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1
00:00:02,202 --> 00:00:03,969
Cool.
2
00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:07,973
Now, here's another totally
sweet-fuck position.
3
00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:09,742
[grunting]
4
00:00:09,776 --> 00:00:11,844
Wow!
5
00:00:11,878 --> 00:00:15,347
I totally did this
to a chick once.
6
00:00:15,382 --> 00:00:17,149
I wish I was a chick.
7
00:00:17,183 --> 00:00:21,120
And here's one that makes you
feel like a real man.
8
00:00:21,154 --> 00:00:23,122
[slapping]
9
00:00:23,156 --> 00:00:25,124
What, is that all you got?
10
00:00:25,158 --> 00:00:29,061
Uh-oh, captain.
Ain't that the hero signal?
11
00:00:29,095 --> 00:00:31,063
Relax. If it's
anything important,
12
00:00:31,097 --> 00:00:33,032
Captain girl will page me.
13
00:00:33,066 --> 00:00:36,001
When are we gonna meet
this new sidekick
of yours anyway?
14
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:37,202
[ringing]
15
00:00:37,237 --> 00:00:39,838
What is it, captain girl?
The evil mad libber?
16
00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:41,340
I'm on my way.
17
00:00:41,374 --> 00:00:44,309
Captain hero,
mind if I tag along?
18
00:00:44,344 --> 00:00:45,978
Maybe I can help.
19
00:00:46,012 --> 00:00:49,081
Sorry, yellow creature,
but if I wanted something
that would slow me down,
20
00:00:49,115 --> 00:00:52,985
I would take another...
[speech slows]
21
00:00:53,019 --> 00:00:57,790
Wooh! Wooh!
22
00:00:57,824 --> 00:00:58,957
Ooh.
23
00:00:58,992 --> 00:01:00,392
[rustling]
24
00:01:00,427 --> 00:01:02,061
I know it sounds silly,
25
00:01:02,095 --> 00:01:05,664
But I always thought
that maybe I could be
captain hero's sidekick.
26
00:01:05,699 --> 00:01:08,334
But every time
I try to get up
the courage to ask him,
27
00:01:08,368 --> 00:01:09,835
It came out wrong.
28
00:01:09,869 --> 00:01:13,405
Captain hero,
can I be your side...
29
00:01:14,941 --> 00:01:15,774
Show?
30
00:01:15,809 --> 00:01:16,608
Ok.
31
00:01:16,643 --> 00:01:18,077
Step right up, folks,
32
00:01:18,111 --> 00:01:20,913
And see the boy who claims
he can't be hit by a rock.
33
00:01:20,947 --> 00:01:22,281
[shouting]
34
00:01:22,315 --> 00:01:23,549
Me!
35
00:01:23,583 --> 00:01:26,618
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Cut that out!
36
00:01:26,653 --> 00:01:28,754
And now that he
has captain girl,
37
00:01:28,788 --> 00:01:30,756
I guess he'll
never need me.
38
00:01:30,790 --> 00:01:32,558
[sobbing]
whoa is me.
39
00:01:32,592 --> 00:01:35,394
What are you
crying about, he-bitch?
40
00:01:35,428 --> 00:01:38,330
Your life ain't so bad.
Look at me.
41
00:01:38,365 --> 00:01:41,567
Whoa! Dude, you need
to get an electric razor.
42
00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:43,669
I have one!
43
00:01:46,906 --> 00:01:48,207
[sighs]
44
00:01:48,241 --> 00:01:50,642
Well, I guess we all
have problems.
45
00:01:50,677 --> 00:01:52,845
Problems? I'm a goddamn mess.
46
00:01:52,879 --> 00:01:54,580
I'm an alcoholic.
47
00:01:54,614 --> 00:01:56,582
I have a bit of a temper.
48
00:01:56,616 --> 00:01:59,518
I'll cut you,
you dirty polack!
49
00:01:59,552 --> 00:02:01,887
And I can't stop eating.
50
00:02:04,257 --> 00:02:08,093
Christ, I even have
irritable bowel syndrome.
51
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:10,095
[farting]
52
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:12,097
[farting]
53
00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:14,066
[farting]
54
00:02:14,100 --> 00:02:15,534
[squishing]
55
00:02:15,568 --> 00:02:16,635
[sighs]
56
00:02:16,670 --> 00:02:19,204
That's one
irritable bowel.
57
00:02:19,239 --> 00:02:22,641
I'm the only
person in this house
who knows what suffering is.
58
00:02:22,676 --> 00:02:26,311
My friends.
Captain girl. She's dead.
59
00:02:26,346 --> 00:02:27,579
Dead!
60
00:02:27,614 --> 00:02:29,081
[sobbing]
61
00:02:44,664 --> 00:02:46,231
I don't know
what happened.
62
00:02:46,266 --> 00:02:48,634
By the time I got there,
the mad libber was gone
63
00:02:48,668 --> 00:02:51,370
And captain girl
had been poisoned to death.
64
00:02:51,404 --> 00:02:55,074
Poisoned? Then why is
there blood on her uniform?
65
00:02:55,108 --> 00:02:56,675
It was that time
of the month.
66
00:02:56,710 --> 00:02:58,677
That does--
what are you, 12?
67
00:02:58,712 --> 00:03:02,948
Once a month, in
the most beautiful
natural process possible,
68
00:03:02,982 --> 00:03:05,417
Blood comes flowing out
of a woman's butthole.
69
00:03:05,452 --> 00:03:08,087
And now it
will never flow
70
00:03:08,121 --> 00:03:11,190
Out of captain girl's
butthole ever again.
71
00:03:15,095 --> 00:03:17,496
Oh, there, there, sugar.
72
00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:19,498
Everything gonna
be all right.
73
00:03:19,532 --> 00:03:22,768
Oh, yeah. You like
to comfort me,
don't you, bitch?
74
00:03:22,802 --> 00:03:24,269
To make matters worse,
75
00:03:24,304 --> 00:03:27,639
The mad libber left
this note to taunt me.
76
00:03:27,674 --> 00:03:28,741
What's it say?
77
00:03:28,775 --> 00:03:30,376
Oh. Let me see.
78
00:03:30,410 --> 00:03:32,378
Ok, first I'm
gonna need a verb.
79
00:03:32,412 --> 00:03:33,445
Pick me.
80
00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:35,948
Yeah, I got
your verb right here.
81
00:03:45,692 --> 00:03:47,793
Well, that seems to be it.
82
00:03:47,827 --> 00:03:51,397
"I, the evil mad libber
viciously penised
captain girl
83
00:03:51,431 --> 00:03:55,100
For getting too penis
to my ingenious penis."
84
00:03:58,738 --> 00:04:00,873
[sobbing] captain girl!
85
00:04:08,114 --> 00:04:10,549
[sobbing]
86
00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:12,151
Gee, captain hero, sir,
87
00:04:12,185 --> 00:04:14,720
I wish there was some way
I could comfort you.
88
00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:17,823
Thank you, chum.
But the only thing
that could comfort me now
89
00:04:17,857 --> 00:04:19,558
Is a new sidekick.
90
00:04:19,592 --> 00:04:21,894
And where am I gonna
find one of those?
91
00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:25,130
I could be
your new side...Show.
92
00:04:25,165 --> 00:04:26,298
Oh!
93
00:04:26,332 --> 00:04:28,267
No time
for fun now, friend.
94
00:04:28,301 --> 00:04:30,402
Everyone, welcome.
95
00:04:30,437 --> 00:04:32,638
In accordance with
captain girl's wishes,
96
00:04:32,672 --> 00:04:34,773
We are burying her
as a mormon.
97
00:04:34,808 --> 00:04:37,676
Not because she was one,
but because she
hated mormons,
98
00:04:37,711 --> 00:04:39,778
And it would make her happy
for us to bury one.
99
00:04:39,813 --> 00:04:41,580
You may begin, reverend.
100
00:04:41,614 --> 00:04:44,683
If you'll all turn
in your books to page 134.
101
00:04:46,353 --> 00:04:49,888
Ahem. Ooga booga!
Great face god!
102
00:04:49,923 --> 00:04:52,257
Magic lizard
come down from jupiter!
103
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:53,959
[sobbing]
104
00:04:53,993 --> 00:04:57,329
[thinking] even this
insightful satire of religion
couldn't cheer me up.
105
00:04:57,364 --> 00:04:59,698
I thought I would
never be happy again.
106
00:04:59,733 --> 00:05:02,368
But then I saw something--
107
00:05:02,402 --> 00:05:05,070
Something that would
change my life forever.
108
00:05:05,105 --> 00:05:08,240
And suddenly
I knew the solution
to all my problems.
109
00:05:08,274 --> 00:05:10,275
Man: yeah.
Ice cream, lard ass.
110
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:11,877
No!
111
00:05:11,911 --> 00:05:13,912
A baby.
112
00:05:16,416 --> 00:05:18,150
Guess what, everyone.
113
00:05:18,184 --> 00:05:22,488
I'm gonna get me pregnant
and has me a baby.
114
00:05:22,522 --> 00:05:25,290
Like who's gonna
drop a log
in that toilet?
115
00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:27,059
Not it.
Not it.
116
00:05:27,093 --> 00:05:28,293
Oh--
117
00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:30,362
[speaking japanese]
118
00:05:36,102 --> 00:05:37,703
Uh, captain hero?
119
00:05:37,737 --> 00:05:41,073
Go away. Can't you see
I just wanna be alone?
120
00:05:41,107 --> 00:05:44,543
Oh, captain girl,
how could you
leave me like this?
121
00:05:44,577 --> 00:05:47,246
[moaning]
122
00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:49,815
All done.
What's on your mind, pal?
123
00:05:49,849 --> 00:05:51,617
Well, I was thinking.
124
00:05:51,651 --> 00:05:53,952
If it wouldn't be
too much of a bother,
125
00:05:53,987 --> 00:05:55,554
Maybe I...
126
00:05:57,157 --> 00:05:59,692
Um, could be your new side...
127
00:06:01,294 --> 00:06:02,928
Kick.
128
00:06:02,962 --> 00:06:04,730
What? How dare you!
129
00:06:04,764 --> 00:06:06,732
It's way too soon
to think about that.
130
00:06:06,766 --> 00:06:08,667
So I won't,
and I'll just say yes.
Welcome aboard.
131
00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:10,569
Really?
132
00:06:10,603 --> 00:06:12,938
I'm your new sidekick?
133
00:06:12,972 --> 00:06:15,407
Whee!
134
00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:21,347
[theme from batman plays]
135
00:06:29,122 --> 00:06:30,956
¶ hero ¶
136
00:06:32,092 --> 00:06:33,625
¶ wooldoor ¶
137
00:06:35,295 --> 00:06:37,229
¶ hero ¶
138
00:06:38,431 --> 00:06:40,399
¶ wooldoor ¶
139
00:06:41,768 --> 00:06:42,935
¶ hero ¶
140
00:06:42,969 --> 00:06:44,670
¶ hero ¶
141
00:06:44,704 --> 00:06:46,205
¶ wooldoor ¶
142
00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:49,341
¶ hero ¶
143
00:06:49,376 --> 00:06:51,010
¶ hero ¶
144
00:06:51,044 --> 00:06:53,245
¶ wooldoor ¶
145
00:06:53,279 --> 00:06:56,348
¶ da-da-da-da-da-da
da-da-da-da-da-da-da ¶
146
00:06:56,383 --> 00:06:59,318
¶ hero ¶
147
00:07:01,454 --> 00:07:03,022
[humming]
148
00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:05,824
Toot, what the hell you doing
with that black light?
149
00:07:05,859 --> 00:07:07,292
I want a baby.
150
00:07:07,327 --> 00:07:11,130
So if there's
the tiniest bit
of baby gravy in this house,
151
00:07:11,164 --> 00:07:13,532
I'm gonna find it.
152
00:07:16,569 --> 00:07:17,569
Ooh!
153
00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:18,871
Ooh!
154
00:07:18,905 --> 00:07:20,906
I'm a really
friendly ghost.
155
00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:23,242
Ooh, girl,
check out my feet.
156
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:25,744
Huh?
157
00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:27,846
Baby soup!
158
00:07:27,881 --> 00:07:30,749
Cannonball!
159
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:36,755
3 days later...
160
00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,791
Toot, before you get
yourself pregnant,
161
00:07:38,825 --> 00:07:40,359
We want you
to understand
162
00:07:40,393 --> 00:07:42,361
That a baby is
a lot of hard work.
163
00:07:42,395 --> 00:07:43,962
Back in high school,
164
00:07:43,997 --> 00:07:45,964
We were given eggs
to carry around
165
00:07:45,999 --> 00:07:48,334
To help teach us
the responsibilities
of motherhood.
166
00:07:48,368 --> 00:07:51,270
So we thought
we could teach you
the same lesson with this.
167
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:53,872
A baby from nicaragua.
168
00:07:53,907 --> 00:07:55,040
A baby!
169
00:07:55,075 --> 00:07:57,443
A baby from nicaragua!
170
00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:59,211
Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm!
Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm!
171
00:07:59,245 --> 00:08:03,649
Come on, baby from nicaragua,
let's go fix mommy's life.
172
00:08:10,123 --> 00:08:12,758
Those assholes thought I
wouldn't take to being a mother.
173
00:08:12,792 --> 00:08:15,594
Open wide.
Here comes the plane.
174
00:08:15,628 --> 00:08:17,096
[imitating plane engine]
175
00:08:17,130 --> 00:08:20,532
Oh, the plane needs to make
an emergency landing.
176
00:08:20,567 --> 00:08:23,969
What did they know?
Motherhood made me happy.
177
00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:26,305
Right, baby?
178
00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:28,140
To motherhood!
179
00:08:29,876 --> 00:08:32,244
[glass shatters]
180
00:08:32,278 --> 00:08:34,279
[glass clinking]
ow!
181
00:08:34,314 --> 00:08:37,082
Being a sidekick
was a dream come true.
182
00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:40,319
Captain hero and I
battled all sorts
of evil villains.
183
00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:42,221
Like the gigantic midget.
184
00:08:42,255 --> 00:08:44,623
You've never faced
a midget as big as me.
185
00:08:44,657 --> 00:08:47,393
Ah!
186
00:08:47,427 --> 00:08:50,496
And then we fought
the most confused
villain in the world--
187
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:52,898
Senor eskimo goldberg.
188
00:08:52,932 --> 00:08:55,634
What the hell am I?
[roars]
189
00:08:55,669 --> 00:08:57,369
But then
I started to suspect
190
00:08:57,404 --> 00:09:00,272
That captain hero wanted me
to be more like captain girl.
191
00:09:00,306 --> 00:09:02,975
[humming]
192
00:09:03,009 --> 00:09:06,612
You know,
when captain girl
danced for me,
193
00:09:06,646 --> 00:09:10,349
She had the decency
to tuck her balls
between her legs.
194
00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:11,684
But I am not...
195
00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:12,851
[door slams]
196
00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:14,520
Captain girl.
197
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:16,455
[cooing]
198
00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:22,294
[speaking japanese]
199
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:35,741
Aah!
200
00:09:37,844 --> 00:09:38,811
Aah!
201
00:09:38,845 --> 00:09:41,914
Oh, no!
Ling-ling, bad!
202
00:09:41,948 --> 00:09:45,384
You bad asian thing. No. No.
203
00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:47,886
Toot, where the hell
do you think you're going?
204
00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:50,889
The store.
Mommy's completely
out of medicine.
205
00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:53,592
Toot, if you don't start
taking care of your child,
206
00:09:53,626 --> 00:09:55,928
She gonna be all messed up.
207
00:09:55,962 --> 00:09:57,262
She's right, toot.
208
00:09:57,297 --> 00:09:59,665
Ling-ling was about
to kill your baby.
209
00:09:59,699 --> 00:10:01,667
Don't tell me
how to raise my baby.
210
00:10:01,701 --> 00:10:03,936
I know
how to keep it safe.
211
00:10:08,742 --> 00:10:13,212
Who would dare to enter
the circle of fire?
212
00:10:13,246 --> 00:10:14,580
Toodles!
213
00:10:19,352 --> 00:10:22,221
[people screaming]
214
00:10:22,255 --> 00:10:24,623
Uh, I think that tram
is about to fall.
215
00:10:24,657 --> 00:10:26,992
Ah, yeah. You take care
of that, huh?
216
00:10:27,027 --> 00:10:28,994
I'm trying
to rehustler.
217
00:10:29,029 --> 00:10:31,063
It gives every man
x-ray vision,
218
00:10:31,097 --> 00:10:33,065
If you know what I mean.
219
00:10:33,099 --> 00:10:35,034
Buy a copy
and see for yourself.
220
00:10:35,068 --> 00:10:38,037
But I can't fly,
and I don't have super strength.
221
00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:41,273
Captain girl would have
taken care of this already.
222
00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:43,475
How many times
do I have to tell you?
223
00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:46,578
I am not captain girl!
224
00:10:46,613 --> 00:10:50,582
No, seriously, you can
see inside the girls.
225
00:10:50,617 --> 00:10:52,651
Inside. Seriously.
226
00:10:52,686 --> 00:10:56,021
You're damn right
you're not captain girl.
She was a real sidekick.
227
00:10:56,056 --> 00:10:58,223
Unlike some people.
228
00:10:58,258 --> 00:11:00,759
Seriously. Inside.
229
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:10,302
Wooldoor,
making you my sidekick
230
00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:12,471
Was the biggest
mistake of my life.
231
00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:14,173
You're fired!
232
00:11:14,207 --> 00:11:16,475
Captain hero, wait!
233
00:11:19,546 --> 00:11:21,480
Captain girl
wouldn't have cried.
234
00:11:24,784 --> 00:11:27,286
[crying] I'm the worst.
235
00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:30,322
I never deserved
to be hero's sidekick.
236
00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:34,493
Just like I didn't
deserve to be crowned
miss universe '97.
237
00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:37,496
These aren't real.
These aren't real!
238
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:39,031
[crying]
239
00:11:39,065 --> 00:11:42,334
If you don't
stop your crying,
2 things are gonna happen.
240
00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:46,205
I'm gonna have an orgasm
and then I'm gonna
fall asleep.
241
00:11:46,239 --> 00:11:47,706
Is that what you want?
242
00:11:47,741 --> 00:11:49,742
Oh, spanky,
captain hero fired me
243
00:11:49,776 --> 00:11:52,344
Because I'm not as good
a sidekick as captain girl.
244
00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:54,713
How good a sidekick
could she have been?
245
00:11:54,748 --> 00:11:55,681
She's dead.
246
00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:57,249
Hmm.
247
00:11:57,283 --> 00:11:58,751
You know, spanky,
248
00:11:58,785 --> 00:12:01,487
I bet if I defeated
the mad libber,
249
00:12:01,521 --> 00:12:03,856
I'd prove to hero
I'm an even better sidekick
250
00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:05,858
Than his precious
captain girl.
251
00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:08,260
If only I knew
how to find him.
252
00:12:08,294 --> 00:12:10,262
Oh, whoa.
Hey, what's that?
253
00:12:10,296 --> 00:12:12,264
Oh, I think
it's breaking news.
254
00:12:12,298 --> 00:12:16,769
Holy crap! The mad libber
is verbing a bank!
255
00:12:16,803 --> 00:12:20,372
This is the opportunity
I have been waiting for.
256
00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:22,141
To the wooldoor-mobile.
257
00:12:23,843 --> 00:12:26,645
Get the fuck
out of the car.
Move! Move! Move!
258
00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:27,646
All right.
259
00:12:27,681 --> 00:12:28,480
Shut up!
260
00:12:28,515 --> 00:12:29,448
Just don't hurt me.
261
00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:30,416
Get in the trunk.
262
00:12:30,450 --> 00:12:31,116
No way.
263
00:12:31,151 --> 00:12:32,251
Get in the fucking trunk!
264
00:12:32,285 --> 00:12:33,786
I don't wanna die!
265
00:12:33,820 --> 00:12:35,721
"I don't wanna die."
you're gonna fucking die.
266
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:38,290
Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh!
267
00:12:41,895 --> 00:12:44,129
Whee!
268
00:12:44,164 --> 00:12:47,666
I'll show captain hero
what a great sidekick I am.
269
00:12:47,701 --> 00:12:49,968
Uh, gr-grandpa?
270
00:12:52,138 --> 00:12:54,073
[crowing]
271
00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:57,643
Mommy's home!
272
00:13:04,718 --> 00:13:06,151
[vomiting]
273
00:13:06,186 --> 00:13:08,487
Ugh! Hey!
274
00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:10,489
Who threw up in here?
275
00:13:10,523 --> 00:13:13,092
And where have you been
all night, mommy fattest?
276
00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:16,228
I don't know.
I don't know where I am now.
277
00:13:16,262 --> 00:13:20,366
But wherever I am,
somebody threw up everywhere.
278
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:22,134
Toot, your bad parenting
279
00:13:22,168 --> 00:13:24,670
Is having a terrible
effect on your child.
280
00:13:24,704 --> 00:13:26,805
Look at her.
She is out of control.
281
00:13:30,110 --> 00:13:32,177
[wolf whistle]
hey, baby.
282
00:13:32,212 --> 00:13:34,480
How about some formula
with that shake?
283
00:13:34,514 --> 00:13:37,816
Ah, she just needs
some discipline.
284
00:13:37,851 --> 00:13:40,586
Baby, you're grounded!
285
00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:42,588
[cooing]
286
00:13:42,622 --> 00:13:45,324
Hey, watch your language,
287
00:13:45,358 --> 00:13:47,326
You filthy whore!
288
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:50,796
Don't make me wash out
my mouth with ham.
289
00:13:51,898 --> 00:13:53,532
[kids crying]
290
00:13:53,566 --> 00:13:55,868
Sorry, kids.
There's no time to spare.
291
00:13:55,902 --> 00:13:57,903
Not even enough
to slow down the vehicle.
292
00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:00,973
[kids screaming]
293
00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:02,975
[crashing]
294
00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:05,678
Oh, no. I'm too late.
295
00:14:05,712 --> 00:14:07,913
The mad libber
has gotten away.
296
00:14:08,982 --> 00:14:10,282
He left a note.
297
00:14:10,316 --> 00:14:12,284
I better get back
and decipher this.
298
00:14:12,318 --> 00:14:14,086
To the wooldoor truck.
299
00:14:16,923 --> 00:14:19,458
I felt bad about
yelling at baby.
300
00:14:19,492 --> 00:14:22,928
I decided to sit down
and have a real talk
with her
301
00:14:22,962 --> 00:14:25,130
About being
a filthy whore.
302
00:14:26,399 --> 00:14:28,901
Baby! Baby!
303
00:14:28,935 --> 00:14:32,838
Come on. Open the door.
Mommy just wants to talk.
304
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:36,675
I brought you cookies.
305
00:14:36,710 --> 00:14:39,812
Hey, what the...
Did you eat all my cookies?
306
00:14:39,846 --> 00:14:42,281
Open the fucking door!
307
00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:47,886
Oh, my god!
My baby's run away!
308
00:14:47,921 --> 00:14:50,289
My baby's run away!
309
00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:53,392
[sobbing]
310
00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:56,495
[cooing]
311
00:14:56,529 --> 00:14:58,163
[sizzling]
312
00:14:58,198 --> 00:15:00,332
This note still doesn't
make any sense, spanky.
313
00:15:00,367 --> 00:15:02,701
How do you horribly
penis someone?
314
00:15:02,736 --> 00:15:06,438
All right. But I'm only
gonna show this to you
one more time.
315
00:15:06,473 --> 00:15:08,540
Wait. I've got an idea.
316
00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:10,876
Maybe if we
filled in the blanks
317
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:13,012
With words other than "penis,"
318
00:15:13,046 --> 00:15:15,948
The mad libber's note
would make more sense.
319
00:15:15,982 --> 00:15:17,916
That's crazy, wooldoor.
320
00:15:17,951 --> 00:15:20,652
Just crazy enough to penis.
321
00:15:20,687 --> 00:15:22,988
Spanky, I need a verb.
322
00:15:34,367 --> 00:15:35,901
I think I've been
pretty flexible here,
323
00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:37,036
But I'm telling you,
324
00:15:37,070 --> 00:15:39,805
One of those blanks
has got to be "penis."
325
00:15:39,839 --> 00:15:41,440
All right. Fine.
326
00:15:41,474 --> 00:15:43,809
Ooh. This makes
a lot more sense.
327
00:15:43,843 --> 00:15:46,712
"I will horribly kill you all
328
00:15:46,746 --> 00:15:50,716
"by blowing up the town's dam
329
00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:53,218
"using a bomb
that I'll detonate
330
00:15:53,253 --> 00:15:55,721
From the pentower."
331
00:15:55,755 --> 00:15:58,757
Oh, my god! I've got
to get to the penis tower!
332
00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:00,726
To the wool-delorean!
333
00:16:04,264 --> 00:16:06,532
Whoa! Wait a second!
No, no! Wooldoor, wait!
334
00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:07,966
Don't go!
335
00:16:08,001 --> 00:16:11,170
Oh, no.
Doc, I think I'm too late.
336
00:16:11,204 --> 00:16:13,572
I looked
for my baby everywhere.
337
00:16:13,606 --> 00:16:14,973
By the pool.
338
00:16:15,008 --> 00:16:16,809
By the refrigerator.
339
00:16:16,843 --> 00:16:18,744
By the pool again.
340
00:16:18,778 --> 00:16:21,480
It was like she disappeared
off the face of the earth.
341
00:16:21,514 --> 00:16:23,482
We can't find
your baby anywhere.
342
00:16:23,516 --> 00:16:26,652
You're not looking hard enough!
Oh, did you check the fridge?
343
00:16:26,686 --> 00:16:29,855
Excuse me.
Is this yours?
344
00:16:29,889 --> 00:16:31,790
Child services.
345
00:16:31,825 --> 00:16:33,759
My arch-nemesis.
346
00:16:33,793 --> 00:16:35,461
We meet again,
347
00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:37,329
Miss love.
348
00:16:37,364 --> 00:16:40,799
So tell me. How aquametta
and little ray-ray?
349
00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:44,403
You mean heather
and raymond-raymond.
350
00:16:44,437 --> 00:16:47,339
They're very happy now
with the jurgensens.
351
00:16:47,374 --> 00:16:49,675
Oh! Where were you?
352
00:16:49,709 --> 00:16:52,444
Since you've been gone,
I've been so drunk.
353
00:16:52,479 --> 00:16:55,614
I mean wasted.
No. Shit-faced
354
00:16:55,648 --> 00:16:58,283
Yeah, that's it.
Shit-faced.
355
00:16:58,318 --> 00:17:01,787
Miss braunstein,
we found your baby
shoplifting.
356
00:17:01,821 --> 00:17:03,155
Shoplifting?
357
00:17:03,189 --> 00:17:06,558
I spared you the pain of all
those vaccination shots,
358
00:17:06,593 --> 00:17:08,727
And this is how
you repay me?
359
00:17:08,762 --> 00:17:09,862
Oh, it gets worse.
360
00:17:09,896 --> 00:17:11,830
She stole
a home pregnancy test.
361
00:17:11,865 --> 00:17:14,533
A pregnancy...
362
00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:16,869
And it's positive.
363
00:17:25,612 --> 00:17:28,647
One of these buildings
must be the penis tower.
364
00:17:28,682 --> 00:17:30,983
[gasps] but which one?
365
00:17:31,017 --> 00:17:33,585
Maybe someone in this
building will know.
366
00:17:33,620 --> 00:17:38,924
The dam will be
blown up in 3, 2...
367
00:17:38,958 --> 00:17:41,260
Hold it right there,
mad libber.
368
00:17:41,294 --> 00:17:43,262
It's time to bring you
to justice
369
00:17:43,296 --> 00:17:44,930
For the murder
of captain girl.
370
00:17:44,964 --> 00:17:46,231
Captain girl?
371
00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:48,200
Who the hell
is captain girl?
372
00:17:48,234 --> 00:17:50,202
You know. Captain hero's
old sidekick.
373
00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:52,604
Captain hero
never had a sidekick.
374
00:17:52,639 --> 00:17:54,740
No one would work
with that lunatic.
375
00:17:54,774 --> 00:17:57,142
What? If he never
had a sidekick,
376
00:17:57,177 --> 00:17:58,977
That would mean...
377
00:17:59,012 --> 00:18:01,680
That captain hero
made the whole thing up.
378
00:18:01,715 --> 00:18:04,717
Captain hero?
What the hell is going on?
379
00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:07,686
I guess you deserve
to know the truth.
380
00:18:07,721 --> 00:18:09,288
I made up captain girl.
381
00:18:09,322 --> 00:18:11,290
But why would
you do that?
382
00:18:11,324 --> 00:18:12,624
I was jealous.
383
00:18:12,659 --> 00:18:14,993
All the other
superheroes have sidekicks.
384
00:18:15,028 --> 00:18:17,229
Batman has robin.
Aquaman has aqualad.
385
00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:20,232
Why, even the mad libber
has the mighty quadriplegic.
386
00:18:20,266 --> 00:18:23,736
Please take
this costume off me.
387
00:18:23,770 --> 00:18:26,271
So I lied and I
made up captain girl.
388
00:18:26,306 --> 00:18:28,273
Then one lie
led to another,
389
00:18:28,308 --> 00:18:31,176
And the next thing
you know, she was dead.
390
00:18:31,211 --> 00:18:33,579
Oh, captain girl!
[sobbing]
391
00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:36,749
I too have lost
a lot of imaginary friends.
392
00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:38,083
The important thing now
393
00:18:38,118 --> 00:18:41,020
Is that you accept that your
imaginary sidekick is gone
394
00:18:41,054 --> 00:18:42,755
And I am here.
395
00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:46,258
You're right,
captain wooldoor.
396
00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:49,194
Now, what do you say
you and I make
the mad libber pay
397
00:18:49,229 --> 00:18:51,897
For what he did
to my beloved captain girl.
398
00:18:51,931 --> 00:18:55,067
You mean together,
as your sidekick?
399
00:18:55,101 --> 00:18:56,268
Yes.
400
00:18:56,302 --> 00:18:57,503
Whee!
401
00:19:03,543 --> 00:19:05,010
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
402
00:19:05,045 --> 00:19:07,046
Quick, wooldoor.
Let's get out of here.
403
00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:08,647
To the wooldoor chair.
404
00:19:08,682 --> 00:19:10,883
Aah-aah! Why
are you doing this?
405
00:19:10,917 --> 00:19:12,017
Get in.
406
00:19:12,052 --> 00:19:14,386
What about
quadriplegic?
407
00:19:14,421 --> 00:19:18,557
Silly, wooldoor.
He's just a figment
of my imagination.
408
00:19:28,234 --> 00:19:30,869
Whee!
409
00:19:30,904 --> 00:19:32,971
Where did I go wrong?
410
00:19:33,006 --> 00:19:35,774
My baby was about
to have a baby.
411
00:19:35,809 --> 00:19:37,810
Why was she
doing this to me?
412
00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:39,945
Oh, my god.
Her water broke.
413
00:19:39,979 --> 00:19:42,348
You think having a baby
is gonna solve
all your problems?
414
00:19:42,382 --> 00:19:44,350
You're not ready
to be a mother.
415
00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:45,684
She's crowning.
416
00:19:45,719 --> 00:19:47,753
A baby isn't a toy.
417
00:19:47,787 --> 00:19:50,356
It's a huge responsibility.
418
00:19:50,390 --> 00:19:53,092
Oh! I get it now.
419
00:19:54,661 --> 00:19:57,863
Thanks for teaching me
that motherhood is
a joyless burden
420
00:19:57,897 --> 00:19:59,498
Best left
to wealthy people
421
00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:02,468
Who can hire someone named
loretta artera locerra
422
00:20:02,502 --> 00:20:04,636
To do most of
the hard work for them.
423
00:20:04,671 --> 00:20:07,906
I should've known
that babies from nicaragua
couldn't fix problems.
424
00:20:07,941 --> 00:20:11,443
If they could,
nicaragua wouldn't be such
a shithole, would it?
425
00:20:11,478 --> 00:20:13,312
[baby crying]
426
00:20:13,346 --> 00:20:17,016
I knew you'd figure it out
eventually, grandma.
427
00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:19,218
Oh!
428
00:20:19,252 --> 00:20:21,954
Seriously, toot,
you suck.
429
00:20:21,988 --> 00:20:23,655
We'll be taking these now.
430
00:20:23,690 --> 00:20:26,658
I think they'll be
much happier with loving,
caring foster parents.
431
00:20:26,693 --> 00:20:28,127
The jurgensens?
432
00:20:28,161 --> 00:20:30,462
Oh, god, no.
Those people are monsters.
433
00:20:30,497 --> 00:20:32,131
Now that that's
taken care of,
434
00:20:32,165 --> 00:20:34,133
Let's all go get wasted.
435
00:20:34,167 --> 00:20:35,401
My treat!
436
00:20:36,469 --> 00:20:38,437
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.
437
00:20:38,471 --> 00:20:39,738
Child services here.
438
00:20:39,773 --> 00:20:43,375
Do your part to control
the nicaraguan
baby population.
439
00:20:43,410 --> 00:20:47,146
Have your babies
from nicaragua spayed
or neutered. Thank you.
440
00:20:55,155 --> 00:21:03,162
Captioned by the national
captioning institute
--www.Ncicap.Org--
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