Original subtitles

[Thunder and screaming]

Announcer: last week ondrawn together...

The housemates playedthe newlywed game.

I would have to say up the butt.

[Applause]

Toot and ling-Ling won an exciting trip to mexico.

[Horn honksla cucaracha]

They stumbled upon the girl of their dreams.

Looking for a little fiesta?

Then things went from bad to mexican.

We killed her!

[Speaking japanese]

Miss macho, looks like we've got ourselves

Anuno, dos, tres, with a possiblecuatro.

[Siren bloops]

You two are going to jail for a long time

Unless you are willing to pay up.

Oh, here we go again. How much?

Well, for killing the most beautiful woman in all of mexico,

Next to edward james olmos,

I'd say, uh...

500 billion pesos!

[Thunder]

[Speaking japanese]

I'll give you a week to come up with the cash.

[Siren bloops]

Whoa, slow down. We're not in rush.

500 billion pesos!

Jesuãšãšs cristo!

I'll trade you 2 reverse holofoil pikachus

For your black star ling-Ling.

Ooh! That's a battle monster of a good deal.

[All laughing and snorting]

[Car engine gunning]

Hey, look. The "cool kids" are back.

We've all been living together

In this house for a while now.

And it seems we've divided

Into 2 very separate cliques.

[Hip-Hop blaring]

We rule! We rule!

Wow. Those guys are cool.

I'm gonna go hang out with them.

Um, those guys are assholes.

We're your friends, capt--

Captain hero?

Hey, dudes, the fast and the furious, eh?

You guys wanna see a picture of my sister's tits?

[Dramatic music sting]

Hey, let's pants the dork.

Oof!

[Chittering]

[Screaming]

Dude, we totally pantsed him.

[Laughing]

If i can't be cool, i'm running away

And going somewhere you'll never find me.

Never! [Sobs]

[Splat]

Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

[Slow piano music plays]

To stay out of jail,

Ling-Ling and i needed pesos.

We were willing to do anything to get 'em.

♪♪ toot's donkey show ♪♪

Come on! Do me! Do me!

You know you want it!

[British accent] sorry, my dear,

But even a filthy, pathetic donkey has standards.

Fair enough.

♪♪ toot's donkey show ♪♪

Thank you.

[Audience trilling and hooting]

Hey! Where the hell are all you mexicans going?!

To the grande coliseum!

[Cheering]

Aw, my darling queen,

Another beautiful day for a cockfight, eh?

I love being the king of mexico.

I'm still the only queen i know

That has to crap in the bushes behind their castle.

[Comedic music plays]

[Clucking]

[Bell dings]

[Cheering]

No! No bedtime!

No sleep!

Eat!

[Boom]

Is there no chicken man enough to defeat el clucko?

One billion pesos will get us a lot closer to paying off that cop.

Are you thinkin' what i'm thinkin'?

Uh...

Up the butt?

Even better.

Caw caw! Caw caw!

My chicken challenges el clucko!

[Cheering] clucko!

[Singing in spanish]

[No music]

[Singing in spanish]

[No music]

[Singing in spanish]

[Music stops]

[Bell dings]

Oh, that ling-Ling is such a mighty warrior.

¡â¡bravo! ¡â¡bravo!

We won! We won!

Suck my balls, mom! I'm somebody now.

Ah, this is so boring.

You know, when hero's not around,

Dungeons & dragons seems to be a lot less about hand jobs

And a lot more about trolls.

[Hip-Hop] ♪♪ the way you ♪♪

♪♪ look at me ♪♪

This is all their fault. Guh!

Because of you guys, the best dungeon master

North of the fire swamps of geldar ran away crying.

Standing up for your dorky friend, huh?

I think this calls for a little...

Tickle torture.

[Hip-Hop] ♪♪ nah nah nah ♪♪

♪♪ don't kill me ♪♪

♪♪ when i'm with you, don't-- ♪♪

Foxxy, why aren't you tickling xandir?

This ain't cool.

This is just as uncool as the rodney king ticklin'.

And lastly tonight, reports of a 5,000-Ton meteor hurtling toward earth

Turned out to be completely true.

Oh, lordy!

Captain hero, where are you?!

I need to go find that asshole captain hero.

[Dramatic music plays]

Foxxy: ♪♪ baby? ♪♪

This must be where hero growed up.

[Sobbing]

Captain hero, i been looking all over for you.

Whenever i'm sad, i come back here

To the kindly farming couple

Who have raised me since i was a baby.

We've never se en this man before in our lives.

I think he broke my arm.

[Dramatic music sting]

Damn it, hero,

There's a meteor headin' for earth.

What's the point of saving the earth

If i can't be one of the cool kids?

I just want to stay here with mom and pop.

He made me wear lipstick.

[Bats eyes]

I have an idea.

What if i pretend you my boyfriend,

And then you will be one of the cool kids?

You would do that for me?

Just until you popular.

But then you got to stop the meteor.

Deal!

Aah!

Ethel, you gotta get me to the hospital.

Hospital. Right.

You didn't have to do that for me.

I didn't do it for you . I did it for us.

[Dramatic musical score playing]

[Singing in spanish]

[Bawk]

Hi-Yah!

There is something special about this ling-Ling.

He thinks outside the bun.

[Rimshot]

Toot: our plan was working great.

We were making more money than a televangelist

In a region full of impressionable retards.

For more information about this joke,

Please visit the south.

[Singing in spanish]

[Latin pop playing]

Our next guest has brought new excitement

To our national pastime of cockfighting.

This cock is a natural pecker, huh?

[Audience laughs] right, kevin?

Right, kevin?

Oh, i dream about killing you.

Please welcome el pollo insano, ling-Ling.

[Cheering, trilling, and guns firing]

Great to have you on the show.

You know, i think we have a clip from your last cockfight.

[Ling-Ling yelling]

[Bawk]

[Applause]

Now, ling-Ling, what do you say to your critics

Who claim that cockfighting is a cruel and inhumane sport, hmm?

R, well, yeah, for you, because you're a kille

But the chickens you battle

Are skittish, unbelievably stupid animals

Who don't even want to fight.

Boy, am i talking about chickens or the french?

[Laughter] right, kevin?

And i pretend homeless people are you,

And i burn 'em.

[Laughter]

[Dolphin chitters]

♪♪ the way you look at me ♪♪

Gosh, i don't know about this, foxxy.

The cool kids are never going to let me play meth lab with them.

Of course they will.

You just got to look cool.

Here. Try some of this mousse.

Ooh, wow. You clean up good.

Real good, hero calrissian.

[Ballad plays]

Who's the cool-Looking guy?

Wait. Isn't he that dork, captain hero?

Haven't you heard? Captain hero is my new boyfriend.

[Dramatic music sting]

Well, you know, if foxxy thinks he's cool,

He must be cool, seeing as how foxxy's all black and stuff.

Hey, hero, you wanna pour the ammonia in?

Do i?! And how!

[Goofy laugh]

Wow. That is so cool.

I haven't slept in 46 days.

[Hip-Hop] ♪♪ why don't you come and let me see ♪♪

[Suspenseful music]

[Cheering]

Are you excited to behold another glorious cockfight, mi amor?

I growmuybored with all this refined culture and exquisite luxury.

[Gags]

[Gags]

[Rat gags]

You win this fight, ling-Ling,

And we'll have enough moolah

To pay off the cops

And get back to the land of indoor toilets.

[Mexican folk music playing]

[Cowering]

Hu-Ahh!

Chickens are a peaceful race.

Race, race, race.

[Crowd goading, cheering]

[Sighs]

[Crowd gasps]

How dare you disgrace our national pastime?

Royal elite guards, take them to the dungeon! Now!

[Dog yipping]

Ohh, this country sucks.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

Now the captain files electronically.

Wow. That is so cool.

You're so much cooler than lobot.

[Narrating] after hanging out with hero

For a few days, i gots to wondering,

Was i pretendin' to be hero's girlfriend to save the earth,

Or was i pretendin' to save the earth

To be hero's girlfriend?

Hey, hero calrissian,

Why don't we takes a ride over to inspiration point?

[Ballad plays]

I got a better idea.

E! Let's throw pig feces at the gay kid's hous

That is a hilarious prank,

Because gays don't want to get anywhere near doody.

Let's go!

[Dramatic music sting]

[Slow piano music plays]

♪♪ the way you ♪♪

♪♪ look at me ♪♪

Ha ha ha! You suck!

Eat shit, dork! Ha ha!

Hero: you've got poo on your house!

Dude, that was awesome.

Now let's go home before the cops come.

[Laughing]

Huh?

[Slow piano music plays]

Gaah!

[Laughing] ♪♪ the way you ♪♪

♪♪ look at me ♪♪

♪♪ what you got? ♪♪

[Suspenseful music plays]

You idiot.

Because you wouldn't kill some stupid chicken,

We're going to die.

[Deep voice] come with me.

Aah! Aah!

[Normal] don't be frightened. I'm here to help you.

I just made my voice like that

[Deep] because i thought it went better with the cloak.

[Normal] now go. Save yourself.

Because

[Deep] you've captured my heart.

[Dramatic musical score playing]

[Normal] if the king catches you, he will kill you.

You must leave swiftly and gracefully,

Like the national bird of mexico,

The donkey.

Hey, what about me?

Don't worry.

[Yells, gurgles]

[Mariachi music playing]

I thought we were gonna be caged up until we died,

Like those stupid chickens.

Oww, kittens.

Screw that. I'm gonna watch my own back from now own.

If only i could watch my own feet.

[Dramatic music sting]

[Inspirational music playing]

...zebras...

...go.

[Inspirational music stops]

Later, asshole.

Meep meep.

[Gasping]

Jesus, how long's this thing been dead?

[Suspenseful music plays]

Hey, hero, i heard what you did to xandir's house.

That was some pretty sweet turd tossing.

Oh, really?

I know you're foxxy's girl,

But if things change, give me a call.

And if things don't work out with clara,

You still got my digits.

Uh, wow. Ok.

We better take off.

Yeah, some assholes threw shit on our house,

And we gotta go clean it up.

Hey, papa, i gots us tickets

To go see bell biv devoe tomorrow night.

Listen, foxxy, the deal was that we'd stay together

Until i was popular, and i'm pretty damn popular now.

Well, you not that popular.

Oh, yeah? Smell this.

[Sniffs]

[Gasps] spanky?!

Foxxy, i am dumping your ass!

[Gasps]

Captain hero just dumped that girl.

He dumped her.

I would be devastated.

Hey, ladies, what does captain hero have in common

With lance armstrong's left testicle?

We are both single.

And we're sensitive to cold.

[Gasps]

[Suspenseful music plays]

[Hee-Haw]

Ooh! And then i ducked!

And whaah chaah!

With the deadly feather punch, i killed the mighty ling-Ling!

Wow! I wish i could've been there.

When did we start talking?

Ling-Ling:ping chowah!

[Dramatic sting plays]

Raah!

It's ling-Ling!

He's back from the dead!

[Clucking]

What? Barry the chicken

Lied about killing ling-Ling?

And i b-B-Bet he didn't fuck shakira either.

Kill the liar!

[Clucking]

Ping chowah!

...leaf blower.

But we're chickens. We don't fight.

All right, ling-Ling stood up to the king for us

And spared my life.

Now it is our turn to stand up for ourselves.

Barry the chicken' s right.

If you cut off our beaks, do we not bleed?

If you chop off our heads, do we not run around

For, like, 30 seconds or a minute?

...coliseum grande.

[Yelling]

♪♪ honey... ♪♪

Foxxy: so i was all alone at the dance, and even worse,

The meteor was about to smash into the earth,

And if the moviedeep impact was any indication of what would happen next,

The whole planet was about to become boring and unwatchable.

Captain hero, you gots to stop that meteor.

Can't you see i'm already one knuckle deep into fifth base?

Uhh! Mmm.

Ooh.

Shoo. Gaah!

[Laughter]

♪♪ loser ♪♪

That's it.

Hold up, everybody.

Now, i know y'all think captain hero is real cool.

Oh, yeah. Cool.

Yeah. He's the coolest eve r.

But he ain't.

No. No, he's not cool.

I don't know what i was thinking.

I fooled y'all into thinking hero was cool

By pretending to be his girlfriend.

So he would stop that meteor.

[Gasps] gasp.

Wait. I can explain.

Oh, really? Then explain this, yo.

Spanky, clara,

Steve from long island.

Oh, hey, man, you were right.

The, uh, cool kids are assholes.

You shit on my house, man.

I know, i know.

You shit on my house.

Yeah. You said that already.

[Slow piano music plays]

And to think i let him get to seventh base with me.

[Inhales]

Ahh.

[Hee-Haw]

[Stampede running]

What the...

...deliverer.

You don't scare me.

I have taken dumps with sharper beaks than you.

Hi-Yah!

Pi-Chah!

You will never defeat me as long as i have my magic potion.

[Chicken clucks] ai, dios miãão.

He's gonna drink the worm.

You don't know what happens when you drink the worm?

[Laughing]

He doesn't kno w what happens.

Oh, you're gonna love this.

By the power of mencia!

[Roaring]

I don't have to wear pants anymore.

[Hee-Haw]

[Roars]

Oh!

[Clucking]

[Zap zap]

He's all yours, kid.

Yee-Ha! Whoo-Hoo!

Hey, is that speedy?

Now is our time, my chicken brethren.

Attack!

Oh! Remember me as i was,

Drunk and lazy. Ohh!

[Hee-Haw]

[Gunshot]

[Birds cawing]

Captain hero: i was an even bigger loser

Than a christian scientist in a sensible religion contest.

Even xandir was giving me the cold shoulder.

Spanky: hey, xandir,

Why don't you come over here

And hang out with us cool kids?

Me? Really?

Oh, my god.

They're going to give xandir a wedgie.

[Chanting] wedgie, wedgie, wedgie.

Hold it right there.

There'll be no more wedgies under my watch.

Don't you guys remember we all used to hang out together?

We're all just dorks.

I mean, clara, you like science, right?

Well, if you consider

Biochemistry a science. [Snorts]

And, steve from long island,

You have one too many arms that we haven't noticed until now, no?

Yeah. Check it.

And, spanky, you're voiced by adam carolla.

Yeah, i guess i am.

Well, as long as the jig is up, can i talk in my normal voice?

[Slightly less gravelly] so the--My thing is, uh...

Uh, my--I just sort of acknowledge it?

Uh, i'll give you a few alternative, uh, ones or whatever.

Look, what i'm trying to say is

It's ok to be a dork,

But it's not ok to forget your real friends

Or the black chick that you could bang for a happy meal.

[Slow clap]

[Joins in]

[Car alarm]

[Alarm chirps off]

[Gasping]