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Previously, on "The Magicians"...
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Quentin...
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I killed a god.
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Gods like Ember have parents, you idiot.
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When we're harmless, they ignore us.
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But when we become malignant,
they amputate.
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Magic is gone.
8
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What is it that you seek,
rude little Earth girl?
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The woman and child you stole.
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Fen wouldn't come because
they have your daughter.
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I had to warn you. They're coming.
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This contract initiates
our services in exchange for...
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Unlimited manual and magical labor?
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- You signed that insane contract?
- Yeah, it's okay.
15
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- Did you do this for me?
- Just say it.
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Cancer.
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- Call it Cancer plus.
- How long till I die?
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Two or three weeks.
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I need your help.
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If Penny's in the library,
he can be your mole.
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But to do that, he'd have to be alive.
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Deal.
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As a niffin, you made enemies.
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I am here to warn you
that one of them seeks you.
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The Lambre. It knows you're weak.
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It knows you're here.
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He raped me.
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Your son.
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He turned me into a monster.
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You're a survivor.
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Why did you bring me back?
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I know what you're trying to do.
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There is no actual evidence
of magical surge.
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The best we can do is accept that
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and continue our theoretical studies.
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We all get flashes,
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and we can do it again.
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How?
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I have no idea.
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Nope. Nothing.
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No freeze, no boil.
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Shit.
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It's okay.
44
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You can still do other stuff.
45
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Q, I can't do anything real.
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It's like there's no pattern to this,
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nothing that we do can
make it stronger or better.
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I'm starting to feel like
it's all random, you know?
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Maybe it was a mistake.
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Come on, you don't mean that.
51
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What if this is, like, a smudge?
52
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A fingerprint left by OLU when
she gave me back my Shade,
53
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and she didn't even realize?
54
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You know, it's like,
whoops, speck of magic.
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She's a goddess.
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Does she seem like the accident type?
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Have you met her son?
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Look, I don't wanna be insensitive...
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But you still think I somehow
have this because of Reynard.
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I don't know why you have it.
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I just... I-I don't think
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that we should discount the possibility.
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I mean, you've had...
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More contact with gods than most.
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That's a nicer way of putting it.
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For the record, I'm still
leaning towards fluke.
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So it's a fluke. There's still something
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that could lead us to something.
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We have got to keep
chipping away at it, Jules.
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Big words coming from a guy who's mostly
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chain-smoking and binge-watching
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"Six Feet Under" when I got here.
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You fired me up.
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You showed me that
there's a fight to fight.
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Now I am the official sidekick
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to whatever it turns out you are, okay?
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So, get used to it.
78
00:03:06,766 --> 00:03:09,336
Wake up, asshole.
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What, were you a boy scout?
These are great.
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Not a good time to go with smart-ass.
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00:03:26,358 --> 00:03:28,802
I'm not a killer, but times are strange
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and you're the one
who broke into my home.
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Yeah, well, I'm a librarian.
84
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You're ignoring our requests.
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That book was overdue.
86
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Overdue book? Come on.
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It's my job.
88
00:03:39,713 --> 00:03:42,059
What's the Library's real game?
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Books?
90
00:03:43,884 --> 00:03:45,351
Why do you care anymore?
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00:03:45,385 --> 00:03:49,189
'Cause what the hell else
is there to do anymore?
92
00:03:50,690 --> 00:03:51,925
Man, hey, that thing...
93
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- Is not your business.
- It's Mayakovsky's spell, right?
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00:03:54,927 --> 00:03:56,295
Little something the brew up current?
95
00:03:56,328 --> 00:03:57,397
It's fake.
96
00:03:57,431 --> 00:03:59,065
It does not make magic.
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00:03:59,099 --> 00:04:01,935
It does blow up like a meth lab.
98
00:04:01,968 --> 00:04:04,405
You met Mayakovsky?
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I'd know his spellwork anywhere.
100
00:04:06,739 --> 00:04:07,908
Yeah, me too, and I'm telling you...
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All of this is his fault.
102
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It... by his, you mean...
103
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Made a bunch
of apocalypse-proof batteries,
104
00:04:15,047 --> 00:04:18,184
then did something to turn
it all off all over the world.
105
00:04:18,218 --> 00:04:20,187
Breaks his Incorporate Bond,
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screws us, he's got magic, he's free.
107
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Tell you what Mayakovsky
didn't think about...
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Creatures. They're fine.
109
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Whatever they are, it's DNA.
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So I hear.
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We're fish bait now.
112
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Thank God I got this place,
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'cause they're coming.
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I promise you.
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Well, karma is a righteous bitch.
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Karma's gonna be...
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we kill them all, son.
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If you can.
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I mean, some of them look just like us.
120
00:05:00,825 --> 00:05:04,274
You'd never know
they're not quite human.
121
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Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
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I like the little apron.
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Penny.
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Penny.
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You shouldn't be here.
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You don't have that kind
of time to waste.
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It's not wasted.
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They treating you okay?
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Everything's fine. It's all fine.
130
00:05:49,042 --> 00:05:51,111
Nothing is fine.
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I'm looking at you. There's that.
132
00:05:53,513 --> 00:05:54,982
You look good.
133
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White-knuckle sobriety
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and forced celibacy's my look.
135
00:05:59,985 --> 00:06:01,954
You need to go back.
136
00:06:01,987 --> 00:06:03,156
I-I was kinda thinking we were
137
00:06:03,189 --> 00:06:05,958
gonna grab a quickie in the car.
138
00:06:05,992 --> 00:06:07,561
Yeah, that sounds great,
139
00:06:07,593 --> 00:06:10,163
except I don't have a car, and...
140
00:06:10,187 --> 00:06:13,559
and you're fucking dying.
141
00:06:13,930 --> 00:06:15,632
Worth it.
142
00:06:19,605 --> 00:06:20,975
Go.
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00:06:22,341 --> 00:06:23,943
I love you.
144
00:06:25,244 --> 00:06:26,280
Go.
145
00:06:35,187 --> 00:06:37,057
We don't have the funds to...
146
00:06:37,090 --> 00:06:38,926
We're just going to have to borrow.
147
00:06:38,958 --> 00:06:41,227
Begging Pardon, but Tick is right.
148
00:06:52,004 --> 00:06:53,606
Excuse me, Sire.
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Your Majesty?
150
00:07:06,586 --> 00:07:08,388
Look,
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00:07:08,420 --> 00:07:11,624
there is no unshitty answer
to any of this, people,
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so suck it up.
153
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Mmm.
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Yeah.
155
00:07:28,641 --> 00:07:30,243
We need to discuss the borders.
156
00:07:30,276 --> 00:07:32,211
Great.
157
00:07:32,244 --> 00:07:33,379
After lunch.
158
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Thank you. Dismissed.
159
00:07:38,251 --> 00:07:40,587
We have things to discuss, dear.
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- Fabulous.
- Not you.
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Your long-suffering high queen.
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You may go.
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Margo, stay.
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Lumbricus Campestris.
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Don't tell me.
166
00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:58,679
Feather of a left-handed crow?
167
00:07:58,704 --> 00:08:01,474
Butterfly with PMS this time?
168
00:08:01,508 --> 00:08:05,394
Turtle semen with a rosemary garnish?
169
00:08:05,419 --> 00:08:07,280
It's a type of earthworm.
170
00:08:07,314 --> 00:08:11,451
It lives abundantly in the
grounds around the castle.
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Collect them all.
172
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Okay.
173
00:08:17,561 --> 00:08:22,194
Really enjoying our ongoing whimsy-fest,
174
00:08:22,227 --> 00:08:27,033
but I am a tad busy trying to
keep the country from starving,
175
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- so...
- Better hurry, then.
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You were gone too long.
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Was I?
178
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Thought I was...
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00:08:54,403 --> 00:08:56,228
You have to move quickly out there.
180
00:08:56,254 --> 00:08:57,990
Every time you leave this
branch, you go where
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00:08:58,031 --> 00:09:00,033
time moves normally
and where time progresses...
182
00:09:00,066 --> 00:09:02,336
So does my super cancer, I know.
183
00:09:02,369 --> 00:09:04,370
It's a pity the best y'all
could do was a place where
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00:09:04,403 --> 00:09:06,273
time stopped.
185
00:09:06,306 --> 00:09:08,075
You know, time going backward?
186
00:09:08,108 --> 00:09:09,276
That'd be better.
187
00:09:09,308 --> 00:09:10,581
I've been giving you assignments
188
00:09:10,606 --> 00:09:12,040
that shouldn't take more than an hour.
189
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- I don't want you...
- Me to die?
190
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How sweet of you,
191
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considering you poisoned me.
192
00:09:19,586 --> 00:09:21,555
You know that wasn't me.
193
00:09:21,587 --> 00:09:23,622
No one wants you to die.
194
00:09:23,656 --> 00:09:25,325
I know.
195
00:09:25,358 --> 00:09:27,461
You know, travelers? Hard to come by.
196
00:09:27,494 --> 00:09:29,595
I wish you wouldn't be so cynical.
197
00:09:31,529 --> 00:09:34,000
Thank you. You need to rest.
198
00:09:36,399 --> 00:09:38,135
How is it?
199
00:09:38,294 --> 00:09:39,896
Out there?
200
00:09:41,140 --> 00:09:43,343
Depressing.
201
00:09:55,788 --> 00:09:56,756
- Henry.
- Ah.
202
00:09:58,258 --> 00:10:01,194
Is that... is that Irene McAllistair?
203
00:10:01,226 --> 00:10:04,130
Well, it is good to see you.
204
00:10:06,698 --> 00:10:08,200
And how is the...
205
00:10:08,234 --> 00:10:09,536
The board of trustees?
206
00:10:09,568 --> 00:10:12,405
Oh, well, out of their minds.
207
00:10:12,438 --> 00:10:14,740
Well, I don't need to tell you
how many of their companies
208
00:10:14,773 --> 00:10:16,275
went belly up when magic died.
209
00:10:16,308 --> 00:10:18,906
You do not. I have stock in several.
210
00:10:18,931 --> 00:10:20,646
- Join the club.
- Yeah.
211
00:10:23,450 --> 00:10:25,152
And your family?
212
00:10:25,185 --> 00:10:26,420
Well, you know them.
213
00:10:26,452 --> 00:10:30,256
Stuffy, cautious... survive anything.
214
00:10:30,289 --> 00:10:33,292
But the rest of the board...
215
00:10:33,326 --> 00:10:37,696
Look, Henry, I came here
alone because I respect you.
216
00:10:37,730 --> 00:10:40,100
Well, you taught me
everything that I know.
217
00:10:40,133 --> 00:10:42,436
- No need to exaggerate.
- I'm not.
218
00:10:42,469 --> 00:10:45,504
And no one needs to convince me
that this school is important.
219
00:10:45,538 --> 00:10:48,174
I gather that's not the case
for everyone.
220
00:10:48,207 --> 00:10:50,209
They're panicked.
221
00:10:50,243 --> 00:10:51,578
They want magic.
222
00:10:51,610 --> 00:10:53,513
So too do we all.
223
00:10:53,546 --> 00:10:55,749
They believe that there's gotta be
224
00:10:55,782 --> 00:10:57,783
something out there somewhere.
225
00:10:57,816 --> 00:10:59,219
Mayakovsky.
226
00:10:59,252 --> 00:11:01,288
He was working on a-a battery.
227
00:11:01,321 --> 00:11:03,355
We searched Brakebills South...
228
00:11:03,389 --> 00:11:08,294
Still, they feel that, uh,
the resources of this school
229
00:11:08,327 --> 00:11:11,331
would be best spent
continuing to search for...
230
00:11:11,364 --> 00:11:14,167
I cannot stop my students
from searching.
231
00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:16,235
But we are a school.
232
00:11:16,268 --> 00:11:17,637
We still teach here.
233
00:11:17,669 --> 00:11:19,738
It is perhaps more important than ever.
234
00:11:19,772 --> 00:11:21,408
If they don't learn it,
235
00:11:21,441 --> 00:11:23,810
I fear no one will ever again,
you understand?
236
00:11:23,842 --> 00:11:25,277
I fear that too.
237
00:11:25,311 --> 00:11:27,480
But if you don't find them something...
238
00:11:29,182 --> 00:11:32,252
The board is gonna
close down Brakebills.
239
00:11:32,284 --> 00:11:35,355
You have to give them something, Henry.
240
00:11:35,388 --> 00:11:36,723
Quickly.
241
00:11:41,617 --> 00:11:43,319
So, what do you think?
242
00:11:46,987 --> 00:11:49,389
Okay, say you were to do it.
243
00:11:49,452 --> 00:11:51,588
Work your way through some
piddly little Earth gods,
244
00:11:51,630 --> 00:11:53,799
find a way to talk to an actual Old God,
245
00:11:53,832 --> 00:11:55,434
and you say what?
246
00:11:55,468 --> 00:11:57,170
Hi, please reconsider,
even though you are
247
00:11:57,202 --> 00:12:00,639
a billion times smarter than I,
and... and... more powerful,
248
00:12:00,672 --> 00:12:02,875
if you could please bring back
magic, that would be great.
249
00:12:02,908 --> 00:12:04,610
I don't know, I just...
I figured it couldn't hurt
250
00:12:04,643 --> 00:12:07,647
to get a little closer
and maybe meet someone
251
00:12:07,680 --> 00:12:09,616
who knew more than we do.
252
00:12:09,708 --> 00:12:12,484
- I hear you, Q, I do. I just...
- What?
253
00:12:12,518 --> 00:12:14,487
I wouldn't want what happened to me
254
00:12:14,519 --> 00:12:15,922
to happen to anyone else.
255
00:12:17,856 --> 00:12:20,426
Look, you don't have to come.
256
00:12:20,460 --> 00:12:22,204
I just... I just wanted you to know.
257
00:12:22,229 --> 00:12:25,245
Okay, you're gonna do a summoning alone?
258
00:12:27,733 --> 00:12:29,102
Yeah.
259
00:12:29,134 --> 00:12:31,138
I don't... I don't know.
260
00:12:33,505 --> 00:12:35,040
Okay, say I was willing to risk it.
261
00:12:35,074 --> 00:12:38,077
I mean, it requires serious, big magic.
262
00:12:38,109 --> 00:12:39,880
Okay, well, cultures all over the world
263
00:12:39,905 --> 00:12:42,482
have believed in these gods.
How did they call them?
264
00:12:42,507 --> 00:12:44,217
Suffice to say, not quite the party
265
00:12:44,249 --> 00:12:47,537
I was expecting when
I came down here, but...
266
00:12:47,978 --> 00:12:49,547
I think I could help you.
267
00:12:50,956 --> 00:12:52,426
How can I help you?
268
00:12:55,827 --> 00:12:57,129
Yeah.
269
00:12:57,162 --> 00:12:58,797
I was gonna respond,
and then I remembered
270
00:12:58,830 --> 00:12:59,965
there's no point.
271
00:12:59,998 --> 00:13:01,868
You can't help Penny anymore.
272
00:13:01,960 --> 00:13:03,429
Says who?
273
00:13:06,690 --> 00:13:08,292
What is that?
274
00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:10,800
_
275
00:13:10,854 --> 00:13:14,494
__
276
00:13:16,701 --> 00:13:19,336
_
277
00:13:21,040 --> 00:13:24,359
_
278
00:13:26,845 --> 00:13:29,562
_
279
00:13:33,734 --> 00:13:34,851
_
280
00:13:35,132 --> 00:13:36,408
_
281
00:13:36,432 --> 00:13:39,401
__
282
00:13:54,152 --> 00:13:56,221
I have a job for you.
283
00:13:56,254 --> 00:13:57,294
Earthworms.
284
00:13:57,319 --> 00:13:58,825
Get anyone not actively...
285
00:13:58,858 --> 00:14:00,859
Our full team is required
to keep the castle safe.
286
00:14:00,893 --> 00:14:02,628
Okay, okay, so get like five
or six and do this for me.
287
00:14:02,662 --> 00:14:03,830
Quick and dirty.
288
00:14:09,869 --> 00:14:11,671
Ah, there you are.
289
00:14:11,704 --> 00:14:12,972
Come join.
290
00:14:13,004 --> 00:14:14,306
The southern province is
291
00:14:14,340 --> 00:14:16,599
whatever the Fillorian word
for bankrupt is.
292
00:14:16,624 --> 00:14:17,825
I need a drink.
293
00:14:17,850 --> 00:14:19,452
So quick, little queen.
294
00:14:19,477 --> 00:14:20,947
Where are the worms?
295
00:14:20,972 --> 00:14:23,808
Don't tell me you sent
someone out to do your work.
296
00:14:25,317 --> 00:14:27,085
I'm a delegator.
297
00:14:27,119 --> 00:14:30,623
It's a leadership quality.
298
00:14:30,656 --> 00:14:32,792
You've clearly mastered it.
299
00:14:32,825 --> 00:14:34,860
I thought I was clear.
300
00:14:34,893 --> 00:14:38,163
They are to be plucked by female hands.
301
00:14:38,196 --> 00:14:41,900
And I desire those hands to be yours.
302
00:14:41,933 --> 00:14:44,203
But only if you wish to keep them.
303
00:14:53,650 --> 00:14:56,585
Shit!
304
00:14:56,681 --> 00:14:58,216
Now this is bad.
305
00:14:58,249 --> 00:15:00,787
I waited till I was sure none of those
306
00:15:00,820 --> 00:15:03,189
creepy little no-eyebrow
fuckers were around
307
00:15:03,221 --> 00:15:05,123
before I delegated.
308
00:15:05,157 --> 00:15:07,026
So, how'd she know?
309
00:15:07,058 --> 00:15:09,728
And so fast?
310
00:15:11,263 --> 00:15:12,798
All right, so how do you know
311
00:15:12,831 --> 00:15:13,997
that he'll even be here tonight?
312
00:15:14,022 --> 00:15:16,269
I mean, there's a million
parties happening all over.
313
00:15:16,301 --> 00:15:17,202
Easy.
314
00:15:17,235 --> 00:15:18,630
He's on social media?
315
00:15:18,655 --> 00:15:20,381
How else are followers
supposed to find him?
316
00:15:20,406 --> 00:15:23,209
Met him by total accident at Art Basel.
317
00:15:23,242 --> 00:15:25,945
He kept that party going
eight full days.
318
00:15:27,079 --> 00:15:29,681
Best eight days of my life.
319
00:15:29,715 --> 00:15:31,618
Anyway, that's his thing.
320
00:15:31,651 --> 00:15:35,121
Swing in, stoke the party,
soak in the worship, move on.
321
00:15:35,153 --> 00:15:37,023
Inspiring, right?
322
00:15:37,056 --> 00:15:38,758
You guys are gonna love him.
323
00:15:44,029 --> 00:15:46,098
♪ A tad too strong to fight ♪
324
00:15:46,132 --> 00:15:50,003
Josh The Animal Hoberman.
325
00:15:50,036 --> 00:15:52,123
Bacchus.
326
00:15:52,667 --> 00:15:54,570
My deity. How you living?
327
00:15:54,673 --> 00:15:56,208
So good.
328
00:15:56,435 --> 00:16:00,213
Um, get your fine ass in this bitch.
329
00:16:00,245 --> 00:16:01,523
Lucy.
330
00:16:01,626 --> 00:16:02,861
Bong hit.
331
00:16:03,081 --> 00:16:06,085
♪ Just to feel your touch ♪
332
00:16:07,775 --> 00:16:09,789
Come back when you're fun.
333
00:16:09,821 --> 00:16:12,876
♪ Take it easy, baby, let's not ♪
334
00:16:16,663 --> 00:16:19,099
My mistress wishes that I tell you...
335
00:16:20,133 --> 00:16:23,570
Uh, and you can see here
336
00:16:23,602 --> 00:16:27,961
cracks from the swordplay
of King Boris The Softspoken.
337
00:16:27,986 --> 00:16:30,543
That is indeed fascinating.
338
00:16:30,577 --> 00:16:31,812
Mm.
339
00:16:32,946 --> 00:16:37,017
Abigail mentioned you have
many fairy guests these days.
340
00:16:37,455 --> 00:16:38,623
Guests,
341
00:16:38,648 --> 00:16:40,484
hostile occupying force,
342
00:16:40,539 --> 00:16:41,781
tomato, tomahto.
343
00:16:41,806 --> 00:16:44,331
I presume you wish to extend the most
344
00:16:44,363 --> 00:16:47,499
elegant level of hospitality.
345
00:16:47,525 --> 00:16:48,643
Do I?
346
00:16:48,721 --> 00:16:50,829
For this reason, I make you aware of the
347
00:16:50,862 --> 00:16:53,933
corridor built by
High Queen ChenLi the Bookish,
348
00:16:53,966 --> 00:16:56,369
of rare stone from the Shivering Sea.
349
00:16:56,401 --> 00:16:57,937
Okay.
350
00:16:57,969 --> 00:16:59,071
Why?
351
00:16:59,103 --> 00:17:02,007
Unfortunately, certain species
352
00:17:02,041 --> 00:17:04,995
are allergic to the substance.
353
00:17:05,020 --> 00:17:06,545
How allergic?
354
00:17:06,602 --> 00:17:10,151
- Violently, your majesty.
- Good to know.
355
00:17:10,190 --> 00:17:12,825
We advise that your guests
cannot tolerate that area
356
00:17:12,852 --> 00:17:15,321
so if you are looking for them,
357
00:17:15,346 --> 00:17:18,744
they will undoubtedly be
358
00:17:19,158 --> 00:17:21,394
somewhere else.
359
00:17:21,427 --> 00:17:23,830
A-plus, Rafe.
360
00:17:25,452 --> 00:17:27,221
Huh.
361
00:17:27,246 --> 00:17:30,035
If Rafe says so, guess maybe
we're not the first royals
362
00:17:30,068 --> 00:17:32,571
living a 24/7 fairy reach-around.
363
00:17:35,149 --> 00:17:36,848
So what the hell are we gonna do?
364
00:17:36,873 --> 00:17:38,611
About Queen Bitch and all
her spooky little bitches?
365
00:17:38,643 --> 00:17:40,179
Poison sounds nice.
366
00:17:40,211 --> 00:17:43,015
Shockingly,
all books on poison disappeared
367
00:17:43,047 --> 00:17:45,603
from the royal library right
around the time they arrived.
368
00:17:45,628 --> 00:17:47,452
They're armed, they're smart,
369
00:17:47,486 --> 00:17:48,854
they're multitudinous,
370
00:17:48,888 --> 00:17:49,989
they are invisible to the guard...
371
00:17:50,022 --> 00:17:51,457
When you put it that way.
372
00:17:51,489 --> 00:17:53,558
What if they know about this in Loria?
373
00:17:53,592 --> 00:17:55,561
If I send Idri a message...
374
00:17:55,593 --> 00:17:57,041
Worst case he comes here,
375
00:17:57,066 --> 00:17:58,965
you look at him naked
and cheer up a little.
376
00:17:58,997 --> 00:18:01,266
How dare you make me sound that shallow,
377
00:18:01,300 --> 00:18:02,569
but yes.
378
00:18:06,861 --> 00:18:07,974
Hi.
379
00:18:08,006 --> 00:18:09,542
Great to see you, as always.
380
00:18:09,574 --> 00:18:11,244
I'll go write that letter.
381
00:18:11,276 --> 00:18:12,444
To who?
382
00:18:12,477 --> 00:18:14,546
Not Idri of Loria?
383
00:18:14,580 --> 00:18:16,082
Actually, yes.
384
00:18:16,914 --> 00:18:19,651
Our crops are dying now that
we can't schedule the rain.
385
00:18:19,685 --> 00:18:21,587
I hope he can help.
386
00:18:21,620 --> 00:18:25,157
His library, like yours,
has of course been purged
387
00:18:25,189 --> 00:18:28,609
of any material
pertaining to our species.
388
00:18:28,928 --> 00:18:32,331
And any Lorian aware
of the existence of fairies
389
00:18:32,609 --> 00:18:35,668
has been instructed
to keep their mouth shut
390
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:38,336
or lose their tongue.
391
00:18:38,478 --> 00:18:41,986
Please don't underestimate me again.
392
00:18:42,641 --> 00:18:45,017
It hurts my feelings.
393
00:18:45,311 --> 00:18:48,147
We're gonna go take
a walk and have a good think
394
00:18:48,283 --> 00:18:49,973
about our behavior.
395
00:18:59,591 --> 00:19:01,227
Come on, we not fun yet?
396
00:19:06,098 --> 00:19:08,400
Yeah, do we not... do we not amuse!
397
00:19:08,432 --> 00:19:09,702
Do we not amuse?
398
00:19:13,272 --> 00:19:14,761
Hey.
399
00:19:16,208 --> 00:19:18,110
I think I... I think I got it, Q.
400
00:19:18,142 --> 00:19:19,312
Okay. Oof.
401
00:19:19,344 --> 00:19:21,146
Remember that time, 10th grade, right?
402
00:19:21,179 --> 00:19:23,615
And we made up that dance
and it was terrible.
403
00:19:23,649 --> 00:19:25,051
- Oh, God.
- Yes.
404
00:19:25,083 --> 00:19:27,687
So white and bad.
405
00:19:27,719 --> 00:19:29,516
Yeah, that might actually work.
406
00:19:29,541 --> 00:19:31,656
It was very, like,
hip thrusty if I remember.
407
00:19:31,689 --> 00:19:34,032
Oh, yeah. Oh, no.
I remember it, my friend.
408
00:19:34,057 --> 00:19:35,079
Uh...
409
00:19:35,104 --> 00:19:36,728
♪ Ay-yo ♪
410
00:19:36,860 --> 00:19:39,565
♪ I'm tired of using technology ♪
411
00:19:39,681 --> 00:19:40,814
Uh!
412
00:19:40,839 --> 00:19:43,010
♪ So why don't you sit in front of me ♪
413
00:19:43,134 --> 00:19:44,737
♪ Ay-yo! ♪
414
00:19:44,884 --> 00:19:47,672
♪ I'm tired of using technology ♪
415
00:19:47,706 --> 00:19:48,810
Uh!
416
00:19:48,835 --> 00:19:50,980
♪ I need you right in front of me ♪
417
00:19:51,005 --> 00:19:51,880
Uh!
418
00:19:51,905 --> 00:19:53,746
♪ She wants it, uh, uh ♪
419
00:19:53,778 --> 00:19:55,733
♪ She wants it, uh ♪
420
00:19:55,796 --> 00:19:59,187
♪ She wants it,
so I gotta give it to her ♪
421
00:19:59,212 --> 00:20:00,196
- Uh.
- Ow!
422
00:20:00,221 --> 00:20:02,054
♪ She wants it, uh, uh ♪
423
00:20:02,086 --> 00:20:03,989
♪ She wants it, uh ♪
424
00:20:04,023 --> 00:20:05,424
♪ She wants it ♪
425
00:20:05,457 --> 00:20:07,727
♪ So you can fugging give it to her ♪
426
00:20:17,454 --> 00:20:18,771
♪ Where the dance don't cease ♪
427
00:20:20,506 --> 00:20:22,240
♪ East side, west side,
king of the ball ♪
428
00:20:22,274 --> 00:20:24,209
♪ North side, south side, all of y'all ♪
429
00:20:24,243 --> 00:20:25,778
♪ Yo, DJ, play my song ♪
430
00:20:25,811 --> 00:20:27,747
♪ Show these people how I roll ♪
431
00:20:27,779 --> 00:20:29,789
Hoberman!
432
00:20:30,215 --> 00:20:35,421
Ohhh!
433
00:20:45,086 --> 00:20:46,922
So, welcome.
434
00:20:47,065 --> 00:20:49,535
Magicians, right?
435
00:20:49,567 --> 00:20:50,669
Yeah, how can you tell?
436
00:20:50,701 --> 00:20:52,570
Your hands,
437
00:20:52,603 --> 00:20:55,408
and your crazy level of trauma.
438
00:20:56,842 --> 00:20:58,511
Cheers to that.
439
00:21:02,173 --> 00:21:03,909
Ugh.
440
00:21:04,090 --> 00:21:05,224
Going again.
441
00:21:07,486 --> 00:21:09,455
Part deux.
442
00:21:11,531 --> 00:21:12,713
I just, I w...
443
00:21:12,738 --> 00:21:14,160
we would kind of really love to talk.
444
00:21:14,192 --> 00:21:15,627
Kid, I'm Bacchus.
445
00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:19,798
I am the god of not being
a wiggly, little anxious
446
00:21:19,832 --> 00:21:21,499
wet dish rag that would
447
00:21:21,533 --> 00:21:23,401
kind of really love to talk to you,
448
00:21:23,426 --> 00:21:28,046
so I need you to unclench
your vagina and do that shot
449
00:21:28,077 --> 00:21:30,515
or I'm moving on.
450
00:21:30,741 --> 00:21:31,743
Just a little sexist.
451
00:21:31,776 --> 00:21:33,746
Five, four,
452
00:21:33,921 --> 00:21:36,195
three, two...
453
00:21:37,416 --> 00:21:39,351
Attaboy.
454
00:21:39,383 --> 00:21:40,852
Okay, what do you wanna do now?
455
00:21:40,885 --> 00:21:43,321
Twister? You wanna pierce something?
456
00:21:43,354 --> 00:21:44,856
Oh, I've got
457
00:21:44,890 --> 00:21:48,294
Trivial Pursuit Star Trek edition.
458
00:21:48,326 --> 00:21:49,761
Just... Mr. Bacchus, we...
459
00:21:49,795 --> 00:21:53,546
Magic, and how it's completely gone.
460
00:21:53,765 --> 00:21:57,328
Magic is gone for you little guys?
461
00:21:57,602 --> 00:21:59,270
You don't say.
462
00:21:59,304 --> 00:22:01,107
What is... all over the U.S.?
463
00:22:01,140 --> 00:22:02,708
All over everywhere, we think.
464
00:22:02,740 --> 00:22:04,576
I've been a little
465
00:22:04,743 --> 00:22:07,326
out of touch.
466
00:22:07,513 --> 00:22:09,279
Well, that sucks for you.
467
00:22:09,515 --> 00:22:11,201
Why?
468
00:22:11,717 --> 00:22:13,139
Well...
469
00:22:13,377 --> 00:22:15,142
I, um...
470
00:22:15,254 --> 00:22:16,828
Sort of killed a-a god.
471
00:22:16,853 --> 00:22:18,797
A minor... like, a very, you know...
472
00:22:18,822 --> 00:22:20,326
- We had to.
- A minor god.
473
00:22:20,359 --> 00:22:22,455
Not because we wanted to,
but just because we had to.
474
00:22:22,480 --> 00:22:23,562
- You understand...
- Who?
475
00:22:25,264 --> 00:22:27,699
Who the fuck did you kill?
476
00:22:28,873 --> 00:22:31,135
Um, Ember in...
477
00:22:31,503 --> 00:22:32,505
Fillory?
478
00:22:36,842 --> 00:22:39,837
I don't know that guy.
479
00:22:40,710 --> 00:22:42,513
Deserved it. I...
480
00:22:45,643 --> 00:22:48,108
Tough choices make a man, man.
481
00:22:48,133 --> 00:22:49,857
- Yeah.
- Open your mouth.
482
00:22:49,882 --> 00:22:52,725
- Sorry?
- Like, open your mouth.
483
00:22:56,428 --> 00:22:57,729
Happy birthday.
484
00:22:57,763 --> 00:23:00,533
Okay, so this is gonna be
485
00:23:00,565 --> 00:23:03,201
a little bit more
challenging than we expected.
486
00:23:03,235 --> 00:23:04,803
What did you put in my mouth?
487
00:23:27,993 --> 00:23:29,528
Alice? Where are you going?
488
00:23:29,568 --> 00:23:32,405
I can't do this.
I can't study dead magic.
489
00:23:32,430 --> 00:23:33,970
- I can't...
- Can we just...
490
00:23:34,025 --> 00:23:36,401
go sit down somewhere and talk, please?
491
00:23:36,435 --> 00:23:38,617
Stop. Look, here's the deal.
492
00:23:38,642 --> 00:23:40,345
I thought if we hung out, maybe had sex,
493
00:23:40,372 --> 00:23:42,574
I don't know, went to school,
it would feel like it did.
494
00:23:42,608 --> 00:23:44,710
I thought I could forgive you,
but I can't.
495
00:23:44,743 --> 00:23:46,312
I just...
496
00:23:46,344 --> 00:23:49,095
Say good-bye and let me go.
497
00:23:49,848 --> 00:23:50,916
Good-bye, Alice.
498
00:23:52,346 --> 00:23:53,485
Alice?
499
00:23:57,956 --> 00:23:59,792
Nope.
500
00:24:03,259 --> 00:24:08,352
♪ I couldn't live by your laws ♪
501
00:24:09,087 --> 00:24:14,843
♪ I'm only human, what can I do ♪
502
00:24:15,340 --> 00:24:18,611
♪ I've tried to fight all ♪
503
00:24:20,778 --> 00:24:22,280
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, you okay?
504
00:24:22,382 --> 00:24:25,351
Uh, yeah, sorry.
505
00:24:31,055 --> 00:24:34,693
♪ You are my heavenly fire ♪
506
00:24:36,928 --> 00:24:38,631
Hey.
507
00:24:38,663 --> 00:24:40,398
Sorry.
508
00:24:40,438 --> 00:24:42,148
- I am so...
- No, it's...
509
00:24:42,173 --> 00:24:43,384
- Very...
- Me too.
510
00:24:43,409 --> 00:24:44,769
Very high.
511
00:24:44,803 --> 00:24:46,639
I get it.
512
00:24:49,041 --> 00:24:50,743
Does your high ever turn on you
513
00:24:50,775 --> 00:24:53,344
and you go from happy to
514
00:24:53,378 --> 00:24:56,314
remembering you live in
a barren world devoid of magic?
515
00:24:56,348 --> 00:24:59,952
Mine more goes from okay to
516
00:25:00,166 --> 00:25:03,956
oh yeah, you have PTSD
from being sexually assaulted
517
00:25:03,988 --> 00:25:05,857
by a trickster god.
518
00:25:07,958 --> 00:25:09,797
Long story.
519
00:25:10,053 --> 00:25:12,078
I got time.
520
00:25:12,930 --> 00:25:14,732
Let's talk about something else.
521
00:25:14,766 --> 00:25:15,868
Sure.
522
00:25:15,900 --> 00:25:19,023
Sure, whatever you...
523
00:25:19,737 --> 00:25:22,466
Hey, you ever, uh...
524
00:25:23,574 --> 00:25:24,919
I'm sorry.
525
00:25:25,110 --> 00:25:28,372
I just really loved doing magic.
526
00:25:28,972 --> 00:25:30,450
And I was good at it.
527
00:25:30,881 --> 00:25:32,959
You should have tasted my tomatoes.
528
00:25:34,986 --> 00:25:37,553
And just, the air
smelled different, right?
529
00:25:37,756 --> 00:25:39,958
And I could turn into a bird,
or... or... or...
530
00:25:39,990 --> 00:25:42,216
make a rose bloom.
531
00:25:42,460 --> 00:25:45,138
And I saw actual Fillory.
532
00:25:45,363 --> 00:25:47,365
And I banged a werewolf, yes.
533
00:25:47,443 --> 00:25:50,636
That is weird, but also rad,
because who gets to do that?
534
00:25:52,403 --> 00:25:55,628
And I wasn't just some
extremely average nobody.
535
00:25:55,873 --> 00:25:58,284
I was gifted.
536
00:25:58,810 --> 00:26:00,198
I didn't just belong somewhere.
537
00:26:00,223 --> 00:26:03,701
I belonged anywhere
because I was a Magician.
538
00:26:08,354 --> 00:26:09,693
I just...
539
00:26:11,357 --> 00:26:14,093
I don't even know what
anything is even about anymore.
540
00:26:19,797 --> 00:26:22,034
Maybe there's a way to get it back.
541
00:26:22,066 --> 00:26:24,102
Look, no offense,
542
00:26:24,126 --> 00:26:26,212
I've been researching, and...
543
00:26:26,470 --> 00:26:28,712
Stick a fork in it.
544
00:26:39,148 --> 00:26:42,305
♪ Come here and visit my world ♪
545
00:26:43,977 --> 00:26:46,124
♪ Come here and visit my world ♪
546
00:26:46,158 --> 00:26:48,888
♪ Did the street shining stars ♪
547
00:26:49,036 --> 00:26:52,224
♪ Our love is the only way ♪
548
00:26:53,294 --> 00:26:55,734
♪ Don't get lost 'cause I'm waiting ♪
549
00:26:55,841 --> 00:26:57,468
♪ Summer feelings are waiting ♪
550
00:26:57,502 --> 00:26:59,972
Please tell me you're not just really,
551
00:27:00,114 --> 00:27:01,774
really good at smoke rings.
552
00:27:01,918 --> 00:27:03,441
Mm-mm.
553
00:27:03,475 --> 00:27:05,677
No, I can't even blow one.
554
00:27:05,709 --> 00:27:06,844
How?
555
00:27:09,180 --> 00:27:11,516
I don't know yet.
556
00:27:12,717 --> 00:27:14,468
Julia.
557
00:27:15,491 --> 00:27:16,626
Q!
558
00:27:17,200 --> 00:27:18,589
♪ You and me ♪
559
00:27:18,622 --> 00:27:20,926
Stop, Q, you're giving me the spins...
560
00:27:20,989 --> 00:27:22,660
Look, I know that you're blasted, but...
561
00:27:22,684 --> 00:27:24,387
- You're blasted!
- Yeah, but even I know that
562
00:27:24,412 --> 00:27:26,474
you cannot show people that.
563
00:27:26,499 --> 00:27:27,701
Why not?
564
00:27:27,726 --> 00:27:29,200
Because if the wrong people found out...
565
00:27:29,234 --> 00:27:31,602
He is not the wrong people.
566
00:27:31,635 --> 00:27:33,905
I can't go through the rest of my life
567
00:27:33,939 --> 00:27:35,140
just not trusting anyone.
568
00:27:35,165 --> 00:27:36,667
I feel fucked up enough.
569
00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:39,372
I get that.
570
00:27:39,397 --> 00:27:43,047
Just put yourself in my shoes
just for one second, Q.
571
00:27:43,081 --> 00:27:44,983
I have magic.
572
00:27:45,016 --> 00:27:46,951
And what does it do?
573
00:27:46,985 --> 00:27:48,187
More or less jack shit.
574
00:27:48,219 --> 00:27:50,655
And I see someone whose entire life
575
00:27:50,835 --> 00:27:52,890
would change if he could just see it.
576
00:27:53,073 --> 00:27:55,177
♪ Summer feelings are waiting ♪
577
00:27:55,202 --> 00:27:57,062
I have to be able
to do something with it.
578
00:27:57,094 --> 00:27:59,198
And if that's cheer up Josh Hoberman,
579
00:27:59,230 --> 00:28:00,598
then I'll take it.
580
00:28:00,631 --> 00:28:02,459
Because I can't... you know,
581
00:28:02,484 --> 00:28:05,036
I can't be so precious with
something that is so small.
582
00:28:05,070 --> 00:28:07,201
It's not small, it's the...
583
00:28:07,506 --> 00:28:10,267
it's the biggest magic, Jules.
584
00:28:10,609 --> 00:28:12,493
'Cause as far as we know,
585
00:28:12,744 --> 00:28:16,247
for us little guys,
it's the only magic out there.
586
00:28:23,822 --> 00:28:25,524
Oww! What... oww.
587
00:28:25,556 --> 00:28:27,124
Dude, you're gonna leave
a mark and I don't like that
588
00:28:27,158 --> 00:28:28,727
in a non-sexual context.
589
00:28:28,759 --> 00:28:31,229
Okay, okay, okay, okay, um...
590
00:28:32,771 --> 00:28:35,276
You watched "Battlestar," right?
591
00:28:35,323 --> 00:28:37,134
Yeah, I love when they
do terrorism allegory
592
00:28:37,159 --> 00:28:39,315
- with mostly white people.
- Mm-hmm.
593
00:28:39,340 --> 00:28:40,972
You remember Grace Park in season one?
594
00:28:41,006 --> 00:28:42,140
Of course, best storyline.
595
00:28:42,172 --> 00:28:43,275
- Why?
- Duh...
596
00:28:43,307 --> 00:28:44,542
because she was actually...
597
00:28:44,575 --> 00:28:46,178
You're Grace Park.
598
00:28:46,210 --> 00:28:47,578
Okay?
599
00:28:47,612 --> 00:28:50,516
You're Grace Park, Margo.
600
00:28:54,218 --> 00:28:55,821
I'm Grace Park.
601
00:28:55,853 --> 00:28:57,021
Yeah.
602
00:28:57,054 --> 00:28:58,623
And we have ourselves a bit of a
603
00:28:58,657 --> 00:29:00,058
Gene Hackman in "The Conversation."
604
00:29:00,091 --> 00:29:03,303
- I didn't see that one.
- Yeah, right, um...
605
00:29:03,661 --> 00:29:07,499
Someone is "xoxo,
Gossip Girl"-ing our shit.
606
00:29:08,566 --> 00:29:11,936
Remember James Marsden in X-Men, hm?
607
00:29:11,969 --> 00:29:14,605
Your Marsden is xoxo-ing us
608
00:29:14,639 --> 00:29:16,742
full on that great song by The Police.
609
00:29:17,575 --> 00:29:21,337
That Fairuza Balk in "The Craft."
610
00:29:21,746 --> 00:29:24,698
Yeah, more Cersei Lannister.
611
00:29:24,882 --> 00:29:28,627
Hey, glad I made you read those.
612
00:29:29,086 --> 00:29:30,655
Well, I read the Wiki.
613
00:29:30,689 --> 00:29:32,623
What? Those books are
like a million pages long.
614
00:29:32,657 --> 00:29:33,958
- I have a life.
- Okay.
615
00:29:33,991 --> 00:29:35,192
Anyway,
616
00:29:35,226 --> 00:29:37,295
whatever your Marsden would xoxo,
617
00:29:37,329 --> 00:29:38,664
Cersei xoxo's.
618
00:29:38,697 --> 00:29:40,571
So, we have to keep it very
619
00:29:40,596 --> 00:29:42,524
- best episode of "Buffy."
- Musical?
620
00:29:42,549 --> 00:29:44,175
The other one.
621
00:29:44,201 --> 00:29:45,269
Okay.
622
00:29:45,303 --> 00:29:47,205
How do we Lizzie Borden
623
00:29:47,237 --> 00:29:49,674
the shit out of this thing?
624
00:29:49,708 --> 00:29:54,525
'Cause I am about ready
to go full '07 Britney.
625
00:29:54,879 --> 00:29:58,183
Maybe we could've back when
this place was Pottered up.
626
00:29:58,216 --> 00:29:59,351
Still.
627
00:29:59,383 --> 00:30:01,152
Even without a wand,
628
00:30:01,186 --> 00:30:03,054
Harry would figure some shit out.
629
00:30:04,922 --> 00:30:07,325
Honestly, I didn't quite
finish those books either...
630
00:30:07,359 --> 00:30:09,229
Our Harry, I mean.
631
00:30:09,260 --> 00:30:11,924
Oh! Him.
632
00:30:12,330 --> 00:30:13,365
Well, he'd...
633
00:30:15,166 --> 00:30:16,268
Mm-hmm.
634
00:30:16,301 --> 00:30:18,270
Consult the creepy pedophile.
635
00:30:19,863 --> 00:30:20,898
Mmm.
636
00:30:30,697 --> 00:30:32,399
We're close, I think.
637
00:30:32,431 --> 00:30:34,968
I thought this excursion was
mostly about drinking heavily.
638
00:30:35,002 --> 00:30:36,803
I needed to imply that
639
00:30:36,844 --> 00:30:39,981
so we could get away
without extra eyes on us.
640
00:30:41,408 --> 00:30:43,343
Fairies, Tick.
641
00:30:43,377 --> 00:30:46,413
When magic died, they pounced.
642
00:30:46,446 --> 00:30:47,982
Full occupation.
643
00:30:48,014 --> 00:30:51,289
This explains so much.
644
00:30:51,485 --> 00:30:53,254
What will we do?
645
00:31:00,893 --> 00:31:03,587
The white lady was spotted
somewhere around here.
646
00:31:03,612 --> 00:31:04,963
We're going to shoot her,
647
00:31:04,988 --> 00:31:06,790
and then we're going
to wish those fairies
648
00:31:06,815 --> 00:31:08,518
to the fucking cornfield.
649
00:31:08,568 --> 00:31:10,844
Oh, excellent.
650
00:31:11,297 --> 00:31:13,540
Whatever a cornfield is.
651
00:31:21,847 --> 00:31:23,715
Oh, whoa!
652
00:31:23,749 --> 00:31:25,684
There he is!
653
00:31:27,353 --> 00:31:29,822
Man... or, god, I just...
654
00:31:29,855 --> 00:31:31,964
Look, I thank you.
655
00:31:31,989 --> 00:31:33,591
I just... I feel...
656
00:31:33,759 --> 00:31:35,322
you know, whatever you
put in my mouth...
657
00:31:35,347 --> 00:31:37,030
I just... I feel like...
658
00:31:37,167 --> 00:31:39,598
you know, like a sugary cereal
659
00:31:39,632 --> 00:31:40,800
in the good way.
660
00:31:40,832 --> 00:31:42,601
You know? It's like,
661
00:31:42,635 --> 00:31:44,037
- whoa!
- Haha, whoa.
662
00:31:44,062 --> 00:31:45,601
- All right.
- Okay.
663
00:31:45,626 --> 00:31:47,640
Hey, hey, shots, right?
664
00:31:47,673 --> 00:31:49,642
Shots, shots, shots, shots.
665
00:31:49,675 --> 00:31:51,610
You and me. Shots, shots.
666
00:31:51,644 --> 00:31:53,046
I love you, I love you.
667
00:31:53,078 --> 00:31:55,348
♪ I'm falling on my knees ♪
668
00:31:55,443 --> 00:31:58,755
♪ In worship of you ♪
669
00:31:59,018 --> 00:32:02,021
Yeeeah.
670
00:32:02,053 --> 00:32:03,322
Look, so, anyway,
671
00:32:03,356 --> 00:32:05,023
I was thinking, while we're here,
672
00:32:05,057 --> 00:32:07,006
maybe I could ask you a few questions.
673
00:32:07,139 --> 00:32:08,227
Dude.
674
00:32:08,260 --> 00:32:10,029
You're a vibe-killer.
675
00:32:10,061 --> 00:32:11,798
- No.
- Yes, you are.
676
00:32:11,830 --> 00:32:14,616
And historically,
I do smite vibe-killers.
677
00:32:14,800 --> 00:32:16,069
No, look, I'm a vibe-supporter.
678
00:32:16,094 --> 00:32:18,905
I just also happen to be
a concerned Magician individual
679
00:32:18,937 --> 00:32:21,239
who would like to get
a word in with your parents.
680
00:32:23,376 --> 00:32:24,610
My parents?
681
00:32:24,644 --> 00:32:27,501
Yeah, the Old Gods.
682
00:32:28,213 --> 00:32:32,784
Are imperious and distant dickwads
683
00:32:32,818 --> 00:32:34,886
who I haven't spoken to in a millennia.
684
00:32:36,655 --> 00:32:38,156
Rambo!
685
00:32:38,190 --> 00:32:40,782
Let's get that foam gun loaded, baby.
686
00:32:40,932 --> 00:32:42,454
Um...
687
00:32:42,634 --> 00:32:45,897
Look, I know that this
really wasn't on your radar
688
00:32:45,931 --> 00:32:47,400
until you met us, but we've lost
689
00:32:47,433 --> 00:32:49,631
our most precious resource.
690
00:32:50,234 --> 00:32:52,427
Dude, stop, okay?
691
00:32:52,490 --> 00:32:54,380
If fixing magic is,
like, so important to you,
692
00:32:54,406 --> 00:32:56,274
then you should just talk
to this crazy guy
693
00:32:56,308 --> 00:32:58,011
that I met back in Athens one time.
694
00:32:58,043 --> 00:33:00,379
Rambo! Rambo!
695
00:33:00,413 --> 00:33:02,415
What was the name of that guy
that I met in Athens,
696
00:33:02,447 --> 00:33:04,349
that up-with-humans guy?
697
00:33:04,383 --> 00:33:05,718
Fit bod.
698
00:33:05,758 --> 00:33:06,826
You mean Prometheus?
699
00:33:06,851 --> 00:33:07,953
Prom...
700
00:33:07,986 --> 00:33:09,721
That guy loved Magicians,
701
00:33:09,754 --> 00:33:11,757
and he would want to help you.
702
00:33:11,790 --> 00:33:12,825
He's dead.
703
00:33:12,857 --> 00:33:14,327
What?
704
00:33:14,359 --> 00:33:18,397
Prometheus died,
like, 1,500 years ago, man.
705
00:33:18,438 --> 00:33:19,706
Sorry.
706
00:33:19,732 --> 00:33:20,933
Damn it.
707
00:33:22,122 --> 00:33:24,904
Well, he lived
a pretty tortured existence,
708
00:33:24,929 --> 00:33:29,000
so, dying was probably a relief for him.
709
00:33:30,443 --> 00:33:33,346
But, still, uh, he would've helped you.
710
00:33:33,385 --> 00:33:35,989
He told me this crazy story one time
711
00:33:36,014 --> 00:33:39,217
about how there's like...
712
00:33:39,251 --> 00:33:43,050
like, a secret back door to magic.
713
00:33:43,155 --> 00:33:45,189
Wait, I'm sorry, what?
714
00:33:45,214 --> 00:33:49,127
I don't remember the deets,
okay, my face was melting off.
715
00:33:49,331 --> 00:33:52,083
Secret back door.
716
00:33:52,231 --> 00:33:55,443
- Just, something...
- Mm-hmm.
717
00:33:55,678 --> 00:33:57,708
Wait!
718
00:33:58,169 --> 00:34:00,755
Might've been a brothel.
719
00:34:01,280 --> 00:34:02,415
Shots.
720
00:34:09,280 --> 00:34:10,949
Tick?
721
00:34:13,753 --> 00:34:15,384
Tick?
722
00:34:15,779 --> 00:34:17,048
Shit.
723
00:34:31,774 --> 00:34:34,010
Not the best idea, Eliot.
724
00:34:36,474 --> 00:34:37,509
Um...
725
00:34:39,478 --> 00:34:41,848
I was looking for the White Lady.
726
00:34:41,880 --> 00:34:43,049
Is this she?
727
00:34:52,257 --> 00:34:54,259
Look, if you don't come out of there,
728
00:34:54,293 --> 00:34:55,795
I'm going to have to shoot you.
729
00:34:55,828 --> 00:34:56,688
Gods!
730
00:34:56,713 --> 00:34:58,463
Have you never given a compliment?
731
00:34:58,496 --> 00:34:59,765
For example,
732
00:34:59,799 --> 00:35:02,335
my, my, High King Eliot.
733
00:35:02,477 --> 00:35:06,371
Your long legs look
so well in those breeches.
734
00:35:08,940 --> 00:35:10,616
Thank you.
735
00:35:10,909 --> 00:35:12,244
Your turn.
736
00:35:13,978 --> 00:35:16,937
You sound like a...
737
00:35:17,868 --> 00:35:19,363
very attractive Creature.
738
00:35:19,451 --> 00:35:20,552
You think so?
739
00:35:20,585 --> 00:35:22,420
I've met many non-humans,
740
00:35:22,454 --> 00:35:24,123
and your voice is
741
00:35:24,243 --> 00:35:26,142
by far the...
742
00:35:26,525 --> 00:35:27,559
sexiest.
743
00:35:27,592 --> 00:35:29,861
- Really?
- I mean, you sound noble.
744
00:35:31,103 --> 00:35:34,040
- I didn't mean...
- You're wise,
745
00:35:34,438 --> 00:35:36,040
for I am, indeed,
746
00:35:36,175 --> 00:35:38,724
the sexiest in the land.
747
00:35:38,837 --> 00:35:40,138
It is I,
748
00:35:40,310 --> 00:35:43,279
the Great Cock of The Darkling Woods.
749
00:35:43,435 --> 00:35:45,279
The Great...
750
00:35:45,445 --> 00:35:46,615
Cock.
751
00:35:46,748 --> 00:35:48,948
Have you never beheld one,
child of Earth?
752
00:35:49,026 --> 00:35:52,017
No, no. No, I've beheld one or two.
753
00:35:53,152 --> 00:35:55,121
But you are, by far, the most majestic.
754
00:35:55,154 --> 00:35:57,284
I'm diligent about hydration.
755
00:35:57,484 --> 00:36:01,275
All right, petitioner, let's chat.
756
00:36:26,634 --> 00:36:28,202
I like your style.
757
00:36:28,248 --> 00:36:30,618
What is the point of hearing a petition
758
00:36:30,778 --> 00:36:32,579
if the aesthetics are shit?
759
00:36:36,269 --> 00:36:38,227
I need help with a fairy thing.
760
00:36:40,238 --> 00:36:44,376
Tribal matriarchies
are the absolute worse.
761
00:36:44,410 --> 00:36:47,922
So, I was just hoping in
762
00:36:48,180 --> 00:36:51,517
your great, benevolent handsomeness
763
00:36:51,542 --> 00:36:54,621
that you would see fit to grant
me just one little wish.
764
00:36:54,653 --> 00:36:56,121
That's the sort of thing my sister,
765
00:36:56,155 --> 00:36:57,790
The Winter's Doe, specializes in.
766
00:36:57,823 --> 00:37:00,760
Also, when was the last time
a petitioner didn't get
767
00:37:00,792 --> 00:37:04,022
utterly assfucked by a wish-granting?
768
00:37:04,183 --> 00:37:06,119
Yeah.
769
00:37:06,222 --> 00:37:07,524
And yet...
770
00:37:07,667 --> 00:37:09,269
I'll do you better.
771
00:37:09,301 --> 00:37:11,671
There's a problem
far greater than fairies.
772
00:37:11,703 --> 00:37:14,173
Solve it, they're nothing.
773
00:37:14,207 --> 00:37:19,339
I'll send you on an epic quest.
774
00:37:19,711 --> 00:37:21,558
That's...
775
00:37:22,067 --> 00:37:23,102
Ahh.
776
00:37:23,245 --> 00:37:25,614
Wow, that's great. Thank you.
777
00:37:25,718 --> 00:37:28,821
It's just...
778
00:37:28,854 --> 00:37:30,155
My people need help.
779
00:37:30,189 --> 00:37:32,007
- They sure do.
- Today.
780
00:37:32,166 --> 00:37:34,269
The Fairy Queen is sitting
on my throne as we speak.
781
00:37:34,334 --> 00:37:36,268
Do you want your magic back or not?
782
00:37:36,294 --> 00:37:38,130
Will it not solve all your problems?
783
00:37:38,164 --> 00:37:40,155
I mean, yes, but,
784
00:37:40,365 --> 00:37:41,643
it's just...
785
00:37:41,901 --> 00:37:44,120
how long does a quest like this take?
786
00:37:44,370 --> 00:37:46,339
A good season.
787
00:37:46,372 --> 00:37:47,507
Right.
788
00:37:47,539 --> 00:37:49,956
My kingdom is in trouble now.
789
00:37:50,575 --> 00:37:53,329
You are a good king.
790
00:37:53,546 --> 00:37:55,454
But it is time
791
00:37:55,747 --> 00:37:58,251
to become a great one.
792
00:37:58,475 --> 00:38:01,721
In order to do that,
you must travel to a land
793
00:38:01,754 --> 00:38:04,997
where you are no king, no Magician,
794
00:38:05,624 --> 00:38:09,044
just a vulnerable man.
795
00:38:09,729 --> 00:38:11,223
Honestly,
796
00:38:11,497 --> 00:38:13,867
that sounds like something
I might really fuck up.
797
00:38:13,976 --> 00:38:17,250
Yes, or it wouldn't be a quest.
798
00:38:18,738 --> 00:38:20,758
You have friends, don't you?
799
00:38:23,709 --> 00:38:25,032
I used to.
800
00:38:25,211 --> 00:38:27,361
The one-eyed conqueror,
801
00:38:27,546 --> 00:38:30,493
the traveler, the warrior,
802
00:38:30,642 --> 00:38:33,040
the fool, the god-touched,
803
00:38:33,193 --> 00:38:34,494
the lover of tomatoes,
804
00:38:34,519 --> 00:38:36,555
and the torture artist...
805
00:38:36,589 --> 00:38:38,158
Wait, which one is that?
806
00:38:38,182 --> 00:38:39,817
- You lost me there.
- Nevermind.
807
00:38:39,859 --> 00:38:41,928
You have a brother of the heart
808
00:38:41,961 --> 00:38:43,830
with the foppy hair.
809
00:38:43,871 --> 00:38:46,514
- That would be Quentin.
- You're parts of one whole.
810
00:38:46,731 --> 00:38:49,185
No one can do this alone.
811
00:38:49,342 --> 00:38:50,778
Okay.
812
00:38:50,882 --> 00:38:53,851
FYI, I can't contact them
or reach them in any way.
813
00:38:54,115 --> 00:38:57,242
You must find the book with no author.
814
00:38:57,430 --> 00:38:59,657
A tale for children,
but they're hardly that.
815
00:38:59,812 --> 00:39:02,086
There is the key... or, the keys...
816
00:39:02,430 --> 00:39:04,907
in a place called...
817
00:39:05,360 --> 00:39:07,129
Public Library.
818
00:39:07,319 --> 00:39:09,538
In the shire of Chester
819
00:39:09,689 --> 00:39:13,459
in the land of New Jersey.
820
00:39:13,492 --> 00:39:15,260
Again, that sure sounds like Earth.
821
00:39:15,294 --> 00:39:17,797
Eliot, the quest I bestow on you
822
00:39:17,830 --> 00:39:19,866
is the task you were born for.
823
00:39:19,899 --> 00:39:21,434
Claim it.
824
00:39:31,644 --> 00:39:32,745
Abigail,
825
00:39:32,778 --> 00:39:33,812
talking-animal question.
826
00:39:33,845 --> 00:39:36,582
So, bunnies.
827
00:39:38,551 --> 00:39:41,221
Her Sluggishness has noted
that you are aware
828
00:39:41,254 --> 00:39:43,367
of their messenger abilities.
829
00:39:43,589 --> 00:39:45,558
So, that is what the
Fairy Queen uses them for?
830
00:39:45,680 --> 00:39:48,930
Bunnies move easily between worlds.
831
00:39:49,405 --> 00:39:51,541
And do they serve her?
832
00:39:51,731 --> 00:39:53,966
And if so, how loyally?
833
00:39:53,999 --> 00:39:56,435
Every bunny for itself, Majesty.
834
00:39:57,998 --> 00:39:59,234
Thank you.
835
00:40:13,296 --> 00:40:14,564
Need help.
836
00:40:14,683 --> 00:40:16,318
Love, Eliot.
837
00:40:33,210 --> 00:40:34,946
Q.
838
00:40:34,971 --> 00:40:37,335
I think this is it.
839
00:40:37,399 --> 00:40:38,901
The Tale of the Seven Keys.
840
00:40:38,954 --> 00:40:42,124
No author, I mean, I can feel
something coming off of it.
841
00:40:48,664 --> 00:40:50,734
Interesting.
842
00:41:07,550 --> 00:41:09,146
Interesting.
843
00:41:09,365 --> 00:41:13,568
Yeah, if by interesting,
you mean, blank, sure.
844
00:41:13,722 --> 00:41:15,691
Quests never give away the farm.
845
00:41:15,724 --> 00:41:18,160
You've gotta earn everything.
846
00:41:19,928 --> 00:41:21,697
Jules, this is our quest.
847
00:41:23,273 --> 00:41:24,864
And we're already on it.
848
00:41:27,482 --> 00:41:28,699
- Epic Quest.
- We have to.
849
00:41:28,738 --> 00:41:29,715
- Map from the book.
- Work together.
850
00:41:29,740 --> 00:41:31,379
- Also I think...
- Eliot.
851
00:41:31,404 --> 00:41:33,182
- Epic Quest.
- The Great Cock.
852
00:41:33,209 --> 00:41:35,611
- It's called After Island.
- A back door to...
853
00:41:35,651 --> 00:41:36,819
- The Great Cock.
- Epic quest.
854
00:41:36,845 --> 00:41:38,079
- Keys.
- Here's the deal.
855
00:41:38,113 --> 00:41:40,149
- Epic quest.
- All seven keys.
856
00:41:40,203 --> 00:41:43,151
- Here's the deal.
- Epic quest.
857
00:41:43,222 --> 00:41:46,126
Just shush for one second, please.
858
00:41:47,088 --> 00:41:48,090
Oh.
859
00:41:50,758 --> 00:41:52,975
Uh, that one.
860
00:41:53,128 --> 00:41:54,530
Put him first.
861
00:41:56,231 --> 00:41:59,534
Your father and I are so proud of you.
862
00:42:02,111 --> 00:42:05,022
Okay...
863
00:42:06,941 --> 00:42:09,678
We are go for epic quest.
864
00:42:09,720 --> 00:42:11,717
You are indeed a brave king.
865
00:42:11,881 --> 00:42:14,584
I am indeed a guy with not much choice,
866
00:42:14,617 --> 00:42:17,225
but thanks for rounding up.
867
00:42:17,785 --> 00:42:19,187
We're looking for keys.
868
00:42:19,459 --> 00:42:22,824
Q and Julia believe
whatever the keys unlock,
869
00:42:23,003 --> 00:42:24,707
will help restore magic.
870
00:42:24,927 --> 00:42:28,371
And they think the first key
is here in Fillory.
871
00:42:28,597 --> 00:42:29,865
Excellent.
872
00:42:29,898 --> 00:42:32,152
Some place called After Island?
873
00:42:32,276 --> 00:42:33,711
Oh.
874
00:42:33,941 --> 00:42:38,040
It lies beyond our border, Majesty.
875
00:42:38,301 --> 00:42:41,952
You would be venturing
to strange lands not your own.
876
00:42:42,167 --> 00:42:44,071
So, not the friendliest?
877
00:42:44,113 --> 00:42:46,682
It is said that even
the Outer Sea itself
878
00:42:46,715 --> 00:42:49,117
wishes ill upon our king.
879
00:42:49,158 --> 00:42:50,827
Some have sailed before you...
880
00:42:50,852 --> 00:42:52,255
Oh, and how'd that go?
881
00:42:52,287 --> 00:42:53,655
They drowned.
882
00:42:53,689 --> 00:42:55,331
Oh.
883
00:42:55,745 --> 00:42:58,994
Well, how do we prevent that?
884
00:42:59,143 --> 00:43:00,663
I wish I knew, I only...
885
00:43:00,695 --> 00:43:02,612
I know.
886
00:43:02,987 --> 00:43:06,068
I know exactly the boat you need.
887
00:43:20,631 --> 00:43:22,951
Ugh, okay! That's enough.
888
00:43:22,985 --> 00:43:25,568
Let's talk.
889
00:43:26,220 --> 00:43:29,040
So transactional.
890
00:43:29,691 --> 00:43:31,927
What do you want with a Lamprey anyway?
891
00:43:32,064 --> 00:43:34,130
It's more what
the Lamprey wants with me.
892
00:43:34,162 --> 00:43:35,764
Oh, shit.
893
00:43:35,798 --> 00:43:37,667
You poked the wrong bear, sweetness.
894
00:43:37,700 --> 00:43:39,656
Just tell me what you know.
895
00:43:40,150 --> 00:43:41,452
Please?
896
00:43:41,477 --> 00:43:42,638
Well, if you could do magic...
897
00:43:42,671 --> 00:43:44,547
Yeah, well, I can't.
898
00:43:45,173 --> 00:43:46,500
So...
899
00:43:46,909 --> 00:43:49,927
So, you're down
to an early warning device.
900
00:43:49,952 --> 00:43:51,314
An alarm, if you will.
901
00:43:51,444 --> 00:43:53,428
So, just maybe,
902
00:43:53,916 --> 00:43:56,217
you still got time to run.
903
00:43:56,285 --> 00:43:58,288
Okay, fine, I'll take it.
904
00:44:04,660 --> 00:44:06,536
What, is that a joke?
905
00:44:06,695 --> 00:44:08,349
I gave up jokes 80 years ago.
906
00:44:08,396 --> 00:44:11,218
Tired of being misunderstood.
907
00:44:11,473 --> 00:44:12,975
So get one,
908
00:44:13,235 --> 00:44:16,218
and keep it on your person at all times.
909
00:44:16,838 --> 00:44:18,974
Buena suerte.
910
00:44:40,749 --> 00:44:43,342
Just a side of bacon, please.
911
00:45:35,897 --> 00:45:39,234
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www.addic7ed.com
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