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1
00:00:01,735 --> 00:00:03,036
Wooldoor, narrating:
from the moment i woke up,
2
00:00:03,036 --> 00:00:05,205
I knew today was going
to be rotten.
3
00:00:05,205 --> 00:00:06,940
I had a stuffy nose,
4
00:00:06,940 --> 00:00:09,976
But i got up anyway,
got dressed, and
headed downstairs.
5
00:00:09,976 --> 00:00:12,579
And then spankie
broke off the propeller
from my beanie!
6
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:13,880
What a dork!
7
00:00:14,314 --> 00:00:17,350
And ling-Ling hit me
with a chinese star.
8
00:00:17,350 --> 00:00:20,387
And just my luck,
the chore wheel once again
9
00:00:20,387 --> 00:00:22,122
Put me in charge
of the bags of money.
10
00:00:22,122 --> 00:00:25,592
Plus, i missed my daily
sideburn-Trimming
appointment.
11
00:00:25,592 --> 00:00:27,761
Aah! A jew
in our backyard!
12
00:00:27,761 --> 00:00:30,363
I can't believe
my jewcrow didn't work!
13
00:00:32,532 --> 00:00:34,267
You're getting baptized
right now!
14
00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:36,002
Aah!
15
00:00:36,002 --> 00:00:38,605
I can't swim!
16
00:00:38,605 --> 00:00:40,774
Don't worry!
You're a christian now!
17
00:00:40,774 --> 00:00:43,376
Jesus will be
your life preserver.
18
00:00:43,810 --> 00:00:45,979
[Laughs] look at that heeb
pretending to drown.
19
00:00:45,979 --> 00:00:48,581
Ha! Those jews kill me.
20
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:06,800
[Snickers]
hey, hero,
21
00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:08,535
I made up
a fun new game--
22
00:01:08,535 --> 00:01:11,571
How long does it take
pain to travel through
toot's fat layers?
23
00:01:14,174 --> 00:01:15,909
[Both snickering]
24
00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:17,644
Morning, assholes!
25
00:01:17,644 --> 00:01:18,945
Did you read the paper?
26
00:01:19,379 --> 00:01:22,415
It says a giant retard
is destroying the city.
27
00:01:22,415 --> 00:01:25,452
What? "Massive
mental midget mauls
metropolis"?
28
00:01:25,452 --> 00:01:28,054
This sounds like a job
for captain hero!
29
00:01:28,054 --> 00:01:30,223
Up, up, and away!
30
00:01:30,223 --> 00:01:32,826
Oh, wait. I need
my magic pixie dust.
31
00:01:34,994 --> 00:01:36,296
Ro
whoo!
I'm captain fucking he
32
00:01:36,296 --> 00:01:38,898
And i can't feel
my fucking face!
33
00:01:38,898 --> 00:01:41,067
So, xandir,
do you have any plans for--
34
00:01:41,067 --> 00:01:43,670
Aah! Someone stabbed me
in my back!
35
00:01:43,670 --> 00:01:44,971
34 seconds.
36
00:01:44,971 --> 00:01:47,140
Sweet. That's
my best time yet.
37
00:01:47,140 --> 00:01:48,875
Foxxy, narrating:
wooldoor almost drowned,
38
00:01:49,309 --> 00:01:52,779
But as usual, the foxxy
helped save the day!
39
00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:55,381
[Grunts]
40
00:01:56,683 --> 00:01:57,984
[Retches]
41
00:01:59,285 --> 00:02:00,587
[In british accent]
capital. Thank goodness
42
00:02:00,587 --> 00:02:03,623
I'm certified in
cardiopulmonary
resuscitation.
43
00:02:04,057 --> 00:02:06,226
[In normal accent]
mouth-To-Mouth, y'all!
44
00:02:06,226 --> 00:02:07,527
[Shivers]
45
00:02:07,527 --> 00:02:11,431
Oh, lordy! Wooldoor got
the hypothermia.
46
00:02:11,431 --> 00:02:13,166
And clara, you gonna
take care of him.
47
00:02:13,166 --> 00:02:14,467
[Groans]
[shivers]
48
00:02:14,467 --> 00:02:16,202
Taking orders
from a black girl?
49
00:02:16,202 --> 00:02:17,937
Ugh! Who does
she think i am--
50
00:02:17,937 --> 00:02:19,672
Thomas jefferson's penis?
51
00:02:19,672 --> 00:02:20,974
Captain hero, narrating:
everywhere i looked,
52
00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:24,010
I saw evidence of
this special giant.
53
00:02:24,010 --> 00:02:26,179
The entire city
was flooded with drool.
54
00:02:26,613 --> 00:02:29,215
The museum
of shiny objects
was in ruins.
55
00:02:29,215 --> 00:02:33,119
The giant replicas
of daddy's important papers
had been drawn on.
56
00:02:33,119 --> 00:02:36,589
Even the reservoir
of yummy banana pudding
was completely empty.
57
00:02:36,589 --> 00:02:38,758
You see, man,
without the pudding,
58
00:02:38,758 --> 00:02:42,662
I'm just
another unemployed
sexual predator.
59
00:02:42,662 --> 00:02:46,132
But the giant himself
was nowhere to be found.
60
00:02:46,132 --> 00:02:49,169
Where is
this giant sped?
61
00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:51,337
Oh, so you don't want
to talk, eh?
62
00:02:51,337 --> 00:02:54,374
Maybe a little
neck-Snapping
will jog your memory!
63
00:02:54,374 --> 00:02:56,543
[Cracking]
64
00:02:56,543 --> 00:02:59,579
Oh! Maybe
a little spooning
will jog your memory!
65
00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:03,049
[Animals screaming]
66
00:03:03,483 --> 00:03:06,519
Oh, dear god!
Not the petting zoo!
67
00:03:06,519 --> 00:03:09,122
I love puppies!
68
00:03:09,556 --> 00:03:10,423
[Shivering]
69
00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:11,724
Clara, narrating:
i spent hours
70
00:03:11,724 --> 00:03:13,893
Taking care of that
needy little bastard.
71
00:03:13,893 --> 00:03:15,628
If i wanted to hear
a yellow guy whine,
72
00:03:15,628 --> 00:03:17,363
I'd go see margaret cho.
73
00:03:17,363 --> 00:03:19,966
[Shivers] could i have
another blanket, please?
74
00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:22,135
Ugh! You want it now?
75
00:03:22,135 --> 00:03:25,171
But i was in the middle
of a really funny part
of my joke book.
76
00:03:25,171 --> 00:03:26,906
[Giggles]
77
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:29,509
Damn, clara,
78
00:03:29,509 --> 00:03:31,678
You've been taking care
of wooldoor all day.
79
00:03:32,111 --> 00:03:33,413
You're such a sweetheart.
80
00:03:33,413 --> 00:03:35,582
Who knew you were
such a decent person?
81
00:03:35,582 --> 00:03:38,184
Seriously, you're like
the best roommate ever.
82
00:03:38,184 --> 00:03:40,353
Clara, narrating:
gosh, my roommates
always hated me.
83
00:03:40,353 --> 00:03:42,956
And now, they think
i'm some kind of saint.
84
00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:44,691
Clara, for
the first time ever,
85
00:03:44,691 --> 00:03:46,426
I am proud
to be your friend.
86
00:03:46,426 --> 00:03:47,727
This makes up
for all them cracks
87
00:03:48,161 --> 00:03:50,330
About my breastses
lactating chocolate milk.
88
00:03:50,763 --> 00:03:53,800
No chocolate milk?
Then what the hell
have i been sucking on?
89
00:03:57,704 --> 00:03:59,439
[Screaming]
90
00:03:59,439 --> 00:04:01,174
Puppy sleepy!
91
00:04:01,174 --> 00:04:02,475
Wake up, puppy!
92
00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:05,078
Da-Ta!
Captain hero is here.
93
00:04:05,511 --> 00:04:06,813
Your velcro-Powered
super shoes
94
00:04:06,813 --> 00:04:09,849
.
And endless capacity to
hug can't save you now
95
00:04:11,150 --> 00:04:12,018
[Both grunt]
96
00:04:12,018 --> 00:04:14,187
I love pounding beavers!
97
00:04:14,621 --> 00:04:15,922
[Brays]
[babbles]
98
00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:19,392
Oh, i sure gave
that hairy ass
a licking!
99
00:04:19,392 --> 00:04:20,260
[Grunts]
[mewing]
100
00:04:20,693 --> 00:04:21,995
Ha! This is one dude
101
00:04:21,995 --> 00:04:24,597
Who knows how
to avoid pussy.
102
00:04:24,597 --> 00:04:25,898
[Grunts]
103
00:04:25,898 --> 00:04:26,766
[Clucking]
104
00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:28,501
I'll wrap my hands
around this cock
105
00:04:28,501 --> 00:04:30,670
And squeeze it until it
explodes way too early
106
00:04:30,670 --> 00:04:32,839
And then rolls over
and falls asleep
107
00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:36,309
Leaving me unsatisfied
and alone.
108
00:04:36,309 --> 00:04:37,176
[Grunts]
109
00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:38,911
Y.
I've got you now, cork
110
00:04:39,345 --> 00:04:41,948
Life goes on
no longer for you.
111
00:04:43,683 --> 00:04:46,719
I was about to put him
on the short bus
to heaven,
112
00:04:46,719 --> 00:04:49,322
But there was something
in his eyes--
113
00:04:49,756 --> 00:04:50,623
Something familiar.
114
00:04:50,623 --> 00:04:52,358
Could he possibly be...
115
00:04:52,358 --> 00:04:54,527
[Roars]
oh, my god!
116
00:04:54,527 --> 00:04:55,828
He could!
117
00:04:55,828 --> 00:04:58,431
[Roars and babbles]
118
00:04:58,431 --> 00:05:00,600
[Panting]
119
00:05:05,805 --> 00:05:07,540
Mommy!
120
00:05:08,841 --> 00:05:10,143
My roommates were
so proud of me
121
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:11,444
For taking care
of wooldoor,
122
00:05:11,878 --> 00:05:14,047
They even alerted
the local press.
123
00:05:14,047 --> 00:05:17,083
Now everyone knows
what a wonderful
human being i am.
124
00:05:17,517 --> 00:05:20,553
Wow, clara!
Thanks for taking
such good care of me.
125
00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:22,288
I feel healthier
than ever.
126
00:05:22,288 --> 00:05:24,457
Why, even
my jungle fever
has broken.
127
00:05:24,457 --> 00:05:25,758
Hey, papa.
128
00:05:25,758 --> 00:05:27,493
Eh. You're not
so hot.
129
00:05:28,361 --> 00:05:29,662
,
now that
i'm all better
130
00:05:29,662 --> 00:05:31,397
I guess i'll
be seeing you,
clara.
131
00:05:31,397 --> 00:05:32,699
You're leaving?
I guess i won't have
132
00:05:32,699 --> 00:05:34,434
To take care
of you anymore.
133
00:05:34,434 --> 00:05:35,735
Which means
i'll no longer receive
134
00:05:35,735 --> 00:05:38,338
The attention
i so desperately crave.
135
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:40,073
Say, uh, wooldoor,
136
00:05:40,506 --> 00:05:41,374
Perhaps before you go
137
00:05:41,808 --> 00:05:44,410
I can make you
one last bowl
of chicken soup?
138
00:05:44,844 --> 00:05:47,447
Soup? Fuck yeah!
I love that shit!
139
00:05:57,423 --> 00:05:59,158
W-What do you mean
you didn't kill him?
140
00:05:59,158 --> 00:06:02,628
You've never had trouble
defeating mentally-Challenged
retards before.
141
00:06:02,628 --> 00:06:03,930
Where mommy at?
142
00:06:03,930 --> 00:06:06,532
Oh, i saw your mommy
go into the restroom.
143
00:06:06,532 --> 00:06:09,569
So it's just you
and me now, magneto.
144
00:06:10,002 --> 00:06:11,738
[Grunts]
145
00:06:11,738 --> 00:06:13,473
[Grunts]
146
00:06:13,473 --> 00:06:16,943
It's just that
when i saw he had those
vestigial t-Rex arms,
147
00:06:16,943 --> 00:06:19,112
I...couldn't do it.
148
00:06:19,112 --> 00:06:23,015
What's the big deal
about him having
vestigial t-Rex arms?
149
00:06:23,015 --> 00:06:24,751
This!
[Roars]
150
00:06:24,751 --> 00:06:27,353
Holy crap! What the hell
is wrong with you?
151
00:06:27,353 --> 00:06:29,088
Don't be scared,
gay friend.
152
00:06:29,088 --> 00:06:30,390
[Stammers]
153
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:32,125
Oh, nice.
154
00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:34,293
Yes, everyone
in the hero family
has them.
155
00:06:34,727 --> 00:06:36,028
Well, except
for my cousin ned,
156
00:06:36,028 --> 00:06:39,065
Who was born
with just one
vestigial t-Rex arm.
157
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:40,800
[Chuckles]
what a freak.
158
00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:42,101
Don't you see,
xandir?
159
00:06:42,535 --> 00:06:45,571
There is only one
explanation.
160
00:06:45,571 --> 00:06:49,041
He is my son!
161
00:06:50,343 --> 00:06:52,745
Of course he is.
162
00:06:55,148 --> 00:06:56,883
How could you
possibly have a son?
163
00:06:56,883 --> 00:06:58,618
You said you had
your balls removed.
164
00:06:58,618 --> 00:07:02,955
No. I said i had
my ball sack removed.
165
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:05,992
Besides,
i always pull out.
166
00:07:05,992 --> 00:07:08,594
Um, that's not
a foolproof method.
167
00:07:08,594 --> 00:07:09,896
Right, craig?
168
00:07:09,896 --> 00:07:10,763
[Coos]
169
00:07:10,763 --> 00:07:12,064
Trust me, bro.
170
00:07:12,064 --> 00:07:13,366
When i pull out
of a chick,
171
00:07:13,366 --> 00:07:15,968
She never survives
the 1,000-Foot fall
back to earth.
172
00:07:15,968 --> 00:07:17,270
[Screams]
173
00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:19,439
But there is
one possibility.
174
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:21,607
Back when i was
at howard university,
175
00:07:21,607 --> 00:07:24,210
I needed money
to pay for tuition.
176
00:07:24,210 --> 00:07:25,945
[Funk music playing]
177
00:07:28,548 --> 00:07:31,584
Need bling?
Donate yo' sperm.
178
00:07:32,018 --> 00:07:33,753
Oh, check this out,
roomie!
179
00:07:33,753 --> 00:07:35,054
I could get paid
for what i do
180
00:07:35,054 --> 00:07:37,657
Every day for free
in your shampoo bottle!
181
00:07:37,657 --> 00:07:38,958
You did what?!
182
00:07:55,875 --> 00:07:57,176
[Horn honks]
[dog barks]
183
00:07:57,176 --> 00:07:59,779
[Crashes]
184
00:07:59,779 --> 00:08:01,514
[Crying]
185
00:08:01,948 --> 00:08:03,683
One of
your fluffer-Nutter
deposits
186
00:08:03,683 --> 00:08:05,852
Must have created
your son.
187
00:08:05,852 --> 00:08:07,587
Then we must go
to the sperm bank
188
00:08:07,587 --> 00:08:10,189
To solve this mystery
once and for all.
189
00:08:10,189 --> 00:08:13,659
This sounds like a job
for captain hero!
190
00:08:16,262 --> 00:08:17,563
Oww!
191
00:08:17,997 --> 00:08:21,033
Poor, poor wooldoor
kept getting sicker.
192
00:08:21,033 --> 00:08:24,070
But at least
the world appreciated
my loving devotion to him.
193
00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:47,927
It sucked being sick
all the time.
194
00:08:47,927 --> 00:08:50,096
But boy, oh, boy,
was i lucky to have
195
00:08:50,096 --> 00:08:52,265
Someone like clara
to take care of me.
196
00:08:52,698 --> 00:08:53,566
Now, finish
your rock candy
197
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:56,168
So you can feel
all better.
198
00:08:58,337 --> 00:09:00,072
[Squeaking
and crunching]
199
00:09:06,579 --> 00:09:07,880
[Gulps]
200
00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:10,049
My stomach feels bleedy.
201
00:09:10,483 --> 00:09:12,218
Need medicine.
202
00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:15,254
What the heck?
203
00:09:15,254 --> 00:09:17,857
Drain cleaner?
Cyanide? Anthrax?
204
00:09:17,857 --> 00:09:20,459
Gerber's
apple banana sauce?
205
00:09:20,459 --> 00:09:21,761
Someone should think
a little harder
206
00:09:21,761 --> 00:09:23,496
About where we put
these product placements.
207
00:09:23,496 --> 00:09:26,966
Oh, my god!
Clara's keeping me sick!
208
00:09:30,436 --> 00:09:32,171
Ah, yes.
209
00:09:32,605 --> 00:09:33,906
Captain leslie hero.
210
00:09:33,906 --> 00:09:34,774
There weren't
a lot of women
211
00:09:35,207 --> 00:09:36,509
Who wanted
zebulonian sperm.
212
00:09:36,509 --> 00:09:39,545
But there was one.
Here, i'll give you
the address.
213
00:09:39,545 --> 00:09:42,582
Well, maybe a little
neck-Snapping will make you
give me the address.
214
00:09:43,015 --> 00:09:43,883
[Grunts]
[laugh track]
[snap]
215
00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:45,618
Oh, you.
216
00:09:47,787 --> 00:09:49,088
Well--
[Hocks and spits]
217
00:09:49,088 --> 00:09:50,389
I hope you're ready
to meet the woman
218
00:09:50,389 --> 00:09:52,124
Who birthed your giant
retarded son.
219
00:09:52,558 --> 00:09:54,293
Never readier.
[Doorbell rings]
220
00:09:54,293 --> 00:09:56,028
[Creaks]
hello?
221
00:09:56,028 --> 00:09:58,631
Pardon me, sir,
but did you buy
some zebulonian sperm
222
00:09:59,065 --> 00:10:01,233
And give birth
to a giant stupidhead?
223
00:10:01,233 --> 00:10:02,969
Who wants to know?
224
00:10:02,969 --> 00:10:05,137
I do,
for i am the donor.
225
00:10:05,137 --> 00:10:06,872
My name is captain hero.
226
00:10:07,306 --> 00:10:10,343
Captain hero?
Oh, no!
227
00:10:10,343 --> 00:10:12,078
Oh, no, what?
228
00:10:12,078 --> 00:10:13,813
I am your...
229
00:10:13,813 --> 00:10:16,415
Sister.
230
00:10:16,415 --> 00:10:17,283
Of course she is.
231
00:10:17,717 --> 00:10:19,018
Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew!
[Roars]
232
00:10:19,018 --> 00:10:20,319
Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew!
[Roars]
233
00:10:20,319 --> 00:10:22,488
Both: ew! Ew! Ew! Ew!
[Roaring]
234
00:10:25,958 --> 00:10:27,259
Goodnight, wooldoor.
235
00:10:27,259 --> 00:10:28,561
Feel better.
236
00:10:31,597 --> 00:10:33,766
Wooldoor, narrating:
i took the first chance
i had to escape.
237
00:10:33,766 --> 00:10:35,501
And i found
the perfect decoy
238
00:10:35,501 --> 00:10:37,236
So clara
would never know
i was gone.
239
00:10:37,236 --> 00:10:38,971
Lucky for me, gary coleman
is desperate for work.
240
00:10:39,405 --> 00:10:41,574
He'll let you paint him
any color you want.
241
00:10:45,911 --> 00:10:48,514
[Humming]
242
00:10:48,514 --> 00:10:49,815
[Beeps]
243
00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:51,984
Uh-Oh. Clara turned on
the house security system.
244
00:10:51,984 --> 00:10:53,719
[Flatulence]
245
00:10:55,888 --> 00:10:58,057
[Synthesizer
music playing]
246
00:11:11,070 --> 00:11:12,371
[Alarm beeps]
uh-Oh.
247
00:11:12,371 --> 00:11:14,106
[Crashes]
248
00:11:14,106 --> 00:11:15,408
[Screaming]
249
00:11:21,047 --> 00:11:23,215
[Grunting]
250
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:27,553
Phew!
251
00:11:27,553 --> 00:11:31,457
Holy crap! Mummified bears
with shark heads?!
252
00:11:31,457 --> 00:11:33,626
[Piercing electronic
notes playing]
253
00:11:40,566 --> 00:11:42,301
[Surf music playing]
254
00:11:42,735 --> 00:11:44,036
[Grunts]
255
00:11:44,904 --> 00:11:46,205
All right.
256
00:11:46,205 --> 00:11:47,506
[Cans clang]
257
00:11:47,506 --> 00:11:48,808
Uh-Oh.
258
00:11:48,808 --> 00:11:50,109
Aah!
259
00:11:50,109 --> 00:11:50,976
What are you doing
out of bed?
260
00:11:50,976 --> 00:11:54,013
Darling,
you're still so sick.
261
00:11:56,615 --> 00:11:57,917
Clara,
you've gone crazy.
262
00:11:57,917 --> 00:11:59,652
You're poisoning me.
263
00:11:59,652 --> 00:12:01,821
Oh, wooldoor,
you don't mean that.
264
00:12:01,821 --> 00:12:04,857
That's just the poison
i'm using to poison you
with talking.
265
00:12:04,857 --> 00:12:06,592
And now,
for your own good,
266
00:12:06,592 --> 00:12:09,195
I'll have to make sure
you'll never leave again.
267
00:12:10,496 --> 00:12:12,231
[Gasps and screams]
268
00:12:12,231 --> 00:12:13,966
Wait!
269
00:12:13,966 --> 00:12:15,701
No! Please!
270
00:12:15,701 --> 00:12:16,569
[Crunches]
[grunts]
271
00:12:17,002 --> 00:12:18,738
[Screaming]
272
00:12:20,473 --> 00:12:22,208
[Dings]
273
00:12:23,509 --> 00:12:24,810
Both: ew! Ew! Ew!
274
00:12:24,810 --> 00:12:25,678
Captain hero, narrating:
when we finally finished
275
00:12:26,112 --> 00:12:27,847
Our traditional
zebulonian greeting,
276
00:12:27,847 --> 00:12:30,015
We went inside
for some java.
277
00:12:31,317 --> 00:12:32,184
So then i moved
to earth
278
00:12:32,618 --> 00:12:33,919
To be closer
to trader joe's.
279
00:12:33,919 --> 00:12:36,956
Anyhoo, i turned 35
and desperately
wanted a baby.
280
00:12:36,956 --> 00:12:39,992
When i discovered
the clinic actually had
zebulonian sperm,
281
00:12:39,992 --> 00:12:41,293
I was tickled pink.
282
00:12:41,293 --> 00:12:42,595
But who would have
thought the he-Honkers
283
00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:44,330
I snorted up
my crotch nostril
284
00:12:44,330 --> 00:12:46,065
Were from my brother?
285
00:12:46,065 --> 00:12:47,800
I feel so dumb.
All this time,
286
00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:50,402
I thought my son
was a giant retard.
287
00:12:50,402 --> 00:12:52,571
Turns out
he's just an inbred.
288
00:12:52,571 --> 00:12:54,306
I'm sorry
our son escaped
from the basement.
289
00:12:54,740 --> 00:12:57,777
But don't you worry--
I chained him up
but good this time.
290
00:12:57,777 --> 00:13:00,813
What?! My son
is in chains?
291
00:13:00,813 --> 00:13:02,114
[Gasps]
292
00:13:02,114 --> 00:13:03,849
[Grunting]
293
00:13:03,849 --> 00:13:06,452
Me love junk.
294
00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:09,488
What the hell kind
of mother are you?
295
00:13:09,922 --> 00:13:10,790
A single mother.
296
00:13:11,223 --> 00:13:13,392
What do you
want me to do--
Not chain him up?
297
00:13:13,392 --> 00:13:16,428
I know being
a single mother is
a difficult task,
298
00:13:16,862 --> 00:13:19,465
And i admire
all you sluts
who do it,
299
00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:22,067
But it's no excuse
to lock our son
in the basement.
300
00:13:22,067 --> 00:13:24,236
Oh? You think
you can do better?
301
00:13:24,236 --> 00:13:27,273
You bet your sweet,
supple ass i can.
302
00:13:27,273 --> 00:13:28,140
[Grunts]
303
00:13:28,574 --> 00:13:29,441
I'll be a better
single parent
304
00:13:29,875 --> 00:13:32,478
Than all my high school
girlfriends combined.
305
00:13:32,478 --> 00:13:34,213
[Both grunt]
306
00:13:34,213 --> 00:13:36,382
[Gasps]
307
00:13:36,382 --> 00:13:38,984
So, you like
trader joe's, huh?
308
00:13:39,418 --> 00:13:42,021
I like it
for some things.
309
00:13:42,021 --> 00:13:44,190
Ow!
310
00:13:47,626 --> 00:13:48,494
Captain hero, narrating:
to make my boy
311
00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:50,229
A productive member
of society,
312
00:13:50,229 --> 00:13:51,964
I introduced him
to the only career
313
00:13:51,964 --> 00:13:54,567
A giant, inbred moron
like him could handle--
314
00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:56,735
Heating and
air conditioning repair.
315
00:14:00,639 --> 00:14:02,374
[Rings]
[screams]
316
00:14:02,374 --> 00:14:03,676
Door monster!
317
00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:04,977
Mama!
318
00:14:06,712 --> 00:14:08,013
Well, thank god
you're here.
319
00:14:08,013 --> 00:14:09,315
It's like a sauna--
320
00:14:09,315 --> 00:14:11,917
[Grunting]
321
00:14:11,917 --> 00:14:14,086
Uh-Uh-Uh!
322
00:14:14,086 --> 00:14:16,255
It was working
just fine yesterday.
323
00:14:16,255 --> 00:14:17,122
[Growls]
oh!
324
00:14:17,122 --> 00:14:18,424
Uh-Uh-Uh!
325
00:14:18,424 --> 00:14:21,026
Uhh...
326
00:14:21,026 --> 00:14:23,195
Uhh...
327
00:14:24,063 --> 00:14:25,798
[Moaning]
328
00:14:30,569 --> 00:14:33,172
How often do you change
your filter, ma'am?
329
00:14:33,606 --> 00:14:35,774
Gosh, i don't think
we've ever changed
the filter.
330
00:14:37,509 --> 00:14:40,546
90 percent of the time,
it's the filter.
331
00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:43,148
Yep, that's
the culprit right there.
332
00:14:43,148 --> 00:14:45,317
I just want
to be honest with you.
333
00:14:45,317 --> 00:14:47,920
A lot of people
would tell you
it's the freon hose,
334
00:14:48,354 --> 00:14:50,089
And charge you the $200.
335
00:14:50,089 --> 00:14:52,258
But i'm not in this
for the money.
336
00:14:52,258 --> 00:14:54,860
I just like
keeping people cool.
337
00:14:54,860 --> 00:14:57,463
I hope when
the home office calls
for my review,
338
00:14:57,463 --> 00:15:00,499
You have the confidence
to give me all 5s.
339
00:15:00,499 --> 00:15:02,234
Stay cool!
340
00:15:05,271 --> 00:15:06,572
How was that, daddy?
341
00:15:06,572 --> 00:15:09,174
I told you to tell them
it was the freon hose!
342
00:15:09,174 --> 00:15:11,343
You just lost us $200!
343
00:15:11,343 --> 00:15:13,946
Wooldoor, narrating:
i feared clara would keep me
a cripple forever.
344
00:15:13,946 --> 00:15:16,548
If only i could tell someone
what she was doing.
345
00:15:16,548 --> 00:15:18,284
Hey, clara.
Hey, wooldoor.
346
00:15:18,284 --> 00:15:20,886
How is your healthy
patient-Nurse
relationship?
347
00:15:20,886 --> 00:15:22,187
Clara's been
poi--[Chokes]
348
00:15:22,187 --> 00:15:23,489
What's that?
349
00:15:23,489 --> 00:15:24,790
Foxxy,
look behind you!
350
00:15:24,790 --> 00:15:26,091
It's denzel
washington!
351
00:15:26,091 --> 00:15:28,260
Denzel!
[Panting]
352
00:15:28,260 --> 00:15:29,561
Where did denzel go?
353
00:15:29,561 --> 00:15:30,863
I guess denzel
must have had
354
00:15:30,863 --> 00:15:32,164
An appointment
or something.
355
00:15:32,164 --> 00:15:33,899
Denzel's very busy.
356
00:15:34,333 --> 00:15:36,502
Uh, foxxy, look!
357
00:15:36,502 --> 00:15:37,369
Denzel came back!
358
00:15:37,369 --> 00:15:38,671
Denzel!
[Crunch]
359
00:15:39,104 --> 00:15:42,141
Oh, i missed him again.
He move quickly.
360
00:15:42,141 --> 00:15:44,310
Denzel in excellent
physical condition.
361
00:15:44,310 --> 00:15:45,177
[S.O.S. Beeping
in morse code]
362
00:15:45,611 --> 00:15:48,213
Hey, i think wooldoor's
trying to communicate
363
00:15:48,213 --> 00:15:49,949
Through blinking.
Look, foxxy!
364
00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:52,551
Denzel came back
for an unbelievable
third time!
365
00:15:52,551 --> 00:15:53,852
[Gasps] denzel!
366
00:15:53,852 --> 00:15:54,720
Hello there, foxxy.
367
00:15:55,154 --> 00:15:56,455
Clara's trying
to keep wooldoor si--
368
00:15:56,455 --> 00:15:58,190
Foxxy, look out
in the hall.
369
00:15:58,624 --> 00:16:00,359
It's another
denzel washington!
370
00:16:00,359 --> 00:16:02,094
With 2 penises!
371
00:16:02,094 --> 00:16:05,130
[Gasps]
double dong denzel!
372
00:16:05,130 --> 00:16:06,865
Good-Bye.
[Screams]
373
00:16:06,865 --> 00:16:08,167
[Explosion]
374
00:16:09,468 --> 00:16:11,203
It's just you
and me now, wooldoor.
375
00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:14,239
No one's going
to save you.
376
00:16:14,239 --> 00:16:15,975
Wait a minute, clara.
377
00:16:16,408 --> 00:16:17,710
There ain't nobody
in that hallway
378
00:16:17,710 --> 00:16:19,445
But triple dong
wesley snipes.
379
00:16:19,445 --> 00:16:21,180
What is going on here?
380
00:16:27,252 --> 00:16:28,120
Captain hero, narrating:
as it turned out,
381
00:16:28,554 --> 00:16:30,289
Being a single parent
was a cinch.
382
00:16:30,289 --> 00:16:33,325
And now that
my son had mastered
air conditioning repair,
383
00:16:33,325 --> 00:16:36,795
It was time
to tackle something
even more challenging--
384
00:16:37,229 --> 00:16:38,530
Making waffles!
385
00:16:38,530 --> 00:16:41,567
Oh, isn't it f
un to make waffles
with daddy?
386
00:16:42,868 --> 00:16:44,169
Waffles, waffles.
387
00:16:44,169 --> 00:16:45,904
Both: waffles! Waffles!
388
00:16:46,338 --> 00:16:47,639
Waffles! Waffles!
389
00:16:47,639 --> 00:16:50,242
[Laughing]
390
00:16:50,242 --> 00:16:51,543
[Beeping]
gotcha!
391
00:16:51,977 --> 00:16:55,014
Aah! Fire alarm monster!
392
00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:56,315
[Crash]
393
00:16:56,315 --> 00:16:57,616
Fire alarm monster!
394
00:16:57,616 --> 00:16:59,785
Come back, son!
395
00:16:59,785 --> 00:17:01,954
You have the syrup!
396
00:17:06,291 --> 00:17:08,460
You are so lucky
to have someone
like me
397
00:17:08,894 --> 00:17:11,497
Stabbing you with
a rusty screwdriver
like this.
398
00:17:12,798 --> 00:17:14,099
Hey, clara.
399
00:17:14,099 --> 00:17:15,401
I wouldn't use the sink
in the upstairs bathroom.
400
00:17:15,401 --> 00:17:17,136
I clogged it
while i was shaving.
401
00:17:17,569 --> 00:17:18,871
Do you have any
of that drain cleaner
402
00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:21,040
You've been using
to keep wooldoor sick?
403
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:22,775
Sure. Here. It's...
404
00:17:22,775 --> 00:17:24,943
It's empty.
Oh, well.
405
00:17:24,943 --> 00:17:27,112
If it's all empty,
that means...
406
00:17:27,112 --> 00:17:28,847
Yes, clara.
You've fed me
407
00:17:28,847 --> 00:17:31,016
An entire bottle
of drain cleaner.
408
00:17:31,450 --> 00:17:32,751
Oh, my god.
409
00:17:32,751 --> 00:17:34,486
All i wanted was
a little attention.
410
00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:37,089
But i never considered
the ramifications.
411
00:17:37,089 --> 00:17:39,258
I need
to make this right.
412
00:17:39,258 --> 00:17:42,728
Hang on, sink!
I'll help you!
I'll unclog you!
413
00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:44,463
I never meant
to hurt you!
414
00:17:44,463 --> 00:17:47,066
It's ok, clara,
at least you learned
a lesson.
415
00:17:47,499 --> 00:17:48,801
Not necessarily
thelesson,
416
00:17:49,234 --> 00:17:50,536
But a lesson
nonetheless.
417
00:17:50,536 --> 00:17:52,704
You're right,
wooldoor.
418
00:17:52,704 --> 00:17:54,873
I guess we both
got carried away.
419
00:17:54,873 --> 00:17:57,042
I guess we did.
But hey!
420
00:17:57,042 --> 00:17:58,777
S
the doctor says
it'll take only 2 year
421
00:17:58,777 --> 00:18:00,079
Of agonizing
physical therapy
422
00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:02,681
For me to return
to 60 percent of
my former mobility!
423
00:18:02,681 --> 00:18:05,717
And there's
even a chance
i'll dance again.
424
00:18:05,717 --> 00:18:07,019
Oh, wooldoor.
425
00:18:07,453 --> 00:18:08,754
You'll never
dance again.
426
00:18:08,754 --> 00:18:10,055
I know.
427
00:18:10,055 --> 00:18:11,356
My son is gone.
428
00:18:11,790 --> 00:18:13,092
I pushed him
too hard.
429
00:18:13,525 --> 00:18:15,260
Oh, i'm
the worst father ever--
430
00:18:15,260 --> 00:18:16,995
Even worse than spankie!
431
00:18:16,995 --> 00:18:18,730
You can do
it, honey!
Oh, god! Oh!
432
00:18:18,730 --> 00:18:20,466
Push! Push!
433
00:18:20,466 --> 00:18:21,333
[Crying]
434
00:18:21,767 --> 00:18:25,237
It's a boy!
It's a boy!
435
00:18:25,237 --> 00:18:26,972
Sausage,
2.99 a pound.
436
00:18:26,972 --> 00:18:28,273
Who needs
your sausage?
437
00:18:28,707 --> 00:18:29,575
[Roars]
438
00:18:29,575 --> 00:18:31,310
I've lost
my only child
439
00:18:31,310 --> 00:18:33,045
And it's
all my fault.
440
00:18:33,479 --> 00:18:35,647
My life will be
empty forever.
441
00:18:35,647 --> 00:18:36,949
This just in--
442
00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:39,985
A handi-Capable giant,
who has so much love to give,
443
00:18:39,985 --> 00:18:42,154
Is on a murderous rampage.
444
00:18:42,154 --> 00:18:45,190
And he's headed straight f
or the nation's most powerful
nuclear superbomb,
445
00:18:45,624 --> 00:18:49,094
Which, unfortunately,
is camouflaged as
winnie the pooh.
446
00:18:49,094 --> 00:18:51,697
Oh, my god!
We're all goin
g to die!
447
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:54,299
Captain hero,
this is your last chance
448
00:18:54,299 --> 00:18:56,468
To prove you can be
a good single parent.
449
00:18:56,902 --> 00:18:58,637
You have
to go get your son!
450
00:18:58,637 --> 00:19:01,673
You're right, gay friend!
To the winnie the pooh bomb!
451
00:19:01,673 --> 00:19:02,975
[Crash]
452
00:19:04,710 --> 00:19:05,577
[Flatulence]
453
00:19:06,745 --> 00:19:10,649
[Babbling]
454
00:19:10,649 --> 00:19:11,950
Why, oh,
why did we build
455
00:19:11,950 --> 00:19:13,685
Our most powerful
nuclear weapon
456
00:19:13,685 --> 00:19:14,553
To look like pooh bear?
457
00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:18,891
And why the hell
did we make it
hug-Activated?
458
00:19:20,192 --> 00:19:22,794
Son, you must listen
to daddy.
459
00:19:22,794 --> 00:19:26,698
♪♪ the cat's
in the kitchen on
the silver table ♪♪
460
00:19:26,698 --> 00:19:28,433
♪♪ if you're going
to serve gravy ♪♪
461
00:19:28,433 --> 00:19:30,169
♪♪ you got to have
a ladle-- ♪♪
462
00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:31,470
[Screams]
463
00:19:33,205 --> 00:19:36,241
I see your son
is about to destroy
the world.
464
00:19:36,241 --> 00:19:37,543
I know.
465
00:19:37,543 --> 00:19:39,711
Turns out,
i'm a terrible
single parent.
466
00:19:39,711 --> 00:19:41,013
I suck!
467
00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:42,314
Oh, don't feel bad.
468
00:19:42,314 --> 00:19:44,049
We've all made
our share of mistakes.
469
00:19:44,049 --> 00:19:46,218
Mine was trading in
a perfectly healthy baby
470
00:19:46,652 --> 00:19:48,387
For that
enormous asshole.
471
00:19:48,387 --> 00:19:49,688
I guess we weren't able
to care for
472
00:19:49,688 --> 00:19:52,724
Our special needs giant
as single parents.
473
00:19:52,724 --> 00:19:54,893
But perhaps,
if we join forces
474
00:19:54,893 --> 00:19:57,930
And work together,
we can do the right thing.
475
00:19:57,930 --> 00:20:01,400
And hand
that enormous retard
over to the state.
476
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:03,135
He's all yours, boys.
477
00:20:03,569 --> 00:20:04,870
Later!
Wait!
478
00:20:04,870 --> 00:20:06,171
Superheroes!
479
00:20:06,605 --> 00:20:09,641
Not only was that
a terrible
parenting decision,
480
00:20:09,641 --> 00:20:13,111
But we're all going
to die!
481
00:20:13,545 --> 00:20:14,413
If he gives you
any trouble,
482
00:20:14,413 --> 00:20:17,015
Just chain him up
in the basement.
483
00:20:18,317 --> 00:20:20,919
I wuv you,
winnie the pooh.
484
00:20:20,919 --> 00:20:22,654
[Beeping]
485
00:20:22,654 --> 00:20:24,389
[Explosion]
486
00:20:24,389 --> 00:20:25,691
[Rumbling]
487
00:20:28,727 --> 00:20:30,028
You're walking,
wooldoor!
488
00:20:30,462 --> 00:20:31,763
You're walking!
[Screams]]
489
00:20:31,763 --> 00:20:33,932
[Rumbling]
490
00:20:41,306 --> 00:20:42,174
I love you, winnie!
491
00:20:42,608 --> 00:20:45,210
I promise to keep you
cool in the summer.
492
00:20:45,210 --> 00:20:47,813
Wow, sis!
That was a close one.
493
00:20:47,813 --> 00:20:51,283
Well, bro,
now we know never
to be single parents.
494
00:20:51,283 --> 00:20:56,054
Yes. Well...
i say we raise
the next one together.
495
00:20:56,054 --> 00:20:57,789
The next one?
496
00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:02,995
[Roaring]
497
00:21:02,995 --> 00:21:04,730
[Both moaning]
498
00:21:09,935 --> 00:21:11,670
[Moaning]
499
00:21:22,514 --> 00:21:24,683
[Giggling]
500
00:21:24,683 --> 00:21:26,852
That's all, folks.
501
00:21:26,852 --> 00:21:28,587
Oh, don't forget
to change the filter.
502
00:21:29,888 --> 00:21:31,189
Foxxy: denzel!
503
00:21:34,726 --> 00:21:36,461
[Funk music playing]
504
00:22:06,825 --> 00:22:08,126
[Horn honks]
[dog barks]
505
00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:10,729
[Crashes]
506
00:22:10,729 --> 00:22:12,464
[Crying]
35045
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