Original subtitles

- Is that... oh, it's okay. - You... it's just...

Can we just-just like that? Is that good?

Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah, we can go slow.

- You close? - Um, I...

I think I lost it.

- That's okay. - Yeah.

- But do you want to... - Stop? Yeah, no, we can stop.

Oh, oh, great, yeah-yeah, I have to go to work.

- So, okay, all right. - Yeah, no, that's okay.

Good try.

Do you wanna try again tonight?

Maybe? I don't know, I'm supposed to meet

with Doug later, so I don't really know

what kind of mood I'm gonna be in.

Sorry, I always forget

you have a parole officer.

He's a probation officer.

It's not a parole... I didn't go to jail.

That's the difference, I keep

explaining that, and you don't...

Do you wanna try this weekend?

Maybe!

Hi.

My name's Jack Brown, I was curious if I could

talk to you about saving the planet today.

Uh, no, no.

Oh, hi, did you want a fitting room,

or should I wrap it up for you?

- Just ring it up please. - Okay.

Can you put me on the list?

- Yeah, sure, of course. - For, like,

- not to come back? - "Do not come back."

I wanna... I wanna be on the list that's like,

never come here again for you and your peers.

I'll take this too.

Oh, um, off the mannequin?

Just... I'll take it.

Okay.

- Hey-yo! - Hey, my name's Jack Brown.

Yeah, you're from Titty Bingo.

Excuse me?

You know what? Never mind.

Wait, no, what's... What's Titty Bingo?

Oh, that's from the Spring Resort collection.

- Yes. - Okay.

Why?

Oh, hey, welcome to the store...

Just looking.

Caught you!

- Um... - Where's that from?

- Um, the... sorry? - The wine.

Oh, uh... the bottle?

You're fun.

You're fun. That's a fun answer.

Mm... mm!

Ugh, who serves room temperature rosé?

Ugh, my boss.

That dress is good on you.

Uh, it... it's not mine,

we, you know, we have to wear stuff

from the store, so...

I mean, I...

I would love to show you something similar,

or you could even... You could try this one on.

Why'd you do that?

Well, I work here, so.

No, why'd you deflect when I gave you a compliment?

- Oh, I... - Is that something

- you normally do? - Um...

You shouldn't do that.

No, we would never talk to anyone else

the way we talk to ourselves.

My friend Renée Brown says that.

- Oh... - Come with me.

Oh, my God, you're so tall.

- I know. - No, it's amazing.

You're like a valkyrie or an Amazonian.

You look like Wonder Woman.

Look at you, you're so powerful.

You look amazing, right?

Say it.

You look amazing.

- Say it. - No, it's... no.

- You look amazing. - I...

"I look amazing."

Now you.

I look amazing.

Yeah, one more time.

- I look amazing. - Okay, one more time.

- I look amazing. - Now I believe you.

We're just having fun.

I love that. I'm Catherine. People call me Cat.

I'm Lindsay. People just...

- Lindz? - call me Lindsay.

I'm gonna call you Lindz.

You're about to go on break, right?

- Oh, I don't... - I feel like

you're about to go on break.

In the back of my mind, I just, I've always wanted

to be a designer, and then I got...

I don't know, here I am.

Working at a store, and Jack is...

I'm sorry, I'm a little embarrassed,

I'm just, I'm rambling on and on.

- No, no-no. - I... we should...

Let's just stop talking about me.

Lindz, honestly,

I'm just happy to be talking to another person

- who's married. - Oh, are your friends

- not married? - Well, I don't really...

- have a lot of friends. - Oh, my God.

- I don't either. - Well, who has time?

- Right? - You know? Work, kids.

- Blah. - Oh, you have kids.

Twins. You don't?

Oh, no, no.

No twins, no kids, um,

we, you know, we talked about it,

and it's not like we're not... not trying,

we're just not trying,

- you know? - Well, good for you.

We need more wine.

- What's her name? - Um, Georgia?

Georgia!

- Hey, Georgia! - Oh, God.

Yeah, you.

Is there something I can help you with?

My friend Lindz is entertaining me,

and we would just love another bottle

of that delicious rosé you're pouring.

Oh, Lindz, is it now?

Well, Lindz, if your friend isn't

going to buy anything, I'm going to have to ask her

- to leave. - Is she talking to me?

- Yes, I am. - I'm sorry.

- You're going to leave. - Oh, okay.

I... okay, I think she's mad.

Um, Lindz, you get commission, right?

- Yeah. - Yeah, great, okay.

Georgia? I'm gonna take care of this.

Have you ever thought about meditating?

So, then Cat points to an entire rack and says,

"I'll take all of that in a size two."

Points to another rack and says,

"I'll take all of that in a size four,"

because she gains weight when they go to France.

And then she says, "I'll take all of the boots

in a seven, and then whatever Lindz likes."

- Ooh, "Lindz." - Yeah, whatever Lindz likes.

You fucking hate when people call you Lindz.

What? No, I... sorry, what was I saying?

You just threw me off track.

Uh, boots and then whatever Lindz likes.

Yes, whatever Lindz likes from the jewelry.

"You know what, actually I'm just gonna take

- "all of the jewelry." - Oh, fuck.

Yeah! "And I want it hand-wrapped",

individually, by you."

- She said that to Georgia? - To Georgia.

- And you're not fired? - No!

I sold more in ten minutes

than that boutique has sold in six months.

- Nice. - Then she takes my phone,

she puts her number in it,

and says, "You and Jack"

"have to go to Sonoma next weekend

- "with Matt and I." - ♪ Sonoma ♪

Yeah, Cat says it's the new Napa.

Did you hear what I just said?

What? Yeah, no, yeah, it's wild.

Do we not get the MLB network anymore?

Do you wanna go?

- What? - Do you wanna go?

- What, to Napa? - Sonoma?

- Jack. - Bottom of the third...

I mean, don't you think that's kind of weird?

Uh, no. Do not cross-examine.

I'm not, I just... You don't know this Kate.

- Cat. - Right, but this person

just, like, blows into your store, apparently

buys everything in it, and then you get

a huge commission... which, like, you know, awesome.

And then she just invites you to Sedona?

- Sonoma. - What did I say?

Sedona.

My point being, you know, this could be

some weird, rich person sex thing

- or, like, purge thing. - "Purge"?

Yeah, like the movies, like... like maybe

they wanna hunt us for sport, did you think about that?

No, I didn't, Jack, because I'm not an idiot.

Nice, nice, that's good.

I'm sorry.

I would really like to go.

And I would like to understand why you want

to spend a weekend with people you don't know.

Okay, because she was fun

and funny and interesting,

and she and her husband own their own businesses.

And they have a house and they have a family.

They have their shit together.

I thought this could be really good for us.

All right, when is it?

- Next weekend. - Next weekend!

It's next weekend. You said that, sorry.

Okay.

- Really? - Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, you know, I gotta get the time off

and then clear it with Doug.

But...

- yeah, it'll be fun. - Yeah?

- I think. - Yeah?

- Yeah, yeah. - Yeah?

Yeah, yeah.

- Okay. - Okay.

- I'm gonna text her. - Great.

- Okay. - If they purge us, though,

I get to be super-pissed off.

I mean, it could be the sex thing.

No.

I knew we should've printed the directions.

Well, I mean, I didn't know that there would be

- no service. - This is what rich people do.

They go off the grid for vacation.

Because you know so many rich people?

No, but I do watch "Billions,"

and this is... this is a total Axe move.

Okay.

Where the fuck are we?

- We're in wine country. - So why are there cows?

There should be grapes. Read the invite again?

"You are cordially invited to a weekend

"of wine and whimsy at Vlas Vineyard.

7766 Lewis Road."

Oh, my God.

And there's a star and a picture of a cow.

So we are clearly close.

- That's a murder house. - What?

Yeah. That's a house where a murder happens.

- What are you talking about? - My mom always said

you would kill me, and you've finally done it.

- This is great. - All right, "Purge."

Look, they're obviously

very, very wealthy.

You're gonna have to call them.

- I... - We're just gonna

sit here like weirdos.

Hi! It's Jack and Lindsay!

- No, Jack! - Hello?

Don't be rude!

Hello?

This man is made of dicks.

- Jack! - What? He'...

No, I need you to be cool, okay?

- I am, I am cool. - No, listen to me.

I really like her, and she's being really nice

to invite us up here, and I'm not really great

at making friends, so I just need you to...

- No, I will keep it tight. - Tightest.

Okay.

Oh!

Let's get the birthday weekend started!

Let's do it!

- Hey! - Hi.

- You made it! - Hi!

Hey, can we get Jack and Lindsay some drinks?

- Hi. - Hi.

- Thank you. - Oh, thank you.

Did you get the champagne? Great.

I am so grateful you're here.

I have been losing my mind.

Jack, it is so nice to finally meet you.

You are so lucky to have her.

- She's so special. - Oh, yeah, no, thank you.

- Yeah, of course. - Jack and Lindz,

these are our friends Kerry and Carrie.

We know. It's okay to laugh.

I didn't know his name was Kerry when we met.

Yeah, she was modeling at this world wildlife

fundraiser-fashion show- interactive theater

sort of thing that Jared was doing.

- Leto, not Kushner. - Yeah, of course.

That Jared was doing at Dumbo...

We were all playing the emotions of penguins

that were killed for their scales.

Right, right, and the girls were only allowed to show

- what emotion they were. - Sad.

Which was super-convincing, 'cause I thought

- her name was... - Sad.

For, like, a week.

But, in my defense, I was pretty fuckin' banged up.

He spent $65,000

- on champagne. - Yeah, and then we did

a couple of grams of Bolivian marching powder

- in the bathroom. - And we tried to have sex.

In the bathroom.

But he couldn't get hard.

Because of the blow.

And we've been together

- pretty much ever since. - Ahh!

Classic Kerry, right, babe?

Can I steal her for a sec?

Oh, yeah, by all means.

Great.

I've heard that story a million times.

You're welcome.

- My man. - Yeah.

- Matt Flax. - Jack Brown.

- Pleasure there, bud. - Good to meet you.

Nice to meet you too. Thank you.

Yeah, no, my... this is...

hey, can I... do you mind?

Oh, yeah, that's great, thank you, Becca.

Thank you, Becca.

- Hi. - Hi.

God, I hate those people.

Really? They seem nice.

Oh, they're not.

- They're such assholes. - Really?

Yes. So, how's Jack doing?

He thinks we're crazy, right?

What? No.

I mean... he thinks you're gonna murder us.

I mean, he's... he's joking.

Oh, my God, no, I totally get it.

I'm just, like, this crazy stranger

who stumbles into your store

and then invites you to Healdsburg.

Who does that?

Actually, that would make a really good horror movie.

Should we write that?

I love that idea.

I'm sorry, I thought we were in Sonoma.

Oh, we are, but it's actually Healdsburg,

technically Windsor, but it's all in the Sonoma region.

Oh, okay.

You know what? Um, Jack and I were talking,

on the way up, and we were thinking...

I just felt an immediate connection to you.

You seem so...

Sad?

That's a good callback.

No, just... undervalued.

You're not supposed to be selling

other people's clothes.

Well, I... I mean, I don't want to be.

Then why are you?

Student debt.

Oh.

You enjoying the brew?

You... holy shit, you can't... You can't get this

- in California. - Pause.

You buy the distributor, you can do whatever you want.

You buy the...

- You bought the distributor? - Anyway,

let me tell you a quick story, so that

you don't have to hear it from Kerry later.

His grandfather invented tater tots.

- Get the fuck out of here. - No, it's an epic story.

He was working KP, kitchen duty, in World War II,

not in the shit, he was in, like,

Mississippi or something, and there were

all these little extra pieces of potato

that they weren't using, so the guys in the kitchen

started frying 'em up, and the grunts loved 'em.

So the war ends, and this guy has got the foresight

to trademark the thing...

The rest of the KP guys were pissed.

Wait, he didn't cut 'em in?

No, man, the guy was a fuckin' killer.

- You know? - Yeah.

Killer. Killer instinct.

Wow.

Uh, so... how many more people are

- coming up this weekend? - Oh, this is it.

Cat wanted to keep it pretty intimate for her birthday.

And we were gonna blow it out for 30, so...

she wanted to keep it simple for 29.

- It's Cat's birthday? - What... 69?!

- My guy! - It's her birthday?

I feel like I might know the waiter.

- Mm, which one? - The guy.

Daniel?

- Daniel... - Yeah.

Huh.

- Uh... - Do you know him?

- Where are the twins? - Oh, they're back

with the au pair in the city.

We wanted to get away this weekend.

Oh, hell yeah, good for you.

Yeah, it's my birthday.

I didn't want to think about it.

Them... they're obvious...

They're people, I love them.

Did you just say it was your birthday?

- Yeah. - Your birthday?!

- Yeah. - Oh, my God!

I didn't bring anything!

- Oh, that's okay. - No, I'm so sorry.

Trust me, you being here is enough.

I really want you to let me cook you dinner.

- Oh... ew, no! - Please.

- No? - Ew, no-no-no.

We have... We have people who do that.

You just be our guest.

Just relax, enjoy.

- Okay. - Yeah.

I'm just happy you're here.

- Mmm. - Hey.

Hi.

- Hi. - Hi.

You know... hi, I think

Lindsay and I would love to take a moment

to just go check out our room real quick.

- Just get situated. - Oh...

yeah, I'm... I'm so sorry.

I... I forget that being up here makes people...

- Oh... - Oh, no-no-no...

You two go unload.

Wink-wink, sorry, I'm... I'm so inappropriate.

Sometimes I have to... Becca!

Could you please show our guests to their room?

- Hi. - Of course.

We took the liberty of putting

- your bags in your room. - I'm just gonna assume

it's that one there at the end of the hallway, right?

So I think we can probably get there on our own.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

Holy shit, this is a guest room?

He bought my favorite brewery.

- What? - He bought...

well, he bought the distribution...

How did he know that's my favorite beer?

Oh, I mean, I don't know, he probably, like,

Instagrammed you or Facebooked you,

- or whatever. - So he stalked me?

No, he Googled you.

We all do it. We all Google each other,

and then we act surprised when people tell us shit

that we already know about ourselves.

Did you know it was her birthday?

- Mm... - That's kind of weird

she wouldn't tell us that we were up here

- for her birthday. - Well, I think that...

Where are our bags?

Um...

they're in here, in a closet.

- Jesus. - They're unpacked.

They are definitely gonna kill us.

Hey, what are these?

I don't know.

Gift bags!

Oh, my God!

- Jesus. - Jack, these are so nice!

I've got facewash...

- Hangover kit... - Beard trim lotion...

- Massage oil... - I have lube...

- Really? - Yes, there's, like,

a tremendous amount of sex stuff in here.

- Oh, my God. - And I have Viagra.

I told you it was a sex thing.

Yes, yes, you did.

Gum...

Hey.

Can... Can we not do any drugs this weekend?

- Who's doing drugs? - I mean, the first thing

- that guy said was... - Which guy?

Kerry, the tall guy.

He said he does a lot of blow.

- Okay? - And there are

joints in my bag.

- Which are totally legal. - They are, for people

that aren't on probation and have to piss

- in a cup every week. - Well, I mean...

well, that's not their fault.

Okay.

There are six people here.

- Okay. - Mm-hmm,

- and there's an itinerary. - Wine tasting, karaoke,

brunch, yoga, massages!

Jack, this is like a resort.

"Jumpin' Jack Flash."

What? That's so rad.

What's mine say?

"Lazy Lindz."

Oh, well...

You still hate when people call you "Lindz," right?

- Oh, yeah. - They...

- Don't know that. - Right.

You wanna...

unload?

Now?

You don't really seem like you want to.

Yeah, I don't.

Fuck, I should've changed.

- No, you look fine. - I look fucking homeless.

- You look fine. - Jack, Lindz,

- you guys get situated? - Yeah, yeah.

Somebody unpacked our stuff.

Oh, yeah, that was Milton.

He is the fucking best.

- Milton? - Well,

I say Milton, I mean Daniel and Becca.

- But yeah. - Okay, you know,

by the way, thank you for the bags.

- They're incredible. - Oh, did we do bags?

Hey, babe, what's in the bags?

I don't know, I told Milton to do

the kits again and then just to do something

- comfy but fun. - Guys, seriously.

Are they comfy but fun?

- Very. - Great.

Hey, I was... I'm still not getting

any cell phone reception.

- Yeah, and you won't. - What?

No internet either.

Only way I can keep him off the grid.

She calls it a digital detox.

We just get to be here, together,

without any interruptions.

Wow, that's... that's crazy.

So, what are we doing for dinner?

I'm... I'm happy to help in the kitchen

- with the vegan... - Oh, no-no-no.

Come here, I wanna show you something, Ker, come here.

You boys go away, I want Lindz to myself.

- Okay. - Come here.

You have fun.

- Jack? - Yeah.

What are you drinking?

Just whatever you got there is perfect.

- Thank you. - Tequila.

- Oh. - Bing.

Bang.

- Bong. - Boom.

- Cheers. - Cheers, yes, thanks, guys.

- Fuck me, that's good. - Right? Yeah?

What... is this... Is this Casa? What is this?

It's from me and Matt's place in Jalisco.

- Jalisco? - Yeah,

the tequila capital of the world, Jack.

- Is this your tequila? - Well, mine and Ker's,

- but yeah. - Oh, my God, that is cool.

Yeah, we don't sell it, though.

Yeah, it's just for personal consumption.

Mm-hmm, do you love it? Or do you love it?

- You love it. - Kerry?

- Yes? - I fucking love

- this tequila. - I knew it.

We'll have... We'll send you a case, huh?

Thank you, man, that's really... that's really sweet.

Thank you. That's really nice of you guys.

Of course. Hey, come on.

- I wanna show you the view. - Yeah-yeah-yeah.

Hey, actually, you gotta finish your drink.

No man refills till every man is refueled.

- It's a house rule. - I told my wife I wasn't

gonna drink too much, so I'm probably just gonna,

like, I'll just sip it a little bit, maybe,

like a water in there, maybe a juice...

How are you gonna drink too much?

We're not going anywhere.

I-I...

- Bottoms up! - Okay, okay.

- I'm too... let's go. - It's really nice, though.

It's kind of oaky.

Becca had our chef prep everything

and then run it up here this morning.

Don't tell anyone.

- No. - Wine?

- Yes, please. - Okay.

- Here you go. - Thank you.

You're welcome.

These are beautiful glasses.

Oh, thank you.

Yeah, they're kind of one of a kind.

Um... whoo.

Okay, and...

here you go...

Ooh, sorry, it's just about out, so.

- That's fine. - Awesome, okay.

Um...

I mean, I can't even imagine having to do another trip

with just the four of us.

I mean, the boys are inseparable.

And then it's just me and...

I mean,

I just get drunk. There's nothing else to do.

- Well, cheers. - Thank you, God...

It's the fucking best, right?

I can't believe you're here, Jack.

I can't believe it either, man.

Oh, no-no, no, you misunderstand me.

Cat doesn't like people.

Not certain people. People. I thought

she was joking when she said she invited you up here.

Honestly, dude, I... I thought Lindsay was...

Like, I still... I still think this is a joke.

I'm, like, waiting for fucking Ashton Kutcher

to pop out of the couch or something.

- Dude, is Ashton coming? - He's just joking, Kerry.

Wait, you guys know Ashton Kutcher?

- Fuck, we used to... - They had a big...

- It doesn't matter. - thing.

What, were you guys, like, the house rules thing...

- Were you guys in a frat... - No, we went

- to a prep school together. - Yeah, go, Cavs, whoo!

And I was a first-gen, and Kerry was not

an old-money dickbag like the rest of those guys.

So you got a lot of these guys coming to these schools

who are, like, deep old money.

Like, fucked up industrial revolution money.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Matt was one of the first hedge fund guy's kids

- to roll through. - Mm.

Your dad was a hedge fund guy?

Yeah, yeah, he was.

And then he was an insider trading guy.

- And then he was a jail guy. - Whoa.

And we lost everything, and my mother had to...

go back to waiting tables at age 45

at a shitty restaurant,

and I had to drop out of school and take a job

bagging groceries, and then kind of

the cherry on top of it all...

my dad killed himself when he was in prison.

Oh, Jesus Christ, man, I'm sorry.

And it kind of ruined my mom, and...

she couldn't work anymore, and...

so I decided to start working nights

at Blockbuster, and... when I was there,

I pretty quickly identified that their whole market share

was just gonna crumble with the way that the internet

was gonna be going with streaming services.

- You were how old? - Oh, was...

- Seventeen. - Yeah, 17,

but it wasn't rocket science, right?

Everybody had big screen TVs,

because the Korean tech finally caught up

to the need or want of Japanese TVs.

Thanks to an investment from my guy here

and some money over at Netflix,

and a few other well-placed investments...

here we are.

You did this by yourself?

What? No.

Did you listen to anything I just said?

My life is a Rube Goldberg machine of privilege.

It was, like...

boarding school, bing, university, boom,

investment, no, man, come on.

No, you don't... you don't get this by yourself.

You... You get this with a little bit of capital

and a fuckton of luck.

- Hey, to luck. - To luck.

- Yeah. - Yeah?

It is so nice to have another adult to talk to.

I mean, Kerry just runs through these girls.

This one's clearly nearing her expiration date.

And they've obviously stopped fucking, right?

How... How can you tell?

Stop!

"How can you tell?"

Ugh, you're hilarious.

Do you ever do stand-up?

- No. - Really? You should.

You could be, like, Sarah Silverman's

little sister.

Oh! Time to rotate the mung bean balls.

- Becca! - Thank you, Becca.

You're so cute.

No, no, no!

So, what business are you in, Jack?

Oh, I'm a... it's boring, it's renewable energy.

Oh, dope! Dope, so, like,

- design or infrastructure? - No, it's again, it's solar.

- It's not... - Oh, beta, okay, all right.

So, are you enjoying that Tesla tax write-off then?

I, uh...

I sell them.

The solar panels. I go... I go door to door,

and I try to sell them to people.

Jack is being bashful. He was a lawyer.

- Oh, sick! - Yeah, but then

he got hit with an assault charge.

- Oh, misdemeanor felony. - Was a felony,

but he got it kicked down to a misdemeanor,

and now he's serving probation for... three years?

Five...

how do you know that?

Got a guy at the FBI.

And he feeds me information whenever I have anybody

over to the house. It's stupid,

but it's... It's all about safety.

Oh, my God, you should see your face.

Come on!

Oh, my God, no, man, that was...

that... that was good,

no, your wife told my wife, man.

She... She told Cat that?

Yeah, man, that's just what they do,

they get alone, and they just...

take us down a peg.

- So what happened? - I...

I have anger management issues.

Oh, cool, me too!

Oh, so that's why you're in therapy.

- Got it, got it, got it... - Lindsay...

Lindsay told Cat that?

Oh, no, that was Milton's guy at the FBI.

He told us that.

So, it's weird you know that, man.

- What? - You know, the therapy,

- that's... - Dude,

I fuckin' love therapy, what are you talking about?

No, it's great, just I...

you just, you know, like, a lot about me,

and I don't really know anything about you.

Well, if we're keeping track, my man,

you know that my father went to prison

- and that he killed himself. - I...

Hey, that was a super-vulnerable thing

to tell a stranger.

- Thanks, bud. - You're welcome, bro.

Yeah, okay, so, um,

- Lindsay... - Who?

- My wife. - Lindz.

- Yeah, Lindz. - Oh.

Lindz, Lindz got into an argument with this guy

- in a bar, and... - So you hit him.

No, I mean, it's not that simple.

- But you hit the guy. - Yeah, but...

- So it is... - What?

That simple.

No, I mean, you know,

this fucking guy...

this fucking asshole, you know, he's fucking...

He's getting into it with my wife, and the fucking...

he calls her a fucking... cunt.

- A wh... a what? - Cunt.

- Cuh... what is he saying? - I don't have any idea.

- A cunt. - Oh.

And this fucking asshole calls my wife...

- Lindz. - Yes, Lindz, Lindz,

a fucking cunt, you know, so I fucking...

I get really in the guy's face,

he fucking shoves me, and I... I just... I fucking hit him,

man, I just fucking hit him across his fucking face.

- Yeah, fuck yeah, dude. - Fuck yeah.

And this motherfucker, he ends up being

the fucking son of a prominent state senator,

- and I'm fucking... - Oh, fuck.

Jackie.

That's...

that's a hell of a break, man.

Sometimes you don't have any capital,

and you're really fucking unlucky,

and you end up disbarred, on probation,

selling fucking solar panels door-to-door, so.

- Yeah. - Hey, here's

to bad luck too, right, 'cause what's the fucking good

without the bad, yeah?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- To Jack. Oh. - And...

and for what it's worth,

I'd hit the guy too.

- To Jack. - Thanks.

Let's get some mung bean bowls.

Then we can all go throw up, it'll be great.

Who's ready for karaoke?!

Jack attack! Jack attack!

♪ They call the rising... ♪

Your husband is so funny!

Oh, he is definitely having fun.

Guys, take the microphone.

♪ Bum-bum-bum-bum hyah! ♪

No, Jack! No!

Jack, Jack.

Oh, no, I broke... I got it!

- You gotta... it's okay. - Yeah, Jack!

We'll have someone clean it up tomorrow.

- Don't worry about it. - Whoo! Gotta do it again.

No, I did not keep it tight.

My son made that one, and it is not...

so mad at me.

Oh, man, Kerry kept making me take shots,

and I said no, but then I did 'em.

- So... - Hey, Jack?

- Hmm? Yeah? - Honey? This way.

- Mm-kay. - Okay.

Here we go. Yeah, okay, that's good.

- Thank you. - Okay.

- What are you gonna do? - Um, I'm going to go to bed.

What? No, go have fun.

- Really? - Um, yeah.

You're having fun, right?

I mean, yeah, I'm having a lot of fun.

- Good. - Okay.

- Okay. - All right.

- Mm. - Mm.

- Matt. - Good night.

- What? - Matt, he said...

Guy is so smart, so smart.

He was talking Korean technology,

Japanese green energy, money.

He's the best.

He's really smart... Jack, you should talk to him.

You should talk to him over the weekend about business.

I mean, maybe he could help you find a job.

Nah, I have a job.

I just... I meant maybe something that you liked

because you don't love your job.

And maybe there could be something there

like a different career or something.

Okay, good night.

Good night, there's water by the bed.

Uh, hi, um, can I get a tequila?

- Lindsay. - Um, Daniel, right?

Lindsay.

You don't recognize me?

Dan.

Dan Bishop.

Lindsay Simpson.

- Holy shit. - I know.

Oh, my God.

What are you doing here?

Uh, I work for the Flaxes.

Well, I work for Milton.

But yeah,

Oh, my God, that... I mean,

Wow, you... You look so different.

I know, well, I was a trainer at SeaWorld,

and I quit that when it stopped being cool

and, you know, started fighting the fires up here,

and went to Burning Man, met these folks...

- It was like... - Oh, my God!

It all fell into line.

That is truly wild.

Um, I just... thank you.

- Um, so... - And, uh, your husband,

- he was, what... - He's a lawyer.

- He's a lawyer. - He is?

And I work in fashion.

- What? That's amazing. - Yeah.

Thank you, um, can I...

- Can I get just a little... - Lindsay Simpson.

Just a refill, my song's about to come up.

- So I gotta... - Well, let's get you

- warmed up, girl. - I gotta go, but you,

you look great, it's so good to see you.

I'll see you. We'll be seeing you.

Yeah, I'll be here all weekend, don't worry.

Hi... ya.

I was hoping you would come back.

Oh, my God.

- Is Jack okay? - Jack is fine.

He didn't throw up or anything? Does he need...

No, no-no-no, he's sleeping, um,

do you remember earlier, when I said that I thought

- I recognized the waiter? - Oh, Daniel.

- Yeah, Dan. - Daniel.

Dan, Dan Bishop.

I went to high school with Dan.

Daniel Bishop. Shut up.

- Yeah, no, I went... - What are the odds?

The odds that I, uh, would be a person

who had a lot of sex with someone

- who works at her house? - You did sex...

Are very small!

- Wow! - Yeah.

That is so hot.

Well...

That's not all.

Dan had a nickname.

- What was his nickname? - Big Dick Dan.

- Big Dick Dan? - Dan has a massive dick.

Yes!

- I love that. - Okay.

- I love that so much. - Well, yeah.

- Oh, my gosh. - It would be so fun

and such a fun story

if it wasn't for the fact that all of my sorority sisters

knew about it... When I started dating Jack,

they would tease him.

Does Jack not have a big dick?

No, Jack has a great dick.

He has a great dick, it's just like,

it's like husband dick, like he's my husband.

- You know? - Yeah, I do know.

- Unfortunately. - He's been pretty cool

about it, it's just that...

I... I don't know how he's gonna react.

- Mmm. - It's an old wound.

- You know what I mean? - Why does it... Why does it

need to be a thing?

Well, because I'm gonna be

a terrible person if I don't tell him.

You don't have to tell him shit.

- What? - Why do you have

to tell him that? You could just not tell him.

In what world do I just ignore Big Dick Dan

- for the rest of the week? - I don't want you to.

But maybe you kind of have to.

Or I could just fire him.

- Because then... - What?!

You don't have to think about it,

Jack doesn't have to get upset, and then we can...

- Are you messing with me? - Daniel!

- No! Cat, seriously. - I feel like you...

No, tequila's great! Thank you!

- Stop it! - I'm sorry, I just

want you to have a good time, okay?

- Okay, so then... - Okay.

Maybe for tonight we can just...

- forget about it? - Hey, can you keep a secret?

- Yeah. - Keep it a secret.

Fuck...

Oh...

Oh, my...

Oh, fuck.

Oh.

Babe, this doesn't even have to be an argument.

I can take the plane and be back in time from Dubai

to see his art installation.

Except I don't believe you.

You're not gonna make it back at time, and then I...

Why does he wear so much eyeliner to those things?

Because it's part of his look.

He's establishing himself as an artist.

Well, I don't wanna raise a weird kid

who dresses in black all the time.

If he's weird, then he's gonna be...

Jack, hey, morning! You sleep okay?

- Hi, is Lindz up? - Uh, no, no.

She, um...

I'm... I am like...

Uh, we-we-we... we got after it last night, huh?

You definitely took it up a notch, my man,

but hey, when you work hard, you get to play hard.

Am I right?

You going for a run?

Yeah, yeah, no, I'm gonna, you know,

try to sweat it out before I put it back in.

Detox, retox, circle of life.

- You should use the gym. - The gym?

There's one downstairs and then another one

- down below by the pool. - The pool?

Yeah, the one downstairs is kind of sterile.

Agreed, I prefer the one at the guest house.

- The guest house? - Also, Kerry's

in the gym downstairs, and he is a lot in there.

- At the guest house. - No, downstairs.

But I think Carrie's at the sauna.

- Oh. - Where?

- By the pool. - Which is?

- Down below. - Down below.

Great.

There it is.

- Have fun. - Sweat it out.

- He's gonna get lost. - Yeah.

Hah! Hah!

Hah!

Hah! Hah! Hey, buddy!

Hah!

I miss you, Daddy! I miss you, Daddy!

I hate you, Daddy!

- Hey. - Hey.

- How you doing? - I'm good, brother.

Just enjoying the bounty of a beautiful day.

- Right on. - Hey, you're Jack, right?

- Lindsay's husband. - Yeah, yeah, man, you guys...

Man, it is great to meet you.

Yeah, you guys...

you guys too, I'm looking for the...

- the guest house? - Which one?

The... The one with the pool?

Oh, yeah, it's just right down that way.

- You're heading there, right? - That way?

- Yeah. - So I just... okay.

Follow the path, brother, you'll get there.

Oh, hey! I'm here, sorry.

I'm here.

- You almost saw me naked. - I almost did.

- Almost. - Almost.

Oh!

One more!

Oh, please... Please stop doing that.

I'm just kidding. I wouldn't do that.

- Okay. - Maybe I would.

I...

Oh, my God, how fucking absurd is this place?

Thank you. Thank you, this is like,

I've never seen anything like this.

I, like, need this to work out with me and Ker.

I can't go back to being poor.

Back to being a model, yeah?

- I'm an actress. - Oh, that's cool.

Have I seen you in anything?

Do you watch "Murderer Minds"?

- No. - I was murdered on it.

- Cool. - I also sing,

dance, paint.

Run a wellness Instagram account

with over 50,000 followers.

Oh, wow. You got a lot going on, huh?

Not really, I just try to speak it into existence.

Like "The Secret."

No, it's not a secret. I just don't wanna work hard.

Okay.

I'm bored.

Cool.

Oh...

- Oh, my God. - Yeah.

- What're you getting? - Mischief.

All right, okay.

How about a little... Ooh, this one has

some secrets.

Did you guys know that nearly 3%

of Atlantic glaciers is penguin urine?

Car, who told you that?

I learned it at Harvard.

That's awesome. You went to Harvard.

Yeah, you didn't know?

No, no, I didn't...

Lindz, just have one.

- God, I... - Come on, we're wine tasting

in, like, 30 minutes, this'll get you back in the game.

I know, I just... I feel like I'm dying right now.

Did you drink the electrolytes?

- Yeah. - Oh.

I'll text Milton and have him put

- another kit in the room. - Okay.

I'm sorry, hey, who... who is Milton?

He's Milton.

What would you say his job is?

- Jack. - Um...

I think he was, like, a party planner

or maybe an interior designer.

Um, Matt, babe, how would you describe

- what Milton does? - Uh...

he's... he's Milton.

Okay, and then the... the-the guys,

I met the guy watering the plant today

- with the mullet. - Uh, that is Daniel.

- Daniel... and Daniel... - Oh, Dan!

Yeah, Brother Dan, Dan is the man!

Daniel is Daniel, and I...

don't want to talk about it anymore.

It's high acid.

What I do want to talk about is

my... babe...

- Do you feel that... - Babe, I'm trying to...

- I'm having a moment. - What, babe, what?

- Please. - I'm talking...

I'm talking too!

What I do want to talk about is

my friend Lindz.

Matt, did you know that Lindz was studying

at FIDM before Jack got disbarred

- and her mother died? - Oh, no, I didn't know that.

- Yeah. - Jack didn't get disbarred.

- He's just... - She wanted to make upscale

sustainable clothing.

You want to make upscale sustainable clothing.

I've been thinking about it, and I wanna help Lindz

realize her dream of becoming a girlboss.

Yes, girlboss.

- Wait, what? - Wait, what?

I think we should invest in our friend Lindz

and help make her dream a reality.

Hey...

sure, yeah.

Right on... congrats, Lindz.

- Let's do it. - Yeah!

- Let's do it. - Congratulations!

- What... - Cheers! Cheers!

- Yeah, no, we're... - Congratulations.

Oh, sure, it's... thank you!

- Oh, my God. - Of course.

- Yeah. - So, I... I mean,

what...

so do you wanna do the store? Or do you wanna do a line?

Oh, well, I haven't really thought about it, let's talk

- about it later, okay? - Okay.

We gotta do wine tasting first, remember?

- What just happened? - Wine tasting

- is happening. - Whoo!

There's this cute little place down the road.

All the workers who pick the grapes are given

insurance and livable wages.

- And we have to support them. - I got it.

Matt, do you wanna... Do you want me to pitch in?

I could just sell my car or something.

I could probably...

- This guy! - We got it.

- He's so funny. - You know...

Jack, I will take payment from you

in karate-chopping my enemies.

Kerry, Kerry,

did you hear that? That was so funny.

- Hilarious. - Finish your drinks.

- Finish your drinks, dummies. - Let's go, come on.

- Okay, okay, bottoms up. - Oh, hey...

- Yes. - Jack, are you gonna drive?

Yeah, I'll drive Lindsay and I separate,

and we'll meet you guys there, yeah?

- What the fuck just happened? - I know.

Okay, this is now not just a fun weekend,

this is also a business weekend.

She could become my colleague.

Keeping it tight, maybe not joke about us

being poor at the dinner table?

But we're... we're not poor.

No, I know that we're not poor,

but compared to them, we definitely are.

Right, but compared to them,

99.9% of the world is,

I mean, Gary's grandfather invented tater tots,

and Matt's worth, like, a billion dollars.

- How do you know? - I had service

in the restaurant and Googled him.

Wait, why...

- Why'd you Google him? - Why'd I...

He ran a background check on me... I can't Google him?

- No, I just... - You said everybody Googles.

Okay, just stop saying Google.

Get your nose in the glass.

Get it in there. Further, further.

Come on, let's go ask Georges.

Get it in there.

Georges? Am I on pills,

or does this taste more like a burgundy?

No, you're not.

Actually, it's because it has a lower

alcohol content than most California pinots.

- Mmm. - It's because

we're biodynamic.

- Obviously. - Obviously, now,

correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't you only

one of four biodynamic vineyards in California?

- Am I right? - One of four

certified by the French government.

- Ahh. - Yes.

I love France.

- Yeah, she does! - Yeah, baby!

That's... a great place.

I love France.

Honestly, I would love to go to Provence.

Oh, we're going.

After you've set up the line.

You're... You're really serious about this, aren't you?

Be pretty fucked up if I wasn't.

Hey, babe?

- Yeah, babe? - What... What do we like?

Uh, what do you like?

- Um... oh, I like the white. - Which?

Oh, um... all of 'em.

Get all the whites!

You can spit the wine. You don't have to swallow it

- every time. - Oh!

No, I like swallowing.

You heard the lady, why don't we do

a case of each?

Oh...

okay.

Okay, um, why don't I bring those to the car?

And you can finish up your glasses here?

- Love it. - Actually, Georges,

you know what? Why don't you just, uh,

why don't you just double it?

Oh... double it?

- Yeah, two cases of each. - Each.

Okay, well, sorry.

I went to Berkeley,

so we didn't... Numbers were just shapes.

- Sure, sure, sure... - So, you want...

two of both varietals or four of both varietals?

- Yes, both. - Yes, both.

- Each. - Each.

Wonderful.

- That's white. - Oh... oopsies.

It's rosé.

I don't think... Is that how they make rosé?

Mm-hm, you just mix red and white.

- Okay. Hi, hi. - Hi, um,

- which one did you like? - I, uh...

- Hi, thank you. - Try the rosé.

- Hi. - No, it's... we're great.

Which... Which wine did I like, Carrie?

Jackie likes the penis noir.

Penis... pinot noir.

'Cause he likes the penis!

- Okay. - Okay, hey,

so I think we should get some wine.

- Can you take care of that? - Yeah.

Yeah, no, I'll get some wine.

That's good. Can you maybe just... no, okay.

Bye.

- Excuse me, sir? - Yeah?

I guess I need a bottle of, um, the...

The pinot noir.

Okay, just a bottle?

Yeah, just... Just a bottle, please?

- Can I see the price sheet? - No.

I'm sorry, I...

it's market price, so it just kind of like

is what I feel at the moment.

- Whoa! - Oh, my God.

- Oh! Okay. - There she goes.

- Just... - There she goes.

- Oh, boy. - She's fun.

- Yeah, she's fun. - Oh, maybe we...

Maybe we get to some water there, Car-Bear.

No water...

Hey, Kerry, do you wanna help me out here, bud?

Dude, she's like 11 pounds, you got it.

- Okay. - You're doing great, Jack.

- Okay... - Whee!

Okay, I'm just gonna...

Ballet!

- Turn her on her side. - Oh, that's sweet.

- That's sweet. - Well, I just don't want her

to throw up on those hair extensions.

Take off those shoes, they're very expensive.

I have those. My wife has those.

Yeah.

- Carrie is drunk. - Yeah.

Maybe we oughta, like... yeah?

- Yeah, yeah. - Okay.

Sure.

- You're terrible. - I know.

So bad. She's the worst, though.

No, you did not say that.

You didn't.

- Hey. - Oh, my God.

Uh, we may need to Uber home.

- Ooh, we don't have room? - Yeah, no.

Hey, I got the wine.

- Yeah, what? - Just...

why did you

only get a bottle?

Well, because Carrie said it was my favorite.

It's the penis noir, and then

Matt said it would go with the BBQ tonight.

Okay, but why didn't you get a case?

'Cause they're, like, really expensive.

- Like how expensive? - Like... Like, a lot.

- What's a lot? - Like, $50 a bottle.

Oh... okay, well,

just put it on the Mastercard. We can afford that.

You wanna waste $300 on six bottles of wine?

- A case is 12. - A case is six.

- A case of beer is 12. - A case of beer is 24.

- What is a case of 12? - I have no idea, White Claw?

Just buy it.

Lindsay, that's a car payment.

Hey, Georges, I'm so sorry.

- Hi. - Hi.

My husband made a mistake.

We are actually going to take a case

of the pinot grigio.

- Pinot noir. - Of the pinot noir.

Absolutely.

And you know what, actually, we're gonna get

two cases, right?

Because we can have one with the dinner tonight,

and then we can take one home, right, Jack?

It's gonna go great with the dinner.

Yeah, you know, you do get a discount

if you buy a case. That's great.

So just charge the same card?

- Yes, absolutely. - Okay.

- Thank you so much. - That is...

- so thoughtful of you. - Ugh, oh, my gosh.

It's the least we could do, right, Jack?

Yeah, yeah, you know, I just... I just had a thought.

What if... What if we take the Tesla back

since we're waiting for the rest of the wine

to show up, and you guys just take my car,

and we'll see you back there, yeah?

- You sure? - Yeah.

Do you know how to drive a Tesla,

- Jack? - Do I...

I think the real question, Ker,

is do you know how to drive a Corolla?

So funny.

You... You put it in drive?

Yep, just start it, drive, you're good to go.

- All right. - Okay.

- Okay. - Okay, cool,

we'll just do a little switcheroo.

- Cute, love it. - Right.

- Thanks, Jackie. - Okay.

Definitely sitting up here.

- Thank you. - Watch your head, Carrie.

- Ooh! - Good work.

Oh, she lost her little crown.

Yeah, that's okay.

Okay.

Yeah... origami.

Bye!

We need to get rid of this fucking wine.

- What? Why? - Because we can't afford it.

- Why? - Because...

it's $300 a bottle.

- What? - Yeah.

You said that it was 50.

Because I didn't want you to get pissed off at me

for spending $300 on a bottle of wine.

So, you lied to me.

I... no.

No, not doing this right now. Georges, hi!

Hi, you know what, I think my wife is

actually the one who made a mistake here.

We need to return this wine please.

- Oh, no, we don't do that. - You don't do what?

We don't do refunds.

Okay... okay...

we're good... Look, hey, hey.

- Yeah? - I work in sales, okay?

I get it, right? You gotta get your nut here, right?

Okay, no-no-no-no-no. I got my nut.

And I got their nut, and I got your nut,

and I got all your nuts all over my face, okay?

And we still don't do refunds.

No, wait, look... fuck, come on,

- come on, hey, hey, look... - Jack?

It's still in the box, right? It's still organic.

Biodynamic.

And overpriced. You can take this back...

- No, no, that's okay. - Jack?

- He needs to take this back! - Jack!

What?

- We have to keep it. - Why?

Because we said we would drink it at dinner tonight.

Fuck!

You do not get to be mad at me about this.

I don't get to be mad at you about this.

- Don't do that, Jack. - Do what?

- Don't do the thing. - What thing?

- The lawyer thing. - I'm not doing

a lawyer thing, I'm just... making a counterpoint.

Oh, there it is.

You lied to me. It's as simple as that.

Okay, um, I'd just argue that I lied to you

because you're really embarrassed of me.

I am not embarrassed of you.

I... mm, see, you want us to be these people,

and we're just not, and, like, that's okay.

These people are miserable and drunks.

They're drunks?

They haven't stopped drinking since we got here.

- It's her birthday weekend. - Which she didn't tell you.

Because she didn't want it to be weird.

We are currently sitting in a car

that is worth $100,000.

Inside of that car,

there is $150,000 worth of wine.

This is weird.

Hi.

- Hey! - Hi!

You changed.

Oh, it's murder mystery night.

Milton made it a Roaring '20s theme.

Oh, um, I just...

I didn't bring anything to wear.

Oh, that's okay, Milton took care of it all.

There's some stuff in your room, go get changed,

and then come back up here whenever you're ready,

and we're all gonna go down to the farmhouse.

Okay... oh, we brought the wine.

- Wine? - From, um...

- from the tasting. - Oh, right!

Great, um, yeah, you can just put that

downstairs in the cellar and then go get changed.

We're gonna kill each other!

Hey, Jack, tonight,

why don't you pick on a vase your own size, see?!

Argh, ya see?

Well, good thing we bought two.

Okay.

They know my sizes? How do they do that?

God, I want a Milton.

Listen up!

It seems there be a murderer in our midst.

My name is

Police Chief Danny O'Sullivan!

And if there's one thing I won't stand,

it's murderers in Chicago.

- Ooh. - Manila!

Now, it seems that someone's been

feeding me intel on the inside.

Isn't that right, Becca Brasco?

Yeah, see?!

Me and my crew, we've been taking over

the South Side, see?!

When there was one person

standing in our way...

Jack, that's... that's your turn.

- Yeah, you go. - It's your turn.

- Read the card. - I just read it?

- Just read the card. - Just the card? Okay, um,

Where did these cards come from?

"I'm Michael O'Malley

"from the south side. My brother Patrick

- "was murdered... " - Okay, now, Jack, can you

please commit to the character?

- Do an accent. - Can you give a...

It's so freeing when you just read it

- with an accent. - Okay, yeah, okay.

Okay, um...

"I'm Michael O'Malley"

from the South Side.

My brother Patrick was murdered.

People think I did it to take control

of the potato trade,

but that's impossible

because I was on the north side

with Don Kerryon... " that's Kerry.

Ahh, that's-ah me!

"While I was on the north side with Don Ker-leone!"

True, true, that is true.

Because there's not one person in this room

that didn't stand to gain from Patrick's death.

Especially the wife!

Let's just pick up the cues.

Just pick up the cues, everyone.

- Seriously, take this. - Becca was

a Fulbright scholar. She's completely

wasting her life here.

- Love you, Becky. - Okay, sorry, Becca.

Total respect.

Yeah, that's embarrassing.

You got it, babe, go.

- You got it. - "It couldn't've been me."

I loved my husband.

We immigrated here together from Kilkenny.

On that ride across the Atlantic,

we would talk about the better life

America would show us.

We heard that there are no cats in America,

and the streets are made of cheese.

- Is she going off script? - Yeah, it's brilliant.

"Upon arriving in New York,

- "Patrick took me in his... " - Chicago! Chicago.

"Chicago, Patrick took me in his arms and said,

We will never want for anything again."

And then one of you monsters murdered him!

Wow!

Ooh!

Dude's got cryptocurrency. Secret currency.

Right? It's just... It's an idea.

Where do we put the crypto?

In storage. Is it a fuckin' crypto bank?

- I don't know yet. - You all right, bud?

I'm just in a dark... A dark hole right now.

Come here, come here, come here, come here...

Then come sit, come sit, come sit.

This is how we come out

the other side. He goes in here...

Just give it... watch,

watch, five, four, three, two, one.

What's up, guys? All right.

So what you're gonna want is you're gonna want

cold storage, cold storage can make it

so it can't be encrypted by other people.

- That's it right there. - So you have a passcode

which is gonna break it up...

And the Boner Award...

for Worst Job

Keeping Their Facts Straight goes to...

Oh, I know who that is.

Jack!

Yay, Jack!

Ah... ah!

Uh... fuck you.

You have to use that, Jack.

He's a good sport... And last but not least,

the award for Finest Performance

goes to...

Lindsay!

Oh, my God!

I would like to thank all of you, blah-blah-blah,

this is amazing!

Oh, my God, of course you think Lindz gave

the best performance.

What are you talking about? Lindz was great.

- Thank you. - Oh, no, she's amazing.

I... Becca was... Pfft!... wet.

But-But Daniel knows Lindz from high school, so...

She rocked it, she was in all the plays.

I think he's a little biased.

Wait, high school?

- Yeah. - Daniel...

Daniel and Lindz went to high school together.

And they used to, you know, they used to...

- Cat. - whatever.

- Oh. - They used to what?

No, well, we just... we went to high school together.

It's not a big deal. You knew that.

I didn't. I didn't know that, Dan.

Oh... yeah, well...

oh.

Dan?

Dan...

Dan, oh...

- you're Dan. - Yeah, brother.

May I speak to you privately over there please?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...

Uh, anybody want

- a refill? - Blue penis.

- Over here. - Babe, they called him

Big Dick Dan 'cause he's very well-endowed.

Oh! Brother Dan's

packing a real ham cannon, huh?

I see that for Dan, yeah.

But it's, like, a... It's like a thing for Jack

because he doesn't have... Well, he's...

'Cause... 'Cause, is Jack not packing

- a ham cannon? - No, he has...

Is that Big Dick Dan?

- Okay, can we just... - No, yes or no question.

Is that Big Dick Dan?

Yes.

- Yes, it is. - Okay.

Okay.

I am not going to point out

that you just ripped me a new asshole in the car

for lying to you about a bottle of wine.

I... but you kind of are

by saying that, so...

That is fair.

So I'm not gonna do that.

And I am not gonna freak out

- now that I have met Dan. - Which, Jack, honey,

that really was so long ago.

And it's great that you wouldn't freak out about it

because it was another person, it was another time, you know?

- Yeah, yeah, okay. - Okay.

- Okay, yeah. - Okay.

So I'm just gonna...

I'm just gonna push this, like, deep...

deep...

- down inside... - Okay.

And we are just gonna deal with this

when we get home, okay?

- Okay. Okay. - Okay. Okay.

I am so sorry.

Thanks, Cat. Not your fault.

Actually, I didn't know that,

but I don't care.

And after hearing about Daniel and his ham cannon,

I'm probably gonna have sex with him, too.

Is that okay with you, Ker?

I seriously do not care.

And I'm not judging anyone here.

That's beautiful, brother.

I mean, at the end of the day,

it's just sex, right?

Yes, I've had sex with your wife,

and I've had sex with Becca.

And it sounds like I'm gonna have sex with Carrie.

And that's awesome.

But what you have, brother,

that's deeper than penetration.

You have a life.

And I think it's a great honor

to be bonded like this to another man.

Look... Lindsay taught me

so much about sex, and I taught her

a bunch of cool stuff, too.

And you're still reaping those benefits today.

So...

thank you.

And you're welcome.

I'm welcome?

Yeah. I mean, obviously,

we're gonna have different experiences

because we have different body types.

You're shorter than I am.

I'm... are you saying I'm smaller than you?

Yeah, well, you're like five...

What the fuck is that

- supposed to mean? - Jack?

- It's okay, brother. - I'm smaller than you?

I'm fucking shorter than you? No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,

- this is very... - Triggering?

Thank you, Ker, not really the time right now.

- Sounds like we just got... - Don't touch me, man!

Jack!

I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. Are you okay?

- Give me that! - No... whoa... no, no!

Take his power! Grab it!

- Time out! - Careful! Careful!

Oh! Oh!

Please! I wanna stop!

I wanna stop! I wanna stop! Please stop.

- I wanna... yes! - Aah.

Well, my thirst for blood remains unquenched.

Yeah, yeah... hey, fellas,

this is getting "hard-on" to watch.

I have lower back issues.

Oh, me too, man.

And the winner of the weirdest fight

in history... is Jack!

Oh, God.

- Lindsay? - Dan?!

You get the fuck outta here now!

Go upstairs, go to bed.

Think about what you did.

Goddamnit. I'll see you in the morning.

Hey, thank you for all your hard work tonight,

by the way. Thank you very much.

I'll see you upstairs, Dan.

Excellent storytelling.

- That guy's the best. - Really lovely.

That was impressive.

He is the fucking best, man.

- Why are you sad? - Because...

Jack was doing so much better.

You know?

But he won the fight.

Oh, my God.

He's gonna actually go to jail.

- Why? - Because

he assaulted Dan,

and Dan's gonna press charges.

Oh, no, he won't.

Daniel has signed multiple NDAs...

and he gets asshole tax

every time something like this happens.

Oh, what is asshole tax?

Daniel and Becca get an extra ten grand

every time my husband or a guest

is an asshole.

Wow.

This happens a lot.

- Okay. - He makes

way too much money to try to...

Yeah.

I'm gonna get my...

my girl.

My girl, Gigi.

- Gigi? - Yeah.

She is the solution.

- Gigi is the solution? - She's a witch.

She's a good witch.

I have to go to bed.

Good night.

God, I hate you.

That's okay. I suck.

Well, you took the fun right out of that.

Here, let me carry you to bed, come on.

Oh! Oh!

Ow, why'd you kick me?

She does that.

- Why were you on the floor? - I... I guess

I didn't wanna wake you guys up? I don't...

- Hey, Dan. - Yeah, brother?

I'm sorry about last night, man.

No hard feelings, brother. I'm sorry, too.

"The lady of the house requests your presence

"in the grace garden for a healing cacao ceremony

at 10:00 am."

Why is she in our bed?

I don't know, Jack, why? Do you wanna fight her, too?

No, I don't...

Fuck!

How do these people fucking live like this?

- It's... - Jack...

What the fuck happened last night?

Jack, grow the fuck up.

You could've gone to jail again.

- I didn't go... - I'm going to get coffee.

Hi.

- Good morning. - Good morning.

Uh, listen, I...

I just wanted to talk to you about last night.

I'm really sorry, and I just...

I don't know, I just feel like it was so...

Very avoidable.

Um...

yeah, yeah, I mean, I... definitely

could've talked to Jack sooner.

Or you could've not told me.

Right.

There's an espresso if you want coffee.

Okay.

What the fuck?

Oh, goddamnit!

You must be Lindz.

I've heard about you.

I'm sorry, have we... have we met?

I'm Gigi. Catherine's shaman.

I'm really looking forward to...

healing together today.

Mars...

is the god of war.

Scorpio is the sign of the self.

You're at war with yourself.

But...

we can work on that together.

Today.

See you in the garden.

I am incredibly honored to be sitting with you all

in intention today...

at this cacao ceremony.

Please take a moment to thank yourself...

Thank you.

And please thank one another

for sharing this time together.

Thank you.

We are trying to connect on a deeper level,

on a human level,

so we can see each other.

We have already created our sacred space.

We each have our own individual bowls of cacao.

Take a sip of the cacao, please,

as you're sitting with your intention.

This world is such a crazy place.

So... hectic.

So... ego... ic.

We spend all of this time

traveling through all these years,

trying to get to a certain place of hope,

up this hill, to a destination?

And then we wake up in the morning,

and we step outside.

We take a deep breath,

or we just... we get really high.

When we want to really be yelling,

at the top of our lungs,

"Hey! What's going on?!"

Wouldn't it be incredible

if you could just turn to your partner

and say...

"Do you know what I want? What I really, really want?"

And they could look at you, and they would know

exactly what you want, what you really,

really wanted, because it's a safe space.

And you could tell them,

without any stuttering, no "I want, uh",

I may want, uh... "

You know what you really, really want.

They know.

You both want to be...

friends.

Possibly lovers.

But you wanna be seen.

Yes? Yes.

Yes.

Please take another sip of the cacao.

Please repeat after me.

I love you. I'm sorry.

Please forgive me.

I love you. I'm sorry.

Please forgive me.

I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me.

I love you. I'm sorry.

Please forgive me.

I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me.

I love you. I'm sorry.

- Please forgive me. - Again!

I love you. I'm sorry.

- Please forgive me. - Again!

I love you. I'm sorry.

Please forgive me.

Thank you.

Now that we are done with the cacao ceremony,

I would like to invite you all to take a moment

to dance with me in intention.

Yes.

Think about your heart.

What is it feeling? Is it a give?

Is it a take? Are you taking too much?

Do not be shy.

Explore what love means for you.

Nothing is wrong, everything is right.

We're not dancing, love is moving us.

Incredible.

Powerful group here.

Be intentional. This is what I wanna see.

Are you guys feeling this? I am just so overcome

with the whirlwind of love

Mmm...

so, let's continue.

From the front of the house are...

- The pinot. - Pinot which?

- Noir. - Good.

Good, good, good.

And what's behind the house?

- The shiraz. - Very close.

It's actually syrah.

But you know what's kind of funny?

- It's the same thing. - What?

Shiraz is just...

Australian syrah, but the French don't like

the Australians, so they were like,

no, you can...

You can call it "syrah," and they were like,

"Well, what do we call it?"

And they were like, "You call it"

whatever you want, but not syrah,"

and they were like, "Fine, we'll...

we'll call it shiraz."

It's the same thing as sauvi B and Saint Cyr,

it's just a marketing question, you know?

Yeah...

- Oh, man. - You are great, man.

- Thanks, man. - No, like,

I cannot wait to get to know you better.

When are we gonna do that?

You know, with Cat and Lindsay working together,

we may hang out all the time.

- They are? - Yeah, remember?

At brunch, she said you'd fund the thing.

Oh, my God, so much has happened this weekend.

- I know. - What's the company?

Sustainable clothing something.

Oh, that's a pretty good idea.

Can I hit you with a truth bomb?

Blow it up.

Don't let Lindz...

get involved with Cat.

And don't... And don't you get involved

with Cat, either.

Why?

Cat is my wife

and my raison d'etre

and my light and my path forward,

and all of that, so if she ever hears

that I said this, I will deny it to the hill,

then I'll say that you were fucked up

and made it up, but...

Cat's kind of a...

an experience hoarder.

And she loves to feel like a patron

of the arts.

Like a de' Medici from Italy in the Renaissance,

but this is the problem, right?

Is that she holds on to these experiences,

and if you try to take 'em away, she's like,

"No! This is my stuff!"

And she forgets that there's people

on the other end of those experiences,

and those people inevitably end up on the...

on the trash pile of her hoard.

And I don't want that to happen to you and Lindz.

I mean, just... Let me just... let me just

throw something out at you here, do you know that,

last year, I was funding

three nonprofit theater companies in Astoria,

one alpaca farm in Argentina...

and two equestrian academies

in Atlanta and Austin,

and that... that was just because

she liked the A sounds back to back.

- It's called assonance. - Really?

Yeah.

Fuck, there is a word for everything.

But this is what I'm saying, okay?

Cat doesn't follow through.

All of those businesses I just mentioned?

Guess where they are.

I don't know.

That... That's them not existing.

They don't exist anymore. They all went under

because Cat got bored with them.

Yeah.

Cat thinks I lack compassion.

But she only thinks that

because I make so much money.

Just because I make a lot of money

does not therefore mean I lack compassion, right?

Right, Jack? I need you to say "right."

Yeah, right, no.

My biggest fear is that

Cat's only with me because I make

such a fuckton of money.

- Fuck. - Does that sound

like somebody who lacks compassion?

No, I think you feel a lot of stuff.

Thank you. Thank you, yes.

- I do. - Can I...

Can I tell you something?

God, I wish you would.

I'm afraid Lindsay's gonna leave me

because I don't make enough money.

That's like the yin to my yang.

She wants me to ask you about a job.

Do you want a job?

I don't know, doing what?

Well, what do you wanna do?

I don't know what I wanna do.

Then why would I have a job for you, my man?

You know?

My advice... My advice, Jack,

you just... you figure out what you wanna do.

And you go do it.

We're not really silly anymore.

We're not silly people. We're so serious.

Daniel, I'm sorry,

but your... your fingers feel like worms,

and if we just take a quick little break...

I feel like I'm getting buried in the dirt.

- Absolutely. - Thanks, Becca.

- Ugh, Lindz... - Hmm?

Not to be serious, but...

we gotta talk about the line.

Yes.

Okay, okay: local, sustainable.

Local, sustainable, and, yeah, I'm, like,

I'm thinking about, like, textures and patterns.

- Mm. - And... choreography

and rhythms and emotions and thoughts.

Well, hemp is overdone.

- Completely. - Mm-hmm.

- Couldn't agree more. - Something strong.

Yeah, strong like, um...

- trees... mm. - Mm.

Could we make it out of bark?

I don't know that I've seen that done before.

Mm-mm... hmm.

You're right, yeah, no, that's a...

That's a bad idea.

That one was the mushrooms.

I may have gotten

too much mushrooms.

- Too much mushrooms. - Too much.

- Wait, what? - Too much.

We were supposed to micro-dose.

- Micro-dose? - Mm, yeah.

That's where you do, like, a little bit of...

a little bit of mushrooms over a sustained period

so you... you don't get, like,

super fucked-up, you just become, sort of,

enlightened and...

We all micro-dosed on mushrooms?

- Yes. - When?

Um... since dinner on Friday.

So, all weekend?

Well, I don't... no, not, like, all weekend.

- Friday? - It was...

in the mung bean bowls on Friday,

and then the...

the bloody marys and the BBQ.

- And today? - And just now

- at the cacao. - So all weekend.

Lindz...

How dare you.

How dare you incept

my mind with your time?

What is... time is crazy.

Oh, my God.

Sorry I didn't even realize that

we were at the end of the weekend.

- We're on drugs? - Oh, I feel bad.

Yes.

- We are. - Oh, my God, no.

I'm having a bad moment.

Oh, no-no-no, no-no-no.

Let's "sprin"... Spin this straw into gold.

No, Jack said we couldn't do drugs.

Jack said we couldn't do... Jack can't do drugs.

He actually can do them pretty well.

No, no, like, he can't do them, like,

he gets drug tested.

- Oh. - Yeah.

What a twist.

No, no... don't worry about it,

Gigi has a guy that's... It'll all get sorted out.

- We'll take care of it. - Oh, my God, no,

but he has a guy, he has a... he has a guy,

his name is Doug, and it's his officer.

It's his... It's his... "he's in trouble" person.

He has to make sure he's not in trouble.

He...

Doug is so irrelevant in this story.

I can't even... I can't even tell you

how much you don't have to worry about Doug.

I don't understand, and the bad feeling is

- not going away. - No-no-no-no-no.

We're above that... in fact, we were doing ayahuasca

with Elon and Grimes

right before they had the baby,

- A-Ash-12-17-50,000... - I think...

I think I... I need to go.

- Jackie. - Oh, my God.

- Hi. - Hi.

- Okay. - Okay, yeah,

Doug, yeah, this is not a thing.

Are you feeling okay?

Yeah, no, I just... I'm...

I'm, like, dehydrated

or... something.

Honestly, I've felt off, like, all day.

It's been...

yeah, it's been an emotional day.

That's... That's an understatement, yeah.

- Um... I... - So...

- No, did you... - No, what were you gonna say?

- You wanna? - No, what were you gonna say?

- You sure? - Yeah, no, go.

Yeah, okay, I was... you know,

I was hanging out with Matt by the pool,

and we were... we were talking.

Oh, my gosh, were you guys talking about work?

In a very... yeah, like, in a roundabout way.

Jack! That's incredible.

You working with Matt, and me working with Cat.

This is... This is really exciting.

Like, this could actually happen.

This... This could be our life.

Right?

Look, this... This isn't real, though.

Okay, Jack, this is the thing, though.

This is the thing that you do when you are not accepting

an invitation to upgrade

because you're scared to take a leap.

I don't know what you're talking about right now.

I just... wanna do it

my way, for once.

Um, taking money from a stranger

isn't doing it your way.

She's not a stranger.

I'm kind of offended that you think it's taking money.

She's investing in me.

She believes in me.

Could you try maybe taking a note from Cat?

Maybe a, "Hey, Lindsay, you're really talented."

"Hey, I would love to support you.

"Hey, I think you're worth it.

Hey, this could be really good for us."

No, okay. Okay.

- Lindsay? - No, it's fine.

Lindsay? Lindsay?

I love you. We don't know them.

And you don't know how to run a business,

so getting into business with these people,

it's like... That's a terrible idea.

You are not...

physically, mentally,

and emotionally capable of running a business.

I'm not either, so, like, taking money from someone...

Hey, Jack?

Please stop.

Dinner's almost ready.

- Great, thank you. - Great.

You guys doing good? You look great.

- Thanks, see you at dinner. - Okay.

Okay, I wasn't listening.

No, but the really

fucked-up thing is, do you know how much

I paid Dan this year?

Like, $250,000.

And that's on top of his salary.

That's not the salary.

Milton's asked that we all meet down at the barn

for the weekend finale.

But, hey... hey, hey!

But first I just want to quickly express again

my deep and sincere appreciation

to each and every one of you

for opening yourselves up to...

- Blah-blah-blah-blah... - to each other.

- Let's get weird! - Let's get it!

Fuck it, let's get weird, Carrie.

Let's fucking get weird.

Everybody put your fucking headphones on!

Why do you look so bored?

Ugh, I'm not bored, I'm just...

Drink.

I can't drink champagne right now.

Just have a glass of champagne.

I don't wanna drink champagne right now.

Please, just one, it'll be the best night ever.

I'm sorry, I just... I'm so mad at Jack right now.

If you don't have one glass of champagne,

I will literally kill myself.

I swear to God, I will jump right out of that window

like the Kool-Aid Man.

I will eat an entire box of Tide Pods.

I will drink an entire bottle of bleach.

Daniel, hit me with the bleach!

It's happening.

I will drink a sip.

Good girl.

That a baby!

Let's show these fuckers how to dance!

- Hi. - Hey.

- Could I get a water? - Yeah!

Take those headphones off.

Oh...

- Can I get a water? - Yeah.

- There you go. - Wow, you are flying.

Mmm.

You guys are really feeling it already.

- Yeah. - They wanted us to break

the pills in half, but they were just...

too hard, so we just plopped them right in.

What?

- The pills. - In the champagne.

Yeah, double-stack Cadillacs.

Waah!

- Oh, shit. - Uh-oh.

Okay.

- Hey. - Hey.

Hi, hi...

that is wild.

Uh-huh. Hey, can I talk...

Can I talk to you for a second?

Yeah, let's... let's connect.

- Okay. - You are so soft.

- Oh, thank you. - Your skin is so soft.

We don't touch enough.

- I know. - We used to touch more.

- I love you too. - I love you so much.

- I love you so much. - I love you.

- I feel amazing... - Hey, Jack?

Right now, yes, Lindsay.

- I know. - I feel amazing, I love...

- Listen to me. - Yeah.

That's because we're on molly.

What?

It was in the champagne.

We were also on mushrooms all day.

- What?! - Yeah, it was in the cacao.

- The chocolate? - Uh-huh.

And a couple of other things.

- Okay, okay, okay. - Just breathe.

- I can't do drugs. - No, I think it's a little

too late, though.

All of these people drugged us?

Fuck them! Fuck them so fucking hard!

- Fuck you! - Jack!

I need you to calm down, okay?

- You need to breathe. - Okay.

I see the dragon coming.

And I want you to stay with me,

and I want you to look in me, in my eyes.

Okay? I told her that you can't do drugs.

- I can't do drugs. - And it's okay

- because Cat has a guy. - Cat has a guy,

- Yeah. - Well, I mean,

it's not Cat's guy, it's... Gigi has a guy.

And there's something about Elon.

- Elon? - Yeah.

It's okay because she has a podcast...

A... what the fuck are you talking about

- right now? - No, listen to me, I'm just...

These people do this, it's like, it happens

in little doses, and listen,

I just need everything to be cool because...

Well, I can't be cool right now, Lindsey,

I'm on drugs, I can't be cool right now!

Okay, please... Please stop yelling.

- You're making a scene. - I'm sorry that

I'm making a scene in front of these fucking people

who are trying to ruin our lives.

- Oh, my God. - These fucking people

you've known for ten fucking days!

These people? These people? Jack,

Jesus Christ, are you even listening to yourself?

You just keep repeating yourself,

over and over and over again!

You keep saying the same stupid shit,

and you keep wearing the same stupid shit,

and you keep watching the same

stupid shit, and you keep being this...

shitty version of yourself,

and I keep waiting for you to change,

and you're not changing, and I just...

I understand that you fell down,

and I just need you... I need you

to get back up, okay?

And I know that you blame me.

- I don't blame you... - You do.

- I don't blame you. - Listen to me.

I understand

that you're angry, but I need you

to get back up.

Because this person believes in me.

- Cat believes in you? - Yes.

I don't believe in you but Cat believes in you?

We're here because your friend Cat

- believes in you? Yeah? - Yes, Jack!

She is my friend. Why else would we be here?

Because they're fucking rich, Lindsay.

That's it. They beckoned.

We fucking came, okay? And your friend Cat?

You just wanna be her.

She fucking sucks.

She's mean, and she's manipulative,

and she's a fucking bully, and these people...

They're not your friends.

All right? We are entertainment to them.

They think the way we live our life is funny.

They think the way I dress is fucking funny.

Okay? I understand that I am not

giving you what you want in life,

and I'm sorry, but, like,

this isn't us.

We are not gonna have this life ever.

Well, then maybe I don't want our life anymore.

No, no, no. What does that mean?

I don't know.

No, I love you. These people don't love you.

I love you. I love you.

- Jack. - I love you.

- Look at me, I love you. - I hear you.

But you were just yelling at me.

And I'm going outside.

Lindsay.

Savage, bro.

Fuck you, Kerry.

That's fair.

♪ Happy Birthday to me ♪

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

I am so sorry. I am so embarrassed.

I am mortified, Jack just...

- Oh, Lindz, Lindsay... - I can't believe

- he said those things. - I... honestly, I loved it.

I loved it.

- What? - Nobody ever has

the balls to talk to me like that.

Like, we pay them too much.

Even Matt is terrified of me,

which I love.

But it also makes me sad.

But, like, I'm not the only one who's sad

and fucked up, you know?

Like, I... yeah, I'm an alcoholic.

My husband's a workaholic.

Your husband is insecure.

You lack purpose.

But so do I, that's...

that's why I'm an alcoholic.

It gives me something to do.

- No. - We're like a clown car

on the way to a Chris Gaines concert.

- No. - Look at us.

No... no!

It's like, God, I just...

I just wanted not to be us for,

like, a minute.

- Do you know what I mean? - How'd that go?

My husband's

rolling his face off, and he just screamed at me.

I saw that. I loved that.

For me... not... I didn't love that for you.

That must have been really embarrassing.

- Yeah. - Gosh.

It was.

I'm...

I'm trying to work on my empathy.

Did I pass the test?

Hey, sorry that you thought that

I had an answer or something...

Somehow the missing piece in your heart.

Most of me is missing, to be honest.

It doesn't make any sense

'cause I have everything that I ever wanted,

and I'm... not happy.

I have a hot husband,

and I have two beautiful children,

and I have...

12 properties.

Money doesn't fix your problems, babe.

It just makes them prettier.

Oh! Okay.

Should I write a book?

Should I be a poet?

Should we smash John Mayer's guitar, um...

- That's John Mayer's guitar? - Yes!

It's John Mayer's guitar.

He left it here, and he clearly didn't want it.

Oh, my God!

Stop! Stop!

Whoo!

What the fuck are you doing?

Um, living?

Let me live, okay?

Should I call Milton

and have him bring us some snacks?

We're having fun.

Milton!

I'm going to bed.

Bye.

Milton!

I'm sorry.

I'm really... I'm just really sorry.

Jack, stop.

I'm really...

unhappy.

I know, and I'm really...

I'm really sorry, and I...

It's not your fault.

It's nobody's fault.

I'm really fucking intimidated by these people.

I don't want to be these people.

I love you.

I'm sorry.

Please forgive me.

You're such a fucking dick.

Take a sip of the cacao.

Daniel!

My God, can we please get the fuck out of here?

- Yes, yes, - Okay.

Get your shit, go!

There's still no service.

We'll figure it out.

We'll figure it out.

You know what? I'm gonna throw in

an extra case for you guys.

- Hey. - Thank you.

Yeah, just because I feel like we're connecting

on a wine level.

You know, 'cause I see people's

- wine spirits. - Which one am I?

Oh...

The joy. The joy, it kind of says to me,

just, like, viognier.

- You know what I mean? - Yeah, Kerry's

- kind of effervescent. - Thank you.

Effervescent's kind of a strong word for viognier.

You know, okay?

But that's... that's just really

between us wine people.