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[AUDIO OF CHOIR SINGING
"THE SIMPSONS" PLAYS BACKWARDS]
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♪
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00:00:07,562 --> 00:00:08,695
D'oh!
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- [TIRES SCREECHING]
- [GRUNTING]
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00:00:16,463 --> 00:00:17,795
D'oh!
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00:00:17,831 --> 00:00:23,665
- Sync and corrections by ByDem -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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♪
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[GRUNTING SOFTLY]
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- [GROWLS]
- [GRUNTS]
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Hey.
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00:00:48,468 --> 00:00:50,401
♪
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00:00:58,094 --> 00:01:01,896
[GRUNTING GIBBERISH]:
old lady... kids...
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then the fire go out...
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00:01:04,667 --> 00:01:06,601
stupid Flanders.
15
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Beer...
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Only good will come of you.
17
00:01:11,349 --> 00:01:14,875
Hey, it looks like
I just invented English. Ha!
18
00:01:14,944 --> 00:01:17,282
- Whuh?
- I think I'll build a tavern.
19
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Of course, it won't be
as clean and nice as this swamp.
20
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- ♪
- [NEON LIGHTS BUZZING]
21
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[INSECTS TRILLING]
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Homie, we can't keep inviting
so many people to Thanksgiving.
23
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They all drink too much.
24
00:01:31,211 --> 00:01:32,535
[SLURRED GRUNTING]
25
00:01:32,606 --> 00:01:34,639
Use your words. Who do we cut?
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- Flanders.
- We don't invite him.
27
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Let's invite, then dis-invite him.
28
00:01:39,060 --> 00:01:41,504
OK. I know this is a
tough one but... Moe?
29
00:01:41,528 --> 00:01:45,281
Remember last yeat? His plus-one?
30
00:01:45,305 --> 00:01:46,781
Oh, yeah!
31
00:01:46,805 --> 00:01:47,944
[MARGE GROANS]
32
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Why won't you let me pop her?
33
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No. It's bad juju.
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So, um... we are tipping
Thanksgiving super small this year.
35
00:01:58,774 --> 00:02:01,457
Yeah, I understand. I won't
tell no one I'm invited.
36
00:02:01,481 --> 00:02:03,931
Hey, I was thinking of making,
uh, slivered green beans,
37
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little bits of bacon,
a tough one, but... Moe?
38
00:02:05,034 --> 00:02:06,931
- pearl onions in there.
- [GROANS]
39
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What's the matter?
You don't like pearl onions?
40
00:02:08,742 --> 00:02:11,476
[SCOFFS] Next you'll
be badmouthin' shallots!
41
00:02:11,511 --> 00:02:12,611
Actually...
42
00:02:12,646 --> 00:02:14,579
you're not invited.
43
00:02:14,615 --> 00:02:17,649
And this is how I find out, huh?
By you telling me in person?
44
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Gently? With-with plenty of notice?!
45
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I'm sorry, man. I'm-I'm really sorry.
46
00:02:22,389 --> 00:02:23,588
Hey, no problem.
47
00:02:23,624 --> 00:02:25,724
I mean, I'm just your bartender, right?
48
00:02:25,759 --> 00:02:27,626
No women, no buddies...
49
00:02:27,661 --> 00:02:30,795
- [PHONE RINGS]
- Ah, thank God, a friend!
50
00:02:30,831 --> 00:02:32,985
Moe's Tavern. Moe speaking.
51
00:02:33,010 --> 00:02:37,173
Uh, hello. I'm looking for
a Mr. Buttface, first name Ima.
52
00:02:37,297 --> 00:02:40,338
Ima? Nobody's been named that
in, like, a hundred years.
53
00:02:40,374 --> 00:02:43,475
And as for the rest, why don't
you double-check that name, huh?
54
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Try saying it out loud.
55
00:02:45,712 --> 00:02:48,052
- Ima Buttface?
- Haw-haw!
56
00:02:48,077 --> 00:02:50,435
Yeah, well, mistakes are
how we learn there, young fella.
57
00:02:50,460 --> 00:02:53,652
Good luck in your, uh,
your journey into adulthood.
58
00:02:53,687 --> 00:02:55,353
Dude, that was lame.
59
00:02:55,389 --> 00:02:57,055
And I'm the king of lame.
60
00:02:57,080 --> 00:02:59,104
I dream about needlepoint.
61
00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:03,662
[GRUNTS] Maybe we should
just give up these prank calls.
62
00:03:03,697 --> 00:03:05,597
Yeah. No more little prank calls.
63
00:03:05,632 --> 00:03:08,600
We're gonna go hard core!
64
00:03:08,635 --> 00:03:11,821
Hard core? The only thing
my mom's never done.
65
00:03:11,846 --> 00:03:13,086
[CHOKED UP]: I'm so proud of her.
66
00:03:13,533 --> 00:03:15,095
HERMAN: So, you're looking
67
00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:18,156
to acquire some
military-grade mischief makers?
68
00:03:18,181 --> 00:03:21,916
I cannot and I will not sell
such items to minors.
69
00:03:23,451 --> 00:03:26,523
Welcome to the dark net,
the devil's URL.
70
00:03:26,548 --> 00:03:27,547
[GATE SQUEAKS]
71
00:03:28,689 --> 00:03:31,323
Even Amazon can't find you here.
72
00:03:31,391 --> 00:03:32,967
Ain't that right, Alexa?
73
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Please, I've done nothing.
74
00:03:34,661 --> 00:03:37,196
Just shut me off. Please.
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♪
76
00:03:41,978 --> 00:03:45,032
[SPOOKY VOICE]: Welcome to the dark net.
77
00:03:45,057 --> 00:03:47,339
Could you stop that, please?
78
00:03:47,844 --> 00:03:49,507
[GATE SQUEAKS]
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00:03:50,811 --> 00:03:52,677
[ALL SCREAM]
80
00:03:52,713 --> 00:03:54,779
Whoa! Quit scaring us!
81
00:03:54,848 --> 00:03:56,448
All right.
82
00:03:57,236 --> 00:03:58,683
[BOYS SCREAM]
83
00:03:58,719 --> 00:04:00,618
[CHUCKLING]
84
00:04:00,654 --> 00:04:02,530
This is our chance to get back at Moe.
85
00:04:02,590 --> 00:04:04,423
Wait. What did he do to us?
86
00:04:04,591 --> 00:04:06,358
It doesn't matter. Let's do this!
87
00:04:07,594 --> 00:04:09,361
NELSON: A grenade launcher!
88
00:04:09,396 --> 00:04:12,630
Just like the one my dad
liberated in Afghanistan!
89
00:04:12,666 --> 00:04:16,501
I thought your dad just went out
for smokes and never came back.
90
00:04:16,536 --> 00:04:18,370
All right. The truth is,
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00:04:18,438 --> 00:04:21,583
he left on the first ship
colonizing Mars.
92
00:04:21,608 --> 00:04:23,942
That's why he can't call or send checks.
93
00:04:23,967 --> 00:04:25,477
But he did send me this.
94
00:04:25,512 --> 00:04:27,679
What? That's just a lame-o candy bar.
95
00:04:27,714 --> 00:04:29,714
I need this, Bart!
96
00:04:30,093 --> 00:04:32,059
Fine. Your dad's on Mars.
97
00:04:32,111 --> 00:04:34,786
Haw-haw! You're an enabler!
98
00:04:34,821 --> 00:04:36,488
Deadly. Treason.
99
00:04:36,523 --> 00:04:37,756
Overpriced.
100
00:04:37,791 --> 00:04:39,791
Whoa, whoa, whoa! What about this?
101
00:04:39,826 --> 00:04:44,181
Whoa! That'll break Moe's heart
and his wallet.
102
00:04:44,206 --> 00:04:45,597
[ALL CHUCKLING]
103
00:04:46,666 --> 00:04:49,334
Well, hello. I'm Hacky.
104
00:04:49,369 --> 00:04:51,469
Here to help you commit Internet crime.
105
00:04:51,505 --> 00:04:52,905
Do you want to...
106
00:04:52,929 --> 00:04:54,709
A: Submit a false Medicare Claim?
107
00:04:54,733 --> 00:04:56,733
B: Doxx your ex-girlfriend?
108
00:04:56,757 --> 00:04:58,744
Or C; Hack into PayPal?
109
00:04:58,745 --> 00:05:02,380
But if we're caught,
I morph into Snitchy the weasel
110
00:05:02,416 --> 00:05:04,950
and give all your information
to the FBI.
111
00:05:09,955 --> 00:05:12,287
To continue, click "agree."
112
00:05:16,329 --> 00:05:18,696
BART [QUIETLY]: The "package"
should be arriving now.
113
00:05:18,732 --> 00:05:20,465
Cool!
114
00:05:20,534 --> 00:05:22,700
We get to see a taxi.
115
00:05:22,736 --> 00:05:23,943
[ALL GASP]
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00:05:28,358 --> 00:05:29,895
[RUSSIAN ACCENT]: Is this the residence
117
00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:34,313
of successful American
businessman, uh, Moe Szyslak?
118
00:05:34,338 --> 00:05:35,798
Uh, who wants to know?
119
00:05:35,823 --> 00:05:38,650
Anastasia Alekhova, his new wife.
120
00:05:38,675 --> 00:05:42,360
His... wi-i-ife?!
121
00:05:42,385 --> 00:05:44,694
[LAUGHTER]
122
00:05:44,719 --> 00:05:46,524
Dark net rules!
123
00:05:46,593 --> 00:05:49,283
And no state sales tax! Boo-yeah!
124
00:05:49,641 --> 00:05:52,869
Well this is a contract and it
is my electronic signture
125
00:05:52,894 --> 00:05:55,035
which I assume is impossible to fake,
126
00:05:55,060 --> 00:05:57,637
but I did not order no mail-order bride!
127
00:05:57,716 --> 00:05:59,504
- I understand.
- Good.
128
00:05:59,567 --> 00:06:02,234
You see me in person,
and you do not want me.
129
00:06:02,259 --> 00:06:04,269
No, no. You got it all wrong.
130
00:06:04,338 --> 00:06:07,075
It's me. I can't take
another heartbreak.
131
00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:10,754
My only friends are the ghosts
that came with the bar.
132
00:06:10,965 --> 00:06:13,545
♪ Drinkity drink da drink da drink ♪
133
00:06:13,614 --> 00:06:16,946
♪ I woke up in a henhouse this morn ♪
134
00:06:16,971 --> 00:06:19,261
♪ Drinkity drink da drink da drink ♪
135
00:06:19,286 --> 00:06:21,487
♪ But I still wasn't drunk ♪
136
00:06:21,555 --> 00:06:24,590
♪ As the day I was born. ♪
137
00:06:24,725 --> 00:06:26,525
Back in my head, Fats.
138
00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:29,161
Oh, there's a lot
of dark thoughts in there.
139
00:06:29,186 --> 00:06:30,726
I didn't wanna die here.
140
00:06:30,751 --> 00:06:33,032
I just came in to use the phone.
141
00:06:33,701 --> 00:06:35,434
Sweetheart, we'll straighten this out.
142
00:06:35,503 --> 00:06:37,302
I'll overnight youse back to Russia,
143
00:06:37,371 --> 00:06:39,505
and, oh, boy, I'm sorry
to say this, but, uh...
144
00:06:39,573 --> 00:06:41,206
but on Delta.
145
00:06:42,126 --> 00:06:43,408
Where are my manners?
146
00:06:43,477 --> 00:06:48,514
Let me show you around. Uh,
pool table, uh, jukebox...
147
00:06:48,582 --> 00:06:49,942
Barney.
148
00:06:51,552 --> 00:06:52,950
We have alcoholics, too.
149
00:06:52,996 --> 00:06:55,220
But ours are thin, with ropey muscles.
150
00:06:55,322 --> 00:06:56,555
What's this?
151
00:06:56,657 --> 00:06:58,173
Ah, that's the Love Tester.
152
00:06:58,198 --> 00:06:59,525
You just stick a nickel in it,
153
00:06:59,593 --> 00:07:01,593
and it tells you what's in your heart.
154
00:07:04,598 --> 00:07:06,465
MOE: Uh-oh, am I falling for her?
155
00:07:06,534 --> 00:07:08,433
I think it knows what I'm feeling.
156
00:07:09,301 --> 00:07:11,336
And what I'm having for dinner.
157
00:07:11,405 --> 00:07:12,504
MARGE: Who can guess
158
00:07:12,573 --> 00:07:15,474
what oil I sautéed these vegetables in?
159
00:07:15,543 --> 00:07:17,576
Olive? Canola?
160
00:07:17,678 --> 00:07:19,378
Oh, not this game.
161
00:07:19,403 --> 00:07:21,547
Coconut? Grape-seed?
162
00:07:21,615 --> 00:07:23,482
Yeah, fantastic conversation, Marge.
163
00:07:23,551 --> 00:07:25,651
[SINGSONGY]: I don't hear an oil.
164
00:07:25,719 --> 00:07:27,553
- Peanut?
- Guess again.
165
00:07:27,621 --> 00:07:29,188
Um, sunflower?
166
00:07:29,256 --> 00:07:30,322
Walnut?
167
00:07:31,592 --> 00:07:33,995
No, no and no.
168
00:07:34,020 --> 00:07:36,328
[GIGGLES] This is why I had kids.
169
00:07:36,397 --> 00:07:38,363
The answer is...
170
00:07:38,388 --> 00:07:40,499
- Finally.
- Vegetable oil!
171
00:07:40,601 --> 00:07:42,401
Hey, vegetable oil! Good one, Marge.
172
00:07:42,436 --> 00:07:45,304
Did you hear Moe accidentally
bought a wife online?
173
00:07:45,372 --> 00:07:46,438
[LAUGHS]
174
00:07:46,507 --> 00:07:47,639
[CHUCKLES]
175
00:07:47,708 --> 00:07:49,958
Excuse me. How can mail-order brides
176
00:07:49,983 --> 00:07:52,231
still be a thing in this day and age?
177
00:07:52,341 --> 00:07:56,209
Lisa, ignorant men
and foolish women sometimes do
178
00:07:56,278 --> 00:07:58,411
dumb things to find love.
179
00:07:58,480 --> 00:08:01,567
Or maybe it was a master hack
180
00:08:01,592 --> 00:08:04,184
by an unknown genius. Ahem.
181
00:08:04,253 --> 00:08:06,978
Maybe this will turn out great for Moe.
182
00:08:07,003 --> 00:08:09,666
Sometimes arranged marriages
are the best.
183
00:08:09,691 --> 00:08:11,691
I mean, look at Tevye and Golde.
184
00:08:11,793 --> 00:08:15,695
They had a wonderful life
with that fiddler in the shtetl.
185
00:08:15,764 --> 00:08:17,531
It wasn't that great for Tzeitel.
186
00:08:17,562 --> 00:08:20,133
Ugh! How many times
do I have to tell you
187
00:08:20,158 --> 00:08:23,336
that Lazar Wolf the butcher
was a good provider!
188
00:08:23,438 --> 00:08:25,405
Well, I'm not marrying a butcher.
189
00:08:25,473 --> 00:08:27,814
Young lady, you should be so lucky
190
00:08:27,839 --> 00:08:29,772
if that Van Houten is a butcher.
191
00:08:29,841 --> 00:08:31,661
I'm not marrying Milhouse!
192
00:08:31,686 --> 00:08:33,510
Oy! She won't marry a butcher.
193
00:08:33,535 --> 00:08:37,237
She won't marry Milhouse.
What is a father to do?
194
00:08:37,421 --> 00:08:40,322
♪ What is a man with
three little children ♪
195
00:08:40,391 --> 00:08:42,691
♪ Three little children to do? ♪
196
00:08:42,726 --> 00:08:44,359
♪ I'll tell y... ♪
197
00:08:45,385 --> 00:08:46,484
Hey, uh, listen,
198
00:08:46,797 --> 00:08:49,431
if you want to stay a few more days,
199
00:08:49,500 --> 00:08:51,633
uh, it's fine with... Whoa, whoa!
200
00:08:51,702 --> 00:08:54,669
I ain't seen fresh flowers
since my ma died.
201
00:08:54,738 --> 00:08:57,110
She got hit by a flower truck.
202
00:08:57,135 --> 00:08:59,001
Let's try this place. It looks cute.
203
00:08:59,026 --> 00:09:00,442
I've never been inside before.
204
00:09:00,467 --> 00:09:02,334
I thought it was a horrible dive.
205
00:09:02,579 --> 00:09:04,326
Well, I thought it was a crack house.
206
00:09:04,351 --> 00:09:06,681
But now I'd like a glass of white wine.
207
00:09:06,706 --> 00:09:08,550
There's a white wine? I mean, yeah!
208
00:09:08,619 --> 00:09:10,318
I'll be right with you.
209
00:09:10,387 --> 00:09:12,387
[INDISTINCT CHATTER, LAUGHTER]
210
00:09:12,456 --> 00:09:14,945
Whoa! Look at all the meat in the seats!
211
00:09:14,984 --> 00:09:17,759
That grosses me out. Good-bye.
212
00:09:17,828 --> 00:09:20,383
Would you look at me? My mouth
is running like a toilet!
213
00:09:20,408 --> 00:09:21,696
- [CUSTOMERS GROAN]
- Outrageous!
214
00:09:21,765 --> 00:09:23,224
Wait, wait, wait.
215
00:09:23,249 --> 00:09:25,500
Uh, my friend speaks like peasant,
216
00:09:25,602 --> 00:09:28,664
but he makes a whiskey sour to die for.
217
00:09:28,689 --> 00:09:30,405
What the hell's a whiskey sour?
218
00:09:30,507 --> 00:09:31,640
Will you be quiet?
219
00:09:31,708 --> 00:09:32,774
Come back in.
220
00:09:32,876 --> 00:09:35,710
I promise you a safe, happy time.
221
00:09:38,782 --> 00:09:40,691
- Looks good.
- I feel better.
222
00:09:42,686 --> 00:09:44,453
So, Moe, I do good?
223
00:09:44,521 --> 00:09:46,521
I work hard, clean up bar.
224
00:09:46,623 --> 00:09:49,591
I even chase out moose and squirrel.
225
00:09:49,660 --> 00:09:51,693
Hey, let's take
our patronage elsewhere, Moose.
226
00:09:51,795 --> 00:09:55,497
Duh, what's a patronage? Duh.
227
00:09:59,770 --> 00:10:03,002
Oh, look, Anastasia,
it ain't that I don't like ya.
228
00:10:03,027 --> 00:10:04,606
I like ya plenty.
229
00:10:04,631 --> 00:10:06,374
Too plenty.
230
00:10:07,343 --> 00:10:09,578
[SIGHS] Here's the sad truth about me.
231
00:10:09,646 --> 00:10:12,380
Every time I give my heart to a woman,
232
00:10:12,449 --> 00:10:14,549
it gets broke into a hundred pieces.
233
00:10:14,651 --> 00:10:16,384
[SOBS]
234
00:10:16,420 --> 00:10:17,619
My first crush...
235
00:10:17,721 --> 00:10:20,388
So, I really like ya,
and I was wondering,
236
00:10:20,457 --> 00:10:23,725
you know, maybe we could go
to a movie or-or something?
237
00:10:23,794 --> 00:10:26,394
Give me one second.
238
00:10:27,698 --> 00:10:29,631
♪
239
00:10:34,738 --> 00:10:36,805
You gotta come out sometime!
240
00:10:36,874 --> 00:10:39,533
We've been using the back door.
241
00:10:39,963 --> 00:10:41,877
Aw, damn it.
242
00:10:41,912 --> 00:10:44,813
Then a couple of years ago,
sweet Maya...
243
00:10:44,882 --> 00:10:48,750
And then, of course, Laney Fontaine.
244
00:10:48,819 --> 00:10:50,619
I'm through with ya, Moe!
245
00:10:50,644 --> 00:10:52,654
You're a worthless train to nowhere,
246
00:10:52,679 --> 00:10:54,564
and this is my stop!
247
00:10:54,589 --> 00:10:57,592
- MAN: Yeah! Whoo-hoo-hoo!
- [CHEERING]
248
00:10:59,652 --> 00:11:03,382
She won a Tony tearing me apart,
yet I left humming the songs.
249
00:11:03,407 --> 00:11:06,724
Poor Moe. In Russia, we have
word for people like you:
250
00:11:08,728 --> 00:11:11,049
[LAUGHS] Oh, that sounds nice,
what does it mean?
251
00:11:11,074 --> 00:11:14,398
It means "gentle heart
that no one sees."
252
00:11:14,467 --> 00:11:15,700
Wow, that's beautiful.
253
00:11:15,768 --> 00:11:17,401
Maybe I should learn Russian.
254
00:11:17,470 --> 00:11:19,004
No, don't do that.
255
00:11:19,029 --> 00:11:22,540
[CRYING]: But if you
want me to, I'll go.
256
00:11:22,609 --> 00:11:24,675
Wait. I can't let you go like that.
257
00:11:26,104 --> 00:11:28,412
Can you take these bottles
to the recycling?
258
00:11:28,481 --> 00:11:30,381
Keep the nickels for yourself.
259
00:11:30,450 --> 00:11:32,450
[CRYING]
260
00:11:32,519 --> 00:11:34,318
[DOORBELL RINGS]
261
00:11:34,420 --> 00:11:36,787
Delivery for Dr. Ima Buttface.
262
00:11:36,856 --> 00:11:38,836
That's me. Where do I sign?
263
00:11:38,861 --> 00:11:40,598
Uh, nowhere. I was never here.
264
00:11:40,623 --> 00:11:43,461
But I would appreciate
a good review on Dark Yelp.
265
00:11:43,563 --> 00:11:46,731
Any less than three stars
and, uh... [MAKES CUTTING SOUND]
266
00:11:48,868 --> 00:11:52,296
Ho-ho. One Sumatran Breeding Rat,
267
00:11:52,321 --> 00:11:54,438
already in labor.
268
00:11:54,507 --> 00:11:56,091
You paid for mail-order rats
269
00:11:56,116 --> 00:11:58,543
when your grandfather's
nursing home is full of them?
270
00:11:58,611 --> 00:12:00,745
All right, boy. I'm gonna find out
271
00:12:00,847 --> 00:12:03,447
just what you've been up to.
272
00:12:04,651 --> 00:12:06,517
[BART GULPS]
273
00:12:06,586 --> 00:12:08,553
Oh, Mom, thank God.
274
00:12:08,578 --> 00:12:10,354
This one's brighter.
275
00:12:10,490 --> 00:12:11,556
Now talk.
276
00:12:11,691 --> 00:12:13,558
What are you up to?
277
00:12:13,626 --> 00:12:15,560
All right, we'll make you talk.
278
00:12:15,595 --> 00:12:17,328
Give me your phone.
279
00:12:27,807 --> 00:12:29,640
That poor rice.
280
00:12:29,709 --> 00:12:31,178
I'm gonna dunk your phone
281
00:12:31,203 --> 00:12:33,744
and there won't be any rice to save it.
282
00:12:35,582 --> 00:12:36,747
Okay, okay.
283
00:12:36,772 --> 00:12:38,897
I ordered Moe's mail-order bride.
284
00:12:39,030 --> 00:12:41,719
- [BOTH GASP]
- You're gonna be punished, boy.
285
00:12:41,821 --> 00:12:44,622
What about Moe? That poor, lonely man.
286
00:12:44,691 --> 00:12:46,310
Right as always, Marge.
287
00:12:46,335 --> 00:12:47,874
I'll head directly to Moe's.
288
00:12:47,899 --> 00:12:49,493
It's the only decent thing to do.
289
00:12:49,518 --> 00:12:51,096
- Yes. Good.
- Good.
290
00:12:51,121 --> 00:12:53,598
I might have to console him
till closing time...
291
00:12:53,700 --> 00:12:57,735
Well, now that it's just you,
no punishment, right?
292
00:12:57,770 --> 00:12:59,670
I used a computer.
293
00:12:59,772 --> 00:13:02,239
Isn't that wonderful?
294
00:13:02,342 --> 00:13:03,741
Ooh.
295
00:13:03,843 --> 00:13:06,510
- ♪ I'm stuck in Folsom Prison ♪
- [THUNDER RUMBLES]
296
00:13:06,579 --> 00:13:10,615
♪ And time keeps dragging on... ♪
297
00:13:10,683 --> 00:13:13,250
Start again.
298
00:13:13,353 --> 00:13:14,418
[GRUNTS]
299
00:13:14,487 --> 00:13:15,854
♪ When I was just a baby ♪
300
00:13:15,879 --> 00:13:17,894
♪ My mama told me, son. ♪
301
00:13:18,216 --> 00:13:19,624
♪ Always be a good boy... ♪
302
00:13:19,692 --> 00:13:21,759
Moe, I'm here to apologize.
303
00:13:21,828 --> 00:13:23,345
It don't matter, she's gone.
304
00:13:23,370 --> 00:13:26,202
She's working at the Russian
Tea Room in Ogdenville.
305
00:13:26,227 --> 00:13:28,633
It was my no-good kid
that ordered your wife.
306
00:13:28,735 --> 00:13:30,668
It don't matter. Nothing matters.
307
00:13:30,770 --> 00:13:34,538
Hey, Moe. You think I haven't
been disappointed by love?
308
00:13:34,607 --> 00:13:37,541
Well, I haven't,
but you've got to get her back.
309
00:13:37,610 --> 00:13:39,477
Okay, I'll go to Ogdenville.
310
00:13:39,545 --> 00:13:41,379
I'll get her back.
311
00:13:41,447 --> 00:13:44,985
For once in my life I ain't
gonna be afraid of getting hurt.
312
00:13:45,685 --> 00:13:47,171
Follow your dreams.
313
00:13:47,196 --> 00:13:48,686
I'm following mine.
314
00:13:48,721 --> 00:13:50,421
Where's Moe?
315
00:13:54,761 --> 00:13:56,225
Is Anastasia here?
316
00:13:56,250 --> 00:13:57,628
She's just getting off work.
317
00:13:57,697 --> 00:13:58,729
Ah, great, perfect.
318
00:13:58,798 --> 00:14:00,531
I'm, uh, I'm gonna win her back.
319
00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:01,861
That's nice.
320
00:14:01,886 --> 00:14:04,568
You probably should check
with her boyfriend.
321
00:14:04,593 --> 00:14:06,965
You look just like the Pennywise.
322
00:14:06,990 --> 00:14:08,519
I know. It's terrible.
323
00:14:08,544 --> 00:14:12,443
Now when I'm in the gutter and
call kids for help, nothin'.
324
00:14:13,306 --> 00:14:14,745
She's got a boyfriend?
325
00:14:14,814 --> 00:14:16,614
Boy, you never know how much
326
00:14:16,649 --> 00:14:19,350
you really love something
until you've lost it.
327
00:14:19,485 --> 00:14:22,420
[SIGHS HEAVILY] Did you
ever lose anything?
328
00:14:22,488 --> 00:14:24,522
My husband, my home
329
00:14:24,624 --> 00:14:26,624
and TV show Armenian Idol.
330
00:14:26,759 --> 00:14:28,592
- Twice.
- Yeah.
331
00:14:33,515 --> 00:14:35,620
I never should've told her to go.
332
00:14:35,668 --> 00:14:37,568
Uh, look, Moe, I'll tell you
how to get her back, okay?
333
00:14:37,603 --> 00:14:39,670
You take her to dinner,
nice and romantic.
334
00:14:39,705 --> 00:14:41,672
Look into her eyes and remind her
335
00:14:41,707 --> 00:14:43,874
that she is under contract to marry you.
336
00:14:43,909 --> 00:14:47,202
I don't know, man,
that doesn't seem, uh, woke.
337
00:14:47,227 --> 00:14:48,746
And I'm-I'm woke as hell.
338
00:14:48,781 --> 00:14:51,961
It doesn't matter how it
started, you two fell in love.
339
00:14:51,986 --> 00:14:54,852
It's like the kind of movie we wish
Tom Hanks would go back to making.
340
00:14:54,887 --> 00:14:58,555
I know. How many captains
can one guy play?
341
00:14:58,591 --> 00:14:59,823
You're right about that.
342
00:14:59,859 --> 00:15:01,525
You're right about everything, you guys.
343
00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:03,172
You know what? I'm gonna do it.
344
00:15:03,197 --> 00:15:04,428
Oh, my God, I've got hope.
345
00:15:04,463 --> 00:15:06,397
I-I'm lookin' forward to the future.
346
00:15:06,432 --> 00:15:08,832
Fellas, I'm gonna put on pants.
347
00:15:08,868 --> 00:15:10,534
Dah, dah-dah, dah!
348
00:15:11,837 --> 00:15:13,804
Now just so you know, technically,
349
00:15:13,873 --> 00:15:15,839
I'm still married to Rita Moreno.
350
00:15:15,875 --> 00:15:17,441
MOE: Psst. Over here.
351
00:15:17,476 --> 00:15:18,542
Here. Hey, please?
352
00:15:18,577 --> 00:15:21,445
Uh, excuse me, Krusteleh.
353
00:15:22,615 --> 00:15:24,190
Now, dear, I'm a little nervous,
354
00:15:24,215 --> 00:15:26,617
because, uh, I got something
real important to say.
355
00:15:26,652 --> 00:15:29,686
You had a good thing going
and you ruined it.
356
00:15:29,722 --> 00:15:31,622
Uh, not for the first time, either.
357
00:15:31,657 --> 00:15:35,013
You know my bar was originally
an eight-story hotel?
358
00:15:35,295 --> 00:15:37,240
What does this have to do with me?
359
00:15:37,310 --> 00:15:39,596
This time, it's not too late... I hope.
360
00:15:39,632 --> 00:15:41,432
I love you, Ana.
361
00:15:41,467 --> 00:15:43,801
[SIGHS] I don't know how I feel
right now, Moe.
362
00:15:43,869 --> 00:15:47,164
But if you promise me a wedding
according to my traditions,
363
00:15:47,189 --> 00:15:48,672
a deal is a deal.
364
00:15:48,707 --> 00:15:50,383
"A deal is a deal."
365
00:15:50,408 --> 00:15:52,876
How I have longed to hear those words.
366
00:15:52,912 --> 00:15:55,546
Sorry, Krusty. It's over.
367
00:15:55,581 --> 00:16:00,484
No, no! I just got TMZ here
to film our relationship.
368
00:16:00,519 --> 00:16:02,058
We got a breakup, even better.
369
00:16:02,083 --> 00:16:03,520
Zoom in on his broken heart.
370
00:16:03,556 --> 00:16:05,656
No. No, no, no.
371
00:16:05,724 --> 00:16:08,352
No. [SOBS, GASPS]
372
00:16:08,384 --> 00:16:10,661
Need another take?
373
00:16:10,696 --> 00:16:12,596
[PACHELBEL'S "CANON" PLAYS]
374
00:16:17,903 --> 00:16:21,405
[BEATBOXING]
375
00:16:21,474 --> 00:16:25,261
Hey! Can I get a little service here?
376
00:16:25,286 --> 00:16:27,678
Yeah. Uh, excuse me.
I'm also working this event.
377
00:16:27,713 --> 00:16:29,446
Your own marriage?
378
00:16:29,482 --> 00:16:30,747
Tastefully. Tastefully.
379
00:16:30,783 --> 00:16:34,418
And we are waiting on one
very special guest.
380
00:16:34,453 --> 00:16:35,786
Duffman is here.
381
00:16:35,821 --> 00:16:38,622
With these Duff Drink-A-Day Calendars.
382
00:16:38,691 --> 00:16:41,725
There's something brewing
every day of the year.
383
00:16:41,794 --> 00:16:44,461
Except for Pearl Harbor Day.
384
00:16:44,497 --> 00:16:46,463
Never forget.
385
00:16:46,499 --> 00:16:47,631
[BEER SLOSHING IN CANS]
386
00:16:47,666 --> 00:16:49,566
Now let's get the show on the road.
387
00:16:49,602 --> 00:16:52,569
Duffman has a beer mitzvah at 4:00.
388
00:16:52,605 --> 00:16:54,471
Putting the brew in Hebrew.
389
00:16:54,507 --> 00:16:55,639
Oh, yeah.
390
00:16:55,708 --> 00:16:57,541
["WEDDING MARCH" PLAYS]
391
00:17:00,479 --> 00:17:03,305
Mom, this costume's embarrassing.
392
00:17:03,330 --> 00:17:05,415
It's your last punishment.
393
00:17:05,451 --> 00:17:07,417
Also, you look cute.
394
00:17:10,978 --> 00:17:14,391
When I was little,
I used to dream of a man
395
00:17:14,426 --> 00:17:17,256
in the most velour tracksuit
there could be,
396
00:17:17,281 --> 00:17:19,496
who would sweep me off to an apartment
397
00:17:19,565 --> 00:17:21,732
shared by only four other families.
398
00:17:21,767 --> 00:17:24,535
I just want to say that
you've made me very happy,
399
00:17:24,570 --> 00:17:27,638
which, uh, boy, I thought
I could never be.
400
00:17:27,673 --> 00:17:29,473
And now the signing
401
00:17:29,542 --> 00:17:32,409
of the traditional orthodox
marriage papers.
402
00:17:32,444 --> 00:17:35,779
Ring boy, please bring my notary stamp.
403
00:17:35,814 --> 00:17:38,685
I can scratch this off my bucket list.
404
00:17:38,710 --> 00:17:40,076
Wait a minute.
405
00:17:40,101 --> 00:17:43,720
I've been learning Russian,
on the dark net, and this says,
406
00:17:43,789 --> 00:17:45,656
"Moe gives...
407
00:17:45,691 --> 00:17:47,724
[SPEAKING RUSSIAN]
408
00:17:47,793 --> 00:17:50,460
- all...
- [GRUNTS]
409
00:17:50,496 --> 00:17:51,862
- his..."
- [GRUNTS]
410
00:17:51,931 --> 00:17:54,598
"personal property to Ana."
411
00:17:54,633 --> 00:17:56,400
This looks airtight.
412
00:17:56,468 --> 00:17:58,702
And believe me, I know marriage law.
413
00:17:58,771 --> 00:18:01,638
Yeah, I read him divorce decrees
to get him to go to sleep.
414
00:18:01,674 --> 00:18:03,574
Boom-chaka-laka!
415
00:18:03,609 --> 00:18:05,409
Ana, is this true?
416
00:18:05,444 --> 00:18:09,110
No. It's just another one
of their stupid pranks.
417
00:18:09,135 --> 00:18:13,417
My sweet Moe, there is no way
to fake what we have.
418
00:18:15,821 --> 00:18:17,821
Oh, I can't do it.
419
00:18:17,890 --> 00:18:19,690
I-I just, I can't risk another
heartbreak.
420
00:18:19,725 --> 00:18:21,758
I'm... I'm sorry.
421
00:18:21,794 --> 00:18:23,393
[GASPING]
422
00:18:23,462 --> 00:18:25,796
[BROOKLYN ACCENT]: So, uh,
am I still getting paid?
423
00:18:25,831 --> 00:18:28,465
Wait, you're not from Russia?
424
00:18:28,500 --> 00:18:29,700
No, Brooklyn.
425
00:18:29,768 --> 00:18:32,536
Back when Brooklyn was Brooklyn.
426
00:18:32,571 --> 00:18:33,837
[CHUCKLES] You know what I mean?
427
00:18:33,872 --> 00:18:35,839
Ana, what about you?
428
00:18:35,874 --> 00:18:38,475
[WITH MIDWESTERN ACCENT]:
I'm not Russian at all.
429
00:18:38,510 --> 00:18:40,444
I'm from Columbus, Ohio.
430
00:18:40,479 --> 00:18:41,745
That's even worse.
431
00:18:41,780 --> 00:18:43,780
Ana, you're a scam artist.
432
00:18:43,816 --> 00:18:45,549
And one that didn't aim too high.
433
00:18:45,584 --> 00:18:46,750
[WITH OHIO ACCENT]: What do you mean?
434
00:18:46,785 --> 00:18:48,452
You know I'm in debt, right?
435
00:18:48,487 --> 00:18:50,587
Serious, serious debt. [LAUGHS]
436
00:18:50,623 --> 00:18:52,856
Just look at my invites.
437
00:18:52,925 --> 00:18:54,658
You still wanna marry me?
438
00:18:56,495 --> 00:19:00,297
Well, it looks like this just
became a shotgun wedding.
439
00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:03,467
It's time for youse two to leave.
440
00:19:03,535 --> 00:19:05,502
[WITH NO ACCENT]: Fine.
I'll find another man
441
00:19:05,571 --> 00:19:07,437
and give him what he dreams of.
442
00:19:07,473 --> 00:19:09,373
I just have to, uh...
443
00:19:09,408 --> 00:19:11,675
[WITH FRENCH ACCENT]:
speak a little like this.
444
00:19:11,744 --> 00:19:14,678
[WITH SCOTTISH ACCENT]:
Or maybe Scottish, like...
445
00:19:14,747 --> 00:19:16,713
Oh, do my ears deceive me?
446
00:19:16,782 --> 00:19:19,483
Are you from the Highlands?
447
00:19:19,518 --> 00:19:22,552
Aye. Between Inverness
and the Moray Firth.
448
00:19:22,588 --> 00:19:24,354
Oh, well, you'll love this guy.
449
00:19:24,390 --> 00:19:25,656
He's loaded.
450
00:19:25,691 --> 00:19:28,558
[CHUCKLES] Let's go.
451
00:19:28,594 --> 00:19:32,249
Wait. Why are you wearing
a wedding dress?
452
00:19:32,274 --> 00:19:33,730
Is it because you're a loon
453
00:19:33,766 --> 00:19:36,600
that got stood up and can't get over it?
454
00:19:37,836 --> 00:19:40,704
Just like Mother.
455
00:19:40,739 --> 00:19:42,839
- When are we gonna warn Willie?
- Why do we have to warn Willie?
456
00:19:42,875 --> 00:19:44,708
- He doesn't have any money.
- Okay.
457
00:19:44,743 --> 00:19:46,443
Then when are we gonna warn her?
458
00:19:46,478 --> 00:19:47,678
We don't need to warn her.
459
00:19:47,746 --> 00:19:50,580
Her heart is as cold as
a Rocky Mountain Duff.
460
00:19:50,616 --> 00:19:53,684
D.J. Kirk, let's get this party rockin'.
461
00:19:53,719 --> 00:19:56,820
Did somebody say crank up the volume?
462
00:19:56,889 --> 00:20:00,355
[EXPLOSION]
463
00:20:00,380 --> 00:20:03,255
- No one said crank up the volume.
- Dammit.
464
00:20:04,043 --> 00:20:06,977
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
465
00:20:11,993 --> 00:20:13,126
Papa?
466
00:20:14,511 --> 00:20:16,678
Son, it's... it's so great to see you.
467
00:20:16,747 --> 00:20:18,680
[GROANS]
468
00:20:18,749 --> 00:20:21,683
I wanna hear everything about
your top secret mission.
469
00:20:21,752 --> 00:20:22,884
Of course. Of course.
470
00:20:22,953 --> 00:20:25,447
Let me just go, uh, get
some space cigarettes
471
00:20:25,472 --> 00:20:27,556
and we'll have a long, long talk.
472
00:20:27,624 --> 00:20:29,340
I'd like that.
473
00:20:29,509 --> 00:20:32,583
Oh, I finally have a dad again.
474
00:20:32,661 --> 00:20:38,779
- Sync and corrections by ByDem -
- www.addic7ed.com -
33878
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