All language subtitles for Scrubs - 1x11 - My Own Personal Jesus.en

Christmas Eve.

When you spend every
waking moment in a hospital,

it's hard to get into the spirit.

Are you aware that
you're in everyone's way?

Everyone's way?

Or your way? Think about it.

Think about it?
I'll think about it.

Still, there are
some traditions I enjoy.

Like Nurse Tisdale's 9. 15 cup of coffee.

- Carla, what time is it?
- I don't know

but I'm guessing
it's about 9.15ish.

This thing!

- Who put this up?
- I did.

I drove round the whole city
before my 5am shift,

just looking for that.

Trying to add a little cheer.

You will not ruin my Christmas.
Not again.

Not this year.

I've only worked here for three months.

Things could be worse. I could be with
Elliot doing my day in the free clinic.

I understand that you took a cab here.

But I can't give you Vicodin
because your teeth are itchy.

Dr Kelso?

I don't want to sound insensitive, but
why don't these people have any money?

I don't know, sir,
they probably waste it all on food.

I need you to precept a patient.

19-year-old with abdominal pain.
She's eight months pregnant.

I'll let the family practice people
handle it.

Wonderful idea, except
I heard your smart-aleck remark

so why don't you keep
your little pregnant girl?

lt'll be good practice since you'll
probably end up in a female specialty.

What do you mean by that?
I'm internal medicine.

Well, of course you are.
But numbers don't lie

and most women end up in OB-G YN,
family practice or paediatrics.

It's like a riptide, sweetheart,
pulling and pulling,

and you can swim against
the current all you want.

When Mr Stork comes a-calling, you won't
think, ''I'm internal medicine.''

It's gonna be, ''Oh! Look at the baby!''

Sir, I have to say, I'm offended.

Oh, no. Now I have to go
buy flowers to make it right.

Newbie, stay.
What a good boy you are.

Dear God, Judy,
how much product do you use?

None. It's like this when I wake up.

Quick tip, there, sports star.

When you're defensive about your
feminine side, it makes you more girly.

- You want something?
- Nobody likes a cranky punching bag.

And yes, it's about a patient.
Pretty good friend of mine.

I guess that means
he respects me a little.

Randy, Jackie, what do you say?

This is the monkey I got
to videotape the birth.

I hate him.

But not as much as
I hate moments like these.

There's nothing I can do for him, but
when I go in, the family'll look at me

like I've got some
magical power to fix him.

Hey, everybody!

I'm sorry, it's been two weeks, and your
son shows no neurological improvement.

It was a miracle! First of all, the man
was near dead. Then he comes out.

- You're ridiculous.
- I'm telling you it was a miracle.

- It was not a miracle.
- Yes, it was. Dude...

I envy Turk. To be that sure
of something, to have that faith.

That doesn't mean I don't
love busting him about it.

You think God was responsible
for his recovery?

That's fine.
We all have our beliefs.

I carry around this tiny little
Monopoly piece for good luck.

Did you compare my Lord and Saviour
to a tiny top hat?

He did, I heard him, baby.
Go get him.

Excuse me, Nurse Teresa.
Have you ever read the Bible?

I started it. Then I skipped to the end
and it ruined it for me.

That's it. Both of you to the window.
Let's go. Right now.

''When they saw the star,
they rejoiced with exceeding great joy.''

Matthew, 2:10.

Dude, that's just
a Christmas tree in the park.

I understand what you're saying.

Please. You can't just jump back
on my good side.

You see all of this right here?

And this?

And this?

Consider yourself cut off.
Full love embargo, baby.

- That's not gonna last.
- It will last.

- Yeah?
- It's gonna last.

What if I came up to you, all tired,
and I just... I had to yawn...?

Damn!

- How pathetic is that?
- Do it again.

Please.

This is from last night.
The Christmas tree over at Miller Park.

God, I love that tree.
It's so beautiful, isn't it?

- I've been there almost...
- Listen, Meredith.

You're pregnant.
Pretty far along, actually.

What? That's not possible.

What am I supposed to do?

''Look at the baby!''

Babies aren't really my thing,

so I'm just gonna go get you
someone else to talk to.

It's great to see you guys again.
Really, all three of you.

What is it with friends
wanting to be in your life?

Selfish is what it is.

I got Randy and Jackie in the divorce.

My God, his ex-wife.
The tension actually hurts.

You have to break it.
Say something. Anything!

Banana hammock!

Your ability to thrive under pressure
is what drove you to medicine.

You should have seen him
when he was a new intern.

''I. Don't. Want. To. Be. A. Doctor.''

You know, I think we all know
that's just not true.

I'm assuming, since you
already took everything else,

that you're here for my self-respect,

but there's bad news
on that one, sweetcheeks.

I already gave it to your mom
when she begged me to marry you.

I wouldn't have room for it, what with
your testicles in my trophy case.

Holy cow.

Who's better?
You got me by the short hairs.

See ya.

What do you hate most
about the holidays?

- Wrapping presents. You?
- My family.

I don't know how anyone
can get in the spirit here.

Come on, guys. All the spirit
you need is right here.

Can I get a amen?

Turk's always been good
at rallying people.

Congregation, I said,
can I get a amen?

Amen!

'Tis the season of givin', y'all.

What better place to give
than right here at Sacred Heart?

Lovest thou me,
then feed my sheep!

Right here, at Sacred Heart,
we are not only gonna feed his sheep...

...but we gonna clothe them.

- And we gonna bathe them.
- Bathe them!

And we gonna cut 'em open.

Then we gonna stitch 'em
right back together.

Because that is what
Christmas....

...is all about.

That's right! Preach, preach!

What's the name of the song
we're singing today?

Right, listen.
I'm on call tonight.

But tomorrow morning, when I get home,
we're going to Mass before work, OK?

OK, sweetie.

I don't wanna go to Mass
in the stupid...

Candy!

I was trying to...

I know exactly what
you're trying to do, but...

you're not gonna break
my Christmas spirit. You can't.

Not ever. I'm the Holly Jolly Janitor.

Little girl. What do you want
for Christmas...?

I know you must be busy. It's really
nice of you to offer to do this.

It's no problem.

Childbirth has been so romanticised.

I guess because if people
knew the truth...

Congratulations!
You're expecting.

Your doctor will tell you
everything you need to know.

Hi, doctor.

You'll fart, pee, puke and poop
in front of ten complete strangers

who'll be staring
intently at your vagina,

which, by the way,
has an 80% chance of tearing.

You do it.

Still, no matter what the realities,
the end result is always the same.

Look at the baby!

It's a bouncing baby boy.

Yet another soldier
in the fight against Communism!

- Where's the girl that was in here?
- I just make beds.

I got Meredith Fox's blood work.
She's got HELLP syndrome.

She needs to deliver
immediately so let's get...

What do you mean she just left?

Get me any contact numbers.

- Why did she leave?
- Again. Bed-maker.

Newbie, I always punch
the tabs out of my tapes

so there's no way
they can be recorded over.

So please tell me you didn't use
the tape that was already in the camera.

Banana hammock.

So, in other words,
there is no permanent historical record

of the birth of my friend's baby?

Well, I think that the baby itself

would serve as proof that it was,
you know...

...born.

You don't understand
what you've done.

My ex-wife is gonna hold this
over my head for so long

that I doubt I'll ever
see the sun again.

And I liked the sun, Newbie.
It made me hopeful.

Well, I was there.

I could certainly jot down some of my...

...feelings and impressions.

If he was really mad at me,
he would have stayed and yelled at me.

Don't kid yourself.
I couldn't be any madder at you.

No, do not do that again.
That's a bad Newbie.

I can go home now. Maybe
it's because Christmas is a hard time,

or because too many families
get together,

but Christmas Eve, it's one of the
worst nights of the year to be on call.

I can't believe I'm wearing a suit
at 6.30 in the morning.

If you ruin this for Turk,
I'll hurt you.

Noted.

You better hurry up.
Mass starts in 15 minutes.

- I'm not going.
- Great. Can I go back to bed?

I'm kidding. I wanna get
some of them church crackers.

No, I'm not going.
Ever.

Baby, what happened?

Turk? Turk, come on...

Merry Christmas.

You're overreacting.

A girl said, ''What am I gonna do?''
and I said, ''Babies aren't my thing.''

How could I be too hard on myself?

Just don't say
''Banana hammock''.

Look, I'm sure she'll turn up.

That's exactly what's gonna happen.
She'll turn up, have a healthy baby

and nothing'll ever happen
to either one of them.

I never really thought
of faith as important.

But without his, I don't know,
Turk kinda seems like he's fading away.

I could use a little faith. I have to
tell them I didn't tape a thing.

You made some interesting
choices with the camera, Orson.

- You didn't want any faces?
- Excuse me?

I switched the tapes.
Just go with it.

Here it comes, I see the head!

- What a gorgeous head of hair.
- That's funny.

He was bald when he was in here
a few minutes ago.

- Yeah, well...
- We shaved the baby.

- You shaved the baby?
- Shaved it.

Standard procedure. What with
the recent outbreak of pre-natal lice.

Yep. Definitely.

Shave and haircut.

Two bits.

Really?

I'm not buying it.

You two are gonna go by the
nursery and see baby Charlie?

- Absolutely.
- Yes.

Charlie and his new haircut.

- Have we checked the other hospitals?
- They haven't seen her, honey.

Dr Reid, isn't this your day off?

- It's that pregnant girl...
- The one who went missing.

And now you're here, voluntarily,

hell bent on finding
one of your little lost ducklings.

It's important you understand something.
I'm not interested in babies.

I don't melt when I see them,

I don't have a yearning
to make them my life's work.

I'm a doctor interested in my patients,
male or female.

Right now, one of them needs help.

God! Do I know women.

I don't get it. Why are we on the roof?

I wanted to show you that no matter
how ugly things can get down there,

there's still a lot of beauty up here.

Is that... gum or pigeon crap
on my sneaker?

Come on, look around.

There's nobody here,
no one can see us.

We could do whatever we wanted.

Like what?

How are you not getting this?

You mean have relations.

You wanna have relations
right here on the roof.

The pebbles will make my ass
look like a chocolate chocolate chip.

I can make you see God again,
or at least call out his name.

Is this a joke to you?

No, I'm just trying
to help you feel better.

- You don't know how I feel.
- Well, then tell me.

I feel abandoned!

All my life, I've believed
that God listens to our prayers,

and that he cares for us
and that he watches over us.

Last night, so many people
needed to be watched over.

How am I supposed to believe in someone
that's gonna let innocent people suffer?

Answer me, please.

I can't.

Did you see baby Charlie yet?

Oh, yeah, I was just planning
on doing that. Never.

You're such a special friend.

Gosh, Marjorie,
aren't you sassy today?

Did Santa finally bring you that
Y chromosome you always wanted?

- What's your problem, anyway?
- For starters, I hate Christmas.

I don't like bambersnoodles,
I loathe dinkerwallows,

I hate snagtumgopers,

I say, do you follow?

Do you think I'm a moron?

Don't answer that question.
It's a trick, that's a trick.

Pre-natal lice?

You do realise that
would be lice in the womb?

I've seen them,
they're real and gross.

Maybe Dr Cox had pushed me too far.
Whatever it was, I told on him.

Plus, he didn't even
go see baby Charlie yet.

And then something amazing
happened. They connected.

And all the hatred
they had for each other

was suddenly focused on me.

Excuse me, Sally Sensitive,
I don't remember asking you anything.

Your mom's aware she'll
have to stop breast-feeding?

Good Jordan, good. Now work the body,
under the ribs.

I'm not gonna see that baby either.
Are you gonna tattle on me? Are you?

- I'm frightened.
- Do you have a second?

- God, yes.
- Run away.

I spoke to a 911 operator
who got a call from a girl in labour,

but they lost the signal.
I don't know what to do.

One of the worst things
about this place

is how often you feel like
there's no one to turn to.

You'll be OK.

Babies are amazing.

Especially the way
they bring people together.

So, baby Charlie is the bald one?

Yeah. He wouldn't be smiling so much
if he knew how ugly his parents were.

- You're a sexy bitch.
- Thanks.

I really think it's impossible
to be unaffected.

What up, little dawg?

A baby can stir something deep down
inside you, you didn't know was there.

Look at the baby!

They help you find something
you thought you'd lost.

How did you know she was here?

I don't know, I just knew.

I guess Turk was right after all.

Miracles do happen.

I think you just have to
be willing to look for them.

Merry Christmas, guys.

God bless us, every one.

Dude, you could not be a bigger dork.

You're so lame.

That was so cheesy.

Really?
Cos I felt like it was... right.

Wait up!

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