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- ♪ MTV ♪
2
00:00:07,268 --> 00:00:09,922
- I'm a mom, and I support
the Second Amendment.
3
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:12,229
- I'm a teacher, and so do I.
4
00:00:12,316 --> 00:00:14,057
- There's a lot
of talk about guns
5
00:00:14,144 --> 00:00:15,580
going on in America right now.
6
00:00:15,667 --> 00:00:17,017
- But no government
has the right to tell me
7
00:00:17,104 --> 00:00:18,888
how to defend my family.
8
00:00:18,975 --> 00:00:20,629
That's why, as a mom...
9
00:00:20,716 --> 00:00:21,717
- As a teacher...
10
00:00:21,804 --> 00:00:22,761
- And as an American...
11
00:00:22,848 --> 00:00:24,633
- I will always be proud
12
00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:25,764
to drive a tank.
13
00:00:25,851 --> 00:00:28,680
[upbeat music]
14
00:00:28,767 --> 00:00:32,075
- Making our city safer
doesn't mean taking tanks away.
15
00:00:32,162 --> 00:00:34,643
It means keeping tanks
out of the wrong hands.
16
00:00:34,730 --> 00:00:36,645
- If something should
happen in my school,
17
00:00:36,732 --> 00:00:40,083
the last thing we need
is a zero tank policy.
18
00:00:40,170 --> 00:00:42,781
What we need is more
good guys with tanks.
19
00:00:42,868 --> 00:00:46,263
- Stricter laws won't prevent
criminals from getting tanks.
20
00:00:46,350 --> 00:00:50,354
They'll just get the tanks
on the black market.
21
00:00:50,441 --> 00:00:52,182
- Target locked.
- Oh, shit, shit, shit.
22
00:00:52,269 --> 00:00:54,837
- Firing in three, two...
- Holy shit.
23
00:00:54,924 --> 00:00:56,186
- Missile aborted.
24
00:00:56,273 --> 00:00:57,666
- Thought that was a blinker.
25
00:00:57,753 --> 00:00:58,710
My bad.
26
00:01:02,714 --> 00:01:05,021
- If it's not Sudafed
or plastic straws,
27
00:01:05,108 --> 00:01:06,892
it shouldn't be regulated.
28
00:01:06,979 --> 00:01:09,982
- What we have in this country
is not a tank crisis.
29
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:11,767
It's a mental health crisis.
30
00:01:11,854 --> 00:01:13,420
There's some real wackos
out there.
31
00:01:13,508 --> 00:01:15,075
- I sleep easier
knowing my children
32
00:01:15,162 --> 00:01:16,554
are safe in their beds,
33
00:01:16,640 --> 00:01:20,036
thanks to my 1,500 horsepower
M1 Abrams.
34
00:01:20,123 --> 00:01:23,431
- The last time I checked,
this was the U.S. of America.
35
00:01:23,518 --> 00:01:25,737
- Land of the brave,
home of the me.
36
00:01:25,824 --> 00:01:28,131
5G is a Chinese conspiracy.
37
00:01:28,218 --> 00:01:30,655
- The number seven is fake.
38
00:01:30,742 --> 00:01:32,353
- Hot dog!
39
00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:33,615
Ever heard of it?
40
00:01:33,702 --> 00:01:36,618
I eat big hot dog when I want!
41
00:01:36,705 --> 00:01:39,360
And I have big Coke,
and I do baseball.
42
00:01:39,447 --> 00:01:42,798
- I eat hot burger,
and big potato.
43
00:01:42,884 --> 00:01:45,757
I eat big potato.
44
00:01:45,844 --> 00:01:47,497
Num, num, num, num, num.
45
00:01:47,585 --> 00:01:49,892
- I wear leather jacket,
and I watch "Young Sheldon."
46
00:01:49,979 --> 00:01:51,850
And you fuck right off.
47
00:01:51,937 --> 00:01:52,851
- And I pledge allegiance...
48
00:01:52,938 --> 00:01:54,418
- To the flag...
49
00:01:54,505 --> 00:01:58,030
- Of the United States
of et cetera.
50
00:01:58,118 --> 00:02:00,946
- And to the me public
for which it me.
51
00:02:01,033 --> 00:02:02,774
- One me.
- Under God.
52
00:02:02,861 --> 00:02:04,385
- With meberty.
53
00:02:04,472 --> 00:02:05,603
- And no gay.
54
00:02:05,690 --> 00:02:06,865
- For m-all
55
00:02:06,952 --> 00:02:09,824
[patriotic music]
56
00:02:09,912 --> 00:02:13,829
♪ ♪
57
00:02:13,916 --> 00:02:16,788
[upbeat spacey music]
58
00:02:16,875 --> 00:02:21,358
♪ ♪
59
00:02:24,579 --> 00:02:27,234
- If you think about it,
guns aren't the problem.
60
00:02:27,321 --> 00:02:29,366
The problem is that
COVID is a hoax.
61
00:02:29,453 --> 00:02:32,413
- Fun fact,
this is the TV studio
62
00:02:32,500 --> 00:02:34,023
where the Nixon administration
actually
63
00:02:34,110 --> 00:02:35,416
faked the moon landing.
64
00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:40,942
- I checked everywhere, lady.
65
00:02:41,030 --> 00:02:42,423
There's nothing here.
66
00:02:42,510 --> 00:02:44,947
- Then what about
my shawl, my tea?
67
00:02:45,034 --> 00:02:46,644
Why am I always cold?
68
00:02:46,731 --> 00:02:49,473
- That's easy.
69
00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:51,171
You have a draft.
70
00:02:51,258 --> 00:02:53,434
- Blowing in this fall...
71
00:02:53,521 --> 00:02:55,000
[dramatic music]
72
00:02:55,087 --> 00:02:56,524
- Who is she?
73
00:02:56,611 --> 00:02:58,917
- They call her
the draft hunter.
74
00:02:59,004 --> 00:03:01,616
Those slight breezes sneaking
into people's buildings,
75
00:03:01,703 --> 00:03:04,706
making scores
of white women cold.
76
00:03:04,793 --> 00:03:05,489
She finds them...
77
00:03:08,318 --> 00:03:09,667
And eliminates them.
78
00:03:09,754 --> 00:03:11,930
- Gotcha.
79
00:03:12,017 --> 00:03:15,064
- We've checked the windows,
hired an architect,
80
00:03:15,151 --> 00:03:17,458
maintenance guy,
caulked every crevice
81
00:03:17,545 --> 00:03:19,677
in the entire place--
- Shh!
82
00:03:19,764 --> 00:03:23,072
What no one understands is
that drafts are like people.
83
00:03:23,159 --> 00:03:25,161
They want to be found.
84
00:03:25,248 --> 00:03:26,858
And with the right tools...
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They can be.
86
00:03:31,123 --> 00:03:34,910
[wind blowing]
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[tense music]
88
00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:44,876
♪ ♪
89
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- I knew there was
a draft in here.
90
00:03:50,491 --> 00:03:52,101
- Got you again.
91
00:03:55,278 --> 00:03:56,888
- I don't want to
be on the precipice
92
00:03:56,975 --> 00:03:59,891
of being uncomfortably chilly
in my own home anymore.
93
00:03:59,978 --> 00:04:01,545
- I know. I know you don't.
94
00:04:01,632 --> 00:04:03,852
Look, I'll find the draft,
all right?
95
00:04:03,939 --> 00:04:05,245
I'll find it.
96
00:04:05,332 --> 00:04:09,249
I always do--
no matter what it costs me.
97
00:04:09,336 --> 00:04:11,251
- Amy, stop it, please.
98
00:04:11,338 --> 00:04:13,427
Please stop it.
You've gone insane.
99
00:04:13,514 --> 00:04:15,820
- There's a draft here, okay?
I feel it.
100
00:04:15,907 --> 00:04:17,300
- It's 75 degrees in here.
101
00:04:17,387 --> 00:04:19,214
There's nothing--
don't tape that up.
102
00:04:19,302 --> 00:04:21,261
Just stop and look at yourself.
103
00:04:21,348 --> 00:04:23,306
You don't need two hands
to hold that mug.
104
00:04:23,393 --> 00:04:25,221
- Yes, I do. It's so cold.
105
00:04:25,308 --> 00:04:26,701
- What is a draft hunter?
106
00:04:26,788 --> 00:04:28,224
It's not a superpower.
It's useless!
107
00:04:28,311 --> 00:04:30,139
- Maybe you're the draft.
108
00:04:30,226 --> 00:04:32,183
- That doesn't make sense, Amy!
109
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:33,490
- God, why don't you
just leave, Garrett?
110
00:04:33,577 --> 00:04:35,492
- Fine.
- Please leave.
111
00:04:35,579 --> 00:04:37,407
But make sure to really
close the door, all right?
112
00:04:37,494 --> 00:04:39,801
Because that's how drafts come.
113
00:04:39,888 --> 00:04:41,411
- Oh, fuck me.
114
00:04:41,498 --> 00:04:43,587
What is your origin story, Amy?
115
00:04:43,674 --> 00:04:45,937
[voice echoing]
116
00:04:48,897 --> 00:04:51,073
- Get ready to blow out
the candles, Amy.
117
00:04:51,159 --> 00:04:54,294
One, two, three.
118
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:01,344
- No one should
be a little bit,
119
00:05:01,431 --> 00:05:04,956
not fully, but kind of chilly.
120
00:05:05,043 --> 00:05:07,394
No one.
121
00:05:07,481 --> 00:05:10,832
- "Draft Hunter."
Thursdays on CBS.
122
00:05:10,919 --> 00:05:12,964
Right after
"Y'all Smell That?"
123
00:05:13,051 --> 00:05:14,792
[suspenseful music]
124
00:05:14,879 --> 00:05:16,141
- [sniffs]
125
00:05:16,228 --> 00:05:17,665
Y'all smell that?
126
00:05:17,752 --> 00:05:20,537
- This scene was my pitch.
Georgie wrote it.
127
00:05:20,624 --> 00:05:23,932
And I think "Y'all Smell That"
came from Yamaneika.
128
00:05:24,019 --> 00:05:26,500
- When Yamaneika said,
"Y'all smell that?"
129
00:05:26,587 --> 00:05:28,502
everyone was like, yes.
That's the winner.
130
00:05:28,589 --> 00:05:30,025
- Every time I hear
"y'all smell that,"
131
00:05:30,112 --> 00:05:31,461
I better get paid.
132
00:05:31,548 --> 00:05:35,204
[upbeat spacey music]
133
00:05:41,384 --> 00:05:44,822
- Hi, I'm here to see
the sleep guy, Dr. Zasmoore.
134
00:05:44,909 --> 00:05:45,823
Thank you.
135
00:05:50,175 --> 00:05:52,569
- Oh, this is ridiculous.
136
00:05:55,311 --> 00:05:56,878
- Okay.
137
00:05:56,965 --> 00:05:58,793
I'm sick of having
the same conversation
138
00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:00,403
over and over again.
139
00:06:00,490 --> 00:06:03,841
Who here has a question
about sleep?
140
00:06:03,928 --> 00:06:05,582
If your question is,
how can I sleep better,
141
00:06:05,669 --> 00:06:07,497
put your hand down.
142
00:06:07,584 --> 00:06:10,021
I'm just going to speak to you
all at the same time, okay?
143
00:06:10,108 --> 00:06:11,980
Because I've about had it.
144
00:06:12,067 --> 00:06:13,198
They figured out sleep.
145
00:06:13,285 --> 00:06:14,939
It's science.
146
00:06:15,026 --> 00:06:17,464
All you have to do to get
an amazing night of sleep,
147
00:06:17,551 --> 00:06:20,205
the best night of sleep
of your life, is simple.
148
00:06:20,292 --> 00:06:24,427
For the last hour you're awake,
don't use your phone.
149
00:06:24,514 --> 00:06:26,124
Okay?
150
00:06:26,211 --> 00:06:28,126
Now, that's something
you can all try.
151
00:06:28,213 --> 00:06:29,432
- No.
- No.
152
00:06:29,519 --> 00:06:31,478
- No.
- What?
153
00:06:31,565 --> 00:06:32,870
- How about just
the last 20 minutes
154
00:06:32,957 --> 00:06:34,394
right before you go to bed?
155
00:06:34,481 --> 00:06:37,005
- I really don't--
that's even worse.
156
00:06:37,092 --> 00:06:39,355
- So it seems like sleep
isn't really important to you.
157
00:06:39,442 --> 00:06:41,444
- Sleep is the most
important thing in my life.
158
00:06:41,531 --> 00:06:42,967
I would take any pill.
159
00:06:43,054 --> 00:06:45,883
I would have any surgery
for a better night's sleep.
160
00:06:45,970 --> 00:06:47,755
- Same.
- Definitely, I would do that.
161
00:06:47,842 --> 00:06:51,454
- Okay, how about just the last
five minutes that you're awake?
162
00:06:51,541 --> 00:06:52,847
- No.
163
00:06:52,933 --> 00:06:55,153
- I really don't think so,
Doctor.
164
00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:58,287
- Like, maybe put your phone
down, you go brush your teeth,
165
00:06:58,374 --> 00:07:00,332
use the toilet, go to bed.
166
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:04,206
- So you expect us to sit on
the toilet without our phones,
167
00:07:04,293 --> 00:07:06,338
like an Amish?
- Yes.
168
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,428
- That's crazy.
169
00:07:08,515 --> 00:07:11,343
- Just the last time you use it
right before you go to bed.
170
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:15,043
- So what time of day do you
recommend that I go on WebMD
171
00:07:15,130 --> 00:07:17,088
and look up what
all my rashes mean?
172
00:07:17,175 --> 00:07:18,394
- Yeah, when should
he look up his rashes?
173
00:07:18,481 --> 00:07:21,136
- Any time you want,
174
00:07:21,223 --> 00:07:23,791
up until right before
the last hour
175
00:07:23,878 --> 00:07:25,357
that you're awake.
176
00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:26,750
- That doesn't work for me.
177
00:07:26,837 --> 00:07:28,012
- That's when
you need it the most.
178
00:07:28,099 --> 00:07:30,711
Like, that's weird.
- This is sick.
179
00:07:30,798 --> 00:07:34,323
- Can I just turn the TV down,
or the brightness down?
180
00:07:34,409 --> 00:07:35,933
- I'll do that now.
- That's a good idea.
181
00:07:36,020 --> 00:07:37,935
I heard that really helps.
- No, that won't help. No.
182
00:07:38,022 --> 00:07:39,763
- Blue blockers?
Does that work? Will that help?
183
00:07:39,850 --> 00:07:42,505
- It really won't
do anything, no.
184
00:07:42,592 --> 00:07:44,202
[all gasp]
Hey!
185
00:07:44,289 --> 00:07:46,378
Maeve, we're going to
need another wall.
186
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:47,989
- Yeah, so what about me?
187
00:07:48,076 --> 00:07:49,512
Like, I'm a mom.
188
00:07:49,599 --> 00:07:50,948
So people like me,
like, you know,
189
00:07:51,034 --> 00:07:52,558
we couldn't watch videos
during the day,
190
00:07:52,646 --> 00:07:54,430
so we need to watch them
right before bedtime.
191
00:07:54,517 --> 00:07:55,779
- Like, what videos?
192
00:07:55,866 --> 00:07:57,172
- Just something, like,
you know,
193
00:07:57,259 --> 00:07:59,304
a plane going
into the second tower, or...
194
00:07:59,391 --> 00:08:02,525
- Movies, like "Uncut 'Jahms'"
195
00:08:02,612 --> 00:08:04,701
- Huh?
- "Uncut 'Jahms.'"
196
00:08:04,788 --> 00:08:05,920
- What?
197
00:08:06,007 --> 00:08:07,225
- "Uncut 'Jahms.'"
- Jahms!
198
00:08:07,312 --> 00:08:08,923
- "Uncut 'Jahms'"!
- "Uncut 'Jahms.'"
199
00:08:09,010 --> 00:08:11,491
"Uncut 'Jahms.'"
- Okay. Okay.
200
00:08:11,578 --> 00:08:14,711
Watch "Uncut 'Jahms'"
three minutes
201
00:08:14,798 --> 00:08:17,148
before you go to sleep,
and it will help.
202
00:08:17,235 --> 00:08:18,367
I promise you.
203
00:08:18,454 --> 00:08:19,847
- No.
- Forget it.
204
00:08:19,934 --> 00:08:20,804
[all gasp]
205
00:08:23,546 --> 00:08:25,461
- Nice.
- Okay.
206
00:08:25,548 --> 00:08:26,767
- What is that,
some kind of secret dance?
207
00:08:26,854 --> 00:08:27,855
- Yeah, okay.
208
00:08:27,942 --> 00:08:29,291
So, like, I'm sorry.
209
00:08:29,378 --> 00:08:31,380
But, like, I need my phone.
210
00:08:31,467 --> 00:08:33,904
I need to be staring
into the abyss of my phone.
211
00:08:33,991 --> 00:08:35,950
I need to read something,
because I'm eating.
212
00:08:36,037 --> 00:08:40,389
- No eating two hours
before you go to sleep.
213
00:08:40,476 --> 00:08:41,390
- What?
214
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:52,401
- "Uncut 'Jahms.'"
215
00:08:52,488 --> 00:08:55,926
- [screaming]
216
00:09:09,026 --> 00:09:11,812
[TV playing indistinctly]
217
00:09:13,770 --> 00:09:16,643
[laughing]
218
00:09:26,174 --> 00:09:29,177
- Am I going to stop looking
at screens before I go to bed?
219
00:09:29,264 --> 00:09:31,092
No.
220
00:09:31,179 --> 00:09:33,050
There are 58 episodes
of "Love Island" in a season,
221
00:09:33,137 --> 00:09:35,009
and only 24 hours in a day.
222
00:09:35,096 --> 00:09:36,358
You do the math.
223
00:09:36,445 --> 00:09:39,230
[upbeat spacey music]
224
00:09:40,971 --> 00:09:42,669
- Good afternoon.
My name is Laura.
225
00:09:42,756 --> 00:09:43,931
This is Tim.
226
00:09:44,018 --> 00:09:46,803
And we are from
Raw Dog Advertising.
227
00:09:46,890 --> 00:09:49,850
Thank you for allowing us
to talk with you today.
228
00:09:49,937 --> 00:09:52,156
Tim and I both worked
in creative at Ogilvy,
229
00:09:52,243 --> 00:09:53,984
and were very successful.
230
00:09:54,071 --> 00:09:55,682
- Hugely successful.
231
00:09:55,769 --> 00:09:57,727
Shaq and The General insurance?
- Ours.
232
00:09:57,814 --> 00:09:59,424
- Shaq and Icy Hot?
- Ours.
233
00:09:59,511 --> 00:10:00,817
- Almost anything
with Shaq is ours.
234
00:10:00,904 --> 00:10:02,340
He's a personal friend.
235
00:10:02,427 --> 00:10:04,342
- As you may know,
we left Ogilvy
236
00:10:04,429 --> 00:10:07,432
and started Raw Dog
after our sexual affair.
237
00:10:07,519 --> 00:10:09,217
- Right.
Do we have any regrets?
238
00:10:09,304 --> 00:10:10,784
Many.
- Mm-hmm.
239
00:10:10,871 --> 00:10:12,524
- We destroyed our families,
and Shaq is no longer
240
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:14,918
taking our calls, because we
were friends through my wife.
241
00:10:15,005 --> 00:10:17,704
- But we're not here to talk
about our sexual affair.
242
00:10:17,791 --> 00:10:19,967
- Or how many yards we need
to stay away from Shaq.
243
00:10:20,054 --> 00:10:21,490
- So many.
244
00:10:21,577 --> 00:10:23,579
- We're here to talk about
the future--your future.
245
00:10:23,666 --> 00:10:25,755
In this ever-shifting
marketplace,
246
00:10:25,842 --> 00:10:27,670
Pillsbury needs to stay
ahead of the curve.
247
00:10:27,757 --> 00:10:29,454
- Or curves.
248
00:10:29,541 --> 00:10:31,543
I'm sure you know
lots of companies
249
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:34,503
are de-sexualizing
their mascots.
250
00:10:34,590 --> 00:10:36,940
Disney put Minnie Mouse
in a pantsuit.
251
00:10:38,812 --> 00:10:42,467
Lola Bunny got a makeover
for "Space Jam 2."
252
00:10:42,554 --> 00:10:44,644
- We all remember the redesign
of the green M&M.
253
00:10:44,731 --> 00:10:46,515
- Oof.
254
00:10:46,602 --> 00:10:49,300
How do these changes
make everyone feel?
255
00:10:49,387 --> 00:10:51,040
- Free to speak.
256
00:10:51,128 --> 00:10:52,869
- Feels like a step
in the right direction.
257
00:10:52,956 --> 00:10:54,392
- Yeah, I don't think
it's a big deal.
258
00:10:54,479 --> 00:10:55,785
- Thanks for speaking,
but you're wrong.
259
00:10:55,872 --> 00:10:57,395
It's an abomination.
260
00:10:57,482 --> 00:10:59,659
- My kids won't eat M&Ms
for breakfast anymore.
261
00:10:59,746 --> 00:11:01,486
- You feed your kids M&Ms
for breakfast?
262
00:11:01,573 --> 00:11:03,140
- Not anymore.
263
00:11:03,227 --> 00:11:04,489
I am a single mom now
because of the affair
264
00:11:04,576 --> 00:11:06,230
we briefly mentioned.
265
00:11:06,317 --> 00:11:09,973
And what I am doing now
is listening and learning.
266
00:11:10,060 --> 00:11:12,323
- And staying 50 yards away
from Shaquille O'Neal.
267
00:11:12,410 --> 00:11:14,021
- And his family.
- Mm-hmm.
268
00:11:14,108 --> 00:11:16,327
- Which brings us
to our proposal.
269
00:11:16,414 --> 00:11:18,242
Our market research
has revealed
270
00:11:18,329 --> 00:11:21,550
the Pillsbury company should go
in the exact...
271
00:11:21,637 --> 00:11:23,117
both: Opposite.
- Direction.
272
00:11:23,204 --> 00:11:24,988
- Like salmon, doing what?
273
00:11:25,075 --> 00:11:26,903
both:
Swimming upstream.
274
00:11:26,990 --> 00:11:29,558
- Say hello to the
Pillsbury Doughbroad.
275
00:11:29,645 --> 00:11:31,429
- Mm! Boo-yah!
276
00:11:31,516 --> 00:11:34,737
- Don't you just want to eat
her up like a slice of pie?
277
00:11:34,824 --> 00:11:37,697
Pie with an ass
that just won't quit.
278
00:11:37,784 --> 00:11:39,742
Oh, Sydney's into it.
- No, I'm not.
279
00:11:39,829 --> 00:11:41,439
I'm holding up my hand
because I have a question.
280
00:11:41,526 --> 00:11:43,441
You're suggesting we get rid
of Poppin' Fresh?
281
00:11:43,528 --> 00:11:44,486
- Who?
- Who?
282
00:11:44,573 --> 00:11:46,009
- The Pillsbury Doughboy.
283
00:11:46,096 --> 00:11:48,229
- He's been our mascot
since 1964.
284
00:11:48,316 --> 00:11:49,883
- '64.
285
00:11:49,970 --> 00:11:51,754
That's eight years
before Shaq was born.
286
00:11:51,841 --> 00:11:53,451
- Oh, crazy coincidence.
287
00:11:53,538 --> 00:11:55,845
And no, keep the dough boy.
288
00:11:55,932 --> 00:11:57,194
This is his hot stepsister.
289
00:11:57,281 --> 00:11:59,544
And yes,
they totally get it on.
290
00:11:59,631 --> 00:12:01,808
- I'm sorry,
who exactly is this for?
291
00:12:01,895 --> 00:12:03,592
- Me, for starters.
I mean, look at her.
292
00:12:03,679 --> 00:12:04,985
She's the perfect woman.
293
00:12:05,072 --> 00:12:06,943
She's sexy. She loves to cook.
294
00:12:07,030 --> 00:12:08,684
And she's flexible.
295
00:12:08,771 --> 00:12:11,034
It's like dating
a foxy Paula Deen.
296
00:12:11,121 --> 00:12:14,037
- Men want her,
women want to be her.
297
00:12:14,124 --> 00:12:17,649
- I don't think women want
to be a tiny dough person.
298
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,521
People love our mascot
the way he is.
299
00:12:19,608 --> 00:12:21,392
- Do they?
- Yes.
300
00:12:21,479 --> 00:12:24,004
- Ooh, because word
on the street is, they do not.
301
00:12:24,091 --> 00:12:25,527
- They don't.
- What street?
302
00:12:25,614 --> 00:12:26,746
- Roll the clip.
303
00:12:26,833 --> 00:12:28,182
- Rolling.
304
00:12:28,269 --> 00:12:31,185
[upbeat music]
305
00:12:31,272 --> 00:12:38,105
♪ ♪
306
00:12:39,976 --> 00:12:43,023
- Yeah.
- Well, who's horny?
307
00:12:43,110 --> 00:12:45,547
- Uh, Security, can you
send someone up here?
308
00:12:45,634 --> 00:12:48,071
- So what do you guys say?
- We'll think about it.
309
00:12:48,158 --> 00:12:49,986
- Thinking is for nerds.
Let's sign some contracts.
310
00:12:50,073 --> 00:12:51,509
- Yeah.
- We'll call you.
311
00:12:51,596 --> 00:12:52,989
- Raw Dog's phones
are presently
312
00:12:53,076 --> 00:12:54,338
out of order right now.
313
00:12:54,425 --> 00:12:55,818
We have some
financial difficulty
314
00:12:55,905 --> 00:12:57,037
due to this sexual affair.
315
00:12:57,124 --> 00:12:58,647
- Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.
316
00:12:58,734 --> 00:13:00,127
We've got a lot of great ideas.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
317
00:13:00,214 --> 00:13:02,607
- Feast your eyes
on Chef Boyar-Double-D.
318
00:13:02,694 --> 00:13:05,828
- Ooh! She can get it.
- Next slide.
319
00:13:05,915 --> 00:13:07,612
The Keebler MILF.
- You know what? I'm into that.
320
00:13:07,699 --> 00:13:09,266
- Next slide.
321
00:13:09,353 --> 00:13:11,007
Oh, the Jolly Green Va-giant.
322
00:13:11,094 --> 00:13:13,314
- Shit.
You know, I'm into that too.
323
00:13:13,401 --> 00:13:14,532
You know what?
324
00:13:14,619 --> 00:13:15,969
I realize I'm into
some fringe shit.
325
00:13:16,056 --> 00:13:17,361
- You're just
realizing that now?
326
00:13:17,448 --> 00:13:18,493
Okay.
- Sorry.
327
00:13:18,580 --> 00:13:20,408
This is just very wrong.
328
00:13:20,495 --> 00:13:22,236
There's no reason to insert sex
in food advertising.
329
00:13:22,323 --> 00:13:24,325
- Well, you're fired.
- Get out.
330
00:13:24,412 --> 00:13:26,457
- I'm the president
of this company,
331
00:13:26,544 --> 00:13:27,937
and you need to leave.
332
00:13:28,024 --> 00:13:29,896
- Who do you think you are?
Shaq?
333
00:13:29,983 --> 00:13:31,811
- Don't touch me.
Dough is murder.
334
00:13:31,898 --> 00:13:33,508
- "Kazaam"!
335
00:13:33,595 --> 00:13:35,815
- I don't want to reveal
too much about the process,
336
00:13:35,902 --> 00:13:38,774
but you just started
Jolly Green Va-giant,
337
00:13:38,861 --> 00:13:41,211
and the scene writes itself.
338
00:13:41,298 --> 00:13:44,693
[upbeat spacey music]
339
00:13:46,608 --> 00:13:48,131
- Caring team.
340
00:13:48,218 --> 00:13:50,090
State of the art facilities.
341
00:13:50,177 --> 00:13:52,483
A new approach to health care.
342
00:13:52,570 --> 00:13:54,007
Places like the UK and Canada
343
00:13:54,094 --> 00:13:56,052
see health care
as a human right.
344
00:13:56,139 --> 00:13:57,401
But here, we see it
345
00:13:57,488 --> 00:14:00,056
as a thrilling adventure
in not knowing.
346
00:14:00,143 --> 00:14:02,537
That's why
we're the first hospital
347
00:14:02,624 --> 00:14:06,149
where each patient's care
is paid for entirely
348
00:14:06,236 --> 00:14:08,717
by their ability to crowdsource
money on the internet.
349
00:14:08,804 --> 00:14:11,720
Welcome to St. GoFundMe's.
350
00:14:11,807 --> 00:14:14,462
[peaceful music]
351
00:14:14,549 --> 00:14:16,594
- The whole thing with begging
for money from strangers
352
00:14:16,681 --> 00:14:19,989
to stay alive was a horrible
process to go through,
353
00:14:20,076 --> 00:14:21,773
that I would wish on no one.
354
00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:24,907
But at the same time,
I know that reading
355
00:14:24,994 --> 00:14:29,172
about my recovery online
made some people go, "Aw."
356
00:14:29,259 --> 00:14:30,913
And that's what it's all about.
357
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:32,393
- While other
health care institutions
358
00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:35,352
might put their profits
into medical research,
359
00:14:35,439 --> 00:14:38,486
we use ours
for market research.
360
00:14:38,573 --> 00:14:41,184
We'll help you put together
a fundraising page
361
00:14:41,271 --> 00:14:42,969
that is compelling
in a way that doesn't
362
00:14:43,056 --> 00:14:45,232
come off as, like, too needy.
363
00:14:45,319 --> 00:14:47,364
- I was so close
to hitting my goal,
364
00:14:47,451 --> 00:14:49,801
but then that plane crashed
into that petting zoo.
365
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:52,804
A St. GoFundMe's advisor
helped me to figure out
366
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:56,591
how to get the attention
back on my page.
367
00:14:56,678 --> 00:15:00,247
- The nurses were so amazing
about keeping track
368
00:15:00,334 --> 00:15:02,162
of how much money
was in the account.
369
00:15:02,249 --> 00:15:05,121
They made it clear that they
couldn't remove the bullets
370
00:15:05,208 --> 00:15:06,557
until we hit that goal.
371
00:15:06,644 --> 00:15:08,342
Anyway, it was down
to the wire,
372
00:15:08,429 --> 00:15:11,301
but we raised the money
after an Ava DuVernay retweet.
373
00:15:11,388 --> 00:15:13,825
I am paralyzed.
374
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:16,002
But not because
of the gunshot wound,
375
00:15:16,089 --> 00:15:18,004
because of the waiting.
376
00:15:18,091 --> 00:15:19,831
- Our state of
the art facilities
377
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:21,616
include a dedicated
grief counselor
378
00:15:21,703 --> 00:15:23,835
to help those whose
loved ones didn't make it
379
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:26,708
to the bank in time to donate;
380
00:15:26,795 --> 00:15:28,188
a gifting room to send your
381
00:15:28,275 --> 00:15:30,233
thank-you gifts
to your donors,
382
00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:32,932
depending on what level
they donated at.
383
00:15:33,019 --> 00:15:36,326
And an interfaith chapel
to post your prayers to TikTok
384
00:15:36,413 --> 00:15:38,850
in the hopes that some
five-year-old toy unboxer
385
00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:41,375
will pity you enough
to smash that share button
386
00:15:41,462 --> 00:15:43,377
to save your burnt up wife.
387
00:15:43,464 --> 00:15:46,510
- We're proud to be named
for Saint GoFundMe of Assisi.
388
00:15:46,597 --> 00:15:48,643
He took in the poor and sick
389
00:15:48,730 --> 00:15:50,688
and helped them get
just better enough
390
00:15:50,775 --> 00:15:52,777
to fight over scraps
of sourdough
391
00:15:52,864 --> 00:15:54,736
while the wealthy
got drunk and watched
392
00:15:54,823 --> 00:15:56,564
at a comfortable distance.
393
00:15:56,651 --> 00:15:58,522
- I was going to put
some of the money I inherited
394
00:15:58,609 --> 00:16:00,872
into lobbying
for universal health care.
395
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,048
And then I thought,
hey, you know,
396
00:16:02,135 --> 00:16:03,484
this is just like that,
397
00:16:03,571 --> 00:16:05,094
but big tech gets a cut.
398
00:16:05,181 --> 00:16:06,661
And I'm invested in that--
399
00:16:06,748 --> 00:16:09,185
in big tech.
400
00:16:09,272 --> 00:16:10,752
- Saint GoFundMe's.
401
00:16:10,839 --> 00:16:12,406
We really don't have
to be the future
402
00:16:12,493 --> 00:16:13,711
of American health care.
403
00:16:13,798 --> 00:16:15,235
But we are.
404
00:16:15,322 --> 00:16:20,588
♪ ♪
405
00:16:20,675 --> 00:16:22,068
The fuck's my car?
406
00:16:22,155 --> 00:16:25,375
[upbeat spacey music]
407
00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:30,859
- All right, people.
408
00:16:30,946 --> 00:16:32,600
It's that time
of the year again.
409
00:16:32,687 --> 00:16:34,776
Workplace harassment seminar.
410
00:16:34,863 --> 00:16:36,560
Obviously, I'm Bob, head of HR.
411
00:16:36,647 --> 00:16:38,780
And our lucky recruit
today is the woman
412
00:16:38,867 --> 00:16:41,000
you all know as the head of
corporate events, Amy Simmons.
413
00:16:41,087 --> 00:16:43,219
[applause]
- [chuckles] Thank you.
414
00:16:43,306 --> 00:16:45,004
- Now, Amy, we're going
to run some scenarios.
415
00:16:45,091 --> 00:16:46,483
And, everyone,
just interact with her
416
00:16:46,570 --> 00:16:48,181
as you normally would.
417
00:16:48,268 --> 00:16:50,009
First scenario,
Amy is running a meeting.
418
00:16:50,096 --> 00:16:51,401
Amy.
- Yes. Okay.
419
00:16:51,488 --> 00:16:54,970
Um, okay, so our new focus
going forward
420
00:16:55,057 --> 00:16:58,669
will be to celebrate
421
00:16:58,756 --> 00:17:02,630
diversity.
422
00:17:02,717 --> 00:17:04,022
- What's that even say?
423
00:17:04,109 --> 00:17:05,675
It looks like she's
writing in Hebrew.
424
00:17:05,762 --> 00:17:07,461
[laughter]
425
00:17:07,548 --> 00:17:08,723
- What would you
say went wrong here?
426
00:17:08,810 --> 00:17:09,984
Yes.
427
00:17:10,071 --> 00:17:11,551
- Amy can't spell.
428
00:17:11,638 --> 00:17:13,684
[laughter]
429
00:17:13,771 --> 00:17:15,338
- That is stupid, but no.
430
00:17:15,425 --> 00:17:17,992
Carl made fun
of Amy's handwriting,
431
00:17:18,079 --> 00:17:20,387
making her feel uncomfortable
in a work environment.
432
00:17:20,473 --> 00:17:22,127
Not okay.
433
00:17:22,214 --> 00:17:23,954
- Yeah, and I would
say that the Hebrew bit
434
00:17:24,042 --> 00:17:25,348
was pretty pointed.
435
00:17:25,435 --> 00:17:27,262
- How so?
436
00:17:27,349 --> 00:17:30,484
- I'm Jewish.
- Wow.
437
00:17:30,571 --> 00:17:31,615
You do not look it.
438
00:17:31,702 --> 00:17:33,400
- Um, what?
439
00:17:33,487 --> 00:17:35,054
- No, I meant that
as a compliment.
440
00:17:35,141 --> 00:17:37,969
Anyway, let's keep moving.
441
00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:39,667
Sheila, come on up.
442
00:17:39,754 --> 00:17:41,582
You and Amy are going
to have lunch together.
443
00:17:41,669 --> 00:17:42,931
All right.
444
00:17:46,587 --> 00:17:48,980
- So Amy, are you going home
for the holidays?
445
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:50,504
- I think so.
446
00:17:50,591 --> 00:17:53,202
We're really stressed about it.
My family's nuts.
447
00:17:53,289 --> 00:17:54,247
- Because you're a Jew.
448
00:17:54,334 --> 00:17:55,944
- Okay.
[stammers]
449
00:17:56,031 --> 00:17:57,728
I mean, that's crazy, right?
450
00:17:57,815 --> 00:18:02,168
- Oh, well, I mean,
unwanted personal questions
451
00:18:02,255 --> 00:18:04,300
can be annoying,
but it's not bullying.
452
00:18:04,387 --> 00:18:06,520
- No.
She called me a Jew.
453
00:18:06,607 --> 00:18:09,131
Why is everyone fine
with making fun of Jews?
454
00:18:09,218 --> 00:18:11,481
- Let's move on.
Thank you, Sheila.
455
00:18:11,568 --> 00:18:13,222
Pam, come on up.
456
00:18:13,309 --> 00:18:16,007
Why don't you try to connect
with Amy about her interests?
457
00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:18,358
- Ah, okay.
458
00:18:18,445 --> 00:18:20,708
So, um, hey,
if you can swing it,
459
00:18:20,795 --> 00:18:23,319
I'd love to borrow a few
thousand dollars, Shylock.
460
00:18:23,406 --> 00:18:24,668
- Bob.
461
00:18:24,755 --> 00:18:27,410
- I mean, okay, um,
I'll give you this.
462
00:18:27,497 --> 00:18:29,717
No, it's not nice to get
someone's name wrong.
463
00:18:29,804 --> 00:18:32,589
But it's not illegal,
at least not in America.
464
00:18:32,676 --> 00:18:34,678
- No, that's not
what the problem was.
465
00:18:34,765 --> 00:18:36,985
[knock at door]
- How's it hanging, guys?
466
00:18:37,072 --> 00:18:39,683
[applause]
467
00:18:39,770 --> 00:18:42,599
- Well, if it isn't
the Big Kahuna CEO himself.
468
00:18:42,686 --> 00:18:44,558
Chris, would you mind
giving me a hand here?
469
00:18:44,645 --> 00:18:46,342
- Yeah, sure. Why not?
- All right.
470
00:18:46,429 --> 00:18:50,477
This is a closed door meeting
between you, the CEO, and Amy.
471
00:18:50,564 --> 00:18:51,695
- Okay.
472
00:18:51,782 --> 00:18:55,482
So Amy, I wanted
to call you in here today
473
00:18:55,569 --> 00:18:59,138
to tell you what a wonderful
employee you are.
474
00:18:59,225 --> 00:19:01,488
- Uh...
- Props.
475
00:19:01,575 --> 00:19:03,794
- Yeah. Thank you.
That's so good to hear.
476
00:19:03,881 --> 00:19:06,884
- And I expect great things
from you, kid.
477
00:19:06,971 --> 00:19:08,364
Okay?
478
00:19:08,451 --> 00:19:10,497
- What?
- Oh, he touched her.
479
00:19:10,584 --> 00:19:12,629
He's not supposed to do that.
- Yes.
480
00:19:12,716 --> 00:19:14,762
Unwanted physical touch
is considered
481
00:19:14,849 --> 00:19:16,807
one of the worst forms
of workplace harassment.
482
00:19:16,894 --> 00:19:19,245
- Okay, this is so
anti-Semitic, are you serious?
483
00:19:19,332 --> 00:19:22,161
- Moving on, Annie.
484
00:19:22,248 --> 00:19:24,293
Come on up.
Could you stand up?
485
00:19:24,380 --> 00:19:26,252
You are about to leave
the building together.
486
00:19:26,339 --> 00:19:28,079
It's raining outside.
487
00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:29,516
Annie has an umbrella.
488
00:19:29,603 --> 00:19:31,257
Amy does not.
489
00:19:31,344 --> 00:19:32,432
So, Annie, yeah, if you could
pretend to have an umbrella.
490
00:19:32,519 --> 00:19:35,391
- So you have
an Orthodox wig hat,
491
00:19:35,478 --> 00:19:36,305
but you don't have an umbrella?
492
00:19:36,392 --> 00:19:37,959
- Action.
493
00:19:38,046 --> 00:19:39,439
- Hey, "Fiddler on the Roof."
494
00:19:39,526 --> 00:19:41,789
Can't you make it stop raining,
you old Jew bag?
495
00:19:41,876 --> 00:19:43,573
The Rothschilds
control the weather.
496
00:19:43,660 --> 00:19:46,707
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- This is not good.
497
00:19:46,794 --> 00:19:48,709
- Annie could have
offered Amy her umbrella,
498
00:19:48,796 --> 00:19:51,755
but a lack of courtesy
is not punishable by law.
499
00:19:51,842 --> 00:19:53,322
Sorry, Amy.
500
00:19:53,409 --> 00:19:54,758
Does anyone want
to freestyle a scenario?
501
00:19:54,845 --> 00:19:56,978
Thank you, Annie.
Come on up, Sheila.
502
00:19:57,065 --> 00:19:57,979
Here we go.
503
00:19:58,066 --> 00:19:59,894
- Can I borrow a stapler?
504
00:19:59,981 --> 00:20:02,201
Jews are cheap and ugly.
505
00:20:02,288 --> 00:20:04,768
- Why would you say that to me?
- Oh, here comes the whining.
506
00:20:04,855 --> 00:20:06,161
- Wait a minute.
507
00:20:06,248 --> 00:20:08,424
That's super anti-Semitic.
508
00:20:08,511 --> 00:20:10,339
- Fucking thank you--
oh, no, no.
509
00:20:10,426 --> 00:20:11,732
That's okay.
Don't worry about it.
510
00:20:11,819 --> 00:20:14,387
Especially you, of all people.
[laughs] I mean...
511
00:20:14,474 --> 00:20:16,127
Jews, are we a race?
Are we a religion?
512
00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:17,868
Like, who even wants
to get into it?
513
00:20:17,955 --> 00:20:19,435
It's nothing like what Black
people have to go through.
514
00:20:19,522 --> 00:20:20,958
I shouldn't--
- Amy, Amy, please.
515
00:20:21,045 --> 00:20:22,003
It's okay.
- No.
516
00:20:22,090 --> 00:20:23,961
I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.
517
00:20:24,048 --> 00:20:25,702
I'm sorry about Israel.
518
00:20:25,789 --> 00:20:27,617
I've never even been there,
but I just--
519
00:20:27,704 --> 00:20:29,489
I know I'm supposed to be
sorry about it,
520
00:20:29,576 --> 00:20:31,926
and I'm sorry that there
are terrorist attacks there
521
00:20:32,013 --> 00:20:34,842
and that nobody wants
to talk about them.
522
00:20:34,929 --> 00:20:36,104
I'm sorry about Bernie Madoff.
523
00:20:36,191 --> 00:20:37,714
I'm sorry about Bernie Sanders.
524
00:20:37,801 --> 00:20:39,194
"Weekend at Bernie's."
525
00:20:39,281 --> 00:20:42,371
All the Bernie's, I'm sorry.
526
00:20:42,458 --> 00:20:44,417
Harvey Weinstein,
Jeffrey Epstein, everybody,
527
00:20:44,504 --> 00:20:46,462
[sobbing]
I'm sorry I'm Jewish.
528
00:20:50,379 --> 00:20:52,338
I knew I wanted to tackle
anti-Semitism
529
00:20:52,425 --> 00:20:54,688
because people love
hearing about it.
530
00:20:54,775 --> 00:20:58,561
♪ ♪
531
00:20:58,648 --> 00:21:01,260
Ladies and gentlemen,
Ron Weiner.
532
00:21:01,347 --> 00:21:02,913
[upbeat music]
533
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:06,743
- ♪ In a monster mask,
you could read a book ♪
534
00:21:06,830 --> 00:21:10,878
♪ In a monster mask,
you could learn to cook ♪
535
00:21:10,965 --> 00:21:14,882
♪ In a monster mask,
you could watch TV ♪
536
00:21:14,969 --> 00:21:18,929
♪ In a monster mask,
you could climb a tree ♪
537
00:21:19,016 --> 00:21:22,759
♪ But could you ever
meet a girl ♪
538
00:21:22,846 --> 00:21:26,546
♪ And tell her that
she means the world? ♪
539
00:21:26,633 --> 00:21:29,026
♪ ♪
540
00:21:29,113 --> 00:21:34,728
♪ Everyone feels like
a monster sometimes ♪
541
00:21:34,815 --> 00:21:36,773
♪ ♪
542
00:21:36,860 --> 00:21:43,693
♪ Tell me why behind
that monster mask you hide ♪
543
00:21:43,780 --> 00:21:47,958
♪ In a monster mask,
you could hate yourself ♪
544
00:21:48,045 --> 00:21:51,962
♪ In a monster mask,
you could blame yourself ♪
545
00:21:52,049 --> 00:21:55,836
♪ But there's one more thing
that I have to ask ♪
546
00:21:55,923 --> 00:21:59,448
♪ Mr. Monster Man,
could you please ♪
547
00:21:59,535 --> 00:22:04,279
♪ Take off the mask? ♪
548
00:22:05,541 --> 00:22:07,326
[heartwarming music]
549
00:22:07,413 --> 00:22:10,546
Well, he took off the mask,
550
00:22:10,633 --> 00:22:14,768
and he never put it on again.
551
00:22:14,855 --> 00:22:18,902
And what a difference
that adjustment made.
552
00:22:18,989 --> 00:22:21,557
Looking back,
he often regretted
553
00:22:21,644 --> 00:22:23,342
all those wasted years
before he learned
554
00:22:23,429 --> 00:22:27,433
to let his real self shine
through and enjoy life.
555
00:22:29,696 --> 00:22:31,915
But then again,
some people never learn
556
00:22:32,002 --> 00:22:34,918
to take off
their monster mask.
557
00:22:35,005 --> 00:22:36,616
Have you?
558
00:22:36,703 --> 00:22:38,748
- I have to show you something.
559
00:22:38,835 --> 00:22:39,749
- Okay.
560
00:22:41,838 --> 00:22:43,492
Oh.
561
00:22:49,759 --> 00:22:51,848
You could have--that's great.
562
00:22:51,935 --> 00:22:53,415
I mean, you could have
showed me that before,
563
00:22:53,502 --> 00:22:55,025
at the beginning,
but that's good now too.
564
00:22:55,112 --> 00:22:57,593
[upbeat music]
565
00:22:57,680 --> 00:22:58,638
- [whispering]
They get me.
566
00:23:00,596 --> 00:23:02,772
[laughing]
Sorry.
567
00:23:02,859 --> 00:23:05,427
[objects clattering]
568
00:23:14,436 --> 00:23:15,306
- My ex-wife bought that.
569
00:23:19,354 --> 00:23:22,052
[upbeat spacey music]
570
00:23:22,139 --> 00:23:29,016
♪ ♪
571
00:23:41,463 --> 00:23:43,247
It's so easy.
572
00:23:43,297 --> 00:23:47,847
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