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1
00:00:58,400 --> 00:01:00,520
- Yes.
- Thank you.
2
00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:02,480
Greetings. Thank you so much.
3
00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:07,200
- Hello, everybody.
- Thank you.
4
00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:08,360
Thank you.
5
00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:10,160
Whoa! Hello. Thank you.
6
00:01:11,240 --> 00:01:14,240
Thank you so much.
7
00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:16,960
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
- Thank you.
8
00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:19,560
Thank you. Welcome.
9
00:01:19,600 --> 00:01:24,800
And in this show, apart from James's
weird jacket and T-shirt combination...
10
00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:26,640
- Nothing to be proud of, mate.
- No, it isn't.
11
00:01:26,680 --> 00:01:29,960
...we have many other things besides.
12
00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:32,320
James May changes gear.
13
00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:35,640
Richard Hammond changes gear.
14
00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:39,440
And I...
15
00:01:45,240 --> 00:01:46,480
.. change gear.
16
00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:49,600
Thank you.
17
00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:54,360
It's all very exciting.
18
00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:57,840
But we start in the 1950s,
when James May was an old man.
19
00:01:59,840 --> 00:02:03,400
Now, back then, Jaguar won Le
Mans three times with the D-Type.
20
00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:05,120
And after they retired that from racing,
21
00:02:05,160 --> 00:02:08,520
they decided to build 25
road-going versions of it,
22
00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:10,720
which they called the XKSS.
23
00:02:10,760 --> 00:02:12,640
We've got a photograph of one here.
24
00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:16,120
Now, this was aimed at
wealthy young gentlemen
25
00:02:16,160 --> 00:02:18,720
who wanted to spend the
week dashing around town
26
00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:21,640
and then the weekend doing motor racing.
27
00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:25,840
Steve McQueen had one, and
I think that says it all.
28
00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:30,080
Unfortunately, in 1957 there
was a huge fire at the factory,
29
00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:35,480
and nine of those 25 cars
were never made& until now.
30
00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:54,840
Let me make one thing
plain right from the start -
31
00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:59,840
this is not a replica
XKSS built from plastic,
32
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:02,040
this is an XKSS.
33
00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:14,080
Built by Jaguar themselves over 10,000
painstaking hours, it's the real deal.
34
00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:20,480
In fact, it's as real as the
real ones from way back when.
35
00:03:31,640 --> 00:03:35,760
The chassis is made from a
special steel called Reynolds 531.
36
00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:38,760
It's what they originally used to
build the World War II Spitfire.
37
00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:41,840
And it's light
- it only weighs 39kg.
38
00:03:41,880 --> 00:03:43,960
And then there's the body.
39
00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:47,000
The tooling and the technical drawings
were all destroyed in the fire,
40
00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:50,160
so they had to scan
an original from 1957
41
00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:52,960
and then work backwards
from that to make it,
42
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:55,440
in incredible detail,
right down to the rivets.
43
00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:59,160
Every one, the number and
the position is as it was.
44
00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:02,080
And there's over 2,000 of them.
45
00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:05,960
But it was the engine
that was the trickiest bit.
46
00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:08,600
The plans for that weren't
destroyed in the fire -
47
00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:13,240
in fact, I've got a copy of them here
- but there was a page missing.
48
00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:15,240
So they had to get an original engine
49
00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:18,400
and saw it in half to
find out how it worked.
50
00:04:20,480 --> 00:04:24,240
No-one has ever made
a car like this before.
51
00:04:24,280 --> 00:04:26,560
It's a world first.
52
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:32,440
So it's small wonder it's priced
at just over one million pounds.
53
00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:38,640
Or, for half a million pounds more,
54
00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:40,480
you can have one of these!
55
00:04:45,280 --> 00:04:49,920
It's an Aston Martin DB4 GT Lightweight.
56
00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:55,120
And back in the late '50s, it
was the fastest car in the world.
57
00:04:56,480 --> 00:05:00,760
Flat out, it would do 151mph.
58
00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:12,120
But this is not from the late '50s.
59
00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:15,720
Despite what you might think when
you look at its period dashboard
60
00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:19,560
and its period six-cylinder
twin-spark engine,
61
00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:22,720
it was actually built a few weeks ago.
62
00:05:24,520 --> 00:05:26,280
So, like Hammond's Jag,
63
00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:32,000
it's an old car that's
brand-spanking-new.
64
00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:36,880
- So did these two ever race against each other in period?
- No, they did! They did!
65
00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:39,720
May, 1960, I was a month old-
66
00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:42,640
- I was ten years off being born, mate.
- Yeah, whatever.
67
00:05:42,680 --> 00:05:45,320
- Picture of it here, look.
- Oh, look! There they are!
68
00:05:45,360 --> 00:05:47,520
It's actually a D-Type.
The race version.
69
00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:49,760
Yeah, exactly. DB4 GT Lightweight.
70
00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:51,960
I mean, that was proper
racing in those days.
71
00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:54,440
- No stewards enquiries every time there was a bump.
- No.
72
00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:58,320
They would just finish the race,
have a drink, and then some sex.
73
00:05:58,360 --> 00:06:00,120
We should give it a bash.
74
00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:01,400
What, sex?
75
00:06:03,840 --> 00:06:05,120
- No.
- No.
76
00:06:07,040 --> 00:06:10,080
Happily, we were in
the French town of Pau,
77
00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:15,760
and it was here in 1901 the
first ever Grand Prix was staged.
78
00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:21,080
They were closing roads for races here
79
00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:26,240
long before they thought of doing
the same thing in Monaco or Detroit.
80
00:06:29,320 --> 00:06:32,440
And today they were closed once more...
81
00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:35,080
.. for us.
82
00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:49,160
Oh, look at this!
83
00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:53,920
Closed roads through
the centre of Pau. Oh!
84
00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:58,760
Oh, my God! This is
like being in history.
85
00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:07,280
This may have the same Italian
styling as the original,
86
00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:13,000
but unlike Hammond's Jag,
it is not a faithful replica.
87
00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:17,320
It has, for example, a bigger
engine than the original,
88
00:07:17,360 --> 00:07:19,480
which means 40 more brake horsepower.
89
00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:22,000
This thing... This thing is quick!
90
00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:25,640
Whoa! Really quick!
91
00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:33,680
Some things are the same, though.
92
00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:37,800
Windows don't wind down. There's no
fan or air conditioning of any kind,
93
00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:41,000
and it's got a racing gearbox.
94
00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:44,920
That means no synchros.
95
00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:48,600
Which means that when you want to
slow down, you have to heel and toe.
96
00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:51,760
Like that. Yes!
97
00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:56,520
That was a skill I never
thought I'd need to use again,
98
00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:58,280
a bit like changing a typewriter ribbon.
99
00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:03,920
Whoa! That was&
100
00:08:03,960 --> 00:08:06,800
That was me not matching the revs up,
101
00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:09,640
and that was it not forgiving me.
102
00:08:11,440 --> 00:08:14,520
The really good news, though, is the...
103
00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:18,520
.. is the brakes.
104
00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:23,200
They're made using modern
materials, unlike in Hammond's Jag.
105
00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:28,120
Yep, in here it's just me
and my big, hairy balls.
106
00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:31,840
And they need to be big.
107
00:08:31,880 --> 00:08:35,920
I can only brake when I'm
accelerating. Seriously.
108
00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:38,120
The power for the brakes
comes off the gearbox,
109
00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:40,560
so with the clutch in there isn't any.
110
00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:42,480
Who thought that was a good idea?
111
00:08:45,440 --> 00:08:51,000
Right, time to unleash
the 3.4L straight-six.
112
00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:55,440
That's 262 brake horsepower
bouncing off the walls.
113
00:09:00,960 --> 00:09:07,160
In the '50s, Ferraris were hitting
160 on the Mulsanne Straight.
114
00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:10,640
Jaguar D-Types were hitting 172.
115
00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:13,360
And remember, this is,
essentially, a D-Type.
116
00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:28,920
Whoa!
117
00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:32,840
Just feel the lack of grip.
118
00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:36,840
Of course, back in the
'50s cars didn't grip,
119
00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:39,800
because they had cross-ply tyres.
120
00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:42,280
Back then it was all
about how a car handled,
121
00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:45,880
and this thing handles
absolutely beautifully.
122
00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:51,240
Come on, Hammond, get out of my way!
123
00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:59,920
This really is a special moment.
124
00:09:59,960 --> 00:10:03,640
Just to see these two cars
racing around here is incredible.
125
00:10:03,680 --> 00:10:06,600
To be in one of them is unreal!
126
00:10:11,680 --> 00:10:14,680
This is one of the best
mornings I've ever had
127
00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:17,640
behind the wheel of a car, ever.
128
00:10:17,680 --> 00:10:20,280
And it's just brilliant fun!
129
00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:26,680
Eventually, though, the people
of Pau wanted their town back,
130
00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:29,600
so Hammond and I called
time on the fun and games
131
00:10:29,640 --> 00:10:34,040
and sat down for a natter
about our amazing cars.
132
00:10:35,680 --> 00:10:39,240
Now, we should explain
why Aston Martin and Jaguar
133
00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:43,120
have suddenly decided to start
making cars from their back catalogue.
134
00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:46,400
- And really, well, it's second-hand
values, isn't it? - Well, basically, yeah.
135
00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:51,440
The last genuine original XKSS to
sell went for over £12 million.
136
00:10:51,480 --> 00:10:53,680
- Was it really 12 million?
- Twelve million.
137
00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:56,880
So anyone who buys that for a million
is getting the bargain of the century.
138
00:10:56,920 --> 00:10:59,080
Yep.
139
00:10:59,120 --> 00:11:01,960
And Jaguar's making more profit on
that than it would from selling...
140
00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:04,320
A hundred XEs. Exactly.
141
00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:07,160
I wouldn't be at all surprised if
other carmakers don't start doing this:
142
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:10,800
Ferrari, Maserati, Lamborghini.
143
00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:13,960
If Lancia remade the Fulvia now&
144
00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:15,720
I know, I'd love one.
145
00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:19,360
I'd rather have that than one of those.
146
00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:21,440
Is that the new Honda Civic Type R?
147
00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:23,640
- The new-new one, and it is
hideous. - It is, honestly&
148
00:11:23,680 --> 00:11:26,040
It's worse than the
last one. It's awful!
149
00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:30,120
I mean, the original '90s Civic Type R
was brilliant, but that is disgusting.
150
00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:32,200
It's revolting is what it is.
151
00:11:32,240 --> 00:11:35,960
Mind you, it's not as revolting...
152
00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:37,920
- What?
- ... as what's just got out of it.
153
00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:39,720
Oh, God.
154
00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:41,880
Why are you here?
155
00:11:41,920 --> 00:11:46,680
I'm here because I heard that you
two were talking complete rubbish.
156
00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:49,400
You don't buy an old
black-and-white television set,
157
00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:51,320
you don't buy a Bakelite telephone.
158
00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:53,760
- Why would you buy an old car?
- Because they're stylish.
159
00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:57,640
No, new stuff is better than old stuff.
I've explained this to you before.
160
00:11:57,680 --> 00:12:01,560
The world now is better than
it was just one minute ago.
161
00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:04,400
No, it isn't, because a
minute ago you weren't here.
162
00:12:04,440 --> 00:12:07,560
Yeah, that's true. And neither
was that thing, and I do hate it.
163
00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:11,160
It just... That's one of the most
revolting cars I've ever seen.
164
00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:14,840
You see, that's amazing
- you're both talking rubbish again.
165
00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:19,440
To prove it, I suggested we take
our cars for a simple evening drive.
166
00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:22,960
Got to get my leg in.
167
00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:29,720
Right, here I go.
168
00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:34,880
Oh, that's backwards. No,
I don't want backwards.
169
00:12:39,720 --> 00:12:41,920
That's neutral, so&
170
00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:47,960
There, first.
171
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:49,760
No, that's still... Oh.
172
00:12:51,160 --> 00:12:52,880
What are they doing?
173
00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:02,240
- Struggling a bit here.
- No, it's&
174
00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:04,320
Pulling away is an event.
175
00:13:04,360 --> 00:13:06,520
Ooh!
176
00:13:06,560 --> 00:13:08,680
- Ooh!
- That was a gear, I think.
177
00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:16,000
Finally, the golden-age-of-motoring
duo were on the move,
178
00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:18,840
but not at what you would
call "a hell of a lick".
179
00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:27,160
It's like driving around
behind the National Trust.
180
00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:30,440
I wouldn't be surprised to find there's
a souvenir shop in Hammond's car.
181
00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:34,120
You have to go through
it as you get out.
182
00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:36,040
Why are we going so slowly?
183
00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:38,840
I want to savour the car and
the weather and the journey.
184
00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:42,600
I don't want to rush this
one. I want to... go slowly.
185
00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:45,600
- Exactly. We want to make it last.
- Exactly.
186
00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:50,880
I should admit the real
reason we're driving slowly
187
00:13:50,920 --> 00:13:56,840
is because this part of the French
motorway network is... very heavily policed.
188
00:13:56,880 --> 00:13:59,720
Hammond and I know this to our cost.
189
00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:04,240
A couple of years ago we were driving along
here and I was in an Aston Martin then.
190
00:14:04,280 --> 00:14:06,640
Got busted by the constabulary,
191
00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:09,240
who helped themselves
to all of our money
192
00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:13,200
and took our driving
licences away on the spot.
193
00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:15,640
We were left stranded
at the side of the road.
194
00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:18,440
I could have been raped... or murdered.
195
00:14:21,720 --> 00:14:23,040
That gives me an idea.
196
00:14:24,320 --> 00:14:26,680
James May...
197
00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:30,760
I'd love to see how fast
your car could go along here.
198
00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:35,880
Yeah, let's see what that
thing can do. Come on.
199
00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:39,520
I want you to unleash
- how many horsepower is it, 320?
200
00:14:39,560 --> 00:14:42,360
Unleash the lot, James!
201
00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:46,360
- Right, I'll come past like
a bloodied samurai. Watch this.
202
00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:49,360
Oh, yes! He's buying it!
203
00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:54,080
Having dropped back, I then
showed them what this car can do.
204
00:14:57,600 --> 00:15:00,760
Here he comes, ladies and
gentlemen of the police force.
205
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:02,640
Oh, wow!
206
00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:04,120
Goodbye, Heritage Britain.
207
00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:07,640
I reckon it's got more to give.
208
00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:11,160
Go on, James! Go on!
Keep your foot in it, man!
209
00:15:16,760 --> 00:15:19,080
At the speed he's now travelling,
210
00:15:19,120 --> 00:15:23,360
by nightfall he'll be in a
cell with Pierre Le Burglar.
211
00:15:26,880 --> 00:15:30,440
Annoyingly, though, when we
arrived at the overnight hotel...
212
00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:33,440
Oh, for God's sake!
213
00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:36,640
.. it turned out he'd got
away with his recklessness.
214
00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:44,600
- No.
- You're not coming in?
215
00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:47,960
My car's got no roof and no locks.
216
00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:51,480
I can't... I can't leave it unattended.
217
00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:54,240
You have got a point, because the
police are more bothered around here
218
00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:56,160
with speeding than they are with crime.
219
00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:57,880
Exactly.
220
00:15:57,920 --> 00:16:00,600
- You've got no door locks?
- No.
221
00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:02,280
God, you're completely screwed.
222
00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:18,680
I tell you what&
223
00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:24,960
I did get to grips with the
gear changing in the end.
224
00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:29,440
I did need a shower after that day when
I got to my hotel room, I'll tell you.
225
00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:31,560
- Did you really?
- Yes, I did.
226
00:16:31,600 --> 00:16:36,600
Because I spent all day sharing a
small metal box with a 4.2L radiator
227
00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:38,960
in the South of France, in the summer.
228
00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:40,720
Honestly, my butt crack was-
229
00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:43,560
We don't need to talk about
your butt crack now, please.
230
00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:46,320
What? I'm just saying it was like
the Colorado River down there.
231
00:16:46,360 --> 00:16:49,680
Yeah, OK. We'll come back
to that later. Not that.
232
00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:52,680
We are actually coming back to
that later. Sweating like a pig.
233
00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:54,960
But there are other
things in there, too.
234
00:16:55,000 --> 00:17:00,240
But right now it is time to ring the
doorbell of debate on the house of chat,
235
00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:03,080
located on Conversation Street.
236
00:17:12,320 --> 00:17:13,320
Erm...
237
00:17:14,480 --> 00:17:15,920
Where shall we begin?
238
00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:18,480
What conversation shall
we have? Oh, I know!
239
00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:21,560
Do you remember a while back we
were asked to vote on the name
240
00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:23,760
of that new, very serious
Antarctic research vessel,
241
00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:26,720
and we all decided we wanted
to call it Boaty McBoatface?
242
00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:28,760
- Yes.
- Remember that?
243
00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:30,960
The authorities were very angry
with us for that, and they said...
244
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:33,600
I thought actually that
we'd never be consulted again
245
00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:36,120
because the public can't
be trusted to be sensible.
246
00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:40,600
Well, news from my hometown,
Doncaster, OK? Anyone from Doncaster?
247
00:17:40,640 --> 00:17:43,840
- Are you actually from
Doncaster? You'll like this.
248
00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:45,880
- It's actually news
from Doncaster, OK?
249
00:17:45,920 --> 00:17:48,600
The council has decided to risk it, OK?
250
00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:52,120
And they asked the people of
Doncaster to vote on a name
251
00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:55,480
for two new sort of
snowplough road-gritter things.
252
00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:57,400
- Oh, yeah?
- OK?
253
00:17:57,440 --> 00:17:59,280
Would you like to hear suggestions
people have come up with?
254
00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:01,520
- Yes, please, Jeremy, we would.
- Here we go.
255
00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:04,320
Grit Van Dyke.
256
00:18:04,360 --> 00:18:07,080
- True Grit, Rule Gritannia.
- I like that.
257
00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:09,360
- Salt Disney.
- I see what they've done.
258
00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:12,360
These are the names they've chosen.
One of them is going to be called
259
00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:15,360
Gritsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny
Yellow Anti-Slip Machiney.
260
00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:20,560
The other one, though, is
going to be called David Plowie.
261
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,320
That doesn't work.
262
00:18:22,360 --> 00:18:24,320
I think they were hoping we'd
think it was David Plowie,
263
00:18:24,360 --> 00:18:26,720
but it isn't, it's David Plowie
- it doesn't work.
264
00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:29,800
- As in snowplough. No.
- Well, that would work in Birmingham, wouldn't it?
265
00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:31,920
"I'll get the snowplough out.
266
00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:34,200
All right, we'll call
it David Plowie, then."
267
00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:38,000
The marvellous thing is
the council, OK, they said,
268
00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:40,440
"This vote cheered the
whole of Britain up."
269
00:18:40,480 --> 00:18:42,720
Well, it hasn't cheered me up.
270
00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:45,040
And the man from the council said, "It's
got people interested in gritting."
271
00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:47,040
Well, it just hasn't, has it?
272
00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:49,480
We would be interested in
gritting if we'd thought of a name.
273
00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:52,440
Yeah, well, we'd just call it Gary
Gritter, wouldn't we? Let's be honest.
274
00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:55,680
Or maybe Ice-ish. That could work.
275
00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:57,880
Yeah.
276
00:18:57,920 --> 00:19:00,920
Gary Gritter or Ice-ish: do we think
those are better names...? Oh, hang on.
277
00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:02,600
- Adolf Gritler.
- Perfect!
278
00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:05,000
Those are better names.
279
00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:07,640
That's a good one.
- They like that. Yeah, that works. That's good.
280
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:11,360
Which shall we have? Shall we go with
Itsy Bitsy and the other one or our names?
281
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:14,440
- Who wants our names?
Hands up. Hands up.
282
00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:16,720
That was a vote, Doncaster. Yeah.
283
00:19:16,760 --> 00:19:19,720
- It's just what it's gonna have to be.
- Gary and Adolf the gritters.
284
00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:24,160
Right, the organisers of the
Formula E motor racing series -
285
00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:26,520
which is like Formula 1,
but for electric cars -
286
00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:30,240
they recently staged a race between
one of their cars and a cheetah.
287
00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:34,360
Now, we've got a shot from
the video they took of it here.
288
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:37,200
Now, let me ask you
two a question, right?
289
00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:40,600
The cheetah's top speed is 70mph.
290
00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:45,160
The car's top speed is 140mph.
So which one do you think won?
291
00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:47,480
- Was it the car?
- Yes, it was.
292
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:50,600
Wow! So the mechanical device with a
higher top speed beat the bewildered animal
293
00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:52,440
that didn't know what was going on?
294
00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:56,960
Literally the most
pointless race in history.
295
00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:59,920
Yeah, it was basically an exercise
in not running over a cheetah.
296
00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:04,280
- Do you know, I was following a pigeon the other day.
- You what?
297
00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:06,440
Is this a new job? Have
you opened an agency?
298
00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:10,520
Jeremy Clarkson PD: pigeon
detective. It's gonna be brilliant.
299
00:20:10,560 --> 00:20:12,640
Did its partner think it
was cheating? "Follow him!"
300
00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:14,440
No, I was just following-
301
00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:16,720
Every time it stopped, did
you have to read a newspaper,
302
00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:19,480
and then look for its
reflection in a shop window?
303
00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:22,280
- I was merely following- - Anyway, you
should have just gone to Trafalgar Square.
304
00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:24,560
That's where they go.
305
00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:28,400
I was merely driving up my drive, and a
pigeon was flying along in front of me,
306
00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:31,400
and I clocked it, and
it was doing 35mph.
307
00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:33,720
- Was it?
- Yeah.
308
00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:36,440
That's another animal that would lose
a race against a Formula E car, then,
309
00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:38,360
because that does 140.
310
00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:40,640
It had nothing to do with running
a private detective agency.
311
00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:42,640
But you are running a
private detective agency?
312
00:20:42,680 --> 00:20:44,560
I was simply following a pigeon!
It wasn't that interesting!
313
00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:46,760
Anyway, the essence of it is-
314
00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:49,240
Did you follow it into a tree? Because
that would have been really risky.
315
00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:53,120
No, the essence of it is if your
animal does less than 140mph,
316
00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:55,560
it will lose the race
against the Formula E car.
317
00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:58,680
If it does more than... Well,
no animal does more than 140.
318
00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:01,360
It does. A peregrine
falcon does. It does 220.
319
00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:04,120
What if you have to follow one of those?
320
00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:08,040
- "I can't take the case, I'm
afraid. I'll need a new car."
321
00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:12,040
Lamborghini has come up with a new
four-by-four. We've got a picture of it here.
322
00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:14,880
- Amazing
- looking thing. Fabulous, actually. It does look good.
323
00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:18,840
Make no mistake. Twin-turbo V8, which
will be an Audi or a Porsche engine.
324
00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:21,920
Er... Six hundred and
forty-one horsepower.
325
00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:25,360
The only problem is
they've called it the Urus.
326
00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:27,800
- U-R-U-S,
yeah? - Yeah.
327
00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:31,480
Well, that... That sounds to me
like another word for bumhole.
328
00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:34,640
- I know what you mean. It is a bit medical
- sounding.
329
00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:37,160
It is."How is your Urus?"
"It's a bit itchy, actually."
330
00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:41,600
"Mine's inflamed. I can't pee."
It's one of those things, isn't it?
331
00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:44,200
- It's something down there.
- Exactly, down there.
332
00:21:44,240 --> 00:21:47,600
When you go to the doctor's, "I'm gonna
check your Urus," and then he puts a glove on.
333
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:50,720
"Oh, he's snapping a glove
on. I don't want that."
334
00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:53,080
Anyway, so if you want
one of those, there it is.
335
00:21:53,120 --> 00:21:57,240
Ooh! Can I just talk about
the Ford F150 pickup truck, OK?
336
00:21:57,280 --> 00:22:00,920
Now, how many do you
think they sell in America?
337
00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:05,040
- I know it's a lot.
- A lot. It's 2,500 a day.
338
00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:06,520
- Get sold?
- A day.
339
00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:08,520
- That's new - new F150s.
- That's huge numbers.
340
00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:12,160
And Ford has decided, amazingly,
they would like to sell more,
341
00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:15,600
so they're about to
introduce a hybrid version.
342
00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:18,760
Really?
- Yes, a hybrid F150 pickup truck.
343
00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:22,920
I can't imagine that F150 owners
are very interested in a hy-
344
00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:25,440
- I don't think they know what it is.
- They wouldn't.
345
00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:29,200
You're dead right. They've actually done
some research over there in America land,
346
00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:32,920
and it turns out that
F150 customers, when asked,
347
00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:38,320
list fuel consumption as the 28th most
important thing in their buying consideration.
348
00:22:38,360 --> 00:22:41,160
There are 27 things they would
think about first on the car?
349
00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:44,120
- Yeah, 27 more important things.
- But what things?
350
00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:46,280
I can't think of 27 things on a car.
351
00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:48,320
Well, hold on. Looks...
352
00:22:48,360 --> 00:22:50,720
Cupholders.
- Cupholders, definitely.
353
00:22:50,760 --> 00:22:52,360
Yes, that works. Power.
354
00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:54,080
- Power.
- Price.
355
00:22:54,120 --> 00:22:56,080
- The size of the load bay thing at the back.
- Yeah.
356
00:22:56,120 --> 00:22:58,160
- What else is more
important? Gun rack.
357
00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:00,040
What? Gun rack.
358
00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:02,440
Gun rack! "Somewhere for my gun!"
359
00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:04,520
Six. Definitely gun rack.
360
00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:07,680
If they're saying that fuel
consumption doesn't matter -
361
00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:09,480
which is what those owners are saying -
362
00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:11,400
why, then, are Ford
making a hybrid at all?
363
00:23:11,440 --> 00:23:13,920
- Why are they bothering?
- Ah, well, now-
364
00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:16,960
No, they've got to. It's because of the
environmental rules that Obama brought in.
365
00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:19,160
All the companies
have to do a certain...
366
00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:22,520
But Ford are saying the batteries
that are part of the hybrid system, OK,
367
00:23:22,560 --> 00:23:26,640
they're not some Communist Bloc to
combat fake news, global warming.
368
00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:28,880
OK, it's got batteries in it, yes,
369
00:23:28,920 --> 00:23:31,920
but they are for charging
up your mitre saw,
370
00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:35,280
cooling beer and running the
coffeemaker on a camping trip.
371
00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:39,120
So the F150 is a pickup
372
00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:42,840
for carrying a big
battery to cool your beer.
373
00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:46,200
And that... I think that is enough
conversation for one week, don't you?
374
00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:48,760
- More than, yes.
- So let's move it on. Erm...
375
00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:52,240
Right, the new Ford GT. I used
one recently in the race we had
376
00:23:52,280 --> 00:23:55,240
from New York to the Niagara Falls.
377
00:23:55,280 --> 00:23:59,600
And I'm not sure that on a freeway
journey like that I got the best out of it.
378
00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:01,600
Yeah, you chose the wrong car.
379
00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:03,800
- Well, not really.
- No, he's right, you did.
380
00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:05,920
Well, the GT was
designed as a racing car.
381
00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:08,440
In fact, it won the
first time out at Le Mans,
382
00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:11,440
and therefore, as we know, using
one on the street is stupid.
383
00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:15,640
- So you're saying I should have tested it on a track?
- Yes.
384
00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:17,000
Good, because I have done.
385
00:24:29,120 --> 00:24:31,520
There are those who
say that, on a track,
386
00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:35,880
the pretty-boy GT is better
than anything made in Europe.
387
00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:38,480
That it's more exciting
than all of its rivals
388
00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:41,880
from Lamborghini and
McLaren... and Ferrari.
389
00:24:43,480 --> 00:24:47,880
Well, before I can find
out, I have to stop.
390
00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:51,720
Right, now we're stationary,
I can put it in track mode...
391
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:55,240
.. which will lower the car gently.
392
00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:57,680
Not that gently.
393
00:24:57,720 --> 00:25:01,240
It will engage the anti-lag system
so the power is always available,
394
00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:06,880
raise the rear wing, and
stiffen the suspension by 100%.
395
00:25:06,920 --> 00:25:10,680
Good. So, now let's see what's what.
396
00:25:23,120 --> 00:25:28,080
The first thing I can tell you is
this is not as delicate as a Ferrari.
397
00:25:29,360 --> 00:25:32,080
Ferrari is balletic.
398
00:25:32,120 --> 00:25:35,680
This is more like
pogo-dancing to The Ramones.
399
00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:46,360
This is hard and brutal and unrefined.
400
00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:51,720
When you're in a Ferrari, it's
like you're wrapped in silk.
401
00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:56,680
In this, it feels like you've
fallen into a saw at a lumberyard.
402
00:26:04,360 --> 00:26:10,880
Don't think, however, that it's just a barroom brawler
- all doors and no trousers.
403
00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:13,240
It is way more than that.
404
00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:23,960
The steering's brilliant,
the brakes are brilliant.
405
00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:26,360
You get the very distinct impression
406
00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:29,600
that nothing in this has
really been compromised
407
00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:32,720
to make it work elegantly on the road.
408
00:26:32,760 --> 00:26:38,120
This is a car for people
who wear Nomex, not spandex.
409
00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:45,360
It's like the chassis's
made from pure telepathy.
410
00:26:45,400 --> 00:26:47,680
You can absolutely wring its neck...
411
00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:51,360
.. and it just keeps
coming back for more.
412
00:26:54,560 --> 00:26:57,240
Why can't more cars feel like this?
413
00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:10,400
Then there's the
twin-turbocharged V6 engine.
414
00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:15,040
Yes, the soundtrack is terrible.
415
00:27:15,080 --> 00:27:16,840
It just makes a noise.
416
00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:22,320
A lot of noise... all of the time.
417
00:27:28,760 --> 00:27:32,480
And it only produces 647 horsepower,
418
00:27:32,520 --> 00:27:37,240
which in this day and age is a
lot, but it's not a colossal lot.
419
00:27:39,120 --> 00:27:43,520
You can't help thinking
a thumping great V8
420
00:27:43,560 --> 00:27:45,840
would have solved
both of these problems.
421
00:27:50,840 --> 00:27:53,440
But they didn't want a thumping great V8
422
00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:57,000
because they wanted the GT to be liked.
423
00:27:57,040 --> 00:28:02,680
That's why it has a carbon-fibre
tub and an aluminium subframe.
424
00:28:02,720 --> 00:28:08,120
It's designed to be kept on the ground only
by the weight coming from its aerodynamics.
425
00:28:10,400 --> 00:28:12,720
If you take that weight
out of the equation
426
00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:14,920
by putting the car in V-Max mode,
427
00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:17,400
which locks the rear wing down,
428
00:28:17,440 --> 00:28:19,280
well, who cares it's only got a V6?
429
00:28:19,320 --> 00:28:24,320
Because the performance,
it is blistering.
430
00:28:24,360 --> 00:28:27,880
Nought to 60 takes 2.8 seconds.
431
00:28:29,360 --> 00:28:30,920
Jesus Christ!
432
00:28:33,040 --> 00:28:36,880
And the top speed is 216.
433
00:28:45,720 --> 00:28:48,800
Of course, the GT is not perfect.
434
00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:52,240
The steering wheel is
ugly and difficult to use,
435
00:28:52,280 --> 00:28:54,720
the fuel tank is too small,
436
00:28:54,760 --> 00:28:56,400
and the body is too big.
437
00:28:57,480 --> 00:28:59,880
And yet...
438
00:28:59,920 --> 00:29:04,520
Ferraris and Lamborghinis and McLarens are
very good cars, make no mistake about that.
439
00:29:04,560 --> 00:29:07,600
But mostly they're bought by posers.
440
00:29:07,640 --> 00:29:09,600
Now, this isn't for posing.
441
00:29:09,640 --> 00:29:13,760
It's too rough and too
plasticky and too noisy for that.
442
00:29:13,800 --> 00:29:17,800
You buy one of these so you can go to
a track on a miserable Monday morning
443
00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:21,840
when nobody's looking... and do this.
444
00:29:27,280 --> 00:29:30,040
Whoo!
445
00:29:31,800 --> 00:29:34,160
And you've got to love it for that.
446
00:29:44,960 --> 00:29:49,600
Do you know... the strange
thing about that car
447
00:29:49,640 --> 00:29:53,360
is that I finished filming
it, got into my car, went home,
448
00:29:53,400 --> 00:29:56,760
and I haven't really given
the GT another thought since.
449
00:29:56,800 --> 00:29:59,480
I think it's something to do
with the fact it's got that V6,
450
00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:02,240
because V6 engines just aren't exciting.
451
00:30:02,280 --> 00:30:04,000
It's like they've got no personality.
452
00:30:04,040 --> 00:30:06,480
Some are, but I'm with
you a lot of the time.
453
00:30:06,520 --> 00:30:09,560
He's right. If they're turbocharged
especially, because then they don't rev.
454
00:30:09,600 --> 00:30:11,880
You want that extra bit of...
455
00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:15,440
It could be the interior, which is made
from that... It feels like shiny plastic.
456
00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:18,440
It feels cheap and
low-rent. But whatever it is,
457
00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:21,960
it feels to me as though
it hasn't really got a soul.
458
00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:27,040
But we must now find out how fast
it goes around the Eboladrome.
459
00:30:28,120 --> 00:30:29,600
Right, here we go.
460
00:30:32,000 --> 00:30:35,360
And she's off! Spoiler up, suspension
dropped, in full track mode,
461
00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:40,240
as she makes a confident
start onto the Isn't.
462
00:30:40,280 --> 00:30:44,560
Knocking it down a gear for the first
curve to keep those turbos spinning,
463
00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:48,760
and already looking on the raggedy edge.
464
00:30:48,800 --> 00:30:53,360
She's really not mucking about here,
as she flies into Your Name Here.
465
00:30:55,200 --> 00:30:58,240
Ooh! There's a howl from
the bespoke Michelins there.
466
00:30:58,280 --> 00:31:02,560
Now... Oh, yeah, look at that
smooth arc around Your Name Here,
467
00:31:02,600 --> 00:31:08,360
and then lighting the afterburners
for the fast run back down the Isn't.
468
00:31:08,400 --> 00:31:11,240
Not what you would call a
soulful sound, as we've said,
469
00:31:11,280 --> 00:31:15,080
but there's no doubting the
sheer speed of this thing.
470
00:31:15,120 --> 00:31:19,760
OK, into Old Lady's House.
Taking it steady through there.
471
00:31:19,800 --> 00:31:22,080
Easy does it.
472
00:31:22,120 --> 00:31:27,400
And now back on the gas for what will
be a bumpy ride down to Substation.
473
00:31:28,760 --> 00:31:31,800
Hard on the mighty carbon brakes.
474
00:31:31,840 --> 00:31:35,520
Neat through there. This is
a Le-Mans-winning performance.
475
00:31:35,560 --> 00:31:39,000
Through Field of Sheep
and across the line!
476
00:31:39,040 --> 00:31:42,400
- That looked unbelievably
quick. Did you see it?
477
00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:43,960
Yeah, skittering.
- It was properly&
478
00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:47,160
She must have been properly
hanging on in there.
479
00:31:47,200 --> 00:31:51,560
Anyway, we must now find out
where it goes on the board.
480
00:31:51,600 --> 00:31:54,760
Let's have a look. I
imagine pretty high.
481
00:31:54,800 --> 00:31:56,440
Oh!
482
00:31:56,480 --> 00:31:57,680
Well, yes.
483
00:31:59,360 --> 00:32:01,360
One seventeen six.
484
00:32:01,400 --> 00:32:04,640
That's... a second or so
slower than the Lamborghini,
485
00:32:04,680 --> 00:32:07,200
which is half the price, remember.
486
00:32:07,240 --> 00:32:10,320
Yeah, but I think what that shows is not
that the Ford is slow, because it just isn't -
487
00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:12,760
I mean, it's quicker than a McLaren 720.
488
00:32:12,800 --> 00:32:16,520
What that shows actually is
just how fast that Huracán is.
489
00:32:16,560 --> 00:32:18,400
No. Yes, exactly. That's blistering.
490
00:32:18,440 --> 00:32:21,000
Absolutely blistering.
Unbelievable car, that.
491
00:32:21,040 --> 00:32:24,800
Anyway, it's now time
for Celebrity Face-Off.
492
00:32:37,840 --> 00:32:40,960
Yeah. And once again&
493
00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:44,720
Once again, we have a very
big question, and it is this:
494
00:32:44,760 --> 00:32:49,960
who is the fastest drummer from a
band beginning with the letter "P"?
495
00:32:50,000 --> 00:32:53,680
To find out, would you please welcome
from The Police, Stewart Copeland,
496
00:32:53,720 --> 00:32:56,200
and from Pink Floyd, Nick Mason!
497
00:32:58,120 --> 00:32:59,640
Look at this!
498
00:33:01,520 --> 00:33:03,720
We are in the presence of greatness.
499
00:33:04,920 --> 00:33:07,240
Gentlemen. Nick.
500
00:33:07,280 --> 00:33:09,280
- Have a seat, Stewart.
- Very nice to meet you.
501
00:33:09,320 --> 00:33:11,280
Holy cow! Look at that!
502
00:33:13,040 --> 00:33:16,120
We are not messing around tonight.
503
00:33:16,160 --> 00:33:19,720
Genuine rock gods have come among us.
504
00:33:19,760 --> 00:33:23,200
You are both regarded as
particularly excellent drummers.
505
00:33:23,240 --> 00:33:24,960
Well, by each other, yeah.
506
00:33:27,040 --> 00:33:29,040
And one thing I see
that you have in common
507
00:33:29,080 --> 00:33:31,000
is your favourite drummer
is the same person.
508
00:33:31,040 --> 00:33:33,280
Yeah, Mitch Mitchell. We
worked this out last night.
509
00:33:33,320 --> 00:33:36,040
- We sorted out the hierarchy last night.
- That's exactly right.
510
00:33:36,080 --> 00:33:39,840
And er... I knew we were really
on it, because the table next door
511
00:33:39,880 --> 00:33:41,720
were beginning to eavesdrop,
512
00:33:41,760 --> 00:33:44,400
and after five minutes they
had both actually gone to sleep.
513
00:33:44,440 --> 00:33:47,360
That's right. We lost them. We
had lost them by the main course.
514
00:33:47,400 --> 00:33:50,040
So you both agree that Mitch
Mitchell was your favourite drummer?
515
00:33:50,080 --> 00:33:52,320
Yeah, our favourite, I think.
516
00:33:52,360 --> 00:33:55,080
This was Jimi Hendrix's drummer, I
think we should explain to those of you
517
00:33:55,120 --> 00:33:57,360
who are not as old
as, let's say, we are.
518
00:33:57,400 --> 00:33:58,840
Well, that's the travesty right there.
519
00:33:58,880 --> 00:34:02,080
This great towering,
this monument of drums...
520
00:34:02,120 --> 00:34:03,920
"was Jimi Hendrix's drummer."
521
00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:05,440
Well, how would you describe him?
522
00:34:05,480 --> 00:34:08,040
Well, Jimi was Mitch's guitarist.
523
00:34:08,080 --> 00:34:10,640
- Nice. Good.
- Yeah.
524
00:34:10,680 --> 00:34:14,400
One thing that fascinates me is why are
drummers always the butt of everybody's wit?
525
00:34:14,440 --> 00:34:16,680
Well, when I say "wit" I mean jokes.
526
00:34:16,720 --> 00:34:20,440
It's because they secretly
admire our dragging knuckles.
527
00:34:20,480 --> 00:34:23,200
They sense our power.
528
00:34:23,240 --> 00:34:25,360
But there are so many good jokes, right?
529
00:34:25,400 --> 00:34:27,680
What does a drummer get on an IQ test?
530
00:34:27,720 --> 00:34:29,600
Drool. Yeah, drool, exactly.
531
00:34:29,640 --> 00:34:32,920
Hey, hey, hey, hey. What do
you throw a drowning guitarist?
532
00:34:32,960 --> 00:34:36,040
His amp.
533
00:34:36,080 --> 00:34:39,840
How do you know it's the lead
guitarist at the front door?
534
00:34:39,880 --> 00:34:42,680
- Got the wrong key, doesn't
know when to come in. Yeah.
535
00:34:44,800 --> 00:34:46,920
That's a good one.
536
00:34:46,960 --> 00:34:48,600
So we like the guitarist jokes.
537
00:34:48,640 --> 00:34:51,760
Yeah, got any more jokes?
538
00:34:51,800 --> 00:34:54,960
By the way, since we're the
gnarliest members of the band,
539
00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:58,200
for two hours we chop wood for a living,
540
00:34:58,240 --> 00:35:00,840
and they're prissy little
fiddling in front of this thing.
541
00:35:00,880 --> 00:35:03,680
And you're giving it... Yes,
it is. It's hard work as well.
542
00:35:03,720 --> 00:35:05,760
They tell these jokes
and we just take it.
543
00:35:05,800 --> 00:35:07,520
- We do.
- Because that's how great we are.
544
00:35:09,240 --> 00:35:11,200
You have a rule as well if you
make a mistake with drumming,
545
00:35:11,240 --> 00:35:12,680
which I particularly enjoy.
546
00:35:12,720 --> 00:35:16,680
The suggestion is, if
you do make a mistake...
547
00:35:16,720 --> 00:35:18,320
look angrily at the bass player.
548
00:35:20,400 --> 00:35:22,760
"What the hell are you
doing?" Let's move on to gigs.
549
00:35:22,800 --> 00:35:25,640
You both presumably played
really big ones over the years.
550
00:35:25,680 --> 00:35:27,920
What's been your biggest, do you reckon?
551
00:35:27,960 --> 00:35:29,920
Well, we've been comparing
notes, but, you know,
552
00:35:29,960 --> 00:35:31,760
you played a stadium and there are...
553
00:35:31,800 --> 00:35:35,000
- We sell out, so, you know...
- Yeah, a stadium's a stadium.
554
00:35:35,040 --> 00:35:38,160
But I think he's still got me.
We all played the Stade de France.
555
00:35:38,200 --> 00:35:40,600
I played it twice - you
know, two nights running -
556
00:35:40,640 --> 00:35:42,960
he played it three times running.
557
00:35:43,000 --> 00:35:47,120
OK, he beat me on this one, then he beat
me on that one, because he came before me.
558
00:35:47,160 --> 00:35:49,000
This is the way musicians
establish the hierarchy.
559
00:35:49,040 --> 00:35:50,680
He's a drummer, they always come first.
560
00:35:50,720 --> 00:35:53,560
You know, Manfred Mann outranks
me because he came before,
561
00:35:53,600 --> 00:35:55,320
but Kanye is my bitch.
562
00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:05,960
- Now, I've got a question here
from Richard Hammond. Oh, God.
563
00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:08,200
No, no.
- Where is he?
564
00:36:08,240 --> 00:36:10,480
- Richard Hammond
- he's there, in the audience. There you are.
565
00:36:10,520 --> 00:36:12,560
- He's a big fan of
One Direction. What?
566
00:36:12,600 --> 00:36:15,600
- And his question is, "How
do you old dinosaurs feel
567
00:36:15,640 --> 00:36:17,120
now that music's got so good?"
568
00:36:17,160 --> 00:36:19,840
I didn't say that!
569
00:36:19,880 --> 00:36:21,840
I did not say that!
570
00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:25,080
- You did say that.
- I didn't say that! Why would I say that?
571
00:36:25,120 --> 00:36:28,080
- I think I'll let Mr Mason handle this one.
- Yeah.
572
00:36:28,120 --> 00:36:30,400
Well, I'd like to go on record as saying
573
00:36:30,440 --> 00:36:34,640
that fairly recently
erm... I was on a show.
574
00:36:34,680 --> 00:36:37,320
I was promoting something
- probably double glazing -
575
00:36:37,360 --> 00:36:40,880
and I was with erm...
Harry Styles was on as well.
576
00:36:40,920 --> 00:36:43,200
And I did offer to play drums for him,
577
00:36:43,240 --> 00:36:45,560
because I'm really
looking for work. I mean...
578
00:36:47,440 --> 00:36:49,040
We've got to get on to cars.
No, actually, we haven't.
579
00:36:49,080 --> 00:36:51,960
No, not yet, because I
want to talk about fathers.
580
00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:55,280
- Because your father was...
- .. a wonderful man.
581
00:36:55,320 --> 00:36:57,960
- And a CIA spy.
- That, too.
582
00:36:58,000 --> 00:37:00,080
- In his spare time.
- In his spare time.
583
00:37:00,120 --> 00:37:02,920
He was a great father and a jazz
musician. That's how I knew him.
584
00:37:02,960 --> 00:37:05,560
And he was uh... Before
the war he played jazz,
585
00:37:05,600 --> 00:37:07,920
and I've still got his trumpet
- he was a session player.
586
00:37:07,960 --> 00:37:11,880
Then the Great War broke out and he
joined the army and got into intelligence,
587
00:37:11,920 --> 00:37:15,760
and he shaped the modern Middle
East as it was up until 9/11.
588
00:37:15,800 --> 00:37:18,560
Everything that happened after
9/11 is not my dad's fault.
589
00:37:18,600 --> 00:37:20,640
No.
590
00:37:20,680 --> 00:37:23,800
I mean, he was very instrumental
in Nasser in Egypt, wasn't he?
591
00:37:23,840 --> 00:37:27,760
Yeah, well, when I was born, Daddy
was away on business in Cairo,
592
00:37:27,800 --> 00:37:31,360
installing Gamal Abdel Nasser
as the dictator of Egypt.
593
00:37:31,400 --> 00:37:33,440
Did you know your dad was CIA?
594
00:37:33,480 --> 00:37:37,680
I didn't know until I was in
college and um... his book came out.
595
00:37:37,720 --> 00:37:41,040
And on the liner notes of the book...
596
00:37:41,080 --> 00:37:43,760
OK, but when did he stop being a spy?
597
00:37:43,800 --> 00:37:46,600
- I... Well...
- Well, certainly after he'd written the book.
598
00:37:53,720 --> 00:37:56,880
And your father
- we can turn to that. Now, he was a documentary maker.
599
00:37:56,920 --> 00:38:00,120
- Mm-hm. - But mostly a
motor racing enthusiast.
600
00:38:00,160 --> 00:38:02,640
- Yeah.
- Which has rubbed off on you.
601
00:38:02,680 --> 00:38:04,520
Mm, just a bit.
602
00:38:04,560 --> 00:38:07,120
This is where I'm afraid we have
to tune you out slightly, Stewart,
603
00:38:07,160 --> 00:38:10,280
for a little while, because
Nick's car collection is...
604
00:38:10,320 --> 00:38:12,640
- This is a car show.
- It is a car show.
605
00:38:12,680 --> 00:38:15,760
Not a spy-daddy show.
606
00:38:15,800 --> 00:38:19,000
- How many cars have you got?
- I don't know. Erm...
607
00:38:20,440 --> 00:38:22,840
Hm. Twen-
608
00:38:22,880 --> 00:38:24,400
Thir-
609
00:38:24,440 --> 00:38:25,520
Thir
- Forty?
610
00:38:25,560 --> 00:38:26,880
Forty?
611
00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:29,120
I've got a list here of some of them.
612
00:38:29,160 --> 00:38:32,080
We're not talking now about, you
know, cars like a Ford Cortina,
613
00:38:32,120 --> 00:38:35,200
because you've got an Alfa Romeo TZ1,
614
00:38:35,240 --> 00:38:39,000
Aston Martin Ulster, 1930 Bentley 4.5L,
615
00:38:39,040 --> 00:38:42,960
Bugatti Type 35, Ferrari 250 GTO,
616
00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:47,880
Ferrari 250 LM, Ferrari 512 Berlinetta
Boxer, Ferrari Daytona Competition,
617
00:38:47,920 --> 00:38:51,400
Ferrari F40, Model T4, Jaguar D-Type,
618
00:38:51,440 --> 00:38:56,440
Maserati 250F, Maserati
Birdcage, McLaren GTR.
619
00:38:56,480 --> 00:38:59,920
It's a remarkable collection.
Which is your favourite?
620
00:38:59,960 --> 00:39:03,960
Er... It always has to be the 250 GTO,
621
00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:06,240
because it makes me look clever.
622
00:39:06,280 --> 00:39:08,560
You know, when I bought
this car 40 years ago...
623
00:39:08,600 --> 00:39:10,800
May I just ask - it's a
rude question, I know -
624
00:39:10,840 --> 00:39:13,760
but how much did you pay for the GTO?
625
00:39:13,800 --> 00:39:17,160
- I paid about 35 grand for
it. - Thirty-five thousand?
626
00:39:17,200 --> 00:39:20,400
- And it's now worth...?
- I... Don't tell me.
627
00:39:20,440 --> 00:39:23,600
Thirty million.
628
00:39:23,640 --> 00:39:25,680
No, more than that. Oh!
629
00:39:27,960 --> 00:39:31,600
- Where are all these cars?
- Oh, God. I've left them on the meter.
630
00:39:31,640 --> 00:39:34,600
Have you got, like,
the garage from hell?
631
00:39:34,640 --> 00:39:38,560
And these are largely racing cars. It's
racing that interests you more than...
632
00:39:38,600 --> 00:39:42,160
Yeah. I never wanted to be a car
collector, I wanted to go motor racing.
633
00:39:42,200 --> 00:39:45,240
- And you do actually use them?
- Yes.
634
00:39:45,280 --> 00:39:48,880
- And lend them out?
- Erm... Not often, but occasionally, yeah.
635
00:39:48,920 --> 00:39:51,560
- Well, you lend them to your family.
- Yes.
636
00:39:51,600 --> 00:39:55,360
Who would like to see a photograph
of what your daughter did to one?
637
00:39:55,400 --> 00:39:57,360
There she is.
638
00:39:57,400 --> 00:39:59,760
- That's your little girl?
- It's known as the Cupcake.
639
00:40:01,920 --> 00:40:05,440
The gloves and the helmet and the...
look go great in the pink Cupcake.
640
00:40:05,480 --> 00:40:06,800
She's trying to steer it still.
641
00:40:06,840 --> 00:40:08,560
On the side, it all looks...
642
00:40:08,600 --> 00:40:10,760
She hasn't given up,
that's what I really...
643
00:40:10,800 --> 00:40:12,840
"I can get this back."
644
00:40:12,880 --> 00:40:15,120
Right, come on, then, Stewart,
let's get to your cars.
645
00:40:15,160 --> 00:40:18,400
It starts with a... It's not quite
as impressive as Nick's, is it?
646
00:40:18,440 --> 00:40:20,400
- A Morris Traveller.
- There you go.
647
00:40:20,440 --> 00:40:22,600
I got it for 40 quid from a gypsy,
648
00:40:22,640 --> 00:40:25,000
and I spent most of the time under it.
649
00:40:25,040 --> 00:40:27,040
- That was when you were in the UK?
- Yeah.
650
00:40:27,080 --> 00:40:30,360
- And I had a Millman Minx for a very short amount of time?
- A Minx?
651
00:40:30,400 --> 00:40:33,160
A Hill... A Millman Hinx.
652
00:40:33,200 --> 00:40:35,000
It met its end in Hammersmith.
653
00:40:35,040 --> 00:40:36,320
No! How?
654
00:40:36,360 --> 00:40:38,040
Well, I was pulling around Hammersmith,
655
00:40:38,080 --> 00:40:41,240
and an articulated lorry
came in front of me,
656
00:40:41,280 --> 00:40:43,800
and uh... so I slowed down,
657
00:40:43,840 --> 00:40:49,200
and the back of a truck ran over and
squashed my Hillman Minx like a bug.
658
00:40:49,240 --> 00:40:51,120
On... Right there in Hammersmith.
659
00:40:51,160 --> 00:40:54,360
And as I'm looking at the
smouldering remains of my car,
660
00:40:54,400 --> 00:40:57,200
a cop comes up and gave
me a ticket for bald tyres.
661
00:41:00,240 --> 00:41:04,000
That's cruel. Anyway, look,
we've got to get on to your laps.
662
00:41:04,040 --> 00:41:06,720
Er... Now, whose lap shall
we see first? Let me think.
663
00:41:06,760 --> 00:41:09,000
I think we should start with...
664
00:41:09,040 --> 00:41:11,360
Well, let's be honest, let's
start with the older gentleman,
665
00:41:11,400 --> 00:41:13,200
the elder statesman, the pro.
666
00:41:13,240 --> 00:41:16,000
OK, who would like to see Nick's lap?
667
00:41:16,040 --> 00:41:17,760
Come on, then. Let's have a look.
668
00:41:21,720 --> 00:41:23,160
That's how you do it.
669
00:41:23,200 --> 00:41:25,080
OK, launch control.
670
00:41:25,120 --> 00:41:29,800
And... Oh, look at that for a tidy line.
671
00:41:29,840 --> 00:41:32,920
This is a man who's done racing before.
672
00:41:32,960 --> 00:41:35,840
Holding it nicely there.
673
00:41:35,880 --> 00:41:38,760
- And onto the gravel. Very
nice. Very nice. Look at that.
674
00:41:38,800 --> 00:41:41,040
No brake lights.
675
00:41:41,080 --> 00:41:43,760
Oh, but there should have been,
perhaps, because that's quite wide.
676
00:41:43,800 --> 00:41:48,440
And there we are. So, quick at the beginning, slow now
- typical drummer.
677
00:41:48,480 --> 00:41:51,600
drift!
678
00:41:51,640 --> 00:41:54,400
Oh, look at... That's nicely
done, Nick. Nice, nice.
679
00:41:55,880 --> 00:41:57,880
And into Difficult Bit Two.
680
00:41:57,920 --> 00:42:02,000
- You're just kissing those lines so neatly.
- That bodes well.
681
00:42:02,040 --> 00:42:04,960
No, it does. You know, it
doesn't look particularly fast,
682
00:42:05,000 --> 00:42:08,760
but I can just see... Let's have a
look. That's really skinny, that bit.
683
00:42:08,800 --> 00:42:11,080
The gravel's insane.
684
00:42:11,120 --> 00:42:13,120
Yeah, but it's when you get
back on the tarmac, you think...
685
00:42:13,160 --> 00:42:16,680
Oh, that was wide! Right,
now into the fast bit.
686
00:42:16,720 --> 00:42:20,360
Whoa! Scary!
687
00:42:20,400 --> 00:42:23,200
Yeah, it is that fast. It
is quite scary through here.
688
00:42:24,600 --> 00:42:26,560
That is tidily done. Did you lift?
689
00:42:29,120 --> 00:42:31,600
Wahoo!
690
00:42:31,640 --> 00:42:34,360
And there we are, he is across the line. So that's good
- you're there.
691
00:42:34,400 --> 00:42:36,320
Did you lift off on the fast bit?
692
00:42:36,360 --> 00:42:38,360
By the end of it I did it flat.
693
00:42:38,400 --> 00:42:40,560
You did it flat?
694
00:42:40,600 --> 00:42:43,680
OK, then. Who would like
to see Stewart's lap?
695
00:42:43,720 --> 00:42:46,160
Let's have a look at Stewart's lap.
696
00:42:49,800 --> 00:42:51,000
Yeah, tidy start.
697
00:42:51,040 --> 00:42:54,960
Hallelujah! Geronimo!
698
00:42:55,000 --> 00:42:57,640
Are we as tidy as Nick?
No, we're just cheating.
699
00:42:57,680 --> 00:43:00,640
Off the course. No, that was
nice. I like to slow it...
700
00:43:00,680 --> 00:43:03,960
Yes, that's good. Keep it on
the right, ready for the left,
701
00:43:04,000 --> 00:43:07,640
and onto the difficult bit, when it
starts to just snake around on you.
702
00:43:07,680 --> 00:43:11,560
This is insane. This gravel
is just completely insane.
703
00:43:11,600 --> 00:43:14,200
No, I can tell you're
really enjoying the gravel.
704
00:43:14,240 --> 00:43:17,200
I hate the dirt! The dirt sucks!
705
00:43:17,240 --> 00:43:21,160
No, I may have got that wrong.
But this bit... Yes, nicely done.
706
00:43:21,200 --> 00:43:24,000
You're a lot more violent,
I'd say, than Nick here.
707
00:43:24,040 --> 00:43:27,080
A lot more... Yeah, look at that
- kicking the tail out.
708
00:43:27,120 --> 00:43:29,120
- Some upthrust there.
- Kicking the tail out again.
709
00:43:29,160 --> 00:43:31,080
Soon you'll be back on the tarmac.
710
00:43:31,120 --> 00:43:34,720
A bit of a weave there, it must be said.
711
00:43:34,760 --> 00:43:37,400
I approve of the... It's
looking really dramatic.
712
00:43:37,440 --> 00:43:41,600
It is dramatic. It's a lot more
dramatic-looking than Nick's lap, but...
713
00:43:41,640 --> 00:43:44,040
Let's go!
714
00:43:44,080 --> 00:43:46,640
This is a man on a mission. Oh, Christ!
715
00:43:46,680 --> 00:43:50,200
That is quick through there, I'm
gonna be honest, and nicely held.
716
00:43:50,240 --> 00:43:52,880
Stay on course here.
OK, this is the big turn.
717
00:43:52,920 --> 00:43:56,360
And you've made it. He's made it
back, all the way across the line!
718
00:44:03,440 --> 00:44:05,440
Who shall we do first?
719
00:44:05,480 --> 00:44:09,680
I think we're gonna go with
Steady Eddie here, Nick Mason.
720
00:44:09,720 --> 00:44:12,120
- One twenty-one
three. - Oh.
721
00:44:12,160 --> 00:44:15,120
Well, you're pulling a face but
you don't know what anyone else did.
722
00:44:15,160 --> 00:44:17,400
There you are at 1:21.3.
723
00:44:17,440 --> 00:44:20,760
Just to give you an idea, that puts you
at exactly the same time as Luke Evans,
724
00:44:20,800 --> 00:44:22,440
who's in The Fast And The Furious.
725
00:44:22,480 --> 00:44:24,240
Quicker than Hugh Bonneville,
quicker than Michael Ball,
726
00:44:24,280 --> 00:44:26,360
quicker than David Hasselhoff.
727
00:44:26,400 --> 00:44:29,080
- Whoa! That's some shit.
- Stewart Copeland.
728
00:44:30,920 --> 00:44:33,200
- You looked faster.
- Felt faster.
729
00:44:33,240 --> 00:44:35,160
Felt faster.
730
00:44:35,200 --> 00:44:38,240
But you did it in 1:24.2
731
00:44:38,280 --> 00:44:40,200
So...
732
00:44:43,640 --> 00:44:46,840
Hey... I made it around the course.
733
00:44:46,880 --> 00:44:49,160
- You made it around the course...
- Mostly.
734
00:44:49,200 --> 00:44:52,520
- .. but I don't think
we've had anyone slower.
735
00:44:52,560 --> 00:44:57,480
- No, I'm lying. Bill Bailey, a well-known
comedian here- - Yes, Bill! You my bitch!
736
00:44:59,600 --> 00:45:01,760
- Bill Bailey and Alfie Boe, they're both slower.
- Two bitches!
737
00:45:01,800 --> 00:45:04,280
You've got two British bitches.
738
00:45:04,320 --> 00:45:07,760
So, there we are, ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you so much, Stewart Copeland,
739
00:45:07,800 --> 00:45:12,280
and the fastest drummer from a
band beginning with "P", Nick Mason!
740
00:45:22,240 --> 00:45:27,040
Now, tonight Hammond and Clarkson are
driving around France in some rubbish,
741
00:45:27,080 --> 00:45:30,080
and I've turned up in a
modern Honda Civic Type R
742
00:45:30,120 --> 00:45:33,320
to prove that modern cars are
more reliable, more comfortable,
743
00:45:33,360 --> 00:45:35,800
and, in fact, better
in every single way.
744
00:45:35,840 --> 00:45:40,360
Yeah, whatever. When we left the action,
I was standing outside our overnight hotel,
745
00:45:40,400 --> 00:45:43,960
trying to work out how to
secure a £1 million Jaguar
746
00:45:44,000 --> 00:45:46,920
that has no roof or door locks.
747
00:45:46,960 --> 00:45:50,240
It was a problem. We pick up
the action the following morning.
748
00:46:03,000 --> 00:46:06,120
Morning.
- Morning.
749
00:46:06,160 --> 00:46:08,200
- Sleep well?
- No.
750
00:46:15,880 --> 00:46:19,080
- Did you do that?
- Yeah, I got bored.
751
00:46:19,120 --> 00:46:20,920
I'm amazed he didn't notice.
752
00:46:20,960 --> 00:46:23,200
It could have something
to do with the fact
753
00:46:23,240 --> 00:46:26,720
that nobody ever looks at their
number plate before they drive off.
754
00:46:28,200 --> 00:46:30,920
Good point.
755
00:46:34,280 --> 00:46:36,840
Soon, they had got
their stupid cars going
756
00:46:36,880 --> 00:46:41,760
and we were on our way to the mountains.
757
00:46:41,800 --> 00:46:44,440
While I was asleep in my
luxurious hotel bed last night,
758
00:46:44,480 --> 00:46:46,360
I came up with a bit of a plan.
759
00:46:48,200 --> 00:46:50,160
We'd head over the Pyrenees,
760
00:46:50,200 --> 00:46:53,400
into Spain and down to Barcelona,
761
00:46:53,440 --> 00:46:57,440
to try our cars on a very special
track that I'd heard about.
762
00:46:59,000 --> 00:47:01,360
On the way I'd prove my car was better,
763
00:47:01,400 --> 00:47:04,920
and at the circuit I'd prove
that even with me at the helm,
764
00:47:04,960 --> 00:47:08,360
it's faster as well.
765
00:47:08,400 --> 00:47:11,640
Here's what you need
to know about old cars -
766
00:47:11,680 --> 00:47:16,880
they are great to look at,
but you don't want to drive one
767
00:47:16,920 --> 00:47:21,080
any more than you want to use
an old twin-tub washing machine.
768
00:47:21,120 --> 00:47:23,680
They're just crap.
769
00:47:23,720 --> 00:47:26,600
I honestly don't know
what James May's on about.
770
00:47:26,640 --> 00:47:28,960
"I don't like old stuff." He loves it!
771
00:47:29,000 --> 00:47:33,880
He can't get enough of
it! He owns a 1977 Ferrari.
772
00:47:33,920 --> 00:47:38,280
He has a collection of
ancient Honda motorcycles.
773
00:47:38,320 --> 00:47:43,760
Does he spend his spare time fixing
computers or going to raves? No.
774
00:47:43,800 --> 00:47:46,440
He spends it eating old-fashioned pies
775
00:47:46,480 --> 00:47:49,600
and helping his friends
rebuild a steam engine.
776
00:47:49,640 --> 00:47:52,920
I know some of you think
I'm being deliberately obtuse
777
00:47:52,960 --> 00:47:54,520
driving this Honda, but I'm not.
778
00:47:54,560 --> 00:47:57,440
I promise you, I do genuinely like it.
779
00:48:01,280 --> 00:48:06,160
Not only does it hold the lap record for
front-wheel drive cars around the Nurburgring -
780
00:48:06,200 --> 00:48:08,800
seven seconds faster than the old one -
781
00:48:08,840 --> 00:48:11,240
it's done that while
becoming more refined.
782
00:48:11,280 --> 00:48:14,040
The engine's smoother,
the ride's more subtle.
783
00:48:14,080 --> 00:48:18,640
It's just a bit better
all-round. It's tremendous.
784
00:48:18,680 --> 00:48:24,720
It's also very easy to
drive, which old cars are not.
785
00:48:32,160 --> 00:48:34,360
It's in.
786
00:48:34,400 --> 00:48:37,920
Annoyingly, at slow
speeds, James had a point.
787
00:48:37,960 --> 00:48:41,600
The Aston was a tricky little sod.
788
00:48:41,640 --> 00:48:46,360
- That gearbox whine,
it's quite pronounced.
789
00:48:48,720 --> 00:48:51,680
And then there was the change action.
790
00:48:57,760 --> 00:49:04,280
On balance, I think I prefer a
double-clutch system... with paddles.
791
00:49:04,320 --> 00:49:08,120
I'm just trying to do up my
shirtsleeves, because it's quite chilly
792
00:49:08,160 --> 00:49:09,960
and that will make a difference.
793
00:49:11,720 --> 00:49:13,520
Definitely getting colder.
794
00:49:13,560 --> 00:49:19,680
Fortunately, the 3.4L straight-six
generates so much heat,
795
00:49:19,720 --> 00:49:24,000
and there is so little shielding,
that whilst my top half is cold,
796
00:49:24,040 --> 00:49:26,240
my bottom half is toasty warm.
797
00:49:27,320 --> 00:49:29,800
Window doesn't wind down,
798
00:49:29,840 --> 00:49:33,040
no vents, no air conditioning.
799
00:49:33,080 --> 00:49:36,440
No air in here at all,
in fact. Just heat.
800
00:49:37,960 --> 00:49:40,120
What I'm being is casseroled.
801
00:49:42,080 --> 00:49:44,360
And soon things got worse...
802
00:49:45,520 --> 00:49:47,680
I'm trying not to shiver.
803
00:49:47,720 --> 00:49:50,280
.. because a thick fog descended.
804
00:49:52,080 --> 00:49:55,080
This meant we had to
slow down even more.
805
00:49:57,200 --> 00:50:00,640
And that made the Aston even worse.
806
00:50:11,960 --> 00:50:15,480
This is very authentically
'50s. I'm enjoying it.
807
00:50:15,520 --> 00:50:19,120
It's sometimes quite
difficult to get it into gear.
808
00:50:19,160 --> 00:50:22,000
I'm just going to try
that in my car. Hold on.
809
00:50:22,040 --> 00:50:24,880
Let's have second gear. Hm.
810
00:50:24,920 --> 00:50:27,080
I can even knock it down to first here.
811
00:50:28,560 --> 00:50:30,960
Second. No, it works.
812
00:50:31,000 --> 00:50:33,480
No, mine's a piece of cake.
813
00:50:33,520 --> 00:50:37,120
But there's no sense of satisfaction,
is there, when you do it right?
814
00:50:37,160 --> 00:50:40,080
Yeah, there is.
815
00:50:40,120 --> 00:50:44,640
After a little while, the fog
went from thick to impenetrable.
816
00:50:47,080 --> 00:50:50,960
I can see pretty much nothing now.
817
00:50:51,000 --> 00:50:53,040
The lights don't help
and the windscreen wipers
818
00:50:53,080 --> 00:50:56,600
just move the water
around on the windscreen.
819
00:50:58,120 --> 00:51:00,560
Literally can't see a thing now.
820
00:51:00,600 --> 00:51:04,760
Fog, rain, noise.
821
00:51:04,800 --> 00:51:06,160
A lot of noise.
822
00:51:08,320 --> 00:51:09,840
Yeah, I'm quite cold now.
823
00:51:12,640 --> 00:51:17,360
However, the impending
hypothermia was not my main worry.
824
00:51:17,400 --> 00:51:19,480
Oh, my God.
825
00:51:19,520 --> 00:51:22,680
It's not sounding...
Yeah, it's not good.
826
00:51:22,720 --> 00:51:26,520
I'm having to slip the clutch
to sort of keep it moving at all.
827
00:51:28,440 --> 00:51:30,960
Yeah, I think I'm down
to three cylinders now.
828
00:51:32,720 --> 00:51:37,600
And then I had a good
old 1950s breakdown.
829
00:51:40,720 --> 00:51:42,720
What's the matter with it?
830
00:51:42,760 --> 00:51:46,760
I think it's the spark plugs
are all fouled up and gummed up.
831
00:51:46,800 --> 00:51:48,840
Well, don't tell James.
832
00:51:48,880 --> 00:51:51,720
No. Well, where is he?
833
00:51:51,760 --> 00:51:54,840
I don't even know where my car is
and I only parked it over there.
834
00:51:54,880 --> 00:51:56,520
I can't see a damn thing.
835
00:51:56,560 --> 00:51:58,600
No. Well, at least he won't
have seen me doing this.
836
00:51:58,640 --> 00:52:01,920
- He could drive by.
- Well... I'll...
837
00:52:01,960 --> 00:52:03,720
You go ahead.
838
00:52:03,760 --> 00:52:06,240
Look, tell him I'm behind
him, or I'm ahead somewhere.
839
00:52:06,280 --> 00:52:08,680
- I could be 100 yards away.
- I'll get back on the road.
840
00:52:08,720 --> 00:52:11,120
- You get on the road. I'll fix this.
- He'll never know.
841
00:52:11,160 --> 00:52:13,400
Exactly. Tell him I'm
having a lovely time and-
842
00:52:13,440 --> 00:52:16,520
- It's starting to rain, though, Hammond.
- Yes, I know!
843
00:52:16,560 --> 00:52:18,280
- Have you got a jacket?
- No!
844
00:52:21,200 --> 00:52:24,480
Where's my bloody car? Has anyone...
845
00:52:24,520 --> 00:52:27,200
Can anyone see an Aston Martin anywhere?
846
00:52:29,040 --> 00:52:30,400
Hello?
847
00:52:31,520 --> 00:52:33,800
Hammond?
848
00:52:33,840 --> 00:52:38,040
I've found a car here. It's...
Oh, it's... It's a Toyota.
849
00:52:39,280 --> 00:52:41,000
And th-they're dogging.
850
00:52:42,920 --> 00:52:45,400
They really are, actually.
That's quite embarrassing.
851
00:52:49,320 --> 00:52:52,560
Yeah, they're driving away
now because they realise.
852
00:52:55,440 --> 00:52:57,040
Hello. Sorry about...
853
00:53:08,560 --> 00:53:10,240
Nothing to see here.
854
00:53:12,600 --> 00:53:15,640
Leaving Hammond to his
repairs on Dogger Bank,
855
00:53:15,680 --> 00:53:20,280
I made some changes in my
car and set off to find James.
856
00:53:23,080 --> 00:53:24,520
Oh, yes!
857
00:53:25,600 --> 00:53:29,200
I have improved my Aston Martin.
858
00:53:29,240 --> 00:53:32,800
All of a sudden, my car makes sense -
859
00:53:32,840 --> 00:53:35,640
I can't hear it.
860
00:53:35,680 --> 00:53:41,080
And then I came across ASBO Man,
who was immediately suspicious.
861
00:53:41,120 --> 00:53:42,520
Where's Hammond?
862
00:53:42,560 --> 00:53:45,120
Yeah, he's in front of me.
863
00:53:45,160 --> 00:53:47,720
I'm driving right behind.
I can see him, plain as day.
864
00:53:50,520 --> 00:53:53,120
The fog is lifting and I can't
help noticing that Richard Hammond,
865
00:53:53,160 --> 00:53:54,960
who is supposedly in front of you,
866
00:53:55,000 --> 00:53:58,080
is driving a Land Rover
Discovery filming car.
867
00:53:59,160 --> 00:54:01,560
No, no. He er... He overtook it.
868
00:54:01,600 --> 00:54:05,560
Er... He roared off. Unbelievable
speed. I couldn't keep up.
869
00:54:05,600 --> 00:54:07,840
- His car's broken, hasn't it?
- No.
870
00:54:10,200 --> 00:54:12,160
Are your brakes squeaking?
871
00:54:12,200 --> 00:54:14,520
No, they're birds. It's birdsong.
872
00:54:14,560 --> 00:54:18,360
Right, James, look out. There
are cows, followed by Hitler.
873
00:54:21,200 --> 00:54:23,240
Oh, no, it's not Hitler,
it's Winston Churchill.
874
00:54:29,200 --> 00:54:31,920
A cow has attacked the Aston Martin!
875
00:54:35,200 --> 00:54:39,440
Don't do that! Go and attack the Honda.
876
00:54:39,480 --> 00:54:44,880
Meanwhile, I'd got my car going
again, and was starting to regret it.
877
00:54:44,920 --> 00:54:48,600
Yeah, this is quite hard work now. I'll
be honest, I'm getting pretty tired.
878
00:54:48,640 --> 00:54:52,080
My... My left leg is agony.
879
00:54:52,120 --> 00:54:53,200
Gear change.
880
00:54:55,600 --> 00:54:56,920
My knee hurts.
881
00:54:58,320 --> 00:55:01,400
So do my ears, actually.
I'm also quite cold.
882
00:55:03,840 --> 00:55:06,800
The truth is that in
the fog, at slow speeds,
883
00:55:06,840 --> 00:55:08,880
on James's ridiculous route,
884
00:55:08,920 --> 00:55:12,160
which was full of wartime
leaders and attack cows,
885
00:55:12,200 --> 00:55:15,880
the older cars here had been hard work.
886
00:55:17,760 --> 00:55:21,920
But as we crested the
Pyrenees, the fog lifted.
887
00:55:27,200 --> 00:55:31,680
This meant I could drive the Aston
at the only speed it understands.
888
00:55:33,480 --> 00:55:34,840
Flat out.
889
00:55:40,480 --> 00:55:43,800
Providing, of course, I
could get past James May.
890
00:55:48,480 --> 00:55:50,400
I'm going into R mode.
891
00:55:50,440 --> 00:55:53,600
The lights on the
instruments have gone red.
892
00:55:53,640 --> 00:55:55,600
Goodbye, Mr Clarkson.
893
00:56:00,480 --> 00:56:01,680
He's going down!
894
00:56:04,120 --> 00:56:07,440
Oh, he's going down so badly!
895
00:56:07,480 --> 00:56:10,720
I'm all over the back of him now.
896
00:56:10,760 --> 00:56:13,880
I have more power and less weight.
897
00:56:17,320 --> 00:56:19,680
He can come snouting around
with his massive engine,
898
00:56:19,720 --> 00:56:22,600
but as soon as we get to
the curves I'll pull away.
899
00:56:24,080 --> 00:56:25,440
Coming through.
900
00:56:28,120 --> 00:56:29,640
Ha-ha!
901
00:56:33,240 --> 00:56:38,600
I was back in front, and more
importantly... back in love with my Aston.
902
00:56:40,480 --> 00:56:42,600
What a car this is.
903
00:56:42,640 --> 00:56:45,840
Oh! You have to drive it.
904
00:56:45,880 --> 00:56:48,840
Every gear change has
to be... worked out.
905
00:56:48,880 --> 00:56:54,120
Every steering movement thought through.
906
00:56:54,160 --> 00:56:57,960
And you can never get to the corner and
think, "I won't bother heel-and-toeing here."
907
00:56:58,000 --> 00:57:00,960
You have to, or it won't go into gear.
908
00:57:05,680 --> 00:57:10,120
As we entered Spain,
we were back as a three.
909
00:57:10,160 --> 00:57:16,120
And soon we reached Barcelona
- a city known for many things:
910
00:57:16,160 --> 00:57:19,440
its cathedral, its cafés,
911
00:57:19,480 --> 00:57:21,600
and its interesting architecture.
912
00:57:21,640 --> 00:57:26,080
But, actually, the most
impressive thing here is this.
913
00:57:30,320 --> 00:57:32,400
It's called the Terramar,
914
00:57:32,440 --> 00:57:35,960
and it's the oldest surviving
banked track in Europe.
915
00:57:37,640 --> 00:57:41,600
It opened in 1923, staged one big race,
916
00:57:41,640 --> 00:57:45,840
and due to some unpaid
bills, closed a day later.
917
00:57:45,880 --> 00:57:49,680
For the last 50 years
it's been a chicken farm.
918
00:57:53,440 --> 00:57:59,400
OK, congratulations, James. This is the
steepest banked circuit I've ever, ever seen.
919
00:57:59,440 --> 00:58:01,720
And I'm not even at
the steep bit of it yet.
920
00:58:01,760 --> 00:58:04,680
- Seventy
- eight degrees at the top, apparently.
921
00:58:04,720 --> 00:58:06,960
What's your plan, May?
922
00:58:07,000 --> 00:58:10,520
Well, what I thought we'd do is put
a speed trap at the end of this curve,
923
00:58:10,560 --> 00:58:13,280
where it goes level again, and
whoever achieves the highest speed
924
00:58:13,320 --> 00:58:15,080
through this banking is the winner.
925
00:58:15,120 --> 00:58:18,240
Right. Erm... Can we have
a bit of practice first?
926
00:58:18,280 --> 00:58:21,120
Could I make a couple of
modifications to my Aston?
927
00:58:21,160 --> 00:58:23,120
Not if it's swapping it for a DB11.
928
00:58:25,000 --> 00:58:27,240
I can't... I literally can't
get any higher than this.
929
00:58:27,280 --> 00:58:30,360
Have we got to drive up there?
We do, don't we, to go fastest?
930
00:58:30,400 --> 00:58:32,320
If you go off the edge... Yeah?
931
00:58:32,360 --> 00:58:34,360
...it's oblivion.
932
00:58:34,400 --> 00:58:36,960
- No, because the tree
will stop us, won't it? No.
933
00:58:39,320 --> 00:58:41,400
Before we embarked on our practice laps,
934
00:58:41,440 --> 00:58:44,600
I set about my important modifications.
935
00:58:46,600 --> 00:58:48,440
What are you doing?
936
00:58:48,480 --> 00:58:51,040
I'm giving my car air conditioning.
937
00:58:51,080 --> 00:58:54,120
You're drilling holes in a
one-and-a-half-million-pound car?
938
00:58:57,560 --> 00:58:59,400
I couldn't do that.
939
00:58:59,440 --> 00:59:01,600
That's the difference between you and me
- I'm practical.
940
00:59:01,640 --> 00:59:03,840
- No, that's vandalism.
- It's not vandalism!
941
00:59:03,880 --> 00:59:05,800
It's got a hole in it!
942
00:59:05,840 --> 00:59:08,680
But now I'll be able to
breathe and see where I'm going,
943
00:59:08,720 --> 00:59:11,720
which is important when
the track is at that angle.
944
00:59:11,760 --> 00:59:13,680
That's like saying,
"Westminster Abbey's in the way.
945
00:59:13,720 --> 00:59:16,360
I'll knock it down so I get a
better view." It's still vandalism.
946
00:59:16,400 --> 00:59:19,640
You don't like old things, so why
wouldn't you knock Westminster Abbey down?
947
00:59:19,680 --> 00:59:24,080
- I like Westminster Abbey.
- Ha! Hoist by his own petard. Another one here.
948
00:59:27,360 --> 00:59:30,800
With the air con sorted, it
was time to start practising,
949
00:59:30,840 --> 00:59:36,120
on what, over the years, has
become a bumpy, potholed deathtrap.
950
00:59:40,560 --> 00:59:43,440
Sixty miles an hour as I approach...
951
00:59:43,480 --> 00:59:45,960
Whoa! Big pothole there.
952
00:59:46,000 --> 00:59:47,560
.. the first corner.
953
00:59:49,320 --> 00:59:52,080
Already, I can tell it's very bumpy.
954
00:59:54,000 --> 00:59:56,160
Whoa! Steering's gone very weird!
955
01:00:01,960 --> 01:00:05,320
Christ! It's alarming.
956
01:00:05,360 --> 01:00:09,200
It's bloody ridiculous! To look where
you're going, you have to look up.
957
01:00:09,240 --> 01:00:11,560
That doesn't happen in cars. It's wrong!
958
01:00:15,680 --> 01:00:17,800
Coming up to the second banked turn.
959
01:00:21,800 --> 01:00:23,600
Christ!
960
01:00:25,160 --> 01:00:27,560
The bumps are so unnerving!
961
01:00:28,880 --> 01:00:30,360
Jesus!
962
01:00:30,400 --> 01:00:33,160
Apparently, some of them are so violent
963
01:00:33,200 --> 01:00:37,800
they can make the car jump...
four feet to the right.
964
01:00:39,920 --> 01:00:45,440
The forces being exerted on the
outside tyres are unbelievable.
965
01:00:45,480 --> 01:00:47,640
We are talking planetary energy.
966
01:00:50,280 --> 01:00:55,000
Aware of this, Hammond was
starting to make squeaky noises.
967
01:01:00,680 --> 01:01:04,600
Who said I want to go up
there? Why would I go up there?
968
01:01:07,040 --> 01:01:10,040
I'm gonna try and lift it up the
banking on this one. Here we go.
969
01:01:15,520 --> 01:01:17,400
Oh, shit! That was a big bump!
970
01:01:22,360 --> 01:01:23,760
God
Al-bloody-mighty!
971
01:01:26,800 --> 01:01:30,440
Jesus Christ! That's terrible!
972
01:01:30,480 --> 01:01:33,720
Finally, the practice laps were over.
973
01:01:33,760 --> 01:01:38,000
Oh, Christ! This... is scary.
974
01:01:38,040 --> 01:01:42,200
The problem with going around a banked
turn is there's nothing you can do.
975
01:01:42,240 --> 01:01:44,160
You can't slow down, you can't speed up.
976
01:01:44,200 --> 01:01:47,120
If anything goes wrong,
you're a passenger.
977
01:01:48,600 --> 01:01:51,520
And because he was aware of that, too,
978
01:01:51,560 --> 01:01:54,800
Squeaky Boy decided he
didn't want to play any more.
979
01:01:54,840 --> 01:02:01,120
Yeah, well, my practice laps have told me one thing
- I don't want to do it.
980
01:02:01,160 --> 01:02:05,680
I've just gone right off huge motoring
accidents at the moment. Right off them.
981
01:02:07,680 --> 01:02:10,280
Having decided he didn't
want to buy the farm,
982
01:02:10,320 --> 01:02:13,800
he went off to buy a farmhouse instead.
983
01:02:13,840 --> 01:02:16,120
So it became a
two-car shoot-out,
984
01:02:16,160 --> 01:02:18,600
and ASBO Man was the first to go.
985
01:02:25,120 --> 01:02:26,720
Concentrate, May. Concentrate.
986
01:02:27,880 --> 01:02:29,160
Give it some beanage.
987
01:02:39,920 --> 01:02:41,800
Shit! That's terrifying!
988
01:02:56,720 --> 01:03:01,280
Bumpy! Bumpy!
989
01:03:01,320 --> 01:03:02,880
It's made the windscreen wipers come on!
990
01:03:17,400 --> 01:03:22,000
Jeez! That is not a pleasant
sensation, I promise you.
991
01:03:30,920 --> 01:03:32,800
Right, this is it!
992
01:03:32,840 --> 01:03:35,120
Let's see how fast I
can make this thing go.
993
01:04:06,040 --> 01:04:08,560
Oh, my giddy aunt!
That is... Jesus Christ!
994
01:04:16,960 --> 01:04:18,720
That's bumpy shit!
995
01:04:21,080 --> 01:04:23,840
Oh, me!
996
01:04:36,040 --> 01:04:38,800
That's one of the scariest
things I've ever done in a car.
997
01:04:40,760 --> 01:04:41,880
Ever.
998
01:04:43,960 --> 01:04:45,760
It was.
999
01:04:45,800 --> 01:04:49,520
Well done. Well done. Well done.
1000
01:04:49,560 --> 01:04:52,800
I've got to say erm...
1001
01:04:52,840 --> 01:04:56,160
.. we weren't joking there
- he really did go and buy a farmhouse
1002
01:04:56,200 --> 01:04:57,800
in south-west France.
1003
01:04:57,840 --> 01:04:59,920
And actually, James and
I wish we'd gone with him,
1004
01:04:59,960 --> 01:05:03,080
because that was hideously terrifying.
1005
01:05:03,120 --> 01:05:04,840
- It's awful.
- It really was.
1006
01:05:04,880 --> 01:05:08,120
Anyway, I have the numbers
from the speed trap here,
1007
01:05:08,160 --> 01:05:13,280
and, Jeremy Clarkson,
you passed it at 89mph.
1008
01:05:13,320 --> 01:05:16,760
- Well done.
- That is brave. That is brave.
1009
01:05:16,800 --> 01:05:18,920
- Was it really 89?
- Yes. Well done.
1010
01:05:21,520 --> 01:05:25,800
- And then, James May, you
passed it at... - Thirty-two.
1011
01:05:25,840 --> 01:05:27,720
...93mph!
1012
01:05:27,760 --> 01:05:29,800
Oh!
1013
01:05:29,840 --> 01:05:32,640
James May has won a thing!
1014
01:05:32,680 --> 01:05:34,960
- I'm staggered! He has!
- He's won a thing!
1015
01:05:37,600 --> 01:05:41,160
And what you've proved
is, by being so speedy,
1016
01:05:41,200 --> 01:05:45,920
that modern cars are 4mph faster
than they were 60 years ago.
1017
01:05:45,960 --> 01:05:47,840
Yeah.
1018
01:05:47,880 --> 01:05:50,440
The thing is, though, you can't
actually drive your cars on the road.
1019
01:05:50,480 --> 01:05:53,720
Well, no, the Aston, I have to admit,
at slow speed, is very difficult.
1020
01:05:53,760 --> 01:05:56,680
If you try and tickle it into
gear, it just won't have it.
1021
01:05:56,720 --> 01:05:59,280
The only language it
understands is violence.
1022
01:05:59,320 --> 01:06:00,960
You ram it in, and then you're fine.
1023
01:06:01,000 --> 01:06:03,120
That's not what I was talking about.
1024
01:06:03,160 --> 01:06:05,880
You're not actually allowed to
drive your cars on the road, are you?
1025
01:06:05,920 --> 01:06:10,280
I did, because Aston registered
that one as a prototype, so I could.
1026
01:06:10,320 --> 01:06:12,800
Yeah, it was a bit more
complicated in the Jag,
1027
01:06:12,840 --> 01:06:14,760
because it was registered as a test car,
1028
01:06:14,800 --> 01:06:18,240
so technically only a
Jaguar employee can drive it.
1029
01:06:18,280 --> 01:06:20,960
- So how did you?
- I had to get a job at Jaguar.
1030
01:06:21,000 --> 01:06:22,720
Seriously?
1031
01:06:22,760 --> 01:06:25,480
Yeah, I now work for Jaguar. I do.
1032
01:06:25,520 --> 01:06:29,440
But as my job is now done,
Jaguar, I'm afraid I resign.
1033
01:06:31,640 --> 01:06:35,000
How will the news go down in Wall
Street when they hear about this?
1034
01:06:35,040 --> 01:06:38,880
It will affect the share price."Hammond
rocks City with shock Jag move."
1035
01:06:38,920 --> 01:06:40,520
That could be the headline.
1036
01:06:40,560 --> 01:06:42,800
Or it could be, "Hamster
screws big cat."
1037
01:06:42,840 --> 01:06:45,600
- That would do it.
That would cover it.
1038
01:06:45,640 --> 01:06:49,360
- Look, here is the... here
is the truth of it. Yeah?
1039
01:06:49,400 --> 01:06:51,840
If you went out and
bought one of those cars,
1040
01:06:51,880 --> 01:06:56,040
you wouldn't legally be allowed
to drive it on the road, would you?
1041
01:06:56,080 --> 01:06:58,120
No, you wouldn't.
1042
01:06:58,160 --> 01:07:00,840
So you've actually wasted
everybody's time, haven't you?
1043
01:07:00,880 --> 01:07:02,640
- A bit, yeah,
- Yeah, a bit.
1044
01:07:02,680 --> 01:07:05,080
And on that terrible
disappointment, it is time to end.
1045
01:07:05,120 --> 01:07:07,840
Thank you so much for watching.
See you next time. Goodbye!
87940
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