Yeah. Give me two beers, Iron Moose.

- Coming up. - Thanks.

- Thanks. - Uh-huh.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Mm-hmm.

I needed this.

You and me both.

So tell me, how you like the USA so far?

Gunfire aside.

Good beer,

fast cars.

Lousy singers.

Let me see you get up there.

Yeah, that's what I thought. You better suck on that beer, buddy.

Nice shoes.

Initializing boot sequence.

System 10.

10, 9, 40.

Engage optical drive.

Give me a status report on our operative in California.

His men are in position.

The storm is imminent.

Toby Wong?

No.

This says different.

Excuse me.

Can I get two more beers right over there?

Oh, shit.

See this?

What's going on?

Be cool.

Cool? You be cool. I'm with him.

I was just showing your friend here

how he's got a goddamn tracking beacon built into his chest.

Or had it never occurred to you

that the bad guys always seem to know where you are?

I thought about it.

Who the hell are you?

Name's Cantwell.

I don't shake hands, so don't wave one at me.

I'm from Continental Technologies in Los Angeles.

- ConTech? - That's right.

We got sent out to haul your valuable buttocks into the shop.

Maybe this will help convince you.

Shh.

100,000 bucks.

Call it a down payment. You'll get the rest on delivery.

- Down payment. - Mm-hmm.

Hey, uh, since we all buddy, buddy, can I sit down and...

Yes. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Here you go.

What are you doing?

You, young man, are very twitchy.

This will burn out the tracking beacon.

I don't want want those Leung Corporation scumbags screwing up our guy's night out, now do we?

All better.

Maybe Turbo Drive's superior firepower got lost somewhere?

Ooh, here comes the cavalry.

Let's swing our dicks.

♪ Won't you go home, Malik Brody? ♪

♪ Won't you go home? ♪

♪ She's still in love with you ♪

Oh, no.

♪ You're too cool, Malik Brody, to let one mistake ♪

♪ make you feel the way you do ♪

♪ Whoa. ♪

- ♪ You remember... ♪ - This... that's me he's singing about.

♪ That she threw you out with nothing ♪

♪ but a fine-tooth comb ♪

♪ You've been gone for a while now ♪

♪ Go back in style ♪

♪ Malik Brody, won't you please go home? ♪

You know, Malik, we've known each other...

- for a whole day now. - I don't know you!

- And we've been through a lot. - No, I don't know you!

Some of it has been...

scary.

And, um, some of it has been fun.

But you've got something that most men would die for...

And I think you've gotta try for...

- your love. - Thank you, Dr. Joyce.

♪ Won't you go home, Malik Brody? ♪

- ♪ Won't you go home? ♪ - Why don't you go home?

You go home! Get out of here.

- My god. - ♪ That girl is still in love with you ♪

♪ You gotta home and a wife ♪

♪ A beautiful child too ♪

♪ Won't you please go home? ♪

♪ Been shot at, we've had some fights... ♪

That son-of-a-bitch is in there making our kill

while we stand here with our thumbs up our asses!

I'm getting that fifth-wheel feeling myself.

Oh, shit! Look out!

What do we do now?

Back to plan A.

What's plan A?

- Don't get shot. - Good plan.

Ow.

Shit, I didn't even get to finish my beer.

- No holes? - No holes.

- So our work here is done, right? - Done.

Let's go then.

Oh.

What's wrong?

It's time to come home, Toby.

I think you'd better go.

Naw.

We can kick his ass. He's the last one. Come on, me and you.

I'm serious, Malik.

- You don't want to fight this guy. - Fuck that.

We'll kick his ass and take his coat.

You see those glasses he got?

- All right, no more playing. - Absolutely.

It's time for you to get the hell out of here.

What? Hey, get off that, man. I told you I got your back.

Listen, Malik. You have a wife and a daughter.

Now go home.

Go!

Hey!

It's my favorite cheese-eating dick monkey.

No, you don't!

You ain't so bad.

I ain't so bad?

But you hit like a girl, motherfucker. Let's go.

You think you're bad?

I know I'm bad. Let's go!

I'll show you some big, long, and nasty.

What the fuck?

Time for a whipping, boy.

Ow!

Oh, shit!

Ow!

There's been a fluctuation in the adrenaline level.

His body may be nearing the point of exhaustion.

Boost the implants into overdrive.

Which ones?

Every one.

System initiating.

Implants boosting.

Boy, let 'er buck!

You know,

you remind me of a little ol' dairy cow,

and I'm milking you!

Son-of-a-bitch...

I don't have to kill you.

You can return with me to Hong Kong.

No!

Caution.

Warning.

Overload.

System overload.

Oh my goodness!

You pulled a whip on me? Are you out of your fucking mind?

Let me tell you something:

Don't you ever...

pull a whip...

on a black man...

again!

You fuck.

Total systems failure.

So...

He wasn't so bad, was he?

Nah.

Come on.

We got a paycheck to collect.

Yeah, you got an employee to pay.

- You get a bonus. - Oh, I like that.

Time to blow.

Time to blow?

Shit!

- Come on! - Shit!

All right, Tobe, let's get going.

We got money to collect, we got hotels to build.

And a wife and kid to go home to.

Exactly. Yes.

Wife and kid. Yeah, man. You know what? I'm gonna...

I'mma do everything I can to make it work this time.

Who was she kidding? She can't live without me.

She's a lucky girl.

There you go! I think I might have to pull out my...

tiger fists on that...

cheeseburger, though.

I hate that guy.

Yeah, me too.

You can buy a new car, too.

- I sure can. - You know what I like?

I like the '64 Chevy Malibu convertible.

Why is that?

You know, I...

I saw it in a movie once.

- I did. - That figures!

A movie once!

Woo!

Well, I think, uh,

we've done all the damage we can here.

Let's go blow something up in L.A., man.

I'm right behind you.

We ain't got a car.

Hey, let's take this blue Taurus here.

- I know how to car jack, you know? - Do you?

Hell yeah!