All language subtitles for Here.and.Now.S01E01

Ramon.

She looked like she was
in some old Mexican movie,

but she wasn't
speaking Spanish.

I don't know
what language it was,

but she says my name...
Uh-huh.

...and then she just rips
her fucking face open.

Wow. Wow,
you're way deeper
than I am.

I just dream I'm at work
with no pants on.

Yeah.

Do you have a boner?
In the dream
or right now?

Either.
No, sadly.

You're a tease.
You're a tease.

You wouldn't know
what to do with me
if you had me.

You're probably right.
You give up to easy.
You give up to easy.

That was weird.
What?

That was really weird.
I just felt like something
grabbed my head

and turned me,
so that I would look
at that clock,

like it wanted me
to see that clock.

What wanted you to?

Wait. 11:11, doesn't that
mean something?

Uh, yeah. I mean,
it sounds like it should,

right, because
of 9/11, 7-Eleven.

Yeah.

My pants are vibrating.

Now who's the tease?

Hmm?

- Hey, Mom.
- Sweetie.

I need you to do me
a big favor today.

Mom, put him
on speaker.
I-- I don't, uh...

It's this new phone.
I-- I have to--

You don't know how
to connect to Bluetooth.

Okay, this is why
millennials are so angry.

You're not a millennial.
They haven't even named
your generation yet...

Hello?
...although I have
a couple of suggestions.

What, "stupid cunts"?

Hello?
Ramon, Ramon,
on your way over tonight,

I need you to stop
by the dry cleaners

and pick up
Dad's gray silk blazer
I want him to wear.

Mom, seriously?

Please don't
make me bring up
who pays your rent.

Mom, can you at least
put him on speaker?

You're about
to get a ticket!

You want me to bike
four and a half miles
with the dry cleaning?

Of course not.
Take an Uber, use my account.

- Okay. Ram?
- Yeah.

Can you come
like half an hour early?

I need to talk
to you about something.
It's really important.

Why can't you talk
about it in front of me?

Uh, because I am
my own person who's not you

with my own
boundaries and everything.
We actually exist.

Can you do it?
Please say yes.
Yes, yes, yes.

Yeah. Yeah.
I will. I will.

Ah! Okay.
I love you. Bye.
Oh, oh, oh!

What if I wasn't
done with him?
You were.

Sorry.
It's okay.

Where were we?
Oh, we were flirting...

like we've been doing
every day since I started
working here.

Right.
Right.

Um, what are
you doing tonight?

I get off at 5:00.

My mom is actually throwing
a birthday party for my dad,

and I have to be there.
Can I come?

That would be weird.

Why?

Mm-hmm.

Brian, customer needs
assistance with the piñatas.

Ta-dah!

You're going to make us
eat with wooden forks?

Bamboo is sustainable.
The world is bigger than us.

Oh yeah, we've fucked that
beyond repair.

It is too late
to stop climate change.
That ship has sailed.

Thank you for that,
by the way.
Sweetie, remember,

thoughts
create reality.

Mom, we should all wear
horse heads tonight,

like the entire family,

but then act like
it's totally normal.

If anyone asks us,
just be like, "What?

What horse heads?"

Are you high?

Sweetie.

Mom, you should be glad
that I smoke pot,

because if I didn't,
I would be bipolar,
and I'm not kidding about that.

Sweetie, your brain is
hardly even formed yet.

Did you smoke pot
when you were my age?

Ah...
I also did LSD,

which can
actually trigger psychosis
in rare cases.

Does that mean
you should do it?

Maybe.

You know how much
I regret smoking pot.

I'm sure it's the reason
for my compromised
attention skills.

Mom, you do not have ADD.

Let's leave any diagnosis
to me, okay?
Fine.

I'm the professional.

You just try to do
more than one human
could possibly do,

so of course
you're overwhelmed.

But it's not a condition.
Not everything is a condition.

It's too late
for any of it.

It's too late for me
to have children.

I mean, I know
I could adopt, but...

it's too late
spiritually.

It's too late for me
to leave Carl,

even if I knew that's
what I wanted to do,

because
it's much too late

for me to meet a man I might
actually be compatible with.

Because even if such
a man did exist, he's...

married and old,
and probably dead.

But, Lydia,
you're alive.

And is this how
you want to live?

Mourning imaginary lives
you'll never have?

No.

Can you change the past?

No.

Does the past exist?
Here, now?

No?
What exists?

Right now?

Precisely.
Um...

Right now.
Okay, I'm thinking.

No, right now,
that's what exists.

Right now is
all that ever exists.

Well, my old therapist
told me that...

grieving was important.
Yeah? When did
she tell you this?

Well, I quit seeing her
about three years ago.

And how has three years
of grieving worked out for you?

Oh my God.

Those three years
I could've been doing--

Those three years are
never coming back, Lydia.

Never. No matter
how much you cry.

What exists?

Right now.

Right now.

So, until next week...

See it, want it,
have it.

Good.

Oh.

Ready, Brandon?

I'm on time this week.
I appreciate that.

When it becomes the norm,

that's when it'll be
an accomplishment.

Great.

What do you notice
about this picture?

Um...

Men do not like to look
other men they don't know
in the eye,

so on male models,

everything
above the mouth
is cropped out.

It's so the male consumer
doesn't feel challenged.

Okay.
Now, how much time
did it take you

to decide to put
this hat on Randy?

I bet you went through
a lot of options.

I understand you were
in the accessories vault
for half an hour.

- I'm a good stylist.
- You have potential,

but you are slow,
and you waste time...

like with this
hat thing today.

Well, if they're not supposed
to wear the hats,

why are there
so many of them
in the accessories vault?

Because we sell them.

But hats, gloves,
belts, socks

are shot off-figure,

not on models.

Have you seen the web site?

Yes.

Okay, go back to work.

You just destroyed
that poor girl.

If that's all it takes,
I'm sorry, she needs
to be destroyed.

She'll probably end up
giving blow jobs
for meth money

trying to erase
the pain of this day.

Let me know if she does
anything else stupid,

and help motivate her
to be faster if you can.

I'm sure you can.

Oh. Duc.

Hey, want to go out for drinks
before Dad's thing tonight?

Oh God, yes,
let's get fucked up.

Cooper's Hall, 5:30?

You're on.

I have blow.

Michael.
Doc Boatwright.

Recognize this?

I always wanted
a first edition,

and I finally found one
on Bonanza.

Look at that.

Hmm.
Will you sign it for me?

Of course.

You're, uh, well,
my biggest inspiration,

which you already know.

The way you marry
Epicureanism with presentism,

and then reboot
them both into something
so deeply, deeply moral--

As if morality matters.

Fuck those idiots who called it
an ethical defense of hedonism,

which-- wow--
it boggles my mind

anyone would
ever interpret it that way.

You are a rock star.

I'll let you get back...

You know,
it's my birthday today.

I'm... 60.

No way.

There's a party later.
You... you got plans?

Kristen, come down here
and help me!

I would certainly
fuck me.

Kristen, now!

I didn't understand
a word.

Are you making them leave
because you don't want people
to know the party's catered?

No, I just think
it'll be a warmer,
more intimate party

without strangers
in vests wandering
around with canapés.

You sure it's not because
you want people to think
you did this all yourself?

You want to tell me
what this ongoing hostility
toward me is about?

Look, what did
you need me for?

It's biologically
determined, you know,

this instinct to reject
your family of origin.

Dear God,
do you ever stop talking?

What the fuck
is wrong with you?

Okay, Mom, I really think
that you should consider

the benefits
of medical marijuana.

I don't need
a crutch, Kristen.

And unlike
everyone else alive,

I don't want one.

Put one of these
in each bathroom...

but do not
light them yet.

Okay.

Patchouli and frankincense
organic soy candle.

Ugh! Flashback
to that awful Red Moon party

you threw for me
when I first got my period.

I can't believe
you still haven't
forgiven me for that.

I will never
forgive you for that.

That party
wasn't even for me.

It was just so you
and your old hippie friends

could get drunk in the hot tub
and grab each others' tits.

Well, at least somebody
was having fun that night.

Oh! Happy birthday.

You remembered.

I got you a present.

Is that a...
Is that a cock ring?

It's a cock sling.

You put your cock
and balls through here,

and this part pushes up
against your taint.

Ah.

Thank you.

That's a very... thoughtful gift
for an old fucker like me.

Oh please. You're better
than my 20-year-old clients.

You have
20-year-old clients?

I once had a client
who was 14.

His dad was
Russian mafia,
I think,

and he bought me
for his kid's 14th birthday.

That kid was hung
like a giraffe,

and... he had no idea
what to do with it.

Unlike you.

I really gotta go.

Arigatou.

Arigatou.

Same time next week?

Whenever you want, Simon.

...environmental
cap-and-trade bill

is making its way through
the Oregon legislature.

There are
several different groups...

...supporting the bill,
and our current guest...

Our brother, Baby Jesus,
is from Colombia.

Your brother is not
named Baby Jesus.

Well, we always called him that
because our parents thought
he was perfect.

Still do.
Yeah, she never had to teach him
how to speak English.

Or learn how to deal
with his fucking hair.

Although, what's going on
with his hair? It's fucking--
Uh-uh.

He just--
He passed for white,

right,
since day one.
Well, he is white.

White white.
Yeah.

WASP white,
like Mom and Dad.

Mmm.
It just made things
so much easier for them.

And they just... relaxed.

Mm-hmm.
They became different people.

Yeah, he never had to wear
Colombian flag T-shirts

or... serve Colombian food
at his birthday parties.

He never had to do anything
he didn't want to do.

Uh-uh.
But we're not bitter.

No.
Yeah, but it must be cool,

having siblings
from these exotic places.

It could've been,

if we weren't so aware
of being advertisements

for how progressive
and evolved our parents were.

Mm. How evolved she was.
He never cared as much.

He didn't.

- So, Vietnam...
- Mm-hmm.

...and Lie-- Lib--
Libya? Libya.

Liberia...

and Colombia.
All places America
totally fucked.

We also have a little sister
who's their biological child.

She is painfully white,
like you.

Now, where are
you from?
Wichita.

Hmm.
First one in my family
to ever leave Kansas.

Well, you've probably
added 15 years to your life
by doing that.

What?

Oh. Nothing
against Kansas, but...

We're meant
to move, explore.

Being stuck in one place
too long is not healthy.

Then why are you both
still in Portland?

Well, I travel...
He travels.

...a lot
A lot.

And I've built up
a large practice of people

whom I believe
I'm genuinely helping.

I'm not going
to abandon them.

But Ashley's just scared.

Oh God.
Ooh!

Where would I go? Hmm?

LA? I've shot there.
I hated it.

New York, Chicago--
I can't do the winters.

Where else is there?
Paris, London.

Oh... Fuck you. God.
Like that's so easy?

Okay, well,
don't be an angry
black woman, Speedo.

Don't be a ching chong
Viet Cong, Duc.

Oh! You're sassy.

Oh, you're a inscrutable.
I bet you're good
at sports.

I bet you're so motherfucking
good at math.

Asshole.

Shit.

I have to take this.
I'm sorry.

That was... great.

Hey, why are you here?

Uh... I have--
I have blow.

Hey. Hey, honey,
I'm sorry.

Uh, I'm just so jammed.

I got a full rec
that I haven't even
started shooting yet

and that... fucking idiot
temp stylist that I've been
bitching to you about

put us hours behind.
It's just--
Oh. Okay.

No worries.
When we get home,

I'll just put her down

before we leave
for your dad's thing,

so she can stay up late
for the party.

She'll have
a lot more fun that way.

Yeah. You're such
a good dad.

Um, so you're okay
with meeting me at my folks'?

Oh. Oh, Mommy's
gonna be that late.

Well... yes.
Mommy will make it up
to you. I promise.

Try not to stress out.

All right. I love you.

Hey.
So... you're picking up
models now?

What are you thinking?

I'm not
gonna fuck him.
Does he know that?

Wow.
Is your marriage
in trouble?

No. No.
This has nothing
to do with Malcolm.

Then what does it
have to do with?
I don't know.

I just want
a vacation sometimes.

I just want a break.
That's all.

God. It's nothing.

It's really nothing.
Look, you've got
a great relationship, Ash.

Don't sabotage--
You don't know anything
about relationships, Duc,

because being in one
includes having sex.

Wow.

Oh my God.

All right.
That was mean. I'm...

I'm a fucking bitch,
okay? I'm sorry.
No. No, you're right.

Look, I know why you--
why you avoid being
with someone, and I...

I-- I respect your choice,
even if I don't agree with it,

and I just need
the same thing from you.

Deal.

Okay.

He's got blow.
I know.

Mm-hmm.

It's like we're back
in high school.
Yeah.

Yo.
Yo.

How are you?

Hi.

This your bike?
Put it in my truck.

Yup.

I actually have
a favor to ask you.

Already?
Yeah.

That's not
a good start. What?

You know the dry cleaner
on Division Street?

That'll be 11.11.

You gotta be
kidding me.

It's 15 for the blazer,

and then your account
has a 3.89 credit
for hanger recycling.

Yeah.

11.11.

"Individuals who are
continually contacted

"by the number 11:11
usually have some positive
mission to accomplish,

"a mission that remains
a mystery until genetically
programmed sequences

are activated
within the DNA."

Wait. Are you--

Are you the next step
in human evolution?

'Cause I'd want
to know that.

Well, did you know
that string theory

needs 11 dimensions
or else it doesn't work?

Where am I going,
by the way?

Oh, um...
my parents live
in Laurelhurst.

Okay. And where
do you live?

Come on. Come on.

I gotta take
a shower anyway.

We'll be in a really good mood
for your dad's thing.

Maybe this is
the positive mission

that I'm supposed
to accomplish.

You're doing
an excellent job.

Mm-hmm.
Excellent.

Well, hello!

What is the best
and smartest little girl
in the world

doing on my front porch?

Oh! You sweet thing.

Gigi is just going
to eat you up.

Eat you up.
Eat you up.

I thought I'd come
a little early,

see if there's anything
I can do to help.

Oh, there are always things
you can do, Malcolm.

Where's Ashley?

She got held up at work.

They named me Subeedo,

this African name
that nobody even knows
what it means.

Sounds like "Speedo."
Exactly.

They called me "scrote tote"
in middle school.

Yeah, so on my 18th birthday,
I had it legally changed

to the whitest name
I could think of.

One picture day...

she dressed me
in kente cloth...
Oh yeah.

...and put this Erykah Badu
thing on my head.

It was so fucking
humiliating.

- Now, I got the áo dài...
- Yeah, yeah.

...which is basically
a dress,

so let's take one
of the only Asian kids
in school

and send him
to picture day
in a dress

that makes him
look like the hostess

at an Asian fusion
restaurant.

Oh shit. It's really late.
We gotta get going.

You're not gonna
wreck my car,
are you?

I love my car.
Oh, of course
I won't.

Got Listerine
if anybody wants some.

Uh-huh.

Ramon is still not here
with your jacket.

I'll wear
the black cashmere one.

- Oh, honey, no.
- It's really unflattering.

And you're
so handsome
in the gray.

So, I'm gonna make
a toast to you--

30-plus years together,
the kids, blah, blah, blah--

and then you'll make
your speech.

Uh, sweetheart,
do we have to?

I'm not really up
to this speech shit.

Greg, you're turning 60.
It's a milestone.

It needs to be marked.
It needs ritual.

What are you doing
on the floor?

Uh, I dropped
the shampoo.

Well, I hope you're
not using my shampoo.

That stuff is
22 bucks a bottle.

It's from Denmark.

Fuck Denmark.

Just so you know,
I've never brought
a guy home before,

even though my mom
has been dying for me to
ever since I came out.

So I'm gonna be
kind of a big deal, huh?

Sorry.

I'm gonna make
a surprise proposal

in front of everyone.

Don't do that.
Okay.

I seriously gotta pee.

"'One day, I'm gonna
fly off this island

and go see the world.'
The other turtles--"

Hey, who's that?
Uncle Ramon.

Oh yeah! Go get him!

Oh, come here,
come here, come here.

Ah! I'm so excited
you're here.

You're her favorite.
You know that, right?

Yeah, well,
she is my favorite,
so it all works out.

Hailey, look, this is
my friend, Henry.

Hi. La, la,
la, la, la...
Hi.

This is my
brother-in-law, Malcolm.
Hey.

Pleasure to meet you, Henry.
Yes, likewise.

Um, where's the bathroom?

Tickles.
Oh, end of the hall.

Are you sure
you're not ticklish?
Follow the smell of patchouli.

Okay.

He's cute, man.
Yeah, I barely know him.

You're gonna want
to enjoy that while it lasts.

Ramon! Where have
you been?

You need to come
with me right now.
All right, let's go.

You promised me
you would be early.
I know, something came up.

He says he's
a serial killer.

You need to block
this guy.

What? Come on!
What real serial killer would
advertise it on Facebook?

Okay, I'm never
gonna meet him.

If I wanted
to actually hook up,
I would go on Tinder,

which... I don't.

Okay, do you really think
I want to see his face

when the hideous beast
that's me

shows up instead
of hot Angela Milton?

Kristen, you are
so not hideous.

Says the beautiful
Colombian boy.

I've made my peace
being the boring white chick
in the family.

Wait.

Did I tell you...

I'm getting
my DNA analyzed.

Why?

'Cause maybe there's
a tiny percentage

of something
interesting in there.

Kristen, seriously,

you have to be careful
with this Facebook stuff.

There are real psychos
out there.

I actually hooked up
with one once.

Wait. How often
do you hook up?

How often do you?

I'm 17, dumbass.
Like never. Yet.

Don't judge me.
I'm not waiting
for the perfect...

you know, whatever.
I just haven't found anyone
particularly interested.

Interesting.
Uh-oh, Freudian slip.

You are unusually
forthcoming tonight.

I'm high.
I'm always high.

Is that like a plea for help?

Dear God, no,
I love it.

Ooh, wait. Check out
this new vaporizer.

Let's see.

I got you this.

Oh my...
Right. Sorry.

Thank you.

Okay, suck it up, boys.

No one can see
how inebriated we are.
Okay? No one.

Randy, you are Duc's friend.
You and I just met.

I picked you guys up
on my way over.
Why?

Because she doesn't want
her husband to know

she's bringing
a hot boy to the party.

Duc, you're not gonna
tell Malcolm anything, okay?

Of course not,
you're my sister.

He's just your incredibly
nice husband

who happens to be
my best friend,

which is not awkward
for me at all.

You're married?
Yeah.

Actually, that makes
total sense.

What the fuck does
that mean?

You're beautiful, smart,
and fucking hot.

Of course
you're married.
Aw.

You're very sweet, Randy...

or you're
a complete douchebag.

Can you not
call her "hot"?

- It's a fact.

Hey, baby! Hi!
Mom!

Don't you look nice?
Look at you.

Aw, Daddy did
a great job dressing you.

Somebody was
a little more interested
in picking out her outfit

than taking a nap...
Oh.

...so I don't know how long
she's gonna last.

I'm so sorry I'm late.
Uh-huh. It's no problem.

You smell like Listerine.
Mmm.

Yup, Listerine.
Let me check again.

Wow.

It's like a golden retriever
turned into a dude.

Right? I think
she married him
to piss our mom off.

He was a Republican...
you know, before Trump.

Yeah.
But she hit the jackpot.

Do I know you?

Um, no, I don't think so.
Hi, I'm Henry.

I made it explicitly clear
there were to be
no catering servers--

Ah. Oh, no.

No, no, I'm--
I'm with Ramon.

As his date?

Uh, yeah.
Really?

Sure. Yeah.
I'm Ramon's mom,

Audrey.
Oh. Audrey. Oh.

I'm sorry.

Oh, it is
such a pleasure
to meet you.

Oh my God,
a pleasure.

The pleasure is mine.

Come.
Okay.

I want to learn
everything about you.
Okay.

...22, 23, 24, 25--

How high
can you count?
A hundred.

I need to take
a picture of you

'cause you just counted
to a hundred.

Oh my gosh.
Okay. Get ready.

We are smart ladies.

Dude. I don't think
she's gonna fuck me tonight.

Dude, that's my sister.
Shut your fucking mouth.

I mean, why'd she
even bring me, huh?

She just likes
to play with fire.

Ashley likes
to play near fire,

without ever
getting close enough
to actually get burned.

I mean, I get it.
Her husband's
very fuckable.

Oh well.

Everyone here's
pretty old.

It's a 60th birthday party.

Are there any caterers
here at least?

So, tell me
about this psycho
you hooked up with.

It was
so fucking creepy.

He made this face
during sex

that literally was like
the face of madness.

That's it?
He just made
a weird face?

You seem disappointed
that he didn't murder
or dismember me.

It was really upsetting.
I kind of just...

put the brakes
on hooking up after that.

Wait. When was
the last time you hooked up?

A couple hours ago.
What? Oh, slut.

What did you hook up on?
Grindr?

Uh-uh.
Growlr.

No.
Bristlr?

Uh-uh.
Uh-uh.
Scruff.

I met him
in real life.
Oh, what?

That is weird.
His name's Henry.

Oh shit!
What?

He's here tonight.
No.

Yeah, he kind of
invited himself,
and I just never said no.

Oh, so the sex was good.
Yeah.

Well, fuck.
Introduce me to him.

All right, just don't be weird.
I don't want to scare
him off. Please.

When am I ever weird?

Wait. Have I ever
told you about how much
I just love gay porn?

Yeah, only
a gazillion times.

Hey, Ash, Ash,
Ash, Ash, Ash.
What?

Can-- Sorry. Can I
get in on your gift
to Dad, please?

Ram...

Come on,
how much is half?

Two hundred dollars.
Wow.

Yeah.
I-- I can do 50.

No.

Thank you.
Thank you.

Stop it.
Okay, but thank you.

Dad.

Happy birthday.

Wow.

These are beautiful.
They're great.

They were custom-made
for you in Italy.

Ashley, thank you.
Welcome.

And Ramon.
And Ramon.

Thanks, buddy.
Happy birthday, Dad.

Dad. Yeah, I'm still
making your gift.

I can't wait
to see what it is.

He's talking to Mom.

Oh yeah, Ram,
he is uber hot.

I better go rescue him
before she unhinges her jaw

and swallows him whole.
Okay.

I used to be a therapist.
Not a lot escapes me.

Hey. So you guys
met each other.

We did.
Sweetie.

Yeah?
I want you to know,

you have my full,
unconditional blessing.

Well, of course I do, Mom.
Not that I need it.

This one's a keeper.

This one?

There's something
very special about this.

Yeah, yeah, we put
our dicks in each other.

Was that really necessary?

Mom, we're gay.
We're not special.

That's a little bit
condescending and weird.

Well, would you prefer
a mother who disowned you?

Or sat shiva for you?

Sometimes.

Yeah.

Well, I'm truly sorry, Henry,

that Ramon feels
the need to denigrate me
in front of you.

You must be
pretty important to him.

Excuse me.

A gym membership?

It's not just a gym, Dad.

It's a platinum membership
to Quantum Fitness.

You can use any part
of the entire club, 24-7.

You know I'm 60, right?

You can start
with some basic yoga.

We could go together.

You could use it.
You're pretty stiff.

Well, stiff is
a good thing at my age.

Doc Boatwright!

Michael!

Thank you, son.

Welcome.

Hey.
Welcome,
welcome.

Oh. Oh, sure.
Come here.

Um, you remember
my girlfriend, Emma.

- Hi. Happy birthday.
- Of course.

Mmm.

Hey.

Hey.

Or perhaps
I should say...

"Neigh!"

Great party, Mom.
Is it?

Aren't you even
remotely interested
why I might say that?

Remotely.

Mom, if you want to tell me
how you're feeling, tell me.

I'd love to hear,
but it's not my job
to dig it out of you.

Oh, is that
how you "motivate"
people's "architecture"?

Passive-aggressively?

Yes, and that
was neither passive
nor aggressive.

Celibately?
Well, that was aggressive.

Women need
men like you.

You should be
making love constantly,

bringing that empathy
into being.

You could be a conduit
for healing the world.

Through fucking?
Eh.

Look at your father.

So hungry for approval.

He wasn't always
like that.

He always had the approval,
so he never had to work for it.

He's been depressed
for a couple of years now.

Any particular reason?

No, I'm waiting
for him to tell me.

It's not my job
to dig it out of him.

I look at him,
and I love him so much,

it literally hurts.

I'm serious,
like it might injure me.

And in the same moment,
I wanna smack him repeatedly

in the face
with big, wet fish.

Who's that kid
talking to Dad?

Hmm. His TA,
Michael something.

Oh, yeah?

Your father loves
his acolytes.

...my ass.

Hmm.

Ah, I love that.
That's so good.
I'm gonna steal that.

Okay. Well, I stole it.

Mind if I grab him
for a bit?
Oh.

How are you doing?
I'm great. I'm drunk.

Oh, honey.
Only seltzer then,
the rest of the party.

Here's your blazer.

No. I'm-- I'm good.
For your speech. Oh.

If you wanna look nice.

I'm good.

Um, you--
you should probably know,

I'm a virgin.

We can use my shirt.

Can I have
everyone's attention?

Attention, please!
Aw.

We're here
to celebrate the birth
of my dear husband, Greg,

who I met at Berkeley
many centuries ago.

Aw!

June 12th, 1982.

- The March for Disarmament.
- Wow.

Still one
of the largest protest marches
in New York City history.

But I remember it
as the day...

he proposed.

Aw.

I had never met a boy
who was so comfortable
around me.

Some people say
I can be a handful.

What?

But Greg wasn't intimidated.

He got me.
In fact...

he celebrated me.

Oh, that's so sweet.

And he's done so
every day

of mine and our
four children's lives,

and we love him for it...

...as I'm sure you all do.

Greg?

We love you both.

My darling.

The love of my life.

Wouldn't you like
to say a few words?

Yeah!
Come on,
get up there, Greg.

Mm-mm.
- Let's hear it.

Come on, Greg!

Greg!

All right, Greg! Yeah!

Thanks, honey.

Please don't say
anything depressing.

Audrey,
you dropped your bracelet.
Oh, thank you.

Well...

I don't think anyone...

I don't think anyone's life...

turns out the way
they thought it would.

That's for sure.

Things we didn't
even know existed--

What's with the all black?
Is he Johnny Cash?

He's struggling
for autonomy.
Oh.

While things
we considered fundamental...

But the gray silk,
he looks so good in that.

He doesn't want to look good.
He wants to have his way.

You know, sometimes I feel
like I'm still a teenager...

...like age is
just an illusion...

and I'm gonna feel
this way forever.

But other times, I feel like

there's a pair
of invisible hands...

wrapped around my heart...

squeezing it so tight...

that I think I'm...

I think it's
gonna stop beating.

I almost wish it would.

But it doesn't.

It just keeps beating...

and I just keep going.

I'm a philosopher...

whatever that means.

I spent most of my life
trying to figure out...

what life is all about.

And here I am,
60 years old-- 60,

and I have
no fucking idea.

Let me know if you...

need me to stop
or slow down.

Okay, I will.

When I was young,

I thought the purpose of life

was to seek enlightenment,

to use our minds,

to try to imagine
a better future...

Just breathe.

Okay.

...bring light
into the darkness...

...to reject fear
and despair

and cynicism...

...to honor intelligence
and reason...

to choose love.

Love?

I feel embarrassed even
articulating that, because...

I look at the world...

not even the world...

here, now...

and all I see
is ignorance,

hatred,

terror,

and rage.

We lost, folks.

We lost.

I look back on...

my partnership
with this amazing woman...

and this great experiment
that is our family...

and I wonder,

I really do wonder...

"Did any of it
make any difference?"

'Cause from where
I'm standing...

What the fuck?

What the fuck is that?

What the fuck is what?

Hey.

Hey. What's happening?

Ramon?

What the fuck?

It's fucking 11:11!

Ramon.

Did you take
anything tonight?

Who gave it to you?

No.
Was it Henry?

Hey, hey.

I got you.
I got you.

What's going on
with him?

He's hallucinating.

I was hallucinating?

It's okay.

Wait. Nobody saw
what happened
with the fire?

It's okay.

What it did?

It's okay.

It's all right.

What's wrong with Ramon?

He doesn't have a fever.

We did a whole blood battery,
nothing was abnormal,

so no liver
or kidney failure.

No migraines.
He's way too young
for dementia.

He sleeps
over eight hours a night,
so no narcolepsy.

Full MRI revealed nothing,

so no tumor that might
cause hallucinations.
Mrs. Boatwright.

It's Bayer,
like the aspirin.

Ms. Bayer.

Ms. Bayer...

hallucinations
can be symptomatic

of many different
conditions besides--

Well, of course
I know that.

I was a therapist
for almost 20 years

before I founded
the Empathy Initiative.

It wasn't a hallucination.
I saw 11:11 on the clock.

I mean, a friend
of mine can corroborate.
He was there.

A friend you've only known
for a matter of days.

Mom, seriously?

Is it possible, Ramon,

that seeing
or hearing that number

could've planted the idea
in your subconscious?

That's what
I've been saying.

No, these numbers
mean something, Dad.

Sweetie,
I know it's scary,

and you wanna find
some sense of meaning
in what happened,

but try not to be too--
Schizophrenic?

I know that's
what you're thinking.

You're thinking
I'm just like Uncle Ike.

This is why I thought
it would be better if--

if your father and I spoke
to the doctor alone at first.

You should probably know
my older brother
is schizophrenic.

But...
But Ramon is not
our biological child.

I'm aware of that.

I'm not saying
it's genetic.

I'm saying I know
what it looks like.

I've seen it start.

He was just high,
and he imagined something.

Remember when he was little
and he thought shadows were
always following him?

Shadows were
following me, Dad.

And you've
been high and seen things.
I was with you, Audrey,

when you thought you were
in an Aztec pyramid

being prepared
for sacrifice.

I wasn't high.
I was tripping.

And-- and when we first met,
you were terrified

that you would still
turn out to be schizophrenic.

What is your point?

My point is,
you weren't!

You-you-- you have
so much fear about this,

that you almost are creating--
Leave your fucking philosophy
in the classroom, okay?

Of course I'm terrified.

Ike was Ramon's age
when he had his first
psychotic episode.

Until we gather
more conclusive information,

I need everyone in the room
to stop using diagnostic terms

like psychosis
and schizophrenia.

Can we all
agree on that?

Mm-hmm.

These words are used
much more than they should be

and can be very confusing,
especially to the patient.

Thank you.
She's been sending him
links to web sites.

She's... fucking
scared shitless.

I want him
to be educated.
I want you to know

what you might
be up against.

You want
to control everything

because you want
to control everything.

Maybe you could mask
your contempt for me
in front of the doctor.

They waited too long

to diagnose my brother,

too long to medicate him.

Each hallucination
can cause more damage.

I think we should start Ramon
on Seroquel as soon as possible.

What? You have
been lecturing me

about the evils
of Western medicine

for the past 35 years.
We have to head off
a second hallucination...

Oh my God.
...which can only make
a third one more likely.

Ms. Bayer.
I'm sorry, Doctor,
but you should probably know

I'm not one of those mothers
who can sit back and watch
from behind a glass.

I intend to take
an active part in Ramon's
diagnosis and treatment.

I genuinely respect
your desire to be
so involved...

but that decision is
for Ramon to make.

Should he undergo treatment,

it would be based
on strict confidentiality

between him and myself.

Well, of-- of course,
but-- but if he agrees

to our being involved--

Do you want
your parents to know

everything we talk about
during your treatment?

You don't have
to say "yes," Ramon.

In fact,
I would advise you not to.

Excuse me?

You were a therapist,
Ms. Bayer.

You know there can be
no meaningful therapy

for Ramon
with his parents
in the room.

If you decide
to become my patient,

they can't be here
without your consent.

Do you understand?

And if they call or email
to ask about your progress,

I can't answer them.
I'm prohibited by law.

Ramon.

Ramon.

- Ramon?
- I'm sorry,

but this clearly
is not the best--

No, I want
to be his patient.

I do.

- I do.
- Sweetie.

Then you both need
to wait outside

until we're done
with our session.

Of course.
Everything's going
to be okay. All right?

We'll be right outside
if you need us, sweetie.
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Who is that woman
in the picture?

What picture?

Who is she?

My mother.

Why?