Original subtitles

Jesse does the expression three's a

crowd mean anything to you

I don't like Michael you don't steal

that kind of money you marry it

Michael I'm your wife till death do us

part chain number three Jesse come on

over me today Jade Jesse does the

expression three's a crowd mean anything

to you

I don't like Michael you don't steal

that kind of money you marry him do it

Jane

aurilla you exiled to the primitive

planet

in human form until you to restrain your

hostility this control unit will monitor

and now back to the game

okay Jim you've asked the questions

you've got the answers who's it gonna be

is gonna be bachelor number one or

bachelorette number two or bachelorette

number three bachelor number three

bachelor three okay why him

Oh he seems the most sincere yeah don't

they all on TV anyhow let's meet the two

guys you didn't choose then bachelor

number one is Thomas Brent he's an

investment banker from Marina del Rey

Thomas come on over here and say hi to

Jane to do it please okay now remember

you didn't pick him Jane at bachelor

number two is Steve Henderson he's an

airline pilot from Beverly Hills

Steve fly on over here and say hi to

Jane

okay but close eyeballs back in your

head Jane you didn't pick these guys

thank you very much gentlemen for

playing our game we have a year's supply

of something right through those doors

make your life a better place to be so

Jane you ready for this yes I am

all right well Jane let's meet the guy

you did shoes then now bachelor number

three is Jessie apparently has no last

name because there isn't one on the cue

card but Jessie come on over me today

Jane this would probably go a lot better

if he actually came up here and so you

think you just wait Jessie

first day out of that mainstreaming

program

anyhow Jane this is Jesse Jesse this is

this is Jane now we don't know much

about Jesse Jesse's heart delivery man

from sandwich master right here in

Burbank and let me be the first to

congratulate you Jane because the guy

delivers one the heck of a tuna fish sub

so I've seen this part before we waved

goodbye and then jeopardy comes on oh

right you are yes

anyhow Jane I think you were in for one

interesting date a date that begins as a

matter of fact with a chauffeur-driven

limousine ride to take you out for your

free evening on the town

Oh Mozart's my favorite Oh Mozart my

favorite you see we already have

something in common

so why did you decide to go on the show

I was bringing in sandwiches and they

needed a bachelor number three so I

agreed because television is very

important to me really well do you want

a ride or direct no I like to watch well

I guess I went on because I'm really

sick of the singles bar scene and I've

had my fill of blind dates oh then you

chose me because of my vision yeah I

guess that's right I mean I can tell by

your answers that you see things the way

they really are like when I asked you

the question about fooling around in the

first date and you said you know he said

I said fooling around us for children

exactly

so I needn't play games games oh I like

to play games I guess we all do a little

bit fun well you're so down to earth

got a stalled vehicle up ahead it's

blocking two lanes looks like we're

stuck

I'll move that piece of junk okay

congratulations once again you've proved

that you can't be left alone I've done

nothing wrong you are confused you're

supposed to watch television not up here

on it it was very important the man in

charge said it would save his life if I

were bachelor number three it was not

life or death obviously you did not

understand the sayings of this planet

that human merely had idle up his creek

no matter this state will teach me all

about the male and female relationship

that again

you seem increasingly more interested in

this area the humans are obsessed with

this if I understand it then I can

understand them and I'm beginning to

understand you control leave me I have

got work to do fine just remember you

are here to help humans will not become

one

I want to make a commitment to be with a

man with my whole heart and soul for the

rest of my life I could never do that

you and two million other men in this

town love oysters

but don't you have a good tired of the

dating scene I tried to get lunch I

barely survived it oh poor thing

haven't you been out since I did I have

a need for it Jessie

when you find someone special it's the

most wonderful thing in the world you

can't give up I never give up would you

excuse me while I powder my nose

very interesting the females wear

weapons on their feet I wonder if they

use them against other females or males

they choose to reject

pepper pepper

say when

say when

she wants to make a commitment with a

heart and soul to be together for the

rest of our lives

that is an impractical suggestion and

inadvisable what is soul soul spirit

vital force berry gordy

get down she has had poor experiences

with dating I do not want to make her

angry by rejecting her hmm good point be

especially wary if she removes her shoes

Jessie

Jesse we have to talk I mean here you

are after a devastating experience about

to take your first careful step back

into the dating world and and I have to

disappoint you

this will be our only date okay

no but it's nothing to do with you

really you're so sweet and well it's

it's just that I met someone and that

was after I agreed to go on the show the

Chardonnay pepper yes sir

Monsieur is quite correct it does have a

hint of pepper and a nice touch of oak

and berries as well

I'll chill it for you

tell me about this someone

well his name's Michael and he's strong

and charming and gentlemen Oh Jesse I

have a feeling about this one

and sometimes I honestly think I'm

psychic do you understand

Jesse we can be wonderful friends

friends instead of dates and and we can

help each other and tell each other the

truth when nobody else will friend

sounds better than dates Jesse I can

help find the perfect girl for you

driver would you go back to my place I

thought we were supposed to go to the

daddy club next well there's something I

want to pick up Jesse do you know how I

met Michael you won't believe this in

matchmaker magazine well anyway I have a

copy at my place it's the perfect way to

find you a girl really you don't have to

do this if I don't do it no one will and

that's what friends are for look I have

a copy of Michael dad listen lovely lady

soft by Tall Dark Stranger independent

resourceful likes to work with his hands

enjoys nightlife appreciates fine art

let us come together to share what is

beautiful

dear Jane has such good taste downstairs

no-no-no it's worthless she did it

herself

these on the other hand these are from

the Ming Dynasty will pack these very

carefully there were thousands of piece

you go check in there

so you wait right here and I'll be right

back okay

god I hate to see that you play a little

yeah sounds like me little boogie-woogie

got a great left hand yeah but that's

crime that's a real crime so if I

understand you were standing up there

and they were pushing the piano from way

up there

right oh that is correct yeah and how

did it get over there is it's hard to

see how that could happen I'm sorry I

must have fainted or something but

that's when they got away right when the

piano came flying down made the corner

and landed way over there

I couldn't let it fall on Jane you know

you hear about things like that all the

time parents picking up cars to rescue

their kids Enquirer's had some great

stories from around here not from around

here wait a minute I'm real good with

accents is it uh let me see um Jersey

yes Jersey what part of Jersey all of it

move around a lot huh

quite a first date

lucky thing he was along chalk this one

up to experience or go back for the rest

oh I'm going back for the rest but I'm

not going through a window oh hell Bobby

we've been doing this gig for so long

aren't you sick of it what about the

ladies we're still working on we'll wrap

up the two or three with the most often

but Jane has a huge trust fund that just

matured huge trust fund you don't steal

that kind of money you marry it yeah

like she barely knows you but I know her

Jane's really into this touchy-feely

stuff

she's taking a personal development

extension class at UCLA mmm Chapter

three musical stimulation listen to your

favorite composer as you fall asleep

then in the morning write down your

dreams listen to this Mozart brought

dreams of a happy heart

gee I came as soon as I got your message

you all right good lord look at this

place

Michael this is lieutenant Taylor hi

Michael Wes how do you do we were just

leaving ma'am we'll be in touch we get

any leads

Thank You lieutenant officer no I'm

Jessie Jessie oh yes the date I'll love

them help to clean this up tomorrow but

then I want to get you out of here

there's a string quartet playing Mozart

at the Renaissance Hotel tomorrow night

at my favorite Mozart my favorite well

let's all go together yeah it's

wonderful though just the three of us

then

I'll tell you something quite seriously

I was with you last night when it

happened

I'd fallen asleep at home on the couch

and I had the most vivid image of you in

my sleep suddenly I woke and I knew

something something had happened and

then you called you were with us but you

were at home asleep how is that possible

it's ESP a psychic connection I'm sure

you don't believe in such things no I do

I'm fascinated by it in fact I I think I

might be psychic myself really yeah I

also have images visiting my sleep

violent ones I find them a nuisance and

without purpose

they say that higher beings in other

worlds communicate with their minds you

know I have never met any

yes well I'm glad to say I haven't met

me either come to think of it Michael do

you think you and I are psychic well

then you know how often I'd think of you

wouldn't you

excuse me while I powder my nose

do you think if I gave him a quarter

he'd go away I like him last night he

was struggling so hard to come to terms

it's a crazy world I could just sense it

I just want to help him

no no no I absolutely insist now not

another word about it

oh but I must repay you Jessie you

already have last night you saved my one

and only girl I owe you a tremendous

debt you do I can't even begin to repay

you Michael maybe we can find someone

special for Jessie - that's a great idea

we'll look through the advertisements in

matchmaker magazine my debt will be

satisfied when we find you the perfect

match how can one find true love in

these pages a marketplace where humans

advertise for companions what form of

Commerce is this one that you should

avoid this pursuit can lead you into

great trouble it could my research on

what is called romance says the human

heart can be broken yes this body is

fragile even now it is chilled because I

do not have the jacket you will never

return to your own climate if you don't

listen to me these magazines contain

lonely humans who can be very dangerous

man

petite blonde lucky for romance brunette

loves to dance

love at first glance dating matrimony

alimony negative outcome not good

playful gal with zest for life loves the

great outdoors

seeking energetic men

more fun in the Sun

drop this

it's so peaceful it makes me feel so

calm yes like I like we belong here do

you know it's always been my dream to

have a house on a cliff overlooking the

sea we could watch the sunsets together

hi

that's finished my date Jessie does the

expression three's a crowd mean anything

to you know

see here here what about this one my

life is almost perfect except I'm

missing you she misses me she has met me

this girl maybe she heard about it look

here's one spunky female looking for a

man with brains and heart to share

nights of fun and laughter and hopefully

fashion

here's one curvaceous cat lady wants to

be tamed by sensitive attractive

cerebral no Jessie look here's one

there's one I am in the mood for a love

and hot chocolate by the fire you have a

great body

how does this feel well it seems to

alleviate the fatigue that comes with

the use of this body's muscular system

well wherever it takes you this human

tissue is far too vulnerable to strains

and bruises to error all of the relax

no it's not entirely unpleasant it was a

feeling like something like the

quickening at the moment of battle

begins very curious I can't imagine what

it is boy oh that's Michael Scott he

must be taking Jane on an eating date

they will be happy for me to join them

he said Jane was his one and only date

deception company brought you a present

close your eyes keep them closed

Hey look no don't peek

no Michael that's the Sapphire how did

you know know what it's my favorite

stone is it really uh-huh

good to be true

you were supposed to pop your corn not

join your faces sorry I am I couldn't

resist

popcorns in the microwave just take a

few minutes I see you are employed as a

cook here perhaps you could answer a few

questions there's a bio neurological

response to physical contact which I

don't understand very well if you're in

such a hurry I'll get to the point as a

visiting bio animated life-forms I

wonder if you might share your feelings

with me as we have physical contact I

notice you're heating up a slight

vibration oh my hmm at first I thought

it would be like being one of those

chocolates and a Whitman a sampler

that's how I felt when I put in my add

one fight and they just toss you away

well everyone wears masks and you wonder

who's really behind them sometimes it's

a prince sometimes it's a popper it's

like a game on the dating game you only

get to choose one date at a time

sometimes one is all you need everybody

should play by the rules something

bothering you you are having two dates

Jesse what are you talking about another

woman has been joining him at the face I

saw them going into the restaurant last

night last night he must mean Susan

Susan Stanton the business associate I

told you about he was a working dinner

tax deductible so what's your problem

so what's my problem my goodness it is

getting late just you just misunderstood

who would like melted butter on their

popcorn Jesse would you come help me

Jesse you really have to give along with

Michael I don't like Michael and I don't

want you to like him either Jesse I'm in

love with them in love every minute of

every day that I'm with him is it's like

a dream come true I can't believe how

perfectly were matched Jessie Michaels

asked me to marry him and I've said yes

the wedding's next Thursday and we've

booked the most wonderful honeymoon

Jane failed to see the truth

obviously this condition causes some

allergic reaction in head cavities and

it leads to marriage wedding and a

honeymoon book honeymoon

I'll show you honeymooners there is a

video encyclopedia on honeymooners that

generations on this planet of study does

it define marriage why did Jane wait or

her life for this condition to begin

apparently it is a test of human

endurance

mama many try the course few finish

thank you your friend Jesse is a hard

man to pin down

doesn't seem to hold a job very long no

background no family no last name no

last name good lord why don't you just

refresh air you're saying things that

I've been trying to tell Jane since I

first met him hmm

ma'am this is a great cup of coffee you

are one lucky lucky man to be marrying a

woman who makes coffee this good well I

never touch the stuff what a shame

jesse is the most innocent helpless he

couldn't possibly have had anything to

do with the burglary

you did say you came home earlier than

you'd planned he's the one who stopped

it perhaps he had to put on a good show

I had something to hook him on I would

but I don't

I'm just recommending a little caution

hmm I've been a lot of burglaries a

single women lately we're just trying to

find someone or something that ties them

all together you should also know

a couple of months ago one of the

victims was killed at the scene

well have a nice day

I'll feel much better after we're

married then I can take care of her

myself try the coffee

some of Jersey

if you don't mind I've got four of these

this afternoon so sooner the better I

take it you've never been married before

Jane everybody gather up here please

gather round down in front fill in the

spaces thank you dearly beloved we are

gathered here today in the sight of God

to join these two in holy wedlock common

and its familiar voice not is it done

no the announcer has just started to

explain the rules it was very difficult

finding the proper clothing humans

routinely changed clothes 250 occasions

this should not have caused you any

inconvenience ah but it did I have to

pay many dollars to get this from the

Army of salvation there must be many

formal Affairs today

well common as light is love and it's

familiar voice where he's not ever you

join hands please

thank you Michael you take this woman to

be your lawfully wedded wife having a

hold from this day forward for better

for worse for richer for poorer in

sickness and in health to love honor and

cherish forsaking all others till death

do you part I do Jane you take this man

to be your lawfully wedded husband to

have and to hold from this day forward

for better for worse for richer for

poorer in sickness and in health to love

honor and cherish forsaking all others

till death do you part

I do

now if any man can show just cause why

they should not awfully be joined

together let him speak now or forever

hold his peace I wish to speak Jessie

for better for richer in health these

are good things but for poorer in

sickness till death these are very

negative terms for an alliance what do

you think you're doing he said I could

speak the man has a point people are

crying here for the mistake you're about

to make Jesse please it's time to leave

I'm his best man ah you eyes Norton

honeymoon

stays like this and make the whole job

worthwhile I only wanted to help

well you didn't would you please leave

oh he's leaving sorry about the

interruption ma'am may I say you make a

beautiful bride

we had another burglary last night and

this time he left something behind

caught his jacket on the window on the

way out

does this look familiar or any of the

guys in your apartment wearing something

like this yes someone was isn't that

from your jacket Jessie yes that is from

my jacket did I happen to mention you

have the right to remain silent

you're under arrest

vaya con Dios my son will say about this

relator I always wanted to elope anyway

you can't force your way into this

building if I'm to prove my innocence I

must find that jacket you are here to

get along in this society not to

continue breaking their laws you can

help me you terminate that surveillance

device absolutely not

I am here merely to observe if I can't

prove my innocence then you and I will

never return home hmm well I don't have

to observe from here

perhaps a better vantage point

I know it is here look in the outerwear

spaces we have seen in other dwellings

someone has taken it someone is trying

to use me they call rain down frame down

be on alert Michael has been here he

could be the one Jane just may be in

danger

I saw the honeymoon look over here

Oh Michael you were right I'm so glad we

did this you know it was a charming

ceremony

I just hope Jesse's okay darling why

don't you try to put Jessie out of your

mind for now really okay god this is a

perfect spot for honeymoon you know this

is everything I ever hoped it would be I

know how do you know I just know our

psychic connection you know I honestly

believe it's true Michael

you seem to know what I want before I

wanted it's gonna be wonderful isn't it

till death do us part

that would be the champagne that I just

said I don't know Jesse what are you

doing here I'm not a thief and I'm

looking for the one who is Jessie there

is nothing we can do for you not get out

of here and leave us alone I left my

jacket at your home that's nonsense

no man in his right mind would forget

his jacket in this cold weather

nobody did I put it in the closet the

other night and I went back and it was

gone this is outrageous

this man is a fugitive from justice he's

a thief and probably a killer I have

killed often but in what time only now I

want I sense an enemy the urge is still

there I fight it

but one day I just may lose that battle

Jane he's your friend you get him out of

our lives

guess who showed up on the honeymoon

good neighbor Jessie

Jane knows that his jacket was in a

closet I can't have her telling the

police that we're gonna have to move

sooner than I anticipated let me take

care of it that won't be necessary

I think you can help us we don't need an

accident now we've got a jealous

ex-lover who followed her all the way up

here on her honeymoon just to kill him

and then I'll be forced to kill him

let's go

Jane who else has been in your closet

only Michael Jesse you are asking me to

believe that the man I married is a

robber and a killer I mean I've tried to

help you but this is really just too

strange I would really appreciate it if

you would just leave your eyes don't see

Michael because you're in love with him

which just goes to prove the old axiom

is true love is blind Michael and just

in time well it must be our psychic

connection oh come on now Jane your

favorite music your favorite color your

secret desires how else could I know

those things let's just say your life is

an open book

my book

you know we've always been such a

close-knit threesome

why don't we enjoy just a little more

time together this way

it's far enough you get over there you

put your hands up Michael what are you

doing are you crazy I'm just collecting

on a little insurance policy I've waited

a long time for this

Michael I'm your wife took death to his

part Jane

this would be a lot easier if you close

your eyes

I just need something for you to hold on

to so I can lift you

take her hand in

if she falls cute

we had to impound his car so can I give

you a ride back into town

yes I'm gonna take Jane back to town

what about you Jessie no I wish to stay

here a while

aye sir where's that listen to you all

along I understand you had allergies in

the head cavities that's for sure

wasn't much of a honeymoon was it the

next one will be better

bye Jessie

ma'am were ready maybe if you feel like

it's some time we could get together I

could play a little boogie-woogie

you can make me some coffee okay

this foolish study of romance nearly

ended in your destruction if that

happened I never get home either

yes control you'll be stranded on earth

with a paddle of good grief

Stu Stu studio Studio line is coming

Tarzan in Manhattan Saturday now stay

tuned is Jake's plane crash investigate