All language subtitles for Golden.Arm.2020.1080p.BluRay.x265-RARBG

(crickets chirping)

(crowd cheering)

- You got it.

Yeah, yeah, you got it.

Come on!

- Where's your pink
pussy hat, princess?

- It's at home, covering
up my giant dildos.

Where's yours?

(crowd cheering)

- Winner!

- Suck my tits!

- Suck her tits!

- Yeah!

Oh shit, I'm just
getting warmed up!

Now which one of you buttholes
is next?

- [Woman] This butthole!

(tense music)

- Fucking Brenda.

- Hey, Danny.

(rock music)

Jerry.

- [Woman] Oh shoot,
it's Bonecrusher

versus the Dominator!

(crowd chattering)

- [Referee] Ready, go!

- Crush those bones!

- Come on, you got 'em.

Come on, you got 'em,
you got "em.

(screeching)

- God, oh fuck!

Jerry, flip this table over!

You dirty cheat.

- Oh, looks like you won't
be going to Nationals, Danny.

(bashing)

(fists bashing)
(furniture crashing)

- Oh shit.

(groaning) Oh shit.

- [Woman] Ice, ice, ice, ice.

- Oh god.

- I think it's broken.

- Oh, no, no ,no, no.

There's no fucking way

that she broke my wrist.

I mean hey, if it was
broken, could I do this?

Oh, fuck!

Jerry, crush that can, fuck.

(can clanking)

- She tore the ligament
in my shoulder.

- This is just like
Pittsburgh a month ago.

- She's getting rid of
all the competition

so that she can
get the grand slam.

- You were the best chance
we had of beating her.

And now your arm is fucked.

- Yeah, and there is no way
in hell I'm gonna let her

win this tournament.

We need somebody new.

Somebody she's not expecting.

We need a ringer.

(light relaxed music)

- That should do it.

- Oh, great.

I don't get these going
in the next 10 minutes,

I'll lose the day.

- She's back up and running.

- Awesome, thanks, Sue Ellen.

How much do I owe you?

Wow, that's more
than I was expecting.

- Sorry, sweety.

It's on its last legs.

I did what I could.

Or I could get you
a new one for 8,000.

- Okay.

Okay, so you can run
all three of these.

- I only need one.

- No, you'll need
to run all three.

Sorry.

(light music)

- Hey, ex-wifey.

- Steve, what are you
doing here?

- Don't freak out, I
just came by to say hi.

Oh, and these finally came.

- I asked you to mail
these to my apartment.

- Ugh.

Well, I was in the hood

and I wanted to make sure you
didn't burn the place down.

If you do, we could split the
insurance money. (chuckling)

- I'm not gonna burn
the place down.

- Ah, you wouldn't do it.

Someone else would do it.

And noone"ll be in here,
noone's gonna get hurt.

It was a joke.

Whatever.

- Please, don't.

Have you washed your hands?

- What, no, why?

- You're touching food
that I'm going to serve.

- If you're gonna
have a fit, okay?

- I'm not having a fit,

I'm just asking you
to have clean hands.

- If you're gonna be
hysterical, I'm gonna leave.

Okay, I don't need this anymore.

- Okay.
- All right, fine.

- Okay.
- Jeez,

- Thank you for
dropping these off.

- Yeah, you're welcome.

Ugh, what?

What is going on here?

That donut sucks.

- That's not a donut,
that's bread.

- A donut is bread.

(pensive music)

- Boo!
(Melanie exclaiming)

(bashing)

Oh, ow!
- Oh, Danny!

- Oh, shit!
- Oh my god.

I'm so sorry.
- My titty!

- I'm so sorry.

- Oh my god.

Hi, Mel!
- Hi!

Hi, Danny.

Oh, you really scared me.
- Oh, shit.

No, it's fine.

Oh sorry, you spilled
your papers.

Oh.
- I'll take those.

Give me the papers.
- What papers?

I don't have any papers.
- Give it to me.

Please give it to me.

- Whoah.

Decree of dissolution
of marriage?

Holy shit, that's awesome, Mel!

And it's fucking shitty.

But in the long run
it's awesome,

but right now
it's gonna be awful.

Sorry, Mel.

- It's good to see you.

- [Danny] It's good
to see you too.

- Sorry I punched you
in the breast.

- No, it felt really cool.

- It did?

- Yeah.

I'm so glad you threw
the trash out finally.

I've been back there
for like six hours.

- I'm sorry I haven't called.

Are you okay?

- Oh yeah, this is nothing.

I'm sorry I haven't called.

I've been just as bad.

- What have you been up to?

- Oh, man, Mel.

I've been doing this
like transatlantic route

and I was able to get
myself my own rig.

- That's so cool!

- Yeah, right? (chuckling)

- Ugh, this lady's the worst.

- Who is she?

(chime tinkling)

- Hi, how are you?

- [Customer] Hi, super busy.

- Oh yeah.

Well I have your small
cappuccino with extra foam.

- And where is my scone?

- Oh.

Are you sure?

- I'd like to have my
scone that comes free

when I order.

- Mhmm, okay.

- God.

- Mhmm.

- Okay.

- (gasping) Ugh!

- Have a great day.

- Have a great day?

What the hell, Mel?

- What am I gonna do,
fight her over it?

- Yeah, you're gonna go
out there and kick her ass

and then slash her tires.

- Danny, you know the
customer is always right.

- You know what would determine

who's right and who's wrong?

A good old-fashioned arm
wrestling match, huh?

- What, that's the dumbest
thing I ever heard.

- Oh, come on, you used
to do it all the time.

- Yeah, when I was a kid!

Or as a goof in college,
you know,

when we couldn't decide
what to get for takeout.

(grunting)

Calzone wins again, yeah!
- Dammit.

Please don't tell my mom
I look like this.

I mean you always won.

- Well, arm wrestling
isn't gonna solve

my problems anymore.

- I don't know.

I still think you should
arm wrestle her.

- I don't know,
it's not worth it.

- Oh, what?

Mel, are you okay?

- Yeah, I'm great.

- You know what?

You need to do like an
eat, pray, love thing.

(Melanie chuckling)

Come with me on the road.

I got a shipment to Detroit.

Oh, it's been so long since
we've gotten to hang out

and you could see me in action!

- Yeah.

- Think about it, just
me, you and the open road.

It'll be fun.

- I wish I could but I can't.

- Mel, you gotta get outta here.

You gotta go see things
and try things.

Rather than just hiding
behind that apron

like a depressed,
underweight Bobby Flay.

- Hey, if anything,
I'm a depressed,

underweight Barefoot Contessa.

And I'm not hiding,
I just can't afford

to drop everything and leave.

- What if I split
my pay with you?

You could share
the driving with me.

It's illegal but who cares?

They don't ever stop women.
(chuckling)

It'll be fun.

I think you really need this.

- I'm sorry, I can't.

- Okay.

- And I do need you to get
out from behind the counter

"cause it's a
health code violation.

- Oh, is it?

- Yeah.

- I do lose my hair
in chunks, so.

- Oh.

- I'll see you later.

(light music)

Brenda the Bonecrusher is
poised to win the nationals?

Oh, goddammit, she does
look pretty hot there.

This is a fucking good website.

It's like she hired someone.

God!

God, she sucks!

Shit!

(light relaxed music)

(bell dinging)

- Ugh.

Oh, not again! (sighing)

So Danny, how much do
you usually make

on a Kansas City to Detroit run?

I was doing some calculations
on my phone

and I think that I can
keep the bakery closed

for about a week?

- [Danny] Okay.

- But I need to know how
much we're gonna make.

- Look Mel, don't worry
about it, okay?

I don't know how much
we're gonna make.

When we get there, they're
gonna look at the shipment,

they're gonna factor
in the mileage

and then from there tell
us how much we made.

But trust me, it'll be enough.

- Okay.

Okay, sounds good.

- [Danny] Ow, shit.

- [Melanie] Are you in pain?

- What?

Do you have some pills?

Like anything?
- Drugs?

No I don't have drugs.
- You got,

Codeine?

- No, I just said I don't.
- Morphine?

- No, I definitely
don't have morphine.

- Oh okay.

You never know this day
and age with big Pharm.

- How did that happen anyway?

- I just got in a little
bar fight, it's chill.

- A bar fight?

- [Danny] Yeah.

- [Melanie] How did you
get into a bar fight?

- Oh my god,

there's a million ways
to get into a bar fight.

You wanna hear my top three?

- I don't have a choice.

- No you don't.

Number three,
classic just trip 'em.

(bashing)

Oh, yes!

(bashing)

Boom, you're in a bar fight.

(Danny shouting)

Number two,
steal someone's beer.

(bashing)

And or their dude.

Yeah, get up here, get up here.

One second there. (chuckling)

And number one,
my absolute favorite way

to get into a bar fight.

The nice and simple
flick 'em in the head.

Yeah!
- Oh my gosh.

So which one was this one?

- Oh it was none of those.

I got in a fight with this
chick I was arm wrestling.

- Arm wrestling, really?

- I didn't tell you about it

because you think arm
wrestling is too aggro.

- I never said that.

- Yeah but your face did.

- Yeah.

Look, all I'm saying is that
arm wrestling sounds dangerous.

I mean you broke your wrist.

- Oh shit!

You hear that?

It's our favorite song!

- Here we go.

» These dreams go on
when I close my eyes /

» Every second of the night »

> I live another life »

> These dreams /

(Danny mumbling)

- [Melanie] Danny!

- What?

- Do you not know the words?

- No, I know the words,
I know the words.

Don't worry about it.

It's my favorite song.

It's our song.

- I know, but you were
just going (mumbling)

- [Danny] No, I'm singing along.

I was singing along.

- You didn't say any consonants.

- I'm not a good singer,

so yeah, I didn't enunciate.

» These dreams go on
when I close my eyes /

» Every second of the night »

> I live another life »

- [Melanie] There's so
much room back here.

- [Danny] Oh, yeah.

- So homey, I love what
you've done with it.

- Mhmm.

And the rule is, guests
have to be the big spoon.

- Oh wait, we sleep back here?

- Yeah.

That's why there's a bed, doi.

We're gonna get
a little schnocker,

come back here and spoon.

- Oh boy.

(bike revving)
(rock music)

This place is different.

- Yeah.

- [Bartender] You get
the fuck out of my bar!

- Hmm.

- Well.

Look who the cat dragged in.

- Randy.

- Danny.

So.

I understand that you're here

to take another shot
at your rep.

- I am.

You gonna help me do that?

- See you at the table, ladies.

- [Danny] Mhmm.

- What rep?

- My arm wrestling reputation.

- What is this?

Ooh.

- Oh, shit!

- Do you think they have rose?

- No, absolutely not, let's go.

- Are you sure
you wanna do this?

- Yeah, yeah, it's my left, it's fine.

- But it's the only
good one you have left.

- Danny?

You're gonna let
Kate Middleton over here

tell you what to do?

Or are you gonna get serious?

- Aw, thank you.

- Is this serious enough for you?

- [Melanie] Danny.

- What?

I got this.

Call it.

- Let's go, ladies.

Center up.

Let's keep it clean.

You go on three.

One, two, three.

(Danny grunting)

- Oh wow, shit!

My left is a piece of shit!

- [Randy] Tough titty.

Quit your whinin'.

- Thank you much.

- God.
- Danny!

- What?

- What, you just spent
all your money

on an arm wrestling match?

- Yeah.

- This is so dumb!

- What?

Excuse me.

- Oh shit.

- Who are you calling dumb?

- I said fun.

I said this is so fun.

- That doesn't rhyme with dumb.

- Yeah, you come into my bar

and you tell me that I'm dumb?!

I'm gonna rip you a new asshole.

- Please don't.

- Asshole!

- [Crowd] Yeah!

- Okay, all right, okay,

everybody just chill out.

I'm sure there's a way
that we could settle this

without anybody
getting a new asshole

unless they want it,
no judgment here.

- I love it.

- With an arm wrestling match.

- Yeah, what?

- Against her.

Er - No!
owd laughing)

- Double or nothing.

- Shit.

Don't make me laugh.

- No, I'm being serious.

- Fine.

This is gonna be the
easiest money I ever won.

- Yeah!
- Let's do this!

- Do we really have to do this?

- I think this is
our only chance

at not getting our asses kicked.

- Okay.

- Okay, this is good, come on.

Here we go.

Yeah, take your money
out of your purse.

Slam it down.

(tense music)

Slam it down hard.

Okay, what was it, that's cute.

- Yeah.

- Are there hooks?

- No, there aren't.

I'll hold it.

Don't worry about it.
- Okay.

- Yup.
- Okay.

- Okay, great.

Great, great, great.

Come on now.
- Has this been

wiped down recently?

- What do you think?

- Let's not worry
about that, okay?

All right, you got this.

- Are you ready?

- Yeah, no, yes.

- She's ready, she's ready,

she's got this.

- This is on three.

One, two, three.

- Come on, Mel, here we go,
here we go.

Oh god.

Pull doors, you Mel.

Pull Mel, pull!

(slamming)

- [Randy] What the fuck?!

(Danny laughing)

- I'm so sorry.

- How the fuck did you do that?

- I don't know.

I don't know.

- Well.

We may just be in the presence

of a golden arm.

- A what?

- We'll that's when
a woman like yourself,

weak, ineffectual, soft, like a,

- [Randy And Referee]
A jellyfish.

- Okay, I get it.

- But she has got one
goddamn powerful arm.

- Well, thank you.

Is that mine?

- Mhm, yeah it is.
- Yes.

Hold it, minus my 10 percent.

- Sure, I mean
you earned it, yeah.

- Yeah I did.

- Thank you so much.

- [Danny] Thank you.

- This was honestly,

- [Randy] Was it?

- [Melanie And Danny] Yeah.

- Danny, get the fuck
out of my bar.

- [Danny] Okay, I'll see you.

- You fuck yourself!
- So soon.

- You get the fuck out of here!

- [Danny] Ah, shit!

Oh, my fucking kidney!
- Stop looking

and keep drinking!

- Danny, are you okay?
- Oh dear, holy shit.

I'm fine.

- Wait, why are we
in the men's bathroom?

- I didn't know
where else to run.

- We could have run outside.

- I knew it!

I knew you had a golden arm!

- Oh god, Danny,
that's so silly.

- You put a beatdown on
Randy Roadhouse Rollins!

- I got lucky.

- Oh, no, no, no.

What you've got is a gift

and we're taking that gift
to Oklahoma City, baby!

- Oklahoma, wait what about
Detroit and the shipment?

- Oh, there is no shipment.

I lied to you, yeah.

- Danny!

- Yeah.

I'm gonna have you fill in
for me at the Nationals!

I mean your form is pretty sloppy

but we can get you some
training and you'll be,

- No, Danny.

I'm not doing that,
that's insane.

I'm not doing Nationals.
- Oh really?

- Really.
- Really?

- Yeah.
- Huh?

- Uh huh.
- Oh yeah?

Is 15,000 dollars insane?

"Cause that's the prize.

(toilet flushing)

- [Melanie And Danny]
(chuckling) Busted!

Ew.

- We're going
to Nationals, baby.

But first, we train.

Woo hoo!

Look at all that corn.

- That's not corn.

- What the hell is it, then?

- I think it's just tall grass.

- Tall grass?

Uh-uh, tall grass has
never made me hungry.

> It's waking the neighbor!

- Hey.

Do that.

- Okay, ready?

- Yeah.

(honking)

Aha!

- [Danny] Ha, yeah!

- Yeah, baby!

- Mel.

- Can I do it?

- Give it a shot.

Don't mess up.

Yeah, just pull it.

(honking)

Okay, okay.

- That was fun.

Where are we going to train?

- [Danny] I got a little
special place, it's awesome.

- [Melanie] Huh.

- Haha!

- You brought me
to a strip club?

- No, it's a bikini bar,
it's classy.

- How is this training?

- Oh, you'll see.

(rock music)

(men hooting and whistling)

Big sexy.

- Who?

- A'ight, let's go.

- She founded the tournament

and went undefeated
81 straight matches.

She's retired now
and she only works

with the champions.

- Woo! (laughing)

- She's pretty much your
only chance at winning.

Big Sexy!

- Dominator!

- Oho!

Goddamn your name gets
more and more accurate!

- Look at you,
you put on some weight?

- I did, thank you for noticing.

- Nice work, friend.

Is this her?

- Yeah.

This is my best friend Melanie.

- Hi, so nice to meet you.

- Hmm.

(sniffing)

I don't think so, Danny.

Sorry, bud.

- Wait, that's it?

- She doesn't have
the fight in her.

And her whole aura's
piss yellow.

- Come on, you gotta
give her a chance.

Melanie does have
the fight in her.

It's just buried way
way way down there.

And I know that
you are the only one

that can get it out of her.

(Big Sexy sighing)

- Welcome to the shop, ladies.

Okay, what pisses you off?

- What?

- I got one.

Her name is Brenda
and she's a twat.

- Please don't say twat.

- Mine is, we're in Baghdad
in the shit.

(guns booming)

Snipers everywhere.

We almost didn't
make it out alive.

- Medic!
(helicopter whirring)

- [Melanie] Oh, I got it.

- [Big Sexy] What, what is it?

- It's really similar to yours.

Scones.

In the trash.

- Excuse me?

- I keep telling Kristen,
the yoga instructor

that if she doesn't
want a scone,

she doesn't have to take one.

But she always does.

She takes one bite out of it

and she throws it away.

Every day.

It really pisses me off.

- Okay, I mean I've never worked

with something so mundane,

but hey, let's give it a shot.

Okay, shut your eyes.

Now imagine that woman
is right here.

And your anger is just
bubbling up from inside.

And you've just
got to let it go.

- Oh, like Frozen.

- No, not like fucking
Frozen, dammit!

Okay, you worked really
hard on those scones, right?

- Yeah I did.

- You put your blood,
sweat and tears into 'em.

- Yeah, it was my
grandmother's recipe!

- And she is a goddamn
sweetheart, right?

- Yeah.

- And you were really polite
and told her

don't take one if you're
just gonna throw away.

- Right!

- But every day,
you walk outside

and in that garbage
can, there's your scone,

thrown away like
a nasty old ball of hair

out of the shower drain.

- Ugh.

- Exactly.

- [Big Sexy] Now
how you feeling?

- [Melanie] I'm hot, sweaty.

My pants are wet.

- [Danny] Good, good.

- [Melanie] My heart's racing.

- [Danny] Uh huh.

- [Melanie] Temples throbbing.

- [Big Sexy] That's good,
that's good, this is it.

Okay, now imagine
that yoga bitch

is standing right here.

- [Melanie] Mhmm.

- [Big Sexy] And she's
got one of your homemade

delicious scones in her hand.

- [Danny] Ooh, yummy.

- [Big Sexy] But wait,
what's that?

She just crumpled it up

and threw it in the trash!

- You ungrateful selfish jerk!

If you step one more foot
into my shop,

I'm gonna beat you
with your yoga mat

that reeks like crotch stank!

- Come on lady, shut up!

- Hoo.

- Yeah.

Okay, and now we work.

(driving music)

- I said crotch stank.

- [Danny] That was awesome.

- It felt weird.

- Can I stay crotch stank now?

- Yeah!

- This is an official
arm wrestling table,

42 inches tall, same as a bar.

- Why am I up here again?

- So for the next 60 seconds

you have to maintain
that exact position.

And you can't spill
a drop of beer

no matter what comes at you.

- Got it.

(whacking)

Ow!

- No.

- [Big Sexy] No, no, no, no.

- [Danny] Just let her.

- What is this?

- It's like a little fit.

Just let her get it out.

(splashing)

- Come on!
- Come on, Mel,

you got this!

- Push it!

- There you go!

- Drive it through, come on!
- Come on, go a little!

- Now this is your peg.

It's gonna be your stabilizer

and you also can use it
for leverage.

Square it up,
square it up over here.

You can pull
right-handed or left

but your elbow at all times

has to stay anywhere
on this square.

You can move it around,
you can't lift it up.

Come on!
- Kiss that pavement

and then get away from it!

Now don't use your knees!
- Danny!

- [Danny] Oh my god, her
shoes are on my pillow.

Oh!

- [Big Sexy] You're gonna
get your grip.

- [Melanie] Mhmm.

- [Big Sexy] Squeeze
the thumb, pull it up.

- Oh.

- And watch your form,
straighten up the wrist.

Come on girls.

And be quick and explosive.

You wanna get the jump.

Suck and tuck.
- Yeah.

- Excuse me?

- (chuckling) Exactly.

You wanna go (whooshing)
and get on top of it.

There you go, go!

Come on, get in there,

and don't let anybody get cocky up there

when you're getting your grip.

You slip out of that,
you'll pull the straps.

- I got it.

- It can really mess up
your game.

Especially if that buckle
ends up

on the backside of your hand

and your opponent can dig
their fingers into it.

I mean I've see guys' hands
ripped open

because of the metal.

I have 15 world titles.

- And 81 straight matches won.

- No, it's like 600 and one.

I lost one time.

I got to face her again
and redeem myself.

And as my momma said
get up there

and break her goddamn arm.

(Danny laughing)

- How do you avoid that?

- Broke arm position.

That is where the wrist
is on the outside

of the shoulder.

Do you feel that pressure
right here?

It takes eight pounds
of pressure

to radial break your humerus.

Go!

(splashing)

- You are spilling a
shit ton of beer, Mel.

- No, no, no, no, don't
you get back there.

And you just keep working.

Don't ever go
to losing position.

- Okay.

- You don't practice
being a loser!

- Yeah!

Big Sexy said you have
to do 400 of these?

- And tuck!

Should have been faster.

Come on, get up, we ain't done.

Go come on, get the jump.

Get the jump.
- There you go.

- [Big Sexy] Hit low, hit low.

- Fuck you, bag!

Fuck you, bag!

You're doing great, man,
I'm surprised.

Yes, Mel!
- Break her arm!

Come on, yes!
- You fucking got this, Mel!

You've got this!
- You got it!

The only way I see you
winning this tournament

is you gotta beat me
at least once.

- Got it.

- [Big Sexy] Come on,
get in there.

Take my thumb, there you go.

- Ready?

- Yes.

- Yup.

- [Danny] Go!

- Really?

Come on, is that all you got?

Something's blocking you,
I don't feel it.

(Melanie grunting)

The fuck is this?

Shit up here?
- I'm doing my best.

- I don't think so.

I can't do this shit.

- What?

- I think you're
the fucking problem.

What are you doing?

(Mel grunting)

(trash clanking)
- Hey!

Would you just hold up?

- No, Danny.

I am exhausted.

My back hurts, I've got
motorcycle grease in my butt

like I don't even know
how it got there.

I can't do this!

- Are you serious?

'Cause that looked badass, dude.

- I'm mad, okay?

I am mad!

- Okay, good, be mad!

But I know it is not
about the arm wrestling.

So what is it about, Mel?

(breathing heavily)

- I don't know.

I don't know what I'm doing.
(sobbing)

I'm just so sick
of everyone else

dictating my life, you know?

I never put myself first.

I don't listen to my gut.

Like with Steve.

When I first met him,
I didn't even like him.

But he convinced me.

And you told me
not to marry him.

- Sorry about that.

- No, you were right.

I mean you could have
told me sooner

than the day before our wedding.

- Yeah.

I was pretty hammered.

- (laughing) Yeah.

- Your grandma got me good.
(laughing)

- I wasted five years of
my life with that guy.

What if every choice I
make is the wrong one?

- I mean everybody makes
wrong choices, Melanie.

That's kind of the fun of life!

And you listened to your
gut when you joined me

on this trip, right?

And look at you now,

you're eat pray loving
the shit out of life!

It's like the old Melanie's
coming back!

Right now, what is your
gut telling you to do?

(light driving music)

- I'm ready.

- I'll be the judge of that.

(tense music)

- Go!

(thudding)

(bright music)

(everyone cheering)

- [Big Sexy] Woo!

(horn honking)

(rock music)

- Oh shit, okay hold the wheel.

Come here.
- What?

- Take the wheel.

- What are you gonna do?

Why?
- We're coming up on this bar

that you have
to show your tits to

or you get bad luck on the road.

- What?

- Okay, take it.

Okay, take it.

There's them!

(car honking)

Woo!

Not having bad luck today!

2 I'm flying,
I'm flying in my mind

> I tell you, I tell you
that I'm fine »

2 I'm flying,
I'm flying in my mind

> I tell you oh you don't know »

- [Melanie] Hey, Danny?

- [Danny] Yeah?

- I was thinking
about some stuff

and I just wanna say I'm sorry.

- For what?

- You know, when you told
me not to marry Steve,

I kind of shut you out.

I just wanna say
I'm sorry for that.

- Oh, Mel, it's okay.

- I really missed you.

- Good.
- Like a lot.

- Well no matter what happens

I'm really glad that
we're doing this together.

Just you and me.

(light music)

(brakes whooshing)

- [Danny] All right, we're here!

- This is it?

- Yeah, I know it doesn't look

like much on the outside.

But it's got everything, Mel.

- Like horses?

- What?

No.

(funk music)

(laughing) Yeah, what's up?

Oh here come's Lauren.

She's a paramedic by day
and a lady puller by night.

Lauren.

- Danny, hey.

- When's your first match?

- I'm the first one up tonight.

- Really?

Kill it!
- See you at the bar later.

- You know it. (laughing)

Geeta!

Killer costume, dude.

Geeta's a sixth grade
math teacher

and just a beast in the arena!

- Wow.

- Oh, shit.

That's Carl.

He runs the entire competition.

Hey Carl.

- Danny.

- You're looking good.

- Well you're not
looking too bad yourself.

- Mmm.
- Hi, I'm Melanie.

- Top knot looking fierce.

- Stop it.

- You know what I like.

- Stop it.

- No, I won't stop.
- Hi, I'm Melanie.

- Stop it.

- I can't stop.

- Mmm!

How's it looking in there?
- Hey.

- Oh, it looks so much better

now that you're here.

- Mhmm.

- Ah, dominate me, Dominator.

- You wish.

Holy shit.

- Hello, I'm Melanie.

Bye, thank you.

(upbeat music)
- Ooh.

- Welcome to Star Arena, Mel.

- [Announcer] Tonight will be
packed with a bevy of beauties

the likes of which
you've never seen.

Featuring the lizard Geno.

- They look amazing.

- [Announcer] Skateboarding
dynamo, Tessie the Tank!

- Yeah.
- The community is great.

Everybody here is so rad.

- [Announcer] And the one
you've been waiting for,

the three time
arm wrestling champ,

- What's wrong?

- Except for Brenda.

- Brenda the Bonecrusher!

She'll crush your bones to dust.

- Why, what's wrong with Brenda?

- She's ruined the entire sport.

She's like made it
just not as fun.

She cheats a ton and

she fucked up my arm

and she fucking
hates French fries.

Where it's like,
who hates French fries?

They're so good!

- Danny.

She's the one who
did that to your wrist?

- Yeah.

- That jerk!

- Whoah.

I was kinda hoping
you'd say something

like "That arm-jacking twat!”

But that was pretty good.

- Please don't say twat.

- Okay.

- I hate that word.

- Okay, I'm sorry.

All right, let's get you registered, huh?

- Hey, Dominator.
- Jerry!

- I checked you into the hotel.

- [Danny] Thank you.

- And I got you hot towels.

- Clean your hands.

- Okay.

- Yeah.

- Sorry, who are you?

- Oh, I'm Jerry.

I'm the Dominator's
sidekick assistant.

- [Danny] Oh, I like sidekick,
dude.

Let's keep that,
let's keep that.

- Here's my card if
you need to contact me.

(Danny laughing)
- Oh.

This is wet.

- Oh, it's probably just sweat.

- [Danny] Yeah,
why are you so sweaty?

- It's so hot in here, right?

- Did you fix everything
in the room?

- [Jerry] Mhmm.

- New sheets?
- Mhmm.

- Fluff pillows?
- Mhmm.

- [Danny] Did you leave the
shower running on full blast?

- Shit!

I'll go drop this stuff

backstage, and then
- Okay.

- I'll go turn on the shower.

- He's the shit.

He helps me do everything.

(crowd cheering)

(light music)

- I think I got this in the bag.

I mean we got a mermaid, a
fucking lizard, a monkey.

- Monkey?
- Danny, I'm just

reading this over and
why do they need to know

if I'm an organ donor?

- Oh like just in case somebody
needs an organ or something.

- Danny, Danny, Danny.

You came to cheer me on!

- No.

I came to watch you lose.

- Who's gonna beat me?

You're out and I've beaten
every other bitch here.

- Not everyone.

Right, Mel?

Come on.
- That's right.

- You don't actually mean
the American Girl doll?

- Yeah, right.

I've seen bigger biceps
on a balloon animal.

(Brenda laughing)

And I have seen a lot of balloon animals.

- That's cool.

- No, seriously, Danny,

you've done some
dumb shit in your time

but this move,

it goes into the
dumb shit hall of fame

along right next to that hairdo.

- Okay.
- Okay, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, Danny.

Don't let her get to you.
- Mel, Mel!

- I know, baby,
it's not worth it.

Hey, f-bombs, f-bombs.

- Yeah.

- Okay, sweet cheeks,
can I tell you something?

I was born to win.

- Okay.

Thank you.

- Shake it.

Shake her hand.

- Soft.

- Well, I wasn't trying.

I wasn't trying to shake it.

Are you ready?

- I am ready! (laughing)

- What do you think?

Why do I have to
wear a costume at all?

- You gotta put a show
on for the fans.

You gotta find something
that like,

shows your essence, you know?

(Melanie screaming)
(Danny laughing)

I like it,
but it's not intimidating.

You are the cleaning lady!

Like a sexy devil graduate?

- I don't know what's
intimidating and what's not.

- You are the pope!

- Is this sacrilegious?

- What about this, huh?

- That's just a bathing suit!

- Oh, shit, yeah.

You would look hot in that!

- [Melanie] No!

- Oh.

What is it?!

- I'm the ex-wife and I'm
gonna take half your stuff!

By state law, I get to!

- Set it on fire or something.

- Well, no I'll try to sell it.

Oh, this one's good.

- Okay.

- [Melanie] You
can't see my face.

Ready?

- I'm ready.

- [Melanie] Give me
your camp goods!

- You're adorable!

- [Melanie] No!

- Yes!

- No, doesn't he look mad?

- But like in a cartoon way.

You know?

Where it's just like,
where's my honey?

And you're like oh, what
a delight. (chuckling)

- Oh my god.

- [Danny] What is it?

- Well something's biting me.

Oh my god,

this thing's infested!
- Ew, ew!

It's got eggs!

- Get it off me!

Get it off!

- Oh fuck, it's got bugs in it!

(clattering)

- Ew!

Eggs, oh god.

Gah, blech.

Danny?

Oh.

Oh my god, where are your pants?

- What, where are your pants?

- Oh, god!

Oh, shit, okay, okay.

- I was supposed to
put this one on and,

I was here to dress and
I just undressed, so,

I'm sorry you have
a beautiful bod,

well I mean I am not sorry
you have a beautiful body.

You have a beautiful body.

I'm sorry I saw it.

I mean I'm not sorry
that I saw it.

I mean what is great about it is

my brain will remember it.
(clears throat)

I realize that
I'm in the wrong place.

I thought I was
in the right place.

- Mel, I threw that shit
in the street.

Greg!

- Hi.
- What the hell

am I walking into?

Are we getting started
or ending?

- No, we're not.

- How are you, Danny?

- I'm good, Greg.

- Yeah I was wondering why
you weren't in the tournament.

- I got hurt.

- What?
- Boom.

- Oh, yeah!
- I know, I can't pull.

- You're usually at the
top of the leaderboard

at the beginning.
- Yeah, right?

This was my year.
- Danny, Danny!

- Oh!

- Sorry, yeah, right,
sorry ma'am.

Danny, nice seeing you.

- Yeah, good to see you
too, Greg.

You look good.

- Ah, thank you.

- He looks good, Mel.

And you look good.

- [Melanie] No.

- Hey, you need to pick
out an outfit right now

'cause your first bout's
in 30 minutes!

(spray hissing)

- Ack, god, what is that?

- Tea tree oil.

- It's just tea tree oil?

I don't think you're supposed
to eat that.

- Okay Mel,
you're fine, all right?

You're in the eastern bracket.

And that bonehead bitch Brenda,

she's in the western bracket.

But I don't want you to
think about that right now.

What I need for you
to do is to focus

on your first bout, okay?

Oh, shit, I know that face.

Jerry, trash can!

(retching)

Oh, yipes!

See, I told you that I'm
an expert at reading face.

- I threw up.

- Yeah, it's okay.

- He gave me tea tree oil.

- Jerry?!

- I'm sorry, maybe a mint?

Mint would probably be better.
- Yeah, take a mint.

- I don't trust him.
- Take a mint.

- I wish Big Sexy were here.

- Okay.

Okay, that's great.

And what do you think
she'd say to you, huh?

She would say Mel, stand up!

Now you have to go
out there balls out!

So it's time now.

It's time for you to go
out there and balls out!

- Why would you say that?

- [Danny] Oh,
to like pump her up.

- That's not how
you pump someone up.

You gotta get it right.

Now I don't wanna assume,

but you don't have balls.

You got labia.

- You're right.

If you wanna get technical.

- Oh, I do, I'm an OB-GYN.

That's my day job.

- Oh.

- And I've seen a lot
of labia in my day.

All kinds!

Small, tall, loud, shy.

I've seen a spider
come out of one.

I probably shouldn't have
said that.

But you know what
they all have in common?

- Uh-uh.

- They're strong!

Much stronger
than a set of balls!

- Yeah, yes.
- Yeah.

- Our labia can withstand
tons of things!

- Yeah, right.

- Much more than a delicate pair

of little underwear plums.

- As an OB-GYN, you call
them underwear plums?

- I try to keep it
out of the office.

- Sure.

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

- Men always say balls out

but do you think a man
would do something

that would tear his balls?

- No, would you?

- No.

Even a flick would
ruin your day.

- And you can flick labia.

- Hell yeah you can.
- I love it!

I love it!

- Mel!

You can't go out there
with your balls out!

You gotta get out there
with your labes out!

- Yeah!

- Labes out!
- Labes out, yeah!

- [Everyone] Labes out,
labes out, labes out,

labes out!

(cheering)

- It's time for our next match!

You're here for carnage!

You're here for warfare!

You're here for
the sport of queens!

In this corner,

she is no angel!

The queen of pop,

and by pop I mean she'll pop

your damn arm out the socket!

Beat-Ya-Down-Ce!

And in this corner,

(gentle R&B music)

- Yeah!

> Spare a little candle,
save some light for me

» Figures up ahead
moving in the trees »

- Come on, let's go,
you got this.

You got this!

You picked like the
weirdest part of the song

to come out to.

- [Melanie] Really?

- It's okay.

You got this, go.

- First of all,
I love this song.

But what's your vibe?

What's your persona?

- Oh, I'm totally freaked out.

- Okay.

We have Freaked Out!

(crowd applauding softly)

Hey, that's on you.

You didn't give me
enough to work with.

- Yeah, sorry.

- [Danny] Okay, you
got this, you got this!

(crowd cheering)

- Ready?

Set!

- Holy shit!

We have an upset!

The winner is Freaked Out!

- Oh, you did it!

You won!

(crowd applauding)

- We got a new star
in the scene.

How are you feeling?

- Bathroom.

- Yeah!

Bathroom!

- Bathroom!
(crowd applauding)

Bathroom!

- Yeah!

Call me.

- That's creepy.

Our first upset of the
tournament by Freaked Out.

- [Danny] My god, Mel,
that was so cool!

- It felt so good.

- Yeah, it looked good.

- All this power
came up inside me

and I just bam!

- Yes, oh my god!

- It was awesome.
- Okay.

Here's to my best friend,

my kidney donor
if I should ever need one

which doctors
are saying probably.

- Danny.

- The Al Pacino
to my Robert De Niro.

- Oh!

Hey, let me ask you.

- Hey, I want, hey da.

Hey there.

Their faces like wind fed.

Well, to you, Mel.

- Cheers.
- Ooh yeah!

- Mmm.

- So what kind of crazy are we
gonna get into tonight, huh?

- I just want a nice hot bath.

I just wanna relax and just
like sort of decompress.

- What?

- Self-care.

- No, Mel, we're here
to like have fun.

- [Melanie] I know.

- And you just won.

- I know.
- So it's kind of now

just like, hey go have fun.

- [Melanie] Right.

- Oh shit.

- [Melanie] A bath to me
is really fun.

- [Danny] There's Greg.

Uh oh, hey Greg.

- Hey.

- He's cute
and he's walking over.

- Stop, stop.

Stop.

- Play it cool, play
it cool, play it cool.

Hey, man, what's up?
- Hey, hey.

How are you?

- Good.

Good.
- Good.

- Hey.

- I never formally
introduced myself

when we were in our undies or whatever.

- Right. (chuckling)

- I'm Greg.

- I'm Melanie.

- Yeah.

Nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you too.

- Danny, nice to see you.

- Good to see you too.

- Do you guys want a drink?

- Oh, sure, yeah.

- [Greg] Yeah?

- Ah.

I just got tired.

I just got tired

so I think I'm gonna
get out of here.

I'ma go take a nice hot bath,

just relax, you know,

'cause that's
the cool thing to do.

- Yeah draw a bath.
- So I'm a go,

I'm gonna draw a bath.

But you two hang out, get wild.

She wants to get a little wild.

- Oh no.

- Yeah you do, have fun.

Have fun.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- She's great.

- Yeah, she's great.

- Yeah, I mean this
was her year, you know?

- Yeah, I bet.

- I'm here to work, but,

- You are.
- Yeah.

- Right, you're a referee.

- I am, yeah.

That's what I was
trying to change into.

I was trying to
- I know I'm so

sorry about that.
- Tell you about that.

In the moment.
- I'm so sorry.

- No, I'm sorry.

I'm still sorry. (chuckling)

Thanks, can i

do this?
- Please, please.

Yes, it was very fun.

- You look good in clothes.

- (chuckling) So do you.
- I'm sorry.

- Thank you.

- Hey.

To wearing clothes.

- Yes.

- Or maybe not.

- Oh.

- [Greg] I'm actually an umpire.

- [Melanie] Oh.

- [Greg] Yeah, for
Major League Baseball.

But what about you?

What are you into?

- [Melanie] Do you wanna
get a pretzel?

- [Greg] Yeah, yeah.

- "Cause I kinda have
a thing for bread.

- Oh, oh I love things
for bread.

- Do you?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, I really love it.

I actually have my own bakery.

- Oh, that's awesome.

- Danny says that if
bread were a person

I'd make sweet love
to it all night long.

Or, she does say that

but I probably shouldn't
have said that.

- Wow, then

one pretzel please.
- Hi.

- Okay.
(Melanie laughing)

- When I say Tabasco,
I want Tabasco,

I want it to be hot.

- I know.

I'm sorry I got some chili hoot.

- Go ahead?

Uh oh.

So, would you, you know,

the pretzel or?

- Hmm, I'd definitely
invite it up.

- Oh.

So it's got a chance.

- Yeah.

- Wow.
- Got a pretty good chance.

I mean.
- Okay.

- [Melanie] It's not
a guarantee.

- [Greg] Takes a little bit
more work, but

I'm sure that,

- I'm so sorry, I have to go.

I'm so sorry.

I'll talk to you soon.

- It's not.

I wasn't trying to say
that I'm the pretzel.

- Ooh my god, Jesus Christ!

- Danny.
- Close your eyes!

Close your eyes.

- Okay.

- Okay, fake by far.

Where'd you go?

Ooh, where'd you go?
- Marco!

- Ooh, Polo!

- Uh oh, Marco!

- Ooh, Polo.

- Marco.

- Oooh, Polo!

- [Danny] Marco.

- Ooh, bitch I won!

- Yeah, yeah, oh shit, yeah.

This is my room.

Rip my coat off
and grab my titty.

Well that's good.

Yeah there it is.

Yeah, here we go.

- [Carl] Yeah ooh,
I like the left one.

Ooh.

- Get rid of this.

Get on me, baby!

Oof!

- [Melanie] Danny?

This?

- [Danny] Oh, fuck!

- What's happening?

Carl?

- Hey.

- Yeah, you know Carl.

- [Melanie] What are you doing?

- We're just gonna have sex.

- No.

What?

- Okay.

- Hear me out.

Threesome.

- (laughing) I'm down.

- Yeah!

- [Melanie] I'm not in!

- Come on, Mel.
- Oh, come on.

- [Melanie] Out!

- Okay, okay, okay
out!

- Okay.

- I don't wanna go.

- I don't want you to go either

but you got to.

I'll see you soon.

- [Carl] You promise?

- Yeah I promise.

I dream about you often.

(laughing) Not!

I dream about him often.

- [Melanie] Did you have fun?

- I had a blast, how about you?

How'd everything go with Greg?

- It was nice.

- It was nice?

Did you guys like,
you know, do it?

- No we didn't do it.

- You didn't do it?

- No!

- Come on, Mel,
why didn't you do it?

- We were out for
like 30 minutes.

- That's plenty of time.

You could probably
do it like twice.

(Melanie laughing)

Or whatever.

- I don't know, Danny.

- Okay.

- I've never done this before.

- Isn't it fun though?

- It's fun.

- It's pretty fun, right?

- It's confusing,
I don't know what to do.

- I'm confused most of the time.

- I don't know.

- And it's fun like,

it's fun if you're
into hooking up

and then being done

or if you're into hooking up

and being like,
do we keep hooking up?

Like that's the best
part of it, yeah.

One and done or one and
let's have some more fun?

- One and fun.

Okay, I'm gonna go to bed.

- [Danny] No.

- [Melanie] Yes.

- [Danny] Okay Mel.

- [Melanie] Goodnight.

- [Danny] Night, Mel.

Mel?

Mel?

- [Melanie] What, Danny?

- [Danny] Oh, are you awake?

- [Melanie] Yes.

- [Danny] Will you tell me
a story?

- [Melanie] What do you
wanna hear?

- [Danny] I wanna hear
the plot to Twister.

The director's cut.

- [Melanie] (chuckling) Okay.

Well, Helen Hunt is a scientist.

(Danny snoring)

And there's a twister.

(tense music)

- So, you got a thing
for Greg, huh?

- What?

- Yeah I saw you two last night

hovering over your carbs
with all the other fatties.

You know, pretzels metabolize
straight into sugar.

- Oh.
- Oh no.

Keep eating 'em.

You'll be exhausted
at the table.

- Yeah.

Well I'm just trying
to get ready.

- (scoffs) Not that
it even matters.

Greg would never
be into a girl like you.

Greg likes strong women.

- I'm a strong woman.

(Brenda sniffing)

- I can smell your fear.

- That's confidence.

I'm confident.

You're smelling my confidence.

- Enjoy your stretch, princess.

- Hmm.

(crowd cheering)

- Ready, set.

Go.

Winner!

(crowd applauding)

- [Carl] Freaked Out continues
to rise up the ranks.

- I won, I won!

Yeah, yeah!

- Okay, so after the prelims

we go into single elimination.

That's big time.

But she's killing it right now

so I think if she's just-

- Hey, hey.

- Hey Mel.

We're just looking
at the prelim stuff

and you are killing it!

Look at you, your name
is just moving up, ah!

It's so cool!

- Yeah.

Oh god, oh god, get rid of it.

Get rid of it!

- Jerry, get rid of it!

Wait, why are
we getting rid of it?

- Because Greg's over there.

I didn't tell Greg
that I'm Freaked Out.

- [Danny] Uh,
it's pretty obvious.

- Yeah, I don't know
why I didn't tell him.

- Mel, do you like him?

- Yeah.

- And you wanna see
him again, huh?

- Yes.

- Mhmm, mhmm.

Well listen to your instincts.

Go over there and ask
him out on a real date.

Come on.

I'm not telling you to
marry him or anything.

Go have fun.

- Yeah.

Should I go take a shower first?

- Don't worry, Jerry's on it.

- Oh!

Oh my god.
- Yeah.

- Aluminum free.

- Yeah, I made it myself.

Out of whale blubber.

(light music)

- So you're in
the baseball world.

- Yes.

- I'm curious to know your
thoughts on baseball movies.

- Oh.

- Are you for them,
are you against them?

- I am for them.

I am for them.

- You're pro baseball movies.

- I'm pro baseball movie,
for the entertainment.

So like the comedies, like
Major League, love it.

- Love Major League.

- Love me some Major League.

- Rookie of the Year?

- Of course.

Guilty pleasure.

- Let me guess.
- On me.

- Let me guess.

- [Both] The Natural.

- Yes, yes!
- Ah, is it really?

- Yes it is.

But for very weird reasons,
I love it.

- I have my own weird
reasons for loving it.

- You know, there's a
baseball field I think

really close to here.

- Oh cool.

- You remember in The Natural

when he goes up
to the home plate?

- [Melanie] Yeah.

- He's still bleeding
from an injury

30 years ago?

(bat clanging)

Oh!

Whoah!

- [Melanie] Just run!

- I know.

I know that guy.

- [Melanie] You know that base?

- I know the base guy. (laughing)

Yes! (laughing)

Now, go ahead.

Go.

Safe.

Okay, one more game.

- I have this fantasy
that it will be great

if you would help me.

- Okay?

- Make it real.

- Okay.

- So it's after a game,

you've just like won a game.

Yeah, but everybody's gone.

- That happened fast, okay.

- It's just you on the field

and like you, you are
the star of the game,

and I'm like,

I'm a girl you like

and I come into the field

and I like lean up
against the fence

and then you like do
this, one of these things.

- [Greg] Okay.

- And then you, uh,

- Like one of these things?

What is this thing?

I put my hand on the fence?

- Yeah.

- Like this?

- Mhmm.

- This is right?

- Yeah.

And then I mean, the story
goes on in my head and,

yeah, I mean, more stuff,
more stuff happens.

- Like what do you mean?

What do you mean?

- You know, more stuff happens.

You know.

- We talk?

- We talk.

We talk and then other things,
and,

but this is where it starts.

And the lighting's so beautiful,

I just thought we should.

- Is that happening now?

I mean what, sorry.

- It can.

- Here, you try this side.

- Oh, I feel powerful.

- Yeah.

Yeah.
- This is kind of

a dominating position

don't you think?
- It is.

Only I don't mind it.

Well.

(light music)

(oven door clacking)

Mel?

- Hey.

I hope it's okay,
I raided your pantry.

I made biscuits.

- Oh my god, wait.

Well you made that
here, just this morning?

- Mhmm.

I felt inspired and energized.

- Goodness.

- [Melanie] Yeah.

- Mmm.

Well you look nice.

Good morning.

- Morning.

- Is this one mine?

- Yeah, if you want it.

- Let's see.

(phone buzzing)

Oh my gosh.

Hey, your phone's
going crazy, huh?

- Oh.

Shoot, I have to go.

- What, why, no.

Just started, I took one bite.

- I know.

Okay.

I am competing in the
arm wrestling tournament.

I'm Freaked Out.

- Yeah, I know.

- I wear a mask, how would-

- Oh come on.

It is a small mask.

I mean it barely
covers your face

and I know this face.

I like this face, so.

- Why didn't you say anything?

- I was just waiting for
you to tell me, you know?

- [Melanie] I have to go,

I'm so sorry.
- No, no.

Please.

- You know I think,

I think I might change
my persona.

I don't know that Freaked
Out is right anymore.

Oh!

- I made you breakfast.

- (laughing) Thank you.

- Ladies and gentlemen,

Freaked Out has died.

In her place, The Breadwinner!

(crowd applauding)

Boom!

- Winner!

- We're back to pure excitement!

Oh!

- [Referee] The winner!

- [Carl] It's Wendy
versus the Breadwinner.

(crowd applauding)

- Yeah!

- Go back to the deep
blue sea, Killer Kate!

- Come on, Mel!

Jerry, oh fuck!

- We got Rambea
versus the Bonecrusher.

(Brenda growling)

- [Referee] Winner!

- [Woman] Go on, Joan!

(crowd applauding)

- [Carl] Bonecrusher wins again!

I've never seen
arm wrestling like this!

- I want you to make a face

that will fucking terrify me.

(Melanie growling)
Oh yeah!

- [Crowd] Bread, bread,
bread, bread, bread, bread!

- Ah, yeah!

(Brenda growling)

- [Carl] Another victim
for Bonecrusher!

(both growling)

The Maritime Murderer

who looks like a ghost
who died on a cruise.

(crowd applauding)

- [Crowd] Bread, bread,
bread, bread!

- We're never gonna die now!

- Go!

Oh, winner!

- Breadwinner wins again!

She advances to the semifinals

against Tessie the Tank.

- For some unknown reason,

that little bread bitch
is beating everybody.

And now she's got Greg
in her back pocket.

- Don't worry, I've been
training like a fiend

for our match.

I won't disappoint you.

- Good.

'Cause I want you
to take her out.

- Yeah.

Yeah.

- Get the ref to pull the strap.

- What?

- Remember what I taught you?

What to do with the buckle?

- I don't need to do that.

I can beat her fair and square.

- Just do it!

Or I'll dump you
at that pathetic

Dairy Queen drive through window

where I found you.

(tense music)

- Okay.

(crowd cheering)

- Set the wrist, ladies.

Hey, set your wrists!

- She won't set.

- I'm not doing it,
you're doing it.

(talking over each other)

- Come on ladies, on the table.

Ladies, on your mats, let's go.

(crowd cheering)

- Come on!

Are you kidding?
- No I'm not doing it!

- Oh shit!

The strap is out!

- Fuck!

It's okay, Mel.

- On the table, ladies,
let's go.

Come on, let's do it.

- [Carl] Tie 'em up!

Tie 'em up!

- [Woman] You got this!

- [Danny] You got this Mel,

this is nothing.

Don't worry about it, Mel.

- She's never done a strap.

- I know, I know, I know.

- [Referee] Go!

- Ah, ah!

Ah!

- Fuck!

- [Carl] The winner,
Tessie the Tank!

- Fucking bullshit!

God, what the fuck was that?

- Hey, what are you
out here for?

Go and see your girl.

- Come on, you stupid bitch!

I'll kick your fucking ass!

- Did you hear?

I'm in the finals tonight.

- Oh yeah.

Congratulations, that's great.

- How about some drinks
tonight after I win?

- Oh, I'm actually dating
somebody right now, so.

- Don't tell me
it's that bread bitch.

- Breadwinner.

And I wouldn't use
the word bitch

just 'cause I don't wanna
use that word anymore.

I feel like it's
kind of overused.

What are you doing?

Mel!

Mel, Mel, hey!

- What?

- I'm sorry about that.

That whole thing with Brenda,

it's a misunderstanding.

- No, you don't owe me
an explanation for that.

- Wait, what happened
to your hand?

Are you okay?

- Yeah.

Well, no.

I'm really confused, you know?

- [Greg] Okay.

- This all feels like a mistake.

I have to,
I gotta get out of here.

- [Greg] Wait, Mel.

(somber music)

- Mmm!

Mel, I got us some beers

'cause it is time to celebrate.

- What are you so happy about?

- [Danny] I got some
good news, Mel.

- What?

- Carl saw what
Tessie did to you

so he disqualified her.

You're going up against
Brenda the Bonecrusher.

It's time to take down
that twat! (laughing)

- Stop saying twat, Danny,
we're going.

- No we aren't.

- Yeah we are.

- Uh-uh.

- Fine, if you won't drive me,

I'll just take a train.

- What?

A train, no, Mel, come on.

You just have one
more bout, dude.

- I'll take a train,
I'm gonna go home,

I'ma get out of here,

I'm not arm wrestling anymore,

I'm about to lose my bakery,

I'm getting involved with
a guy that I barely know.

- Oh, hell yeah.

And you guys are a hot couple.

Have you seen
that movie Unfaithful

where they have like
that insane sex scene?

I've been kind of

imagining that,
- Danny?

- But with your guy's face-

- Why can't you ever
take anything seriously?

- Hey, I'm just trying
to lighten the mood!

- Danny.

I got hurt, I ripped
my hand open.

Like this is,

there are real things happening.

It's not all...

Fun and games, like this
whole thing is a disaster.

- Wait, no, we can't
let Brenda win.

- I don't care about Brenda.

I have a life outside of this.

I have things going on.

You might not, but I do,

and you've got me focused
on all the wrong stuff.

- Oh, bullshit, it's been good for you!

- Good for me?

- [Danny] Yeah.

- Don't do that, Danny.

This is not for me.

This is for you.

This is for you

SO you can get revenge
on the woman you hate.

Right?

Isn't it, Danny?

You got me running around here

like some arm wrestling
freak, getting,

- Is that what you think I am?

A freak?

Is it, Mel?

Fuck, Mel!

Fuck off.

Go ahead, walk away.

Walk away like
you always fucking do!

- I don't walk away.

- Bullshit.

Anytime you can't do with
anything emotionally,

you just turn around
and walk away

with a little tail
between your legs.

- No, I don't.

- Yes you do.

- No, I don't.

- Yes you do.

It's between your legs right now

- It is not.
- just sticking out

like a little dick!

Just like this!

- My tail is not a little dick.

- Yes it is, go!

- My tail is high!

- Pff, your tail hasn't
been high in years.

- It is right now,

take a good look at my asshole!

- Let me see.

It's a dick tail

poking out!
- You're a dick tail!

- Dick tails, woo hoo!

(tense music)

- If she's not here by
eight, she'll forfeit.

- Hell yes.

- You're cool with that?

- I'll be the first ever
arm wrestler

to win a grand slam.

- It's not really winning
if you don't even compete.

- Shut the fuck up.

Do my shoulders.

- Yes.

It's hard with these things.

- Work around it.

- [Tessie] Yes.

- Hi, one.

- [Announcer] Attention
customers,

straight on channel
three, there should be,

- I'm just gonna go
wherever and figure it out.

(woman laughing)

Oh Sue.

Sue, you crack me up.

I mean I've never been
out of the country before.

I don't get why, Dotty.

Friends forever, right?

Friends forever, yes.

- Hey Danny.

- [Danny] Hey, Jerry.

- You okay?

- [Danny] No.

- [Brenda] Make that
bitch bleed!

(crowd laughing)

- [Tessie] Yeah.

Yeah!

- Fuck yeah!

I think I can feel her
getting skinnier.

Yeah!

- Hey!

That's Melanie's costume.

- You got nothing else
in your life,

do you, Danny?

Well, you couldn't wrestle.

So you dragged your
silly little friend here

to wrestle for you, pathetic.

Turns out, she's a loser
just like you.

- Oh, good one!

- Jerry, beer me.

(glass shattering)

- [Brenda] Get her, sic her!

(bashing)

- Jerry, goddamit!

Careful!

(bashing)

Oh my god!

(bashing)

- Who's dominated now, huh?

- It is finally time
for our grand finale!

(crowd applauding)

Tonight, someone will walk away

with 15,000 dollars!

(crowd applauding)

Who will be our champion?

Sit tight,
we're just moments away

from the grand championship!

- Danny!

Oh my god!

- Mel?

- [Melanie] Danny,
what happened?

- What are you doing here?

You should be on your way
back to Kansas.

- [Melanie] Jerry called me.

Are you okay?

- Goddammit, Jerry.

I got in a fight with Brenda.

- Danny, this crazy
vendetta against Brenda

is not worth getting
hurt like this.

- [Danny] No.

- Hey Danny,
take these for later.

- Oh, thank you.

- Is she gonna be okay?

- She's a little beat
up but she'll be okay.

Why are you still wearing that?

I told you before
that you don't need it.

- What, I don't understand,
don't need what?

- Mel, I don't,
my wrist is fine.

- What?

- After your first bout,
I had Lauren check it out

and it's totally healed.

- Then why am I doing this?

Why aren't you doing
this whole tournament?

- To be very honest,
it started off

as just I wanted revenge.

And you were a part of my plan,

but then I saw you
out there just ooh,

like destroying people
left and right

and just becoming this,

this Melanie that I knew
long ago.

- So you did this for me?

- [Danny] Yeah.

- That's the nicest thing
anyone's ever done for me.

- Yeah, man.

You're badass.

You're fucking badass, dude.

- I am badass.

- You're a badass
and you're back!

- And you know what?
- What?

- I'ma go kick her ass!

- You're gonna beat
the shit out of her!

We'll get a knife.
- On the table.

No, we won't get a knife.
- What?

- I'm gonna do it

in a regulated,
- Of course.

- Safe way.
- Of course.

- But I'm gonna kick
that twat's ass!

- Oh, she doesn't give a shit.

You're back!

- Yeah, let's go!

- Tonight we find our ladies'
arm wrestling champion!

(crowd applauding)

In this corner,

there's legends in every sport.

There's Air Jordan,
there's Iron Mike,

and there is Brenda the Bonecrusher!

(Brenda growling)

And her opponent
came out of nowhere

to take the arm wrestling
world by storm.

And if you can't take the heat,

get out of her kitchen.

It's the Breadwinner!

(crowd applauding)

- [Crowd] Bread, bread,
bread, bread, bread, bread

bread, bread, bread,
bread, bread!

- Yeah!

- Yeah, Mel, come on,

you got this!
- yeah, come on, Mel!

- This championship bout is best

two out of three!

- Wrestlers ready.

- Scared yet?

- I was born scared.

- Set.

Go!

(crowd applauding)

- You can do it!

Come on Mel, you got this!

(crowd applauding)

You did it, just one more.

Just one more, you got this.

(tense music)

- You can do it, Brenda.

- Scared yet?

- Fuck off.

- [Referee] Set.

Go!

- Here we go now!
- Yeah!

- [Danny] Go, go, go, go, go!

- [Tessie] Come on Brenda!

Keep your form.

- Mel, your break arm position!

No!

(cracking)

- [Melanie] Ow!

- Yeah!

(whimpering)

- You're doing great.

I'll be right back.

(Danny retching)

- Don't get, ugh.
- Oh fuck!

(both retching)

Oh, Jesus Christ,

I've never seen anything

look like that before.
- What does it look like?

Is it bad?

- Yeah, it's bad,
don't look at it.

- I have to look.

- What?
- I have to look.

- Please don't look at it.

No you don't,
don't look at it, please.

Please don't look-

(both screaming)

Why did you look at it?!

Ew!

Ew, Mel, oh my god!

Mel!

(Mel sobbing)

I wanna give you a hug
but I'm scared it's gonna,

oh fuck, that up!

Mel, I'm so sorry
I did this to you.

I fucked up!

This is all my fucking
fault, I'm so sorry.

- Danny, no, no, no.

It's not your fault.

For the first time in my life

I feel like I'm in my life,
you know,

like I feel like I'm living,

like I'm making choices
and I'm breaking things.

Ah, ah!

(retching)

- Oh my god.

- I'm so grateful to you.

I'm so thankful.

- What?

- I know this seems really bad.

But it's the best thing
that's ever happened to me.

And I wouldn't have done
it if it weren't for you.

And I'm just so, so, so thankful

that you pushed me to do this.

Oh, I didn't wanna
disappoint you

and I'm sorry that I didn't win.

- Are you fucking kidding me?

You didn't disappoint me.

Did you see what
you did out there?

You fucking destroyed it.

I've never seen anything
like that before!

I'm so fucking proud of you.

- Thank you, Danny.

- And this, none of this
is worth it, you know?

This is worth, ugh.

I fucking looked.

None of this is worth it, okay?

It's okay to walk away.

I'm gonna go tell them
that you're out, okay?

Then we'll get you fixed up.

(inspiring music)

Hey man, she's out.

Her arm is really messed up.

- I have to give it
to Bonecrusher.

- Yeah.

Fuck.

♪ Tell 'em it's just
a matter of time ♪

♪ It's just a matter of time♪

♪ Goddamn,
we're coming back strong ♪

♪ And mighty and down we roll ♪

(bluesy rock)

(crowd applauding)

- Whoah, oh my god!

♪ You're gonna thank me later ♪

- Mel, are you sure
you wanna do this?

- I'm not gonna walk
away anymore.

- Okay, you can't grip the pin,

so use your foot as an anchor.

- [Carl] She's back,
ladies and gentlemen.

Not even a broken arm can stop her.

- Oh my god.

- So who the hell are you now?

- Go!

(Brenda chuckling)

- I am Golden Arm.

- [Man] Golden Arm!

- [Woman] Golden Arm, woohoo!

- [Crowd] Golden Arm,
Golden Arm, Golden Arm,

Golden Arm, Golden Arm,
Golden Arm,

Golden Arm, Golden Arm!

(Melanie screaming)

(triumphant music)

(crowd applauding)

- My god, you did it!

Holy shit, Jerry,
she fucking did it!

She fucking did it!

(gentle music)

(triumphant music)

- [Crowd] Golden Arm,
Golden Arm, Golden Arm,

Golden Arm, Golden Arm,
Golden Arm,

Golden Arm, Golden Arm,
Golden Arm,

Golden Arm, Golden Arm,
Golden Arm!

(crowd applauding)

(intense music)

- [Referee] Ready, set, go!

(crowd cheering)

(upbeat electronic music)

(coughing)

- Call my dad!

Is someone?

Danny.

- My choker's too tight.

- [Woman] Yeah, Bonecrusher!

- I don't think
there's a camera there.

- Mouthy ones.

Ooh, some of them were talkers.

- [Brenda] Hey!

- Ooh!

- I'll fuck you in a car!

Haha yeah!

- I don't even know if I'm
supposed to be back here.

- [Melanie] Probably not.

- I'm already here though.

- My aunt can do this
and she's got a hook.

Come on.

- (spitting) What the fuck
is in this?!

- [Man] Tobacco spit.

(cans hissing)

(Big Sexy screaming)

- I'm gonna throw up.

- Oh yeah.

- Mel is Golden Arm.

I mean, it's amazing.

- Some guys
they like little waves.

Some guys, they like
women they can carry.

No, carry me, carry me.

I wanna be the little spoon.

- That's what I'm talking about.

- I really like Jerry.

He's so sweaty.

I bet he'd be really slippery.

- I got just a little
frisbee, you know

in case you wanna
have fun with that.

And a light if it gets dark.

I got tongs,
always need good tongs.

- When I first met Danny,

I saw myself in her.

She felt like a young Randy.

But I was never that stupid.

- Maybe she's jealous, you know.

I hate that,
I hate the thought of that

but she is weird
about her scones, right,

am I right?

I mean, she's weird.

- Watch this guys, watch this.

Wait.

(chuckling) Pretty cool, huh?

I can do it with almost
any pair of glasses.

- Star Arena, turns out is
built on an ancient ocean.

So that's where I come from.

Just sort of emerged out of
some kelp, seaweed, coral,

and now this is a women's
arm wrestling arena

and turns out
I fit in pretty good.

- So you know what I say to
all you ladies out there?

Don't be afraid!

Crush, crush, crush the world!

(screaming)

- Labes out!

(light music)

- All right,
ladies and gentlemen.

And that was
the legend of the Golden Arm.

So, movie's over.

You can all go now.

Just go on, get out of here.

And pick up after
yourself on the way out.

Have a little consideration
for the people that work here.

Thank you very much.

That's it, go.