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1
00:00:01,236 --> 00:00:04,576
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,576 --> 00:00:07,782
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:07,916 --> 00:00:11,690
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,690 --> 00:00:14,696
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,696 --> 00:00:18,136
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:18,136 --> 00:00:21,309
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do ♪
7
00:00:21,409 --> 00:00:23,046
♪ All the things that make us ♪
8
00:00:23,046 --> 00:00:24,315
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
9
00:00:24,415 --> 00:00:30,260
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
10
00:00:36,072 --> 00:00:38,310
(lively chatter)
11
00:00:39,345 --> 00:00:43,019
Ah, it's so exciting to be back
at the Halloween Carnival.
12
00:00:43,019 --> 00:00:44,556
Yep. Thanks to the vaccines,
13
00:00:44,556 --> 00:00:47,027
we can all get back to doing
the things we hate.
14
00:00:47,127 --> 00:00:48,531
Oh, for God's sakes, Peter,
15
00:00:48,531 --> 00:00:50,635
I am so tired of you
not making an effort
16
00:00:50,635 --> 00:00:52,204
to be a part of this family.
17
00:00:52,204 --> 00:00:54,442
Lois, I drove us here.
I bought the tickets.
18
00:00:54,442 --> 00:00:56,947
I'm sadly shuffling
through this place with you.
19
00:00:57,047 --> 00:00:58,551
- What more do you want?
- Well, I don't know.
20
00:00:58,551 --> 00:01:00,254
I want you to act
like you're happy
21
00:01:00,254 --> 00:01:02,091
to be with your family
every now and again.
22
00:01:02,191 --> 00:01:04,395
Look, I'm doing the best I can,
but I got to tell you...
23
00:01:04,395 --> 00:01:06,533
Whoa!
24
00:01:06,533 --> 00:01:08,069
Careful.
25
00:01:08,069 --> 00:01:11,175
Oh, and there's my boss.
Even better.
26
00:01:11,977 --> 00:01:13,179
Hey, Preston.
What's with the hat?
27
00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:15,050
This is my Halloween costume.
28
00:01:15,150 --> 00:01:17,822
I'm dressed
as 1990s comedian Paul Shore.
29
00:01:17,923 --> 00:01:19,927
You-you mean Pauly Shore?
30
00:01:20,027 --> 00:01:22,197
Perhaps in less
formal circumstances.
31
00:01:22,298 --> 00:01:24,603
You may recall he borrowed
heavily from surf culture,
32
00:01:24,703 --> 00:01:28,844
with phrases such as,
"Hey, buddy," and "Grindage".
33
00:01:28,945 --> 00:01:30,715
I don't think
this costume is working.
34
00:01:30,815 --> 00:01:32,585
Neither is Pauly Shore.
35
00:01:32,585 --> 00:01:34,589
Ooh! That looks scary.
36
00:01:34,589 --> 00:01:38,363
"The House of Unskippable
Podcast Ads."
37
00:01:40,969 --> 00:01:42,973
PODCASTER: Before we get
to the thrilling conclusion
38
00:01:43,073 --> 00:01:44,275
of Murder at the South Pole,
39
00:01:44,275 --> 00:01:45,979
I'd like to tell you about
UNTUCKit shirts.
40
00:01:45,979 --> 00:01:46,981
(all gasp)
41
00:01:46,981 --> 00:01:48,383
I-I'm hitting "skip ahead,"
42
00:01:48,483 --> 00:01:49,686
but it's not doing anything!
43
00:01:49,686 --> 00:01:52,091
PODCASTER: Last weekend,
I was at a barbecue and thought,
44
00:01:52,191 --> 00:01:53,995
"What's with
all this excess fabric
45
00:01:53,995 --> 00:01:55,330
at the bottom of my shirt?"
46
00:01:55,430 --> 00:01:58,537
Oh, God! A clearly fake
personal story!
47
00:01:58,537 --> 00:02:00,107
PODCASTER: The big game was
on the boob tube,
48
00:02:00,207 --> 00:02:02,879
but the biggest touchdown
was the perfect length
49
00:02:02,879 --> 00:02:06,352
of my friend's premium-made,
affordably priced shirt.
50
00:02:06,352 --> 00:02:08,490
Literally no one talks
like that!
51
00:02:08,490 --> 00:02:10,928
PODCASTER: So, I went right home
and Bing-ed "UNTUCKit"
52
00:02:10,928 --> 00:02:12,666
on my Microsoft Surface.
53
00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:15,838
Is this a promotion
within a promotion?!
54
00:02:15,838 --> 00:02:17,341
PODCASTER:
UNTUCKit shirts.
55
00:02:17,341 --> 00:02:20,715
We weren't here for Kevin James,
but we're here now.
56
00:02:20,715 --> 00:02:22,819
(lively chatter, screaming)
57
00:02:23,888 --> 00:02:27,261
All right, gang, as a mom
who planned a family activity,
58
00:02:27,361 --> 00:02:29,231
I'm gonna put
wild pressure on you guys
59
00:02:29,231 --> 00:02:30,868
to say you're having
a good time.
60
00:02:30,868 --> 00:02:35,310
Chris, honey, are you--
are you having a good time?
61
00:02:36,245 --> 00:02:39,085
(nervous laugh) Okay, I'm gonna
need a verbal response.
62
00:02:39,085 --> 00:02:40,788
- Yeah.
- Oh, good.
63
00:02:40,788 --> 00:02:42,157
Chris is having a good time.
64
00:02:42,157 --> 00:02:44,128
Meg. Meg, are you having
a good time
65
00:02:44,128 --> 00:02:45,998
- just like your brother?
- I guess.
66
00:02:45,998 --> 00:02:47,669
Okay, great.
67
00:02:47,669 --> 00:02:49,405
Can you sign this form
for my Mom Meeting,
68
00:02:49,405 --> 00:02:51,476
acknowledging your merriment?
69
00:02:51,476 --> 00:02:53,914
Wow, very good.
70
00:02:54,015 --> 00:02:55,450
I see everyone had a good time.
71
00:02:55,450 --> 00:02:58,624
Would you like to spin
the wheel of Mom Prizes?
72
00:03:00,027 --> 00:03:01,630
(wheel clatters)
73
00:03:07,575 --> 00:03:10,047
"Donate spin to mom
you wish to belittle."
74
00:03:10,047 --> 00:03:12,184
Oh, thank you!
But, you know,
75
00:03:12,184 --> 00:03:14,623
Bonnie needs this
more than I do.
76
00:03:15,691 --> 00:03:19,265
(whispers): Her rejuvenation
only made things worse.
77
00:03:19,265 --> 00:03:22,304
(lively chatter)
78
00:03:25,210 --> 00:03:28,349
Holography? That's
next door to witchcraft,
79
00:03:28,450 --> 00:03:30,888
and down the hall
from David-Blaine-ery.
80
00:03:30,888 --> 00:03:32,625
I do not care for his ruses.
81
00:03:32,726 --> 00:03:35,565
Ah, stop being such a wuss.
Let's go.
82
00:03:35,565 --> 00:03:37,669
♪ ♪
83
00:03:41,175 --> 00:03:44,248
The Michael Cera hologram
is a weird choice.
84
00:03:44,248 --> 00:03:47,287
Oh, i-it's the real me.
I'm just kind of translucent.
85
00:03:47,287 --> 00:03:49,258
Oh, hello, Hollywood.
86
00:03:49,258 --> 00:03:50,528
Yes, I would like to star
87
00:03:50,628 --> 00:03:52,331
in an action movie franchise.
(chuckles)
88
00:03:52,331 --> 00:03:54,068
That's not a Bluetooth.
89
00:03:54,068 --> 00:03:55,872
He just stuck a Tootsie Roll
in his ear.
90
00:03:55,872 --> 00:03:58,476
Wow, these holograms are
the most amazing thing
91
00:03:58,476 --> 00:04:01,950
I've ever seen, and I've seen,
like, a really big horse.
92
00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:04,689
(electrical crackling, whirring)
93
00:04:06,426 --> 00:04:10,167
Welcome to
my hologram laboratory.
94
00:04:10,267 --> 00:04:13,507
Would you like to see
how I make my babies?
95
00:04:13,507 --> 00:04:15,645
I mean, I'm already here.
96
00:04:15,645 --> 00:04:16,947
Is that a yes?
97
00:04:16,947 --> 00:04:19,553
- Yes.
- Just say that, then.
98
00:04:20,387 --> 00:04:22,725
This machine scans your data,
99
00:04:22,826 --> 00:04:25,765
then creates a virtual
hard light version of you
100
00:04:25,765 --> 00:04:29,205
that can physically interact
with the world.
101
00:04:29,205 --> 00:04:30,675
That sounds kind of bogus.
102
00:04:30,775 --> 00:04:32,211
Does the science check out
on that?
103
00:04:32,311 --> 00:04:34,148
They used it on Star Trek.
104
00:04:34,148 --> 00:04:35,551
You got a problem
with Star Trek?
105
00:04:35,651 --> 00:04:38,089
Okay, take it easy.
I accept your explanation.
106
00:04:38,189 --> 00:04:40,360
We all should.
It's Halloween.
107
00:04:40,494 --> 00:04:43,968
You can command them
to perform any human task,
108
00:04:43,968 --> 00:04:45,771
no matter how menial.
109
00:04:45,872 --> 00:04:47,976
So, you're saying
I can have something
110
00:04:47,976 --> 00:04:49,679
that looks exactly like me
111
00:04:49,679 --> 00:04:52,585
seem like it's enjoying
spending time with its family?
112
00:04:52,585 --> 00:04:54,121
Precisely.
113
00:04:54,255 --> 00:04:56,192
- Can I have it?
- I'm afraid not.
114
00:04:56,292 --> 00:04:57,829
It's my only one.
115
00:04:57,962 --> 00:05:02,471
Maybe there are...
other arrangements we can make?
116
00:05:02,471 --> 00:05:05,477
Boy, this is the first
button-down shirt
117
00:05:05,477 --> 00:05:07,281
that looks great untucked.
118
00:05:07,281 --> 00:05:09,653
- It's an UNTUCKit.
- What's their secret?
119
00:05:09,786 --> 00:05:11,857
Oh, they just make shirts
a tiny bit shorter.
120
00:05:11,857 --> 00:05:13,393
Genius.
121
00:05:13,493 --> 00:05:15,965
(thunder crashing)
122
00:05:15,965 --> 00:05:18,938
(thunder rumbling)
123
00:05:22,010 --> 00:05:24,014
♪ ♪
124
00:05:27,789 --> 00:05:30,026
Man,
this machine is complicated.
125
00:05:30,026 --> 00:05:31,763
I hope I can figure it out.
126
00:05:33,132 --> 00:05:34,936
Here goes nothing.
127
00:05:37,842 --> 00:05:40,615
Thank you for choosing
the Holomaker-9000.
128
00:05:40,615 --> 00:05:43,386
Please input
personal characteristics.
129
00:05:43,386 --> 00:05:44,856
Do they have to be true?
130
00:05:44,856 --> 00:05:47,695
I have no way of knowing
what is true and what is not.
131
00:05:47,795 --> 00:05:50,433
Such is life
in the Post-Donald-Trump Era.
132
00:05:50,535 --> 00:05:52,872
Ugh, leave the satire
to Garrison Keillor.
133
00:05:52,872 --> 00:05:55,410
Okay, time for
some statements about myself
134
00:05:55,410 --> 00:05:57,314
that are definitely not lies.
135
00:05:57,314 --> 00:05:59,619
Let's see,
I'm a black belt in karate,
136
00:05:59,619 --> 00:06:01,623
I can cook
an eight-course French meal,
137
00:06:01,723 --> 00:06:03,761
I always enter cars
through the window
138
00:06:03,861 --> 00:06:05,497
'cause doors ain't
the boss of me,
139
00:06:05,598 --> 00:06:07,467
and I'm great
at remembering names.
140
00:06:07,467 --> 00:06:10,541
Just ask my friends:
Joel, Clemson and QuickTime.
141
00:06:10,541 --> 00:06:13,112
♪ ♪
142
00:06:23,767 --> 00:06:27,241
Hello, Peter Griffin.
I am Hologram Peter Griffin.
143
00:06:27,341 --> 00:06:29,345
How may I be of service?
144
00:06:29,345 --> 00:06:30,648
LOIS:
Come upstairs, Peter!
145
00:06:30,781 --> 00:06:32,785
I need you to put
the too-small slip covers
146
00:06:32,785 --> 00:06:34,923
on the hard-to-grip
couch pillows.
147
00:06:34,923 --> 00:06:37,027
(shudders) You can start
by handling that.
148
00:06:37,127 --> 00:06:40,768
I would be happy to help your
family with whatever they need.
149
00:06:40,768 --> 00:06:42,739
Aw, sweet! If this works out,
150
00:06:42,739 --> 00:06:45,143
I'll have more time
for those QAnon rallies.
151
00:06:45,143 --> 00:06:47,314
- What do we want?
- We don't know!
152
00:06:47,314 --> 00:06:49,986
- When do we want it?
- Also unclear!
153
00:06:49,986 --> 00:06:52,659
- Why do we want it?
- Because it was forwarded to us
154
00:06:52,659 --> 00:06:55,163
in an email,
so it must be true!
155
00:06:55,163 --> 00:06:57,000
Yeah!
156
00:06:58,002 --> 00:06:59,305
Oh, Peter, there you are.
157
00:06:59,405 --> 00:07:01,309
Listen, I'm trying
to clear out my closet,
158
00:07:01,309 --> 00:07:05,050
so I want you to give me your
honest opinion of every garment.
159
00:07:07,487 --> 00:07:11,395
Perfect. I love working
as a team to reduce clutter.
160
00:07:11,395 --> 00:07:14,836
Okay, first,
my "7 Up Yours" T-shirt.
161
00:07:14,936 --> 00:07:18,009
That was the most provocative
thing ever put on television
162
00:07:18,009 --> 00:07:21,182
- at the time,
you have to keep that. - Okay, great.
163
00:07:21,182 --> 00:07:24,689
Now my "Skinny Girl Margarita"
T-shirt Bethenny Frankel gave me
164
00:07:24,689 --> 00:07:26,560
after she hit Chris
with her car.
165
00:07:26,660 --> 00:07:28,396
That's a fun story. Keep.
166
00:07:28,530 --> 00:07:29,833
Great. Okay.
167
00:07:29,833 --> 00:07:32,137
Under-the-seat
studio audience poncho
168
00:07:32,237 --> 00:07:33,741
from The Meredith Vieira Show?
169
00:07:33,741 --> 00:07:37,347
Maybe it's time
to say goodbye to Miss Vieira.
170
00:07:37,447 --> 00:07:39,686
(muffled):
Oh, man, this is going great!
171
00:07:39,786 --> 00:07:41,923
(banging)
172
00:07:42,024 --> 00:07:44,562
Aw, crap, I'm stuck.
173
00:07:44,562 --> 00:07:46,566
Let me call
my eyehole painting guy.
174
00:07:46,566 --> 00:07:48,537
-(phone beeps)
- Hey, it's Peter Griffin.
175
00:07:48,537 --> 00:07:50,875
Yep, trapped in the painting again.
176
00:07:50,875 --> 00:07:52,411
I know, I know.
177
00:07:52,411 --> 00:07:54,549
Well, can't you just
look up my account?
178
00:07:54,549 --> 00:07:56,520
No, I don't have my ID number.
179
00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:58,724
No, I can't get my ID number!
180
00:07:58,724 --> 00:08:00,828
Because I'm trapped
in the painting!
181
00:08:00,828 --> 00:08:03,199
I'm sorry, I-I'm mad
at your company, not you.
182
00:08:03,199 --> 00:08:04,468
You-You're fine.
183
00:08:10,480 --> 00:08:12,017
Okay, yesterday
worked out great.
184
00:08:12,117 --> 00:08:15,056
So here's some more dumb family
stuff I want you to do for me.
185
00:08:15,056 --> 00:08:17,829
"Teach Stewie
what sound the cow makes."
186
00:08:17,829 --> 00:08:20,568
It's "moo."
"Quack" is duck.
187
00:08:20,568 --> 00:08:22,270
"Get opiates from John."
188
00:08:22,270 --> 00:08:23,574
Yeah, I'll give you
John's number.
189
00:08:23,674 --> 00:08:26,412
Tell him it's Peter calling
for opiates from John.
190
00:08:26,412 --> 00:08:28,049
- He'll know what you mean.
- Got it.
191
00:08:28,182 --> 00:08:29,351
Now that you're doing all that,
192
00:08:29,451 --> 00:08:31,455
I'm going to The Clam
with the guys.
193
00:08:31,455 --> 00:08:33,727
Oh, man, this hologram thing
is the best idea
194
00:08:33,861 --> 00:08:35,998
since the Mayflower hired
a cruise director.
195
00:08:35,998 --> 00:08:38,369
Okay, everyone,
from 8:00 until 9:00,
196
00:08:38,469 --> 00:08:40,641
we'll be trembling
before our angry God.
197
00:08:40,775 --> 00:08:43,379
From 9:00 to 10:00, there's
yellow fever on the lido deck.
198
00:08:43,479 --> 00:08:45,651
And at 10:00,
it's everybody's favorite,
199
00:08:45,651 --> 00:08:47,354
Buckle-Hat Bingo.
200
00:08:47,354 --> 00:08:49,258
What if we lost our buckle hat?
201
00:08:49,358 --> 00:08:51,228
- Well, do you have a plain hat?
- Yeah.
202
00:08:51,228 --> 00:08:52,865
- Do you have a belt?
- Yeah.
203
00:08:52,865 --> 00:08:55,504
- You got a buckle hat.
-(murmuring)
204
00:08:55,604 --> 00:08:58,811
(whispers):
I just love knowing what's going on.
205
00:09:01,616 --> 00:09:03,754
Oh, Peter, thanks
for clearing out
206
00:09:03,754 --> 00:09:05,725
an area for us
to start a garden.
207
00:09:05,725 --> 00:09:09,866
Yeah, they say the best day
to plant a garden is yesterday.
208
00:09:09,966 --> 00:09:12,204
And the next best day is today!
209
00:09:12,204 --> 00:09:13,774
(both laugh)
210
00:09:13,907 --> 00:09:15,911
This, this is what I meant
211
00:09:15,911 --> 00:09:17,949
about making an effort
with the family.
212
00:09:18,049 --> 00:09:21,890
And I can garden, too,
'cause I have a brown thumb.
213
00:09:21,890 --> 00:09:24,829
That's more of a wiping issue,
son, but I'm glad you're here.
214
00:09:24,929 --> 00:09:27,167
This is great,
but I'm a little hot.
215
00:09:27,167 --> 00:09:30,073
No problem, that's why
I bought a giant sun hat
216
00:09:30,073 --> 00:09:31,342
that can fit all of us.
217
00:09:31,342 --> 00:09:33,781
And now to quote
the kitchen towel,
218
00:09:33,781 --> 00:09:35,918
"Lettuce turnip the beet."
219
00:09:36,018 --> 00:09:40,293
(laughing):
Stop it or I'm gonna wet myself.
220
00:09:40,427 --> 00:09:42,865
Me, too. I always wet my plants.
221
00:09:42,865 --> 00:09:44,836
(laughter)
222
00:09:44,936 --> 00:09:46,439
Where do you get all this?
223
00:09:46,439 --> 00:09:48,042
They're all from towels, Lois!
224
00:09:48,142 --> 00:09:50,013
They're all from towels!
225
00:09:52,819 --> 00:09:55,056
Well, what do you think, guys?
226
00:09:55,190 --> 00:09:56,158
Should we wrap it up?
227
00:09:56,258 --> 00:09:58,597
Yeah, but can one of you
throw glitter on me?
228
00:09:58,697 --> 00:10:01,235
It's-it's better if Lois thinks
I'm at a strip club.
229
00:10:01,335 --> 00:10:02,972
She hates you guys.
230
00:10:04,108 --> 00:10:06,847
Peter, I think you're
a little too drunk to walk home.
231
00:10:06,947 --> 00:10:09,986
- Yeah, give us your shoes.
- Can we give you a ride?
232
00:10:09,986 --> 00:10:11,957
No, no, it's okay.
I'll just black out
233
00:10:11,957 --> 00:10:14,394
and-and never know
how I got home.
234
00:10:14,394 --> 00:10:16,165
(insects trilling)
235
00:10:16,265 --> 00:10:18,102
Works every time.
236
00:10:18,102 --> 00:10:20,708
And it's good
for the environment, maybe.
237
00:10:22,377 --> 00:10:25,150
(family laughing inside)
238
00:10:26,385 --> 00:10:28,156
- Boy, they look pretty happy.
-(piano music playing)
239
00:10:28,156 --> 00:10:30,828
(gasps) And they're singing
Halloween carols.
240
00:10:30,828 --> 00:10:33,567
♪ Halloween has lots of candy ♪
241
00:10:33,567 --> 00:10:36,138
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪
242
00:10:36,138 --> 00:10:38,877
♪ Wear a mask
and ring a doorbell ♪
243
00:10:38,977 --> 00:10:41,716
- The perfect rhyme!
- ♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪
244
00:10:41,817 --> 00:10:44,321
♪ Don't be racist
with your costume ♪
245
00:10:44,421 --> 00:10:47,995
♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la. ♪
246
00:10:48,095 --> 00:10:49,566
(music ends)
247
00:10:49,666 --> 00:10:51,001
Ah, that was fun.
248
00:10:51,001 --> 00:10:53,239
And now that we're
just about done with Halloween,
249
00:10:53,239 --> 00:10:56,378
maybe it's time to start writing
the family Christmas letter.
250
00:10:56,478 --> 00:10:58,851
Ah, Peter, that's a great idea!
251
00:10:58,851 --> 00:11:00,521
(scoffs) Good luck, pal.
252
00:11:00,621 --> 00:11:02,023
Our Christmas letter
always runs aground
253
00:11:02,123 --> 00:11:03,994
'cause our family has
no accomplishments.
254
00:11:03,994 --> 00:11:06,666
All right, we need
some highlights from our year.
255
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:09,639
Um, I got suspended
for setting up a tent
256
00:11:09,639 --> 00:11:12,010
in my Spanish teacher's
front yard.
257
00:11:12,010 --> 00:11:14,181
"After several
adventurous camping trips,
258
00:11:14,181 --> 00:11:16,620
"Chris is becoming
quite the outdoorsman
259
00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:19,291
and has found a true mentor
in Señora Diaz."
260
00:11:19,391 --> 00:11:21,863
I was trying to snag a bagel
from the school dumpster
261
00:11:21,863 --> 00:11:24,234
and got accidentally hoisted
into the garbage truck.
262
00:11:24,234 --> 00:11:26,940
"This was the year
Meg caught the travel bug."
263
00:11:27,040 --> 00:11:29,111
Stewie's first pony ride ended
264
00:11:29,111 --> 00:11:31,883
after he blew out his diaper
all over the horse's back.
265
00:11:31,883 --> 00:11:33,820
"Stewie pooped on a horse."
266
00:11:33,921 --> 00:11:36,058
Whoa, Pop,
where's my razzle-dazzle?
267
00:11:36,158 --> 00:11:39,699
"And Lois celebrated
her 29th birthday this year."
268
00:11:39,799 --> 00:11:42,337
(laughs):
Oh, Peter.
269
00:11:42,437 --> 00:11:43,874
What the h-- Lois isn't 29...
270
00:11:43,874 --> 00:11:46,412
Oh, I see what he's doing.
271
00:11:46,412 --> 00:11:48,249
That's-that's very funny.
272
00:11:51,756 --> 00:11:54,428
What the hell?
No one kisses my wife
273
00:11:54,529 --> 00:11:56,232
except, begrudgingly, me!
274
00:11:56,232 --> 00:11:58,670
It's time for
Hologram Peter to go back
275
00:11:58,670 --> 00:12:00,440
inside the machine
where he came from.
276
00:12:02,410 --> 00:12:03,446
I'll be back in a minute.
277
00:12:03,446 --> 00:12:04,849
Don't pray without me.
278
00:12:04,949 --> 00:12:06,853
Give me that!
You're not the only one
279
00:12:06,953 --> 00:12:08,757
who can do things
for this family.
280
00:12:09,826 --> 00:12:11,997
Can you... can you pick that up?
281
00:12:11,997 --> 00:12:14,401
Listen, I appreciate
you covering for me,
282
00:12:14,401 --> 00:12:15,704
but I can take it from here.
283
00:12:15,804 --> 00:12:18,276
Don't be silly.
I've got 'em all taken care of.
284
00:12:18,376 --> 00:12:21,048
- Go have fun.
- I thought this was gonna be a good idea,
285
00:12:21,048 --> 00:12:22,952
and-and these last few hours
have been great...
286
00:12:22,952 --> 00:12:24,522
You've been gone three days.
287
00:12:24,522 --> 00:12:26,593
But I'm ready to go
back to my family.
288
00:12:26,593 --> 00:12:28,195
Okay, you're the boss.
289
00:12:28,195 --> 00:12:29,832
The hologram machine is
in the basement.
290
00:12:29,933 --> 00:12:32,772
Let's head down there together
and sort this out.
291
00:12:35,611 --> 00:12:37,280
(thunder crashes)
292
00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:39,752
♪ ♪
293
00:12:41,355 --> 00:12:44,929
Where's the machine?
I left it right over-- (grunts)
294
00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:48,537
WEST:
As Peter lost consciousness,
295
00:12:48,637 --> 00:12:52,745
he finally saw the folly
of his hologram misadventure.
296
00:12:52,745 --> 00:12:54,983
(toilet flushes)
297
00:12:54,983 --> 00:12:57,788
Also, going forward,
I'd appreciate
298
00:12:57,888 --> 00:13:00,126
a bit more warning
before having to narrate.
299
00:13:00,126 --> 00:13:02,565
-(water running)
- Even just a few minutes
300
00:13:02,565 --> 00:13:05,236
- to finish whatever it is
I'm doing. -(water stops)
301
00:13:05,336 --> 00:13:07,775
-(knocking)
- CLERK: Sir, you're supposed to buy something
302
00:13:07,775 --> 00:13:09,478
if you want to use the restroom.
303
00:13:09,579 --> 00:13:11,883
WEST:
Well, what's the cheapest thing you got?
304
00:13:11,883 --> 00:13:14,021
CLERK:
Probably a near-the-register cookie?
305
00:13:14,154 --> 00:13:16,158
WEST:
Well, put me down for one of those.
306
00:13:24,374 --> 00:13:26,378
Wha... what happened?
307
00:13:26,378 --> 00:13:29,151
- I knocked you out
and tied you up. - Why?
308
00:13:29,151 --> 00:13:31,723
Because they're my family now.
309
00:13:31,823 --> 00:13:33,627
(laughs maniacally)
310
00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:35,163
Well, the joke's on you.
311
00:13:35,263 --> 00:13:38,169
When you first got here,
I sent a letter to the FBI
312
00:13:38,269 --> 00:13:41,108
because I knew something
like this might happen.
313
00:13:42,110 --> 00:13:43,479
Is it bad?
314
00:13:44,849 --> 00:13:46,151
It's better than the last one.
315
00:13:46,151 --> 00:13:48,389
You should put it up
on the FBI fridge
316
00:13:48,523 --> 00:13:49,892
next to his drawing of Shrek.
317
00:13:49,892 --> 00:13:51,095
-(laughs)
- What?
318
00:13:51,228 --> 00:13:53,366
Nothing. It's not
supposed to be Shrek.
319
00:13:53,466 --> 00:13:55,671
It's supposed to be the Hulk,
but that's funny.
320
00:13:55,671 --> 00:13:57,440
You don't deserve your family.
321
00:13:57,440 --> 00:13:59,779
I care about them way more
than you ever did.
322
00:13:59,879 --> 00:14:01,081
That's not true!
323
00:14:01,181 --> 00:14:03,954
Oh, yeah? Who bought
double-decker burial plots
324
00:14:03,954 --> 00:14:05,791
because Lois likes to be on top?
325
00:14:05,791 --> 00:14:08,095
Who taught Chris to whisper...
(whispers) "Black"
326
00:14:08,195 --> 00:14:10,233
out of respect for...
(whispers) "Blacks"?
327
00:14:10,233 --> 00:14:14,174
Me! And once I finish you,
they'll be all mine.
328
00:14:14,174 --> 00:14:16,913
LOIS:
Peter! Can you come upstairs
329
00:14:16,913 --> 00:14:19,552
and tell me if
this gray chicken smells funny?
330
00:14:19,552 --> 00:14:20,854
Be right up, babe!
331
00:14:20,954 --> 00:14:24,428
Aw, man. This is worse than--
(muffled speech)
332
00:14:27,902 --> 00:14:30,607
Wait, what are we supposed
to do in this cutaway?
333
00:14:30,607 --> 00:14:32,778
I don't know, I didn--
I didn't understand the setup.
334
00:14:32,778 --> 00:14:34,882
Well, we have to do something.
335
00:14:34,882 --> 00:14:39,458
Um, I mean, you do have
a long neck and I have fangs.
336
00:14:39,458 --> 00:14:41,228
Maybe something in that area?
337
00:14:41,228 --> 00:14:43,834
Uh, maybe we just wait
to hear what the grown men
338
00:14:43,834 --> 00:14:45,904
who write for cartoons say?
339
00:14:50,981 --> 00:14:54,454
Cream number 99 and cream 100.
340
00:14:54,555 --> 00:14:56,860
Okay, I'm ready for bed.
341
00:14:56,860 --> 00:14:58,897
Well, we had meatloaf tonight,
342
00:14:58,897 --> 00:15:00,868
so I guess I'm in
for a Dutch oven.
343
00:15:00,868 --> 00:15:02,237
What's a Dutch oven?
344
00:15:02,237 --> 00:15:04,174
(gasps)
345
00:15:08,683 --> 00:15:13,359
Peter, wh-why is there dental
floss in this trash can?
346
00:15:13,492 --> 00:15:14,829
Because I just flossed.
347
00:15:14,829 --> 00:15:16,866
Death creeps in
through the gums, you know.
348
00:15:16,866 --> 00:15:18,369
(muffled scream)
349
00:15:18,369 --> 00:15:21,442
Um, Peter,
I-I need to go downstairs.
350
00:15:21,442 --> 00:15:24,982
I... I left a lame excuse
on the stove.
351
00:15:25,082 --> 00:15:28,189
Okay, but be careful,
I just mopped the kitchen floor.
352
00:15:28,924 --> 00:15:30,761
HOLOGRAM PETER:
I love you!
353
00:15:30,761 --> 00:15:33,265
Stewie, wake up! We got to go.
354
00:15:33,265 --> 00:15:34,869
Chris, come on. We got to go.
355
00:15:34,869 --> 00:15:37,908
Meg, can you drag the trash to
the curb tomorrow before 9:00?
356
00:15:37,908 --> 00:15:39,344
We won't be here.
357
00:15:40,313 --> 00:15:42,350
♪ ♪
358
00:15:45,123 --> 00:15:46,993
Thanks for telling us
that whole backstory
359
00:15:46,993 --> 00:15:48,597
on the way down the stairs, Mom.
360
00:15:48,597 --> 00:15:51,001
Yeah, now we don't have
to waste time hearing about
361
00:15:51,001 --> 00:15:53,038
how a hologram of Peter
replaced the real Peter.
362
00:15:53,139 --> 00:15:54,509
Although, I don't know
why we had to hear about
363
00:15:54,609 --> 00:15:56,713
Bonnie not inviting you
to Rosé Game Night.
364
00:15:56,813 --> 00:15:59,719
Well, I just thought it was
weird, 'cause it was my idea.
365
00:15:59,719 --> 00:16:01,455
(thunder crashes)
366
00:16:01,556 --> 00:16:03,459
♪ ♪
367
00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:05,496
(screaming)
368
00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:08,469
Going somewhere, family?
369
00:16:08,469 --> 00:16:12,043
-(laughing maniacally)
-(thunder crashes)
370
00:16:14,214 --> 00:16:16,351
-(laughing fades)
-(thunder crashes)
371
00:16:17,721 --> 00:16:19,792
I didn't want to
have to tie you up.
372
00:16:19,792 --> 00:16:21,461
I did everything for you.
373
00:16:21,596 --> 00:16:24,367
And people think
holograms don't have feelings.
374
00:16:24,367 --> 00:16:25,504
Well, we don't.
375
00:16:25,604 --> 00:16:27,942
And then I watched
one episode of This Is Us,
376
00:16:27,942 --> 00:16:30,146
and now I'm all feelings.
377
00:16:30,146 --> 00:16:33,854
Don't mention This is Us.
Aw, great. Now I'm gonna cry.
378
00:16:33,854 --> 00:16:35,891
Save your crocodile tears.
379
00:16:35,891 --> 00:16:37,728
None of you appreciated me.
380
00:16:37,728 --> 00:16:40,767
And if I can't have you,
no one will.
381
00:16:40,767 --> 00:16:43,507
PETER:
I hate This is Us.
382
00:16:44,542 --> 00:16:45,944
Let my family go.
383
00:16:46,078 --> 00:16:47,948
-(all gasp)
- I'm impressed.
384
00:16:48,082 --> 00:16:50,119
How did you free yourself
from the bindings?
385
00:16:50,119 --> 00:16:53,292
I found a hacksaw
and sawed through my hands.
386
00:16:53,292 --> 00:16:55,263
Why didn't you saw
through the ropes?
387
00:16:55,263 --> 00:16:57,535
Hacksaw hindsight is
twenty-twenty, Lois.
388
00:16:57,668 --> 00:17:00,541
The important thing is,
I stitched my hands back on
389
00:17:00,541 --> 00:17:02,143
with Twizzlers.
390
00:17:05,249 --> 00:17:07,387
All right,
fat guy fight rules:
391
00:17:07,487 --> 00:17:09,559
We grab at each other's shirts
until we're out of breath
392
00:17:09,659 --> 00:17:11,996
- and then a three-minute break.
- Got it.
393
00:17:12,096 --> 00:17:13,934
Should we just take
a three-minute break now?
394
00:17:13,934 --> 00:17:15,303
Agreed.
395
00:17:18,743 --> 00:17:20,379
It turned into a pudding break.
396
00:17:20,379 --> 00:17:21,816
Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait!
397
00:17:21,816 --> 00:17:23,319
I didn't get to lick the lid.
398
00:17:23,452 --> 00:17:25,256
(grunting)
399
00:17:25,356 --> 00:17:27,561
♪ ♪
400
00:17:28,563 --> 00:17:32,036
-(crackling)
- Now for the final download.
401
00:17:32,036 --> 00:17:34,575
Everything in your mind.
402
00:17:36,078 --> 00:17:38,282
-(crackling stops)
-(gasps)
403
00:17:38,282 --> 00:17:41,488
Joke's on you.
There's nothing in there.
404
00:17:42,090 --> 00:17:43,760
(grunting)
405
00:17:52,143 --> 00:17:54,381
Guys, Dad needs help!
406
00:17:54,481 --> 00:17:55,784
(groans)
407
00:17:55,884 --> 00:17:58,890
(crackling)
408
00:17:58,890 --> 00:18:00,026
(screams)
409
00:18:00,026 --> 00:18:01,663
We have to short-circuit
the hologram.
410
00:18:01,663 --> 00:18:04,034
Can anyone shoot lightning
from their fingers?
411
00:18:04,034 --> 00:18:05,671
I can,
412
00:18:05,671 --> 00:18:09,244
but I have to be very angry.
413
00:18:09,912 --> 00:18:11,214
(cries out)
414
00:18:11,315 --> 00:18:14,187
Wait, Brian, there are
other kinds of electricity.
415
00:18:14,187 --> 00:18:16,191
By simply rubbing my feet
on the carpet,
416
00:18:16,191 --> 00:18:18,596
I may be able to generate
enough static electricity
417
00:18:18,697 --> 00:18:20,968
- to do the job.
- Stewie, that's a great idea!
418
00:18:21,068 --> 00:18:22,103
What can I do to help?
419
00:18:22,203 --> 00:18:23,640
I need something
to get my feet going.
420
00:18:23,740 --> 00:18:25,176
Can you sing "I Got Rhythm"?
421
00:18:25,276 --> 00:18:28,382
Um, I-I... Can I,
can I just say "da da"
422
00:18:28,382 --> 00:18:29,585
for the words I don't know?
423
00:18:29,585 --> 00:18:30,921
We have no choice. Go!
424
00:18:30,921 --> 00:18:32,691
♪ Da da rhythm ♪
425
00:18:32,691 --> 00:18:34,060
Wait, wait, wait. (stammers)
426
00:18:34,060 --> 00:18:36,264
We're starting
with the "da das" already?
427
00:18:36,264 --> 00:18:38,703
You don't know "I got rhythm"?
It's in the name!
428
00:18:38,703 --> 00:18:39,939
Okay, I got it. Got it, got it.
429
00:18:40,039 --> 00:18:42,143
- ♪ I got da da ♪
- Rhythm!
430
00:18:42,143 --> 00:18:43,647
You said that the first time!
431
00:18:43,647 --> 00:18:46,719
Okay, now I'm starting
to get angry.
432
00:18:46,719 --> 00:18:48,088
(groans) I'll do it myself.
433
00:18:48,222 --> 00:18:49,725
♪ I got rhythm ♪
434
00:18:49,725 --> 00:18:51,228
♪ Da da music. ♪
435
00:18:51,228 --> 00:18:52,497
Oh-ho! The expert.
436
00:18:52,497 --> 00:18:54,200
Well, I got through the title
at least.
437
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:57,273
(screams, grunts)
438
00:18:59,712 --> 00:19:00,981
(straining)
439
00:19:00,981 --> 00:19:02,985
-(crackling)
- It's working!
440
00:19:02,985 --> 00:19:04,154
Quick, everyone, hold hands.
441
00:19:04,154 --> 00:19:05,691
We have to reach Peter.
442
00:19:09,464 --> 00:19:12,003
-(grunting)
-(crackling)
443
00:19:12,103 --> 00:19:13,740
We can't reach him!
444
00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:15,009
Lois, use your toe!
445
00:19:15,009 --> 00:19:17,246
I haven't had a pedicure
in four weeks!
446
00:19:17,347 --> 00:19:19,451
Just do it. We won't look.
447
00:19:21,923 --> 00:19:22,891
Ew.
448
00:19:22,991 --> 00:19:24,862
Peter! Touch my toe!
449
00:19:24,862 --> 00:19:26,632
- Ew.
- ALL: Do it!
450
00:19:26,632 --> 00:19:29,972
That's usually my line,
but whatever.
451
00:19:29,972 --> 00:19:32,678
(straining, grunting)
452
00:19:37,086 --> 00:19:39,391
(cries out)
453
00:19:39,391 --> 00:19:41,194
-(groaning)
-(crackling)
454
00:19:42,063 --> 00:19:44,300
(groaning)
455
00:19:46,104 --> 00:19:48,375
Wilma!
456
00:19:52,918 --> 00:19:54,054
(hissing)
457
00:19:54,054 --> 00:19:55,557
(gasps)
458
00:19:56,759 --> 00:19:59,497
You saved us, Peter.
459
00:20:00,266 --> 00:20:02,303
Yeah, glad you thought of it.
460
00:20:02,437 --> 00:20:03,907
I hate this place.
461
00:20:04,007 --> 00:20:05,610
Of course I did.
462
00:20:05,610 --> 00:20:06,579
I love you guys.
463
00:20:06,679 --> 00:20:09,050
And from now on,
I'll try to be half as good
464
00:20:09,150 --> 00:20:10,587
as Hologram Me was.
465
00:20:10,587 --> 00:20:12,323
Oh, but don't you see, Peter?
466
00:20:12,423 --> 00:20:14,461
The hologram was you.
467
00:20:14,461 --> 00:20:16,198
He was just
the best version of you.
468
00:20:16,198 --> 00:20:18,469
You can get there,
it'll just take work.
469
00:20:18,570 --> 00:20:21,542
No, the deal was
I promise to be half as good
470
00:20:21,542 --> 00:20:22,477
as a fake thing.
471
00:20:22,578 --> 00:20:24,515
- All right, just do that.
- No promises.
472
00:20:30,359 --> 00:20:32,430
Well, Peter,
I'm glad you're safe,
473
00:20:32,430 --> 00:20:34,100
and everything's back to normal.
474
00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:36,304
Yeah. Me, too.
And you know what?
475
00:20:36,304 --> 00:20:38,543
I realized
how much I missed you guys.
476
00:20:38,543 --> 00:20:40,446
What do you say
we turn off that TV
477
00:20:40,446 --> 00:20:42,049
and do something as a family?
478
00:20:42,150 --> 00:20:43,485
-(all gasp)
- Damn it.
479
00:20:43,485 --> 00:20:45,289
He created another hologram.
480
00:20:45,389 --> 00:20:47,326
(sighs)
I'll get my feet started.
481
00:20:47,326 --> 00:20:50,065
- Brian, little "Camptown Races"?
- You got it.
482
00:20:50,065 --> 00:20:51,736
♪ Da da ladies sing this song ♪
483
00:20:51,836 --> 00:20:54,340
- I just gave you the title!
- Sorry, uh...
484
00:20:54,340 --> 00:20:56,244
♪ Camptown ladies sing
this song ♪
485
00:20:56,244 --> 00:20:58,182
- ♪ Da da-- ♪
- It's "Doo-dah"!
486
00:20:58,182 --> 00:20:59,250
At least I got one of 'em.
487
00:20:59,250 --> 00:21:00,921
The second one doesn't count!
488
00:21:00,971 --> 00:21:05,521
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