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MURPHY (O.S.): Time and
tide, they wait for no man.
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MURPHY: Nor do I, Mr. Tunt, nor do I.
And unless my demands are
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00:00:08,138 --> 00:00:11,307
met, I will launch my nerve
gas missiles on New York,
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Washington and Miami in...
Eleven hours and -- oh look at
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that, eleven minutes.
Hey, make a wish.
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CECIL: Uh, I wish you wouldn't
launch nerve gas missiles on
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00:00:21,151 --> 00:00:23,351
New York, Washing-
MURPHY: And I wish you fools
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would stop destroying the oceans! Overfishing,
industrial runoff, don't even get me
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00:00:27,758 --> 00:00:31,231
started on whaling, oh, and
plastic bottles?! That's --
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I can't even - there is a floating
mass of garbage in the Pacific
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00:00:35,198 --> 00:00:38,334
twice the size of the United States!
Oh, and where the hell
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00:00:38,335 --> 00:00:40,202
is the news crew I asked for?!
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00:00:40,203 --> 00:00:44,640
CECIL: With me! And with your permission,
I'm sending them down in the DSV.
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00:00:44,641 --> 00:00:47,610
MURPHY: Good, yes! I need to
get my message to the world!
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00:00:47,611 --> 00:00:49,078
Who'd you get? Oprah?
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00:00:49,079 --> 00:00:50,312
CECIL: Bigger.
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00:00:50,313 --> 00:00:52,615
LANA: Ya know...
MURPHY: Hello. Is that her?
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LANA: I -- oh right,
he can't see us.
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00:00:55,586 --> 00:00:58,821
MURPHY: Which has really got me...
nettled!
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00:00:58,822 --> 00:01:05,862
MURPHY: Alright, Mr. Tunt, send them down.
But if this is some sort of ruse...
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00:01:05,863 --> 00:01:09,264
CECIL: Are -- was there
a follow-up, or...?
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00:01:09,265 --> 00:01:11,000
MURPHY: No, I was leaving
the consequences to your
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00:01:11,001 --> 00:01:16,105
imagination. But trust me, they are grave.
As in watery grave?
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CECIL: I -
MURPHY: Sealab out!
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God damn it! Off! Turn
off, you... [zzzrpt]
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LANA: So, I have a question...
MALORY: How are none of these a minibar?!
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TIFFY: Oh my God, I know what
you mean, right? I mean it is a
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giant floating biodiesel-
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00:01:30,921 --> 00:01:32,555
powered hotel room...
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MALORY: Don't get snotty with
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00:01:33,724 --> 00:01:36,792
me, missy! You people lure us
out here to help the government
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00:01:36,793 --> 00:01:39,562
recover a hydrogen bomb-
LANA: Which, let's be honest,
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00:01:39,563 --> 00:01:40,997
you were going to
hold for ransom.
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MALORY: Reward! When the whole
time you knew this crazy Murphy
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character was going to bomb
New York with nerve gas?!
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CECIL: Well!
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LANA: Not to mention D.C.
and Miami.
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MALORY: Which no one
who matters will miss.
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00:01:50,841 --> 00:01:52,474
LANA: What about your
South Beach condo?
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00:01:52,475 --> 00:01:55,177
MALORY: Hello! Florida real
estate collapse! It's farther
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underwater than Sealab. But if
my homeowner's policy covers
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nerve gas attacks,
that's a win-win.
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00:02:01,351 --> 00:02:05,588
LANA: Wow. So my question,
ignoring the obvious one of why
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00:02:05,589 --> 00:02:08,190
an ocean research lab has nerve
gas missiles in the first
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00:02:08,191 --> 00:02:12,327
place! Is how many men
does Murphy have?
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00:02:12,328 --> 00:02:14,830
CECIL: Mmmmmlike, two?
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00:02:14,831 --> 00:02:15,965
LANA: Oh, then -
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00:02:15,966 --> 00:02:17,466
CECIL: Score. Two score, so
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around forty, sorry, should've
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finished that thmmpf.
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00:02:21,304 --> 00:02:24,473
LANA: Sooo, since we're talking
about forty hostiles, I
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00:02:24,474 --> 00:02:25,841
have a follow up question.
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00:02:25,842 --> 00:02:28,878
ARCHER: Something
something danger zone?!
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00:02:28,879 --> 00:02:31,847
LANA: Ahhhhh!
ARCHER: I know, I'm not even trying anymore.
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00:02:31,848 --> 00:02:34,116
LANA: Archer-
ARCHER: Noop! Randy! I'm
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Cameradude Randy, and this
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00:02:36,286 --> 00:02:40,056
pathetic, trout-shouldered excuse
for a boom operator is Chet.
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CYRIL: Shut up, what's
pathetic is your plan!
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LANA: Wait, you have
an actual plan?
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00:02:44,995 --> 00:02:47,930
ARCHER: Duh, yes Lana. So,
obviously they're gonna search
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us for weapons when we get down
there, so wait whaaaaaaaat?
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Something else danger zone.
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LANA: Get Murphy alone, get
him at gunpoint, and make him
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00:02:56,406 --> 00:02:59,208
disarm the missiles. Ya know,
that might actually work.
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00:02:59,209 --> 00:03:02,712
ARCHER: Of course it'll work, I've thought
through every aspect of the mission.
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00:03:02,713 --> 00:03:05,781
LANA: Hence those ridiculous
fake mustaches, since Murphy's
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00:03:05,782 --> 00:03:09,118
never seen you before and has
no idea what you look like?
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00:03:09,119 --> 00:03:10,853
GILLETTE: God damn it, Archer!
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00:03:10,854 --> 00:03:13,856
ARCHER: No, that was just an experiment.
I wanted to see if Ray looked
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00:03:13,857 --> 00:03:15,124
gayer without his.
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00:03:15,125 --> 00:03:20,096
GILLETTE: Ya know...
ARCHER: But you don't. You just look as gay.
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Boop.
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Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com | sync to web-dl by aneurysm
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00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:40,074
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00:03:56,301 --> 00:03:58,735
TIFFY (O.S.): Sea Tunt to DSV Goddess.
Wait for my command to
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00:03:58,736 --> 00:04:00,037
disengage the coupler.
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00:04:00,038 --> 00:04:02,706
LANA (O.S.): Roger Sea Tunt, on your-
ARCHER (O.S.): Noop! Lana
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00:04:02,707 --> 00:04:03,540
move, I'm skippering.
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00:04:03,541 --> 00:04:06,043
EVERYBODY (O.S.): Archer, no!
ARCHER (O.S.): Goddammit I'm skippering!
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00:04:06,044 --> 00:04:08,478
EVERYBODY: AAHHHHH!!!
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00:04:08,479 --> 00:04:12,682
CECIL: Huh. Mildly
inauspicious.
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00:04:12,683 --> 00:04:13,683
LANA: Asshole.
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00:04:13,684 --> 00:04:16,453
ARCHER: What Lana, I clearly
called "skipper!" And I clearly
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00:04:16,454 --> 00:04:20,991
said "seatbelts," so... You
only have yourselves to blame.
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00:04:20,992 --> 00:04:21,725
GILLETTE: Really?
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00:04:21,726 --> 00:04:23,860
LANA: Jesus, Ray!
Your nose is broken!
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00:04:23,861 --> 00:04:24,661
GILLETTE: Really?
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00:04:24,662 --> 00:04:26,530
LANA: Cyril, gear bag!
First aid kit!
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00:04:26,531 --> 00:04:29,733
ARCHER: Just give him a couple of tampons.
What, that's their job.
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00:04:29,734 --> 00:04:30,500
LANA: Really?
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00:04:30,501 --> 00:04:32,702
ARCHER: Just give him some tam-
LANA: I don't have any!
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00:04:32,703 --> 00:04:34,738
ARCHER: Do you...
think that was wise?
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00:04:34,739 --> 00:04:36,006
LANA: Meaning?
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00:04:36,007 --> 00:04:38,342
ARCHER: Well I'm just assuming,
I mean, your breasts
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00:04:38,343 --> 00:04:40,277
are slightly bigger, you're-
LANA: Shut your stupid
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mustachey dickhole and drive
the goddamn submarine!
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00:04:43,514 --> 00:04:45,682
ARCHER: Slightly irritable?
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00:04:45,683 --> 00:04:47,084
CHERYL/CAROL (O.S.): Shut up!
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00:04:47,085 --> 00:04:49,086
Jesus, will you drop it?!
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00:04:49,087 --> 00:04:50,921
He tried to have me committed
so he could steal my
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inheritance! I hate him and I'm
never speaking to him again ever!
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PAM: But -- okay granted, that
was super shitty. But trust me,
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you don't want to go through
life hating your only sibling.
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Take my sister Edie...
CHERYL/CAROL: Ha, ha, ha, you have a sister?
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00:05:04,035 --> 00:05:06,636
PAM: Edie, yes, shut up, and
when we were kids she was so
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mean to me? Always teasing me,
calling me Spamela, rubbing
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cheese curds in my eyes? One
time she stabbed me in the neck?
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00:05:13,578 --> 00:05:15,946
CHERYL/CAROL: So, now you
guys are super-close, or...?
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00:05:15,947 --> 00:05:18,949
PAM: Ha ha ha, hell no, I wouldn't
piss on her neck-stabbin ass if
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it was on fire.
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MALORY: Ugh, is this
the infamous Edie?
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CHERYL/CAROL: Yeah, Pam thinks
I should forgive Cecil since
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he's the only
family I have left.
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00:05:25,857 --> 00:05:29,093
MALORY: Who could forgive a person who
buys a boat this big with no bar on it?!
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CHERYL/CAROL: There was a ton
of booze on the helicopter...
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MALORY: Exactly, was...
ARCHER (O.S.): Yeah sorry, I had to ditch it.
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CYRIL: Well yeah, who needs a
first aid kit when you've got
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ten gallons of booze?!
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ARCHER: Three and three-fifths
gallons, Cyril, and I counted
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00:05:42,140 --> 00:05:43,573
'em so keep your mitts off!
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00:05:43,574 --> 00:05:48,178
Except to pass me one up here, but-
LANA: Oh great! The world's first DSVUI!
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ARCHER: May I finish?! But
since I have zero experience
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skippering submersibles, I
should probably have something
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light! So Cyril, I'm
thinking coffee liqueur?
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MALORY: I mean, not
even cooking sherry?
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00:06:00,925 --> 00:06:03,160
PAM: I got some Kentucky Moon in my-
MALORY: Ooh, gimme!
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00:06:03,161 --> 00:06:05,829
PAM: Dut dut dut dut! You drink
it, you replace it. Grain
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00:06:05,830 --> 00:06:08,432
alcohol's a key component
of a good bug-out bag.
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00:06:08,433 --> 00:06:09,433
MALORY: A what?
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00:06:09,434 --> 00:06:12,969
PAM: Bug-out bag? Oh
my God, for teotwaki?!
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00:06:12,970 --> 00:06:14,505
MALORY: The bear
from Star Wars?
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PAM: The end of the
world as we know it!
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00:06:16,874 --> 00:06:20,444
CHERYL/CAROL: Pam's like, gay
for doomsday, she thinks our
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00:06:20,445 --> 00:06:24,381
whole society's gonna collapse if
we run out of oil or whatever.
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00:06:24,382 --> 00:06:28,352
PAM: If?! You mean when!
Wow, and that is a perfect
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00:06:28,353 --> 00:06:31,055
example of a pre-post-peak-oil
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00:06:31,056 --> 00:06:32,022
mindset. The --
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MALORY: Ahhh. Say, this stuff
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00:06:35,293 --> 00:06:37,394
is pretty good. What
did you say it was?
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00:06:37,395 --> 00:06:38,995
PAM: Basically pure ethanol?
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00:06:38,996 --> 00:06:41,831
MALORY: Huh. Well God
bless corn subsidies.
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CHERYL/CAROL: Who're
you, Earl Butz?
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MALORY: You say that
like it's a bad thing.
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ARCHER (O.S.): Oh for the--
I said I was sorry!
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CYRIL (O.S.): No you didn't!
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ARCHER: Oh. Well I
was planning to.
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00:06:51,642 --> 00:06:53,043
GILLETTE: Oh, well
then no hard feelings.
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00:06:53,044 --> 00:06:55,279
ARCHER: Good, because your
shitty sarcasm notwithstanding,
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00:06:55,280 --> 00:06:58,315
I'm glad that's behind us so we
can enjoy what is probably a
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00:06:58,316 --> 00:07:00,984
once in a lifetime ad-
LANA: Rrrowrff!
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00:07:00,985 --> 00:07:02,519
ARCHER: -- venture, again?
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00:07:02,520 --> 00:07:04,854
Seriously? Why are
you puking so much?
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00:07:04,855 --> 00:07:06,856
LANA: Ugh, because
shut up and steer.
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00:07:06,857 --> 00:07:08,492
ARCHER: Here, take a
pull off this guy.
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00:07:08,493 --> 00:07:10,527
LANA: No! For the
like, ninth time, no!
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00:07:10,528 --> 00:07:13,464
ARCHER: Yes, c'mon, it'll take the edge off.
And I think I
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00:07:13,465 --> 00:07:15,232
speak for everybody-
CYRIL/GILLETTE: No you don't.
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00:07:15,233 --> 00:07:19,169
ARCHER: -- shut up, when I say we'd all
be a lot happier if you weren't so...
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00:07:19,170 --> 00:07:22,339
LANA: What, anxious?! About a
half-drunk first-time-driving-a-
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00:07:22,340 --> 00:07:25,842
submarine idiot taking me to the
bottom of the ocean to face
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forty eco-terrorists led by a
crazy person who's about to
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bomb the entire east
coast with nerve gas?!
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ARCHER: I was gonna say-
LANA: What?! What were you gonna say?!
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00:07:36,854 --> 00:07:39,289
MURPHY: They're going to say
that I've gone insane, that
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00:07:39,290 --> 00:07:45,996
I've lost my mind. And that's fine, let them.
Because the real insanity is the
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00:07:45,997 --> 00:07:49,199
systematic, my God the almost
deliberate way, those bastards
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00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:51,401
are destroying our oceans.
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00:07:51,402 --> 00:07:55,705
And I hate that it's come to this, but
I truly don't see an alternative.
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00:07:55,706 --> 00:08:00,611
So, you all know what you have to
do, and I know you won't fail me.
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00:08:00,612 --> 00:08:06,216
Nor I you, gentlemen...
nor I you.
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00:08:07,230 --> 00:08:14,069
ARCHER: I was gonna say "bitchy and
periody" but then I thought better of it.
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00:08:18,938 --> 00:08:21,406
ARCHER (O.S.): Okay, we're getting close.
Let's go over
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00:08:21,407 --> 00:08:22,674
the legends again. Lana?
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00:08:22,675 --> 00:08:26,678
LANA: I am tough-but-fair investigative
reporter Sojourner King.
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00:08:26,679 --> 00:08:28,347
ARCHER: Which, ugh, whatever.
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00:08:28,348 --> 00:08:29,547
Cyril?
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00:08:29,548 --> 00:08:31,884
CYRIL: [sigh) Chet, sound guy.
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00:08:31,885 --> 00:08:34,719
ARCHER: That's it? C'mon Chet,
the devil's in the details!
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00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:38,323
Like, I'm Randy Magnum, local
Emmy-winning cameraman and
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00:08:38,324 --> 00:08:40,492
nationally ranked
pro kitesurfer.
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00:08:40,493 --> 00:08:41,326
LANA: No you're not.
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00:08:41,327 --> 00:08:42,494
ARCHER: Well Randy Magnum is!
183
00:08:42,495 --> 00:08:43,461
Ray, go.
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00:08:43,462 --> 00:08:47,065
GILLETTE: I am segment producer Carl Channing...
ARCHER: Oh my God, c'mon...
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00:08:47,066 --> 00:08:49,067
GILLETTE: And -- what's
Randy Magnum ranked?
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00:08:49,068 --> 00:08:50,002
ARCHER: Fourth.
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00:08:50,003 --> 00:08:52,137
GILLETTE: And third-ranked
pro kitesurfer.
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00:08:52,138 --> 00:08:53,705
ARCHER: What?! No you're not!
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00:08:53,706 --> 00:08:54,572
GILLETTE: Carl Channing is.
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00:08:54,573 --> 00:08:56,608
LANA: Nobody is a nationally
ranked anything! That is the
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00:08:56,609 --> 00:08:59,644
worst legend you could possibly
have, it would literally take
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00:08:59,645 --> 00:09:01,346
ten seconds to check it out!
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00:09:01,347 --> 00:09:02,814
ARCHER: Yeah, Carl.
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00:09:02,815 --> 00:09:05,417
LANA: Okay, shut
up, there it is.
195
00:09:05,418 --> 00:09:08,921
CYRIL: Jeezy Petes,
that thing is huge!
196
00:09:08,922 --> 00:09:10,755
MURPHY: Sealab to DSV, over?
197
00:09:10,756 --> 00:09:12,824
LANA: This is-
ARCHER: This is DSV I'm skippering!
198
00:09:12,825 --> 00:09:14,592
MURPHY: Um, okay. You
sound pretty excited.
199
00:09:14,593 --> 00:09:16,895
ARCHER: I am, actually.
It's my first time.
200
00:09:16,896 --> 00:09:18,530
MURPHY: Hey, super.
201
00:09:18,531 --> 00:09:20,933
You're clear to dock, so
just head for the lights.
202
00:09:20,934 --> 00:09:22,734
And I'll be waiting for you.
203
00:09:22,735 --> 00:09:23,768
[zzrpt]
204
00:09:23,769 --> 00:09:28,540
LANA: Was that -- did he sound -- do
you think this is some kind of trap?
205
00:09:28,541 --> 00:09:34,212
ARCHER: What? No, I don't think it's a trap!
Although I never do...
206
00:09:34,213 --> 00:09:35,914
And it very often is.
207
00:09:35,915 --> 00:09:39,918
LANA: And that's how they died...
ARCHER: Right?
208
00:09:39,919 --> 00:09:44,756
MALORY: A little peach juice, a little
of that old Kentucky Moon, and... boom.
209
00:09:44,757 --> 00:09:46,925
You've almost got
yourself a Bellini.
210
00:09:46,926 --> 00:09:47,459
CHERYL/CAROL: Mmmm!
211
00:09:47,460 --> 00:09:49,194
PAM: Holy shitsnacks!
212
00:09:49,195 --> 00:09:51,696
MALORY: Well it's no Harry's
Bar, but here you don't have
213
00:09:51,697 --> 00:09:55,033
Hemingway grabbing
your tits every time you-[flrp]
214
00:09:55,034 --> 00:09:57,635
PAM: Did I misread that?
215
00:09:57,636 --> 00:09:59,704
MALORY: What do you think?
216
00:09:59,705 --> 00:10:01,106
PAM: No?
217
00:10:01,107 --> 00:10:03,108
MURPHY (O.S.): No, my men
are guarding the missiles.
218
00:10:03,109 --> 00:10:04,476
CYRIL: Well there
goes that plan.
219
00:10:04,477 --> 00:10:05,610
MURPHY: What plan?
220
00:10:05,611 --> 00:10:10,282
LANA: To... do a one-on-one interview,
just you alone, with the missiles?
221
00:10:10,283 --> 00:10:12,650
MURPHY: No, we're doing it on the
bridge, I've already got it all set up.
222
00:10:12,651 --> 00:10:14,819
LANA: But I really think we
should do it wherever the
223
00:10:14,820 --> 00:10:17,990
missiles are, to underscore
the gravity of the -
224
00:10:17,991 --> 00:10:19,657
MURPHY: The bridge is
where the chair is.
225
00:10:19,658 --> 00:10:22,094
LANA: But-
MURPHY: The bridge is where the chair is!
226
00:10:22,095 --> 00:10:23,395
ARCHER: Yeah, Sojourner.
227
00:10:23,396 --> 00:10:24,729
MURPHY: Thank you, uh...?
228
00:10:24,730 --> 00:10:28,166
ARCHER: Randy, Randy Magnum,
I'm a local Emmy-winning
229
00:10:28,167 --> 00:10:30,568
cameraman and nash -
LANA: Nooo!
230
00:10:30,569 --> 00:10:33,338
ARCHER: -- shunally ranked pro
kitesurfer, second in the
231
00:10:33,339 --> 00:10:38,410
nation, actually, which even the most
cursory internet search will corroborate.
232
00:10:38,411 --> 00:10:39,277
LANA/CYRIL/GILLETTE: [sigh]
233
00:10:39,278 --> 00:10:40,645
MURPHY: I really doubt
we'll have time, Randy.
234
00:10:40,646 --> 00:10:44,082
MURPHY: We only have ten hours before
I'll be forced to launch my missiles.
235
00:10:44,083 --> 00:10:46,784
LANA: Which are where
again, exactly?
236
00:10:46,785 --> 00:10:47,852
MALORY (O.S.): You heard me!
237
00:10:47,853 --> 00:10:49,787
I want fifty million dollars!
238
00:10:49,788 --> 00:10:51,123
TIFFY: Pff, join the club.
239
00:10:51,124 --> 00:10:51,789
CECIL: Right?
240
00:10:51,790 --> 00:10:54,559
MALORY: That's how much I could've gotten
for the hydrogen bomb, so that's how
241
00:10:54,560 --> 00:10:57,429
much I -- what do you
mean, join the club?
242
00:10:57,430 --> 00:11:00,165
CECIL: Oh, that's just an idiom, it means-
MALORY: I know what it means,
243
00:11:00,166 --> 00:11:02,934
you toboggan-wearing ass,
why did she say it?!
244
00:11:02,935 --> 00:11:05,270
CECIL: Oh. I assume
because I'm penniless?
245
00:11:05,271 --> 00:11:05,870
MALORY: What?!
246
00:11:05,871 --> 00:11:08,040
CHERYL/CAROL: Ha, ha, oh.
247
00:11:08,041 --> 00:11:09,207
Wait, what?
248
00:11:09,208 --> 00:11:11,343
CECIL: (sighs) That's why I
tried to get control of your
249
00:11:11,344 --> 00:11:14,712
inheritance. And I'm sorry
I did that, Beans. I just
250
00:11:14,713 --> 00:11:18,483
wanted to help people, but all these
foundations are so expensive.
251
00:11:18,484 --> 00:11:21,219
CHERYL/CAROL: I know, but Cecil!
You really spent your
252
00:11:21,220 --> 00:11:23,155
whole inheritance on...
the poors?
253
00:11:23,156 --> 00:11:25,857
CECIL: Well, and scientific research.
The Sealab alone cost
254
00:11:25,858 --> 00:11:27,225
two hundred million.
255
00:11:27,226 --> 00:11:29,661
MALORY: Wh-?! How did
it cost that much?!
256
00:11:29,662 --> 00:11:31,796
CECIL: Well apparently they
bought a bunch of nerve gas
257
00:11:31,797 --> 00:11:36,401
missiles, and hid that expense in the budget.
Which I never bothered to read.
258
00:11:36,402 --> 00:11:37,735
Or even look at.
259
00:11:37,736 --> 00:11:39,538
MURPHY: Look at this place!
260
00:11:39,539 --> 00:11:43,141
Such a colossal boondoggle! We
don't do any research, really,
261
00:11:43,142 --> 00:11:46,878
and building it, I mean, the
environmental impact was just insane!
262
00:11:46,879 --> 00:11:49,013
LANA: So... why did
you take a job here?
263
00:11:49,014 --> 00:11:51,916
MURPHY: To save the ocean! And
also my salary is six hundred
264
00:11:51,917 --> 00:11:53,552
thousand dollars a year.
265
00:11:53,553 --> 00:11:54,586
EVERYBODY: What!?
266
00:11:54,587 --> 00:11:57,089
MURPHY: I know, but don't put that in there.
Let me just read
267
00:11:57,090 --> 00:12:00,592
my list of demands. Ahem.
One, a fifty-year, worldwide
268
00:12:00,593 --> 00:12:04,429
moratorium on all fishing. Two-
CYRIL: I'm sorry, did you mean whaling?
269
00:12:04,430 --> 00:12:06,264
MURPHY: That's number
two, if you'll let me -
270
00:12:06,265 --> 00:12:08,133
LANA: Wait, you want
to end all fishing?
271
00:12:08,134 --> 00:12:09,434
ARCHER: For fifty years?!
272
00:12:09,435 --> 00:12:12,170
MURPHY: At least. The
fish have to replenish.
273
00:12:12,171 --> 00:12:15,373
LANA: Okay, that's it, I'm calling bullshit.
I want to see the missiles, now.
274
00:12:15,374 --> 00:12:18,776
MURPHY: What, no, you can't, you-
LANA: You don't have any missiles!
275
00:12:18,777 --> 00:12:21,513
MURPHY: Yes I do! I've got...
like fifty.
276
00:12:21,514 --> 00:12:22,714
LANA: Fifty.
277
00:12:22,715 --> 00:12:23,515
MURPHY: Ten?
278
00:12:23,516 --> 00:12:24,382
ARCHER: That's still a lot.
279
00:12:24,383 --> 00:12:29,687
LANA: Shut up. Captain Murphy, how long
have you been down here all alone?
280
00:12:29,688 --> 00:12:32,457
MURPHY: (sigh) Two years.
281
00:12:32,458 --> 00:12:35,527
Nobody had been paid in months,
the foundation was broke...
282
00:12:35,528 --> 00:12:37,395
CYRIL: Not surprising,
given your salary.
283
00:12:37,396 --> 00:12:41,633
MURPHY: Yeah, paid three years in advance.
He is the world's worst negotiator.
284
00:12:41,634 --> 00:12:44,802
LANA: And you're, sorry, but
you've obviously had some kind
285
00:12:44,803 --> 00:12:47,672
of psychotic break, so I think
you should come with us, and -
286
00:12:47,673 --> 00:12:50,041
MURPHY: I'm not going anywhere!
Nor are you!
287
00:12:50,042 --> 00:12:51,109
CYRIL/GILLETTE: Lanaaa!
288
00:12:51,110 --> 00:12:52,110
LANA: Archerrrr!
289
00:12:52,111 --> 00:12:53,211
ARCHER: Murpheeee!
290
00:12:53,212 --> 00:12:57,115
I -- dammit, I had something
about point-and-shoot, but -
291
00:12:57,116 --> 00:13:00,051
MURPHY: A gun?! Are you insane, don't you
know how much pressure we're under?!
292
00:13:00,052 --> 00:13:03,321
ARCHER: Honestly, and I don't know why
this is, but it never really gets to me.
293
00:13:03,322 --> 00:13:05,957
CYRIL: Wait, I think he
means water pressure!
294
00:13:05,958 --> 00:13:09,594
MURPHY: And air pressure! The tiniest
hole in the hull would be catastrophic!
295
00:13:09,595 --> 00:13:11,996
ARCHER: The hole!
Is gonna be in you!
296
00:13:11,997 --> 00:13:12,797
LANA: Archer, no! Don't shoot.
297
00:13:12,798 --> 00:13:14,899
MURPHY: Okay okay,
look, it's gone!
298
00:13:14,900 --> 00:13:16,701
Now please, put the gun away!
299
00:13:16,702 --> 00:13:19,871
ARCHER: No, I will put on the safety!
Which should be...
300
00:13:19,872 --> 00:13:22,974
dammit, I wish Krieger
wouldn't do these idiot mods.
301
00:13:22,975 --> 00:13:23,675
KRIEGER: ("drum solo")
302
00:13:23,676 --> 00:13:29,080
Duhduhduhduhduhduhduhduh bow dow dow dowwwwwwww!
Dow dow dadowwwwwwwww!
303
00:13:29,081 --> 00:13:31,483
ARCHER: Wait, yeah, that
clearly says "safe," and even
304
00:13:31,484 --> 00:13:33,851
Krieger's not that crazy...
[click]
305
00:13:33,852 --> 00:13:37,455
ARCHER: Okay, now slowly
kick the knife over to-[BLAM!]
306
00:13:37,456 --> 00:13:37,955
CYRIL: Dammit!
307
00:13:37,956 --> 00:13:39,524
LANA: Oh my God...!
308
00:13:39,525 --> 00:13:43,061
MURPHY: Okay, okay, okay, uh,
okay, one of two things is
309
00:13:43,062 --> 00:13:45,129
going to happen now...
[SPRZZINK!]
310
00:13:45,130 --> 00:13:46,264
EVERYBODY: Oh! Okay! Oohhh!
311
00:13:46,265 --> 00:13:46,864
[SPRRZZZRIINK!]
312
00:13:46,865 --> 00:13:48,032
EVERYBODY: Aahhhh!
313
00:13:48,033 --> 00:13:52,870
MURPHY: Okay, now one of one thing
is going to hap-[BWOOOOOOSH!]
314
00:13:52,871 --> 00:13:53,438
EVERYBODY: OHHHH..
315
00:13:53,439 --> 00:13:55,039
[zzzzzztttttt]
316
00:13:55,040 --> 00:13:59,277
CECIL: Uh? Well now there's no signal at all...
TIFFY: Wow, oh my God, I'm
317
00:13:59,278 --> 00:14:01,946
having the weirdest
d�jà vu right now.
318
00:14:01,947 --> 00:14:02,747
CECIL: Ya know...
319
00:14:02,748 --> 00:14:03,781
TIFFY: Here, lemme jailbreak
320
00:14:03,782 --> 00:14:05,083
your phone, it's a totally
321
00:14:05,084 --> 00:14:06,651
reversible process.
322
00:14:06,652 --> 00:14:08,353
Oh, bricked it!
323
00:14:10,559 --> 00:14:11,659
[SPRRZZZEINK]
324
00:14:11,660 --> 00:14:13,895
EVERYBODY: OOOOHHHHHH!!!!
325
00:14:13,896 --> 00:14:14,997
MURPHY: Hatch!
326
00:14:14,998 --> 00:14:16,831
Emergency hatch!
327
00:14:16,832 --> 00:14:19,534
[WHUMP WHUMP WHUMP WHUMP!]
328
00:14:19,535 --> 00:14:22,070
ARCHER: We don't wanna
go outside, idiot!
329
00:14:22,071 --> 00:14:23,405
MURPHY: It's the next pod!
330
00:14:23,406 --> 00:14:25,307
ARCHER: Oh, duh.
331
00:14:25,308 --> 00:14:27,742
MURPHY: I'll hold it open!
Go, go!
332
00:14:27,743 --> 00:14:29,011
LANA: Aaaagh... ungh!
333
00:14:29,012 --> 00:14:30,379
CYRIL: Aaaagh...
GILLETTE: Aaaagh...
334
00:14:30,380 --> 00:14:33,015
LANA: No no no no no -- Assholes.
335
00:14:33,016 --> 00:14:35,884
ARCHER: Wooohooohooohooooooof!
336
00:14:35,885 --> 00:14:37,419
Ow.
337
00:14:37,420 --> 00:14:41,923
FEMALE VOICE (O.S.): Pod One, flooded.
Pod Two, flooding.
338
00:14:41,924 --> 00:14:47,362
ARCHER: So what, now we die in... a break
room I would die to have at ISIS?!
339
00:14:47,363 --> 00:14:48,263
GILLETTE: Right?
340
00:14:48,264 --> 00:14:50,365
CYRIL: Maybe not, if he shuts the ha-
MURPHY: Aaaaaaagh!
341
00:14:50,366 --> 00:14:52,034
[KAKROONCH!]
342
00:14:52,035 --> 00:14:53,001
EVERYBODY: Ewwww!
343
00:14:53,002 --> 00:14:57,339
MURPHY: Rrrgh, and I just refilled the cans...
LANA: C'mon you guys,
344
00:14:57,340 --> 00:14:58,273
get it off of him!
345
00:14:58,274 --> 00:15:02,444
MURPHY: No no, there's no time...
(cough) Plus I think
346
00:15:02,445 --> 00:15:04,946
the weight of it's the only
thing holding in my intestines.
347
00:15:04,947 --> 00:15:05,747
EVERYBODY: Eww.
348
00:15:05,748 --> 00:15:08,850
MURPHY: Save yourselves. Let
this compartment flood, up to
349
00:15:08,851 --> 00:15:13,288
that next hatch... Then seal
it behind you, and run.
350
00:15:13,289 --> 00:15:16,425
This is pod two, it's about
a hundred yards to the
351
00:15:16,426 --> 00:15:23,231
DSV at pod six, but pods three through
six are still watertigh-[GRRRRNKOOOSH]
352
00:15:23,232 --> 00:15:27,402
FEMALE VOICE (O.S.): Pod three,
four, five, six. Flooded.
353
00:15:27,403 --> 00:15:28,470
EVERYBODY: Aaaghhh!
354
00:15:28,471 --> 00:15:32,674
MURPHY: Yeah, that's not ideal.
Okay, there's -wait, why
355
00:15:32,675 --> 00:15:34,609
did a TV crew have a gun?!
356
00:15:34,610 --> 00:15:37,546
LANA: We're not a TV
crew, we're from ISIS.
357
00:15:37,547 --> 00:15:40,915
MURPHY: ISIS?! Jesus Christ, no
wonder this all went tits up.
358
00:15:40,916 --> 00:15:41,616
EVERYBODY: Hey!
359
00:15:41,617 --> 00:15:44,953
MURPHY: Forgive my candor, I
just felt my spleen slip out of
360
00:15:44,954 --> 00:15:49,591
what was my anus. (coughs) That
locker over there, open it.
361
00:15:49,592 --> 00:15:52,760
CYRIL:(grunts)
(gasps) Scuba gear!
362
00:15:52,761 --> 00:15:53,328
LANA: [gasp]
363
00:15:53,329 --> 00:15:54,028
ARCHER: Dibs on best!
364
00:15:54,029 --> 00:15:56,298
GILLETTE: Oooh, y'all I'm not
certified, is that gonna be a problem?
365
00:15:56,299 --> 00:16:01,236
MURPHY: Well, not the biggest problem...
LANA: There's only three.
366
00:16:01,237 --> 00:16:03,671
ARCHER: Sooo...
MURPHY: So one of you is going to drown.
367
00:16:03,672 --> 00:16:05,607
ARCHER: Yep, got that...
MURPHY: Temporarily.
368
00:16:05,608 --> 00:16:06,341
EVERYBODY: What?
369
00:16:06,342 --> 00:16:08,810
MURPHY: Hundred yards to the DSV.
Best case, for a strong
370
00:16:08,811 --> 00:16:11,813
swimmer, two minutes. (coughs)
371
00:16:11,814 --> 00:16:14,749
The water's ice cold, help delay
the brain damage. Use the
372
00:16:14,750 --> 00:16:18,153
defibrillator on the DSV...
to restart the heart.
373
00:16:18,154 --> 00:16:19,421
LANA: Yeah but whose heart?!
374
00:16:19,422 --> 00:16:23,625
MURPHY: (coughs)
Weakest swimmer.
375
00:16:23,626 --> 00:16:25,360
LANA: Wh-? Aww, screw you guys!
376
00:16:25,361 --> 00:16:29,598
ARCHER: What, Lana, this isn't -- entirely
about race! Guys, back me up here.
377
00:16:29,599 --> 00:16:33,168
CYRIL: Well I was all-county in the
hundred meter freestyle in tenth grade...
378
00:16:33,169 --> 00:16:36,004
GILLETTE: And I have bionic legs...
CYRIL: Plus I'm super scared...
379
00:16:36,005 --> 00:16:37,272
ARCHER: Plus you're a woman?
380
00:16:37,273 --> 00:16:40,008
LANA: I -- yeah, a
pregnant woman!
381
00:16:40,009 --> 00:16:40,875
ARCHER/CYRIL/GILLETTE: What?
382
00:16:40,876 --> 00:16:42,944
LANA: That's why I haven't
been drinking, that's why I've
383
00:16:42,945 --> 00:16:46,314
been puking, and that's
why my boobs are so huge!
384
00:16:46,315 --> 00:16:48,049
ARCHER: Well I wouldn't
say "huge," but -
385
00:16:48,050 --> 00:16:49,651
CYRIL: When were you
planning to tell me?!
386
00:16:49,652 --> 00:16:53,488
LANA: (sighs) When I finally figured
out how to tell you it's not yours.
387
00:16:53,489 --> 00:16:54,689
CYRIL: Gnk?
388
00:16:54,690 --> 00:17:00,028
MURPHY: Awwwkwaaaard...
(coughs) Ignore me, sorry, I'm
389
00:17:00,029 --> 00:17:04,732
dying. Crushed, by an off-brand
drink machine. (gasps) Oh my
390
00:17:04,733 --> 00:17:12,207
God, just like that old gypsy woman srgbgh...
CYRIL: Gnnk! Gnnk! Gn - [THWAK!]
391
00:17:12,208 --> 00:17:15,877
ARCHER: Get it together! We both know
this isn't your first time as a cuckold!
392
00:17:15,878 --> 00:17:19,914
Or at least now we both know it.
And for real? You're pregnant?
393
00:17:19,915 --> 00:17:22,850
LANA: Five weeks, long story, yes, but-
ARCHER: Shut up. Here.
394
00:17:22,851 --> 00:17:25,187
LANA: Wh-? But-
ARCHER: Ray's half robot,
395
00:17:25,188 --> 00:17:26,954
Cyril, miraculously, is good at
396
00:17:26,955 --> 00:17:31,059
something, and... Lana, you're gonna be a mom!
Just promise me
397
00:17:31,060 --> 00:17:33,495
you'll be a better
one than mine.
398
00:17:33,496 --> 00:17:35,096
CECIL: Because I'm worried
something may have gone
399
00:17:35,097 --> 00:17:37,566
terribly wrong down there...
MALORY: Well if it did, we
400
00:17:37,567 --> 00:17:40,468
can't do anything about it, and
if it didn't, all the more
401
00:17:40,469 --> 00:17:45,173
reason to drive this tub to Bermuda
for some duty-free champagne!
402
00:17:45,174 --> 00:17:47,842
LANA: Archer, that
shouldn't be that hard.
403
00:17:47,843 --> 00:17:50,845
ARCHER: Ff-ff-ffrasing...
[cough/choke]
404
00:17:50,846 --> 00:17:54,449
LANA: Okay, here it comes! You just gotta
relax and let it go in your mouth!
405
00:17:54,450 --> 00:17:57,452
ARCHER: Ff-ff-
ffrasinglrrgllrg...!
406
00:17:57,453 --> 00:17:58,386
LANA: Archer?!
407
00:17:58,387 --> 00:17:59,787
ARCHER: Laggaah?
408
00:17:59,788 --> 00:18:10,465
ARCHER: Gly gluggve ggglooo...
LANA: I know. Ray, now!
409
00:18:10,466 --> 00:18:11,633
GILLETTE: C'mon, hurry!
410
00:18:11,634 --> 00:18:14,802
CYRIL: Move! Scarlet
Letter O'Whora!
411
00:18:14,803 --> 00:18:16,638
LANA: Cyril! It was a...!
412
00:18:16,639 --> 00:18:18,640
Donor, you shithead.
413
00:18:18,641 --> 00:18:23,811
C'mon, hang on Archer, two minutes!
Your brain can -- almost spare that!
414
00:18:23,812 --> 00:18:26,348
GILLETTE: So hey, this may be a
weird question, but you know
415
00:18:26,349 --> 00:18:27,482
where she's registered?
416
00:18:27,483 --> 00:18:30,151
CYRIL: Wh-?! What do you think?!
417
00:18:30,152 --> 00:18:32,820
GILLETTE: Lanaaa!
Would you hurry up?!
418
00:18:32,821 --> 00:18:35,223
LANA: (panting) Said the guy
apparently too busy counting
419
00:18:35,224 --> 00:18:37,058
his bionic legs to help!
420
00:18:37,059 --> 00:18:40,828
GILLETTE: You're gonna sass yourself right
out of a carseat! Now c'mon, hurry!
421
00:18:40,829 --> 00:18:41,996
LANA: [panting/straining]
422
00:18:41,997 --> 00:18:44,132
GILLETTE: Cyril! Get
ready on the airlock!
423
00:18:44,133 --> 00:18:46,401
CYRIL: Yeah, yeah...
LANA: Here, go go go go go.
424
00:18:46,402 --> 00:18:47,502
GILLETTE: I got him I got him!
425
00:18:47,503 --> 00:18:48,836
LANA: Cyril now, blow it!
426
00:18:48,837 --> 00:18:50,472
CYRIL: Blow me,
boom, nailed it.
427
00:18:50,473 --> 00:18:56,478
[FWOOOOOSH!]
428
00:18:56,479 --> 00:18:57,178
LANA: Clear?!
429
00:18:57,179 --> 00:18:57,812
GILLETTE: Clear!
430
00:18:57,813 --> 00:18:58,780
[zzzttt bmmm]
431
00:18:58,781 --> 00:18:59,381
LANA: Again!
432
00:18:59,382 --> 00:19:01,849
GILLETTE: C'mon,
he's dead let it go!
433
00:19:01,850 --> 00:19:02,517
LANA: Clear?!
434
00:19:02,518 --> 00:19:03,184
GILLETTE: Clear!
435
00:19:03,185 --> 00:19:05,019
[zzzttt bmmm]
436
00:19:05,020 --> 00:19:06,755
[beep, beep, beep]
437
00:19:06,756 --> 00:19:07,589
LANA: Archer?!
438
00:19:07,590 --> 00:19:08,623
EVERYBODY: Oh!
439
00:19:08,624 --> 00:19:10,124
GILLETTE: Is he...? Are you...?
440
00:19:10,125 --> 00:19:11,760
ARCHER: The man who
cheated death?!
441
00:19:11,761 --> 00:19:12,960
EVERYBODY: Oh! Thank God.
442
00:19:12,961 --> 00:19:16,431
LANA: Oh my God, Archer, I can't -- I
mean, I don't even know how to thank you!
443
00:19:16,432 --> 00:19:17,599
ARCHER: Well, you could name
444
00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:19,133
your kid after -
LANA: Noop.
445
00:19:19,134 --> 00:19:22,704
ARCHER: Then just get me topside. I need
to brush Ray's tongue out of my mouth.
446
00:19:22,705 --> 00:19:24,339
GILLETTE: I didn't give
you mouth to mouth!
447
00:19:24,340 --> 00:19:30,978
ARCHER: C'mon, admit it, you Frenched me!
You can lie but your boner can't!
448
00:19:30,979 --> 00:19:32,681
GILLETTE: (laughing)
Cut it out, Archer!
449
00:19:32,682 --> 00:19:35,183
ARCHER: Yeah, look at ya!
All blushy!
450
00:19:35,184 --> 00:19:40,054
LANA: Archer be careful, the defibrillator-
[BZZZZRPT!]
451
00:19:40,055 --> 00:19:43,191
MALORY: So. Although Sealab was destroyed...
CECIL: It was insured for
452
00:19:43,192 --> 00:19:46,093
three times its value, so
now I'm richer than ever.
453
00:19:46,094 --> 00:19:50,365
CHERYL/CAROL: And I have forgiven you,
for being such an incorrigible douche.
454
00:19:50,366 --> 00:19:51,599
MALORY: No one cares, because
455
00:19:51,600 --> 00:19:52,967
most importantly -
456
00:19:52,968 --> 00:19:54,001
ARCHER: I cheated not only
457
00:19:54,002 --> 00:19:57,639
death, but also somehow
irreparable brain damage!
458
00:19:57,640 --> 00:20:00,107
MALORY: That remains to be seen,
and shut up, because Lana
459
00:20:00,108 --> 00:20:02,811
is going to be a mother!
460
00:20:02,812 --> 00:20:06,047
CYRIL: Three cheers for
little Johnny Bastard!
461
00:20:06,048 --> 00:20:08,049
PAM: Hip, hip!...Ahem.
462
00:20:08,050 --> 00:20:09,116
Inappropriate.
463
00:20:09,117 --> 00:20:14,055
MALORY: The point is -- and seriously,
shut up -- everybody has a happy ending!
464
00:20:14,056 --> 00:20:16,891
GILLETTE: Really?! Ol' Ray
gets a happy ending?!
465
00:20:16,892 --> 00:20:18,326
ARCHER: Ray-
GILLETTE: Or does Randy
466
00:20:18,327 --> 00:20:19,994
Roughhouse here zap him with a
467
00:20:19,995 --> 00:20:24,417
defibrillator and fry the CPU
that made his bionic legs work?!
468
00:20:24,468 --> 00:20:26,946
ARCHER: Ray, I'm sorry! C'mon,
I was wrong!
469
00:20:27,066 --> 00:20:27,848
GILLETTE: Really.
470
00:20:27,968 --> 00:20:32,831
ARCHER: Yeah, without the mustache
you look, like, a billion percent gayer.
471
00:20:33,970 --> 00:20:34,819
Boop.
472
00:20:34,939 --> 00:20:45,247
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com | sync to web-dl by aneurysm
473
00:20:46,305 --> 00:20:52,588
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