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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,469
(music)
2
00:00:10,477 --> 00:00:12,896
(theme music playing)
3
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(theme music ending)
4
00:00:58,641 --> 00:01:00,643
Hi, Lucy, I came up to give you
some...
5
00:01:00,643 --> 00:01:01,644
(screams)
6
00:01:02,145 --> 00:01:03,646
What was that?
7
00:01:06,649 --> 00:01:08,151
It was on the ceiling.
8
00:01:08,151 --> 00:01:09,652
I'm trying to learn
9
00:01:09,652 --> 00:01:11,654
to flip pancakes up in the air
10
00:01:11,654 --> 00:01:13,656
like they do in restaurants.
11
00:01:13,656 --> 00:01:15,158
Oh.
12
00:01:15,158 --> 00:01:17,160
I came up to give you this money.
13
00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:19,662
Boy, am I glad to get it off my
hands.
14
00:01:19,662 --> 00:01:20,663
What is all that?
15
00:01:20,663 --> 00:01:22,665
What are you trying to do-- bribe me?
16
00:01:22,665 --> 00:01:24,167
The club treasurer asked me
17
00:01:24,167 --> 00:01:25,168
to give it to you.
18
00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:26,669
Oh, for the bazaar.
19
00:01:26,669 --> 00:01:27,670
Yeah. You're supposed to use it
20
00:01:27,670 --> 00:01:29,172
to rent the hall and buy the
refreshments
21
00:01:29,172 --> 00:01:30,173
have the posters printed...
22
00:01:30,173 --> 00:01:31,174
Shh!
23
00:01:31,174 --> 00:01:32,175
What's the matter?
24
00:01:32,175 --> 00:01:33,676
I don't want Ricky to hear.
25
00:01:33,676 --> 00:01:34,677
Lucy
26
00:01:34,677 --> 00:01:38,181
haven't you told him you're chairman
of the bazaar?
27
00:01:38,181 --> 00:01:40,183
No, and I'm not going to tell him
till next Friday.
28
00:01:40,183 --> 00:01:41,684
But the bazaar's next Thursday.
29
00:01:41,684 --> 00:01:43,186
Exactly.
30
00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:45,188
You sure live dangerously, Lucy.
31
00:01:45,188 --> 00:01:46,189
Well, after what happened
32
00:01:46,189 --> 00:01:48,191
at the Fourth of July carnival last
year
33
00:01:48,191 --> 00:01:49,692
Ricky made me promise
34
00:01:49,692 --> 00:01:51,194
that I wouldn't get mixed up
35
00:01:51,194 --> 00:01:52,695
in any more club affairs.
36
00:01:52,695 --> 00:01:53,696
I don't blame him.
37
00:01:53,696 --> 00:01:55,198
You weren't very bright
38
00:01:55,198 --> 00:01:56,699
throwing all those skyrockets
39
00:01:56,699 --> 00:01:58,701
and Roman candles in a fireplace.
40
00:01:58,701 --> 00:02:01,204
Well, who uses a fireplace in July?
41
00:02:01,204 --> 00:02:02,705
He should have looked
42
00:02:02,705 --> 00:02:04,707
before he threw that match in there.
43
00:02:04,707 --> 00:02:06,209
Poor Ricky.
44
00:02:06,209 --> 00:02:08,711
His eyebrows didn't grow in for a
month.
45
00:02:10,213 --> 00:02:15,218
You remember those little baby
toupees he wore over each eye?
46
00:02:15,218 --> 00:02:17,720
Say, where are you hiding all the
stuff
47
00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:20,223
that's been donated to the bazaar
auction?
48
00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:22,225
I'll show you.
49
00:02:29,732 --> 00:02:31,734
What a treasure trove!
50
00:02:31,734 --> 00:02:33,736
Shh!
51
00:02:42,245 --> 00:02:44,247
(whispering inaudibly)
52
00:02:44,747 --> 00:02:46,249
Say, when we sell that
53
00:02:46,249 --> 00:02:48,251
the club will have nothing but money.
54
00:02:48,251 --> 00:02:50,753
And I've got a slew of stuff to
collect.
55
00:02:50,753 --> 00:02:53,256
I'm going out as soon as Ricky
leaves.
56
00:02:53,256 --> 00:02:54,257
RICKY: Lucy!
57
00:02:54,257 --> 00:02:55,258
Yeah, dear?
58
00:02:55,258 --> 00:02:56,259
Ready yet?
Okay, yeah.
59
00:02:56,259 --> 00:02:57,760
I got to run along.
60
00:02:57,760 --> 00:02:58,761
So long.
61
00:02:58,761 --> 00:03:00,263
Bye-bye.
62
00:03:00,263 --> 00:03:01,764
Hey! Not a word to Ricky.
63
00:03:01,764 --> 00:03:02,765
Don't worry.
64
00:03:02,765 --> 00:03:03,766
Okay.
65
00:03:03,766 --> 00:03:05,268
Good morning, honey.
66
00:03:05,268 --> 00:03:06,269
Good morning, dear.
67
00:03:08,271 --> 00:03:09,772
Hey!
68
00:03:10,273 --> 00:03:12,275
Tortillas.
69
00:03:15,278 --> 00:03:16,779
Yeah.
70
00:03:16,779 --> 00:03:17,780
I made them
71
00:03:17,780 --> 00:03:20,783
out of Aunt Jemima tortilla mix.
72
00:03:20,783 --> 00:03:22,785
Oh, I keep forgetting here in America
73
00:03:23,286 --> 00:03:24,787
you call them flapcakes.
74
00:03:24,787 --> 00:03:27,290
Come again?
75
00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:29,292
Hot jacks?
76
00:03:29,292 --> 00:03:31,294
You were closer with tortillas.
77
00:03:31,294 --> 00:03:32,795
They are hot cakes.
78
00:03:32,795 --> 00:03:34,797
Oh.
79
00:03:34,797 --> 00:03:36,299
Not these.
80
00:03:36,299 --> 00:03:37,300
These are cold cakes.
81
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:38,801
Oh, honey, I'm sorry.
82
00:03:38,801 --> 00:03:40,303
I'll make you some hot ones.
83
00:03:40,303 --> 00:03:41,804
No, honey, it'll take too long.
84
00:03:41,804 --> 00:03:43,806
I'll just have some coffee.
I'm in a hurry.
85
00:03:43,806 --> 00:03:45,308
Well, I'll make some for myself.
86
00:03:45,308 --> 00:03:46,309
Listen, you got any money?
87
00:03:46,309 --> 00:03:47,810
I haven't got any money for cab fare.
88
00:03:47,810 --> 00:03:49,812
I don't know. There's my bag over
there on the shelf.
89
00:03:49,812 --> 00:03:51,814
Thanks.
90
00:03:51,814 --> 00:03:53,316
Oh, honey, I just remembered--
91
00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:54,817
no, I don't have any money.
92
00:03:54,817 --> 00:03:56,319
I don't have a cent in there, honey.
93
00:03:56,319 --> 00:03:57,320
Give me my bag.
94
00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:58,321
Wait a... wait...
95
00:03:58,321 --> 00:03:59,322
I don't have a cent.
96
00:03:59,322 --> 00:04:00,323
Wait a minute.
97
00:04:00,323 --> 00:04:02,825
What are you getting so excited
about?
98
00:04:02,825 --> 00:04:03,826
Let's see what's in here.
99
00:04:05,328 --> 00:04:07,830
Wow.
100
00:04:07,830 --> 00:04:10,833
What is this?
101
00:04:10,833 --> 00:04:14,337
Uh...
it's my mad money.
102
00:04:14,337 --> 00:04:18,841
150... 160...
170... $200 here.
103
00:04:18,841 --> 00:04:22,345
Yeah, I get awful mad.
104
00:04:22,345 --> 00:04:23,846
Lucy.
105
00:04:23,846 --> 00:04:25,348
Where did you get this money?
106
00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:29,852
Uh... I saved it out of my allowance?
107
00:04:29,852 --> 00:04:31,354
No?
108
00:04:33,856 --> 00:04:34,857
No.
109
00:04:34,857 --> 00:04:35,858
Uh...
110
00:04:35,858 --> 00:04:36,859
No.
111
00:04:36,859 --> 00:04:38,361
Ew...
112
00:04:38,361 --> 00:04:39,862
Now, Lucy, this is no joke.
113
00:04:39,862 --> 00:04:41,364
There's a lot of money here.
114
00:04:41,364 --> 00:04:43,366
I want to know where you got it.
115
00:04:43,366 --> 00:04:45,368
Ricky, you said you were late for
work.
116
00:04:45,368 --> 00:04:47,870
Now, Lucy, I want to know where you
got that money.
117
00:04:47,870 --> 00:04:48,871
Did you earn it?
118
00:04:48,871 --> 00:04:50,373
Did you borrow it?
119
00:04:50,373 --> 00:04:51,374
Did you steal it?
120
00:04:51,374 --> 00:04:52,375
Yeah, that's it.
121
00:04:52,375 --> 00:04:53,376
Which one?
122
00:04:53,376 --> 00:04:56,379
Oh, it doesn't matter-- any one of
them.
123
00:04:56,379 --> 00:04:57,880
Now, Lucy.
124
00:04:57,880 --> 00:04:58,881
All right.
125
00:04:58,881 --> 00:05:01,884
You'll find out sooner or later
anyway.
126
00:05:01,884 --> 00:05:02,885
I stole it.
127
00:05:02,885 --> 00:05:03,886
What?
128
00:05:03,886 --> 00:05:05,388
Well, I'm sorry-- I saw it
129
00:05:05,388 --> 00:05:07,390
and I just couldn't help myself.
130
00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:09,892
Now, Lucy, you're not telling me the
truth.
131
00:05:10,393 --> 00:05:10,893
Yes, I am.
132
00:05:11,394 --> 00:05:12,395
Word of honor?
133
00:05:12,395 --> 00:05:14,897
Well... what good's a crook's word of
honor?
134
00:05:14,897 --> 00:05:16,899
Look, I haven't got time for jokes
right now
135
00:05:16,899 --> 00:05:19,902
but by the time that I come home this
afternoon
136
00:05:19,902 --> 00:05:21,904
you better have an explanation
137
00:05:21,904 --> 00:05:23,406
of how you got that money,
understand?
138
00:05:23,406 --> 00:05:24,907
Yes, sir.
139
00:05:24,907 --> 00:05:25,908
All right.
140
00:05:25,908 --> 00:05:27,910
I'll take the subway.
141
00:05:38,838 --> 00:05:40,340
Lucy?
142
00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:43,843
Lucy?
143
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:49,849
Ricky?
144
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:51,411
Lucy?
145
00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:52,412
Yeah?
Oh, there you are.
146
00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:53,913
How did everything go today?
147
00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:55,415
Oh, just wonderful.
I got some wonderful stuff.
148
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:56,416
That's great.
149
00:06:56,916 --> 00:06:57,917
But listen, Ethel
150
00:06:57,917 --> 00:06:59,419
Ricky found that bazaar money
151
00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:00,920
in my bag this morning.
152
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:01,921
He did?
How did you explain it?
153
00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:03,423
Oh, I didn't.
154
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:05,925
I tried to gag my way out by saying I
stole it.
155
00:07:05,925 --> 00:07:06,926
Stole it?!
156
00:07:06,926 --> 00:07:08,428
Yeah, well, he didn't believe me.
157
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:09,929
Listen, Ethel, can I tell him that it
belongs to you?
158
00:07:09,929 --> 00:07:10,930
Huh?
159
00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:13,433
Can I tell him the money is yours?
160
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:14,434
Well, if you'll do me a favor.
161
00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:15,435
What?
162
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:17,437
Do you think you could auction off
163
00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:18,938
that hideous cuckoo clock
164
00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:20,940
that Fred won at Coney Island?
165
00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:23,443
Well, sure, but Fred would never
donate that.
166
00:07:23,943 --> 00:07:24,944
But I've got a scheme.
167
00:07:24,944 --> 00:07:27,447
I bought a little clock to donate
168
00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:28,948
and I'm going to tell you to go
downstairs and get it.
169
00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:31,451
It's on a table next to the cuckoo
clock
170
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:34,454
and you take the cuckoo clock by
mistake, see?
171
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:36,456
After it's auctioned off
172
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:38,458
what can he do about it?
173
00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:42,962
Ethel, how could ever think up a
sneaky scheme like that?
174
00:07:42,962 --> 00:07:45,465
Who do you think you are-- me?
175
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,469
I'll do it.
176
00:08:01,447 --> 00:08:02,949
Fred?
177
00:08:02,949 --> 00:08:03,950
FRED: Yeah.
178
00:08:03,950 --> 00:08:05,451
Where are you?
179
00:08:05,451 --> 00:08:06,452
Right here.
180
00:08:06,452 --> 00:08:08,955
I'm trying to fix the leg on this
darn couch.
181
00:08:08,955 --> 00:08:10,957
It keeps coming off all the time.
182
00:08:10,957 --> 00:08:12,458
You want to give me a hand?
183
00:08:12,959 --> 00:08:17,463
Listen, Fred, I got an awful problem
on my hands.
184
00:08:17,463 --> 00:08:19,966
You should have thought of that
185
00:08:19,966 --> 00:08:21,467
before you married her.
186
00:08:21,467 --> 00:08:23,469
Look, this is no joke.
187
00:08:23,469 --> 00:08:25,471
This morning I found
188
00:08:25,471 --> 00:08:28,474
a roll of bills in Lucy's purse--
$200.
189
00:08:28,474 --> 00:08:31,477
And just now I saw her sneaking in
the house
190
00:08:31,477 --> 00:08:33,479
carrying some big silver things--
191
00:08:33,479 --> 00:08:35,481
real expensive-looking stuff.
192
00:08:35,481 --> 00:08:37,984
Well, there must be some explanation.
193
00:08:37,984 --> 00:08:38,985
I don't think so.
194
00:08:38,985 --> 00:08:40,486
She hid them in the closet.
195
00:08:40,486 --> 00:08:41,487
You know, there must be
196
00:08:41,487 --> 00:08:44,490
thousands of dollars worth of stuff
in that closet
197
00:08:44,490 --> 00:08:45,992
that doesn't belong to us.
198
00:08:45,992 --> 00:08:47,994
Gee whiz, you don't suppose
199
00:08:47,994 --> 00:08:49,996
she's a kleptomaniac?
200
00:08:49,996 --> 00:08:54,500
Oh, no, I just think she steals
things.
201
00:08:54,500 --> 00:08:57,003
Yeah, that's what a kleptomaniac is--
202
00:08:57,503 --> 00:09:00,506
a person who steal things and can't
help it.
203
00:09:00,506 --> 00:09:02,008
It's a kind of a disease.
204
00:09:02,008 --> 00:09:03,009
Oh, gee.
205
00:09:03,009 --> 00:09:04,510
Oh, you must be mistaken.
206
00:09:04,510 --> 00:09:07,013
Come on, help me with this, will you?
207
00:09:07,013 --> 00:09:09,515
Okay.
208
00:09:09,515 --> 00:09:10,516
(hammering)
209
00:09:11,017 --> 00:09:12,018
My God.
210
00:09:12,018 --> 00:09:16,022
LUCY: Fred, are you home?
211
00:09:25,031 --> 00:09:26,532
Fred?
212
00:09:26,532 --> 00:09:28,534
Oh, Fred.
213
00:09:47,053 --> 00:09:48,054
(door closes)
214
00:09:50,056 --> 00:09:51,057
You see!
215
00:09:51,057 --> 00:09:53,059
If I hadn't see it with my own eyes
216
00:09:53,059 --> 00:09:54,560
I'd never believe it.
217
00:09:54,560 --> 00:09:56,062
How do you like that?
218
00:09:56,062 --> 00:09:59,065
She is a klep...
klep... klep...
219
00:09:59,065 --> 00:10:00,066
what you said.
220
00:10:00,066 --> 00:10:02,068
Oh, this is terrible.
221
00:10:02,068 --> 00:10:03,569
I'm married to a thief.
222
00:10:03,569 --> 00:10:07,073
Now, listen, Rick, if she is a
kleptomaniac
223
00:10:07,073 --> 00:10:08,074
it isn't her fault.
224
00:10:08,074 --> 00:10:10,576
She doesn't know what she's doing.
225
00:10:10,576 --> 00:10:13,079
She's just a poor, sick person
226
00:10:13,079 --> 00:10:15,081
and we shouldn't blame her for...
227
00:10:15,581 --> 00:10:18,584
hey, that dirty crook stole my clock!
228
00:10:18,584 --> 00:10:20,086
What am I going to do?
229
00:10:20,086 --> 00:10:21,587
Well, I don't know about you
230
00:10:21,587 --> 00:10:24,090
but I'm going to get my cuckoo clock.
231
00:10:25,591 --> 00:10:28,094
Come on, let's sneak up the back way.
232
00:10:28,094 --> 00:10:29,095
Okay.
233
00:10:29,095 --> 00:10:30,096
Come on.
234
00:10:45,111 --> 00:10:46,612
Hi, fellas.
235
00:10:46,612 --> 00:10:48,114
Hi, Lucy.
236
00:10:48,114 --> 00:10:50,116
Hi, Lucy.
237
00:10:50,116 --> 00:10:51,117
What's new?
238
00:10:51,117 --> 00:10:52,118
Nothing.
239
00:10:52,118 --> 00:10:53,619
If you'll excuse me
240
00:10:53,619 --> 00:10:55,121
I got to go in the bedroom.
241
00:11:09,635 --> 00:11:11,637
Lucy?
242
00:11:11,637 --> 00:11:12,638
Lucy, I want to talk
243
00:11:12,638 --> 00:11:14,140
to you about something, honey.
244
00:11:14,140 --> 00:11:15,641
Won't you sit down?
245
00:11:15,641 --> 00:11:16,642
Oh, I'd rather not.
246
00:11:16,642 --> 00:11:18,144
I...
247
00:11:18,144 --> 00:11:19,145
Don't you...
248
00:11:19,145 --> 00:11:20,646
don't you have anything
249
00:11:20,646 --> 00:11:21,647
to tell me?
250
00:11:21,647 --> 00:11:23,149
No.
251
00:11:23,149 --> 00:11:24,650
Aren't you hiding something
252
00:11:24,650 --> 00:11:26,152
under your coat?
253
00:11:26,152 --> 00:11:30,656
No, no, that's all me.
254
00:11:30,656 --> 00:11:34,660
Too much pie and cake lately, I
guess.
255
00:11:34,660 --> 00:11:36,162
Are you sure?
256
00:11:36,162 --> 00:11:37,663
Yeah, I'm sure.
257
00:11:37,663 --> 00:11:39,665
(clock cuckoos)
258
00:11:42,668 --> 00:11:44,170
What was that?
259
00:11:44,170 --> 00:11:45,171
Yeah.
260
00:11:45,171 --> 00:11:46,672
Oh, I did it.
261
00:11:46,672 --> 00:11:48,674
Uh... Cuckoo, cuckoo.
262
00:11:48,674 --> 00:11:51,177
I'm learning to do bird calls.
263
00:11:51,177 --> 00:11:52,678
It didn't sound like you.
264
00:11:52,678 --> 00:11:53,679
Well, it was.
265
00:11:53,679 --> 00:11:54,680
(clock cuckoos)
266
00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:55,681
I'm... Cuckoo.
267
00:11:55,681 --> 00:11:57,183
I'm... I do...
268
00:11:57,183 --> 00:11:58,684
(clock cuckoos)
269
00:11:58,684 --> 00:12:01,187
...several kinds of bird calls.
270
00:12:01,187 --> 00:12:02,688
Uh... Cuckoo
271
00:12:02,688 --> 00:12:03,689
Bird calls?
272
00:12:03,689 --> 00:12:05,191
Yeah.
273
00:12:05,191 --> 00:12:11,197
(whistles in a high pitch)
274
00:12:14,700 --> 00:12:16,702
What was that?
275
00:12:16,702 --> 00:12:21,207
That was a South African
Yellow-Bellied Sapsucker.
276
00:12:22,708 --> 00:12:23,709
(cuckoos)
277
00:12:23,709 --> 00:12:25,211
Cuckoo.
278
00:12:26,712 --> 00:12:28,214
Cuckoo.
279
00:12:28,214 --> 00:12:30,716
Do you know any more bird calls?
280
00:12:30,716 --> 00:12:31,717
Um...
281
00:12:31,717 --> 00:12:34,720
(hums loud and high)
282
00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:36,222
What was that?
283
00:12:36,222 --> 00:12:37,223
A hummingbird.
284
00:12:37,223 --> 00:12:39,725
(clock cuckoos twice)
285
00:12:39,725 --> 00:12:40,726
Cuckoo.
286
00:12:40,726 --> 00:12:41,727
Cuckoo.
287
00:12:41,727 --> 00:12:43,729
You do that cuckoo a lot, don't you?
288
00:12:43,729 --> 00:12:45,731
Well, that's my best one.
289
00:12:45,731 --> 00:12:46,732
(clock cuckoos)
290
00:12:46,732 --> 00:12:47,733
Cuckoo.
291
00:12:48,234 --> 00:12:50,736
Um... I do the English sparrow.
292
00:12:50,736 --> 00:12:52,238
(short whistles)
293
00:12:52,238 --> 00:12:53,239
(clock cuckoos)
294
00:12:53,239 --> 00:12:54,240
Cuckoo.
295
00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:55,741
(short whistles)
296
00:12:55,741 --> 00:12:56,742
Cuckoo.
297
00:12:56,742 --> 00:12:57,743
(whistles)
298
00:12:57,743 --> 00:12:58,744
(clock cuckoos)
299
00:12:58,744 --> 00:13:02,248
It's part sparrow and part cuckoo.
300
00:13:02,248 --> 00:13:05,251
I know someone who's all cuckoo.
301
00:13:05,251 --> 00:13:07,253
I'll see you later, fellas.
302
00:13:08,754 --> 00:13:10,256
I want my cuckoo clock.
303
00:13:10,256 --> 00:13:12,758
Wait, Fred, please.
304
00:13:12,758 --> 00:13:14,760
You'll get your cuckoo clock back
later.
305
00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:16,762
The most important thing right now is
Lucy.
306
00:13:16,762 --> 00:13:18,264
Now, come on. Let's go down to your
place.
307
00:13:18,264 --> 00:13:20,266
What are you going to do?
308
00:13:20,266 --> 00:13:21,767
There's only one thing to do.
309
00:13:21,767 --> 00:13:24,270
I'm going to call a "pysaciatrist."
310
00:13:24,270 --> 00:13:25,771
What?
311
00:13:25,771 --> 00:13:27,773
A "pysaciatrist."
312
00:13:27,773 --> 00:13:30,276
I'm going to call a head doctor.
313
00:13:30,276 --> 00:13:31,277
I think
314
00:13:31,277 --> 00:13:32,278
you should.
315
00:13:32,278 --> 00:13:34,780
Come on, will you?
316
00:13:45,074 --> 00:13:45,574
ETHEL: Lucy?
317
00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:47,076
What?
318
00:13:47,076 --> 00:13:48,077
The most awful thing happened.
319
00:13:48,077 --> 00:13:50,079
Fred and Ricky saw you take the
cuckoo clock.
320
00:13:50,079 --> 00:13:51,580
They couldn't have.
There was nobody there.
321
00:13:51,580 --> 00:13:52,581
Yes, there was.
322
00:13:52,581 --> 00:13:55,084
They were behind the sofa fixing
something.
323
00:13:55,084 --> 00:13:57,086
Oh, so that's why they were asking me
all those questions.
324
00:13:57,086 --> 00:13:58,587
And that's not all.
325
00:13:58,587 --> 00:14:00,089
Ricky was hiding in the kitchen
326
00:14:00,089 --> 00:14:02,091
and saw you putting all that stuff in
the closet.
327
00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:04,093
Oh, and that money this morning.
328
00:14:04,093 --> 00:14:05,594
What must he think?
329
00:14:05,594 --> 00:14:07,596
He thinks you're a kleptomaniac.
330
00:14:07,596 --> 00:14:08,597
What?
331
00:14:08,597 --> 00:14:09,598
A kleptomaniac.
332
00:14:09,598 --> 00:14:11,600
He came down to our apartment
333
00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:13,102
and called a psychiatrist.
334
00:14:13,102 --> 00:14:14,103
I heard him.
335
00:14:14,103 --> 00:14:15,604
He told him all about it.
336
00:14:15,604 --> 00:14:18,107
He's bringing him home with him
tonight.
337
00:14:18,107 --> 00:14:19,108
Oh, he is, is he?
338
00:14:19,108 --> 00:14:21,110
A fine, trusting husband to have.
339
00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:22,611
Well, I'll show him.
340
00:14:22,611 --> 00:14:24,113
Now, wait a minute, Lucy.
341
00:14:24,113 --> 00:14:25,114
After all
342
00:14:25,114 --> 00:14:27,616
Ricky actually saw you taking things.
343
00:14:27,616 --> 00:14:28,617
Sure I've been taking things
344
00:14:29,118 --> 00:14:31,120
but he thinks I've been taking
things.
345
00:14:32,621 --> 00:14:33,622
Oh.
346
00:14:33,622 --> 00:14:35,124
Why don't you tell him
347
00:14:35,124 --> 00:14:36,125
about the bazaar?
348
00:14:36,125 --> 00:14:38,127
What, and admit that I'm a liar?
349
00:14:38,127 --> 00:14:39,628
Oh, no.
350
00:14:39,628 --> 00:14:41,630
If he wants a wife who's a thief
351
00:14:41,630 --> 00:14:43,632
I'll give him a wife who's a thief.
352
00:14:43,632 --> 00:14:45,634
Lucy, what are you hatching?
353
00:14:45,634 --> 00:14:48,137
When Ricky and that psychiatrist
354
00:14:48,137 --> 00:14:49,138
come home tonight
355
00:14:49,138 --> 00:14:52,641
we are going to be playing a little
play
356
00:14:52,641 --> 00:14:55,644
starring Lucy the Lip and Babyface
Ethel.
357
00:14:55,644 --> 00:14:57,146
Oh, no.
358
00:14:57,146 --> 00:14:59,148
You're not going to get me in on
this.
359
00:14:59,148 --> 00:15:01,650
Listen to me, Babyface.
360
00:15:01,650 --> 00:15:05,654
Now, you help me pull this job or
I'll squeal
361
00:15:05,654 --> 00:15:10,159
that you were the brains in the
cuckoo clock caper.
362
00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:12,161
Okay, you got me.
363
00:15:12,161 --> 00:15:14,163
What's the deal?
364
00:15:17,166 --> 00:15:18,167
Come in, doctor.
365
00:15:18,667 --> 00:15:21,170
Oh, remember, Ricky, not doctor.
366
00:15:21,170 --> 00:15:22,671
Oh, that's right... Tom.
367
00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:25,674
Lucy, where are you?
368
00:15:27,176 --> 00:15:28,677
Oh, give me your coat.
369
00:15:28,677 --> 00:15:29,678
Oh, thank you.
370
00:15:29,678 --> 00:15:31,180
Sit down, won't you?
371
00:15:31,180 --> 00:15:32,181
Oh, yes, yes, of course.
372
00:15:32,181 --> 00:15:34,683
Lucy?
373
00:15:34,683 --> 00:15:37,186
I wonder where she could be.
374
00:15:37,186 --> 00:15:38,187
Well, I...
375
00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:39,188
Hi, Rick, you seen Ethel?
376
00:15:39,188 --> 00:15:40,189
No.
377
00:15:40,189 --> 00:15:41,190
Oh, I'm sorry.
378
00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:42,191
I didn't know you had company.
379
00:15:42,191 --> 00:15:43,192
Oh, that's all right.
380
00:15:43,192 --> 00:15:44,193
This is a very good friend of mine
381
00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:48,197
Dr. Robinson, the "pysaciatrist."
382
00:15:48,197 --> 00:15:49,698
This our landlord, Mr. Mertz.
383
00:15:49,698 --> 00:15:50,699
How do you do, Mr. Mertz?
384
00:15:50,699 --> 00:15:51,700
How are you, doctor?
385
00:15:51,700 --> 00:15:53,202
Very well, thank you.
386
00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:55,704
Listen, don't call him doctor in
front of Lucy.
387
00:15:55,704 --> 00:15:57,706
We want her to think that he's just a
friend.
388
00:15:57,706 --> 00:15:58,707
Oh.
389
00:15:58,707 --> 00:15:59,708
Have you seen Lucy?
390
00:15:59,708 --> 00:16:01,210
She's probably with Ethel.
391
00:16:01,210 --> 00:16:03,212
Maybe they're out shopping.
392
00:16:03,212 --> 00:16:04,213
Yeah...
or shoplifting.
393
00:16:04,213 --> 00:16:06,715
Well, I hope they'll be home soon.
394
00:16:06,715 --> 00:16:08,717
Would you like a cigarette, doc?
395
00:16:08,717 --> 00:16:10,219
Oh, yes, thank you.
396
00:16:10,219 --> 00:16:14,723
Well, this is the first time I ever
smoked one of these.
397
00:16:19,228 --> 00:16:20,729
Gee.
398
00:16:20,729 --> 00:16:22,731
Fred, look at all these jewels.
399
00:16:22,731 --> 00:16:24,733
Sticky fingers strikes again.
400
00:16:26,235 --> 00:16:28,237
Wait a minute-- what's the matter
with this chair?
401
00:16:28,237 --> 00:16:29,238
Look at this.
402
00:16:29,238 --> 00:16:31,240
A blowtorch.
403
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:32,741
A crowball...
a crowbar.
404
00:16:32,741 --> 00:16:34,243
Flash.
405
00:16:34,243 --> 00:16:35,244
This is terrible.
406
00:16:35,244 --> 00:16:37,246
Let me see what this is.
407
00:16:37,246 --> 00:16:38,247
What is it?
408
00:16:38,247 --> 00:16:39,248
Oh, no.
409
00:16:39,248 --> 00:16:44,253
It's the floor plan of the Chase
National Bank.
410
00:16:44,253 --> 00:16:45,754
The 72nd street branch.
411
00:16:46,255 --> 00:16:48,757
Why, that's where I keep my money.
412
00:16:48,757 --> 00:16:49,758
This is serious.
413
00:16:49,758 --> 00:16:53,262
Oh, I hope I'm not too late to help
her.
414
00:16:53,262 --> 00:16:55,764
(gunshots)
415
00:16:55,764 --> 00:16:56,765
What's going...
416
00:16:56,765 --> 00:16:58,767
Okay.
417
00:17:04,773 --> 00:17:05,774
Okay?
418
00:17:05,774 --> 00:17:06,775
Okay.
419
00:17:06,775 --> 00:17:08,277
Did you get any of them?
420
00:17:08,277 --> 00:17:10,279
Yeah, I got two, a flatfoot and a
private eye.
421
00:17:10,279 --> 00:17:11,780
I got the eye in the foot
422
00:17:11,780 --> 00:17:13,282
and the foot in the eye.
423
00:17:16,785 --> 00:17:19,288
I winged a couple myself.
424
00:17:19,288 --> 00:17:20,789
Oh, hiya, Ricky.
425
00:17:20,789 --> 00:17:22,291
Hiya, Lucy.
426
00:17:22,291 --> 00:17:23,792
Hi, Ethel.
427
00:17:23,792 --> 00:17:25,794
Hi, fatso.
428
00:17:28,297 --> 00:17:30,799
Who's the geek?
429
00:17:30,799 --> 00:17:34,803
Eh, Lucy, this is a very good friend
of mine
430
00:17:34,803 --> 00:17:35,804
T... Tom Robinson.
431
00:17:35,804 --> 00:17:39,308
This is my wife, Lucy, and that's
Mrs. Mertz.
432
00:17:39,308 --> 00:17:40,809
Oh, how do you do, my dear?
433
00:17:44,813 --> 00:17:46,315
RICKY: Lucy!
434
00:17:46,315 --> 00:17:47,316
What are you doing?
435
00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:48,817
Just frisking him
436
00:17:48,817 --> 00:17:50,819
to see if he's carrying a rod.
437
00:17:50,819 --> 00:17:51,820
Hiya, Tom.
438
00:17:51,820 --> 00:17:53,322
Oh, how do... ouch!
439
00:17:53,322 --> 00:17:55,824
Oh, pardon the brass knuckles.
440
00:18:00,829 --> 00:18:03,832
Lucy, where have you been?
441
00:18:03,832 --> 00:18:05,334
Chase National Bank.
442
00:18:05,334 --> 00:18:07,336
Oh, no.
443
00:18:07,336 --> 00:18:08,337
You did it!
444
00:18:08,337 --> 00:18:12,341
Nah, stupid here forgot the map and
the torch.
445
00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:13,842
I'm sorry, brain.
446
00:18:13,842 --> 00:18:15,844
Yeah... another slip like that
447
00:18:15,844 --> 00:18:17,846
and it'll be curtains for you.
448
00:18:17,846 --> 00:18:19,348
Oh, it won't happen again.
449
00:18:19,348 --> 00:18:20,349
I promise, brain.
450
00:18:20,849 --> 00:18:21,850
Aah, shut up.
451
00:18:21,850 --> 00:18:23,852
FRED: If you forgot the map...
452
00:18:23,852 --> 00:18:24,853
If you forgot the map
453
00:18:24,853 --> 00:18:26,855
where'd you get that bag of dough?
454
00:18:26,855 --> 00:18:29,358
Well, just so the evening wouldn't be
a total loss
455
00:18:29,358 --> 00:18:30,859
we knocked over a gas station
456
00:18:30,859 --> 00:18:31,860
on the way home.
457
00:18:31,860 --> 00:18:34,863
Oh, no, no, no...
458
00:18:34,863 --> 00:18:37,366
What are you yapping about, tubby?
459
00:18:37,366 --> 00:18:40,369
It beats running this crummy
apartment house.
460
00:18:40,369 --> 00:18:41,370
Now, what are you...
461
00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:42,871
listen, come to your senses
462
00:18:42,871 --> 00:18:43,872
will ya, Ethel?
463
00:18:47,876 --> 00:18:49,878
Oh...
464
00:18:49,878 --> 00:18:52,381
so you're holding out on me, eh,
Babyface?
465
00:18:52,881 --> 00:18:55,384
This gang ain't big enough for the
both of us.
466
00:18:55,384 --> 00:18:56,885
No, I'm too young to die.
467
00:18:56,885 --> 00:18:57,886
(screams)
468
00:18:57,886 --> 00:18:58,887
Mrs. Ricardo.
469
00:18:58,887 --> 00:18:59,888
Yeah?
Mrs. Ricardo...
470
00:18:59,888 --> 00:19:00,889
Yeah.
471
00:19:00,889 --> 00:19:04,393
Look me straight in the eye.
472
00:19:04,393 --> 00:19:05,394
Yeah?
473
00:19:05,394 --> 00:19:08,897
Mrs. Ricardo, you don't hate anyone.
474
00:19:08,897 --> 00:19:11,400
You're at peace with all the world.
475
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:14,903
You love everybody.
476
00:19:14,903 --> 00:19:17,406
Yeah?
477
00:19:17,406 --> 00:19:19,408
Yes.
478
00:19:19,408 --> 00:19:21,410
And you're tired.
479
00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:26,415
You're feeling very tired, aren't
you?
480
00:19:26,415 --> 00:19:28,917
Yeah.
481
00:19:28,917 --> 00:19:33,422
And you're getting very drowsy.
482
00:19:33,422 --> 00:19:34,923
Yeah.
483
00:19:34,923 --> 00:19:38,927
You feel so very sleepy
484
00:19:38,927 --> 00:19:42,431
and calm and peaceful.
485
00:19:42,431 --> 00:19:44,433
Yeah.
486
00:19:44,433 --> 00:19:46,435
Relax.
487
00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:48,937
Relax.
488
00:19:48,937 --> 00:19:51,940
Relax.
489
00:19:53,442 --> 00:19:55,444
That's a good girl.
490
00:19:55,444 --> 00:19:57,446
Right down there.
491
00:19:57,446 --> 00:19:59,448
Um...
492
00:19:59,448 --> 00:20:00,949
oh, uh...
493
00:20:00,949 --> 00:20:04,453
let's put little "Tommy" to bed,
shall we?
494
00:20:06,455 --> 00:20:07,456
Now, Mrs. Ricardo
495
00:20:07,956 --> 00:20:09,458
why don't you tell me
496
00:20:09,458 --> 00:20:10,959
how you got started
497
00:20:10,959 --> 00:20:12,461
in this life of crime?
498
00:20:12,461 --> 00:20:14,463
Go back.
499
00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:16,965
Go back into your childhood.
500
00:20:16,965 --> 00:20:18,967
Go back.
501
00:20:18,967 --> 00:20:20,969
Back.
502
00:20:20,969 --> 00:20:22,471
Back.
503
00:20:26,975 --> 00:20:31,980
(child's voice): Well, it all started
when I was a little girl.
504
00:20:31,980 --> 00:20:34,483
I was riding on the streetcar one day
505
00:20:34,483 --> 00:20:37,986
and I looked up and I saw a box and
it said, "take one."
506
00:20:37,986 --> 00:20:39,988
So I took one.
507
00:20:39,988 --> 00:20:42,991
There was nothing wrong with that.
508
00:20:42,991 --> 00:20:45,494
Oh, yes, there was.
509
00:20:45,494 --> 00:20:49,998
From then on, I took anything that
came into my pretty head
510
00:20:49,998 --> 00:20:53,001
even though it didn't say, "take
one."
511
00:20:53,001 --> 00:20:55,003
I took a bright, new penny.
512
00:20:55,003 --> 00:20:57,005
I took a bicycle.
513
00:20:57,005 --> 00:20:59,007
I took a little boy.
514
00:20:59,007 --> 00:21:00,509
You took a little boy?
515
00:21:00,509 --> 00:21:02,010
Yeah.
516
00:21:02,010 --> 00:21:05,013
But my mother made me give him back.
517
00:21:05,013 --> 00:21:08,016
And then...
then you grew up.
518
00:21:08,016 --> 00:21:10,018
Yeah.
519
00:21:10,018 --> 00:21:12,521
(adult's voice): Yeah.
520
00:21:12,521 --> 00:21:14,523
Yeah.
521
00:21:14,523 --> 00:21:17,526
Yeah, and I began picking pockets.
522
00:21:17,526 --> 00:21:20,028
I picked a peck of pockets.
523
00:21:20,028 --> 00:21:23,031
Pretty soon I graduated to purse
snatching.
524
00:21:23,031 --> 00:21:25,534
Would you like to see my collection?
525
00:21:25,534 --> 00:21:28,036
Well, uh... I don't believe I have
time.
526
00:21:28,036 --> 00:21:29,538
Where's my watch?
527
00:21:29,538 --> 00:21:31,039
Right here, sonny.
528
00:21:32,541 --> 00:21:34,042
Come on, dead end.
529
00:21:34,042 --> 00:21:35,544
Okay, brains.
530
00:21:35,544 --> 00:21:39,548
Oh, Ricky, this is much more serious
than I realized.
531
00:21:39,548 --> 00:21:41,049
Oh, do you think there's any hope?
532
00:21:41,049 --> 00:21:42,050
Do you think you can do something?
533
00:21:42,050 --> 00:21:43,051
I don't know.
534
00:21:43,051 --> 00:21:45,053
Hey! That's a lot of purses!
535
00:21:45,053 --> 00:21:46,054
I got purses here
536
00:21:46,054 --> 00:21:49,057
I ain't never opened yet.
537
00:21:49,057 --> 00:21:51,059
Get a load of this loot, sonny.
538
00:21:51,059 --> 00:21:53,061
Get a load of that, will you?
539
00:21:53,061 --> 00:21:55,063
Boy, I been snatching purses
540
00:21:55,063 --> 00:21:56,565
for nigh unto 12 years.
541
00:21:56,565 --> 00:21:58,066
Whoa, boy!
542
00:21:58,066 --> 00:22:01,069
I grabbed this one quicker than I
thought.
543
00:22:03,572 --> 00:22:04,573
I remember now--
544
00:22:04,573 --> 00:22:07,576
snatched this off a dummy in a store
window.
545
00:22:07,576 --> 00:22:08,577
Mrs. Ricardo.
546
00:22:08,577 --> 00:22:09,578
Yeah?
547
00:22:09,578 --> 00:22:12,581
I'm not just a friend of your
husband's.
548
00:22:12,581 --> 00:22:13,582
No?
549
00:22:13,582 --> 00:22:15,584
No, I'm a doctor, a psychiatrist.
550
00:22:16,084 --> 00:22:18,587
Now, if you'll undergo treatment with
me
551
00:22:18,587 --> 00:22:20,589
I think I can cure you of all this.
552
00:22:20,589 --> 00:22:23,091
Well... I think I'm cured completely.
553
00:22:23,091 --> 00:22:25,594
I don't think I'll ever steal
anything
554
00:22:25,594 --> 00:22:26,595
as long as I live.
555
00:22:26,595 --> 00:22:28,096
Oh, why?
556
00:22:28,096 --> 00:22:29,598
Well, what is there left?
557
00:22:29,598 --> 00:22:32,100
This morning I achieved my highest
desire--
558
00:22:32,100 --> 00:22:33,602
a kleptomaniac's dream.
559
00:22:33,602 --> 00:22:35,604
What do you mean, Mrs. Ricardo?
560
00:22:35,604 --> 00:22:39,107
Well, I...
sandpapered my fingertips
561
00:22:39,107 --> 00:22:43,612
put on my big coat with the big,
secret pocket
562
00:22:43,612 --> 00:22:46,615
went down to Clyde Beatty's circus.
563
00:22:47,115 --> 00:22:49,618
Down to Clyde Beatty's circus...
564
00:22:49,618 --> 00:22:53,121
What could she possibly get at the
Clyde Beatty circus?
565
00:22:54,122 --> 00:22:56,124
RICKY: Oh!
566
00:23:09,421 --> 00:23:12,307
(theme music playing)
567
00:23:24,319 --> 00:23:27,322
The part of the doctor was played by
Joseph Kearns.
568
00:23:59,855 --> 00:24:05,861
Captioned by Media Access Group at
WGBH access.wgbh.org
569
00:24:05,861 --> 00:24:09,231
ANNOUNCER: I Love Lucy is a Desilu
production.
36052
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