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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,160 --> 00:00:06,400 RATTLING BREATHING 2 00:00:08,360 --> 00:00:09,400 Alison? 3 00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:12,720 RATTLING BREATHING INTENSIFIES 4 00:00:16,920 --> 00:00:17,960 Alison? 5 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:23,280 SHE WHIMPERS 6 00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:30,360 SHE SCREAMS 7 00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:37,200 SHE WHIMPERS 8 00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:46,640 Help! Help! There be creatures in the house! 9 00:00:46,640 --> 00:00:48,800 Strange men with the heads of flies! 10 00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:50,840 THEY LAUGH 11 00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:53,840 We all knew they were coming today! Well, they scared me. 12 00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:56,040 Everything scare you. Am I right? 13 00:00:56,040 --> 00:00:59,520 Yeah, it's true. You'd be scared of a teddy bear if it spoke. 14 00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:01,600 Actually, that is quite scary, but you know what I mean. 15 00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:04,400 You're a scaredy cat. What be they? 16 00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:06,640 Well, they're just woodworm men. 17 00:01:06,640 --> 00:01:09,200 Woodworm...men?! 18 00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:33,280 GHOSTS CHATTER 19 00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:36,440 Well, what are you all doing out here? 20 00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:38,480 You don't have to stay out, only me and Mike. 21 00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:40,120 Did the woodworm men banish you? 22 00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:43,400 Well, no... Yeah. They're, um... They're fumigating. Fumigating?! 23 00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:44,920 Yeah, it means we can't go back in 24 00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:46,680 cos if we inhale their mist then we'll... 25 00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:48,400 ..I don't know, like, die or something. 26 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:50,480 MARY GASPS 27 00:01:50,480 --> 00:01:52,000 Look, you guys can go back in. 28 00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:53,600 I've turned all the pages in your books 29 00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:55,400 and the chessboard is on the table. ALL: Ooh! 30 00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:57,080 I shall miss you. OK... 31 00:01:57,080 --> 00:01:58,680 Terribly. Thank you. 32 00:01:58,680 --> 00:02:01,600 The TV's on the movie channel and, Kitty, Grease is on at four. 33 00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:04,680 I think you'll love it. How lovely! What time is it now? 34 00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:05,800 Oh, nine. 35 00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:07,000 Gosh! I'd better hurry! 36 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:09,240 It'll be nice to have some peace and quiet for once 37 00:02:09,240 --> 00:02:12,160 without Michael's popular music blasting on the speakers. 38 00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:13,880 Hang on, is that a tent? 39 00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:14,920 Yeah. 40 00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:17,320 You're going camping? 41 00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:18,560 Yeah, we're camping here. 42 00:02:18,560 --> 00:02:20,040 Oh, goodness gracious! 43 00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:22,760 You sleeping outside by choice? 44 00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:25,280 Yeah. It will save us money. Plus, it's fun. 45 00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:28,040 It fun until a wolf eats your eye. 46 00:02:28,040 --> 00:02:29,160 Hm? 47 00:02:29,160 --> 00:02:30,800 My cousin. Hm. 48 00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:33,040 I always used to enjoy a night under the canvas, 49 00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:36,440 on manoeuvres and so on. You know, bracing fresh air, camaraderie, 50 00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:38,640 horseplay in the lake. Yeah. Yeah. 51 00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:42,880 OK. 52 00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:44,000 Sure about this? 53 00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:45,600 Er, are YOU sure about this? 54 00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:47,800 I'm just saying, we could still get a hotel if you prefer. 55 00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:50,520 Yes! Hotel - luxury! 56 00:02:50,520 --> 00:02:53,240 Walls, windows, roof. 57 00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:54,720 This'll be fun. 58 00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:57,040 Mike's not very outdoorsy. Huh, what's that? 59 00:02:57,040 --> 00:02:59,480 I am outdoorsy, actually. Proper outdoorsy, just so you know! 60 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:02,120 Why does he always talk to us as if we're up in the air? 61 00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:04,240 You left Glastonbury to find a toilet. 62 00:03:04,240 --> 00:03:07,240 This, again! What about that wedding? That was camping. 63 00:03:07,240 --> 00:03:09,520 That was glamping! The yurts were already put up. 64 00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:11,360 We had a four-poster bed and a minibar. 65 00:03:11,360 --> 00:03:13,520 Yeah, outside. That's camping. 66 00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:15,640 He wouldn't last long in National Service, would he? 67 00:03:15,640 --> 00:03:17,440 No! No. I'd probably have to phone his mum, 68 00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:20,320 get her to pick him 69 00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:20,320 up in the middle of the night. 70 00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:20,320 THEY LAUGH 71 00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:21,840 Yeah. You having a laugh, are you? 72 00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:23,720 With your mates? Your little dead mates? Yeah? 73 00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:26,040 Well... Fine! Who's going to have the last laugh? 74 00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:27,320 Mike is. 75 00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:33,160 Get into the corners, do it right 76 00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:35,160 and they won't be back for ten years. 77 00:03:35,160 --> 00:03:37,200 MARY WHIMPERS 78 00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:39,400 CHANTING: Woodworm men, woodworm men, pay you gold 79 00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:41,640 and your power is spent. 80 00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:44,320 SHE SHUDDERS 81 00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:46,400 Not outdoorsy! I'll show her. 82 00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:50,600 BANG 83 00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:51,640 Mm. 84 00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:53,720 Ah! 85 00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:02,560 SHE SIGHS 86 00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:04,880 HE SNORES 87 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:12,360 Ooh, you! 88 00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:17,080 Ooh! 89 00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:19,440 Cryptic! 90 00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:22,840 Eight letter, occupied anatomy. 91 00:04:22,840 --> 00:04:25,200 Occupied anatomy? 92 00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:28,720 What are you up to? 93 00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:30,000 Crossword. Napping. 94 00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:32,360 Well, good. 95 00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:37,240 Make sure you keep the noise down. I'm reading. 96 00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:39,720 Busybody! Oh, here we go. 97 00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:41,520 Yes, I wondered how long it would take 98 00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:43,360 for you to resort to name-calling! 99 00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:46,240 Eight letter, occupied anatomy - 100 00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:49,160 busybody. Busybody. Hm. 101 00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:50,520 Well, quiet! 102 00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:54,840 Just make sure you keep it down. 103 00:04:54,840 --> 00:04:56,760 But, yeah, busybody. 104 00:04:56,760 --> 00:04:59,240 JULIAN CHUCKLES 105 00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:01,280 Right? Very good. 106 00:05:01,280 --> 00:05:05,080 Now, as ranking officer, I suggest a full inventory before you start. 107 00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:07,880 Patrick, at the double, quick smart. All right. 108 00:05:07,880 --> 00:05:11,320 Sleeping bag, sleeping mat... Yes. ..mallet, tent pegs. 109 00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:12,640 I know. And what's that there? 110 00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:14,800 Oh, that's a puller. Yes, that's for the tent pegs. 111 00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:17,400 Yes. Yes, I knew that. Just checking. Right. 112 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:19,560 HE CLEARS THROAT 113 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:19,560 Guy rope... 114 00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:22,160 Camping in your own back yard? 115 00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:24,200 I would have taken you to Paris, 116 00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:25,960 to drink the finest wines 117 00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:29,200 and marvel at the view from the steps of Montmartre. 118 00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:32,360 Oh, right. Where's the ground sheet? You're missing a ground sheet! 119 00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:34,440 Oh, it's built in. Wow! 120 00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:36,640 Fascinating modern age we live in. 121 00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:38,280 What's that for? What's that? 122 00:05:38,280 --> 00:05:39,440 This... 123 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:40,960 ..is my tent. 124 00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:43,400 That's your tent. We'll see who's outdoorsy. Oh! 125 00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:44,600 Seriously? 126 00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:46,880 Seriously. It's, like, 80 years old. 127 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:49,080 Nothing but a number! Prime vintage. 128 00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:51,640 I'm pitching my tent...over there. 129 00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:52,760 OK, good luck. 130 00:05:52,760 --> 00:05:54,800 Good luck, you. I don't need it. 131 00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:57,080 Yeah, you do. Don't you worry, Alison, 132 00:05:57,080 --> 00:05:59,400 you're going to win this competition hands down. 133 00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:02,040 With my expertise and... And mine. 134 00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:05,160 ..and your ability to follow orders, then... 135 00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:07,000 Oh, no! What am I going to do now? 136 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:11,360 Ah, yes. Well, I'm afraid without a strong main mast... 137 00:06:11,360 --> 00:06:13,120 Ridge pole. Erm... 138 00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:15,600 ..you're just left with the floppy, flappy thing... Fly sheet. 139 00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:17,320 Have you really put up a tent? 140 00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:19,680 Or have you just ordered other people about? Because... 141 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:21,600 Rub-a-dub-a, rub-a-dub-a, rub-a-dub-a! 142 00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:25,080 That's beside the point. Without a strong and sturdy ridge pole, 143 00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:27,680 you'll never be able to get it up. You'll have to admit defeat 144 00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:29,920 and join forces with Michael. Nonsense! 145 00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:32,000 There's more than one way to make a shelter 146 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:34,360 and we've got plenty of useful kit. 147 00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:36,200 Come on! Where are we going? 148 00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:37,680 The woods. Ooh! 149 00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:39,840 There's nowt sturdier than trees. 150 00:06:39,840 --> 00:06:41,800 Come on! OK. Pat! 151 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:44,400 Yes, well, I suppose he does have some... 152 00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:46,920 ..expertise in camping. 153 00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:48,520 Good. 154 00:06:48,520 --> 00:06:51,320 Sorry. I would help, but I physically can't. 155 00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:53,360 Yeah, I know, Thomas, thank you. 156 00:06:56,240 --> 00:06:58,600 Get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, 157 00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:01,840 get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, 158 00:07:01,840 --> 00:07:04,160 get out, get out, get out. 159 00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:05,480 Get out! 160 00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:07,560 Get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, 161 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:09,920 get out, get out, get out, get out. 162 00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:11,640 Get out! 163 00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:13,640 Well...worth a try, I suppose. 164 00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:18,160 TV: Stay with us on the Family Movie Channel because coming up at four, 165 00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:20,400 we have the classic musical, Grease. 166 00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:24,920 And what are you up to, Kitty? 167 00:07:24,920 --> 00:07:27,240 I'm going to watch Grease. Do you want to watch it with me? 168 00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:30,000 Of course not. Alison says I'll like it. 169 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:32,160 It's starting in a few hours. 170 00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:35,160 Not going to be running around the house singing or anything, are you? 171 00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:37,040 No, just watching. 172 00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:39,520 All right. Well, don't turn it up. 173 00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:41,600 I can't. Well, make sure you don't. 174 00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:42,840 I can't. Well, good. 175 00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:46,240 Good. 176 00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:51,720 Good. 177 00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:56,640 Right, you want the peg at an angle away from the centre. 178 00:07:56,640 --> 00:07:58,400 Aah. Lovely. That's it! 179 00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:01,080 Right. First time. Moving on. 180 00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:04,120 Nice and tight round there. OK. Very good. 181 00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:06,400 That's it. That's marvellous. 182 00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:08,200 Get it under the... Yeah. 183 00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:09,240 That's it. 184 00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:11,520 Now, extra point for who can tell me what this knot is called? 185 00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:13,040 Er... Well, that's a reef knot. 186 00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:14,840 No, it's a clove hitch. 187 00:08:14,840 --> 00:08:16,680 Damn it and blast it to hell! 188 00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:18,200 OK. 189 00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:19,400 That's it. 190 00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:21,400 Pull it nice and firmly, Alison. 191 00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:23,160 Yes. 192 00:08:23,160 --> 00:08:25,120 Yes. There she goes! Whoa! Ha-ha! 193 00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:27,560 Oh, wow. Lovely. Tie it off. Yeah. 194 00:08:27,560 --> 00:08:31,000 Make sure she's tied nice and firmly. Very good. 195 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:32,520 It's dead smart that, in't it? 196 00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:34,400 Yeah. Mm. I wonder how Mike's getting on. 197 00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:35,880 Oh, I'm on it. 198 00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:44,320 Hopeless. 199 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:49,680 What are you doing down there? He can't see you, mate. 200 00:08:49,680 --> 00:08:50,960 Oh, yes, right. 201 00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:53,440 Sorry. Yes, the old training kicking in. 202 00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:55,720 Right. How's he getting on? 203 00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:57,000 No, it's hopeless. 204 00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:59,040 Modern men, eh? Well, quite. 205 00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:01,240 Alison's got this competition sewn up. 206 00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:06,120 Lovely. Now, remember, we need nice, dry ones. 207 00:09:06,120 --> 00:09:08,320 Erm... Like this one? 208 00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:09,640 Yes, excellent. 209 00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:12,400 Well, there are some good ones here. And over here, please. 210 00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:15,760 Can anyone tell me why you use the small sticks first? 211 00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:17,960 Ah, yes, please! Well, they catch quicker, 212 00:09:17,960 --> 00:09:20,920 with greater surface area allowing the oxygen to feed the flames. 213 00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:22,880 Yes, Captain. Very good answer. Ah! 214 00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:25,280 Gold star. Ah, well, there we are! 215 00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:28,280 Yeah, that's excellent. That's it. That is first class. 216 00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:29,880 Oh, yes, here we go. 217 00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:31,760 Feed it. Feed it. Feed it. Feed it. 218 00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:33,240 Firm blows, Alison, firm blows. 219 00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:38,560 And now on Family Movies, it's over to Rydell High with the Pink Ladies 220 00:09:38,560 --> 00:09:42,000 and the T-Birds in the classic musical, Grease. 221 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:43,160 At last! 222 00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:48,240 This is the best bit, you know? Yeah. 223 00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:51,440 Everything's up, fire's going, you've got your brew, 224 00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:53,120 you've got your biscuit. 225 00:09:53,120 --> 00:09:54,480 You can dip it. 226 00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:58,480 Yeah, OK. 227 00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:58,480 SHE CHUCKLES 228 00:09:58,480 --> 00:09:59,800 Dip it again. 229 00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:11,760 THROATY GROAN 230 00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:15,760 Lovely. 231 00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:17,160 Yeah. Lovely that. 232 00:10:20,640 --> 00:10:22,320 Yeah, this is nice, actually. 233 00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:25,000 You always make the best of a situation. 234 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:28,600 One of the many things I love about you. Hm. 235 00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:31,080 But the truth is a woman of your culture, 236 00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:33,880 your sophistication, deserves to see the world. 237 00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:36,560 Have you travelled a lot, then? 238 00:10:36,560 --> 00:10:38,160 Oh, have I! 239 00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:41,480 I have. 240 00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:46,000 My grand tour, you might call it, chasing the muse across Europe 241 00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:48,000 in search of inspiration. 242 00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:50,000 Paris, Venice, Vienna. 243 00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:52,560 Different sight, sounds and smells 244 00:10:52,560 --> 00:10:55,800 to inspire the bubbling cauldron of language, 245 00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:58,320 to paint the landscape with words. 246 00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:00,560 What was Vienna like? 247 00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:01,800 Really... 248 00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:04,960 ..nice. 249 00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:06,920 Nice? 250 00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:08,200 Hm. Very... 251 00:11:10,680 --> 00:11:12,200 ..nice. 252 00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:13,360 You've got a fire? 253 00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:14,960 Yeah. How are you getting on? 254 00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:17,160 Good, actually. Yeah? I, er... 255 00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:18,400 I'm going to do my fire next. 256 00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:21,080 Oh. Just came to make sure you were all right. 257 00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:22,560 She's fine. Yeah, great. 258 00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:26,120 Cool. Thank you. All right. You OK? 259 00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:28,240 Yep. Good. See ya. 260 00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:29,440 Oh, watch out for the, um... 261 00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:30,960 Oh! Yep. 262 00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:32,840 Saw it. 263 00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:34,120 He didn't. 264 00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:37,920 Can you stop? I can't enjoy them if you're looking at me like that. 265 00:11:37,920 --> 00:11:40,160 MARY: Yous are not welcomes here! 266 00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:43,920 Oh, be gone, ye servants of Beelzebub! 267 00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:46,640 Oh, Mary! Oh, you simply must watch Grease with me. 268 00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:49,560 All the boys have wet hair and they sing about their cars! 269 00:11:49,560 --> 00:11:50,800 Mary! 270 00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:52,840 One... 271 00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:52,840 HE SIGHS 272 00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:57,880 Well... 273 00:11:57,880 --> 00:12:01,080 ..let's see if we can find something a bit more adult, shall we? 274 00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:02,120 Heh-heh-heh! 275 00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:05,560 Hey! 276 00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:05,560 CHANNEL CHANGES 277 00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:06,680 Hm. 278 00:12:06,680 --> 00:12:08,720 Ho! 279 00:12:06,680 --> 00:12:08,720 CHANNEL CHANGES 280 00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:11,320 Eugh. ..on the planet. 281 00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:12,480 Hah! 282 00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:14,280 SULTRY MUSIC 283 00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:14,280 Heh-heh! Oh... 284 00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:18,360 Hah! 285 00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:22,200 HE SIGHS 286 00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:22,200 Ah! 287 00:12:24,840 --> 00:12:28,000 And now we return... Never any fun around here! 288 00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:30,720 ..to A Nightmare On Elm Street. 289 00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:32,960 KITTY: Don't worry, I'll tell you the whole story later. 290 00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:35,880 TV: It was the worst dream I've ever had... 291 00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:38,280 Oh. Danny's changed his hair. 292 00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:39,760 WOMAN SOBS ON TV 293 00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:46,040 How's the competition doing? 294 00:12:46,040 --> 00:12:49,920 Well, he's trying to light the firewood without tinder or kindling. 295 00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:52,240 Oh, very good, Captain. Well, yeah. 296 00:12:52,240 --> 00:12:54,960 I hope he likes the cold, because he's going to be cold. 297 00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:57,120 PAT CHUCKLES 298 00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:57,120 Oh, dear. 299 00:12:57,120 --> 00:12:59,240 Oh! I could blow that over. Oh, yeah. 300 00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:00,600 And I've got asthma. 301 00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:01,640 And I'm dead. 302 00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:04,640 Yes. 303 00:13:04,640 --> 00:13:07,080 FANNY: Just about had enough of all this. 304 00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:09,200 Oh, can't bear it. 305 00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:10,960 Oh, for goodness' sake! 306 00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:12,920 Fallen off your body again, have you? 307 00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:14,600 I suppose you want me to put you back. 308 00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:17,240 I've got better things to do, you know, than traipse around... 309 00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:19,280 SNORING 310 00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:23,480 Well, good. 311 00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:32,680 Thank God for that! 312 00:13:32,680 --> 00:13:35,320 HE HUMS 313 00:13:35,320 --> 00:13:37,840 Willy-shaped dude... Bishop. 314 00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:40,320 He goes doo-ka! 315 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,280 Take lighthouse. MARY: That's right, be off with ye! 316 00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:44,720 Shoo, shoo! Damn! Evil creatures, begone! 317 00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:48,000 Get out, get out! 318 00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:49,040 Shoo! 319 00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:52,360 SHE WAILS 320 00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:55,840 They... They shed their skin like serpents! 321 00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:59,440 THEY CHUCKLE 322 00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:02,040 That showed you! I'm not a scaredy cat! 323 00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:05,080 Off you go, stupid, scaring us. 324 00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:07,120 SHE EXHALES 325 00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:10,360 But what if they return? 326 00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:13,440 Oh! 327 00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:16,800 KITTY SHUDDERS 328 00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:18,840 SCREAMING ON TV 329 00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:24,520 MARY CHANTS: Let no servants of Satan prey upon the peoples 330 00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:27,000 that live in this place. 331 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:31,400 May this house be sturdy from the woodworm men. 332 00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:33,840 Let no demons cross these walls. 333 00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:39,600 Let no servants of Satan prey upon the peoples that live in this place. 334 00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:42,240 EVIL LAUGHTER ON TV 335 00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:43,520 KITTY WHIMPERS 336 00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:45,240 SCREAMS ON TV 337 00:14:52,680 --> 00:14:54,720 ELECTRIC BUZZ 338 00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:55,760 Oh-ho! 339 00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:59,080 KITTY GASPS 340 00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:01,800 SCREAMING 341 00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:02,840 Right! 342 00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:06,760 Come on! 343 00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:09,360 Argh! 344 00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:11,960 Ugh! 345 00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:14,360 Mm. 346 00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:15,920 Get over... 347 00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:18,760 SCREAMING 348 00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:24,280 Wonder what got her goat. 349 00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:28,560 Probably just scared of the dark or something. 350 00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:32,000 Suppose we ought to...investigate? 351 00:15:33,080 --> 00:15:38,040 Yeah? I know it was too much to ask that you quietly... 352 00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:40,960 Kitty? Where has she...? 353 00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:44,000 Ooh. No... How peculiar. 354 00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:45,640 Kitty? 355 00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:52,880 JULIAN CLEARS THROAT Hello? 356 00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:57,760 Anybody there? 357 00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:08,200 Although, I mean, there's no need to go all the way... 358 00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:10,160 What's the point in going all the way up? Something silly. 359 00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:12,360 I was going to say... Maybe we should go see the others together. 360 00:16:12,360 --> 00:16:13,720 Go together. We'll go together, yeah. 361 00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:15,280 Spaghetti Napolitana? 362 00:16:15,280 --> 00:16:16,400 From a tin. 363 00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:18,680 What a fascinating modern age we live in. 364 00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:20,920 Italian food didn't always agree with me. 365 00:16:20,920 --> 00:16:23,280 Oh, did you say you went to Venice? 366 00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:25,720 Indeed. What was it like? I've always wanted to go. 367 00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:28,080 Oh, very... 368 00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:30,680 ..nice. 369 00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:32,040 Nice? 370 00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:35,120 Again? Nothing more specific? 371 00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:37,840 Well, you have to remember, it was 200 years ago. 372 00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:40,440 I can't remember every single detail. 373 00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:42,720 Sounds like you can't remember ANY detail. 374 00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:45,320 Fine. I'll tell you the truth! 375 00:16:45,320 --> 00:16:46,800 You didn't go. 376 00:16:46,800 --> 00:16:48,560 No, I did. I did go. 377 00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:51,200 I saw the most celebrated sights of Europe. 378 00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:54,360 I just...wasn't inspired. 379 00:16:54,360 --> 00:16:58,400 No matter how beautiful the landscape, nothing came. 380 00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:02,280 I returned home with an empty notebook. 381 00:17:02,280 --> 00:17:04,120 You must've got something from it. 382 00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:08,920 Ah... Signore! 383 00:17:08,920 --> 00:17:10,280 Sorry! 384 00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:12,640 Un momento per favore! Signore! HE SIGHS WITH RELIEF 385 00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:14,680 Carol always wanted to go to France. 386 00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:17,520 I said, "You don't need to go abroad to have a nice holiday. 387 00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:19,800 "We haven't seen half of this beautiful country yet," 388 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:22,760 but she had her heart set on it, so I decided to book 389 00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:24,320 it for our anniversary. 390 00:17:24,320 --> 00:17:27,560 That's lovely. Yeah, but we didn't go in the end. 391 00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:31,000 Oh, no. Why? Because I was dead, Alison. I was dead. 392 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:33,240 Right. 393 00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:34,680 Here you all are! 394 00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:38,960 Thank goodness! The lights went out in the house. Oh. That's strange. 395 00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:42,080 Yes, and the TV turned off. Oh, sorry, Kitty. 396 00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:44,520 That's OK. I wasn't much enjoying it anyway. 397 00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:47,280 Oh, I thought you'd really like it - a high school romance. 398 00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:49,800 Yes, but I didn't like the man chasing the girl. 399 00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:51,840 Well, he's the man of her dreams. 400 00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:53,360 Yes. 401 00:17:53,360 --> 00:17:55,840 And he won't stop until he gets her. 402 00:17:55,840 --> 00:17:58,080 That's what being in love is like. 403 00:17:58,080 --> 00:18:01,400 You should wait till the end because then she starts chasing him. 404 00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:04,000 Does she? I hope she gets him. 405 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,000 Then we can all sleep again. 406 00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:08,400 ROBIN: Hey, everybody. 407 00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:11,840 How is it I get...? Oh, look! Hi, guys! Look, there she is, Robin. 408 00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:13,840 She's right there. She's OK. 409 00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:17,000 Ah, we heard you screaming, Kitty - just wanted to make sure you're OK. 410 00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:18,400 I'm fine, thank you. 411 00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:19,440 Yeah. 412 00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:22,760 So you can go back in now if you like. 413 00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:24,040 BOTH: Erm... 414 00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:26,120 That's OK, you know. You've already light fire... 415 00:18:26,120 --> 00:18:28,560 Change is as good as a haircut. Cosy-wozy. 416 00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:32,320 CAPTAIN: Sorry, I thought you said camping was a stupid idea, Robin? 417 00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:33,760 Don't think so. 418 00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:35,280 Must be another caveman. 419 00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:37,840 Oh. 420 00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:39,200 OWL HOOTS IN DISTANCE 421 00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:42,080 It's creepy in the woods at night, isn't it? 422 00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:44,560 No, not really! I love it! Is it?! 423 00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:47,160 Hey, since we're all around the campfire, we should 424 00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:48,680 tell ghost stories. 425 00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:50,920 Good idea. 426 00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:50,920 THEY MURMUR ENTHUSIASTICALLY 427 00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:52,080 Yeah. 428 00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:53,120 SHE CHUCKLES 429 00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:53,120 Yeah. 430 00:18:53,120 --> 00:18:54,760 What's the matter, Alison? 431 00:18:54,760 --> 00:18:57,000 Oh, come on, you're ghosts. 432 00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,880 What, so we can't tell ghost stories? 433 00:18:59,880 --> 00:19:01,480 Well, no, I'm not... 434 00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:03,720 I'm not saying... No, yeah, please... 435 00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:04,920 Yeah, go on, Pat. 436 00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:06,800 Right! 437 00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:09,960 Well, this one's actually a true story, actually. 438 00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:13,320 It's about my friend, Susan. 439 00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:15,760 Susan and I used to walk home together from school. 440 00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:18,440 She didn't have a dad and her mum used to work late sometimes, 441 00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:20,760 so she used to have to let herself in. 442 00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:21,960 She had this little game 443 00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:24,200 she played with her doggy, you know, to let him know 444 00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:26,320 that it was her when she got home. 445 00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:29,720 She'd stick her hand in t'letterbox and he'd give it a lick, you know... 446 00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:31,800 HE PANTS LIKE A DOG 447 00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:36,440 Well... 448 00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:37,680 ..one day... 449 00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:42,720 HORN HONKS 450 00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:44,440 CAR APPROACHES 451 00:19:47,120 --> 00:19:48,560 Here you go, mate. 452 00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:50,680 Nice one. Cheers, man. OK. 453 00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:53,720 ENGINE REVS, BIRDS CAW 454 00:19:56,720 --> 00:19:59,160 She slowly crept up the stairs. 455 00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:02,000 All the while she could hear it. 456 00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:03,240 Scratch! 457 00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:06,000 Scratch! 458 00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:08,920 Scratch! 459 00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:12,000 She felt cold suddenly. 460 00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:16,480 She reached out her hand and the door creaked open. 461 00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:17,840 And there it was... 462 00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:23,760 ..a figure standing facing the wall. 463 00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:27,960 Slowly, very slowly, it began to turn towards her 464 00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:30,200 until she could finally see its face. 465 00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:32,800 It was a... 466 00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:34,600 Alison! 467 00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:34,600 THEY SCREAM 468 00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:40,400 Mary, you gave us a fright. 469 00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:42,680 Well, the woodworm men have gone, 470 00:20:42,680 --> 00:20:44,120 I've blessed the house. 471 00:20:44,120 --> 00:20:46,320 Oh, thank you. Thanks, Mary. That's great. 472 00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:47,840 Er... 473 00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:50,920 Are they gone? Oh, yeah. 474 00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:54,600 THEY PANT 475 00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:56,880 Robin! Julian! 476 00:20:56,880 --> 00:20:58,480 Robin, where are you?! 477 00:20:58,480 --> 00:21:00,200 PANTING 478 00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:03,520 Robin! Julian! 479 00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:06,080 I'm scared! Julian! 480 00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:07,520 Where are you, Robin? 481 00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:08,720 Oh, my God, oh, my God... 482 00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:15,720 Night, then, guys. Goodnight. Goodnight! 483 00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:22,200 THOMAS SIGHS 484 00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:23,800 I'm not comfortable, Patrick. 485 00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:25,560 Are you comfortable? 486 00:21:25,560 --> 00:21:27,440 I don't mind swapping if you... 487 00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:28,920 I'm all settled in now, mate. 488 00:21:32,120 --> 00:21:34,000 Can we talk some more, please? 489 00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:35,480 I don't want to go to sleep. 490 00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:38,920 Kitty, please, we can't stay up all night. But if I dream, then... 491 00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:41,920 Just try to imagine the man from the film wrapping 492 00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:43,360 you up in his arms. 493 00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:46,880 Daley used to have nightmares, used to try 494 00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:48,760 and get in bed with me and Carol. 495 00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:50,320 Walked in on us once when we were... 496 00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:53,760 Guys, can we just...can we... can we go to sleep, please? 497 00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:56,480 Just...just no more talking. All right. 498 00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:09,880 WHISPERS: What happened to Susan, Patrick? 499 00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:13,280 She was never seen again. Mm. 500 00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:14,600 She moved to Leeds. Ah. 501 00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:19,800 There was a chap from Leeds in our unit. 502 00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:21,880 Or was it Halifax? Who is Susan? 503 00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:24,240 THOMAS: Oh, Patrick will tell you the story. 504 00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:26,040 Oh, yes. Well... 505 00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:26,040 CLEARS THROAT 506 00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:28,720 ..this one's actually a true story, actually. 507 00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:31,880 Right... Happened to a friend of mine, Susan... 508 00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:34,440 We used to walk back from school together. 509 00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:37,080 She didn't have a dad and her mum used to work late sometimes, 510 00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:39,800 so she used to have this little game she played with her doggy... 511 00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:41,000 ALISON SIGHS 512 00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:49,280 Mm... Who's there? Just getting in. 513 00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:50,720 Hello. 514 00:22:51,920 --> 00:22:53,240 Ooh. 515 00:22:54,360 --> 00:22:56,080 Move up. Thanks. 516 00:23:00,120 --> 00:23:02,200 Ah. Well done. What? 517 00:23:03,360 --> 00:23:06,400 You win. No, yours was way better. 518 00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:09,040 Mm-mm. Disqualified, I had help. 519 00:23:10,280 --> 00:23:12,240 Mr Outdoorsy. 520 00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:17,200 It's all my fault. 521 00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:21,600 I pretended we were fine and now I'm scared of everything. 522 00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:23,400 I don't want to die out here. 523 00:23:23,400 --> 00:23:26,240 I mean, I already have, but, you know. 524 00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:29,840 Wait, when I was alive, was much to be scared of, 525 00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:32,400 but I know what make feel safe. 526 00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:33,560 Come on! 527 00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:47,080 PAT: Carol, Carol, Carol... 528 00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:53,480 SNORING 529 00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:55,080 Oh, Kitty. 530 00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:56,800 You've been awake all night? 531 00:23:56,800 --> 00:23:59,880 I was scared the man from Grease would get me in my dreams. 532 00:23:59,880 --> 00:24:01,760 Danny Zuko? And the other man. 533 00:24:01,760 --> 00:24:04,160 Kenickie? Freddy. Freddy? 534 00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:07,040 Freddy Krueger. Oh, no. 535 00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:09,680 I think I know what happened. 536 00:24:21,840 --> 00:24:23,360 Lovely, isn't it? 537 00:24:23,360 --> 00:24:24,840 It is. Mm. 538 00:24:26,560 --> 00:24:30,440 I was just thinking, it ought to be dull and commonplace - 539 00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:35,080 the same sunrise over the same house in the same tiny piece of England 540 00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:38,000 every day for 200 years. 541 00:24:39,360 --> 00:24:41,320 But it is beautiful. Mm. 542 00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:46,600 I travelled miles and was unchanged when I could have been here 543 00:24:46,600 --> 00:24:49,480 and...transported. 544 00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:54,200 It's no fault of the sun if the eye sees not its beauty. 545 00:24:56,880 --> 00:24:58,920 That was really poetic, Thomas. 546 00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:04,240 The sun. 547 00:25:05,320 --> 00:25:10,400 The sun, you rise when night is done 548 00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:13,920 Like a big, yellow... 549 00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:15,160 ..bun. 550 00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:16,200 Yeah. 551 00:25:17,680 --> 00:25:19,680 Come, sweet sun 552 00:25:19,680 --> 00:25:21,680 Let us have fun 553 00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:23,840 Must weigh a ton. 554 00:25:25,280 --> 00:25:27,160 THEY CHATTER 555 00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:29,240 Alison, just a moment. 556 00:25:31,120 --> 00:25:33,240 You have been exemplary. 557 00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:37,040 Oh. And so I'd like to present you, if I could, 558 00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:39,400 with your camping... 559 00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:42,200 ..forester... 560 00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:45,000 ..and fire safety badges. 561 00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:46,200 Congratulations. 562 00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:48,200 THEY CLAP 563 00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:48,200 Oh, thank you, Pat. 564 00:25:48,200 --> 00:25:50,080 Oh, and, Captain. What, me? 565 00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:53,080 Yes, you have shown a wonderful attitude, 566 00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:55,640 enthusiasm and a keen interest, 567 00:25:55,640 --> 00:26:00,320 and so I present to you the teamwork award. 568 00:26:00,320 --> 00:26:02,200 Oh. Congratulations. 569 00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:05,000 It's a very high honour. Come on. 570 00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:10,520 Oh, that's where you got to last night. What were you doing in there? 571 00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:12,200 They were scared, Alison! 572 00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:13,920 THEY TALK OVER EACH OTHER 573 00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:13,920 No, no! 574 00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:15,200 ROBIN: Not scared! 575 00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:17,120 Just wanted to do some camping Robin-style... 576 00:26:17,120 --> 00:26:19,080 ..the chimney, you don't want the rain coming in. 577 00:26:19,080 --> 00:26:21,760 ..in the cave there, you see... 578 00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:23,560 SCREAMING, THEY SCREAM 579 00:26:23,560 --> 00:26:25,160 MARY: Scaredy-cats! 580 00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:26,320 THEY LAUGH 581 00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:28,960 Morning, Lady B. You OK? 582 00:26:28,960 --> 00:26:31,120 Julian, did you change the channel on the TV? 583 00:26:31,120 --> 00:26:33,280 Cos Kitty saw something adult. Did she? 584 00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:35,600 Mm. What's the code? Good morning, everyone. 585 00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:37,760 Back from your little adventure, are we? 586 00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:39,440 And what's on the agenda today? 587 00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:42,600 Food club, is it? Or what I'd wear if I could today? 588 00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:44,040 Oh, can we not forego? 589 00:26:44,040 --> 00:26:46,040 Yeah, we're all a bit tired, Fanny. 590 00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:49,000 Bed? At this time? 591 00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:52,640 Yeah. Never have I known such a feckless bunch 592 00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:55,120 of good-for-nothings. 593 00:26:55,120 --> 00:26:56,960 That's better. 594 00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:59,880 Oh, Alison, don't forget, the boiler man's coming at two. 595 00:27:01,360 --> 00:27:03,800 The boiler man?! 596 00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:05,360 SHE WHIMPERS 65142

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