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- ♪ Look up there ♪
- ♪ What do you see? ♪
2
00:00:04,789 --> 00:00:06,024
♪ Nature and stuff ♪
3
00:00:06,109 --> 00:00:07,349
- ♪ Like a rock ♪
- ♪ And a tree ♪
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00:00:07,434 --> 00:00:10,184
♪ Oh, the Great North ♪
*THE GREAT NORTH*
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00:00:10,269 --> 00:00:13,689
♪ Way up here,you can breathe the air ♪
Season 03 Episode 05
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00:00:13,874 --> 00:00:14,944
♪ Catch some fish ♪
7
00:00:15,094 --> 00:00:16,680
♪ Or gaze at a bear ♪
8
00:00:16,764 --> 00:00:17,784
♪ Wow ♪
9
00:00:17,874 --> 00:00:21,354
♪ Oh, the Great North ♪
Episode Title: "Woodfellas Adventure"
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00:00:21,454 --> 00:00:22,540
♪ Here we live, oh, oh ♪
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00:00:22,624 --> 00:00:24,336
♪ Here we'll stay, oh, whoo ♪
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00:00:24,421 --> 00:00:26,031
♪ From longest nightto longest day ♪
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00:00:26,116 --> 00:00:29,674
♪ In the Great North. ♪
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(cheering)
15
00:00:34,874 --> 00:00:35,874
PEPPERS:
Moving on,
16
00:00:35,959 --> 00:00:38,319
the annual Cavalcade of Ships
is almost upon us.
17
00:00:38,404 --> 00:00:40,322
It's time once again
for us to transform
18
00:00:40,407 --> 00:00:42,648
one of the town's boats
into a themed float,
19
00:00:42,749 --> 00:00:44,242
then parade it down the Marina,
20
00:00:44,367 --> 00:00:46,390
competing against
the three nearest towns,
21
00:00:46,474 --> 00:00:48,610
Death Cliff, Whippleton
and Ted's Folly.
22
00:00:48,695 --> 00:00:50,384
- (booing)
- Screw Whippleton!
23
00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:52,660
Wow, you guys
all really hate other towns.
24
00:00:52,744 --> 00:00:53,790
We don't hate them.
25
00:00:53,875 --> 00:00:55,224
We just don't like them at all.
26
00:00:55,324 --> 00:00:56,564
Yeah. And we hate them.
27
00:00:56,654 --> 00:00:57,724
Yes. We hate them.
28
00:00:57,824 --> 00:00:58,535
Why?
29
00:00:58,620 --> 00:01:00,330
Sometimes
we get bored up here in Alaska.
30
00:01:00,414 --> 00:01:01,785
And rivalries are fun.
31
00:01:01,918 --> 00:01:03,903
Okay. Asked and answered,
Your Honor.
32
00:01:03,988 --> 00:01:06,834
Now Councilperson Toby the Eagle
will select the ship
33
00:01:06,924 --> 00:01:08,814
representing our town this year.
34
00:01:08,921 --> 00:01:10,277
The Mighty Kathleen,
35
00:01:10,362 --> 00:01:11,973
captained by Beef Tobin.
36
00:01:12,058 --> 00:01:14,334
- (cheering)
- We're all wishing you the best,
37
00:01:14,470 --> 00:01:15,826
even though we know
there's no way
38
00:01:15,934 --> 00:01:17,504
in Lucifer's loafers we'll win.
39
00:01:17,654 --> 00:01:19,584
Wait, why is everyone
acting so down?
40
00:01:19,674 --> 00:01:20,674
I'm sure we can win.
41
00:01:20,824 --> 00:01:22,344
This family is very good
at boat stuff.
42
00:01:22,434 --> 00:01:23,844
Well,
my New-to-the-North Nympho...
43
00:01:23,944 --> 00:01:26,444
- Wolf, we've talked about that name.
- Sorry. Yep.
44
00:01:26,594 --> 00:01:28,774
While everyone does love
the Cavalcade of Ships...
45
00:01:28,871 --> 00:01:31,627
It's a proud tradition that
goes back hundreds of years...
46
00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:33,122
Our town never wins.
47
00:01:33,207 --> 00:01:34,519
- And we hate that.
- PEPPERS: Yep.
48
00:01:34,604 --> 00:01:37,215
Death Cliff and their captain,
Randy Jammers,
49
00:01:37,300 --> 00:01:39,075
have won
the last ten years in a row.
50
00:01:39,160 --> 00:01:40,894
What does the winning town get,
a million dollars?
51
00:01:41,014 --> 00:01:42,364
Better than a million dollars.
52
00:01:42,514 --> 00:01:44,599
A plaque
that says "Best Boat Town."
53
00:01:44,684 --> 00:01:46,715
So it's a silly contest
with a meaningless prize
54
00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:48,497
but we all care
an insane amount about it?
55
00:01:48,582 --> 00:01:50,134
You just described
all of sports,
56
00:01:50,284 --> 00:01:52,044
every competitive reality show
57
00:01:52,194 --> 00:01:53,395
and life itself.
58
00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:54,740
But, that said, yes.
59
00:01:54,824 --> 00:01:57,390
And, boy, would we love
to get our hands on that plaque.
60
00:01:57,527 --> 00:01:58,630
Because, let's face it,
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00:01:58,714 --> 00:02:00,669
as a town,
we've had a hard year.
62
00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:04,100
A hooligan spray-painted a Smurf
on our only overpass.
63
00:02:04,184 --> 00:02:05,488
I'm still upset
that someone left
64
00:02:05,573 --> 00:02:06,958
a washing machine in the river.
65
00:02:07,043 --> 00:02:08,760
And who can forget
last Christmas,
66
00:02:08,844 --> 00:02:11,036
when we thought
someone was doing skywriting
67
00:02:11,121 --> 00:02:12,930
but it turned out
to be a plane crash.
68
00:02:13,014 --> 00:02:16,277
The point is we could really use
a win this year for town morale.
69
00:02:16,362 --> 00:02:18,614
We can't compete
with Death Cliff. No one can.
70
00:02:18,699 --> 00:02:21,489
Maybe we should attack them
and kill Randy Jammers!
71
00:02:21,574 --> 00:02:24,030
- (clamoring) - It's worth considering!
- Guys, guys, guys!
72
00:02:24,114 --> 00:02:26,620
I know I'm new around here, but
I don't think it's impossible
73
00:02:26,704 --> 00:02:29,460
for us to become the best
boat town out of four towns!
74
00:02:29,544 --> 00:02:30,790
I love Lone Moose,
75
00:02:30,874 --> 00:02:32,715
and it's the best boat town
in my book.
76
00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:34,864
Maybe we can win again.
77
00:02:34,949 --> 00:02:37,965
My dad's gonna be the captain,
and he's always winning!
78
00:02:38,050 --> 00:02:40,114
It's true. Just last night,
I gave him a trophy
79
00:02:40,199 --> 00:02:42,457
for Most Reassuring Hug
that I made him myself.
80
00:02:42,542 --> 00:02:43,707
It was an honor, son.
81
00:02:43,792 --> 00:02:45,517
And I'll be in charge
of the float design!
82
00:02:45,602 --> 00:02:47,918
And I can be Judy's
grumpy foreman who says stuff
83
00:02:48,003 --> 00:02:49,349
like "That'll be the day."
84
00:02:49,434 --> 00:02:51,773
And I have always wanted
to save a town,
85
00:02:51,858 --> 00:02:54,306
ideally through dancing,
but this'll be good, too.
86
00:02:54,406 --> 00:02:55,289
Best Boat Town!
87
00:02:55,374 --> 00:02:56,870
CROWD:
Best Boat Town!
88
00:02:56,955 --> 00:02:58,102
Best Boat Town!
89
00:02:58,187 --> 00:03:00,093
Okay, Tobins, we have two weeks.
90
00:03:00,178 --> 00:03:01,922
Lone Moose is counting on you.
91
00:03:02,007 --> 00:03:04,384
And now our next matter,
Archie Scrimm.
92
00:03:04,469 --> 00:03:07,817
- Yeah.
- You were cited for illegally cutting down a tree.
93
00:03:07,909 --> 00:03:10,422
I had to chop it down,
but it weren't malicious.
94
00:03:10,507 --> 00:03:12,130
I seen a woman trapped
inside it,
95
00:03:12,215 --> 00:03:14,071
and I had to free her
with my sculpting.
96
00:03:14,156 --> 00:03:15,430
Now she's my wife.
97
00:03:15,985 --> 00:03:17,368
HAM: Thanks for
getting us those tickets
98
00:03:17,453 --> 00:03:18,745
to the monster truck rally.
99
00:03:18,829 --> 00:03:21,110
I love watching those cars
get crushed.
100
00:03:21,195 --> 00:03:23,337
Oh, I actually root
for the cars.
101
00:03:23,422 --> 00:03:25,289
Likely gonna be
a melancholy night for me.
102
00:03:25,374 --> 00:03:27,233
Well, speaking of
big, exciting events,
103
00:03:27,318 --> 00:03:29,904
as you know, the Cavalcade
of Ships is coming up,
104
00:03:29,989 --> 00:03:31,868
and I am one
of the town's boat boys.
105
00:03:31,953 --> 00:03:32,779
Sure, you are, sweetie.
106
00:03:32,864 --> 00:03:34,540
You're the boat-iest boy I know.
107
00:03:34,625 --> 00:03:35,541
Crispin, no.
108
00:03:35,626 --> 00:03:36,902
It's part of the cavalcade.
109
00:03:36,987 --> 00:03:38,963
Every boat has a pair
of boat boys assigned to it.
110
00:03:39,048 --> 00:03:40,884
They walk along the shore,
guiding the pace of their boat
111
00:03:40,969 --> 00:03:43,097
while dressed in the ceremonial
boat boy attire.
112
00:03:43,182 --> 00:03:46,768
Ah, Lone Moose is a diamond with
a hundred glimmering facets.
113
00:03:46,853 --> 00:03:49,275
Sadly, my old boat boy partner,
Octavio,
114
00:03:49,360 --> 00:03:51,865
recently died of natural causes
at age 100.
115
00:03:51,949 --> 00:03:54,290
And I was wondering
if you would do me the honor
116
00:03:54,375 --> 00:03:56,626
of sharing in a dockside stride
with me.
117
00:03:56,711 --> 00:04:00,658
Hamantha, this all sounds fully
nuts and not really up my alley,
118
00:04:00,743 --> 00:04:02,935
but if it's important to you,
I'm in.
119
00:04:03,019 --> 00:04:04,173
WOLF:
Okay, if we want to win,
120
00:04:04,258 --> 00:04:06,189
I got to see
how other people won.
121
00:04:06,274 --> 00:04:08,965
I just have to study
every year's cavalcade.
122
00:04:09,057 --> 00:04:11,430
Wow. This guy's
one hell of a looker.
123
00:04:11,515 --> 00:04:13,290
Oh, come on, Wolf. Focus.
124
00:04:13,375 --> 00:04:15,395
You're not here
to scope out studs.
125
00:04:15,479 --> 00:04:16,805
Hello.
126
00:04:16,889 --> 00:04:20,086
Never saw a dreamboat
driving a steamboat before.
127
00:04:20,171 --> 00:04:21,167
Wait a minute.
128
00:04:21,252 --> 00:04:22,907
Hunk. Hunk. Stud.
129
00:04:22,992 --> 00:04:23,858
Hunk. Hunk.
130
00:04:23,943 --> 00:04:25,381
Babe! Smoke show!
131
00:04:25,466 --> 00:04:28,642
It's like every captain
that ever won is a super hunk.
132
00:04:28,727 --> 00:04:30,219
Oh, my God, that's it.
133
00:04:30,304 --> 00:04:31,650
That's the secret!
134
00:04:31,735 --> 00:04:34,146
The boat with
the hottest captain always wins.
135
00:04:34,231 --> 00:04:35,500
I got to tell the town!
136
00:04:35,585 --> 00:04:38,279
Whew. Oh, no, I'm hunk drunk
at the library.
137
00:04:38,364 --> 00:04:40,064
I probably shouldn't drive home.
138
00:04:40,149 --> 00:04:41,564
HAM:
Well, what do you think?
139
00:04:41,649 --> 00:04:43,172
Wouldn't be my first choice,
140
00:04:43,257 --> 00:04:45,013
but I'm happy
to support your hobby.
141
00:04:45,106 --> 00:04:47,539
You didn't want to go to
the Museum of Lizards with me,
142
00:04:47,632 --> 00:04:49,446
but there you were, by my side,
143
00:04:49,531 --> 00:04:50,985
saying, "Can we leave now?"
144
00:04:51,070 --> 00:04:52,834
Oh, I loved when we left.
145
00:04:52,919 --> 00:04:54,957
What else should I know
about being a boat boy?
146
00:04:55,079 --> 00:04:57,675
Aside from how important it is
to the town, not much.
147
00:04:57,759 --> 00:04:59,383
It's literally
just walking slowly
148
00:04:59,468 --> 00:05:01,794
and then saying "Let's go boat!"
149
00:05:01,929 --> 00:05:03,055
Let's go boat.
150
00:05:03,140 --> 00:05:05,680
Incredible. You really haven't
done this before?
151
00:05:05,899 --> 00:05:08,439
Allow me
and my grumpy foreman Moon
152
00:05:08,524 --> 00:05:09,814
to present our boat float theme
153
00:05:09,899 --> 00:05:11,467
for this year's
Cavalcade of Ships!
154
00:05:11,552 --> 00:05:12,558
We give you...
155
00:05:12,643 --> 00:05:15,406
Lone Moose in the year 2050!
156
00:05:15,491 --> 00:05:17,497
Picture it... melted glaciers,
157
00:05:17,582 --> 00:05:19,534
Internet troll droids.
158
00:05:19,619 --> 00:05:22,105
Giant plastic water bottles
with muscular legs.
159
00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:23,865
It's a wake-up call and I...
160
00:05:23,949 --> 00:05:26,185
- The theme doesn't matter!
- (murmuring) - What are you talking about?
161
00:05:26,269 --> 00:05:29,367
I've figured out the secret to
winning the Cavalcade of Ships!
162
00:05:29,452 --> 00:05:30,704
We don't need a hot boat.
163
00:05:30,789 --> 00:05:32,865
We need a hot captain.
164
00:05:32,949 --> 00:05:34,475
- (gasping, murmuring)
- Like Randy Jammers.
165
00:05:34,559 --> 00:05:36,785
The hottest captain always wins.
166
00:05:36,869 --> 00:05:38,368
Look, I'll show you! Take a look
167
00:05:38,453 --> 00:05:40,368
at these vintage newspapers
I stole from the library.
168
00:05:40,453 --> 00:05:43,525
Wolf, I really wish you
hadn't stolen from the library.
169
00:05:43,610 --> 00:05:46,465
You already have thousands
of dollars in library fines.
170
00:05:46,549 --> 00:05:48,135
Yeah, yeah, and I'm good for it.
But look!
171
00:05:48,250 --> 00:05:50,975
These are the winning captains
from the last 40 years.
172
00:05:51,110 --> 00:05:53,325
Ted's Folly, 11 years ago...
Hunk.
173
00:05:53,409 --> 00:05:55,385
Whippleton, 13 years ago... babe.
174
00:05:55,469 --> 00:05:57,157
And there's more.
Hunk. Stallion.
175
00:05:57,242 --> 00:05:59,400
-Hot piece. Stud. Absolute snack.
-(gasps)
176
00:05:59,485 --> 00:06:02,126
Folks, we are talking
elite-level handsomes
177
00:06:02,211 --> 00:06:02,905
across the board.
178
00:06:02,989 --> 00:06:04,505
Damn it, Wolf, you've done it.
179
00:06:04,589 --> 00:06:05,774
So what do we do, Wolf?
180
00:06:05,859 --> 00:06:08,095
We just need to find
the hottest guy we can
181
00:06:08,180 --> 00:06:10,117
and then make him
this year's captain.
182
00:06:10,202 --> 00:06:11,063
And what about the float?
183
00:06:11,148 --> 00:06:12,110
Uh, just make it sexy.
184
00:06:12,195 --> 00:06:13,994
A sexy float
to back up our hot captain.
185
00:06:14,079 --> 00:06:15,405
Okay. Okay, yeah.
186
00:06:15,489 --> 00:06:17,755
We'll just give the Internet
trolls large naturals.
187
00:06:17,839 --> 00:06:20,939
Am I to just hand command
of The Mighty Kathleen over
188
00:06:21,024 --> 00:06:23,064
to some pretty face
who can't steer?
189
00:06:23,149 --> 00:06:25,175
No, Dad, you'll still be
the actual captain.
190
00:06:25,259 --> 00:06:26,525
The hottie's just for show.
191
00:06:26,609 --> 00:06:27,695
He's crowd candy.
192
00:06:27,779 --> 00:06:29,025
And I know
what you're all thinking,
193
00:06:29,109 --> 00:06:31,134
and, yes,
my dad is known around town
194
00:06:31,219 --> 00:06:32,235
as a nice piece of business,
195
00:06:32,320 --> 00:06:34,485
but he's not what these vultures
are looking for.
196
00:06:34,570 --> 00:06:35,806
In order to find what we need,
197
00:06:35,891 --> 00:06:37,605
Honeybee and I
will hold hunk auditions.
198
00:06:37,689 --> 00:06:39,994
It's something we were gonna do
eventually anyway,
199
00:06:40,079 --> 00:06:41,345
so it'll be nice
to have an official reason.
200
00:06:41,429 --> 00:06:44,367
Then, Wolf, I give you
the full authority of my office
201
00:06:44,481 --> 00:06:47,677
to do whatever it takes
to find this very hot man.
202
00:06:47,769 --> 00:06:48,765
- (cheering)
- Yes! Yes!
203
00:06:48,849 --> 00:06:51,245
Let the Hunker Games begin!
204
00:06:51,329 --> 00:06:53,391
May the bods
be ever in our favor!
205
00:06:56,414 --> 00:06:59,604
Okay, number 53 is next.
Bring that hotness.
206
00:06:59,689 --> 00:07:01,696
It is I, Santiago Carpaccio.
207
00:07:01,781 --> 00:07:04,705
Mr. Carpaccio, have you
ever been hot professionally?
208
00:07:04,789 --> 00:07:06,595
No, this would be my first gig.
209
00:07:06,679 --> 00:07:07,680
That thing
you're doing with your body...
210
00:07:07,765 --> 00:07:08,931
Is that part of the hotness?
211
00:07:09,016 --> 00:07:09,952
You tell me.
212
00:07:10,037 --> 00:07:10,874
I will tell you...
213
00:07:10,959 --> 00:07:12,289
that I love it personally,
214
00:07:12,374 --> 00:07:14,954
but we're going for
People's Sexiest Man here,
215
00:07:15,039 --> 00:07:16,625
and I don't think
the people are ready.
216
00:07:16,709 --> 00:07:17,922
Thank you for the opportunity.
217
00:07:18,007 --> 00:07:19,384
- HONEYBEE: Next!
- This is my cousin Ronnie.
218
00:07:19,469 --> 00:07:21,891
He's an arm model.
Show 'em the business, Ronnie.
219
00:07:21,992 --> 00:07:23,365
Sorry, but it's a pass.
220
00:07:23,449 --> 00:07:25,321
The forearms are doing
all the heavy lifting here.
221
00:07:25,406 --> 00:07:28,189
Unflex, Ronnie. No more freebies
for these fools.
222
00:07:28,274 --> 00:07:29,955
- Next!
- WOLF: Two of you.
223
00:07:30,039 --> 00:07:31,219
Okay, I'm intrigued.
224
00:07:31,304 --> 00:07:33,874
Okay, so I've got a rockin' bod
and Eric has a hot face.
225
00:07:33,959 --> 00:07:35,664
But put us together and...
226
00:07:35,749 --> 00:07:36,665
(grunts)
227
00:07:37,059 --> 00:07:37,735
Ta-da!
228
00:07:37,819 --> 00:07:39,055
Uh, give us a minute.
229
00:07:39,139 --> 00:07:40,789
Sure, it's got
a fun freak factor,
230
00:07:40,899 --> 00:07:42,985
but they are all jingle,
no jangle.
231
00:07:43,069 --> 00:07:45,145
Uh, we can hear you.
You're talking really loud.
232
00:07:45,229 --> 00:07:47,955
Uh, we were talking about,
uh, something... else.
233
00:07:48,039 --> 00:07:49,937
Oh, okay.
Well, we also sing duets.
234
00:07:50,059 --> 00:07:51,475
Do you like
"Islands in the Stream"?
235
00:07:51,559 --> 00:07:53,235
Love it.
Let's hear a little bit.
236
00:07:53,319 --> 00:07:55,065
Okay! Let's begin.
237
00:07:55,149 --> 00:07:57,405
Just walk ten feet
so I can see your technique.
238
00:07:57,489 --> 00:07:58,905
- (grunting softly)
- Hmm.
239
00:07:58,989 --> 00:08:00,515
It's a little... quick.
240
00:08:00,599 --> 00:08:02,165
Can I ask,
are you picturing boats?
241
00:08:02,249 --> 00:08:05,075
You need to have a light,
airy feeling in your whole body,
242
00:08:05,159 --> 00:08:06,745
so you really
should be picturing boats.
243
00:08:06,829 --> 00:08:07,985
Watch me.
244
00:08:08,069 --> 00:08:10,745
The boat boy pace
is step, pause, step
245
00:08:10,829 --> 00:08:13,015
and step, pause, step.
246
00:08:13,099 --> 00:08:14,255
Okay, and what was I doing?
247
00:08:14,339 --> 00:08:15,775
Step, step, step, step,
step, step, step.
248
00:08:15,859 --> 00:08:17,255
Let's try again.
249
00:08:17,339 --> 00:08:18,945
Baby, I'm trying,
but my legs just want to go.
250
00:08:19,029 --> 00:08:21,355
(chuckles): Oh, excuse us.
We don't mean to interrupt.
251
00:08:21,439 --> 00:08:22,855
I'm Gavin,
and this is my husband Luke.
252
00:08:22,939 --> 00:08:24,835
And this is Pet Midler
and Dog-ara Hershey.
253
00:08:24,919 --> 00:08:27,307
Are you two practicing
to be boat boys?
254
00:08:27,429 --> 00:08:29,935
Yep! I'm Ham.
I've been a boat boy for years.
255
00:08:30,019 --> 00:08:31,935
This is my boyfriend Crispin.
It's his first time.
256
00:08:32,019 --> 00:08:34,275
That's wonderful. We met
when we were boat boys together.
257
00:08:34,359 --> 00:08:37,385
Actually, I believe
the Harmony we developed
258
00:08:37,469 --> 00:08:39,275
by walking together in unison
is responsible
259
00:08:39,359 --> 00:08:41,535
for the success
of our long and happy marriage.
260
00:08:41,619 --> 00:08:45,045
Being in sync with your partner
in every single possible way
261
00:08:45,129 --> 00:08:46,375
is so important.
262
00:08:46,459 --> 00:08:48,305
Like, for instance, us,
we're both color-blind,
263
00:08:48,389 --> 00:08:50,805
we both love to have
playful ingredient fights
264
00:08:50,889 --> 00:08:52,045
when we make tiramisu.
265
00:08:52,129 --> 00:08:53,815
We have
identical resting heart rates.
266
00:08:53,899 --> 00:08:55,145
- (chuckles) 67.
- 67.
267
00:08:55,229 --> 00:08:57,535
And neither of us
has ever seen the show Lost.
268
00:08:57,619 --> 00:08:59,795
Anyway, we hope you don't mind,
but we have some thoughts.
269
00:08:59,879 --> 00:09:02,177
Ham, you were
a pleasure to watch.
270
00:09:02,299 --> 00:09:03,725
With a stride like that...
(chuckles)
271
00:09:03,809 --> 00:09:05,045
...who needs the boat?
272
00:09:05,129 --> 00:09:07,017
Now, Crispin,
we love your enthusiasm...
273
00:09:07,129 --> 00:09:08,545
Love it. You can't fake that.
You just can't.
274
00:09:08,629 --> 00:09:11,715
But you're too fast and moving
at all the wrong times.
275
00:09:11,799 --> 00:09:13,017
I think he's getting it.
276
00:09:13,139 --> 00:09:15,055
We'll be in sync
by competition day, no doubt.
277
00:09:15,139 --> 00:09:16,575
Hmm. Okay, if you say so.
278
00:09:16,659 --> 00:09:18,005
Yeah, maybe you two
will sync up.
279
00:09:18,089 --> 00:09:19,415
And if you don't,
it doesn't mean
280
00:09:19,499 --> 00:09:21,155
your relationship
won't work out.
281
00:09:21,239 --> 00:09:23,005
I hope
we've put your minds at ease.
282
00:09:23,089 --> 00:09:24,085
Happy strutting!
283
00:09:24,169 --> 00:09:25,915
- Huh.
- Yeah.
284
00:09:25,999 --> 00:09:28,197
- Should we...
- Try to get more in sync? Yes.
285
00:09:28,319 --> 00:09:29,175
- Let's go.
- Crispin!
286
00:09:29,259 --> 00:09:30,325
Come back!
287
00:09:30,409 --> 00:09:31,995
PEPPERS:
Mr. Tobin, we only have
288
00:09:32,079 --> 00:09:34,335
four days left
till the Cavalcade of Ships.
289
00:09:34,419 --> 00:09:36,207
Will my jaw be dropping today?
290
00:09:36,329 --> 00:09:39,435
Mayor Peppers, we really tried,
but... I'll say it...
291
00:09:39,519 --> 00:09:42,345
The men in this town
are pleasant-looking, at best.
292
00:09:42,429 --> 00:09:43,355
We let you down.
293
00:09:43,439 --> 00:09:45,605
If I could somehow make a man,
I would.
294
00:09:45,689 --> 00:09:47,605
I can make you a man!
295
00:09:47,689 --> 00:09:48,605
- (gasping)
- What?
296
00:09:48,689 --> 00:09:49,685
A wooden man.
297
00:09:49,769 --> 00:09:51,605
Sexiest man you've ever seen.
298
00:09:51,689 --> 00:09:53,115
You all know me. I'm Archie,
299
00:09:53,199 --> 00:09:54,875
professional whittler
of wooden wives.
300
00:09:54,959 --> 00:09:58,545
I make them for lonely sailors
to take out upon the high seas
301
00:09:58,629 --> 00:10:00,897
to help 'em
get through the lonely nights.
302
00:10:01,019 --> 00:10:02,545
Ok, um, sorry,
but you can't just force
303
00:10:02,629 --> 00:10:04,285
wooden women into marriages.
304
00:10:04,369 --> 00:10:06,105
What if they want
to pursue careers or travel?
305
00:10:06,189 --> 00:10:08,215
They can.
Several of them are nurses,
306
00:10:08,299 --> 00:10:10,465
and one's
a professional skateboarder.
307
00:10:10,549 --> 00:10:12,055
Look, the point is this...
308
00:10:12,139 --> 00:10:14,295
For the right price,
I can make your sexy man.
309
00:10:14,379 --> 00:10:16,705
A man so good-looking
you'll quit sleep
310
00:10:16,789 --> 00:10:18,875
'cause you can't take your eyes
off of him.
311
00:10:18,959 --> 00:10:22,135
Handsome? No, he's hand-all.
312
00:10:22,219 --> 00:10:23,955
(gasping, murmuring)
313
00:10:24,039 --> 00:10:25,815
So, who can you make
the wooden man look like?
314
00:10:25,899 --> 00:10:27,145
Denzel Washington?
315
00:10:27,229 --> 00:10:29,097
Let's make him look like my ex,
Chab Smoot.
316
00:10:29,219 --> 00:10:31,075
He had a little tail
you could steer him around with.
317
00:10:31,159 --> 00:10:35,065
Trust me, what I make will be
beyond your wildest imaginings.
318
00:10:35,149 --> 00:10:37,475
Guys, no. We shouldn't play God
like this.
319
00:10:37,559 --> 00:10:40,235
We should if it means we cut off
Whippleton's butt cheeks
320
00:10:40,319 --> 00:10:42,085
and clap them together
like cymbals!
321
00:10:42,169 --> 00:10:43,405
That's the spirit!
322
00:10:43,489 --> 00:10:45,235
- Let's eat Ted's Folly alive!
- (crowd cheers)
323
00:10:45,319 --> 00:10:46,905
So it's settled...
We're gonna pay a guy
324
00:10:46,989 --> 00:10:48,205
to carve us a wooden hunk
325
00:10:48,289 --> 00:10:50,155
so that Lone Moose
can win the boat parade
326
00:10:50,239 --> 00:10:53,075
and get ourselves
a sexy little snack plaque.
327
00:10:53,159 --> 00:10:54,497
(cheering)
328
00:10:57,429 --> 00:11:00,175
I can't wait to see what Archie
is cooking up for us.
329
00:11:00,259 --> 00:11:02,605
Son, I have to admit...
I have some concerns about this.
330
00:11:02,689 --> 00:11:06,275
I'm not sure how we're gonna get
a wood man to steer the boat.
331
00:11:06,359 --> 00:11:07,515
Oh, don't worry about that.
332
00:11:07,599 --> 00:11:09,355
You'll be the one
steering the boat.
333
00:11:09,439 --> 00:11:11,185
You can crouch down,
out of sight, in the wheelhouse.
334
00:11:11,269 --> 00:11:13,477
All right.
If it helps the town win,
335
00:11:13,589 --> 00:11:15,675
I'll be the person
behind the scenes,
336
00:11:15,759 --> 00:11:16,935
like Nicole Holofcener,
337
00:11:17,019 --> 00:11:19,105
director of Enough Said.
338
00:11:19,189 --> 00:11:23,185
Greetings. Let us now uncover
the man within the wood.
339
00:11:23,269 --> 00:11:25,987
I've got some rough sketches
for you to look over.
340
00:11:26,109 --> 00:11:27,615
Oh, these aren't right. Hotter.
341
00:11:27,699 --> 00:11:29,045
Hotter! He's got to be hotter!
342
00:11:29,129 --> 00:11:31,705
This one wood fellow
seems rather attractive.
343
00:11:31,789 --> 00:11:33,115
Yeah, he's double-take hot,
344
00:11:33,199 --> 00:11:34,975
but we need
"the bartender is so distracted
345
00:11:35,059 --> 00:11:36,285
"when the wooden man walks in
346
00:11:36,369 --> 00:11:38,715
that he overfills
a glass of beer" hot!
347
00:11:38,799 --> 00:11:40,315
I think I know what to do.
348
00:11:40,399 --> 00:11:42,975
I've got this irresistible piece
of driftwood
349
00:11:43,059 --> 00:11:45,705
that I found on the shore
after a lightning storm.
350
00:11:45,789 --> 00:11:49,165
Mother Ocean's been lapping her
tongue on this stud for decades
351
00:11:49,249 --> 00:11:52,305
to make him virile
and intoxicating.
352
00:11:52,389 --> 00:11:54,995
Okay, I can't believe
I'm saying this, but I get it.
353
00:11:55,079 --> 00:11:57,905
This must be how God felt
when he first saw the wood
354
00:11:57,989 --> 00:11:59,687
he was gonna carve Brad Pitt
from.
355
00:11:59,809 --> 00:12:01,575
Archie, I'm saying I do
356
00:12:01,659 --> 00:12:03,575
and I would to this wood.
357
00:12:03,659 --> 00:12:05,985
Okay. One final question,
358
00:12:06,069 --> 00:12:08,175
should the wooden man be...
functional?
359
00:12:08,259 --> 00:12:09,005
No!
360
00:12:09,089 --> 00:12:10,697
Wait, is it the same price?
361
00:12:10,819 --> 00:12:11,995
- Wolf, no.
- Wolf, no.
362
00:12:12,079 --> 00:12:14,175
All right.
Whole new day of practice.
363
00:12:14,259 --> 00:12:16,405
I'm pretty sure
I can slow myself down.
364
00:12:16,489 --> 00:12:17,995
And I'll try to speed myself up.
365
00:12:18,079 --> 00:12:20,037
Soon, we'll be syncin'
like Lincoln.
366
00:12:20,159 --> 00:12:21,745
One, two, three.
367
00:12:21,829 --> 00:12:23,015
(yells)
368
00:12:23,099 --> 00:12:24,915
One, two, three.
369
00:12:24,999 --> 00:12:26,115
Nope, that's not it.
370
00:12:26,199 --> 00:12:27,355
What if we tried holding hands?
371
00:12:27,439 --> 00:12:29,845
Mm, I feel like we should
really focus on walking.
372
00:12:29,929 --> 00:12:32,525
I meant holding hands
while we're walking.
373
00:12:32,609 --> 00:12:33,525
Oh. Right.
374
00:12:33,609 --> 00:12:35,275
One, two, three.
375
00:12:35,359 --> 00:12:36,445
We're doing it.
376
00:12:36,529 --> 00:12:38,205
- We're perfectly in sync.
- Yeah! Finally!
377
00:12:38,289 --> 00:12:40,875
- Uh-oh! (Yells)
- (yells)
378
00:12:40,959 --> 00:12:42,587
- Maybe we should just give up.
- (sighs)
379
00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:45,355
We'll never be as in sync as
that other couple with their...
380
00:12:45,439 --> 00:12:48,545
sweaters and
their perfectly in sync dogs.
381
00:12:48,629 --> 00:12:50,285
(gasps)
The dogs! Yes!
382
00:12:50,369 --> 00:12:52,545
I think I'm having a great idea.
383
00:12:52,629 --> 00:12:53,775
That we should steal the dogs?
384
00:12:53,859 --> 00:12:54,885
What? No.
385
00:12:54,969 --> 00:12:56,295
Oh. Right.
Let's not steal the dogs.
386
00:12:56,379 --> 00:12:57,295
I don't want to steal them.
387
00:12:57,379 --> 00:12:58,795
We wait for them to run away
388
00:12:58,879 --> 00:13:00,875
and then we just let them
live with us.
389
00:13:00,959 --> 00:13:02,205
PEPPERS:
All right, Wolf Tobin
390
00:13:02,289 --> 00:13:04,305
- is here and...
- We want to see some log!
391
00:13:04,389 --> 00:13:06,135
Oh, I'm so sorry, everyone.
392
00:13:06,219 --> 00:13:07,475
He couldn't make it.
393
00:13:07,559 --> 00:13:10,885
But there's someone else
who'd like to say hello.
394
00:13:10,969 --> 00:13:12,475
Guys, meet my best friend,
395
00:13:12,559 --> 00:13:14,385
our new Cavalcade of Ships
captain!
396
00:13:14,469 --> 00:13:18,075
(cheering) - And, look, his little
arm even waves! Isn't that fun?
397
00:13:18,159 --> 00:13:20,745
- Does this nice young man have a name?
- Not yet.
398
00:13:20,829 --> 00:13:24,245
I've got it! He should be named
Bernard Particle-Board.
399
00:13:24,329 --> 00:13:25,745
His last name is hyphenated
because he decided
400
00:13:25,829 --> 00:13:26,915
to take his wife's name.
401
00:13:26,999 --> 00:13:28,755
Her name is Theresa Particle.
402
00:13:28,839 --> 00:13:31,085
She keeps a small apartment in
the city just for writing and...
403
00:13:31,169 --> 00:13:33,835
Love the back story, Judy,
but "Bernard Particle-Board"
404
00:13:33,919 --> 00:13:34,905
is a real mouthful.
405
00:13:34,989 --> 00:13:36,595
What about "Todd Hottsworth"?
406
00:13:36,679 --> 00:13:38,075
And we can call him "Hot Toddy."
407
00:13:38,159 --> 00:13:39,595
- Ah! - Oh!
- (murmuring)
408
00:13:39,679 --> 00:13:42,335
A tall thermos of Hot Toddy
coming right up!
409
00:13:42,419 --> 00:13:44,505
♪ And we can build this dreamtogether... ♪
410
00:13:44,589 --> 00:13:46,935
WOLF: To watch the movie
Mannequin through Todd's eyes? Wow.
411
00:13:47,019 --> 00:13:48,345
It's like a whole new film.
412
00:13:48,429 --> 00:13:50,105
- (music stops)
- The DVD cover was right.
413
00:13:50,189 --> 00:13:52,775
"When she comes to life,
anything can happen."
414
00:13:52,859 --> 00:13:54,115
Maybe I should get a moped
415
00:13:54,199 --> 00:13:56,125
so Todd and I can
cruise around Lone Moose
416
00:13:56,209 --> 00:13:57,615
doing high fives and whatnot.
417
00:13:57,699 --> 00:13:58,935
We should get to bed.
418
00:13:59,019 --> 00:14:00,345
We've got the Cavalcade of Ships
tomorrow.
419
00:14:00,429 --> 00:14:02,195
- Ready to go home, babe?
- I'll meet you there.
420
00:14:02,279 --> 00:14:04,345
Gonna spend
a little quality time with Todd.
421
00:14:04,429 --> 00:14:07,295
But don't worry... I'll make sure
he gets his beauty rest.
422
00:14:07,379 --> 00:14:09,105
What a day, huh?
423
00:14:09,189 --> 00:14:11,615
I got to say,
you're positively glowing.
424
00:14:11,699 --> 00:14:13,355
I guess that's just the varnish,
425
00:14:13,439 --> 00:14:15,025
but, hey, if it ain't broke,
huh? (Chuckles)
426
00:14:15,109 --> 00:14:16,945
Now, let me tell you
a little about myself.
427
00:14:17,029 --> 00:14:18,465
I was 22 pounds at birth
428
00:14:18,549 --> 00:14:21,785
because my mom just absolutely
refused to go to the hospital...
429
00:14:21,869 --> 00:14:22,975
And that's why
I'm scared to death
430
00:14:23,059 --> 00:14:24,305
of those apple-throwing trees
431
00:14:24,389 --> 00:14:27,035
from The Wizard of Oz.
432
00:14:27,119 --> 00:14:28,797
(snoring)
433
00:14:29,789 --> 00:14:31,295
(smoke detector beeping)
434
00:14:31,379 --> 00:14:32,337
(screams)
No!
435
00:14:32,459 --> 00:14:34,655
(crying):
No! No! No! No!
436
00:14:34,739 --> 00:14:36,507
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
437
00:14:36,629 --> 00:14:39,325
What have I done?! Half his
beautiful face is burned off!
438
00:14:39,409 --> 00:14:41,825
We were just having a few
drinks, shooting the breeze!
439
00:14:41,909 --> 00:14:43,385
It should have been me instead.
440
00:14:43,469 --> 00:14:46,315
No, son, it should not have been
you that was burned alive
441
00:14:46,399 --> 00:14:47,835
instead of this wooden man.
442
00:14:47,919 --> 00:14:49,055
What are we gonna do?
443
00:14:49,139 --> 00:14:50,575
The whole town
was counting on him!
444
00:14:50,659 --> 00:14:51,665
On me.
445
00:14:51,749 --> 00:14:52,745
- Maybe we can fix him?
- (sighs)
446
00:14:52,829 --> 00:14:54,245
I guess we owe it to Todd...
447
00:14:54,329 --> 00:14:55,895
And the town... to try.
448
00:14:55,979 --> 00:14:58,325
Okay, so I used
a little bit of spackle
449
00:14:58,409 --> 00:14:59,537
and a little bit of paint
450
00:14:59,649 --> 00:15:01,015
and then I sprayed him
with Dad's Cologne,
451
00:15:01,099 --> 00:15:02,925
just to give him
a boost of confidence.
452
00:15:03,009 --> 00:15:04,405
- What do you guys think?
- HONEYBEE: Yikes.
453
00:15:04,489 --> 00:15:05,845
Never said "yikes" before,
but it felt right.
454
00:15:05,929 --> 00:15:07,665
Wolf, he's disgusting.
455
00:15:07,749 --> 00:15:08,755
Frang it!
456
00:15:08,839 --> 00:15:10,265
Well, why don't we
just shift gears
457
00:15:10,349 --> 00:15:13,335
and have a regular,
human, non-hot captain?
458
00:15:13,419 --> 00:15:15,415
No. I won't sideline Todd.
459
00:15:15,499 --> 00:15:16,845
He's worked too hard for this.
460
00:15:16,929 --> 00:15:18,675
Trust me, Todd's got this.
461
00:15:18,759 --> 00:15:20,887
Todd's got this by the ass!
462
00:15:25,055 --> 00:15:27,564
- Hey, that slime is fun.
- Then I have failed,
463
00:15:27,649 --> 00:15:29,325
because it represents
our melting glaciers,
464
00:15:29,409 --> 00:15:30,675
and there's nothing fun
about that.
465
00:15:30,759 --> 00:15:32,495
All right,
everybody shut your slime holes.
466
00:15:32,579 --> 00:15:34,037
It's time to go over the plan.
467
00:15:34,159 --> 00:15:36,165
Honeybee, Judy and I
will lay on the deck
468
00:15:36,249 --> 00:15:39,165
and use ropes to turn Todd
so that he appears lifelike.
469
00:15:39,249 --> 00:15:41,525
And so no one sees
the burned part of his face.
470
00:15:41,609 --> 00:15:44,335
Meanwhile, Dad will actually be
the one steering
471
00:15:44,419 --> 00:15:45,765
- from the wheelhouse.
- Copy that.
472
00:15:45,849 --> 00:15:48,845
And, Moon, you'll keep us
aligned with the boat boys' pace
473
00:15:48,929 --> 00:15:49,845
- on the shore.
- Tobins.
474
00:15:49,929 --> 00:15:51,035
- (yelps)
- Ah-ha! Mayor!
475
00:15:51,119 --> 00:15:52,435
So good to see you!
476
00:15:52,519 --> 00:15:53,845
Not as good as it will be
to see that plaque
477
00:15:53,929 --> 00:15:56,275
that says "Best Boat Town"
at the end of the day.
478
00:15:56,359 --> 00:15:58,185
Now, where is
that wooden wonder Todd?
479
00:15:58,269 --> 00:15:59,445
Uh, he's... resting!
480
00:15:59,529 --> 00:16:01,115
But don't worry...
He's still hot!
481
00:16:01,199 --> 00:16:02,695
And nothing bad
has happened to him.
482
00:16:02,779 --> 00:16:03,955
Okay...
483
00:16:04,039 --> 00:16:05,785
The way you're saying that
makes it sound like
484
00:16:05,869 --> 00:16:07,237
something bad has happened.
485
00:16:07,359 --> 00:16:08,955
(chuckles): Oh, no,
I didn't mean that at all.
486
00:16:09,039 --> 00:16:11,695
Because it's very weird
that you would bring that up.
487
00:16:11,779 --> 00:16:12,555
Do you see my point?
488
00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:13,965
Don't worry. This is just what
489
00:16:14,049 --> 00:16:15,597
my husband is like
when he's nervous.
490
00:16:15,699 --> 00:16:17,875
We'll be chanting "Best Boat
Town" in no time at all.
491
00:16:17,959 --> 00:16:20,747
Wonderful. Because winning
that plaque is the only thing
492
00:16:20,899 --> 00:16:23,417
that could bring happiness
to an entire town
493
00:16:23,539 --> 00:16:25,735
that is holding on
by the thinnest of threads.
494
00:16:25,819 --> 00:16:27,045
Good! Because, again...
495
00:16:27,129 --> 00:16:28,805
(chuckles):
Nothing bad has happened.
496
00:16:28,889 --> 00:16:31,555
- (crazed laugh)
- Wolf, do not start that again.
497
00:16:31,639 --> 00:16:32,975
Bye, Mayor Peppers!
498
00:16:33,059 --> 00:16:34,905
ANNOUNCER: And let's
hear one final round of applause
499
00:16:34,989 --> 00:16:37,055
- for Whippleton!
- (cheering and applause)
500
00:16:37,139 --> 00:16:38,245
BEEF:
Ooh, Whippleton.
501
00:16:38,329 --> 00:16:40,575
"Look at us. We have two dumps."
502
00:16:40,659 --> 00:16:42,895
ANNOUNCER:
And coming up next, Death Cliff!
503
00:16:42,979 --> 00:16:46,277
(cheering and applause) - Hospices
are the deepest bummer I can think of,
504
00:16:46,399 --> 00:16:48,235
but, damn,
if Jammers isn't pulling it off.
505
00:16:48,319 --> 00:16:50,085
- Let's go boat!
- Let's go boat!
506
00:16:50,169 --> 00:16:52,165
Look at that robust gait.
507
00:16:52,249 --> 00:16:53,485
Yeah, they're good.
508
00:16:53,569 --> 00:16:54,595
Now, are you sure you're okay
509
00:16:54,679 --> 00:16:56,415
with us wearing
this little doggie leash?
510
00:16:56,499 --> 00:16:59,245
Yes. This is the only way
to truly stay in sync.
511
00:16:59,329 --> 00:17:00,745
We'll show Gavin and Luke
512
00:17:00,829 --> 00:17:02,505
they aren't the only perfectly
in sync couple in town.
513
00:17:02,589 --> 00:17:05,085
Oh, who, uh...
who's the other one?
514
00:17:05,169 --> 00:17:06,297
- Us!
- Oh, right.
515
00:17:06,419 --> 00:17:07,297
Now I get what you're saying.
516
00:17:07,419 --> 00:17:08,665
Let's go boat!
517
00:17:08,749 --> 00:17:10,797
Okay, save that magic
for the show, hon.
518
00:17:10,919 --> 00:17:12,275
ANNOUNCER:
Now entering the cavalcade,
519
00:17:12,359 --> 00:17:14,807
steered
by Captain Todd Hottsworth,
520
00:17:14,919 --> 00:17:17,675
let's hear three cheers
for Lone Moose!
521
00:17:17,759 --> 00:17:19,695
(cheering and applause) - Whoa,
the slime is really slippery, Judy.
522
00:17:19,779 --> 00:17:22,605
Yeah, well, so is the problem
of climate change.
523
00:17:22,689 --> 00:17:25,147
- Let's go boat!
- Let's go boat!
524
00:17:25,269 --> 00:17:27,605
- Go, Dad!
- Okay, Todd, this is it.
525
00:17:27,689 --> 00:17:28,775
Time to shine.
526
00:17:28,859 --> 00:17:30,657
Is he pulling it off?
Is he wowing them?
527
00:17:30,769 --> 00:17:32,285
♪ ♪
528
00:17:32,369 --> 00:17:34,205
♪ I look in your eyes ♪
529
00:17:34,289 --> 00:17:36,375
♪ And it's just likethe first time... ♪
530
00:17:36,459 --> 00:17:38,997
I'm gonna leave my family
for that captain.
531
00:17:39,109 --> 00:17:41,195
(cheering)
532
00:17:41,279 --> 00:17:42,295
Of course he is.
533
00:17:42,379 --> 00:17:44,125
He's ding dang doing it.
534
00:17:44,209 --> 00:17:45,125
You got it.
535
00:17:45,209 --> 00:17:47,965
Step, pause, step, pause.
536
00:17:48,049 --> 00:17:50,055
- Let's go boat!
- Let's go boat!
537
00:17:50,139 --> 00:17:51,815
(laughing in sync)
538
00:17:51,899 --> 00:17:54,895
Crispin, listen,
it may be too late for this now,
539
00:17:54,979 --> 00:17:56,475
since we're already walking,
but,
540
00:17:56,559 --> 00:17:58,715
those perfectly in sync guys,
they creep me out.
541
00:17:58,799 --> 00:18:01,305
I don't think couples are
supposed to be exactly alike.
542
00:18:01,389 --> 00:18:02,645
Who cares if you walk faster?
543
00:18:02,729 --> 00:18:04,975
Yeah, and so what
if I like spaghetti
544
00:18:05,059 --> 00:18:06,165
and you like fettuccini?
545
00:18:06,249 --> 00:18:08,027
It's all the same
under the sauce.
546
00:18:08,139 --> 00:18:09,315
We like different things
sometimes,
547
00:18:09,399 --> 00:18:10,655
but that doesn't bother us.
548
00:18:10,739 --> 00:18:12,655
And that's pretty freakin' cool
if you ask me.
549
00:18:12,739 --> 00:18:15,325
And we are in sync
on something...
550
00:18:15,409 --> 00:18:16,697
We like each other very much.
551
00:18:16,819 --> 00:18:18,565
So are you saying
what I think you're saying?
552
00:18:18,649 --> 00:18:22,515
Yes. Let's unclip and
each go boat at our own pace.
553
00:18:22,599 --> 00:18:25,075
- Let's go... boat!
- Let's go boat! Let's go boat!
554
00:18:25,159 --> 00:18:26,425
- Let's go... boat!
- Let's go boat!
555
00:18:26,509 --> 00:18:29,025
The boat boys are moving
at two different speeds.
556
00:18:29,109 --> 00:18:30,025
Who do I follow?
557
00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:32,797
Uh, I guess the faster one?
558
00:18:33,439 --> 00:18:34,695
(yelping)
559
00:18:34,779 --> 00:18:38,195
Uh-oh! Can't let anyone see
Todd's singed shame!
560
00:18:38,279 --> 00:18:40,057
Oh, God, slime!
561
00:18:40,179 --> 00:18:41,420
Oh, no, no, no!
562
00:18:41,505 --> 00:18:43,093
Hang on, Todd!
563
00:18:43,269 --> 00:18:45,377
- No!
- (yelling)
564
00:18:45,462 --> 00:18:46,720
(gasping)
565
00:18:47,757 --> 00:18:49,413
No!
566
00:18:49,498 --> 00:18:50,886
JUDGE:
And the winner is...
567
00:18:50,981 --> 00:18:52,692
- Death Cliff!
- (cheering and applause)
568
00:18:52,810 --> 00:18:54,240
Randy Jammers
will accept the plaque.
569
00:18:54,325 --> 00:18:56,006
Thank you, Death Cliff.
We are all so...
570
00:18:56,090 --> 00:18:57,858
Wait, excuse me!
I need to say something!
571
00:18:57,980 --> 00:19:00,246
Hello. Wolf Tobin, Lone Moose.
Nice to see ya.
572
00:19:00,330 --> 00:19:03,066
First of all,
congratulations to Death Cliff.
573
00:19:03,150 --> 00:19:04,616
But that's not why I'm up here.
574
00:19:04,700 --> 00:19:07,516
I'm up here because
I saw something special today.
575
00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:10,246
I saw a town
that was disheartened
576
00:19:10,330 --> 00:19:13,916
by a washing machine in a river
come together like never before.
577
00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:16,526
And we were brought together
by one man.
578
00:19:16,610 --> 00:19:18,266
Someone
who most people would ignore
579
00:19:18,350 --> 00:19:19,766
if they saw him on the street.
580
00:19:19,850 --> 00:19:21,256
"Oh, he doesn't count."
581
00:19:21,340 --> 00:19:22,676
"Uh, he's not real."
582
00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:26,196
"Oh, he's a carved piece
of driftwood and is a statue."
583
00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:29,356
Yeah. Well, he may not be alive,
584
00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:31,116
but he does have a heart.
585
00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:32,728
The heart of Lone Moose!
586
00:19:32,850 --> 00:19:36,606
Look, did we only love Mr. Todd
Hottsworth when he was hot?
587
00:19:36,690 --> 00:19:38,078
Oh, but then
he gets decapitated.
588
00:19:38,190 --> 00:19:42,026
We just turn our backs on him.
Well, not me.
589
00:19:42,110 --> 00:19:43,196
He gave us hope!
590
00:19:43,280 --> 00:19:45,386
And he's still my captain.
591
00:19:45,470 --> 00:19:47,626
And if he's still your captain,
592
00:19:47,741 --> 00:19:49,095
raise your hand!
593
00:19:49,180 --> 00:19:50,923
Come on, raise 'em up!
594
00:19:51,008 --> 00:19:53,260
He's a real man
with a rich life!
595
00:19:53,345 --> 00:19:55,271
My sexual attraction
to a pretend man
596
00:19:55,418 --> 00:19:57,594
helped me forget my troubles
for a minute or two.
597
00:19:58,071 --> 00:19:59,557
We all loved him. All of us.
598
00:19:59,642 --> 00:20:02,728
And so what
if we're not the best boat town?
599
00:20:02,812 --> 00:20:04,328
Wolf, are you kidding me?
600
00:20:04,412 --> 00:20:07,148
This whole town agreed
to carve a wooden man
601
00:20:07,232 --> 00:20:08,668
and pretend
he was a hunky captain
602
00:20:08,752 --> 00:20:11,668
just to win a plaque
that means absolutely nothing!
603
00:20:11,752 --> 00:20:13,818
This is easily the best town.
604
00:20:13,902 --> 00:20:14,998
Right after Fresno.
605
00:20:15,082 --> 00:20:16,988
And Fresno
doesn't even have boats!
606
00:20:17,072 --> 00:20:19,988
Making us the best boat town!
607
00:20:20,072 --> 00:20:21,678
Yeah. Maybe we did do it.
608
00:20:21,762 --> 00:20:23,418
Best boat town!
609
00:20:23,502 --> 00:20:25,088
CROWD:
Best boat town!
610
00:20:25,172 --> 00:20:26,588
Best boat town!
611
00:20:26,672 --> 00:20:29,998
Okay. Thank you for...
whatever that was.
612
00:20:30,082 --> 00:20:32,967
And, Randy, if you'd like
to continue speaking...
613
00:20:33,052 --> 00:20:34,078
I, uh, can't follow that.
614
00:20:34,162 --> 00:20:36,598
So does the crowd mind
if I just flex a little?
615
00:20:36,682 --> 00:20:37,768
Vera:
Flex it, Randy!
616
00:20:37,852 --> 00:20:38,858
You did it, my boy.
617
00:20:38,942 --> 00:20:40,358
You saved the town.
618
00:20:40,442 --> 00:20:44,108
♪ And we can build this dreamtogether ♪
619
00:20:44,192 --> 00:20:46,108
♪ Standing strong forever ♪
620
00:20:46,192 --> 00:20:49,038
♪ Nothing's gonna stop us now ♪
621
00:20:49,122 --> 00:20:51,480
♪ Nothing's gonna stop us. ♪
622
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:59,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
623
00:21:21,302 --> 00:21:23,058
♪ Gimme, oh, gimme. ♪
624
00:21:23,142 --> 00:21:25,218
Captioning sponsored by
BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT
625
00:21:25,302 --> 00:21:26,510
and Toyota.
626
00:21:27,305 --> 00:22:27,784
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627
00:22:27,834 --> 00:22:32,384
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