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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:05,360
"Nothing to do." "Nothing to do"?
"Nothing to do,"?!
2
00:00:05,360 --> 00:00:07,120
Mm. I mean...
3
00:00:07,120 --> 00:00:09,320
Thank you. There's tonnes to do!
4
00:00:09,320 --> 00:00:12,600
There's lovely little walks and
there's that nice pub down the road.
5
00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:13,880
That closed down.
6
00:00:13,880 --> 00:00:16,360
OK, well, there's still
that not-very-nice pub
7
00:00:16,360 --> 00:00:17,600
that's a long way away.
8
00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:19,520
OK, not lots to do, exactly,
9
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:22,480
but, like, whatever happened to
the great outdoors?
10
00:00:22,480 --> 00:00:25,320
Climb a tree. Hug a tree. Visit...
11
00:00:25,320 --> 00:00:26,840
...a... tree.
12
00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:29,560
Sorry.
13
00:00:29,560 --> 00:00:31,800
I'm going on.
No, no, no, it's the, erm...
14
00:00:33,440 --> 00:00:35,240
There's too much milk,
if anything!
15
00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:37,080
It should be the colour
of a buff envelope.
16
00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:39,880
No, no, no, we've been through this.
It should be brick red, one lump.
17
00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:41,360
A slice of lemon and nothing more!
18
00:00:41,360 --> 00:00:43,240
Well, two lumps,
if you're on manoeuvres.
19
00:00:43,240 --> 00:00:45,880
Or a drop of something stronger,
if you get the right tea lady.
20
00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:49,000
God, I miss the Commons. No, look,
come along, it should be brick red.
21
00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:51,040
We've heard. You're just wrong.
22
00:00:51,040 --> 00:00:53,120
How dare you tell a soldier how to
make tea!
23
00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:55,480
I don't have to listen to this.
I'm from Yorkshire, mate!
24
00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:56,880
I'm practically made of tea!
25
00:00:56,880 --> 00:00:59,360
Well, my family imported
tea, and the correct way...
26
00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:00,920
Yorkshire...
27
00:01:00,920 --> 00:01:03,000
God!
28
00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:05,920
Do you lot ever think you maybe
spend a little bit too much time
29
00:01:05,920 --> 00:01:07,680
in each other's company?
30
00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:09,320
Well, we don't have much choice.
31
00:01:09,320 --> 00:01:11,880
Yes, you know what they say -
you can't choose your family.
32
00:01:11,880 --> 00:01:15,080
Or the people you're trapped with
for eternity in the afterlife.
33
00:01:15,080 --> 00:01:17,040
Do they say that?
34
00:01:17,040 --> 00:01:18,200
No, I said it.
35
00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:21,080
I've never heard anyone...
36
00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:31,320
Absolutely ridiculous,
telling me how to make my tea.
37
00:01:31,320 --> 00:01:34,520
I mean, I can't drink it,
but that's not the point.
38
00:01:35,480 --> 00:01:38,520
Ah!
39
00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:39,680
Ah!
40
00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:42,400
Mm.
41
00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:44,800
Good!
42
00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:54,680
Mornin'. Good morning.
43
00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:00,440
Attention, everyone!
44
00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:04,000
There's another ghost.
45
00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:05,720
I told you!
46
00:02:27,120 --> 00:02:28,680
{\an8}Just up there, on the border.
47
00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:31,520
{\an8}Ah, the old Asprey estate. Mm.
48
00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:34,200
{\an8}I said ages ago
is dead guy over hedge!
49
00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:37,200
{\an8}Yes, well, you say a lot of things,
Robin, and your imagination
50
00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:39,480
{\an8}does have a tendency
to run away with you.
51
00:02:39,480 --> 00:02:41,240
{\an8}The Queen's out there!
52
00:02:41,240 --> 00:02:43,200
{\an8}Two horses are doing it.
53
00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:45,080
{\an8}They are filming a Carry On!
54
00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:46,680
{\an8}Is dead guy over the hedge!
55
00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:49,880
I know what I saw.
Come along.
56
00:02:49,880 --> 00:02:51,240
Where's the fire?
57
00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:54,040
Ah! There's another ghost, Alison.
Come and say hello!
58
00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:55,880
Yeah, leave that.
Repairs are for squares.
59
00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:57,200
I'm all right, thanks.
60
00:02:57,200 --> 00:03:00,400
No offence, but the last thing
I need is another ghost.
61
00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:02,880
Annabel!
62
00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:06,000
Or another neighbour.
63
00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:08,920
Ah! Isn't she marvellous?
64
00:03:08,920 --> 00:03:10,200
The quad bike, not you.
65
00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:13,000
Thank you.
I was hoping to catch you.
66
00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:17,600
A little bird - Mary from the shop -
tells me you've started a B&B.
67
00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:20,400
That's right, yeah, up at the
Gatehouse. Right.
68
00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:24,520
It's just that there may be
voices on the local council
69
00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:27,160
who will worry about... tone.
70
00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:29,560
What voices? Well, exactly!
71
00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:32,360
Saying things like,
"Brings down the area,"
72
00:03:32,360 --> 00:03:34,720
or, "Turning into Blackpool."
73
00:03:34,720 --> 00:03:37,160
We need the money,
so you can tell these "voices"
74
00:03:37,160 --> 00:03:38,560
that it's all very above board.
75
00:03:38,560 --> 00:03:40,400
It's very classy, in fact.
Five-star.
76
00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:42,760
Well, it will be.
We hope so, at some point.
77
00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:44,080
Well, that's what they all say.
78
00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:46,880
But before you know it,
there's a funfair, donkey rides
79
00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:49,360
and a real problem with prostitution.
80
00:03:49,360 --> 00:03:51,280
When did you last leave the area?
81
00:03:51,280 --> 00:03:52,760
All I'm saying is,
82
00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:57,360
is it really worth the risk for
the sake of a couple of quid?
83
00:03:57,360 --> 00:03:59,640
200 quid a night. Well, exactly.
84
00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:03,080
Pin money! 200?
85
00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:05,520
Well, there's something
to think about.
86
00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:07,400
Toodle-pip!
87
00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:14,640
"Nothing to do."
Can you believe that?
88
00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:17,080
Well, you are
a bit out in the sticks.
89
00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:20,320
Maybe you need to offer some
activities, like bungee jumping.
90
00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:23,360
Off what? The roof?
All right, then, archery.
91
00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:24,640
Ooh, yeah! That's a great...
92
00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:28,080
No. Actually, not archery.
93
00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:29,760
Well, wine tasting, then.
94
00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:32,920
Or baking. Or cookery!
95
00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:35,640
Not cookery. What is that?!
96
00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:37,760
Fridge bap.
You still eat fridge baps?
97
00:04:37,760 --> 00:04:39,840
Mm-hm. Mate, you're not 21 any more!
98
00:04:39,840 --> 00:04:41,880
You need to look after yourself.
99
00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:43,640
Ohhh!
100
00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:45,920
Open a health farm!
101
00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:47,680
A spa! A hotel!
102
00:04:47,680 --> 00:04:50,160
That's already the plan.
103
00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:53,000
Well, I don't know!
People need something to do.
104
00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:55,920
Doesn't need to be much.
Just a bit of fun. Hmm!
105
00:04:57,760 --> 00:05:00,040
When you die, can I have your decks?
106
00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:02,680
Exciting.
107
00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:04,320
Hello! Here we are, of course!
108
00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:07,120
No, simmer down, simmer down.
Simmer. Simmer.
109
00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:08,840
Simmer.
110
00:05:08,840 --> 00:05:10,720
Now, this is, erm...
111
00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:13,920
Sorry, I don't actually
know your name.
112
00:05:13,920 --> 00:05:15,240
Maddocks, sir.
113
00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:18,120
Maddocks! Maddocks... Maddocks?
114
00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:19,720
Ah, everyone, this is Maddocks.
115
00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:22,040
Maddocks, this is... everyone! Hello!
116
00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:24,400
How do, how do? Robin.
117
00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:27,920
Hey! And, erm, Maddocks
died by, erm...
118
00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:30,360
Sorry, I didn't actually
ask you anything, did I?
119
00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:32,680
Erm, I trod on a badger trap, sir.
120
00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:35,360
Ah! Oh! Oh. Oh, no.
121
00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:38,440
That's nasty. Yes, that's...
Oh, you can see the bone!
122
00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:40,240
Oh, aye, you can, yeah.
123
00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:43,120
Here! Do I detect an accent?
124
00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:45,960
Sheffield lad, sir. Give over!
125
00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:47,600
I'm from Huddersfield!
126
00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:49,520
Neighbouring... fields!
127
00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:52,840
Well, er, we still are, sir.
128
00:05:52,840 --> 00:05:54,920
He's funny! He's funny!
129
00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:57,840
In't you funny? Oh, if it
pleases you, sir.
130
00:05:57,840 --> 00:06:01,280
Aye, I come down this way
looking for work. Gamekeeper.
131
00:06:01,280 --> 00:06:03,960
Feared as much.
Working-class.
132
00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:07,200
Unless they're in a voting booth,
there's very little point.
133
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,040
So you worked for the Aspreys?
134
00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:10,960
Uh-huh. I knew Lady Asprey.
135
00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:12,480
We played bridge together.
136
00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:15,000
Well, I played. She cheated. Mm.
137
00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:17,200
Erm...
138
00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:19,440
Anyway, I should probably...
Oh, no, no!
139
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:22,320
Well, it's just, er...
140
00:06:23,480 --> 00:06:24,880
...I don't like to linger here.
141
00:06:24,880 --> 00:06:27,840
This is where it happened. The trap.
142
00:06:27,840 --> 00:06:30,240
Nine hours to bleed out.
143
00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:31,840
Two weeks to find the corpse.
144
00:06:31,840 --> 00:06:33,720
I had to watch meself being eaten.
145
00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:35,120
Slowly.
146
00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:36,720
By badgers.
147
00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:42,920
Well, all the more reason
to stay, then!
148
00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:45,440
New company, new memories.
149
00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:47,120
Perhaps, in time,
150
00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:50,440
this spot will remind you of us
instead of, erm...
151
00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:51,640
Being eaten by badgers?
152
00:06:51,640 --> 00:06:53,320
Yes.
153
00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:56,520
Well, you must stay.
You simply must!
154
00:06:56,520 --> 00:06:58,360
Oh, well, if I must, sir.
155
00:06:58,360 --> 00:07:00,720
Let's dispense with the formalities.
156
00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:02,360
Please, call me...
157
00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:05,160
Fun. Fun.
158
00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:06,680
Ooh, yeah.
159
00:07:07,920 --> 00:07:10,760
Ah, there you are. Are you... busy?
No, no. No.
160
00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:13,400
They've, erm, popped out
to meet someone.
161
00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:16,160
Right, so, we've got all of
this land and we've got guests
162
00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:18,240
who complain that
there's "nothing to do".
163
00:07:18,240 --> 00:07:20,440
So I was thinking...
164
00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:25,240
Mike, you've got to stop
obsessing over that one review.
165
00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:26,320
Well, it's not just that.
166
00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:28,680
We've got to compete with
other guest houses in the area.
167
00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:30,800
I mean, look at this one, right?
It's 12 miles away.
168
00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:34,000
It's got pool-pool,
table-table, tennis...
169
00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:36,080
Pool, pool table, table tennis.
170
00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:37,440
No-one using commas?
171
00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:39,840
Yeah, that would be really nice
if we had the money,
172
00:07:39,840 --> 00:07:42,120
but right now, all we can afford
is two Dan Browns
173
00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:44,280
and the board game of your choice.
174
00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:46,040
Board games.
175
00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:50,720
Oh! We could put the chess table...
That gets more use than you'd think.
176
00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:56,640
Hmm!
177
00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:02,400
It's a kind of a game.
178
00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:09,560
That was quick.
Yeah, not really my type.
179
00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:12,240
Besides, couldn't get
a word in edgeways.
180
00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:14,160
You know what they're like. Yeah!
181
00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:18,640
Yeah.
182
00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:22,240
Oh, Alison! Alison!
183
00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:24,400
Alison, Alison!
Let me introduce you.
184
00:08:24,400 --> 00:08:28,560
Now, Alison is alive,
but she can see dead people!
185
00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:31,040
Oh, congratulations, ma'am.
186
00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:34,280
Thank you...? I hope
they're not bothering you.
187
00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:37,960
You cheeky ha'porth!
188
00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:40,040
I think we should probably go, guys.
189
00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:41,760
Your friend's looking
a little bit tired.
190
00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:43,680
Kind of you to notice, ma'am.
191
00:08:43,680 --> 00:08:45,720
Erm, that's largely
down to blood loss, so...
192
00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:46,920
Mm.
193
00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:49,560
Oh!
194
00:08:49,560 --> 00:08:51,520
The purple bit's a tendon.
195
00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:54,120
And the grey bit's the tibia!
196
00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:56,520
Anyway, I think probably
we'll just get going.
197
00:08:56,520 --> 00:08:59,720
Come on. Come on, everyone.
You'll be back tomorrow, yes?
198
00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:02,560
Er, y-yes, ma'am. Yes, of course.
199
00:09:02,560 --> 00:09:04,760
Marvellous. See you tomorrow.
Have a lovely evening.
200
00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:06,560
Come on. Getting late. Ta-ra, love.
201
00:09:06,560 --> 00:09:08,520
All the best. Carry on, Maddocks.
Aye. Yes, sir.
202
00:09:08,520 --> 00:09:10,200
Actually, it is getting late.
203
00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:11,720
I wonder where our guests are.
204
00:09:14,240 --> 00:09:15,560
Hello?
205
00:09:15,560 --> 00:09:18,200
Hi, yeah, hi.
It's Alison from the Gatehouse.
206
00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:20,960
I was just wondering what time
you're planning to arrive, with...
207
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:23,600
Oh, right, OK.
I'll come and check you in.
208
00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:26,400
Oh! Oh, right. How did you get in?
209
00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:28,280
My husband? But he's...
210
00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:31,920
What did he look like?
211
00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:36,360
Annabel!
212
00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:38,480
What the hell is this? It's a sign.
213
00:09:38,480 --> 00:09:41,160
Yes. My sign... that I found
at the top of your drive
214
00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:42,760
with this arrow nailed to it.
215
00:09:42,760 --> 00:09:46,160
Well, don't look at me!
It must have been local youths.
216
00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:48,280
I did warn you -
the area's going to pot.
217
00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:50,160
So you didn't steal my guests?
218
00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:52,000
Absolutely not!
219
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:55,120
Although, come to think of it,
there was a couple
220
00:09:55,120 --> 00:09:58,200
who popped by earlier looking
for a room for the night.
221
00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:00,120
I put them up in the
old hunting lodge,
222
00:10:00,120 --> 00:10:01,720
out of the goodness of my heart.
223
00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:04,760
But they insisted on giving me £200.
224
00:10:04,760 --> 00:10:06,680
You said that was pin money.
225
00:10:06,680 --> 00:10:09,560
Well, it is,
but everybody needs pins.
226
00:10:09,560 --> 00:10:12,080
You are the most unscrupulous...
227
00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:13,480
Sh...
228
00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:15,120
I have guests!
229
00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:18,120
He did what?!
230
00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:20,240
He poached our guests.
231
00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:22,520
Delicious. And he doesn't even
need the money!
232
00:10:22,520 --> 00:10:24,000
Like, it's just a game to him,
233
00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:26,520
whereas we have to count
every single penny!
234
00:10:26,520 --> 00:10:29,680
Yeah. I'm not going to let him
get away with this.
235
00:10:29,680 --> 00:10:31,760
Yeah, I'm going to
fight fire with fire.
236
00:10:31,760 --> 00:10:34,360
Would that work? In what way?
237
00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:35,960
Julian, Julian, Julian, Julian.
238
00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:39,440
You were in politics. You must know
a few dirty tricks.
239
00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:43,080
I'm afraid I don't recall any
involvement in anything underhand
240
00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:45,400
whilst I was in office. What?
241
00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:47,720
Is what I tell the public inquiry!
242
00:10:50,240 --> 00:10:51,400
No, I'd be happy to help.
243
00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:52,880
I know every trick in the book.
244
00:10:52,880 --> 00:10:54,240
I wrote the book!
245
00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:55,440
What is this?
246
00:10:56,520 --> 00:10:59,760
Oh! It like chess, but it huge!
247
00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:02,240
Ah, Alison, we need this.
We need that.
248
00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:05,160
Mike, tell me you haven't
just bought giant chess.
249
00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:06,800
I haven't bought giant chess.
250
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:08,840
I haven't!
251
00:11:08,840 --> 00:11:10,120
Come on, then.
252
00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:11,960
Step into my office.
253
00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:15,600
What have you got?
254
00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:18,240
What do you know about judo?
255
00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:21,600
That's your plan?
I fight Barclay?
256
00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:25,200
No, not actual judo. It's a tactic.
257
00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:27,760
Use your opponent's attack
against them.
258
00:11:27,760 --> 00:11:29,640
He's taken your sign.
259
00:11:29,640 --> 00:11:32,000
Well, I took it back.
No, no, no, no!
260
00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:35,280
If that's his move, let's use it.
261
00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:37,520
Let him keep the sign.
262
00:11:37,520 --> 00:11:40,080
In fact, how about we even...
263
00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:41,920
...spruce it up a little?
264
00:11:41,920 --> 00:11:46,040
Can we do that?! 'Course you can.
It's your sign.
265
00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:50,040
{\an8}Ohhh! Ah!
266
00:12:09,080 --> 00:12:10,600
I can see some movement!
267
00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:14,360
Ohhh... Oh! Another early bird.
268
00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:17,040
Yes, and no sign of the worm,
so you can join the queue.
269
00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:20,000
Excuse me, sir, I was here first.
Balderdash, sir!
270
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:21,640
No, balderdash to you, sir!
271
00:12:21,640 --> 00:12:25,000
Please... Please!
272
00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:30,360
Now, I've had this before
with our clubhouse.
273
00:12:30,360 --> 00:12:32,280
We had to share it with St John's,
274
00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:35,520
the Venture Scouts
and the Sea Beavers!
275
00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:38,440
And there's only one thing
that works.
276
00:12:38,440 --> 00:12:40,560
A rota.
277
00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:43,760
So, Lady Asprey wasn't averse
to a restorative tonic,
278
00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:45,920
if you get my meaning, Maddocks.
279
00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:47,720
Is that game?
Does that count as game?
280
00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:49,720
Well, anyway, it's a seagull,
and I shot it.
281
00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:52,520
Of course, on my side of
t'peaks, a ginnel's a snicket.
282
00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:55,200
And here's him calling it
a twitten? Give over!
283
00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:58,800
So, prawn can move two square
first go, but only vertical.
284
00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:02,200
Thomas? You're up.
285
00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:03,720
Yes!
286
00:13:06,680 --> 00:13:08,080
It's not without its problems.
287
00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:10,160
She's alive, I'm dead.
288
00:13:10,160 --> 00:13:12,080
But we make it work.
289
00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:13,880
And what's the brown stuff?
290
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:15,920
Er, it's bone marrow.
291
00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:17,560
Ooh!
292
00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:21,040
I think he's got gangrene.
293
00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:27,920
Well, she called it a folly, but it
was little more than a shed.
294
00:13:27,920 --> 00:13:31,280
Just room enough for a bridge table
and a barrel of gin.
295
00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:34,120
It was just up here,
beyond the orangery.
296
00:13:34,120 --> 00:13:35,800
Hi.
297
00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:37,280
You're popular today.
298
00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:40,920
Oh, er, most attentive, ma'am.
299
00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:44,960
Yeah. I know they can be a lot,
but when you get to know them...
300
00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:47,080
Have you booked a slot? Erm...
301
00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:51,200
No! That's what I thought.
Honestly! No manners at all.
302
00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:55,040
Which reminds me of Lord Asprey
and that infernal pipe.
303
00:13:55,040 --> 00:13:57,560
Honestly! Lord Ashtray,
we used to call him.
304
00:13:57,560 --> 00:13:59,520
Ah. Very good, ma'am.
305
00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:06,080
Hey! Excuse me,
what do you think you're doing?
306
00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:09,480
Annabel!
307
00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:11,360
Stop!
308
00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:14,600
Managed to call in a few favours
down at the council.
309
00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:17,400
Thought I'd finally get
those potholes sorted.
310
00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:20,680
What potholes? Well, cracks, really.
311
00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:23,960
But if the frost gets in there,
better to nip it in the bud.
312
00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:27,320
They're completely
blocking our driveway.
313
00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:28,560
What?
314
00:14:28,560 --> 00:14:31,400
Oh, yes, I suppose they are, a bit.
315
00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:34,320
Oh, well, they'll only be
a few days.
316
00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:36,240
A week at the outside. A week?!
317
00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:39,400
Oh, yes, you probably have guests!
318
00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:43,440
Yes! Oh, well, there's always room
down at my place.
319
00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:46,440
You can't miss it.
There's a very handy sign.
320
00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:50,680
Barclay? I think you're a big...
321
00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:01,920
He did what?!
322
00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:05,840
Yeah. I just had to bribe two guys
not to fix a road. Oh!
323
00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:08,240
That's... brilliant!
324
00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:10,400
I mean... awful. You know.
325
00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:13,000
But in a way I really admire.
326
00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:14,200
So what are we going to do?
327
00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:16,400
Well, when he goes low...
328
00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:18,360
We go high. What?
329
00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:20,720
No? Oh. Oh, God, no.
330
00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:22,640
We go even lower. Erm...
331
00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:26,360
Ooh, hey, open up that CIA thing,
you know, the, erm...
332
00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:27,920
...road atlas from outer space?
333
00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:30,200
Erm... Oh, oh.
334
00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:34,680
That's it. Now, show me
Barclay's place.
335
00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:36,560
Erm...
336
00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:39,160
Yeah. Now... B-b-b-b-b...
337
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:46,040
What are you doing? Looking for
anything that falls foul of...
338
00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:48,880
..planning... regulations.
339
00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:53,880
That type stays very rich
by being very, very tight,
340
00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:57,800
which means somewhere,
he's cut some corners.
341
00:15:57,800 --> 00:16:00,800
How do you know this? Because that's
what I would have done.
342
00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:02,040
Aha!
343
00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:09,320
Hello! Oh, Barclay,
you naughty, naughty boy!
344
00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:17,640
Ah! Yeah, I think that's for me.
345
00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:19,960
Just need you to sign for it.
Oh, sure.
346
00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:23,520
There you go, mate. Cheers.
347
00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:31,160
Ooh.
348
00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:46,360
Oh, yeah!
349
00:16:48,320 --> 00:16:49,720
Right!
350
00:16:51,360 --> 00:16:53,600
Money well spent!
Mike?
351
00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:58,000
Why is that...?
352
00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:01,720
What? No!
353
00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:03,680
Erm...
354
00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:11,880
Mike?
355
00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:17,760
Annabel?
Hello there!
356
00:17:17,760 --> 00:17:20,640
I've just had a visit
from Building Control.
357
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:22,400
Building Control? Yes.
358
00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:25,320
Turned up unannounced, poking
in every nook and cranny.
359
00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:29,120
Said they'd had reports of
irregularity. Oh!
360
00:17:29,120 --> 00:17:30,560
Oh, dear!
361
00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:32,160
Maybe it was your guests.
362
00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:34,400
I mean, if you will just
let in people off the street...
363
00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:38,360
My guests had nothing to do with
this, as well you know!
364
00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:48,920
Well, I'm not sure
what you're implying, Barclay.
365
00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:51,720
Oh, don't give me that.
We both know that you...
366
00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:55,080
It's probably... What? No, it's
within permitted development!
367
00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:58,440
If it's two metres...
I've got to go.
368
00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:01,680
And... judo! Yes!
369
00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:04,640
Or whatever you say
when you win at judo.
370
00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:10,120
Come on.
371
00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:13,120
Oh!
372
00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:17,840
Well, it was fun while it lasted.
373
00:18:29,120 --> 00:18:30,880
That'll do it.
374
00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:51,960
Whoa!
375
00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:02,320
Mike turn into giant mushroom!
376
00:19:02,320 --> 00:19:05,240
What I would say
is that if you can...
377
00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:06,960
Kitty, is your turn.
378
00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:08,760
I feel so alive!
379
00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:10,280
I haven't felt this alive since...
380
00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:11,840
Well, since I was alive.
381
00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:14,400
Ooh, there's more.
There's more, there's more.
382
00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:15,840
Hello, Planning Department?
383
00:19:15,840 --> 00:19:17,760
Yeah! Good one. You're funny.
384
00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:20,280
Ha, yes, very good. Lots of fun.
385
00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:23,760
Erm, I just wanted to apologise
for my earlier outburst.
386
00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:26,040
Oh! Erm...
387
00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:30,480
Yes, got myself in a bit of a stew
when those chaps turned up.
388
00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:32,440
Storm in a teacup, luckily.
389
00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:35,960
Just have to move a boiler vent,
and they'll be happy as Larry.
390
00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:37,560
Didn't even lose a day's business.
391
00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:39,600
Right, well...
392
00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:41,240
...that's good news. Yes!
393
00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:43,280
Bit of a relief,
because building regs
394
00:19:43,280 --> 00:19:45,880
can be an absolute minefield.
395
00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:47,720
So, yes...
396
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:50,080
...could have been worse.
397
00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:52,720
Much, much worse.
398
00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:56,720
He's got nothing!
399
00:19:56,720 --> 00:19:58,520
What special bond?!
400
00:19:58,520 --> 00:20:00,160
Well, we talk about chess.
401
00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:02,680
Oh, yeah, as if Mads
is interested in...
402
00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:06,320
Oh! Mads, is it? Mads?
403
00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:09,160
Maybe when you get to know him
a little better,
404
00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:10,640
nicknames will naturally occur.
405
00:20:10,640 --> 00:20:12,440
I think you'll find
that I met him first.
406
00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:13,920
I met him before any of you.
407
00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:30,040
Nah. No good.
408
00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:48,120
Perfect!
409
00:20:48,120 --> 00:20:50,480
No, no. No, listen. Dib-dab,
dib-dab, dib-dab,
410
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:51,960
dib-dab, dib-dab, dab-dib.
411
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:54,000
Let's settle this once and for all.
412
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:56,680
Follow me. We'll ask him.
413
00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:00,000
Do it again.
414
00:21:05,360 --> 00:21:08,000
It sounds like it's clapping!
415
00:21:11,320 --> 00:21:14,640
There's a very important
question that I need to ask you.
416
00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:19,600
Worse than the badgers!
417
00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:22,240
Oh, please be open, please be open.
418
00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:25,520
Come on.
419
00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:33,120
Oh! Yeah!
420
00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:47,120
I've got to get out of this.
421
00:21:47,120 --> 00:21:48,800
Erm...
422
00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:50,200
Oh!
423
00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:00,040
Hello! Obi!
424
00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:01,640
Obi, it's me. I need help.
425
00:22:01,640 --> 00:22:05,200
Can you hear me? Hello? Nooo!
Mike, are you OK?
426
00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:07,360
No! Mate?
427
00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:11,160
Oh, my arm! Your arm?!
428
00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:15,280
Oh, no! Are you having a...?
429
00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:17,400
I told you, it's the fridge baps!
430
00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:20,080
OK, mate, just stay calm.
431
00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:22,640
Just stay calm. Help is on the w...
432
00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:25,280
Oh, no!
433
00:22:25,280 --> 00:22:28,280
Obi! Obi, help!
434
00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:31,840
Missed a bit.
435
00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:33,200
You...
436
00:22:34,320 --> 00:22:35,520
What the...?
437
00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:43,240
That's enough!
438
00:22:43,240 --> 00:22:44,880
That's enough!
439
00:22:44,880 --> 00:22:48,040
Then answer the question,
damn your eyes! Yeah!
440
00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:49,840
Come on, who's your best friend...
441
00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:51,400
...mate?
442
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:54,720
Well, if you really
want to know...
443
00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:56,920
Yes!
444
00:22:56,920 --> 00:22:58,400
...none of you.
445
00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:02,080
Hmm?
446
00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:05,800
Mike? When you get this, come to the
Gatehouse. Something's up.
447
00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:11,320
Excuse me, what are you...?
Annabel!
448
00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:12,680
Here we go.
449
00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:15,000
Let's see what you got.
There you are!
450
00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:17,040
I was just walking the dogs
451
00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:20,520
when I spotted something
rather concerning
452
00:23:20,520 --> 00:23:23,680
in the rubble pile
from your recent renovations.
453
00:23:25,160 --> 00:23:26,440
Hmph!
454
00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:31,400
Thought I'd better phone it in.
455
00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:34,360
You know, concerned local resident.
456
00:23:34,360 --> 00:23:36,440
Yep, it's asbestos all right. What?!
457
00:23:36,440 --> 00:23:38,440
Ohhh, he's good!
458
00:23:38,440 --> 00:23:40,760
You'll have to shut this place
down for the foreseeable,
459
00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:42,560
get it surveyed, cleared,
certified safe.
460
00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:43,880
No, wait, wait, wait, wait.
461
00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:45,200
That wasn't there before.
462
00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:47,240
It... He planted it!
463
00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:48,560
Annabel!
464
00:23:48,560 --> 00:23:49,680
Alison!
465
00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:53,840
That is a very serious accusation,
and I can assure you...
466
00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:56,360
Judo! Use his move against him.
467
00:23:56,360 --> 00:23:59,760
If he brought that asbestos here,
where did he get it from? Hmm?
468
00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:01,120
Ask him that. Go, go, go!
469
00:24:01,120 --> 00:24:03,920
...let alone a dear friend
and neighbour!
470
00:24:03,920 --> 00:24:06,560
Well... OK, I tell you what,
471
00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:09,000
why don't you search
the buildings on his estate
472
00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:11,680
and see if any of them are
missing a couple of roof tiles?
473
00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:14,680
Well, now...
474
00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:18,480
I-I-I-I think these good people
are busy enough without, erm...
475
00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:20,440
Because, Barclay,
that would be fly-tipping
476
00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:21,760
of a dangerous substance,
477
00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:24,520
which I think you'll find
is against the law!
478
00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:27,560
I think you will find that.
479
00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:33,160
Wow! Erm, actually, that-that does
look a bit familiar.
480
00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:35,800
No idea how it got here, but I'll
gladly pay for removal.
481
00:24:35,800 --> 00:24:38,280
Let's just forget all this. Yes.
482
00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:41,840
You know, er, I'm actually getting
out of the accommodation game,
483
00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:44,440
so no need to, erm...
484
00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:45,880
Bye!
485
00:24:51,120 --> 00:24:53,720
Mike Cooper? Yeah!
486
00:24:56,600 --> 00:24:58,160
I'm OK.
487
00:24:58,160 --> 00:24:59,920
What is going on?
488
00:24:59,920 --> 00:25:02,160
Oh, I don't know any more.
489
00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:09,280
I just find you all profoundly,
profoundly annoying.
490
00:25:09,280 --> 00:25:12,200
Why do you need
another friend? Hmm?
491
00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:16,520
I mean, look at you, stuck in that
house with each other all this time.
492
00:25:16,520 --> 00:25:19,920
And yet here you all are,
out here, together.
493
00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:23,160
How are you not sick
of the sight of each other?
494
00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:24,800
Well, we are.
495
00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:26,800
Give over!
496
00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:28,080
If I were any of you,
497
00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:31,400
I'd have been off living on me
own in the woods years ago.
498
00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:34,400
I mean, I dunno what you call it,
this, but, face it...
499
00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:37,320
...you'd all be lost without it.
500
00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:42,680
He might have a point, y'know. Yeah.
501
00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:46,360
Well, we may not be each
other's perfect cup of tea...
502
00:25:47,800 --> 00:25:50,200
...but when the chips
are down, we really have to...
503
00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:52,920
Oh! He... He go! Whoo!
504
00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:55,640
Huh? Where?
505
00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:57,520
Oh...
506
00:25:57,520 --> 00:25:59,880
He's gone to be
with the rest of his foot.
507
00:25:59,880 --> 00:26:02,560
And so it goes. Can't be helped.
What a shame.
508
00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:04,080
Now, er, what was I saying?
509
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:06,040
Some old guff about
a perfect cup of tea.
510
00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:13,320
Oh, aye,
Little Miss Grumpy-Pants?
511
00:26:17,120 --> 00:26:18,440
Told you.
512
00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:22,200
Aye. They are a lot.
513
00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:26,760
Well... I'll see you Tuesday.
514
00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:29,320
Yeah, yeah, Tuesday. Tuesday, aye.
515
00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:36,080
And, dooka-dooka!
516
00:26:36,080 --> 00:26:37,840
Barclay had to learn the hard way
517
00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:40,800
that you cannot outplay
a grandmaster.
518
00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:43,760
Checkmate.
519
00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:45,280
Oh, damn and blast!
520
00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:53,200
Ready? Go, go, go.
521
00:26:53,200 --> 00:26:56,240
Oh, my God, we should have
bought these ages ago.
522
00:26:56,240 --> 00:26:59,000
Yeah. Wait, so, to get out of it,
do you just, like...?
523
00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:00,600
Erm...
524
00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:01,920
Oh, no. No, yeah, that happens.
525
00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:03,040
You've just got to be
526
00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:05,080
gentle with the cla...
527
00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:07,240
Oh, no.
528
00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:08,840
Oh, no.
35714
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