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1
00:00:06,484 --> 00:00:07,659
Whew!
2
00:00:07,703 --> 00:00:09,661
Nine! That's a new record!
3
00:00:09,705 --> 00:00:12,012
Wow, Dave.
You just ran nine miles?
4
00:00:12,055 --> 00:00:14,971
No, I got nine people
to wave back at me.
5
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:17,321
Well, let's just make it
an even ten.
6
00:00:17,365 --> 00:00:18,844
Bye!
7
00:00:18,888 --> 00:00:20,672
Oh, no.
8
00:00:20,716 --> 00:00:24,676
Don't look now, but here comes
your least favorite neighbor.
9
00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:26,113
[chuckling]:
What are you talking about?
10
00:00:26,156 --> 00:00:27,549
I just waved goodbye to him.
11
00:00:29,377 --> 00:00:31,379
Calvin, it's Walter.
12
00:00:32,206 --> 00:00:34,164
CALVIN:
Oh, goodness.
13
00:00:34,208 --> 00:00:37,037
Wonder what's got his
adult diaper in a bunch today.
14
00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:39,126
Hey, Walter.
15
00:00:39,169 --> 00:00:41,563
Dave. Jackass.
16
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:44,392
What do you want?
17
00:00:44,435 --> 00:00:46,872
Don't you have
an obituary to be in?
18
00:00:47,917 --> 00:00:50,876
I actually came over
to give you some bad news.
19
00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:52,095
I'm moving.
20
00:00:52,139 --> 00:00:54,054
[chuckles]
Are you kidding?
21
00:00:54,097 --> 00:00:56,404
That's not bad news.
That's great news.
22
00:00:56,447 --> 00:00:59,929
In fact, if I didn't hate you
so much, I would hug you.
23
00:00:59,972 --> 00:01:01,887
You didn't let me finish.
24
00:01:01,931 --> 00:01:04,194
I'm selling my house
to the Cartelli Group.
25
00:01:04,238 --> 00:01:05,717
What?
26
00:01:05,761 --> 00:01:08,242
Uh, who's the
Cartelli Group?
27
00:01:08,285 --> 00:01:09,982
They're big developers.
28
00:01:10,026 --> 00:01:11,984
They've moved into neighborhoods
all around here,
29
00:01:12,028 --> 00:01:14,944
knocking down the original homes
and replacing them
30
00:01:14,987 --> 00:01:16,685
with big, ugly monstrosities.
31
00:01:16,728 --> 00:01:18,513
That's right. And finally,
32
00:01:18,556 --> 00:01:21,124
we'll have a home around here
that matches your face.
33
00:01:21,168 --> 00:01:23,300
Okay, Walter, you
take that back!
34
00:01:23,344 --> 00:01:24,910
Calvin has a
beautiful face!
35
00:01:24,954 --> 00:01:26,912
Okay, Dave, you're not helping.
36
00:01:26,956 --> 00:01:28,175
Although you're not wrong.
37
00:01:29,785 --> 00:01:31,308
And here's the best part.
38
00:01:31,352 --> 00:01:32,962
You're in for a year
of loud trucks
39
00:01:33,005 --> 00:01:35,920
and construction workers
taking pee breaks on your lawn.
40
00:01:35,965 --> 00:01:38,359
And I might even show 'em
where I like to do it.
41
00:01:39,882 --> 00:01:41,840
Come on, Walter.
You can't do this.
42
00:01:41,884 --> 00:01:44,408
Oh, yes, I can. I'm signing
those papers next week.
43
00:01:45,235 --> 00:01:46,715
I'm gonna get
a whole lot of money,
44
00:01:46,758 --> 00:01:48,195
and you're gonna get
a whole lot of this.
45
00:01:48,238 --> 00:01:52,024
[imitates truck]:
Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep,
46
00:01:52,068 --> 00:01:54,505
beep, beep...Can't believe this guy.
47
00:01:54,549 --> 00:01:56,027
He's got some nerve.
48
00:01:56,072 --> 00:01:57,987
And amazing balance.
49
00:01:58,030 --> 00:02:00,032
He just backed up
all the way to his front porch.
50
00:02:01,382 --> 00:02:03,123
♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪
51
00:02:03,166 --> 00:02:04,559
♪ Welcome to the hood.
52
00:02:10,086 --> 00:02:11,305
We got a problem.
53
00:02:11,348 --> 00:02:12,871
What's the matter, baby?
54
00:02:12,915 --> 00:02:16,310
Walter's selling his
house to a developer.
55
00:02:16,353 --> 00:02:19,182
They're gonna tear it down
and build a giant eyesore.
56
00:02:19,226 --> 00:02:21,141
What? Are you serious?
57
00:02:21,184 --> 00:02:22,751
Yeah.
58
00:02:22,794 --> 00:02:25,275
You know, I've been praying
for Walter to move for years,
59
00:02:25,319 --> 00:02:27,016
but I always meant to heaven.
60
00:02:29,540 --> 00:02:32,195
See, man, this is happening
all over the place.
61
00:02:32,239 --> 00:02:34,589
The developers come in, start
buying up all the houses
62
00:02:34,632 --> 00:02:36,112
and take over
the neighborhood.
Mm.
63
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:37,983
It's classic
gentrification.
64
00:02:38,027 --> 00:02:40,464
Yup, and then the prices
go through the roof,
65
00:02:40,508 --> 00:02:44,120
the landlords raise the rent,
and good people are forced out.
66
00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:47,036
I can't believe Walter would
do this to the community.
67
00:02:47,079 --> 00:02:48,341
Mm.
You know what?
68
00:02:48,385 --> 00:02:49,995
I'm gonna drink
a gallon of iced tea
69
00:02:50,039 --> 00:02:52,084
and go over there
and water his lawn.
70
00:02:53,912 --> 00:02:55,653
Calvin, I've told you
a thousand times--
71
00:02:55,697 --> 00:02:57,177
use your words,
not your pee.
72
00:02:58,656 --> 00:03:01,877
Uh, yeah, some of
this is on you, Pop.
73
00:03:01,920 --> 00:03:04,488
Maybe if you didn't
antagonize him so much...Mm-hmm.
74
00:03:04,532 --> 00:03:06,360
...he wouldn't have
decided to move.
75
00:03:06,403 --> 00:03:08,362
Who would move out
the neighborhood
76
00:03:08,405 --> 00:03:09,754
just because
I'm mean to 'em?
77
00:03:09,798 --> 00:03:12,148
Uh, present.
78
00:03:14,281 --> 00:03:16,587
Okay, if that's the case,
79
00:03:16,631 --> 00:03:20,243
maybe... there's a way
I could change his mind.
80
00:03:20,287 --> 00:03:21,636
What do you mean?
81
00:03:21,679 --> 00:03:25,074
I mean, maybe
he wouldn't move
82
00:03:25,117 --> 00:03:30,122
if I tried being
a kinder, friendlier neighbor
83
00:03:30,166 --> 00:03:32,603
to that old, wrinkly bastard.
84
00:03:33,735 --> 00:03:35,127
I don't know, Calvin.
85
00:03:35,171 --> 00:03:36,781
Don't you think
it's a little too late for that?
86
00:03:36,825 --> 00:03:38,522
Uh, yeah, Pop.
87
00:03:38,566 --> 00:03:40,263
Maybe you should've
tried being nice to him
88
00:03:40,307 --> 00:03:43,440
back when he was a young,
less wrinkly bastard.
89
00:03:44,485 --> 00:03:47,357
Look, I'm not saying
it's gonna be easy,
90
00:03:47,401 --> 00:03:50,142
but if anyone can do it,
it's me.
91
00:03:50,186 --> 00:03:51,666
After all,
92
00:03:51,709 --> 00:03:56,105
no one can resist
the Calvin Butler charm.
93
00:03:56,148 --> 00:03:58,281
[laughs]
What Calvin Butler charm?
94
00:03:58,325 --> 00:04:00,370
Boy, shut up.
Wasn't nobody talking to you.
95
00:04:10,206 --> 00:04:11,163
Calvin?
96
00:04:11,207 --> 00:04:13,775
There he is.
97
00:04:13,818 --> 00:04:18,257
My main man, Walter--
the Denzel of Pasadena.
98
00:04:20,042 --> 00:04:21,826
Why in the hell
are you raking my yard?
99
00:04:21,870 --> 00:04:23,872
Yeah, look, man, I know
100
00:04:23,915 --> 00:04:26,222
I haven't always been
the best neighbor,
101
00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:29,399
but I got to thinking
I'm gonna turn over a new leaf
102
00:04:29,443 --> 00:04:32,272
and figured
I'd rake a few of yours.
103
00:04:32,315 --> 00:04:34,970
Oh. And I found this $20 bill
on your lawn.
104
00:04:35,013 --> 00:04:36,841
I figured you must have
dropped it.
105
00:04:36,885 --> 00:04:41,281
You know, I don't know
what you're up to, but...
106
00:04:41,324 --> 00:04:42,891
I did drop that 20.
107
00:04:42,933 --> 00:04:45,110
Now, what's this
really about?
108
00:04:45,154 --> 00:04:47,330
If you need a kidney,
it ain't happening.
109
00:04:47,374 --> 00:04:49,506
No, I don't need a kidney.
110
00:04:49,550 --> 00:04:51,465
Although any man would be lucky
111
00:04:51,508 --> 00:04:53,945
to have one of your organs
inside of 'em.
112
00:04:57,688 --> 00:05:00,952
Calvin, I ain't up for
all this Fruity Pebbles stuff.
113
00:05:00,996 --> 00:05:04,434
Oh. Oh, no, man. You know,
I just got to thinking.
114
00:05:04,478 --> 00:05:07,307
We wasted so much time fighting,
when instead
115
00:05:07,350 --> 00:05:09,352
we should've been
getting to know each other.
116
00:05:09,396 --> 00:05:12,790
All right. Well, I'm Walter.
117
00:05:12,834 --> 00:05:15,576
I got a screw in my knee
and a damn fool on my lawn.
118
00:05:15,619 --> 00:05:18,622
You see? I didn't even know
about your knee.
119
00:05:18,666 --> 00:05:22,844
You know what? Why don't you
come over tonight for dinner,
120
00:05:22,887 --> 00:05:24,889
and we just let
bygones be bygones?
No.
121
00:05:24,933 --> 00:05:26,848
No, no, I-I don't
know about that.Ah, come on, man.
122
00:05:26,891 --> 00:05:28,502
What can I do to convince you?
123
00:05:28,545 --> 00:05:30,895
Well, I did lose
another 20 around here.
124
00:05:34,682 --> 00:05:37,032
You sure it wasn't
a ten and two fives?
125
00:05:37,075 --> 00:05:39,077
That'll do.
126
00:05:44,561 --> 00:05:46,868
Okay, dinner's almost ready,
127
00:05:46,911 --> 00:05:48,826
and I'm wearing
a low-cut blouse.
128
00:05:48,870 --> 00:05:51,873
I've done my part.[laughs]
129
00:05:51,916 --> 00:05:55,529
All right, now, remember, no
matter how miserable Walter is,
130
00:05:55,572 --> 00:05:57,226
we got to be nice to him.
131
00:05:57,269 --> 00:05:59,620
But if he starts to choke
on a piece of carrot,
132
00:05:59,663 --> 00:06:02,797
let nature take its course.
133
00:06:02,840 --> 00:06:05,582
I don't get why
this is such a bad thing.
134
00:06:05,626 --> 00:06:07,367
If he sells his house
for a lot of money,
135
00:06:07,410 --> 00:06:09,064
don't all of
our property values go up?
136
00:06:09,107 --> 00:06:12,067
Sure, but some things
are more important than money.
137
00:06:12,110 --> 00:06:14,896
Like the people and the culture
of this neighborhood.
138
00:06:14,939 --> 00:06:16,419
Which is why
I'm never leaving it.
139
00:06:16,463 --> 00:06:18,813
And that means neither am I.
140
00:06:18,856 --> 00:06:20,423
Neighbors for life, bro.
141
00:06:21,468 --> 00:06:23,078
Aw, what the hell.
142
00:06:23,121 --> 00:06:25,428
Let the fake
friendliness begin.
143
00:06:25,472 --> 00:06:27,038
[knock on door]
144
00:06:27,082 --> 00:06:29,040
Okay, now, that's him.
145
00:06:29,084 --> 00:06:32,217
Now, remember, we're smiling,
we're laughing,
146
00:06:32,261 --> 00:06:35,786
and most important,
we're not giving the Heimlich.
147
00:06:39,224 --> 00:06:41,183
Hey, Walter! Come on in!
148
00:06:41,226 --> 00:06:42,576
Hey, Walter!Hi!
149
00:06:42,619 --> 00:06:44,578
Uh, evening,
everybody.
150
00:06:44,621 --> 00:06:46,014
I'm glad to see
151
00:06:46,057 --> 00:06:48,103
you're not take-off-your-shoes
kind of people.
152
00:06:48,146 --> 00:06:51,149
I don't want to be eating while
staring at your nasty feet.
153
00:06:52,847 --> 00:06:55,676
[Calvin laughs]
154
00:06:55,719 --> 00:06:57,852
Well, it's gonna be hard
to keep our shoes on
155
00:06:57,895 --> 00:07:00,550
with you knocking our socks off
with those jokes.
156
00:07:00,594 --> 00:07:02,422
[laughs]
157
00:07:02,465 --> 00:07:04,293
Well, let's get
this party started.
158
00:07:04,336 --> 00:07:07,165
Uh, Tina, lean forward
and pour the man a drink.
159
00:07:10,647 --> 00:07:13,998
So, Walter, why don't you tell
Dave and Gemma here
160
00:07:14,042 --> 00:07:15,565
how we first met.
161
00:07:15,609 --> 00:07:17,045
Who the hell is Gemma?
162
00:07:21,528 --> 00:07:23,225
That would be me.
163
00:07:23,268 --> 00:07:26,184
The one who took you to the ER
when you broke your ankle.
164
00:07:26,228 --> 00:07:28,404
Oh, yeah.
You're a terrible driver,
165
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:30,667
and your taste in music sucks.
166
00:07:32,190 --> 00:07:33,582
[laughs] This guy's hilarious.
167
00:07:33,627 --> 00:07:35,063
Watch out, Steve Harvey.
168
00:07:35,106 --> 00:07:37,848
We got the next host
of Family Feud.
169
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:43,680
W-Walter, how did
you guys meet?
170
00:07:43,724 --> 00:07:46,901
Well, it was the first Halloween
after they moved in,
171
00:07:46,944 --> 00:07:49,338
and Calvin brought the boys by
for trick-or-treating.
172
00:07:49,381 --> 00:07:52,297
And I gave 'em each
a ketchup packet,
173
00:07:52,341 --> 00:07:54,299
and I turned
the sprinklers on 'em.
174
00:07:55,953 --> 00:07:59,609
And what's crazy is we were
having hot dogs the next day.
175
00:07:59,653 --> 00:08:01,655
It's like Walter knew
we'd need ketchup.
176
00:08:03,657 --> 00:08:05,615
[laughs softly]
177
00:08:05,659 --> 00:08:08,792
So, can I get anybody anything
from the kitchen?
178
00:08:08,836 --> 00:08:11,186
Well, I'll tell you
what I could use-- some salt.
179
00:08:11,229 --> 00:08:12,840
This food is bland as hell.
180
00:08:14,537 --> 00:08:16,496
Excuse me?
181
00:08:16,539 --> 00:08:18,498
[laughs] There he goes again.
182
00:08:18,541 --> 00:08:20,804
Just Walter being Walter.
183
00:08:20,848 --> 00:08:23,154
Well, Tina about
to be Tina.Whoa, whoa, whoa.
184
00:08:23,198 --> 00:08:25,940
Be cool. Stay cool.
185
00:08:25,983 --> 00:08:28,638
Just keep loading up his plate
with choking carrots.
186
00:08:29,683 --> 00:08:31,989
Well, you know what?
I don't know about you guys,
187
00:08:32,033 --> 00:08:33,861
but I'm having a blast.
188
00:08:33,904 --> 00:08:35,558
You know, too bad
that you're moving.
189
00:08:35,602 --> 00:08:38,039
Otherwise, we could
make this a regular thing.
190
00:08:38,082 --> 00:08:39,996
That'd be nice, but not as nice
191
00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:42,260
as a big pile of money
from that developer.
192
00:08:43,566 --> 00:08:44,785
What's for dessert?
193
00:08:44,828 --> 00:08:47,527
How about some
upside-down-your-head cake?
194
00:08:48,919 --> 00:08:50,878
Come on, Walter.
195
00:08:50,921 --> 00:08:52,836
You can't sell to those guys.
196
00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:54,838
They don't care about
the people around here.
197
00:08:54,882 --> 00:08:56,753
Neither do I. You think
I'd give out ketchup packets
198
00:08:56,797 --> 00:08:58,407
to people I like?
199
00:08:59,451 --> 00:09:01,105
[sighs] Come on, man.
200
00:09:01,149 --> 00:09:02,846
You know, there's got to be
something I can do.
201
00:09:02,890 --> 00:09:03,804
Like what?
202
00:09:03,847 --> 00:09:04,892
I don't know.
203
00:09:04,935 --> 00:09:06,110
Uh...
204
00:09:06,154 --> 00:09:07,938
Maybe...
205
00:09:07,982 --> 00:09:09,766
we could find you another buyer.
206
00:09:09,810 --> 00:09:11,942
What?Yeah. I mean, like,
207
00:09:11,986 --> 00:09:14,684
you said you're not signing the
papers till next week, right?
208
00:09:14,728 --> 00:09:18,558
That gives us a couple of days
to spruce up the place
209
00:09:18,601 --> 00:09:20,037
and find someone who cares
about this neighborhood
210
00:09:20,081 --> 00:09:21,169
as much as we do.
211
00:09:22,170 --> 00:09:23,519
Calvin, we can have
an open house.
212
00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:25,260
I love open houses.
213
00:09:25,303 --> 00:09:28,785
Walter, I'm what's known as
a world-class lookie-loo.
214
00:09:34,486 --> 00:09:36,140
Well, why should I do that?
215
00:09:36,184 --> 00:09:37,925
I already have a buyer.
216
00:09:37,968 --> 00:09:39,927
Because...
217
00:09:39,970 --> 00:09:41,755
I'm gonna get you more money.
218
00:09:43,104 --> 00:09:44,671
Well, I like the sound of that.
219
00:09:44,714 --> 00:09:46,324
But you're also gonna
have to put me up
220
00:09:46,368 --> 00:09:48,065
in a hotel while you do it.
221
00:09:48,109 --> 00:09:49,632
Seriously? A hotel?Yeah.
222
00:09:49,676 --> 00:09:51,982
And not one where you open
the door and you're outside.
223
00:09:52,026 --> 00:09:53,331
I want a hallway.
224
00:09:54,376 --> 00:09:55,769
That's it.
225
00:09:55,812 --> 00:09:58,075
Fine. You know what?
You got a deal.
226
00:09:58,119 --> 00:10:01,383
Good. Now pass me
some more of those carrots.
227
00:10:02,645 --> 00:10:04,212
Go ahead, Tina.
228
00:10:04,255 --> 00:10:06,214
I mean, if it's God's will,
it's God's will.
229
00:10:13,917 --> 00:10:16,964
Oh, my God. I can't believe
how much junk Walter has.
230
00:10:17,007 --> 00:10:18,443
Ugh. I know.
231
00:10:18,487 --> 00:10:22,273
It's like 20 yard sales
threw up in his living room.
232
00:10:22,317 --> 00:10:24,667
Well, on the bright side,
233
00:10:24,711 --> 00:10:27,191
Nixon resigned.
234
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:31,631
Okay, so maybe this place
isn't exactly move-in ready,
235
00:10:31,674 --> 00:10:34,111
but it's got good bones.
236
00:10:34,155 --> 00:10:37,637
Yeah, if by "bones,"
you mean a skeleton.
237
00:10:38,507 --> 00:10:40,204
Yeah, Calvin,
this is a disaster.
238
00:10:40,248 --> 00:10:42,685
There's no way we can
sell this place in two days.
239
00:10:42,729 --> 00:10:45,688
Come on, guys. This place is
oozing with character.
240
00:10:45,732 --> 00:10:48,299
I mean, check out
the tiled fireplace.
241
00:10:48,343 --> 00:10:50,693
Got the arched
doorways.
242
00:10:50,737 --> 00:10:53,217
And I bet if I pull up
243
00:10:53,261 --> 00:10:56,699
this old, moldy carpet,
I'll find the original...
244
00:10:56,743 --> 00:10:59,180
older, moldier carpet.
245
00:11:01,486 --> 00:11:04,533
This house hasn't been updated
in years.
246
00:11:04,576 --> 00:11:07,144
I know. Look at this
velvet wolf painting.
247
00:11:07,188 --> 00:11:10,974
It's so dusty, I think
this woman used to be White.
248
00:11:11,018 --> 00:11:13,324
You know what?
I can fix that right now.Oh.
249
00:11:13,368 --> 00:11:15,500
I'll just take it down.
250
00:11:15,544 --> 00:11:17,024
[grunts softly]
251
00:11:18,503 --> 00:11:20,027
Uh, Calvin, don't look in there.
252
00:11:20,767 --> 00:11:23,117
I think that's where
the skeleton may be.
253
00:11:27,121 --> 00:11:29,906
Uh-uh-uh, I'm sorry, babe,
but there's no way
254
00:11:29,950 --> 00:11:31,952
we have enough time
to fix this place up.
255
00:11:31,995 --> 00:11:34,432
Unless, of course, you're
talking about Time Magazine,
256
00:11:34,476 --> 00:11:38,001
in which case...
we have all of them.
257
00:11:38,045 --> 00:11:40,830
Come on, it's not as bad
as you guys think.
258
00:11:40,874 --> 00:11:43,746
We'll get Malcolm and Marty
to help us put this stuff away,
259
00:11:43,790 --> 00:11:47,707
then we'll slap on some paint,
replace the furniture with ours.
260
00:11:47,750 --> 00:11:50,361
This place will look great
in no time.
261
00:11:50,405 --> 00:11:51,536
DAVE: Whoa![Tina shouts]
262
00:11:51,580 --> 00:11:53,364
Whoa!
263
00:11:53,408 --> 00:11:56,411
Boom! It's where
the flat-screen goes.
264
00:11:58,239 --> 00:12:00,284
♪
265
00:12:13,602 --> 00:12:17,301
♪ We can never lose,
let's work together ♪
266
00:12:17,345 --> 00:12:20,391
♪ We can be the proof,
let's do it together ♪
267
00:12:20,435 --> 00:12:23,046
♪ We're moving,
cleaning up the mess ♪
268
00:12:23,090 --> 00:12:25,788
♪ We're moving, let's get
down to business ♪
269
00:12:25,832 --> 00:12:27,572
♪ We're moving,
cleaning up the mess ♪
270
00:12:27,616 --> 00:12:29,966
♪ We're moving, let's get
down to business ♪
271
00:12:38,627 --> 00:12:39,715
Hey, good job, bro.
272
00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:41,064
Oh, thanks, man.
I appreciate it.
273
00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:49,159
♪
274
00:12:56,732 --> 00:12:58,429
♪ Okay.
275
00:12:58,473 --> 00:12:59,866
[song ends]
276
00:13:02,651 --> 00:13:04,174
You know, I got to say,
277
00:13:04,218 --> 00:13:06,350
we really did a fabulous job
on this place.
278
00:13:06,394 --> 00:13:08,831
I know.
This place is gorgeous.
279
00:13:08,875 --> 00:13:11,181
Yeah, as long as no one touches
the wet paint,
280
00:13:11,225 --> 00:13:14,968
opens a closet door, or flushes
the toilet, we're gold.
281
00:13:16,012 --> 00:13:17,405
Okay.
282
00:13:17,448 --> 00:13:19,059
Open house starts in an hour.
283
00:13:19,102 --> 00:13:21,148
I posted some pics
to my lookie-loo message board,
284
00:13:21,191 --> 00:13:23,150
and, guys,
let me tell you something.
285
00:13:23,193 --> 00:13:25,456
People are looking to loo.
286
00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:27,589
Oh, I almost forgot.
287
00:13:27,632 --> 00:13:29,504
I was gonna put some
cookies in the oven.
288
00:13:29,547 --> 00:13:31,723
Oh, great idea. That'll make it
feel nice and homey.
289
00:13:31,767 --> 00:13:34,901
Oh, actually, I was just gonna
try to warm this place up.
290
00:13:34,944 --> 00:13:37,642
When I tried to turn on the
heater, the doorbell rang.
291
00:13:37,686 --> 00:13:39,427
[chuckles]
292
00:13:39,470 --> 00:13:41,995
Okay, Calvin,
what do you say?
293
00:13:42,038 --> 00:13:43,561
You ready to sell this bad boy?
294
00:13:43,605 --> 00:13:45,040
You're damn straight.
295
00:13:45,085 --> 00:13:47,130
All we got to do now
is open the door
296
00:13:47,174 --> 00:13:48,915
and let the house sell itself.
297
00:13:56,270 --> 00:13:59,839
I don't know about you, but...
I don't miss it.
298
00:14:04,321 --> 00:14:06,889
You know, and the best
thing about this place is
299
00:14:06,933 --> 00:14:09,065
that you can
move in tomorrow.
300
00:14:09,109 --> 00:14:11,154
And, uh, you didn't
hear it from me,
301
00:14:11,198 --> 00:14:14,636
but I heard Denzel
used to live here.
302
00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:18,205
Okay, cool.
Is that a closet?
303
00:14:18,248 --> 00:14:20,294
Is-is what a closet?
304
00:14:20,337 --> 00:14:22,470
That door behind you.
305
00:14:22,513 --> 00:14:23,601
Oh.
306
00:14:23,645 --> 00:14:25,777
Uh, as a matter of fact, it is.
307
00:14:25,821 --> 00:14:29,346
But unfortunately, someone's
taking a tour of it right now.
308
00:14:32,654 --> 00:14:35,265
And, uh, with the
kitchen right here,
309
00:14:35,309 --> 00:14:36,919
you could be
making dinner
310
00:14:36,963 --> 00:14:38,790
while still keeping an eye
on your kids.
311
00:14:38,834 --> 00:14:40,662
We actually don't
have any children.
312
00:14:40,705 --> 00:14:42,794
Oh. Well, after I show you
the bedroom,
313
00:14:42,838 --> 00:14:44,884
you're gonna want to get busy
making some. Come on.
314
00:14:49,149 --> 00:14:50,715
Malcolm, this thing
weighs a ton.
315
00:14:50,759 --> 00:14:52,369
How much longer do
we have to hold it?
316
00:14:52,413 --> 00:14:54,154
Oh, not too much
longer, man.
317
00:14:54,197 --> 00:14:55,982
Just a couple of hours.
318
00:14:56,025 --> 00:14:57,635
Well, how long has it been?
319
00:14:57,679 --> 00:14:59,899
Three and a half minutes.
320
00:15:00,987 --> 00:15:05,817
Oh, sweet baby Jesus,
this is how it's gonna end.
321
00:15:10,257 --> 00:15:13,129
Wow, Helen, would you
look at this place?
322
00:15:13,173 --> 00:15:15,827
I know, Derek.
323
00:15:15,871 --> 00:15:18,656
This house is a dream come true!
324
00:15:18,700 --> 00:15:20,658
We better put an
offer in quick.
325
00:15:20,702 --> 00:15:24,662
If we don't, we're gonna regret
it for the rest of our lives.
326
00:15:24,706 --> 00:15:26,751
Mother! Father!
327
00:15:26,795 --> 00:15:28,101
Please don't let
328
00:15:28,144 --> 00:15:31,017
this extraordinary opportunity
slip away!
329
00:15:31,060 --> 00:15:33,410
Okay, Oliver Twist,
reel it in.
330
00:15:35,412 --> 00:15:38,720
Malcolm, I can't
keep this up much longer.
331
00:15:38,763 --> 00:15:41,114
Don't you give up.
You can do it.
332
00:15:41,157 --> 00:15:43,551
Okay. Ow!
333
00:15:43,594 --> 00:15:45,814
Oh, that's it. That's it.
I'm going down.
334
00:15:45,857 --> 00:15:48,338
Oh, come on, Marty.
It's just a bottle of water.
335
00:15:48,382 --> 00:15:51,124
Yeah, but it still has
the cap on it.
336
00:15:51,167 --> 00:15:52,690
[both groaning]
337
00:15:52,734 --> 00:15:54,257
Oh!
338
00:15:56,216 --> 00:15:59,349
Well, there you go.
339
00:15:59,393 --> 00:16:01,177
One less thing to dust.
340
00:16:01,221 --> 00:16:03,223
Oh! Oh!
341
00:16:05,051 --> 00:16:06,530
[alarm beeping]Oh, no!
342
00:16:06,574 --> 00:16:08,358
I forgot about
the cookies!
343
00:16:08,402 --> 00:16:10,882
Oh! Oh! Oh!Whoa, whoa.
344
00:16:10,926 --> 00:16:13,842
Hey, guys,
get your offers in quick.
345
00:16:13,885 --> 00:16:17,063
Everybody knows a fire truck
always bring a crowd!
346
00:16:18,586 --> 00:16:21,023
[coughing]
347
00:16:21,067 --> 00:16:23,199
Man, we were
so close.
348
00:16:23,243 --> 00:16:24,853
It was our fault.
349
00:16:24,896 --> 00:16:27,029
Our acting was
way over the top.
350
00:16:27,073 --> 00:16:28,726
What are you talking about?
351
00:16:28,770 --> 00:16:30,163
We were totally believable.
352
00:16:30,206 --> 00:16:33,514
It was Grover
who crapped the bed.
353
00:16:33,557 --> 00:16:36,038
Well, at least you didn't almost
set the house on fire.
354
00:16:36,082 --> 00:16:38,388
Yeah, or drop the mantel.CALVIN:
Come on, guys.
355
00:16:38,432 --> 00:16:40,477
This wasn't any
one person's fault.
356
00:16:40,521 --> 00:16:42,436
You blew it as a group.
357
00:16:46,092 --> 00:16:49,399
Whoa! You guys did
a lot of work around here.
358
00:16:49,443 --> 00:16:51,401
Whoa. Hold on,
hold on, hold on.
359
00:16:51,445 --> 00:16:54,839
Ah, yeah.
All my carpets are still here.
360
00:16:56,580 --> 00:16:58,756
So did you get any offers?
361
00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:00,845
No, but we were really close.
362
00:17:00,889 --> 00:17:02,673
We just need
a little bit more time.
363
00:17:02,717 --> 00:17:03,805
He's right.
364
00:17:03,848 --> 00:17:05,111
In fact, this one couple,
365
00:17:05,154 --> 00:17:07,026
Derek and Helen,
seemed really into it.
366
00:17:07,069 --> 00:17:09,897
Their son was
a little too into it.
367
00:17:09,941 --> 00:17:12,161
I'm sorry, Calvin,
but a deal is a deal.
368
00:17:12,204 --> 00:17:14,163
I gave you two days,
and you couldn't deliver.
369
00:17:14,207 --> 00:17:16,122
I'm signing
those papers tomorrow.
370
00:17:16,165 --> 00:17:17,079
[sighs]
371
00:17:17,123 --> 00:17:18,079
CALVIN:
Come on, Walter.
372
00:17:18,124 --> 00:17:19,603
You can't do this, man.
373
00:17:19,646 --> 00:17:21,257
This community is special.
374
00:17:21,300 --> 00:17:23,651
It has history. It has a soul.
375
00:17:23,694 --> 00:17:25,479
Families have lived here
for generations.
376
00:17:25,521 --> 00:17:27,262
Doesn't that matter to you?
377
00:17:27,307 --> 00:17:30,266
Oh, I'll tell you what matters--
my bank account matters.
378
00:17:30,310 --> 00:17:32,529
And my wolf painting.
379
00:17:34,009 --> 00:17:36,838
It's the only thing
I asked for in the divorce.
380
00:17:37,839 --> 00:17:40,842
Oh, come on, Walter.
My pops is right, man.
381
00:17:40,885 --> 00:17:43,671
This house deserves to be
lived in, not knocked down.
382
00:17:43,714 --> 00:17:46,152
Yeah, man.
Look how nice this place is.
383
00:17:46,195 --> 00:17:48,632
Any family would love
to live here.
384
00:17:48,676 --> 00:17:51,113
Hell, I would love to live here.
385
00:17:51,157 --> 00:17:52,854
Wait a minute.
386
00:17:52,897 --> 00:17:54,638
So you're saying you would
live here if you could?
387
00:17:54,682 --> 00:17:55,813
Absolutely.
388
00:17:57,337 --> 00:18:00,818
In that case, I think
I have a way we can solve this.
389
00:18:01,863 --> 00:18:03,995
Let me buy the house.
390
00:18:04,039 --> 00:18:05,127
Wait. What?
391
00:18:05,171 --> 00:18:06,302
Well, uh, hold on. Calvin.
392
00:18:06,346 --> 00:18:07,477
Uh, I know
it's only one house down,
393
00:18:07,521 --> 00:18:10,654
but if you move,
it'll break my heart.
394
00:18:10,698 --> 00:18:15,006
Look, Tina, look, I know
this is a lot of money,
395
00:18:15,050 --> 00:18:17,270
but if Marty moves in,
396
00:18:17,313 --> 00:18:19,837
his rent could cover
some of the cost.
397
00:18:19,881 --> 00:18:22,231
And I could move in, too.
398
00:18:22,275 --> 00:18:24,233
That would double the rent.
399
00:18:24,277 --> 00:18:26,844
Ooh, actually, I don't know
if I'm looking for a roommate.
400
00:18:26,888 --> 00:18:29,456
[laughs] Okay, but I
know a lot of girls,
401
00:18:29,499 --> 00:18:30,848
and those girls
have friends.
402
00:18:30,892 --> 00:18:34,025
Oh, and just like that,
I got a roommate, Dad.
403
00:18:34,069 --> 00:18:35,549
Think about it, Tina.
404
00:18:35,592 --> 00:18:37,768
This will be good
for the neighborhood,
405
00:18:37,812 --> 00:18:41,598
and it will help our boys
learn to be homeowners.
406
00:18:41,642 --> 00:18:44,993
Plus, we're finally getting
Malcolm out the house.
407
00:18:45,036 --> 00:18:48,301
And if you ask me, that's God
speaking through real estate.
408
00:18:52,392 --> 00:18:54,481
Oh, what the hell.
Let's buy a house.
Yeah!
409
00:18:54,524 --> 00:18:56,918
[cheering]No, no, no. Hold on.
Hold on, all of you!
410
00:18:56,961 --> 00:18:58,963
I haven't agreed to a thing yet.
411
00:18:59,007 --> 00:19:01,749
Oh, God.Come on, Walter.
412
00:19:01,792 --> 00:19:03,968
Now, I know we haven't
always gotten along,
413
00:19:04,012 --> 00:19:06,232
but do the right thing.
414
00:19:06,275 --> 00:19:11,193
Well, I do like the idea
of you having two mortgages.
415
00:19:11,237 --> 00:19:13,021
Plus, you'll be
renting to family,
416
00:19:13,064 --> 00:19:14,849
and that always goes bad.
417
00:19:14,892 --> 00:19:18,287
So... congratulations.
418
00:19:18,331 --> 00:19:19,593
I'm screwing you again.
419
00:19:23,336 --> 00:19:26,991
Well, Calvin, I don't know
about the neighborhood,
420
00:19:27,035 --> 00:19:29,820
but because of you,
the property value of my heart
421
00:19:29,864 --> 00:19:31,692
just went through the roof.GEMMA:
Oh.
422
00:19:31,735 --> 00:19:34,651
Neighbors for life, bro.
423
00:19:34,695 --> 00:19:36,479
Oh, well, what the hell.
424
00:19:36,523 --> 00:19:38,481
Let the fake friendliness
continue.
425
00:19:46,097 --> 00:19:49,144
Well, truck's all loaded.
This is it. Bye, Dave.
426
00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:51,320
Bye, jackass.
427
00:19:51,364 --> 00:19:54,715
Well, I'm glad to see you go.
428
00:19:54,758 --> 00:19:58,240
Although it may not be a hearse,
I guess a moving truck will do.
429
00:19:58,284 --> 00:20:01,896
So, Walter, you never told
us where you were moving.
430
00:20:01,939 --> 00:20:05,682
To a singles retirement
community in Palm Springs.
431
00:20:05,726 --> 00:20:07,728
Seventy percent female.
432
00:20:07,771 --> 00:20:10,339
Oh. Please.
433
00:20:10,383 --> 00:20:12,080
Like you got some game
with the ladies.
434
00:20:12,123 --> 00:20:13,603
Oh, I don't need game.
435
00:20:13,647 --> 00:20:16,389
I got two good hips
and all my teeth.
436
00:20:17,651 --> 00:20:20,001
It's like fishing with dynamite.
437
00:20:21,394 --> 00:20:23,874
Well, you take care
of yourself, Walter.
438
00:20:23,918 --> 00:20:25,398
Yeah, good luck.
439
00:20:25,441 --> 00:20:27,704
Hope you die of a heart attack
while having sex.
440
00:20:27,748 --> 00:20:29,228
Me, too.
441
00:20:33,754 --> 00:20:35,712
Well, you got
to give the guy credit.
442
00:20:35,756 --> 00:20:37,671
After all those years
of fighting,
443
00:20:37,714 --> 00:20:39,412
he did the right thing.
444
00:20:39,455 --> 00:20:41,065
Yeah, he sure did.
445
00:20:41,109 --> 00:20:43,372
You know, not to get
ahead of ourselves,
446
00:20:43,416 --> 00:20:45,374
but what do you think
about us being neighbors
447
00:20:45,418 --> 00:20:47,246
at a retirement
community?
448
00:20:47,289 --> 00:20:49,378
I'll tell you what I think.
449
00:20:49,422 --> 00:20:52,033
[imitating truck]:
Beep, beep, beep,
450
00:20:52,076 --> 00:20:54,122
beep, beep, beep.
451
00:20:57,821 --> 00:21:05,655
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
452
00:21:05,699 --> 00:21:09,703
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
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