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1
00:00:02,970 --> 00:00:04,670
Ooh-wee.
2
00:00:04,680 --> 00:00:07,499
Five more minutes till the
big grand prize raffle.
3
00:00:07,500 --> 00:00:08,580
You got your ticket, Hank?
4
00:00:08,600 --> 00:00:11,060
You know it. I need that TV, baby.
5
00:00:11,100 --> 00:00:13,300
All I got is this grainy-ass Zenith
6
00:00:13,330 --> 00:00:17,860
with a VHS copy of 13
Going on 30 stuck inside.
7
00:00:17,950 --> 00:00:20,490
Now, that's a hell of a movie,
but that is a bummer, man.
8
00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:23,520
Uhp, got an e-mail.
9
00:00:24,300 --> 00:00:26,030
- From my son.
- Oh!
10
00:00:26,090 --> 00:00:27,760
Hope it's good news.
11
00:00:27,830 --> 00:00:31,360
The boy says, "Hey, Pop."
12
00:00:34,900 --> 00:00:37,740
That's a really good start, Hank.
13
00:00:37,810 --> 00:00:40,870
"Just reaching out to let you know
14
00:00:40,940 --> 00:00:44,740
"that Mom is getting remarried...
15
00:00:45,980 --> 00:00:48,920
- ... to Reggie."
- Oh, Hank.
16
00:00:48,940 --> 00:00:52,720
I am so sorry. Who's Reggie?
17
00:00:52,790 --> 00:00:54,339
Well, remember when Hank's ex-wife
18
00:00:54,340 --> 00:00:55,479
Lorraine cheated on him
19
00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:56,920
with that great big football player
20
00:00:56,990 --> 00:00:58,640
who lived in his building?
21
00:00:58,760 --> 00:00:59,880
That's Reggie.
22
00:00:59,900 --> 00:01:01,130
That's right.
23
00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:03,680
And-and Hank said he could
hear the sound of them
24
00:01:03,700 --> 00:01:05,100
making love upstairs.
25
00:01:05,170 --> 00:01:06,770
Uh, what was it, it
was something like...
26
00:01:08,540 --> 00:01:11,500
No, no, no.
27
00:01:31,940 --> 00:01:36,680
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
28
00:01:37,940 --> 00:01:39,970
Hank, are you sure you're okay?
29
00:01:40,030 --> 00:01:43,100
Your ex-wife getting remarried
is a really big deal,
30
00:01:43,170 --> 00:01:47,270
and your calmness is
kind of freaking us out.
31
00:01:47,310 --> 00:01:50,620
No, I'm fine. In fact, I
was just about to write
32
00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:53,920
a reply e-mail to my son,
telling him how fine I feel.
33
00:01:55,150 --> 00:01:57,920
"Dear son, I'm fine."
34
00:01:57,990 --> 00:02:00,020
Send. See?
35
00:02:00,090 --> 00:02:03,390
You know, Hank, you
don't have to pretend.
36
00:02:03,460 --> 00:02:05,770
I mean, I've been there.
When my cheating ex-husband
37
00:02:05,780 --> 00:02:08,130
got remarried, boy, it sucked,
38
00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:10,459
and I held onto the anger
about it for a long time.
39
00:02:10,460 --> 00:02:11,500
Too long.
40
00:02:11,670 --> 00:02:15,420
Nah, I feel good. I mean,
really, really, really, really,
41
00:02:15,520 --> 00:02:16,760
really, really good.
42
00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:19,319
She's moved on and so have I.
43
00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:20,639
That book is closed.
44
00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:22,710
Are you sure? Because
your brain looks like
45
00:02:22,780 --> 00:02:25,080
it's throbbing through your scalp.
46
00:02:25,150 --> 00:02:27,580
Well, that's because I'm
excited about the raffle.
47
00:02:27,640 --> 00:02:31,120
You know, uh, the brain works
overtime during raffles.
48
00:02:31,150 --> 00:02:33,740
Four out of five raffle
scientists agree.
49
00:02:33,990 --> 00:02:38,280
You can't argue with four out
of five raffle scientists.
50
00:02:38,880 --> 00:02:40,920
Good morning, everyone.
51
00:02:41,130 --> 00:02:42,219
I need to get made up
52
00:02:42,220 --> 00:02:43,980
for my stupid sister's stupid wedding,
53
00:02:44,020 --> 00:02:46,860
so let's get through
this quick, capisce?
54
00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:49,900
Boy, she knows how to make
an event fun, doesn't she?
55
00:02:49,970 --> 00:02:51,620
All right, give me that TV.
56
00:02:51,640 --> 00:02:54,020
Come on down to Hankytown.
57
00:02:54,100 --> 00:02:55,660
Today's my lucky day!
58
00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:58,140
Oh, God, I hope he wins this TV.
59
00:02:58,210 --> 00:03:00,470
Well, what about us? I could
use a little high-def
60
00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:02,180
Bradley Cooper in my life.
61
00:03:02,220 --> 00:03:04,080
No, no, no. I have been in his shoes.
62
00:03:04,150 --> 00:03:06,000
He needs this a lot more than we do.
63
00:03:06,220 --> 00:03:08,280
He seems to be taking
it just fine to me.
64
00:03:08,300 --> 00:03:10,720
Please, please, please, please,
please, please, please.
65
00:03:10,780 --> 00:03:13,090
And the winner
66
00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:16,680
of this beautiful 65-inch TV set
67
00:03:16,700 --> 00:03:20,530
is number 4-3...
68
00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:22,860
- 5...
- 623.
69
00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:24,940
- 6...
- Come on, come on! Say it, Allison!
70
00:03:24,950 --> 00:03:26,010
- 623.
- 2...
71
00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:27,940
- 623!
- 629.
72
00:03:29,390 --> 00:03:31,590
Yes!
73
00:03:31,660 --> 00:03:35,040
All I do is win.
74
00:03:36,730 --> 00:03:39,250
Ah, let me see, which
one of these is it?
75
00:03:39,260 --> 00:03:42,700
What? This hater bought up
every ticket in the place.
76
00:03:42,870 --> 00:03:44,860
He won by cheating.
77
00:03:44,940 --> 00:03:47,240
It's not cheating, Hank.
78
00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:49,080
I just bought more tickets.
79
00:03:49,150 --> 00:03:50,740
Look, to put it another way,
80
00:03:50,980 --> 00:03:54,280
I won because I've got
more money than you.
81
00:03:55,390 --> 00:03:59,159
That's America, baby doll.
82
00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:02,830
Gorgeous George, I will slap
that mustache off your face
83
00:04:02,890 --> 00:04:05,860
- and kick it down the hallway!
- Hold it, bud.
84
00:04:05,930 --> 00:04:07,830
I can't restrain you the way I used to.
85
00:04:07,900 --> 00:04:11,030
Last week, I threw my back out
throwing my shoulder out.
86
00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:13,040
Want us to deliver it to your room?
87
00:04:14,820 --> 00:04:16,860
Well, I've already got more televisions
88
00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:18,460
than I know what to do with.
89
00:04:18,590 --> 00:04:22,840
Plus, all of them are so
much nicer than this one.
90
00:04:22,900 --> 00:04:24,319
Then give it to me!
91
00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:26,640
Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme!
92
00:04:26,900 --> 00:04:30,140
Install it in my crapper.
93
00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:33,980
I'll listen to my programs as I shower.
94
00:04:34,140 --> 00:04:37,500
You're gonna listen to a 4K TV?
95
00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:39,680
That is a waste of K's!
96
00:04:39,710 --> 00:04:41,110
Allison!
97
00:04:41,180 --> 00:04:44,020
For once in your miserable life,
98
00:04:44,090 --> 00:04:47,160
do something!
99
00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:50,880
Guys, put the TV in my office for now.
100
00:04:50,900 --> 00:04:53,680
- George, we'll install it tomorrow.
- Okay.
101
00:04:53,860 --> 00:04:55,590
Here.
102
00:04:55,660 --> 00:04:57,500
Here's five bucks.
103
00:04:57,670 --> 00:04:59,980
Save up for a new TV.
104
00:05:02,020 --> 00:05:03,279
Loser.
105
00:05:06,010 --> 00:05:08,630
Oh, man, you didn't need that
106
00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:10,610
on top of everything with your wife.
107
00:05:10,620 --> 00:05:12,200
This isn't about my ex-wife.
108
00:05:12,220 --> 00:05:15,380
This is about me and that TV.
We belong together.
109
00:05:15,450 --> 00:05:18,920
In sickness and in health,
for better or for worse.
110
00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:25,040
Till death do us part!
111
00:05:27,940 --> 00:05:31,000
You guys, call me cuckoo,
112
00:05:31,030 --> 00:05:33,850
but I'm starting to
think that this anger
113
00:05:33,860 --> 00:05:35,900
may be about his ex-wife.
114
00:05:41,060 --> 00:05:43,080
We need to do something for Hank.
115
00:05:43,140 --> 00:05:44,640
I haven't seen him this upset
116
00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:46,539
since he found out that RadioShack
117
00:05:46,540 --> 00:05:48,720
went out of business.
118
00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:53,800
Yeah, we kept it from him
as long as we could.
119
00:05:53,990 --> 00:05:57,940
We all know what you're driving
at, Margaret, and I accept.
120
00:05:58,090 --> 00:06:01,550
I'll talk to Hank and get him
to open up about his ex.
121
00:06:01,580 --> 00:06:04,160
And I'll even do it for free.
122
00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:07,200
Sid, there's no way in hell that
he is gonna open up to you.
123
00:06:07,270 --> 00:06:09,760
And why would we pay you for it?
124
00:06:09,940 --> 00:06:13,070
Because I'm the most sensitive
person in the group.
125
00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:15,400
Are you stupid, Margaret?
126
00:06:15,580 --> 00:06:17,710
I'm a great listener.
127
00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:19,160
- Sid...
- Uh-uh-uh!
128
00:06:19,180 --> 00:06:21,840
I'm not through yet, Margaret.
129
00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:26,820
People say that empathy
is my superpower.
130
00:06:26,860 --> 00:06:29,440
Who has said that to you?
131
00:06:29,460 --> 00:06:31,540
Well, it's more like a
whisper on the wind,
132
00:06:31,730 --> 00:06:34,460
rather than a specific person,
133
00:06:34,530 --> 00:06:36,860
but I will get Hank to
talk about Lorraine.
134
00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:38,860
Hank doesn't open up about his feelings.
135
00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:41,600
He's proud, he's insecure,
136
00:06:41,620 --> 00:06:45,540
he's quiet, he's a man.
137
00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:49,380
No, what Hank needs is a win.
138
00:06:49,410 --> 00:06:50,860
Yep.
139
00:06:51,050 --> 00:06:52,980
What do you mean?
140
00:06:53,050 --> 00:06:54,740
I know what Hank is going through.
141
00:06:54,880 --> 00:06:56,880
When my cheating
ex-husband got remarried,
142
00:06:56,920 --> 00:06:59,600
I went to a very, very dark place.
143
00:06:59,660 --> 00:07:01,800
What, like, bingeing ice cream?
144
00:07:01,900 --> 00:07:06,000
No, I put a pound of cocaine
in his honeymoon luggage.
145
00:07:09,220 --> 00:07:11,890
We need to do something to
turn Hank's mood around.
146
00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:13,500
I think we should make this Hank day.
147
00:07:13,570 --> 00:07:15,319
We'll do whatever he wants to do,
148
00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:16,640
no matter how stupid.
149
00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:19,220
All right, everybody, listen up.
150
00:07:19,260 --> 00:07:22,440
I decided what I'm gonna do
about this, uh, TV issue.
151
00:07:22,510 --> 00:07:25,440
I want to steal the TV
out of Allison's office.
152
00:07:25,460 --> 00:07:26,756
Now before y'all shout me down...
153
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,430
- I think that's a great idea.
- Yay, Hank!
154
00:07:28,450 --> 00:07:31,100
Y'all never listen to my ideas!
This is about justice.
155
00:07:31,140 --> 00:07:32,920
- We're all on board, Hank.
- We're there.
156
00:07:33,150 --> 00:07:35,400
- You are?
- Yeah.
157
00:07:35,410 --> 00:07:37,640
Well, cool. Then let's go steal that TV.
158
00:07:44,550 --> 00:07:47,360
All right, so let's get
started planning this heist,
159
00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:49,230
which I am calling "Hank's Eleven."
160
00:07:49,260 --> 00:07:50,790
- So...
- Uh, h-hold on.
161
00:07:50,860 --> 00:07:53,190
Uh, Hank's Eleven?
There's only four of us.
162
00:07:53,260 --> 00:07:55,380
Yeah, the movie was
called Ocean's Eleven
163
00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:57,100
because there were 11 people.
164
00:07:57,200 --> 00:07:59,660
No, because the heist took
place at 11:00 at night.
165
00:07:59,730 --> 00:08:02,200
So, wait a minute, by that logic,
166
00:08:02,240 --> 00:08:05,370
then Ocean's Thirteen
took place at 13:00?
167
00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:08,210
That's correct. Military time.
168
00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:10,659
I think it's an excellent
name for a heist.
169
00:08:10,660 --> 00:08:11,710
We all do.
170
00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:16,350
So here's how Hank's Eleven...
171
00:08:16,380 --> 00:08:18,180
is gonna go down:
172
00:08:18,250 --> 00:08:21,549
so the TV is currently in
Allison's office, now...
173
00:08:21,550 --> 00:08:23,039
You know, Hank, if I may,
174
00:08:23,040 --> 00:08:25,600
I am somewhat of a heist expert,
175
00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:27,560
and I've taken the liberty
176
00:08:27,700 --> 00:08:31,030
to create this scale model
177
00:08:31,100 --> 00:08:32,500
of Shady Meadows.
178
00:08:33,970 --> 00:08:35,670
Wow.
179
00:08:35,740 --> 00:08:38,240
When did you have time to make this?
180
00:08:38,310 --> 00:08:42,170
I'm 70. When didn't I
have time to make this?
181
00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:43,710
Well, either way,
182
00:08:43,780 --> 00:08:46,010
I think we're following
Hank's lead here, aren't we?
183
00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:49,920
Or, or, or, or, or...
Hank could have a chat
184
00:08:49,940 --> 00:08:52,220
with the most empathetic
person in the room.
185
00:08:52,290 --> 00:08:56,690
Some people call me Mr. Emotions Man.
186
00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:01,720
Just drop it, Sid. That book is closed.
187
00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:03,760
We're stealing the TV. That's it.
188
00:09:03,830 --> 00:09:05,700
Okay, let's get back to the plan now.
189
00:09:05,720 --> 00:09:08,230
This gingerbread man,
which represents Hank,
190
00:09:08,300 --> 00:09:11,270
will release laughing
gas in the vents...
191
00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:14,160
Well, first of all, I want
to be a cooler cookie.
192
00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:16,870
And where are we gonna get laughing gas?
193
00:09:16,940 --> 00:09:19,340
Well, my friend Mitch is a dentist,
194
00:09:19,380 --> 00:09:21,940
or he was a dentist, until
he lost his license
195
00:09:21,980 --> 00:09:23,880
for selling laughing gas.
196
00:09:23,950 --> 00:09:26,100
I don't think we're gonna
need the laughing gas.
197
00:09:26,120 --> 00:09:29,050
I think what Hank was
probably going to say
198
00:09:29,060 --> 00:09:30,560
is that all we have to do
199
00:09:30,620 --> 00:09:32,560
is wait until everybody is asleep.
200
00:09:32,590 --> 00:09:34,939
We will sneak into Allison's office
201
00:09:34,940 --> 00:09:36,680
and we will take the TV.
202
00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:38,630
Well, that's exactly
what I was gonna say.
203
00:09:38,700 --> 00:09:40,810
I would've thrown in a couple
more, uh, "Hank's Elevens"
204
00:09:40,820 --> 00:09:42,770
up in there, but that's
basically the gist of it.
205
00:09:42,840 --> 00:09:44,740
All right. This is gonna be easy.
206
00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:46,140
It's a retirement community.
207
00:09:46,210 --> 00:09:48,610
All we have to do is
stay awake till 9:30.
208
00:09:48,620 --> 00:09:50,190
- Whoa, now. Wait, wait a minute.
- No! -No.
209
00:09:50,210 --> 00:09:51,980
Oh, all right, 9:00.
210
00:09:57,820 --> 00:10:00,890
All right, so what we have to do is...
211
00:10:00,950 --> 00:10:02,320
back up, back up, back up!
212
00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:06,390
Why is she still in her office at 9:00?
213
00:10:06,460 --> 00:10:08,160
Doesn't she get off work at 6:00?
214
00:10:08,230 --> 00:10:11,830
Oh, honey, she hasn't
gotten off in years.
215
00:10:11,900 --> 00:10:13,939
Yeah, I guess the fatal flaw
216
00:10:13,940 --> 00:10:15,320
of this whole plan is we forgot
217
00:10:15,330 --> 00:10:18,070
that Allison is a gigantic loser.
218
00:10:19,360 --> 00:10:22,110
It's prom season, betches!
219
00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:24,020
And if you want the perfect smoky eye
220
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:27,450
to get you the perfect smokin' guy...
221
00:10:27,510 --> 00:10:29,150
Oh, this is pathetic.
222
00:10:29,220 --> 00:10:30,990
The woman is 40 years old
223
00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:33,820
and doesn't know how to do a smoky eye?
224
00:10:35,390 --> 00:10:37,980
Now all we have to do
is think of something
225
00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:40,630
that'll get Allison out
of her office, fast.
226
00:10:40,660 --> 00:10:43,130
Got it.
227
00:10:45,220 --> 00:10:47,630
Allison, get out of your office, fast.
228
00:10:47,700 --> 00:10:49,670
Why? What?
229
00:10:49,740 --> 00:10:51,940
Sid just passed out all up in the sauna.
230
00:10:52,010 --> 00:10:54,170
All right, betches.
231
00:10:54,210 --> 00:10:57,210
Now let's clean up that bikini line.
232
00:11:14,790 --> 00:11:18,200
Help! Help! Woe is me!
233
00:11:20,230 --> 00:11:22,170
Ah, boy, we're too late.
234
00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:24,700
Rest in peace, tiny angel.
235
00:11:24,770 --> 00:11:27,210
- Allison!
- Whoa!
236
00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:30,010
Ah, what the heck? I just spoke.
237
00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:32,340
Uh-oh. The door is locked.
238
00:11:32,350 --> 00:11:34,310
- I'm-a go get help.
- No, wait, wait.
239
00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:35,380
I'm still in here.
240
00:11:35,450 --> 00:11:37,880
Good luck in there, Mr. Emotions Man.
241
00:11:37,950 --> 00:11:40,510
You can lock the door on me,
242
00:11:40,520 --> 00:11:44,090
but you cannot lock the
door on your feelings!
243
00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:49,160
I mean, this is all a total
and complete accident.
244
00:11:49,230 --> 00:11:51,230
Nothing is afoot.
245
00:12:01,170 --> 00:12:04,070
I still think that we all
should be wearing ski masks.
246
00:12:04,100 --> 00:12:07,160
I mean, w-who does a heist
without a ski mask?
247
00:12:07,240 --> 00:12:08,970
It's embarrassing.
248
00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:11,910
This is not your heist.
We're doing this for Hank.
249
00:12:11,980 --> 00:12:15,240
Well, you know, the craziest
thing just happened.
250
00:12:15,300 --> 00:12:18,280
Yeah, I just found out
that one of my ex-wives
251
00:12:18,300 --> 00:12:20,050
is getting remarried... oh, yeah...
252
00:12:20,090 --> 00:12:22,120
I'm not buying it, Charlie.
253
00:12:22,260 --> 00:12:25,090
- Please?
- No.
254
00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:26,590
Mission accomplished.
255
00:12:26,660 --> 00:12:29,290
Allison and Sid are
locked up in the sauna.
256
00:12:29,410 --> 00:12:31,110
- Huh.
- Sid's okay with that?
257
00:12:31,180 --> 00:12:35,180
Uh... uh-huh.
258
00:12:35,250 --> 00:12:37,350
And this has nothing to do with
the fact that he wants you
259
00:12:37,360 --> 00:12:39,190
to talk about your ex-wife?
260
00:12:39,260 --> 00:12:42,790
Uh... uh-uh.
261
00:12:42,860 --> 00:12:45,040
Okay. Well, all very believable.
262
00:12:45,060 --> 00:12:46,230
It's your heist.
263
00:12:49,470 --> 00:12:51,370
- Crap. It's locked.
- Oh...
264
00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:54,020
Well, we're gonna have
to jimmy the lock.
265
00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:55,950
Charlie, run down the
hall and be a lookout
266
00:12:55,960 --> 00:12:57,370
while Margaret and I break in.
267
00:12:57,490 --> 00:13:00,290
A lookout? I'm the mastermind.
268
00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:02,590
You don't ask the
mastermind be the lookout.
269
00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:07,970
That's like asking the general
to be the... lookout.
270
00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:11,200
All right.
271
00:13:11,270 --> 00:13:12,940
How are we gonna jimmy this lock?
272
00:13:13,010 --> 00:13:15,559
With the help of my old friend,
273
00:13:15,560 --> 00:13:17,820
my RadioShack rewards card.
274
00:13:24,690 --> 00:13:26,280
It won't budge. You try.
275
00:13:32,660 --> 00:13:35,430
Help! Let us out!
276
00:13:35,460 --> 00:13:37,830
Ooh, my fingers smell funny.
277
00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:40,970
I think they're cooking in the heat.
278
00:13:41,030 --> 00:13:43,240
Should I eat them?
279
00:13:43,870 --> 00:13:45,840
How long have we been in here?
280
00:13:46,460 --> 00:13:48,840
Seven minutes.
281
00:13:52,980 --> 00:13:54,910
Uh... uh, what?
282
00:13:54,980 --> 00:13:56,310
Does my makeup look weird?
283
00:13:56,380 --> 00:13:58,140
Oh, honey, you look like
somebody put Beetlejuice
284
00:13:58,160 --> 00:13:59,850
in the microwave.
285
00:13:59,920 --> 00:14:02,019
Oh, great. Beetlejuice.
286
00:14:02,020 --> 00:14:03,959
That's the wedding look I was going for.
287
00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:05,089
Beetlejuice.
288
00:14:05,090 --> 00:14:07,470
"Hey, which bridesmaid you
want to hook up with?"
289
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:08,579
"The one that looks like Beetle... "
290
00:14:08,580 --> 00:14:10,200
Don't say it a third time!
291
00:14:10,260 --> 00:14:12,730
Unless you want a real
problem on your hands.
292
00:14:14,030 --> 00:14:18,340
Well, we're officially stuck.
293
00:14:18,370 --> 00:14:19,890
I guess the one upside is I might miss
294
00:14:19,940 --> 00:14:22,570
my stupid, self-obsessed
sister's wedding.
295
00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:26,280
Hmm, you know, Allison, I have
a skill that some people call
296
00:14:26,350 --> 00:14:28,280
a superpower.
297
00:14:28,350 --> 00:14:30,500
Don't let this freak you
out, but I'm sensing
298
00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:34,050
you have some problems with your sister.
299
00:14:34,120 --> 00:14:37,060
Yeah, I just said that.
300
00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:39,300
Look, the thing is,
301
00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:41,220
my sister's always been
the star of the family,
302
00:14:41,300 --> 00:14:43,500
a-and I never get any attention.
303
00:14:43,580 --> 00:14:44,830
Mm.
304
00:14:44,870 --> 00:14:46,599
Yeah, so you were hoping that
305
00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:48,139
maybe if you got married first,
306
00:14:48,140 --> 00:14:50,140
you'd gain some ground on your sister,
307
00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:52,580
but, honey, that ship is sailing fast,
308
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:55,370
and there's a brisk wind behind it.
309
00:14:55,440 --> 00:14:58,400
And I'm standing all alone on the dock.
310
00:14:58,460 --> 00:15:00,080
Looking like Beetlejuice.
311
00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:03,250
Damn it, Allison! You
said it a third time!
312
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:06,550
Brace yourself. It's about
to get real crowded in here.
313
00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:15,280
There she is. There's my
beautiful television.
314
00:15:15,420 --> 00:15:18,180
Damn, girl, you sure look sexy.
315
00:15:19,970 --> 00:15:23,200
Looks like Hank's Eleven
has fallen into place.
316
00:15:23,270 --> 00:15:26,020
I'm like a combination of
George Clooney, Brad Pitt
317
00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:27,910
and Matt Damon all rolled up into one.
318
00:15:27,980 --> 00:15:30,600
You took the words
right out of my mouth.
319
00:15:30,660 --> 00:15:33,140
You are a genius, Hank.
320
00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:36,380
Wait a minute.
321
00:15:37,180 --> 00:15:39,450
Did you just call me a genius?
322
00:15:39,490 --> 00:15:40,960
What the hell is going on in here?
323
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:43,920
Nothing. I-I just think
you're killing it today.
324
00:15:43,990 --> 00:15:45,850
Now, you've gone along with
every one of my ideas.
325
00:15:45,860 --> 00:15:47,930
You haven't called me a moron once.
326
00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:51,100
Wait a minute.
327
00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:53,700
You're doing all of this
'cause you feeling bad for me?
328
00:15:53,770 --> 00:15:55,300
This is a pity heist.
329
00:15:55,370 --> 00:15:58,270
You really think I'm that
upset about my ex-wife?
330
00:15:59,060 --> 00:16:00,699
- No?
- Look, I don't care
331
00:16:00,700 --> 00:16:01,920
what Lorraine is doing
332
00:16:01,940 --> 00:16:03,540
and I don't care who
she's doing it with,
333
00:16:03,580 --> 00:16:05,780
and I don't care what her
mattress sounds like
334
00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:06,809
when they doing it.
335
00:16:06,810 --> 00:16:07,910
And for the record,
336
00:16:07,980 --> 00:16:10,150
it's...
337
00:16:20,090 --> 00:16:23,230
Can we please just take the
TV and be done with it?
338
00:16:23,300 --> 00:16:25,460
You know what? I don't want that TV now.
339
00:16:25,520 --> 00:16:27,730
You don't pity me, I
pity you! You take it.
340
00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:30,100
- Fine, I will.
- The hell you will.
341
00:16:30,170 --> 00:16:31,919
Get your hands off that.
342
00:16:31,920 --> 00:16:34,860
That's my 65-inch TV set.
343
00:16:34,940 --> 00:16:36,740
You wouldn't even know
what to do with it.
344
00:16:36,810 --> 00:16:38,460
I would watch it.
345
00:16:38,560 --> 00:16:42,110
Well, you just have an
answer for everything.
346
00:16:42,180 --> 00:16:43,580
I got gas.
347
00:16:45,490 --> 00:16:47,620
Charlie, tell me the truth.
348
00:16:47,690 --> 00:16:49,290
Is this a pity heist?
349
00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:51,080
Oh, absolutely not. No.
350
00:16:51,090 --> 00:16:53,290
This heist is 'cause we all
felt really sorry for you
351
00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:54,980
and thought you might need a win.
352
00:16:55,060 --> 00:16:57,780
That's a textbook pity heist.
353
00:16:57,820 --> 00:16:59,820
Well, whatever it is, I
got the laughing gas
354
00:16:59,880 --> 00:17:01,200
to cover our escape.
355
00:17:01,270 --> 00:17:03,540
There is no one to escape from.
356
00:17:03,560 --> 00:17:05,940
We do not need gas.
357
00:17:06,010 --> 00:17:09,000
So no ski masks, no gas.
358
00:17:09,020 --> 00:17:10,440
This heist sucks.
359
00:17:10,510 --> 00:17:12,740
If you're so worried
360
00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:14,150
about not being caught,
361
00:17:14,210 --> 00:17:16,280
why don't you try making
a little bit less noise,
362
00:17:16,350 --> 00:17:17,520
you dumbass.
363
00:17:17,580 --> 00:17:19,750
Why am I... why am I laughing?
364
00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:20,990
What is happening?
365
00:17:21,050 --> 00:17:23,890
The nozzle came off.
366
00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:25,520
Oh...
367
00:17:25,590 --> 00:17:29,240
I shouldn't have knocked it over.
368
00:17:29,260 --> 00:17:30,840
- Why does everything we do...
- Shh.
369
00:17:30,850 --> 00:17:33,730
... always have to be so
damn stupid all the time?
370
00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:38,700
Like, like, my marriage. It's stupid.
371
00:17:38,770 --> 00:17:41,640
The truth is coming out. Keep going.
372
00:17:41,710 --> 00:17:44,740
My-my soul mate cheated on me,
373
00:17:44,810 --> 00:17:48,060
and-and she left a gaping hole
where my heart should be.
374
00:17:48,140 --> 00:17:49,180
Yeah.
375
00:17:49,220 --> 00:17:53,320
And we thought we could
fill it with a TV.
376
00:17:53,390 --> 00:17:55,350
Now the devil woman wants to marry
377
00:17:55,360 --> 00:17:57,690
the man she cheated on me with!
378
00:17:57,760 --> 00:18:02,330
That kind of pain doesn't go away!
379
00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:05,960
I'm dead inside!
380
00:18:12,570 --> 00:18:15,040
Damn, damn, damn!
381
00:18:22,430 --> 00:18:26,290
I can't believe you all thought
I needed this pity heist.
382
00:18:26,360 --> 00:18:28,310
Yeah, but don't you feel
better now that you've said
383
00:18:28,330 --> 00:18:30,760
all that stuff you were
holding deep inside?
384
00:18:30,970 --> 00:18:34,400
No. It was just the gas.
And the gas has passed.
385
00:18:35,980 --> 00:18:39,000
I'll bet Mr. Emotion Man
was excited to hear
386
00:18:39,020 --> 00:18:41,440
about your breakthrough when
you let him out of the sauna.
387
00:18:41,480 --> 00:18:43,980
Uh, right.
388
00:18:44,010 --> 00:18:48,020
"Let him out." Um, I didn't do that.
389
00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:55,240
How'd you guys get out of the sauna?
390
00:18:55,420 --> 00:18:58,460
We made it out when Mr. Randall
came in for his morning steam.
391
00:18:58,490 --> 00:19:00,560
Completely naked, by the way.
392
00:19:00,630 --> 00:19:03,660
Lowest testicles I've ever seen.
393
00:19:03,730 --> 00:19:05,330
Oh, I've seen lower.
394
00:19:06,980 --> 00:19:09,000
Happy ending to Allison's story:
395
00:19:09,020 --> 00:19:12,720
we made some serious
breakthroughs about her sister.
396
00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:14,640
Oh, that didn't happen.
397
00:19:14,810 --> 00:19:17,180
You kept crying because you
thought Beetlejuice was coming,
398
00:19:17,250 --> 00:19:18,850
and then you tried to eat your fingers.
399
00:19:18,910 --> 00:19:22,880
I was tasting them, Allison, tasting.
400
00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:26,690
And Hank.
401
00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:30,490
I spent most of my time in the
sauna planning to murder you.
402
00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:33,140
Then I realized I sweated off ten pounds
403
00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:35,460
and I'm gonna be the hottest
bridesmaid at that wedding.
404
00:19:35,530 --> 00:19:37,880
Way hotter than my bitch sister.
405
00:19:38,740 --> 00:19:41,400
We've got some work to do, still.
406
00:19:43,180 --> 00:19:45,770
Uh, can one of you escort
me to the infirmary?
407
00:19:45,780 --> 00:19:49,000
I haven't peed in 14 hours.
408
00:19:49,210 --> 00:19:50,700
I'll take you.
409
00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:54,310
Don't worry about the pee. It'll come.
410
00:19:54,380 --> 00:19:57,919
I'm gonna go, uh, go help
Allison with her smoky eye.
411
00:19:57,920 --> 00:20:00,360
She, she really is pathetic, isn't she?
412
00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:04,020
Yes, she is. And, uh, Margaret.
413
00:20:04,190 --> 00:20:05,960
- Mm.
- One last thing.
414
00:20:06,130 --> 00:20:07,690
What is it?
415
00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:09,280
Thank you.
416
00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:13,260
What exactly are you thanking me for?
417
00:20:13,470 --> 00:20:17,060
Don't push me, Margaret.
That's as far as I'm going.
418
00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:19,580
All right, I'll take it.
419
00:20:19,710 --> 00:20:23,000
I'll see you later, you moron.
420
00:20:30,980 --> 00:20:34,690
It's movie night!
421
00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:39,730
Tonight's film is 13 Going on 30.
422
00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:42,730
Now, I chose this film
423
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:45,670
'cause it's an enchanting
romantic comedy
424
00:20:45,730 --> 00:20:49,870
and plus, it's still
stuck in the VCR part
425
00:20:49,940 --> 00:20:52,910
of my TV/VCR combo.
426
00:20:52,980 --> 00:20:58,410
So imagine this: when the
day begins, you're 13.
427
00:20:58,480 --> 00:21:01,420
But when the Moon comes up, you're 30.
428
00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:05,050
She can't even drive a car.
429
00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:08,660
'Cause she looks 30 on the outside,
430
00:21:08,820 --> 00:21:11,730
but on the inside,
431
00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:13,520
she's 13.
432
00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:18,439
Y'all a bunch of wusses.
433
00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:19,440
That's pretty good.
434
00:21:19,450 --> 00:21:23,520
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
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