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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,869 --> 00:00:03,875 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ 2 00:00:05,645 --> 00:00:07,549 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ 3 00:00:09,553 --> 00:00:11,524 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ 4 00:00:13,594 --> 00:00:15,497 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ 5 00:00:17,334 --> 00:00:19,573 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ 6 00:00:21,744 --> 00:00:24,148 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ 7 00:00:25,952 --> 00:00:26,921 Mommy. 8 00:00:28,089 --> 00:00:29,258 both: Duncan. 9 00:00:30,895 --> 00:00:35,170 ♪ Witch Day, Witch Day, throw crones upon the pyre ♪ 10 00:00:35,204 --> 00:00:37,208 Happy witch day, Huxter. 11 00:00:37,308 --> 00:00:39,580 I'm a little dirtbag. Oink, meow. 12 00:00:39,613 --> 00:00:41,951 Why are these fake tombstones so heavy? 13 00:00:42,017 --> 00:00:42,986 'Cause they're real. 14 00:00:43,086 --> 00:00:45,057 I had your father borrow them from the cemetery. 15 00:00:45,090 --> 00:00:46,059 Oh, my God. 16 00:00:46,159 --> 00:00:47,061 How many times have I told you, 17 00:00:47,127 --> 00:00:48,463 do not disturb the dead? 18 00:00:48,531 --> 00:00:50,935 Calm down. They're our relatives. 19 00:00:51,002 --> 00:00:53,440 Jam them in the dirt, Jack, respectfully. 20 00:00:55,778 --> 00:00:58,483 "Reader's Digest" told me about this amazing new website, 21 00:00:58,551 --> 00:01:00,888 AncestorsLife.com. 22 00:01:00,955 --> 00:01:02,491 At first I misspelled it with an I 23 00:01:02,525 --> 00:01:03,961 and that website was disgusting, 24 00:01:03,995 --> 00:01:08,169 but AncestorsLife.com tells you the history of your family 25 00:01:08,203 --> 00:01:10,007 and their gruesome deaths. 26 00:01:10,040 --> 00:01:12,545 People died in such crazy ways back then. 27 00:01:12,612 --> 00:01:15,217 Stonings, beheadings, petticoat fires. 28 00:01:15,284 --> 00:01:17,154 Hey, Dad, someone's here to see you 29 00:01:17,187 --> 00:01:18,290 around the side of the house. 30 00:01:18,356 --> 00:01:20,795 Okay. Unusual place to meet, but-- 31 00:01:20,828 --> 00:01:22,565 That creepy doll! 32 00:01:22,632 --> 00:01:24,870 Time to die, Jackie. 33 00:01:27,943 --> 00:01:29,378 Yeah. 34 00:01:29,412 --> 00:01:31,482 It's hilarious, you're scared of a doll. 35 00:01:31,517 --> 00:01:34,055 Get it away, so I can open my eyes. 36 00:01:34,121 --> 00:01:36,125 Okay, it's gone. 37 00:01:36,192 --> 00:01:37,595 Hi. 38 00:01:37,662 --> 00:01:38,864 Oh, my God. 39 00:01:38,965 --> 00:01:42,071 I'm on fire today. 40 00:01:42,104 --> 00:01:45,310 Witch Day is corporately sponsored now? 41 00:01:47,281 --> 00:01:49,285 Five for Witch Day please. 42 00:01:49,352 --> 00:01:50,622 What are you talking about? 43 00:01:50,655 --> 00:01:52,792 I want five tickets for Witch Day. 44 00:01:52,826 --> 00:01:56,533 Oh, you mean American Liberty Bank presents Witch Day. 45 00:01:56,567 --> 00:01:58,336 You'd have to ask for tickets to that. 46 00:01:58,403 --> 00:02:00,374 Okay. Five tickets for 47 00:02:00,407 --> 00:02:02,679 American Liberty Bank Witch Day. 48 00:02:02,746 --> 00:02:04,448 Presents Witch Day. 49 00:02:04,516 --> 00:02:07,121 American Liberty Bank presents Witch Day. 50 00:02:07,187 --> 00:02:08,691 There ya go. 51 00:02:08,724 --> 00:02:10,762 Have a spooky, good time. 52 00:02:10,795 --> 00:02:12,899 American Liberty Bank takes no responsibility 53 00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:15,270 for you having a spooky, good time. 54 00:02:15,304 --> 00:02:18,711 All right, who's ready for some family Witch Day fun? 55 00:02:18,778 --> 00:02:19,980 Me, me, me! 56 00:02:20,013 --> 00:02:22,051 Oh, there's my friends. See ya. 57 00:02:22,117 --> 00:02:24,523 Sup? 58 00:02:27,762 --> 00:02:29,900 Okay, girls, if you're gonna scream or cry, 59 00:02:29,933 --> 00:02:31,704 let me know, so I can take a video. 60 00:02:33,841 --> 00:02:37,549 Now, we're talking. Scare the hell out of us. 61 00:02:37,649 --> 00:02:39,786 I'm going to slash 62 00:02:39,853 --> 00:02:42,057 your ATM fees in half. 63 00:02:42,124 --> 00:02:44,896 Oh. 64 00:02:44,930 --> 00:02:48,136 - I'm Freddie Mac. - I'm Fanny Mae. 65 00:02:48,203 --> 00:02:51,710 both: And we want to finance your home forever 66 00:02:51,744 --> 00:02:53,848 and ever and ever. 67 00:02:53,881 --> 00:02:55,852 Can we just nap on a hay bale? 68 00:02:57,221 --> 00:02:59,191 Hey, Mr. Mitch, nice cloak. 69 00:02:59,258 --> 00:03:00,494 Thanks. It's my bathrobe. 70 00:03:00,561 --> 00:03:02,398 I just pinned some stars and moons on it. 71 00:03:02,431 --> 00:03:04,736 Step inside Mr. Mitch's midnight massacre, 72 00:03:04,770 --> 00:03:06,974 a totally immersive terror experience. 73 00:03:07,007 --> 00:03:09,311 No offense, but everything and everyone here sucks butt. 74 00:03:09,378 --> 00:03:12,719 We're getting too old to be scared by Witch Day junk. 75 00:03:12,752 --> 00:03:14,455 That's 'cause you haven't seen my junk. 76 00:03:14,556 --> 00:03:16,125 Come on, guys. 77 00:03:16,192 --> 00:03:17,494 Let's give his junk a chance. 78 00:03:17,529 --> 00:03:19,966 I bet it's gross and scary. 79 00:03:19,966 --> 00:03:21,737 Mia said something. Let's do it. 80 00:03:21,804 --> 00:03:23,808 Cool. Enter if you scare. 81 00:03:23,841 --> 00:03:26,747 Yeah, that's good. 82 00:03:30,487 --> 00:03:33,493 Bark, bark. I vant to suck your blood. 83 00:03:33,527 --> 00:03:35,932 Uh-oh, I think I see my man, Frankenstein. 84 00:03:35,998 --> 00:03:38,136 Damn, that's just my gym sock. 85 00:03:38,203 --> 00:03:40,474 Let's get out of here. It's a puppet show. 86 00:03:40,508 --> 00:03:41,944 We're definitely too old for this. 87 00:03:42,010 --> 00:03:45,350 Yeah, let's blow this totally immersive terror experience. 88 00:03:45,383 --> 00:03:47,254 It's like an A24 movie. 89 00:03:47,287 --> 00:03:49,191 Not scary, but maybe smart. 90 00:03:49,225 --> 00:03:50,393 We're done here. 91 00:03:55,170 --> 00:03:57,542 Banking with American Liberty is a no-brainer. 92 00:03:57,609 --> 00:03:59,145 This is supposed to be 93 00:03:59,211 --> 00:04:01,349 a festival of women being falsely persecuted 94 00:04:01,416 --> 00:04:02,519 for crops going bad. 95 00:04:02,585 --> 00:04:04,021 They've taken the magic out of it. 96 00:04:04,054 --> 00:04:07,494 Ugh, I hate seeing our kids not scared to death. 97 00:04:07,529 --> 00:04:09,766 Let's put on a Witch Day of our own at home. 98 00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:13,106 Yeah, we don't need this corporate jive-fest. 99 00:04:13,206 --> 00:04:15,277 DIY Witch Day. 100 00:04:15,310 --> 00:04:16,479 Hey, wait up. 101 00:04:16,513 --> 00:04:18,684 We want out of this babbu Witch Day too. 102 00:04:18,751 --> 00:04:21,824 Hey, there's a $10 disappointment fee. 103 00:04:24,529 --> 00:04:26,567 Gee, I wonder if when the girl splashes 104 00:04:26,633 --> 00:04:28,470 cold water on her face, in the bathroom mirror 105 00:04:28,504 --> 00:04:31,510 suddenly there'll be a killer behind her. 106 00:04:33,279 --> 00:04:34,716 Yawn. 107 00:04:34,783 --> 00:04:37,622 This movie is, like, "IT" with an S-H in front of it. 108 00:04:37,689 --> 00:04:39,693 Yeah, maybe we are too old to be scared. 109 00:04:42,064 --> 00:04:43,133 Hang on. My phone's on silent. 110 00:04:44,268 --> 00:04:46,707 I've hacked your devices and gained access 111 00:04:46,773 --> 00:04:48,978 to your most embarrassing personal videos. 112 00:04:49,044 --> 00:04:52,819 Bring me $200 in untraceable Cheesecake Warehouse 113 00:04:52,886 --> 00:04:54,088 gift cards by midnight 114 00:04:54,121 --> 00:04:57,194 or I release the videos to everyone in your contacts. 115 00:04:57,227 --> 00:04:59,498 And to prove it... 116 00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:01,837 Hey, Beyoncé, Mia Abara here, 117 00:05:01,870 --> 00:05:03,439 activist and also, hot. 118 00:05:03,507 --> 00:05:05,978 Just wanted to show you this dance move I came up with. 119 00:05:06,045 --> 00:05:07,080 Whoo. 120 00:05:07,147 --> 00:05:08,717 Oh, God. Bey, no, no. 121 00:05:08,784 --> 00:05:10,955 That's not part of the dance. 122 00:05:11,022 --> 00:05:12,659 Turn it off. - Man! 123 00:05:12,725 --> 00:05:15,263 For a vegan, you can really rip 'em. 124 00:05:15,297 --> 00:05:17,502 The other videos are far worse. 125 00:05:17,602 --> 00:05:20,741 Get the gift cards and await further instructions. 126 00:05:20,775 --> 00:05:22,946 You heard that freak in the plague mask. 127 00:05:22,979 --> 00:05:25,751 To the Cheesecake Warehouse. 128 00:05:27,856 --> 00:05:32,732 Welcome to the Harris family Witch Day. 129 00:05:32,799 --> 00:05:35,036 Presents Witch Day. 130 00:05:35,070 --> 00:05:36,907 Some other little kids were here before you. 131 00:05:37,007 --> 00:05:39,245 We dismembered them and filled these bowls 132 00:05:39,311 --> 00:05:41,482 with their body parts. Feel their eyeballs. 133 00:05:41,550 --> 00:05:44,388 I'm gonna ralph. 134 00:05:44,421 --> 00:05:46,760 These are worms we pulled out of their stomachs. 135 00:05:47,829 --> 00:05:49,866 Why did they eat so many worms? 136 00:05:49,900 --> 00:05:52,237 We forced them to before we murdered them. 137 00:05:52,271 --> 00:05:54,441 You're so good with kids, honey. 138 00:05:54,475 --> 00:05:55,878 We're gonna set up the next scare. 139 00:05:55,912 --> 00:05:58,116 Wait a minute. These ain't no freakin' worms. 140 00:05:58,149 --> 00:06:01,890 There's spaghets and they're al dent. 141 00:06:01,957 --> 00:06:03,994 Oh, my stars! 142 00:06:04,028 --> 00:06:07,802 Kimberly, bring him back. I only have two friends. 143 00:06:07,802 --> 00:06:10,340 I didn't do anything. Where did he go? 144 00:06:10,373 --> 00:06:11,442 I'm in your freakin' wall. 145 00:06:11,510 --> 00:06:14,983 There's ghosts up the wazoo in here and termites. 146 00:06:16,620 --> 00:06:18,657 Oh, thank you, big guy. 147 00:06:18,724 --> 00:06:21,195 And that's why you take communion. 148 00:06:21,262 --> 00:06:22,431 What happened? 149 00:06:22,497 --> 00:06:25,538 You got some gabba-ghouls in these walls. 150 00:06:25,605 --> 00:06:27,675 I'm out of here. Let's go, B. 151 00:06:34,188 --> 00:06:36,526 Take that, American Liberty Bank. 152 00:06:36,593 --> 00:06:38,396 Excellent child scaring, honey. 153 00:06:39,699 --> 00:06:41,904 Okay. A little late, but we'll take it. 154 00:06:41,937 --> 00:06:45,310 Who dares disturb my eternal sleep? 155 00:06:45,377 --> 00:06:48,416 all: Gabba-ghoul! 156 00:06:52,291 --> 00:06:53,994 I told you not to disturb the dead. 157 00:06:54,061 --> 00:06:55,230 Where's my good sage? 158 00:06:55,297 --> 00:06:57,434 - On top of my toilet. - Never mind. 159 00:06:58,804 --> 00:07:01,442 Oh, my God, she's horrifying. 160 00:07:01,475 --> 00:07:04,315 Hello. I'm floating right here. 161 00:07:04,348 --> 00:07:06,285 The ghost looks like you, Mommy. 162 00:07:06,319 --> 00:07:07,855 - Huh? - Hmm? 163 00:07:07,889 --> 00:07:09,526 Hmm. Hmm. 164 00:07:09,559 --> 00:07:13,166 That's my great-great- great-great cousin Winifred, 165 00:07:13,199 --> 00:07:15,103 the one whose tombstone we took. 166 00:07:15,136 --> 00:07:17,709 I wonder if her being here is connected to that. 167 00:07:17,742 --> 00:07:20,046 It's not-not connected. 168 00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:23,754 How exciting to catch up with a dead cousin. 169 00:07:23,821 --> 00:07:25,256 I don't talk to any of my living ones 170 00:07:25,290 --> 00:07:26,727 'cause they're judgmental trash. 171 00:07:26,793 --> 00:07:28,831 I got a million questions for you. 172 00:07:28,831 --> 00:07:31,737 I'd be happy to answer them all for you over dinner. 173 00:07:31,770 --> 00:07:35,176 I'll make a pot of my famous fox stew. 174 00:07:35,210 --> 00:07:36,880 Be right back. Here, foxy. 175 00:07:36,947 --> 00:07:39,351 Wow. This is gonna be fun, huh? 176 00:07:39,385 --> 00:07:41,122 Mom, ghosts don't usually come back 177 00:07:41,188 --> 00:07:42,592 to make dinner and have an AMA. 178 00:07:42,625 --> 00:07:44,829 Trust me, she's got unfinished business. 179 00:07:44,863 --> 00:07:47,067 I'm sure there's a perfectly innocent reason 180 00:07:47,167 --> 00:07:48,169 her soul can't rest. 181 00:07:48,236 --> 00:07:50,908 Now, go screw the plastic wine glasses together. 182 00:07:50,975 --> 00:07:52,712 I don't want to have dinner with her. 183 00:07:52,812 --> 00:07:54,616 She smells like a thousand dead birds. 184 00:07:54,683 --> 00:07:56,586 Yes, we can all smell her, 185 00:07:56,653 --> 00:07:58,557 but she's family and you'll be there. 186 00:08:00,761 --> 00:08:03,567 That fox sounded really old, right? 187 00:08:05,370 --> 00:08:08,376 Wow, standing in line is 2,500 calories. 188 00:08:08,443 --> 00:08:09,679 All right, y'all, let's hear it. 189 00:08:09,746 --> 00:08:11,115 What's the worst video you got? 190 00:08:11,148 --> 00:08:13,787 Mine was me squatting over my phone with no pants on 191 00:08:13,787 --> 00:08:15,524 for medical reasons. Bex? 192 00:08:15,591 --> 00:08:18,897 I was rapping along to Soulja Boy's album. 193 00:08:18,964 --> 00:08:22,070 Every, single word. 194 00:08:22,104 --> 00:08:23,306 - What? - Whoa. 195 00:08:23,373 --> 00:08:25,544 Yikes. Wolf? 196 00:08:26,847 --> 00:08:29,919 Why are boys always squattin' over phones? 197 00:08:29,986 --> 00:08:32,090 All right, Duncan, you're the only one left. 198 00:08:32,157 --> 00:08:35,263 No way. It's way worse than any of yours. 199 00:08:35,330 --> 00:08:37,835 - Worse than this? - Ah. Stop, Wolf. 200 00:08:39,438 --> 00:08:41,510 Welcome to Cheesecake Warehouse. 201 00:08:41,543 --> 00:08:43,079 Five for dinner? - God, no. 202 00:08:43,146 --> 00:08:44,883 We need $200 in gift cards. 203 00:08:44,949 --> 00:08:47,154 Ooh, being blackmailed by a psycho? 204 00:08:47,154 --> 00:08:49,024 That's most of our business. 205 00:08:50,895 --> 00:08:53,166 Now, what do we do? 206 00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:55,571 I sent a car that will bring you to me. 207 00:08:55,638 --> 00:08:57,642 What kind of music would you prefer? 208 00:08:57,675 --> 00:08:58,911 Soulja Boy. 209 00:08:58,944 --> 00:09:00,781 all: No. 210 00:09:03,654 --> 00:09:05,691 Hello. Are you-- 211 00:09:05,758 --> 00:09:07,528 hold on, let me check my phone-- 212 00:09:07,562 --> 00:09:08,797 victims? 213 00:09:08,831 --> 00:09:10,300 We gotta take the chance. 214 00:09:10,366 --> 00:09:11,770 I don't want my video getting out. 215 00:09:11,803 --> 00:09:14,809 And he does have a 4.8. 216 00:09:14,909 --> 00:09:17,648 Ooh, little water bottles. 217 00:09:19,184 --> 00:09:20,487 Mm, mm, mm. 218 00:09:20,554 --> 00:09:22,491 This fox stew is amazing. 219 00:09:22,558 --> 00:09:24,729 So much better than Cheesecake Warehouse fox. 220 00:09:24,796 --> 00:09:26,031 So, Cousin Winnie, 221 00:09:26,098 --> 00:09:28,904 tell me all about your life in olden times. 222 00:09:28,937 --> 00:09:31,308 Were you a career gal? - Oh, yes. 223 00:09:31,375 --> 00:09:33,346 I placed notices from the constables 224 00:09:33,413 --> 00:09:35,450 on carriages that were parked too long. 225 00:09:35,483 --> 00:09:38,791 We're parking enforcement sisters. 226 00:09:38,824 --> 00:09:39,559 Whoo! 227 00:09:39,592 --> 00:09:40,895 That was cold 228 00:09:40,961 --> 00:09:42,865 and I had a vision of my death. 229 00:09:42,932 --> 00:09:45,437 You've crafted a fine home for your family, Jack. 230 00:09:45,504 --> 00:09:49,144 Oh, I didn't build it, but I did help find the realtor. 231 00:09:49,211 --> 00:09:51,783 have you ever considered growing muttonchops? 232 00:09:51,850 --> 00:09:53,787 They'd be quite becoming on you. 233 00:09:53,854 --> 00:09:56,927 I really wanted to but Annie said no. 234 00:09:56,993 --> 00:09:59,966 You know, Winifred, we can buy butter in stores now. 235 00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:03,139 I'll take you later in our automobile. 236 00:10:03,206 --> 00:10:04,876 Ooh, that would be lovely. 237 00:10:04,943 --> 00:10:07,915 Jack, can you escort me? Hmm. 238 00:10:07,982 --> 00:10:10,120 Is the dead chick hitting on dad? 239 00:10:10,186 --> 00:10:12,090 Dead, smelly chick. 240 00:10:12,124 --> 00:10:14,896 She's a ghost, girls. Don't be silly. 241 00:10:14,929 --> 00:10:17,602 Ooh, hold the fox's fur up to your cheeks. 242 00:10:17,635 --> 00:10:19,438 Very strapping. 243 00:10:19,506 --> 00:10:22,477 Your jaw is strong like a magistrates. 244 00:10:22,512 --> 00:10:25,416 A magistrate? Ooh. 245 00:10:25,483 --> 00:10:26,820 Hmm? 246 00:10:30,193 --> 00:10:31,796 "No cell service"? 247 00:10:31,863 --> 00:10:34,468 How do people call for help if they need it? 248 00:10:34,536 --> 00:10:36,038 all: Oh. 249 00:10:36,105 --> 00:10:38,176 Just 'cause a town has a scary name 250 00:10:38,242 --> 00:10:39,979 doesn't mean it's evil. 251 00:10:47,427 --> 00:10:50,366 Okay, a gas station that does not sell premium. 252 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:51,368 We are gonna die. 253 00:10:51,435 --> 00:10:54,141 Been driving two days straight. 254 00:10:54,141 --> 00:10:55,678 Need an energy drink. 255 00:10:55,711 --> 00:10:56,713 Monster? 256 00:10:56,780 --> 00:10:58,249 No. Why would you say that? 257 00:10:58,349 --> 00:11:02,792 I'll take a beverage and if they have peanut M&M's... 258 00:11:02,825 --> 00:11:05,664 Okay, we need a plan in case this guy tries to kill us. 259 00:11:05,698 --> 00:11:07,133 I say, hide behind Mia. 260 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:09,271 She's got major "Final Girl" energy. 261 00:11:09,338 --> 00:11:11,075 - What about me? - You the clown. 262 00:11:11,141 --> 00:11:13,312 The fact that you're still alive is a miracle. 263 00:11:13,346 --> 00:11:16,151 Hey, guys, he's not buying an energy drink. 264 00:11:16,218 --> 00:11:19,091 He's got a shovel, duct tape, and a plastic tarp. 265 00:11:19,157 --> 00:11:21,897 No peanut M&M's? I know he heard me. 266 00:11:21,963 --> 00:11:23,332 Wait, he just grabbed the energy drink. 267 00:11:25,236 --> 00:11:28,109 And he's bashing the cashier to death with it. 268 00:11:28,142 --> 00:11:30,548 I'm calling the Bloodville police. 269 00:11:30,581 --> 00:11:32,017 No cell service! 270 00:11:32,083 --> 00:11:33,587 Here he comes. Run for it. 271 00:11:35,591 --> 00:11:37,828 Hey, your M&M's! 272 00:11:37,862 --> 00:11:40,300 - Oh, sweet. - Duncan, no. 273 00:11:46,846 --> 00:11:48,684 How does he know where we are? 274 00:11:49,852 --> 00:11:53,627 Hey, guys, hope you don't think this bit is too corny. 275 00:11:53,660 --> 00:11:54,494 Oh. 276 00:11:54,629 --> 00:11:58,870 Oh, they were right. The clown dies first. 277 00:11:58,971 --> 00:12:00,473 Don't die for a pun, Bex. 278 00:12:02,010 --> 00:12:03,547 - Whoo-hoo. - ♪ Get out the way ♪ 279 00:12:03,647 --> 00:12:07,153 ♪ Old Dan Tucker, you're too late to get your supper ♪ 280 00:12:07,187 --> 00:12:10,426 Don't tell the pastor I'm jigging so shamelessly. 281 00:12:10,460 --> 00:12:13,734 Oh, it feels good. 282 00:12:13,767 --> 00:12:14,569 Hurry up, Kimberly. 283 00:12:14,636 --> 00:12:16,005 Tell me what my cousin is doing here. 284 00:12:16,071 --> 00:12:17,608 That fox is going right through me. 285 00:12:17,642 --> 00:12:18,543 Okay, here it is. 286 00:12:18,710 --> 00:12:21,783 Winifred had a beau named Jackariah Harrisburg. 287 00:12:21,850 --> 00:12:22,952 He was dad's 288 00:12:22,985 --> 00:12:24,622 great-great-great-great-great cousin. 289 00:12:24,656 --> 00:12:27,260 Here's a link to a drawing. - Daddy. 290 00:12:27,294 --> 00:12:29,766 No wonder she was hot for chops. 291 00:12:29,832 --> 00:12:32,203 That shady, stinky lady. 292 00:12:32,270 --> 00:12:34,809 Jackariah stood her up on her wedding day 293 00:12:34,876 --> 00:12:36,211 and she was never the same. 294 00:12:36,278 --> 00:12:38,249 She was committed to The Home For Upset Women 295 00:12:38,316 --> 00:12:40,955 because "the devil got her brain". 296 00:12:41,021 --> 00:12:42,123 What did I tell you, Mom? 297 00:12:42,223 --> 00:12:45,531 Her unfinished business is getting up in dad's business. 298 00:12:45,597 --> 00:12:47,067 That's it. Get your sage. 299 00:12:47,133 --> 00:12:49,606 I'm sending this bitch back to 1693. 300 00:12:49,639 --> 00:12:51,241 This smelly bitch. 301 00:12:51,275 --> 00:12:54,414 Okay, Jing, once she's gone, you're back to no cursing. 302 00:12:54,481 --> 00:12:55,483 Damn. 303 00:13:00,059 --> 00:13:01,696 The jig is up, Winifred. 304 00:13:01,763 --> 00:13:04,802 Get your dead, filthy hands off my husband. 305 00:13:04,869 --> 00:13:07,040 My chops! 306 00:13:07,107 --> 00:13:09,311 Mind your own business, cousin. 307 00:13:09,344 --> 00:13:12,585 Jack, this ghostly trollop is trying to steal you from me. 308 00:13:12,618 --> 00:13:15,557 Dad, you look exactly like your cousin, Jackariah, 309 00:13:15,591 --> 00:13:17,160 the man who left her at the altar. 310 00:13:17,227 --> 00:13:22,270 My God, I really would look good in muttonchops. 311 00:13:22,304 --> 00:13:24,141 Like Wolverine. So hot. 312 00:13:24,207 --> 00:13:26,880 Jack, I'm taking you to the spirit realm 313 00:13:26,946 --> 00:13:28,917 where we can spend eternity. 314 00:13:28,950 --> 00:13:30,954 I'm gonna jig your brains out. 315 00:13:31,021 --> 00:13:32,758 I don't think so, cuz. 316 00:13:32,825 --> 00:13:35,229 Kimberly, toilet sage her back to hell. 317 00:13:35,296 --> 00:13:38,035 I banish thee back to the afterlife. 318 00:13:45,584 --> 00:13:49,157 Wow. She really had me under some kind of spell. 319 00:13:49,257 --> 00:13:51,028 That's the only possible explanation 320 00:13:51,095 --> 00:13:53,800 for me being so into it, right? Right? 321 00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:55,771 What a Witch Day. 322 00:13:55,804 --> 00:13:58,910 Okay, I'm gonna take my bra off and drink wine. 323 00:14:02,350 --> 00:14:06,358 I will not be abandoned a second time. 324 00:14:06,425 --> 00:14:07,828 That's Winifred! 325 00:14:09,364 --> 00:14:12,070 Whatever Dad did in that bathroom ruined my sage. 326 00:14:12,137 --> 00:14:14,575 Why do we keep that damn doll? 327 00:14:15,611 --> 00:14:17,815 I'm dragging you to hell, Jack. 328 00:14:17,882 --> 00:14:20,053 Sorry about me going bananas in your house. 329 00:14:20,119 --> 00:14:22,323 Hope these cannolis will-- 330 00:14:22,390 --> 00:14:24,361 Help me, Little Joey! 331 00:14:30,708 --> 00:14:33,412 You are not dragging my husband to the afterlife. 332 00:14:33,446 --> 00:14:36,285 We have parent-teacher conferences next week. 333 00:14:37,555 --> 00:14:39,391 You can have his carcass. 334 00:14:39,458 --> 00:14:42,363 I just need his soul. 335 00:14:44,502 --> 00:14:48,342 Back in my day, this is how we said "hello." 336 00:14:49,411 --> 00:14:51,381 I'm not gonna let some Cabbage Patch Kid 337 00:14:51,415 --> 00:14:52,585 kill my husband. 338 00:14:54,922 --> 00:14:57,628 Then you and all your children will be cursed. 339 00:14:57,695 --> 00:14:59,297 Your tongues will become snakes, 340 00:14:59,331 --> 00:15:02,203 jump down your throats, and eat your intestines. 341 00:15:03,439 --> 00:15:04,474 We'll miss you, Dad. 342 00:15:04,509 --> 00:15:07,046 Wait, don't curse anyone. 343 00:15:07,113 --> 00:15:09,317 I'll come with you. Just let me say goodbye. 344 00:15:09,351 --> 00:15:11,422 - Jack, no! - I'll make it work. 345 00:15:11,455 --> 00:15:13,359 The kids can visit me in the afterlife 346 00:15:13,392 --> 00:15:14,662 every other weekend. 347 00:15:14,695 --> 00:15:16,766 Sex is gonna be painful and scary, 348 00:15:16,766 --> 00:15:18,169 but I'll get used to it. 349 00:15:18,202 --> 00:15:20,941 You're accepting this way too easy. 350 00:15:23,980 --> 00:15:25,116 We can hide in there. 351 00:15:26,719 --> 00:15:29,257 No way. There's probably old guys walking around 352 00:15:29,324 --> 00:15:30,928 in gowns with their butts out. 353 00:15:30,961 --> 00:15:32,230 Or we can die out here. 354 00:15:32,263 --> 00:15:34,234 Yeah, you could die out here. 355 00:15:34,301 --> 00:15:35,571 I'm rolling with "Final Girl", 356 00:15:35,637 --> 00:15:38,175 but I will not be the dude who sacrifices himself 357 00:15:38,242 --> 00:15:40,313 to buy you some extra time. 358 00:15:40,379 --> 00:15:41,649 Meddling kids. 359 00:15:46,492 --> 00:15:48,597 Down here. 360 00:15:48,663 --> 00:15:49,699 Yikes. 361 00:15:49,765 --> 00:15:51,636 The basement of an insane asylum. 362 00:15:51,703 --> 00:15:53,940 Well, I'm crappin' my pants. 363 00:15:56,378 --> 00:15:58,415 You'll explain to Duncan that the creepy doll 364 00:15:58,482 --> 00:16:00,219 possessed by your ancestor's ghost 365 00:16:00,253 --> 00:16:02,390 dragged me to the afterlife? - Of course. 366 00:16:02,423 --> 00:16:04,427 So how would you like to die, Jack? 367 00:16:04,461 --> 00:16:06,165 Well, I've given that a lot of thought. 368 00:16:06,231 --> 00:16:08,369 Heroin is pretty rock 'n' roll, 369 00:16:08,402 --> 00:16:10,406 but a feel a little weird OD'ing in front of my kids. 370 00:16:10,473 --> 00:16:13,547 So will you shoot me while I eat a quesadilla? 371 00:16:13,613 --> 00:16:15,617 Ooh, whatever my man wants. 372 00:16:17,153 --> 00:16:18,757 Please let me make the quesadilla. 373 00:16:18,857 --> 00:16:20,259 I know how much butter he likes. 374 00:16:20,326 --> 00:16:22,263 A lot. - Pull it together, Mom. 375 00:16:22,330 --> 00:16:24,334 I'm gonna try a spell to summon Jackariah, 376 00:16:24,367 --> 00:16:26,038 so Winifred will go back with him. 377 00:16:26,104 --> 00:16:28,577 Jackariah Harris, I summon you 378 00:16:28,677 --> 00:16:32,685 to fetch Winifred, your bride. 379 00:16:32,751 --> 00:16:33,787 all: Huh? 380 00:16:33,854 --> 00:16:36,291 Well, that was a big nothing. 381 00:16:36,325 --> 00:16:38,897 It didn't work again. You're bad at magic. 382 00:16:42,605 --> 00:16:44,341 Oink, meow to ye. 383 00:16:46,144 --> 00:16:49,284 all: Huh. 384 00:16:50,453 --> 00:16:52,525 Mr. Mitch, you've gotta help us. 385 00:16:52,558 --> 00:16:54,027 What the hell is wrong with you? 386 00:16:54,094 --> 00:16:55,096 I'm gonna die. 387 00:16:55,162 --> 00:16:56,298 Give plague mask the gift cards. 388 00:16:56,365 --> 00:16:57,735 That's the only way to stop it. 389 00:16:57,768 --> 00:16:59,137 I dropped them in the corn field. 390 00:16:59,170 --> 00:17:01,509 How much time before the buzz saw tears your face off? 391 00:17:01,576 --> 00:17:02,443 Ten seconds. 392 00:17:02,511 --> 00:17:05,149 That's cutting it close. Get it? 393 00:17:05,182 --> 00:17:06,953 How am I not dead yet? 394 00:17:08,122 --> 00:17:10,459 Stop. Don't kill him. 395 00:17:12,932 --> 00:17:15,469 There I just sent my embarrassing video 396 00:17:15,537 --> 00:17:16,639 to all my contacts. 397 00:17:16,673 --> 00:17:19,845 Will you at least accept that? 398 00:17:19,879 --> 00:17:22,050 Oh, sure. Now, there's cell service. 399 00:17:24,522 --> 00:17:26,659 Hey, Mia, it's me, Duncan, from high school 400 00:17:26,693 --> 00:17:29,231 and, like, hanging out. Um, the first time I saw you, 401 00:17:29,297 --> 00:17:31,435 I felt like I had to pee, but I didn't. 402 00:17:31,502 --> 00:17:33,707 Oh, that blows. Start over. Okay. 403 00:17:33,773 --> 00:17:35,944 Hey, Mia, me go movies with you? 404 00:17:35,978 --> 00:17:37,715 Mom wants your dirty underwear. 405 00:17:37,781 --> 00:17:40,186 Get out! 406 00:17:40,787 --> 00:17:42,625 Aw. 407 00:17:42,658 --> 00:17:45,797 Damn, you made my squat video look good. 408 00:17:45,864 --> 00:17:48,937 Yeah, Duncan, you should've waited another couple seconds. 409 00:17:48,970 --> 00:17:49,872 Happy Witch Day. 410 00:17:50,039 --> 00:17:52,611 I hope you enjoyed Mr. Mitch's Midnight Massacre, 411 00:17:52,645 --> 00:17:54,916 a totally immersive terror experience. 412 00:17:54,949 --> 00:17:56,719 Exit to your left. 413 00:17:56,786 --> 00:17:57,588 all: Huh? 414 00:17:57,655 --> 00:18:00,159 For once in my life, I'm confused. 415 00:18:00,192 --> 00:18:01,428 Everything that happened tonight 416 00:18:01,495 --> 00:18:03,499 was a part of my scary attraction. 417 00:18:03,533 --> 00:18:05,771 That's the back of my booth right there. 418 00:18:05,804 --> 00:18:07,808 Wait. What about plague mask? 419 00:18:07,875 --> 00:18:10,814 That was just Mavis wearing a mask filled with peanut butter. 420 00:18:13,753 --> 00:18:14,755 And that creepy Uber driver? 421 00:18:14,855 --> 00:18:17,561 Oh, that's Gerald Perry, the school drama teacher. 422 00:18:17,628 --> 00:18:19,297 Get in here, Gerald. 423 00:18:19,331 --> 00:18:21,335 The world is a stage. 424 00:18:21,368 --> 00:18:22,738 You were never in danger. 425 00:18:22,838 --> 00:18:24,040 Nobody hacked your phones. 426 00:18:24,107 --> 00:18:26,044 But you leaked Mia's video. 427 00:18:26,111 --> 00:18:27,548 We saw her rip one. 428 00:18:27,615 --> 00:18:29,552 Actually, that video was a fake. 429 00:18:29,619 --> 00:18:31,221 I helped Mr. Mitch put this all together 430 00:18:31,254 --> 00:18:34,160 because you guys said you were too old to be scared. 431 00:18:34,227 --> 00:18:36,231 Gotcha. - Oh, yeah. 432 00:18:36,298 --> 00:18:39,004 Uh, my video was fake too. Gotcha. 433 00:18:39,070 --> 00:18:40,674 I hope I didn't traumatize you too bad 434 00:18:40,741 --> 00:18:42,911 with all the thinking you were gonna die and whatnot. 435 00:18:42,945 --> 00:18:45,416 Are you kidding me? We'll need therapy for years 436 00:18:45,449 --> 00:18:48,022 and that, my friend, is entertainment. 437 00:18:48,088 --> 00:18:50,426 - Can we do it again? - Give me a minute. 438 00:18:50,493 --> 00:18:53,432 This immersive experience is a bitch to reset. 439 00:18:53,499 --> 00:18:55,436 Places. 440 00:18:56,038 --> 00:18:58,375 Too bad that video was a fake, Duncan. 441 00:18:58,442 --> 00:18:59,812 I might've gone to a movie with you. 442 00:18:59,845 --> 00:19:01,448 It was real. 443 00:19:01,516 --> 00:19:03,452 My underwear was filthy. Ask Kimberly. 444 00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:07,895 I mean, uh, me love go movie sometime. 445 00:19:08,195 --> 00:19:10,199 I am Jackariah Harrisburg, 446 00:19:10,266 --> 00:19:12,403 war hero and vigorous lover. 447 00:19:12,504 --> 00:19:14,140 Who disturbs my eternal rest? 448 00:19:14,174 --> 00:19:16,779 And why do I have a little, curly pig tail? 449 00:19:16,813 --> 00:19:19,117 'Cause she's bad at magic. 450 00:19:19,150 --> 00:19:21,556 Look, Winifred, Jackariah came back for you. 451 00:19:21,589 --> 00:19:23,960 Jackariah, is it really you? 452 00:19:24,027 --> 00:19:25,530 Yes, 'tis me. 453 00:19:25,597 --> 00:19:27,701 I've been searching the spirit realm to tell you 454 00:19:27,735 --> 00:19:29,672 I didn't stand you up at our wedding. 455 00:19:29,739 --> 00:19:32,377 I was working overtime at the mill when it collapsed. 456 00:19:32,443 --> 00:19:34,582 I was saving up to buy you a goat. 457 00:19:34,648 --> 00:19:35,851 Oh, Jackariah. 458 00:19:35,917 --> 00:19:39,157 But my neck was snapped by a big, old bag of flour. 459 00:19:39,190 --> 00:19:40,560 I have loved only you 460 00:19:40,627 --> 00:19:42,765 and waited centuries for us to be together. 461 00:19:42,831 --> 00:19:47,440 Are you ready for some vigorous loving as my eternal wife? 462 00:19:47,508 --> 00:19:49,277 Nah. I have a new beau. 463 00:19:49,310 --> 00:19:52,116 Jack Harris, hunter of realtors. 464 00:19:52,150 --> 00:19:53,285 Hi. 465 00:19:53,318 --> 00:19:54,755 A new beau? 466 00:19:54,822 --> 00:19:55,791 Did you jig for him? 467 00:19:55,857 --> 00:19:58,830 Hey, did she jig for you? Did you jig my wife? 468 00:19:58,897 --> 00:20:00,099 I don't think-- 469 00:20:00,166 --> 00:20:02,270 I don't even-- - 'Tis a simple question! 470 00:20:02,336 --> 00:20:05,176 Did you jig my wife? 471 00:20:05,209 --> 00:20:06,512 Enough hocus pocus. 472 00:20:06,579 --> 00:20:10,286 Let's do this 21st century style and kick some ass. 473 00:20:20,674 --> 00:20:22,376 Whoo. 474 00:20:26,351 --> 00:20:29,390 Yeah. Always put away your toys. 475 00:20:29,457 --> 00:20:30,794 - Oh, what's going on? - Let me go. 476 00:20:30,861 --> 00:20:32,063 Let us out of here. 477 00:20:32,130 --> 00:20:33,398 Oh, thank God. 478 00:20:33,465 --> 00:20:35,771 I can still feel her slimy tongue in my ear. 479 00:20:35,804 --> 00:20:37,775 Okay, somebody remind me they're up there 480 00:20:37,808 --> 00:20:39,745 when we get the Christmas decorations. 481 00:20:39,779 --> 00:20:42,718 Nobody, dead or alive, licks my man. 482 00:20:42,751 --> 00:20:44,220 Jig for me, baby. 483 00:20:48,696 --> 00:20:50,600 Of all the things I saw today, 484 00:20:50,634 --> 00:20:53,573 this is what I'll have nightmares about. 485 00:20:57,881 --> 00:20:59,518 ♪ Christmas, Christmas ♪ 486 00:20:59,585 --> 00:21:01,656 ♪ Throw a pine cone on the fire ♪ 487 00:21:01,722 --> 00:21:03,158 Jack, I'm gonna go up to the attic 488 00:21:03,192 --> 00:21:04,762 to get the Christmas decorations. 489 00:21:04,829 --> 00:21:06,298 Okay, have fun. 490 00:21:07,868 --> 00:21:09,939 Hi-ya. 491 00:21:10,005 --> 00:21:11,976 Jack, I told you to remind me. 492 00:21:12,009 --> 00:21:14,380 - About what? - We're free! 493 00:21:14,414 --> 00:21:16,251 Suck out their souls for energy. 494 00:21:16,284 --> 00:21:18,756 On it. 495 00:21:20,126 --> 00:21:21,996 Hey, my mom baked Christmas cookies. 496 00:21:22,029 --> 00:21:24,267 Baby Jesus! 497 00:21:27,406 --> 00:21:29,344 Ho, ho, ho. 498 00:21:29,410 --> 00:21:31,782 Happy Witch Day, everyone. 34019

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