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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:07,080 All characters and events in this film are fictitious. 2 00:00:07,120 --> 00:00:10,600 Any resemblance to actual persons and events is purely coincidental. 3 00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:26,680 WELCOME TO THE REPUBLIC OF COLOGNE 4 00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:45,160 REPUBLIC OF COLOGNE PRESIDENTIAL MANSION 5 00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:46,320 1ST NOTARY OFFICE 6 00:00:46,360 --> 00:00:47,080 HEALTHCARE CENTER 7 00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:56,080 REPUBLIC OF COLOGNE COURTHOUSE 8 00:01:45,040 --> 00:01:47,080 Children, it’s time for history class. 9 00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:50,680 Tell us, Muzaffer, how was our country established? 10 00:01:50,720 --> 00:01:55,400 Our country was established two years ago by Peker Mengen. 11 00:01:55,920 --> 00:02:01,640 Peker Mengen came to our country when it was a town, as a mayoral candidate. 12 00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:05,320 -He understood our people better than everyone. -WOULD YOU BE WITH ME? 13 00:02:07,240 --> 00:02:09,920 Walk on for 100 meters and then just ask around, sir. 14 00:02:11,040 --> 00:02:13,440 Don’t let everyone on stage! I’m giving a speech here. 15 00:02:13,480 --> 00:02:15,280 We’re not letting anyone on stage, sir! 16 00:02:16,560 --> 00:02:18,640 Dear people of Dikburun! 17 00:02:19,680 --> 00:02:21,480 If I am elected... 18 00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:25,120 ...I promise to make our pretty peninsula town of Dikburun... 19 00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:27,040 ...a province! 20 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:33,880 I will make Dikburun famous around the world! 21 00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:36,920 For example... 22 00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:42,240 ...I will invite Rihanna to sing at a local event! 23 00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:45,280 Rihanna will come! Rihanna! 24 00:02:45,640 --> 00:02:47,920 Rihanna! Rihanna! Rihanna! 25 00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:50,400 If Rihanna is coming, you have my vote! 26 00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:52,880 I’ll introduce you to her, hopefully! 27 00:02:52,920 --> 00:02:58,200 If I win the mayoral post, I’ll get the Prime Minister to come here! 28 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:05,840 The Prime Minister will come here and play backgammon with Mr. Hıdır! 29 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:10,520 He’ll visit auntie Ayşe and... 30 00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:14,000 ...eat kısır, and ask for the recipe! 31 00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:19,280 He’ll play football with our children on our streets! 32 00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:23,000 He’ll even be the goalkeeper! 33 00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:26,200 He’ll be the goalkeeper! 34 00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:31,520 That Prime Minister will come here! 35 00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:38,440 The great mayor! The great mayor... 36 00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:42,440 ...Peker Mengen embraces his people... 37 00:03:43,240 --> 00:03:45,000 Open your arms! 38 00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:46,640 Do not fear! 39 00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:50,320 Peker Mengen is next to a little boy. 40 00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:57,600 An old gentleman. He greets him warmly. 41 00:03:57,640 --> 00:03:59,000 Bravo! 42 00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:05,840 Peker Mengen is in close touch with his people, alive or dead! 43 00:04:10,720 --> 00:04:14,120 Peker Mengen has embraced his people, and now he’ll join us. 44 00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:15,800 We’d like to ask him. 45 00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:18,280 Mr. Mengen... 46 00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:20,640 You said you would bring the Prime Minister here. 47 00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:21,920 What if you can’t? 48 00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:26,760 After consulting with my advisors, I claim that if I don’t bring him here... 49 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,920 ...I’m the biggest jerk! 50 00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:32,840 That’s what he said. 51 00:04:33,280 --> 00:04:37,360 But even though three months have elapsed since Peker Mengen won the election... 52 00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:39,880 ...the Prime Minister still hasn’t visited our town. 53 00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,640 Mayor Peker Mengen joins us live today. 54 00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:44,360 I would like to ask him right away. 55 00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:45,960 Are you a jerk? 56 00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:49,680 I also promised to bring Rihanna. 57 00:04:49,720 --> 00:04:52,280 I don’t understand why you focus on the Prime Minister. 58 00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:55,120 This is an utter distortion of facts by the press! 59 00:04:55,360 --> 00:04:57,800 Nobody actually cares about the Prime Minister coming. 60 00:04:59,160 --> 00:05:00,880 Ümit is now at the town square. 61 00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:02,600 Ümit, let’s go right through to you. 62 00:05:02,640 --> 00:05:06,840 Does nobody care about the Prime Minister coming, as Mr. Mengen says? 63 00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:12,520 -Where is the Prime Minister? 64 00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:16,800 People are revolting because the Prime Minister hasn’t visited the town. 65 00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:19,800 People are burning a dummy of Peker Mengen right now. 66 00:05:19,840 --> 00:05:21,440 A dummy of Peker Mengen is being burned! 67 00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:26,600 Sir, what’s going on? 68 00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:28,560 My child hasn’t had any sleep for six days! 69 00:05:28,600 --> 00:05:30,400 He’s been waiting for the Prime Minister to visit! 70 00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:32,920 What a shame! Look what you’re putting us through! 71 00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:34,200 We got in a lot of debt... 72 00:05:34,240 --> 00:05:36,400 ...as we thought the Prime Minister was coming. Shame on you! 73 00:05:36,440 --> 00:05:38,040 Either the Prime Minister comes here... 74 00:05:38,080 --> 00:05:39,560 ...or we’ll beat up Mayor Mengen! 75 00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:41,560 -We’ll beat him up, right? -We’ll beat him up! 76 00:05:42,680 --> 00:05:45,440 We’ll beat him up! 77 00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:48,560 Back to you, Macide. 78 00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:50,840 Right. You’ve heard the anger of the crowd. 79 00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:52,960 What will you say, Mr. Mengen? 80 00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:54,720 Our people have no reason to panic. 81 00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:58,720 Because they don’t yet know of my latest plan to bring the Prime Minister. 82 00:05:58,760 --> 00:05:59,960 What is that, sir? 83 00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:04,160 I’ll set myself on fire! 84 00:06:04,480 --> 00:06:06,800 If the Prime Minister doesn’t come here, I’ll burn myself! 85 00:06:07,080 --> 00:06:09,920 And the Prime Minister will be responsible! 86 00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:11,320 Here! I’ll burn myself all over! 87 00:06:11,360 --> 00:06:12,600 I’ll burn here too! 88 00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:14,320 The guilt of conscience will kill him! 89 00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:15,560 Let everybody know! 90 00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:16,640 I’ll burn myself all over! 91 00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:18,200 My cuffs too! I’ll burn myself whole! 92 00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:25,320 -Give me some water. -Here, have some. 93 00:06:28,040 --> 00:06:30,680 The gasoline hurt my throat, Macide. 94 00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:32,600 Give me a cigarette, man. 95 00:06:41,080 --> 00:06:42,320 Take that off. 96 00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:48,760 I’ve done so much for you. 97 00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:49,880 I delivered promises. 98 00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:51,400 You didn’t even call once! 99 00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:53,320 Look what you’re putting me through! 100 00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:55,000 It’s all because of my love. 101 00:06:55,720 --> 00:06:58,600 Are you still living in the same house? Have your children started school? 102 00:06:59,320 --> 00:07:00,920 I’m losing my nerve... 103 00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:04,960 I think we have an incoming phone call. 104 00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:06,120 Hello? 105 00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:08,600 Hello, Ms. Macide. This is the Prime Minister. 106 00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:11,160 Mr. Prime Minister! 107 00:07:12,440 --> 00:07:14,400 You’re coming, aren’t you? Please say you’re coming. 108 00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:16,920 Or I’ll set myself on fire! I swear, I’ll burn myself! 109 00:07:17,360 --> 00:07:20,320 Alright, man. You made this such a big deal. I’m coming. 110 00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:21,880 I thought so. 111 00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:24,240 The ash fell on me! 112 00:07:24,280 --> 00:07:26,120 Bring me a blanket or something! Macide! 113 00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:27,600 -Don’t touch me! -Give me something! 114 00:07:27,640 --> 00:07:28,800 Damn! 115 00:07:28,840 --> 00:07:30,000 I’m burning! 116 00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:31,400 Yes, dear viewers. 117 00:07:31,440 --> 00:07:33,680 The Prime Minister is officially visiting Dikburun! 118 00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:39,360 My friends, this is a blessed day for us! 119 00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:45,360 As you know, the Prime Minister will come to our peninsula on that road tomorrow. 120 00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:49,280 Our duty is to prepare an unforgettable welcoming ceremony for-- 121 00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:54,200 Salih, replace this thing! Get a new one. 122 00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:55,880 Yes, Mr. Mayor, I’ll take care of that. 123 00:07:56,560 --> 00:08:01,160 It should be an unforgettable ceremony. 124 00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:02,640 So, give me your ideas. 125 00:08:02,680 --> 00:08:04,360 Mr. Mayor, I’m thinking out loud... 126 00:08:04,840 --> 00:08:11,480 In a lively atmosphere, the marching band comes in, and we have folk dances and fireworks. 127 00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:13,840 This idea really intrigues me. I think it will be great. 128 00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:15,680 -I think it won’t. -I think it won’t be good at all. 129 00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:17,080 -Bahtiyar! -Mr. Mayor. 130 00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:20,760 As your Public Relations Director, here’s my idea. 131 00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:25,240 You wear a tight white lycra t-shirt. 132 00:08:25,520 --> 00:08:29,040 You’re wet with the breeze from the waves. 133 00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:33,240 The Prime Minister comes in breaking the waves on his jet ski! 134 00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:38,040 He gets off, and you run along together. 135 00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:40,240 And you embrace with desire! 136 00:08:41,560 --> 00:08:42,520 What do you think? 137 00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:46,040 We should first ask the Prime Minister’s father for his hand! 138 00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:48,160 That would be great PR! 139 00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:49,800 Enough nonsense, Bahtiyar! 140 00:08:49,840 --> 00:08:51,880 Don’t hit me with such silly ideas! 141 00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:52,920 Bahtiyar! 142 00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:54,840 I won’t open my mouth again! 143 00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:56,960 And change those socks! 144 00:08:57,720 --> 00:08:59,000 Wear something formal. 145 00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:01,960 Yes, what else? 146 00:09:02,840 --> 00:09:05,760 Sir, I think we should build a human tower. And you should sit on top! 147 00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:08,400 -I’m not taking that seriously. -Or, the town square is decorated... 148 00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:11,000 Lanterns everywhere. Children sing anthems. 149 00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:15,840 And you and the Prime Minister are side by side on a great placard hanging on the utility pole! 150 00:09:15,880 --> 00:09:18,360 And you’re sitting at the top of the pole! 151 00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:21,080 Why must you make me sit on top of something? 152 00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:23,080 I’m about to fire you, Salih! 153 00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:25,000 Fire! 154 00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:26,520 Right, fire! 155 00:09:26,560 --> 00:09:28,200 I’ve got it, sir! 156 00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:30,400 This time I’ve definitely got it! 157 00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:32,480 We have these cannons left over from the war, you know. 158 00:09:32,520 --> 00:09:36,320 When the Prime Minister arrives, let’s fire the cannons over to the sea. 159 00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:39,160 I’ve got it! 160 00:09:39,560 --> 00:09:41,240 Let’s fire cannons towards the sea! 161 00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:44,640 I keep coming up with everything! What are you guys good for, Hilmi? 162 00:09:44,920 --> 00:09:46,760 We’re not on a good day, Mr. Mayor! 163 00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:48,520 Get up! Let’s go prepare. 164 00:09:50,680 --> 00:09:52,360 THE NEXT DAY 165 00:09:54,040 --> 00:09:55,280 THANK YOU FOR COMING MR. PRIME MINISTER 166 00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:56,560 VISIT OUR HOUSE, MR. PRIME MINISTER 167 00:09:58,160 --> 00:10:00,600 WOULD YOU BE WITH ME? 168 00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:05,320 Testing. Testing. 169 00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:06,760 -I took three photos. -Thank you. 170 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:08,760 Keep voting for us. 171 00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:13,440 Salih, I’ve been at the mirror for three hours, trying to decide which suit to wear! 172 00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:15,640 I’m so excited! I want everything to be perfect. 173 00:10:15,680 --> 00:10:19,000 I’ve had no sleep at night, thinking of the Prime Minister’s visit. 174 00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:22,040 -Where is the gentleman who’ll fire the cannons? -Right over there, sir. 175 00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:24,440 Mr. Payidar will fire the cannons when you instruct him to. 176 00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:26,160 Here. 177 00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:27,320 Hello, sir. 178 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:29,600 -He’s great. Who found him? -I found him, sir. 179 00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:33,200 If I left it to them, they would’ve brought some stupid man! 180 00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:34,520 Well done, Hilmi. Well done. 181 00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:36,320 Sir, keep your eyes on me. 182 00:10:36,360 --> 00:10:39,920 You’ll fire the cannons when I give you the sign, okay? 183 00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:42,760 Very well. If the preparations are done, let’s start delivering our speech. 184 00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:45,200 Go over there, boy. 185 00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:46,680 Don’t walk around! 186 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:49,320 What did I ask you when I took office? 187 00:10:49,680 --> 00:10:52,800 “Would you be with me?” 188 00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:55,240 I promised to bring you the Prime Minister. 189 00:10:55,680 --> 00:10:56,680 And here he comes! 190 00:10:58,160 --> 00:11:00,880 The Prime Minister is coming! 191 00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:02,680 We promised you Rihanna... 192 00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:04,560 The Prime Minister is coming! 193 00:11:05,560 --> 00:11:06,680 The Prime Minister is coming! 194 00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:08,160 The Prime Minister is coming. 195 00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:09,640 -He’s really here! -He’s coming! 196 00:11:09,680 --> 00:11:11,600 My God, thank you! 197 00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:14,520 Move over! I’ll see him first! Move over! 198 00:11:15,520 --> 00:11:16,480 Sir! 199 00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:18,880 The door. 200 00:11:18,920 --> 00:11:19,960 I can open it. 201 00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:21,760 Welcome, Mr. Prime Minister! 202 00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:25,000 Mr. Payidar, fire! 203 00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:43,560 Was that an American ship that sank? 204 00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:44,880 Yes, sir. 205 00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:46,760 It was an American battleship. 206 00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:52,520 It suffered a hole in the middle due to the cannonballs we have launched, and it is now sinking. 207 00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:54,960 -What shall we do, sir? -What shall we do, Mr. Director? 208 00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:56,120 Mr. Mayor, what shall we do? 209 00:11:56,160 --> 00:11:57,400 What shall we do, Mr. Prime Minister? 210 00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:00,480 Mr. Prime Minister, let me explain. I can-- 211 00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:02,200 -What’s going on? -Something went wrong and... 212 00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:03,960 We cooked chicken for dinner! 213 00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:05,520 The chicken is cooking! 214 00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:08,280 We’re frying chicken! 215 00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:10,400 We could eat we have, Mr. Prime Minister! 216 00:12:10,440 --> 00:12:11,880 Please, Mr. Prime Minister! 217 00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:14,600 Don’t push my mouth away! We couldn’t even speak! 218 00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:17,240 We were going to eat chicken! 219 00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:18,920 I got you chicken for dinner! 220 00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:20,920 We’re frying chicken! 221 00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:25,040 Fried chicken! 222 00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:27,120 Chicken... 223 00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:33,320 No panic! 224 00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:34,920 There’s one thing we have to do. 225 00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:37,480 We don’t tell anybody! 226 00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:41,920 If we don’t tell anybody, nobody will know. Right? 227 00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:44,160 Why are you running away! 228 00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:46,240 You sank the ship like you were playing Battleships! 229 00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:48,880 The Prime Minister closed the window on me! 230 00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:52,360 You screwed up the century-old Wilson Agreement! 231 00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:55,960 But... 232 00:12:56,560 --> 00:12:57,720 ...no panic. 233 00:12:57,760 --> 00:12:59,960 If we don’t tell anybody, nobody will know. 234 00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:03,680 We’ll keep this a secret in our town. 235 00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:04,640 They couldn’t. 236 00:13:05,360 --> 00:13:07,240 Yes, dear viewers. 237 00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:12,480 Cannons launched by Peker Mengen, who came up with all sorts of ideas to pamper the Prime Minister... 238 00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:15,480 ...sank an American battleship in international waters. 239 00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:21,600 American President Tony Since hasn’t spoken yet, but Peker Mengen spoke at the industrial zone. 240 00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:23,960 The situation is under control. 241 00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:25,560 I spoke to Mr. Suat, the welder. 242 00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:28,480 He said he can repair the ship in three days. 243 00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:31,240 -I didn’t. -It will take five days at most. 244 00:13:31,720 --> 00:13:32,720 No. 245 00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:38,640 Speaking to the press after Peker Mengen sank an American battleship, the Prime Minister said... 246 00:13:38,680 --> 00:13:44,160 ...”The actions of the ever problematic town of Dikburun and Mayor Peker Mengen are unforgivable.” 247 00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:47,160 And he expelled Dikburun from the country’s borders. 248 00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:49,320 Yes, you heard me right! 249 00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:51,480 Dikburun is set to become an independent country! 250 00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:55,240 To learn what they’ll be doing about the border, let’s go through to Ümit. 251 00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:56,240 Ümit... 252 00:13:56,640 --> 00:13:59,080 Macide, they’re not setting a border here. 253 00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:00,840 They’re actually cutting us off! 254 00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:03,240 The bulldozers are severing our connection with the mainland. 255 00:14:03,280 --> 00:14:05,680 We are becoming an island country! 256 00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:07,960 I’ve got a construction foreman with me. Sir, what’s going on? 257 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:09,520 We’re cutting off your town. 258 00:14:09,560 --> 00:14:11,560 The land is soft. It’ll take two days. 259 00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:13,360 The water will flood over here. 260 00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:15,640 If you need a country cut off, here’s my card. 261 00:14:16,680 --> 00:14:17,920 The land is soft. 262 00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:21,240 If a country needs to be cut off, we’ll call him! Thank you, sir. 263 00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:24,200 I have mayor Peker Mengen with me now. 264 00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:26,160 Mr. Mengen, they’re cutting off the country. 265 00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:27,960 Have you taken any precautions? 266 00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:31,320 Our diplomatic efforts are underway. 267 00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:34,040 And we’re applying our precautions against this crisis. 268 00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:36,760 -What kind of precautions? -Bring buckets! 269 00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:38,200 More buckets! 270 00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:41,040 I’m here, Mr. Mayor! 271 00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:44,040 Come on! Come on! 272 00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:48,720 Faster! 273 00:14:51,160 --> 00:14:53,960 -Push it back! -I’ve got the rope, come on! 274 00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:55,280 So come in. 275 00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:59,560 So what will you do now! Come on! 276 00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:00,840 Sir! 277 00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:05,080 Yes, dear viewers. 278 00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:08,640 As you can see on the map, Dikburun has been severed from the mainland... 279 00:15:08,680 --> 00:15:10,240 ...and become a country. 280 00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:14,640 A country with no economy, no national anthem, not even a name. 281 00:15:15,840 --> 00:15:17,640 We’re left out in the open. 282 00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:22,800 That was an overreaction! 283 00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:24,200 Why cut the town off? 284 00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:27,560 Why would you cut the town off in anger? Cut off the power or something! 285 00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:28,840 Cut off the internet! 286 00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:31,840 But why cut off the town like cutting pastry? 287 00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:33,720 To think positively, sir... 288 00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:36,520 ...you promised to make the town a province, and you made it a country! 289 00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:38,240 Bahtiyar, I’ll positively beat you up! 290 00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:40,040 Have you called the Prime Minister? 291 00:15:40,080 --> 00:15:41,840 We keep calling him. He doesn’t answer. 292 00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:44,440 Give me the phone. Let’s try texting him. 293 00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:48,800 “Don’t rush to a decision.” 294 00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:51,600 -“Give us another chance.” -Good. 295 00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:54,840 -“We have never been truly united.” -Wonderful. 296 00:15:55,360 --> 00:15:56,720 Yes, I know. 297 00:15:57,400 --> 00:15:58,720 “It was my mistake.” 298 00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:01,480 “I messed up.” Smiling poop. 299 00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:04,240 -“Blessed be the homeland!” -That’s good enough. 300 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:06,400 -I’m sending it. -Send it. 301 00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:10,440 He’ll get back to me when he gets the message. 302 00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:13,920 Read it! What did he say? 303 00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:17,440 He says, “If you text this number again, I’ll sue you.” 304 00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:22,840 “Sorry, it was my cousin who wrote the message.” Send it. 305 00:16:24,760 --> 00:16:27,080 And get this thing repaired! 306 00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:28,480 Sir! 307 00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:30,680 Sir! 308 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:32,680 I’ve got good news and bad news. 309 00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:33,960 Tell me the good news first, Hilmi. 310 00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:36,760 There was a 6.5% increase in the birth rate of pandas. 311 00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:38,560 My God, thank you! That’s great. 312 00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:40,160 What’s the bad news? 313 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:41,920 -America declared war on us! -What! 314 00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:45,400 As a town of 5000 people, we’re at war with America? 315 00:16:45,800 --> 00:16:49,320 -They’re making an announcement on TV. -Turn it on, quick! 316 00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:52,120 -Oh my God! -Turn it on! Where’s the remote? 317 00:16:52,160 --> 00:16:53,400 Bahtiyar sat on it. 318 00:16:54,360 --> 00:16:55,880 I didn’t feel it, sir. Here. 319 00:16:57,920 --> 00:16:58,880 You turn it on, Hilmi. 320 00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:10,080 Madem o kara parçası artık bir ülke oldu... 321 00:17:10,120 --> 00:17:11,560 ...onlara savaş açacağız. 322 00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:15,160 Bizim gemimizi patlatmak neymiş görecekler! 323 00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:16,920 Onları haritadan sileceğiz! 324 00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:18,480 Dikburun’u dümdüz edeceğiz! 325 00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:24,680 What did he say they’d do to... 326 00:17:25,760 --> 00:17:27,680 ...President Peker Mengen? I couldn’t understand that part. 327 00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:29,600 He said they’ll f**k him! How come you didn’t understand! 328 00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:31,680 He said “seven f**k Peker”! 329 00:17:32,080 --> 00:17:34,840 America loves us, but Peker is f***ed! Even I understood that! 330 00:17:34,880 --> 00:17:36,680 -He said “seven matirstik”. -What’s “matirstik"? 331 00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:39,280 I matirstik. You matirstik. 332 00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:41,560 He, she, it matirstiks. 333 00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:42,680 There’s an “s” there. 334 00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:46,320 -No, I haven’t got it. -Now, we got the “f**k”. 335 00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:47,480 And then there’s “seven”. 336 00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:48,480 Right, I got it. 337 00:17:48,520 --> 00:17:50,480 They’ll screw you over seven times, sir! 338 00:17:52,360 --> 00:17:54,360 And you seem so happy about that, Bahtiyar! 339 00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:57,120 Sir, what shall we do? 340 00:17:58,320 --> 00:17:59,400 I have a great idea. 341 00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:02,520 Leave me alone for 15 minutes. 342 00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:05,840 I’ll drown myself in the sea! 343 00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:06,840 Mr. President. 344 00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:08,520 Oh! 345 00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:11,440 He’s going to drown! 346 00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:12,600 He’s not going to drown! 347 00:18:12,640 --> 00:18:13,640 Take your clothes off, quick! 348 00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:15,480 Çakır, save him! Hurry! 349 00:18:15,520 --> 00:18:17,320 Sir, I don’t wear underpants! 350 00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:35,880 Just like I imagined! 351 00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:45,040 Sir! 352 00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:47,840 Let me go! 353 00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:49,840 It’s Faruk, the banana boat guy! 354 00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:52,520 Take me away from here! Let’s run away! 355 00:18:53,360 --> 00:18:55,440 Sir, I’m thinking out loud. 356 00:18:55,840 --> 00:18:58,120 Perhaps we should apologize. 357 00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:01,200 Apologize. 358 00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:03,720 I have a great idea. 359 00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:05,360 We’ll apologize! 360 00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:08,240 Get me live on TV right now. 361 00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:16,440 ADDRESS TO AMERICA 362 00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:17,840 Dear America. 363 00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:22,960 I’m addressing you to do my best to alleviate the minor problem between us. 364 00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:28,520 Dear America. We may have accidentally destroyed your ship, but we still love you. 365 00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:31,680 You know what? In fact, we’re all children of America, in a way. 366 00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:33,600 I used to be blond when I was a little boy! 367 00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:36,440 We’ve all grown up with Happy Meals! 368 00:19:36,480 --> 00:19:41,360 I can’t even imagine the world without Rambo and Rocky! 369 00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:43,080 They say coke causes perforation in the stomach. 370 00:19:43,120 --> 00:19:44,600 No way! 371 00:19:45,360 --> 00:19:47,320 If it did, it would’ve perforated mine! 372 00:19:47,360 --> 00:19:48,960 I drink two liters of coke a day. 373 00:19:49,360 --> 00:19:52,000 I love it. Whoever says it’s harmful, I’ll fight him! 374 00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:54,720 Here’s my announcement. My surprise for America. 375 00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:56,440 Seattle, hear me! New York, New Jersey! 376 00:19:56,480 --> 00:19:58,240 I hereby waive the visa requirement for America! 377 00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:00,680 You can come to our country whenever you like. 378 00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:04,000 Soccer is forbidden from now on! Everyone will play baseball. 379 00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:08,320 The Land of the Free, yo! 380 00:20:08,360 --> 00:20:10,640 We couldn’t exist without you, ho! 381 00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:16,200 Our address of apology will continue after a short commercial break. 382 00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:18,680 Cut! I’ve got the feeling, sir! 383 00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:22,160 Bahtiyar, where are those donuts? I’ll kiss them and place them on my forehead! 384 00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:24,680 Here, sir. 385 00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:26,720 Sir! 386 00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:28,080 Mr. President! 387 00:20:28,120 --> 00:20:30,480 -I’ve got good news and bad news. -What’s the bad news, Hilmi? 388 00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:32,840 Mercury is in retrograde! A hard week awaits the Virgo. 389 00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:33,840 -Oh. -Yes. 390 00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:35,600 God help them. What’s the good news? 391 00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:37,400 Russia and China are backing us! 392 00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:39,640 America can no longer declare war on us! 393 00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:40,640 On air! 394 00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:44,840 Look at me, America... 395 00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:47,880 ...who do you think you are? Who are you? 396 00:20:47,920 --> 00:20:49,960 What on earth was your ship doing there? 397 00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:51,440 Fight us if you can! 398 00:20:51,480 --> 00:20:54,720 Let me see you fight us! We’ll see what Russia and China do to you! 399 00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:57,400 You’ve tortured our black brothers for years! 400 00:20:57,440 --> 00:20:59,200 You kept eating these things and became obese! 401 00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:01,360 I’m addressing the whole world here! 402 00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:03,360 If the same happens again, I’ll do the same! 403 00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:04,520 Cut! 404 00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:05,920 I’ve got the feeling again! 405 00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:07,320 -Hilmi. -Sir? 406 00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:10,280 Are you sure? Russia and China are behind us, right? 407 00:21:10,320 --> 00:21:12,240 If they’re not, America will drill a hole in us! 408 00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:13,960 Here, like I showed you, sir. 409 00:21:29,560 --> 00:21:31,120 Well, well! 410 00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:33,200 Articles from the sunken ship! 411 00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:36,400 American cocktail! 412 00:21:44,080 --> 00:21:45,600 Good day, Kamil! 413 00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:46,760 Good day! 414 00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:48,200 -Give it up. -God damn you. 415 00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:50,320 No way, man. I’ll talk to him. 416 00:21:50,360 --> 00:21:52,880 We’re a country now, and we still get no raise! 417 00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:55,760 Did I become his executive assistant to carry him breakfast? 418 00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:59,520 And he gets me to pay for it! Has he any idea how much sujuk costs? 419 00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:00,880 I’ll ask for a raise! 420 00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:03,280 We’re a new country. 421 00:22:03,560 --> 00:22:05,080 He has lots of expenses. 422 00:22:05,120 --> 00:22:06,520 His financial situation is not good. 423 00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:07,720 He should print money! 424 00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:09,040 -Right. -It’s his country! 425 00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:12,320 Seek your rights! Rights aren’t given, they’re taken! 426 00:22:12,360 --> 00:22:14,080 We must talk to him about this. 427 00:22:14,120 --> 00:22:16,360 I’m an angry man. I might beat him up. 428 00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:18,360 I might smash his face. 429 00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:20,400 I’ll beat him up if you like, Bahtiyar. 430 00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:21,680 No sir. 431 00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:22,840 No need for violence. 432 00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:24,320 I’ll talk to him. 433 00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:30,120 As Russia, as long as you’re behind us, America can’t even pinch us, let alone bomb us! 434 00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:31,440 Who is America anyway? 435 00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:32,440 It’s all a show! 436 00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:34,600 I rooted for Ivan Dragon in Rocky 4! 437 00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:36,320 Yes, I was so sad when he lost. 438 00:22:36,360 --> 00:22:39,240 When he lost, I... I kiss you too. 439 00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:41,480 Davay davay. My regards to the madam. 440 00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:43,520 Was that the Russian President? What did he say? 441 00:22:43,560 --> 00:22:44,880 I don’t know, he spoke Russian! 442 00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:48,440 Boys, we’ve gotten over the American nightmare! Well done. 443 00:22:50,760 --> 00:22:53,400 We could never have succeeded without you, sir. 444 00:22:55,120 --> 00:22:59,600 Sir, now that we’re a country, perhaps we should talk about a raise. 445 00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:02,680 Now that two countries back us, you ask for a raise! 446 00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:03,680 You traitor! 447 00:23:03,720 --> 00:23:05,000 Raise, raise... 448 00:23:05,360 --> 00:23:07,920 -What should he do, print money? -Mr. President hasn’t even had his breakfast! 449 00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:09,000 And you ask for a raise! 450 00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:10,720 May my tongue fall off if I open my mouth again! 451 00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:13,440 Sujuk, sir! 452 00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:16,240 Thank you, Salih. With the news we just got, I feel full already. 453 00:23:16,280 --> 00:23:17,720 It’s all done and gone, sir. 454 00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:19,520 No, Hilmi. We’re just getting started. 455 00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:22,400 We are a country now. 456 00:23:22,440 --> 00:23:24,240 We should think like a country. 457 00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:25,320 Who is he talking to? 458 00:23:25,360 --> 00:23:27,240 I said the whole world will talk about us. 459 00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:28,480 And they are! 460 00:23:28,520 --> 00:23:30,120 Because we are great. 461 00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:31,560 Because we... 462 00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:33,760 Who are we? 463 00:23:34,640 --> 00:23:35,560 We don’t have a name! 464 00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:38,960 Yes, it’s time to put a name on this country, sir! Where is this country heading? 465 00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:40,960 Sit down. It’s time to name our country. 466 00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:41,840 Right. 467 00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:43,200 Give me your ideas. 468 00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:49,240 Here’s a name that symbolizes friendship and brotherhood. 469 00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:50,760 “Dostland!” 470 00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:53,080 No way! There’s “Deutschland”. People will think we copied them. 471 00:23:53,120 --> 00:23:55,280 Of course they will. I’ve got it, sir! 472 00:23:55,320 --> 00:23:56,920 “Brothers”. How is “Brothers”? 473 00:23:56,960 --> 00:23:59,360 “Brothers”. That’s great, Hilmi. 474 00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:01,400 That’s so good. 475 00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:04,360 If the country catches on, we’ll open a new branch! 476 00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:06,320 The Brothers Republic 2! 477 00:24:06,360 --> 00:24:07,720 That would be great! 478 00:24:08,400 --> 00:24:10,320 We’re not opening a kebab place! We’re starting a country! 479 00:24:10,360 --> 00:24:14,000 If it were a kebab place, “Brothers” would be good, but not for a country. 480 00:24:14,040 --> 00:24:15,560 At least that’s my opinion. 481 00:24:15,600 --> 00:24:17,440 Let’s think big, boys. Salih? 482 00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:18,520 “Britannia!” 483 00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:20,000 No, Salih, it’s been done before. 484 00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:23,440 A poetic one: “Buhranya”! 485 00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:25,800 -More lasting, more emotional! -Ne bu böyle ya? 486 00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:26,840 I’ve got it! 487 00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:28,640 “Aşk-ı Derya”! 488 00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:30,840 Great! Perhaps Behlül should run the country! 489 00:24:30,880 --> 00:24:32,880 And his uncle should catch him as he smashes the opposition! 490 00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:36,160 We can’t proceed with such silly ideas! 491 00:24:37,360 --> 00:24:39,960 Oh, I’m getting this headache at the back of my neck again! 492 00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:42,080 Those ideas are just no good, boys! 493 00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:44,040 Cologne, sir? 494 00:24:44,560 --> 00:24:45,320 Good. 495 00:24:46,560 --> 00:24:48,320 REPUBLIC OF COLOGNE OFFICIALLY ESTABLISHED 496 00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:50,320 That wasn’t what I said “Good” to! 497 00:24:51,280 --> 00:24:53,280 He offered me cologne and I said “Good”! 498 00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:55,440 Now we’re stuck with this name! 499 00:24:55,880 --> 00:24:57,960 And you got a flag made too! 500 00:24:58,000 --> 00:24:59,920 And you made it green! What is that! 501 00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:02,880 I wanted cyclamen but they refused! 502 00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:09,880 I’ve got good news, sir! Mauritania has officially recognized us! 503 00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:13,040 Who cares if Mauritania recognizes us, Hilmi? 504 00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:15,960 Who is Mauritania? I don’t recognize Mauritania! 505 00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:19,560 PRESIDENT: “I DON’T RECOGNIZE MAURITANIA” 506 00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:23,040 Don’t spread every word I say! 507 00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:24,440 Screw that! 508 00:25:25,600 --> 00:25:27,720 PRESIDENT: “SCREW THAT” 509 00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:34,320 I’ll smash your face in! Enough of this! I have a country to run! 510 00:25:34,360 --> 00:25:36,880 I have a country to run! Don’t make me mad! I’ve had enough! 511 00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:39,520 Enough! Hilmi! I’ll smash your face! 512 00:25:40,360 --> 00:25:42,040 I swear! Enough! 513 00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:45,280 Are you a guys a curse upon me or what! 514 00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:48,440 -Enough! -Enough! That’s enough! 515 00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:51,320 -Hilmi! -How can Mr. President trust you! 516 00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:53,000 Enough! 517 00:25:53,040 --> 00:25:54,640 But you kept hitting the same place! 518 00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:55,600 -Shut up! -Alright! 519 00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:57,560 Hilmi, I’ve taken care of him! 520 00:25:59,080 --> 00:26:00,920 I haven’t been beaten so much by my father! 521 00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:03,400 -Your father, right! -Wait, stop! Hilmi! 522 00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:04,680 Enough! 523 00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:06,320 Enough. 524 00:26:06,360 --> 00:26:08,200 Calm down. 525 00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:09,800 Enough, boys! 526 00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:12,240 I have a country to run! I can’t deal with your nonsense! 527 00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:14,880 Give me that! 528 00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:16,280 Enough. 529 00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:17,320 Enough. 530 00:26:17,360 --> 00:26:18,920 I’m so tired. 531 00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:20,000 Enough. 532 00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:21,600 Alright, calm down. 533 00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:23,640 Hilmi. 534 00:26:24,640 --> 00:26:25,600 Give me... 535 00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:27,840 ...give me today’s schedule. 536 00:26:28,240 --> 00:26:30,360 -What’s on today’s schedule? -Sure, Mr. President. 537 00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:31,880 Write the constitution... 538 00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:34,000 Compose the national anthem... 539 00:26:34,760 --> 00:26:35,920 Print money... 540 00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:37,440 Establish the parliament... 541 00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:38,560 All that is easy... 542 00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:42,600 ...I feel we’re missing something more important, boys. 543 00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:45,280 Mr. President, we should find you a First Lady! 544 00:26:45,320 --> 00:26:47,240 No president can be without a First Lady! 545 00:26:47,280 --> 00:26:49,120 That’s it! Come on, let’s find me a wife. 546 00:26:49,160 --> 00:26:51,040 I think the constitution is more important. 547 00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:52,480 That’s nonsense, Hilmi! 548 00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:54,760 She’s called the First Lady for a reason! Women first! 549 00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:57,520 That’s what I was saying! We need to find you a woman first. 550 00:26:57,560 --> 00:26:59,120 At least that’s my opinion. 551 00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:01,320 Right, come on, let’s find me a woman. 552 00:27:01,840 --> 00:27:02,920 Give me your ideas. 553 00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:09,120 Let’s find her the way everyone finds one, Mr. President! 554 00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:11,960 How? 555 00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:18,280 Welcome to First Lady Cologne! 556 00:27:20,840 --> 00:27:23,800 Tonight, the Republic of Cologne selects its First Lady! 557 00:27:23,840 --> 00:27:24,880 Yes, Salih. 558 00:27:25,720 --> 00:27:30,640 Now, we invite Mr. Peker Mengen to the stage! 559 00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:39,920 Hello, I’m Peker. 560 00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:43,200 At times I may be a rude hyena... 561 00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:46,480 ...and at other times a die-hard romantic. 562 00:27:46,840 --> 00:27:48,320 I have a country. I’m its President. 563 00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:50,160 I set my own wage. 564 00:27:50,400 --> 00:27:51,440 My negative sides are... 565 00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:53,120 ...America is after me! 566 00:27:53,360 --> 00:27:56,360 Let’s have some applause as Mr. President takes his seat! 567 00:27:58,000 --> 00:28:02,960 Ladies and gentlemen, here are the ten prettiest women of the Republic of Cologne! 568 00:28:08,160 --> 00:28:10,040 Mr. President, here are the candidates. 569 00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:11,680 Maybe. 570 00:28:12,640 --> 00:28:13,800 This one? 571 00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:14,880 No way. 572 00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:15,840 No. 573 00:28:17,520 --> 00:28:19,960 Just pay this one’s pension and get her to retire! 574 00:28:22,920 --> 00:28:24,400 Couldn’t get any worse. 575 00:28:26,120 --> 00:28:27,120 Okay. 576 00:28:29,640 --> 00:28:30,720 Who is this? 577 00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:32,520 Greetings, my land of Cologne! 578 00:28:32,840 --> 00:28:34,120 I’m Mualla Ateş. 579 00:28:34,560 --> 00:28:35,920 I came to be a wife for our president... 580 00:28:36,680 --> 00:28:37,960 ...a sister to you... 581 00:28:38,480 --> 00:28:41,720 ...and the scourge of our cursed enemies! 582 00:28:42,200 --> 00:28:45,600 I came to rise like the sun over my land of Cologne! 583 00:28:49,280 --> 00:28:50,440 And you, Mr. President... 584 00:28:51,360 --> 00:28:53,920 ...I came to flow in the love arteries of your heart... 585 00:28:54,480 --> 00:28:56,320 ...to become one with you... 586 00:28:57,760 --> 00:29:01,000 ...and drink from your fountain of love. 587 00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:07,160 Hilmi, arrest her! She’s too dangerous. 588 00:29:07,520 --> 00:29:08,520 Move over! 589 00:29:08,560 --> 00:29:11,040 Anything you like among the rest, sir? 590 00:29:11,640 --> 00:29:13,640 The rest is a funeral! A memorial service! 591 00:29:13,680 --> 00:29:14,880 A forty-day mourning period! 592 00:29:14,920 --> 00:29:16,600 It’s a queue of pensioners! 593 00:29:16,640 --> 00:29:19,640 There are women among them the age of my midwife, Hilmi! 594 00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:21,960 Mr. President, a correction: She is actually your midwife! 595 00:29:22,320 --> 00:29:25,000 She kept saying “I found him first! He’s mine!” 596 00:29:25,040 --> 00:29:27,040 -She insisted! -So what am I supposed to do, Hilmi? 597 00:29:27,080 --> 00:29:28,680 Should I screw my midwife? God forgive me... 598 00:29:29,280 --> 00:29:31,720 That’s a new take on the old swear word! 599 00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:43,320 Sorry, I was late. 600 00:29:44,560 --> 00:29:45,760 I’m Buse. 601 00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:52,640 So you’re Buse... 602 00:29:53,080 --> 00:29:54,400 ...I want Buse! 603 00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:56,000 Get me Buse! 604 00:29:56,040 --> 00:29:58,920 Please, let me have Buse, Hilmi! I want her. Let’s get me Buse! 605 00:29:58,960 --> 00:30:01,080 Let’s get her for me and I’ll give her the country! 606 00:30:01,120 --> 00:30:01,880 Bahtiyar! 607 00:30:01,920 --> 00:30:03,080 Eliminate everyone over 30! 608 00:30:03,120 --> 00:30:05,520 Right, the director is now giving me an update... 609 00:30:05,560 --> 00:30:09,040 Contestants over the age of 30 have been eliminated! 610 00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:12,600 Auntie, all over 30 eliminated. Come on. 611 00:30:12,640 --> 00:30:14,960 I’m 30! My father registered my birth certificate late! 612 00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:16,320 Come on, auntie... 613 00:30:16,360 --> 00:30:19,640 Your father might have registered you on the Orkhon inscriptions! 614 00:30:19,680 --> 00:30:21,080 I’m not leaving! 615 00:30:21,120 --> 00:30:23,840 Please! This is a serious competition! 616 00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:27,760 I didn’t want to reveal him, but there’s actually a man among you! 617 00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:32,360 That’s such a shame! 618 00:30:32,400 --> 00:30:34,120 We could’ve been very happy. 619 00:30:34,160 --> 00:30:35,880 My favorite is gone! 620 00:30:36,160 --> 00:30:37,200 Are you kidding me! 621 00:30:37,240 --> 00:30:38,800 Come on, leave now! 622 00:30:39,160 --> 00:30:40,360 My dear people! 623 00:30:40,720 --> 00:30:44,720 As you can see, we have two finalists. 624 00:30:44,760 --> 00:30:51,080 If you want Buse to be my First Lady, text “Buse” to 1890... 625 00:30:51,720 --> 00:30:53,960 ...and if you choose Mualla... 626 00:30:54,760 --> 00:30:58,000 ...text “Buse” to 1890! 627 00:30:58,560 --> 00:31:01,840 You choose, I marry! 628 00:31:02,080 --> 00:31:05,560 Mr. President, with your permission, I have a brief greeting message. 629 00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:07,320 -Thank you, Mr. President. -Do what you want. 630 00:31:08,240 --> 00:31:09,120 Greetings to... 631 00:31:11,200 --> 00:31:14,520 ...my alcoholic father who left me and my mother alone when I was a little girl... 632 00:31:15,400 --> 00:31:18,320 ...and to my mother, who got on the streets... 633 00:31:19,120 --> 00:31:20,720 ...day and night... 634 00:31:21,880 --> 00:31:23,800 ...to pay for my and my sisters’ school... 635 00:31:24,680 --> 00:31:27,760 ...to the malicious milkman Ferhat... 636 00:31:29,280 --> 00:31:32,240 ...Vahit, the shopkeeper... 637 00:31:32,840 --> 00:31:34,440 ...and finally... 638 00:31:34,880 --> 00:31:36,640 ...Şükrü, the repairman who didn’t leave... 639 00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:38,240 ...our doorstep for a second... 640 00:31:39,160 --> 00:31:40,960 ...and tried to take advantage of us. 641 00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:43,960 Greetings to all of them. 642 00:31:54,240 --> 00:31:57,040 Voting is now over. 643 00:31:58,720 --> 00:32:02,080 The results are arriving from the notary. 644 00:32:02,560 --> 00:32:04,240 My God, I’m so excited! 645 00:32:04,280 --> 00:32:05,640 Our First Lady is... 646 00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:07,400 ...Mualla! 647 00:32:08,560 --> 00:32:12,000 The people have chosen their First Lady! You’ve got to respect them! 648 00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:16,720 Mr. President, the people have chosen Mualla. 649 00:32:16,760 --> 00:32:18,200 What would you like to say? 650 00:32:18,240 --> 00:32:19,720 God damn! 651 00:32:19,760 --> 00:32:21,600 God damn you! 652 00:32:22,120 --> 00:32:25,080 I shouldn’t have let you vote! 653 00:32:25,120 --> 00:32:26,520 Don’t you have eyes? 654 00:32:26,560 --> 00:32:28,720 Why vote for this one, when you have this one! 655 00:32:30,560 --> 00:32:31,760 Where do I sign... 656 00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:33,720 -Here, Mr. President. -You’re so eager! 657 00:32:33,760 --> 00:32:34,880 “Here, Mr. President.” There! 658 00:32:34,920 --> 00:32:36,160 And I sign here, I guess. 659 00:32:38,440 --> 00:32:40,240 And I pronounce you husband and wife. 660 00:32:40,280 --> 00:32:41,960 -Thank you very much. -Thak you. 661 00:32:45,680 --> 00:32:47,760 Come on, my husband, let’s go to our house of love. 662 00:32:47,800 --> 00:32:48,960 Shall we? 663 00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:49,920 Shame on you! 664 00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:51,520 Shame on you! 665 00:32:51,560 --> 00:32:55,120 Would you like it if the same happened to your father, your brother? 666 00:32:55,440 --> 00:32:57,200 Democracy is wasted on you! 667 00:32:58,760 --> 00:33:01,440 Anyway, let’s have Miss Buse over here. 668 00:33:01,960 --> 00:33:04,280 We won’t let her leave empty-handed! 669 00:33:04,840 --> 00:33:09,680 As a consolation prize, we announce her as the President’s secretary! 670 00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:13,280 And there’s more! She also gets a year’s worth of shampoo! 671 00:33:39,520 --> 00:33:40,800 Fear not, beautiful boy. 672 00:33:42,160 --> 00:33:43,960 I won’t force you into anything. 673 00:33:46,880 --> 00:33:47,920 Are you crying? 674 00:33:48,760 --> 00:33:50,080 I lost my nerve. 675 00:33:50,440 --> 00:33:53,120 I never imagined this. 676 00:33:54,240 --> 00:33:55,640 What were you imagining? 677 00:33:58,120 --> 00:33:59,320 Maybe you’ll like this! 678 00:34:00,880 --> 00:34:02,280 I’ve got this too! 679 00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:08,680 How about this? I want you. Only you. 680 00:34:13,320 --> 00:34:14,600 What about this? 681 00:34:15,720 --> 00:34:17,160 I’d be better off with my midwife! 682 00:34:17,200 --> 00:34:19,840 I did nothing to deserve this! I’m leaving! 683 00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:20,920 My husband! 684 00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:23,880 Where are you going? 685 00:34:26,280 --> 00:34:27,960 Won’t we consummate our marriage? 686 00:34:30,080 --> 00:34:31,440 Won’t flesh touch flesh? 687 00:34:39,320 --> 00:34:40,720 Won’t you pound the seal on the meat? 688 00:34:42,480 --> 00:34:44,280 No şakşuka? 689 00:34:49,440 --> 00:34:51,560 Wait a moment for god’s sake! 690 00:34:51,600 --> 00:34:52,520 Shut up for a second. 691 00:34:53,560 --> 00:34:56,080 I’ve never withdrawn into myself like this since my circumcision! 692 00:34:56,120 --> 00:34:58,240 You are sexual abuse itself! What the hell is this! 693 00:34:58,280 --> 00:34:59,560 I’m leaving! 694 00:35:02,440 --> 00:35:05,800 You can’t do it, and you blame me! 695 00:35:06,120 --> 00:35:07,480 If it’s too small, tell me! 696 00:35:52,600 --> 00:35:53,880 Mualla, I need my jacket! 697 00:35:53,920 --> 00:35:55,360 Why did you lock the door, maniac! 698 00:35:55,400 --> 00:35:56,960 I’m naked, that’s why! 699 00:35:57,480 --> 00:35:59,080 Come in, I’ll unlock it. 700 00:35:59,120 --> 00:36:00,960 No, don’t! Damn you, don’t! 701 00:36:01,000 --> 00:36:03,720 No, damn you! Your mom! 702 00:36:30,840 --> 00:36:33,680 He calls us in for work at night. We’ve been working around the clock! 703 00:36:33,720 --> 00:36:36,880 -And there’s no overtime pay! -This is a violation of workers’ rights. 704 00:36:36,920 --> 00:36:38,840 He even said “Buy some roasted chickpeas on the way”! 705 00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:40,840 The most expensive ones. I paid again! 706 00:36:40,880 --> 00:36:43,720 -I think we should talk to him. -I won’t talk to him again. 707 00:36:44,240 --> 00:36:47,160 Last time we talked, I was left standing alone! 708 00:36:47,200 --> 00:36:49,080 You took on the wrong attitude. 709 00:36:49,120 --> 00:36:52,560 If I hadn’t intervened, things could’ve gone much worse, Bahtiyar! 710 00:36:52,600 --> 00:36:54,080 It’s your choice, man. 711 00:36:54,120 --> 00:36:57,000 Don’t talk, and you’ll come to work at night. 712 00:36:57,040 --> 00:36:58,160 You’ll have no private life left. 713 00:36:58,200 --> 00:37:00,520 I have my TV shows. I can’t come in every night! 714 00:37:00,560 --> 00:37:02,800 So you have to make up your mind, Bahtiyar. 715 00:37:04,200 --> 00:37:06,920 Mr. President, why have we assembled so late at night? 716 00:37:07,520 --> 00:37:09,440 We’re missing out on our private lives! 717 00:37:09,480 --> 00:37:12,280 The country is dying, and all you care about is your private life! 718 00:37:12,320 --> 00:37:15,080 There is one thing we have in our lives right now: Our country! 719 00:37:15,120 --> 00:37:16,320 You traitor! 720 00:37:17,120 --> 00:37:18,320 What’s your problem? 721 00:37:18,360 --> 00:37:19,320 What is your problem! 722 00:37:21,680 --> 00:37:24,800 Mr. President hasn’t even eaten his chickpeas yet, and you get into private life! 723 00:37:24,840 --> 00:37:25,840 You giraffe! 724 00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:28,720 May I go mute if I open my mouth again! 725 00:37:29,680 --> 00:37:31,080 By the way, Mr. President... 726 00:37:31,880 --> 00:37:34,840 Don’t you have a match to play so late at night? 727 00:37:34,880 --> 00:37:38,240 We thought you’d be attacking the opposition team left and right by this hour! 728 00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:40,920 Getting into position with long through passes... 729 00:37:40,960 --> 00:37:43,240 ...forcing the opposition team with short passes... 730 00:37:43,280 --> 00:37:47,920 ...and cheering up the fans with long passes, bringing them down into the field! 731 00:37:48,880 --> 00:37:50,400 Who do you think you are! 732 00:37:50,440 --> 00:37:53,400 You maniacs! You keep imagining me in all sorts of manners! 733 00:37:53,680 --> 00:37:54,720 The match is cancelled! 734 00:37:55,200 --> 00:37:56,600 The President was caught offside! 735 00:37:57,240 --> 00:37:58,640 The President has quit football! 736 00:37:59,160 --> 00:38:02,200 We don’t even have a constitution, and you came up with the First Lady thing! 737 00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:05,080 I don’t understand. 738 00:38:05,120 --> 00:38:06,720 We don’t even have a national anthem! 739 00:38:06,760 --> 00:38:08,920 Get me someone to compose the national anthem! 740 00:38:08,960 --> 00:38:10,880 Everyone will be singing that anthem by heart tomorrow! 741 00:38:10,920 --> 00:38:14,200 There is only one man who can compose that anthem in this land. 742 00:38:15,000 --> 00:38:19,240 My country, surrounded by water on all sides 743 00:38:19,840 --> 00:38:24,240 Hot and arid summers, warm tides 744 00:38:24,960 --> 00:38:29,360 Oh, beautiful land of Cologne! 745 00:38:30,120 --> 00:38:35,160 Oh Cologne, get all cologned up! 746 00:38:35,840 --> 00:38:37,960 -Bravo! -Bravo, Arif! 747 00:38:38,400 --> 00:38:40,200 What do you think, sir? 748 00:38:40,240 --> 00:38:41,520 It’s great. 749 00:38:41,560 --> 00:38:45,120 We can play this in welcoming ceremonies. And perhaps I’ll dance with the guest presidents! 750 00:38:45,160 --> 00:38:46,360 Mr. President is right. 751 00:38:46,400 --> 00:38:49,200 Arif, please, this is very important! 752 00:38:49,240 --> 00:38:50,280 You can do better. 753 00:38:50,320 --> 00:38:52,280 Something more modern, more striking... 754 00:38:52,760 --> 00:38:56,120 You didn’t know me You didn’t love Cologne 755 00:38:56,520 --> 00:38:59,600 Bring out all your natural resources for me! 756 00:38:59,960 --> 00:39:01,760 Oy oy hele yo! 757 00:39:04,120 --> 00:39:05,880 With echo. Great. 758 00:39:05,920 --> 00:39:08,440 Arif, that was a bit like a wedding song! 759 00:39:08,480 --> 00:39:10,920 Would you like us to get the children out of the dance floor? 760 00:39:10,960 --> 00:39:13,760 We need something bolder, more ambitious. 761 00:39:13,800 --> 00:39:16,880 Is she troubling you? 762 00:39:17,200 --> 00:39:20,360 Get rid of her and you’ll forget her 763 00:39:20,640 --> 00:39:26,760 Just go out looking and You’ll find much better than her 764 00:39:26,800 --> 00:39:28,680 Stop it, stop! Wait a moment, man. 765 00:39:29,160 --> 00:39:30,400 What are you doing? 766 00:39:30,440 --> 00:39:31,520 What are those moves! 767 00:39:31,560 --> 00:39:33,080 What are you doing, Bahtiyar? 768 00:39:33,120 --> 00:39:37,120 We’re doing serious work here! Mr. Arif, please! Let’s get serious. 769 00:39:45,080 --> 00:39:47,240 That’s the way! There’s my president! 770 00:39:57,960 --> 00:39:59,960 Way to go, Mr. President! 771 00:40:18,600 --> 00:40:20,600 If you take me away from me 772 00:40:21,240 --> 00:40:23,320 I won’t leave you alone with you 773 00:40:23,880 --> 00:40:29,160 Even if you’re right by me I won’t take a single step 774 00:40:29,480 --> 00:40:34,560 You don’t appreciate me And my love for you 775 00:40:35,080 --> 00:40:38,800 -And you never will -Too... 776 00:40:38,840 --> 00:40:41,880 What a song! It’s torn my heart out! 777 00:40:42,480 --> 00:40:44,920 Mr. President, how about a song like this? 778 00:40:45,440 --> 00:40:46,520 Of course! 779 00:40:48,520 --> 00:40:49,960 Two, three, four... 780 00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:55,000 If you take me away from me I won’t leave you alone with you 781 00:40:55,360 --> 00:40:59,960 Even if you’re right by me I won’t take a single step 782 00:41:00,320 --> 00:41:02,840 You don’t appreciate me 783 00:41:02,880 --> 00:41:04,320 -And my love for you -What’s going on! 784 00:41:04,360 --> 00:41:06,800 -And you never will -Kalk kalk. 785 00:41:07,560 --> 00:41:08,520 Hey, get up! 786 00:41:08,560 --> 00:41:13,240 My heart has put up with you for so long 787 00:41:13,680 --> 00:41:17,400 What good is your love without me? 788 00:41:18,040 --> 00:41:20,440 -You’ve broken it so many times -What did we drink last night, man? 789 00:41:20,800 --> 00:41:23,000 You smashed it up 790 00:41:23,400 --> 00:41:27,600 How can my wounded heart forgive you? 791 00:41:27,640 --> 00:41:28,600 Mr. President! 792 00:41:32,240 --> 00:41:34,240 Free CD of our national anthem... 793 00:41:34,880 --> 00:41:37,840 Giving away a national anthem CD with the tabloid supplement? 794 00:41:37,880 --> 00:41:39,480 What should I do to you? 795 00:41:39,520 --> 00:41:40,880 What should I do to you? 796 00:41:40,920 --> 00:41:42,120 What should he do to you? 797 00:41:42,160 --> 00:41:45,280 -You couldn’t wait a second, could you! -Get in! People will see us! 798 00:41:45,520 --> 00:41:47,480 America is starting an embargo, İsmet. 799 00:41:48,480 --> 00:41:51,400 They know they can’t handle us any other way. 800 00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:53,760 Who cares about an embargo, anyway? 801 00:41:54,240 --> 00:41:55,800 What do you mean, İsmet? 802 00:41:56,160 --> 00:41:57,800 No American goods will come in. 803 00:41:57,840 --> 00:42:00,240 Let’s say you have diarrhea and you need coke with Aspirin. 804 00:42:00,280 --> 00:42:02,600 -You’ve got the Aspirin, what about the coke? -Right. 805 00:42:02,880 --> 00:42:04,840 We won’t be able to listen to Justin! 806 00:42:05,560 --> 00:42:06,880 What would Justin think! 807 00:42:07,120 --> 00:42:08,560 I don’t believe that! 808 00:42:08,600 --> 00:42:11,680 We won’t know that either, since Twitter and everything will be shut off! 809 00:42:11,720 --> 00:42:12,680 Right. 810 00:42:12,720 --> 00:42:15,600 Without American-made limescale remover... 811 00:42:16,160 --> 00:42:19,200 ...there’s nothing I can do to help you. 812 00:42:19,640 --> 00:42:21,920 We’ve lost your washing machine! 813 00:42:21,960 --> 00:42:24,520 We’ve lost the washing machine because of the embargo! 814 00:42:24,560 --> 00:42:26,320 -Don’t worry. -It’s alright. 815 00:42:26,600 --> 00:42:30,480 Oh, my dear washing machine! 816 00:42:30,720 --> 00:42:36,200 -It’s all because of Peker Mengen! -Shame on you Peker Mengen! 817 00:42:36,920 --> 00:42:38,200 Write down, Miss Buse. 818 00:42:39,160 --> 00:42:40,160 Our constitution. 819 00:42:41,280 --> 00:42:42,200 Article one: 820 00:42:43,760 --> 00:42:46,680 This is Cologne, no way out! 821 00:42:47,320 --> 00:42:50,360 Article two: Let’s look forward to tomorrow with hope. 822 00:42:50,720 --> 00:42:53,400 Article three: No tolerance for silly behavior! 823 00:42:54,120 --> 00:42:56,480 Article four: The economy matters. 824 00:42:57,640 --> 00:42:58,440 Miss Buse... 825 00:42:59,040 --> 00:43:01,160 ...did you note anything about... 826 00:43:04,080 --> 00:43:06,120 ...the first letters of each article? 827 00:43:08,080 --> 00:43:09,160 Yes, Mr. President. 828 00:43:10,440 --> 00:43:11,560 They’re all capitals! 829 00:43:13,360 --> 00:43:17,400 If you were both smart and beautiful, you’d be playing for Barcelona! 830 00:43:18,520 --> 00:43:20,520 By the way, I can’t help but say it. 831 00:43:21,320 --> 00:43:22,960 You’re as beautiful as you are... 832 00:43:24,200 --> 00:43:25,240 ...beautiful. 833 00:43:26,040 --> 00:43:27,800 If you’re a woman, what is Mualla? 834 00:43:28,080 --> 00:43:29,000 You’re right. 835 00:43:29,520 --> 00:43:32,320 I’m ugly. But she’s an angel. 836 00:43:33,520 --> 00:43:35,440 You’re so funny! That was great. 837 00:43:35,920 --> 00:43:37,720 She’s a demonic kind of angel. 838 00:43:37,760 --> 00:43:40,000 But don’t be unfair to yourself. 839 00:43:40,520 --> 00:43:42,160 What part of you is ugly? 840 00:43:45,120 --> 00:43:47,200 My pitcher-like mouth... 841 00:43:47,520 --> 00:43:49,320 My clothespin-like ears... 842 00:43:49,920 --> 00:43:51,760 My bowl-like hips... 843 00:43:52,280 --> 00:43:54,520 And my kettle-like crooked body... 844 00:43:55,600 --> 00:43:57,840 What happened to you at the utility store, Buse? 845 00:43:57,880 --> 00:43:58,880 Mr. President. 846 00:43:59,440 --> 00:44:00,360 May I? 847 00:44:01,360 --> 00:44:03,160 -Will you not, if I say not? -No. 848 00:44:03,680 --> 00:44:04,440 So come in. 849 00:44:06,360 --> 00:44:08,440 Mr. President, I have three good and one bad news. 850 00:44:08,840 --> 00:44:10,000 The good first. 851 00:44:10,040 --> 00:44:12,680 Your ear, nose and throat tests are all clean! 852 00:44:13,160 --> 00:44:15,040 My gene pool is very clean, Miss Buse! 853 00:44:15,800 --> 00:44:18,160 -What’s the bad news? -America is imposing an embargo on us! 854 00:44:18,200 --> 00:44:19,160 What! 855 00:44:19,400 --> 00:44:21,120 An embargo when I’m with the girl! 856 00:44:21,160 --> 00:44:22,840 This is entirely unacceptable! 857 00:44:22,880 --> 00:44:25,560 Absolutely unacceptable! Get me live on TV right away. 858 00:44:25,600 --> 00:44:26,640 I’ll address America. 859 00:44:30,120 --> 00:44:31,760 ADDRESS TO AMERICA 860 00:44:32,040 --> 00:44:35,080 Dear America, you’re really doing wrong. 861 00:44:35,400 --> 00:44:41,520 Your refusal to send us your goods has slightly damaged our deeply rooted friendship. 862 00:44:41,560 --> 00:44:44,960 Okay, we may have sunk your ship. 863 00:44:45,000 --> 00:44:49,200 But a piece from your ship popped up our own Faruk’s banana boat. 864 00:44:49,240 --> 00:44:50,760 But we didn’t impose an embargo on you! 865 00:44:50,800 --> 00:44:53,200 You popped up the young boy’s banana! 866 00:44:53,240 --> 00:44:55,680 And I had just found the love of my life... 867 00:44:55,720 --> 00:44:56,800 He found love! 868 00:44:57,520 --> 00:44:58,720 Speak, Faruk! 869 00:44:58,760 --> 00:44:59,760 You... 870 00:45:00,000 --> 00:45:02,400 ...Buse, the most beautiful girl of our town. 871 00:45:04,600 --> 00:45:06,400 I love you like crazy! 872 00:45:06,800 --> 00:45:08,160 Shut up, Faruk! 873 00:45:08,200 --> 00:45:09,400 We’re digressing! 874 00:45:13,040 --> 00:45:15,320 Will you marry me, Buse? 875 00:45:15,360 --> 00:45:16,880 I’ll smash your face! 876 00:45:16,920 --> 00:45:18,600 You’re going too far! 877 00:45:20,080 --> 00:45:21,880 Yes! Yes! Yes! 878 00:45:24,280 --> 00:45:25,360 Cut! 879 00:45:26,160 --> 00:45:27,960 I’ve got that feeling there, Faruk! 880 00:45:30,640 --> 00:45:32,600 Perhaps Mr. President can perform our marriage. 881 00:45:32,640 --> 00:45:33,880 Right, Mr. President? 882 00:45:34,160 --> 00:45:36,880 Right, turn the knife, Buse. Turn it! 883 00:45:36,920 --> 00:45:38,320 Why are you crying? 884 00:45:39,560 --> 00:45:45,840 Love is a dead end street that you go down anyway. 885 00:45:47,920 --> 00:45:48,960 It’s a stone! 886 00:45:49,000 --> 00:45:51,280 You won’t let me have an emotional moment, right! 887 00:45:51,320 --> 00:45:55,600 Mr. President! I’ve got one bad and one bad news. 888 00:45:56,360 --> 00:45:57,720 I’ve already hit the bottom. 889 00:45:58,280 --> 00:46:00,320 How much worse could things get, Hilmi? 890 00:46:00,360 --> 00:46:02,600 The people are revolting because of the American embargo. 891 00:46:02,640 --> 00:46:03,760 They want you dead! 892 00:46:06,880 --> 00:46:07,800 Come on, let’s go. 893 00:46:13,840 --> 00:46:15,640 This is way out of line! 894 00:46:17,440 --> 00:46:18,400 Is that a rake? 895 00:46:18,640 --> 00:46:19,600 Yes, sir. 896 00:46:20,200 --> 00:46:23,640 When my child wakes up, he’ll say “Where’s my corn flakes?” and cry! 897 00:46:23,680 --> 00:46:25,480 What will I tell him, Mr. President? 898 00:46:25,520 --> 00:46:26,760 What, corn flakes? 899 00:46:26,800 --> 00:46:29,560 The kid in your arms looks like bread with tomato paste! 900 00:46:29,600 --> 00:46:30,600 You’re exaggerating! 901 00:46:30,640 --> 00:46:32,600 Boo! 902 00:46:34,080 --> 00:46:36,840 Social media is shut down for good! We can’t hit on anyone with DMs! 903 00:46:36,880 --> 00:46:39,120 You can’t do that in any case, auntie! 904 00:46:39,160 --> 00:46:41,920 Justin! We can no longer listen to Justin! 905 00:46:41,960 --> 00:46:43,080 Who’s Justin? 906 00:46:43,120 --> 00:46:44,960 I was still paying for that washing machine! 907 00:46:45,000 --> 00:46:46,560 Boo! 908 00:46:46,960 --> 00:46:49,000 What’s going on down there? 909 00:46:49,480 --> 00:46:52,360 The people are revolting. They want the president dead. 910 00:46:52,600 --> 00:46:53,520 They want Peker dead? 911 00:46:54,200 --> 00:46:56,240 You’re doing wrong, Republic of Cologne. 912 00:46:56,560 --> 00:47:00,920 Didn’t this man bring the Prime Minister here upon your demand? 913 00:47:00,960 --> 00:47:02,000 Yes. 914 00:47:02,040 --> 00:47:05,640 Didn’t this man make our little town a country? 915 00:47:05,680 --> 00:47:06,640 -Yes! -Yes, bravo! 916 00:47:07,680 --> 00:47:14,240 Didn’t this man sink an American battleship and get you into war? 917 00:47:14,280 --> 00:47:15,360 Yes. 918 00:47:15,400 --> 00:47:16,600 Didn’t this man... 919 00:47:16,880 --> 00:47:19,800 ...give up power in his own home... 920 00:47:20,120 --> 00:47:21,200 ...even in his own bed... 921 00:47:21,880 --> 00:47:25,360 ...to ensure power in his country? 922 00:47:25,400 --> 00:47:26,280 Yes. 923 00:47:26,320 --> 00:47:27,560 Yes! Tell them, madam! 924 00:47:28,240 --> 00:47:29,720 Didn’t this man... 925 00:47:29,760 --> 00:47:33,600 ...break us away from our beloved country... 926 00:47:33,880 --> 00:47:38,280 ...and deprive us from the American goods we so love? 927 00:47:38,320 --> 00:47:40,880 Boo! 928 00:47:41,600 --> 00:47:43,320 Don’t hit me! 929 00:47:43,960 --> 00:47:45,560 -Hey, don’t hit me! -Madam! 930 00:47:46,080 --> 00:47:47,480 You’re an old man, you should be ashamed! 931 00:47:47,720 --> 00:47:49,160 -I’ll smash your face! -Who am I talking to! 932 00:47:49,200 --> 00:47:50,800 I’m coming down there! 933 00:47:50,840 --> 00:47:53,280 What’s that! It hit my mouth! 934 00:47:53,320 --> 00:47:54,960 Why are you throwing those! 935 00:47:57,360 --> 00:47:58,320 Wow! 936 00:47:58,640 --> 00:48:00,800 Mr. President, we’re dead! What shall we do? 937 00:48:02,640 --> 00:48:03,760 No panic. 938 00:48:04,440 --> 00:48:05,600 Don’t worry. 939 00:48:05,880 --> 00:48:07,760 I know very well what to do. 940 00:48:08,520 --> 00:48:10,040 Let me go! I’ve had enough! 941 00:48:10,080 --> 00:48:11,560 Mr. President, listen! 942 00:48:11,920 --> 00:48:13,840 I’m running away this time. I’m determined. 943 00:48:14,360 --> 00:48:15,960 To hell with you, destiny! 944 00:48:16,280 --> 00:48:17,560 The wind it turning! 945 00:48:23,640 --> 00:48:25,360 Man, you’ve won already. 946 00:48:26,000 --> 00:48:27,440 You put this tile over here. 947 00:48:28,240 --> 00:48:29,920 I put the joker here, now you can sit on it! 948 00:48:30,840 --> 00:48:33,320 Get me a toast, chief! 949 00:48:33,880 --> 00:48:36,080 Mr. President, good news! 950 00:48:36,440 --> 00:48:38,640 China solved the embargo problem! 951 00:48:39,000 --> 00:48:40,320 Of course, I know. 952 00:48:40,720 --> 00:48:42,080 How exactly did they solve it? 953 00:48:45,280 --> 00:48:46,280 The parachute came down. 954 00:48:51,400 --> 00:48:52,360 Welcome, welcome! 955 00:48:54,560 --> 00:48:57,320 Mr. President, the Chinese gentleman who brought the goods. 956 00:48:57,360 --> 00:48:58,400 Mr. Chinese. Mr. President. 957 00:48:58,440 --> 00:48:59,960 Thanks for the goods, Mr. Chinese. 958 00:49:00,400 --> 00:49:03,840 They even sent us a disassembled plane for defense! 959 00:49:03,880 --> 00:49:05,680 What are you saying! They sent a plane! 960 00:49:05,720 --> 00:49:08,000 Send that to Macit the carpenter to assemble! 961 00:49:08,040 --> 00:49:09,320 Macit, that’s a great idea! 962 00:49:11,040 --> 00:49:11,960 What is this? 963 00:49:12,000 --> 00:49:14,360 It’s stuck! When did you hold my hand? Who is this? 964 00:49:14,800 --> 00:49:18,280 They sent a fake Justin Bieber for the girls! 965 00:49:18,320 --> 00:49:20,360 Great idea. Lovely. 966 00:49:20,400 --> 00:49:23,080 So. Mr. Chinese, let’s address the people. 967 00:49:23,120 --> 00:49:24,520 You come too, ugly. 968 00:49:25,320 --> 00:49:27,800 Oh, he calls me ugly now! Like he’s... 969 00:50:00,280 --> 00:50:01,240 "Your mom!" 970 00:50:03,520 --> 00:50:04,960 Mualla, what shall we have for dinner? 971 00:50:05,760 --> 00:50:08,120 -Mualla! -We’ll eat your mom! 972 00:50:10,680 --> 00:50:12,720 What are you doing in there, Mualla? 973 00:50:14,120 --> 00:50:15,600 Why did you lock the door? 974 00:50:15,640 --> 00:50:17,360 What have you got to hide, for God’s sake? 975 00:50:17,400 --> 00:50:19,440 I was waxing, that’s why. 976 00:50:19,480 --> 00:50:21,560 I got lost in doing make-up later, so what? 977 00:50:21,600 --> 00:50:24,720 What make-up could ever fix your face, I wonder... 978 00:50:24,760 --> 00:50:27,280 I’m hungry! What did you cook for dinner? 979 00:50:27,320 --> 00:50:28,320 Here’s what I cooked! 980 00:50:29,160 --> 00:50:31,400 It’s hot, you’ll like it. Eat it before it’s cold! 981 00:50:31,440 --> 00:50:33,320 There you go! It tastes great! 982 00:50:33,960 --> 00:50:38,400 You act like you’re some rude friend of mine! 983 00:50:38,760 --> 00:50:40,320 But please, eat it before it’s cold! 984 00:50:40,360 --> 00:50:43,480 -Please, have it! -You’re such a dirty woman! 985 00:50:44,360 --> 00:50:47,160 -And what are you preparing for, by the way? -There’s a wedding tonight. 986 00:50:47,200 --> 00:50:48,680 You can’t leave me alone for a second! 987 00:50:50,360 --> 00:50:51,400 What wedding? 988 00:50:51,440 --> 00:50:55,360 Dear guests, welcome to the wedding ceremony of... 989 00:50:56,680 --> 00:50:59,080 ...Buse and Faruk! 990 00:51:04,720 --> 00:51:06,760 Buse, are you sure, dear? 991 00:51:07,000 --> 00:51:09,800 The man turned the wedding table into a tavern table! 992 00:51:09,840 --> 00:51:14,320 If you’re marrying him just because he’s muscular, we’ll all die and rot one day, you know! 993 00:51:14,760 --> 00:51:16,880 He’s the only one who loves me! 994 00:51:17,440 --> 00:51:19,400 Who would ever like me anyway? 995 00:51:20,080 --> 00:51:22,080 If someone liked me, I’d go to him right away. 996 00:51:26,240 --> 00:51:29,480 Dear friends, it’s time for the nikah... 997 00:51:30,240 --> 00:51:31,000 You.... 998 00:51:31,840 --> 00:51:33,280 ...Buse, daughter of Tahsin... 999 00:51:34,240 --> 00:51:36,240 ...do you accept to marry... 1000 00:51:36,280 --> 00:51:40,040 ...without the influence of anyone... 1001 00:51:41,040 --> 00:51:42,880 ...this filthy drunken jerk... 1002 00:51:43,160 --> 00:51:45,160 -...on your own will? -Yes. 1003 00:51:48,320 --> 00:51:50,560 You, Faruk, son of Şeref... 1004 00:51:51,040 --> 00:51:54,640 ...on your own will, without the influence of anyone, do you... 1005 00:51:55,160 --> 00:51:56,600 -What? -This man is confused. 1006 00:51:56,640 --> 00:51:58,160 -The wedding is cancelled! It’s over! -Come on. 1007 00:51:58,200 --> 00:52:01,960 It’s not a good time for a joke. Please ask the question properly. 1008 00:52:03,280 --> 00:52:05,320 Just a little joke... 1009 00:52:06,040 --> 00:52:07,680 Damn. Okay. 1010 00:52:09,080 --> 00:52:13,080 Faruk, so do you accept her as your wife? 1011 00:52:14,360 --> 00:52:16,040 -Yes. -Do you bear witness? 1012 00:52:18,000 --> 00:52:19,360 -Yes. -Yes. 1013 00:52:21,880 --> 00:52:25,520 So, based on the authority bestowed upon me by me... 1014 00:52:28,480 --> 00:52:31,160 ...I pronounce you husband and wife. 1015 00:52:36,440 --> 00:52:38,280 You know what? 1016 00:52:39,840 --> 00:52:41,200 Buse is a beautiful girl. 1017 00:52:42,000 --> 00:52:43,920 And Faruk is a tall and handsome boy. 1018 00:52:44,440 --> 00:52:46,920 You’d better give them a week’s leave, Peker. 1019 00:52:46,960 --> 00:52:50,720 Because, you know, they’ll be busy all night every day! 1020 00:52:51,120 --> 00:52:53,040 Shut up! I beg you, shut up! 1021 00:52:53,080 --> 00:52:54,160 For God’s sake! 1022 00:52:54,920 --> 00:52:55,840 Mr. President! 1023 00:52:56,600 --> 00:52:58,560 I’d like to introduce you to my wife. 1024 00:52:58,960 --> 00:53:01,200 -Mr. President. My love. -Hi, Mr. President. 1025 00:53:01,240 --> 00:53:03,000 -Hello. -Hello, dear. 1026 00:53:03,040 --> 00:53:04,480 Are you married? 1027 00:53:04,520 --> 00:53:06,840 I thought you were up to something with Bahtiyar. 1028 00:53:07,240 --> 00:53:08,480 Mr. President. 1029 00:53:08,520 --> 00:53:11,280 Here’s my fiancee. 1030 00:53:11,320 --> 00:53:12,480 Hello. 1031 00:53:12,520 --> 00:53:13,640 Hello dear. 1032 00:53:17,440 --> 00:53:19,240 Am I the only fool in this country? 1033 00:53:20,080 --> 00:53:22,200 Lots of cute girls going to waste! 1034 00:53:22,640 --> 00:53:23,720 Please, go away! 1035 00:53:24,280 --> 00:53:26,080 I beg you, go away! 1036 00:53:27,800 --> 00:53:29,960 -The groom’s dance! My favorite. -Come on, dear. 1037 00:53:34,480 --> 00:53:37,240 Look at that! You’d think the groom’s dance is open to interpretation! 1038 00:53:37,720 --> 00:53:40,600 If it were a more complicated dance, this dirty alcoholic would die right away! 1039 00:53:40,640 --> 00:53:44,400 Peker, come on, let’s dance. Everyone is dancing. We’re left out. 1040 00:53:46,280 --> 00:53:47,120 Right! 1041 00:53:47,560 --> 00:53:48,520 Get up, woman. 1042 00:53:49,080 --> 00:53:50,120 Let’s dance. 1043 00:53:50,440 --> 00:53:54,840 We’ve had our share of the Breakdance fashion of the 80s, after all. 1044 00:53:55,880 --> 00:53:57,360 Let’s shake the dance floor! 1045 00:53:58,840 --> 00:53:59,880 Hilmi! 1046 00:55:00,120 --> 00:55:01,800 The dance floor was burning! 1047 00:55:01,840 --> 00:55:03,480 It went up in flames, I swear! 1048 00:55:04,120 --> 00:55:05,960 You’re not bad at all, Mualla. 1049 00:55:06,320 --> 00:55:08,000 Thank you, Peker. 1050 00:55:08,040 --> 00:55:10,000 I used to do folk dances when I was a little girl. 1051 00:55:11,680 --> 00:55:13,840 Peker, listen. 1052 00:55:15,080 --> 00:55:17,680 This beautiful wedding we had tonight... 1053 00:55:18,120 --> 00:55:19,480 ...all the dancing and fun... 1054 00:55:20,280 --> 00:55:23,120 ...it was all thanks to our allies China and Russia. 1055 00:55:24,000 --> 00:55:26,800 I think we should invite their presidents to our country with their wives. 1056 00:55:27,120 --> 00:55:28,440 Just to return the favor. 1057 00:55:28,840 --> 00:55:31,040 -That’s the proper thing to do. -That’s a great idea. 1058 00:55:31,480 --> 00:55:33,520 -It will deliver a message to America too. -Right. 1059 00:55:35,120 --> 00:55:36,640 You’re a smart woman! 1060 00:55:39,920 --> 00:55:40,880 You know... 1061 00:55:42,720 --> 00:55:43,880 ...I was thinking about... 1062 00:55:44,520 --> 00:55:47,000 -...becoming “us” tonight. -Really? 1063 00:55:47,480 --> 00:55:48,840 Seeing you on stage... 1064 00:55:49,880 --> 00:55:53,240 ...dancing like that, I thought, “Why not?” 1065 00:55:54,040 --> 00:55:56,320 And as I look at you right now... 1066 00:55:56,880 --> 00:55:58,560 ...everything looks right. 1067 00:56:08,320 --> 00:56:09,280 Shit! 1068 00:56:10,000 --> 00:56:11,560 Why don’t you just shit on my face! 1069 00:56:11,920 --> 00:56:13,520 What on earth have you eaten? 1070 00:56:13,560 --> 00:56:15,720 Did you eat the fake Justin? Or a crocodile? 1071 00:56:15,760 --> 00:56:17,200 What was that? My world turned black! 1072 00:56:17,240 --> 00:56:18,920 God damn you! 1073 00:56:19,600 --> 00:56:22,760 Don’t exaggerate. I’m human, I had some gas. 1074 00:56:23,400 --> 00:56:25,680 I was having a moment once in a blue moon! 1075 00:56:25,720 --> 00:56:27,360 That was an outright terror attack! 1076 00:56:27,400 --> 00:56:30,000 What just happened was the September 11 of Cologne! 1077 00:56:30,040 --> 00:56:31,840 You struck me in the face with the sujuk! 1078 00:56:31,880 --> 00:56:33,280 God damn you! 1079 00:56:35,800 --> 00:56:37,200 God damn you! 1080 00:56:55,920 --> 00:56:57,560 We’re stuck with that anthem! 1081 00:56:57,600 --> 00:56:59,600 Mr. Conductor! When they arrive! 1082 00:56:59,640 --> 00:57:00,800 Okay. 1083 00:57:00,840 --> 00:57:04,040 Bahtiyar, the red carpet hasn’t been cleaned! 1084 00:57:04,080 --> 00:57:05,680 They’re coming now! 1085 00:57:05,720 --> 00:57:08,080 -I’ll clean it, First Lady. -You’re still answering me! 1086 00:57:08,120 --> 00:57:09,600 Go and clean the windows! 1087 00:57:09,640 --> 00:57:12,960 -I didn’t have the time! -Make the time, Bahtiyar! I don’t care! 1088 00:57:13,000 --> 00:57:14,840 The saucepan is getting cold! Take it inside. 1089 00:57:14,880 --> 00:57:17,360 -You’re really rushing me! -I can! 1090 00:57:17,760 --> 00:57:19,640 It’s my husband’s country after all! 1091 00:57:20,120 --> 00:57:22,360 Salih, where’s the cologne? 1092 00:57:22,840 --> 00:57:25,280 And you, don’t walk around sexily like that. 1093 00:57:25,320 --> 00:57:28,200 They’re almost here! I’m getting nervous. 1094 00:57:28,560 --> 00:57:29,880 Mualla! 1095 00:57:30,280 --> 00:57:31,600 You’re ugly, you’re shitty... 1096 00:57:31,640 --> 00:57:33,800 ...and I can still smell that sujuk, but... 1097 00:57:34,480 --> 00:57:36,680 ...this idea of calling the presidents was a great one. 1098 00:57:36,720 --> 00:57:38,600 You’re a smart woman. Well done. 1099 00:57:39,360 --> 00:57:40,360 Thank you, Peker. 1100 00:57:40,760 --> 00:57:42,680 And you, you’re a fool, you’re an idiot... 1101 00:57:43,000 --> 00:57:44,040 But? 1102 00:57:44,440 --> 00:57:46,280 There’s no but. You’re a fool and an idiot. 1103 00:57:46,720 --> 00:57:48,000 Look, I cooked mumbar. 1104 00:57:48,440 --> 00:57:51,320 Let’s take them home right away. They must be hungry. 1105 00:57:51,360 --> 00:57:53,720 Why would the presidents eat mumbar? 1106 00:57:54,040 --> 00:57:56,280 I’ll take them around the country. 1107 00:57:56,320 --> 00:57:57,520 You host the First Ladies. 1108 00:57:57,560 --> 00:57:58,560 -Mr. President! -No! 1109 00:57:58,800 --> 00:58:00,560 -Sir, I have news. They’re coming! -They’re coming! 1110 00:58:00,600 --> 00:58:02,160 The marching band! Start! 1111 00:58:04,200 --> 00:58:05,840 They’re coming! 1112 00:58:05,880 --> 00:58:06,960 They’re here! 1113 00:58:21,640 --> 00:58:23,600 Welcome, welcome. 1114 00:58:29,960 --> 00:58:33,960 I love the way you say “Thank you”! 1115 00:58:34,200 --> 00:58:37,880 Ladies, you follow Mualla and make yourselves at home. 1116 00:58:38,160 --> 00:58:39,600 While we tour the country. 1117 00:58:40,480 --> 00:58:43,840 You give me honor! I don’t have the words to describe how excited I am! 1118 00:58:44,160 --> 00:58:45,520 Come on, let’s go home. 1119 00:58:47,440 --> 00:58:49,480 -Come with me. -She makes great kısır. 1120 00:58:49,760 --> 00:58:51,880 -Who are you? Who is this? -This way, please. 1121 00:58:51,920 --> 00:58:53,800 You eat kısır, and we’ll tour the country. 1122 00:58:54,320 --> 00:58:56,440 We’ll walk around the country. Don’t worry. 1123 00:58:56,480 --> 00:58:57,880 I’ll put some aside for you. 1124 00:58:58,120 --> 00:58:59,280 Here, please. 1125 00:58:59,520 --> 00:59:02,160 This is the marketplace... 1126 00:59:02,880 --> 00:59:03,960 ...of Cologne. 1127 00:59:05,840 --> 00:59:07,640 Here’s the coffeehouse. Have a nice day. 1128 00:59:09,800 --> 00:59:11,680 And then, here’s the draper. 1129 00:59:14,880 --> 00:59:16,240 Something, well. 1130 00:59:16,640 --> 00:59:19,200 This is our hardware store. It’s got all sorts of things. 1131 00:59:19,240 --> 00:59:20,560 Hammers and so on. 1132 00:59:22,160 --> 00:59:23,480 Over there is the grocer’s. 1133 00:59:24,760 --> 00:59:26,200 And then... 1134 00:59:28,320 --> 00:59:29,520 Yes. 1135 00:59:31,480 --> 00:59:34,640 -Hilmi, the country is over! -You’re right, Mr. President. This country is over! 1136 00:59:34,680 --> 00:59:36,320 Our people are ignorant! 1137 00:59:36,360 --> 00:59:38,840 I don’t mean that! We walked over the whole country, it’s over! 1138 00:59:38,880 --> 00:59:41,360 -The presidents will be bored. What do we do? -Don’t worry, I’ve got it! 1139 00:59:41,840 --> 00:59:45,440 I’ve organized an excellent event that will reflect our culture. 1140 00:59:46,160 --> 00:59:47,240 Really? 1141 01:00:04,120 --> 01:00:05,800 God damn you! 1142 01:00:05,840 --> 01:00:07,560 What kind of a fool are you! 1143 01:00:07,600 --> 01:00:10,760 Look at the event you’ve organized for world leaders! 1144 01:00:10,800 --> 01:00:12,440 Where did you find this white Şahin? 1145 01:00:12,480 --> 01:00:14,440 Sir, the white Şahin is a must-have for this! 1146 01:00:14,480 --> 01:00:15,680 For what? 1147 01:00:15,720 --> 01:00:17,800 Six men, three of them presidents... 1148 01:00:17,840 --> 01:00:21,880 ...leaning on a white Şahin, listening to songs on YouTube at the Lovers’ Hill! 1149 01:00:26,120 --> 01:00:29,680 If you didn’t like this one, I can play a sadder song, sir. 1150 01:00:29,920 --> 01:00:31,480 Enough! Don’t play anything. 1151 01:00:31,520 --> 01:00:36,160 The great Chinese President is crying like a shopkeeper cheated on by his wife! 1152 01:00:37,080 --> 01:00:38,280 Get up, man! 1153 01:00:38,320 --> 01:00:40,440 Let’s go somewhere proper. 1154 01:00:40,480 --> 01:00:41,480 Give me my phone! 1155 01:00:43,560 --> 01:00:44,400 See! 1156 01:00:44,440 --> 01:00:46,280 It’s been receiving the internet from the other country! 1157 01:00:46,320 --> 01:00:48,120 I’ll get a huge bill! 1158 01:00:48,160 --> 01:00:49,320 My God! 1159 01:00:49,360 --> 01:00:51,840 Don’t throw it away, sir, that’s a returnable bottle. 1160 01:00:51,880 --> 01:00:53,040 To hell with your returns! 1161 01:00:53,080 --> 01:00:54,000 Come on. 1162 01:00:54,040 --> 01:00:55,840 Don’t cry, sir. Come on. 1163 01:00:55,880 --> 01:00:57,320 We’ll go to a more entertaining place. 1164 01:00:59,160 --> 01:01:00,720 What a presidential car! 1165 01:01:00,760 --> 01:01:02,520 Sit on my lap, Mr. President. 1166 01:01:03,920 --> 01:01:05,280 Come over here. 1167 01:01:06,080 --> 01:01:07,200 Did he get in? 1168 01:01:07,240 --> 01:01:09,800 Mr. Petrov, sit on my lap if you’re not comfortable. 1169 01:01:14,480 --> 01:01:18,160 Salih, make Russia comfortable! Don’t get into a coalition back there! 1170 01:01:19,160 --> 01:01:23,320 This Chinese guy has a bony ass. My leg is aching! 1171 01:01:24,280 --> 01:01:25,080 Oh! 1172 01:01:26,080 --> 01:01:27,840 What are you doing! 1173 01:01:27,880 --> 01:01:29,400 That’s part of the event, sir! 1174 01:01:33,160 --> 01:01:35,400 So tell me. It’s gossip time! 1175 01:01:35,440 --> 01:01:37,560 Us ladies have come together here! 1176 01:01:37,600 --> 01:01:39,160 Aren’t we supposed to have some gossip? 1177 01:01:40,040 --> 01:01:42,720 I heard your man went to the G8 Summit or something. 1178 01:01:42,760 --> 01:01:43,920 What’s that? Tell me about it. 1179 01:01:43,960 --> 01:01:45,200 Get the other one too! 1180 01:01:48,560 --> 01:01:52,040 Yes, my husband takes the G8 Summit very seriously. 1181 01:01:52,400 --> 01:01:55,880 I fell in love with him for his hard work and his devotion. 1182 01:01:56,800 --> 01:02:01,360 You’re making me laugh! You’re such a naive girl, Russian! 1183 01:02:01,400 --> 01:02:03,760 Why would you let the man go to the summit on his own? 1184 01:02:03,800 --> 01:02:05,640 Is he a goat or something? 1185 01:02:05,680 --> 01:02:06,600 You silly! 1186 01:02:12,560 --> 01:02:13,520 Look, Petrov. 1187 01:02:13,880 --> 01:02:18,040 Me, you and Jackie Chan, the three of us are such badass friends. 1188 01:02:18,080 --> 01:02:20,360 Who the hell is America! 1189 01:02:20,640 --> 01:02:21,760 Boys! 1190 01:02:21,800 --> 01:02:25,160 The table is getting empty. Get some caviar for brother Petrov. 1191 01:02:25,200 --> 01:02:27,360 Salih, find some caviar for Petrov. 1192 01:02:27,400 --> 01:02:28,480 What? 1193 01:02:28,920 --> 01:02:30,440 I hope the hardware store is open! 1194 01:02:31,360 --> 01:02:33,600 Now Petrov, I think the three of us... 1195 01:02:34,840 --> 01:02:39,000 ...should start a new group. Like the European Union, but much nicer. 1196 01:02:39,280 --> 01:02:40,360 And what should we call it? 1197 01:02:40,400 --> 01:02:41,840 The Pink Daisies! 1198 01:02:41,880 --> 01:02:43,400 Shut up, Bahtiyar! 1199 01:02:43,440 --> 01:02:45,280 Hilmi, translate for me. 1200 01:02:45,640 --> 01:02:47,480 I can’t. It’s future tense. 1201 01:02:47,520 --> 01:02:50,440 -We didn’t study the future tense at school! -How hard can it be? 1202 01:02:58,960 --> 01:03:03,200 What did you say to me? 1203 01:03:03,960 --> 01:03:06,840 I’ll show you! 1204 01:03:06,880 --> 01:03:08,560 -Hilmi, he’s scaring me, do something! -Mr. President! 1205 01:03:11,320 --> 01:03:12,840 Alev! Alev, come here. 1206 01:03:14,560 --> 01:03:16,400 Hello, let me introduce myself. I’m Alev. 1207 01:03:17,040 --> 01:03:20,080 Here’s a hot girl from Cologne! 1208 01:03:20,480 --> 01:03:22,120 He liked her, Hilmi. Great. 1209 01:03:22,160 --> 01:03:24,880 -Come on, to the dance floor! -Come on! 1210 01:03:24,920 --> 01:03:26,480 I’m seeing horns here. 1211 01:03:26,520 --> 01:03:27,840 The whole cup is full of horns. 1212 01:03:27,880 --> 01:03:29,640 It looks like antlers! 1213 01:03:29,960 --> 01:03:31,560 Let me look at the details. 1214 01:03:31,600 --> 01:03:32,920 I see the number three. 1215 01:03:32,960 --> 01:03:34,280 So before three hours... 1216 01:03:35,560 --> 01:03:36,560 ...you’re getting cheated on! 1217 01:03:36,600 --> 01:03:38,280 Yours is more interesting. 1218 01:03:38,320 --> 01:03:40,760 Yours is minus three hours. 1219 01:03:40,800 --> 01:03:43,000 So the man is actually scoring right now! 1220 01:03:43,440 --> 01:03:46,320 You’re so nice, girl. Nice and plump. 1221 01:03:46,720 --> 01:03:49,160 Your wife isn’t here anyway! 1222 01:03:49,440 --> 01:03:51,360 Very good Mr. President. Very good. 1223 01:03:52,160 --> 01:03:54,920 That’s how they do it, and you don’t even know. 1224 01:03:55,880 --> 01:03:57,640 It’s a tradition here in Cologne. 1225 01:03:57,680 --> 01:03:59,240 The men went to have fun with Russian girls! 1226 01:03:59,280 --> 01:04:00,480 Petrov! 1227 01:04:00,520 --> 01:04:01,560 Just you wait! 1228 01:04:01,840 --> 01:04:04,440 You b***ard. I will make you pay for this! 1229 01:04:04,480 --> 01:04:05,400 Nice. 1230 01:04:08,080 --> 01:04:09,960 Mr. President! 1231 01:04:10,000 --> 01:04:11,800 Mr. President! 1232 01:04:12,040 --> 01:04:15,360 -Wait, man, we’re dancing! -Stop for God’s sake, sir! 1233 01:04:15,400 --> 01:04:16,800 Wait a moment! Stop the music! 1234 01:04:16,840 --> 01:04:18,600 -Sir! -What’s going on? 1235 01:04:18,640 --> 01:04:21,040 -The First Ladies are here! -The First Ladies? 1236 01:04:21,080 --> 01:04:23,720 What are you doing here with girls! I’ll catch you! 1237 01:04:23,760 --> 01:04:25,120 Were you eating up this one? 1238 01:04:25,160 --> 01:04:26,360 -Madam! -Wait! 1239 01:04:26,400 --> 01:04:28,680 -I didn’t expect this of you, Chinese! -Let him go, madam! 1240 01:04:30,040 --> 01:04:31,400 Where is the President? 1241 01:04:32,720 --> 01:04:34,080 Why have you come here? 1242 01:04:34,120 --> 01:04:36,560 Don’t touch me! Get your dirty hands off me! 1243 01:04:36,600 --> 01:04:38,200 What an horrible man you’ve turned out to be! 1244 01:04:38,240 --> 01:04:39,600 I’ve given you everything! 1245 01:04:39,640 --> 01:04:42,560 My youth, my beauty... Shame on you! 1246 01:04:42,600 --> 01:04:44,640 What have you given me! When! 1247 01:04:44,680 --> 01:04:46,960 Shut up! Salih, spit on the President’s face! 1248 01:04:47,640 --> 01:04:49,920 -What’s going on! -The First Lady asked me to, sir! 1249 01:04:53,840 --> 01:04:56,040 That was nice technique! 1250 01:04:56,080 --> 01:04:57,360 Go back to where you came from! 1251 01:04:58,200 --> 01:05:00,720 Don’t leave! Let’s not part so early, for God’s sake! 1252 01:05:00,760 --> 01:05:03,720 These things happen in families. Hilmi, translate! 1253 01:05:03,760 --> 01:05:06,160 I can’t, it’s future tense! I can’t translate it. 1254 01:05:06,200 --> 01:05:08,920 To hell with your future and your past! 1255 01:05:15,080 --> 01:05:18,200 He says “Russia and China are now on our side”, sir. 1256 01:05:21,560 --> 01:05:23,320 “I’ll show you Peker”, he says. 1257 01:05:24,120 --> 01:05:25,320 We’re finished, I swear! 1258 01:05:25,840 --> 01:05:27,120 What will they do to us? 1259 01:05:27,160 --> 01:05:30,120 I’m trying to imagine, and I’m so afraid. What will they do? 1260 01:05:34,040 --> 01:05:35,280 What did he say? 1261 01:05:35,320 --> 01:05:37,840 He says he’ll do something to me. What is that? 1262 01:05:38,360 --> 01:05:40,520 He says he’ll make you worse than Gaddafi! 1263 01:05:40,560 --> 01:05:42,840 Which one was Gaddafi? Was he the one they put in prison? 1264 01:05:42,880 --> 01:05:44,320 Let me explain, sir. 1265 01:05:45,640 --> 01:05:46,560 With visuals. 1266 01:05:46,960 --> 01:05:48,120 Here. 1267 01:05:48,160 --> 01:05:49,160 Here. 1268 01:05:50,400 --> 01:05:51,560 And here, finally. 1269 01:05:51,600 --> 01:05:53,320 -Go one back. -There. 1270 01:06:00,080 --> 01:06:01,920 Like there’s no tomorrow! 1271 01:06:01,960 --> 01:06:03,080 Oh no! 1272 01:06:04,080 --> 01:06:05,240 God damn you! 1273 01:06:16,960 --> 01:06:20,400 Mr. President, you can’t run away. 1274 01:06:20,960 --> 01:06:23,120 I wasn’t running. I was testing you! 1275 01:06:24,280 --> 01:06:27,600 If I met the guy face to face, I can persuade him, but I can’t. 1276 01:06:30,640 --> 01:06:31,880 Sir, I have an idea! 1277 01:06:33,040 --> 01:06:37,880 I know a great technology that we can use to get you through the the American president. 1278 01:06:38,400 --> 01:06:41,640 So shall we speak to the President of America at an internet cafe? 1279 01:06:41,880 --> 01:06:43,720 This is not like writing DMs to girls! 1280 01:06:43,760 --> 01:06:46,320 You have no idea what our man Behçet can do. 1281 01:06:46,360 --> 01:06:50,480 He has stripped Kate Upton live on cam by trying every possible address! 1282 01:06:50,720 --> 01:06:52,080 There, it’s ringing! 1283 01:06:53,080 --> 01:06:54,200 -It’s his picture! -It’s him! 1284 01:06:54,240 --> 01:06:56,600 That’s really him! Well done, Behçet! 1285 01:06:56,840 --> 01:06:58,560 Now go away! Get off! 1286 01:06:58,600 --> 01:07:00,480 I’m sorry, this is a state secret. 1287 01:07:06,640 --> 01:07:08,000 Don’t just hang up! 1288 01:07:10,240 --> 01:07:12,440 How is your wife? I hope your children are doing good. 1289 01:07:12,680 --> 01:07:14,320 Come on, write what I say to him in the form of subtitles! 1290 01:07:22,400 --> 01:07:23,760 He said “Face”! 1291 01:07:24,000 --> 01:07:26,640 -Does he mean “face to face”? -No. He’s still angry at you. 1292 01:07:26,960 --> 01:07:29,200 He says he’ll smash your insect face with his bomb. 1293 01:07:29,240 --> 01:07:31,480 Bomb? President, friend... 1294 01:07:32,000 --> 01:07:32,960 ...I’d like to ask you... 1295 01:07:33,720 --> 01:07:37,840 ...what war, what bomb, what ship matters more than this innocent boy? 1296 01:07:37,880 --> 01:07:39,920 Look at him, so innocent... 1297 01:07:40,240 --> 01:07:41,240 Don’t laugh. 1298 01:07:42,200 --> 01:07:43,680 What about this innocent cat? 1299 01:07:44,440 --> 01:07:46,760 How can you love humans if you don’t love animals? 1300 01:07:47,080 --> 01:07:48,360 She has eight siblings. 1301 01:07:48,600 --> 01:07:50,680 No mother, no father. 1302 01:07:51,240 --> 01:07:52,760 They need milk! 1303 01:07:56,240 --> 01:07:57,120 We’re alone. 1304 01:07:59,600 --> 01:08:00,640 That’s for you. 1305 01:08:04,760 --> 01:08:05,880 What about this? 1306 01:08:05,920 --> 01:08:06,880 You see? 1307 01:08:08,840 --> 01:08:10,080 We’re the Illuminati! 1308 01:08:10,840 --> 01:08:11,800 Me too! 1309 01:08:12,400 --> 01:08:13,600 Same community! 1310 01:08:13,920 --> 01:08:14,840 We’re in this together! 1311 01:08:15,240 --> 01:08:16,200 Classified. 1312 01:08:19,280 --> 01:08:21,000 Listen. Yes, I’m listening. 1313 01:08:21,760 --> 01:08:23,800 NO CREDIT LEFT 1314 01:08:25,360 --> 01:08:26,400 Hilmi! 1315 01:08:27,160 --> 01:08:28,280 Hilmi! 1316 01:08:28,320 --> 01:08:30,240 Come here! This thing shut down. 1317 01:08:31,640 --> 01:08:32,680 What happened? 1318 01:08:34,400 --> 01:08:35,920 Oh, the time is up! 1319 01:08:36,200 --> 01:08:39,200 I got two liras worth of credit. I thought we’d get through right away. 1320 01:08:39,480 --> 01:08:42,720 Was I talking to the President of America with two liras of credit? 1321 01:08:42,760 --> 01:08:45,560 Let him bomb us! They should really bomb us! 1322 01:08:45,600 --> 01:08:46,960 Alright, I’ll fix it. 1323 01:08:47,000 --> 01:08:49,640 Behçet! Two liras more for table 23! 1324 01:08:49,680 --> 01:08:51,680 Why two liras, man! Five liras, Behçet! 1325 01:08:52,440 --> 01:08:53,400 Four. 1326 01:08:53,720 --> 01:08:55,120 He hung up! See, he hung up! 1327 01:08:55,160 --> 01:08:56,440 He wrote something. What’s that? 1328 01:08:57,400 --> 01:09:03,720 “You be a smartass in public, you get no forgiveness when we catch you alone”, he says. 1329 01:09:03,760 --> 01:09:05,120 -The President of America? -Right. 1330 01:09:06,240 --> 01:09:09,360 This guy is a real loudmouth! 1331 01:09:09,400 --> 01:09:11,120 -Do you have credit on that table? -Yes. 1332 01:09:11,160 --> 01:09:12,640 Go and hang out there. 1333 01:09:12,680 --> 01:09:14,560 I’ll wait for him, maybe he’ll come back. 1334 01:09:14,600 --> 01:09:16,840 And I’ve got some work that I should tend to. 1335 01:09:18,040 --> 01:09:19,360 Don’t throw smoke grenades, b***ard! 1336 01:09:19,400 --> 01:09:20,760 They set up a bomb! 1337 01:09:20,800 --> 01:09:22,480 Don’t shoot the president, boy! 1338 01:09:22,520 --> 01:09:24,840 You terrorist! There, it’s a headshot again. 1339 01:09:27,040 --> 01:09:29,120 Alright, I’m out. Are you happy? 1340 01:09:34,800 --> 01:09:36,560 What are you doing over there? 1341 01:09:36,600 --> 01:09:40,080 Sir, I’m hanging out with a foreign woman. She loves my talk. 1342 01:09:40,360 --> 01:09:43,040 Really? Are there sites like that? 1343 01:09:43,080 --> 01:09:45,040 Of course, sir. I mean, I heard there are. 1344 01:09:45,080 --> 01:09:47,560 You pay 20 liras and subscribe for three months or something... 1345 01:09:47,800 --> 01:09:49,080 She’s Ukranian, I’m sure. 1346 01:09:49,120 --> 01:09:50,160 What’s her name? 1347 01:09:50,440 --> 01:09:53,080 Siquerkublakis32 1348 01:09:53,520 --> 01:09:54,560 She must be Czech. 1349 01:09:54,600 --> 01:09:56,760 “I’d like to get to know your world.” 1350 01:09:56,800 --> 01:09:58,840 Tell her to turn on the cam. What if she’s a man? 1351 01:09:58,880 --> 01:10:00,080 Can you turn on the cam? 1352 01:10:00,360 --> 01:10:01,320 Turn it on. 1353 01:10:03,080 --> 01:10:05,000 She’s turning it on! 1354 01:10:10,720 --> 01:10:12,560 Hello, human. 1355 01:10:14,480 --> 01:10:15,720 It’s a man! 1356 01:10:19,960 --> 01:10:22,640 The whole world is watching Cologne! 1357 01:10:22,680 --> 01:10:28,200 Having lost the support of Russia and China, Peker Mengen found the support he needed outside the world 1358 01:10:28,240 --> 01:10:30,600 The aliens are about to arrive in Cologne. 1359 01:10:30,840 --> 01:10:33,440 Our reporter Ümit is waiting at the square where the aliens are awaited. 1360 01:10:33,720 --> 01:10:36,320 Ümit, what’s going on at the square? 1361 01:10:36,640 --> 01:10:39,120 Macide, the people can’t wait to meet the spaceman. 1362 01:10:39,160 --> 01:10:41,800 They’re waiting for him eagerly. I’m with Peker Mengen here. 1363 01:10:41,840 --> 01:10:43,280 I’d like to turn to him now. 1364 01:10:43,320 --> 01:10:46,960 Sir, the aliens have contacted our country for the first time in history... 1365 01:10:47,000 --> 01:10:48,680 ...and they’re coming to Cologne today. 1366 01:10:48,720 --> 01:10:51,240 There are rumors that America is backing off from its offensive plans. 1367 01:10:51,280 --> 01:10:52,400 Can we have your comments? 1368 01:10:52,680 --> 01:10:55,720 We have no problems with America. 1369 01:10:56,160 --> 01:10:58,560 It’s them who set out to attack us. 1370 01:10:58,840 --> 01:11:02,600 Of course, Cologne has its friends, and... 1371 01:11:03,480 --> 01:11:05,240 ...they’re coming from galaxies beyond... 1372 01:11:05,720 --> 01:11:08,560 ...to show that they are with us on this day. 1373 01:11:09,080 --> 01:11:10,720 So you spoke to the spaceman? 1374 01:11:11,040 --> 01:11:13,440 Of course. I’ve just spoken to him. 1375 01:11:13,960 --> 01:11:16,360 He’s past the planets, and he’s near the moon. 1376 01:11:16,600 --> 01:11:18,080 He must be about to arrive. 1377 01:11:18,120 --> 01:11:20,720 And we’ll fire off some confetti to welcome him. 1378 01:11:20,760 --> 01:11:22,160 So we’re waiting for him. 1379 01:11:22,200 --> 01:11:24,080 Did he have a message for the world? 1380 01:11:24,480 --> 01:11:25,520 Well... 1381 01:11:26,880 --> 01:11:28,720 ...he doesn’t really like to boast... 1382 01:11:29,120 --> 01:11:31,800 ...but he says he’s got a weapon on his spaceship. 1383 01:11:32,320 --> 01:11:35,000 He says he can destroy an entire continent at once with it. 1384 01:11:35,640 --> 01:11:38,320 He said “Mr. President, tell them not to make me have to use it.” 1385 01:11:38,680 --> 01:11:42,080 Well, after all, why should Mr. Spaceman do that, Peker? 1386 01:11:42,120 --> 01:11:43,640 America are humans, after all. 1387 01:11:43,680 --> 01:11:45,600 It’s my country! I can say whatever I want. 1388 01:11:45,640 --> 01:11:48,720 And I’m the First Lady! If I can’t speak my mind, I’m leaving! 1389 01:11:48,760 --> 01:11:50,200 -Leave right now! -No way! 1390 01:11:50,240 --> 01:11:52,560 I’ll tell the spaceman everything and put you to shame all over the universe! 1391 01:11:52,600 --> 01:11:54,600 You have already! Look at your attitude! 1392 01:11:54,640 --> 01:11:58,120 You mind your own attitude! Talking nonsense to the cameras! Shame on you! 1393 01:11:58,160 --> 01:11:59,640 Blow up a continent? Who believes that! 1394 01:12:01,240 --> 01:12:03,400 Yes, there it is! 1395 01:12:03,440 --> 01:12:07,120 The first meeting between the civilizations is about to take place! 1396 01:12:19,920 --> 01:12:22,440 Film it! This is a historical moment! 1397 01:12:42,880 --> 01:12:44,320 Look at him, so cute! 1398 01:12:51,520 --> 01:12:53,080 Welcome, Mr. Alien. 1399 01:12:54,280 --> 01:12:56,240 Hilmi, fire! 1400 01:13:07,840 --> 01:13:10,440 Have a cigarette, brother. Light one up and calm down. 1401 01:13:10,480 --> 01:13:12,680 Don’t you worry about that at all! 1402 01:13:13,200 --> 01:13:15,200 At least you’re not hurt! 1403 01:13:15,240 --> 01:13:17,400 The spacecraft can be fixed, don’t worry. 1404 01:13:17,440 --> 01:13:18,360 It’s going to be alright. 1405 01:13:19,160 --> 01:13:21,360 Whose idea was it to call Payidar again? 1406 01:13:21,760 --> 01:13:24,440 He’s a maniac who keeps firing cannons at people! 1407 01:13:24,760 --> 01:13:25,960 Don’t call him! 1408 01:13:26,000 --> 01:13:28,040 The weapon on the spacecraft is destroyed! 1409 01:13:28,320 --> 01:13:29,920 Just when America was getting afraid! 1410 01:13:29,960 --> 01:13:32,680 To hell with America and weapons! How will I get back home now? 1411 01:13:32,720 --> 01:13:34,440 You messed up the spacecraft! 1412 01:13:34,480 --> 01:13:36,240 What am I supposed to do now? 1413 01:13:36,280 --> 01:13:37,600 It just needs some welding. 1414 01:13:37,640 --> 01:13:39,280 Mr. Suat at the industrial zone will fix it in no time. 1415 01:13:39,320 --> 01:13:42,240 To hell with your welding! What industrial zone! 1416 01:13:42,280 --> 01:13:44,600 -Mind your words when you talk to me! -What if I don’t? 1417 01:13:44,640 --> 01:13:46,800 -Look at him! -Alright! 1418 01:13:46,840 --> 01:13:47,920 Come here! Come here! 1419 01:13:47,960 --> 01:13:49,720 -I’ll smash your face! -Calm down! 1420 01:13:50,800 --> 01:13:52,120 Hey, what are you doing! 1421 01:13:52,160 --> 01:13:55,520 You’ve come from a time beyond our age, and you’re beating around with a broom? 1422 01:13:55,560 --> 01:13:56,600 Come on, give me that. 1423 01:13:56,640 --> 01:13:57,960 -Give me that! -No, Mr. President! 1424 01:13:58,000 --> 01:14:00,840 This is Earth! You’ve got to act like a man here! 1425 01:14:00,880 --> 01:14:02,360 -So you’ll make me a man? -I’ll make you a man! 1426 01:14:02,400 --> 01:14:03,600 -Come here and try! -You come here! 1427 01:14:03,640 --> 01:14:04,720 Come here if you dare, b***ard! 1428 01:14:04,760 --> 01:14:07,680 Mind your words! I’ll kick you in the face... 1429 01:14:07,720 --> 01:14:10,000 Stop, please stop! 1430 01:14:10,360 --> 01:14:11,440 Take him away! 1431 01:14:11,480 --> 01:14:14,080 Enroll him in a Quran course. Make him into a man! 1432 01:14:14,120 --> 01:14:16,440 One would think you came from Hacıhüsrev, not space! 1433 01:14:16,720 --> 01:14:17,720 -Come here! -Get out of here! 1434 01:14:17,760 --> 01:14:19,200 -Calm down! -Okay, that’s enough! 1435 01:14:19,240 --> 01:14:21,640 -Please! -Don’t act like that in public! 1436 01:14:21,680 --> 01:14:26,000 The spaceman who landed in our country as the whole world watched... 1437 01:14:26,440 --> 01:14:30,320 ...performed his Friday prayer at the Central Mosque, the only mosque in Cologne. 1438 01:14:30,360 --> 01:14:33,520 It was observed that the spaceman seemed rather emotional. 1439 01:14:33,960 --> 01:14:36,720 Let’s see our reporter Ümit’s special interview. 1440 01:14:37,040 --> 01:14:39,560 We’re in front of the Central Mosque. 1441 01:14:39,600 --> 01:14:41,800 We are with imam Abdullah and the spaceman. 1442 01:14:42,640 --> 01:14:45,480 Mr. Spaceman, you’re crying. What would you like to say? 1443 01:14:46,760 --> 01:14:48,400 I’ve seen the entire universe. 1444 01:14:49,840 --> 01:14:51,760 And I’ve found the peace I’ve been looking for here. 1445 01:14:52,280 --> 01:14:53,520 Believe me. 1446 01:15:00,880 --> 01:15:03,240 I’m sorry. 1447 01:15:04,480 --> 01:15:08,120 He has chosen our religion, despite the insistence of the Pope. 1448 01:15:08,520 --> 01:15:10,680 So we gave him the name Yasin, which he deserves. 1449 01:15:11,000 --> 01:15:14,080 Yasin is our brother from now on, God willing. 1450 01:15:14,520 --> 01:15:16,240 God willing, sir. 1451 01:15:16,280 --> 01:15:19,800 Now, brothers, one day, Temel falls into a pit. 1452 01:15:20,160 --> 01:15:21,960 It’s a deadly pit. 1453 01:15:22,000 --> 01:15:23,200 He shouts up. 1454 01:15:23,520 --> 01:15:26,760 “Come here, people! Nobody around?” 1455 01:15:27,080 --> 01:15:30,840 An angel appears from the sky and says “Temel...” 1456 01:15:31,440 --> 01:15:35,680 ”...I’ll save you from this pit, but I have three conditions.” 1457 01:15:36,080 --> 01:15:39,240 “You have to stop gambling, drinking and going after women.” 1458 01:15:40,320 --> 01:15:41,800 Temel pauses for a moment and shouts again. 1459 01:15:41,840 --> 01:15:45,240 “Isn’t there anyone else?” 1460 01:15:49,840 --> 01:15:51,640 So, my brothers... 1461 01:15:52,280 --> 01:15:55,800 ...please pitch in whatever you can for the air conditioning of our mosque... 1462 01:15:56,120 --> 01:15:58,440 ...so that our God will not test anyone with deadly pits. 1463 01:15:58,480 --> 01:15:59,680 Pass it on. 1464 01:15:59,720 --> 01:16:02,280 Mr. Spaceman, we have a request. 1465 01:16:02,320 --> 01:16:03,680 What is it, boys? 1466 01:16:03,720 --> 01:16:05,280 In fact ours is a trivial one, but... 1467 01:16:05,720 --> 01:16:06,920 Tomorrow... 1468 01:16:06,960 --> 01:16:10,120 ...America is declaring war on us, so perhaps... 1469 01:16:10,160 --> 01:16:14,440 ...could you speak to your relatives and help us in some way? 1470 01:16:14,480 --> 01:16:18,880 Believe me, I have nothing other than my sweater and the belief in my heart. 1471 01:16:18,920 --> 01:16:20,800 That’s all you need, sir. 1472 01:16:20,840 --> 01:16:22,040 I see. 1473 01:16:23,520 --> 01:16:24,760 I’ll have some kiwi juice. 1474 01:16:25,320 --> 01:16:26,320 Oh man. 1475 01:16:27,040 --> 01:16:30,080 I thought he could help me with a weapon or a technology, but... 1476 01:16:30,120 --> 01:16:34,480 ...he’s telling jokes and drinking kiwi juice! 1477 01:16:35,080 --> 01:16:36,160 Let’s get started. 1478 01:16:38,080 --> 01:16:42,160 With the aliens providing no support, America is back on the offensive. 1479 01:16:42,920 --> 01:16:45,480 They have officially declared that there are no changes in their plans... 1480 01:16:45,720 --> 01:16:48,880 ...and that preparations are complete for the lethal strike. 1481 01:16:48,920 --> 01:16:53,680 The greatest armed force in history is coming to Cologne tomorrow morning. 1482 01:17:01,680 --> 01:17:02,600 Mualla, get up. 1483 01:17:02,880 --> 01:17:03,880 Get up! 1484 01:17:05,520 --> 01:17:07,400 Get up, let’s... I missed you. 1485 01:17:07,440 --> 01:17:09,000 What is it, Peker? 1486 01:17:09,040 --> 01:17:11,720 -Get up, we have to talk. -What’s the time? You must be crazy. 1487 01:17:12,000 --> 01:17:14,440 I want to sleep. 1488 01:17:14,480 --> 01:17:17,080 I missed you. Get up, let’s talk. 1489 01:17:17,720 --> 01:17:18,960 Get up! 1490 01:17:19,000 --> 01:17:20,280 -Get up. -Alright. 1491 01:17:20,320 --> 01:17:22,280 Here, I’m up. Tell me, what is it? 1492 01:17:22,720 --> 01:17:23,640 Mualla... 1493 01:17:25,600 --> 01:17:27,880 ...we’re here today, and definitely gone tomorrow. 1494 01:17:28,760 --> 01:17:32,360 I thought we’d build some parks... 1495 01:17:32,400 --> 01:17:34,800 ...and live happily. 1496 01:17:35,400 --> 01:17:36,800 But now it’s come down to... 1497 01:17:37,440 --> 01:17:39,440 ...a war with America tomorrow. 1498 01:17:39,920 --> 01:17:42,560 -Have you set the alarm clock? -Yes, I set it to 7:30 AM. 1499 01:17:42,600 --> 01:17:43,680 Good. 1500 01:17:43,720 --> 01:17:45,920 So what I want to say is... 1501 01:17:45,960 --> 01:17:49,000 -I... -Peker, have you bought yogurt? I wrote you a note. 1502 01:17:49,280 --> 01:17:51,360 -I bought it. -You bought condensed yogurt, didn’t you? 1503 01:17:51,400 --> 01:17:52,880 Shut up for a moment! 1504 01:17:52,920 --> 01:17:54,040 Please! 1505 01:17:54,520 --> 01:17:56,320 Is this the moment to ask such things? 1506 01:17:56,360 --> 01:17:58,800 But you want yogurt soup in the morning! 1507 01:17:58,840 --> 01:18:01,960 Alright! Who knows if we’ll be here tomorrow! 1508 01:18:02,280 --> 01:18:03,920 Listen to me. I said I missed you. 1509 01:18:03,960 --> 01:18:05,480 Alright! 1510 01:18:08,400 --> 01:18:09,320 I... 1511 01:18:10,480 --> 01:18:14,760 ...couldn’t be a good husband, or a good president. 1512 01:18:16,320 --> 01:18:17,440 I thought... 1513 01:18:18,240 --> 01:18:19,280 ...I should be... 1514 01:18:20,360 --> 01:18:21,880 ...a good husband to you before I die. 1515 01:18:23,560 --> 01:18:24,480 Take me. 1516 01:18:24,920 --> 01:18:26,000 No, don’t. 1517 01:18:26,040 --> 01:18:27,600 -Take me. -Never mind, no. 1518 01:18:29,160 --> 01:18:30,400 -Take me. -Peker! 1519 01:18:31,360 --> 01:18:32,280 Peker! 1520 01:18:34,280 --> 01:18:36,040 I’ll go to sleep. You take me. 1521 01:18:44,360 --> 01:18:47,640 REPUBLIC OF COLOGNE PRESIDENTIAL MANSION 1522 01:18:51,400 --> 01:18:53,640 Soldiers, get in line! 1523 01:18:54,240 --> 01:18:55,320 March forward! 1524 01:18:59,560 --> 01:19:00,640 Fire! 1525 01:19:01,280 --> 01:19:02,320 Soldiers! 1526 01:19:03,000 --> 01:19:03,960 Mr. President! 1527 01:19:04,920 --> 01:19:07,840 I’ve got about 1500 bad and one good news. 1528 01:19:08,120 --> 01:19:09,520 What’s the good news, Hilmi? 1529 01:19:09,560 --> 01:19:13,240 Our people still have a little glimmer of hope. 1530 01:19:13,280 --> 01:19:14,720 -Who are we? -Cologne! 1531 01:19:14,760 --> 01:19:16,320 -Who are we? -Cologne! 1532 01:19:16,360 --> 01:19:17,440 Don’t cry, Hilmi. 1533 01:19:17,760 --> 01:19:21,760 Don’t forget that hope is like a butterfly. 1534 01:19:22,640 --> 01:19:23,840 It lives for a day... 1535 01:19:24,760 --> 01:19:26,240 ...and was a caterpillar before. 1536 01:19:26,280 --> 01:19:27,240 Sorry? 1537 01:19:28,080 --> 01:19:31,360 There’s only one thing that can save us, Hilmi. 1538 01:19:31,760 --> 01:19:33,480 What is it, sir? 1539 01:19:34,040 --> 01:19:35,920 Science, Hilmi! 1540 01:19:36,360 --> 01:19:39,040 So you’re playing your last card, sir! 1541 01:19:39,480 --> 01:19:40,720 You started a weapons program! 1542 01:19:41,000 --> 01:19:45,000 Of course. We will produce our own weapons, our own missiles. 1543 01:19:45,240 --> 01:19:47,000 Hasan, good day. 1544 01:19:47,240 --> 01:19:48,360 Welcome Mr. President. 1545 01:19:48,840 --> 01:19:51,240 He looks like he’s just invented something! 1546 01:19:51,280 --> 01:19:53,040 He’s just invented something! 1547 01:19:53,080 --> 01:19:55,880 Have you invented something, Hasan? Have we invented our own weapon? 1548 01:19:55,920 --> 01:19:57,360 No, Mr. President. 1549 01:19:57,400 --> 01:19:59,680 But please, take a look at this. 1550 01:19:59,720 --> 01:20:00,720 What is this? 1551 01:20:00,760 --> 01:20:05,720 Our experiment in growing peas in cotton has resulted in success, sir! Look. 1552 01:20:07,400 --> 01:20:08,720 Peas in cotton? 1553 01:20:08,760 --> 01:20:09,840 Yes, sir. 1554 01:20:15,480 --> 01:20:16,600 Hasan. 1555 01:20:16,640 --> 01:20:20,000 Have you just been growing peas in cotton here for a month? 1556 01:20:20,040 --> 01:20:21,320 Of course not, sir! 1557 01:20:21,360 --> 01:20:25,160 No matter how much water you put in, olive oil always floats to the top. 1558 01:20:25,480 --> 01:20:26,600 Come on! 1559 01:20:27,440 --> 01:20:28,560 Mr. President! 1560 01:20:28,600 --> 01:20:30,880 While the side untouched by vinegar is hard... 1561 01:20:31,200 --> 01:20:33,120 ...this side is so soft! 1562 01:20:33,160 --> 01:20:34,160 Let me see. 1563 01:20:37,120 --> 01:20:38,120 Well done. 1564 01:20:38,960 --> 01:20:40,040 Well done, boys. 1565 01:20:40,080 --> 01:20:42,000 Thank you Mr. President. That’s very kind of you. 1566 01:20:42,040 --> 01:20:43,680 To hell with you and your kind! 1567 01:20:43,720 --> 01:20:45,320 Have you been sniffing glue or something? 1568 01:20:45,360 --> 01:20:47,120 Where are the weapons? 1569 01:20:47,160 --> 01:20:50,600 Where are the bombs? 1570 01:20:50,920 --> 01:20:52,040 Where? 1571 01:20:52,080 --> 01:20:53,800 -I’ll smash your face! -Sir! 1572 01:20:53,840 --> 01:20:55,200 -Let me go! -Sir, calm down! 1573 01:20:55,240 --> 01:20:56,320 Calm down, Mr. President! 1574 01:20:56,360 --> 01:20:58,120 Don’t forget! 1575 01:20:58,160 --> 01:20:59,800 We have a fighter plane! 1576 01:21:02,760 --> 01:21:03,720 Right! 1577 01:21:04,360 --> 01:21:05,280 We... 1578 01:21:06,000 --> 01:21:07,360 ...have a fighter plane! 1579 01:21:07,760 --> 01:21:09,120 Be glad we have a fighter plane. 1580 01:21:11,120 --> 01:21:13,720 For the last three weeks... 1581 01:21:14,800 --> 01:21:16,720 ...I’ve been scared shitless. 1582 01:21:19,160 --> 01:21:20,720 I may have gotten a bit aggressive. 1583 01:21:21,160 --> 01:21:22,400 I’m sorry. 1584 01:21:22,680 --> 01:21:24,760 I forgot about the plane. The plane! 1585 01:21:24,800 --> 01:21:26,280 I’ll smash your face! 1586 01:21:26,320 --> 01:21:28,680 -I’ll make you eat those eggs! -Okay, okay! 1587 01:21:28,920 --> 01:21:30,920 I’ll smash-- That olive oil... 1588 01:21:31,240 --> 01:21:32,360 Alright! 1589 01:21:32,400 --> 01:21:34,440 -I’ll make you drink it! -Calm down, sir! 1590 01:21:35,080 --> 01:21:37,600 You’re hurting yourself, sir! Come on. 1591 01:21:41,920 --> 01:21:42,960 Macit! 1592 01:21:43,200 --> 01:21:46,160 Haven’t we given you an F-16 to assemble? 1593 01:21:46,200 --> 01:21:47,200 Yes, sir. 1594 01:21:47,240 --> 01:21:50,640 How did you manage to make the F-16 into a lounge suite? Are you out of your mind? 1595 01:21:50,960 --> 01:21:52,680 It’s not very usable either, sir. 1596 01:21:52,920 --> 01:21:54,280 It doesn’t convert into a bed. 1597 01:21:54,320 --> 01:21:57,240 So where shall we put the bedclothes, Macit? 1598 01:21:57,280 --> 01:21:58,680 Is that the only problem, Hilmi? 1599 01:21:58,720 --> 01:22:02,480 I wish that was the only problem, Macit. This is supposed to be a plane, you fool! 1600 01:22:02,520 --> 01:22:04,280 It was the only plane of this country! 1601 01:22:04,320 --> 01:22:05,480 Alright, alright sir! 1602 01:22:06,880 --> 01:22:07,880 Mr. President... 1603 01:22:08,560 --> 01:22:09,920 ...it’s somewhat of a habit for me. 1604 01:22:10,280 --> 01:22:12,920 I started out with the parts, and this is what came out. 1605 01:22:13,320 --> 01:22:16,120 But look, I made this two-piece nesting table, too! 1606 01:22:16,160 --> 01:22:18,400 To hell with your two-piece nesting table, Macit! 1607 01:22:18,760 --> 01:22:23,880 This two-piece table comprises the entire air force of this country, Macit! 1608 01:22:23,920 --> 01:22:27,600 Are we supposed to strike America with this two-piece nesting table, Macit? 1609 01:22:27,640 --> 01:22:30,840 Let them strike us! I’m tired of this! 1610 01:22:30,880 --> 01:22:32,920 Remember, the butterflies, caterpillars... 1611 01:22:32,960 --> 01:22:34,480 What the hell are you talking about? 1612 01:22:40,160 --> 01:22:44,080 Hilmi, grab that table and put it next to the armchair in my bedroom. 1613 01:22:45,640 --> 01:22:47,600 He put the wing over there, idiot! 1614 01:23:29,120 --> 01:23:31,680 Sir, preparations are well underway. 1615 01:23:31,720 --> 01:23:35,400 The people are mobilizing, full with the spirit of solidarity. 1616 01:23:35,880 --> 01:23:38,240 Our people are eagerly preparing for war. 1617 01:23:38,280 --> 01:23:40,240 Good. At last some good news. 1618 01:23:40,280 --> 01:23:41,480 I’ve had so many disappointments these days. 1619 01:23:42,800 --> 01:23:44,600 What’s going on here? What is this crowd? 1620 01:23:44,640 --> 01:23:46,680 Let me see. 1621 01:23:46,720 --> 01:23:47,720 Move over! 1622 01:23:47,760 --> 01:23:51,000 Today is the day to die for our island... 1623 01:23:51,640 --> 01:23:54,960 ...for our flag, for our people, my brothers! 1624 01:23:55,360 --> 01:23:57,480 This is Cologne's war! 1625 01:23:57,800 --> 01:24:00,440 This is our country's war! 1626 01:24:00,480 --> 01:24:02,960 May god give us all strength! 1627 01:24:03,000 --> 01:24:04,160 Amen. 1628 01:24:08,240 --> 01:24:10,880 The guy has just turned Muslim, and he’s preaching already? 1629 01:24:11,280 --> 01:24:13,760 He’s become a muezzin at the Central Mosque, sir. 1630 01:24:14,000 --> 01:24:16,200 -He memorized the Quran in a single reading. -Really? 1631 01:24:17,360 --> 01:24:18,840 The people respect him. 1632 01:24:19,200 --> 01:24:21,680 This atmosphere has taken over the whole country now. 1633 01:24:21,720 --> 01:24:23,720 Here, these are our volunteer forces. 1634 01:24:23,760 --> 01:24:28,160 America is at our door, but he’s still after the nesting table! 1635 01:24:28,200 --> 01:24:29,400 Nesting table! 1636 01:24:29,760 --> 01:24:31,280 To hell with your nesting table! 1637 01:24:32,960 --> 01:24:34,840 Here’s your table! 1638 01:24:34,880 --> 01:24:36,280 Here! Are you happy? 1639 01:24:36,320 --> 01:24:38,520 Should I be thinking of your table, or my country? 1640 01:24:41,720 --> 01:24:44,760 It straightened out all my hair too! 1641 01:24:49,760 --> 01:24:51,200 I’m too good for this place! 1642 01:24:51,240 --> 01:24:52,880 I really am! 1643 01:24:54,600 --> 01:24:56,040 Mirror, mirror on the wall! 1644 01:24:56,600 --> 01:25:00,800 Tell me, is there anyone more handsome than me? 1645 01:25:06,200 --> 01:25:10,360 In fact you’re right. Mualla is more handsome than me. What? 1646 01:25:14,080 --> 01:25:15,000 What’s going on? 1647 01:25:26,040 --> 01:25:27,400 He’s talking about my mom! 1648 01:25:27,440 --> 01:25:28,560 You know what, I-- 1649 01:25:30,400 --> 01:25:32,160 So, Mrs. Mualla! 1650 01:25:33,080 --> 01:25:34,520 This is what you were up to, then! 1651 01:25:36,240 --> 01:25:38,240 Are these our elite forces? 1652 01:25:38,280 --> 01:25:40,960 You haven’t seen the special operations teams yet! 1653 01:25:41,000 --> 01:25:42,000 Let’s see them. 1654 01:25:51,000 --> 01:25:52,120 Come on, team! 1655 01:25:53,280 --> 01:25:54,320 At ease! 1656 01:25:55,320 --> 01:25:56,160 Attention! 1657 01:25:56,520 --> 01:25:57,720 Stay with me! 1658 01:25:57,760 --> 01:25:58,720 Look right! 1659 01:26:01,160 --> 01:26:02,080 Look left! 1660 01:26:04,000 --> 01:26:05,080 Turn forward! 1661 01:26:05,760 --> 01:26:06,680 Feet! 1662 01:26:07,160 --> 01:26:08,040 Get up! 1663 01:26:08,520 --> 01:26:09,520 Bend your neck! 1664 01:26:11,280 --> 01:26:12,560 Three steps to the left! 1665 01:26:14,200 --> 01:26:15,280 Bend down! 1666 01:26:15,320 --> 01:26:16,520 Get up breathing! 1667 01:26:17,080 --> 01:26:18,200 Turn right! 1668 01:26:18,840 --> 01:26:20,040 Open your legs! 1669 01:26:20,520 --> 01:26:21,680 Shake your butt! 1670 01:26:22,440 --> 01:26:24,200 Shake it, shake it! 1671 01:26:24,680 --> 01:26:25,920 Up front! 1672 01:26:26,680 --> 01:26:27,800 Hands up! 1673 01:26:27,840 --> 01:26:30,000 Done! 1674 01:26:32,920 --> 01:26:33,960 What do you think, sir? 1675 01:26:36,160 --> 01:26:37,800 Congratulations. 1676 01:26:38,040 --> 01:26:40,800 Perhaps we’ll evade the missiles with these dance moves! 1677 01:26:40,840 --> 01:26:44,120 Are you training soldiers, or making a Jennifer Lopez video? 1678 01:26:44,480 --> 01:26:47,040 Bahtiyar, if you’re our only commander, we’re dead! 1679 01:26:47,080 --> 01:26:49,920 You haven’t seen Commander Cemal yet, sir! 1680 01:26:50,280 --> 01:26:51,520 Who is Commander Cemal? 1681 01:26:51,560 --> 01:26:53,160 Welcome, Mr. President. 1682 01:26:53,680 --> 01:26:55,200 We have completed our preparations. 1683 01:26:55,240 --> 01:26:57,960 See, Mr. Cemal has prepared a map of our country. 1684 01:26:58,200 --> 01:27:01,480 We’re planning to deploy the advance guard units at the port, sir. 1685 01:27:01,520 --> 01:27:02,960 Good. Very well. 1686 01:27:03,000 --> 01:27:05,640 Put Faruk among the advance guard! 1687 01:27:05,880 --> 01:27:08,800 Actually, put him even further up front! 1688 01:27:09,400 --> 01:27:13,320 And sir, this is a comparison of the military power of both sides. 1689 01:27:14,080 --> 01:27:15,160 Look at that. 1690 01:27:15,200 --> 01:27:18,320 Theirs is like the new year lottery... 1691 01:27:18,360 --> 01:27:19,680 ...and ours is like weekly betting results! 1692 01:27:19,720 --> 01:27:23,840 And then there’s the threat of a nuclear bomb. If we’re hit by it, none of this matters. 1693 01:27:23,880 --> 01:27:25,800 Nuclear? What happens if we’re hit by it? 1694 01:27:26,040 --> 01:27:27,240 Is there no way to protect from it? 1695 01:27:27,800 --> 01:27:29,920 They say garlic protects against it, sir. 1696 01:27:31,480 --> 01:27:33,400 -But... -You don’t exist, Bahtiyar. 1697 01:27:34,840 --> 01:27:36,160 Yes, Commander. I’m listening. 1698 01:27:36,760 --> 01:27:38,760 Sir, we’re planning to conduct our defense over here. 1699 01:27:38,800 --> 01:27:39,840 What do you think? 1700 01:27:40,080 --> 01:27:41,960 What defense are you talking about? 1701 01:27:42,000 --> 01:27:44,400 They strike us with a missile right here and it’s all gone! 1702 01:27:44,440 --> 01:27:47,320 And another one here! 1703 01:27:47,360 --> 01:27:48,720 It doesn’t matter, Mr. President. 1704 01:27:48,760 --> 01:27:50,680 They won’t take our land without a fight. 1705 01:27:50,720 --> 01:27:54,680 We will fight to the last drop of our blood! 1706 01:28:04,160 --> 01:28:05,840 Where have you been all this time? 1707 01:28:06,320 --> 01:28:07,240 Who is this? 1708 01:28:07,880 --> 01:28:09,120 -Are you a soldier? -No. 1709 01:28:09,680 --> 01:28:10,600 I sell VCDs. 1710 01:28:11,080 --> 01:28:12,240 But I know how to fight. 1711 01:28:12,280 --> 01:28:14,400 I’ve seen Saving Private Ryan many times! 1712 01:28:14,760 --> 01:28:15,800 I’m going to save you! 1713 01:28:15,840 --> 01:28:17,520 Will Private Ryan save us? 1714 01:28:17,560 --> 01:28:19,560 -Go away! -Yes, sir! 1715 01:28:21,360 --> 01:28:23,960 Sir, maybe we should have you sit on top of that hill. 1716 01:28:24,000 --> 01:28:26,520 Does it please you when I sit on top of something? 1717 01:28:26,760 --> 01:28:29,560 Mr. President! You must follow me right now. 1718 01:28:38,400 --> 01:28:40,640 My dear, please. 1719 01:28:41,280 --> 01:28:42,960 Why are you drinking so much? 1720 01:28:43,760 --> 01:28:46,280 Buse, what did you put on the man’s head? 1721 01:28:46,320 --> 01:28:49,640 He keeps drinking and attacking people, so I had to put that on. 1722 01:28:50,680 --> 01:28:51,960 Where did he find this? 1723 01:28:52,000 --> 01:28:53,920 The ship that sank, you know? He found it near its wreck. 1724 01:28:53,960 --> 01:28:55,160 The house is full of these. 1725 01:28:56,440 --> 01:28:58,640 For God’s sake, I must tell Peker about this right away! 1726 01:29:00,280 --> 01:29:01,560 What’s going on here? 1727 01:29:02,360 --> 01:29:03,840 What is the president after? 1728 01:29:05,080 --> 01:29:05,960 There! 1729 01:29:07,400 --> 01:29:08,480 What happened to him? 1730 01:29:08,760 --> 01:29:10,960 -Why are you holding the girl, sir? -Let me go! 1731 01:29:11,000 --> 01:29:14,000 -My love! -When you grabbed her, I got in the mood! 1732 01:29:14,440 --> 01:29:17,000 Now, Mrs. Mualla. It’s time you told us everything. 1733 01:29:17,240 --> 01:29:19,480 Or perhaps, Agent Smith! 1734 01:29:20,280 --> 01:29:21,360 Yes, not Mualla! 1735 01:29:21,800 --> 01:29:23,280 The damn Agent Smith! 1736 01:29:27,000 --> 01:29:28,040 Do you have a tissue? 1737 01:29:28,360 --> 01:29:29,400 Tissue. 1738 01:29:29,440 --> 01:29:31,320 Yes. Take it. I only used it once. 1739 01:29:31,760 --> 01:29:32,640 Okay. 1740 01:29:33,960 --> 01:29:34,760 I don’t know. 1741 01:29:36,080 --> 01:29:37,440 Wow! 1742 01:29:38,360 --> 01:29:40,480 A traitor agent! 1743 01:29:40,960 --> 01:29:42,840 A traitor beauty! 1744 01:29:43,120 --> 01:29:47,080 You can do whatever you want to me, but I’ll first show you something very important. 1745 01:29:47,120 --> 01:29:49,560 What will you show us, you traitor woman? 1746 01:29:50,160 --> 01:29:52,320 Hilmi, shut up. Watch how you speak to her! 1747 01:29:52,360 --> 01:29:53,760 She says she’ll tell us something. 1748 01:29:54,880 --> 01:29:57,680 Mrs. Mualla, you said you’d show us something. 1749 01:30:03,400 --> 01:30:04,480 Don’t sit back. 1750 01:30:04,760 --> 01:30:05,840 The armchair is broken. 1751 01:30:05,880 --> 01:30:06,880 I know. We did it. 1752 01:30:09,600 --> 01:30:10,840 They’ve infiltrated us! 1753 01:30:10,880 --> 01:30:15,240 I’ll now show you a file on the CIA’s secret database. 1754 01:30:16,480 --> 01:30:17,640 I’m accessing it. 1755 01:30:17,880 --> 01:30:18,880 “CIA.” 1756 01:30:19,560 --> 01:30:20,440 “Files.” 1757 01:30:21,600 --> 01:30:22,640 "Classified." 1758 01:30:23,200 --> 01:30:24,560 “Top Secret.” 1759 01:30:25,160 --> 01:30:26,040 “Never open.” 1760 01:30:26,360 --> 01:30:27,840 “Open it and you’re dead.” 1761 01:30:27,880 --> 01:30:30,440 “Johnny Cash recitals mp3”. Not that. 1762 01:30:30,480 --> 01:30:31,840 “I told you not to open it.” 1763 01:30:32,120 --> 01:30:33,480 “Don’t look for trouble!” 1764 01:30:33,800 --> 01:30:34,680 I found the file! 1765 01:30:35,920 --> 01:30:37,000 “XXX” 1766 01:30:40,200 --> 01:30:41,400 -What’s going on? -How... 1767 01:30:42,000 --> 01:30:44,600 How can they activate this? This is so big... 1768 01:30:44,640 --> 01:30:45,440 This... 1769 01:30:49,800 --> 01:30:51,640 If the American battleship hadn’t been blown up... 1770 01:30:51,880 --> 01:30:54,600 ...they would’ve infected everyone with rabies! 1771 01:30:55,960 --> 01:30:57,440 -Even you. -Really? 1772 01:30:58,480 --> 01:30:59,760 So it’s that serious. 1773 01:31:00,080 --> 01:31:02,120 What does America actually want from us? 1774 01:31:02,160 --> 01:31:04,160 Boron, of course! 1775 01:31:04,200 --> 01:31:08,000 At 73 percent, we have the world’s greatest boron fault line. 1776 01:31:08,520 --> 01:31:12,080 It’s not about boron, Mr. President. It’s about oil. 1777 01:31:12,120 --> 01:31:13,240 What has oil got to do with it? 1778 01:31:13,280 --> 01:31:14,640 As everyone keeps fighting... 1779 01:31:14,680 --> 01:31:18,600 ...they’ll drill the boron mines and pump them up tunnels... 1780 01:31:18,840 --> 01:31:20,840 ...and smuggle the boron to America. That’s what it’s about. 1781 01:31:20,880 --> 01:31:23,360 -Do you really believe that? -Why would I say it if I didn’t? 1782 01:31:23,400 --> 01:31:25,320 If you weren’t president, I’d say something bad. 1783 01:31:25,360 --> 01:31:26,520 -What boron! -Tell me, come on. 1784 01:31:26,560 --> 01:31:28,760 I’m not president, I’m a regular man. Let me hear you say it. 1785 01:31:28,800 --> 01:31:30,400 -What was found in Kuwait the other day? -What? 1786 01:31:30,440 --> 01:31:31,680 Qatar natural gas. 1787 01:31:31,720 --> 01:31:32,640 What have we got? 1788 01:31:32,680 --> 01:31:34,240 -What? -Plutonium, Neptunium, Aluminum. 1789 01:31:34,560 --> 01:31:37,080 Put them all into a reaction, and what comes out? 1790 01:31:37,120 --> 01:31:39,400 -What? -Diesel! They’re after the diesel fuel. 1791 01:31:39,440 --> 01:31:40,800 And what are you after? Stop this nonsense. 1792 01:31:40,840 --> 01:31:42,120 -You’re telling me? -Come on, Hilmi! 1793 01:31:42,160 --> 01:31:43,040 No way! 1794 01:31:43,760 --> 01:31:44,560 Come on! 1795 01:31:45,680 --> 01:31:47,400 Damn, what’s your problem? 1796 01:31:47,440 --> 01:31:50,440 War is about to break up, and all you think of is boron and so on! 1797 01:31:50,480 --> 01:31:51,360 What is boron anyway? 1798 01:31:51,680 --> 01:31:52,880 They don’t let us mine it! 1799 01:31:53,120 --> 01:31:54,360 73 percent! 1800 01:31:54,400 --> 01:31:55,400 In terms of reserves. 1801 01:31:55,800 --> 01:31:57,000 It’s a mineral. 1802 01:31:57,040 --> 01:31:59,600 The American people have the right to know what their president is doing. 1803 01:31:59,840 --> 01:32:04,480 What if the whole world hears what he’s doing? 1804 01:32:05,760 --> 01:32:07,040 Right... 1805 01:32:07,320 --> 01:32:11,240 They’ll shake America up real good in international courts. 1806 01:32:18,440 --> 01:32:21,280 Sir, I think we’re all dead this time. 1807 01:32:21,680 --> 01:32:24,320 I’m counting 1499 to 1500 ships! 1808 01:32:25,480 --> 01:32:27,000 1500 ships? 1809 01:32:27,440 --> 01:32:28,840 Why put on such a show? 1810 01:32:29,160 --> 01:32:31,480 Just throw a bomb and you can level out the whole place! 1811 01:32:31,520 --> 01:32:33,280 How shall we get through to them, sir? 1812 01:32:33,800 --> 01:32:35,200 They’re everywhere, Hilmi. 1813 01:32:35,240 --> 01:32:36,920 They’re everywhere. 1814 01:32:37,600 --> 01:32:40,720 Listen to me, America. I know you can hear me everywhere. 1815 01:32:41,160 --> 01:32:42,600 Which satellite should I talk to? 1816 01:32:42,640 --> 01:32:43,440 This one? 1817 01:32:43,840 --> 01:32:44,760 Or this? 1818 01:32:44,800 --> 01:32:45,800 Peker! 1819 01:32:46,120 --> 01:32:47,040 This one. 1820 01:32:47,320 --> 01:32:48,440 Dear America. 1821 01:32:48,840 --> 01:32:51,120 We have your bombs. 1822 01:32:52,960 --> 01:32:53,960 Faruk, come here. 1823 01:32:55,200 --> 01:32:57,000 Come here, yes. 1824 01:32:58,080 --> 01:32:59,520 Whoa! 1825 01:33:01,000 --> 01:33:04,320 Look what you made of a good and strong boy! And millions... 1826 01:33:04,360 --> 01:33:07,320 -...billions of others like him. -Peker, can I speak for a minute? 1827 01:33:17,640 --> 01:33:18,520 Come here! 1828 01:33:19,880 --> 01:33:21,440 -What did she say? -Heavy stuff, sir! 1829 01:33:22,000 --> 01:33:24,200 You made a loudmouth out of this nice girl! 1830 01:33:24,240 --> 01:33:30,040 We know you’re trying to destroy us to make sure the world doesn’t hear of this project. 1831 01:33:30,560 --> 01:33:31,720 We’re not stupid. 1832 01:33:32,200 --> 01:33:34,280 What you see in my hand... 1833 01:33:35,240 --> 01:33:37,880 ...is the trigger of the bomb mechanism. 1834 01:33:38,720 --> 01:33:41,080 Get your ships out of here... 1835 01:33:41,480 --> 01:33:43,080 ...or I’ll press the button! 1836 01:33:43,120 --> 01:33:47,120 We’re already dead. We don’t have anything to lose. 1837 01:33:47,680 --> 01:33:49,680 I swear, I’ll press it! 1838 01:33:50,200 --> 01:33:51,800 I’m holding your destiny in my hand! 1839 01:33:53,280 --> 01:33:54,280 Sir... 1840 01:33:55,000 --> 01:33:56,240 ...I gave you the wrong one. 1841 01:33:56,640 --> 01:33:58,600 That’s a piece of plastic pipe! 1842 01:33:59,360 --> 01:34:00,480 The remote is here! 1843 01:34:07,000 --> 01:34:12,400 You’re getting me to threaten America with a piece of pipe, Bahtiyar? 1844 01:34:12,880 --> 01:34:13,960 Take that! 1845 01:34:14,240 --> 01:34:15,080 Here! 1846 01:34:15,360 --> 01:34:19,280 There’s been a small mishap, but we still have the threat! 1847 01:34:27,600 --> 01:34:29,000 I’ll tweet photos of the bombs... 1848 01:34:29,560 --> 01:34:32,120 ...and that b***ard Faruk... 1849 01:34:32,720 --> 01:34:37,640 ...along with your secret XXX files! 1850 01:34:38,040 --> 01:34:41,720 I’ll put you to shame for the world to see! 1851 01:34:42,320 --> 01:34:43,840 There, I’m sending it. 1852 01:34:45,240 --> 01:34:47,200 Let me attach those photos. 1853 01:34:50,320 --> 01:34:51,360 I’m posting it. 1854 01:34:52,040 --> 01:34:53,040 How do we do this? 1855 01:34:53,320 --> 01:34:55,120 Press and hold down. Yes. 1856 01:34:55,160 --> 01:34:56,680 -It says “paste”. -Paste, yes. 1857 01:34:56,720 --> 01:34:57,840 Press that. Send. 1858 01:34:57,880 --> 01:34:58,800 Send. 1859 01:34:59,600 --> 01:35:01,760 -There’s no internet connection! -What, how? 1860 01:35:01,800 --> 01:35:04,640 Sir, we can’t access Instagram! They’ve cut the connection. 1861 01:35:04,680 --> 01:35:05,800 It’s all in vain! 1862 01:35:05,840 --> 01:35:08,040 They’ve cut our communications entirely. B***ard! 1863 01:35:15,560 --> 01:35:19,800 You cut off the internet! A real man doesn’t cut off the internet... 1864 01:35:20,160 --> 01:35:22,160 ...he comes in and fights in person! 1865 01:35:22,440 --> 01:35:24,080 Oh, run, run! 1866 01:35:25,000 --> 01:35:26,240 Run away! 1867 01:35:27,200 --> 01:35:28,400 Run! 1868 01:35:28,880 --> 01:35:31,200 Boys, activate the procedure for protecting me! 1869 01:35:31,240 --> 01:35:32,080 Right now! 1870 01:35:32,440 --> 01:35:34,560 No, don’t. What’s that? 1871 01:35:45,920 --> 01:35:47,480 Hilmi, give me my weapon. 1872 01:35:47,760 --> 01:35:49,520 Weapon... Sir, we don’t have any weapons! 1873 01:35:49,560 --> 01:35:50,400 None at all? 1874 01:35:50,920 --> 01:35:52,040 How about a lighter? 1875 01:35:52,080 --> 01:35:52,920 A lighter? 1876 01:35:52,960 --> 01:35:55,080 Are you joking, Salih! 1877 01:35:59,200 --> 01:36:00,120 I’ve got the bomb. 1878 01:36:00,400 --> 01:36:02,720 Don’t the networks of other countries cross anywhere? 1879 01:36:02,760 --> 01:36:05,320 Yes! There was signal at the Lovers’ Hill, sir! Remember! 1880 01:36:05,360 --> 01:36:07,920 Right! But we need to get to the car. 1881 01:36:08,240 --> 01:36:10,240 How shall we get to the car? 1882 01:36:10,280 --> 01:36:11,840 Too late. They’re here. 1883 01:36:12,480 --> 01:36:14,400 Attack! 1884 01:36:14,440 --> 01:36:15,920 -Allah Allah Allah! -What’s going on? 1885 01:36:15,960 --> 01:36:17,560 Run, run, run! 1886 01:36:17,600 --> 01:36:18,520 Run, run, run! 1887 01:36:21,680 --> 01:36:22,640 Run, run, run! 1888 01:36:23,320 --> 01:36:25,800 Salih! You get in! 1889 01:36:34,920 --> 01:36:36,080 Run, guys! 1890 01:36:36,320 --> 01:36:38,480 God has bestowed a life upon you. Run! 1891 01:36:38,520 --> 01:36:39,840 Allah Allah Allah! 1892 01:36:52,920 --> 01:36:54,640 Sir, watch out for the speed bumps! 1893 01:36:54,680 --> 01:36:56,120 The bomb will go off! 1894 01:36:56,160 --> 01:36:59,560 Salih, sit on the bombs and keep them from hitting each other! 1895 01:37:00,400 --> 01:37:02,200 I can’t sit on them, sir! 1896 01:37:02,720 --> 01:37:04,280 What if the bomb explodes up my ass? 1897 01:37:04,320 --> 01:37:08,280 We’re losing the country, and you’re still after your ass! 1898 01:37:09,520 --> 01:37:11,040 Peker, watch out for the bend! 1899 01:37:16,240 --> 01:37:18,960 The helicopter is chasing us, sir! 1900 01:37:19,240 --> 01:37:20,520 What shall we do? 1901 01:37:20,560 --> 01:37:22,520 You think of that. 1902 01:37:22,560 --> 01:37:24,280 How can the president think of everything? 1903 01:37:24,320 --> 01:37:28,400 Here, this lighter is my only weapon. 1904 01:37:28,680 --> 01:37:31,720 Am I supposed to blow up the helicopter with that? 1905 01:37:31,760 --> 01:37:33,240 There, I threw it. Are you happy? 1906 01:37:38,440 --> 01:37:40,120 Sir, you hit it! 1907 01:37:40,400 --> 01:37:42,320 You’re a true leader, sir! 1908 01:37:43,920 --> 01:37:45,680 Mrs. Mualla, as you can see... 1909 01:37:46,560 --> 01:37:47,800 ...some use a lighter to... 1910 01:37:48,160 --> 01:37:49,440 ...open beer cans... 1911 01:37:49,840 --> 01:37:52,520 ...while others like me use it to blow up helicopters! 1912 01:37:53,200 --> 01:37:54,880 We can kiss if you like. 1913 01:37:55,760 --> 01:37:57,960 Peker, it’s not you who hit it. It’s him! 1914 01:37:58,920 --> 01:37:59,760 What! 1915 01:38:02,160 --> 01:38:04,600 The old man hit the target this time! 1916 01:38:04,920 --> 01:38:07,360 The walking corpse killed the romantic moment this time! 1917 01:38:08,560 --> 01:38:09,840 Sir, what’s happening? 1918 01:38:09,880 --> 01:38:11,640 Careful, sir! 1919 01:38:11,880 --> 01:38:14,040 -The tire, the tire! -What’s going on! 1920 01:38:14,080 --> 01:38:15,040 No way! 1921 01:38:15,280 --> 01:38:16,560 -Oh no! -No way! 1922 01:38:16,600 --> 01:38:17,800 -It’s a flat? -It is. 1923 01:38:17,840 --> 01:38:19,840 -Let me see. -The worst fortune always finds me! 1924 01:38:19,880 --> 01:38:21,960 We’ll have to cover the rest of the way running! 1925 01:38:22,000 --> 01:38:22,920 Running? 1926 01:38:27,280 --> 01:38:28,440 -Hide! -Oh my! 1927 01:38:32,080 --> 01:38:33,200 We’re outnumbered! 1928 01:38:33,240 --> 01:38:34,920 But you’ll protect us, right? 1929 01:38:34,960 --> 01:38:37,040 No, let’s run! You know where we’ll run? 1930 01:38:37,080 --> 01:38:39,760 I do. I know a shortcut. Follow me. 1931 01:38:40,360 --> 01:38:41,440 Run, run, run! 1932 01:38:42,880 --> 01:38:45,040 Oh, I’m dying! 1933 01:38:45,800 --> 01:38:47,000 This way! 1934 01:38:47,600 --> 01:38:50,080 The signal keeps coming and going! Hold on, we’re almost there! 1935 01:38:50,120 --> 01:38:51,080 Run, run! 1936 01:38:52,200 --> 01:38:53,640 Come here, run! 1937 01:38:56,800 --> 01:38:59,520 Mr. President, bad news: there’s been a landslide! 1938 01:38:59,560 --> 01:39:01,720 Good news: The Lovers’ Hill is right over there! 1939 01:39:05,240 --> 01:39:08,080 I wish I had time to get to know you more closely, Mualla. 1940 01:39:09,040 --> 01:39:10,000 My duty awaits me. 1941 01:39:10,480 --> 01:39:11,680 I will post this tweet. 1942 01:39:12,200 --> 01:39:13,760 I want one last thing from you. 1943 01:39:13,800 --> 01:39:14,920 Let me just kiss you once! 1944 01:39:15,640 --> 01:39:17,280 -What? -In the mouth! 1945 01:39:17,320 --> 01:39:20,480 What’s going through your damn mind? 1946 01:39:20,760 --> 01:39:22,280 Or is it what I’m thinking of? 1947 01:39:23,120 --> 01:39:25,200 I’ll risk my life to post this tweet! 1948 01:39:26,800 --> 01:39:28,840 So, one for the road! One kiss! 1949 01:39:28,880 --> 01:39:31,280 Oh no! I’ll save your white ass! 1950 01:39:31,320 --> 01:39:34,000 I can’t let you do this, you know! I can’t! 1951 01:39:41,920 --> 01:39:42,960 Give it up. 1952 01:39:43,000 --> 01:39:44,080 It’s yours! 1953 01:39:44,560 --> 01:39:46,040 Hide, hide! 1954 01:39:46,760 --> 01:39:48,120 Run! 1955 01:39:48,760 --> 01:39:50,640 Hide! Salih, behind the tree! 1956 01:39:53,640 --> 01:39:55,000 Sir, we’re finished! 1957 01:39:55,560 --> 01:39:56,800 Give me your blessings! 1958 01:39:58,680 --> 01:40:01,160 The summit is not always at the very top! 1959 01:40:01,200 --> 01:40:04,280 To climb, you have to fall sometimes, Hilmi! 1960 01:40:04,320 --> 01:40:05,280 What’s that? 1961 01:40:05,960 --> 01:40:06,800 Pretty girl... 1962 01:40:09,360 --> 01:40:10,720 -...goodbye! -Peker! 1963 01:40:11,000 --> 01:40:12,120 Peker, don’t! 1964 01:40:12,160 --> 01:40:13,040 Mr. President! 1965 01:40:22,360 --> 01:40:23,760 I posted it! 1966 01:40:23,800 --> 01:40:25,520 Oh no! 1967 01:40:51,640 --> 01:40:53,680 Whom shall we advise now? 1968 01:40:54,120 --> 01:40:56,080 The man jumped to his death! 1969 01:40:56,320 --> 01:40:57,600 But he was a good person. 1970 01:40:57,640 --> 01:40:58,760 Such a good person. 1971 01:40:59,320 --> 01:41:00,520 Don’t be sad! 1972 01:41:00,800 --> 01:41:02,080 Don’t be sad! 1973 01:41:02,120 --> 01:41:03,120 Don’t! 1974 01:41:04,280 --> 01:41:05,960 Don’t be sad! He didn’t die! 1975 01:41:06,600 --> 01:41:07,720 He didn’t die! 1976 01:41:07,760 --> 01:41:10,840 He can hear us, he’s here! He can hear us! 1977 01:41:11,440 --> 01:41:12,480 Help! 1978 01:41:12,520 --> 01:41:14,640 -Help me, man! -Peker! 1979 01:41:15,200 --> 01:41:17,320 -Mr. President! -Someone help me out here! 1980 01:41:17,360 --> 01:41:18,440 Mr. President! 1981 01:41:18,480 --> 01:41:19,680 Help me! 1982 01:41:20,400 --> 01:41:22,480 Come on, help me! 1983 01:41:22,520 --> 01:41:24,200 Mr. President! 1984 01:41:24,520 --> 01:41:25,920 Help me, man! 1985 01:41:26,160 --> 01:41:27,280 Mr. President! 1986 01:41:27,320 --> 01:41:28,360 He’s alive! 1987 01:41:28,400 --> 01:41:29,320 Mr. President! 1988 01:41:29,360 --> 01:41:30,440 You’re alive! 1989 01:41:30,480 --> 01:41:33,440 Yes, Salih. I’m sitting on a branch! Are you happy? 1990 01:41:34,280 --> 01:41:35,360 Very much! 1991 01:41:35,760 --> 01:41:39,720 Friends, my tweet was retweeted three million times! 1992 01:41:40,080 --> 01:41:41,760 I got an offer to be a DJ! 1993 01:41:41,800 --> 01:41:43,480 That would fit you so well! 1994 01:41:43,880 --> 01:41:47,520 Big headphones, a shiny lycra t-shirt, 1995 01:41:47,920 --> 01:41:49,000 Would you wear one? 1996 01:41:49,040 --> 01:41:49,920 I will! 1997 01:41:50,560 --> 01:41:53,440 And Mualla, I have a very serious question for you. 1998 01:41:54,360 --> 01:41:55,560 Would you go out with me? 1999 01:41:55,960 --> 01:41:59,040 It’s a bit early to talk about that, but we can eat şakşuka at dinner! 2000 01:41:59,320 --> 01:42:00,440 We can do that! 2001 01:42:00,480 --> 01:42:02,160 Don’t do that! Don’t bend your lips like that! 2002 01:42:02,400 --> 01:42:04,760 He fell down! Mr. President fell down! 2003 01:42:04,800 --> 01:42:06,120 It’s alright! 2004 01:42:06,440 --> 01:42:08,560 I’m fine! I’m fine! 2005 01:42:11,400 --> 01:42:14,480 PEKER MENGEN WINS THE WAR 2006 01:42:14,520 --> 01:42:15,840 Cologne! 2007 01:42:16,480 --> 01:42:21,000 AMERICA APOLOGIZES 2008 01:42:21,920 --> 01:42:23,680 COLOGNE NAMED HAPPIEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD 2009 01:42:23,720 --> 01:42:24,720 Cologne! 2010 01:42:24,760 --> 01:42:28,640 So, we won against America and became the most beautiful country in the world. 2011 01:42:29,240 --> 01:42:31,680 Well done, Muzaffer. Sit down. 2012 01:42:32,160 --> 01:42:34,640 So, children, that was today’s history class. 2013 01:42:34,920 --> 01:42:37,960 The block class will continue with Religious Culture and Moral Knowledge. 2014 01:42:38,000 --> 01:42:38,960 No going out for a break. 2015 01:42:42,240 --> 01:42:43,120 Come in, sir. 2016 01:42:45,040 --> 01:42:46,760 Greetings, madam. I hope I’m not interrupting? 2017 01:42:46,800 --> 01:42:49,440 Not at all, sir, I was just wrapping up. I wish you a good class. 2018 01:42:53,000 --> 01:42:54,520 Yes, sit down, children. 2019 01:42:54,560 --> 01:42:55,640 Sit down. 2020 01:42:55,680 --> 01:42:57,200 Open your Religious Culture books. 2021 01:43:00,000 --> 01:43:03,080 Today’s subject is “Islam in the Universe”. 2022 01:43:04,400 --> 01:43:05,280 Let’s get started. 151280

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