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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:39,618 --> 00:01:43,618 www.titlovi.com 2 00:01:46,618 --> 00:01:58,618 Fixed & Synced by bozxphd. Enjoy The Flick. 3 00:01:59,619 --> 00:02:02,788 I can't do this. I can't do this. 4 00:02:03,891 --> 00:02:06,525 I can't do this. 5 00:02:11,532 --> 00:02:14,488 Bachelor party! Bachelor party! Bachelor party! 6 00:02:14,568 --> 00:02:17,491 Bachelor party! Bachelor party! Bachelor party! 7 00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:20,461 Bachelor party! Bachelor party! Bachelor party! 8 00:02:20,541 --> 00:02:23,397 Bachelor party! Bachelor party! Bachelor party! 9 00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:27,301 Bachelor party! Bachelor party! Bachelor party! Bachelor party! 10 00:02:27,381 --> 00:02:28,803 Hey, hey. 11 00:02:28,883 --> 00:02:30,805 You gotta catch up. Here, here, here. 12 00:02:30,885 --> 00:02:32,673 You're late to your own bachelor party, 13 00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:34,809 - chug, chug, chug. - What are you doing? 14 00:02:34,889 --> 00:02:35,909 I'm sorry. 15 00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:38,179 - Why did you do that? - You held my nose. 16 00:02:38,259 --> 00:02:40,114 It's like a shotgun. You plug the shotgun hole. 17 00:02:40,194 --> 00:02:41,849 - You're an idiot. - You are an idiot, Nick. 18 00:02:41,929 --> 00:02:44,685 You wouldn't know an idiot if it smacked you in the face. 19 00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:48,322 Smack me in the face, so I have a frame of reference. 20 00:02:48,402 --> 00:02:51,459 - You want a slap fight? - Yeah, yeah. 21 00:02:51,539 --> 00:02:55,563 I'm so glad you're here, man. These two make me wanna puke. 22 00:02:55,643 --> 00:02:57,098 That's a very underwhelming mustache. 23 00:02:57,178 --> 00:03:00,101 Why do you guys all have mustaches? 24 00:03:00,181 --> 00:03:03,304 We have mustaches for you, for your bachelor party. 25 00:03:03,384 --> 00:03:04,872 Did we not discuss this with you? 26 00:03:04,952 --> 00:03:05,872 No. 27 00:03:05,952 --> 00:03:08,442 - Really? - Yeah. What about Nick? 28 00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:11,245 Nick got confused. 29 00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:13,414 I thought I texted you from my second phone. I'm so sorry. 30 00:03:13,494 --> 00:03:15,116 No, I think I would've remembered that. 31 00:03:15,196 --> 00:03:17,451 I'm sorry. I guess I haven't seen you in a while. 32 00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:19,153 How you been? 33 00:03:19,233 --> 00:03:21,288 - Not great, actually. - Just hold on tight 34 00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:24,492 'cause these guys have been living for this week. 35 00:03:24,572 --> 00:03:25,693 Yeah, look, the thing is... 36 00:03:25,773 --> 00:03:27,561 Wait, wait, wait! We got rules. 37 00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:29,396 You need to learn the rules. 38 00:03:29,476 --> 00:03:32,333 Colin and me wrote rules, and you gotta learn 'em. 39 00:03:32,413 --> 00:03:34,580 - They made rules. - Yeah! 40 00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:38,272 Bachelor parties. 41 00:03:38,352 --> 00:03:43,589 I'm so sick of going to bachelor parties and fishing. 42 00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:47,214 - Or whitewater rafting. - Boo! 43 00:03:47,294 --> 00:03:48,582 That is not a bachelor party. 44 00:03:48,662 --> 00:03:50,151 - That's a party. - It's just camping. 45 00:03:50,231 --> 00:03:51,819 A bunch of cock and balls sleeping in the woods. 46 00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:54,155 - It's a schlong-a-thon. - Now, this great tradition 47 00:03:54,235 --> 00:03:56,857 is not only a send-off of one's bachelorhood, 48 00:03:56,937 --> 00:03:59,527 but a way to send said bachelor off 49 00:03:59,607 --> 00:04:03,297 with a train car full of regret so deep, 50 00:04:03,377 --> 00:04:05,232 you'll never wanna be a bachelor again. 51 00:04:05,312 --> 00:04:07,434 That's beautiful, Colin, really, but, guys... 52 00:04:07,514 --> 00:04:10,604 Rule number one, get drunk. 53 00:04:10,684 --> 00:04:13,307 Fastest train to regret is alcohol. 54 00:04:13,387 --> 00:04:17,278 Rule number two, stay drunk. 55 00:04:17,358 --> 00:04:18,646 I wrote the first two rules. 56 00:04:18,726 --> 00:04:20,614 - Whoa, whoa, whoa, Nick! - It's okay. 57 00:04:20,694 --> 00:04:22,416 - I knew you'd freak out. - Is he drinking? 58 00:04:22,496 --> 00:04:25,319 It's been five years, man. I need a fucking break. 59 00:04:25,399 --> 00:04:27,221 - I don't think... - Who cares if he dies? 60 00:04:27,301 --> 00:04:29,323 - It doesn't work that way. - I can have a beer or two, 61 00:04:29,403 --> 00:04:32,193 in celebration of your bachelor party, dad. 62 00:04:32,273 --> 00:04:34,495 I wouldn't even be doing this if you weren't getting married. 63 00:04:34,575 --> 00:04:35,863 - No. - It's on you, Joe. 64 00:04:35,943 --> 00:04:37,798 - No. - There's a meeting on Monday. 65 00:04:37,878 --> 00:04:39,867 - I'll be there, okay? Promise. - Look... 66 00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:42,336 - Or Tuesday at the latest. - I'll give you a ride. 67 00:04:42,416 --> 00:04:43,737 I don't think that's really the point. 68 00:04:43,817 --> 00:04:46,840 Rule number three, hit the bar. 69 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:48,742 - Yeah! - There's no better place 70 00:04:48,822 --> 00:04:51,278 to hop on said train of regret than a bar. 71 00:04:51,358 --> 00:04:53,314 Rule number four, and this is one of my favorites. 72 00:04:53,394 --> 00:04:55,883 - This is a goody. - Come back to the house 73 00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:58,630 for a private viewing of some of the local ballet. 74 00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:01,422 I said no strippers. 75 00:05:01,502 --> 00:05:03,791 That was the one rule I had, was no strippers. 76 00:05:03,871 --> 00:05:05,459 I lined it up with a local agency. 77 00:05:05,539 --> 00:05:07,394 Her name is Susan. I'm sure she's very classy. 78 00:05:07,474 --> 00:05:08,896 - Scotch-Irish, Joe. - Susie. 79 00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:10,764 - Okay, guys, look. - She's clean, Joe. 80 00:05:10,844 --> 00:05:13,801 Good. I imagine they all are clean. 81 00:05:13,881 --> 00:05:15,603 - She's clean, Joe. - She's super clean. 82 00:05:15,683 --> 00:05:16,971 Yeah. We think. 83 00:05:17,051 --> 00:05:19,707 And rule number five, the final rule, 84 00:05:19,787 --> 00:05:20,941 the most important rule, 85 00:05:21,021 --> 00:05:23,277 the reason why we're all here: 86 00:05:23,357 --> 00:05:25,646 Wake up feeling so hungover and guilty 87 00:05:25,726 --> 00:05:27,648 that you never wanna be a bachelor again, 88 00:05:27,728 --> 00:05:31,396 and thus, you're ready to be married. 89 00:05:33,633 --> 00:05:34,989 Okay, look. 90 00:05:35,069 --> 00:05:36,957 Guys, I really just came down here... 91 00:05:37,037 --> 00:05:38,993 - I wanted to tell you... - No, wait, no, no, no. 92 00:05:39,073 --> 00:05:41,428 Before you get in any speeches, here. 93 00:05:41,508 --> 00:05:42,997 Come on, here, here, here. 94 00:05:43,077 --> 00:05:45,532 Beer, beer. Okay, okay, now... 95 00:05:45,612 --> 00:05:46,700 - Yeah. - Speech. 96 00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:47,901 - I came down... - Speech, speech! 97 00:05:47,981 --> 00:05:49,536 I came down here to tell you, guys... 98 00:05:49,616 --> 00:05:51,605 Fuck, what am I talking about? You're the bachelor. 99 00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:53,440 You can't do it. It's bad luck. 100 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,509 - I'll do it, I'll do it. - Yeah, let's do this. 101 00:05:55,589 --> 00:05:57,511 It's a toast. Come, come, Joe. 102 00:05:57,591 --> 00:05:59,413 Come on, guys, get in here. 103 00:05:59,493 --> 00:06:01,649 Okay, all right. 104 00:06:01,729 --> 00:06:03,350 God, this is awkward. 105 00:06:03,430 --> 00:06:06,487 Okay, so, Joe, I've always looked up to you. 106 00:06:06,567 --> 00:06:07,955 I think you know that. 107 00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:10,824 You're smart, you're a handsome son of a bitch. 108 00:06:10,904 --> 00:06:12,526 You've never woken up next to a fat chick 109 00:06:12,606 --> 00:06:14,561 hitting you because you were so drunk, you pissed the bed. 110 00:06:14,641 --> 00:06:16,563 - Okay, Nick. - No, it's okay, it's okay. 111 00:06:16,643 --> 00:06:17,931 I'm in control now. 112 00:06:18,011 --> 00:06:20,968 But before you met Jess, honestly, 113 00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:23,437 I didn't even know that love existed. 114 00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:24,905 I really didn't. 115 00:06:24,985 --> 00:06:27,308 And I've never told you this before either, but... 116 00:06:27,388 --> 00:06:28,842 It wasn't until I saw what you and Jess had 117 00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:31,979 that I decided to stop drinking, 118 00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:34,081 clean up my life, find that love for myself 119 00:06:34,161 --> 00:06:36,450 'cause I knew now that it existed 120 00:06:36,530 --> 00:06:38,352 because of you and Jess. 121 00:06:38,432 --> 00:06:39,987 You inspire me, man. 122 00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:44,358 You and Jess inspire me. Here's to true love. 123 00:06:44,438 --> 00:06:46,593 - Cheers. - Cheers! 124 00:06:46,673 --> 00:06:48,529 - Okay, you're up. - My turn. 125 00:06:48,609 --> 00:06:51,732 Uh, to Joe, to Joe. 126 00:06:51,812 --> 00:06:54,101 Even though getting married was the... 127 00:06:54,181 --> 00:06:56,103 Worst decision I ever made in my entire life, 128 00:06:56,183 --> 00:06:58,972 and I hate my ex more than anything, 129 00:06:59,052 --> 00:07:00,607 - with every fiber my... - Okay, all right. 130 00:07:00,687 --> 00:07:03,610 I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Before you met Jess, 131 00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:07,881 you were very, very lonely, 132 00:07:07,961 --> 00:07:09,516 and you hated casual sex 133 00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:12,653 for some reason that none of us could ever figure out. 134 00:07:12,733 --> 00:07:16,357 So, yeah, I guess, you know, marriage, that's the... 135 00:07:16,437 --> 00:07:18,425 That's the right thing for you to do, so, cheers. 136 00:07:18,505 --> 00:07:21,395 - Cheers. That was nice. 137 00:07:21,475 --> 00:07:22,763 Is that me? Should I? 138 00:07:22,843 --> 00:07:26,900 All right. All right. Um... 139 00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:29,470 I think you guys know I don't believe in love. 140 00:07:29,550 --> 00:07:31,905 I certainly don't believe in weddings, you know, 141 00:07:31,985 --> 00:07:36,021 the idea of families coming together. 142 00:07:42,895 --> 00:07:45,786 But I do believe in finishing what you started, 143 00:07:45,866 --> 00:07:51,803 so, you know, you said you're gonna marry this girl and, uh... 144 00:08:07,787 --> 00:08:09,943 Uh, cheers? 145 00:08:10,023 --> 00:08:12,413 Cheers. Yeah, cheers. 146 00:08:12,493 --> 00:08:16,417 Okay, end of show. That's you, Joe, Mr. bachelor. 147 00:08:16,497 --> 00:08:18,419 Speech! 148 00:08:18,499 --> 00:08:20,154 Are you guys, done? 149 00:08:20,234 --> 00:08:24,992 Are you done with your little speeches and your little rules? 150 00:08:25,072 --> 00:08:27,873 - Yeah. - What's going on, Joe? 151 00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:30,597 I'm not getting married. 152 00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:33,133 - What? - Are you serious? 153 00:08:33,213 --> 00:08:34,233 Oh, shit. 154 00:08:34,313 --> 00:08:36,870 - It's probably for the best. - Shut your mouth, Colin. 155 00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:38,172 Oh, fuck it. 156 00:08:38,252 --> 00:08:41,708 - What happened? - I don't know. I, uh... 157 00:08:41,788 --> 00:08:43,844 I came home today after work. 158 00:08:43,924 --> 00:08:44,978 This happened today? 159 00:08:45,058 --> 00:08:46,780 Yeah, right before I drove up here. 160 00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:47,948 Oh, fuck. 161 00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:51,585 She was sitting in the kitchen, crying. 162 00:08:51,665 --> 00:08:53,454 Her... 163 00:08:53,534 --> 00:08:58,036 Her ring was on the table, and she said... 164 00:08:59,872 --> 00:09:01,540 Um... 165 00:09:03,009 --> 00:09:04,765 She said it was over. 166 00:09:04,845 --> 00:09:07,112 Ouch, dude. 167 00:09:08,180 --> 00:09:09,837 What happened to your hand? 168 00:09:09,917 --> 00:09:12,840 - I punched a hole in the wall. - You okay? 169 00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:14,208 Yeah. I don't think it's broken. 170 00:09:14,288 --> 00:09:17,244 No, I mean, you. Are you okay? 171 00:09:17,324 --> 00:09:20,747 Oh, um, yeah. 172 00:09:20,827 --> 00:09:23,083 Yeah, I think... I think so. 173 00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:24,985 Maybe it's for the best. 174 00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:26,620 That you found out that she's a bitch now 175 00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:28,021 and not two weeks from now? 176 00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:29,957 Or before a couple of gremlins crawled out of her. 177 00:09:30,037 --> 00:09:31,992 Which you have to pay child support for 178 00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:34,027 when you only get to see them every two weeks. 179 00:09:34,107 --> 00:09:36,163 You only see your kids twice a month? 180 00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:38,131 It's a fucking travesty, Nick, but here's the thing. 181 00:09:38,211 --> 00:09:39,500 I try to look at the positive, 182 00:09:39,580 --> 00:09:41,168 they have soccer games on the weekends. 183 00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:43,637 I have my boat time. I don't bring the kids there. 184 00:09:43,717 --> 00:09:46,206 It's dangerous, you know. There's water. They can't swim. 185 00:09:46,286 --> 00:09:48,108 It's not a safe place for the kids, no. 186 00:09:48,188 --> 00:09:50,644 But I get to do bachelor parties though. 187 00:09:50,724 --> 00:09:51,678 That's the one good thing. 188 00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:53,080 Bachelor parties with my buddies. 189 00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:54,515 - Yeah! - Oh, shit. 190 00:09:54,595 --> 00:09:56,550 It's not your bachelor party anymore. 191 00:09:56,630 --> 00:09:58,063 I'm sorry, Joe. 192 00:09:59,298 --> 00:10:02,523 Hey, man, did she say anything else? 193 00:10:02,603 --> 00:10:05,259 Anything? I mean... 194 00:10:05,339 --> 00:10:07,706 Did she say there was someone else? 195 00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:11,676 Joe? Joe? 196 00:10:14,347 --> 00:10:16,303 Joe. 197 00:10:16,383 --> 00:10:17,804 - Joe. - Joe! 198 00:10:17,884 --> 00:10:19,606 This is so fucking bad. 199 00:10:19,686 --> 00:10:21,241 Look, I just came up here to let you guys know 200 00:10:21,321 --> 00:10:22,876 that the bachelor party's over, all right? 201 00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:24,177 I'm sorry. I know that you guys 202 00:10:24,257 --> 00:10:25,879 were really looking forward to this weekend, 203 00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:29,616 but what I need to do right now is just figure out my life. 204 00:10:29,696 --> 00:10:30,851 What'd you have in mind? 205 00:10:30,931 --> 00:10:32,853 Well, for starters, before it closes, 206 00:10:32,933 --> 00:10:34,288 I'm gonna go to Ikea. 207 00:10:34,368 --> 00:10:35,488 - Ikea? - Yeah. 208 00:10:35,568 --> 00:10:37,958 I don't have anything to sleep on tonight. 209 00:10:38,038 --> 00:10:39,259 Okay, you just got dumped 210 00:10:39,339 --> 00:10:41,295 two weeks before your wedding, like garbage, 211 00:10:41,375 --> 00:10:43,096 - and you wanna go to Ikea? - Yeah, yeah. 212 00:10:43,176 --> 00:10:44,698 I need furniture, you know? 213 00:10:44,778 --> 00:10:46,166 I think you just need to chill out for a minute. 214 00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:47,701 Took his furniture. It happened to me. 215 00:10:47,781 --> 00:10:50,103 No, I didn't own any with her. 216 00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:52,072 It was all hers. And I am chill, all right? 217 00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:55,309 Okay, okay. I can see that you need furniture. 218 00:10:55,389 --> 00:10:57,611 Why Ikea? 219 00:10:57,691 --> 00:10:58,712 I like Ikea. 220 00:10:58,792 --> 00:10:59,813 Nobody likes Ikea. 221 00:10:59,893 --> 00:11:02,049 I do. I like a lot of Ikea. 222 00:11:02,129 --> 00:11:04,017 I hate those little wrenches. 223 00:11:04,097 --> 00:11:06,253 Oh, yeah, I know. I swallowed one once. 224 00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:07,721 Never came out. 225 00:11:07,801 --> 00:11:09,323 How the fuck did you do that? 226 00:11:09,403 --> 00:11:14,227 All right, all right, all right, Joe, wait. 227 00:11:14,307 --> 00:11:15,629 Why Ikea? 228 00:11:15,709 --> 00:11:17,731 Because when I get something from Ikea, 229 00:11:17,811 --> 00:11:20,133 I know exactly how long it takes to put it together. 230 00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:22,035 It says right on the box: 3.4 hours to assemble. 231 00:11:22,115 --> 00:11:25,272 I like knowing that for the next three-point-four hours, 232 00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:30,077 I'm gonna be assembling a brown brusali with lonset slats, 233 00:11:30,157 --> 00:11:31,745 and a white stained oak veneer Malm, 234 00:11:31,825 --> 00:11:34,648 or whichever fucking Ikea bed I'm gonna get today. 235 00:11:34,728 --> 00:11:36,083 Okay. 236 00:11:36,163 --> 00:11:38,652 Maybe before you go, 237 00:11:38,732 --> 00:11:40,732 you'll have one drink with us at the bar. 238 00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:46,705 It shouldn't take more than oh-point-four hours. 239 00:11:51,178 --> 00:11:52,899 - Nick, get over here. - Ow. 240 00:11:52,979 --> 00:11:54,167 - Hey, Colin! - What are we doing? 241 00:11:54,247 --> 00:11:55,936 Take him. Don't let him go no matter what. 242 00:11:56,016 --> 00:11:57,638 I got him. We doing this? 243 00:11:57,718 --> 00:11:59,339 Joe, we don't think you're telling us the truth. 244 00:11:59,419 --> 00:12:01,341 - I told you what happened. - Yeah, but... 245 00:12:01,421 --> 00:12:04,945 You didn't tell us everything that happened. 246 00:12:05,025 --> 00:12:06,413 No. 247 00:12:06,493 --> 00:12:08,181 - Yes. - Why? 248 00:12:08,261 --> 00:12:10,684 Because you like to tell most of the truth. 249 00:12:10,764 --> 00:12:12,919 That's not what we want. That's not what friends do. 250 00:12:12,999 --> 00:12:16,056 We want the whole truth. Did she fucking cheat on you? 251 00:12:16,136 --> 00:12:17,924 - She fucking cheat? - She fucking cheat on you, Joe? 252 00:12:18,004 --> 00:12:19,926 No. No! 253 00:12:20,006 --> 00:12:22,407 Careful. I've been drinking. 254 00:12:23,442 --> 00:12:25,766 Did you get him? 255 00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:27,367 I was always better at this game drunk though. 256 00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:29,102 It got real. 257 00:12:29,182 --> 00:12:30,370 Guys, I don't wanna do this, all right? 258 00:12:30,450 --> 00:12:32,172 Bullshit you don't wanna do this. 259 00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:34,808 You drove all the way up here. For a reason, I think. 260 00:12:34,888 --> 00:12:36,309 Always there to help us, but when he needs it, 261 00:12:36,389 --> 00:12:37,377 he won't let us help him. 262 00:12:37,457 --> 00:12:39,680 - Exactly, Nick. - Classic Joe. 263 00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:41,381 How about you tell us what really happened to the hand? 264 00:12:41,461 --> 00:12:43,216 I told you. I punched the wall. 265 00:12:43,296 --> 00:12:45,285 Yes, but why? We've known you since college. 266 00:12:45,365 --> 00:12:48,689 The last thing you would ever do is resort to senseless violence. 267 00:12:48,769 --> 00:12:50,090 I was mad at her. 268 00:12:50,170 --> 00:12:51,158 This fucking guy. 269 00:12:51,238 --> 00:12:52,693 You don't punch a fucking wall. 270 00:12:52,773 --> 00:12:53,794 Mm-mm. 271 00:12:53,874 --> 00:12:56,329 My fianc�e dumped me, all right? 272 00:12:56,409 --> 00:12:59,911 - I was mad at her. - No, that's wrong. 273 00:13:01,081 --> 00:13:02,836 - Ah, Jesus, man! Fuck! 274 00:13:02,916 --> 00:13:05,305 - Good darts. - Honestly, I'm just throwing. 275 00:13:05,385 --> 00:13:07,307 Just tell us what you won't fucking tell us, Joe. 276 00:13:07,387 --> 00:13:08,709 No, it's none of your business. 277 00:13:08,789 --> 00:13:10,977 Oh, so you admit there is something else? 278 00:13:11,057 --> 00:13:12,846 - Aha. - Ooh! 279 00:13:12,926 --> 00:13:14,815 We're your friends. Please. 280 00:13:14,895 --> 00:13:15,982 Let us take care of you. 281 00:13:16,062 --> 00:13:18,085 - Uh, does this count? - Yeah. 282 00:13:18,165 --> 00:13:19,886 - Yes. - Yeah. 283 00:13:19,966 --> 00:13:21,822 Tough love, buddy. 284 00:13:21,902 --> 00:13:23,434 Ah. 285 00:13:38,984 --> 00:13:41,853 - Joe? 286 00:13:50,930 --> 00:13:53,531 She's in love with someone else. 287 00:14:05,978 --> 00:14:08,835 - Who is he? - I don't know. 288 00:14:08,915 --> 00:14:10,270 She said she loves him? 289 00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:12,906 She said that they didn't cheat, that they just... 290 00:14:12,986 --> 00:14:15,408 Fell in love, but they didn't have sex. 291 00:14:15,488 --> 00:14:19,279 Well, if they're in love, then they're not having sex. 292 00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:22,482 They're making love. Technically. 293 00:14:22,562 --> 00:14:25,051 An emotional affair is still cheating, Joe. 294 00:14:25,131 --> 00:14:29,823 I don't know. She said that it's not really about him and her. 295 00:14:29,903 --> 00:14:31,458 It's more about us, our problems. 296 00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:33,393 Oh, fuck that shit. I hate that excuse. 297 00:14:33,473 --> 00:14:34,795 God, we should find this guy. 298 00:14:34,875 --> 00:14:36,396 We should kick the shit out of him. 299 00:14:36,476 --> 00:14:38,298 - Can we do that? - Teach him a lesson. 300 00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:40,467 - Make you feel a lot better. - Going to jail? 301 00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:43,136 Who's going to jail? Why would you go to jail? 302 00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:45,338 Show me a cop in the world who's gonna put you in jail 303 00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:47,307 for taking the guy who stole your fianc�e 304 00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:49,476 and punching him in the face like a few hundred times. 305 00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:51,144 - Not gonna happen. - Never happen. 306 00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:53,413 - No. - He didn't steal my fianc�e. 307 00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:56,349 Oh, my god. Joe, you can't even admit that? 308 00:14:56,429 --> 00:14:58,985 Come on, man. The guy totally crossed the line. 309 00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:00,954 What line? 310 00:15:01,034 --> 00:15:03,490 Yeah, what line? You... 311 00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:05,525 Oh, yeah, I step over it all the time. 312 00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:07,194 It's very obvious, in the moment. Here I am. 313 00:15:07,274 --> 00:15:09,496 I'm talking to someone's wife 314 00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:13,500 or fianc�e, mother, and there's an attraction. 315 00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:16,536 And then all of a sudden, we're sharing energy. 316 00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:18,839 And then there's a line. There it is. 317 00:15:18,919 --> 00:15:20,440 Oh, that line. Yeah, I know that line. 318 00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:23,076 And I have a choice. Do I step over it, 319 00:15:23,156 --> 00:15:24,544 or do I step back? 320 00:15:24,624 --> 00:15:27,480 Guess what this cum stain did. He stepped right over it. 321 00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:30,383 - He stepped over the line. - Stomped over the line. 322 00:15:30,463 --> 00:15:32,018 - He stomped it, Joe. - Like a stallion. 323 00:15:32,098 --> 00:15:35,989 Let me ask you something. Just hypothetically. 324 00:15:36,069 --> 00:15:39,059 If you could do anything to teach this guy a lesson, 325 00:15:39,139 --> 00:15:41,306 what'd that be? 326 00:15:43,709 --> 00:15:46,077 - What, anything? - Mm-hmm. 327 00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:50,537 I'd make him dig his own grave. 328 00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:53,306 You'd make him dig his own grave? Shit! 329 00:15:53,386 --> 00:15:54,941 That's so dark. 330 00:15:55,021 --> 00:15:58,278 Like in mob movies, right? When they take a guy out, 331 00:15:58,358 --> 00:15:59,646 they take him to the woods to kill him, 332 00:15:59,726 --> 00:16:02,382 but they make him dig his own grave first. 333 00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:05,619 In reality, I mean, that must take hours, right? 334 00:16:05,699 --> 00:16:07,454 And the whole time you're digging, 335 00:16:07,534 --> 00:16:10,657 you're just thinking about what you did 336 00:16:10,737 --> 00:16:13,426 that got you in that situation. 337 00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:15,929 That's genius, man. 338 00:16:16,009 --> 00:16:18,331 Yeah, then you pop that piece of shit in the back of the head 339 00:16:18,411 --> 00:16:19,432 three times, right? 340 00:16:19,512 --> 00:16:21,401 Blap! Blap! Ra-ta-ta! 341 00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:25,038 I'd probably have to, right? 342 00:16:25,118 --> 00:16:27,240 No, you wouldn't. 343 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:31,244 No. You just turn him around, right? 344 00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:34,114 He's sitting there, he's evacuating his bowels, 345 00:16:34,194 --> 00:16:36,116 looking down into his own grave, 346 00:16:36,196 --> 00:16:37,984 waiting for the lights to go out, 347 00:16:38,064 --> 00:16:39,586 thinking about what he did. 348 00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:42,100 And then... 349 00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:46,593 You let him go. 350 00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:49,529 Fuck yeah. Dude would never mess with you again. 351 00:16:49,609 --> 00:16:51,431 - Yeah. - Oh! You do nothing. 352 00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:52,599 I love it. It's the ultimate revenge. 353 00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:53,799 You're sick. 354 00:16:53,879 --> 00:16:57,237 Well, how about, uh, you know, instead of sweet revenge, 355 00:16:57,317 --> 00:17:01,141 next best thing, some sweet, stanky booze? 356 00:17:01,221 --> 00:17:03,043 Guys, I'm gonna go to that meeting on Monday, okay? 357 00:17:03,123 --> 00:17:04,978 Or Tuesday. Wednesday at the very latest. 358 00:17:05,058 --> 00:17:06,513 No, no, no, you're off leash. 359 00:17:06,593 --> 00:17:08,615 - It's Joe's bachelor party. - No, no. 360 00:17:08,695 --> 00:17:11,095 It's not my bachelor party anymore. 361 00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:16,623 Rude. 362 00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:19,392 Okay, so it's not the end of your bachelorhood. 363 00:17:19,472 --> 00:17:21,361 We can call it whatever we want with you, 364 00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:23,330 it's a celebration of its rebirth. 365 00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:24,664 That's exactly what he needs. I'm in. 366 00:17:24,744 --> 00:17:27,067 - Me too. - This is a rebirth of Joe. 367 00:17:27,147 --> 00:17:29,703 Come on, Joe. 368 00:17:29,783 --> 00:17:33,573 - Come on in, it's warm. - Join us. 369 00:17:33,653 --> 00:17:34,474 Fuck it. 370 00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:36,320 - Hey! - Yes! 371 00:17:41,293 --> 00:17:43,650 Oh, ho! Ah! 372 00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:47,098 Oh, my god, I feel alive again. I feel alive! 373 00:18:17,330 --> 00:18:19,730 Susan! 374 00:18:42,187 --> 00:18:45,745 Okay, Joe. Susan's here for you, man. 375 00:18:45,825 --> 00:18:50,383 It's time to take all that anger and disappointment and sadness 376 00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:53,486 and get it off your chest, and just... 377 00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:55,321 Just spray it on hers. 378 00:18:55,401 --> 00:18:57,357 No. No, I'm not gonna do that. 379 00:18:57,437 --> 00:19:00,760 Okay. Well, just the lap dance. 380 00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:02,673 Okay. 381 00:19:13,286 --> 00:19:15,786 Aah! Whoo! 382 00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:31,022 - I can do this. - Do it, do it, do it! 383 00:19:44,316 --> 00:19:45,917 One. 384 00:19:57,729 --> 00:19:59,197 Two. 385 00:20:06,738 --> 00:20:08,206 - Three. 386 00:20:24,489 --> 00:20:26,757 - Yeah! 387 00:20:36,335 --> 00:20:38,258 Got his hair. 388 00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:40,260 Okay, you got his hair? 389 00:20:40,340 --> 00:20:41,806 I did it! 390 00:21:43,703 --> 00:21:45,970 Fuck, man! 391 00:21:48,573 --> 00:21:50,230 What are you doing in here? 392 00:21:50,310 --> 00:21:51,976 The whites. 393 00:21:56,682 --> 00:21:58,749 Fucking weirdo. 394 00:22:03,388 --> 00:22:06,246 Hey, did you hear that? 395 00:22:06,326 --> 00:22:07,246 No. 396 00:22:07,326 --> 00:22:10,450 I thought I heard some banging in the basement. 397 00:22:10,530 --> 00:22:11,784 Any banging in this house 398 00:22:11,864 --> 00:22:13,920 is probably Colin and that stripper. 399 00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:16,022 Susan. 400 00:22:16,102 --> 00:22:18,836 - How's your ass? - Ah. 401 00:22:21,106 --> 00:22:22,795 Have you seen a stripper do that before? 402 00:22:22,875 --> 00:22:25,409 I have. When I was four. 403 00:22:29,349 --> 00:22:31,537 - Oh! - Fantastic. 404 00:22:31,617 --> 00:22:34,307 Nick. Nick! 405 00:22:34,387 --> 00:22:35,675 What? 406 00:22:35,755 --> 00:22:39,445 Why didn't you puke in your bathroom? 407 00:22:39,525 --> 00:22:40,613 Wha... I puked? 408 00:22:40,693 --> 00:22:42,482 In the sink. 409 00:22:42,562 --> 00:22:44,550 Oh, shit. 410 00:22:44,630 --> 00:22:47,053 I'm just waking up right now, like this very second. 411 00:22:47,133 --> 00:22:49,589 Well, good morning. You just puked in the sink. 412 00:22:49,669 --> 00:22:51,858 Clean it up. Hell no. 413 00:22:51,938 --> 00:22:53,771 No. 414 00:22:55,775 --> 00:22:58,298 Nick, do you know if Colin slept in the basement? 415 00:22:58,378 --> 00:23:00,400 There's a basement? 416 00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:01,946 Speak of the devil. 417 00:23:10,455 --> 00:23:12,445 Damn. 418 00:23:12,525 --> 00:23:15,826 Oh, it's up in my sinuses. 419 00:23:21,533 --> 00:23:24,435 Oh, that's fucked up. 420 00:23:33,745 --> 00:23:35,868 - How much did that cost you? - Hmm? 421 00:23:35,948 --> 00:23:37,637 How much did you pay that woman for sex? 422 00:23:37,717 --> 00:23:42,052 No, we paid crystal to dance. She chose to stay the night. 423 00:23:43,556 --> 00:23:45,044 Crystal? 424 00:23:45,124 --> 00:23:47,880 Yeah. Susan is just her stripper name. 425 00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:50,416 That's good misdirection. 426 00:23:50,496 --> 00:23:51,751 Grande Starbucks. 427 00:23:51,831 --> 00:23:53,798 Actually, it's a medium. 428 00:23:56,668 --> 00:23:58,769 You've been out. 429 00:24:00,705 --> 00:24:02,762 Yup. Had some errands to run. 430 00:24:02,842 --> 00:24:06,899 Oh, you fixing cars or... 431 00:24:06,979 --> 00:24:08,735 Oh, are you talking about my outfit? 432 00:24:08,815 --> 00:24:11,816 I like the way it feels against my skin. 433 00:24:13,218 --> 00:24:17,477 This trail of mud seems a bit... suspicious. 434 00:24:17,557 --> 00:24:20,480 Oh, you're just a real Benedict Cumberbatch. 435 00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:23,516 - God bless the BBC. - He's hiding something. 436 00:24:23,596 --> 00:24:24,784 No, I'm not. 437 00:24:24,864 --> 00:24:27,520 - We know you can't be trusted. - Yeah. 438 00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:29,922 Like that time you replaced all my shampoo with Nair. 439 00:24:30,002 --> 00:24:31,124 That was hilarious. 440 00:24:31,204 --> 00:24:32,558 All of my hair fell out. 441 00:24:32,638 --> 00:24:34,060 That was the hilarious part. 442 00:24:34,140 --> 00:24:36,729 Nick, it was unfortunate, but he's right. 443 00:24:36,809 --> 00:24:39,499 It was fucking hilarious! 444 00:24:39,579 --> 00:24:40,500 Ha ha. 445 00:24:40,580 --> 00:24:42,068 This guy gets it. 446 00:24:42,148 --> 00:24:46,917 Still, it proves you can't be trusted. 447 00:24:47,853 --> 00:24:49,809 He is hiding something. 448 00:24:49,889 --> 00:24:50,977 There was a loud crash in the basement. 449 00:24:51,057 --> 00:24:54,492 What? Dude, you're... 450 00:24:59,064 --> 00:25:01,565 What are you hiding, Erik? 451 00:25:03,602 --> 00:25:05,691 Should we get the darts? 452 00:25:05,771 --> 00:25:07,505 I got a surprise for you. 453 00:25:13,613 --> 00:25:15,001 What is in the basement? 454 00:25:15,081 --> 00:25:17,437 I think you're really gonna like this. 455 00:25:17,517 --> 00:25:19,172 - It might be Nair, dude. - It's not Nair, Nick. 456 00:25:19,252 --> 00:25:22,786 I'm just saying. I'm not going down there. 457 00:26:26,685 --> 00:26:29,086 What the fuck? 458 00:26:35,694 --> 00:26:36,694 Do you love it? 459 00:26:40,165 --> 00:26:43,334 There's somebody tied up down here. 460 00:26:44,804 --> 00:26:46,893 I'm sorry he's so muddy. 461 00:26:46,973 --> 00:26:50,663 He tried to run, and he fell by the lake. 462 00:26:50,743 --> 00:26:51,964 I didn't do this. 463 00:26:52,044 --> 00:26:54,901 I left him in a more presentable position. 464 00:26:54,981 --> 00:26:56,614 Oh, he's a big boy. 465 00:26:57,616 --> 00:27:00,740 Erik, who is that? 466 00:27:00,820 --> 00:27:01,986 It's the guy. 467 00:27:02,989 --> 00:27:04,911 It's the fucking guy. 468 00:27:04,991 --> 00:27:08,180 - Oh, my god. - What guy? 469 00:27:08,260 --> 00:27:09,749 He's finally done it. 470 00:27:09,829 --> 00:27:11,617 Wait, he... What has he done? 471 00:27:11,697 --> 00:27:12,752 It's him. 472 00:27:12,832 --> 00:27:14,153 You fucked us all. 473 00:27:14,233 --> 00:27:15,922 Huh? What? 474 00:27:16,002 --> 00:27:18,124 The point is we got him. He's tied up. 475 00:27:18,204 --> 00:27:21,672 He's not so fucking tall now, is he? Is he? 476 00:27:22,842 --> 00:27:24,208 What? 477 00:27:31,716 --> 00:27:33,117 Happy bachelor party. 478 00:27:37,122 --> 00:27:39,879 - Is he okay? - I don't know. Joe. 479 00:27:39,959 --> 00:27:42,148 Something's wrong with him. 480 00:27:42,228 --> 00:27:43,861 Joe. 481 00:27:49,234 --> 00:27:51,223 What's wrong with you? 482 00:27:51,303 --> 00:27:52,858 What's wrong with me? 483 00:27:52,938 --> 00:27:54,093 Yeah, I'm trying to help you. 484 00:27:54,173 --> 00:27:55,995 I'm a little bit lost. Who is that? 485 00:27:56,075 --> 00:27:59,332 You think kidnapping the guy who stole my fianc�e 486 00:27:59,412 --> 00:28:00,232 is gonna help me? 487 00:28:00,312 --> 00:28:02,602 - Oh, shit. - Yes! 488 00:28:02,682 --> 00:28:04,670 Dude, it's gonna make you feel so much better 489 00:28:04,750 --> 00:28:07,006 knowing that this asshole paid for what he did. 490 00:28:07,086 --> 00:28:09,208 So now I'm supposed to go down there and beat him with an oar? 491 00:28:09,288 --> 00:28:11,110 Or maybe waterboard him for a bit? 492 00:28:11,190 --> 00:28:12,678 Those sound like great options. 493 00:28:12,758 --> 00:28:14,880 You fucking kidnapped someone! 494 00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:16,293 I know! 495 00:28:17,696 --> 00:28:19,296 You're welcome? 496 00:28:20,298 --> 00:28:22,021 Hey, man, how did you kidnap that guy? 497 00:28:22,101 --> 00:28:23,189 Oh, dude, I'm glad you asked. 498 00:28:23,269 --> 00:28:24,890 It was actually easier than I thought. 499 00:28:24,970 --> 00:28:26,359 First, I called Kelly. 500 00:28:26,439 --> 00:28:28,394 Jess, his best friend, would know what's going on. 501 00:28:28,474 --> 00:28:30,796 - How's her juice business? - I don't know. I didn't ask. 502 00:28:30,876 --> 00:28:32,732 She's terrible with secrets as you all know, 503 00:28:32,812 --> 00:28:34,734 so it didn't take her long to tell me where to find him. 504 00:28:34,814 --> 00:28:36,268 You have to be the biggest... 505 00:28:36,348 --> 00:28:39,071 Your place. 506 00:28:39,151 --> 00:28:41,307 - Boom. - I knocked on your door. 507 00:28:41,387 --> 00:28:44,043 This grease ball answered. I tied him up. 508 00:28:44,123 --> 00:28:45,311 What about... 509 00:28:45,391 --> 00:28:49,215 Oh, uh, sent Jess a text with his phone. 510 00:28:49,295 --> 00:28:51,651 "Sorry, I had to leave. My hemorrhoids are killing me." 511 00:28:51,731 --> 00:28:52,651 It works. 512 00:28:52,731 --> 00:28:53,986 - Let me see that. - No. 513 00:28:54,066 --> 00:28:55,688 No, man, trust me. 514 00:28:55,768 --> 00:28:57,256 You don't want to see the things they've been texting. 515 00:28:57,336 --> 00:28:59,425 - Sexting. - It's more about sunsets. 516 00:28:59,505 --> 00:29:00,625 It's revolting. 517 00:29:00,705 --> 00:29:04,063 Okay. Help me out here. I'm trying to piece it together. 518 00:29:04,143 --> 00:29:05,231 Yeah, yeah, shoot. 519 00:29:05,311 --> 00:29:06,899 Guy's kind of a big guy. 520 00:29:06,979 --> 00:29:09,201 - Yeah, he's huge. - He just let you tie him up. 521 00:29:09,281 --> 00:29:12,238 Oh, no. Dude, I had this mask on. 522 00:29:12,318 --> 00:29:13,372 So? 523 00:29:13,452 --> 00:29:15,307 So then I also had my dad's gun. 524 00:29:15,387 --> 00:29:17,043 - What the hell? - That helped. 525 00:29:17,123 --> 00:29:18,177 Fuck! No, don't! 526 00:29:18,257 --> 00:29:20,813 - That helped. - Oh, great. 527 00:29:20,893 --> 00:29:22,014 That's really funny. 528 00:29:22,094 --> 00:29:23,783 Cool down with that thing, man! 529 00:29:23,863 --> 00:29:25,685 For armed kidnapping, that's another ten years. 530 00:29:25,765 --> 00:29:28,087 Fucking great, Erik. You've really done it this time. 531 00:29:28,167 --> 00:29:31,168 Someone's gonna have to use my chloroform. 532 00:29:33,004 --> 00:29:34,994 Why do you have chloroform? 533 00:29:35,074 --> 00:29:37,241 Most people have chloroform. 534 00:29:38,309 --> 00:29:40,399 You're a scary person. Seriously. 535 00:29:40,479 --> 00:29:42,234 Well, great. Looks like we're stuck cleaning up 536 00:29:42,314 --> 00:29:44,236 another one of Erik's messes. 537 00:29:44,316 --> 00:29:45,938 I think we need to think about it. 538 00:29:46,018 --> 00:29:48,874 I think we need to be very careful on our next move. 539 00:29:48,954 --> 00:29:50,276 What happens we let the guy go? 540 00:29:50,356 --> 00:29:53,979 The guy squeals to the cops, Erik goes to jail. 541 00:29:54,059 --> 00:29:56,415 - Good. - Flipside of that coin. 542 00:29:56,495 --> 00:29:58,284 We don't untie him, we're all accomplices, 543 00:29:58,364 --> 00:29:59,719 and we all go to jail. 544 00:29:59,799 --> 00:30:01,120 No one is going to jail! 545 00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:02,354 How do you know? 546 00:30:02,434 --> 00:30:04,468 Dude, nobody's going to the cops! 547 00:30:10,408 --> 00:30:11,731 Not it. 548 00:30:11,811 --> 00:30:13,099 What? No. 549 00:30:13,179 --> 00:30:15,479 No, you can't do that in this situation. 550 00:30:16,882 --> 00:30:17,937 Yes, coming, coming. 551 00:30:18,017 --> 00:30:19,004 - Joe. - I'm sorry. 552 00:30:19,084 --> 00:30:21,273 Talk to the cop, Joe. 553 00:30:21,353 --> 00:30:24,477 Put your fucking thumbs down. You're coming with me. 554 00:30:24,557 --> 00:30:26,145 - Do it. - He's got yellow glasses. 555 00:30:26,225 --> 00:30:28,514 Put your thumbs down! Calm down. Just be calm. 556 00:30:28,594 --> 00:30:30,360 Dude, they're fucking shooting glasses. 557 00:30:32,997 --> 00:30:34,153 Morning, officer. 558 00:30:34,233 --> 00:30:36,233 Good afternoon, son. 559 00:30:37,502 --> 00:30:40,226 Oh, I'm sorry, is is that late already? 560 00:30:40,306 --> 00:30:42,161 Boys having some kind of a party here? 561 00:30:42,241 --> 00:30:44,764 No. I mean, yeah, sort of. 562 00:30:44,844 --> 00:30:47,066 I mean, it's not a party-party. 563 00:30:47,146 --> 00:30:48,400 Which is it? 564 00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:51,137 Uh... 565 00:30:51,217 --> 00:30:52,371 It's his bachelor party, sir. 566 00:30:52,451 --> 00:30:55,107 No. No, it's not. Not, not really. 567 00:30:55,187 --> 00:31:00,246 No, it's really just four guys hanging out for the weekend. 568 00:31:00,326 --> 00:31:03,327 Just one, two, three, four. 569 00:31:07,165 --> 00:31:08,487 No one else, huh? 570 00:31:08,567 --> 00:31:11,857 No. No. 571 00:31:11,937 --> 00:31:12,937 No. 572 00:31:18,576 --> 00:31:21,333 We got a call about a woman in disarray of dress 573 00:31:21,413 --> 00:31:23,002 leaving this residence earlier. 574 00:31:23,082 --> 00:31:24,970 Oh, yeah. Crystal... Susan. 575 00:31:25,050 --> 00:31:27,139 - Crystal Susan? - Crystal Susan. 576 00:31:27,219 --> 00:31:29,953 - Crystal Susan. - Crystal-Susan. 577 00:31:31,222 --> 00:31:32,478 It's a hyphenate. 578 00:31:32,558 --> 00:31:33,946 So that's an affirmative? 579 00:31:34,026 --> 00:31:35,848 Yes. 580 00:31:35,928 --> 00:31:37,216 Yeah, affirmative, affirmative. 581 00:31:37,296 --> 00:31:39,185 You do realize that prostitution 582 00:31:39,265 --> 00:31:40,886 is illegal in big bear. 583 00:31:40,966 --> 00:31:44,490 Affirmative. Crystal-Susan is a law student. 584 00:31:44,570 --> 00:31:48,494 Actually, she overslept for a law test on legal distress. 585 00:31:48,574 --> 00:31:52,097 That's why she left in disarray... 586 00:31:52,177 --> 00:31:54,099 Of dress. 587 00:31:54,179 --> 00:31:55,612 Yup. 588 00:31:58,683 --> 00:32:00,105 You have a medical marijuana card 589 00:32:00,185 --> 00:32:01,974 from the state of California? 590 00:32:02,054 --> 00:32:03,320 No. 591 00:32:05,256 --> 00:32:07,379 Well, if I hear of anybody 592 00:32:07,459 --> 00:32:10,115 using medical marijuana for recreational purposes, 593 00:32:10,195 --> 00:32:13,085 do you know the first place that I'm gonna come? 594 00:32:13,165 --> 00:32:14,253 Here? 595 00:32:14,333 --> 00:32:16,021 Bright boy, bright boy. 596 00:32:16,101 --> 00:32:17,156 Look at him go. 597 00:32:17,236 --> 00:32:19,892 I got my eye on you four. 598 00:32:19,972 --> 00:32:23,340 One, two, three... 599 00:32:25,510 --> 00:32:26,710 Four. 600 00:32:40,224 --> 00:32:42,214 Well, that was weird. 601 00:32:42,294 --> 00:32:43,349 I'm letting him go. 602 00:32:43,429 --> 00:32:44,984 Wait, wait, wait, listen. 603 00:32:45,064 --> 00:32:48,153 If we make him realize that he deserves what he gets, 604 00:32:48,233 --> 00:32:49,555 he's not going to the cops. 605 00:32:49,635 --> 00:32:51,557 You thought that you'd kidnap this guy, 606 00:32:51,637 --> 00:32:54,159 beat him up, and then he'd say, "yeah, I deserved that." 607 00:32:54,239 --> 00:32:56,228 Yeah, that's about right. 608 00:32:56,308 --> 00:32:58,030 Is this just a joke to you? 609 00:32:58,110 --> 00:33:01,901 No. It's not a joke. 610 00:33:01,981 --> 00:33:03,313 Wha... 611 00:33:04,449 --> 00:33:06,283 Do not untie him! 612 00:33:23,267 --> 00:33:27,337 I'm gonna... I'm gonna come take the tape off now. 613 00:33:38,217 --> 00:33:39,638 Oh, it's really stuck on there. 614 00:33:39,718 --> 00:33:41,941 Oh, it's really stuck. 615 00:33:42,021 --> 00:33:44,176 I can't understand you. There's tape on your face. 616 00:33:44,256 --> 00:33:47,513 Rip it fast. 617 00:33:47,593 --> 00:33:48,647 Oh. 618 00:33:48,727 --> 00:33:50,082 Fuck! 619 00:33:50,162 --> 00:33:51,617 Why would you rip it so slow? 620 00:33:51,697 --> 00:33:53,385 I don't know. I've never done it before. 621 00:33:53,465 --> 00:33:55,421 - You took off part of my lip. - I'm sorry. 622 00:33:55,501 --> 00:33:57,367 You should be. 623 00:33:59,170 --> 00:34:02,561 Look, I don't know what any of this is about. 624 00:34:02,641 --> 00:34:05,230 You don't know who I am? 625 00:34:05,310 --> 00:34:08,233 Uh, no. Should I? 626 00:34:08,313 --> 00:34:10,747 Well, you're wearing my fucking robe. 627 00:34:12,750 --> 00:34:15,140 Oh. 628 00:34:15,220 --> 00:34:16,308 You're Joe. 629 00:34:16,388 --> 00:34:18,377 You're laughing. 630 00:34:18,457 --> 00:34:21,246 - No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. - You're clearly laughing. 631 00:34:21,326 --> 00:34:22,648 - I'm sorry. I'm not laughing. - It's not funny. 632 00:34:22,728 --> 00:34:25,484 I know it's not. I'm just... 633 00:34:25,564 --> 00:34:27,252 - I'm relieved. - Relieved? 634 00:34:27,332 --> 00:34:29,688 Yeah. I thought it was work-related. 635 00:34:29,768 --> 00:34:32,524 - What do you do for work? - I'm in corporate takeovers. 636 00:34:32,604 --> 00:34:34,526 Some people take it very personally. 637 00:34:34,606 --> 00:34:37,696 The guy who stole my fianc�e is in corporate takeovers? 638 00:34:37,776 --> 00:34:40,499 - It's an honest living. - Okay, but you're still tied up 639 00:34:40,579 --> 00:34:42,334 in a scary basement in big bear. 640 00:34:42,414 --> 00:34:44,103 Oh, I love big bear. 641 00:34:44,183 --> 00:34:49,641 But yeah, this is... I don't think... you know? 642 00:34:49,721 --> 00:34:52,678 Look, Joe, I'm really sorry 643 00:34:52,758 --> 00:34:56,615 about what happened between you and Jess, 644 00:34:56,695 --> 00:35:00,586 but you can untie me now. 645 00:35:00,666 --> 00:35:03,255 I'm gonna untie you, all right? But before I do that, 646 00:35:03,335 --> 00:35:05,791 I just want you to agree that this was a stupid mistake. 647 00:35:05,871 --> 00:35:09,061 Oh, agreed. 648 00:35:09,141 --> 00:35:12,509 And I just need you to say that you're not gonna go to the cops. 649 00:35:14,779 --> 00:35:16,568 I'm sorry. 650 00:35:16,648 --> 00:35:19,405 No, you can't just take somebody 651 00:35:19,485 --> 00:35:21,073 and expect not to pay the consequences. 652 00:35:21,153 --> 00:35:23,208 Kind of like how you just took my fianc�e? 653 00:35:23,288 --> 00:35:27,179 Oh, like what you did there. But no, it's not the same thing. 654 00:35:27,259 --> 00:35:30,115 - It's not? - No. I didn't break any laws. 655 00:35:30,195 --> 00:35:32,684 The basic tenets of almost every law ever written... 656 00:35:32,764 --> 00:35:34,253 The ten fucking commandments... 657 00:35:34,333 --> 00:35:36,488 Say you can't take someone else's girl. 658 00:35:36,568 --> 00:35:38,090 Actually, that's your neighbor's wife, 659 00:35:38,170 --> 00:35:43,740 and, technically, you guys weren't married yet. 660 00:35:44,642 --> 00:35:46,265 Who the fuck are you? 661 00:35:46,345 --> 00:35:50,302 Look, Joe, I actually played a very small part in your breakup. 662 00:35:50,382 --> 00:35:51,603 - Really? - Yeah. 663 00:35:51,683 --> 00:35:53,806 You guys have a lot of issues. 664 00:35:53,886 --> 00:35:57,209 Oh, we do? Do tell. I'd love to hear them. 665 00:35:57,289 --> 00:35:58,444 - Would you? - Yeah. 666 00:35:58,524 --> 00:36:02,548 Okay. Well, shit. I mean, uh... 667 00:36:02,628 --> 00:36:04,650 For instance, you... 668 00:36:04,730 --> 00:36:06,830 You hated her family. 669 00:36:08,533 --> 00:36:09,755 I didn't hate her family. 670 00:36:09,835 --> 00:36:11,490 You didn't go on the ski trip last year. 671 00:36:11,570 --> 00:36:13,158 That really hurt Jess's feelings. 672 00:36:13,238 --> 00:36:15,627 I didn't go 'cause her dad was gonna be there and... 673 00:36:15,707 --> 00:36:17,329 Wait, how do you know all this? 674 00:36:17,409 --> 00:36:19,765 That's right. You're scared of her father. 675 00:36:19,845 --> 00:36:21,600 I am not scared of her dad. 676 00:36:21,680 --> 00:36:23,569 - You're not? - No. 677 00:36:23,649 --> 00:36:25,204 - You sure? - Yes. 678 00:36:25,284 --> 00:36:27,172 Really? 679 00:36:27,252 --> 00:36:28,785 Fuck you. 680 00:36:30,755 --> 00:36:34,224 Hey, wait, you didn't untie me. Joe! 681 00:36:36,260 --> 00:36:37,327 Hello? 682 00:36:39,598 --> 00:36:41,253 What are you guys doing? 683 00:36:41,333 --> 00:36:42,621 - Huh? - Hey. Nothing, man. 684 00:36:42,701 --> 00:36:44,323 - Did you untie him? - Dude, what happened? 685 00:36:44,403 --> 00:36:46,391 What going on? Hey. 686 00:36:46,471 --> 00:36:48,794 - Um... - Did you untie him? 687 00:36:48,874 --> 00:36:49,795 No, not yet. 688 00:36:49,875 --> 00:36:51,763 - Good. - Can I have this beer? 689 00:36:51,843 --> 00:36:54,399 Yeah, if you like drinking in the morning, go for it. 690 00:36:54,479 --> 00:36:56,902 He's kinda cocky. 691 00:36:56,982 --> 00:37:00,283 Okay! So let's teach this cocky motherfucker some respect. 692 00:37:02,286 --> 00:37:04,443 Fuck. Hold on. 693 00:37:04,523 --> 00:37:06,245 I'll get that. 694 00:37:06,325 --> 00:37:07,479 - Be mean! - Go, Joe! 695 00:37:07,559 --> 00:37:08,547 Go get him, Joe. 696 00:37:08,627 --> 00:37:10,149 Come on, let's do this. 697 00:37:10,229 --> 00:37:12,551 Just a little. 698 00:37:12,631 --> 00:37:14,686 All right, ready? 699 00:37:14,766 --> 00:37:18,235 What was it, end of the lips and over your gums? 700 00:37:19,003 --> 00:37:21,193 Look, when I asked for his blessing 701 00:37:21,273 --> 00:37:23,262 to marry his daughter, he said no. 702 00:37:23,342 --> 00:37:26,165 Ooh. I could understand why you'd be afraid of him then. 703 00:37:26,245 --> 00:37:31,236 Exactly. No, I'm not... He's a very traditional man, 704 00:37:31,316 --> 00:37:32,871 so I thought if I asked for his blessing, 705 00:37:32,951 --> 00:37:35,440 he might finally show me some respect. 706 00:37:35,520 --> 00:37:38,210 Why did he say no? 707 00:37:38,290 --> 00:37:41,480 He said that if we got married, we'd have a hard time 708 00:37:41,560 --> 00:37:43,582 because I don't make enough money. 709 00:37:43,662 --> 00:37:46,919 Hmm. How much did you pull in last year? 710 00:37:46,999 --> 00:37:48,520 75, 80k? 711 00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:49,888 What? 712 00:37:49,968 --> 00:37:51,868 Fifty? Sixty? 713 00:37:53,537 --> 00:37:56,195 Less? Thirty? Joe! 714 00:37:56,275 --> 00:37:59,331 I had a really rough year last year, okay? 715 00:37:59,411 --> 00:38:01,333 - It wasn't normal. - That's right. You got demoted. 716 00:38:01,413 --> 00:38:03,902 Exactly! Yeah, for reasons out of my control. 717 00:38:03,982 --> 00:38:06,305 Your boss promoted his unqualified nephew or something. 718 00:38:06,385 --> 00:38:09,408 Yes. He had never even worked in our division. 719 00:38:09,488 --> 00:38:10,709 How do you know all that? 720 00:38:10,789 --> 00:38:12,211 How could you let that happen though? 721 00:38:12,291 --> 00:38:15,247 - No, I didn't let it happen. - Yeah. 722 00:38:15,327 --> 00:38:18,917 - Either that or get fired. - So get fired or, shit, quit. 723 00:38:18,997 --> 00:38:21,753 - If it's respect that you want. - I want money. 724 00:38:21,833 --> 00:38:23,222 That was the whole thing. 725 00:38:23,302 --> 00:38:25,624 I needed the money to have a good marriage 726 00:38:25,704 --> 00:38:27,392 so that I could get respect, I thought. 727 00:38:27,472 --> 00:38:29,995 Look, Joe, I think Jess's dad might've been right. 728 00:38:30,075 --> 00:38:33,332 You can't support a family on an income like that. 729 00:38:33,412 --> 00:38:35,767 Half of marriages end because of money problems. 730 00:38:35,847 --> 00:38:37,903 And the other half end because of infidelity. 731 00:38:37,983 --> 00:38:41,473 - Whoa. - Oh, right, right. 732 00:38:41,553 --> 00:38:45,377 You haven't slept with Jess. 733 00:38:45,457 --> 00:38:47,312 Yet. 734 00:38:47,392 --> 00:38:49,514 Why you just untie me 735 00:38:49,594 --> 00:38:53,897 before you do something you're really gonna end up regretting? 736 00:39:07,011 --> 00:39:08,700 You're smarter than this, Joe. 737 00:39:08,780 --> 00:39:11,970 You need to wise up. 738 00:39:12,050 --> 00:39:15,418 You know, you can't go around doing shit like this. 739 00:39:35,973 --> 00:39:39,008 - I guess I just did. 740 00:39:42,513 --> 00:39:43,835 Fuck! 741 00:39:43,915 --> 00:39:46,004 - Chop it up real fine. - Make 'em a little fatter. 742 00:39:46,084 --> 00:39:48,607 - Where'd you get this shit? - It's one of Mike's items. 743 00:39:48,687 --> 00:39:50,876 Oh, Mike. Man, this is a good shit. 744 00:39:50,956 --> 00:39:52,377 Make 'em fat, make 'em big. 745 00:39:52,457 --> 00:39:54,579 Shut up. I know what I'm doing. 746 00:39:54,659 --> 00:39:56,581 Fuck that guy! 747 00:39:56,661 --> 00:39:58,317 Fuck yeah! 748 00:39:58,397 --> 00:39:59,617 Now do you see? 749 00:39:59,697 --> 00:40:01,720 Somehow that guy knows everything about me. 750 00:40:01,800 --> 00:40:03,455 - He knows everything about you. - He does. 751 00:40:03,535 --> 00:40:04,890 That's what these guys do. 752 00:40:04,970 --> 00:40:06,992 They get the information, they get the girl to vent, 753 00:40:07,072 --> 00:40:09,361 start purging about the boyfriend. 754 00:40:09,441 --> 00:40:10,662 She told him everything. 755 00:40:10,742 --> 00:40:12,464 - Told him everything about you. - Fuck. 756 00:40:12,544 --> 00:40:14,966 - He flipped it on me. - He flipped it on you. 757 00:40:15,046 --> 00:40:16,635 He fucking flipped it on you! 758 00:40:16,715 --> 00:40:18,470 - Fuck that guy. - Fuck that guy! 759 00:40:18,550 --> 00:40:19,871 Except in this case, 760 00:40:19,951 --> 00:40:22,574 he got the fianc�e to fucking break up with the fianc� 761 00:40:22,654 --> 00:40:24,643 two weeks before the fucking wedding! 762 00:40:24,723 --> 00:40:26,978 - Fuck it. - Yeah. 763 00:40:27,058 --> 00:40:29,881 - Told you it was good shit. - Is that my credit card? 764 00:40:29,961 --> 00:40:33,618 Where? Oh, is this... 765 00:40:33,698 --> 00:40:34,720 Yeah, I think that's yours. 766 00:40:34,800 --> 00:40:36,688 Listen, we have a problem. 767 00:40:36,768 --> 00:40:37,756 Yeah, I know. 768 00:40:37,836 --> 00:40:39,391 We're all accomplices now. 769 00:40:39,471 --> 00:40:40,525 Good for you. 770 00:40:40,605 --> 00:40:41,993 No, we have a bigger problem. 771 00:40:42,073 --> 00:40:43,907 Jess won't stop calling. 772 00:40:46,510 --> 00:40:47,811 Really? 773 00:40:50,214 --> 00:40:54,473 Oh, okay, I got it. Here's what you do. You say, 774 00:40:54,553 --> 00:40:56,842 "hey, sorry I didn't get back to your texts or phone calls. 775 00:40:56,922 --> 00:40:58,443 Just got out of the er. 776 00:40:58,523 --> 00:41:00,379 My hemorrhoids are still bleeding all over the place." 777 00:41:00,459 --> 00:41:02,681 - Oh, gross. - That's the OG story. 778 00:41:02,761 --> 00:41:04,649 You gotta stick to it, man. 779 00:41:04,729 --> 00:41:06,618 She's really worried about him, huh? 780 00:41:06,698 --> 00:41:08,086 Who cares? Let her worry. 781 00:41:08,166 --> 00:41:10,722 Nope. Tell her something that'll get her to chill out. 782 00:41:10,802 --> 00:41:13,392 This is your fault for not moving his car. 783 00:41:13,472 --> 00:41:16,094 I'm sorry. I'm gonna kidnap him and valet his car? 784 00:41:16,174 --> 00:41:18,397 Didn't think about that, did you, genius? 785 00:41:18,477 --> 00:41:20,732 You know what? Why don't you say "I'm sorry. My car didn't start, 786 00:41:20,812 --> 00:41:22,401 so I took a cab to my apartment." 787 00:41:22,481 --> 00:41:23,735 - That's good. - What if he has a house? 788 00:41:23,815 --> 00:41:25,670 Your kids don't love you. 789 00:41:25,750 --> 00:41:26,805 Sorry. I didn't mean that. 790 00:41:26,885 --> 00:41:29,808 Say "I took a cab to my place." 791 00:41:29,888 --> 00:41:32,544 - She said he left his wallet. - Goddamn it! 792 00:41:32,624 --> 00:41:36,526 I'm sorry I didn't have time to gather his personal belongings. 793 00:41:37,829 --> 00:41:41,119 Shit. She's gonna call the cops. 794 00:41:41,199 --> 00:41:42,899 Fuck. 795 00:41:45,036 --> 00:41:46,458 I need your help. 796 00:41:46,538 --> 00:41:48,860 Fuck you. 797 00:41:48,940 --> 00:41:52,431 I just need you to tell me what to text Jess 798 00:41:52,511 --> 00:41:54,533 that's gonna get her to calm down. 799 00:41:54,613 --> 00:41:55,534 Fuck you. 800 00:41:55,614 --> 00:41:56,701 Okay, all right. 801 00:41:56,781 --> 00:41:59,115 I'll take the tape off. 802 00:42:06,056 --> 00:42:10,660 I know, I know. Rip it fast. 803 00:42:11,930 --> 00:42:14,719 That is strong duct tape. 804 00:42:14,799 --> 00:42:16,955 Come on. What should I tell her? 805 00:42:17,035 --> 00:42:18,957 Tell her I'm tied up in a basement in big bear 806 00:42:19,037 --> 00:42:21,560 - and to send the police. - Seriously. 807 00:42:21,640 --> 00:42:23,829 Seriously? Why the fuck would I help you? 808 00:42:23,909 --> 00:42:26,465 Because I'm gonna take you back to la, 809 00:42:26,545 --> 00:42:28,099 but it's gonna be a lot more difficult 810 00:42:28,179 --> 00:42:30,936 if Jess goes on one of her patented freak-outs first. 811 00:42:31,016 --> 00:42:33,004 I help you, you're gonna take me back? 812 00:42:33,084 --> 00:42:36,475 - I promise. - Untie me first. 813 00:42:36,555 --> 00:42:38,021 After. 814 00:42:41,659 --> 00:42:46,151 Tell her I'm sorry that I disappeared. 815 00:42:46,231 --> 00:42:49,521 Melanie came and picked me up. 816 00:42:49,601 --> 00:42:52,190 Who's Melanie? 817 00:42:52,270 --> 00:42:53,970 My wife. 818 00:42:58,143 --> 00:42:58,964 What? 819 00:42:59,044 --> 00:43:00,499 Soon to be ex-wife. 820 00:43:00,579 --> 00:43:02,033 - You're married? - Yeah, but... 821 00:43:02,113 --> 00:43:06,137 You cheated on your wife with my fianc�e? 822 00:43:06,217 --> 00:43:07,772 - Well... - An emotional affair 823 00:43:07,852 --> 00:43:09,074 is still crossing the line. 824 00:43:09,154 --> 00:43:11,176 - What line? - The line that you cross 825 00:43:11,256 --> 00:43:12,777 when you're sharing energy with someone. 826 00:43:12,857 --> 00:43:15,080 - What? - The fucking line you cross 827 00:43:15,160 --> 00:43:16,882 when you're doing something wrong! 828 00:43:16,962 --> 00:43:18,650 But I guess you don't see it that way 829 00:43:18,730 --> 00:43:21,097 because you didn't bring your dick across the line with you. 830 00:43:23,701 --> 00:43:25,034 This better work. 831 00:43:27,771 --> 00:43:29,305 Asshole. 832 00:43:35,613 --> 00:43:38,615 Well? Did it work? 833 00:43:39,883 --> 00:43:41,840 You guys use emojis? 834 00:43:41,920 --> 00:43:43,942 What the fuck are emojis? 835 00:43:44,022 --> 00:43:47,812 These. Stupid fucking smiley faces and shit. 836 00:43:47,892 --> 00:43:49,548 Yeah. Jess likes them. So what? 837 00:43:49,628 --> 00:43:51,149 Yeah, I know. I hate 'em. 838 00:43:51,229 --> 00:43:53,818 Told her I won't text her back if she used them. 839 00:43:53,898 --> 00:43:55,554 - Why? - Because they're stupid. 840 00:43:55,634 --> 00:43:56,558 They're childish. 841 00:43:56,638 --> 00:43:58,256 If you're gonna say something, say it in words. 842 00:43:58,336 --> 00:44:00,125 - Yeah, but who cares? - I do. 843 00:44:00,205 --> 00:44:01,927 She likes them. So what? That's her thing. 844 00:44:02,007 --> 00:44:04,829 I mean, you think it's important enough to fight about it? 845 00:44:04,909 --> 00:44:07,132 I don't need your stellar relationship counseling. 846 00:44:07,212 --> 00:44:09,200 - Okay, professor love? - Well, maybe you do. 847 00:44:09,280 --> 00:44:12,037 You've already done a whopper on my now previous engagement. 848 00:44:12,117 --> 00:44:14,784 - You came asking for my advice. 849 00:44:16,920 --> 00:44:17,842 Mmm! 850 00:44:17,922 --> 00:44:20,990 Strong tape, strong tape. 851 00:44:26,697 --> 00:44:28,954 - Too tight? - Yeah, wait, hold on. 852 00:44:29,034 --> 00:44:31,723 - Why are we tying me up again? - So you don't hurt yourself. 853 00:44:31,803 --> 00:44:33,992 I don't think it's necessary. Ah, fuck, man! 854 00:44:34,072 --> 00:44:35,360 All right. 855 00:44:35,440 --> 00:44:36,962 - You'll thank me. - Yeah, you're right. 856 00:44:37,042 --> 00:44:39,208 - Why is Nick tied to... 857 00:44:40,811 --> 00:44:42,267 What is she doing here? 858 00:44:42,347 --> 00:44:45,036 Okay, Joe, it's cool. She's here to help with Jess. 859 00:44:45,116 --> 00:44:47,706 What? You told her? 860 00:44:47,786 --> 00:44:51,309 Joe, crystal-Susan is a lady. She understands ladies. 861 00:44:51,389 --> 00:44:56,247 Okay, I'm sorry, crystal-Susan, but it's already taken care of. 862 00:44:56,327 --> 00:45:00,118 Oh, I was just trying to help, so... 863 00:45:00,198 --> 00:45:03,755 Joe, crystal-Susan is here to help, okay? 864 00:45:03,835 --> 00:45:05,023 Please, take it easy. 865 00:45:05,103 --> 00:45:06,625 It seems like she's here for you. 866 00:45:06,705 --> 00:45:07,959 Well... 867 00:45:08,039 --> 00:45:09,327 - Are you? - Yeah. 868 00:45:09,407 --> 00:45:11,730 - Are you really? - Yeah, why not? 869 00:45:11,810 --> 00:45:13,264 At least I think so. 870 00:45:13,344 --> 00:45:15,233 Why is Nick tied to a chair? 871 00:45:15,313 --> 00:45:17,302 Oh, I got such a good idea. 872 00:45:17,382 --> 00:45:19,337 - But it's dangerous. - It's not dangerous. 873 00:45:19,417 --> 00:45:21,006 - Okay, is it dangerous? - Perfectly safe. 874 00:45:21,086 --> 00:45:22,641 - It'll kill him. - What? 875 00:45:22,721 --> 00:45:24,242 Colin, shut up. Nick, you're gonna be fine. 876 00:45:24,322 --> 00:45:25,877 Joe, we gotta teach this guy a lesson. 877 00:45:25,957 --> 00:45:27,979 It is the only way to make sure he doesn't squeal. 878 00:45:28,059 --> 00:45:31,182 - I think I'm out. - Now, nobody here 879 00:45:31,262 --> 00:45:33,151 is talking about permanently hurting, 880 00:45:33,231 --> 00:45:36,254 wouldn't do that. Just talking about a little dose 881 00:45:36,334 --> 00:45:39,357 of very healthy, very safe revenge. 882 00:45:39,437 --> 00:45:40,759 Like what exactly? 883 00:45:40,839 --> 00:45:42,260 Okay, I don't think it would be too much 884 00:45:42,340 --> 00:45:44,329 to tie a car battery to his nipples. 885 00:45:44,409 --> 00:45:47,198 - What? No, no. Is that safe? - No. 886 00:45:47,278 --> 00:45:49,300 - I'm gonna test it on Nick. - Untie me. 887 00:45:49,380 --> 00:45:50,935 I say we pull out some teeth. 888 00:45:51,015 --> 00:45:52,771 I think that would be permanent. 889 00:45:52,851 --> 00:45:54,005 I think we should untie me. 890 00:45:54,085 --> 00:45:55,407 Then we'll get his fingernails. 891 00:45:55,487 --> 00:45:57,242 - Fingernails grow back. - Good point. 892 00:45:57,322 --> 00:45:59,778 - That's so dumb. So much blood. - Let's untie me. 893 00:45:59,858 --> 00:46:02,180 I'm sorry, Mr. electroshock therapy torture man. 894 00:46:02,260 --> 00:46:04,115 I'm trying to teach him a lesson he will remember. 895 00:46:04,195 --> 00:46:08,431 He's not gonna remember anything if you fry his fucking brain. 896 00:46:09,901 --> 00:46:11,501 Guys... 897 00:46:13,470 --> 00:46:14,537 Do you... 898 00:46:15,939 --> 00:46:17,729 Guys, guys, Joe. 899 00:46:17,809 --> 00:46:19,308 Joe? 900 00:46:26,850 --> 00:46:30,253 Hey, man, you okay? 901 00:46:31,488 --> 00:46:33,978 - I'm taking him back to la. - No! 902 00:46:34,058 --> 00:46:36,281 We can't take him back without scaring him first. 903 00:46:36,361 --> 00:46:38,149 - I'll try and reason with him. - Joe, are you okay? 904 00:46:38,229 --> 00:46:39,951 You can't reason with these people. 905 00:46:40,031 --> 00:46:41,286 What was that? What just happened? 906 00:46:41,366 --> 00:46:44,901 And I'm taking him back on my own, all right? 907 00:46:46,537 --> 00:46:48,426 - Untie Nick. - What just happened there? 908 00:46:48,506 --> 00:46:50,195 - I knew it's gonna be too much. - You okay, Joe? 909 00:46:50,275 --> 00:46:52,575 I knew he was gonna freak out with the battery. 910 00:47:05,856 --> 00:47:10,181 You have one unheard message sent today at 9:35 A.M. 911 00:47:10,261 --> 00:47:14,252 Oh, Joey. Oh, baby, oh. 912 00:47:14,332 --> 00:47:17,600 I want you to call and cry with me. 913 00:47:19,237 --> 00:47:21,059 Oh, shit. Are you crying? 914 00:47:21,139 --> 00:47:25,897 No. No, it was... It was just my mom. 915 00:47:25,977 --> 00:47:29,334 Your mom crying? Okay, good. 916 00:47:29,414 --> 00:47:32,615 Phew. That could've been a little awkward. 917 00:47:35,586 --> 00:47:37,876 - You're gonna be okay. - Thanks. 918 00:47:37,956 --> 00:47:39,589 Right? 919 00:47:40,991 --> 00:47:43,281 Yeah. 920 00:47:43,361 --> 00:47:45,416 Just hurts a lot, you know? 921 00:47:45,496 --> 00:47:47,452 Yeah, man. 922 00:47:47,532 --> 00:47:50,633 Do you remember back in college when my barber died? 923 00:47:53,871 --> 00:47:57,896 I don't think it's the same kind of hurt, exactly. 924 00:47:57,976 --> 00:47:59,964 Maybe. 925 00:48:00,044 --> 00:48:03,968 He was the only guy in the world I trusted to cut my hair. 926 00:48:04,048 --> 00:48:06,304 And then he was just dead. 927 00:48:06,384 --> 00:48:09,140 But you know, I needed to have my hair cut still, 928 00:48:09,220 --> 00:48:10,475 so I found a new barber. 929 00:48:10,555 --> 00:48:13,344 But this fucking guy, he was just so... 930 00:48:13,424 --> 00:48:15,346 Confused by my hair. 931 00:48:15,426 --> 00:48:17,515 There's a delicate, sort of follicular flow 932 00:48:17,595 --> 00:48:19,918 that goes on up here with the two cowlicks. 933 00:48:19,998 --> 00:48:21,286 I have, like, three crowns, 934 00:48:21,366 --> 00:48:22,887 and it's confusing for the best of them. 935 00:48:22,967 --> 00:48:24,923 He just ruined it, man. I was devastated. 936 00:48:25,003 --> 00:48:27,492 It really stressed me out. 937 00:48:27,572 --> 00:48:30,829 I didn't realize that you take your haircut so seriously. 938 00:48:30,909 --> 00:48:32,229 Oh, yeah, big time. 939 00:48:32,309 --> 00:48:34,866 You know, and then my hair started falling out clumps, 940 00:48:34,946 --> 00:48:36,434 which is never good. 941 00:48:36,514 --> 00:48:39,337 I thought, well, fuck, that's gotta be because of the stress. 942 00:48:39,417 --> 00:48:42,874 And so I thought, well, you gotta stop the stress. 943 00:48:42,954 --> 00:48:46,377 But then the stress became about me trying to stop the stress, 944 00:48:46,457 --> 00:48:48,246 which was stressful. 945 00:48:48,326 --> 00:48:51,182 - Huh. - I didn't know what to do. 946 00:48:51,262 --> 00:48:53,418 I was so lost, man. 947 00:48:53,498 --> 00:48:58,556 Then I found out that Erik put Nair in my fucking shampoo, 948 00:48:58,636 --> 00:49:02,927 and I was a little hurt, but honestly... 949 00:49:03,007 --> 00:49:04,863 I was a little relieved. 950 00:49:04,943 --> 00:49:06,030 Really? 951 00:49:06,110 --> 00:49:07,532 Yeah. 952 00:49:07,612 --> 00:49:12,203 Yeah, yeah, because my hair had a chance to start over. 953 00:49:12,283 --> 00:49:13,504 It was a new day. 954 00:49:13,584 --> 00:49:15,540 It was a new dawn for me and my buds up there. 955 00:49:15,620 --> 00:49:18,543 You know, I 'm walking around bald as an eagle 956 00:49:18,623 --> 00:49:21,980 with, like, no eyelashes, no eyebrows, 957 00:49:22,060 --> 00:49:26,384 but I didn't have that stupid fucking haircut anymore. 958 00:49:26,464 --> 00:49:28,453 I was free, and the amount of time it took 959 00:49:28,533 --> 00:49:30,021 for my hair to grow back, 960 00:49:30,101 --> 00:49:32,590 I spent that shopping around for a new barber, 961 00:49:32,670 --> 00:49:35,159 and that's when I found Karen. 962 00:49:35,239 --> 00:49:38,162 My rock. 963 00:49:38,242 --> 00:49:40,531 So are you dating Karen now? 964 00:49:40,611 --> 00:49:42,901 No. What? 965 00:49:42,981 --> 00:49:43,968 What? 966 00:49:44,048 --> 00:49:45,570 She cuts my hair. 967 00:49:45,650 --> 00:49:47,238 What? 968 00:49:47,318 --> 00:49:49,085 What? 969 00:49:51,221 --> 00:49:54,312 Although, now that you mention it, 970 00:49:54,392 --> 00:49:56,347 I never really thought of her that way before. 971 00:49:56,427 --> 00:50:00,285 She's, uh, she's quite fetching. 972 00:50:00,365 --> 00:50:04,255 No, fuck, shit. Uh... 973 00:50:04,335 --> 00:50:05,501 He's ready. 974 00:50:06,603 --> 00:50:08,104 All right. 975 00:50:11,274 --> 00:50:12,196 Okay. 976 00:50:12,276 --> 00:50:13,531 I mean it. 977 00:50:13,611 --> 00:50:15,199 Yeah. 978 00:50:15,279 --> 00:50:17,502 - All right. - Okay. 979 00:50:17,582 --> 00:50:19,715 - I'll be in. - Okay. 980 00:50:56,454 --> 00:50:58,387 Crystal left. 981 00:50:59,689 --> 00:51:01,157 Oh. 982 00:51:03,093 --> 00:51:05,183 You hurt her feelings, so she went home. 983 00:51:05,263 --> 00:51:06,517 No, you didn't. 984 00:51:06,597 --> 00:51:08,586 She was just on a stripper smoke break. 985 00:51:08,666 --> 00:51:10,666 She had to get back on the pole. 986 00:51:29,720 --> 00:51:31,676 You want me to untie him? 987 00:51:31,756 --> 00:51:32,776 Not yet. 988 00:51:32,856 --> 00:51:36,280 All right, should I do this fast or slow? 989 00:51:36,360 --> 00:51:37,682 - Slow? - Fast. 990 00:51:37,762 --> 00:51:39,150 Fast. 991 00:51:39,230 --> 00:51:40,651 Oh, shit. 992 00:51:40,731 --> 00:51:42,865 Sorry. That was really on there good. 993 00:51:49,506 --> 00:51:52,141 Yeah, he was thirsty. 994 00:51:57,114 --> 00:51:58,180 Let's begin. 995 00:52:00,817 --> 00:52:02,240 What the fuck? 996 00:52:02,320 --> 00:52:03,508 - Erik... - I watched a video on YouTube. 997 00:52:03,588 --> 00:52:04,809 I know exactly how to do it now. 998 00:52:04,889 --> 00:52:06,711 - You said you'd let me go. - We are. 999 00:52:06,791 --> 00:52:09,714 As soon as I introduce you to mega-tron 26 here. 1000 00:52:09,794 --> 00:52:11,082 Whoa! 1001 00:52:11,162 --> 00:52:12,583 - Jesus! - Oh, fuck. 1002 00:52:12,663 --> 00:52:14,185 - It'll work. - It's gonna kill him. 1003 00:52:14,265 --> 00:52:15,720 It's not gonna kill him. He's big. 1004 00:52:15,800 --> 00:52:18,056 Erik, fucking put it down, all right? 1005 00:52:18,136 --> 00:52:19,757 Joe, you gotta teach him a lesson. 1006 00:52:19,837 --> 00:52:23,061 No, no, I'm taking him back, all right? 1007 00:52:23,141 --> 00:52:24,195 This was a huge mistake. 1008 00:52:24,275 --> 00:52:25,196 You're goddamn right it was. 1009 00:52:25,276 --> 00:52:26,264 But nobody got hurt. 1010 00:52:26,344 --> 00:52:28,299 - Yet. - Just shut the fuck up. 1011 00:52:28,379 --> 00:52:29,767 These are teachers. 1012 00:52:29,847 --> 00:52:32,403 And can you really blame my friends 1013 00:52:32,483 --> 00:52:36,585 for trying to make me feel better? 1014 00:52:38,555 --> 00:52:40,678 You must be Colin. 1015 00:52:40,758 --> 00:52:43,214 Jess tell you I was the most handsome of the guys? 1016 00:52:43,294 --> 00:52:45,616 No, but she gave pretty good descriptions of all of you. 1017 00:52:45,696 --> 00:52:47,618 Not surprised at all that you would do something this stupid. 1018 00:52:47,698 --> 00:52:49,187 Let me tell you something, guy. 1019 00:52:49,267 --> 00:52:52,390 There are a lot more stupider things we can do. 1020 00:52:52,470 --> 00:52:54,358 More stupid. You must be Nick. 1021 00:52:54,438 --> 00:52:55,560 Ha! 1022 00:52:55,640 --> 00:52:57,462 What? Fuck you, man! 1023 00:52:57,542 --> 00:52:58,763 Now I'm definitely gonna electrocute him. 1024 00:52:58,843 --> 00:53:00,531 - Yeah, get him. - Okay, you know what? No. 1025 00:53:00,611 --> 00:53:02,233 - I like being Nick. - Yes! 1026 00:53:02,313 --> 00:53:03,367 No, you're not. Look. 1027 00:53:03,447 --> 00:53:05,603 It doesn't matter who anyone is. 1028 00:53:05,683 --> 00:53:08,106 - I'm taking him back to la. - That is a bad idea. 1029 00:53:08,186 --> 00:53:10,108 This whole fucking thing was a bad idea, Erik. 1030 00:53:10,188 --> 00:53:11,809 I haven't seen you guys in months, 1031 00:53:11,889 --> 00:53:14,145 and I thought it'd be great to reconnect with you 1032 00:53:14,225 --> 00:53:16,581 one last time before I got married, but now... 1033 00:53:16,661 --> 00:53:19,350 Now I'm not getting married 1034 00:53:19,430 --> 00:53:24,822 because my fianc�e dumped me for this fucking guy. 1035 00:53:24,902 --> 00:53:27,859 But instead of making me feel better, 1036 00:53:27,939 --> 00:53:28,860 I'm hungover, 1037 00:53:28,940 --> 00:53:30,628 I can't sit down 1038 00:53:30,708 --> 00:53:33,798 because crystal-Susan broke a belt over my ass, 1039 00:53:33,878 --> 00:53:37,835 and to top it all off, you kidnapped this fucking guy. 1040 00:53:37,915 --> 00:53:40,671 - I have a name, dude. - Shut up! 1041 00:53:40,751 --> 00:53:43,741 You know, when this thing's all over, 1042 00:53:43,821 --> 00:53:47,323 I don't think I wanna see you guys for a while. 1043 00:53:48,925 --> 00:53:51,315 I have to be honest, Joe. I think that's for the best. 1044 00:53:51,395 --> 00:53:52,962 - Shut up. - Okay. 1045 00:54:13,984 --> 00:54:15,706 What's that for? 1046 00:54:15,786 --> 00:54:17,608 - Just take it. - No, no, no, no. 1047 00:54:17,688 --> 00:54:19,310 Erik, I am not taking that. 1048 00:54:19,390 --> 00:54:20,845 Uh-oh, he's running. 1049 00:54:20,925 --> 00:54:22,725 Oh, shit. 1050 00:54:23,960 --> 00:54:25,494 Go that way! 1051 00:54:44,681 --> 00:54:46,315 Split up. 1052 00:55:16,379 --> 00:55:19,937 - Why didn't you grab him? - Was I supposed to grab him? 1053 00:55:20,017 --> 00:55:22,985 - I got him, Joe! - Get him, get him, get him! 1054 00:55:24,454 --> 00:55:26,377 Come on. 1055 00:55:26,457 --> 00:55:28,023 Stop! Stop, stop, stop! 1056 00:55:29,426 --> 00:55:30,915 Agh! Fucking altitude. 1057 00:55:30,995 --> 00:55:32,416 Ohh! 1058 00:55:32,496 --> 00:55:35,386 Nick! Nick! 1059 00:55:35,466 --> 00:55:37,933 Ah, fuck. Okay! 1060 00:55:39,102 --> 00:55:40,936 Stop, stop, stop, stop! 1061 00:55:43,106 --> 00:55:44,495 Okay, okay, all right. 1062 00:55:44,575 --> 00:55:45,563 Hey. 1063 00:55:45,643 --> 00:55:47,298 What the fuck, man? 1064 00:55:47,378 --> 00:55:49,011 You run so fucking fast. 1065 00:55:50,880 --> 00:55:52,903 Do you work out or something? 1066 00:55:52,983 --> 00:55:54,438 I ran track in high school. 1067 00:55:54,518 --> 00:55:58,042 - So did I, Fifteen years ago. - Why did you run, man? 1068 00:55:58,122 --> 00:56:01,279 - I said we're gonna let you go. - So why are my hands tied? 1069 00:56:01,359 --> 00:56:03,447 You still haven't said that you aren't going to the cops, 1070 00:56:03,527 --> 00:56:06,050 and I thought maybe I could talk some sense into you. 1071 00:56:06,130 --> 00:56:08,486 Oh, right, talk some sense into me. 1072 00:56:08,566 --> 00:56:11,555 Well, you're the one who's still tied up, 1073 00:56:11,635 --> 00:56:13,324 which means that you can't swim. 1074 00:56:13,404 --> 00:56:15,960 - I bet he's a great swimmer. - Oh, fuck yeah. 1075 00:56:16,040 --> 00:56:17,728 Come on, man. 1076 00:56:17,808 --> 00:56:19,430 I'll untie your hands in the car. 1077 00:56:19,510 --> 00:56:21,110 That's a good idea. 1078 00:56:22,645 --> 00:56:23,934 Come on. 1079 00:56:24,014 --> 00:56:25,881 Come on. 1080 00:56:35,492 --> 00:56:37,715 Hey, guys, where'd he go? 1081 00:56:37,795 --> 00:56:39,061 Nick, hang on! 1082 00:56:55,145 --> 00:56:57,001 Oh, shit. 1083 00:56:57,081 --> 00:56:58,201 You killed him. 1084 00:56:58,281 --> 00:57:00,416 - Why'd you do that? - He's not dead. 1085 00:57:02,752 --> 00:57:04,608 See? He's fine. 1086 00:57:04,688 --> 00:57:06,377 His nose looks kinda broken. 1087 00:57:06,457 --> 00:57:08,446 Yeah, it kinda does. 1088 00:57:08,526 --> 00:57:11,026 Come on, let's get him in the car. 1089 00:57:17,867 --> 00:57:19,590 He still hasn't learned anything. 1090 00:57:19,670 --> 00:57:21,425 Stop making this worse. 1091 00:57:21,505 --> 00:57:22,993 I'm trying to make it better. 1092 00:57:23,073 --> 00:57:25,529 Erik, no, I'm not taking that. 1093 00:57:25,609 --> 00:57:27,031 Do what you said. 1094 00:57:27,111 --> 00:57:29,600 Make him dig his own grave and scare the shit out of him. 1095 00:57:29,680 --> 00:57:31,602 No, I'm not doing that. 1096 00:57:31,682 --> 00:57:33,137 No one is gonna wanna marry you 1097 00:57:33,217 --> 00:57:36,607 if you can't stand up for yourself. 1098 00:57:36,687 --> 00:57:37,742 Fuck you. 1099 00:57:37,822 --> 00:57:39,922 Fuck you. 1100 00:57:43,693 --> 00:57:45,449 Have a nice drive. 1101 00:57:45,529 --> 00:57:49,420 If you hurry, you might still make it to Ikea. 1102 00:57:49,500 --> 00:57:53,035 Hey, man, call us when you get back to la. 1103 00:57:56,005 --> 00:57:58,462 Hey, I wanna tell you that I texted Karen. 1104 00:57:58,542 --> 00:58:01,732 We're gonna meet up for dinner next week in la. 1105 00:58:01,812 --> 00:58:02,733 Karen? 1106 00:58:02,813 --> 00:58:04,046 Yeah, my barber. 1107 00:58:05,882 --> 00:58:08,506 Give me the fucking keys. 1108 00:58:08,586 --> 00:58:09,852 Okay. 1109 00:58:44,053 --> 00:58:45,509 Ow. 1110 00:58:45,589 --> 00:58:48,679 Jesus, my nose. 1111 00:58:48,759 --> 00:58:50,614 Is my nose... My nose is broken. 1112 00:58:50,694 --> 00:58:52,082 - It's fine. - No. 1113 00:58:52,162 --> 00:58:54,051 This is fucking broken. Look at this! 1114 00:58:54,131 --> 00:58:55,719 It was a little bit crooked before. 1115 00:58:55,799 --> 00:58:57,755 - No, it wasn't. - Yeah, it was. 1116 00:58:57,835 --> 00:58:59,590 I don't think so. 1117 00:58:59,670 --> 00:59:01,525 Everyone's nose is a little bit crooked, all right? 1118 00:59:01,605 --> 00:59:04,606 You didn't have a perfectly straight nose. 1119 00:59:08,177 --> 00:59:11,547 Oh, my god, this is so uncomfortable. 1120 00:59:13,983 --> 00:59:16,018 My arms are gonna fucking fall asleep. 1121 00:59:18,955 --> 00:59:21,545 Okay, I can't feel my hands now. 1122 00:59:21,625 --> 00:59:22,880 You don't need your hands 1123 00:59:22,960 --> 00:59:24,815 to sit in the passenger side of a car. 1124 00:59:24,895 --> 00:59:26,884 It's two hours back to la? 1125 00:59:26,964 --> 00:59:28,486 Thereabouts. 1126 00:59:28,566 --> 00:59:30,521 What the fuck are you worried about? 1127 00:59:30,601 --> 00:59:33,491 Well, you bulldozed me into a lake. 1128 00:59:33,571 --> 00:59:36,705 Come on, man. I'm not gonna jump out of a moving car. 1129 00:59:39,709 --> 00:59:41,043 Damn it. 1130 00:59:51,754 --> 00:59:53,188 Shit. 1131 01:00:10,373 --> 01:00:12,530 Oh, my god, this is really uncomfortable. 1132 01:00:12,610 --> 01:00:14,532 Just try to relax your arms. They won't fall asleep. 1133 01:00:14,612 --> 01:00:16,934 See how I'm sitting? How am I supposed to relax? 1134 01:00:17,014 --> 01:00:18,947 - Just... 1135 01:00:21,117 --> 01:00:24,086 - Fuck. - Now you have to untie me. 1136 01:00:27,156 --> 01:00:28,612 No way. 1137 01:00:28,692 --> 01:00:29,992 What, you know him? 1138 01:00:32,829 --> 01:00:33,817 Don't say anything. 1139 01:00:33,897 --> 01:00:36,654 I'm not gonna have to. 1140 01:00:36,734 --> 01:00:39,557 All right, lift your arms up. Hurry up. Get them up. 1141 01:00:39,637 --> 01:00:41,559 I can't lift them any higher. My arms fell asleep. 1142 01:00:41,639 --> 01:00:43,060 Oh, shit. You're doing it tighter. 1143 01:00:43,140 --> 01:00:44,695 No, I... I was tightening it. 1144 01:00:44,775 --> 01:00:46,830 He's coming, Joe. Now he's coming. 1145 01:00:46,910 --> 01:00:48,677 Shh, shh. Okay. 1146 01:00:51,347 --> 01:00:53,749 Don't say anything, please. 1147 01:00:57,654 --> 01:00:59,988 Well. 1148 01:01:01,058 --> 01:01:02,324 Cheech and Chong. 1149 01:01:04,961 --> 01:01:06,317 Hi. 1150 01:01:06,397 --> 01:01:07,851 Hi. 1151 01:01:07,931 --> 01:01:09,920 Are you? 1152 01:01:10,000 --> 01:01:11,088 What? 1153 01:01:11,168 --> 01:01:13,724 Are you high, son? 1154 01:01:13,804 --> 01:01:14,925 No. 1155 01:01:15,005 --> 01:01:17,127 - What about you? - He's not. 1156 01:01:17,207 --> 01:01:20,075 I was talking to him. 1157 01:01:21,344 --> 01:01:22,132 No. 1158 01:01:22,212 --> 01:01:23,968 Officer, I don't smoke. 1159 01:01:24,048 --> 01:01:25,202 Of course you don't. 1160 01:01:25,282 --> 01:01:28,272 You have any idea why I'm asking you that? 1161 01:01:28,352 --> 01:01:30,007 Because you're cracking down 1162 01:01:30,087 --> 01:01:32,042 on the abuse of medical marijuana in big bear? 1163 01:01:32,122 --> 01:01:33,644 Are you patronizing me, son? 1164 01:01:33,724 --> 01:01:37,125 No. No, I... You said that before. 1165 01:01:38,961 --> 01:01:40,696 Is your nose broke? 1166 01:01:42,699 --> 01:01:46,890 No, sir. It's always been a little bit crooked. 1167 01:01:46,970 --> 01:01:48,804 Hmm. 1168 01:01:50,140 --> 01:01:52,062 License and registration. 1169 01:01:52,142 --> 01:01:53,664 Affirmative. 1170 01:01:53,744 --> 01:01:54,898 What did you say to me? 1171 01:01:54,978 --> 01:01:57,334 Yes. Yes. 1172 01:01:57,414 --> 01:01:59,303 Registration's in the glove box. 1173 01:01:59,383 --> 01:02:01,083 Uh-huh. 1174 01:02:04,787 --> 01:02:07,177 You just got your nails done? 1175 01:02:07,257 --> 01:02:09,357 I got it, I got it. 1176 01:02:22,739 --> 01:02:24,206 What? 1177 01:02:25,374 --> 01:02:27,476 License and registration. 1178 01:02:32,749 --> 01:02:35,806 Where are you two young men headed today? 1179 01:02:35,886 --> 01:02:38,120 - A hike. - To la. 1180 01:02:39,522 --> 01:02:42,824 You both just told me two different things. 1181 01:02:45,294 --> 01:02:48,163 Son, where are you headed? 1182 01:02:52,803 --> 01:02:54,958 Step out of the vehicle. 1183 01:02:55,038 --> 01:02:57,761 Officer, excuse me. 1184 01:02:57,841 --> 01:02:59,830 We're going back to la. 1185 01:02:59,910 --> 01:03:03,100 But we're just gonna stop off real quick and have a hike. 1186 01:03:03,180 --> 01:03:04,868 You know, enjoy some nature 1187 01:03:04,948 --> 01:03:08,550 before we have to head back to that smog-infested jungle. 1188 01:03:09,919 --> 01:03:12,810 I never did care too much for Los Angeles myself. 1189 01:03:12,890 --> 01:03:14,211 Oh, lord, me neither. 1190 01:03:14,291 --> 01:03:16,113 But it sure is nice that there's a place 1191 01:03:16,193 --> 01:03:19,717 as safe and quiet as big bear's so close. 1192 01:03:19,797 --> 01:03:23,120 Up around the next bend, there's a real pretty hike. 1193 01:03:23,200 --> 01:03:25,022 It's my husband's favorite. 1194 01:03:25,102 --> 01:03:29,259 Just make sure you park in the designated parking areas only. 1195 01:03:29,339 --> 01:03:31,395 Absolutely. Thank you, officer. 1196 01:03:31,475 --> 01:03:33,430 Sure. 1197 01:03:33,510 --> 01:03:34,965 Pants? 1198 01:03:35,045 --> 01:03:36,233 Next time. 1199 01:03:36,313 --> 01:03:39,247 Crack, crack. 1200 01:03:52,161 --> 01:03:53,495 Did he say husband? 1201 01:04:02,338 --> 01:04:04,428 Why did you say we were going for a hike? 1202 01:04:04,508 --> 01:04:05,429 Because we are. 1203 01:04:05,509 --> 01:04:07,030 - I'm not. - Yes, you are. 1204 01:04:07,110 --> 01:04:09,533 Okay, I could have just told that cop 1205 01:04:09,613 --> 01:04:11,902 about the gun that you're hiding underneath your leg. 1206 01:04:11,982 --> 01:04:14,204 Yeah? Well, why didn't you? 1207 01:04:14,284 --> 01:04:16,173 I don't know. 1208 01:04:16,253 --> 01:04:18,809 Because you saved me from your friends, 1209 01:04:18,889 --> 01:04:21,478 and you said you were gonna take back me to la. 1210 01:04:21,558 --> 01:04:25,961 And maybe I feel a little bit sorry for you. 1211 01:04:32,401 --> 01:04:34,892 You ruined my life, but not my bachelor party. 1212 01:04:34,972 --> 01:04:36,894 I thought it wasn't your bachelor party anymore. 1213 01:04:36,974 --> 01:04:39,530 Yeah, well, it is, whether I like it or not. 1214 01:04:39,610 --> 01:04:40,830 Okay, Joe, 1215 01:04:40,910 --> 01:04:43,467 but you're digging a very deep hole for yourself here. 1216 01:04:43,547 --> 01:04:45,068 No. 1217 01:04:45,148 --> 01:04:47,449 That's what you're gonna do. 1218 01:04:56,559 --> 01:04:59,060 Ohh... 1219 01:05:09,105 --> 01:05:10,928 No. 1220 01:05:11,008 --> 01:05:13,964 No, no, no, wait, wait, wait. What are you doing? 1221 01:05:14,044 --> 01:05:16,400 I'm digging. 1222 01:05:16,480 --> 01:05:18,135 No, you're whistling. 1223 01:05:18,215 --> 01:05:21,438 Yeah. I do that when I'm bored. 1224 01:05:21,518 --> 01:05:23,841 Aren't you thinking about what you did? 1225 01:05:23,921 --> 01:05:26,410 No. I'm thinking about what a waste of time this is. 1226 01:05:26,490 --> 01:05:28,946 - What? - You're not going to shoot me. 1227 01:05:29,026 --> 01:05:31,114 If your friend Erik was here, I'd be a little fucking worried 1228 01:05:31,194 --> 01:05:32,850 because that guy, he's psycho. 1229 01:05:32,930 --> 01:05:34,384 You need to be thinking about what you did 1230 01:05:34,464 --> 01:05:35,853 that got you to this place. 1231 01:05:35,933 --> 01:05:37,855 I opened the door to your psycho friend. 1232 01:05:37,935 --> 01:05:40,257 - Before that. - I didn't convince Jess 1233 01:05:40,337 --> 01:05:42,392 to fall out of love with you, all right? 1234 01:05:42,472 --> 01:05:44,294 That happened a long time before I ever came around. 1235 01:05:44,374 --> 01:05:46,196 - Fuck you. - It's true! 1236 01:05:46,276 --> 01:05:48,265 In reality, I played a very little part 1237 01:05:48,345 --> 01:05:49,933 in the breakup of your marriage. 1238 01:05:50,013 --> 01:05:51,001 - A little part? - Yeah. 1239 01:05:51,081 --> 01:05:52,202 Are you talking about your dick? 1240 01:05:52,282 --> 01:05:54,338 - No. - Is your dick the little part? 1241 01:05:54,418 --> 01:05:56,139 Because in the reality that I live in, 1242 01:05:56,219 --> 01:05:58,609 the number one thing Jess loves to freak out about 1243 01:05:58,689 --> 01:06:00,277 is her allergy to latex. 1244 01:06:00,357 --> 01:06:03,146 So we always had to use polyisoprene condoms, 1245 01:06:03,226 --> 01:06:04,648 and they only come in wrappers 1246 01:06:04,728 --> 01:06:07,017 like the one that fell out of your pocket back in the car. 1247 01:06:07,097 --> 01:06:10,487 So I guess your little part, I'm talking about your dick, 1248 01:06:10,567 --> 01:06:13,991 played a pretty big part in why she left me. 1249 01:06:14,071 --> 01:06:17,995 Hey, it's your robe. Could've been your condom. 1250 01:06:18,075 --> 01:06:20,964 Yeah. Well... 1251 01:06:21,044 --> 01:06:23,578 I don't wear magnums. 1252 01:06:28,317 --> 01:06:30,073 Has it ever occurred to you 1253 01:06:30,153 --> 01:06:34,177 that that she might've left you not because of who I am, 1254 01:06:34,257 --> 01:06:37,125 but because of who you aren't? 1255 01:06:41,163 --> 01:06:42,252 Get out. 1256 01:06:42,332 --> 01:06:44,388 - What? - Hand me the shovel. 1257 01:06:44,468 --> 01:06:46,056 - I can keep digging. - That's deep enough. 1258 01:06:46,136 --> 01:06:47,457 - No, it's not deep enough. - Yes, it is. 1259 01:06:47,537 --> 01:06:48,592 It's not long enough. 1260 01:06:48,672 --> 01:06:49,927 Hand me the fucking shovel! 1261 01:06:50,007 --> 01:06:51,039 Okay. 1262 01:06:53,275 --> 01:06:54,998 Get out. 1263 01:06:55,078 --> 01:06:56,600 Joe, calm down. 1264 01:06:56,680 --> 01:06:58,268 Turn around. 1265 01:06:58,348 --> 01:07:02,005 - All right, why don't we just... - Shut the fuck up for once. 1266 01:07:02,085 --> 01:07:03,240 - Okay. - Turn around. 1267 01:07:03,320 --> 01:07:05,620 Okay. 1268 01:07:08,557 --> 01:07:11,159 You don't need to do this, Joe. 1269 01:07:13,095 --> 01:07:17,432 I'm so tired of everyone telling me what they think I need. 1270 01:07:19,703 --> 01:07:22,592 All right. Okay. 1271 01:07:22,672 --> 01:07:26,374 Maybe this is exactly what I need. 1272 01:07:28,110 --> 01:07:30,045 Maybe I know. 1273 01:07:32,214 --> 01:07:34,382 Maybe I know what I need. 1274 01:08:04,447 --> 01:08:06,748 I love him. 1275 01:08:56,732 --> 01:08:57,732 Oh, shit. 1276 01:09:15,151 --> 01:09:16,651 Ooh! 1277 01:09:23,893 --> 01:09:25,560 Oh, my... 1278 01:09:35,172 --> 01:09:36,237 Oww! 1279 01:09:40,743 --> 01:09:43,600 It's all your fault, you fuck! Why'd you do this to me? 1280 01:09:43,680 --> 01:09:46,103 - It's my fault, okay? - I will fucking kill you! 1281 01:09:46,183 --> 01:09:48,238 - Don't kill me, please! - Give me a fucking reason! 1282 01:09:48,318 --> 01:09:49,873 Because, Joe, I have a kid! 1283 01:09:49,953 --> 01:09:52,509 All right? I have a daughter. 1284 01:09:52,589 --> 01:09:54,277 Her name is Meg, and she's amazing and beautiful. 1285 01:09:54,357 --> 01:09:56,713 Please don't take me away from her, Joe, please. 1286 01:09:56,793 --> 01:10:01,184 Please don't take me away from her, Joe. Please. 1287 01:10:01,264 --> 01:10:05,122 Why is your wedding ring on if you're getting divorced? 1288 01:10:05,202 --> 01:10:07,669 Why do you still have your wedding ring on? 1289 01:10:11,507 --> 01:10:14,331 You haven't told her yet? 1290 01:10:14,411 --> 01:10:19,314 I was gonna tell her today. 1291 01:10:20,750 --> 01:10:23,740 We weren't careful, and... 1292 01:10:23,820 --> 01:10:27,177 I thought it was the right thing to do, to get married. 1293 01:10:27,257 --> 01:10:28,545 Was it also the right thing to do 1294 01:10:28,625 --> 01:10:30,147 to cheat on your wife with my fianc�e? 1295 01:10:30,227 --> 01:10:32,916 Jess didn't cheat on you. Not like that. 1296 01:10:32,996 --> 01:10:35,719 - Really? - Yeah. 1297 01:10:35,799 --> 01:10:38,488 Yeah, last night was the first time that we ever... 1298 01:10:38,568 --> 01:10:39,890 Polyisoprened. 1299 01:10:39,970 --> 01:10:41,591 Great. You guys just started boning last night. 1300 01:10:41,671 --> 01:10:43,693 That makes me feel so much better. Thank you. 1301 01:10:43,773 --> 01:10:45,829 You know what, Joe? My life is not all rosy either. 1302 01:10:45,909 --> 01:10:47,864 - Really? - No, it's not. 1303 01:10:47,944 --> 01:10:50,333 I got married to a woman that I barely even know. 1304 01:10:50,413 --> 01:10:51,735 We're not happy. 1305 01:10:51,815 --> 01:10:53,537 Why marry someone you're not happy with? 1306 01:10:53,617 --> 01:10:57,352 It didn't seem like the most important criteria at the time. 1307 01:11:02,558 --> 01:11:05,315 Why did you wanna get married to Jess? 1308 01:11:05,395 --> 01:11:07,884 - Because I love her. - Yeah? 1309 01:11:07,964 --> 01:11:09,586 So what? 1310 01:11:09,666 --> 01:11:10,999 What else? 1311 01:11:13,535 --> 01:11:15,370 Because we... 1312 01:11:18,941 --> 01:11:22,332 Because we... 1313 01:11:22,412 --> 01:11:24,201 We were dating. 1314 01:11:24,281 --> 01:11:26,636 We lived together and... 1315 01:11:26,716 --> 01:11:29,306 Then you get married. 1316 01:11:29,386 --> 01:11:31,942 So it was just a step? 1317 01:11:32,022 --> 01:11:33,977 Things were good. 1318 01:11:34,057 --> 01:11:36,746 We worked. Isn't that why you marry someone 1319 01:11:36,826 --> 01:11:38,782 because you love them and you can live with them? 1320 01:11:38,862 --> 01:11:40,684 No, I don't think so anymore. 1321 01:11:40,764 --> 01:11:42,752 I think you marry someone because you love them, 1322 01:11:42,832 --> 01:11:45,288 and you can't live without them. 1323 01:11:45,368 --> 01:11:48,992 For the longest time, I was just dealing with my life, you know, 1324 01:11:49,072 --> 01:11:51,494 because I took the step that I thought I was supposed to take. 1325 01:11:51,574 --> 01:11:53,597 But that's not fair. 1326 01:11:53,677 --> 01:11:55,966 It's not fair to my wife, 1327 01:11:56,046 --> 01:11:59,736 it's not fair to my daughter, and it's not fair to me. 1328 01:11:59,816 --> 01:12:04,474 Then I met Jess, and it was different. 1329 01:12:04,554 --> 01:12:06,643 I was different, 1330 01:12:06,723 --> 01:12:09,779 and I knew immediately that no matter what, 1331 01:12:09,859 --> 01:12:12,382 no matter how fucking messy this thing got, 1332 01:12:12,462 --> 01:12:14,985 no matter how painful, 1333 01:12:15,065 --> 01:12:17,887 this was life... 1334 01:12:17,967 --> 01:12:22,459 Giving me exactly what I needed: 1335 01:12:22,539 --> 01:12:24,906 An opportunity to start over. 1336 01:12:28,477 --> 01:12:30,934 Like Nair. 1337 01:12:31,014 --> 01:12:33,414 What? 1338 01:12:38,620 --> 01:12:41,989 I was relieved. 1339 01:12:44,461 --> 01:12:47,284 When she broke off the engagement, I was angry 1340 01:12:47,364 --> 01:12:50,720 and disappointed and pissed, but... 1341 01:12:50,800 --> 01:12:53,823 The first thing I felt, and I... 1342 01:12:53,903 --> 01:12:58,395 I didn't know why, 1343 01:12:58,475 --> 01:13:00,475 I was relieved. 1344 01:13:10,854 --> 01:13:14,311 I guess it was a pretty good sign 1345 01:13:14,391 --> 01:13:18,782 that you weren't supposed be married. 1346 01:13:18,862 --> 01:13:22,797 So in a way, I guess I sort of did you a favor. 1347 01:13:23,766 --> 01:13:25,422 No, I'm kidding. 1348 01:13:25,502 --> 01:13:27,424 Jesus, man. 1349 01:13:27,504 --> 01:13:29,859 Fuck, are you for real? 1350 01:13:29,939 --> 01:13:32,329 I mean, after all this? 1351 01:13:32,409 --> 01:13:35,565 You were kidnapped, tied up in a basement, 1352 01:13:35,645 --> 01:13:36,833 I put a fucking gun to your head 1353 01:13:36,913 --> 01:13:38,335 and made you dig a hole in the ground, 1354 01:13:38,415 --> 01:13:40,737 and you still can't say that you feel sorry 1355 01:13:40,817 --> 01:13:42,750 for stealing my fianc�e? 1356 01:13:45,788 --> 01:13:48,489 Why do you care so much about how I feel? 1357 01:13:52,961 --> 01:13:55,129 I don't know. 1358 01:13:57,132 --> 01:14:00,657 I think I thought it would make it go away. 1359 01:14:00,737 --> 01:14:02,537 Make what go away? 1360 01:14:04,139 --> 01:14:08,898 It's like this bear comes out of the woods 1361 01:14:08,978 --> 01:14:14,504 and just sits down on my chest, 1362 01:14:14,584 --> 01:14:16,373 and I can't breathe. 1363 01:14:16,453 --> 01:14:19,008 I feel like I'm gonna suffocate 1364 01:14:19,088 --> 01:14:24,792 because this fucking bear is just sitting on top of me. 1365 01:14:27,196 --> 01:14:30,787 Thought maybe if I got revenge, it would stop. 1366 01:14:30,867 --> 01:14:32,389 So you thought if you killed me, 1367 01:14:32,469 --> 01:14:34,791 your panic attacks would go away? 1368 01:14:34,871 --> 01:14:36,726 - What? - You get tunnel vision? 1369 01:14:36,806 --> 01:14:38,395 Yeah. 1370 01:14:38,475 --> 01:14:41,498 Feel like your heart's beating out of your chest? 1371 01:14:41,578 --> 01:14:42,732 Yeah. 1372 01:14:42,812 --> 01:14:46,436 I had those right before I had my kid. 1373 01:14:46,516 --> 01:14:48,149 I was so fucking scared. 1374 01:14:50,586 --> 01:14:52,142 How did you get it to stop? 1375 01:14:52,222 --> 01:14:56,079 - Well, I didn't kill anybody. - I wasn't gonna kill you. 1376 01:14:56,159 --> 01:15:00,850 I just thought maybe if I scared you, 1377 01:15:00,930 --> 01:15:04,854 you know, if I made you dig your own grave... 1378 01:15:04,934 --> 01:15:07,602 Like in a mob movie? 1379 01:15:09,973 --> 01:15:11,594 Yeah. 1380 01:15:11,674 --> 01:15:13,541 That's ridiculous. 1381 01:15:20,115 --> 01:15:25,508 You know, when I get back to la, I have nowhere to live. 1382 01:15:25,588 --> 01:15:27,677 I am a... 1383 01:15:27,757 --> 01:15:32,549 I am a homeless, underemployed, 1384 01:15:32,629 --> 01:15:34,751 thirty-something single male 1385 01:15:34,831 --> 01:15:36,886 who just got dumped by his fianc�e 1386 01:15:36,966 --> 01:15:41,991 because he was too afraid to do it himself. 1387 01:15:42,071 --> 01:15:44,060 Well, hey, I'm getting a divorce. 1388 01:15:44,140 --> 01:15:46,563 - You're gonna be a divorc�. - With a kid. 1389 01:15:46,643 --> 01:15:48,565 Oh, shit. 1390 01:15:48,645 --> 01:15:50,066 Oh, man. 1391 01:15:50,146 --> 01:15:52,235 - That might be worse. - It's way worse. 1392 01:15:52,315 --> 01:15:54,604 And you're never gonna get custody of the kid 1393 01:15:54,684 --> 01:15:55,939 because you're leaving her, 1394 01:15:56,019 --> 01:15:58,007 and you're only gonna get to see your kid 1395 01:15:58,087 --> 01:16:00,555 twice a month, if that. 1396 01:16:02,224 --> 01:16:04,692 Oh, shit. 1397 01:16:10,966 --> 01:16:13,156 Jess farts in her sleep. 1398 01:16:13,236 --> 01:16:14,491 Really? 1399 01:16:14,571 --> 01:16:15,859 Sometimes. 1400 01:16:15,939 --> 01:16:18,027 Just make sure you fall asleep first. 1401 01:16:18,107 --> 01:16:20,630 Yeah. 1402 01:16:20,710 --> 01:16:22,910 Yeah. 1403 01:16:32,187 --> 01:16:36,357 Just leave it at Jess's. I need to get my clothes still. 1404 01:16:40,796 --> 01:16:42,063 Thanks. 1405 01:16:48,270 --> 01:16:52,195 Hey, Joe, I know you don't want anybody telling you 1406 01:16:52,275 --> 01:16:56,065 what you need right now, but... 1407 01:16:56,145 --> 01:16:59,102 I always found it was best just to face it head-on. 1408 01:16:59,182 --> 01:17:01,204 What? 1409 01:17:01,284 --> 01:17:03,718 The bear. 1410 01:18:23,766 --> 01:18:26,133 Aaahhh! 1411 01:18:28,437 --> 01:18:30,771 Aaahhh! 1412 01:18:33,241 --> 01:18:35,910 Aaahhh! 1413 01:19:48,985 --> 01:19:51,485 No, no! 1414 01:20:16,878 --> 01:20:19,736 Ohh! 1415 01:20:19,816 --> 01:20:22,739 Boom, boom, boom! 1416 01:20:22,819 --> 01:20:23,806 Fuck yeah! 1417 01:20:23,886 --> 01:20:26,008 Oh! Oh, that was awesome. 1418 01:20:26,088 --> 01:20:28,177 Awesome, awesome. That was awesome. 1419 01:20:28,257 --> 01:20:30,491 - You guys were great. - Fuck you! 1420 01:20:31,493 --> 01:20:32,882 Yeah? 1421 01:20:32,962 --> 01:20:34,895 Fuck you. 1422 01:20:37,499 --> 01:20:39,856 Welcome back, amigo. 1423 01:20:39,936 --> 01:20:41,268 Gracias. 1424 01:20:42,470 --> 01:20:43,826 Ahh! 1425 01:20:43,906 --> 01:20:45,294 I feel so much better. 1426 01:20:45,374 --> 01:20:46,996 Oh, you guys probably want those off. 1427 01:20:47,076 --> 01:20:48,331 Ow! Ohh! 1428 01:20:48,411 --> 01:20:51,300 These clamps really hurt. What are you doing, Joe? 1429 01:20:51,380 --> 01:20:53,169 I think the faster, the better. 1430 01:20:53,249 --> 01:20:54,504 You wouldn't. 1431 01:20:54,584 --> 01:20:56,506 - I need to. - No, you don't. 1432 01:20:56,586 --> 01:21:00,176 - Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe. - No, no, no, no! 1433 01:21:00,256 --> 01:21:01,555 - Don't! 1434 01:21:23,979 --> 01:21:27,303 I know. I know we all lose our way from time to time. 1435 01:21:27,383 --> 01:21:29,939 I just thought I was stronger than that, you know? 1436 01:21:30,019 --> 01:21:32,275 I'm embarrassed. 1437 01:21:32,355 --> 01:21:34,076 No, you're right, you're right. 1438 01:21:34,156 --> 01:21:36,979 Without weakness, we never know what true strength is. 1439 01:21:37,059 --> 01:21:39,081 Sage words. 1440 01:21:39,161 --> 01:21:41,028 What time is the meeting tomorrow night? 1441 01:21:43,298 --> 01:21:44,821 No, I don't need a ride. 1442 01:21:44,901 --> 01:21:46,355 That's cool. All right. Thanks, Mike. 1443 01:21:46,435 --> 01:21:48,191 I'll see you there, definitely. 1444 01:21:48,271 --> 01:21:50,337 All right. Later, bye. 1445 01:21:53,976 --> 01:21:55,542 Sorry about that. 1446 01:21:56,478 --> 01:21:59,902 Hey, where's my dad's gun? 1447 01:21:59,982 --> 01:22:02,104 Oh, I buried it. 1448 01:22:02,184 --> 01:22:04,073 Really? 1449 01:22:04,153 --> 01:22:05,441 Yeah. 1450 01:22:05,521 --> 01:22:09,924 Damn it, man! He's gonna be really pissed off. 1451 01:22:11,393 --> 01:22:13,216 Well, I hate my dad. 1452 01:22:13,296 --> 01:22:15,985 You need a place to crash for a while, Joe? 1453 01:22:16,065 --> 01:22:17,987 Uh, no, I'm good. Thanks. 1454 01:22:18,067 --> 01:22:20,401 Where are you gonna stay? 1455 01:22:23,939 --> 01:22:26,640 I have no idea. 1456 01:26:05,426 --> 01:26:08,117 - Hey, dude! - What, what? 1457 01:26:08,197 --> 01:26:11,320 Come over here. 1458 01:26:11,400 --> 01:26:13,823 Give me a hug, man. 1459 01:26:13,903 --> 01:26:17,359 See, what you were scared of this whole time 1460 01:26:17,439 --> 01:26:20,440 is exactly what you've been fighting for, man. 1461 01:26:42,263 --> 01:26:43,630 Hey! 1462 01:26:46,734 --> 01:26:50,626 Did I tell you what to think, man? 1463 01:26:50,706 --> 01:26:52,695 Well, good. 1464 01:26:52,775 --> 01:26:56,565 But I hope you didn't listen. 1465 01:26:56,645 --> 01:26:59,279 At least in hindsight. 1466 01:27:02,279 --> 01:27:06,279 Preuzeto sa www.titlovi.com 105147