All language subtitles for Scrubs - 1x16 - My Heavy Meddle.en

As a doctor,
you need to be prepared for anything:

Heart attacks,
drug overdoses, gunshot wounds.

But one thing you can't prepare for

is what happens
after you break up with a co-worker.

- Watch where you're walking!
- You watch where you're walking.

Get the last word in.

- You watch where you're walking!
- You watch where you're walking!

Try as hard as you can to avoid them,
you're bound to run into 'em one day.

And the next day.

And the next day.

- You don't even play sports.
- This helps me to relieve stress!

Feel better?

I do now.

- Girl problems?
- How'd you know?

You look like you got problems.
You're a girl.

Hence, girl problems.
Watch your nails.

The only positive is that
a hospital's like one big family.

So if one relationship ends,
there are others around you can rely on.

- Dr Cox, I was wondering...
- I'd say you're about a B-cup.

At least they're real.

Yep, it's a good place to heal.

Look, Mom, I gotta go.

He did?

Yeah. All right. I love you too. Bye.

My high school teacher,
Mr Peters, died.

- Was a great guy.
- You OK?

Even though I see death
all the time now,

I still react the same way
as when I was a kid.

Doin' a lot better than Mr Peters.

- Dude.
- What's up, newbie?

My favourite
high school teacher just died.

The correct answer is, ''Nothing, sir''.

My God. Would you look at this hellhole?

If I see more broken-down equipment,

one more gomer shuffled back and forth
between some godforsaken home,

one more patient denied treatment

because they got
the wrong insurance, I...

There are times when
I concentrate as hard as I can

to see if I can
catch on fire like the Human Torch.

And mark my words, newbie,
if I ever pull it off,

I will be back here
to destroy this place.

I used to like the Silver Surfer.

- Hang ten! Hang...
- Get in here.

After a while
you get used to Dr Cox's rants.

And the lab tech
is nowhere to be found,

so I can't get that
tox screen I was looking for.

What do you say we write him
a friendly note?

''Dear

incompetent

dumb-ass.''

The truth is, Dr Cox isn't really
angry, he's just amusing himself.

Maybe he's a little angry.

We didn't need those.

So, all done?

He broke his pencil.

Turk, you'll be happy
you picked me to co-write this study.

Hell, yeah. I thought we'd start off
by having a couple of beers.

I got all the info
on peripheral vascular disease,

highlighted passages and coded them

to correspond with
the outline in your packet.

But I don't have a packet.

Look at that. Turk's packet.

- So you did this last night?
- Yeah.

- Why? What'd you do?
- Carla had to work, so I scarfed down

a bunch of fast food
and got back home at around seven.

Then I went to the bathroom at eight.
I got outta there at 11.15.

It was a good night!

I'm a nervous poo-er.

You are not gonna
believe what Dr Cox...

- It's you.
- Yeah. It's me.

Could Turk have picked anyone
worse to be doing this project with?

If this is a peripheral vascular
disease study,

then I'd exclude all claudication
patients not on pentoxifylline.

What're you lookin' at?

I'm gonna go to bed.

Elliot, are you gonna go with him?

Too early for jokes?
That's good to know.

It's good to know.

Interesting. It isn't often
I'm paged by a nurse.

The last time was when...

What was her name?
She hasn't worked here since.

Never mind. What can I do
for you and your coma patient?

I came across
Mr Rice's advance directive,

and he has a few requests
he would like us to honour.

Let's see.
Blinds open? That's done.

Incense burning?

Close enough. Glad you called.

Dr Kelso, he also wants to hear
Poison's Talk Dirty to Me once a day.

He wants to hear whose what?

Poison.
It's a heavy metal band.

Like M�tley Cr�e and Winger.

My son was a bit of a headbanger.

- I'll get a tape deck in here...
- Nurse Espinosa, that's not necessary.

- It's just one song.
- It starts out as just one song.

But then half of the hospital staff

is piercing their genitalia
and fornicating in the back of vans.

Unless a family member
enforces the directive,

we don't have to do anything.

Now, will you do me a favour

and just forget about it,
sweetheart?

Of course.

Can you help me
locate one of his family members?

I could try to locate one through some
legal channels, but I'm really swamped.

I love your worry lines.
They're adorable.

They're like sexy
little forehead smiles.

Careful, I've been hurt before.

You won't believe
what happened yesterday.

Dr Cox went ballistic
and destroyed an entire lab room.

Broken computers, chairs
through windows, shattered beakers.

Beakers.
How is this is not good gossip?

JD, he does this every year.
And whatever you do,

don't get caught in his wake,
because he'll take you down.

Downtown.

All the way?

It's OK, boy. Who is it?

Little piggy, open up this door
or I will start huffing and puffing.

But, Dr Cox, I... OK!

Dear Lord,
please tell me that's not a onesie.

I'd invite you in...

- I've no interest in coming in.
- Thank God.

We're goin' out.

We can finish
the synopsis for chapter four,

and process the Stegemann data
if we pull an all-nighter.

- This isn't due for another month.
- But if we finish one week early,

we can play with fonts and margins.

Look...

Tonight's date night with Carla,
and I got on special underwear.

Go.

Would you mind if I keep working?

Yeah, that works for me.

I'm wearing special underwear too.
They're invisible.

Todd, I'm just kinda busy here.

No time for the Todd.

All the project geeks
are busy working tonight.

Excuse me?

All the surgical interns
picked a project geek from Medical

- to write our reports for us.
- I'm not a geek.

What's that on your finger?

It's a rubber thingy
to help me turn the pages...

...quicker.

She said ''rubber thingy''.

Excuse me, nurse.
I'm ready for my sponge bath.

I'm sorry, I can't.

I gotta pick up a CD
for this coma patient.

- But I'm wearing silk boxers.
- Turk...

The ones with the dogs
holding big money bags.

Sweetie, I love your money pants.

It's just that I feel somebody
needs to take care of this guy.

How is it that you can blow me off
and it makes you sexier?

- Cos you're whipped.
- I thought so.

Thank you.

Minty.

So we're here.
What do you wanna talk about?

If you don't toss that shot back,
I'm gonna throw you

up on the bar and make you sing
the theme song from Endless Love.

- Yucky.
- Yucky?

I'm drinking with a mouseketeer.

Two more.

If you're not gonna talk to me, what's
the point of sitting alone in a bar?

You know,
that's a good point. It is.

Excuse me, ladies. Do you know anybody
who might like a couple of free drinks?

Hello, ladies.

Yes, it's a onesie.

Great news. I'm back for the night.

You know what?

The hell with you, Chris Turk.

What the hell got into her?

Wassup!

Could you turn that off, please?

What?

I thought I told you not to play
that in the house... Hospital.

I'm just trying
to do right by my patient.

As of this moment,
he is no longer your patient.

- Dr Kelso, you...
- Young lady,

when I asked you to leave it alone,
I wasn't really asking you.

It's like when I ask the paperboy
to avoid hitting my rosebushes.

I'm saying you damn well better do it

or I'm going to forget
to put the chain on Baxter.

Now get on out of here
and take that boom blaster with you!

My relationship with Jeremy was
emotionally over before he ended it.

Then I graduated from college
and met Ethan.

You don't say?

We had two good years
and two bad years, but not all at once.

Of course.

Dr Cox, don't get me wrong.

Love getting drunk in my jammies
just as much as the next guy,

but it's late, so...

Thanks for coming out, newbie.

Hope this whole thing
wasn't too yucky for you.

You seem fine, so I'm...

I am not fine.

Why do you think we're out
here at this bar at two in the morning?

Just so we can go in the urinal
and piss on the ice?

I love to melt the middle.

We're out here because
if I go home and go to sleep,

the only thing I'll be able to think
about is I gotta go back to that place.

And you wanna know something?

I got nothing.

Honest to God,
I got nothing. I'm cooked.

You owe me $53.

I think I left my wallet
in my other onesie.

The bartender
let you skip out on the tab?

He said I could pay him back
by giving him a physical,

which is scary because
I never said I was a doctor.

I warned you about
getting caught up in Dr Cox's wake.

- Does he listen?
- You'd think so with those ears.

Uncalled for.

It's different.
He showed up at my place.

He showed up at my house.

- Showed up at my mama's.
- Ruined my wedding.

I know you think
he's gonna shake this off,

but I connected with the guy,
and there is no way

he'll walk in with a big smile.

What do you say, sports fans?
It's a great day!

Elliot, Todd has
something to say to you.

Todd?

Turk never told me
you were his project geek.

- And?
- You look really hot eating that egg.

I'm sorry.

- OK? Are we?
- No.

Look at me and tell me I'm not a geek.

- You still got that rubber thingy on.
- Eggs can be extremely slippery.

You scared the hell outta me.

I'm sorry. That always happens.

No one ever expects
me to be anywhere.

Aw, Ted.

She knows your name.

So, I found your coma patient's
relative you were looking for.

Thank you!
Thank you so much.

Don't let go.

- What?
- Nothing.

I'll acknowledge there
have been occasions during my tenure...

What do you think you're doing?

Apologising to Franklyn
for breaking his favourite microscope.

You can't cry on my shoulder
then pretend nothing happened.

All right. First of all,
Franklyn, there was no crying.

Say it.

- No crying.
- Good boy.

And you should give some thought

to purchasing some
non-bunching panties.

They give you the extra support

while protecting against those lines
underneath your scrubs.

- I get it. I'm a girl.
- Franklyn, you heard it. Say it.

- He's a girl.
- Good boy.

You can't play with people's
emotions cos you feel like it.

OK, newbie, I'm now going
to give you an opportunity

to get out of here
before I grab you by your ankles

and redecorate Franklyn's lab.

Please go.

We're back.
The clique is back together!

That is what
I'm talkin' about. Shall we?

Let's do this.

Let's get back to work.

But it's gonna be different this time.

If we take a systematic approach,
we'll maximise our efficiency.

I rented Red Dawn.

Wolverines!

Dr Kelso, this is Matthew Rice.

He's the proxy
for his uncle's living will.

What a happy coincidence,

you showing up
out of the clear blue sky.

- Oh, God.
- You're OK.

So, exactly how much is my uncle
leaving me? Can I ask that?

This isn't about his assets.

This is about executing
his last living requests.

So no money at all?

Not a dime, kiddo.

I can't tell you how glad we are

to put all this tomfoolery to rest.

Once and for all.
Cup of coffee, sport?

What happened? I blacked out.

When you rolled out of bed this morning,
did you say to yourself,

''Hey! I think today would be
a terrific day to commit hari-kari''?

That's what you're doing.

You don't deal with problems
the way emotionally healthy people do.

Well, hold on
a second there, Rainbow.

This just off the news wire:
You're not licensed to comment

on how people deal with their emotions.

- I beg to differ.
- Well, at least I let mine go. You?

If you ever were able to actually

release all the tensions
that are bottled up inside of you,

what would that look like?
How would that go?

How you like me now, bitch?

Maybe I just don't
have anything bottled up.

What happened to that teacher
you were prattling on about?

- Passed away.
- Croaksville. That's what I thought.

What did you do
when you found out that he'd died?

- I made a joke.
- I sure hope it was a good one.

Here's the inside scoop.
Life's hard enough,

and there's no way
you can survive in a dump like this

unless you find a way
to get your emotions out.

Fact.

Well, I let my emotions out!
I'll show you some of this!

Franklyn, I am so sorry.

Wanna wear my stethoscope?

The cool thing about this movie
is that this could really happen.

The Russians invading,
or C Thomas Howell being a tough guy?

Both.

Wolverines.
Why is she always here?

We're working on my study.

Every time I come here
I'm gonna see him.

Just get someone else
to do this project with you.

Maybe the reason
why I asked you to work with me

is because it would
force you to see each other.

I don't want to get
back together with him.

I'm not saying that.
You made a terrible couple.

It's just that...
I like you. You know?

I think you're a cool person.

It doesn't matter about me and JD.

- You and I can still hang out.
- No.

It can't be that way,
and you know it.

Cos that's my best friend.

So, either you can try and fix it, or...

- This sucks.
- Yeah.

And baby we'll be

At the drive-in

In the old man's Ford

Behind the bushes

Till I'm screaming for more

Down the basement

Lock the cellar door

And baby

Talk dirty to

Me

- I love you.
- What?

Know that we'll be

At the drive-in...

What are you doing?

This is a recommendation letter
from a high school teacher of mine.

He's actually

the reason I got into medicine.

And he died last week.

I'm so sorry, JD.

I really am.

Do you wanna be alone?

No.

You wanna cry a little?

No.

Wanna go throw stuff off the roof
like Letterman used to do?

You see, it's the pudding
that splatters the best,

because it's the pudding, and therefore
I say let the pudding pop fall!

- Who is that? Arsenio?
- No.

Everyone has their own way of releasing

the stuff that gets
bottled up inside them.

It just took a good friend
to help me find mine.

Dr Dorian,
we're ready for the finale.

Thank you, Dr Reid.

OK, guys.

One, two, three.

It felt really good.

Player.

The horror.

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