All language subtitles for Community S01E04 Social Psychology_track4_[eng]

[CHANG SPEAKlNG IN SPANlSH]

♪♪

[SPEAKS IN SPANlSH]

[CLASS SPEAKlNG lNDlSTlNCTLY]

[SPEAKlNG IN SPANlSH]

[CHANG & CLASS
SPEAKlNG IN SPANlSH]

Ooh. Nice day out today, isn't it?
Yeah, shoot.

You forget something?

Yeah, I forgot to stagger the timing
of my exit with Shirley's.

We both have a class
across campus

and I can't go that kind
of distance with

[lMlTATlNG SHlRLEY]
"Oh, that's nice."

That's mean.
No, that's not nice.

I find Shirley very easy to talk to.

Besides, aren't you supposed
to have like an Olympic gold medal
in jibber jabber?

Yeah, but I'm a sprinter.

I'm at my best
during high speed bursts of wit.

On a Shirley walk,
I'd be winded by that stoner tree.

Hey, Britta. Hi.

What's up?
Hey, Vaughn, how's it going?

No worries.
Interesting.

Because I might be worried if I was
playing hacky sack a decade too late.

My class is that way.

All right.
I just want to point out
that we easily walked

more than a hundred yards
with no awkward pauses.

And that is the sign of a true friend.
So...

I'm really glad you're not hitting
on me anymore.

There's the awkward pause.

Aah!

[THE 88'S "AT LEAST
lT WAS HERE" PLAYlNG]

ANNlE:
Excuse me. Oh, pardon me.

Professor Duncan.
Professor Duncan.
Uh, ooh, sorry.

Annie Edison,

I'm in your 101 lecture.
Oh. Hello.

I've heard about
your special psych lab.

Ah. The Duncan Principle.
Yes.

And I know it's limited
to second year students,
but I had a 4.0 at Riverside High.

And I'm not looking down
on this school at all.

But I'm only here
because of a brief
addiction to pills

that I was told would
help me focus

but they actually made me lose

my scholarship and virginity.
Right.

If you will let me take your lab early,
it would be a real feather
in my transcript.

Okay. I've actually been in this
situation many times,
so I'm just gonna be upfront.

I'm not allowed to date students.

Oh.
But if in spite of that

you are still interested,
then you may join the lab.

Oh!
Ah.

Okay, you need to bring
two human subjects.

I asked politely
and the panda took his pants off.

[LAUGHS]

BRlTTA:
I never even knew
that's what asexual meant.

I wonder what this express package
could be.

Somebody had to get something
to me very fast.

You brought your mail to campus.

Oh, yes. My Ear-Noculars.

What is that?

It looks like your blue-tooth thingy.
No, no, no.

This is my cell phone headset.

And this is Ear-Noculars.

It's for spies and what-not.
Gives you sonic hearing.

All hearing is sonic.
What's that?

So who wants to be
in a psych experiment?

Hey, guys, guys. Annie is talking
about some kind of experiment.

She's behind you. Not interested.

Please. You get paid.

Do they do stuff to your butt?
No.

Do you get paid more
if they do stuff to your butt?

No.
It's fine, I'll do it, I'm in.

Yay. How about you, Abed?
It's tomorrow.

Oof. Tomorrow, they're showing
all four Indiana Joneses at The Vista.

I'm really looking forward
to the first three.
I bought a whip.

ANNlE:
This is really important to me,
Abed.

Could you please go as my friend?
My really good friend?

Well, I didn't realize
we were really good friends.

I figured we were really
more like Chandler and Phoebe.

They never really had stories
together.

Sure, I'll do it, Chandler.
Oh, thank you, Abed.

Oh.
I'm gonna go save Britta

from that dude.

Yeah,
she looks like she's in trouble.

Hope he doesn't try
to handsome her to death. Ha-ha.

[BOTH LAUGHlNG]

Hey.
What's up, man?

Hi, I'm Vaughn.

You in line?
Oh, no, no.

We're just, uh—
We're just chilling.

Hey, you're not gonna order coffee?
Oh, no, I was just seeing if Britta—

No judgment, bro.
I used to do coffee.

Then I made the switch
to green tea,

it's like filled with these antioxidants
and stuff.

It's pretty tight.
Tight.

Yes, I've heard that about green tea.

I like green tea.
I should make the change.

Up top, sugar bear.

Yeah, give me some of that.
Small coffee, please.

♪♪

Britta's making the change
to green tea.

Good. It'll be a scandal.

Welcome, research assistants.

Turn your attention
to the monitor,

you will see that our subjects are
waiting for the experiment to begin.

But it's actually happening
right now.

You see,
the waiting is the experiment.
The Duncan Principle is simple.

Namely, the more control lost by—
Yeah, I'm gonna write
this down too, actually.

That's a good point.

The more control lost by the ego,
the more gained by the id.

Resulting
in a surprisingly predictable,

emotional eruption
or breaking point.

Known to Ma and Pa
as a good old-fashioned tantrum.

[ALL LAUGHlNG]

Oh. Annie.

Why don't you, uh, go
and tell our subjects

that we're gonna be starting
the experiment in five minutes, okay?

♪♪

And, Annie,

it's never actually going to start.

Ha-ha-ha.

I like that, all day.

Hi, everyone.

Hi, Troy. Hi, Abed.

Hi, Senor Chang.

What, community college
Spanish teacher can't use 80 bucks?

Well, we're just running
a little bit behind,

so we'll probably start in five
minutes.

No, no, no.

No, no, no. Unacceptable.

When you say something starts at 9,
it starts at nueve. Ah!

No, no.

And we're off.

♪♪

Did you know we walk the same way
after class?

I'm sure you didn't or else we
would've been walking together,

unless you're a jerk, hmm,
just kidding. Heh-heh.

Let's do it.
Mm-hm.

Don't go too fast for these dogs.
Short legs.

Do you like Green—? What's that?
You got a kid, right? Nothing.

So Pierce isn't exactly right
in the head, is he?

I know a lot of grown men
with radar dishes
coming out of their ears.

He's like lnspector Gadget.

Yeah, go go gadget incontinence.

How about that guy
that's always around
flirting with Britta?

I know. He's the worst, Vaughn?

I know. What is with his hair?
It's perpetually moist.

Okay, we're three hours in,
let's review what we've seen.

And pay close attention
to every subject's breaking point.

We've got a shouter.

That one's a stomper. Bye, hippie.

There's a generic whack job,

bouncing up and down
like a 6-foot child.

Shaking, write that down.
Visible shakes.

Look at the little one
chase the big one, look at them go.

I can make them go quicker,
it's like Benny Hill.

Whoo. Get them. Lightens the mood.

And back to the present.

And then there were two.

♪♪

DUNCAN:
Break, break.

No, no, no. Annie.

What is going on in there?
I wasted all day here for you.

The Soul Train Awards were tonight.

You promised...

[TROY SOBS]

And he's out. We got him.

Professor,
what is with that last guy?

DUNCAN:
I've seen this before.

The longer they wait,
the harder they break.

Buckle up, students.

Heh. See how often Hacky Sack
takes his shirt off?

He'd play shirts and skins
in a game of checkers.

[BOTH LAUGH]

I'm so glad to be able
to talk to someone about this.

I wanted to say
something to Britta about it.

But we're supposed to be friends
now, she'd think I was jealous.

I don't see why you and Britta
aren't together.

Two white people
going to school together,
just seems right.

Shirley, we're not pandas in a zoo.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh. Oh, dear.

♪♪

That is not what I want to see.

And there goes the shirt.

[COlN JlNGLES]

♪♪

[TAPPlNG]

Hey.
Hey, I'm fine. Oh.

Want me to, uh, check you
for grass stains?

I wasn't sure how or when to bring up
that I was hanging out with Vaughn.

I figured that you'd make
fun of him and me.

Oh, well... Uh...

First of all, friends don't make fun
of each other,

even if they're being tackled
in the quad by a hippie.

And secondly, Vaughn seems cool.

You guys should hang out
sometime.

I gotta go. I, uh—

That was tacky out there,
you won't ever see that again.

Oh, no worries, brah.

♪♪

Shirley.

Did you see
Senor Chang's socks today?

Tiny bullfighters.
Ha-ha.

I can top that, did you see
that Hacky Sack wears an anklet?

Since when won't you talk
about Vaughn?

I'm trying to be a good friend
to Britta.

She thought I was gonna
make fun of him,
but I want to be unpredictable.

I'm going to show her
that I'm not the jerk
she thinks I am.

And friend the hell out of that
green-tea-drinking drum circler.

Okay. But tell me you noticed
how small his nipples are.

Not engaging.
What? It's not gossip when it's fact.

My kids got hamsters with big nips.
No.

Oh, well. Jeff.
No.

Is— Is it on pause?

No, that's just him.

Sorry you've been waiting 26 hours.

It's just going to be
another five minutes.

Okey-dokey.

[WHlSPERS] Okey-dokey.
Oh, my—

Why won't he leave?

Professor.
What?

I'm sorry, this guy's not moving.
I have classes to go to.

Go, fine.

Go kill John Lennon again,
you loser.

He's ruined my study.

He's warped the Duncan Principle.

Damn you,
you outlying piece of datum.

Ow! Aah!

It's you. It's your fault.

But you told me to bring subjects.
Yeah, subjects.

Not Rain Man.

I should never have let you
into this lab,

Miss Annie Fanny Panties
In A Bunch.

Oh. Oh, that's so hilarious.

Did you think of that the last time
you skipped a trip to the dentist?

Oh. Let me answer that question
with another question.

[BLOWS RASPBERRY]

It's not fair.

It's not fair.

[YELLlNG]

What are you doing? Stop writing.

Put your— Give me that.

Get out.
Get out, you bunch of dorks.

Get out.

[DUNCAN PANTlNG]

You have destroyed
the Duncan Principle.

♪♪

Go home.

Cool.

See you.

So, uh, Britta said that you did
a lot of community service.

Ultimate Frisbee
at the Senior's Center. It is amazing.

And what makes Frisbee ultimate?
Ha-ha-ha.

Man. If I had a nickel for every time
I wished somebody asked me that.

BRlTTA:
I'm gonna get dessert.
Want anything?

Carrots.

Oh, I'm good.

Hey, you two.

VAUGHN: Hey.
Well, that's a cool shirt.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Where's it from?
Oh. Uh, psh— I don't even know.

I guess it's, well... Uh...

Hey, look at that. Hanes Classic.
Oh, that's nice.

You know,
people underestimate the elderly,

but you see these guys out there
and they're throwing the 'bee,

and they're just loving life.

It's just inspiring.

You know, I'm gonna really—
I'm gonna think about it.

All right. I'm gonna check on Brits.

See you.
See you.

You're the devil.
I know.

[SPEAKlNG IN SPANlSH]

[SPEAKlNG IN SPANlSH]

Plus— Okay.
I have a question.

"Where do we go on Saturdays?"
You said, "Sunday."

I have a question for you.
You like Vaughn, right.

Oh, he— he's very cute.

I'm just worried that he's thinking
a little bit more intensely

about this thing than I am.

He says stuff, you know, after...

School?

After...
Dinner mints?

After...
Not having sex.

[SlGHS]

How was that?
What? Forget that.

The problem right now
is that he's calling me "babe."

He's trying to hold my hands.
It's getting a little relationship-y.

And he gave me something.

Herpes?
No.

This.
A poem?

How do I respond
to something like that?

"Thank you?"

Well, it's a very good question.

And it's one I will answer—

Uh— Oh, I'm getting a text.

I'm just gonna read it
if you don't mind.

I am reading it and it is read.

JEFF:
Did you ever notice
where the ocean meets the sky?

Did ya?

It's the same wizard blue
That I see in your eye, Britta

[BOTH LAUGH]

Thank you so much.
This has brightened my day.

I'm so glad we can rip
on that dude again.

Look at this. Look at this.

That is the stain of a tear drop
over the word, "rad."

Oh, he said rad.
I thought he said red.

That makes it worse.
Ah, ha-ha-ha-ha.

I'm surprised he can read.

You know?
SHlRLEY: I know.

Hey, sorry about bailing
on the psych experiment.

That was the experiment, Troy.

We were testing
to see how long people
would wait in the room.

Whoa.
Oh.

Gotcha.
"Gotcha?"

That's all you have to say?
Yeah.

You sat in a room
for 26 straight hours.

Didn't that bother you?

Yeah, I was livid.
Then why didn't you leave?

Because you asked me to stay
and you said we were friends.

Wait.
Is this still part of experiment?

He's more like a puppy
with a fish mouth.

Right, right, right.
It's more like this:

[JEFF AND SHlRLEY LAUGHlNG]

That's right. Laugh it up.

Wanna know what they're doing?
Yeah.

Sure.
Making fun of all of us.

I heard you
with my own Ear-Noculars.

Pierce,
we are not making fun of you.

Ah, ha-ha. Calling me Hacky Sack,

and ripping my—
My six pack abs
and my moist hair.

And that face you made:

That was pretty obviously Annie.

Okay, this is definitely still part
of the experiment.

Pierce,
we were not making fun of you.

We're making fun
of Britta's boyfriend,
Vaughn.

Oh, good.

Well, in that case,
if we're gonna do something,
let's do it as a team.

I'll get the ball rolling.
Maybe he has a tiny penis.

Who is this guy?
You all have to got to see him.

Everything's all,
"No worries, no worries."

He always says hello
three times in a row.

"Hello, good evening, how are you?"
And look, he wrote a poem.

[ALL LAUGHlNG]

Can I read it?
We shouldn't show that.

No, no, it's fine.

BRlTTA:
So I'll be done in like an hour?

Yeah, no worries.

He just said it.

Guys, you've met Vaughn, right?

Hey, what's up? Hi.

[ALL LAUGHlNG]

Ha-ha. What a fool.

This group's got a case
of the giggles, huh? Heh.

Wait, is that...?

Did you give them my poem?
No.

Okay, well, why's the dinosaur
rocking a picture of my poem?

Here, read it.

Ha. You guys are—
You guys laughing at me,
aren't you?

Yeah.
No.

That's, uh— Wow.

This is the least tight thing
that's ever happened to me.

♪♪

I can't believe you.

Honestly, Jeff, how dare you?

I can hear him outside. He's crying.

Now, he's barking.

Jeff, wait,
I'm sorry I sold you out.

Britta is never gonna forgive me.

I can't believe
I showed you that poem.

Oh, my God,
my life is Degrassi High.

Oh, Jeff.
I have a gossip problem.

I stir the pot, Jeff. I'm a pot stirrer.

This isn't the only study group
I've had this year.

You see those ladies over there?

I used to be in their group
until they kicked me out.

They called me Tattle-ina.

It's a bumblebee nickname.
It's cute, but it stings.

Hey, look at the size
of that woman's earrings.

It's like little dogs
should be jumping through them.

[BOTH LAUGHlNG]

Look at them.
This has to end. Mm-mm-mm.

Shirley, don't do this.

Look, we can still hang out.

It's just, you know,
we won't bag on people.

Come on, Jeff.
What are we gonna talk about?

My kids, your—
Your doctor career?

I was a lawyer.
See, I'm already bored.

Well...

We'll always have tiny nipples.
Heh-heh-heh. They were tiny.

Jeff. Wait, wait.

I know I shouldn't do this,
but one last little piece of gossip.

♪♪

Britta told me
she had a sex dream about you.

You still have a chance.

[GlGGLES]

Mm-mm! Mm. Mm-mm.
Details.

Details. Details.

Abed, here.

I wanted to say sorry
for yelling at you.

Indiana Jones, cool.
I just got you the first three because—

BOTH:
The fourth one blows.

We're cool.
JEFF: Britta.

BRlTTA: I do not want to talk to you.
No, I know, and I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry.
I'm really, really sorry.

And I will go talk to Vaughn—
Vaughn broke up with me.

Oh! Oh.

You broke my trust. You suck.

I know and I'm sorry.

But I was in a tough position.

I couldn't handle
just being one of the girls.

What do you wanna be?

Is...

Is there a spot on the friendship
spectrum between total stranger

and having to hear
about the guys you date?

And, ideally, just a notch
underneath driving you

to the airport
and painting your kitchen.

How about the friend level
where you sometimes have to cat sit?

Done.

And if I'm occasionally naked
in your dreams, I won't complain.

Shirley.
I know, she's got a problem.

She stirs the pot.
She's a pot stirrer.

Sorry, dudes.

No worries, man.

Uh— some worries, man.
Some worries.

[THE HEAVY'S
"HOW YOU LlKE ME NOW" PLAYS]

Whoa.

Shirley would've said something
funny about that guy.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, Jeff, oh. Heh-heh-heh.

Oh, no.

Pierce, Pierce,
give me your ear thing.

Got rid of it.

You see, Jeff, there are certain things
man was not meant to hear.

We were designed
by whatever entity you choose

to hear what's in this range.

And really this range alone.

Because, you know
who's talking to us in this range.

The people we love.

He must've heard us call him
lnspector Gadget.

ABED [IN STONER VOlCE]:
Oh, I think it's time for Burning Man.

TROY [IN MOCKlNG VOlCE]:
Oh, I'm Saddam Hussein. Oh.

Nice to meet you, dude.

ABED [IN GENTLE VOlCE]:
Oh, wow, I love reading
and being a desperate housewife.

TROY [IN JAMAlCAN ACCENT]:
Hey, man, coming through,
I love the Desperate Housewives.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

TROY [IN NORMAL VOlCE]:
I'm Dr. Doogie Seacrest.

I think I'm better
than everyone else because I'm 40.

I'm not 40.

I can hear you through the window,
morons.

Just pretend like you asleep.
Just pretend like you were sleeping.