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1
00:00:00,869 --> 00:00:03,875
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
2
00:00:05,645 --> 00:00:07,549
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
3
00:00:09,553 --> 00:00:11,524
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
4
00:00:13,594 --> 00:00:15,497
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
5
00:00:17,334 --> 00:00:19,573
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
6
00:00:21,744 --> 00:00:24,148
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
7
00:00:25,952 --> 00:00:26,921
Mommy.
8
00:00:28,089 --> 00:00:29,258
both: Duncan.
9
00:00:30,895 --> 00:00:35,170
♪ Witch Day, Witch Day,
throw crones upon the pyre ♪
10
00:00:35,204 --> 00:00:37,208
Happy witch day, Huxter.
11
00:00:37,308 --> 00:00:39,580
I'm a little dirtbag.
Oink, meow.
12
00:00:39,613 --> 00:00:41,951
Why are these fake
tombstones so heavy?
13
00:00:42,017 --> 00:00:42,986
'Cause they're real.
14
00:00:43,086 --> 00:00:45,057
I had your father borrow them
from the cemetery.
15
00:00:45,090 --> 00:00:46,059
Oh, my God.
16
00:00:46,159 --> 00:00:47,061
How many times have I told you,
17
00:00:47,127 --> 00:00:48,463
do not disturb the dead?
18
00:00:48,531 --> 00:00:50,935
Calm down.
They're our relatives.
19
00:00:51,002 --> 00:00:53,440
Jam them in the dirt, Jack, respectfully.
20
00:00:55,778 --> 00:00:58,483
"Reader's Digest" told me
about this amazing new website,
21
00:00:58,551 --> 00:01:00,888
AncestorsLife.com.
22
00:01:00,955 --> 00:01:02,491
At first I misspelled it
with an I
23
00:01:02,525 --> 00:01:03,961
and that website
was disgusting,
24
00:01:03,995 --> 00:01:08,169
but AncestorsLife.com tells you
the history of your family
25
00:01:08,203 --> 00:01:10,007
and their gruesome deaths.
26
00:01:10,040 --> 00:01:12,545
People died in such
crazy ways back then.
27
00:01:12,612 --> 00:01:15,217
Stonings, beheadings,
petticoat fires.
28
00:01:15,284 --> 00:01:17,154
Hey, Dad,
someone's here to see you
29
00:01:17,187 --> 00:01:18,290
around the side of the house.
30
00:01:18,356 --> 00:01:20,795
Okay.
Unusual place to meet, but--
31
00:01:20,828 --> 00:01:22,565
That creepy doll!
32
00:01:22,632 --> 00:01:24,870
Time to die, Jackie.
33
00:01:27,943 --> 00:01:29,378
Yeah.
34
00:01:29,412 --> 00:01:31,482
It's hilarious,
you're scared of a doll.
35
00:01:31,517 --> 00:01:34,055
Get it away,
so I can open my eyes.
36
00:01:34,121 --> 00:01:36,125
Okay, it's gone.
37
00:01:36,192 --> 00:01:37,595
Hi.
38
00:01:37,662 --> 00:01:38,864
Oh, my God.
39
00:01:38,965 --> 00:01:42,071
I'm on fire today.
40
00:01:42,104 --> 00:01:45,310
Witch Day is
corporately sponsored now?
41
00:01:47,281 --> 00:01:49,285
Five for Witch Day please.
42
00:01:49,352 --> 00:01:50,622
What are you talking about?
43
00:01:50,655 --> 00:01:52,792
I want five tickets
for Witch Day.
44
00:01:52,826 --> 00:01:56,533
Oh, you mean American Liberty
Bank presents Witch Day.
45
00:01:56,567 --> 00:01:58,336
You'd have to ask for
tickets to that.
46
00:01:58,403 --> 00:02:00,374
Okay. Five tickets for
47
00:02:00,407 --> 00:02:02,679
American Liberty Bank
Witch Day.
48
00:02:02,746 --> 00:02:04,448
Presents Witch Day.
49
00:02:04,516 --> 00:02:07,121
American Liberty Bank
presents Witch Day.
50
00:02:07,187 --> 00:02:08,691
There ya go.
51
00:02:08,724 --> 00:02:10,762
Have a spooky, good time.
52
00:02:10,795 --> 00:02:12,899
American Liberty Bank
takes no responsibility
53
00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:15,270
for you having
a spooky, good time.
54
00:02:15,304 --> 00:02:18,711
All right, who's ready for
some family Witch Day fun?
55
00:02:18,778 --> 00:02:19,980
Me, me, me!
56
00:02:20,013 --> 00:02:22,051
Oh, there's my friends.
See ya.
57
00:02:22,117 --> 00:02:24,523
Sup?
58
00:02:27,762 --> 00:02:29,900
Okay, girls,
if you're gonna scream or cry,
59
00:02:29,933 --> 00:02:31,704
let me know,
so I can take a video.
60
00:02:33,841 --> 00:02:37,549
Now, we're talking.
Scare the hell out of us.
61
00:02:37,649 --> 00:02:39,786
I'm going to slash
62
00:02:39,853 --> 00:02:42,057
your ATM fees in half.
63
00:02:42,124 --> 00:02:44,896
Oh.
64
00:02:44,930 --> 00:02:48,136
- I'm Freddie Mac.
- I'm Fanny Mae.
65
00:02:48,203 --> 00:02:51,710
both: And we want to finance
your home forever
66
00:02:51,744 --> 00:02:53,848
and ever and ever.
67
00:02:53,881 --> 00:02:55,852
Can we just nap
on a hay bale?
68
00:02:57,221 --> 00:02:59,191
Hey, Mr. Mitch, nice cloak.
69
00:02:59,258 --> 00:03:00,494
Thanks. It's my bathrobe.
70
00:03:00,561 --> 00:03:02,398
I just pinned some
stars and moons on it.
71
00:03:02,431 --> 00:03:04,736
Step inside Mr. Mitch's
midnight massacre,
72
00:03:04,770 --> 00:03:06,974
a totally immersive
terror experience.
73
00:03:07,007 --> 00:03:09,311
No offense, but everything
and everyone here sucks butt.
74
00:03:09,378 --> 00:03:12,719
We're getting too old to be
scared by Witch Day junk.
75
00:03:12,752 --> 00:03:14,455
That's 'cause you haven't
seen my junk.
76
00:03:14,556 --> 00:03:16,125
Come on, guys.
77
00:03:16,192 --> 00:03:17,494
Let's give his junk a chance.
78
00:03:17,529 --> 00:03:19,966
I bet it's gross and scary.
79
00:03:19,966 --> 00:03:21,737
Mia said something.
Let's do it.
80
00:03:21,804 --> 00:03:23,808
Cool. Enter if you scare.
81
00:03:23,841 --> 00:03:26,747
Yeah, that's good.
82
00:03:30,487 --> 00:03:33,493
Bark, bark.
I vant to suck your blood.
83
00:03:33,527 --> 00:03:35,932
Uh-oh, I think I see my man, Frankenstein.
84
00:03:35,998 --> 00:03:38,136
Damn, that's just my gym sock.
85
00:03:38,203 --> 00:03:40,474
Let's get out of here.
It's a puppet show.
86
00:03:40,508 --> 00:03:41,944
We're definitely
too old for this.
87
00:03:42,010 --> 00:03:45,350
Yeah, let's blow this totally
immersive terror experience.
88
00:03:45,383 --> 00:03:47,254
It's like an A24 movie.
89
00:03:47,287 --> 00:03:49,191
Not scary, but maybe smart.
90
00:03:49,225 --> 00:03:50,393
We're done here.
91
00:03:55,170 --> 00:03:57,542
Banking with American Liberty
is a no-brainer.
92
00:03:57,609 --> 00:03:59,145
This is supposed to be
93
00:03:59,211 --> 00:04:01,349
a festival of women
being falsely persecuted
94
00:04:01,416 --> 00:04:02,519
for crops going bad.
95
00:04:02,585 --> 00:04:04,021
They've taken
the magic out of it.
96
00:04:04,054 --> 00:04:07,494
Ugh, I hate seeing our kids
not scared to death.
97
00:04:07,529 --> 00:04:09,766
Let's put on a Witch Day
of our own at home.
98
00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:13,106
Yeah, we don't need this
corporate jive-fest.
99
00:04:13,206 --> 00:04:15,277
DIY Witch Day.
100
00:04:15,310 --> 00:04:16,479
Hey, wait up.
101
00:04:16,513 --> 00:04:18,684
We want out of this
babbu Witch Day too.
102
00:04:18,751 --> 00:04:21,824
Hey, there's a $10
disappointment fee.
103
00:04:24,529 --> 00:04:26,567
Gee, I wonder if
when the girl splashes
104
00:04:26,633 --> 00:04:28,470
cold water on her face,
in the bathroom mirror
105
00:04:28,504 --> 00:04:31,510
suddenly there'll be
a killer behind her.
106
00:04:33,279 --> 00:04:34,716
Yawn.
107
00:04:34,783 --> 00:04:37,622
This movie is, like, "IT"
with an S-H in front of it.
108
00:04:37,689 --> 00:04:39,693
Yeah, maybe we are
too old to be scared.
109
00:04:42,064 --> 00:04:43,133
Hang on.
My phone's on silent.
110
00:04:44,268 --> 00:04:46,707
I've hacked your devices
and gained access
111
00:04:46,773 --> 00:04:48,978
to your most embarrassing
personal videos.
112
00:04:49,044 --> 00:04:52,819
Bring me $200 in untraceable
Cheesecake Warehouse
113
00:04:52,886 --> 00:04:54,088
gift cards by midnight
114
00:04:54,121 --> 00:04:57,194
or I release the videos
to everyone in your contacts.
115
00:04:57,227 --> 00:04:59,498
And to prove it...
116
00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:01,837
Hey, Beyoncé,
Mia Abara here,
117
00:05:01,870 --> 00:05:03,439
activist and also, hot.
118
00:05:03,507 --> 00:05:05,978
Just wanted to show you this
dance move I came up with.
119
00:05:06,045 --> 00:05:07,080
Whoo.
120
00:05:07,147 --> 00:05:08,717
Oh, God.
Bey, no, no.
121
00:05:08,784 --> 00:05:10,955
That's not part of the dance.
122
00:05:11,022 --> 00:05:12,659
Turn it off.
- Man!
123
00:05:12,725 --> 00:05:15,263
For a vegan,
you can really rip 'em.
124
00:05:15,297 --> 00:05:17,502
The other videos
are far worse.
125
00:05:17,602 --> 00:05:20,741
Get the gift cards and await
further instructions.
126
00:05:20,775 --> 00:05:22,946
You heard that freak
in the plague mask.
127
00:05:22,979 --> 00:05:25,751
To the Cheesecake Warehouse.
128
00:05:27,856 --> 00:05:32,732
Welcome to the Harris family
Witch Day.
129
00:05:32,799 --> 00:05:35,036
Presents Witch Day.
130
00:05:35,070 --> 00:05:36,907
Some other little kids
were here before you.
131
00:05:37,007 --> 00:05:39,245
We dismembered them
and filled these bowls
132
00:05:39,311 --> 00:05:41,482
with their body parts.
Feel their eyeballs.
133
00:05:41,550 --> 00:05:44,388
I'm gonna ralph.
134
00:05:44,421 --> 00:05:46,760
These are worms we pulled out
of their stomachs.
135
00:05:47,829 --> 00:05:49,866
Why did they eat
so many worms?
136
00:05:49,900 --> 00:05:52,237
We forced them to
before we murdered them.
137
00:05:52,271 --> 00:05:54,441
You're so good with kids, honey.
138
00:05:54,475 --> 00:05:55,878
We're gonna set up
the next scare.
139
00:05:55,912 --> 00:05:58,116
Wait a minute.
These ain't no freakin' worms.
140
00:05:58,149 --> 00:06:01,890
There's spaghets
and they're al dent.
141
00:06:01,957 --> 00:06:03,994
Oh, my stars!
142
00:06:04,028 --> 00:06:07,802
Kimberly, bring him back.
I only have two friends.
143
00:06:07,802 --> 00:06:10,340
I didn't do anything.
Where did he go?
144
00:06:10,373 --> 00:06:11,442
I'm in your freakin' wall.
145
00:06:11,510 --> 00:06:14,983
There's ghosts up the wazoo
in here and termites.
146
00:06:16,620 --> 00:06:18,657
Oh, thank you, big guy.
147
00:06:18,724 --> 00:06:21,195
And that's why
you take communion.
148
00:06:21,262 --> 00:06:22,431
What happened?
149
00:06:22,497 --> 00:06:25,538
You got some gabba-ghouls
in these walls.
150
00:06:25,605 --> 00:06:27,675
I'm out of here.
Let's go, B.
151
00:06:34,188 --> 00:06:36,526
Take that,
American Liberty Bank.
152
00:06:36,593 --> 00:06:38,396
Excellent child scaring, honey.
153
00:06:39,699 --> 00:06:41,904
Okay. A little late,
but we'll take it.
154
00:06:41,937 --> 00:06:45,310
Who dares disturb
my eternal sleep?
155
00:06:45,377 --> 00:06:48,416
all: Gabba-ghoul!
156
00:06:52,291 --> 00:06:53,994
I told you not
to disturb the dead.
157
00:06:54,061 --> 00:06:55,230
Where's my good sage?
158
00:06:55,297 --> 00:06:57,434
- On top of my toilet.
- Never mind.
159
00:06:58,804 --> 00:07:01,442
Oh, my God, she's horrifying.
160
00:07:01,475 --> 00:07:04,315
Hello.
I'm floating right here.
161
00:07:04,348 --> 00:07:06,285
The ghost looks like you, Mommy.
162
00:07:06,319 --> 00:07:07,855
- Huh?
- Hmm?
163
00:07:07,889 --> 00:07:09,526
Hmm. Hmm.
164
00:07:09,559 --> 00:07:13,166
That's my great-great-
great-great cousin Winifred,
165
00:07:13,199 --> 00:07:15,103
the one whose tombstone
we took.
166
00:07:15,136 --> 00:07:17,709
I wonder if her being here
is connected to that.
167
00:07:17,742 --> 00:07:20,046
It's not-not connected.
168
00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:23,754
How exciting to catch up
with a dead cousin.
169
00:07:23,821 --> 00:07:25,256
I don't talk to
any of my living ones
170
00:07:25,290 --> 00:07:26,727
'cause they're
judgmental trash.
171
00:07:26,793 --> 00:07:28,831
I got a million
questions for you.
172
00:07:28,831 --> 00:07:31,737
I'd be happy to answer them
all for you over dinner.
173
00:07:31,770 --> 00:07:35,176
I'll make a pot
of my famous fox stew.
174
00:07:35,210 --> 00:07:36,880
Be right back.
Here, foxy.
175
00:07:36,947 --> 00:07:39,351
Wow.
This is gonna be fun, huh?
176
00:07:39,385 --> 00:07:41,122
Mom, ghosts don't
usually come back
177
00:07:41,188 --> 00:07:42,592
to make dinner and have an AMA.
178
00:07:42,625 --> 00:07:44,829
Trust me,
she's got unfinished business.
179
00:07:44,863 --> 00:07:47,067
I'm sure there's
a perfectly innocent reason
180
00:07:47,167 --> 00:07:48,169
her soul can't rest.
181
00:07:48,236 --> 00:07:50,908
Now, go screw the plastic
wine glasses together.
182
00:07:50,975 --> 00:07:52,712
I don't want
to have dinner with her.
183
00:07:52,812 --> 00:07:54,616
She smells like
a thousand dead birds.
184
00:07:54,683 --> 00:07:56,586
Yes, we can all smell her,
185
00:07:56,653 --> 00:07:58,557
but she's family
and you'll be there.
186
00:08:00,761 --> 00:08:03,567
That fox sounded
really old, right?
187
00:08:05,370 --> 00:08:08,376
Wow, standing in line
is 2,500 calories.
188
00:08:08,443 --> 00:08:09,679
All right, y'all,
let's hear it.
189
00:08:09,746 --> 00:08:11,115
What's the worst video you got?
190
00:08:11,148 --> 00:08:13,787
Mine was me squatting over
my phone with no pants on
191
00:08:13,787 --> 00:08:15,524
for medical reasons. Bex?
192
00:08:15,591 --> 00:08:18,897
I was rapping along
to Soulja Boy's album.
193
00:08:18,964 --> 00:08:22,070
Every, single word.
194
00:08:22,104 --> 00:08:23,306
- What?
- Whoa.
195
00:08:23,373 --> 00:08:25,544
Yikes. Wolf?
196
00:08:26,847 --> 00:08:29,919
Why are boys always
squattin' over phones?
197
00:08:29,986 --> 00:08:32,090
All right, Duncan,
you're the only one left.
198
00:08:32,157 --> 00:08:35,263
No way. It's way worse than
any of yours.
199
00:08:35,330 --> 00:08:37,835
- Worse than this?
- Ah. Stop, Wolf.
200
00:08:39,438 --> 00:08:41,510
Welcome to
Cheesecake Warehouse.
201
00:08:41,543 --> 00:08:43,079
Five for dinner?
- God, no.
202
00:08:43,146 --> 00:08:44,883
We need $200 in gift cards.
203
00:08:44,949 --> 00:08:47,154
Ooh, being blackmailed
by a psycho?
204
00:08:47,154 --> 00:08:49,024
That's most of our business.
205
00:08:50,895 --> 00:08:53,166
Now, what do we do?
206
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:55,571
I sent a car
that will bring you to me.
207
00:08:55,638 --> 00:08:57,642
What kind of music
would you prefer?
208
00:08:57,675 --> 00:08:58,911
Soulja Boy.
209
00:08:58,944 --> 00:09:00,781
all: No.
210
00:09:03,654 --> 00:09:05,691
Hello. Are you--
211
00:09:05,758 --> 00:09:07,528
hold on, let me check my
phone--
212
00:09:07,562 --> 00:09:08,797
victims?
213
00:09:08,831 --> 00:09:10,300
We gotta take the chance.
214
00:09:10,366 --> 00:09:11,770
I don't want my video
getting out.
215
00:09:11,803 --> 00:09:14,809
And he does have a 4.8.
216
00:09:14,909 --> 00:09:17,648
Ooh, little water bottles.
217
00:09:19,184 --> 00:09:20,487
Mm, mm, mm.
218
00:09:20,554 --> 00:09:22,491
This fox stew is amazing.
219
00:09:22,558 --> 00:09:24,729
So much better than
Cheesecake Warehouse fox.
220
00:09:24,796 --> 00:09:26,031
So, Cousin Winnie,
221
00:09:26,098 --> 00:09:28,904
tell me all about your life
in olden times.
222
00:09:28,937 --> 00:09:31,308
Were you a career gal?
- Oh, yes.
223
00:09:31,375 --> 00:09:33,346
I placed notices
from the constables
224
00:09:33,413 --> 00:09:35,450
on carriages
that were parked too long.
225
00:09:35,483 --> 00:09:38,791
We're parking
enforcement sisters.
226
00:09:38,824 --> 00:09:39,559
Whoo!
227
00:09:39,592 --> 00:09:40,895
That was cold
228
00:09:40,961 --> 00:09:42,865
and I had a vision of my death.
229
00:09:42,932 --> 00:09:45,437
You've crafted a fine home
for your family, Jack.
230
00:09:45,504 --> 00:09:49,144
Oh, I didn't build it, but
I did help find the realtor.
231
00:09:49,211 --> 00:09:51,783
have you ever considered
growing muttonchops?
232
00:09:51,850 --> 00:09:53,787
They'd be quite
becoming on you.
233
00:09:53,854 --> 00:09:56,927
I really wanted to
but Annie said no.
234
00:09:56,993 --> 00:09:59,966
You know, Winifred, we can
buy butter in stores now.
235
00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:03,139
I'll take you later
in our automobile.
236
00:10:03,206 --> 00:10:04,876
Ooh, that would be lovely.
237
00:10:04,943 --> 00:10:07,915
Jack, can you escort me?
Hmm.
238
00:10:07,982 --> 00:10:10,120
Is the dead chick
hitting on dad?
239
00:10:10,186 --> 00:10:12,090
Dead, smelly chick.
240
00:10:12,124 --> 00:10:14,896
She's a ghost, girls.
Don't be silly.
241
00:10:14,929 --> 00:10:17,602
Ooh, hold the fox's fur
up to your cheeks.
242
00:10:17,635 --> 00:10:19,438
Very strapping.
243
00:10:19,506 --> 00:10:22,477
Your jaw is strong
like a magistrates.
244
00:10:22,512 --> 00:10:25,416
A magistrate? Ooh.
245
00:10:25,483 --> 00:10:26,820
Hmm?
246
00:10:30,193 --> 00:10:31,796
"No cell service"?
247
00:10:31,863 --> 00:10:34,468
How do people call for help
if they need it?
248
00:10:34,536 --> 00:10:36,038
all: Oh.
249
00:10:36,105 --> 00:10:38,176
Just 'cause a town
has a scary name
250
00:10:38,242 --> 00:10:39,979
doesn't mean it's evil.
251
00:10:47,427 --> 00:10:50,366
Okay, a gas station
that does not sell premium.
252
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:51,368
We are gonna die.
253
00:10:51,435 --> 00:10:54,141
Been driving
two days straight.
254
00:10:54,141 --> 00:10:55,678
Need an energy drink.
255
00:10:55,711 --> 00:10:56,713
Monster?
256
00:10:56,780 --> 00:10:58,249
No. Why would you say that?
257
00:10:58,349 --> 00:11:02,792
I'll take a beverage and
if they have peanut M&M's...
258
00:11:02,825 --> 00:11:05,664
Okay, we need a plan in case
this guy tries to kill us.
259
00:11:05,698 --> 00:11:07,133
I say, hide behind Mia.
260
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:09,271
She's got major
"Final Girl" energy.
261
00:11:09,338 --> 00:11:11,075
- What about me?
- You the clown.
262
00:11:11,141 --> 00:11:13,312
The fact that you're still
alive is a miracle.
263
00:11:13,346 --> 00:11:16,151
Hey, guys, he's not buying
an energy drink.
264
00:11:16,218 --> 00:11:19,091
He's got a shovel, duct tape,
and a plastic tarp.
265
00:11:19,157 --> 00:11:21,897
No peanut M&M's?
I know he heard me.
266
00:11:21,963 --> 00:11:23,332
Wait, he just grabbed
the energy drink.
267
00:11:25,236 --> 00:11:28,109
And he's bashing the cashier
to death with it.
268
00:11:28,142 --> 00:11:30,548
I'm calling
the Bloodville police.
269
00:11:30,581 --> 00:11:32,017
No cell service!
270
00:11:32,083 --> 00:11:33,587
Here he comes.
Run for it.
271
00:11:35,591 --> 00:11:37,828
Hey, your M&M's!
272
00:11:37,862 --> 00:11:40,300
- Oh, sweet.
- Duncan, no.
273
00:11:46,846 --> 00:11:48,684
How does he know
where we are?
274
00:11:49,852 --> 00:11:53,627
Hey, guys, hope you don't
think this bit is too corny.
275
00:11:53,660 --> 00:11:54,494
Oh.
276
00:11:54,629 --> 00:11:58,870
Oh, they were right.
The clown dies first.
277
00:11:58,971 --> 00:12:00,473
Don't die for a pun, Bex.
278
00:12:02,010 --> 00:12:03,547
- Whoo-hoo.
- ♪ Get out the way ♪
279
00:12:03,647 --> 00:12:07,153
♪ Old Dan Tucker, you're
too late to get your supper ♪
280
00:12:07,187 --> 00:12:10,426
Don't tell the pastor
I'm jigging so shamelessly.
281
00:12:10,460 --> 00:12:13,734
Oh, it feels good.
282
00:12:13,767 --> 00:12:14,569
Hurry up, Kimberly.
283
00:12:14,636 --> 00:12:16,005
Tell me what my cousin
is doing here.
284
00:12:16,071 --> 00:12:17,608
That fox is going
right through me.
285
00:12:17,642 --> 00:12:18,543
Okay, here it is.
286
00:12:18,710 --> 00:12:21,783
Winifred had a beau named
Jackariah Harrisburg.
287
00:12:21,850 --> 00:12:22,952
He was dad's
288
00:12:22,985 --> 00:12:24,622
great-great-great-great-great
cousin.
289
00:12:24,656 --> 00:12:27,260
Here's a link to a drawing.
- Daddy.
290
00:12:27,294 --> 00:12:29,766
No wonder
she was hot for chops.
291
00:12:29,832 --> 00:12:32,203
That shady, stinky lady.
292
00:12:32,270 --> 00:12:34,809
Jackariah stood her up
on her wedding day
293
00:12:34,876 --> 00:12:36,211
and she was never the same.
294
00:12:36,278 --> 00:12:38,249
She was committed to
The Home For Upset Women
295
00:12:38,316 --> 00:12:40,955
because "the devil
got her brain".
296
00:12:41,021 --> 00:12:42,123
What did I tell you, Mom?
297
00:12:42,223 --> 00:12:45,531
Her unfinished business is
getting up in dad's business.
298
00:12:45,597 --> 00:12:47,067
That's it.
Get your sage.
299
00:12:47,133 --> 00:12:49,606
I'm sending this bitch
back to 1693.
300
00:12:49,639 --> 00:12:51,241
This smelly bitch.
301
00:12:51,275 --> 00:12:54,414
Okay, Jing, once she's gone,
you're back to no cursing.
302
00:12:54,481 --> 00:12:55,483
Damn.
303
00:13:00,059 --> 00:13:01,696
The jig is up, Winifred.
304
00:13:01,763 --> 00:13:04,802
Get your dead, filthy hands
off my husband.
305
00:13:04,869 --> 00:13:07,040
My chops!
306
00:13:07,107 --> 00:13:09,311
Mind your own business, cousin.
307
00:13:09,344 --> 00:13:12,585
Jack, this ghostly trollop
is trying to steal you from me.
308
00:13:12,618 --> 00:13:15,557
Dad, you look exactly like
your cousin, Jackariah,
309
00:13:15,591 --> 00:13:17,160
the man who left her
at the altar.
310
00:13:17,227 --> 00:13:22,270
My God, I really would
look good in muttonchops.
311
00:13:22,304 --> 00:13:24,141
Like Wolverine. So hot.
312
00:13:24,207 --> 00:13:26,880
Jack, I'm taking you
to the spirit realm
313
00:13:26,946 --> 00:13:28,917
where we can spend eternity.
314
00:13:28,950 --> 00:13:30,954
I'm gonna jig your brains out.
315
00:13:31,021 --> 00:13:32,758
I don't think so, cuz.
316
00:13:32,825 --> 00:13:35,229
Kimberly, toilet sage her
back to hell.
317
00:13:35,296 --> 00:13:38,035
I banish thee
back to the afterlife.
318
00:13:45,584 --> 00:13:49,157
Wow. She really had me
under some kind of spell.
319
00:13:49,257 --> 00:13:51,028
That's the only
possible explanation
320
00:13:51,095 --> 00:13:53,800
for me being so into it,
right? Right?
321
00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:55,771
What a Witch Day.
322
00:13:55,804 --> 00:13:58,910
Okay, I'm gonna take my bra off
and drink wine.
323
00:14:02,350 --> 00:14:06,358
I will not be abandoned
a second time.
324
00:14:06,425 --> 00:14:07,828
That's Winifred!
325
00:14:09,364 --> 00:14:12,070
Whatever Dad did in that
bathroom ruined my sage.
326
00:14:12,137 --> 00:14:14,575
Why do we keep
that damn doll?
327
00:14:15,611 --> 00:14:17,815
I'm dragging you to hell, Jack.
328
00:14:17,882 --> 00:14:20,053
Sorry about me
going bananas in your house.
329
00:14:20,119 --> 00:14:22,323
Hope these cannolis will--
330
00:14:22,390 --> 00:14:24,361
Help me, Little Joey!
331
00:14:30,708 --> 00:14:33,412
You are not dragging
my husband to the afterlife.
332
00:14:33,446 --> 00:14:36,285
We have parent-teacher
conferences next week.
333
00:14:37,555 --> 00:14:39,391
You can have his carcass.
334
00:14:39,458 --> 00:14:42,363
I just need his soul.
335
00:14:44,502 --> 00:14:48,342
Back in my day,
this is how we said "hello."
336
00:14:49,411 --> 00:14:51,381
I'm not gonna let some
Cabbage Patch Kid
337
00:14:51,415 --> 00:14:52,585
kill my husband.
338
00:14:54,922 --> 00:14:57,628
Then you and all
your children will be cursed.
339
00:14:57,695 --> 00:14:59,297
Your tongues
will become snakes,
340
00:14:59,331 --> 00:15:02,203
jump down your throats,
and eat your intestines.
341
00:15:03,439 --> 00:15:04,474
We'll miss you, Dad.
342
00:15:04,509 --> 00:15:07,046
Wait, don't curse anyone.
343
00:15:07,113 --> 00:15:09,317
I'll come with you.
Just let me say goodbye.
344
00:15:09,351 --> 00:15:11,422
- Jack, no!
- I'll make it work.
345
00:15:11,455 --> 00:15:13,359
The kids can visit me
in the afterlife
346
00:15:13,392 --> 00:15:14,662
every other weekend.
347
00:15:14,695 --> 00:15:16,766
Sex is gonna be painful
and scary,
348
00:15:16,766 --> 00:15:18,169
but I'll get used to it.
349
00:15:18,202 --> 00:15:20,941
You're accepting this
way too easy.
350
00:15:23,980 --> 00:15:25,116
We can hide in there.
351
00:15:26,719 --> 00:15:29,257
No way. There's probably
old guys walking around
352
00:15:29,324 --> 00:15:30,928
in gowns with their butts out.
353
00:15:30,961 --> 00:15:32,230
Or we can die out here.
354
00:15:32,263 --> 00:15:34,234
Yeah, you could die out here.
355
00:15:34,301 --> 00:15:35,571
I'm rolling
with "Final Girl",
356
00:15:35,637 --> 00:15:38,175
but I will not be the dude
who sacrifices himself
357
00:15:38,242 --> 00:15:40,313
to buy you some extra time.
358
00:15:40,379 --> 00:15:41,649
Meddling kids.
359
00:15:46,492 --> 00:15:48,597
Down here.
360
00:15:48,663 --> 00:15:49,699
Yikes.
361
00:15:49,765 --> 00:15:51,636
The basement
of an insane asylum.
362
00:15:51,703 --> 00:15:53,940
Well, I'm crappin' my pants.
363
00:15:56,378 --> 00:15:58,415
You'll explain to Duncan
that the creepy doll
364
00:15:58,482 --> 00:16:00,219
possessed by
your ancestor's ghost
365
00:16:00,253 --> 00:16:02,390
dragged me to the afterlife?
- Of course.
366
00:16:02,423 --> 00:16:04,427
So how would
you like to die, Jack?
367
00:16:04,461 --> 00:16:06,165
Well, I've given that
a lot of thought.
368
00:16:06,231 --> 00:16:08,369
Heroin is pretty rock 'n' roll,
369
00:16:08,402 --> 00:16:10,406
but a feel a little weird
OD'ing in front of my kids.
370
00:16:10,473 --> 00:16:13,547
So will you shoot me while
I eat a quesadilla?
371
00:16:13,613 --> 00:16:15,617
Ooh, whatever my man wants.
372
00:16:17,153 --> 00:16:18,757
Please let me
make the quesadilla.
373
00:16:18,857 --> 00:16:20,259
I know how much butter
he likes.
374
00:16:20,326 --> 00:16:22,263
A lot.
- Pull it together, Mom.
375
00:16:22,330 --> 00:16:24,334
I'm gonna try a spell
to summon Jackariah,
376
00:16:24,367 --> 00:16:26,038
so Winifred will
go back with him.
377
00:16:26,104 --> 00:16:28,577
Jackariah Harris, I summon you
378
00:16:28,677 --> 00:16:32,685
to fetch Winifred, your bride.
379
00:16:32,751 --> 00:16:33,787
all: Huh?
380
00:16:33,854 --> 00:16:36,291
Well, that was a big nothing.
381
00:16:36,325 --> 00:16:38,897
It didn't work again.
You're bad at magic.
382
00:16:42,605 --> 00:16:44,341
Oink, meow to ye.
383
00:16:46,144 --> 00:16:49,284
all: Huh.
384
00:16:50,453 --> 00:16:52,525
Mr. Mitch,
you've gotta help us.
385
00:16:52,558 --> 00:16:54,027
What the hell
is wrong with you?
386
00:16:54,094 --> 00:16:55,096
I'm gonna die.
387
00:16:55,162 --> 00:16:56,298
Give plague mask
the gift cards.
388
00:16:56,365 --> 00:16:57,735
That's the only way to stop it.
389
00:16:57,768 --> 00:16:59,137
I dropped them
in the corn field.
390
00:16:59,170 --> 00:17:01,509
How much time before the
buzz saw tears your face off?
391
00:17:01,576 --> 00:17:02,443
Ten seconds.
392
00:17:02,511 --> 00:17:05,149
That's cutting it close.
Get it?
393
00:17:05,182 --> 00:17:06,953
How am I not dead yet?
394
00:17:08,122 --> 00:17:10,459
Stop. Don't kill him.
395
00:17:12,932 --> 00:17:15,469
There I just sent
my embarrassing video
396
00:17:15,537 --> 00:17:16,639
to all my contacts.
397
00:17:16,673 --> 00:17:19,845
Will you at least accept that?
398
00:17:19,879 --> 00:17:22,050
Oh, sure.
Now, there's cell service.
399
00:17:24,522 --> 00:17:26,659
Hey, Mia, it's me, Duncan,
from high school
400
00:17:26,693 --> 00:17:29,231
and, like, hanging out.
Um, the first time I saw you,
401
00:17:29,297 --> 00:17:31,435
I felt like I had to pee,
but I didn't.
402
00:17:31,502 --> 00:17:33,707
Oh, that blows.
Start over. Okay.
403
00:17:33,773 --> 00:17:35,944
Hey, Mia,
me go movies with you?
404
00:17:35,978 --> 00:17:37,715
Mom wants
your dirty underwear.
405
00:17:37,781 --> 00:17:40,186
Get out!
406
00:17:40,787 --> 00:17:42,625
Aw.
407
00:17:42,658 --> 00:17:45,797
Damn, you made
my squat video look good.
408
00:17:45,864 --> 00:17:48,937
Yeah, Duncan, you should've
waited another couple seconds.
409
00:17:48,970 --> 00:17:49,872
Happy Witch Day.
410
00:17:50,039 --> 00:17:52,611
I hope you enjoyed
Mr. Mitch's Midnight Massacre,
411
00:17:52,645 --> 00:17:54,916
a totally immersive
terror experience.
412
00:17:54,949 --> 00:17:56,719
Exit to your left.
413
00:17:56,786 --> 00:17:57,588
all: Huh?
414
00:17:57,655 --> 00:18:00,159
For once in my life,
I'm confused.
415
00:18:00,192 --> 00:18:01,428
Everything
that happened tonight
416
00:18:01,495 --> 00:18:03,499
was a part of
my scary attraction.
417
00:18:03,533 --> 00:18:05,771
That's the back
of my booth right there.
418
00:18:05,804 --> 00:18:07,808
Wait. What about plague mask?
419
00:18:07,875 --> 00:18:10,814
That was just Mavis wearing a
mask filled with peanut butter.
420
00:18:13,753 --> 00:18:14,755
And that creepy Uber driver?
421
00:18:14,855 --> 00:18:17,561
Oh, that's Gerald Perry,
the school drama teacher.
422
00:18:17,628 --> 00:18:19,297
Get in here, Gerald.
423
00:18:19,331 --> 00:18:21,335
The world is a stage.
424
00:18:21,368 --> 00:18:22,738
You were never in danger.
425
00:18:22,838 --> 00:18:24,040
Nobody hacked your phones.
426
00:18:24,107 --> 00:18:26,044
But you leaked Mia's video.
427
00:18:26,111 --> 00:18:27,548
We saw her rip one.
428
00:18:27,615 --> 00:18:29,552
Actually,
that video was a fake.
429
00:18:29,619 --> 00:18:31,221
I helped Mr. Mitch
put this all together
430
00:18:31,254 --> 00:18:34,160
because you guys said
you were too old to be scared.
431
00:18:34,227 --> 00:18:36,231
Gotcha.
- Oh, yeah.
432
00:18:36,298 --> 00:18:39,004
Uh, my video was fake too. Gotcha.
433
00:18:39,070 --> 00:18:40,674
I hope I didn't
traumatize you too bad
434
00:18:40,741 --> 00:18:42,911
with all the thinking you were
gonna die and whatnot.
435
00:18:42,945 --> 00:18:45,416
Are you kidding me?
We'll need therapy for years
436
00:18:45,449 --> 00:18:48,022
and that, my friend,
is entertainment.
437
00:18:48,088 --> 00:18:50,426
- Can we do it again?
- Give me a minute.
438
00:18:50,493 --> 00:18:53,432
This immersive experience
is a bitch to reset.
439
00:18:53,499 --> 00:18:55,436
Places.
440
00:18:56,038 --> 00:18:58,375
Too bad that video
was a fake, Duncan.
441
00:18:58,442 --> 00:18:59,812
I might've gone
to a movie with you.
442
00:18:59,845 --> 00:19:01,448
It was real.
443
00:19:01,516 --> 00:19:03,452
My underwear was filthy.
Ask Kimberly.
444
00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:07,895
I mean, uh,
me love go movie sometime.
445
00:19:08,195 --> 00:19:10,199
I am Jackariah Harrisburg,
446
00:19:10,266 --> 00:19:12,403
war hero and vigorous lover.
447
00:19:12,504 --> 00:19:14,140
Who disturbs my eternal rest?
448
00:19:14,174 --> 00:19:16,779
And why do I have a little,
curly pig tail?
449
00:19:16,813 --> 00:19:19,117
'Cause she's bad at magic.
450
00:19:19,150 --> 00:19:21,556
Look, Winifred,
Jackariah came back for you.
451
00:19:21,589 --> 00:19:23,960
Jackariah, is it really you?
452
00:19:24,027 --> 00:19:25,530
Yes, 'tis me.
453
00:19:25,597 --> 00:19:27,701
I've been searching
the spirit realm to tell you
454
00:19:27,735 --> 00:19:29,672
I didn't stand you up
at our wedding.
455
00:19:29,739 --> 00:19:32,377
I was working overtime
at the mill when it collapsed.
456
00:19:32,443 --> 00:19:34,582
I was saving up
to buy you a goat.
457
00:19:34,648 --> 00:19:35,851
Oh, Jackariah.
458
00:19:35,917 --> 00:19:39,157
But my neck was snapped
by a big, old bag of flour.
459
00:19:39,190 --> 00:19:40,560
I have loved only you
460
00:19:40,627 --> 00:19:42,765
and waited centuries
for us to be together.
461
00:19:42,831 --> 00:19:47,440
Are you ready for some vigorous
loving as my eternal wife?
462
00:19:47,508 --> 00:19:49,277
Nah. I have a new beau.
463
00:19:49,310 --> 00:19:52,116
Jack Harris,
hunter of realtors.
464
00:19:52,150 --> 00:19:53,285
Hi.
465
00:19:53,318 --> 00:19:54,755
A new beau?
466
00:19:54,822 --> 00:19:55,791
Did you jig for him?
467
00:19:55,857 --> 00:19:58,830
Hey, did she jig for you?
Did you jig my wife?
468
00:19:58,897 --> 00:20:00,099
I don't think--
469
00:20:00,166 --> 00:20:02,270
I don't even--
- 'Tis a simple question!
470
00:20:02,336 --> 00:20:05,176
Did you jig my wife?
471
00:20:05,209 --> 00:20:06,512
Enough hocus pocus.
472
00:20:06,579 --> 00:20:10,286
Let's do this 21st century
style and kick some ass.
473
00:20:20,674 --> 00:20:22,376
Whoo.
474
00:20:26,351 --> 00:20:29,390
Yeah.
Always put away your toys.
475
00:20:29,457 --> 00:20:30,794
- Oh, what's going on?
- Let me go.
476
00:20:30,861 --> 00:20:32,063
Let us out of here.
477
00:20:32,130 --> 00:20:33,398
Oh, thank God.
478
00:20:33,465 --> 00:20:35,771
I can still feel
her slimy tongue in my ear.
479
00:20:35,804 --> 00:20:37,775
Okay, somebody remind me
they're up there
480
00:20:37,808 --> 00:20:39,745
when we get
the Christmas decorations.
481
00:20:39,779 --> 00:20:42,718
Nobody, dead or alive,
licks my man.
482
00:20:42,751 --> 00:20:44,220
Jig for me, baby.
483
00:20:48,696 --> 00:20:50,600
Of all the things
I saw today,
484
00:20:50,634 --> 00:20:53,573
this is what
I'll have nightmares about.
485
00:20:57,881 --> 00:20:59,518
♪ Christmas, Christmas ♪
486
00:20:59,585 --> 00:21:01,656
♪ Throw a pine cone
on the fire ♪
487
00:21:01,722 --> 00:21:03,158
Jack, I'm gonna
go up to the attic
488
00:21:03,192 --> 00:21:04,762
to get the Christmas decorations.
489
00:21:04,829 --> 00:21:06,298
Okay, have fun.
490
00:21:07,868 --> 00:21:09,939
Hi-ya.
491
00:21:10,005 --> 00:21:11,976
Jack, I told you to remind me.
492
00:21:12,009 --> 00:21:14,380
- About what?
- We're free!
493
00:21:14,414 --> 00:21:16,251
Suck out their souls
for energy.
494
00:21:16,284 --> 00:21:18,756
On it.
495
00:21:20,126 --> 00:21:21,996
Hey, my mom baked
Christmas cookies.
496
00:21:22,029 --> 00:21:24,267
Baby Jesus!
497
00:21:27,406 --> 00:21:29,344
Ho, ho, ho.
498
00:21:29,410 --> 00:21:31,782
Happy Witch Day, everyone.
34019
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