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[PIG SNORTS]
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[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
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Today, Kelly and I will be welcoming
the new lady to Flatch
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00:00:08,106 --> 00:00:09,986
with a good, old-fashioned egging.
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- [LAUGHING]
- Shh!
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Cheryl's chickens lay, like,
100 eggs every single day.
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She puts 'em in the front yard
for, like, anyone to have.
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And ever since I kicked out Shrub,
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it's been really good,
'cause we're really good
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00:00:20,337 --> 00:00:21,998
at doing pranks together...
Way better than roommates.
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00:00:22,023 --> 00:00:24,750
Yeah, better not to mix
business with pleasure.
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- Yeah.
- Let's do it.
13
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Okay, let's go.
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Hey, kids, what ya eggin'?
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Barb Flatch.
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00:00:31,014 --> 00:00:34,015
Uh, Kelly, it's the new
Barb in town lady.
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00:00:34,035 --> 00:00:35,183
Hey, Barb.
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We were just about to actually egg
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00:00:37,596 --> 00:00:39,687
this dumb-looking car
over... right here, yeah.
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Yeah. [EGGS THUDDING]
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Oh, hey, guys. Morning.
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Go. Go.
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Oh, no. Oh!
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Leave it, leave it, leave it.
25
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Yeah, leave it, leave it!
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Nice arm, Kelly! See you Sunday!
27
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Sorry, Binghoffer!
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Sorry!
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00:00:55,631 --> 00:00:57,056
So thanks for coming in.
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Eat, beach, sleep, repeat.
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So true.
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Here is your vanilla latte, Kel.
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Is that okay?
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Can I call you Kel?
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I'd be honored.
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- So I'm not in trouble?
- What? No. No.
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I just... I'm gonna give you some advice
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I wish somebody would have
given me at your age,
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because it really would have
saved me a lot of time.
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Oh, my God!
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This is just like a vanilla
hot chocolate with caffeine,
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and you just have these
whenever you want?
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- All right, go off, genius.
- [LAUGHS]
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00:01:29,982 --> 00:01:31,877
You know, you have the ability
to manifest
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whatever life you want for yourself.
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I wasn't always this. [LAUGHS]
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I mean, I worked really hard
manifesting all the things
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I have on my vision board.
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Wait...
50
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BOTH: Manifested!
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[LAUGHING]
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Oh, my God, cheers. [CLEARS THROAT]
53
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So a vision board is like a Ouija board,
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00:01:57,118 --> 00:01:59,725
but instead of sending
dumb ghosts to your friends,
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you get cool stuff you want.
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00:02:01,363 --> 00:02:03,013
While making my vision board,
I was really thinking,
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you know, what do I want?
What do I want in life?
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A pontoon boat.
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00:02:07,962 --> 00:02:09,294
[WHISPERING] I mean, can you imagine?
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00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:11,538
[NORMAL VOICE] How am I gonna
get a pontoon boat, right?
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I have to work for Barb.
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I gotta manifest this.
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[WHISPERING] Sisters.
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So ever since getting
kicked out of Kelly's,
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I have been couch surfing with Mickey.
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00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:29,631
So this is the couch I'm surfing on.
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[LAUGHS] Yeah, Shrub is my surfer bro.
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00:02:34,730 --> 00:02:38,231
So yeah, lots of pros
and cons to living here.
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00:02:38,384 --> 00:02:39,549
Um, pro:
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look, I... it's more time
with Beth, which, um...
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00:02:43,055 --> 00:02:44,830
yeah.
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Con: uh...
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Mickey has been using
my actual bed that I sleep in
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as a guest couch on a public access show
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00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:57,250
that he's created,
called "Mickey About Town."
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Who always knows what's going down?
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Who'll make a smile out of your frown?
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00:03:02,499 --> 00:03:04,241
Who might the other
talk show hosts surrender
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00:03:04,243 --> 00:03:06,243
like Cornwallis at Yorktown?
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It's "Mickey About Town"!
"Mickey About Town."
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And welcome back to Flatch's
number one public access show,
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"Mickey About Town."
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00:03:13,343 --> 00:03:16,420
Tonight, Beth joins me again
for one of our most popular segments:
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New Pothole.
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00:03:17,847 --> 00:03:18,922
[CHIMING]
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Beth, where's the new pothole?
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Halsey and Chestnut.
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[CHIMING]
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Amazing. Isn't she amazing?
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Oh, my God, please stop.
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00:03:27,266 --> 00:03:28,856
God, I gotta move out, dude.
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00:03:28,918 --> 00:03:30,358
Mickey's driving me insane.
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00:03:30,436 --> 00:03:32,936
I understand how having
a roommate can be challenging.
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00:03:32,938 --> 00:03:35,047
My roommate has chickens.
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It's not a problem.
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They really... they're great.
I love 'em.
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But, you know, anyways...
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You know, Mickey's a good friend.
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00:03:43,465 --> 00:03:45,373
You know, I'm sure you guys
will be able to work it out.
100
00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:47,784
Hey, how about we try some role playing?
101
00:03:47,803 --> 00:03:49,803
I'll be Mickey, and you be Shrub.
102
00:03:49,955 --> 00:03:51,621
All right, let's give this a twirl.
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You just arrived home to Mickey's house.
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- [GROANS]
- Okay?
105
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- "Hey, Shrub..."
- No, no, dude.
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You sound like Yoda. I can't do it.
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I respect Yoda.
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- "Shrub, my bro."
- You sound constipated.
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00:04:03,301 --> 00:04:04,967
Okay. Hey, Shrub, my bro.
110
00:04:04,992 --> 00:04:07,575
Oh, my God, Mickey, you suck so bad!
111
00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:09,076
Well, that's an odd thing to say.
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I mean, I am letting you stay
at my house,
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- which is pretty nice of me.
- Yeah,
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it's nice, and I appreciate it. Ooh!
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But, like, you never give me any space.
116
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And it's so annoying how many dumb jokes
you tell me in a day.
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00:04:19,429 --> 00:04:21,795
And you're always with Beth,
and it's stupid.
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00:04:21,820 --> 00:04:23,911
And I don't get why you guys
are dating at all.
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I have no idea what she sees in you.
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00:04:25,157 --> 00:04:27,340
You're so not funny,
and you're dumb to look at.
121
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- [CHICKENS CLUCKING]
- I'm writing an editorial
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about how vandals are taking the eggs
123
00:04:32,255 --> 00:04:35,923
that I have set out for eating
and using them for egging.
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We won't name names.
125
00:04:37,427 --> 00:04:39,503
A number of local businesses
have been hit.
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And Joe.
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00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:43,029
I can't imagine if they hit Kimmie Jean.
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Oh, Kimmie Jean is my new pickup.
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She's gorgeous.
She needs to be washed every day.
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I needed a little something
to, you know,
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cart the gals around when they
need to go to the vet or the park.
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Hi.
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Chickens in a playground
is totally normal.
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Or I'll make it normal.
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What the heck? What happened to my door?
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God, what message
are they trying to send?
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That we're working in a discotheque?
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[GASPS] You're welcome, ladies.
139
00:05:11,294 --> 00:05:14,515
Oh, my God, what do you think? Huh?
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00:05:14,540 --> 00:05:18,466
Yeah, I was trying to create
an open flow space,
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00:05:18,544 --> 00:05:20,301
right, some good energy
going through here.
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00:05:20,321 --> 00:05:21,486
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
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I just wanted to, you know, glow it up.
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It's an unsolicited glow-up.
Who does that?
145
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Me, now that
we're sharing offices, right?
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Now you can be excited to come to work.
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00:05:31,199 --> 00:05:32,581
I know I am.
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00:05:32,606 --> 00:05:34,106
Well, I liked my door.
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00:05:34,131 --> 00:05:35,380
Okay. Hmm.
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00:05:38,655 --> 00:05:40,007
Whew.
151
00:05:44,419 --> 00:05:49,014
We have a real life Flatch family member
here in our office.
152
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That means that I can finally complete
153
00:05:51,334 --> 00:05:53,835
the Flatch family hair tree.
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Now I just need Barb. What do you think?
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00:05:56,840 --> 00:06:00,100
Should I just ask her
or cut it off in her sleep?
156
00:06:00,194 --> 00:06:01,751
[SNORTS] I'm kidding.
157
00:06:01,753 --> 00:06:04,846
I take hair extraction consent
very seriously.
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00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:07,591
I have an interview with Barb.
I'm so freaking pumped.
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00:06:07,593 --> 00:06:10,869
Got my best blazer
from the church donation bin.
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00:06:10,946 --> 00:06:12,537
Floral.
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00:06:12,614 --> 00:06:16,190
And, you know,
I also skimmed all 144 episodes
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00:06:16,268 --> 00:06:17,876
of "Million Dollar Listing."
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00:06:17,953 --> 00:06:20,596
So let's do my due debutante,
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and let's make this
a short sale today, boys.
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Wish me luck.
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All my pontoon dreams depend upon it.
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If you let me work for you,
I promise you will not be sorry.
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Let's do something together, huh?
Picture me as a house.
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Little House on the Prairie, maybe?
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00:06:35,930 --> 00:06:37,115
She's a-fixer upper.
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00:06:37,140 --> 00:06:39,122
Yeah, she is. She needs a little TLC.
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- Okay, well...
- No, let me finish.
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00:06:41,203 --> 00:06:43,623
No termites.
I've had a lot of people check.
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00:06:43,648 --> 00:06:47,406
The layout, I mean,
there's no complaints there.
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00:06:47,408 --> 00:06:50,558
- Uh-oh, bones are incredible.
- How about this?
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Starting tomorrow,
you will be my new intern.
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00:06:53,750 --> 00:06:55,342
It's just an internship.
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[LAUGHING] Are you serious?
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Yes!
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Manifest this, manifest that, ooh, uh.
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00:07:01,422 --> 00:07:03,255
Okay. [CLEARS THROAT] Thank you.
182
00:07:03,331 --> 00:07:05,568
- Sorry.
- Just calm it down.
183
00:07:05,593 --> 00:07:06,908
The pillows are my friends.
They're sacred.
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00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:07,984
- Let's put that down.
- Of course.
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00:07:07,986 --> 00:07:09,295
That won't happen...
186
00:07:09,320 --> 00:07:11,998
Hey, quick question for Barb.
187
00:07:12,023 --> 00:07:14,082
Do you think I could
just get a teeny tiny
188
00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:15,433
little archival hair sample?
189
00:07:15,458 --> 00:07:16,895
Hey, snips, how about no?
190
00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:18,170
That's a yes or a no from you?
191
00:07:18,195 --> 00:07:20,329
- Just checking for Barb.
- Mm-mm.
192
00:07:23,869 --> 00:07:26,110
First we're gonna unpack
all my office supplies,
193
00:07:26,187 --> 00:07:29,355
and then we're gonna organize
all of my wigs.
194
00:07:29,374 --> 00:07:31,023
Like, wig on your head wigs?
195
00:07:31,025 --> 00:07:32,783
Oh, yeah, girl. [LAUGHS]
196
00:07:32,860 --> 00:07:36,212
Oh, God, I do love me a wig.
197
00:07:36,237 --> 00:07:37,265
Isn't she cute?
198
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:38,789
Yes.
199
00:07:38,866 --> 00:07:40,550
It's one of my favorites.
[CLEARS THROAT]
200
00:07:40,627 --> 00:07:43,794
Anyway, so when you are done
unpacking those,
201
00:07:43,947 --> 00:07:46,464
I'm gonna need you to cover
the town with signs.
202
00:07:46,540 --> 00:07:49,541
A huge part of being
a successful realtor like myself
203
00:07:49,619 --> 00:07:51,377
is making sure that wherever people go,
204
00:07:51,454 --> 00:07:53,638
they see your face smiling back at 'em,
205
00:07:53,732 --> 00:07:58,659
saying, "Buy me, buy me,
buy me, buy me."
206
00:07:58,661 --> 00:08:00,628
Shh, yeah. "Buy me."
207
00:08:00,721 --> 00:08:02,980
- Yeah.
- Super creepy.
208
00:08:03,005 --> 00:08:04,109
Kind of intimidating.
209
00:08:04,134 --> 00:08:06,609
You know, that is exactly the vibe
I am trying to project. [GASPS]
210
00:08:06,634 --> 00:08:08,934
Oh, that reminds me,
my new realty shingle
211
00:08:09,063 --> 00:08:10,638
is in at the post office.
212
00:08:10,640 --> 00:08:11,748
- On it, got it.
- I'm sorry.
213
00:08:11,899 --> 00:08:13,750
I have to sit down for a second.
214
00:08:13,826 --> 00:08:18,087
These new beauties
are absolutely killing my feet.
215
00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:19,647
Let me break them in for you.
216
00:08:19,649 --> 00:08:20,665
Wh... seriously?
217
00:08:20,741 --> 00:08:22,150
Yes. I have double wide feet.
218
00:08:22,152 --> 00:08:24,502
They could stretch out
concrete, seriously.
219
00:08:24,578 --> 00:08:28,431
- Oh, that's amazing.
- Perfect.
220
00:08:28,456 --> 00:08:31,509
I love this job.
I mean, Barb is so cool.
221
00:08:31,661 --> 00:08:33,811
I'm literally gonna spend
the day in her shoes.
222
00:08:36,015 --> 00:08:37,331
If I play my cards right,
223
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,834
I'll be wearing her hair by next week.
224
00:08:40,445 --> 00:08:42,761
Time for an exciting new
segment on "Mickey About Town"
225
00:08:42,781 --> 00:08:45,006
called, "What is Shrub dreaming?"
226
00:08:45,024 --> 00:08:47,408
[CHIMING]
227
00:08:48,936 --> 00:08:50,361
[GROANS]
228
00:08:50,513 --> 00:08:52,847
We want to know. What is Shrub dreaming?
229
00:08:52,849 --> 00:08:54,106
I can't handle this anymore.
230
00:08:54,184 --> 00:08:56,701
I'm dreaming of a place
where I can fall asleep
231
00:08:56,777 --> 00:08:58,536
without the stupidest talk show ever
232
00:08:58,612 --> 00:09:00,688
waking me up every single time.
233
00:09:00,690 --> 00:09:02,590
Also, I was flying.
234
00:09:06,787 --> 00:09:10,548
Hey, Shrub, how did things go
with Mickey?
235
00:09:10,624 --> 00:09:12,475
Not good, Joe, not good at all.
236
00:09:12,626 --> 00:09:14,960
Honestly, I'm going insane
because of lack of sleep,
237
00:09:15,038 --> 00:09:17,129
and I don't have a car or a license
238
00:09:17,207 --> 00:09:18,873
or a scooter anymore
because I busted it.
239
00:09:18,875 --> 00:09:21,876
So now I have to walk everywhere.
And do not suggest Leotha to me,
240
00:09:21,878 --> 00:09:23,302
because every time
she drives me anywhere,
241
00:09:23,321 --> 00:09:25,822
she goes super slow,
and Mickey's gotta join,
242
00:09:25,898 --> 00:09:27,732
and then it becomes
a whole frickin' production.
243
00:09:27,884 --> 00:09:29,492
- BOTH: ? Work, work ?
- Hamilton!
244
00:09:29,561 --> 00:09:31,469
- [BOTH VOCALIZING]
- Whoo!
245
00:09:31,496 --> 00:09:33,812
- ? Oh, there's history... ?
- ? Happening ?
246
00:09:33,890 --> 00:09:35,906
BOTH: ? In the greatest city
in the world ?
247
00:09:35,983 --> 00:09:38,317
? In the greatest city in the world ?
248
00:09:38,394 --> 00:09:39,985
? The greatest city in the world ?
249
00:09:40,079 --> 00:09:41,838
? The greatest city, in the great... ?
250
00:09:41,863 --> 00:09:43,224
Well, I told Cheryl
that I'd take Kimmie Jean
251
00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:45,657
for her daily wash,
but I'd be more than happy
252
00:09:45,677 --> 00:09:46,884
to give you a ride somewhere.
253
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:48,970
I'll take that as a yes.
254
00:09:51,016 --> 00:09:52,664
Where can I drop you?
255
00:09:52,742 --> 00:09:54,425
I need to get a slushie at the gas mart.
256
00:09:54,577 --> 00:09:56,519
But before I do that, I have
to buzz by Mickey's first,
257
00:09:56,670 --> 00:09:58,003
because I left my wallet there,
258
00:09:58,023 --> 00:09:59,430
'cause I was so mad at him
for sucking so bad,
259
00:09:59,582 --> 00:10:01,691
and then I have to stop
at the thrift store on Main
260
00:10:01,842 --> 00:10:04,602
before I cruise by the library
to see if they have Mario Kart 6 in.
261
00:10:04,754 --> 00:10:06,863
Wow. That's a lot.
262
00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:09,574
But I love that you're reading
books and using the library.
263
00:10:11,094 --> 00:10:12,535
I'm here for my flock.
264
00:10:12,686 --> 00:10:15,020
Whatever they need, I'm their man.
265
00:10:15,040 --> 00:10:16,972
I let Mandy know to hold down the fort
266
00:10:16,996 --> 00:10:18,616
at the church while I help Shrub out.
267
00:10:18,692 --> 00:10:21,210
Then God gets all cold-blooded
268
00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:22,861
and kicks us out of Eden,
269
00:10:22,881 --> 00:10:25,273
because when he saw
the naked female body,
270
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:26,365
whoo!
271
00:10:26,442 --> 00:10:27,958
He straight-up panicked.
272
00:10:28,111 --> 00:10:32,704
'Cause even God can't handle
a body like this.
273
00:10:32,724 --> 00:10:35,874
Come on, God, what are you so afraid of?
274
00:10:35,894 --> 00:10:38,302
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, Len, what's up?
275
00:10:38,379 --> 00:10:41,122
I have six very graphic questions.
276
00:10:41,124 --> 00:10:45,142
Yeah, so I might be leading
a Bible class now.
277
00:10:45,144 --> 00:10:47,144
Joe don't need to know that.
278
00:10:47,221 --> 00:10:48,629
This is a safe place for you.
279
00:10:48,631 --> 00:10:50,722
It's a cemetery.
Everybody's already dead.
280
00:10:50,742 --> 00:10:52,650
Why take a man on an errand
281
00:10:52,726 --> 00:10:55,119
when you can teach a man how to fish?
282
00:10:56,581 --> 00:10:58,081
I'm not teaching Shrub how to fish.
283
00:10:58,157 --> 00:10:59,807
I'm teaching him how to drive.
284
00:10:59,826 --> 00:11:01,142
I feel bad for the kid.
285
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:02,901
He needs a father figure.
[BRAKES SCREECHING]
286
00:11:02,921 --> 00:11:05,070
When my dad taught me, it was
a real bonding experience.
287
00:11:05,090 --> 00:11:07,481
- [HORN HONKING]
- Oh! It's going backwards!
288
00:11:07,483 --> 00:11:09,241
- Oh!
- Help me!
289
00:11:09,260 --> 00:11:10,576
- Oh, my God!
- Wait, wait!
290
00:11:10,595 --> 00:11:11,652
- What? What?
- Oh, wait, first...
291
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:13,337
Remember, you gotta pull...
292
00:11:13,362 --> 00:11:14,465
Oh, crap.
293
00:11:14,490 --> 00:11:16,340
Beth.
294
00:11:16,492 --> 00:11:18,342
I got this. I got this.
295
00:11:18,367 --> 00:11:19,458
Whoa.
296
00:11:19,483 --> 00:11:20,563
No, no, gentle, gentle.
297
00:11:20,588 --> 00:11:22,105
- Okay!
- Nice.
298
00:11:22,256 --> 00:11:23,439
Jeez.
299
00:11:23,591 --> 00:11:25,108
- What's up, Beth?
- What's up?
300
00:11:25,184 --> 00:11:27,184
Just driving a truck around.
301
00:11:27,209 --> 00:11:28,508
You want a ride home?
302
00:11:28,533 --> 00:11:29,749
Sure.
303
00:11:30,590 --> 00:11:31,649
Sick.
304
00:11:31,674 --> 00:11:34,008
Don't mess this up.
305
00:11:34,010 --> 00:11:36,602
Hey, come on in.
306
00:11:36,621 --> 00:11:38,121
Your chariot awaits.
307
00:11:38,850 --> 00:11:40,082
Okay, move.
308
00:11:40,107 --> 00:11:41,866
[CLEARS THROAT]
309
00:11:42,018 --> 00:11:43,351
Sick truck, huh?
310
00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:45,128
Guess I'm driving.
311
00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:48,840
To Beth's place, please.
312
00:11:54,639 --> 00:11:56,788
- Good news.
- Oh, just...
313
00:11:56,808 --> 00:11:59,033
- [SQUEALS]
- The sign is here!
314
00:11:59,051 --> 00:12:00,256
Love it!
315
00:12:00,281 --> 00:12:02,536
Oh, my God, so exciting. [GASPS]
316
00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:06,223
Oh, my God, it's amazing.
You are crushing it.
317
00:12:06,300 --> 00:12:08,818
I mean, seriously, I am so glad
I took you under my wing.
318
00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:10,146
Wing woman!
319
00:12:10,171 --> 00:12:12,304
Yeah. Okay.
320
00:12:12,382 --> 00:12:14,303
Oh, also, you got mail.
321
00:12:14,328 --> 00:12:15,474
[CLEARS THROAT]
322
00:12:15,493 --> 00:12:16,951
Ooh, it's a thick one.
323
00:12:17,829 --> 00:12:18,886
[CLEARS THROAT]
324
00:12:18,888 --> 00:12:19,954
Let's see.
325
00:12:20,832 --> 00:12:22,884
What? Divorce papers?
326
00:12:22,909 --> 00:12:25,168
You're serving me with divorce papers?
327
00:12:25,193 --> 00:12:27,336
Are you kidding me? He cheated on me!
328
00:12:27,488 --> 00:12:30,339
[BLEEP] son of a bitch!
329
00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:32,550
[BLEEP]! What the [BLEEP]?
330
00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:40,999
[PHONE RINGING]
331
00:12:41,077 --> 00:12:42,334
Uh, you know what?
332
00:12:42,412 --> 00:12:45,246
Can you do me a favor
and... and get these
333
00:12:45,248 --> 00:12:46,689
and go put the signs, you know,
334
00:12:46,714 --> 00:12:49,013
in the yards and stuff like that?
And I just...
335
00:12:49,268 --> 00:12:50,509
Barb just needs a minute for Barb.
336
00:12:50,586 --> 00:12:51,687
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay?
337
00:12:51,712 --> 00:12:53,029
- Of course.
- Okay.
338
00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:02,763
I mean, based on that
completely amazing Barb-splosion,
339
00:13:02,765 --> 00:13:05,041
I'm thinking Barb has more in
common with Kel than she thinks.
340
00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:11,172
Holy mother of crap turds,
that's the boat from my vision board!
341
00:13:13,051 --> 00:13:14,842
I manifested this.
342
00:13:15,945 --> 00:13:17,543
I needed this today, especially after
343
00:13:17,567 --> 00:13:19,555
that jerk from the Jerk Shack... Nasty.
344
00:13:19,609 --> 00:13:20,781
No, no, no, get this out of here.
345
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,541
- Dude.
- I... I asked you nicely.
346
00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:23,686
- You suck!
- Are you kidding me?
347
00:13:23,711 --> 00:13:24,785
- You suck!
- You want to go?
348
00:13:24,787 --> 00:13:25,877
I'll go over and over and over.
349
00:13:25,955 --> 00:13:27,471
Ahh! What are you doing? Police!
350
00:13:27,623 --> 00:13:29,139
No, ow! Ow!
351
00:13:29,292 --> 00:13:30,382
Get out!
352
00:13:30,401 --> 00:13:31,883
Doesn't matter now.
353
00:13:31,903 --> 00:13:33,402
I have a boat.
354
00:13:33,554 --> 00:13:36,054
Okay, pay attention.
We got a left turn coming up.
355
00:13:36,074 --> 00:13:38,466
Which little wand thing
do you want to use, Shrub?
356
00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:39,639
You can do it.
357
00:13:39,664 --> 00:13:41,135
Uh, that one?
358
00:13:41,153 --> 00:13:42,636
No.
359
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:44,321
No, that's the gearshift, okay?
360
00:13:44,398 --> 00:13:46,064
Now, the turn's coming up.
You gotta choose.
361
00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:47,491
- This?
- Oh, no, Shrub!
362
00:13:47,643 --> 00:13:48,993
Let go! Stop touching that!
363
00:13:49,069 --> 00:13:50,419
- I don't know what to touch!
- Look out!
364
00:13:50,571 --> 00:13:52,088
[ALL SCREAMING]
365
00:13:52,239 --> 00:13:54,239
[BRAKES SQUEALING]
- Oh...
366
00:13:54,259 --> 00:13:56,467
Oh.
367
00:13:57,336 --> 00:13:59,929
Oh, my God, Kimmie Jean.
368
00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:02,156
Holy [BLEEP].
369
00:14:02,174 --> 00:14:04,008
Uh, Cheryl's gonna lose it.
370
00:14:04,084 --> 00:14:05,601
She's gonna be so mad.
371
00:14:05,753 --> 00:14:07,011
Cheryl's gonna kill me.
372
00:14:07,087 --> 00:14:09,392
Poor little guy got himself
all worked up.
373
00:14:09,417 --> 00:14:10,658
Ahh!
374
00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:12,166
- [GRUNTS]
- Ah, let him go.
375
00:14:12,184 --> 00:14:14,151
He'll wear himself out.
376
00:14:18,265 --> 00:14:20,674
Hey, Barb.
I know I don't know you that well,
377
00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:22,629
but it does seem like you're decorating
378
00:14:22,653 --> 00:14:24,178
more out of anger than inspiration.
379
00:14:24,414 --> 00:14:25,506
I'm not angry.
380
00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:28,182
I'm just trying to, you know,
glow the place up,
381
00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:30,868
make it more
"2020s Paltrow Pompano casual"
382
00:14:30,944 --> 00:14:32,853
and less "1920s sad granny cat lady
383
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:34,772
Dust Bowl Donner dinner party."
384
00:14:34,797 --> 00:14:37,326
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I am loving this new direction.
385
00:14:37,351 --> 00:14:38,609
And you know what else I'm loving, girl?
386
00:14:38,634 --> 00:14:40,801
Just the idea of you giving me
a little bit of your hair.
387
00:14:40,821 --> 00:14:45,214
[LAUGHING] Girl,
this is my good hair, okay?
388
00:14:45,233 --> 00:14:49,143
A farm-raised Austrian girl
cut off her virgin hair
389
00:14:49,220 --> 00:14:50,386
so that I could look this good.
390
00:14:50,405 --> 00:14:53,331
You touch it, and you're gonna owe me
a boatload of money
391
00:14:53,482 --> 00:14:56,167
and a huge apology
to an Austrian shepherdess
392
00:14:56,244 --> 00:14:58,002
who now has a buzz cut.
393
00:14:58,154 --> 00:15:00,063
- Totally.
- I need more pillows.
394
00:15:00,081 --> 00:15:01,397
Looks great.
395
00:15:01,399 --> 00:15:02,565
Okay.
396
00:15:02,567 --> 00:15:05,418
She is going to kill me.
397
00:15:05,570 --> 00:15:07,587
She's gonna kill me.
398
00:15:08,406 --> 00:15:11,015
Hey, cowboy, you doing okay?
399
00:15:11,620 --> 00:15:13,303
Okay? No.
400
00:15:13,745 --> 00:15:15,578
No, nothing's okay, cowboy.
401
00:15:15,580 --> 00:15:19,190
This is Cheryl's baby, and it's ruined,
and it's my fault.
402
00:15:19,342 --> 00:15:20,600
Hey, wait, are you driving?
403
00:15:20,625 --> 00:15:21,656
Yeah.
404
00:15:21,753 --> 00:15:23,230
Oh, I mean, it's way easier without
405
00:15:23,254 --> 00:15:24,604
you always talking and confusing me.
406
00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:27,940
But seriously, calm down.
I know where we can get us a new mirror.
407
00:15:28,034 --> 00:15:30,276
Get in. [ENGINE STARTS]
408
00:15:30,428 --> 00:15:33,613
So I put up signs
in front of every business
409
00:15:33,689 --> 00:15:34,780
in the downtown district...
410
00:15:34,875 --> 00:15:38,525
Well, except for the Spicy Jerk Stand,
'cause Chris Warner sucks,
411
00:15:38,603 --> 00:15:40,044
and his jerky isn't even good at all,
412
00:15:40,121 --> 00:15:41,787
- and everyone knows it.
- Wait.
413
00:15:41,812 --> 00:15:43,789
- Chris Warner?
- Yeah.
414
00:15:43,942 --> 00:15:46,009
Hold on. Um...
415
00:15:50,281 --> 00:15:53,132
You mean this douchebag?
416
00:15:53,284 --> 00:15:54,951
Yeah. Yes, that is him.
417
00:15:54,969 --> 00:15:56,699
But now he's all, like, dumb and old,
418
00:15:56,723 --> 00:15:58,121
and he looks like a spicy dried meat.
419
00:15:58,139 --> 00:15:59,288
But not the venison, okay?
420
00:15:59,290 --> 00:16:00,714
We're talking teriyaki beef nasty.
421
00:16:00,734 --> 00:16:03,292
Hmm, I used to date this guy
back in high school.
422
00:16:03,311 --> 00:16:04,551
Barb, tell me you're lying.
423
00:16:04,571 --> 00:16:05,987
I wish I was.
424
00:16:07,223 --> 00:16:09,741
God, why do all men suck,
and they can just get away with it?
425
00:16:09,766 --> 00:16:11,702
It's not fair. I mean, my God, we can't
426
00:16:11,727 --> 00:16:13,077
get away with anything, anything!
427
00:16:13,229 --> 00:16:15,988
You know what? He's no
different than frickin' Bert!
428
00:16:16,141 --> 00:16:17,999
For God's sake, I...
429
00:16:18,725 --> 00:16:21,644
Yeah. Oh, that's my pillow.
430
00:16:21,663 --> 00:16:22,903
Um, I'm sorry.
431
00:16:22,923 --> 00:16:25,481
I need to get a hold of myself
and calm it down.
432
00:16:25,574 --> 00:16:28,000
No, you don't need to calm it down.
433
00:16:28,153 --> 00:16:30,987
And do not say sorry.
You taught me that, okay?
434
00:16:30,989 --> 00:16:32,155
Look at me.
435
00:16:32,173 --> 00:16:33,598
You do not need to calm down.
436
00:16:33,749 --> 00:16:36,476
You need to let it out.
437
00:16:40,756 --> 00:16:42,498
Shrub has been incredible.
438
00:16:42,517 --> 00:16:43,590
Can I come in?
439
00:16:43,610 --> 00:16:46,031
When there's a crisis, he's the guy
you want to have around.
440
00:16:46,056 --> 00:16:47,905
Maybe we can, like, build
a fort or something.
441
00:16:47,930 --> 00:16:49,338
- That's nice.
- He found the exact
442
00:16:49,357 --> 00:16:50,931
make and model of Cheryl's pickup truck,
443
00:16:51,009 --> 00:16:53,526
and he got us a replacement side mirror.
444
00:16:53,602 --> 00:16:55,102
Actually found us three.
445
00:16:55,121 --> 00:16:56,345
Got another.
446
00:16:56,347 --> 00:16:57,455
Incredible!
447
00:16:57,606 --> 00:16:59,290
Something about watching
Shrub climb around
448
00:16:59,367 --> 00:17:03,019
in the garbage all day makes me realize
what it is I like about him.
449
00:17:03,037 --> 00:17:04,854
He's a stone-cold fox.
450
00:17:04,856 --> 00:17:07,857
Things are really taking off
at the church for me.
451
00:17:07,859 --> 00:17:09,760
In fact, due to popular demand,
452
00:17:09,785 --> 00:17:14,530
I will be hosting Mandy Night
Sing Along Service, BYOB.
453
00:17:14,532 --> 00:17:16,716
Now please turn the xeroxed hymnal
454
00:17:16,792 --> 00:17:19,218
that I charged you 5 bucks for
at the beginning of service
455
00:17:19,295 --> 00:17:21,962
to page 14, hymn number 72.
456
00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:23,183
Hit it.
457
00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:24,649
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
458
00:17:24,726 --> 00:17:28,653
? Don't go chasing waterfalls ?
459
00:17:28,730 --> 00:17:30,822
? Please stick to the rivers ?
460
00:17:31,049 --> 00:17:34,383
? And the lakes that you're used to ?
461
00:17:34,402 --> 00:17:37,996
? I know that you're gonna
have it your way ?
462
00:17:38,147 --> 00:17:40,056
? Or nothing at all ?
463
00:17:40,074 --> 00:17:41,982
I can't hear you now. Hey!
464
00:17:42,002 --> 00:17:45,319
ALL: ? Don't go chasing waterfalls ?
465
00:17:45,338 --> 00:17:46,820
- Yes!
- ALL: ? Please stick ?
466
00:17:46,840 --> 00:17:48,673
- ? To the rivers and the lakes ?
- Stick!
467
00:17:48,750 --> 00:17:50,675
- ALL: ? That you're used to ?
- To the rivers!
468
00:17:50,752 --> 00:17:52,752
And the lakes that you're used to!
469
00:17:52,904 --> 00:17:55,013
ALL: ? I know that you're
gonna have it your way ?
470
00:17:55,164 --> 00:17:56,422
- ? Or nothing at all ?
- Nothing!
471
00:17:56,574 --> 00:17:58,049
- You're getting nothing!
- ALL: ? But I think ?
472
00:17:58,201 --> 00:18:01,427
? You're moving too fast ?
473
00:18:01,579 --> 00:18:03,170
- Moving too fast!
- [LAUGHS]
474
00:18:03,189 --> 00:18:04,731
I don't know how you wear these.
475
00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:07,191
Kel was right.
Egging that weirdo unibrow man
476
00:18:07,216 --> 00:18:08,561
I used to date in high school
477
00:18:08,586 --> 00:18:10,753
really did make me feel
a whole lot better.
478
00:18:11,272 --> 00:18:13,089
Helped me put things in perspective,
479
00:18:13,091 --> 00:18:16,034
you know, so I could get
some other stuff done.
480
00:18:16,110 --> 00:18:17,777
Oh, that Kel.
481
00:18:17,853 --> 00:18:20,279
She could really teach
this old gal some new tricks.
482
00:18:20,356 --> 00:18:21,581
[LAUGHS]
483
00:18:23,359 --> 00:18:25,025
[SCISSORS SNIP] What's going...
484
00:18:25,103 --> 00:18:26,518
[GASPING] Oh, my God!
485
00:18:26,543 --> 00:18:28,018
Hi. Hey, girl.
486
00:18:30,043 --> 00:18:31,985
- BOTH: 3, 2, 1!
- Chick-zilla!
487
00:18:33,035 --> 00:18:34,886
- Ah!
- Whoo!
488
00:18:35,106 --> 00:18:38,029
Isn't it amazing?
Shrub painted it with his own two hands.
489
00:18:38,054 --> 00:18:39,891
- Yeah.
- Oh.
490
00:18:39,916 --> 00:18:41,140
Shrub, hey, can you give us
a couple seconds?
491
00:18:41,165 --> 00:18:42,209
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
492
00:18:42,228 --> 00:18:43,636
- Are you gonna, um...
- Yeah.
493
00:18:43,712 --> 00:18:45,137
- Okay.
- Okay.
494
00:18:45,290 --> 00:18:47,790
- [LAUGHS]
- Hey, babe.
495
00:18:47,792 --> 00:18:51,460
You know how you wanted chickens
and then you got chickens
496
00:18:51,479 --> 00:18:54,906
and how I was so okay
with you getting chickens?
497
00:18:55,057 --> 00:18:56,678
Oh, do you want a dog?
498
00:18:56,703 --> 00:18:59,036
Joe, I don't think we can get
a dog with the chickens.
499
00:18:59,061 --> 00:19:00,803
No, I want a Shrub.
500
00:19:00,805 --> 00:19:02,229
- What?
- He needs a place to crash,
501
00:19:02,248 --> 00:19:03,306
and we have an extra room.
502
00:19:03,324 --> 00:19:06,659
And in my head,
Shrub is very good with chickens.
503
00:19:06,684 --> 00:19:07,787
[LAUGHS]
504
00:19:07,812 --> 00:19:11,422
Oh, Joe, you're such a sweet guy.
505
00:19:12,926 --> 00:19:14,592
Shrub's moving in!
506
00:19:14,743 --> 00:19:16,485
[SIGHS] Cheryl is so cool.
507
00:19:16,504 --> 00:19:19,488
And egging aside,
Shrub is maturing really fast,
508
00:19:19,507 --> 00:19:21,766
dare I say it, like a young man.
509
00:19:21,843 --> 00:19:23,250
Okay, put her down. Put her down.
510
00:19:23,269 --> 00:19:25,103
Or at least like an old teen.
511
00:19:25,254 --> 00:19:26,904
Maybe we could be bros.
512
00:19:26,929 --> 00:19:30,691
Shroes! That's Shrub and Joe
and bros all combined into one.
513
00:19:32,170 --> 00:19:33,352
- Hey, Shrub.
- What?
514
00:19:33,429 --> 00:19:35,929
- I got a new name for us.
- Okay.
515
00:19:35,949 --> 00:19:37,189
Shroes!
516
00:19:37,342 --> 00:19:38,765
[LAUGHS]
517
00:19:38,860 --> 00:19:40,434
Shroe-kay.
518
00:19:40,511 --> 00:19:42,140
I see you, Shroe.
519
00:19:43,364 --> 00:19:45,635
Oh, hey, Kel.
Why don't you knock off for the day?
520
00:19:45,660 --> 00:19:47,084
It's been a long one, huh?
521
00:19:47,109 --> 00:19:48,275
And also, I've been thinking,
522
00:19:48,294 --> 00:19:51,023
I think we should make it official.
I'd love for you to come to work
523
00:19:51,048 --> 00:19:53,125
as my full-time intern.
524
00:19:53,150 --> 00:19:54,517
Oh.
525
00:19:54,542 --> 00:19:57,969
Uh, I super appreciate the opportunity
526
00:19:58,120 --> 00:20:00,454
and, like, I learned so much
from you today.
527
00:20:00,473 --> 00:20:04,200
But I've been thinking
about our relationship.
528
00:20:04,218 --> 00:20:06,702
So what were you thinking?
529
00:20:07,388 --> 00:20:10,556
I learned a ton from Barb today,
but I mean, it's a two-way street,
530
00:20:10,708 --> 00:20:13,709
and honestly, I was
teaching Barb left and right.
531
00:20:13,728 --> 00:20:15,227
[SIGHS]
532
00:20:15,304 --> 00:20:18,881
And if I'm gonna manifest
a pontoon boat,
533
00:20:18,900 --> 00:20:20,992
I have to manifest
some real U.S. dollars
534
00:20:21,143 --> 00:20:24,053
by manifesting a real job.
535
00:20:24,531 --> 00:20:29,483
So what you're saying
is you want to go from $0
536
00:20:29,577 --> 00:20:31,243
to minimum wage.
537
00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:33,320
That's my best and final offer.
538
00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:34,630
Uh-huh.
539
00:20:36,751 --> 00:20:38,050
Um...
540
00:20:38,903 --> 00:20:40,569
Manifested.
541
00:20:40,571 --> 00:20:43,255
[BOTH LAUGHING]
542
00:20:43,408 --> 00:20:44,682
Thank you. Thank you so much.
543
00:20:44,759 --> 00:20:46,409
- I won't let you down.
- Oh, I know you won't.
544
00:20:46,411 --> 00:20:47,501
You're gonna be fantastic.
545
00:20:47,572 --> 00:20:48,905
- Okay, get down...
- Let's give you these.
546
00:20:48,930 --> 00:20:50,865
Yes! Oh, my God. Are they ready?
547
00:20:50,890 --> 00:20:53,277
- They're ready.
- So over these Crocs killing my feet.
548
00:20:53,302 --> 00:20:54,612
So not my style. Ah!
549
00:20:54,637 --> 00:20:55,732
Ah, same.
550
00:20:55,757 --> 00:20:58,529
Hey, there's just one more thing,
um, I wanted to ask.
551
00:20:58,606 --> 00:20:59,755
- Uh...
- Anything.
552
00:20:59,780 --> 00:21:01,648
So can I get a lock of your hair?
553
00:21:01,673 --> 00:21:04,691
Just because Nadine is driving me crazy.
554
00:21:06,264 --> 00:21:09,098
I got her hair. [LAUGHS]
555
00:21:09,116 --> 00:21:10,875
It's thinner than I thought.
556
00:21:10,952 --> 00:21:13,602
It's kind of greasy, but who cares?
557
00:21:13,621 --> 00:21:15,880
The Flatch hair tree
558
00:21:16,157 --> 00:21:17,174
is complete.
559
00:21:17,199 --> 00:21:19,085
I have arrived, Flatch!
560
00:21:19,110 --> 00:21:21,110
I am a single, newly divorced woman
561
00:21:21,203 --> 00:21:24,567
wearing her hot heels saying,
"Look out world, here I am."
562
00:21:24,592 --> 00:21:27,783
I want you to know
I'm not afraid of the female body,
563
00:21:27,802 --> 00:21:28,893
like God is.
564
00:21:29,044 --> 00:21:33,439
And I'm also not afraid to
chase waterfalls, whatever that is.
565
00:21:33,489 --> 00:21:38,039
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