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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000 6.1 Guest House Paradiso (1999) 2 00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:32,360 You bastards... 3 00:00:57,720 --> 00:00:59,840 Aaaarrggghh! Aaaarrrgghhh! 4 00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:07,880 Eddie! 5 00:01:11,240 --> 00:01:14,040 Eddie! Another bloody day. Time to get up. 6 00:01:16,440 --> 00:01:19,000 'Righty-dokey, skip. ' 7 00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:20,760 Ow! 8 00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:24,520 Oh! 9 00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:07,280 Eddie! 10 00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:10,440 Eddie?! 11 00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:15,360 Come along. It's the early bird that catches worms. 12 00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:27,800 'Running all the way. ' 13 00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:03,160 Damn. 14 00:05:07,320 --> 00:05:08,830 Well, really. 15 00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:12,320 Good morning, room four. This is your personal alarm call. 16 00:05:13,040 --> 00:05:16,080 Yes, I know. I'm just giving you time to wake up 17 00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:20,600 before your proper alarm call in... two and a half hours. 18 00:05:21,360 --> 00:05:24,680 That's right. Exactly when you booked it. Good morning! 19 00:05:26,040 --> 00:05:28,320 Oh! Mr Johnson and MS Harding. 20 00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:33,160 The common-law couple. I trust you slept well? 21 00:05:33,840 --> 00:05:36,160 Rather a rough night, actually. 22 00:05:36,440 --> 00:05:38,880 Oh... well, the perils of adultery. 23 00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:47,080 And you're not too tired to make your way downstairs for breakfast 24 00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:50,440 I trust you both washed? 25 00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:52,510 Actually, the water was cold. 26 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:55,880 That's no reason not to wash. We are British, you know? 27 00:05:56,720 --> 00:05:59,960 We invented cold showers to stop people masturbating. 28 00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:05,880 Oh! Oh! Perhaps that's why you're so upset about the lack of hot water! 29 00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:25,640 Nearly home. 30 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:50,030 Ah, there you are, Eddie. 31 00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:54,160 Here are some bills. You handle them. I don't want to get my dabs on them. 32 00:07:56,320 --> 00:07:57,830 Righty-dokey, skip. 33 00:07:57,880 --> 00:08:00,640 Have you cleaned your teeth this morning? 34 00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:11,800 - Could I have a word? - Take your hand off me. 35 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:15,200 I haven't got my hand on you. 36 00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:18,860 I've got security cameras, so it's on film. 37 00:08:18,910 --> 00:08:21,640 - I've got the evidence. - I brushed your arm. 38 00:08:22,840 --> 00:08:25,760 - You're a liar, Mr Jones. - Look, Mr Twat... 39 00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:27,990 It's pronounced "Thwaite". 40 00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:30,720 Well, it's spelled Twat. T- W-A-T. TWAT! 41 00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:35,320 Keep your voice down, please. We have normal guests as well. 42 00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:39,480 Now, if you'll allow me to finish what I was doing 43 00:08:41,040 --> 00:08:43,120 before you so rudely interrupted... 44 00:08:43,170 --> 00:08:44,400 Ahem. 45 00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:57,000 There. Now, what is all this silly fuss about? 46 00:08:57,680 --> 00:09:01,000 I'm trying to get some breakfast and there's no waiter. 47 00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:04,910 Shirt and tie, wandering around with food. 48 00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:08,440 Hard to spot, I know. Have you been to a restaurant before? 49 00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:11,160 Yes, but he's not there. 50 00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:13,080 Pascal! 51 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:22,120 Pascal! 52 00:09:32,520 --> 00:09:34,240 See what I mean? 53 00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:37,000 Pascal! 54 00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:42,800 Chef, you seen Pascal? 55 00:09:42,920 --> 00:09:44,280 Pascal! 56 00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:49,560 Chef, I said fix this. 57 00:09:49,680 --> 00:09:52,560 - It's a fire hazard. - You fucking bastard! 58 00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:57,160 Very good, Chef, carry on. Is breakfast well under way? 59 00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:02,480 Look, may we order straightaway?! 60 00:10:02,680 --> 00:10:05,720 Yes, yes, yes! The waiter will be here directly. 61 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:08,040 Oh! 62 00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:11,520 Ahh, morning, Mrs Foxfur. 63 00:10:11,570 --> 00:10:13,160 Morning, Twat. 64 00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:19,360 Eddie! What are you doing? 65 00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:22,040 I'm just... filing the bills. 66 00:10:22,960 --> 00:10:25,040 Oh. Have you seen Pascal? 67 00:10:25,090 --> 00:10:26,400 Uh, no. 68 00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:29,150 You'II have to help serving breakfast. 69 00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:32,840 I'll phone the psychiatric hospital to see if he's there again. 70 00:10:33,360 --> 00:10:35,390 Righty-dokey, skip. I'm your man. 71 00:10:35,440 --> 00:10:37,990 '.. still searching for Gina Carbonara, 72 00:10:38,040 --> 00:10:41,160 'the Italian filmstar who disappeared before her wedding yesterday, 73 00:10:41,210 --> 00:10:44,040 'much to the dismay of her intended husband, 74 00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:47,400 'the Italian playboy and ex-racing driver Gino Guiseppe... ' 75 00:10:47,450 --> 00:10:48,910 'You English fuckers!' 76 00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:52,080 '.. who is currently fighting extradition back to Italy 77 00:10:52,130 --> 00:10:54,110 'to face drug smuggling charges. 78 00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:57,280 'Ms Carbonara shot to fame portraying a prostitute 79 00:10:57,800 --> 00:11:01,600 'with a heart of gold in the film "The Last Butterfly Of Summer". 80 00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:05,920 'The film, with its controversial sex scenes, 81 00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:09,960 'took $160 million worldwide and won her an Oscar for Best Actress. ' 82 00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:15,480 'Her car was discovered near Beachy Head... ' 83 00:11:15,530 --> 00:11:17,600 Why you no pay me?! 84 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:24,560 It's three months since you bring me here and still you don't pay me! 85 00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:28,480 And why you sack Pascal?! 86 00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:32,600 Get back in there or I'll tell Immigration about your visa! 87 00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:34,680 Yes - visa! 88 00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:38,640 And I didn't sack Pascal. I was about to phone the hospital about him. 89 00:11:43,040 --> 00:11:46,680 Remember your condition, darling. Use your breathing technique, 90 00:11:48,760 --> 00:11:50,040 Wine? 91 00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:52,350 It's a bit early, isn't it? 92 00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:55,520 What about an aperitif, then? Gin, scotch, poteen? 93 00:11:57,080 --> 00:12:00,640 What? No, thank you. What we'd really like is some breakfast. 94 00:12:02,280 --> 00:12:03,480 Oh. 95 00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:07,520 If he does show up, give him some quick electric shock treatment 96 00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:10,320 and send him back! 97 00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:12,360 I eat your bacon! 98 00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:15,520 I eat your trifle! 99 00:12:18,920 --> 00:12:20,800 I drink your sherry! 100 00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:26,280 And what I can't eat... I put in the waste disposal! 101 00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:29,640 You big, fat bastard make me sad! 102 00:12:35,560 --> 00:12:38,110 I can particularly recommend this one. 103 00:12:38,160 --> 00:12:41,040 - Which one? - This page with all the wines. 104 00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:43,840 It's a bit early for us. 105 00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:46,080 What are you doing up, then? 106 00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:49,360 Too early for wine, Eddie. Go and help Chef. 107 00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:52,640 Help Chef? But you know Chef and I don't get on. 108 00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:57,520 This is an emergency - I'll do Pascal's job out here, 109 00:12:57,920 --> 00:13:00,320 you do Pascal's job in there, OK? 110 00:13:01,560 --> 00:13:02,760 OK. 111 00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:05,200 Now, what would you like? 112 00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:24,680 Now, then. What would you like? 113 00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:33,080 Chef's hurt himself. 114 00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:34,760 How badly? 115 00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:38,440 Indescribably badly. He hit his head on a frying pan 17 times. 116 00:13:43,160 --> 00:13:45,160 - You cook. - I can't. 117 00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:47,400 - Nor could Chef. - Right. 118 00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:49,870 Now, then... 119 00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:52,080 How can I help you? 120 00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:54,600 Where are your eggs from? 121 00:13:56,160 --> 00:13:57,800 Hen's vaginas. 122 00:13:58,240 --> 00:13:59,520 Ah... 123 00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:04,000 We'd like two full English breakfasts, 124 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:07,030 freshly squeezed orange juice, 125 00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:09,640 coffee for one - ground not instant - 126 00:14:09,680 --> 00:14:12,600 tea for one, lightly toasted wholemeal bread, 127 00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:15,020 and don't overcook the kidneys. 128 00:14:15,070 --> 00:14:17,240 Boiled egg as usual, Mrs Foxfur? 129 00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:19,200 Oh, yes, please. 130 00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:21,080 Thought so. 131 00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:24,200 Excuse me, I'll deal with important guests first. 132 00:14:24,760 --> 00:14:26,720 Oh, for Christ's sake! 133 00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:31,760 Ahem. 134 00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:34,000 Pheeb! One boiled egg. 135 00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:40,400 Pheeb! Hello? 136 00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:43,080 'Pheeb! Hello?' 137 00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:45,640 Yes, hello. One boiled egg. 138 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:48,800 'Pheeb! Hello?' 139 00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:51,240 Yes, hello! 140 00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:53,120 'Pheeb! Who is it?' 141 00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:56,430 Pheeb! It's Mr Thwaite. 142 00:14:56,480 --> 00:14:59,400 'Pheeb! He's not here. Can I take a message?' 143 00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:06,760 Look, it's me! Stop embarrassing me and just take the order! 144 00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:16,520 One boiled... Damn! 145 00:15:16,760 --> 00:15:20,040 Pheeb! One boiled... Oh, forget pheeb. One boiled egg! 146 00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:24,960 Pheeb! Hang on, I'll write it down. 147 00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:29,080 No, no, don't write it down, just remember it. 148 00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:32,080 'OK. How do you spell "egg?"' 149 00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:34,390 No! Just remember it! 150 00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:38,480 Hang on, I've broken me pencil. I'll just find another. Oh, sorry. Pheeb! 151 00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:42,800 Eddie! Oh... Pheeb! Eddie! 152 00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:46,240 - Yeah?! - Look, here's a pencil. 153 00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:50,680 Aaaarrrgh! Aaah! Aaah! Aaah! 154 00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:55,960 Here's the order. Copy it out and cook it. 155 00:15:56,280 --> 00:15:58,310 But it'll taste all papery. 156 00:15:58,360 --> 00:16:00,760 Just do it or I'll pop these, OK? 157 00:16:02,520 --> 00:16:03,720 OK. 158 00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:05,680 Aaaaaarrrrgh! 159 00:16:06,680 --> 00:16:09,200 Ahh! Ahh! I thought you said "or"! 160 00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:12,720 Freedom of speech. What we fought Hitler for. 161 00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:15,680 Now, let's just get on with it, shall we? 162 00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:27,200 Won't be long now. 163 00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:32,520 Could you possibly take our order? 164 00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:35,360 Oh, Edward and Mrs Simpson. 165 00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:39,440 I'd forgotten about you two. 166 00:16:39,490 --> 00:16:41,360 You must be ravenous? 167 00:16:42,040 --> 00:16:44,000 Can I take your order? 168 00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:45,440 Umm... 169 00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:50,040 Oh, all right. Why not? It'll kill some time, won't it? 170 00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:53,920 If you've finally managed to make up your minds. 171 00:16:57,640 --> 00:17:00,680 We'd like two full English breakfasts. 172 00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:03,360 - Do you have Lapsang Souchong? - No. 173 00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:07,200 I just put on my underpants the wrong way this morning. 174 00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:11,640 - Could I get some tea? - Of course! 175 00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:14,840 What a wise choice. 176 00:17:15,840 --> 00:17:17,240 Right... 177 00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:20,400 And if I may say so, that is a smashing blouse. 178 00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:25,040 - Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! - Aah! Aah! Aah! 179 00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:32,800 My God! 180 00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:34,840 Excuse me a moment. 181 00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:02,440 Ow... 182 00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:10,800 Heh heh! 183 00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:14,920 No! No! 184 00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:20,040 Ah! You've snapped my pencil! 185 00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,440 No, no! Not the fridge! 186 00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:57,140 No! 187 00:18:57,190 --> 00:18:58,195 Stop! 188 00:18:58,245 --> 00:18:59,200 Eddie! 189 00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:01,320 I'm sorry! 190 00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:07,480 How long for the egg? 191 00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:09,380 Three minutes, please. 192 00:19:09,430 --> 00:19:11,120 Excuse me one moment. 193 00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:13,040 Ahh! 194 00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:15,520 Uhhhh... urrgh! 195 00:19:39,360 --> 00:19:41,080 Aaaaaaarrrrgggh! 196 00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:48,800 - Ah! - Urgh! 197 00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:51,000 Urgh! Urgh! Urgh! 198 00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:54,400 Ah! Ah! Ah! 199 00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:00,760 Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Aaaaarrrgh! 200 00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:07,680 Aaaaaaaaaaarrrrgh! 201 00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:16,720 Is there any danger of getting food? 202 00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:18,830 - Breakfast's off. - Off? 203 00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:22,240 Yes. There is no breakfast. You're both too fat, anyway. 204 00:20:22,520 --> 00:20:25,120 Really! That's too much! I've never... 205 00:20:25,170 --> 00:20:27,480 Oh, do shut your gob, lard-arse! 206 00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:30,160 This is preposterous. 207 00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:32,600 You can shut yours, too. 208 00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:35,470 - That's it. - Darling, don't! 209 00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:38,040 Do you want some, eh? Do you want... 210 00:20:38,120 --> 00:20:40,760 - some? - He's a black belt in karate! 211 00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:44,840 More like a pink belt in hanging about gentlemen's lavatories! 212 00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:55,680 Richie... 213 00:20:57,360 --> 00:20:58,870 Hello, bird! 214 00:20:58,920 --> 00:21:00,960 Oh, Richie! It's Richie! 215 00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:02,700 Oh, it's Richie! 216 00:21:02,750 --> 00:21:04,400 Hello... other bird! 217 00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:06,150 It's Richie! Richie! 218 00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:09,840 Come saucy wood-nymphs, gather from your groves - it is Richie! 219 00:21:10,360 --> 00:21:11,680 Hello! 220 00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:14,320 Hello! Hello! Hello! 221 00:21:15,560 --> 00:21:17,160 Hello, birds! 222 00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:20,560 Come, love-nymphs. Out of respect for Richie, 223 00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:24,160 let us take out our great knockers and wobble them about. 224 00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:28,160 Oh, yes, let's! 225 00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:32,680 No, love-nymphs, let us open our fairy briefcases 226 00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:35,800 and shower him with unmarked tenners! 227 00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:37,350 Erotically... 228 00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:40,120 Hurrah! Yes! What a smashing idea! 229 00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:45,040 But first, proud, firm young maidens who are definitely on for it, 230 00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:49,800 let us anoint him with pints of super-strength illegal cider! 231 00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:52,840 Oh, yes! Let's! 232 00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:01,480 Settle, birds... 233 00:22:02,360 --> 00:22:04,240 Ha ha ha ha! 234 00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:08,320 Ha ha ha ha ha ha! 235 00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:10,480 A- ha ha ha ha ha! 236 00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:23,520 Oh, stop it! Stop it! 237 00:22:25,240 --> 00:22:28,280 Richie, you've been out for eight hours! 238 00:22:28,360 --> 00:22:30,960 Eight hours? What have you been doing? 239 00:22:31,010 --> 00:22:32,990 Trying to rouse you with this. 240 00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:35,640 How has the hotel functioned without me? 241 00:22:35,690 --> 00:22:38,160 Easily, 'cause the guests have gone. 242 00:22:38,240 --> 00:22:40,360 Gone! Did any of them pay? 243 00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:41,840 Er... no. 244 00:22:42,920 --> 00:22:44,920 Did they find the safe? 245 00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:46,510 I'm afraid so. 246 00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:49,280 Damn! So they got all their stuff back?! 247 00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:54,120 Oh...! 248 00:22:54,360 --> 00:22:55,920 What about advance bookings? 249 00:22:55,970 --> 00:22:57,680 Um, not too good. 250 00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:00,440 Oh, God! 251 00:23:01,120 --> 00:23:03,800 Oh, come on, Richie. It's not that bad. 252 00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:08,720 Yes, it is. I've just trapped my penis in the till drawer. 253 00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:18,380 Oh, Mr Twat? 254 00:23:18,430 --> 00:23:20,040 It's "Thwaite!" 255 00:23:20,360 --> 00:23:23,240 I thought you said all the guests have gone? 256 00:23:23,480 --> 00:23:25,480 I thought she was dead. 257 00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:34,000 Ah, Twat. My eggs stilI haven't arrived. 258 00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:39,040 Because you went through the menopause years ago. 259 00:23:39,080 --> 00:23:40,880 I beg your pardon? 260 00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:44,160 I said I'm afraid breakfast is off. 261 00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:47,360 Oh, have some sherry. 262 00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:50,400 Oh! Is it my birthday? 263 00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:53,720 - Oh... yes! - What, again? 264 00:23:57,800 --> 00:23:59,880 It's the third time this month. 265 00:23:59,930 --> 00:24:01,840 Yes! Have another one. 266 00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:07,110 Eddie, mark the bottle. 267 00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:10,920 I was just wondering, Mrs Foxfur, given your increasing infirmity, 268 00:24:12,360 --> 00:24:15,320 whether you might like to take the opportunity 269 00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:17,680 to pay your bill in advance? 270 00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:21,200 We don't want you getting so crippled by arthritis 271 00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:24,040 that you can't sign the cheque. 272 00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:27,040 I gave you five years advance last week. 273 00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:29,760 Yeah! And the week before that. 274 00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:31,440 Oh, yes. 275 00:24:32,120 --> 00:24:33,720 Silly old me. 276 00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:40,200 Hmm... 277 00:24:46,160 --> 00:24:48,240 Is that gold in those teeth? 278 00:24:48,290 --> 00:24:50,320 You should get those checked. 279 00:24:50,370 --> 00:24:52,240 My twin is a dentist! 280 00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:56,240 Your twin? Is that the same twin who's a gynaecologist? 281 00:24:58,120 --> 00:24:59,360 Huh? 282 00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:02,040 Er, no, no. He's the third twin. 283 00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:07,040 Yes, that's who he is. I'll get him to come round this afternoon. 284 00:25:08,520 --> 00:25:11,280 No, I'll get him to come round right now. 285 00:25:12,160 --> 00:25:15,440 - Yes, but I... I think I... - No trouble, Mrs Foxfur. 286 00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:19,800 Come along. Up to your room. Come on, come on! 287 00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:22,400 COME ON! 288 00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:26,520 Right, I'll be... HE'LL be along in a moment. 289 00:25:27,240 --> 00:25:29,000 Come on! Come on! 290 00:25:29,840 --> 00:25:32,920 Get me a doctor's coat, some pliers and a hammer. 291 00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:35,800 And your glasses as a disguise. 292 00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:40,710 How do I look? 293 00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:42,790 I don't know, I can't see. 294 00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:45,320 Edward, have you been taking drugs? 295 00:25:45,440 --> 00:25:49,120 Well, never mind depravity. Let's kick the old bint's teeth out. 296 00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:04,600 You're sure this is the right place? 297 00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:08,120 - It doesn't look nice. - There's a nuclear power station. 298 00:26:09,360 --> 00:26:12,760 Times are hard and this is the cheapest hotel in Britain. 299 00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:15,550 Let's make the best of it. 300 00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:18,040 Come on, we're on holiday! Hooray. 301 00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:24,160 - Oh! Oh! - Go on! Drink it, you bitch! 302 00:26:28,080 --> 00:26:30,630 Good, that should've loosened them up. 303 00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:34,560 Eddie, get the croquet mallet while I do some preliminary bridgework. 304 00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:36,440 Righty-dokey! 305 00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:43,960 Quick, Eddie, put your fingerprints all over this hammer. 306 00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:45,560 Righto. 307 00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:51,320 Dr Twat, is that you? 308 00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:54,960 Er, yes. 309 00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:58,320 Have you completed the root canal work? 310 00:26:58,760 --> 00:27:00,880 Er, yes. 311 00:27:01,360 --> 00:27:03,360 That's looking macfine. 312 00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:08,080 I'll pop back in a week and give ye a wee check-up. Come on, let's scarper! 313 00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:33,760 Good morning, good morning, good morning! 314 00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:37,480 We were beginning to think nobody was here. 315 00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:40,360 It looked like the Marie Celeste. 316 00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:51,080 How amusing! Ha ha! Oh, ha ha ha! 317 00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:03,840 Now, what can I do for you? 318 00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:06,360 Well, we were wondering... 319 00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:22,440 I'm sorry, I was just remembering. I must write that one down. 320 00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:24,880 "Marie... Celeste. " 321 00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:29,000 Ha ha ha! Implying that we run the kind of hotel where... 322 00:28:30,280 --> 00:28:32,200 nobody wants to stay. 323 00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:37,120 Right, well, we were wondering if you had any rooms. 324 00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:40,600 Yes, we'd like two rooms, adjoining. 325 00:28:40,680 --> 00:28:42,720 With a sea view, please. 326 00:28:42,760 --> 00:28:46,240 Gosh, you're quite forthright, aren't you, in your demands? 327 00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:49,040 My word, Eddie. Important people here. 328 00:28:49,520 --> 00:28:52,480 Well, first things first. Got any valuables... 329 00:28:53,160 --> 00:28:55,520 that you'd like put in the safe? 330 00:28:55,760 --> 00:28:58,520 - Not really, no. - What about that ring? 331 00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:01,430 Well, I never take it off. 332 00:29:01,480 --> 00:29:03,960 The watch, then? Is that expensive? 333 00:29:04,080 --> 00:29:05,590 No, it's a cheap copy. 334 00:29:05,640 --> 00:29:08,680 That'll do. The pawnbroker's very short-sighted. 335 00:29:08,760 --> 00:29:09,750 Eddie! 336 00:29:09,800 --> 00:29:12,640 .. means you don't need a watch in paradise. 337 00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:15,760 Time... stops here. 338 00:29:18,640 --> 00:29:20,670 So watch, please. 339 00:29:20,720 --> 00:29:23,320 - I'd rather keep it... - Watch! Please. 340 00:29:23,370 --> 00:29:25,600 - I won't be able... - Watch! 341 00:29:29,040 --> 00:29:30,560 Come along! 342 00:29:32,160 --> 00:29:34,640 Mmm. There, better safe than sorry. 343 00:29:35,800 --> 00:29:37,800 Eddie, take their bags. 344 00:29:39,440 --> 00:29:41,470 But... they'II see, won't they? 345 00:29:41,520 --> 00:29:44,320 No, Eddie, take their bags to their rooms. 346 00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:47,680 And you'll keep 'em talking? Gotcha! 347 00:29:49,320 --> 00:29:51,280 Whoo! Look over there! 348 00:29:58,680 --> 00:30:00,320 And off we go! 349 00:30:01,280 --> 00:30:03,080 Off to your rooms. 350 00:30:03,360 --> 00:30:05,040 Uh-uh uh-uh uh. 351 00:30:16,880 --> 00:30:19,280 - I beg your pardon? - I'll say. 352 00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:27,000 Have you stayed in a hotel before? This is the corridor. 353 00:30:27,800 --> 00:30:30,040 And this is the light switch. 354 00:30:30,080 --> 00:30:33,320 I've depressed the light switch, which is on a timer, 355 00:30:34,040 --> 00:30:36,070 which has been scientifically designed 356 00:30:36,120 --> 00:30:39,480 to allow you plenty of time to insert your key in the... 357 00:30:40,800 --> 00:30:42,080 Arse. 358 00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:44,390 Insert it in your arse? 359 00:30:44,440 --> 00:30:48,000 Never mind, I'm a resourceful chap, so I find the... 360 00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:50,920 Bastard! Fucking! Where is it?! 361 00:30:53,280 --> 00:30:55,040 Ah, there we are. 362 00:30:57,440 --> 00:30:58,950 And in we go... 363 00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:01,480 Eddie! What on earth are you doing? 364 00:31:01,600 --> 00:31:04,560 Uh... I... was... just going to unpack for them. 365 00:31:06,800 --> 00:31:09,520 Don't worry, I'd like to do that myself. 366 00:31:10,440 --> 00:31:12,360 Where's the sea view? 367 00:31:12,520 --> 00:31:14,640 That'll be out the window. 368 00:31:15,640 --> 00:31:17,560 Well, I can't see it. 369 00:31:17,720 --> 00:31:20,360 Yes, you have to lean out. Come along. 370 00:31:20,840 --> 00:31:23,800 Lean out... lean out... LEAN out of the window! 371 00:31:23,960 --> 00:31:25,990 Hold on to the scaffolding 372 00:31:26,040 --> 00:31:29,400 and you can just see the sewage pipe in Dead Man's Cove. 373 00:31:30,720 --> 00:31:34,200 I've had it checked by lawyers so don't try anything funny. 374 00:31:35,400 --> 00:31:37,240 And, as a backup... 375 00:31:39,040 --> 00:31:42,480 I've got a picture of some sea, so I've got you both ways. 376 00:31:43,720 --> 00:31:46,480 Could I just ask, is breakfast thrown in? 377 00:31:47,880 --> 00:31:51,280 It depends who's serving. I sometimes bring it on a tray. 378 00:31:52,360 --> 00:31:54,000 Eddie, a word. 379 00:31:56,200 --> 00:31:59,440 I've told you before, never talk to the adult guests. 380 00:31:59,490 --> 00:32:00,640 Ow! 381 00:32:01,400 --> 00:32:03,840 - What? - He poked me in the eye. 382 00:32:05,040 --> 00:32:07,320 No, she walked into my finger. 383 00:32:09,720 --> 00:32:11,960 Ha ha! Look, what time is it? 384 00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:15,800 Oh! Uh, why don't you let Eddie take these little... nippers 385 00:32:17,000 --> 00:32:18,960 off to the playground? 386 00:32:20,640 --> 00:32:22,840 Come on, you little rascals! 387 00:32:24,800 --> 00:32:28,280 And you two pop down to the bar for a complementary sherry. 388 00:32:29,480 --> 00:32:31,720 - That sounds nice. - It is. 389 00:32:32,600 --> 00:32:34,400 And only 75 pence. 390 00:32:36,760 --> 00:32:38,040 Each. 391 00:32:38,320 --> 00:32:39,840 In advance. 392 00:32:39,880 --> 00:32:41,640 Oh, right. Sorry. 393 00:32:45,600 --> 00:32:47,640 There we are. Oh, yes... 394 00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:50,280 Uh... have a... nice... day. 395 00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:58,560 So, as we always say at the Guest House Paradiso, 396 00:32:59,120 --> 00:33:02,600 have fun, avoid the water and don't get shit on the sheets. 397 00:33:24,080 --> 00:33:25,320 Hmm. 398 00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:37,360 It's horrible here. 399 00:33:38,640 --> 00:33:40,960 Welcome to the real world, kid. 400 00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:09,360 Oh! Ha ha ha! 401 00:34:10,880 --> 00:34:12,080 Oh! 402 00:34:12,960 --> 00:34:15,480 I really must have some more sherry. 403 00:34:17,640 --> 00:34:19,120 Eh... oh... 404 00:34:34,800 --> 00:34:37,480 Here you are, kid. Have a swig of this. 405 00:34:37,920 --> 00:34:40,000 It helps keep things blurred. 406 00:34:57,160 --> 00:34:58,600 Oh, damn. 407 00:35:30,440 --> 00:35:32,520 Shame about the weather. 408 00:35:32,570 --> 00:35:34,550 Shame about the hotel. 409 00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:37,600 Never mind. Happy anniversary, darling. 410 00:35:39,280 --> 00:35:41,160 Oh, no! No! 411 00:35:41,360 --> 00:35:43,120 Damn! Damn! Damn! 412 00:36:06,840 --> 00:36:10,680 It's Mr Twat, you're going to have to vacate your room for a moment. 413 00:36:12,040 --> 00:36:14,320 - Hello? - Excuse me. 414 00:36:15,680 --> 00:36:17,680 Hello? 415 00:36:22,440 --> 00:36:23,760 Hello? 416 00:36:26,080 --> 00:36:28,360 Hello, man behind the counter. 417 00:36:37,520 --> 00:36:39,320 Ah, there you are. 418 00:36:39,600 --> 00:36:41,000 Mr Twat? 419 00:36:42,200 --> 00:36:44,600 - No. - Do you know where he is? 420 00:36:45,320 --> 00:36:49,040 He could be anywhere. He's the only one who does a fucking thing! 421 00:36:49,480 --> 00:36:52,560 I'm suprprised he hasn't had a nervous breakdown! 422 00:36:52,600 --> 00:36:53,590 Pardon? 423 00:36:53,640 --> 00:36:55,240 Uh... the bar. 424 00:36:57,800 --> 00:36:59,640 He is in the... bar. 425 00:37:01,960 --> 00:37:03,280 Right. 426 00:37:10,280 --> 00:37:12,440 But... there's no one there. 427 00:37:14,960 --> 00:37:16,720 Oh, God. Oh, God! 428 00:37:18,360 --> 00:37:20,360 God! Oh, God! Oh, fu... 429 00:37:24,840 --> 00:37:27,280 Everything's gone completely numb. 430 00:37:27,960 --> 00:37:29,760 You lucky bastard. 431 00:37:33,680 --> 00:37:36,280 Good morning, I'm looking for Mr Twat. 432 00:37:36,330 --> 00:37:37,270 Er... 433 00:37:37,320 --> 00:37:39,400 Have you tried reception? 434 00:37:40,440 --> 00:37:44,360 Yes, but he isn't there. The strange midget said he was in the lounge. 435 00:37:50,840 --> 00:37:53,760 Well, I'm sure if we wait here he'll turn up. 436 00:37:57,600 --> 00:37:59,680 Charming part of the country. 437 00:38:04,360 --> 00:38:06,680 Does it rain a lot around here? 438 00:38:09,040 --> 00:38:11,360 More or less continuously, yes. 439 00:38:12,160 --> 00:38:13,360 Oh. 440 00:38:14,760 --> 00:38:16,200 Oh, well. 441 00:38:17,880 --> 00:38:19,960 Good for the flowers, I suppose. 442 00:38:20,010 --> 00:38:22,040 Still quite warm, though. 443 00:38:36,080 --> 00:38:38,840 Look, something tells me I can trust you. 444 00:38:43,360 --> 00:38:45,400 You see, the thing is... 445 00:38:48,040 --> 00:38:49,720 The thing is... 446 00:38:54,800 --> 00:38:56,680 I am Gina Carbonara. 447 00:38:58,960 --> 00:39:00,470 Gina Carbonara, 448 00:39:00,520 --> 00:39:03,440 the famous Italian film star and love object. 449 00:39:05,200 --> 00:39:08,200 Cor, blimey, wait till Richie hears about this! 450 00:39:12,080 --> 00:39:15,320 The truth is, I've had a little bother lately with... 451 00:39:17,160 --> 00:39:19,120 one thing and another, 452 00:39:20,280 --> 00:39:24,200 and I'm looking for a hotel that's quiet, discreet and out of the way, 453 00:39:26,000 --> 00:39:28,440 where the paparazzi won't find me. 454 00:39:29,120 --> 00:39:31,600 I wouldn't know where to recommend. 455 00:39:32,760 --> 00:39:34,760 I was thinking of here. 456 00:39:35,360 --> 00:39:36,560 Oh. 457 00:39:37,440 --> 00:39:38,640 Oh! 458 00:39:41,080 --> 00:39:44,800 This seems the perfect spot. You're not in any of the guidebooks. 459 00:39:45,760 --> 00:39:48,600 Nobody for miles around - an oasis of calm. 460 00:39:50,440 --> 00:39:53,720 Even the peasants in the village denied its existence. 461 00:39:57,200 --> 00:39:59,360 Oh, yes, this is the place. 462 00:40:01,360 --> 00:40:04,040 A perfect little refuge from the world. 463 00:40:09,160 --> 00:40:12,160 Right, well, we'd better... check you in, then. 464 00:40:20,600 --> 00:40:23,400 So if you're not the manager, who are you? 465 00:40:24,760 --> 00:40:26,720 I'm Eddie the bellboy. 466 00:40:27,360 --> 00:40:28,940 The bellboy? 467 00:40:28,990 --> 00:40:30,520 That's right. 468 00:40:44,000 --> 00:40:45,960 And... here's your key. 469 00:40:48,680 --> 00:40:51,760 It's room five, first floor, end of the corridor. 470 00:40:52,320 --> 00:40:54,840 I'll bring your luggage up directly. 471 00:40:59,080 --> 00:41:00,360 Mice. 472 00:41:02,720 --> 00:41:04,720 Basque Separatist mice. 473 00:41:12,080 --> 00:41:15,800 I was... just... cleaning the oven in my Ralph Lauren rubber shorts 474 00:41:17,280 --> 00:41:19,840 and... and... and... never mind about that now! 475 00:41:19,890 --> 00:41:22,400 I can't believe it! Gina Carbonara staying here! 476 00:41:23,160 --> 00:41:25,800 Gina Carbonara! The Melons from Milan! 477 00:41:26,120 --> 00:41:28,400 Yeah, the Nipples from Naples! 478 00:41:28,720 --> 00:41:30,230 The Rump from Rome! 479 00:41:30,280 --> 00:41:32,400 The Rectum from Reykjavik! 480 00:41:33,920 --> 00:41:37,400 - That's not right, is it? - I don't know. She gets around. 481 00:41:38,600 --> 00:41:40,680 Eddie, assemble all the staff! 482 00:41:40,730 --> 00:41:42,600 - Here I am. - Good. 483 00:41:42,760 --> 00:41:45,120 Is this it? Where's Lardy Basto? 484 00:41:45,360 --> 00:41:48,640 - Chef left this morning, remember? - Damn, so he did! 485 00:41:49,520 --> 00:41:52,200 So it's just us, then. Very well, then. 486 00:41:53,160 --> 00:41:54,480 Alone. 487 00:41:54,720 --> 00:41:56,750 God, what are we gonna do?! 488 00:41:56,800 --> 00:41:59,720 Calm! Down! Richie! It's only Gina Carbonara! 489 00:42:00,960 --> 00:42:04,760 I know! I'm already straining these rubber underpants to the limit! 490 00:42:05,640 --> 00:42:07,680 We'll soon have you out. 491 00:42:08,760 --> 00:42:10,000 Unh! 492 00:42:16,560 --> 00:42:18,360 What about dinner? 493 00:42:18,640 --> 00:42:22,120 She'll be expecting top-rate, poncey, French-style A1 nosh! 494 00:42:23,840 --> 00:42:27,640 I don't believe it! That Romanian bastard! He's eaten ALL the food! 495 00:42:29,040 --> 00:42:30,030 Oh! 496 00:42:30,080 --> 00:42:32,560 Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God! OH, GOD! 497 00:42:34,240 --> 00:42:36,640 Why do these things happen to me? 498 00:42:36,840 --> 00:42:39,000 I thought this would be it, 499 00:42:39,440 --> 00:42:43,480 I was gonna get a blue plaque made saying "Gina Carbonara stayed here. " 500 00:42:44,120 --> 00:42:46,760 Now you'II need a slightly bigger one, 501 00:42:47,240 --> 00:42:50,840 saying "Gina Carbonara stayed here and thought it was shit. " 502 00:42:52,440 --> 00:42:55,360 - Is this gonna work? - Is the Pope Catholic? 503 00:42:56,600 --> 00:42:58,120 Yes, he is. 504 00:42:58,160 --> 00:43:00,440 Is he? Huh! I never knew that. 505 00:43:01,480 --> 00:43:02,800 Right. 506 00:43:02,840 --> 00:43:04,840 Yep, that should do it. 507 00:43:04,920 --> 00:43:07,560 What's the next part of the operation? 508 00:43:08,040 --> 00:43:12,080 I puncture the pants with this kebab skewer on the end of a broom handle. 509 00:43:13,240 --> 00:43:17,320 The sudden release of pressure causes the pants to gradually disintegrate. 510 00:43:21,040 --> 00:43:23,520 - If you say so. - Brace yourself. 511 00:43:24,680 --> 00:43:26,480 And here it comes! 512 00:43:52,240 --> 00:43:54,270 It's so boring here! 513 00:43:54,320 --> 00:43:57,000 Well, what about I-Spy? No. 514 00:43:57,960 --> 00:44:00,480 Let's play Charlene's favourite game. 515 00:44:00,530 --> 00:44:03,000 Yeah! All right. 516 00:44:06,800 --> 00:44:09,480 OK, here we go, hope you're all hiding. 517 00:44:10,440 --> 00:44:11,760 One... 518 00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:13,640 two... three... 519 00:44:14,080 --> 00:44:15,720 four... five... 520 00:44:16,680 --> 00:44:18,320 six... seven... 521 00:44:18,760 --> 00:44:20,440 eight... nine... 522 00:44:22,400 --> 00:44:24,520 Ten! Coming, ready or not! 523 00:44:26,040 --> 00:44:28,240 - Oh, you've grown. - What? 524 00:44:28,640 --> 00:44:30,680 - Oh, I see! - Mr Twat? 525 00:44:31,240 --> 00:44:35,120 It's "Thwaite!" No, no, I'm not him, I'm his deranged half-brother! 526 00:44:36,440 --> 00:44:38,160 Hur hur hur hee! 527 00:44:50,480 --> 00:44:53,920 And stay there! Never enter the public areas of the hotel! 528 00:44:56,200 --> 00:44:59,720 Oh, I'm so sorry. I was talking to my demented half-brother. 529 00:45:00,880 --> 00:45:03,360 - Is he all right? - No, he's mad. 530 00:45:04,000 --> 00:45:06,320 But don't worry, it's terminal! 531 00:45:06,600 --> 00:45:09,000 Now, allow me to show you around. 532 00:45:09,200 --> 00:45:11,480 Oh, my, you have a pert elbow. 533 00:45:14,400 --> 00:45:16,560 You must be Gina Carbonara. 534 00:45:17,520 --> 00:45:19,880 Yes, and you must be Mr Thwaite. 535 00:45:21,160 --> 00:45:23,120 It's "Twat. " Damn... 536 00:45:23,760 --> 00:45:26,440 I'm sorry, please, forgive me, Mr Twat. 537 00:45:26,880 --> 00:45:28,120 Yes. 538 00:45:28,440 --> 00:45:31,400 I have a problem, could you come into my room? 539 00:45:32,600 --> 00:45:34,520 - No... - You won't? 540 00:45:34,680 --> 00:45:37,000 No, no, I WON'T have a problem. 541 00:45:37,800 --> 00:45:41,320 - I'm not being too forward? - No, I like them sticking out. 542 00:45:44,040 --> 00:45:46,480 Now, what seems to be the problem? 543 00:45:46,640 --> 00:45:49,080 Electrics? Plumbing? The... stench? 544 00:45:50,280 --> 00:45:53,640 Although, by the way, should you have a personal problem 545 00:45:54,960 --> 00:45:57,640 I am in fact a qualified gynaecologist. 546 00:45:59,120 --> 00:46:02,680 Well, strictly speaking I'm an amateur - but I'm bloody keen. 547 00:46:03,280 --> 00:46:05,000 Keen as mustard. 548 00:46:05,360 --> 00:46:08,280 - I'm having trouble with my zip. - Your zip? 549 00:46:09,520 --> 00:46:11,320 Could you undo it? 550 00:46:14,200 --> 00:46:15,560 Pardon? 551 00:46:18,880 --> 00:46:20,910 No, I still don't understand. 552 00:46:20,960 --> 00:46:23,720 You want me to undo your zip? 553 00:46:24,600 --> 00:46:26,440 Oh, yes. Would you? 554 00:46:26,680 --> 00:46:29,600 Well, I'II have a bloody good go. 555 00:46:30,320 --> 00:46:31,800 Thank you. 556 00:46:34,480 --> 00:46:36,760 You see it is just stuck here. 557 00:46:37,080 --> 00:46:40,040 You don't mind that I do not wear a brassiere? 558 00:46:40,720 --> 00:46:42,080 Uh, no. 559 00:46:42,800 --> 00:46:46,600 This is such a charming hotel, unlike anywhere else I've ever been. 560 00:46:50,080 --> 00:46:52,480 I feel I could stay here forever. 561 00:46:55,280 --> 00:46:57,320 You're such a sweet man. 562 00:47:09,320 --> 00:47:12,240 Love is such a fickle thing, don't you think? 563 00:47:12,960 --> 00:47:14,640 What? Oh, love. 564 00:47:15,040 --> 00:47:16,680 Oh, yes, love. 565 00:47:17,640 --> 00:47:19,360 Oh, lumme! Love! 566 00:47:19,480 --> 00:47:21,230 H- how very well put. 567 00:47:21,280 --> 00:47:23,640 How very amusing. Ha ha ha ha... 568 00:47:25,960 --> 00:47:28,040 How soi-disant... Ah! Uh! 569 00:47:29,080 --> 00:47:30,840 Yes, it's such... 570 00:47:31,160 --> 00:47:32,840 Oh... he's gone. 571 00:47:38,640 --> 00:47:40,640 Ooh, it's cold in here. 572 00:47:41,560 --> 00:47:42,920 Arrrgh! 573 00:47:44,680 --> 00:47:46,000 Eddie! 574 00:47:48,320 --> 00:47:50,240 Aaaarrgh! AAAAARRRGH! 575 00:47:54,040 --> 00:47:56,040 Bloody road protesters! 576 00:47:56,120 --> 00:47:57,760 Save the B157! 577 00:47:58,720 --> 00:48:01,480 Marvellous, Eddie! Look! Fish for supper! 578 00:48:02,360 --> 00:48:04,320 We're saved! Ha ha ha! 579 00:48:30,440 --> 00:48:33,720 Have you had enough time to read the menu, Mrs Foxfur? 580 00:48:34,600 --> 00:48:37,000 Well, I think I'II have the fish. 581 00:48:38,240 --> 00:48:40,200 Oh, good. Wise choice. 582 00:48:40,840 --> 00:48:43,680 So everyone's having fish, then. Excellent. 583 00:48:45,000 --> 00:48:47,000 I don't like this fish. 584 00:48:47,080 --> 00:48:48,590 You'll eat it. 585 00:48:48,640 --> 00:48:52,480 You're a minor, you have no rights and I'll happily call the police! 586 00:48:53,320 --> 00:48:56,920 For what the Lord has provided let us be truly F-ing thankful. 587 00:48:58,520 --> 00:49:00,640 And the same goes for you! 588 00:49:01,320 --> 00:49:03,150 - Enjoying your meal? - Yes. 589 00:49:03,200 --> 00:49:06,960 We've got royalty coming downstairs in a minute so fucking behave! 590 00:49:08,400 --> 00:49:09,960 Who are you? 591 00:49:11,000 --> 00:49:13,080 - We're Mr... - And Mrs. 592 00:49:13,600 --> 00:49:15,640 Barker. 593 00:49:16,720 --> 00:49:19,880 The honeymoon couple? Have you been in bed all day? 594 00:49:20,880 --> 00:49:22,840 Well, we're newlyweds. 595 00:49:23,480 --> 00:49:25,800 Good grief! What can I get you? 596 00:49:26,080 --> 00:49:28,640 Vitamins? Energy tablets? Fanny pump? 597 00:49:29,720 --> 00:49:32,520 - N-no, a table. - Let's go back upstairs. 598 00:49:33,360 --> 00:49:36,840 You bloody well won't! That's enough of that sort of thing! 599 00:49:37,520 --> 00:49:40,600 Just sit down and eat quietly like normal people! 600 00:49:41,160 --> 00:49:43,320 It's absolutely disgusting! 601 00:49:46,880 --> 00:49:48,920 Now, what can I get you? 602 00:49:50,520 --> 00:49:52,400 D'you have any fish? 603 00:49:53,640 --> 00:49:55,800 Oh! I'II see what I can do. 604 00:50:06,120 --> 00:50:08,360 Good evening, Miss Carbonara. 605 00:50:08,720 --> 00:50:10,460 Good evening, Mr Twat. 606 00:50:10,510 --> 00:50:12,200 Ha ha, it's "Cunt". 607 00:50:13,920 --> 00:50:15,640 Oh, damn. Again. 608 00:50:18,600 --> 00:50:21,680 Would it be too much trouble if I ate in my room? 609 00:50:22,760 --> 00:50:24,400 Oh. Of course. 610 00:50:27,440 --> 00:50:28,720 Oh... 611 00:50:29,000 --> 00:50:30,480 Of course. 612 00:50:30,560 --> 00:50:33,760 What can I bring you? The fish is very good tonight. 613 00:50:34,720 --> 00:50:38,040 Yes, lightly grilled fish and a salad would be perfect. 614 00:50:38,360 --> 00:50:41,160 "Lightly" grilled fish? And a "salad"? 615 00:50:43,560 --> 00:50:46,280 Righty-ho. I'II have that up in a jiffy. 616 00:50:47,200 --> 00:50:49,840 Would it offend you if I ate it naked? 617 00:50:52,400 --> 00:50:53,390 Hmm? 618 00:50:53,440 --> 00:50:55,880 I would like to have it undressed. 619 00:50:57,600 --> 00:50:58,840 Hmm? 620 00:50:59,160 --> 00:51:01,400 I don't want to cause a fuss. 621 00:51:01,760 --> 00:51:04,800 Oh, no, no! They'll be raring to go on that one. 622 00:51:05,920 --> 00:51:09,000 - Undressed, you say? - It's good for my chakras. 623 00:51:10,080 --> 00:51:13,440 I should imagine. Chakras like those want looking after. 624 00:51:13,720 --> 00:51:16,360 As we used to say in the Boy Scouts... 625 00:51:17,360 --> 00:51:19,000 Pheeb! 626 00:51:21,520 --> 00:51:23,030 Oh, she's gone. 627 00:51:23,080 --> 00:51:26,800 Right, Edward Elizabeth Ndingombaba, this could be our lucky day! 628 00:51:37,640 --> 00:51:39,040 Come in. 629 00:51:51,680 --> 00:51:53,190 Good evening. 630 00:51:53,240 --> 00:51:55,120 Good one. 631 00:51:57,400 --> 00:51:59,000 Good evening. 632 00:52:03,640 --> 00:52:05,680 You have a very big hat. 633 00:52:07,400 --> 00:52:09,920 Well, you're a very attractive bird. 634 00:52:23,400 --> 00:52:26,480 And with your salad - salad cream or cooking oil? 635 00:52:28,080 --> 00:52:29,440 Pardon? 636 00:52:31,200 --> 00:52:32,710 Cream or oil? 637 00:52:32,760 --> 00:52:35,480 No, I said I wanted the salad undressed. 638 00:52:35,880 --> 00:52:38,600 I know, and we're looking forward to it. 639 00:52:39,000 --> 00:52:40,440 I'll say. 640 00:52:40,560 --> 00:52:42,840 No, I mean... without dressing. 641 00:52:45,760 --> 00:52:47,040 Oh... 642 00:52:47,320 --> 00:52:49,720 Oh. Oh, God. Back to the kitchen. 643 00:52:51,480 --> 00:52:53,960 Oh, God. Quickly! Quickly! Quickly! 644 00:52:54,080 --> 00:52:55,840 Oh, God! Oh, God! 645 00:52:58,760 --> 00:53:01,160 Really, i-i-i-it's just too much. 646 00:53:01,360 --> 00:53:04,080 I- I'm gonna... I- I'm gonna confront him. 647 00:53:04,480 --> 00:53:06,680 So you take the kids to bed. 648 00:53:07,080 --> 00:53:09,080 Well, be careful, babe. 649 00:53:15,400 --> 00:53:16,720 Hello? 650 00:53:23,720 --> 00:53:25,360 Hello? 651 00:54:09,600 --> 00:54:12,360 Time for beddy-byes, is it? Sweet dreams! 652 00:54:16,240 --> 00:54:18,200 Oh, I don't feel well. 653 00:54:23,520 --> 00:54:25,550 Hey, give her one from me! 654 00:54:25,600 --> 00:54:28,880 If you're too tired I'll come and give her one myself! 655 00:54:29,760 --> 00:54:31,840 I'm not joking, actually. 656 00:54:51,080 --> 00:54:53,630 What do you think you're doing? 657 00:54:53,680 --> 00:54:57,200 I wanted you. Some underwear has gone missing from our room. 658 00:54:57,840 --> 00:55:00,640 Really? And what sort of UNDERWEAR was it? 659 00:55:01,480 --> 00:55:03,000 Uh, well... 660 00:55:03,560 --> 00:55:06,520 They were crotchless rubber panties, actually! 661 00:55:08,240 --> 00:55:10,660 You're quite sure they were crotchless? 662 00:55:10,710 --> 00:55:13,080 Yes, and a rubber bra is missing as well. 663 00:55:13,440 --> 00:55:16,520 Hey, Rich, look at this bloke in spiky underwear! 664 00:55:17,080 --> 00:55:18,960 Is it...? Is it you? 665 00:55:20,720 --> 00:55:22,840 - Put that back on! - No. 666 00:55:30,080 --> 00:55:31,640 It's broken. 667 00:55:32,160 --> 00:55:35,240 - And there's no other machine? - No. Afraid not. 668 00:55:37,360 --> 00:55:40,880 Well, I'll just show this tape to the police in the morning. 669 00:55:44,120 --> 00:55:45,630 Hey, Rich... 670 00:55:45,680 --> 00:55:47,600 What are we gonna do? 671 00:55:47,760 --> 00:55:51,200 We'll just bide our time, Eddie. We'll just bide our time. 672 00:55:58,160 --> 00:56:00,680 Can you take your hand off my penis? 673 00:56:01,280 --> 00:56:02,960 Hmm? Oh, sorry. 674 00:56:11,160 --> 00:56:13,120 Whoo-oo-oo-oo! 675 00:56:16,360 --> 00:56:18,000 Whoo-oo-oo-oo! 676 00:56:20,000 --> 00:56:21,640 Whoo-oo-oo-oo! 677 00:56:24,160 --> 00:56:25,800 Whoo-oo-oo-oo! 678 00:56:27,800 --> 00:56:29,310 Whoo-oo-oo-oo! 679 00:56:29,360 --> 00:56:32,000 Will you stop making those owl noises! 680 00:56:32,480 --> 00:56:34,880 - Sorry. - Right. Now follow me. 681 00:56:35,600 --> 00:56:37,680 Aaaaaaaaarrrghhh! 682 00:56:39,760 --> 00:56:41,280 Rich! Rich! 683 00:56:42,880 --> 00:56:44,560 What happened? 684 00:56:44,610 --> 00:56:46,240 Candle in the eye. 685 00:56:46,520 --> 00:56:47,880 Pardon? 686 00:56:48,080 --> 00:56:49,880 Candle in the eye! 687 00:56:51,200 --> 00:56:52,560 Righto. 688 00:56:52,760 --> 00:56:54,560 Aaaaaaaarrrrrgghh! 689 00:57:00,560 --> 00:57:03,440 Stop it! Stop... it! Stop it! 690 00:57:04,200 --> 00:57:05,840 Look... look... 691 00:57:06,280 --> 00:57:08,520 Uhh! Let's get sensible, OK?! 692 00:57:11,480 --> 00:57:13,480 Come on, it's this way. 693 00:57:18,240 --> 00:57:20,000 Here we are. Shh! 694 00:57:31,760 --> 00:57:34,800 Right, they're fast asleep. Get your tackle out. 695 00:57:35,400 --> 00:57:37,060 I beg your pardon? 696 00:57:37,110 --> 00:57:38,720 Hand me your rod. 697 00:57:39,040 --> 00:57:41,160 - Huh? - The fishing rod. 698 00:57:41,640 --> 00:57:43,160 Oh! Righto. 699 00:57:52,040 --> 00:57:53,920 Here we go. 700 00:57:55,160 --> 00:57:56,400 Shh! 701 00:58:06,600 --> 00:58:08,160 Oh-oh-oh...! 702 00:58:12,320 --> 00:58:13,680 Got it. 703 00:58:25,320 --> 00:58:27,520 He's got a tight grip on it. 704 00:58:50,800 --> 00:58:52,280 Ah! Ooh... 705 00:58:52,880 --> 00:58:54,960 You're gonna have to help. 706 00:58:55,010 --> 00:58:56,600 Right you are. 707 00:58:58,600 --> 00:59:00,840 Cor! You got a whopper there. 708 00:59:01,720 --> 00:59:04,840 Why, thank you, Eddie. Must be all the excitement. 709 00:59:08,480 --> 00:59:11,360 Oh, yeah... Lady Diana, Princess of Wales... 710 00:59:13,680 --> 00:59:15,680 Smack me up, you bitch. 711 00:59:24,080 --> 00:59:25,880 Ooh! Ooh! 712 00:59:31,040 --> 00:59:32,640 Unh! Come on! 713 00:59:40,200 --> 00:59:41,400 Oh! 714 00:59:45,400 --> 00:59:46,920 Who's that? 715 00:59:46,960 --> 00:59:49,040 Someone ringing the doorbell. 716 00:59:49,090 --> 00:59:50,550 I think you're right. 717 00:59:50,600 --> 00:59:53,520 See what they want before they wake everyone. 718 00:59:53,720 --> 00:59:56,840 And Eddie, if it's the police, claim all responsibility. 719 00:59:56,890 --> 00:59:58,800 - Righto. - Good man. 720 01:00:05,160 --> 01:00:07,160 I'm coming! I'm coming! 721 01:00:10,880 --> 01:00:12,440 Where's Gina Carbonara?! 722 01:00:12,490 --> 01:00:13,960 GINA! GINA! 723 01:00:20,760 --> 01:00:23,440 It's, uh, just along here, room five... 724 01:00:24,920 --> 01:00:27,680 OK, now, bring me romantic supper for two 725 01:00:28,040 --> 01:00:30,070 and expensive bottle of champagne, 726 01:00:30,120 --> 01:00:32,840 otherwise you are one dead motherfucker! 727 01:00:33,760 --> 01:00:37,280 Watch the language. We're trying to keep this PG, all right? 728 01:00:37,920 --> 01:00:41,280 OK, excuse me, otherwise you are one dead father-fucker! 729 01:00:43,640 --> 01:00:45,040 I tried. 730 01:00:53,000 --> 01:00:54,280 Gino! 731 01:00:55,600 --> 01:00:57,110 Si. 732 01:00:57,160 --> 01:01:00,280 So, why you not turn up at the church-a yesterday? 733 01:01:03,400 --> 01:01:06,840 You are too famous not to come to your own-a wedding! Eh?! 734 01:01:09,120 --> 01:01:12,280 Or is poor Gino, from Sicily, your own-a country... 735 01:01:13,800 --> 01:01:16,240 is not a-good enough for you, huh? 736 01:01:16,920 --> 01:01:18,440 Is that it? 737 01:01:20,040 --> 01:01:21,720 Ah! 738 01:01:37,720 --> 01:01:39,080 Gina... 739 01:01:39,800 --> 01:01:41,960 You know why I didn't come. 740 01:01:42,920 --> 01:01:45,760 How can I know? You never tell me anything. 741 01:01:46,560 --> 01:01:50,640 Because the night before the wedding you sleep with all three bridesmaids. 742 01:01:52,280 --> 01:01:54,760 But at the time I wasn't-a married! 743 01:01:55,400 --> 01:01:57,200 I was a free Gino! 744 01:01:57,480 --> 01:01:59,640 Gina... Per favure, Gina... 745 01:02:00,600 --> 01:02:02,640 Gina... Gina... Amure... 746 01:02:05,280 --> 01:02:07,320 Gina, per favure, amure. 747 01:02:26,840 --> 01:02:28,110 Amore, bambina... 748 01:02:28,160 --> 01:02:32,000 I do not want-a to spend another moment of my life without you, huh? 749 01:02:33,880 --> 01:02:36,680 Do you have-a your wedding dress with you? 750 01:02:39,080 --> 01:02:41,840 Why don't you put it on for me, for Gino? 751 01:02:44,280 --> 01:02:46,600 So we can-a marry ourself, huh? 752 01:02:46,880 --> 01:02:48,920 Si! 753 01:02:49,480 --> 01:02:51,400 Room service! 754 01:02:57,280 --> 01:02:58,960 - Gino? - Si?! 755 01:02:59,360 --> 01:03:00,640 Look. 756 01:03:01,960 --> 01:03:04,600 Yes, it's-a very beautiful. Put it on! 757 01:03:08,720 --> 01:03:11,440 Do you know a nice bordello around here? 758 01:03:13,400 --> 01:03:17,080 You find-a me some pretty girls... and put them in another room. 759 01:03:21,200 --> 01:03:22,640 He's bad! 760 01:03:25,360 --> 01:03:28,560 The boyfriend? Why didn't she tell me he was coming? 761 01:03:34,720 --> 01:03:36,600 Ah... Leading me on. 762 01:03:38,360 --> 01:03:39,960 Brazen hussy. 763 01:03:41,480 --> 01:03:43,520 She was just using me... 764 01:03:44,600 --> 01:03:46,630 before she tied the knot. 765 01:03:46,680 --> 01:03:49,480 Just one last little bit of love exercise. 766 01:03:51,880 --> 01:03:53,840 Which didn't come off. 767 01:03:55,000 --> 01:03:57,080 Like these blasted pants. 768 01:03:58,640 --> 01:04:00,880 Oh, that reminds me! Oh, God! 769 01:04:04,360 --> 01:04:06,040 Richie? Richie? 770 01:04:25,160 --> 01:04:27,080 Evening, Eddie! 771 01:04:27,760 --> 01:04:29,680 Oh, no. Friday night. 772 01:04:29,840 --> 01:04:31,880 Yep, another shift done! 773 01:04:31,920 --> 01:04:34,760 Sorry we're late. Had a party at the plant. 774 01:04:35,560 --> 01:04:39,480 A leaving party. Well, someone on B shift died, so technically it was! 775 01:05:28,920 --> 01:05:31,150 No, look, I'm sorry, but... 776 01:05:31,200 --> 01:05:34,040 The weekly lock-in at Guest House Paradiso! 777 01:05:34,320 --> 01:05:37,960 All right, but it'II have to be a quick one - we've got guests. 778 01:05:40,040 --> 01:05:41,880 You've got guests?! 779 01:05:54,600 --> 01:05:56,680 All right, what'll it be? 780 01:06:09,800 --> 01:06:11,440 I feel poorly. 781 01:06:13,840 --> 01:06:16,280 Dad! Dad! Dad! DAD! Dad, wake up! 782 01:06:19,040 --> 01:06:21,440 - What is it, Damien? - Darling? 783 01:06:21,640 --> 01:06:24,200 The nasty man! He's in the cupboard! 784 01:06:25,280 --> 01:06:27,310 - What? - The hotel man! 785 01:06:27,360 --> 01:06:29,960 You're just having a nightmare, darling. 786 01:06:30,010 --> 01:06:31,745 But he's in there! 787 01:06:31,795 --> 01:06:33,480 Come into bed with us. 788 01:06:33,600 --> 01:06:35,630 But he really is there... 789 01:06:35,680 --> 01:06:38,080 I'm sure you think he's in there. 790 01:06:41,920 --> 01:06:45,240 I've been having some nightmares about that man myself. 791 01:06:57,000 --> 01:06:58,640 I feel poorly. 792 01:07:03,240 --> 01:07:07,080 Cor, I'm glad that shift's over - they had to give me seven showers! 793 01:07:07,920 --> 01:07:10,320 We had a bit of a leak yesterday, 794 01:07:11,040 --> 01:07:13,880 had to burn all the dead fish from the bay. 795 01:07:14,680 --> 01:07:16,760 You probably saw the lorries. 796 01:07:16,810 --> 01:07:18,400 - Shh! - Mmm! 797 01:07:26,640 --> 01:07:28,160 Mama mia... 798 01:07:30,800 --> 01:07:32,720 You look-a beautiful. 799 01:08:07,200 --> 01:08:09,920 And I, Gino Guiseppe Gianluca Bolognese, 800 01:08:10,840 --> 01:08:13,400 take you, Gina Tortellini Carbonara, 801 01:08:16,040 --> 01:08:20,080 to be my lawful wedded wife, to love and cherish me, to serve and obey me 802 01:08:22,280 --> 01:08:24,240 till death do us part. 803 01:08:24,360 --> 01:08:25,640 Amen. 804 01:08:36,320 --> 01:08:37,600 I do. 805 01:08:37,880 --> 01:08:39,960 I now pronounce us man... 806 01:08:43,080 --> 01:08:44,720 and his woman! 807 01:08:47,760 --> 01:08:49,640 No, Gino! 808 01:08:49,840 --> 01:08:51,350 No?! What do you mean?! 809 01:08:51,400 --> 01:08:54,560 You are my woman, everything that is yours is mine! 810 01:09:15,320 --> 01:09:19,000 You bring-a shame and dishonour to the whole-a Bolognese family! 811 01:09:39,240 --> 01:09:41,480 No sandwiches tonight, Eddie? 812 01:09:42,360 --> 01:09:43,680 Uh... 813 01:09:52,240 --> 01:09:54,320 Hello...? Night... porter. 814 01:09:59,520 --> 01:10:01,840 Where are the whores I ordered? 815 01:10:03,680 --> 01:10:05,760 I ordered three prostitutes! 816 01:10:05,810 --> 01:10:07,840 Send them to my room now. 817 01:10:12,520 --> 01:10:13,920 Huh? OK. 818 01:10:17,200 --> 01:10:19,120 Excuse me, gentlemen. 819 01:10:25,000 --> 01:10:26,880 Hello, night porter? 820 01:10:27,600 --> 01:10:29,110 Eddie, it's me. 821 01:10:29,160 --> 01:10:32,240 I'm stuck inside the bedside cabinet in room six. 822 01:10:33,960 --> 01:10:36,200 OK. Won't be a minute, gents. 823 01:10:39,560 --> 01:10:42,000 I'll go and get us the sandwiches. 824 01:10:45,800 --> 01:10:48,440 All I want is what is rightfully mine! 825 01:10:49,960 --> 01:10:53,760 Gino! This was my mother's dress! And my grandmother's before that. 826 01:10:55,680 --> 01:10:58,480 That's OK, bring them. I'll fuck them too! 827 01:10:58,800 --> 01:11:00,640 I am one fucky guy! 828 01:11:21,680 --> 01:11:23,520 What are you doing? 829 01:11:23,760 --> 01:11:27,440 Sorry, hotel maintenance. I have to remove this bedside cabinet. 830 01:11:27,920 --> 01:11:30,440 - What? - Yes, it's... got woodworm. 831 01:11:31,040 --> 01:11:33,480 But it's the middle of the night. 832 01:11:34,160 --> 01:11:36,000 It's... a fire risk. 833 01:11:36,760 --> 01:11:38,360 No, it's not. 834 01:11:39,360 --> 01:11:40,880 Yes, it is. 835 01:11:44,040 --> 01:11:46,840 See what I mean? You can't be too careful. 836 01:11:48,720 --> 01:11:50,800 Look, there it is, there! 837 01:12:02,240 --> 01:12:05,360 Thank you so much. Enjoy the rest of your evening. 838 01:12:26,680 --> 01:12:29,080 Eddie! What have you been up to?! 839 01:12:29,280 --> 01:12:32,200 I've told you before to never - ever - ever - 840 01:12:33,440 --> 01:12:36,800 service the rooms - till the guests - are fully - awake! 841 01:12:38,640 --> 01:12:40,560 Aaaaaarrrrgh! 842 01:12:43,320 --> 01:12:44,920 I'm so sorry. 843 01:12:45,400 --> 01:12:47,360 You toddle off to bed, 844 01:12:47,480 --> 01:12:50,800 while I make sure that Eddie doesn't trouble you again! 845 01:12:51,640 --> 01:12:53,940 No, no! That won't be necessary. 846 01:12:53,990 --> 01:12:56,240 Just don't disturb us again, please. 847 01:12:56,320 --> 01:12:58,520 We're checking out tomorrow. 848 01:13:05,680 --> 01:13:07,520 Oh, dear... 849 01:13:09,840 --> 01:13:11,520 And here it IS! 850 01:13:12,440 --> 01:13:13,920 Hur... rah. 851 01:13:14,520 --> 01:13:16,920 Eddie, all our troubles are over! 852 01:13:17,120 --> 01:13:19,600 - I'm not so sure, Richie! - What? 853 01:13:19,720 --> 01:13:22,320 That fish, where did you get it from? 854 01:13:22,840 --> 01:13:24,920 No one ate any, did they? 855 01:13:24,970 --> 01:13:26,320 Er... no. 856 01:13:26,480 --> 01:13:29,000 Good, because it's highly dangerous. 857 01:13:29,080 --> 01:13:31,960 They must've come from next to the meltdown! 858 01:13:32,200 --> 01:13:34,520 - Shut it! - What is going on? 859 01:13:34,800 --> 01:13:37,360 I don't know where you got that fish, 860 01:13:37,920 --> 01:13:40,470 but this hotel is now highly contaminated! 861 01:13:40,520 --> 01:13:43,680 Thank God no one ate any or you'd be up for murder! 862 01:13:45,200 --> 01:13:48,840 You wanna clear this hotel because this is not the end of this! 863 01:13:50,400 --> 01:13:52,960 This is big trouble if they find out! 864 01:13:53,520 --> 01:13:56,400 Why did you shoot your mouth off like that?! 865 01:13:56,640 --> 01:13:58,600 We better get Z-Squad! 866 01:13:59,760 --> 01:14:01,840 How many guests had fish? 867 01:14:02,360 --> 01:14:03,920 All of them. 868 01:14:04,440 --> 01:14:07,360 Very well, let's pack our bags and SKEDADDLE! 869 01:14:16,920 --> 01:14:18,480 What's that noise? 870 01:14:21,600 --> 01:14:23,320 Oh! Oh, Mr Twat! 871 01:14:24,720 --> 01:14:25,710 What is it? 872 01:14:25,760 --> 01:14:27,680 I feel rather... AUGH! 873 01:14:39,800 --> 01:14:41,760 Oh, Mr Twat, help m... 874 01:14:41,880 --> 01:14:43,840 Get back in your room! 875 01:14:50,720 --> 01:14:53,560 Where's my mummy? I want my mummy! 876 01:14:53,840 --> 01:14:55,120 AUGH! 877 01:15:09,440 --> 01:15:11,000 Come on. 878 01:15:19,320 --> 01:15:20,760 Oh, damn. 879 01:15:27,640 --> 01:15:29,150 Oh, God... 880 01:15:29,200 --> 01:15:31,400 Please, my wife's very sick. 881 01:15:37,000 --> 01:15:39,800 - Timothy... - I'm coming, darling. I'm... 882 01:15:48,960 --> 01:15:50,840 What have... 883 01:15:52,600 --> 01:15:54,280 Get me a doc... 884 01:15:56,760 --> 01:15:58,920 For God's sake, get me a... 885 01:16:01,960 --> 01:16:03,800 I can't... 886 01:16:06,640 --> 01:16:08,480 Get me a fucking... 887 01:16:10,800 --> 01:16:13,160 My wife is sick too... 888 01:16:17,040 --> 01:16:18,520 Oh, God... 889 01:16:22,240 --> 01:16:23,840 Oh, my God... 890 01:16:37,320 --> 01:16:39,640 It's coming again... 891 01:16:48,240 --> 01:16:50,080 This... is the time. 892 01:16:52,400 --> 01:16:53,800 BWEURRK! 893 01:16:55,000 --> 01:16:56,960 AUGH! BWEURK! BLEURGH! 894 01:16:57,600 --> 01:16:59,600 BLEURK! GLEURGH! AUGHH! 895 01:17:48,560 --> 01:17:49,550 No! 896 01:17:49,600 --> 01:17:52,040 Oh! I don't have anything to wear! 897 01:17:54,280 --> 01:17:56,520 Oh! That's where it went! Uh! 898 01:17:56,880 --> 01:17:59,800 Come on, Richie, this is no time for dancing! 899 01:18:00,520 --> 01:18:01,960 Let's go! 900 01:18:02,080 --> 01:18:03,920 I... w-w-w-whoo! Oh! 901 01:18:04,160 --> 01:18:05,360 No! 902 01:18:48,360 --> 01:18:51,280 Help! Help! You've got to get me out of here! 903 01:18:58,760 --> 01:19:00,320 Hey... Stop! 904 01:19:03,440 --> 01:19:04,920 Arrrrgh... 905 01:19:10,720 --> 01:19:12,120 Mmmnnnn! 906 01:19:24,240 --> 01:19:26,040 - Ahhh! - Go! Go! 907 01:19:29,120 --> 01:19:30,640 Ahhh! 908 01:19:58,040 --> 01:20:00,600 All I wanted was a shaaaaaaag! 909 01:20:28,200 --> 01:20:31,440 You give me that suitcase and I'll give you this one. 910 01:20:31,960 --> 01:20:33,560 What's in it? 911 01:20:35,480 --> 01:20:37,040 10 million. 912 01:20:38,600 --> 01:20:39,800 OK. 913 01:20:44,320 --> 01:20:47,680 This case contains new identities and passports for you. 914 01:20:48,480 --> 01:20:51,480 And first class plane tickets to the Caribbean. 915 01:20:55,240 --> 01:20:56,520 OK... 916 01:21:01,480 --> 01:21:04,440 Sign here to say you've never lived in England 917 01:21:05,120 --> 01:21:08,800 or heard the words "radioactive" and "leak" then you can go. 918 01:21:09,280 --> 01:21:10,960 Shall we shake? 919 01:21:13,440 --> 01:21:15,120 I'd rather not. 920 01:21:52,440 --> 01:21:54,190 You have a very big hat. 921 01:21:54,240 --> 01:21:56,760 Well, you're a very attractive bird. 922 01:22:00,040 --> 01:22:01,960 Calm - down - Richie! 923 01:22:03,360 --> 01:22:05,560 He's got a tight grip on it. 924 01:22:06,480 --> 01:22:08,280 Candle in the eye! 925 01:22:09,600 --> 01:22:10,960 Righto. 926 01:22:11,160 --> 01:22:12,840 Aaaaaarrrggghh! 927 01:22:23,640 --> 01:22:26,240 Thank you for killing my awful boyfriend 928 01:22:26,290 --> 01:22:28,270 by radioactive fish poisoning. 929 01:22:28,320 --> 01:22:30,800 How lucky he was the only fatality. 930 01:22:30,920 --> 01:22:32,160 Yes. 931 01:22:32,480 --> 01:22:35,960 Otherwise there'd be a moral question mark over our escape. 932 01:22:36,640 --> 01:22:39,080 I will never be able to repay you. 933 01:22:39,240 --> 01:22:42,000 Oh, I don't know. It's my turn, isn't it? 934 01:22:42,880 --> 01:22:44,800 Yes, of course it is. 65333

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