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1
00:00:00,869 --> 00:00:04,977
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
2
00:00:05,043 --> 00:00:08,951
♪ Boo, boo,
boo, boo ♪
3
00:00:08,985 --> 00:00:13,059
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
4
00:00:13,126 --> 00:00:17,101
♪ Boo, boo,
boo, boo ♪
5
00:00:17,134 --> 00:00:21,342
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
6
00:00:21,376 --> 00:00:23,581
♪ Boo, boo,
boo, boo ♪
7
00:00:24,683 --> 00:00:26,119
Ooh!
8
00:00:26,119 --> 00:00:27,889
- Mommy!
- Aaaaaaah!
9
00:00:27,923 --> 00:00:29,392
- Duncan!
- Duncan!
10
00:00:33,099 --> 00:00:34,402
All right.
11
00:00:34,435 --> 00:00:36,139
Let's see what's happening
in the Meta-verse.
12
00:00:36,206 --> 00:00:37,842
That name scares me.
13
00:00:37,876 --> 00:00:39,412
Mark Zuckerberg is playing God.
14
00:00:39,478 --> 00:00:42,251
Hmm, "Celebrate the people
you love most
15
00:00:42,284 --> 00:00:44,188
with a special birthday wish."
16
00:00:44,255 --> 00:00:45,525
God, that's a lot of pressure.
17
00:00:45,558 --> 00:00:47,862
Annie, give me something
emotional and heartfelt.
18
00:00:47,929 --> 00:00:49,498
How about "HBD"?
19
00:00:49,533 --> 00:00:51,202
That's beautiful.
20
00:00:51,269 --> 00:00:54,375
HBD, HBD, HBD, HBD, HBD. Done.
21
00:00:58,551 --> 00:01:01,422
Hi to you too, kids.
How was school today?
22
00:01:01,456 --> 00:01:03,193
You went to school.
What do you think?
23
00:01:03,260 --> 00:01:04,428
Why do you even care?
24
00:01:04,495 --> 00:01:06,901
That's okay.
I'll ask our pleasant child.
25
00:01:06,967 --> 00:01:08,003
Mommy!
26
00:01:08,069 --> 00:01:09,138
School was wonderful.
27
00:01:09,171 --> 00:01:11,442
I can't wait to tell you
everything that happened.
28
00:01:11,510 --> 00:01:13,581
Oh, yeah.
That's the stuff.
29
00:01:13,648 --> 00:01:16,386
I got my first part
in the kindergarten play,
30
00:01:16,419 --> 00:01:18,490
"Goldilocks
and the Three Bears."
31
00:01:18,557 --> 00:01:21,496
Classic story.
"The Sopranos" of fairy tales.
32
00:01:21,563 --> 00:01:24,001
So are you Goldilocks
or one of the bears?
33
00:01:24,068 --> 00:01:26,306
Better.
Tree Number Four.
34
00:01:26,372 --> 00:01:28,744
Nice.
I played many a tree.
35
00:01:28,811 --> 00:01:31,717
The key is don't drink
two liters of Mountain Dew
36
00:01:31,750 --> 00:01:32,552
before the play.
37
00:01:32,619 --> 00:01:34,255
You peed
all over George Washington
38
00:01:34,322 --> 00:01:35,357
when he chopped you down.
39
00:01:35,390 --> 00:01:37,127
- Smile, Jing.
- Ah!
40
00:01:37,194 --> 00:01:40,434
♪BroadwayBaby. Post.
41
00:01:40,501 --> 00:01:43,039
You don't have to say "post"
every time you post something.
42
00:01:43,073 --> 00:01:44,208
That's the most fun part.
43
00:01:45,912 --> 00:01:47,314
Aw.
44
00:01:47,381 --> 00:01:48,784
"Congrats, so proud." Post.
45
00:01:48,851 --> 00:01:51,523
"Nice post, Jack." Post.
46
00:01:51,590 --> 00:01:53,226
Stop narrating.
47
00:01:53,293 --> 00:01:55,965
Hey, let's go celebrate
Jing's breakout role.
48
00:01:56,032 --> 00:01:57,301
I got free passes to mini-golf
49
00:01:57,401 --> 00:01:59,071
'cause I found a human foot
in their septic tank
50
00:01:59,138 --> 00:02:00,407
and agreed to keep it quiet.
51
00:02:00,474 --> 00:02:03,179
Status update.
"Too blessed to be stressed."
52
00:02:03,279 --> 00:02:05,350
Post.
53
00:02:07,488 --> 00:02:11,195
Okay, it's a 30-degree slope
past the Fairy Princess Castle
54
00:02:11,229 --> 00:02:12,331
with a slight backwind.
55
00:02:12,364 --> 00:02:14,569
I'm gonna go putter.
56
00:02:19,378 --> 00:02:21,382
Yeah, that's right. Yeah.
57
00:02:21,449 --> 00:02:22,752
Damn, Mavis.
58
00:02:22,819 --> 00:02:26,459
I'm trying to get
my pre-scandal Tiger Woods on!
59
00:02:26,492 --> 00:02:29,332
No, not the center.
That's the sucker hole.
60
00:02:29,365 --> 00:02:31,202
You see how worn down it is?
61
00:02:31,269 --> 00:02:33,306
That's from suckers sucking.
62
00:02:33,340 --> 00:02:35,477
You act like
you're God's gift to mini-golf.
63
00:02:35,511 --> 00:02:38,718
Yeah.
Why do I act that way?
64
00:02:41,523 --> 00:02:44,830
Boom.
Oh, yeah, that's why.
65
00:02:44,863 --> 00:02:46,099
Nothing but cup.
66
00:02:46,132 --> 00:02:47,736
Next up, pirate ship.
67
00:02:47,769 --> 00:02:51,242
They don't tell you this,
but the cannon is a shortcut.
68
00:02:51,275 --> 00:02:52,946
My ball's green!
69
00:02:52,979 --> 00:02:55,150
And mine's blue.
70
00:02:55,217 --> 00:02:57,388
Aw, I love
our post-worthy kids.
71
00:02:57,421 --> 00:02:59,693
Okay, now let's get one
by the windmill.
72
00:02:59,793 --> 00:03:03,567
What do you think, Jack?
#Amster-DamnGoodTime.
73
00:03:03,634 --> 00:03:06,139
Oh, can we post that?
74
00:03:06,205 --> 00:03:07,742
I mean,
my Aunt Faye just called
75
00:03:07,809 --> 00:03:10,147
for the public hanging
of the school board,
76
00:03:10,147 --> 00:03:11,349
so I think we can.
77
00:03:11,382 --> 00:03:13,353
You've taken a photo of us
at every hole.
78
00:03:13,386 --> 00:03:15,323
I feel like
the world's lamest influencer.
79
00:03:15,390 --> 00:03:17,394
Dut-dut-dut, just get
in front of the windmill
80
00:03:17,494 --> 00:03:20,000
and try to look better
than other people's kids.
81
00:03:20,067 --> 00:03:21,202
Aah!
82
00:03:21,269 --> 00:03:22,539
Oh, my God.
83
00:03:22,572 --> 00:03:25,110
Don't worry, Duncan.
I'll switch to video.
84
00:03:25,143 --> 00:03:27,047
Aah!
85
00:03:27,114 --> 00:03:28,183
Thank God it's over.
86
00:03:28,283 --> 00:03:29,519
Aah!
87
00:03:29,553 --> 00:03:31,724
Thank God it's over.
88
00:03:32,692 --> 00:03:34,395
Hey, Duncan,
which one's the shortcut?
89
00:03:34,428 --> 00:03:37,000
The cannon!
90
00:03:42,478 --> 00:03:45,016
Oh, boy.
What did Chet Hanks do now?
91
00:03:45,317 --> 00:03:47,254
Don't look.
Play through.
92
00:03:47,287 --> 00:03:48,524
She posted that?
93
00:03:48,557 --> 00:03:51,195
Yo, D, I got a crazy
new nickname for you.
94
00:03:51,262 --> 00:03:53,233
Ba-Dunkie-Dunk.
Whatchu think?
95
00:03:53,299 --> 00:03:55,303
Well, naturally,
I don't like it, but--
96
00:03:55,370 --> 00:03:57,274
Ba-Dunkie-Dunk!
97
00:03:57,307 --> 00:03:58,844
That's gonna stick.
98
00:04:00,213 --> 00:04:01,550
This is so unfair.
99
00:04:01,583 --> 00:04:03,788
My mom posting crap
without asking,
100
00:04:03,821 --> 00:04:06,192
giving me nicknames
that are sticking...
101
00:04:06,259 --> 00:04:07,529
Sorry, Ba-Dunkie-Dunk,
102
00:04:07,595 --> 00:04:09,599
but you're a victim
of sharenting.
103
00:04:09,633 --> 00:04:12,505
Damn right I am!
What's sharenting?
104
00:04:12,572 --> 00:04:15,010
When parents post photos
or videos of their kids
105
00:04:15,043 --> 00:04:16,179
without their consent.
106
00:04:16,212 --> 00:04:18,216
Like, once I was invited
to tour Harvard,
107
00:04:18,283 --> 00:04:19,886
and I stopped
at the Harvard gift shop
108
00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:22,391
to get this Harvard sweatshirt
that says "Harvard,"
109
00:04:22,424 --> 00:04:24,261
but it was
one size too big for me
110
00:04:24,328 --> 00:04:26,098
and my mom posted the photo.
111
00:04:26,165 --> 00:04:27,735
Ugh, so humiliating.
112
00:04:27,769 --> 00:04:30,875
That was the most
unrelatable story ever.
113
00:04:30,942 --> 00:04:32,111
The point is,
it's wrong,
114
00:04:32,177 --> 00:04:33,948
and you should call
your parents out on it.
115
00:04:33,981 --> 00:04:37,421
Oh, and your dad just posted
a brand new angle.
116
00:04:37,454 --> 00:04:39,759
Man, this really captures
the fear in your eyes.
117
00:04:39,826 --> 00:04:41,395
Who wants to spend
the rest of class
118
00:04:41,496 --> 00:04:44,034
playing TLC's "Waterfalls"
over this?
119
00:04:44,068 --> 00:04:45,237
Ooh, yes, please!
120
00:04:45,303 --> 00:04:47,575
Come on, man.
Make it unanimous.
121
00:04:49,311 --> 00:04:51,082
Attention.
122
00:04:51,149 --> 00:04:52,084
Family meeting.
123
00:04:52,151 --> 00:04:54,689
Duncan,
you're denting the table!
124
00:04:54,756 --> 00:04:57,394
You can put that on the list
of topics to discuss later,
125
00:04:57,427 --> 00:04:58,531
but we'll never get to it.
126
00:04:58,597 --> 00:05:00,367
Kimberly's toenails
aren't dry yet,
127
00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:02,304
so she's Zooming in
from her bedroom.
128
00:05:02,371 --> 00:05:04,241
Hey, guys, good to see you.
129
00:05:04,275 --> 00:05:05,611
Ooh, this is exciting.
130
00:05:05,645 --> 00:05:08,449
Duncan has never called
a family meeting before.
131
00:05:08,483 --> 00:05:09,553
I've never had something
132
00:05:09,619 --> 00:05:11,022
this important
to discuss before.
133
00:05:11,055 --> 00:05:14,061
I had an interesting
conversation with Mia today.
134
00:05:14,128 --> 00:05:15,430
Love Mia.
So smart.
135
00:05:15,497 --> 00:05:17,367
She said
when you post pictures
136
00:05:17,401 --> 00:05:18,537
without my permission,
137
00:05:18,604 --> 00:05:20,808
it's called sharenting
and it's wrong.
138
00:05:20,842 --> 00:05:22,512
Mia's got a word
for everything.
139
00:05:22,545 --> 00:05:24,114
So annoying.
- Mia's right.
140
00:05:24,181 --> 00:05:25,483
I was totally humiliated
141
00:05:25,551 --> 00:05:27,454
when you posted a photo
of my first pimple.
142
00:05:27,522 --> 00:05:30,093
But it was bright red
on the tip of your nose,
143
00:05:30,126 --> 00:05:31,362
and it was Christmas.
144
00:05:31,429 --> 00:05:34,134
Yeah.
#ZitsTheSeason.
145
00:05:35,538 --> 00:05:36,540
Silence!
146
00:05:36,607 --> 00:05:39,378
One more outburst,
you'll be sent to the mudroom.
147
00:05:39,411 --> 00:05:41,583
Piggy-banking
off what Kimberly said,
148
00:05:41,650 --> 00:05:44,589
I'm tired of putting my heart
and soul into dance recitals
149
00:05:44,656 --> 00:05:47,529
and looking out to see your
faces hidden behind phones.
150
00:05:47,595 --> 00:05:50,400
You're not proud.
You're just making content.
151
00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:52,371
We're making memories.
152
00:05:52,404 --> 00:05:54,008
Childhood goes by so quickly,
153
00:05:54,041 --> 00:05:56,445
and we want to remember
these moments forever.
154
00:05:56,513 --> 00:05:58,216
And share them online
with strangers.
155
00:05:58,283 --> 00:06:00,855
So what you're saying is
you're emotionally profiting
156
00:06:00,922 --> 00:06:02,291
off our adorableness.
157
00:06:02,324 --> 00:06:03,561
How dare you.
158
00:06:03,594 --> 00:06:05,163
I brought you
into this metaverse
159
00:06:05,230 --> 00:06:06,600
and I can take you out.
160
00:06:06,633 --> 00:06:09,305
That's it!
No videos at my school play.
161
00:06:09,405 --> 00:06:12,311
No videos or photos
of us at all!
162
00:06:12,344 --> 00:06:13,446
This is very important to me,
163
00:06:13,514 --> 00:06:14,849
and I'm begging you
to be respectful.
164
00:06:14,916 --> 00:06:16,820
Oh, my God.
165
00:06:16,853 --> 00:06:19,559
Are you photographing this?
- I'm sorry.
166
00:06:19,593 --> 00:06:22,464
You just get that cute,
pouty lip when you're serious.
167
00:06:22,497 --> 00:06:24,268
Aaand post.
168
00:06:24,335 --> 00:06:25,705
Stop living through us!
169
00:06:25,738 --> 00:06:28,243
You need content?
Get a life of your own!
170
00:06:28,309 --> 00:06:29,345
Meeting adjourned.
171
00:06:30,447 --> 00:06:32,284
So what's for dinner?
172
00:06:33,052 --> 00:06:35,390
Can you believe those kids
saying we have no lives
173
00:06:35,457 --> 00:06:36,760
and we're boring?
174
00:06:36,793 --> 00:06:39,365
Yeah, they have no lives
and they're boring.
175
00:06:39,431 --> 00:06:41,102
And I love them,
blah, blah, blah.
176
00:06:42,739 --> 00:06:44,809
Here's the spot
I was telling you about.
177
00:06:44,876 --> 00:06:48,617
See? Doesn't this show how
quirky and interesting we are?
178
00:06:48,651 --> 00:06:49,753
Totally.
179
00:06:49,786 --> 00:06:51,523
Only we could have thought
to do this.
180
00:06:51,590 --> 00:06:53,761
♪SexyTinkerbell. Post.
181
00:06:53,827 --> 00:06:56,499
What?
A warning from Facebook?
182
00:06:56,566 --> 00:06:58,604
"This photo has been flagged
as hacky
183
00:06:58,671 --> 00:07:00,373
"and something
only boring people post.
184
00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:02,578
Are you sure you have a life?
Yes/No."
185
00:07:02,612 --> 00:07:03,814
The kids are right.
186
00:07:03,881 --> 00:07:06,452
Let's just go home
and eat until we die.
187
00:07:08,222 --> 00:07:08,924
Wait a minute.
188
00:07:09,024 --> 00:07:11,329
Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
189
00:07:11,395 --> 00:07:12,297
Swingin' with that couple?
190
00:07:12,397 --> 00:07:16,105
- No, the motorcycle!
- Yep, yep, yep. Mm-hmm.
191
00:07:16,773 --> 00:07:18,777
Check it out:
just in case Mom and Dad try
192
00:07:18,844 --> 00:07:21,750
to take a picture of me again,
I drew this on my forehead.
193
00:07:21,783 --> 00:07:24,121
Did you use permanent marker?
194
00:07:24,188 --> 00:07:25,056
You know it.
195
00:07:25,190 --> 00:07:26,627
So your school photo
this year is gonna be
196
00:07:26,660 --> 00:07:28,062
you with a penis
on your forehead?
197
00:07:28,129 --> 00:07:30,668
Ugh, you just love making me
feel stupid, don't you?
198
00:07:30,735 --> 00:07:32,237
What?
199
00:07:32,304 --> 00:07:34,743
Open the living room door.
Quick!
200
00:07:37,481 --> 00:07:38,917
Look who got a life!
201
00:07:38,951 --> 00:07:41,790
Oh, my God, Duncan.
What's on your forehead?
202
00:07:46,432 --> 00:07:47,568
And you thought you were
203
00:07:47,635 --> 00:07:49,506
the most interesting things
in our lives.
204
00:07:49,572 --> 00:07:51,910
Well, how do you like
our leather butts now?
205
00:07:51,943 --> 00:07:53,781
That's not a motorcycle.
206
00:07:53,814 --> 00:07:55,851
The seat's wider
than our couch.
207
00:07:55,918 --> 00:07:57,487
Yeah, it looks
like a parade float.
208
00:07:57,522 --> 00:07:58,991
This is a senior-cycle.
209
00:07:59,058 --> 00:08:01,863
Listen, punks,
this is the Kazooki Meanderer.
210
00:08:01,930 --> 00:08:05,571
It has 1,800 CCs of raw power
and lumbar support.
211
00:08:05,604 --> 00:08:06,840
And there's a trunk
in the front
212
00:08:06,873 --> 00:08:08,944
where we can store
our skid lids.
213
00:08:08,977 --> 00:08:11,583
That's what us bikers
call our helmets, punks.
214
00:08:11,650 --> 00:08:13,319
Stop calling us punks!
215
00:08:13,721 --> 00:08:16,727
I'm runnin' guns to Stockton!
216
00:08:16,760 --> 00:08:19,398
Vroom, vroom! Honk, honk!
Curse, curse!
217
00:08:19,465 --> 00:08:20,668
Ooh, let me get a picture.
218
00:08:20,701 --> 00:08:23,006
We told you,
no photos.
219
00:08:23,072 --> 00:08:24,074
Not Jing.
220
00:08:24,141 --> 00:08:24,809
I want to post a picture
221
00:08:24,843 --> 00:08:26,546
of Bikey's first day at home.
222
00:08:26,580 --> 00:08:27,481
Off the hog, honey.
223
00:08:27,515 --> 00:08:29,586
You kids were right
about sharenting.
224
00:08:29,652 --> 00:08:31,923
We were living through you
without your consent.
225
00:08:31,990 --> 00:08:34,361
But we're creating memories
with Bikey now.
226
00:08:34,395 --> 00:08:35,831
Aren't we, Bikey?
227
00:08:35,865 --> 00:08:38,002
Can Bikey give me a ride
to play rehearsal?
228
00:08:38,069 --> 00:08:39,806
Your brother and sister
can do that.
229
00:08:39,873 --> 00:08:41,610
Me and my old lady
got a long day
230
00:08:41,710 --> 00:08:44,448
of canyon carving
and validation seeking.
231
00:08:45,651 --> 00:08:47,354
Hang on, sweet butt.
232
00:08:47,421 --> 00:08:49,893
Whoo!
- Meanderer!
233
00:08:51,128 --> 00:08:53,433
Hey, how'd you get the penis
off your forehead?
234
00:08:53,499 --> 00:08:55,003
I rubbed it out.
235
00:08:57,642 --> 00:09:00,981
This porridge is too--
um, line?
236
00:09:01,015 --> 00:09:03,887
Ugh, cold.
The porridge is cold, Shannon.
237
00:09:03,954 --> 00:09:06,827
That's your motivation
for moving to the next bowl.
238
00:09:06,860 --> 00:09:09,666
How did Jing get stuck
with Tree Number Four?
239
00:09:09,733 --> 00:09:10,968
Tree Number One is asleep.
240
00:09:11,035 --> 00:09:12,939
Tree Number Two
is picking his nose.
241
00:09:13,005 --> 00:09:15,243
And Tree Number Three
keeps saying "meow."
242
00:09:15,276 --> 00:09:16,112
- Meow.
- Yeah.
243
00:09:16,245 --> 00:09:18,015
Jing's the only kid up there
with any talent.
244
00:09:18,049 --> 00:09:21,322
Her branch swing is so present
but not upstage-y.
245
00:09:21,355 --> 00:09:22,959
Okay, and cue bears.
246
00:09:23,025 --> 00:09:25,564
Ma,
my freakin' bowl is empty!
247
00:09:25,664 --> 00:09:26,933
I been working
the docks all day,
248
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:28,637
and this is
what I come home to?
249
00:09:28,670 --> 00:09:30,473
Oobatz! Ha!
250
00:09:31,877 --> 00:09:33,814
Joey, that's the twelfth bowl
you've broken.
251
00:09:33,847 --> 00:09:35,651
Please stick to the script.
252
00:09:35,684 --> 00:09:36,887
Did you eat my porridge?
253
00:09:36,953 --> 00:09:40,528
Did you eat
my freakin' porridge, blondie?
254
00:09:40,561 --> 00:09:41,897
Lil' Joey is so miscast.
255
00:09:41,963 --> 00:09:44,502
Baby Bear's supposed
to be cute like Jing.
256
00:09:46,105 --> 00:09:47,240
Excuse me, Mr. Perry.
257
00:09:47,307 --> 00:09:50,548
You directed me ten years ago
as Tree Number Eight.
258
00:09:50,581 --> 00:09:52,184
Oh, yes.
Very memorable.
259
00:09:52,217 --> 00:09:54,522
I slipped in your copious
Mountain Dew urine
260
00:09:54,556 --> 00:09:55,991
and dislocated my shoulder.
261
00:09:56,058 --> 00:09:58,296
This is your production
and we don't want to overstep,
262
00:09:58,329 --> 00:09:59,064
but it's an absolute mess
263
00:09:59,097 --> 00:10:00,668
and you're doing
a terrible job.
264
00:10:00,734 --> 00:10:02,104
Here's the skinny,
I could give a hoot
265
00:10:02,137 --> 00:10:04,041
about this two-bit
kindergarten production.
266
00:10:04,074 --> 00:10:05,578
And I'm up
for a middle school revival
267
00:10:05,678 --> 00:10:07,214
of "Thoroughly Modern Millie."
268
00:10:07,247 --> 00:10:08,049
This play is yours.
269
00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:11,155
I'm going shopping
for flapper dresses.
270
00:10:12,725 --> 00:10:14,061
Joey, could we talk to you?
271
00:10:14,094 --> 00:10:16,432
"Baby Bear."
I stay in character.
272
00:10:16,533 --> 00:10:18,537
Actually, we feel
your talents are wasted
273
00:10:18,570 --> 00:10:19,572
as Baby Bear.
274
00:10:19,639 --> 00:10:21,242
We need someone
to pull the rope
275
00:10:21,275 --> 00:10:22,110
that raises the curtain.
276
00:10:22,210 --> 00:10:24,381
You're the strongest kid here, right?
277
00:10:24,448 --> 00:10:25,283
Damn right I am.
278
00:10:25,416 --> 00:10:27,120
I threw a Super Ball
right over the school.
279
00:10:27,187 --> 00:10:29,893
Let's see any
of those noodle arms do that.
280
00:10:32,063 --> 00:10:34,536
Everyone, the role
of Baby Bear is now played by--
281
00:10:34,569 --> 00:10:36,105
hmm, let's see--Jing.
282
00:10:36,172 --> 00:10:37,240
Yay!
283
00:10:37,307 --> 00:10:38,176
From the top.
284
00:10:38,276 --> 00:10:41,215
If you're not off book,
you're not on stage.
285
00:10:41,550 --> 00:10:42,952
A-Train,
this is Jack-O,
286
00:10:42,985 --> 00:10:44,589
talking to you
through our new helmet mics.
287
00:10:44,656 --> 00:10:45,791
What's your 20, over?
288
00:10:45,825 --> 00:10:48,730
Straddling you with my arms
around your waist, over.
289
00:10:48,764 --> 00:10:50,500
- Copy.
- Copy your copy.
290
00:10:50,568 --> 00:10:51,503
Love you.
291
00:10:52,872 --> 00:10:54,943
Got some cagers ahead.
Biker slang for cars.
292
00:10:54,976 --> 00:10:56,913
Gonna glide right through, over.
293
00:10:56,947 --> 00:10:59,117
Punks!
294
00:10:59,151 --> 00:11:01,121
Well, Mavis,
it cost two week's pay,
295
00:11:01,155 --> 00:11:04,529
but this new paint job
has got me feeling good.
296
00:11:05,998 --> 00:11:08,469
I don't deserve nice things.
297
00:11:09,171 --> 00:11:12,845
Post a photo of our new,
interesting lifestyle.
298
00:11:12,879 --> 00:11:14,549
both: Eee!
299
00:11:14,582 --> 00:11:17,354
♪BugginOut. Post.
300
00:11:17,387 --> 00:11:18,757
Ooh, check it out, Jack.
301
00:11:18,824 --> 00:11:21,596
It's Hog Night at
The Big Fat Child '50s Diner.
302
00:11:21,630 --> 00:11:22,865
We should go.
303
00:11:22,899 --> 00:11:25,538
We could meet
other hobby hoggers like us.
304
00:11:25,604 --> 00:11:27,440
Okay, but let me drive.
305
00:11:27,474 --> 00:11:29,011
Bitch-switch coming up.
306
00:11:32,350 --> 00:11:35,290
That went a lot better
than last time, over.
307
00:11:38,964 --> 00:11:40,901
Hell of a comfy bike
you got there.
308
00:11:40,968 --> 00:11:42,872
That the Kazooki Meanderer?
- You know it.
309
00:11:42,939 --> 00:11:44,776
Fully loaded
with butt warmers
310
00:11:44,809 --> 00:11:46,746
and a pill organizer
in the trunk.
311
00:11:46,746 --> 00:11:49,017
Bitchin'.
Ours is a '92 Sundowner.
312
00:11:49,051 --> 00:11:51,523
Jamie Lee Curtis
rides the same one.
313
00:11:51,590 --> 00:11:52,992
Came with a case of her yogurt.
314
00:11:53,059 --> 00:11:55,263
Oh, yeah.
Our gut floor is off the chain.
315
00:11:55,330 --> 00:11:58,369
Just like
Jamie Lee Curtis promised.
316
00:11:58,402 --> 00:11:59,973
both: JLC!
317
00:12:00,039 --> 00:12:02,244
We're the Larkins,
Denise and Gary,
318
00:12:02,277 --> 00:12:06,118
comfy bikers since Gary's
back injury settlement in '08.
319
00:12:06,185 --> 00:12:08,523
We're the Harrises,
A-Train and Jack-O,
320
00:12:08,590 --> 00:12:10,828
comfy biking since 11:00 a. m.
321
00:12:10,894 --> 00:12:11,997
How many ponies
you straddling?
322
00:12:12,063 --> 00:12:14,969
175,
straight to the rear wheel.
323
00:12:15,003 --> 00:12:18,777
- What's your cholesterol?
- 175, straight to the heart.
324
00:12:18,810 --> 00:12:20,547
How many times
you get up in the night to pee?
325
00:12:20,614 --> 00:12:22,551
Three that I know of.
326
00:12:24,689 --> 00:12:25,791
Hey, we're rolling
327
00:12:25,858 --> 00:12:27,795
to the Sturgeon
Comfortable Bike Rally.
328
00:12:27,828 --> 00:12:30,033
You should join us.
Goes all weekend.
329
00:12:30,066 --> 00:12:32,738
Asleep by 9:00 every night.
330
00:12:32,805 --> 00:12:34,909
My sweet butt is there!
331
00:12:34,943 --> 00:12:36,312
You know "sweet butt"
is someone
332
00:12:36,378 --> 00:12:38,482
who gets passed around
for sex, right?
333
00:12:38,550 --> 00:12:39,552
I did not.
334
00:12:39,552 --> 00:12:40,821
But what about Jing's play?
335
00:12:40,854 --> 00:12:42,090
I hate to miss it.
336
00:12:42,123 --> 00:12:44,494
The kids did tell us
to get out of their lives
337
00:12:44,562 --> 00:12:45,564
and get our own.
338
00:12:45,597 --> 00:12:46,700
So what's it gonna be?
339
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:48,002
Most fun weekend
you've ever had
340
00:12:48,069 --> 00:12:49,171
with middle-aged bikers,
341
00:12:49,204 --> 00:12:50,975
or time with your kids
who hate you?
342
00:12:51,008 --> 00:12:52,778
We didn't say they hate us.
343
00:12:52,845 --> 00:12:55,283
Oh, trust us.
They hate you.
344
00:12:55,316 --> 00:12:56,686
both: Hmm...
345
00:12:56,720 --> 00:12:57,989
Amazing rehearsal.
346
00:12:58,055 --> 00:13:00,026
Everyone here
is elevating the work.
347
00:13:00,093 --> 00:13:01,930
Uh,
a few minor casting changes.
348
00:13:01,963 --> 00:13:03,600
Tommy, you're now a tree.
349
00:13:03,634 --> 00:13:04,969
Miley, also a tree.
350
00:13:05,003 --> 00:13:07,742
Jerron, Johnny, Jimmy--
tree, tree, tree.
351
00:13:07,808 --> 00:13:09,712
But Bradley,
my little leading man...
352
00:13:09,746 --> 00:13:10,748
Yes?
353
00:13:10,814 --> 00:13:12,183
- Also a tree.
- Oh.
354
00:13:12,250 --> 00:13:15,156
This new script doesn't have
any lines for Goldilocks.
355
00:13:15,189 --> 00:13:17,193
Sounds like something
a tree would say.
356
00:13:17,227 --> 00:13:18,630
- But--
- Tree.
357
00:13:18,664 --> 00:13:20,166
Also, the story's so tired.
358
00:13:20,199 --> 00:13:22,170
I gave it a modern,
edgier spin.
359
00:13:22,237 --> 00:13:24,842
And Goldilocks is such a Karen,
we don't need to hear from her.
360
00:13:24,909 --> 00:13:26,312
The play is now titled
361
00:13:26,378 --> 00:13:30,219
"Baby Bear: Someone's
Been Sleeping in My Mind."
362
00:13:30,253 --> 00:13:31,623
And Jing is the only one
with lines,
363
00:13:31,690 --> 00:13:34,227
so none of you have to worry
about remembering anything.
364
00:13:34,261 --> 00:13:37,434
To think, just yesterday,
I was Tree Number Four.
365
00:13:37,467 --> 00:13:38,302
Look at me now.
366
00:13:38,369 --> 00:13:40,641
Never give up
on your dreams, guys.
367
00:13:41,810 --> 00:13:44,615
I can't wait till Mommy
and Daddy see me up there!
368
00:13:45,884 --> 00:13:48,055
"At biker rally all weekend.
369
00:13:48,122 --> 00:13:51,596
Order pizza or whatevs.
We have our own lives."
370
00:13:51,663 --> 00:13:53,767
Love you, kids!
Break a leg!
371
00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:55,537
all: Sturgeon!
372
00:13:55,571 --> 00:13:58,643
You know, if they die,
we get all their debt, right?
373
00:13:58,677 --> 00:14:00,013
Awesome.
374
00:14:07,060 --> 00:14:08,663
♪ Motorbiking ♪
375
00:14:09,932 --> 00:14:11,402
♪ Motorbiking ♪
376
00:14:12,938 --> 00:14:14,074
♪ Motorbiking ♪
377
00:14:15,944 --> 00:14:17,280
♪ Motorcycling ♪
378
00:14:17,313 --> 00:14:20,153
Oh,
I am so under-boobed for this.
379
00:14:20,186 --> 00:14:22,792
And I'm under-ponytailed.
380
00:14:24,962 --> 00:14:26,065
Jack, Annie,
381
00:14:26,098 --> 00:14:28,570
this is our crew,
Hell's Boomers.
382
00:14:28,637 --> 00:14:30,808
Hearts as big
as their prostates.
383
00:14:30,874 --> 00:14:32,912
Oop, tank's full.
Gotta tinkle.
384
00:14:32,945 --> 00:14:34,047
It's Sturgeon, Earl.
385
00:14:34,114 --> 00:14:35,718
You can go right here
on the street.
386
00:14:35,784 --> 00:14:38,022
Of course.
387
00:14:38,055 --> 00:14:40,426
What a lovely,
smelly festival.
388
00:14:40,460 --> 00:14:44,367
Jack and Annie here are
a couple of Sturgeon virgins.
389
00:14:44,367 --> 00:14:46,973
Their snowflake kids
were giving them a hard time
390
00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:48,777
about "sharenting."
391
00:14:50,346 --> 00:14:52,985
Trust me, you don't need
to do any sharenting
392
00:14:53,052 --> 00:14:55,123
when you can "showtorcycle"?
393
00:14:56,058 --> 00:14:57,127
Just follow me.
You'll get it.
394
00:14:57,160 --> 00:14:58,329
♪ Well, here I am again ♪
395
00:14:58,362 --> 00:15:00,433
♪ And I'm dressed in black ♪
396
00:15:00,534 --> 00:15:03,740
♪ I got my baby,
she's a long-haul pack ♪
397
00:15:03,807 --> 00:15:04,942
♪ What we do ♪
398
00:15:07,815 --> 00:15:09,652
♪ Whoo,
it's so good to be alive ♪
399
00:15:09,719 --> 00:15:10,854
♪ Motorbiking ♪
400
00:15:12,758 --> 00:15:14,829
♪ Motorbiking ♪
401
00:15:14,896 --> 00:15:16,966
Got one!
402
00:15:20,139 --> 00:15:21,709
Eat it, Jay Leno.
403
00:15:21,776 --> 00:15:22,845
Eh, two out of three.
404
00:15:24,615 --> 00:15:26,586
Showtorcycle!
405
00:15:26,586 --> 00:15:27,822
Smile, honey!
406
00:15:27,855 --> 00:15:30,627
Huh?
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Oh!
407
00:15:30,694 --> 00:15:31,996
Aah!
408
00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:35,971
♪ Motorbiking ♪
409
00:15:39,111 --> 00:15:41,850
All right,
does everyone know their lines?
410
00:15:41,883 --> 00:15:43,520
- We don't have any.
- Perfect.
411
00:15:43,553 --> 00:15:46,058
Lil' Joey, you ready
to raise the curtain?
412
00:15:46,125 --> 00:15:47,995
Sure, but that's
all I'm gonna do.
413
00:15:48,062 --> 00:15:49,999
You want it lowered,
that's Wally's job.
414
00:15:50,066 --> 00:15:51,268
And I ain't no scab.
415
00:15:51,368 --> 00:15:54,207
A victory for one's
a victory for all.
416
00:15:55,711 --> 00:15:57,013
Nailed it, Pop!
417
00:15:57,080 --> 00:15:58,783
Okay,
that's what we came to see.
418
00:15:58,850 --> 00:16:00,253
Get the car, Ange.
419
00:16:02,625 --> 00:16:06,431
But this chair
is just right.
420
00:16:06,498 --> 00:16:07,601
all: Aw!
421
00:16:07,635 --> 00:16:09,806
Well, it used to be.
422
00:16:09,872 --> 00:16:10,841
Ha!
423
00:16:11,943 --> 00:16:14,649
What are you hungry for?
424
00:16:14,715 --> 00:16:16,218
Love? Money? Power?
425
00:16:16,285 --> 00:16:18,189
I was hungry for porridge,
426
00:16:18,255 --> 00:16:21,195
but it was stolen from me!
427
00:16:22,798 --> 00:16:24,034
Ooh!
428
00:16:24,067 --> 00:16:26,205
Oh, we're definitely staying.
Sit down.
429
00:16:26,271 --> 00:16:27,641
They're into it.
430
00:16:27,708 --> 00:16:30,179
We're the Billie and Finneas
of children's theater.
431
00:16:35,724 --> 00:16:39,164
Ugh, I'm gonna be
laying fish eggs for a week.
432
00:16:39,231 --> 00:16:41,503
Oh, boy.
433
00:16:43,205 --> 00:16:45,644
Damn, you two
have grown on us faster
434
00:16:45,677 --> 00:16:46,880
than an ass callous.
435
00:16:46,913 --> 00:16:48,082
Before we met you,
436
00:16:48,148 --> 00:16:50,386
we had nothing
but careers and kids.
437
00:16:50,419 --> 00:16:53,325
But now,
our lives have meaning.
438
00:16:53,325 --> 00:16:55,664
Yeah, this may be
the high mercury content
439
00:16:55,731 --> 00:16:56,966
of the sturgeon talking,
440
00:16:57,033 --> 00:16:59,271
but we want
to grow old with you.
441
00:16:59,337 --> 00:17:00,306
What do you think, Gary?
442
00:17:00,339 --> 00:17:01,543
I know they're young punks,
443
00:17:01,643 --> 00:17:04,214
but should we invite them
to join Hell's Boomers?
444
00:17:04,281 --> 00:17:07,120
You read my conspiracy theory
damaged mind.
445
00:17:07,186 --> 00:17:10,026
We don't give these badges
to just anybody,
446
00:17:10,092 --> 00:17:12,096
but we met you
in a diner parking lot,
447
00:17:12,163 --> 00:17:13,967
so we know
you're the real deal.
448
00:17:13,967 --> 00:17:15,236
They're a symbol
of allegiance
449
00:17:15,303 --> 00:17:17,407
to our freedom-loving
lifestyle.
450
00:17:17,473 --> 00:17:19,477
Also, you get 10%
off your meal today.
451
00:17:19,512 --> 00:17:22,483
We would be honored
to join your leathery crew.
452
00:17:22,518 --> 00:17:25,857
Uh-uh, we have this fun,
little initiation thing
453
00:17:25,924 --> 00:17:26,993
we make everybody do.
454
00:17:27,060 --> 00:17:29,097
Sounds neat.
Lay it on us.
455
00:17:29,130 --> 00:17:30,066
You just have to set fire
456
00:17:30,132 --> 00:17:32,705
to that Winnebago
parked across the street.
457
00:17:35,510 --> 00:17:37,146
- Wait, are you serious?
- Yeah.
458
00:17:37,213 --> 00:17:38,516
Go do it.
And hurry back.
459
00:17:38,583 --> 00:17:40,286
We ordered pizookie
for dessert.
460
00:17:40,353 --> 00:17:44,094
Well, I guess it's all right
as long as nobody gets hurt.
461
00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:45,396
Oh, people
are gonna get hurt.
462
00:17:45,429 --> 00:17:47,367
There's a couple
in their 50s inside
463
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,004
who cut us off in traffic.
464
00:17:49,070 --> 00:17:50,741
You need to burn 'em alive.
465
00:17:51,709 --> 00:17:54,615
Wait, but we thought
you were like us.
466
00:17:54,682 --> 00:17:57,521
Nice, middle-aged people
with unappreciative kids
467
00:17:57,554 --> 00:17:59,525
and a drawer
full of compression socks.
468
00:17:59,558 --> 00:18:02,163
We are, but when
the weekend rolls around,
469
00:18:02,263 --> 00:18:03,600
we put on our colors
470
00:18:03,667 --> 00:18:07,073
and we bash the skulls in
of anyone who crosses us.
471
00:18:07,173 --> 00:18:08,743
And then,
we watch "Yellowstone."
472
00:18:08,810 --> 00:18:09,545
Have you seen it?
473
00:18:09,645 --> 00:18:12,618
Well then,
I guess we'll go outside
474
00:18:12,618 --> 00:18:14,321
and burn 'em up.
475
00:18:15,691 --> 00:18:18,095
All right, do we need
to tape the door shut first?
476
00:18:18,162 --> 00:18:19,130
'Cause
when that couple sees fire,
477
00:18:19,197 --> 00:18:20,199
they're gonna try and get out.
478
00:18:20,232 --> 00:18:22,070
Jack,
we're not killing people!
479
00:18:22,136 --> 00:18:23,038
Oh, thank God.
480
00:18:23,072 --> 00:18:24,542
I thought
you really wanted that patch.
481
00:18:24,642 --> 00:18:27,313
What are we even doing here?
We're not bikers.
482
00:18:27,380 --> 00:18:29,084
We're overbearing parents
483
00:18:29,117 --> 00:18:30,854
who should be
at their daughter's play.
484
00:18:32,256 --> 00:18:34,027
Where the hell
do you think you're going?
485
00:18:34,027 --> 00:18:35,329
Hmm?
486
00:18:35,363 --> 00:18:36,833
Domino!
487
00:18:38,970 --> 00:18:40,406
Huh.
488
00:18:40,473 --> 00:18:42,010
Go, go, go!
489
00:18:43,713 --> 00:18:44,481
Drive away!
490
00:18:44,548 --> 00:18:47,120
Senior bikers
are gonna kill you!
491
00:18:49,859 --> 00:18:52,463
Well, that's a shame.
They seemed like good people.
492
00:18:52,531 --> 00:18:54,735
You know
what I feel like murdering?
493
00:18:54,802 --> 00:18:55,937
That pizookie.
494
00:18:56,038 --> 00:18:57,641
Mwah.
- Mm.
495
00:19:01,315 --> 00:19:04,087
Someone's sleeping in my bed.
496
00:19:04,154 --> 00:19:06,091
And she's still here.
497
00:19:06,124 --> 00:19:09,464
And I'm still here,
Mama and Papa.
498
00:19:09,532 --> 00:19:12,504
I'm still here!
499
00:19:13,305 --> 00:19:14,709
- Oh!
- Yeah!
500
00:19:14,775 --> 00:19:15,944
- Jing! Bravo!
- Whoo!
501
00:19:16,011 --> 00:19:19,250
Aw, jeez, I haven't cried
like this since "Jersey Boys."
502
00:19:19,317 --> 00:19:20,921
Duncan, Kimberly!
503
00:19:20,954 --> 00:19:22,457
Trees One through Fourteen!
504
00:19:22,558 --> 00:19:24,194
Get out here!
505
00:19:26,264 --> 00:19:28,002
Shannon, over here.
506
00:19:28,068 --> 00:19:30,106
Magnificent, Bradley.
Smile!
507
00:19:31,375 --> 00:19:33,479
How come
no one's taking our picture?
508
00:19:33,479 --> 00:19:35,116
Yeah,
this is probably
509
00:19:35,149 --> 00:19:36,552
the greatest thing
I'll ever do.
510
00:19:36,619 --> 00:19:38,455
Our childhood's
going by so quickly.
511
00:19:38,489 --> 00:19:40,527
Someone should want
to remember this forever.
512
00:19:40,594 --> 00:19:43,132
Like a parent who wants
to share this moment
513
00:19:43,165 --> 00:19:44,969
of their parenting.
514
00:19:45,002 --> 00:19:46,606
all: Ohhh.
515
00:19:46,672 --> 00:19:48,510
Mom and Dad were just trying
to celebrate us,
516
00:19:48,543 --> 00:19:50,146
and we treated them like crap.
517
00:19:52,450 --> 00:19:53,586
What?
518
00:19:53,653 --> 00:19:55,957
Open the auditorium door.
Quick!
519
00:19:56,024 --> 00:19:57,160
Joey, open the door.
520
00:19:57,226 --> 00:19:59,030
Sorry,
if you want doors opened--
521
00:19:59,030 --> 00:20:00,032
all: Joey!
522
00:20:00,099 --> 00:20:01,602
Ow!
523
00:20:02,437 --> 00:20:03,973
Mommy!
524
00:20:04,007 --> 00:20:05,309
Ooh, you smell like fish.
525
00:20:05,376 --> 00:20:06,946
But I don't care!
526
00:20:06,979 --> 00:20:08,415
Sorry we weren't here, kids.
527
00:20:08,449 --> 00:20:09,585
But when you told us
to get a life,
528
00:20:09,685 --> 00:20:12,825
we thought it would be this
admittedly awesome motorcycle.
529
00:20:12,891 --> 00:20:15,997
But the truth is,
you kids are our lives.
530
00:20:16,098 --> 00:20:17,166
Whatever.
531
00:20:17,233 --> 00:20:18,870
Stop talking
and take our picture.
532
00:20:21,943 --> 00:20:24,749
♪SharentingIsCarenting.
533
00:20:24,815 --> 00:20:26,652
all: Aaand post.
534
00:20:26,719 --> 00:20:29,959
This is so much nicer
than burning a couple alive.
535
00:20:30,025 --> 00:20:31,194
- What?
- Uh...
536
00:20:31,194 --> 00:20:33,132
Let's go mini-golfing again!
537
00:20:33,165 --> 00:20:34,769
all: Yay!
538
00:20:35,804 --> 00:20:37,106
Hang on!
539
00:20:38,843 --> 00:20:40,012
Aah!
540
00:20:40,279 --> 00:20:42,450
Thank God I got union medical.
541
00:20:45,724 --> 00:20:46,926
Is it done, Daddy?
542
00:20:46,993 --> 00:20:48,295
Almost.
543
00:20:48,328 --> 00:20:49,732
Wow, you must have
felt really guilty
544
00:20:49,799 --> 00:20:52,103
about missing Jing's play
to buy her one of those.
545
00:20:52,170 --> 00:20:53,506
Well,
it's what she asked for.
546
00:20:53,573 --> 00:20:55,644
You want
to give it a go, Jing?
547
00:21:00,119 --> 00:21:01,221
Whee!
548
00:21:01,254 --> 00:21:03,225
I'm cheating death!
549
00:21:03,292 --> 00:21:05,429
Whoo-hoo!
550
00:21:05,463 --> 00:21:07,333
Whoa!
551
00:21:07,366 --> 00:21:08,435
Ooh.
552
00:21:08,469 --> 00:21:10,774
both: Whoo!
553
00:21:11,475 --> 00:21:13,278
That doesn't sound g--aah!
554
00:21:16,485 --> 00:21:18,590
Well,
I donated a lot of plasma,
555
00:21:18,623 --> 00:21:20,760
but I was able to afford
a new paint job
556
00:21:20,794 --> 00:21:22,664
and this giant cake.
557
00:21:22,731 --> 00:21:25,169
Yeah, I can't wait
to eat it either.
558
00:21:28,442 --> 00:21:29,512
First, we eat the cake.
559
00:21:29,545 --> 00:21:32,083
Then, we call 911.
37289
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