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Brian: Hi.
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00:00:05,706 --> 00:00:09,274
The question I get asked,
more than any other by far is,
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00:00:09,276 --> 00:00:12,644
what's it like to
work with So-and-So.
4
00:00:12,646 --> 00:00:15,614
The answers are
often interchangeable
general compliments
5
00:00:15,616 --> 00:00:17,483
that give little,
if any information
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00:00:17,485 --> 00:00:20,085
about the actual experience.
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00:00:20,087 --> 00:00:24,590
What is it really like to
work with Sylvester Stallone?
8
00:00:24,592 --> 00:00:26,325
Arnold Schwarzenegger?
9
00:00:26,327 --> 00:00:28,227
Steven Segal?
10
00:00:28,229 --> 00:00:32,297
What is it like
to work with JCVD?
11
00:00:32,299 --> 00:00:36,468
The title for this movie
could have been WILT WW.
12
00:00:36,470 --> 00:00:40,406
What's it like to work with...
13
00:00:41,341 --> 00:00:43,475
This movie isn't
going to tell you.
14
00:00:43,477 --> 00:00:46,745
It's going to show you my
impression of what it's like
15
00:00:46,747 --> 00:00:49,381
to be on the set with So-and-So.
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00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:51,617
We've combined traits of
these action stars and
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00:00:51,619 --> 00:00:55,354
a few others into one
fictional character.
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00:00:55,356 --> 00:00:58,090
The great Vardell Duseldorfer.
19
00:00:58,092 --> 00:01:01,560
His friends simply call him VD.
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00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:04,463
Much of what you're about to
see, I actually witnessed.
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00:01:04,465 --> 00:01:07,099
And as they say on TV, the
names have been changed
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00:01:07,101 --> 00:01:09,802
so the guilty won't sue you.
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00:01:09,804 --> 00:01:15,541
And so, to my aforementioned
muses, thank you.
24
00:01:15,543 --> 00:01:21,547
Now, let's find out what it's
like to work with So-and-So.
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00:02:33,287 --> 00:02:35,387
Tara: Welcome to
Excess Hollywood!
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00:02:35,389 --> 00:02:37,956
Studio singers:
¶Excess Hollywood
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00:02:37,958 --> 00:02:39,925
Tara: Lots of dirt, no cleanup!
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00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:43,562
Tara: I'm your host, Tara Grey.
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00:02:43,564 --> 00:02:49,568
Tara: On the comeback trail,
the great Vardell Duseldorfer.
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00:02:54,407 --> 00:02:56,341
Tara: His adoring fans who often
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00:02:56,343 --> 00:02:59,645
contract his
uberlong name to VD,
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00:02:59,647 --> 00:03:01,480
some things defy explanation.
33
00:03:01,482 --> 00:03:04,716
But one thing is for sure,
his fans do love him.
34
00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:06,885
First VD fan: I love VD.
35
00:03:06,986 --> 00:03:09,821
Second VD fan: I've been
a fan of VD for 17 years.
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00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,924
Third VD fan: Keep it
comin', stay off the hook,
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00:03:11,926 --> 00:03:14,459
stay hot with the people,
this how we do it!
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00:03:14,461 --> 00:03:17,629
Fourth VD fan: To
have VD is to love VD.
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00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:20,199
I've been a VD fan for 52 years.
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00:03:21,435 --> 00:03:23,669
Ralek: You can say what
you want about Vardell,
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00:03:23,671 --> 00:03:26,738
but he got where he is
because of one reason.
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00:03:26,740 --> 00:03:28,407
He's the great VD.
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00:03:28,409 --> 00:03:30,909
Redheaded child: My momma
told me that VD was a disease.
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00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:35,581
Video guy: Duseldorfer,
number, number one!
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00:03:36,917 --> 00:03:39,685
Tara: The embarrassed
ubernatorial has wandered
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00:03:39,687 --> 00:03:41,987
once again in front of a camera.
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00:03:41,989 --> 00:03:45,724
Uzbekistan apparently
wishes to play host to VD,
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00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:47,893
and welcomes him with open arms,
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00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:51,029
if not a nice, warm petri dish.
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00:03:54,468 --> 00:03:56,868
Tara: What might
the Uzbekis expect?
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00:03:56,870 --> 00:03:58,637
Well, let's hear from some stars
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00:03:58,639 --> 00:04:00,906
who've had some
experience with VD.
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00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:02,641
Mr. Kove?
54
00:04:02,643 --> 00:04:04,476
Martin: I don't kiss and tell.
55
00:04:04,478 --> 00:04:07,479
Especially when it involves
something as personal as VD.
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00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:11,316
Tara: I know, how
about a Herculean quote
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00:04:11,318 --> 00:04:13,652
from Mr. Kevin Sorbo himself.
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00:04:13,654 --> 00:04:18,023
Kevin: Working and Duseldorfer.
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00:04:19,959 --> 00:04:22,928
It's kind of an oxymoron.
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00:04:23,029 --> 00:04:25,764
Or a moron disguised as an ox.
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00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:27,466
No, don't, don't use that one.
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00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:28,634
I got a better one.
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00:04:28,636 --> 00:04:30,969
Working with Duseldorfer.
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00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:34,039
It was sort of like
juggling water.
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00:04:34,041 --> 00:04:35,974
You never really get
the balls in the air
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00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:39,478
and you have to
clean up afterwards.
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00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:41,747
Nice shot, Kevin.
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00:04:42,749 --> 00:04:44,449
Tara: Who would
have thought that
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00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:46,985
the former bodybuilder's
small...
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00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:51,890
Time in office would be
punctuated a maid escapade.
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00:04:51,892 --> 00:04:54,293
Tara:
I was just trying to show her
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00:04:54,295 --> 00:04:58,397
how to work off the large fold
of fat the tummy bellyflap.
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00:04:58,399 --> 00:05:00,799
And it just slipped in!
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00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:04,436
Yeah it was accident!
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00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:07,773
And poof, it made a baby!
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00:05:10,576 --> 00:05:12,444
Vardell: Fuck you, Tara.
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00:05:12,446 --> 00:05:14,446
Tara: We can support
his support of moms,
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and public breastfeeding.
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00:05:16,317 --> 00:05:17,783
Tara:
More public breastfeeding!
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00:05:17,785 --> 00:05:20,052
More public breastfeeding!
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00:05:20,054 --> 00:05:23,722
Tara: But what about his
bill to get goldfish,
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00:05:23,724 --> 00:05:27,492
yes, goldfish
in every home?
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00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:29,428
Vardell: Not the goldfish!
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00:05:29,430 --> 00:05:30,896
Tara:
Goldfish propagation
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reduces the greenhouse gases
and helps the children relax!
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00:05:37,371 --> 00:05:39,404
Vardell: You made
goldfish dirty.
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00:05:39,406 --> 00:05:41,139
Tara: The movie that
made him go into politics
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00:05:41,141 --> 00:05:44,543
in the first place was
that Fascist Time Machine
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00:05:44,545 --> 00:05:47,612
wreck that detonated more
than his fragile career.
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00:05:49,650 --> 00:05:51,717
Vardell: That was
the director's fault!
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00:05:51,719 --> 00:05:55,153
Tara: So can dysfunction
be dysfunctional?
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00:05:55,155 --> 00:06:00,158
Has the expendable actor,
yes, expendable actor
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00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:02,661
passed his expiration date?
94
00:06:02,663 --> 00:06:04,496
It's not looking
good for our hero.
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00:06:04,498 --> 00:06:06,465
Possible movie trailer voice.
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00:06:06,467 --> 00:06:08,033
Thank you.
97
00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:11,803
Will our hero make it out alive?
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00:06:15,975 --> 00:06:19,411
Oooo, you think it's
easy to make a movie?
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00:06:19,413 --> 00:06:21,913
You sit there in
your thong and your
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00:06:21,915 --> 00:06:24,583
air conditioner
and you judge me!
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00:06:24,585 --> 00:06:26,518
I'd like to see you
crawl through mud.
102
00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:29,888
Sweat, work 20 hours a day.
103
00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:33,792
I tell you, Hard Time
on Mars will make more
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00:06:33,794 --> 00:06:35,894
money than you can count to!
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00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:37,629
I show you!
106
00:06:37,631 --> 00:06:40,065
I show you!!!
107
00:06:45,671 --> 00:06:48,407
I show you.
108
00:06:52,111 --> 00:06:56,715
I did not retire,
I got extension.
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00:07:51,103 --> 00:07:56,541
Old, young, old, young.
110
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,485
Retired.
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00:08:06,487 --> 00:08:08,687
Not retired.
112
00:08:17,597 --> 00:08:18,997
You!
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Will direct.
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00:08:25,506 --> 00:08:27,806
I will direct.
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00:08:31,978 --> 00:08:34,112
Studio singers:
¶Excess Hollywood
116
00:08:34,114 --> 00:08:37,182
Tara: Can our favorite
rehabinator rekindle
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00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:39,751
his past and extend his career?
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00:08:39,753 --> 00:08:42,087
Will he "be back?"
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00:08:42,089 --> 00:08:45,657
Will Hard Time on Mars
be the spark VD needs?
120
00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:48,193
Or just hard time?
121
00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:51,530
Should we wish the
Uzbekistanis luck?
122
00:08:51,532 --> 00:08:52,564
Or send them penicillin?
123
00:08:52,566 --> 00:08:55,100
Only time will tell.
124
00:09:01,007 --> 00:09:03,608
Intercom voice: VD
10 yards and closing.
125
00:09:03,610 --> 00:09:04,976
Quiet on the set!
126
00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:09,014
our director
Vardell Dusel-dorfer
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00:09:09,016 --> 00:09:10,215
has come to join us.
128
00:09:14,787 --> 00:09:16,688
Vardell: Thank you!
129
00:09:17,925 --> 00:09:19,791
Thank you!
130
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:22,260
Action!
131
00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:44,616
Unidentified man:
Nicely done, thank you.
132
00:09:44,618 --> 00:09:47,586
Thank you very much.
133
00:09:52,959 --> 00:09:53,858
VD?
134
00:09:53,860 --> 00:09:55,794
What?
135
00:09:55,796 --> 00:09:57,629
What're you doin' sir?
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00:09:58,731 --> 00:09:59,965
We need more rock.
137
00:09:59,967 --> 00:10:00,865
What?
138
00:10:00,867 --> 00:10:03,702
We need more rock.
139
00:10:03,704 --> 00:10:04,336
Where?
140
00:10:04,338 --> 00:10:06,304
There.
141
00:10:06,306 --> 00:10:07,906
VD, you know, we have
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00:10:07,908 --> 00:10:10,709
set decorators that do that.
143
00:10:10,711 --> 00:10:12,777
I like set decorating.
144
00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:14,713
Yes, sir, so
what about the fight?
145
00:10:15,181 --> 00:10:17,716
What about it?
146
00:10:18,117 --> 00:10:19,317
Can we lock it?
147
00:10:19,319 --> 00:10:21,019
Vardell: Lock?
148
00:10:21,021 --> 00:10:23,121
Lock means that we're
not gonna change it.
149
00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:24,189
Can we lock it?
150
00:10:24,191 --> 00:10:26,291
We're not
going to change it?
151
00:10:26,293 --> 00:10:29,194
I don't know, are we?
152
00:10:31,030 --> 00:10:31,863
I don't know.
153
00:10:31,865 --> 00:10:35,100
I don't either.
154
00:10:39,205 --> 00:10:41,006
Why did you let him direct?
155
00:10:41,008 --> 00:10:42,807
Burton: He wouldn't
do the film otherwise.
156
00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:44,976
This is nice.
157
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,945
This is fun!
158
00:10:48,047 --> 00:10:51,449
Burton: Get him to
talk about his dick.
159
00:10:51,451 --> 00:10:54,853
It scares him I think,
it makes him insecure.
160
00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:59,691
Maybe he'll cover by heaving
and getting back to work.
161
00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:01,326
Dick.
162
00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:02,127
Burton: Dick.
163
00:11:02,129 --> 00:11:03,361
Dick.
164
00:11:03,363 --> 00:11:05,664
Burton: Dick, yes.
165
00:11:13,005 --> 00:11:15,040
Wow my dick hurts.
166
00:11:15,042 --> 00:11:17,442
Really?
167
00:11:17,444 --> 00:11:19,377
You want me to rub it for you?
168
00:11:19,379 --> 00:11:21,312
Maybe later,
169
00:11:21,314 --> 00:11:24,115
maybe after the fight scene?
170
00:11:25,151 --> 00:11:26,985
Yes!
171
00:11:26,987 --> 00:11:30,789
I'm thinkin' about it.
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00:11:30,791 --> 00:11:33,058
Wow.
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00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:35,293
So, VD, what about
174
00:11:35,295 --> 00:11:37,228
the fight, can we lock it?
175
00:11:39,932 --> 00:11:42,333
I don't know.
176
00:11:44,837 --> 00:11:47,472
Maybe you should
teach me part of it.
177
00:11:48,340 --> 00:11:49,374
The first part?
178
00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:51,042
Yeah!
179
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:52,377
Okay.
180
00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:53,445
Mark!
181
00:11:53,447 --> 00:11:55,146
Let's get that fight going on.
182
00:11:55,148 --> 00:11:57,515
Yeah, where's
my saber ha ha!
183
00:12:02,488 --> 00:12:04,089
Mark: Freeze.
184
00:12:04,091 --> 00:12:06,057
Sir Jeffrey, would you
mind if I take over?
185
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:07,759
Sir Jeffrey: Yeah, actually
I would enjoy that.
186
00:12:07,761 --> 00:12:09,227
Mark: Great, we'll call
you when you're up.
187
00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:11,029
Sir Jeffrey: I'll be
working on my lines.
188
00:12:11,031 --> 00:12:14,232
Mark: I need you
to use and trust
189
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:16,334
the length of your sword.
190
00:12:16,336 --> 00:12:18,837
Use and trust the
length of my sword.
191
00:12:18,839 --> 00:12:20,305
Mark: Yes.
192
00:12:20,307 --> 00:12:22,040
It's kind of like the force.
193
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:24,743
Mark: Yeah, the force.
194
00:12:24,745 --> 00:12:26,377
Think about keeping your
hand in your pocket.
195
00:12:26,379 --> 00:12:28,046
Okay, in my pocket.
196
00:12:28,048 --> 00:12:29,914
Mark: Yes.
197
00:12:30,349 --> 00:12:32,283
Okay, I can do that.
198
00:12:32,285 --> 00:12:35,053
I can handle that.
199
00:12:35,254 --> 00:12:36,888
I think we need the girl.
200
00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:38,323
Mark: What?
201
00:12:38,325 --> 00:12:39,524
Yeah, the girl.
202
00:12:39,526 --> 00:12:40,792
Mark: No, she's knocked out.
203
00:12:40,794 --> 00:12:42,393
Yeah, but she can wake up.
204
00:12:42,395 --> 00:12:44,863
Mark: No, she's not
supposed to wake up yet, VD.
205
00:12:44,865 --> 00:12:50,435
No, she wake up, but
she want to come to my aid.
206
00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:53,471
Mark: No.
207
00:12:53,473 --> 00:12:54,873
And knocks herself out!
208
00:12:54,875 --> 00:12:56,007
- Mark: No.
- It would be very funny!
209
00:12:56,009 --> 00:12:59,410
Mark: VD, we're
running out of time.
210
00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:01,212
Get me Louie.
211
00:13:01,214 --> 00:13:02,447
Sir...
212
00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:04,282
Mark: VD...
213
00:13:05,050 --> 00:13:06,885
Page Louie.
214
00:13:07,019 --> 00:13:09,220
I would like
the girl, please.
215
00:13:09,222 --> 00:13:11,322
Mark: VD?
216
00:13:11,324 --> 00:13:13,191
I want the girl.
217
00:13:13,193 --> 00:13:15,293
Mark: Get me Maria.
218
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,962
VD, your chef, Louie.
219
00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:22,200
Louie, what were those
strips of things we had?
220
00:13:22,202 --> 00:13:23,067
Louie: When?
221
00:13:23,069 --> 00:13:23,802
Last week.
222
00:13:23,804 --> 00:13:24,569
Louie: What day?
223
00:13:24,571 --> 00:13:25,470
Tuesday.
224
00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:27,105
Louie: That was the chicken.
225
00:13:27,107 --> 00:13:28,273
No, it was not the chicken.
226
00:13:28,275 --> 00:13:29,474
Louie: Maybe it wasn't Tuesday?
227
00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:30,909
Maybe.
228
00:13:30,911 --> 00:13:32,811
Louie: Wednesday?
229
00:13:32,813 --> 00:13:33,912
I don't know, it
was the strips of things
230
00:13:33,914 --> 00:13:35,513
with maybe the light pesto.
231
00:13:35,515 --> 00:13:38,850
Louie: No, the pesto was
on the chicken on Tuesday.
232
00:13:38,852 --> 00:13:40,919
Calamari!
233
00:13:40,921 --> 00:13:43,321
Louie: Yes, calamari!
234
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:44,489
But that was Thursday.
235
00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:46,558
With a lemon herb
and a sesame oil.
236
00:13:47,293 --> 00:13:49,194
It was Thursday.
237
00:13:49,196 --> 00:13:50,128
Louie: Yes, Thursday.
238
00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:55,567
Well I will have two strips
of calamari al dente.
239
00:13:55,569 --> 00:13:57,869
Louie: Yes, sir.
240
00:13:58,137 --> 00:14:01,372
VD, Maria.
241
00:14:06,612 --> 00:14:08,246
Maria.
242
00:14:08,248 --> 00:14:09,247
How are you?
243
00:14:09,249 --> 00:14:10,915
Maria: Good, how are you?
244
00:14:10,917 --> 00:14:12,984
I'm very good now
that you are here.
245
00:14:12,986 --> 00:14:15,186
We have decided to add
you into the fight.
246
00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:16,921
Maria: Do I get to punch you?
247
00:14:16,923 --> 00:14:18,923
...no.
248
00:14:18,925 --> 00:14:21,226
Maria: Kick you?
249
00:14:21,228 --> 00:14:22,060
No.
250
00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:23,394
Maria:.
251
00:14:23,396 --> 00:14:26,264
But you do get to
slap me in the face
252
00:14:26,266 --> 00:14:28,600
with your fair and ample bosom.
253
00:14:28,602 --> 00:14:31,870
Maria:...okay.
254
00:14:51,523 --> 00:14:54,492
Maria: VD, you okay?
255
00:14:55,394 --> 00:15:00,164
Umm...
256
00:15:00,166 --> 00:15:01,566
Maria: What happened?
257
00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:04,502
Sometimes I see things.
258
00:15:04,504 --> 00:15:06,037
Maria: What did you see?
259
00:15:06,039 --> 00:15:09,641
It was large and warm,
and it felt really good.
260
00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:11,242
Maria: So, you're okay.
261
00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:13,111
Yeah!
262
00:15:13,113 --> 00:15:14,545
Maria: Okay.
263
00:15:14,547 --> 00:15:16,247
Okay.
264
00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:18,349
You know we have to do
the fight sometime today!
265
00:15:18,351 --> 00:15:21,486
Yes?
266
00:15:21,488 --> 00:15:22,720
Why don't you show
us the second part
267
00:15:22,722 --> 00:15:25,356
of the fight Mr. Choreographer?
268
00:15:25,691 --> 00:15:27,191
Sir Jeffrey: You
will never get me.
269
00:15:27,193 --> 00:15:29,160
The crystals are mine.
270
00:15:29,162 --> 00:15:30,094
You'll never get me!
271
00:15:30,096 --> 00:15:31,696
The crystals are mine!
272
00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:34,098
You'll never get me ha ha!
273
00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:36,200
God.
274
00:15:46,578 --> 00:15:48,079
A word, if I may.
275
00:15:48,081 --> 00:15:50,248
Burton: Sir
Jeffrey, of course.
276
00:15:50,250 --> 00:15:51,749
Let me know what
I can do for you.
277
00:15:51,751 --> 00:15:55,720
Sir Jeffrey: You will never
get me, the crystals are mine.
278
00:15:55,722 --> 00:15:59,457
Does the previous sentence have
a ring of familiarity to it?
279
00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:01,592
Burton: Sort of.
280
00:16:01,594 --> 00:16:03,962
Sir Jeffrey: Shall we
call it by its real name?
281
00:16:03,964 --> 00:16:05,096
Burton: What?
282
00:16:05,098 --> 00:16:06,130
Sir Jeffrey: Cliche.
283
00:16:06,132 --> 00:16:08,433
Do you want me saying cliches?
284
00:16:08,435 --> 00:16:10,568
Burton: No.
285
00:16:10,570 --> 00:16:12,270
Sir Jeffrey: What exactly
was it about this script
286
00:16:12,272 --> 00:16:14,505
that made you want
to make this movie?
287
00:16:14,507 --> 00:16:18,009
Why don't you re-title the
film and call it, The Cliche?
288
00:16:18,011 --> 00:16:20,211
Then it can be a comedy
and I can laugh about it.
289
00:16:20,213 --> 00:16:21,612
Burton: What do you want to say?
290
00:16:21,614 --> 00:16:24,415
Sir Jeffrey: I want the
words to not be plagarized.
291
00:16:24,417 --> 00:16:26,751
I want them to have something
to say that vaguely resembles
292
00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:29,721
my character, who is fucking
religious by the way.
293
00:16:29,723 --> 00:16:33,124
"The crystals are mine,"
what the fuck is that?
294
00:16:33,126 --> 00:16:34,625
What did you pay
for this script?
295
00:16:34,627 --> 00:16:36,461
Burton: One hundred.
296
00:16:36,463 --> 00:16:41,666
Sir Jeffrey: Hmmmm, a
100,000 dollar cliche.
297
00:16:46,439 --> 00:16:48,239
Mark: VD!
298
00:16:48,241 --> 00:16:50,274
You may want to stand clear.
299
00:16:50,276 --> 00:16:51,576
Mark: Jesus!
300
00:16:51,578 --> 00:16:53,111
Wafting!
301
00:16:53,113 --> 00:16:54,479
Sir Jeffrey: In his pants
right now, there is more
302
00:16:54,481 --> 00:16:58,249
original color and content
than in your script.
303
00:16:58,251 --> 00:17:00,752
Stay!
304
00:17:00,754 --> 00:17:03,154
Stay.
305
00:17:05,257 --> 00:17:06,557
Wow.
306
00:17:07,793 --> 00:17:10,161
Maria?
307
00:17:10,163 --> 00:17:14,265
Did you see the size
of that guy's bulge?
308
00:17:14,267 --> 00:17:17,335
European men put it pointed
up to make it look bigger.
309
00:17:17,337 --> 00:17:20,104
Maria: American men put it
down to make it look bigger.
310
00:17:20,106 --> 00:17:22,306
No, they don't,
it looks bigger up!
311
00:17:23,842 --> 00:17:26,611
Maria: No, American
men point it down
312
00:17:26,613 --> 00:17:28,446
to make it look bigger.
313
00:17:28,448 --> 00:17:29,781
No, it looks bigger up.
314
00:17:29,783 --> 00:17:31,616
Maria: Down.
315
00:17:31,618 --> 00:17:32,784
Up.
316
00:17:32,786 --> 00:17:33,684
Maria: Down.
317
00:17:33,686 --> 00:17:34,585
Up.
Maria: Down!
318
00:17:34,587 --> 00:17:35,620
Up.
Maria: Down!
319
00:17:35,622 --> 00:17:37,321
Up.
Maria: Down!
320
00:17:37,323 --> 00:17:38,589
Stop talking about dick.
321
00:17:38,591 --> 00:17:39,757
Maria: Are you the
only one who's allowed
322
00:17:39,759 --> 00:17:42,193
to talk about it, Mr. Director?
323
00:17:42,195 --> 00:17:43,528
Well maybe I am!
324
00:17:43,530 --> 00:17:45,797
Louie: VD, I have the calamari!
325
00:17:46,665 --> 00:17:50,268
It looks fantastic!
326
00:17:57,410 --> 00:18:01,212
It is not as good as last week!
327
00:18:01,214 --> 00:18:04,682
No, VD,
sir, umm...
328
00:18:04,684 --> 00:18:07,618
Louie...
329
00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:09,287
Louie?
330
00:18:09,289 --> 00:18:12,557
V...Louie?
331
00:18:13,726 --> 00:18:16,294
Burton: 10 minutes,
we are taking break.
332
00:18:16,296 --> 00:18:19,297
Why don't we just make
a movie about break?
333
00:18:19,299 --> 00:18:23,134
Sir Jeffrey: At least
it wouldn't be a cliche.
334
00:18:23,136 --> 00:18:26,137
You should have budgeted
for some star wranglers.
335
00:18:26,139 --> 00:18:27,605
Burton: They have those?
336
00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:28,773
Sir Jeffrey: Yes.
337
00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:32,410
Complete with ropes
and cattle prods.
338
00:18:32,412 --> 00:18:35,847
Burton: Do you
have their number?
339
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:49,727
There, yeah.
340
00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:55,299
Yo.
341
00:19:05,277 --> 00:19:08,446
VD and friends: Aaahh!
342
00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:11,382
I could not do
this without you guys.
343
00:19:11,384 --> 00:19:13,551
I love you.
344
00:19:13,553 --> 00:19:14,952
You guys always be there for me!
345
00:19:14,954 --> 00:19:18,789
I promise, I will
always be there for you.
346
00:19:19,758 --> 00:19:23,194
What's your name?
347
00:19:24,329 --> 00:19:27,798
Okay, we start today with
a prayer and some meditation.
348
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:29,567
A little prayer.
349
00:19:29,569 --> 00:19:30,735
5 minutes.
350
00:19:30,737 --> 00:19:31,602
Quiet.
351
00:19:32,438 --> 00:19:33,971
HEY!!!!!
352
00:19:33,973 --> 00:19:36,274
TURN OFF THE CELL
PHONES AND THE WALKIES!
353
00:19:36,276 --> 00:19:38,276
Turn off the cell
phones and the walkies!
354
00:19:38,278 --> 00:19:42,346
AND THE CELL
PHONES AND THE WALKIES!
355
00:19:43,615 --> 00:19:45,650
JESUS!
356
00:19:49,521 --> 00:19:52,356
Burton: What is this
meditation costing me?
357
00:19:52,358 --> 00:19:55,626
Five, ten thousand?
358
00:19:56,929 --> 00:20:00,765
Okay, we go to work.
359
00:20:00,767 --> 00:20:03,901
Yes, maybe now we
can make some movie!
360
00:20:03,903 --> 00:20:05,469
Lay down, lay down, lay down.
361
00:20:05,471 --> 00:20:06,470
Quickly.
362
00:20:06,472 --> 00:20:07,471
Okay.
363
00:20:07,473 --> 00:20:09,574
Is that beautiful?
364
00:20:09,576 --> 00:20:11,409
Is that so nice?
365
00:20:11,411 --> 00:20:14,979
Okay, so, you need to wake up,
you're asleep, you're asleep.
366
00:20:14,981 --> 00:20:15,746
Sleep.
367
00:20:15,748 --> 00:20:17,381
You wake up.
368
00:20:17,383 --> 00:20:19,984
Okay, now, you got to
g--, we need something
369
00:20:19,986 --> 00:20:21,686
for her to hit me with.
370
00:20:21,688 --> 00:20:24,889
How 'bout, a...
371
00:20:37,336 --> 00:20:39,370
Rubber chicken.
372
00:20:39,372 --> 00:20:40,938
Yeah?
373
00:20:40,940 --> 00:20:42,406
Rubber chicken?
374
00:20:43,710 --> 00:20:45,476
That would be funny!
375
00:20:45,478 --> 00:20:48,479
Or better, you know, there's
a lot of rubber chickens.
376
00:20:48,481 --> 00:20:50,248
What about...
377
00:20:50,250 --> 00:20:51,716
I think this is it.
378
00:20:51,718 --> 00:20:52,817
Turkey neck!
379
00:20:52,819 --> 00:20:53,751
Yeah?
380
00:20:53,753 --> 00:20:55,286
Whup, turkey neck!
381
00:20:55,288 --> 00:20:56,287
Huuuh!
382
00:20:56,289 --> 00:20:57,488
Yeah what do you think?
383
00:20:57,490 --> 00:20:59,824
Props!
384
00:21:00,058 --> 00:21:01,926
Do you have a turkey neck?
385
00:21:01,928 --> 00:21:03,961
Prop guy: I've got
this lizard thing.
386
00:21:03,963 --> 00:21:05,496
It is a lizard.
387
00:21:05,498 --> 00:21:06,497
Prop guy: Yeah.
388
00:21:06,499 --> 00:21:07,999
Does your lizard speak?
389
00:21:08,001 --> 00:21:09,967
Prop guy: Not in my experience.
390
00:21:09,969 --> 00:21:11,469
On Mars, a rubber lizard.
391
00:21:11,471 --> 00:21:14,605
Prop guy: This is
a big beef thing.
392
00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:15,706
Maybe you could try that.
393
00:21:15,708 --> 00:21:16,807
Does it hurt?
394
00:21:16,809 --> 00:21:18,309
Prop guy: Well, you try.
395
00:21:18,311 --> 00:21:19,710
Thanks.
396
00:21:19,712 --> 00:21:21,412
Hahahaha!
397
00:21:21,414 --> 00:21:22,313
Prop guy: Go ahead.
398
00:21:22,315 --> 00:21:22,980
You like?
399
00:21:22,982 --> 00:21:23,881
Yeah, that's good!
400
00:21:23,883 --> 00:21:25,349
That doesn't hurt at all.
401
00:21:25,351 --> 00:21:26,517
Yeah, hey come here!
402
00:21:26,519 --> 00:21:27,718
Is this good?
403
00:21:28,287 --> 00:21:29,520
Yeah!
404
00:21:29,522 --> 00:21:30,888
What else do you have?
405
00:21:30,890 --> 00:21:31,822
Prop guy: A wooden leg?
406
00:21:31,824 --> 00:21:33,324
A peg leg?
407
00:21:33,326 --> 00:21:34,091
Prop guy: Yeah, it actually
belonged to my uncle.
408
00:21:34,093 --> 00:21:34,659
I don't know if it will...
409
00:21:35,395 --> 00:21:36,060
Prop guy: Jeez.
410
00:21:36,062 --> 00:21:37,328
It doesn't work.
411
00:21:37,330 --> 00:21:38,296
Prop guy: No, that's
not gonna work.
412
00:21:38,298 --> 00:21:38,929
Step back here for a second.
413
00:21:38,931 --> 00:21:41,032
Prop guy: Some crabs?
414
00:21:41,034 --> 00:21:43,634
That is a space crab!
415
00:21:43,636 --> 00:21:45,069
Prop guy: Those are
hard to get rid of.
416
00:21:45,071 --> 00:21:46,604
Yeah?
417
00:21:46,606 --> 00:21:47,638
Prop guy: Yeah.
418
00:21:48,474 --> 00:21:51,876
What, umm...
419
00:21:52,444 --> 00:21:54,312
A little aluminum missile.
420
00:21:54,314 --> 00:21:56,447
Prop guy: A little
aluminum missile.
421
00:21:56,449 --> 00:21:58,349
An itty bitty
little aluminum missile.
422
00:21:58,351 --> 00:22:00,484
Prop guy: A little bitty
tiny aluminum missile.
423
00:22:00,486 --> 00:22:01,686
What do you think?
424
00:22:01,688 --> 00:22:02,653
Maria: It's funny.
425
00:22:02,655 --> 00:22:04,455
Hit me on the head with it.
426
00:22:04,457 --> 00:22:06,657
Hey...
427
00:22:08,861 --> 00:22:11,662
Man, Mark, you have
a very big package.
428
00:22:11,664 --> 00:22:13,130
What is that, kielbasa?
429
00:22:13,132 --> 00:22:14,965
Maria: Are we fighting,
or talking dick?
430
00:22:14,967 --> 00:22:18,336
I guess I do talk
about dick a lot.
431
00:22:18,338 --> 00:22:19,804
Can we kiss and make up?
432
00:22:19,806 --> 00:22:21,706
Maria: I would like that.
433
00:22:21,708 --> 00:22:24,442
Did she say lick,
she would lick that?
434
00:22:24,444 --> 00:22:25,343
Maria: Like.
435
00:22:25,345 --> 00:22:26,544
I would lick that, too.
436
00:22:35,821 --> 00:22:37,788
I lick it.
437
00:22:41,493 --> 00:22:43,461
Alright everybody,
that's five minutes.
438
00:22:43,463 --> 00:22:44,862
Make it six!
439
00:22:44,864 --> 00:22:47,631
Okay, make it six.
440
00:22:50,702 --> 00:22:51,869
Maria!
441
00:22:51,871 --> 00:22:55,406
Something's happening!
442
00:23:07,886 --> 00:23:10,988
Cradle the balls,
work the shaft.
443
00:23:10,990 --> 00:23:13,958
Paint: Cradle the
balls, work the shaft.
444
00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:16,627
Cradle, more cradle.
445
00:23:16,629 --> 00:23:17,728
Crewman in orange: I
just had an inspiration
446
00:23:17,730 --> 00:23:19,163
for a new crew T-shirt.
447
00:23:19,165 --> 00:23:20,898
Paint: Sure.
448
00:23:31,109 --> 00:23:34,412
Maria: It's been about
five minutes, baby.
449
00:23:38,150 --> 00:23:40,084
Are you okay?
450
00:23:40,086 --> 00:23:43,421
What do stupid
doctors know, anyway?
451
00:23:43,423 --> 00:23:46,657
Do you think they could wait
maybe five more minutes?
452
00:23:46,659 --> 00:23:49,193
I don't want them to
think I went too quickly.
453
00:23:49,195 --> 00:23:52,496
And maybe you could mess
your hair up a little?
454
00:23:52,498 --> 00:23:54,632
Maria: Don't worry, we'll
have fun on the set.
455
00:23:54,634 --> 00:23:57,501
I promise.
456
00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:04,175
Crewman in orange: Two
pools, 20 dollars each.
457
00:24:04,177 --> 00:24:05,843
One, we get a shot
of anything today,
458
00:24:05,845 --> 00:24:07,511
Two we don't get a shot all day.
459
00:24:07,513 --> 00:24:10,014
Vladimir: That is whack.
460
00:24:10,016 --> 00:24:11,215
I'm in.
461
00:24:11,217 --> 00:24:13,717
Prop guy: No shot.
462
00:24:13,719 --> 00:24:15,619
Sir Jeffrey would like
to speak with his director,
463
00:24:15,621 --> 00:24:16,821
do you have a minute for him?
464
00:24:16,823 --> 00:24:18,556
Sir Jeffrey, of course.
465
00:24:18,558 --> 00:24:19,857
This way, sir.
466
00:24:19,859 --> 00:24:23,093
Of course for Sir
Jeffrey, I always have time.
467
00:24:23,095 --> 00:24:26,764
Sir Jeffrey: VD,
structurally, they're
468
00:24:26,766 --> 00:24:28,532
doing a rather strange thing.
469
00:24:28,534 --> 00:24:32,470
They're having a sub-villain
killed after the main villain.
470
00:24:32,472 --> 00:24:35,005
A sub-villain.
471
00:24:35,007 --> 00:24:37,508
I'm a bad guy on a submarine.
472
00:24:37,510 --> 00:24:40,211
Sir Jeffrey: No, no we don't
have a submarine in the movie.
473
00:24:40,213 --> 00:24:41,745
We have rocket ships.
474
00:24:41,747 --> 00:24:43,080
Yes!
475
00:24:43,082 --> 00:24:44,915
Sir Jeffrey: My character
is a main villain, so
476
00:24:44,917 --> 00:24:47,151
anyone who would work
for a main villain
477
00:24:47,153 --> 00:24:49,620
would be a sub-villain.
478
00:24:51,890 --> 00:24:53,824
A smaller bad guy?
479
00:24:53,826 --> 00:24:54,992
Sir Jeffrey: Exactly!
480
00:24:54,994 --> 00:24:56,627
So, why would you
kill a little bad guy
481
00:24:56,629 --> 00:24:59,563
after you've just killed
the biggest bad guy?
482
00:24:59,565 --> 00:25:03,601
Because, he's a bad
guy and he has to die.
483
00:25:05,003 --> 00:25:07,938
Sir Jeffrey: Yes, but um,
killing of the big villain,
484
00:25:07,940 --> 00:25:09,974
that's the climax of the movie.
485
00:25:09,976 --> 00:25:12,176
Climax, like, orgasm.
486
00:25:12,178 --> 00:25:13,677
Sir Jeffrey: Exactly, right!
487
00:25:13,679 --> 00:25:15,279
Yes, so after the orgasm,
do you have foreplay?
488
00:25:15,281 --> 00:25:17,581
No.
489
00:25:17,583 --> 00:25:20,050
I just, take a nap.
490
00:25:20,052 --> 00:25:20,985
Sir Jeffrey: Right.
491
00:25:20,987 --> 00:25:22,186
Because the movie's over.
492
00:25:22,188 --> 00:25:24,088
Right, I never
watch the credits.
493
00:25:24,090 --> 00:25:25,990
Sir Jeffrey: So, why would
you kill a little bad guy
494
00:25:25,992 --> 00:25:28,626
after you've just
killed the big bad guy?
495
00:25:28,628 --> 00:25:31,028
Because he is a bad guy.
496
00:25:31,030 --> 00:25:34,064
Sir Jeffrey: Yes, but
you see, umm, killing
497
00:25:34,066 --> 00:25:37,034
of the little bad guys is
the foreplay that leads up
498
00:25:37,036 --> 00:25:40,571
to killing of the big bad
guy, which is the climax.
499
00:25:40,573 --> 00:25:43,173
I don't understand.
500
00:25:43,175 --> 00:25:45,342
Sir Jeffrey: Okay, umm...
501
00:25:45,344 --> 00:25:49,179
Action-adventure movies are
really like romance movies.
502
00:25:49,181 --> 00:25:52,283
The romantic hero identifies
the beautiful girl,
503
00:25:52,285 --> 00:25:56,020
chases after her, romances
her, finally gets to have her.
504
00:25:56,022 --> 00:25:57,354
...Climax!
505
00:25:57,356 --> 00:26:01,091
Action-adventure hero,
identifies the bad guy,
506
00:26:01,093 --> 00:26:04,228
chases after him after
some close encounters ,
507
00:26:04,230 --> 00:26:06,263
finally the bad guy's
caught and killed, climax!
508
00:26:06,265 --> 00:26:09,166
So you see it's, it's
almost like a love story.
509
00:26:09,168 --> 00:26:12,036
But, I don't
love the villain.
510
00:26:12,038 --> 00:26:13,604
Sir Jeffrey: Well no, of
course, but , but you know,
511
00:26:13,606 --> 00:26:14,705
you still wanna
fuck him.
512
00:26:14,707 --> 00:26:15,906
I do?
513
00:26:15,908 --> 00:26:17,908
Sir Jeffrey: Yes.
514
00:26:17,910 --> 00:26:20,578
Where?
515
00:26:20,580 --> 00:26:22,079
In the butt?
516
00:26:22,081 --> 00:26:24,381
Sir Jeffrey: No!
517
00:26:24,383 --> 00:26:26,016
Well then they...
518
00:26:26,018 --> 00:26:28,152
Or they...
519
00:26:28,154 --> 00:26:31,255
69?
520
00:26:31,257 --> 00:26:33,023
Sir Jeffrey: No,
it was a metaphor!
521
00:26:33,025 --> 00:26:34,658
A metaphor.
522
00:26:34,660 --> 00:26:36,193
Sir Jeffrey: You
don't know metaphor?
523
00:26:36,195 --> 00:26:38,395
Comes before meta-five.
524
00:26:38,397 --> 00:26:40,030
Sir Jeffrey: It
doesn't come at all.
525
00:26:40,032 --> 00:26:41,665
It doesn't?
526
00:26:41,667 --> 00:26:42,866
Sir Jeffrey: No.
527
00:26:42,868 --> 00:26:46,070
So Jeffrey, could
you explain please,
528
00:26:46,072 --> 00:26:49,139
but with the smaller words.
529
00:26:49,141 --> 00:26:52,977
Sir Jeffrey: Look, as the
script is now, it's as though
530
00:26:52,979 --> 00:26:55,379
you get to fuck the beautiful
girl that you'be been
531
00:26:55,381 --> 00:26:57,615
chasing after the whole
movie, then you climb off her,
532
00:26:57,617 --> 00:26:59,750
go into the next room,
and fuck her ugly sister!
533
00:26:59,752 --> 00:27:01,185
Does that make any sense?
534
00:27:01,187 --> 00:27:02,319
Yes!
535
00:27:02,321 --> 00:27:03,821
Sir Jeffrey: Why?
536
00:27:03,823 --> 00:27:07,758
Because, if you can
fuck the sister, you should.
537
00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:08,993
Sir Jeffrey: But, she's ugly.
538
00:27:08,995 --> 00:27:13,430
It's not the face you fuck.
539
00:27:13,732 --> 00:27:16,734
Sir Jeffrey: Do you know the
expression pearls before swine?
540
00:27:16,736 --> 00:27:18,435
Yes.
541
00:27:18,437 --> 00:27:20,404
Sir Jeffrey: Do you
know what it means?
542
00:27:20,406 --> 00:27:23,173
Yeah.
543
00:27:26,778 --> 00:27:28,412
Don't feed pigs pearls
because they could
544
00:27:28,414 --> 00:27:31,315
choke on them and die.
545
00:27:38,156 --> 00:27:39,356
Sir Jeffrey: Exactly.
546
00:27:39,358 --> 00:27:40,791
Right.
547
00:27:40,793 --> 00:27:42,259
Call it.
548
00:27:44,195 --> 00:27:45,696
Yes?
549
00:27:45,698 --> 00:27:46,864
VD, the crew wants to
present you with a cake.
550
00:27:46,866 --> 00:27:48,098
They do?
551
00:27:48,100 --> 00:27:49,733
For our director.
552
00:27:49,735 --> 00:27:52,336
Hey cake for everybody!
553
00:27:52,338 --> 00:27:54,038
ha ha!
554
00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:56,306
Cake cake cake cake I like cake.
555
00:28:02,248 --> 00:28:03,847
Crowd: Congratulations!
556
00:28:03,849 --> 00:28:10,688
I don't know what to say,
I'm, I'm really very moved.
557
00:28:17,729 --> 00:28:20,197
I know that having
a crew like you guys
558
00:28:20,199 --> 00:28:22,866
makes my job all the
much easier, you guys
559
00:28:22,868 --> 00:28:24,735
are fantastic, and I
hope that we can always
560
00:28:24,737 --> 00:28:28,372
work together
forever, forever, yes.
561
00:28:28,374 --> 00:28:32,476
Please, VD, blow
out your candles.
562
00:28:32,478 --> 00:28:34,778
Thank you.
563
00:28:34,780 --> 00:28:37,181
Thank you very much.
564
00:28:37,183 --> 00:28:39,383
Well.
565
00:28:47,393 --> 00:28:50,894
Help me, I'm blind!
566
00:28:50,896 --> 00:28:52,196
I'm blind!
567
00:28:53,199 --> 00:28:54,264
No, no, it's
okay, it's okay.
568
00:28:54,266 --> 00:28:57,000
I'm cake-blind!
569
00:29:01,005 --> 00:29:03,373
VD, VD.
570
00:29:03,375 --> 00:29:07,211
VD, it's whipped cream and
it's actually pretty good.
571
00:29:07,213 --> 00:29:08,879
Well get it off of me!
572
00:29:08,881 --> 00:29:11,248
Burton: Alright,
573
00:29:17,522 --> 00:29:19,990
YOU'RE ALL FIRED!!!
574
00:29:19,992 --> 00:29:22,226
GET OFF MY SET, ALL OF YOU!
575
00:29:22,228 --> 00:29:24,094
Right now, you fire
them right now!
576
00:29:24,096 --> 00:29:26,463
Burton: VD, it was
practical joke!
577
00:29:26,465 --> 00:29:28,565
Nobody was hurt.
578
00:29:28,567 --> 00:29:30,134
Get off of my set!
579
00:29:30,136 --> 00:29:31,835
All of you!
580
00:29:31,837 --> 00:29:33,270
You're all fired!
581
00:29:33,272 --> 00:29:35,472
You're fired right now
brother, right now!
582
00:29:35,474 --> 00:29:37,908
Burton: It's pie in face,
it's part of show business.
583
00:29:37,910 --> 00:29:39,877
Bullshit!
584
00:29:39,879 --> 00:29:41,078
Fire them!
585
00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:42,479
Burton: We have to
finish the movie!
586
00:29:42,481 --> 00:29:43,547
No!
587
00:29:43,549 --> 00:29:48,285
GET OFF MY SET NOW ALL OF YOU!
588
00:30:10,575 --> 00:30:13,277
Alright, that's enough.
589
00:30:13,279 --> 00:30:16,346
Not yet, not yet.
590
00:30:21,821 --> 00:30:24,454
Stay here!
591
00:30:27,926 --> 00:30:31,228
Hey, you stupid FX motherfucker.
592
00:30:31,230 --> 00:30:32,563
Who's pissing their panties now?
593
00:30:35,467 --> 00:30:37,067
Hasta la vista, maybe.
594
00:30:45,643 --> 00:30:48,912
You want a retake?
595
00:30:49,113 --> 00:30:52,916
Eat my lead.
596
00:30:57,088 --> 00:30:59,423
Vaya con dios, baby.
597
00:31:02,528 --> 00:31:03,894
Hey, it's
pretty funny, a man
598
00:31:03,896 --> 00:31:06,196
all covered in whipped
cream firing a shotgun.
599
00:31:06,198 --> 00:31:08,899
Yeah, funny, let's laugh!
600
00:31:08,901 --> 00:31:11,401
Funny pie in the face man,
come on let's all laugh!
601
00:31:11,403 --> 00:31:12,669
Yah, yah, is funny.
602
00:31:12,671 --> 00:31:14,371
All we need is
some maybe nice tits,
603
00:31:14,373 --> 00:31:16,940
then we really have a show.
604
00:31:20,511 --> 00:31:23,080
That is pretty good you
stupid FX motherfucker
605
00:31:23,082 --> 00:31:26,617
that doesn't even know the
sound of his own blanks?
606
00:31:26,619 --> 00:31:28,218
Yippee kay-yay motherfucker!
607
00:31:32,157 --> 00:31:35,259
Doesn't even know the
sound of his own blanks.
608
00:31:35,261 --> 00:31:39,062
Yoke's on you, ha!
609
00:31:41,399 --> 00:31:44,368
Rub yourself, rub
your boobies on me.
610
00:31:44,370 --> 00:31:47,271
I feel something.
611
00:31:47,273 --> 00:31:49,039
It's working!
612
00:31:49,041 --> 00:31:50,607
It's working!
613
00:31:50,609 --> 00:31:52,709
Okay.
614
00:31:53,011 --> 00:31:54,444
Well that was
fun while it lasted.
615
00:31:54,446 --> 00:31:57,147
let's go!
616
00:31:59,417 --> 00:32:00,984
Okay, it's working, yes!
617
00:32:00,986 --> 00:32:03,921
Sir Jeffrey: Sophocles heard
it long ago on the Aegean,
618
00:32:03,923 --> 00:32:06,690
and it brought into his
mind the turbid ebb and flow
619
00:32:06,692 --> 00:32:09,660
of human misery.
620
00:32:14,666 --> 00:32:17,167
Sir Jeffrey: Down
the vast edges and
621
00:32:17,169 --> 00:32:22,172
naked shingles of the world.
622
00:32:50,101 --> 00:32:53,136
S-Sue,
I was in the warm.
623
00:32:53,138 --> 00:32:57,007
I saw the warm.
624
00:33:14,392 --> 00:33:17,427
Thank you, my little fish.
625
00:33:24,769 --> 00:33:28,038
Alright, time to get back
to work, bring me.
626
00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:30,474
Touch-ups, after rehearsal.
627
00:33:30,476 --> 00:33:32,776
Okay, at this
point in the fight,
628
00:33:32,778 --> 00:33:34,745
get rid of the swords.
629
00:33:34,747 --> 00:33:40,250
We're going to grapple
mano a mano, yeah?
630
00:33:40,252 --> 01:07:20,502
Okay.
631
00:33:40,252 --> 00:33:45,055
By now, Darkwing has managed
to get me in a sleeper hold.
632
00:33:45,057 --> 00:33:46,823
But the last minute, I
will overpower him and
633
00:33:46,825 --> 00:33:48,458
him on the ground.
634
00:33:48,460 --> 00:33:51,528
Mark: VD, nobody can get
out of a sleeper hold.
635
00:33:51,530 --> 00:33:53,764
Bull shit.
636
00:33:53,766 --> 00:33:55,332
I do it all the time.
637
00:33:55,334 --> 00:33:56,767
Mark: You said you wanted
the fight to be realistic?
638
00:33:56,769 --> 00:33:58,301
Nobody can get out
of a sleeper hold.
639
00:33:58,303 --> 00:34:00,237
I do it all the time, Mark!
640
00:34:00,239 --> 00:34:01,204
Mark: It's gonna knock you out.
641
00:34:01,206 --> 00:34:03,473
Ha ha ha ha.
642
00:34:03,475 --> 00:34:06,576
Put one on me, come on, give
it your best shot, stuntman.
643
00:34:06,578 --> 00:34:08,545
Mark: Listen, let's
continue the fight?
644
00:34:08,547 --> 00:34:11,581
Are you afraid
of the great VD?
645
00:34:11,583 --> 00:34:12,816
You think I don't
know what I'm doing?
646
00:34:12,818 --> 00:34:15,752
You think I got this way
from being photographed?
647
00:34:15,754 --> 00:34:17,821
My chi will overpower your chi
648
00:34:17,823 --> 00:34:19,756
and that is what
you are afraid of.
649
00:34:19,758 --> 00:34:20,724
Bring it on, stuntman.
650
00:34:20,726 --> 00:34:22,359
Put your best move on me now.
651
00:34:22,361 --> 00:34:23,794
Mark: VD, it's
gonna knock you out.
652
00:34:23,796 --> 00:34:27,464
Bullshit, do it.
653
00:34:27,466 --> 00:34:29,099
Mark: Get the medic.
654
00:34:29,101 --> 00:34:30,767
Tell him he's gonna
need to revive VD.
655
00:34:30,769 --> 00:34:33,270
Ha ha ha ha.
656
00:34:33,272 --> 00:34:34,738
Burton: What's happening here?
657
00:34:34,740 --> 00:34:36,273
One minute, I
am proving a point
658
00:34:36,275 --> 00:34:39,176
to the bullshit stuntman.
659
00:34:39,178 --> 00:34:41,578
Burton: Ha, okay.
660
00:34:41,580 --> 00:34:45,682
Don't do anything
until I say go.
661
00:34:45,684 --> 00:34:47,417
Are you ready?
662
00:34:47,419 --> 00:34:49,486
Mark: Ready.
663
00:34:56,260 --> 00:34:58,395
Go!
664
00:34:58,397 --> 00:35:00,163
Mark: One.
665
00:35:00,165 --> 00:35:02,099
Two.
666
00:35:02,701 --> 00:35:04,367
Mark: Three.
667
00:35:04,369 --> 00:35:06,169
Four.
668
00:35:06,171 --> 00:35:07,771
Five.
669
00:35:07,773 --> 00:35:09,372
Six.
670
00:35:09,374 --> 00:35:11,108
Seven.
671
00:35:11,110 --> 00:35:12,476
Eight.
672
00:35:12,478 --> 00:35:14,478
Nine.
673
00:35:14,480 --> 00:35:16,546
Medic?
674
00:35:16,548 --> 00:35:18,715
Crap he pissed himself.
675
00:35:18,717 --> 00:35:20,750
Medic: His pulse is good.
676
00:35:20,752 --> 00:35:23,120
Alright, alright.
677
00:35:23,122 --> 00:35:24,788
Get wardrobe in here
to change his pants.
678
00:35:24,790 --> 00:35:26,289
Hey, look.
679
00:35:26,291 --> 00:35:29,359
VD wakes up, and he finds
out that we know that
680
00:35:29,361 --> 00:35:32,329
he pissed his pants, we're gonna
kiss off the whole day.
681
00:35:32,331 --> 00:35:34,431
Best Boy: I thought that's
what we're doing already.
682
00:35:34,433 --> 00:35:38,301
Come on, come on,
pants, fly it on in here!
683
00:35:44,776 --> 00:35:46,576
Paint: He stuffs his pants?
684
00:35:46,578 --> 00:35:49,379
Vladimir: That is whack.
685
00:36:08,799 --> 00:36:11,902
Paint: Has somebody
got a magnifying glass?
686
00:36:14,539 --> 00:36:16,206
A tattoo.
687
00:36:16,208 --> 00:36:17,807
He got
his Johnny tattooed.
688
00:36:17,809 --> 00:36:19,743
Ivan: Man, what
that would feel like.
689
00:36:19,745 --> 00:36:22,279
Jam: No, no that's a rumor, man.
690
00:36:22,281 --> 00:36:23,613
I don't believe that.
691
00:36:23,615 --> 00:36:24,781
No.
692
00:36:24,783 --> 00:36:26,283
Tattoo artist: It's
definitely not a rumor.
693
00:36:26,285 --> 00:36:27,717
Tattoo assistant: This
is what he wanted.
694
00:36:27,719 --> 00:36:31,321
Tattoo artist: It took about
2000 pricks on his porksword.
695
00:36:31,323 --> 00:36:33,290
Patrick: On the
tip of his...
696
00:36:33,292 --> 00:36:33,957
Craig: His manhood?
697
00:36:33,959 --> 00:36:34,925
Patrick: His manhood.
698
00:36:34,927 --> 00:36:35,759
Craig: I hope he told you that.
699
00:36:35,761 --> 00:36:37,460
I hope you did not...
700
00:36:38,730 --> 00:36:39,596
Patrick: No!
701
00:36:39,598 --> 00:36:41,231
I saw it.
702
00:36:45,870 --> 00:36:49,973
He had a, he had a tattoo of
like eagle's wings or
703
00:36:49,975 --> 00:36:51,741
a talon going over the tip.
704
00:36:51,743 --> 00:36:55,345
Craig: How did how
did you happen to see it?
705
00:36:55,347 --> 00:36:56,646
What was the circumstance?
706
00:36:56,648 --> 00:36:57,781
Patrick: No, he just
decided to show it to me.
707
00:36:57,783 --> 00:36:59,816
Craig: So you kept
your trousers up.
708
00:36:59,818 --> 00:37:00,984
Patrick: I kept mine up.
709
00:37:00,986 --> 00:37:02,219
Craig: He just, he gave
you a quick visual,
710
00:37:02,221 --> 00:37:03,653
and that was that.
711
00:37:03,655 --> 00:37:06,756
Paint: Red talons on the left
and blue talons on the right.
712
00:37:06,758 --> 00:37:08,325
It's like, an eagle.
713
00:37:08,327 --> 00:37:09,426
Very patriotic.
714
00:37:09,428 --> 00:37:10,860
Ivan: Maybe he's wanting to fly.
715
00:37:10,862 --> 00:37:14,231
Paint: No, I think if he wanted
to fly it would be wings.
716
00:37:14,233 --> 00:37:15,565
Get the pants on him, okay!
717
00:37:15,567 --> 00:37:17,634
Mark!
718
00:37:17,636 --> 00:37:19,369
Lay down next to VD.
719
00:37:19,371 --> 00:37:21,938
We got a movie to
make here, now.
720
00:37:21,940 --> 00:37:24,541
When the medic hits VD with
the smelling salts, okay,
721
00:37:24,543 --> 00:37:26,943
I want you to roll
over, like he's just
722
00:37:26,945 --> 00:37:29,279
flipped you over his back
and onto the floor, okay?
723
00:37:29,281 --> 00:37:31,414
Hey look, with any luck,
he'll believe this, too.
724
00:37:31,416 --> 00:37:32,782
Alright, the rest of you.
725
00:37:32,784 --> 00:37:35,418
When VD wakes up, all I
want to hear is cheering.
726
00:37:35,420 --> 00:37:36,620
Congratulations,
hey you were great,
727
00:37:36,622 --> 00:37:37,787
hey you're the best
guy in the world,
728
00:37:37,789 --> 00:37:39,389
Hey bullshit, blah
blah blah blah blah.
729
00:37:39,391 --> 00:37:40,290
Okay?
730
00:37:40,292 --> 00:37:40,957
Alright.
731
00:37:40,959 --> 00:37:41,958
You ready?
732
00:37:41,960 --> 00:37:42,859
Mark: Yeah.
733
00:37:42,861 --> 00:37:48,398
, action.
734
00:38:03,347 --> 00:38:05,582
I tell you, you
bullshit stuntman,
735
00:38:05,584 --> 00:38:08,485
now you have met the great VD.
736
00:38:08,487 --> 00:38:11,721
Who is the one with
the, embarrass now, man?
737
00:38:11,723 --> 00:38:12,822
Is it you?
738
00:38:12,824 --> 00:38:13,823
Ho ho ho ho.
739
00:38:13,825 --> 00:38:14,991
Mark: Yeah, VD, me.
740
00:38:19,798 --> 00:38:22,532
Something smells like shit.
741
00:38:22,534 --> 00:38:26,369
What, did somebody
step on a barking spider?
742
00:38:26,371 --> 00:38:30,807
General, please stop
wafting in my direction.
743
00:38:30,809 --> 00:38:36,546
When did I remember to
forget to tie my shoes?
744
00:38:39,818 --> 00:38:41,818
I have a great
idea for the fight.
745
00:38:41,820 --> 00:38:44,587
Um, the great VD is
going to fly in the movie
746
00:38:44,589 --> 00:38:46,489
like House of Frying Dragons.
747
00:38:46,491 --> 00:38:47,691
Yes!
748
00:38:47,693 --> 00:38:49,693
House of Frying Dragons,
we're going to fly me.
749
00:38:49,695 --> 00:38:52,929
VD, why would
your character fly?
750
00:38:52,931 --> 00:38:54,731
Cuz he is a spaceman.
751
00:38:54,733 --> 00:38:57,467
Yes, but House of Frying
Dragons was a fantasy.
752
00:38:57,469 --> 00:38:58,768
Yeah, life is a fantasy.
753
00:38:58,770 --> 00:38:59,636
Like Peter Pan.
754
00:38:59,638 --> 00:39:00,904
Never grow up!
755
00:39:00,906 --> 00:39:03,073
Never grow up, no way
not sir, no not me!
756
00:39:04,576 --> 00:39:05,642
I just thought of something.
757
00:39:05,644 --> 00:39:07,844
What?
758
00:39:07,846 --> 00:39:10,380
The first time
i had jellybeans.
759
00:39:10,382 --> 00:39:11,781
Louie!
760
00:39:11,783 --> 00:39:14,084
Get me some jellybeans and
take out all the yellow ones!
761
00:39:14,086 --> 00:39:15,985
Louie: Jellybeans are
on their way, captain.
762
00:39:15,987 --> 00:39:18,655
Aye, aye!
763
00:39:19,457 --> 00:39:21,057
Alright, back to work.
764
00:39:21,059 --> 00:39:22,559
in here.
765
00:39:22,561 --> 00:39:23,827
Paint: The design had
to come from somewhere,
766
00:39:23,829 --> 00:39:25,161
even if it was just
his subconsious.
767
00:39:25,163 --> 00:39:26,963
It's like a, that
makes it even better,
768
00:39:26,965 --> 00:39:29,699
a direct snapshot
into his inner psyche.
769
00:39:29,701 --> 00:39:31,368
I think he has color issues,
what's the whole thing
770
00:39:31,370 --> 00:39:34,437
with getting all the yellow
jellybeans taken out?
771
00:39:34,439 --> 00:39:36,139
Maybe he does
not like lemon.
772
00:39:36,141 --> 00:39:37,440
Paint: No, I think
he has color issues.
773
00:39:37,442 --> 00:39:38,541
I think that's
least of issues.
774
00:39:38,543 --> 00:39:39,809
Paint: Well, that may be.
775
00:39:44,849 --> 00:39:46,015
What happened to you?
776
00:39:46,017 --> 00:39:48,451
You used to be my best friend.
777
00:39:48,453 --> 00:39:53,790
Johnny doesn't come
out and play anymore.
778
00:40:00,999 --> 00:40:04,734
That's better.
779
00:40:09,507 --> 00:40:11,741
Hi, girls.
780
00:40:24,755 --> 00:40:29,726
Look, she has a
bottom like a little boy's.
781
00:40:30,027 --> 00:40:32,662
¶ Space Cowboy by Matt Long
782
00:40:32,664 --> 00:40:34,597
I love you.
783
00:40:45,243 --> 00:40:46,176
10, no 15 minutes.
784
00:40:46,178 --> 00:40:48,745
Then they will respect me!
785
00:41:06,564 --> 00:41:08,598
Somebody needs to cum.
786
00:41:08,600 --> 00:41:11,668
Woman in pink bra: Let me.
787
00:41:16,040 --> 00:41:18,808
Are you recording this?
788
00:41:18,810 --> 00:41:19,876
Soundman: Maybe.
789
00:41:51,008 --> 00:41:51,975
The rockets are falling!
790
00:41:51,977 --> 00:41:54,811
The rockets are falling!
791
00:42:00,584 --> 00:42:02,752
That's a wrap!
792
00:42:04,555 --> 00:42:06,155
Burton: I had to work with VD.
793
00:42:06,157 --> 00:42:07,991
I am idiot!
794
00:42:07,993 --> 00:42:11,895
schmuck!
795
00:42:11,897 --> 00:42:14,531
We have to be out
of here by midnight.
796
00:42:14,533 --> 00:42:17,000
We still have three
days' work left.
797
00:42:17,002 --> 00:42:20,670
Emily, get him out
of his trailer.
798
00:42:20,672 --> 00:42:24,040
Do whatever it takes.
799
00:42:25,643 --> 00:42:30,580
Just pretend that
you're at the beach!
800
00:42:45,729 --> 00:42:51,034
Emily: I want speak, to Mr. VD.
801
00:42:54,838 --> 00:42:57,707
The great VD.
802
00:42:59,944 --> 00:43:01,878
Ray: I made it work.
803
00:43:01,880 --> 00:43:05,815
I've got VD's lines
in this script.
804
00:43:05,817 --> 00:43:09,085
And it works.
805
00:43:09,620 --> 00:43:10,720
Burton: Okay.
806
00:43:10,722 --> 00:43:14,257
We have to
cut 10 more pages.
807
00:43:14,792 --> 00:43:15,858
Ray: 10 pages?
808
00:43:15,860 --> 00:43:17,360
Burton: Yes, yes.
809
00:43:17,362 --> 00:43:19,862
Ray: Okay.
810
00:43:21,231 --> 00:43:22,298
Is that enough?
811
00:43:22,300 --> 00:43:24,801
Wait that's only seven?
812
00:43:25,669 --> 00:43:27,870
Does that work for you?
813
00:43:27,872 --> 00:43:29,038
Burton: Ray.
814
00:43:29,040 --> 00:43:30,306
No no no, Ray, that's
not what I mean.
815
00:43:30,308 --> 00:43:35,111
What if the bad guy
falls to his death?
816
00:43:35,113 --> 00:43:37,213
Trips and falls.
817
00:43:37,215 --> 00:43:38,281
Ray: By, by himself?
818
00:43:38,283 --> 00:43:39,782
Burton: Yes.
819
00:43:39,784 --> 00:43:43,353
It, it's logical, people
trip and fall all the time.
820
00:43:43,355 --> 00:43:47,256
Ray: No final fight scene,
no dialog, no, no, no swords?
821
00:43:47,258 --> 00:43:48,658
Burton: No, no.
822
00:43:48,660 --> 00:43:51,194
Just trips, and falls.
823
00:43:51,196 --> 00:43:52,395
Like life.
824
00:43:52,397 --> 00:43:55,231
Life!
825
00:44:00,871 --> 00:44:04,674
Ray: Well why don't we just
have them kiss and make up?
826
00:44:04,676 --> 00:44:06,342
They could walk
out holding hands.
827
00:44:06,344 --> 00:44:09,879
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to
rape and kill your sister,
828
00:44:09,881 --> 01:28:19,760
it was an accident.
829
00:44:09,881 --> 00:44:13,716
That's okay because I
live my life out of love now
830
00:44:13,718 --> 00:44:15,985
and I want you to know
that I love you too.
831
00:44:15,987 --> 00:44:17,153
I forgive you!
832
00:44:17,155 --> 00:44:18,354
Burton: Okay.
833
00:44:18,356 --> 00:44:19,789
Ray: The bad guy and our
hero could become the
834
00:44:19,791 --> 00:44:22,125
poster children for
anger management.
835
00:44:22,127 --> 00:44:26,029
If we can make it
work, you can, too!
836
00:44:26,031 --> 00:44:29,198
Burton: Okay, I get point.
837
00:44:30,034 --> 00:44:34,137
Ray: Burton, thanks
for the job, really.
838
00:44:34,139 --> 00:44:35,972
But I'm done.
839
00:44:35,974 --> 00:44:37,674
I wish you luck.
840
00:44:37,676 --> 00:44:40,309
Goodbye.
841
00:44:55,859 --> 00:44:58,127
Yah!
842
00:45:20,150 --> 00:45:23,052
Hewwo.
843
00:45:26,356 --> 00:45:27,724
Ivan: I'm almost feeling sorry
844
00:45:27,726 --> 00:45:30,093
for cards dealting to Burton.
845
00:45:30,095 --> 00:45:31,828
He put everything
to this picture.
846
00:45:31,830 --> 00:45:33,096
Paint: Yeah, what an idiot.
847
00:45:33,098 --> 00:45:34,864
Ivan: Well, VD's pictures
still make money.
848
00:45:34,866 --> 00:45:36,232
Paint: Not in America.
849
00:45:36,234 --> 00:45:39,001
Did you know that his name,
VD, in America is actually
850
00:45:39,003 --> 00:45:41,971
a sexually transmitted disease?
851
00:45:41,973 --> 00:45:42,972
Ivan: Really?
852
00:45:42,974 --> 00:45:44,340
Paint: Yeah.
853
00:45:44,342 --> 00:45:46,109
Yeah, yeah I think it's
how you say it in Europe,
854
00:45:46,111 --> 00:45:48,344
the whole W,V, Wagner, Vagner...
855
00:45:48,346 --> 00:45:49,479
Ivan: Wagner, Vagner.
856
00:45:49,481 --> 00:45:50,413
Paint: Yeah.
857
00:45:50,415 --> 00:45:51,981
Yeah.
858
00:45:56,754 --> 00:46:01,557
You know Emily, last time
you were very angry with me.
859
00:46:01,559 --> 00:46:06,896
I sent you flowers,
chocolates, candy, wine.
860
00:46:06,898 --> 00:46:10,066
And I even wrote you a poem
and you did not respond to me
861
00:46:10,068 --> 00:46:15,838
and it's my dying wish that
I have the key to your heart.
862
00:46:15,840 --> 00:46:19,142
I do not have the key,
I cannot find the key.
863
00:46:19,144 --> 00:46:28,151
And I just, I, I love you,
Emily and I, I want your love.
864
00:46:32,256 --> 00:46:35,191
Emily: You want see my...
865
00:46:39,029 --> 00:46:40,863
Tits?
866
00:46:42,065 --> 00:46:44,367
Yes.
867
00:46:44,369 --> 00:46:45,601
Emily: Then you go set!
868
00:46:45,603 --> 00:46:48,137
Work!
869
00:46:48,139 --> 00:46:51,240
Yes.
870
00:46:51,909 --> 00:46:53,342
Emily: No picture.
871
00:46:53,344 --> 00:46:56,212
Emily, you know I
have to have a picture.
872
00:46:56,214 --> 00:46:59,482
Emily: No.
873
00:47:00,951 --> 00:47:03,920
I'm kind of
sleepy now, I have to,
874
00:47:03,922 --> 00:47:07,390
I think I have to take a nap.
875
00:47:07,392 --> 00:47:09,625
Whoa.
876
00:47:09,627 --> 00:47:12,962
Emily: Wait!
877
00:47:38,121 --> 00:47:40,590
She'll be back.
878
00:47:53,136 --> 00:47:54,503
Burton: Emily?
879
00:47:54,505 --> 00:47:56,405
What happened?
880
00:47:56,407 --> 00:47:58,374
Emily: I am virgin.
881
00:47:58,376 --> 00:48:01,410
Burton: He doesn't
want your virginity.
882
00:48:01,412 --> 00:48:03,279
Emily: He wants take picture.
883
00:48:03,981 --> 00:48:05,414
Burton: Cover your face.
884
00:48:06,516 --> 00:48:08,084
Emily: No!
885
00:48:08,086 --> 00:48:10,186
Burton: 1,000 Euro!
886
00:48:10,888 --> 00:48:12,889
2,000!
887
00:48:15,025 --> 00:48:16,092
Emily: Two?
888
00:48:16,094 --> 00:48:18,361
Thousand Euro?
889
00:48:18,363 --> 00:48:20,463
Burton: Yes.
890
00:48:23,033 --> 00:48:26,969
Emily: 3,000 Euro me,
3,000 more my family.
891
00:48:31,642 --> 00:48:34,143
Emily.
892
00:48:34,978 --> 00:48:38,247
Emily.
893
00:48:38,249 --> 00:48:41,250
You are so beautiful.
894
00:48:41,385 --> 00:48:44,086
No flower or the things that
pop up out of the ground
895
00:48:44,088 --> 00:48:46,989
in the spring can
equal your beauty.
896
00:48:46,991 --> 00:48:51,460
I, I love you.
897
00:48:51,462 --> 00:48:54,096
I do.
898
00:48:59,269 --> 00:49:01,570
Thank you Emily, at last
my mirror is complete.
899
00:49:01,572 --> 00:49:04,240
You will never forget this.
900
00:49:04,242 --> 00:49:05,474
Emily: You come!
901
00:49:05,476 --> 00:49:08,010
Almost, almost.
902
00:49:09,546 --> 00:49:11,380
Am I such a bad boy?
903
00:49:11,382 --> 00:49:14,250
My mommy, she breastfed
me, I love breasts.
904
00:49:14,252 --> 00:49:16,052
There is nothing
in the world that
905
00:49:16,054 --> 00:49:19,288
a good breast suck can't cure.
906
00:49:20,223 --> 00:49:23,526
Am I such a bad boy?
907
00:49:26,430 --> 00:49:30,266
Okay, umm, checklist.
908
00:49:30,268 --> 00:49:31,467
Let's take it from where
Maria doinks me on the head
909
00:49:31,469 --> 00:49:34,303
with the little
aluminum missile.
910
00:49:34,305 --> 00:49:36,472
Maria: You know, maybe
instead of hitting you,
911
00:49:36,474 --> 00:49:38,240
I could help you.
912
00:49:38,242 --> 00:49:41,410
What are you going to do
if a woman doesn't have a gun?
913
00:49:41,412 --> 00:49:44,447
You going to, blow
kisses at him?
914
00:49:44,449 --> 00:49:47,183
Maybe you beat him up with
your batting of the eyelashes?
915
00:49:48,519 --> 00:49:49,719
Is that what it is?
916
00:49:49,721 --> 00:49:51,587
You know, I get great
idea for your character
917
00:49:51,589 --> 00:49:52,755
and you want to change it?
918
00:49:52,757 --> 00:49:53,756
Is that it?
919
00:49:53,758 --> 00:49:56,292
You want to be the director?
920
00:49:56,294 --> 00:49:57,460
Is that it?
921
00:49:57,462 --> 00:50:00,429
Maria: Sure, yeah this
will be fun, yeah!
922
00:50:00,431 --> 00:50:03,366
We bring in all the helpless
girls and the great VD
923
00:50:03,368 --> 00:50:05,568
can come and rescue them.
924
00:50:05,570 --> 00:50:07,303
What are you doing?
925
00:50:07,305 --> 00:50:08,371
Maria: Directing.
926
00:50:08,373 --> 00:50:11,207
You, get off my set, stupido!
927
00:50:11,209 --> 00:50:13,642
Get out of here!
928
00:50:13,644 --> 00:50:15,344
You are stupido!
929
00:50:15,346 --> 00:50:19,382
If only implants were brains,
then you could be Einstein.
930
00:50:19,384 --> 00:50:20,783
And then, you could direct.
931
00:50:20,785 --> 00:50:22,018
Yes?
932
00:50:22,020 --> 00:50:23,319
Get off my set!
933
00:50:23,321 --> 00:50:24,720
I fire you!
934
00:50:37,768 --> 00:50:40,269
Women!
935
00:50:40,271 --> 00:50:41,437
Ivan: It's still hard
to believe they're
936
00:50:41,439 --> 00:50:43,506
not getting bad boy clause.
937
00:50:43,508 --> 00:50:45,508
Paint: Unbelievable
with his reputation.
938
00:50:45,510 --> 00:50:46,776
And!
939
00:50:46,778 --> 00:50:50,079
I hear he gets to choose
his own call time.
940
00:50:50,081 --> 00:50:52,581
Ivan: Who you have to fuck,
choosing own call time?
941
00:50:52,583 --> 00:50:54,383
Paint: Producer.
942
00:50:54,385 --> 00:50:56,619
Ivan: No no no
no, I mean in life?
943
00:50:56,621 --> 00:50:59,055
Being dealting these cards?
944
00:50:59,057 --> 00:51:00,823
Paint: That'd be the
dealer, the dealer.
945
00:51:00,825 --> 00:51:02,324
Yeah.
946
00:51:02,326 --> 00:51:05,828
Ivan: The dealer, the
dealer, the fucking dealer.
947
00:51:05,830 --> 00:51:08,130
Paint: The fucking dealer.
948
00:51:08,132 --> 00:51:10,299
Burton: VD I'm sorry,
we cannot fly you,
949
00:51:10,301 --> 00:51:11,567
we just don't have the time.
950
00:51:11,569 --> 00:51:13,602
Mr Producer, you
will make the time.
951
00:51:13,604 --> 00:51:16,605
Burton: No no no no, we must
shoot the fight scene as is.
952
00:51:16,607 --> 00:51:21,310
As fight
choreographer, you
shoot the fight
953
00:51:21,312 --> 00:51:23,412
the way I say it
is in my contract.
954
00:51:23,414 --> 00:51:25,815
Burton: You
are the director and
955
00:51:25,817 --> 00:51:28,751
the fight choreographer, but
you aren't the set designer.
956
00:51:28,753 --> 00:51:31,620
As the fight choreographer,
the next part of the fight
957
00:51:31,622 --> 00:51:35,624
is in the air, is what I say,
you cheap Euro producer!
958
00:51:35,626 --> 00:51:36,725
Burton: Hey!
959
00:51:36,727 --> 00:51:37,860
You can't spend
5 Euro on a stunt?
960
00:51:37,862 --> 00:51:40,162
I'll tell you
what, you take this,
961
00:51:40,164 --> 00:51:43,799
you go hock it for 10 Euro,
and you build us a fucking set!
962
00:51:43,801 --> 00:51:45,768
What is this piece of shit?
963
00:51:45,770 --> 00:51:47,403
What is it, cardboard?
964
00:51:47,405 --> 00:51:49,238
No, it's paper.
965
00:51:49,240 --> 00:51:51,140
You give me
5,000,000 Euro, yeah?
966
00:51:51,142 --> 00:51:52,908
You tell me this is
10,000,000 Euro movie.
967
00:51:52,910 --> 00:51:55,444
Where's the other 5,000,00?
968
00:51:55,446 --> 00:51:56,612
What did this cost?
969
00:51:56,614 --> 00:51:59,215
One Euro?
970
00:52:00,418 --> 00:52:01,650
I show you what I
think of your set?
971
00:52:01,652 --> 00:52:04,854
Precious
set, I love you.
972
00:52:06,657 --> 00:52:08,157
Shit shit shit!
973
00:52:08,159 --> 00:52:09,391
My toe, get away from me!
974
00:52:09,393 --> 00:52:10,626
Get away from me.
975
00:52:10,628 --> 00:52:12,895
Finished...set...I
am not finished!
976
00:52:15,466 --> 00:52:16,432
Take that you stupid set!
977
00:52:28,712 --> 00:52:32,481
I showing you,
you fucking set!
978
00:52:32,483 --> 00:52:34,150
Ha ha ha ha.
979
00:52:41,959 --> 00:52:43,192
Shit.
980
00:52:43,194 --> 00:52:45,227
I think I am stuck.
981
00:52:45,229 --> 00:52:46,295
Hello?
982
00:52:46,297 --> 00:52:48,164
Where's my grippers?
983
00:52:48,166 --> 00:52:50,232
Where's my grippers?
984
00:52:50,234 --> 00:52:51,634
Vladimir: That is whack.
985
00:52:51,636 --> 00:52:57,339
I'm over here you
know, hey, like hey!
986
00:52:57,341 --> 00:52:59,241
Hey, I'm over here.
987
00:52:59,243 --> 00:53:00,910
In here, hello?
988
00:53:00,912 --> 00:53:02,244
I'm in the rock!
989
00:53:02,246 --> 00:53:04,313
Video, come on,
990
00:53:04,315 --> 00:53:05,948
Help me.
991
00:53:05,950 --> 00:53:08,651
Excuse me?
992
00:53:10,388 --> 00:53:11,453
What's happening out there?
993
00:53:25,569 --> 00:53:27,670
Da, except I
don't speak Russian!
994
00:53:27,672 --> 00:53:28,837
I know you want to help.
995
00:53:31,808 --> 00:53:34,310
Keep the producer
away from me.
996
00:53:34,312 --> 00:53:36,011
Keep him away from my butt.
997
00:53:54,698 --> 00:53:57,800
Sir Jeffrey: Harry,
are you awake?
998
00:53:57,802 --> 00:54:02,638
I had to call and let you
know that he's stoned,
999
00:54:02,640 --> 00:54:06,875
he's drunk, he's high,
he's wielding a knife,
1000
00:54:06,877 --> 00:54:09,645
I could get killed right
now, he's so psycho.
1001
00:54:09,647 --> 00:54:11,981
He's just rammed his head
into a fiberglass rock.
1002
00:54:19,957 --> 00:54:20,923
That's better!
1003
00:54:20,925 --> 00:54:22,057
Paint: Can I say it?
1004
00:54:22,059 --> 00:54:23,726
Ivan: No, is...no.
Paint: I'm going to.
1005
00:54:23,728 --> 00:54:24,760
Ivan: Okay, go ahead.
1006
00:54:24,762 --> 00:54:26,295
Paint: Dickhead!
1007
00:54:33,571 --> 00:54:35,971
Soundman: Shouldn't you be
out there giving him a hand?
1008
00:54:37,475 --> 00:54:38,674
Sir Jeffrey: So you're
sending me back to the hotel
1009
00:54:38,676 --> 00:54:40,075
until you have ironclad
assurances that I do not
1010
00:54:40,077 --> 00:54:43,345
have to do battle
with um, a person
1011
00:54:43,347 --> 00:54:46,815
who is on drugs and alcohol.
1012
00:55:06,403 --> 00:55:08,637
Sir Jeffrey: Harry,
wake up Harry.
1013
00:55:08,639 --> 00:55:09,471
Come on.
1014
00:55:09,473 --> 00:55:10,906
You have no idea!
1015
00:55:10,908 --> 00:55:14,910
There's a psychopath on the
loose wielding lethal weapons.
1016
00:55:14,912 --> 00:55:16,111
You're supposed to be my agent,
1017
00:55:16,113 --> 00:55:18,514
standing in front of
me and protecting me.
1018
00:55:19,717 --> 00:55:21,116
Sir Jeffrey: Here you
are, off in America,
1019
00:55:21,118 --> 00:55:23,719
in a nice warm bed, and here
I'm on a set with a psycho!
1020
00:55:23,721 --> 00:55:25,654
Hello?
1021
00:55:25,656 --> 00:55:28,490
Hello?
1022
00:55:28,492 --> 00:55:33,329
Sir Jeffrey: You voiceless,
lawless, neutered coward.
1023
00:55:33,563 --> 00:55:35,964
Take that, you stupid rock!
1024
00:55:43,474 --> 00:55:46,475
Take that you stupid shit.
1025
00:55:46,477 --> 00:55:47,810
Burton: Hey, VD!
1026
00:55:47,812 --> 00:55:50,713
I've spoken to special effects,
we're going to fly you.
1027
00:55:50,715 --> 00:55:52,748
I like the idea, it
will give extra...
1028
00:55:52,750 --> 00:55:54,583
Now you like the idea?
1029
00:55:54,585 --> 00:55:56,352
Burton: Visual interest to...
1030
00:55:57,922 --> 00:56:02,825
You will be very happy that
you have flown the great VD.
1031
00:56:02,827 --> 00:56:04,993
Sir Jeffrey!
1032
00:56:04,995 --> 00:56:07,429
Hey, let's run lines.
1033
00:56:07,431 --> 00:56:10,099
Leave us alone,
we are rehearsing!
1034
00:56:11,034 --> 00:56:12,401
Emily: What he's doing?
1035
00:56:12,403 --> 00:56:15,037
Okay, you
have the first line.
1036
00:56:15,039 --> 00:56:16,605
Sir Jeffrey: The
crystals are mine.
1037
00:56:16,607 --> 00:56:19,475
The crystals
are for the people.
1038
00:56:19,477 --> 00:56:21,377
Sir Jeffrey: The people
are ignorant peasants.
1039
00:56:21,379 --> 00:56:24,847
They'll just piss away their
money on tithes and beer.
1040
00:56:24,849 --> 00:56:27,649
I represent
the people's beer.
1041
00:56:27,651 --> 00:56:29,485
Sir Jeffrey: Are you
really going to say that?
1042
00:56:29,487 --> 00:56:32,421
I wrote that,
I think it's funny.
1043
00:56:32,423 --> 00:56:34,189
Sir Jeffrey: There's
beer on Mars?
1044
00:56:36,993 --> 00:56:39,561
There is now.
1045
00:56:39,563 --> 00:56:41,130
Sir Jeffrey: Why are you
doing that with your voice?
1046
00:56:41,132 --> 00:56:43,198
I heard that when
a director does that
1047
00:56:43,200 --> 00:56:45,801
it makes his voice
low and gravelly.
1048
00:56:45,803 --> 00:56:47,469
Sir Jeffrey: Yes, but
naturally your voice has
1049
00:56:47,471 --> 00:56:49,004
so much more color in it.
1050
00:56:49,006 --> 00:56:51,807
My voice has color?
1051
00:56:51,809 --> 00:56:54,510
Sir Jeffrey: In real
life, you're so animated.
1052
00:56:54,512 --> 00:56:58,113
But when you act, you stick
your voice down in one note.
1053
00:56:58,115 --> 00:56:59,415
I do?
1054
00:56:59,417 --> 00:57:00,482
Sir Jeffrey: Yes.
1055
00:57:00,484 --> 00:57:01,650
Why would you do that?
1056
00:57:01,652 --> 00:57:04,052
Because it sounds cool.
1057
00:57:04,054 --> 00:57:05,587
Sir Jeffrey: Yes, for a minute.
1058
00:57:05,589 --> 00:57:07,589
But you know, when you go
to a concert, don't you want
1059
00:57:07,591 --> 00:57:10,659
to hear all the instruments,
not just the tuba?
1060
00:57:10,661 --> 00:57:12,928
A tube of what?
1061
00:57:12,930 --> 00:57:14,496
Toothpaste?
1062
00:57:14,498 --> 00:57:16,231
Sir Jeffrey: Come on you know
it's like, big brass horn?
1063
00:57:16,233 --> 00:57:17,766
Got a big bell on it?
1064
00:57:17,768 --> 00:57:20,102
The tuba!
1065
00:57:20,104 --> 00:57:21,870
Bom bom bom bom bom bom.
1066
00:57:21,872 --> 00:57:23,739
I lick the tuba!
1067
00:57:23,741 --> 00:57:25,874
Oops.
1068
00:57:25,876 --> 00:57:28,544
I said lick, so
I have to, sorry.
1069
00:57:28,546 --> 00:57:30,145
Ha hahaha!
1070
00:57:30,147 --> 00:57:32,581
Sir Jeffrey: Do chicks dig that?
1071
00:57:32,583 --> 00:57:35,951
They go crazy.
1072
00:57:35,953 --> 00:57:37,653
Sir Jeffrey: Boy, you've had
some breaks, haven't you?
1073
00:57:37,655 --> 00:57:39,988
A little luck has
hit me on the head.
1074
00:57:39,990 --> 00:57:43,058
Among other things.
1075
00:57:45,094 --> 00:57:47,663
Sir Jeffrey: Is it true
that you went down on
1076
00:57:47,665 --> 00:57:50,899
all those chicks in front of
everyone at your birthday?
1077
00:57:51,568 --> 00:57:53,135
Of course.
1078
00:57:53,137 --> 00:57:55,804
Sir Jeffrey: Aren't you afraid
of contracting something?
1079
00:57:57,208 --> 00:57:58,740
I never get sick.
1080
00:57:58,742 --> 00:58:03,812
Life, is the disease,
and I am the cure!
1081
00:58:06,082 --> 00:58:08,016
Is your microphone on?
1082
00:58:08,018 --> 00:58:09,818
Disconnect the cable,
I once knew a sound guy
1083
00:58:09,820 --> 00:58:12,721
who played me a tape
once of crews, you know,
1084
00:58:12,723 --> 00:58:14,857
going at it in his trailer.
1085
00:58:17,728 --> 00:58:19,661
You know what he says
when he's cumming?
1086
00:58:19,663 --> 00:58:20,863
Sir Jeffrey: What?
1087
00:58:20,865 --> 00:58:23,232
Crew: Awwww!
1088
00:58:23,234 --> 00:58:26,268
No mommy, no!
1089
00:58:27,003 --> 00:58:29,171
That's fucked up!
1090
00:58:29,173 --> 00:58:31,740
Sir Jeffrey: Quite.
1091
00:58:38,548 --> 00:58:41,216
You must now swear to
me that you will never
1092
00:58:41,218 --> 00:58:44,019
tell a single soul what
I'm about to tell you,
1093
00:58:44,021 --> 00:58:46,655
or I will hunt you
down and kill you.
1094
00:58:46,657 --> 00:58:50,659
Sir Jeffrey: You have my
solemn word as a gentleman.
1095
00:58:50,661 --> 00:58:52,728
Okay.
1096
00:58:52,730 --> 00:58:57,332
I will now tell you
something about the great VD.
1097
00:58:57,700 --> 00:59:00,235
No one fucks the great VD.
1098
00:59:00,237 --> 00:59:01,670
You give me one pile of shit
1099
00:59:01,672 --> 00:59:04,673
I will give you
100 piles of shit.
1100
00:59:04,675 --> 00:59:08,877
Burton, he told me that we
were making a 10,000,000 Euro
1101
00:59:08,879 --> 00:59:11,113
movie, he gives me
5,000,000 Euro, right?
1102
00:59:11,115 --> 00:59:13,348
What does he spend on
this set, like 10 Euro?
1103
00:59:13,350 --> 00:59:16,251
This set will look like
shit, I will look like shit.
1104
00:59:16,586 --> 00:59:19,988
I don't want them to
release this movie.
1105
00:59:20,089 --> 00:59:21,990
Burton is out there
right now eating his shit
1106
00:59:21,992 --> 00:59:23,592
and I am salting it.
1107
00:59:23,594 --> 00:59:26,128
As long as I do what
I am doing, I am free
1108
00:59:26,130 --> 00:59:29,264
to leave here at
midnight tonight.
1109
00:59:29,832 --> 00:59:32,000
Pretty brilliant?
1110
00:59:32,002 --> 00:59:32,901
Sir Jeffrey: But
no one will ever
1111
00:59:32,903 --> 00:59:34,269
want to work with you again.
1112
00:59:34,271 --> 00:59:37,839
Bullshit, I got a
three-picture deal waiting,
1113
00:59:37,841 --> 00:59:39,675
I could do a television series.
1114
00:59:39,677 --> 00:59:40,909
Sir Jeffrey: Really?
1115
00:59:40,911 --> 00:59:44,746
My aching vagina!
1116
00:59:46,249 --> 00:59:48,684
What's the matter?
1117
00:59:49,018 --> 00:59:50,886
Sir Jeffrey: Can I tell you
a secret that if you tell
1118
00:59:50,888 --> 00:59:53,055
anyone else I get to kill you?
1119
00:59:54,157 --> 00:59:56,792
You have my
word as a gentleman.
1120
00:59:56,960 --> 00:59:59,027
Sir Jeffrey: Your film is the
only job I've been offered
1121
00:59:59,029 --> 01:00:01,229
in the last two years.
1122
01:00:01,231 --> 01:00:03,832
This job saved my house.
1123
01:00:03,834 --> 01:00:04,967
What?!
1124
01:00:04,969 --> 01:00:07,202
That is bullshit,
fire your agent!
1125
01:00:07,204 --> 01:00:09,705
You are the best actor!
1126
01:00:09,707 --> 01:00:11,373
Sir Jeffrey: VD, there
are a million good actors,
1127
01:00:11,375 --> 01:00:12,908
but very few stars.
1128
01:00:12,910 --> 01:00:14,376
You are a star.
1129
01:00:14,378 --> 01:00:16,311
I am just an actor.
1130
01:00:16,313 --> 01:00:18,914
Ha ha no, you are a star.
1131
01:00:18,916 --> 01:00:21,650
Sir Jeffrey: A minor
twinkler, perhaps.
1132
01:00:21,652 --> 01:00:23,385
Only a few stars rise.
1133
01:00:23,387 --> 01:00:26,688
And you have got yours
a long way up there.
1134
01:00:26,690 --> 01:00:29,625
Yeah my star did
go up a little ways.
1135
01:00:29,627 --> 01:00:31,660
Yours could, too!
1136
01:00:31,662 --> 01:00:34,062
Sir Jeffrey: You know how
when you meet some people,
1137
01:00:34,064 --> 01:00:36,231
you just want to
rush up and hug them?
1138
01:00:36,233 --> 01:00:38,100
There's something
about them you just
1139
01:00:38,102 --> 01:00:39,968
want to hold close to you?
1140
01:00:39,970 --> 01:00:42,871
And then there are other
people who give you the creeps.
1141
01:00:42,873 --> 01:00:44,706
Okay.
1142
01:00:44,708 --> 01:00:46,975
Sir Jeffrey: You have this
boyish quality about you.
1143
01:00:46,977 --> 01:00:48,377
It's adorable.
1144
01:00:48,379 --> 01:00:51,313
I am one of those people
who give others the creeps.
1145
01:00:51,315 --> 01:00:53,015
No!
1146
01:00:53,017 --> 01:00:55,117
Sir Jeffrey: Who's playing
the villain in the movie?
1147
01:00:55,119 --> 01:00:56,351
Who?
1148
01:00:56,353 --> 01:00:57,686
You.
1149
01:00:57,688 --> 01:01:00,922
Sir Jeffrey: Was
that an accident?
1150
01:01:02,392 --> 01:01:03,425
No.
1151
01:01:03,427 --> 01:01:04,926
Sir Jeffrey: And it's okay.
1152
01:01:04,928 --> 01:01:06,828
Do I look sad?
1153
01:01:06,830 --> 01:01:10,866
It's been a great
living, most of the time.
1154
01:01:10,868 --> 01:01:12,701
Do you want to
get out of here?
1155
01:01:12,703 --> 01:01:14,403
Do you want to get out
of this stinking set?
1156
01:01:14,405 --> 01:01:15,904
Sir Jeffrey: I want to go home.
1157
01:01:15,906 --> 01:01:17,673
I want to hold my children.
1158
01:01:17,675 --> 01:01:19,374
Then the great VD
will fire you, too.
1159
01:01:19,376 --> 01:01:21,743
Let's do it on the set
with more people around.
1160
01:01:21,745 --> 01:01:23,879
Maria wanted an audience.
1161
01:01:23,881 --> 01:01:25,981
Sir Jeffrey: She
wanted you to fire her?
1162
01:01:25,983 --> 01:01:28,250
Yes she has to
leave tomorrow and
wanted to go shopping.
1163
01:01:28,252 --> 01:01:29,051
Sir Jeffrey: Really?
1164
01:01:29,053 --> 01:01:29,985
Yes.
1165
01:01:29,987 --> 01:01:32,454
She's going to buy me a present!
1166
01:01:32,456 --> 01:01:35,157
Sir Jeffrey: VD, that
was great acting!
1167
01:01:35,159 --> 01:01:36,692
Really?
1168
01:01:37,461 --> 01:01:39,995
Well, thank you Sir Jeffrey.
1169
01:01:39,997 --> 01:01:41,296
Think of some really
horrible things to say
1170
01:01:41,298 --> 01:01:44,232
about me, it will
be all the more fun.
1171
01:01:44,234 --> 01:01:45,767
Sir Jeffrey: I
think I could muster
1172
01:01:45,769 --> 01:01:47,869
a few things for the occasion.
1173
01:01:47,871 --> 01:01:49,805
I finally get to do some acting.
1174
01:01:49,807 --> 01:01:51,873
Yes, yes a performance
is in order!
1175
01:01:51,875 --> 01:01:53,141
It's going to be fun, yes?
1176
01:01:53,143 --> 01:01:54,276
Sir Jeffrey: Yes!
1177
01:01:54,278 --> 01:01:55,711
Good!
1178
01:01:55,713 --> 01:01:58,814
Sir Jeffrey: VD, what
a brilliant surprise.
1179
01:01:58,816 --> 01:02:01,717
It's been fun working with you.
1180
01:02:02,218 --> 01:02:04,519
Well not everyone
has said that about me.
1181
01:02:07,290 --> 01:02:10,459
Thank you.
1182
01:02:12,995 --> 01:02:17,365
You see, I want to hug you.
1183
01:02:18,935 --> 01:02:22,537
Burton: I told you he
hits for other team.
1184
01:02:23,005 --> 01:02:25,340
Emily: Baseball?
1185
01:02:26,776 --> 01:02:29,945
See you on the
set, Sir Jeffrey.
1186
01:02:45,228 --> 01:02:47,529
Sir Jeffrey: You know
what your problem is?
1187
01:02:47,531 --> 01:02:49,898
No one says no to you anymore.
1188
01:02:49,900 --> 01:02:52,367
When was the last time
anyone said no to you?
1189
01:02:52,369 --> 01:02:55,971
When was the last time
you said no to yourself?
1190
01:02:56,139 --> 01:02:59,040
What are you talking about?
1191
01:02:59,909 --> 01:03:03,044
Sir Jeffrey: What is a
man if his chief good and
1192
01:03:03,046 --> 01:03:07,315
market of his time
be to sleep and feed.
1193
01:03:07,317 --> 01:03:09,851
A beast no more.
1194
01:03:09,853 --> 01:03:13,455
The best part of you
is not being fed.
1195
01:03:13,457 --> 01:03:15,023
Why not?
1196
01:03:15,025 --> 01:03:16,792
Sir Jeffrey: Because you've
locked it away from yourself
1197
01:03:16,794 --> 01:03:20,328
and from everyone else with
bars of coke and drugs.
1198
01:03:20,330 --> 01:03:22,364
It's not bars, it's lines.
1199
01:03:22,366 --> 01:03:23,231
Sir Jeffrey: Whatever!
1200
01:03:23,233 --> 01:03:24,199
It's drugs.
1201
01:03:24,201 --> 01:03:25,534
It's killing your discipline.
1202
01:03:25,536 --> 01:03:27,302
And you being a star, it's
killing the discipline
1203
01:03:27,304 --> 01:03:28,904
of everyone around you.
1204
01:03:28,906 --> 01:03:31,139
You have too much power.
1205
01:03:31,141 --> 01:03:33,575
And everyone is afraid
of losing favor with you,
1206
01:03:33,577 --> 01:03:36,545
or you're going to use
your power against them.
1207
01:03:36,547 --> 01:03:38,547
Everyone is afraid
to say no to you, but
1208
01:03:38,549 --> 01:03:41,917
all they have to
do is just say no.
1209
01:03:42,084 --> 01:03:43,485
You want to say no to me?
1210
01:03:43,487 --> 01:03:45,620
Sir Jeffrey: Yes, everyone
should say no to you.
1211
01:03:45,622 --> 01:03:49,825
Because you are an addict,
and you belong in rehab.
1212
01:03:49,827 --> 01:03:51,259
You say no to me?
1213
01:03:51,261 --> 01:03:53,395
Sir Jeffrey: Yes,
I say no to you.
1214
01:03:53,397 --> 01:03:55,197
You want to say no to me?
1215
01:03:55,199 --> 01:03:56,231
Sir Jeffrey: Yes.
1216
01:03:56,233 --> 01:03:58,567
You say no?
1217
01:03:58,569 --> 01:03:59,334
Sir Jeffrey: Yes.
1218
01:03:59,336 --> 01:04:00,569
No or yes?
1219
01:04:00,571 --> 01:04:02,070
Sir Jeffrey: I say no to
you, and everyone else
1220
01:04:02,072 --> 01:04:03,238
should say no to you as well!
1221
01:04:03,240 --> 01:04:06,842
You want to say
no to the great VD.
1222
01:04:06,844 --> 01:04:12,347
Ha ha, well, man of flowery
words, then you are stupid.
1223
01:04:12,349 --> 01:04:15,450
Because no one says no to
the great VD, especially
1224
01:04:15,452 --> 01:04:18,320
when VD is the director!
1225
01:04:18,322 --> 01:04:20,589
So I fire you!
1226
01:04:20,591 --> 01:04:23,225
Get off my set!
1227
01:04:23,227 --> 01:04:24,993
Sir Jeffrey: You think
having to leave your
1228
01:04:24,995 --> 01:04:27,429
little playground here,
your sandbox, is punishment?
1229
01:04:30,933 --> 01:04:32,467
Hey, don't let
the door hit your
1230
01:04:32,469 --> 01:04:35,971
flowery dick on the way out.
1231
01:04:40,209 --> 01:04:42,677
Sir Jeffrey: You're
not a hero, VD.
1232
01:04:42,679 --> 01:04:44,946
You're a movie star.
1233
01:04:44,948 --> 01:04:46,181
An icon.
1234
01:04:46,183 --> 01:04:48,016
That is not as
substantial or deep as the
1235
01:04:48,018 --> 01:04:50,585
film your image is recorded on.
1236
01:04:50,587 --> 01:04:54,956
A vapid photon, glittering
for an ignorant audience.
1237
01:04:54,958 --> 01:04:57,926
I pity, really pity your fans.
1238
01:04:57,928 --> 01:04:59,661
I wish they knew what an
appalling effort it takes
1239
01:04:59,663 --> 01:05:02,898
to get your facade ready
to be photographed.
1240
01:05:02,900 --> 01:05:05,567
A photograph of a
facade that moves.
1241
01:05:05,569 --> 01:05:08,703
That is how I
shall remember you.
1242
01:05:08,705 --> 01:05:12,107
You cannot hear my no,
but you will hear the no
1243
01:05:12,109 --> 01:05:15,477
that life delivers you.
1244
01:05:16,145 --> 01:05:20,482
VD, you are the disease.
1245
01:05:20,484 --> 01:05:24,386
And you, and you
alone are the cure.
1246
01:05:58,521 --> 01:06:01,990
I am the disease
and I am the cure.
1247
01:06:01,992 --> 01:06:05,627
That was my line, he changed it.
1248
01:06:07,396 --> 01:06:09,331
He was joking.
1249
01:06:09,333 --> 01:06:12,233
Joke's on you.
1250
01:06:17,707 --> 01:06:21,142
Burton: VD, where are you going?
1251
01:06:21,144 --> 01:06:24,179
I'll be back.
1252
01:06:24,181 --> 01:06:26,982
Burton: We have to
finish the movie.
1253
01:06:34,757 --> 01:06:36,725
People are supposed
to say no to me,
1254
01:06:36,727 --> 01:06:39,260
you wanna say no to me?
1255
01:06:40,029 --> 01:06:43,999
Burton: Okay, umm, no, no!
1256
01:06:44,001 --> 01:06:47,268
You cannot leave set.
1257
01:07:04,520 --> 01:07:08,089
Fuck you.
1258
01:07:39,288 --> 01:07:41,790
Soundman:
1259
01:07:44,527 --> 01:07:45,760
You want to say no?
1260
01:07:45,762 --> 01:07:47,562
To me?
1261
01:07:47,564 --> 01:07:50,432
To the great VD?
1262
01:07:51,267 --> 01:07:54,069
You should say no to me.
1263
01:08:06,550 --> 01:08:09,350
What, did I get
some on my face?
1264
01:08:14,790 --> 01:08:17,692
Burton: What, what,
what are you doing?
1265
01:08:17,694 --> 01:08:20,095
My dick says no to me.
1266
01:08:20,097 --> 01:08:21,663
My dick says no to me.
1267
01:08:21,665 --> 01:08:22,664
Burton: Stop this!
1268
01:08:22,666 --> 01:08:25,266
Stop it!
1269
01:08:28,238 --> 01:08:29,437
Who is it?
1270
01:08:33,509 --> 01:08:34,709
Maria.
1271
01:08:35,678 --> 01:08:37,278
Maria: Hi.
1272
01:08:37,280 --> 01:08:38,313
Hi baby.
1273
01:08:38,315 --> 01:08:39,714
What are you doing here?
1274
01:08:39,716 --> 01:08:43,284
Maria: Well I wanted to get you
something to remember me by.
1275
01:08:43,286 --> 01:08:44,452
Thank you, Maria.
1276
01:08:44,454 --> 01:08:46,354
I didn't think maybe
you were gonna actually
1277
01:08:46,356 --> 01:08:47,589
go shopping for me.
1278
01:08:47,591 --> 01:08:49,457
What is it?
1279
01:08:49,459 --> 01:08:51,860
Maria: Well open it.
1280
01:08:58,267 --> 01:09:00,168
You didn't get
this at a store.
1281
01:09:00,170 --> 01:09:01,269
Maria: No, I didn't.
1282
01:09:01,271 --> 01:09:02,770
Props had an extra one.
1283
01:09:02,772 --> 01:09:03,505
You like?
1284
01:09:03,507 --> 01:09:05,473
Awwww.
1285
01:09:07,343 --> 01:09:08,776
I love you.
1286
01:09:08,778 --> 01:09:13,548
Maria: Awww, honey you know
it's not love, it's location.
1287
01:09:13,550 --> 01:09:15,483
I know.
1288
01:09:15,485 --> 01:09:18,453
But it's still sad
to see you go anyway.
1289
01:09:18,455 --> 01:09:19,721
Maria: Aww, it was fun.
1290
01:09:19,723 --> 01:09:21,389
Yeah.
1291
01:09:21,391 --> 01:09:23,324
Maria: Bye.
1292
01:09:27,296 --> 01:09:28,329
Have fun.
1293
01:09:28,331 --> 01:09:29,464
I'll miss your tuckus.
1294
01:09:29,466 --> 01:09:32,600
Maria: I'll miss yours too.
1295
01:09:37,206 --> 01:09:39,507
Maria.
1296
01:09:41,343 --> 01:09:43,645
VD, I need you to
focus, are you ready?
1297
01:09:43,647 --> 01:09:45,480
I was born ready.
1298
01:09:45,482 --> 01:09:49,617
Today is a good day to fly.
1299
01:09:49,619 --> 01:09:53,521
Today is a good day to fly.
1300
01:09:53,523 --> 01:09:54,589
Alright, here we go.
1301
01:09:54,591 --> 01:09:58,726
On three, two, one.
1302
01:09:58,728 --> 01:10:01,596
Look I am Superman!
1303
01:10:01,598 --> 01:10:03,431
Ho ho!
1304
01:10:03,433 --> 01:10:07,802
And once again, I have saved
New York for the 47th time.
1305
01:10:07,804 --> 01:10:09,971
Wooo!
1306
01:10:09,973 --> 01:10:12,707
And I go woooooo....
1307
01:10:15,778 --> 01:10:18,413
That's a nice rocket.
1308
01:10:19,014 --> 01:10:20,848
Director.
1309
01:10:20,850 --> 01:10:23,451
Director.
1310
01:10:23,453 --> 01:10:26,254
Now do I look like a fish?
1311
01:10:26,256 --> 01:10:28,256
Am I the fish?
1312
01:10:28,258 --> 01:10:31,559
Woo!
1313
01:10:35,297 --> 01:10:39,000
And now, I'm Super, not
yet I'm not Superman.
1314
01:10:44,807 --> 01:10:46,808
We got hung
behind the rocket.
1315
01:10:46,810 --> 01:10:48,910
Okay.
1316
01:10:48,912 --> 01:10:51,679
Ivan: You think they
can keep hoisting him
1317
01:10:51,681 --> 01:10:52,947
right out of building?
1318
01:10:52,949 --> 01:10:54,315
Paint: I think
they have something
1319
01:10:54,317 --> 01:10:56,651
even better than
even that planned.
1320
01:10:56,653 --> 01:10:59,921
Woo!
1321
01:10:59,923 --> 01:11:02,390
Whoa!
1322
01:11:02,392 --> 01:11:05,326
That was a little bit
too fast there, Mark.
1323
01:11:05,328 --> 01:11:09,897
I'm a-spinning like that
little thing with the horses,
1324
01:11:09,899 --> 01:11:12,033
the round one.
1325
01:11:12,035 --> 01:11:15,336
I, I think the balance is off.
1326
01:11:15,338 --> 01:11:17,805
I'm a-stuck-ed here.
1327
01:11:17,807 --> 01:11:19,641
Let's take me down.
1328
01:11:19,643 --> 01:11:20,975
Mark: Hey, yeah we're on it VD.
1329
01:11:20,977 --> 01:11:21,843
Bring it down!
1330
01:11:21,845 --> 01:11:23,544
It's uncomfortable.
1331
01:11:23,546 --> 01:11:27,849
I don't, I don't feel so good.
1332
01:11:27,851 --> 01:11:30,385
I feel all sweaty.
1333
01:11:35,292 --> 01:11:37,625
I told Louie I
did not want the fish.
1334
01:11:37,627 --> 01:11:39,327
Mark: VD are you all right?
1335
01:11:39,329 --> 01:11:44,599
Okay I think I'm , I feel
better actually I'm Okay.
1336
01:11:44,601 --> 01:11:46,301
But get me down.
1337
01:11:48,071 --> 01:11:50,938
God.
1338
01:11:50,940 --> 01:11:53,308
I don't feel so good.
1339
01:11:53,310 --> 01:11:56,844
God, my arm
hurts, GET ME DOWN!
1340
01:11:56,846 --> 01:11:59,614
My arm!
1341
01:12:35,150 --> 01:12:36,884
Can we get him down?
1342
01:12:36,886 --> 01:12:38,820
VD, VD, here.
1343
01:12:38,822 --> 01:12:40,455
VD, talk to me.
1344
01:12:40,457 --> 01:12:41,622
Talk to me.
1345
01:12:41,624 --> 01:12:44,592
Mark: Get in here, come
on come on come on!
1346
01:12:45,060 --> 01:12:47,662
Ivan: That was a puke smell.
1347
01:12:47,664 --> 01:12:49,564
Paint: I think I
know what it is.
1348
01:12:49,566 --> 01:12:50,732
Ivan: What?
1349
01:12:50,734 --> 01:12:53,101
Paint: The the
tattoo, the talons.
1350
01:12:53,103 --> 01:12:55,103
Ivan: Yeah?
1351
01:12:55,105 --> 01:12:57,138
Paint: I think it's a
straight shot into his
1352
01:12:57,140 --> 01:12:58,773
subconscious, he knows.
1353
01:12:58,775 --> 01:13:00,174
Ivan: What?
1354
01:13:00,176 --> 01:13:02,176
Paint: He knows that he
is controlled by his dick.
1355
01:13:02,178 --> 01:13:05,780
And his dick is controlled
by some winged thing
1356
01:13:05,782 --> 01:13:08,182
in the sky that he has
no control over, some
1357
01:13:08,184 --> 01:13:11,986
winged, whimsical beast
that has pulled him
1358
01:13:11,988 --> 01:13:15,823
and yanked him and the talons
are deep into his flesh,
1359
01:13:15,825 --> 01:13:19,127
and he can't control
it, and it's like he's
1360
01:13:19,129 --> 01:13:20,661
telling his dick that he knows.
1361
01:13:20,663 --> 01:13:22,663
It's a concession of sorts.
1362
01:13:22,665 --> 01:13:24,999
He's conceding to his dick.
1363
01:13:25,001 --> 01:13:26,968
Ivan: He was blown out
of his mind and
1364
01:13:26,970 --> 01:13:28,770
probably picked
the wrong picture.
1365
01:13:28,772 --> 01:13:30,538
Paint: No, he knows.
1366
01:13:30,540 --> 01:13:32,907
It's a recognition
of your own faults.
1367
01:13:32,909 --> 01:13:35,143
You know it actually
takes a lot of, he may
1368
01:13:35,145 --> 01:13:36,811
have more insight than we think.
1369
01:13:36,813 --> 01:13:38,179
You know, God damn,
the tattoo, I like it.
1370
01:13:38,181 --> 01:13:40,081
Son of a bitch knows!
1371
01:13:40,083 --> 01:13:42,817
He knows!
1372
01:13:42,819 --> 01:13:44,051
Mark: Can I get a
gurney in here, please?
1373
01:13:44,053 --> 01:13:47,822
Medic: Let's go, move it in.
1374
01:13:51,994 --> 01:13:53,494
Here we go, here we go.
1375
01:13:53,496 --> 01:13:54,695
Get him off, get him off.
1376
01:13:54,697 --> 01:13:56,164
Let's go, let's go let's go!
1377
01:13:56,166 --> 01:13:59,567
Mark: How 'bout some help, Ivan!
1378
01:13:59,902 --> 01:14:00,701
Mark: We got it.
1379
01:14:13,916 --> 01:14:17,585
Medic: Clear!
1380
01:14:20,856 --> 01:14:24,192
Ivan: Do you believe in karma?
1381
01:14:24,194 --> 01:14:26,461
Paint: Well, yeah, but it's
not often you get to see
1382
01:14:26,463 --> 01:14:31,032
the big wheel go all the
way around in one lifetime.
1383
01:14:31,034 --> 01:14:33,935
Ivan: I know you're
liking his tattoo, but
1384
01:14:33,937 --> 01:14:35,937
he shits on everybody.
1385
01:14:35,939 --> 01:14:41,175
His wife, his children, he
probably shits on his own dog.
1386
01:14:54,957 --> 01:14:57,258
Burton: Hey, don't wrap up!
1387
01:14:57,260 --> 01:14:59,160
This is not a wrap!
1388
01:14:59,162 --> 01:15:01,796
We will shoot the
scene with doubles.
1389
01:15:01,798 --> 01:15:02,864
Not today!
1390
01:15:02,866 --> 01:15:03,865
Burton: No no no!
1391
01:15:03,867 --> 01:15:05,099
Get his body off of here!
1392
01:15:05,101 --> 01:15:09,537
We are going to shoot
the scene with...
1393
01:15:11,740 --> 01:15:13,007
Sue: No!
1394
01:15:13,009 --> 01:15:14,642
Paint: Now she says no.
1395
01:15:14,644 --> 01:15:16,544
Sue: NO!
1396
01:15:16,546 --> 01:15:19,914
NO!!!
1397
01:15:25,954 --> 01:15:28,089
What happen-ed?
1398
01:15:28,091 --> 01:15:34,262
I was, I was Peter Pan,
and I was doing the flying,
1399
01:15:34,264 --> 01:15:38,065
and I saw Neverland, and
Tinkerbell was calling,
1400
01:15:38,067 --> 01:15:42,904
and there was the
fippy-fippy thing.
1401
01:15:44,673 --> 01:15:47,708
God my mouth tastes like
shit, could I have some water?
1402
01:15:47,710 --> 01:15:48,743
Louie: Water!
1403
01:15:48,745 --> 01:15:50,745
Mark: Louie's supplying it.
1404
01:15:50,747 --> 01:15:52,547
Medic: VD please,
just lay back down.
1405
01:15:52,549 --> 01:15:53,714
Thank you.
1406
01:15:53,716 --> 01:15:54,682
Medic: We gotta get
you to the hospital.
1407
01:15:54,684 --> 01:15:55,850
What?
1408
01:15:55,852 --> 01:15:56,884
Medic: We gotta get
you to the hospital.
1409
01:15:56,886 --> 01:15:58,686
We have a movie to make!
1410
01:15:58,688 --> 01:16:01,255
Medic: VD, you just
had a heart attack!
1411
01:16:01,257 --> 01:16:03,224
What?!
1412
01:16:03,226 --> 01:16:05,826
Medic: You had a heart attack.
1413
01:16:05,828 --> 01:16:08,596
That is bullshit.
1414
01:16:16,705 --> 01:16:19,040
Whoa.
1415
01:16:19,042 --> 01:16:21,175
Sue?
1416
01:16:21,177 --> 01:16:23,010
Sue!
1417
01:16:23,012 --> 01:16:24,078
Okay.
1418
01:16:24,080 --> 01:16:24,912
Alright.
1419
01:16:24,914 --> 01:16:27,848
Alright, to the trailer!
1420
01:16:31,154 --> 01:16:33,354
Burton: VD, we
must get this shot!
1421
01:16:37,192 --> 01:16:38,793
Medic: Does he
listen to anybody?
1422
01:16:38,795 --> 01:16:41,662
No.
1423
01:16:54,843 --> 01:16:57,712
It's working!
1424
01:17:05,888 --> 01:17:10,758
¶1812 Overture by Tchaikovsky
1425
01:17:56,338 --> 01:17:58,305
Burton: Starring
in the next movie
1426
01:17:58,307 --> 01:18:00,775
that I make, Salma Hayek.
1427
01:18:03,346 --> 01:18:04,278
Salma: Adios!
1428
01:18:04,280 --> 01:18:08,015
Burton: Salma, call me!
1429
01:18:09,217 --> 01:18:11,719
Burton: Yes, Mr.
Duseldorfer directed much
1430
01:18:11,721 --> 01:18:13,354
of what you will
see tonight, plus
1431
01:18:13,356 --> 01:18:18,259
he will direct the sequel,
Hardest Time on Mars.
1432
01:18:18,261 --> 01:18:19,860
Starting next month.
1433
01:18:19,862 --> 01:18:21,195
Emily: He is a natural.
1434
01:18:21,197 --> 01:18:24,298
Behind and in front,
1435
01:18:34,209 --> 01:18:37,111
News 6 reporter:
Vardell, Vardell!
1436
01:18:38,914 --> 01:18:41,248
Rude reporter: VD,
tell us about rehab.
1437
01:18:41,917 --> 01:18:44,118
Paparazzi woman:
VD, are you single?
1438
01:18:51,226 --> 01:18:53,394
You stay up all night
thinking of that questions,
1439
01:18:53,396 --> 01:18:56,363
you you you you, you
go to many colleges,
1440
01:18:56,365 --> 01:18:59,800
to think up questions
like that to ask in front
1441
01:18:59,802 --> 01:19:05,172
of a man with a
wife and a family?
1442
01:19:05,174 --> 01:19:08,042
I tell you this, we make movies.
1443
01:19:08,044 --> 01:19:09,443
Yes.
1444
01:19:09,445 --> 01:19:10,978
Man in crowd: You make
great ones, Vardell!
1445
01:19:10,980 --> 01:19:12,546
You, you you you make
opinions, which is like
1446
01:19:12,548 --> 01:19:16,350
that, that that joke, that
everyone has one of
1447
01:19:16,352 --> 01:19:21,122
You use that to make
a questions, too?
1448
01:19:21,389 --> 01:19:24,058
I tell you this, Mr.
Reporter, your words
1449
01:19:24,060 --> 01:19:29,330
they will be read for a
few day, Hard Time on Mars
1450
01:19:29,332 --> 01:19:31,232
will be watched forever!
1451
01:19:45,080 --> 01:19:47,148
I thought one of
you geniuses would
1452
01:19:47,150 --> 01:19:53,420
ask me about rehab, so I
prepared a little answer.
1453
01:19:53,789 --> 01:19:56,857
I tell you this.
1454
01:19:56,859 --> 01:20:02,797
Re, re, re-rehab, it's a
little embarrassing but
1455
01:20:02,799 --> 01:20:08,903
like pie in the face, it's
a part of show business!
1456
01:20:08,905 --> 01:20:10,070
Ha ha!
1457
01:20:10,072 --> 01:20:12,473
Burton: All part
of show business!
1458
01:20:48,376 --> 01:20:50,578
Sir Jeffrey, stick
with me, we just became
1459
01:20:50,580 --> 01:20:52,246
the photo op of the week.
1460
01:20:52,248 --> 01:20:53,647
Sir Jeffrey:!
1461
01:20:53,649 --> 01:20:56,951
You think I left rehab
three times to get high?
1462
01:20:56,953 --> 01:21:00,154
Every time it made
the front page!
1463
01:21:04,259 --> 01:21:08,662
Tell your lazy ass agent
to send me a thank you.
1464
01:21:09,865 --> 01:21:11,165
Are you ready to do this?
1465
01:21:11,167 --> 01:21:12,399
Sir Jeffrey: Yes, all right.
1466
01:21:12,401 --> 01:21:13,534
Okay.
1467
01:21:13,536 --> 01:21:15,069
Ready?
1468
01:21:15,071 --> 01:21:18,339
Three, two, one.
1469
01:21:25,180 --> 01:21:26,513
Sir Jeffrey: There you are.
1470
01:21:26,515 --> 01:21:31,352
That's how we did
Hard Time on Mars.
1471
01:21:55,911 --> 01:21:59,546
Hard Time on Mars!
1472
01:22:00,582 --> 01:22:05,152
¶ Hard Time on Mars by
Gooding and Brian Thompson¶
1473
01:23:29,671 --> 01:23:33,107
Burton: VD, it's pie in face,
it's part of show business.
1474
01:23:33,109 --> 01:23:35,776
It's pie in face, it's
part of show business.
1475
01:23:44,019 --> 01:23:46,253
I , I don't know
what to say I'm...
1476
01:23:46,255 --> 01:23:51,325
I'm really very moved.
1477
01:23:54,562 --> 01:23:57,798
Ian: The Greek salad
olives and tomatoes.
1478
01:24:02,537 --> 01:24:05,806
Ian: Boss says you
should come wit' us.
1479
01:24:22,357 --> 01:24:26,760
Ian: Hey Poncho, suck on this.
1480
01:24:27,195 --> 01:24:31,265
Hey you come to my restaurant,
I get the best domates,
1481
01:24:31,267 --> 01:24:34,201
tzatziki, salad, you
come with me, come on.
109376
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