Original subtitles

Hey, Peter, will you come give me a shove?

Oh, yeah, Michael, sure, fella.

Hello? It's for you.

Oh. Thank you.

Hello? Yeah.

Um, yeah, yeah. I understand. I understand.

Alright. Goodbye.

That was, uh, T.N. Crumpets.

Who's he?

Uh, well, he's a friend of my grandfather's, and he's been winning

all the auto racing trophies there is to be won in the world.

That's not bad.

He just said that he needs our help desperately, and-

Why call on us, man? We haven't won an award in years.

Could we get over there, do ya think?

Yeah, sure. We'll help him. Give me the phone.

Start her up.

- What? He- - Woo!

Here we come Walkin' down the street

We get the funniest looks from Ev'ry one we meet

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees And people say we monkey around

But we're too busy singing To put anybody down

We're just tryin' to be friendly Come and watch us sing and play

We're the young generation And we've got something to say

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees You never know where we'll be found

So you better get ready,

We may be comin' to your town

The Monkees brought to you by Kellogg's

K-E double L, O double good,

Kellogg's best to you

Oh, wow! Look at that car!

Wow, man!

- That's a real live automobile. - Machine 54

That's alright.

T.N. Crumpets.

You must be Davy Jones.

That's right, yes. Hello, pleased to meet you, sir.

My grandfather talked of you many times.

Yes.

Uh, you have some trouble with the car here?

Yes, well, you see, I fear some absolute rotter is sabotaging my vehicle.

Yes, but are you having some trouble with your car?

Oh, yes, yes. I mean, take a look for yourself.

Sure, I'm with-I'm for that. Yeah.

We'll take a look under the thing.

Yeah, here, let's find out what's under the-

Ah!

I'll bet that was the work of saboteurs.

No, my mechanic does that all the time.

Certainly no improvement.

- Alright now. Hm? - Ja.

- Again. - Ja, ja.

Try it a second time.

What's the problem now?

- Same old problem. - What's that?

The car shtinks.

Down, periscope!

Ha ha ha! Ah!

Memories, memories!

Even the periscope can't forget.

What is it, mein Herr?

Those young boys.

What are they up to?

Those are the strangest techniques I have ever seen.

- Here, look. - I can't.

- Why not? - You're shtanding on my foot.

Dummkopf.

Oh, it must be a trick, mein Herr.

Who would be so stupid as to treat a-a machine this way?

Up, periscope! Ah, ah! Ooh. Ha ha ha ha.

They may think they have the upper hand now. We must think of a plan.

'Tis a big problem. Well.

Eeins zwei drei vier. Eeins zwei drei vier.

Eeins zwei drei vier. Eeins zwei drei vier. Halt!

- Halt! - Up!

- Up! Up! - Down!

- Down! - Sit!

- Sit! - Up!

- Up! - To the right!

- To the right! - To the left!

- Left! - Down!

- Down! - Present arms!

The thing to do is to not let on like anything's wrong.

- You stay here while I go over there. - What are you waiting for?

You're standing on my foot!

- Oh. - Heh heh heh heh. A-ha.

Cough, please. Again.

So, Crumpets, I see you're having some trouble with your car.

I see you're having some trouble with your accent.

Not having trouble with the car. The car's fine.

So, why is your engine all blown up to smithereens?

Uh-

Because it makes it lighter, you see.

Lighter. Lighter.

It makes it lighter, and it's easier to race with, you know.

- Goes... faster. - Watch this.

Oh dear. Oh-

You take this, you blow it up, and you take 'em off, and you-

Don't take that-

It's, uh, excess, you see.

Oh dear.

Ah, beautiful. Thank you.

Well, how is it, Yankee?

The car's in perfect tune.

- No, it isn't. - Yes, it is.

- No, it isn't. - Yes, it is.

- No, it isn't. - Yes, it is.

- No, it isn't. - Yes, it is.

No, it isn't.

I'll show you. B-flat.

Enough of your musical wisecracks.

Hm hm! Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

We'll see you at the race tomorrow, Crumpets. Otto, go!

I can't.

Why not?

You're standing on my foot.

Eeins zwei drei vier. Eeins zwei drei vier.

Eeins zwei drei vier. Eeins zwei drei vier.

Well, we really fooled him.

There's only one problem, you know.

How we're gonna get the engine back together.

I was just gonna say that. That's the problem.

- That's an excellent- - Glue?

Okay, try it.

Dear.

Well, it, uh, sure sounds better, Micky.

Yeah. Oh, darn!

Oh, whacko, chaps.

- Marvelous! - That's grand.

You know, she's running better than ever.

- Yeah. - Yes.

Jolly good show, you know. Let's all celebrate. Carruthers? The tea.

- What's that? - It's a drink.

No, I didn't mean that. Forget it.

Wolfgang, we must take sterner measures.

Yeah, we should hit them and kick them.

No. A fixed car is no use without anyone to drive it.

We shall kidnap Crumpets and the musical mechanic.

I say, Peter, would you care for another spot of tea?

No, thanks. I have several spots already. A-ha!

Ah ha ha.

Carruthers, spray away.

What's that?

It's for atmosphere. Genuine London mist spray.

Also comes in roll-on, of course.

Smells like Liverpool to me.

That's terrible. It's more like Manchester.

That's L.A. smog.

Uh, it sure-eh, bleh, oh yeah, eh, eh, bleh.

For goodness sake, I can't hear what you're saying! Take your mask off!

I said, I can't breathe with a mask on.

Dummkopf! Quick! Some fresh air.

Eeins zwei drei vier. Eeins zwei drei vier.

Eeins zwei drei vier. Eeins zwei drei vier.

Over here.

I suppose you're wondering why we brought you here.

Ah, let's see. How about you're gonna award me the Blue Max?

- Tell him to shut up. - Shut up.

I think you will be more willing to cooperate if you hear my plan.

Okay.

If I win the race tomorrow, the name Klutzmobile

will be on the lips of every car buyer in the stadium.

They will tell their friends, and by tomorrow night,

the name Klutzmobile will be known throughout

this country, and tomorrow, the world!

Sieg Heil!

I tell you, Baron, this boy's not a mechanic.

Now that's enough out of you, gabby.

Well, I haven't said anything else.

What do you think this is? Open end? Gag him.

There's enough gags in this show already.

Brainwashing, solitary confinement, starvation:

nothing you can do to me will make me help you with your plan.

What about physical torture?

You've got yourself a mechanic.

Uh.

Oh.

Everything's foggy. Where am I? Uh!

I'm sorry, gentlemen. I made the tea the same as usual.

Hey!

We were doped up, is what we-ah! I just noticed something.

- What? - What?

Micky and Crumpets.

They're gone!

Well, Yankee, I think you'll be able to analyze it better if you hear it. Start up.

I seem to have turned on the radio.

Dummkopf, there is no radio.

How about I seem to have turned on the stereo tape deck?

No, and it isn't a stereo tape deck, and it isn't a live band either.

This music is driving me crazy.

Wait a minute. I'll change it to something else. Ah!

Hm. That's not bad.

For radio, it's not bad. For a car, it shtinks.

Just because it's different, you can't accept it!

Mein Herr, look, quick!

Look! It's those boys. They're headed right towards us! Ah!

Before I take the gag off, do I have your word

as a gentleman that you will not cry out?

Help, help, help, help, save me, anybody, help, save me!

Why did you do that? I trusted you.

When the chips are down, you can't trust anybody these days.

Hello, is anybody-

Get rid of them.

Ja.

Oh, look! I think this looks like Micky's tuning fork.

Halt! Und stop. Nobody is allowed in here unless they are

authorized Klutzmobile personnel. Do you undershtand?

Oh, yes.

To be in here, you have got to be a Klutz.

But wait! This is Micky's tuning fork. It's a B-flat.

Nein, that's-that's my tuning fork, and that's a A.

It's a B-flat, Pete. You're right.

Yep.

No, you're all wrong. It is mine

- B-flat. - It is an A.

No, it can't be. Let me see this. You're right. It's an A.

- It's a B-flat. - It's a B-flat.

I'm joking. I'm joking. It says right here that it's a B-flat.

That's right.

That's the name of the manufacturer. No.

B-flat. Definitely B-flat.

♪ La ♪

You know, your pitch is lousy, but you have a pretty good voice;

if we don't find Micky, would you like to join our group?

Well, I-I never thought much of-achtung! You have got to leave the premises.

Yeah, but that's-I'm sure Micky and Crumpetts are here.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Well, I've had enough of this. I'm going in there,

man, and I'm gonna see. Nothing can stop me.

That's-we're with you, baby.

Ha ha. Well, it's amazing how someone can change their mind. Ha ha.

Now hold it. Hold it. Before this scene

goes any farther, man. What is this gun thing?

Well, now, now, just a minute,

we gotta have the gun. After all, it's a prop.

- That's horrible, man. - Put that away.

It's bad enough that you're with a uniform and everything.

And all the guns on television and everything.

It's bad enough we have a tuning fork.

There's nothing wrong with a gun.

I thought I told you to get rid of them.

Ja, but you didn't tell them.

What do you want, boys?

- Nothing! - Nothing.

We were just leaving. We walked in here-

- Yeah. We're gonna, uh- - We were going to the, uh-

- Auf Wiedersehen. - Bye.

Auf Wiedersehen.

No reason for us to be around here.

We'll leave this place to you Klutzes. Ha ha ha ha.

Herr Baron, they are suspicious.

What does it matter, as long as they don't know where the evidence is?

By the way, mein Herr, where is the evidence?

- Ha ha! Follow me. - Ja.

- Fall in. - Ja.

Eeins zwei drei vier. Eeins zwei drei vier.

Eeins zwei drei vier. Eeins zwei drei vier.

How clever, baron. You know, I was just thinking,

maybe we could trade these two to the Yankees; we'll get Wernher back.

No, not a chance. Yankees haven't made a good

trade since they won the pennant in sixty-four.

Wolfgang, we will not trade them to anyone.

We will keep these hostages as long as they may be useful to us,

and then, when the race begins, and we no longer need them...

Ja?

They will be disposed of.

Well, here we are with a car all finished-

This is a car.

And nobody to drive it.

- Hey, now wait a minute. - What do you mean, wait a min-

- I'm a British subject. - You?

So, if I'm a British subject, maybe the racing

commission'll allow me to drive the car.

Well, it's alright with me except for one thing.

Yeah, what's that?

I don't think he'll be able to see over the wheel.

Well, uh, how's that?

I think I'm a little high.

Yeah-oh. There. Okay. I got it.

I'll take out from Aaron to, uh, to Ted-Ted Braverman, I guess.

Let's try it. Okay? How's that?

Yeah, that's good. That's great. That's terrific.

I'll tell you what, fellas. I'm off.

- Okay. - Okay.

What have you done? You have ruined my engine!

No, no, no. Nonsense, I haven't ruined your engine at all.

Anything that I take apart, I can put back together.

Now do you have any needle and thread?

Uh, how about some glue?

Have a, uh, some clay?

A band-aid?

Spit on my finger?

Mein Herr! Come quick! Look!

So! The English entry drives again.

What is all that racket?

He has been gagged for so long, he cannot breathe.

I can't stand that noise. Take the gag off him.

You'll never get away with this.

The first words out of your mouth, and they're nasty. Gag him again!

Boy, you sure got a lousy part.

Wolfgang, we must get the Klutzmobile running again.

I must think of a way. I must think of a way. I think now.

Curse you, Red Baron!

Wolfgang, their car is running perfectly! What shall we do?

Herr Baron, I have a wonderful plan to get their engine.

I will announce on this loudspeaker und call them up to the reviewing stand,

and then we will steal their engine.

An excellent plan, Wolfgang. Only, I will do the announcing.

Why you?

Because they will recognize you immediately from your accent.

Monkees.

Please come to the reviewing stand immediately.

Ah! Ah! Ah!

That was very strange. I can't

imagine what in the world was that all about.

We'll just, uh, get the thing here and-

Yeah, we'll, uh, uh. Hey, uh, Michael?

- Yeah? - Something's missing.

Yeah, it's the car. The car. The ca-

It's gone!

Und now, Herr Baron, here is the spiegelwinder.

Danke. You know, Wolfgang, we should've handled the engines earlier.

After all, we are the best mechanics in the world.

Not to intrude, you blaggard, but you're putting the engine in backwards.

Gag him!

You flew all the way to Hollywood for this part?

I'm sorry, boys, but I just can't let you in the race without a car.

Now just a minute. I happen to be a very fast runner.

Ha ha ha.

Are you kidding?

Fast! Did you see that? Man, that guy is fast.

Move. Move. Move.

I'm sorry, boys, but you've gotta have a car.

A car? But we've got a car.

Yeah-we do?

The Monkeemobile.

- Oh, right. - The Monkeemobile!

I could race that!

A-ha ha! See you later, shotgun.

In ten minutes, the starting gun will sound,

and exactly at that moment, you will shoot one of them,

and then at the end of the race, when everyone is cheering,

no one will hear you when you shoot the other one.

Think, Wolfgang! In twenty minutes we will be in our glory!

The Klutzmobile will be the most famous car in history!

But for now, could you please give me a little push?

Ladies and gentlemen, cars and drivers are now on the starting grid.

Okay, now look, during the race, while the Baron's out on the track,

Peter and I will go back to the garage and look for Micky and Crumpets.

Okay, listen, what about the other contestants?

There are no other contestants; they have all been sabotaged.

Ha ha ha.

Gentlemen, start your engines.

Ten, nine...

No, no, wait. No, ten, uh-after ten comes eleven.

Nein, nein, nein, nein.

No, not nine, nine. That's ninety-nine. No, ten, eleven, twelve...

Alright. Alright. Ten, eleven...

- Right. - Four...

- Four? - Three...

- Three? - Two...

Two?

- Okay, I-see? - You see?

Oh, saved by The Monkees!

??? Achtung!

Just a loud mouth Yankee I went down to Mexico

I didn't have much time to spend, about a week or so

There I lightly took advantage of a girl who loved me so

But I found myself a-thinkin'

when the time had come to go

What am I doin' hangin' 'round?

I should be on that train and gone

I should be ridin' on that train to San Antone

What am I doin' hangin' 'round?

She took me to the garden just for a little walk

I didn't know much Spanish and there was no time for talk

Then she told me that she loved me not with words but with a kiss

And like a fool I kept on thinkin'

of a train I could not miss

What am I doin' hangin' 'round?

should be on that train and gone

I should be ridin' on that train to San Antone

What am I doin' hangin' 'round?

What am I doin' hangin' 'round?

I should be on that train and gone

I should be ridin' on that train to San Antone

What am I doin' hangin' 'round?

What am I doin' hangin' 'round?

In this generation In this lovin' time

In this generation We will make the world shine

We were born to love one another This is somethin', we all need

We were born to love one another We must be what we're goin' to be

And what we have to be, is free

Love is understandin' We gotta be free

Love is understandin' We gotta be free

We gotta be free

We gotta be free

We gotta be free