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Previously on Making History...
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We are gonna bet on the
World Series of baseball.
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1919 Chicago!
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However long you're in the past,
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that's as long as you've
been gone from the present.
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I'm not gonna get tenure now!
I may not even have a job!
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Say
hello to my little friend!
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We are back, and we got all this money.
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- sync and corrections by Mr. C -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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You wanted to see me?
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Come on in, muchacho.
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Take a seat.
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Chris.
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We know.
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You know what?
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Everything. Why you've
been missing work,
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acting so erratic.
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- All of it.
- Let me explain. It was...
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- You're an addict, Chris.
- What?!
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I can tell because I
used to be one, too:
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full-blown alcoholic.
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But I beat it.
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Now I drink safely every day.
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Tons.
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Uh, what's got its hooks in you, son?
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Booze?
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Poppers?
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Is it poppers?!
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No! No. It's, uh...
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um...
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private and, uh...
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It's, um...
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It's sex addiction.
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Oh, mama. But you have
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my word... nothing from my personal life
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will ever make its way
into the classroom.
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It's more than just
the classroom, Chris.
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Publish something by the
end of the semester,
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or I'm-a light ya up.
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Far as all that other stuff goes...
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we all get horny, man.
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Hey, buddy, how was your meeting?
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- Did you get fired?
- Let's say I had been fired.
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Do you think that's an
appropriate way to ask?
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Well, I can tell you don't think so,
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but I got to be true to
myself on this, too.
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No, I'm not fired,
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but I'm on thin ice.
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Luckily, I just came up with the
perfect cover for time travel.
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I told them that I'm a sex addict.
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- Why is that the perfect cover?
- 'Cause I still get to drink and do poppers.
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Smart. Hey, so you know how we
wanted to take our Chicago money
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and buy that ice cream parlor for Deb?
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- That is not what I want.
- I was also thinking it might be
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a little suspicious that a heating guy
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and a sex addict, weirdo,
creep, pervert professor
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would have enough money to
do something like that.
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Right, and we watched the
previous owner get killed
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- right in front of us.
- Exactly.
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So I came up with the perfect front
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that will not draw any
added attention to us.
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Hello!
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So much love!
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John Hancock? Sam Adams?
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- Hi!
- They can't be here.
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I've got administrative
eyes all over me.
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How'd you guys
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- get so good at this?
- They're highly intuitive.
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Oh, there are just so many
books and not enough time
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to read them all.
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I feel the same way about
dirt bike magazines.
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Thank you for choosing to speak to me.
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I'm starting
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an ice cream business,
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and there's just so much to learn.
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Oh, I hear ya. When I sold my eggs,
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there were so many forms to fill out.
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I'm Deborah Revere.
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Oh, cool. I grew up in Revere.
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Are you related to Paul?
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He's my father.
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You wise-ass.
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I'm Melanie Barzoon.
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I'd shake your hand, but
I got a staph infection.
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Oh. Well, you seem to
have it all... a job,
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a shirt with your name on it.
What's your secret to success?
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It's water. People need it,
or else they dry up to death.
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Huh. It's simple.
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And that's what I like about ice cream.
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Yeah, I like to dig out all the
chunks out of the Rocky Road.
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- That's why my ex-husband left me.
- Cool.
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I like your vibe. Are you Dutch?
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I wish!
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No crying.
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No, no.
No, no, no, no!
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Hold him down...
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Would you do that to your mother?
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This is a bad idea.
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Hancock and Adams are
brilliant in their time.
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They don't know anything
about modern contract law.
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They don't need to.
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They're expert negotiators.
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They bought the entire state of
New York for a bag of wheat.
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Dan, I am a history professor.
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I know that didn't happen.
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- My boys!
- Thank you
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for everything.
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You've been rebuilt, brother.
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I'm gonna take your advice.
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I'm proposing to Diane.
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Who wants ice cream?
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I do!
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Here it is... our ice cream shop.
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Ooh, you got ripped off.
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This place is a dump.
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Oh, sorry I'm late.
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First time in pants.
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Pants?! But-but you're a woman!
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First you disobey your father,
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and now this? God, smite her now!
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Women can wear whatever
they want in this time.
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That's right, and
Deb here is actually
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going to run this ice cream shop.
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A creature
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ruled by the lunar cycle
in charge of a business?!
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Absurd! Have you gone insane?!
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I'm sorry, but
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white men don't run everything anymore.
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- We would like to go home now.
- Fine. Maybe you could take
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some of our modern ideas
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about ending sexism
to the past with you.
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- Sure, Dan.
- We'll, uh, get right on that.
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We're gonna go back in
time and tell everyone
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that we're putting women in charge,
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and we're sinking the sun into the sea.
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Chris, can you take the
boys here back to 1775?
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We have to go fix the freezer.
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Bag us, Daddy.
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Hey, I might be able
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to use your help with something at work.
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I mean, you guys signed the
Declaration of Independence.
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The what now?
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The-the Declaration of Independence.
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Maybe. In our line of work,
we sign a lot of things.
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Go through a lot of quills.
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00:05:46,571 --> 00:05:48,374
Mm-hmm. Not enough pigeons in the pond.
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I'd love to hear everything you
could tell me about your time.
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Any chance you two would
want to stay a couple days?
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Well, we have our own
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00:05:57,148 --> 00:05:59,951
important business to
attend to in the past.
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00:05:59,985 --> 00:06:03,622
We're building a wall between
Massachusetts and Connecticut.
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And we're going to force
Connecticut to pay for it.
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I have a ton of beer.
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We're staying in the future!
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Oh, Hancock and Adams
really stunk this thing up.
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There's, like, five dead frogs in here.
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Daniel, I'm getting really good
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at making ice cream, but I'm worried
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that there's more to modern business
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- than just the product itself.
- Yeah, there's
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00:06:24,981 --> 00:06:27,259
advertising, marketing, distribution,
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00:06:27,401 --> 00:06:29,203
writing yourself tons of
fake reviews every day.
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Wow!
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You really know your stuff.
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I'd like to add you to my team.
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I am pretty smart at business.
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I've seen every episode
of Shark Tank, so...
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- Will that help us?
- Definitely.
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00:06:41,682 --> 00:06:43,150
And I'm not one of those
Bob snobs, either,
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that undervalues Robert
Herjavec just because
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he's the son of an
immigrant factory worker.
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What would Robert do?
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He'd probably tell us we need a hook...
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- something to make our business unique.
- I know.
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Maybe our hook should be...
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ice cream is simple and
delicious, and people love it!
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No. I can guarantee you
it won't be simple.
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Deb, I'm a guy that takes big swings.
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And more often than not, I miss.
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- Like your white jeans?
- Yes, but
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when I hit... ooh, baby!
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Like your red jeans?
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Yeah. Like my red riders.
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Brilliant!
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Tell me where the
orchestra is hidden, lad!
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It's all coming from right there.
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90 miniature men
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contained inside
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an oaken box playing
music for our pleasure?
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Why, it defies comprehension.
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You know, I used to be in a band, Chris.
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Really?
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We called ourselves
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The Merry Band of Friends
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Here to Regale You with Music and Song.
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Can I tell people that?
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You can tell people
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- that they stink.
- Hey.
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00:07:58,992 --> 00:08:01,395
I never criticized you
for that line of bonnets
200
00:08:01,427 --> 00:08:03,997
you made and tried to sell
under your wife's name.
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00:08:04,031 --> 00:08:05,798
Oh. No, no, no. Stop jotting.
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00:08:05,831 --> 00:08:07,300
That one stays here.
203
00:08:07,333 --> 00:08:09,403
What's all this for anyway, Christopher?
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My job's in danger.
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00:08:12,105 --> 00:08:14,140
But I can save it if I
have new stories to tell
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00:08:14,173 --> 00:08:15,742
about the birth of American democracy.
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00:08:15,775 --> 00:08:20,647
Democracy is a concept best
learned by experience.
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00:08:20,681 --> 00:08:23,150
Chris, what if we turned your apartment
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00:08:23,182 --> 00:08:25,653
into a practicing democracy?
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00:08:25,686 --> 00:08:27,321
Gentlemen, what say you?
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00:08:27,354 --> 00:08:29,990
Aye!
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00:08:30,023 --> 00:08:31,825
Well, the ayes take it, three to nil.
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00:08:31,857 --> 00:08:33,660
To democracy!
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00:08:46,972 --> 00:08:48,341
Don't be alarmed, Chris.
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00:08:48,374 --> 00:08:50,210
This is merely companionship.
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00:08:50,243 --> 00:08:52,179
We were not attempting to copulate.
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00:08:53,647 --> 00:08:55,516
En garde, fiend! Aah!
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00:08:55,548 --> 00:08:57,016
I'm sorry.
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00:08:57,049 --> 00:08:59,352
I was having a dream about my wife.
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00:08:59,385 --> 00:09:00,620
So, Chris, what
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00:09:00,653 --> 00:09:02,022
shall we discuss today?
222
00:09:02,054 --> 00:09:03,389
The Magna Carta?
223
00:09:03,422 --> 00:09:04,725
George Washington?
224
00:09:04,758 --> 00:09:06,727
Betsy Ross's jugs?
225
00:09:06,759 --> 00:09:09,129
- Such a gifted potter.
- Uh, no, I've got
226
00:09:09,162 --> 00:09:10,864
to get to work, but maybe later tonight,
227
00:09:10,897 --> 00:09:12,733
you can finish telling me that
story about Ben Franklin?
228
00:09:12,765 --> 00:09:14,534
I'll tell you the short version now.
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00:09:14,567 --> 00:09:16,235
He has syphilis.
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00:09:16,269 --> 00:09:19,072
Whoa! All right, that's
some saucy history.
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00:09:19,105 --> 00:09:20,374
Are you guys
232
00:09:20,407 --> 00:09:21,742
sure you're okay here
233
00:09:21,774 --> 00:09:23,076
by yourselves?
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00:09:23,110 --> 00:09:25,044
Chris, we are educated,
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00:09:25,077 --> 00:09:26,547
land-owning gentlemen.
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00:09:26,580 --> 00:09:28,248
I speak Latin.
237
00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:30,983
And I freed myself from
the blowhole of a whale.
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00:09:31,017 --> 00:09:34,388
I don't know when you're lying, so,
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00:09:34,421 --> 00:09:35,656
in case you get hungry,
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00:09:35,688 --> 00:09:37,924
here's some oatmeal.
241
00:09:39,592 --> 00:09:41,260
Fair Edmund, the Quaker!
242
00:09:41,293 --> 00:09:43,730
- He did it!
- He always said he wanted
243
00:09:43,764 --> 00:09:45,164
to be a model.
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00:09:45,197 --> 00:09:46,933
- Good for him.
- Good for him.
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00:09:48,134 --> 00:09:49,336
Daniel, I'm so excited
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00:09:49,369 --> 00:09:50,671
to finally hear our hook.
247
00:09:50,703 --> 00:09:52,672
And I'm so excited to tell it to you.
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00:09:52,706 --> 00:09:53,673
Who is this?
249
00:09:53,706 --> 00:09:54,942
Well, this is Melanie.
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00:09:54,975 --> 00:09:56,243
She's my new friend.
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00:09:56,275 --> 00:09:59,011
You have a friend. Very cool.
252
00:09:59,044 --> 00:10:04,350
How can I trust her with our
proprietary business secrets?
253
00:10:04,384 --> 00:10:07,120
- Because I don't care?
- Awesome. Great. Okay,
254
00:10:07,153 --> 00:10:08,588
Deb, I promised you
255
00:10:08,621 --> 00:10:10,423
that I was gonna take a big swing.
256
00:10:10,456 --> 00:10:13,126
Prepare yourself for...
257
00:10:14,794 --> 00:10:16,863
Night Cream.
258
00:10:16,897 --> 00:10:20,134
We're puttin' the Vegas
back into ice cream, baby!
259
00:10:20,167 --> 00:10:23,202
- I don't get it.
- Deb,
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00:10:23,235 --> 00:10:25,706
a bottle of vodka at a liquor
store costs about $20,
261
00:10:25,739 --> 00:10:28,108
but at a Vegas nightclub,
a bottle of vodka
262
00:10:28,140 --> 00:10:30,276
can run upwards of $500.
263
00:10:30,310 --> 00:10:31,712
We're gonna do that
264
00:10:31,745 --> 00:10:33,113
with ice cream.
265
00:10:33,145 --> 00:10:34,947
But what about children?
266
00:10:34,980 --> 00:10:36,149
We're not selling to children;
they don't have any money.
267
00:10:36,182 --> 00:10:38,718
We're selling to Saudi princes
268
00:10:38,751 --> 00:10:41,053
and hedge fund playboys
and Robert Craft.
269
00:10:41,086 --> 00:10:42,622
Dude, you're blowing my mind.
270
00:10:42,655 --> 00:10:44,824
This isn't exactly what I pictured.
271
00:10:44,857 --> 00:10:47,226
I know, right? It's so much better.
272
00:10:47,259 --> 00:10:49,495
Now, Deb, get ready
273
00:10:49,528 --> 00:10:52,165
to have your wildest creams...
274
00:10:52,198 --> 00:10:55,401
become reality.
275
00:10:55,435 --> 00:10:57,204
Can you feel it?
276
00:10:59,004 --> 00:11:01,341
Berries.
277
00:11:02,509 --> 00:11:04,144
Give this sugar a spank.
278
00:11:04,177 --> 00:11:05,446
Bad sugar.
279
00:11:08,447 --> 00:11:10,317
- Oh.
- What's happening?
280
00:11:10,350 --> 00:11:12,787
- An ice cream revolution, Deb.
- Oh.
281
00:11:16,690 --> 00:11:18,526
Here comes the yum.
282
00:11:27,533 --> 00:11:29,302
Tastes like a child's funeral.
283
00:11:30,903 --> 00:11:33,206
This home is like a womb.
284
00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:35,274
This is the first time in my life
285
00:11:35,307 --> 00:11:38,177
I haven't had to worry
about being cold or hungry
286
00:11:38,211 --> 00:11:39,879
or shot by a Wampanoag arrow.
287
00:11:39,913 --> 00:11:41,347
It's amazing...
288
00:11:41,380 --> 00:11:43,283
when you're not covered
in sopping wet wool,
289
00:11:43,316 --> 00:11:45,786
one's mind can take fanciful flight.
290
00:11:45,818 --> 00:11:47,353
The fanciful-est.
291
00:11:47,387 --> 00:11:49,857
Why, this is the perfect
atmosphere for us
292
00:11:49,889 --> 00:11:52,292
to think of stories for
our friend, Chris.
293
00:11:52,325 --> 00:11:54,228
You know what would inspire me?
294
00:11:54,260 --> 00:11:56,529
The little men playing a ditty.
295
00:11:56,562 --> 00:11:57,865
You, in there.
296
00:11:57,898 --> 00:12:01,033
A one, a two.
297
00:12:01,067 --> 00:12:02,536
Well, go on. Do it.
298
00:12:02,568 --> 00:12:05,204
Play for us, ye tiny minions.
299
00:12:05,238 --> 00:12:07,241
Hello.
300
00:12:07,273 --> 00:12:09,543
Oh, no. We forgot to feed them.
301
00:12:09,576 --> 00:12:11,812
I will sacrifice my oats
302
00:12:11,845 --> 00:12:13,213
so that they may live.
303
00:12:13,245 --> 00:12:15,081
Here. Eat up.
304
00:12:15,115 --> 00:12:17,216
- Open your mouths.
- Are they eating?
305
00:12:17,249 --> 00:12:18,885
Is this your slop door?
306
00:12:18,918 --> 00:12:22,389
Give me a little piccolo
if I'm doing this right.
307
00:12:22,422 --> 00:12:24,157
You, fool. These are genteel men.
308
00:12:24,190 --> 00:12:25,826
They eat their oats out of bowls.
309
00:12:25,859 --> 00:12:28,228
Then we must fashion
little bowls for them.
310
00:12:28,260 --> 00:12:29,596
- Out of what?
- Uh...
311
00:12:29,629 --> 00:12:31,230
The oats themselves.
312
00:12:31,264 --> 00:12:33,366
- They'll be like taco bowls.
- What?
313
00:12:33,399 --> 00:12:35,836
Yummy oats in little oaten bowls.
314
00:12:35,869 --> 00:12:37,771
- We don't have time for that.
- We don't?
315
00:12:37,803 --> 00:12:39,572
- Awaken the maestro.
- What?
316
00:12:39,605 --> 00:12:40,841
He'll instruct them to defy protocol
317
00:12:40,874 --> 00:12:41,942
and eat with their hands.
318
00:12:41,975 --> 00:12:43,343
Guys.
319
00:12:43,375 --> 00:12:45,011
Perhaps they've moved to another box.
320
00:12:45,044 --> 00:12:47,847
I recall sounds coming
from this box as well
321
00:12:47,880 --> 00:12:49,249
during Project Runway.
322
00:12:50,616 --> 00:12:52,785
You're free.
323
00:12:52,818 --> 00:12:54,754
You're free to play us music.
324
00:12:54,788 --> 00:12:56,923
I don't see them.
325
00:12:56,956 --> 00:12:59,426
By, God, if they're lost on our
watch, Chris will have a fit.
326
00:12:59,459 --> 00:13:03,797
Dismantle this whole place until
every tiny musician is found.
327
00:13:03,830 --> 00:13:07,533
Tiny musicians!
328
00:13:07,567 --> 00:13:10,870
Where are you, tiny musicians?!
329
00:13:10,903 --> 00:13:14,140
Tiny musicians!
330
00:13:14,173 --> 00:13:16,442
Where are you?!
331
00:13:16,475 --> 00:13:17,778
Tiny musicians!
332
00:13:17,811 --> 00:13:20,480
Where are you, tiny musicians?!
333
00:13:20,513 --> 00:13:21,480
Where are you?!
334
00:13:21,514 --> 00:13:22,816
Have you found them?!
335
00:13:25,652 --> 00:13:27,687
Hello?
336
00:13:28,687 --> 00:13:30,658
Tiny musicians, where are you?
337
00:13:32,024 --> 00:13:33,125
They're not here.
338
00:13:37,429 --> 00:13:41,168
Little tiny musicians!
339
00:13:41,201 --> 00:13:45,004
Friends, I got Aristotle for tonight.
340
00:13:53,546 --> 00:13:55,515
Hi, Chris.
341
00:13:55,547 --> 00:13:56,783
What happened here?!
342
00:13:56,816 --> 00:13:58,819
Chris, don't be mad.
343
00:13:58,851 --> 00:14:01,020
We lost your tiny musicians.
344
00:14:01,053 --> 00:14:02,688
We smashed everything
345
00:14:02,721 --> 00:14:05,759
looking for them, but no dice.
346
00:14:05,792 --> 00:14:08,161
There are no tiny musicians!
347
00:14:08,193 --> 00:14:11,264
You just ruined my
apartment, you dumbasses!
348
00:14:11,297 --> 00:14:12,699
Dumbasses?
349
00:14:12,731 --> 00:14:15,501
We signed the Declaration
of Independence, I heard.
350
00:14:15,534 --> 00:14:17,870
What we did was smart.
351
00:14:17,903 --> 00:14:19,272
Perhaps we should take a vote
352
00:14:19,304 --> 00:14:21,340
on whether or not it was smart.
353
00:14:21,374 --> 00:14:23,677
We are not voting on this.
354
00:14:23,710 --> 00:14:25,846
Oh, now you don't value democracy.
355
00:14:25,879 --> 00:14:28,047
All those who agree that
we are brave and strong
356
00:14:28,081 --> 00:14:30,616
and what we did was smart, say aye.
357
00:14:30,649 --> 00:14:32,052
Aye.
358
00:14:32,085 --> 00:14:34,354
The ayes have it. It was smart.
359
00:14:34,387 --> 00:14:37,523
Just because you voted smart
doesn't make it smart.
360
00:14:37,557 --> 00:14:38,859
Au contraire, Chris.
361
00:14:38,892 --> 00:14:40,861
That is the essence of democracy.
362
00:14:40,894 --> 00:14:42,028
That's right.
363
00:14:42,062 --> 00:14:44,630
Good, dumb ideas prevail.
364
00:14:46,566 --> 00:14:49,201
Did one of you defecate in my fichus?
365
00:14:49,235 --> 00:14:51,538
No. We both did.
366
00:14:51,571 --> 00:14:53,373
You're going home right now.
367
00:14:53,405 --> 00:14:55,374
All those in favor of us staying.
368
00:14:55,408 --> 00:14:56,710
- Aye.
- Aye.
369
00:14:56,743 --> 00:14:58,578
Looks like we're staying, Chris.
370
00:14:58,610 --> 00:15:00,547
You lost control of your republic.
371
00:15:15,558 --> 00:15:17,672
You're fired from ice cream.
372
00:15:17,674 --> 00:15:19,230
What? You're firing me?
373
00:15:19,263 --> 00:15:20,631
Yes. Effective immediately.
374
00:15:20,663 --> 00:15:22,633
- Why?
- I love you,
375
00:15:22,665 --> 00:15:26,036
but Night Cream isn't just
a crazy idea, it's a bad,
376
00:15:26,069 --> 00:15:27,704
terrible, dumb idea,
377
00:15:27,737 --> 00:15:29,205
and I hate it so much.
378
00:15:29,239 --> 00:15:31,642
- It's one person's opinion.
- But your bad idea
379
00:15:31,674 --> 00:15:34,377
gave me a renewed confidence
380
00:15:34,410 --> 00:15:36,546
in my good idea like an ice cream parlor
381
00:15:36,580 --> 00:15:39,216
where I sell my own simple
delicious ice cream.
382
00:15:39,249 --> 00:15:40,750
I hope you're not mad.
383
00:15:40,783 --> 00:15:42,153
Mad? No.
384
00:15:42,186 --> 00:15:44,155
- I'm proud of you.
- Really?
385
00:15:44,187 --> 00:15:46,389
Look. I went rogue on Night
Cream, but that's why you hired
386
00:15:46,423 --> 00:15:48,392
Dan Chambers, to go rogue.
387
00:15:48,424 --> 00:15:49,592
Firing me is what
388
00:15:49,625 --> 00:15:50,894
Robert Herjavec would have done.
389
00:15:50,928 --> 00:15:52,429
That means so much to me.
390
00:15:52,462 --> 00:15:53,731
Thank you.
391
00:15:53,764 --> 00:15:55,933
- Hey, Deb?
- Mm-hmm.
392
00:15:55,966 --> 00:15:57,500
Do you think I can keep the
concept of Night Cream,
393
00:15:57,533 --> 00:15:59,870
even though I developed
it while working here?
394
00:15:59,903 --> 00:16:02,907
Yes. I want nothing to
do with Night Cream.
395
00:16:02,939 --> 00:16:04,908
Great. I'll have some lawyers
396
00:16:04,942 --> 00:16:06,911
write up some papers for you to sign.
397
00:16:08,611 --> 00:16:11,347
I thought you were on ice cream duty.
398
00:16:11,380 --> 00:16:13,451
No. My soul mate fired me.
399
00:16:13,484 --> 00:16:15,586
But, bright side, now you and I
400
00:16:15,619 --> 00:16:18,622
can bro out in wine country
Sideways style, huh?
401
00:16:18,654 --> 00:16:20,757
You, me, couple Sandra Ohs.
402
00:16:20,790 --> 00:16:22,292
We are not drinking Merlot.
403
00:16:22,326 --> 00:16:24,528
Shh.
404
00:16:24,561 --> 00:16:27,465
- Use a coaster.
- What are you doing?
405
00:16:27,498 --> 00:16:29,433
I told Hancock and Adams
that the voice of God
406
00:16:29,466 --> 00:16:31,969
comes from a hidden baby
monitor in my apartment
407
00:16:32,001 --> 00:16:34,370
so they'll stop destroying my place.
408
00:16:34,404 --> 00:16:35,773
They're still here?
409
00:16:35,806 --> 00:16:37,441
Why haven't you taken them back?
410
00:16:37,474 --> 00:16:38,943
Look. My future at this college
411
00:16:38,976 --> 00:16:41,645
depends on me getting
something from them.
412
00:16:44,013 --> 00:16:46,817
Do not eat hummus on the couch.
413
00:16:46,849 --> 00:16:48,952
That's not in the Bible.
414
00:16:48,986 --> 00:16:51,222
- It's implied.
- Yes, of course.
415
00:16:51,254 --> 00:16:53,556
What about baba ghanoush?
416
00:16:53,589 --> 00:16:57,628
- All dips.
- Yes, Lord. That makes sense.
417
00:16:57,661 --> 00:16:59,063
That's a sick prank.
418
00:16:59,096 --> 00:17:00,263
Let me try. I've had a sad day.
419
00:17:00,297 --> 00:17:01,332
- Okay.
- Hey,
420
00:17:01,365 --> 00:17:03,835
buttholes, this is God again.
421
00:17:05,501 --> 00:17:06,904
Do the worm.
422
00:17:06,936 --> 00:17:08,404
W-What is that?
423
00:17:08,438 --> 00:17:09,740
Yes. Describe it to me, Lord,
424
00:17:09,772 --> 00:17:11,641
and I will do it for you.
425
00:17:11,674 --> 00:17:14,644
It's like when you flop
around on the ground
426
00:17:14,677 --> 00:17:15,678
like a worm.
427
00:17:15,711 --> 00:17:17,080
- Okay. Of course.
- Okay.
428
00:17:17,114 --> 00:17:18,649
We're so stupid, God.
429
00:17:18,682 --> 00:17:19,817
It's so obvious
430
00:17:19,849 --> 00:17:21,751
now that you say it.
431
00:17:21,785 --> 00:17:24,088
- Floppy like this.
- Look, they're trying to do it.
432
00:17:24,121 --> 00:17:25,489
They're making the attempt.
It's so funny.
433
00:17:25,521 --> 00:17:27,157
It's so...
434
00:17:27,191 --> 00:17:29,160
- Oh.
- Are we doing it good for...?
435
00:17:33,730 --> 00:17:36,666
God's voice was emanating
from this device.
436
00:17:36,700 --> 00:17:38,269
It says "made in China."
437
00:17:38,301 --> 00:17:40,670
But God was made in heaven,
which God also made.
438
00:17:40,703 --> 00:17:42,005
And of course, as we all know,
439
00:17:42,038 --> 00:17:44,174
God hatched from a tesseract egg.
440
00:17:44,208 --> 00:17:46,944
And we worshipped his projection
in our space, the dodecahedron.
441
00:17:46,977 --> 00:17:48,445
Chris has betrayed us.
442
00:17:48,478 --> 00:17:50,514
Once more into the breach, my friend?
443
00:17:50,547 --> 00:17:51,949
Aye.
444
00:18:28,886 --> 00:18:31,655
An interesting fact you
won't hear anywhere else.
445
00:18:31,688 --> 00:18:34,024
John Hancock was in a band,
446
00:18:34,056 --> 00:18:35,525
and they stunk.
447
00:18:35,559 --> 00:18:37,995
This man is not God.
448
00:18:38,027 --> 00:18:39,329
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
449
00:18:39,362 --> 00:18:40,997
How did you find your way back here?
450
00:18:40,999 --> 00:18:43,620
We are from this town, you dumbass.
451
00:18:43,652 --> 00:18:45,855
I am John Hancock
452
00:18:45,887 --> 00:18:47,857
and I will not stand for this.
453
00:18:47,889 --> 00:18:50,525
Sorry, kids. Clearly they're insane.
454
00:18:50,559 --> 00:18:51,860
We had the most sacred
455
00:18:51,894 --> 00:18:53,695
bond of man, Chris.
456
00:18:53,729 --> 00:18:55,530
We shared a bed.
457
00:18:55,563 --> 00:18:59,901
And you tried to control
my excretory functions.
458
00:19:00,770 --> 00:19:01,904
Not true.
459
00:19:01,936 --> 00:19:03,405
- Get out.
- No!
460
00:19:03,438 --> 00:19:07,309
We have freedom of assembly.
461
00:19:07,342 --> 00:19:08,710
And we choose
462
00:19:08,743 --> 00:19:10,545
to assemble here,
463
00:19:10,578 --> 00:19:13,215
you beetle-headed cur.
464
00:19:13,249 --> 00:19:15,585
Freedom from tyranny.
465
00:19:15,617 --> 00:19:17,819
Freedom from Chris.
466
00:19:17,853 --> 00:19:19,889
Who wishes to ditch out
467
00:19:19,922 --> 00:19:22,992
and come sun themselves nude with us?
468
00:19:23,024 --> 00:19:25,093
- Aye!
- Aye!
469
00:19:25,126 --> 00:19:27,430
To the quad, to the quad.
470
00:19:36,105 --> 00:19:37,941
Oh, good. You're both here.
471
00:19:42,377 --> 00:19:45,247
Chris, you promised none of
your Fifty Shades of Grey stuff
472
00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:46,749
would make its way into the classroom.
473
00:19:46,781 --> 00:19:48,083
Let me explain.
474
00:19:48,117 --> 00:19:50,353
You're in a Colonial sex cult?
475
00:19:50,386 --> 00:19:52,754
Sure.
476
00:19:52,788 --> 00:19:55,758
I'm intrigued by it,
but this is a school.
477
00:19:55,790 --> 00:19:57,926
Tenure is off the table for you.
478
00:19:57,960 --> 00:19:59,595
You'll have to take a
sex sensitivity course
479
00:19:59,627 --> 00:20:01,097
- at the college.
- What?
480
00:20:01,129 --> 00:20:03,933
And trust me, the tests are difficult.
481
00:20:03,965 --> 00:20:06,468
Please, don't do this, huh?
482
00:20:06,501 --> 00:20:08,136
You know how hard I work.
483
00:20:08,169 --> 00:20:10,105
You've seen how hard I work.
484
00:20:10,138 --> 00:20:13,409
I'm very disappointed in you, Chris.
485
00:20:16,912 --> 00:20:18,982
Hey. You're gonna be okay, pervert.
486
00:20:20,982 --> 00:20:22,617
I'm going to call it Revere's,
487
00:20:22,651 --> 00:20:24,454
and the hook is that it's ice cream
488
00:20:24,486 --> 00:20:27,456
that I made. Me. Deborah.
489
00:20:27,490 --> 00:20:31,294
That's amazing, you're amazing.
490
00:20:31,327 --> 00:20:32,662
Well,
491
00:20:32,694 --> 00:20:34,629
do you two have anything
to say for yourselves?
492
00:20:34,663 --> 00:20:35,798
We certainly do.
493
00:20:35,830 --> 00:20:37,833
- You're welcome.
- What?
494
00:20:37,867 --> 00:20:40,136
- You tanked my career today.
- We broke you down
495
00:20:40,168 --> 00:20:43,473
so that we can build you back up.
496
00:20:43,505 --> 00:20:47,008
You are a tiny little
baby boy right now.
497
00:20:47,041 --> 00:20:48,644
Do you recall when you
said you needed our help?
498
00:20:48,676 --> 00:20:50,913
Well, this is how we do it.
499
00:20:50,945 --> 00:20:52,314
This is how we do it.
500
00:20:52,348 --> 00:20:56,018
Okay. So, when do you build me back up?
501
00:20:56,050 --> 00:20:57,653
Possibly tomorrow.
502
00:20:57,685 --> 00:20:59,321
Though perhaps
503
00:20:59,355 --> 00:21:01,824
it's already happened.
504
00:21:01,857 --> 00:21:02,925
Give me something so I'm not sad.
505
00:21:02,957 --> 00:21:04,326
Make that three.
506
00:21:04,359 --> 00:21:06,361
We're sad, too.
35495
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