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1
00:05:12,353 --> 00:05:14,730
God, I had to weirdest driver.
2
00:05:14,730 --> 00:05:16,320
He heard the bottles in my bag
3
00:05:16,320 --> 00:05:17,477
and he was like, "You're not 21 yet!"
4
00:05:17,477 --> 00:05:19,310
"You're not old enough
to be drunk in my car."
5
00:05:19,310 --> 00:05:22,037
And so I got my passport
out, I'm like, "Look!
6
00:05:22,037 --> 00:05:24,820
"1995, 23, eat it, weep."
7
00:05:24,820 --> 00:05:26,670
You just attract the
strangest people, don't you?
8
00:05:26,670 --> 00:05:28,160
I do, and
it's always about my age,
9
00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:29,957
I swear to you, anyways.
10
00:05:31,510 --> 00:05:33,974
That actually remind me,
are you, are you 23 or?
11
00:05:33,974 --> 00:05:35,307
Yeah.
12
00:05:36,291 --> 00:05:37,553
You're not fuckin' with me?
13
00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:41,273
You're disgusting.
14
00:05:42,387 --> 00:05:43,563
This is true, this is true.
15
00:05:47,970 --> 00:05:50,037
That's what I like about you, though.
16
00:06:02,060 --> 00:06:04,183
I didn't used to feel bad about it.
17
00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:06,960
I mean, hell, so many men do it.
18
00:06:07,795 --> 00:06:09,258
I mean, married men, single men.
19
00:06:09,258 --> 00:06:12,150
It just, I didn't think anything of it.
20
00:06:12,150 --> 00:06:15,890
It was, it was people in
position, in my field,
21
00:06:15,890 --> 00:06:19,341
guys that I worked with talking
about, you know escorts.
22
00:06:19,341 --> 00:06:21,480
And just, it just,
23
00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:22,920
it wasn't a big deal.
24
00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:25,080
It was like going to Vegas,
25
00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:28,130
puttin', puttin' 10 grand
down on the craps table.
26
00:06:28,130 --> 00:06:30,283
Wasn't a big deal, it was a commodity.
27
00:06:31,850 --> 00:06:32,683
Adorable?
28
00:06:33,880 --> 00:06:34,830
Like your daughter?
29
00:06:56,776 --> 00:07:01,101
God, it's funny sometimes.
30
00:07:01,101 --> 00:07:03,184
Then why'd you call me?
31
00:07:04,540 --> 00:07:07,093
Stressed.
32
00:07:10,316 --> 00:07:15,316
My work, my family,
surrounded by
33
00:07:16,740 --> 00:07:19,113
mediocrity and oh, my god.
34
00:07:21,933 --> 00:07:23,040
Hmm, I think what's wrong
35
00:07:23,040 --> 00:07:25,140
is staying somewhere where you're unhappy.
36
00:07:26,140 --> 00:07:28,364
Are you happy when you come here?
37
00:07:28,364 --> 00:07:29,197
When you see me?
38
00:07:37,020 --> 00:07:38,420
What are you thinkin' about?
39
00:07:42,937 --> 00:07:46,100
Gah, just dealing with
a fucking idiot at work
40
00:07:46,100 --> 00:07:48,990
and dealing with my kids, my (sighs)
41
00:07:48,990 --> 00:07:51,360
my wife is up my ass and it's just...
42
00:07:53,430 --> 00:07:54,363
How old are you?
43
00:08:01,681 --> 00:08:02,560
I feel like after all this time,
44
00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:04,660
I, I still don't even know your real name.
45
00:08:08,319 --> 00:08:11,693
Wow, just shut the door on me like that.
46
00:08:23,175 --> 00:08:25,092
Does it matter?
47
00:08:28,247 --> 00:08:29,080
I'm sorry.
48
00:08:32,131 --> 00:08:33,881
Do you really care?
49
00:08:58,750 --> 00:09:01,400
Um, then I decided to take it further
50
00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:04,460
and meet with some of the people in person
51
00:09:04,460 --> 00:09:07,980
and do, like sugar-babying,
the girlfriend experience,
52
00:09:07,980 --> 00:09:11,610
so it didn't always start
off as, as putting on a wig
53
00:09:11,610 --> 00:09:14,300
and going to meet some guy in hotel.
54
00:09:14,300 --> 00:09:18,407
It was more having relationships
with these men and,
55
00:09:18,407 --> 00:09:20,920
and seeing where it could go and,
56
00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:23,580
and then a lot of weird
people, a lot of mean people,
57
00:09:23,580 --> 00:09:25,683
I got into some hairy situations.
58
00:09:26,910 --> 00:09:28,700
Erm, but I've met a lot of sad people too.
59
00:09:28,700 --> 00:09:30,890
And a lot of lonely ones.
60
00:09:30,890 --> 00:09:33,723
No, I don't think you're pathetic.
61
00:09:38,670 --> 00:09:41,733
Maybe sad or bored.
62
00:09:44,846 --> 00:09:47,820
It's gone into the
level of absurd at this point.
63
00:09:47,820 --> 00:09:48,653
It's.
64
00:09:50,235 --> 00:09:51,068
It's okay.
65
00:09:52,290 --> 00:09:54,763
That's why I'm here to help.
66
00:09:57,490 --> 00:09:58,323
It's your time.
67
00:10:04,797 --> 00:10:06,063
Making me sad.
68
00:10:12,919 --> 00:10:13,948
I'm really sorry.
69
00:10:13,948 --> 00:10:15,426
- Yeah?
- Really, really sorry.
70
00:10:15,426 --> 00:10:16,843
I'm really sorry.
71
00:10:18,010 --> 00:10:18,980
I feel like after all this time
72
00:10:18,980 --> 00:10:20,930
I still don't even know your real name.
73
00:10:36,405 --> 00:10:39,110
Um, I don't think he's a bad person.
74
00:10:39,110 --> 00:10:41,030
No, I don't, I don't
think it's inherently bad
75
00:10:41,030 --> 00:10:43,863
to pay for sex or to be paid for it.
76
00:10:45,830 --> 00:10:48,290
But it's not something I wanna
do for the rest of my life.
77
00:10:48,290 --> 00:10:50,453
It's not something I'm passion about.
78
00:10:54,130 --> 00:10:57,900
I can see parts of what I'm
passionate about in this,
79
00:10:57,900 --> 00:10:59,300
that I like getting dressed up,
80
00:10:59,300 --> 00:11:01,870
that I like playing another person,
81
00:11:01,870 --> 00:11:03,970
but I don't like taking
from another person
82
00:11:03,970 --> 00:11:06,433
or, or feeling like I'm manipulating them.
83
00:11:10,624 --> 00:11:14,960
I mean, yeah, it's, it's,
it's shitty to, you know,
84
00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:17,350
treat my family that way,
treat my wife that way,
85
00:11:17,350 --> 00:11:20,400
but if I'm honest with myself, I,
86
00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:23,180
I should never have married her anyway.
87
00:11:23,180 --> 00:11:25,210
I mean, I, I created this whole life,
88
00:11:25,210 --> 00:11:29,830
I created this whole rat-race lifestyle,
89
00:11:29,830 --> 00:11:31,670
what, what I thought I had to do.
90
00:11:31,670 --> 00:11:33,137
Everyone was telling me
"Oh, this is the girl
91
00:11:33,137 --> 00:11:34,787
"you should marry, this
is where you should live,
92
00:11:34,787 --> 00:11:36,457
"you should have, have two and half kids
93
00:11:36,457 --> 00:11:37,820
"and the nuclear family and all that."
94
00:11:37,820 --> 00:11:39,120
I didn't want any of that.
95
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:43,043
I did want any of it.
96
00:11:44,030 --> 00:11:44,863
Yeah.
97
00:11:46,190 --> 00:11:49,253
Just bullshit, nothin' to
look forward to or you know?
98
00:11:59,670 --> 00:12:02,207
Can you back it up or are you just stuck?
99
00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:24,393
Sorry.
100
00:12:27,272 --> 00:12:29,420
If you want, erm, I can
give you something else
101
00:12:29,420 --> 00:12:33,910
to think about or you know? (giggles)
102
00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:37,363
I don't know, er, why'd you call me then?
103
00:13:08,643 --> 00:13:10,909
That's okay too, we
don't have to get to it.
104
00:13:10,909 --> 00:13:12,576
We'll just hang out.
105
00:13:24,900 --> 00:13:25,733
Okay.
106
00:13:26,692 --> 00:13:29,620
And so I rationalized why it was okay
107
00:13:29,620 --> 00:13:30,470
that I was doing what I was doing.
108
00:13:30,470 --> 00:13:31,303
It wasn't my fault.
109
00:13:31,303 --> 00:13:33,303
I, I victimized myself.
110
00:13:35,010 --> 00:13:36,493
Who the fuck am I, all right?
111
00:13:37,910 --> 00:13:41,113
I pull in 200K a year, who the fuck am I?
112
00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:49,093
It's despicable.
113
00:13:50,350 --> 00:13:52,640
I know it's despicable, it's disgusting,
114
00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:54,603
it's vile, it's heinous.
115
00:13:57,060 --> 00:14:00,813
But it's what I know that I deserve.
116
00:14:06,870 --> 00:14:07,703
I just.
117
00:14:09,126 --> 00:14:10,760
Fuck, I don't even know anymore,
118
00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:14,222
I just don't know, I
just don't know, I just.
119
00:14:17,742 --> 00:14:19,825
I know I'm goin' to hell.
120
00:14:20,810 --> 00:14:23,860
I'm not a good person,
no matter what she says.
121
00:14:26,510 --> 00:14:27,583
She doesn't know me.
122
00:14:30,550 --> 00:14:31,483
But I know her.
123
00:14:33,900 --> 00:14:36,743
Yeah, I know who she really is.
124
00:14:39,210 --> 00:14:43,703
She's just scared girl,
runnin' from her past.
125
00:14:48,745 --> 00:14:51,027
Are we, are we praying now?
126
00:14:51,027 --> 00:14:53,563
You wanna?
127
00:14:57,760 --> 00:15:02,760
Now I lay me down to sleep,
if I should die before I wake,
128
00:15:03,391 --> 00:15:07,003
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
129
00:15:07,003 --> 00:15:08,086
Oh, my God.
130
00:15:12,958 --> 00:15:15,695
This is so bad.
131
00:15:15,695 --> 00:15:17,695
Oh, gosh, so bad.
132
00:15:19,417 --> 00:15:23,450
We can feel bad together, I like that.
133
00:15:23,450 --> 00:15:24,730
Your watch is broken.
134
00:15:24,730 --> 00:15:27,183
Like everything else in my life.
135
00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:32,536
You're not broken.
136
00:15:32,536 --> 00:15:35,165
You don't even know me.
137
00:15:35,165 --> 00:15:37,977
I know you're not broken.
138
00:15:37,977 --> 00:15:39,923
Broken people aren't this nice.
139
00:15:41,337 --> 00:15:43,519
Says the little porcelain doll.
140
00:15:56,813 --> 00:16:01,336
What are we doin'?
141
00:16:01,336 --> 00:16:02,586
I don't know.
142
00:16:03,443 --> 00:16:05,083
I don't wanna stop though.
143
00:16:09,423 --> 00:16:10,723
I'm bored.
144
00:16:14,705 --> 00:16:15,780
God, you
have the attention span
145
00:16:15,780 --> 00:16:17,000
of a squirrel, don't you?
146
00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:19,013
This is true, what I do, man?
147
00:16:20,940 --> 00:16:22,557
Can we just just talk?
148
00:16:27,933 --> 00:16:29,083
Okay.
149
00:16:30,408 --> 00:16:31,241
Do have anything good?
150
00:16:31,241 --> 00:16:35,223
Any fun facts, any gossip, tea to spill?
151
00:16:42,230 --> 00:16:44,310
Why do I feel that I can
tell you all this stuff?
152
00:16:44,310 --> 00:16:45,143
I just.
153
00:16:46,062 --> 00:16:47,000
I don't know.
154
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:52,000
Some stranger in life, you're
like this little red siren.
155
00:16:55,360 --> 00:16:57,513
I'm a good secret-keeper, honest.
156
00:17:04,730 --> 00:17:07,859
Now I'm bored, I'm bored, I'm bored!
157
00:17:07,859 --> 00:17:08,760
What are we doin'?
158
00:17:10,170 --> 00:17:11,119
Let's so somethin'.
159
00:17:14,319 --> 00:17:16,586
What do you care?
160
00:17:16,586 --> 00:17:18,530
I care that people
are havin' a good time
161
00:17:18,530 --> 00:17:23,186
when I'm them or that I'm
having a good time, sometimes.
162
00:18:30,538 --> 00:18:33,346
What'd you want from your life?
163
00:18:35,050 --> 00:18:39,023
To be old and have a really
nice house and my cat.
164
00:18:40,796 --> 00:18:43,288
What about all
the stuff in between, though?
165
00:18:43,288 --> 00:18:45,640
I don't know, if I get it, I get it.
166
00:18:45,640 --> 00:18:47,850
Um, that's it.
167
00:18:47,850 --> 00:18:50,863
Um, I dunno if I wanna
family, if I want all that.
168
00:18:51,900 --> 00:18:54,300
Just know that I wanna
be comfortable and happy.
169
00:18:57,610 --> 00:18:58,810
Maybe be a better man.
170
00:19:02,120 --> 00:19:02,953
Maybe.
171
00:19:07,937 --> 00:19:09,770
I think I can do that.
172
00:19:12,540 --> 00:19:15,090
You seem like, like a really nice guy.
173
00:19:15,090 --> 00:19:18,190
So why are you here?
174
00:19:18,190 --> 00:19:19,340
Why are you doing this?
175
00:19:21,361 --> 00:19:24,340
I'm not a nice guy.
176
00:19:24,340 --> 00:19:29,340
You just see me here, in this
room, for a couple of hours.
177
00:19:31,770 --> 00:19:33,947
I've done some heinous things.
178
00:19:36,292 --> 00:19:38,459
Unquestionable things and.
179
00:19:45,412 --> 00:19:50,412
I think I call you
180
00:19:53,390 --> 00:19:58,390
because I think that
maybe if I get involved
181
00:19:59,340 --> 00:20:01,963
with someone else's life,
someone that needs help,
182
00:20:03,310 --> 00:20:05,570
that I can make up for all
of the fucked-up things
183
00:20:05,570 --> 00:20:06,403
that I've done.
184
00:20:09,540 --> 00:20:10,693
That's just not true.
185
00:20:13,470 --> 00:20:15,440
You know, when you have
money, life's a little easier.
186
00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:18,923
And, you know, I feel safe with you, I do.
187
00:20:34,860 --> 00:20:36,333
You feel safe with me?
188
00:20:38,010 --> 00:20:38,843
Why?
189
00:20:40,307 --> 00:20:42,000
I don't know, I just
like being with you,
190
00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:45,660
I like it when you call me,
I like sleepin' next to you.
191
00:20:45,660 --> 00:20:46,933
I usually don't do that.
192
00:20:47,970 --> 00:20:50,023
Just feels, feels kinda good.
193
00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:55,000
Some guys are really weird or really mean
194
00:20:56,380 --> 00:20:58,923
and I like that you don't
have any of those things.
195
00:21:00,740 --> 00:21:04,733
And you'd never hurt me.
- I find that really odd.
196
00:21:06,660 --> 00:21:08,523
You're not making this easy.
197
00:21:11,060 --> 00:21:14,820
I thought this would make my life easier
198
00:21:14,820 --> 00:21:19,820
but you're just, you're making
this really difficult, um.
199
00:21:21,050 --> 00:21:22,300
And I feel badly.
200
00:21:22,300 --> 00:21:26,010
A lot of these men, you know
they don't just call me for sex
201
00:21:26,010 --> 00:21:27,660
or for the physical side of things
202
00:21:27,660 --> 00:21:29,950
but they want someone to talk to,
203
00:21:29,950 --> 00:21:31,970
someone to be there with them,
204
00:21:31,970 --> 00:21:34,630
just someone to fall asleep next to,
205
00:21:34,630 --> 00:21:37,383
um, so it's not, it's not
always a sexual thing.
206
00:21:38,617 --> 00:21:40,867
Sometimes it's really
beautiful and sad, too.
207
00:21:46,220 --> 00:21:51,220
Maybe I just thought that I could find
208
00:21:52,260 --> 00:21:55,543
who I really am with somebody else.
209
00:22:01,670 --> 00:22:02,780
I still don't know.
210
00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:10,120
It's not you.
- The hair's not me,
211
00:23:10,120 --> 00:23:12,400
but it's me, you know?
212
00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:13,233
It's fun.
213
00:23:15,378 --> 00:23:18,517
It may be fun but I
wanna see the real you.
214
00:23:21,690 --> 00:23:24,983
No, the wig, the wig's better, yeah.
215
00:23:26,241 --> 00:23:29,766
What are you afraid of?
216
00:23:29,766 --> 00:23:33,099
I don't know.
217
00:23:34,114 --> 00:23:35,823
Why you gettin' on serious on me?
218
00:23:36,990 --> 00:23:38,540
It doesn't have to be that way.
219
00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:46,110
'Cause in some fucked-up way
220
00:23:47,850 --> 00:23:50,170
I feel like have to help you
221
00:23:51,103 --> 00:23:53,940
- No.
- Because there's nothing
222
00:23:53,940 --> 00:23:58,600
in my life, there's
nothing, of all the shit,
223
00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:00,753
there's nothing that I'm proud of.
224
00:24:02,270 --> 00:24:04,160
No, see you call it "shit"
225
00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:06,333
but I don't, I don't think it's shit.
226
00:24:07,260 --> 00:24:10,163
I think you have a family,
you have a good job,
227
00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:14,870
it's somethin', you can make
something with that, you know?
228
00:24:18,750 --> 00:24:21,560
To you, you see all the
material things that I have
229
00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:23,270
and you think oh, that's success
230
00:24:23,270 --> 00:24:28,249
but it's all bullshit.
231
00:24:30,120 --> 00:24:31,747
I think a family is success, you know?
232
00:24:31,747 --> 00:24:33,463
You made something, someone.
233
00:24:35,248 --> 00:24:36,081
And that means something,
234
00:24:36,081 --> 00:24:38,303
even if the person
doesn't see you anymore.
235
00:24:40,820 --> 00:24:43,470
I made something
with the wrong someone.
236
00:24:45,520 --> 00:24:47,820
You have no idea what
that feels like, do you?
237
00:24:50,093 --> 00:24:51,783
Not really.
238
00:24:54,001 --> 00:24:54,834
Why?
239
00:24:55,670 --> 00:24:56,670
Why do you trust me?
240
00:24:59,603 --> 00:25:02,450
Just have a good feeling.
241
00:25:02,450 --> 00:25:06,730
You're not mean or weird, really.
242
00:25:06,730 --> 00:25:09,939
- Says you.
- Yeah, says me.
243
00:25:09,939 --> 00:25:13,283
- Yeah, you have no fucking idea who I am.
244
00:25:15,150 --> 00:25:16,624
- You know that, yeah?
- Yeah.
245
00:25:16,624 --> 00:25:19,791
And I'm not gonna just throttle you?
246
00:25:21,104 --> 00:25:23,310
I have a good feeling.
247
00:25:23,310 --> 00:25:25,263
Could break your neck if I wanted to.
248
00:25:28,676 --> 00:25:31,009
Look, I could snap your arm.
249
00:25:35,342 --> 00:25:40,342
You don't
know what I'm capable of.
250
00:25:44,061 --> 00:25:45,644
Show me.
251
00:25:50,431 --> 00:25:55,311
Show you.
252
00:25:55,311 --> 00:25:56,144
Fuck.
253
00:26:01,197 --> 00:26:05,854
Why don't you just show me
who you really are, huh?
254
00:26:05,854 --> 00:26:08,299
Well, why don't you just?
- No, no, no, no, no.
255
00:26:08,299 --> 00:26:09,216
- Why?
- No.
256
00:26:10,780 --> 00:26:13,306
Why, why, why the, why this?
257
00:26:13,306 --> 00:26:16,926
Why, why, why the stockings,
why the wig, why everything?
258
00:26:16,926 --> 00:26:18,754
Why can you just be you?
- I like it.
259
00:26:18,754 --> 00:26:22,750
I'm not being me right
now, I'm being Clarissa.
260
00:26:22,750 --> 00:26:23,850
But I wanna see you.
261
00:26:25,150 --> 00:26:25,983
Sorry.
262
00:26:29,106 --> 00:26:31,053
This is what you get.
263
00:26:31,053 --> 00:26:32,423
I think it's pretty good.
264
00:26:33,647 --> 00:26:36,133
I want what's real.
265
00:26:38,800 --> 00:26:43,453
I know this started as,
as a fantasy and all the,
266
00:26:44,650 --> 00:26:46,690
all the smoke and mirror and the bullshit
267
00:26:46,690 --> 00:26:51,560
but if you trust me,
if I'm, I'm this person
268
00:26:51,560 --> 00:26:53,740
that you can be yourself
with, you feel safe with,
269
00:26:53,740 --> 00:26:55,340
why can't you be honest with me?
270
00:26:57,830 --> 00:26:59,600
It's just more fun to lie.
271
00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:01,966
It's more fun to make up stories.
272
00:27:01,966 --> 00:27:03,566
I like it, it feels like acting.
273
00:27:06,130 --> 00:27:09,283
Yet, you're not an actress.
274
00:27:11,225 --> 00:27:12,725
You're you, right?
275
00:27:14,389 --> 00:27:16,389
Look, I'm trying to help you here, okay?
276
00:27:18,160 --> 00:27:21,263
You don't need this, you
don't need this fucking life.
277
00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:25,510
Then why do people
like you keep calling me?
278
00:27:25,510 --> 00:27:26,700
Keep wanting to see me, hm?
279
00:27:26,700 --> 00:27:29,310
Because I'm fucked-up, okay?
280
00:27:29,310 --> 00:27:31,120
So you're the only one
that's allowed to be fucked-up?
281
00:27:31,120 --> 00:27:32,070
Other people can't?
282
00:27:36,174 --> 00:27:40,083
Look, I got a lot more
years than you, okay?
283
00:27:40,083 --> 00:27:42,243
And I don't want you
to go down a bad path.
284
00:27:45,790 --> 00:27:47,563
I see something in you, you're not,
285
00:27:49,293 --> 00:27:52,724
you're not common.
286
00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:57,950
Um, and I like making
these different characters
287
00:27:57,950 --> 00:28:00,170
and these different people to
go with these different men.
288
00:28:00,170 --> 00:28:04,290
It feels like acting, it feels like lying.
289
00:28:04,290 --> 00:28:07,470
Um, so I do wanna go to
school, maybe get a BFA
290
00:28:07,470 --> 00:28:10,940
or do theater somehow, yeah.
291
00:28:10,940 --> 00:28:11,993
Makes me happy.
292
00:28:22,930 --> 00:28:27,930
Sometimes, we do terrible
things in our lives
293
00:28:30,640 --> 00:28:34,963
but they lead us to do
really great things.
294
00:28:37,970 --> 00:28:41,643
You just, we didn't see it from the start.
295
00:34:27,775 --> 00:34:29,275
This is nice.
296
00:34:30,900 --> 00:34:33,253
Feel kinda sad in here, to be honest.
297
00:34:34,179 --> 00:34:35,123
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
298
00:34:37,750 --> 00:34:39,780
What would make you less sad?
299
00:34:41,940 --> 00:34:43,313
Going out in the sun.
300
00:34:44,170 --> 00:34:45,157
Maybe with you.
301
00:34:47,018 --> 00:34:47,851
Really?
302
00:34:51,290 --> 00:34:53,456
That could be fun.
303
00:34:54,540 --> 00:34:55,679
Yeah.
304
00:34:55,679 --> 00:34:56,513
- Okay.
- Let's do that.
305
00:34:56,513 --> 00:34:57,588
Is it a date?
306
00:34:57,588 --> 00:34:58,566
- It's a date.
- It's a date, really?
307
00:34:58,566 --> 00:35:01,153
- Let's do it.
- Okay.
308
00:35:04,610 --> 00:35:07,800
I do feel guilty sometimes
309
00:35:07,800 --> 00:35:12,470
because I get a lot of
money from these men
310
00:35:12,470 --> 00:35:15,053
and I feel like sometimes
I'm manipulating them
311
00:35:15,053 --> 00:35:17,840
because I am lying, I am
putting on a character,
312
00:35:17,840 --> 00:35:20,373
a wig, a different person.
313
00:35:21,610 --> 00:35:25,310
And that's money that
could've gone to their kids,
314
00:35:25,310 --> 00:35:27,623
to their kid's education, to their wife.
315
00:35:28,680 --> 00:35:30,220
You know, who am I to come into their life
316
00:35:30,220 --> 00:35:32,030
and take that from them?
317
00:35:32,030 --> 00:35:33,983
So I, I do feel guilty sometimes.
318
00:35:36,604 --> 00:35:38,130
I mean, even before we were married
319
00:35:38,130 --> 00:35:41,093
I knew it was destined to be hell.
320
00:35:42,330 --> 00:35:45,340
Just, yeah, Stacy seemed great on paper
321
00:35:45,340 --> 00:35:49,010
but she was who everyone
wanted me to be with and,
322
00:35:49,010 --> 00:35:52,330
and as soon as we were married,
just phew!
323
00:35:52,330 --> 00:35:53,330
Flipped the switch.
324
00:35:53,330 --> 00:35:55,740
She just became this raving bitch.
325
00:35:55,740 --> 00:35:58,550
Just, everything I did was
wrong, or it wasn't enough
326
00:35:58,550 --> 00:35:59,877
or "Why can't me have more vacations?
327
00:35:59,877 --> 00:36:01,940
"Why can't we go to the Hamptons?"
328
00:36:01,940 --> 00:36:04,630
Just, all she wanted to do was
just take and take and take
329
00:36:04,630 --> 00:36:07,180
and, and, and when we had
kids we thought that would,
330
00:36:07,180 --> 00:36:09,130
that would help but that made it worse.
331
00:36:10,540 --> 00:36:15,540
Just to have so
many people on your back
332
00:36:16,740 --> 00:36:18,260
that want something from you, your wife,
333
00:36:18,260 --> 00:36:20,863
your kids, your boss, your, your job,
334
00:36:22,010 --> 00:36:25,285
it's, I mean, are you
surprised that this happened?
335
00:36:25,285 --> 00:36:27,885
Are you surprised that I
ended up in this situation?
336
00:36:28,940 --> 00:36:31,693
Doesn't just happen.
337
00:36:33,286 --> 00:36:36,110
I mean, yeah, I'm no saint but
338
00:36:38,160 --> 00:36:39,963
sometimes enough is enough.
339
00:36:41,790 --> 00:36:43,840
I mean, every man has his breaking point.
340
00:36:47,230 --> 00:36:49,480
And I just
341
00:36:52,380 --> 00:36:56,173
I felt lost for so long.
342
00:36:58,906 --> 00:37:02,483
And I just didn't know what to do.
343
00:37:05,448 --> 00:37:07,737
So I start seeing this, this girl
344
00:37:09,010 --> 00:37:14,010
and I didn't think that I'd
have this connection to her.
345
00:37:15,090 --> 00:37:17,320
I didn't think it would go this deep.
346
00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:20,593
I didn't think that I
would get this involved.
347
00:37:25,540 --> 00:37:30,540
Maybe I just thought that I could find
348
00:37:31,540 --> 00:37:34,883
who I really am with somebody else.
349
00:37:39,820 --> 00:37:42,393
But then, when I think
about all of the good,
350
00:37:43,900 --> 00:37:45,650
all the peace that it's brought me,
351
00:37:48,250 --> 00:37:52,323
I'm not just some dirty old fuck.
352
00:37:53,740 --> 00:37:57,173
I think that, through this experience,
353
00:37:59,410 --> 00:38:02,680
maybe I can have a better
relationship with my wife
354
00:38:02,680 --> 00:38:05,360
and with my family, and, and I can,
355
00:38:05,360 --> 00:38:10,344
I can put it in the past,
I can, I can stop, I can.
356
00:38:10,344 --> 00:38:14,750
It's just been a,
it's been a really hard test
357
00:38:14,750 --> 00:38:19,750
for me because I do have
the physical attraction,
358
00:38:21,100 --> 00:38:26,100
I have the lust but I
think what's more important
359
00:38:26,740 --> 00:38:29,743
is helping another human
being find themselves.
360
00:38:31,100 --> 00:38:35,763
And I think that I can bring
that back to my family.
361
00:38:37,330 --> 00:38:38,573
Maybe be a better man.
362
00:38:41,964 --> 00:38:42,797
Maybe.
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