Original subtitles

Ramon.

She looked like she was in some old Mexican movie,

but she wasn't speaking Spanish.

I don't know what language it was,

but she says my name... Uh-huh.

...and then she just rips her fucking face open.

Wow. Wow, you're way deeper than I am.

I just dream I'm at work with no pants on.

Yeah.

Do you have a boner? In the dream or right now?

Either. No, sadly.

You're a tease. You're a tease.

You wouldn't know what to do with me if you had me.

You're probably right. You give up to easy. You give up to easy.

That was weird. What?

That was really weird. I just felt like something grabbed my head

and turned me, so that I would look at that clock,

like it wanted me to see that clock.

What wanted you to?

Wait. 11:11, doesn't that mean something?

Uh, yeah. I mean, it sounds like it should,

right, because of 9/11, 7-Eleven.

Yeah.

My pants are vibrating.

Now who's the tease?

Hmm?

- Hey, Mom. - Sweetie.

I need you to do me a big favor today.

Mom, put him on speaker. I-- I don't, uh...

It's this new phone. I-- I have to--

You don't know how to connect to Bluetooth.

Okay, this is why millennials are so angry.

You're not a millennial. They haven't even named your generation yet...

Hello? ...although I have a couple of suggestions.

What, "stupid cunts"?

Hello? Ramon, Ramon, on your way over tonight,

I need you to stop by the dry cleaners

and pick up Dad's gray silk blazer I want him to wear.

Mom, seriously?

Please don't make me bring up who pays your rent.

Mom, can you at least put him on speaker?

You're about to get a ticket!

You want me to bike four and a half miles with the dry cleaning?

Of course not. Take an Uber, use my account.

- Okay. Ram? - Yeah.

Can you come like half an hour early?

I need to talk to you about something. It's really important.

Why can't you talk about it in front of me?

Uh, because I am my own person who's not you

with my own boundaries and everything. We actually exist.

Can you do it? Please say yes. Yes, yes, yes.

Yeah. Yeah. I will. I will.

Ah! Okay. I love you. Bye. Oh, oh, oh!

What if I wasn't done with him? You were.

Sorry. It's okay.

Where were we? Oh, we were flirting...

like we've been doing every day since I started working here.

Right. Right.

Um, what are you doing tonight?

I get off at 5:00.

My mom is actually throwing a birthday party for my dad,

and I have to be there. Can I come?

That would be weird.

Why?

Mm-hmm.

Brian, customer needs assistance with the piñatas.

Ta-dah!

You're going to make us eat with wooden forks?

Bamboo is sustainable. The world is bigger than us.

Oh yeah, we've fucked that beyond repair.

It is too late to stop climate change. That ship has sailed.

Thank you for that, by the way. Sweetie, remember,

thoughts create reality.

Mom, we should all wear horse heads tonight,

like the entire family,

but then act like it's totally normal.

If anyone asks us, just be like, "What?

What horse heads?"

Are you high?

Sweetie.

Mom, you should be glad that I smoke pot,

because if I didn't, I would be bipolar, and I'm not kidding about that.

Sweetie, your brain is hardly even formed yet.

Did you smoke pot when you were my age?

Ah... I also did LSD,

which can actually trigger psychosis in rare cases.

Does that mean you should do it?

Maybe.

You know how much I regret smoking pot.

I'm sure it's the reason for my compromised attention skills.

Mom, you do not have ADD.

Let's leave any diagnosis to me, okay? Fine.

I'm the professional.

You just try to do more than one human could possibly do,

so of course you're overwhelmed.

But it's not a condition. Not everything is a condition.

It's too late for any of it.

It's too late for me to have children.

I mean, I know I could adopt, but...

it's too late spiritually.

It's too late for me to leave Carl,

even if I knew that's what I wanted to do,

because it's much too late

for me to meet a man I might actually be compatible with.

Because even if such a man did exist, he's...

married and old, and probably dead.

But, Lydia, you're alive.

And is this how you want to live?

Mourning imaginary lives you'll never have?

No.

Can you change the past?

No.

Does the past exist? Here, now?

No? What exists?

Right now?

Precisely. Um...

Right now. Okay, I'm thinking.

No, right now, that's what exists.

Right now is all that ever exists.

Well, my old therapist told me that...

grieving was important. Yeah? When did she tell you this?

Well, I quit seeing her about three years ago.

And how has three years of grieving worked out for you?

Oh my God.

Those three years I could've been doing--

Those three years are never coming back, Lydia.

Never. No matter how much you cry.

What exists?

Right now.

Right now.

So, until next week...

See it, want it, have it.

Good.

Oh.

Ready, Brandon?

I'm on time this week. I appreciate that.

When it becomes the norm,

that's when it'll be an accomplishment.

Great.

What do you notice about this picture?

Um...

Men do not like to look other men they don't know in the eye,

so on male models,

everything above the mouth is cropped out.

It's so the male consumer doesn't feel challenged.

Okay. Now, how much time did it take you

to decide to put this hat on Randy?

I bet you went through a lot of options.

I understand you were in the accessories vault for half an hour.

- I'm a good stylist. - You have potential,

but you are slow, and you waste time...

like with this hat thing today.

Well, if they're not supposed to wear the hats,

why are there so many of them in the accessories vault?

Because we sell them.

But hats, gloves, belts, socks

are shot off-figure,

not on models.

Have you seen the web site?

Yes.

Okay, go back to work.

You just destroyed that poor girl.

If that's all it takes, I'm sorry, she needs to be destroyed.

She'll probably end up giving blow jobs for meth money

trying to erase the pain of this day.

Let me know if she does anything else stupid,

and help motivate her to be faster if you can.

I'm sure you can.

Oh. Duc.

Hey, want to go out for drinks before Dad's thing tonight?

Oh God, yes, let's get fucked up.

Cooper's Hall, 5:30?

You're on.

I have blow.

Michael. Doc Boatwright.

Recognize this?

I always wanted a first edition,

and I finally found one on Bonanza.

Look at that.

Hmm. Will you sign it for me?

Of course.

You're, uh, well, my biggest inspiration,

which you already know.

The way you marry Epicureanism with presentism,

and then reboot them both into something so deeply, deeply moral--

As if morality matters.

Fuck those idiots who called it an ethical defense of hedonism,

which-- wow-- it boggles my mind

anyone would ever interpret it that way.

You are a rock star.

I'll let you get back...

You know, it's my birthday today.

I'm... 60.

No way.

There's a party later. You... you got plans?

Kristen, come down here and help me!

I would certainly fuck me.

Kristen, now!

I didn't understand a word.

Are you making them leave because you don't want people to know the party's catered?

No, I just think it'll be a warmer, more intimate party

without strangers in vests wandering around with canapés.

You sure it's not because you want people to think you did this all yourself?

You want to tell me what this ongoing hostility toward me is about?

Look, what did you need me for?

It's biologically determined, you know,

this instinct to reject your family of origin.

Dear God, do you ever stop talking?

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Okay, Mom, I really think that you should consider

the benefits of medical marijuana.

I don't need a crutch, Kristen.

And unlike everyone else alive,

I don't want one.

Put one of these in each bathroom...

but do not light them yet.

Okay.

Patchouli and frankincense organic soy candle.

Ugh! Flashback to that awful Red Moon party

you threw for me when I first got my period.

I can't believe you still haven't forgiven me for that.

I will never forgive you for that.

That party wasn't even for me.

It was just so you and your old hippie friends

could get drunk in the hot tub and grab each others' tits.

Well, at least somebody was having fun that night.

Oh! Happy birthday.

You remembered.

I got you a present.

Is that a... Is that a cock ring?

It's a cock sling.

You put your cock and balls through here,

and this part pushes up against your taint.

Ah.

Thank you.

That's a very... thoughtful gift for an old fucker like me.

Oh please. You're better than my 20-year-old clients.

You have 20-year-old clients?

I once had a client who was 14.

His dad was Russian mafia, I think,

and he bought me for his kid's 14th birthday.

That kid was hung like a giraffe,

and... he had no idea what to do with it.

Unlike you.

I really gotta go.

Arigatou.

Arigatou.

Same time next week?

Whenever you want, Simon.

...environmental cap-and-trade bill

is making its way through the Oregon legislature.

There are several different groups...

...supporting the bill, and our current guest...

Our brother, Baby Jesus, is from Colombia.

Your brother is not named Baby Jesus.

Well, we always called him that because our parents thought he was perfect.

Still do. Yeah, she never had to teach him how to speak English.

Or learn how to deal with his fucking hair.

Although, what's going on with his hair? It's fucking-- Uh-uh.

He just-- He passed for white,

right, since day one. Well, he is white.

White white. Yeah.

WASP white, like Mom and Dad.

Mmm. It just made things so much easier for them.

And they just... relaxed.

Mm-hmm. They became different people.

Yeah, he never had to wear Colombian flag T-shirts

or... serve Colombian food at his birthday parties.

He never had to do anything he didn't want to do.

Uh-uh. But we're not bitter.

No. Yeah, but it must be cool,

having siblings from these exotic places.

It could've been,

if we weren't so aware of being advertisements

for how progressive and evolved our parents were.

Mm. How evolved she was. He never cared as much.

He didn't.

- So, Vietnam... - Mm-hmm.

...and Lie-- Lib-- Libya? Libya.

Liberia...

and Colombia. All places America totally fucked.

We also have a little sister who's their biological child.

She is painfully white, like you.

Now, where are you from? Wichita.

Hmm. First one in my family to ever leave Kansas.

Well, you've probably added 15 years to your life by doing that.

What?

Oh. Nothing against Kansas, but...

We're meant to move, explore.

Being stuck in one place too long is not healthy.

Then why are you both still in Portland?

Well, I travel... He travels.

...a lot A lot.

And I've built up a large practice of people

whom I believe I'm genuinely helping.

I'm not going to abandon them.

But Ashley's just scared.

Oh God. Ooh!

Where would I go? Hmm?

LA? I've shot there. I hated it.

New York, Chicago-- I can't do the winters.

Where else is there? Paris, London.

Oh... Fuck you. God. Like that's so easy?

Okay, well, don't be an angry black woman, Speedo.

Don't be a ching chong Viet Cong, Duc.

Oh! You're sassy.

Oh, you're a inscrutable. I bet you're good at sports.

I bet you're so motherfucking good at math.

Asshole.

Shit.

I have to take this. I'm sorry.

That was... great.

Hey, why are you here?

Uh... I have-- I have blow.

Hey. Hey, honey, I'm sorry.

Uh, I'm just so jammed.

I got a full rec that I haven't even started shooting yet

and that... fucking idiot temp stylist that I've been bitching to you about

put us hours behind. It's just-- Oh. Okay.

No worries. When we get home,

I'll just put her down

before we leave for your dad's thing,

so she can stay up late for the party.

She'll have a lot more fun that way.

Yeah. You're such a good dad.

Um, so you're okay with meeting me at my folks'?

Oh. Oh, Mommy's gonna be that late.

Well... yes. Mommy will make it up to you. I promise.

Try not to stress out.

All right. I love you.

Hey. So... you're picking up models now?

What are you thinking?

I'm not gonna fuck him. Does he know that?

Wow. Is your marriage in trouble?

No. No. This has nothing to do with Malcolm.

Then what does it have to do with? I don't know.

I just want a vacation sometimes.

I just want a break. That's all.

God. It's nothing.

It's really nothing. Look, you've got a great relationship, Ash.

Don't sabotage-- You don't know anything about relationships, Duc,

because being in one includes having sex.

Wow.

Oh my God.

All right. That was mean. I'm...

I'm a fucking bitch, okay? I'm sorry. No. No, you're right.

Look, I know why you-- why you avoid being with someone, and I...

I-- I respect your choice, even if I don't agree with it,

and I just need the same thing from you.

Deal.

Okay.

He's got blow. I know.

Mm-hmm.

It's like we're back in high school. Yeah.

Yo. Yo.

How are you?

Hi.

This your bike? Put it in my truck.

Yup.

I actually have a favor to ask you.

Already? Yeah.

That's not a good start. What?

You know the dry cleaner on Division Street?

That'll be 11.11.

You gotta be kidding me.

It's 15 for the blazer,

and then your account has a 3.89 credit for hanger recycling.

Yeah.

11.11.

"Individuals who are continually contacted

"by the number 11:11 usually have some positive mission to accomplish,

"a mission that remains a mystery until genetically programmed sequences

are activated within the DNA."

Wait. Are you--

Are you the next step in human evolution?

'Cause I'd want to know that.

Well, did you know that string theory

needs 11 dimensions or else it doesn't work?

Where am I going, by the way?

Oh, um... my parents live in Laurelhurst.

Okay. And where do you live?

Come on. Come on.

I gotta take a shower anyway.

We'll be in a really good mood for your dad's thing.

Maybe this is the positive mission

that I'm supposed to accomplish.

You're doing an excellent job.

Mm-hmm. Excellent.

Well, hello!

What is the best and smartest little girl in the world

doing on my front porch?

Oh! You sweet thing.

Gigi is just going to eat you up.

Eat you up. Eat you up.

I thought I'd come a little early,

see if there's anything I can do to help.

Oh, there are always things you can do, Malcolm.

Where's Ashley?

She got held up at work.

They named me Subeedo,

this African name that nobody even knows what it means.

Sounds like "Speedo." Exactly.

They called me "scrote tote" in middle school.

Yeah, so on my 18th birthday, I had it legally changed

to the whitest name I could think of.

One picture day...

she dressed me in kente cloth... Oh yeah.

...and put this Erykah Badu thing on my head.

It was so fucking humiliating.

- Now, I got the áo dài... - Yeah, yeah.

...which is basically a dress,

so let's take one of the only Asian kids in school

and send him to picture day in a dress

that makes him look like the hostess

at an Asian fusion restaurant.

Oh shit. It's really late. We gotta get going.

You're not gonna wreck my car, are you?

I love my car. Oh, of course I won't.

Got Listerine if anybody wants some.

Uh-huh.

Ramon is still not here with your jacket.

I'll wear the black cashmere one.

- Oh, honey, no. - It's really unflattering.

And you're so handsome in the gray.

So, I'm gonna make a toast to you--

30-plus years together, the kids, blah, blah, blah--

and then you'll make your speech.

Uh, sweetheart, do we have to?

I'm not really up to this speech shit.

Greg, you're turning 60. It's a milestone.

It needs to be marked. It needs ritual.

What are you doing on the floor?

Uh, I dropped the shampoo.

Well, I hope you're not using my shampoo.

That stuff is 22 bucks a bottle.

It's from Denmark.

Fuck Denmark.

Just so you know, I've never brought a guy home before,

even though my mom has been dying for me to ever since I came out.

So I'm gonna be kind of a big deal, huh?

Sorry.

I'm gonna make a surprise proposal

in front of everyone.

Don't do that. Okay.

I seriously gotta pee.

"'One day, I'm gonna fly off this island

and go see the world.' The other turtles--"

Hey, who's that? Uncle Ramon.

Oh yeah! Go get him!

Oh, come here, come here, come here.

Ah! I'm so excited you're here.

You're her favorite. You know that, right?

Yeah, well, she is my favorite, so it all works out.

Hailey, look, this is my friend, Henry.

Hi. La, la, la, la, la... Hi.

This is my brother-in-law, Malcolm. Hey.

Pleasure to meet you, Henry. Yes, likewise.

Um, where's the bathroom?

Tickles. Oh, end of the hall.

Are you sure you're not ticklish? Follow the smell of patchouli.

Okay.

He's cute, man. Yeah, I barely know him.

You're gonna want to enjoy that while it lasts.

Ramon! Where have you been?

You need to come with me right now. All right, let's go.

You promised me you would be early. I know, something came up.

He says he's a serial killer.

You need to block this guy.

What? Come on! What real serial killer would advertise it on Facebook?

Okay, I'm never gonna meet him.

If I wanted to actually hook up, I would go on Tinder,

which... I don't.

Okay, do you really think I want to see his face

when the hideous beast that's me

shows up instead of hot Angela Milton?

Kristen, you are so not hideous.

Says the beautiful Colombian boy.

I've made my peace being the boring white chick in the family.

Wait.

Did I tell you...

I'm getting my DNA analyzed.

Why?

'Cause maybe there's a tiny percentage

of something interesting in there.

Kristen, seriously,

you have to be careful with this Facebook stuff.

There are real psychos out there.

I actually hooked up with one once.

Wait. How often do you hook up?

How often do you?

I'm 17, dumbass. Like never. Yet.

Don't judge me. I'm not waiting for the perfect...

you know, whatever. I just haven't found anyone particularly interested.

Interesting. Uh-oh, Freudian slip.

You are unusually forthcoming tonight.

I'm high. I'm always high.

Is that like a plea for help?

Dear God, no, I love it.

Ooh, wait. Check out this new vaporizer.

Let's see.

I got you this.

Oh my... Right. Sorry.

Thank you.

Okay, suck it up, boys.

No one can see how inebriated we are. Okay? No one.

Randy, you are Duc's friend. You and I just met.

I picked you guys up on my way over. Why?

Because she doesn't want her husband to know

she's bringing a hot boy to the party.

Duc, you're not gonna tell Malcolm anything, okay?

Of course not, you're my sister.

He's just your incredibly nice husband

who happens to be my best friend,

which is not awkward for me at all.

You're married? Yeah.

Actually, that makes total sense.

What the fuck does that mean?

You're beautiful, smart, and fucking hot.

Of course you're married. Aw.

You're very sweet, Randy...

or you're a complete douchebag.

Can you not call her "hot"?

- It's a fact.

Hey, baby! Hi! Mom!

Don't you look nice? Look at you.

Aw, Daddy did a great job dressing you.

Somebody was a little more interested in picking out her outfit

than taking a nap... Oh.

...so I don't know how long she's gonna last.

I'm so sorry I'm late. Uh-huh. It's no problem.

You smell like Listerine. Mmm.

Yup, Listerine. Let me check again.

Wow.

It's like a golden retriever turned into a dude.

Right? I think she married him to piss our mom off.

He was a Republican... you know, before Trump.

Yeah. But she hit the jackpot.

Do I know you?

Um, no, I don't think so. Hi, I'm Henry.

I made it explicitly clear there were to be no catering servers--

Ah. Oh, no.

No, no, I'm-- I'm with Ramon.

As his date?

Uh, yeah. Really?

Sure. Yeah. I'm Ramon's mom,

Audrey. Oh. Audrey. Oh.

I'm sorry.

Oh, it is such a pleasure to meet you.

Oh my God, a pleasure.

The pleasure is mine.

Come. Okay.

I want to learn everything about you. Okay.

...22, 23, 24, 25--

How high can you count? A hundred.

I need to take a picture of you

'cause you just counted to a hundred.

Oh my gosh. Okay. Get ready.

We are smart ladies.

Dude. I don't think she's gonna fuck me tonight.

Dude, that's my sister. Shut your fucking mouth.

I mean, why'd she even bring me, huh?

She just likes to play with fire.

Ashley likes to play near fire,

without ever getting close enough to actually get burned.

I mean, I get it. Her husband's very fuckable.

Oh well.

Everyone here's pretty old.

It's a 60th birthday party.

Are there any caterers here at least?

So, tell me about this psycho you hooked up with.

It was so fucking creepy.

He made this face during sex

that literally was like the face of madness.

That's it? He just made a weird face?

You seem disappointed that he didn't murder or dismember me.

It was really upsetting. I kind of just...

put the brakes on hooking up after that.

Wait. When was the last time you hooked up?

A couple hours ago. What? Oh, slut.

What did you hook up on? Grindr?

Uh-uh. Growlr.

No. Bristlr?

Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Scruff.

I met him in real life. Oh, what?

That is weird. His name's Henry.

Oh shit! What?

He's here tonight. No.

Yeah, he kind of invited himself, and I just never said no.

Oh, so the sex was good. Yeah.

Well, fuck. Introduce me to him.

All right, just don't be weird. I don't want to scare him off. Please.

When am I ever weird?

Wait. Have I ever told you about how much I just love gay porn?

Yeah, only a gazillion times.

Hey, Ash, Ash, Ash, Ash, Ash. What?

Can-- Sorry. Can I get in on your gift to Dad, please?

Ram...

Come on, how much is half?

Two hundred dollars. Wow.

Yeah. I-- I can do 50.

No.

Thank you. Thank you.

Stop it. Okay, but thank you.

Dad.

Happy birthday.

Wow.

These are beautiful. They're great.

They were custom-made for you in Italy.

Ashley, thank you. Welcome.

And Ramon. And Ramon.

Thanks, buddy. Happy birthday, Dad.

Dad. Yeah, I'm still making your gift.

I can't wait to see what it is.

He's talking to Mom.

Oh yeah, Ram, he is uber hot.

I better go rescue him before she unhinges her jaw

and swallows him whole. Okay.

I used to be a therapist. Not a lot escapes me.

Hey. So you guys met each other.

We did. Sweetie.

Yeah? I want you to know,

you have my full, unconditional blessing.

Well, of course I do, Mom. Not that I need it.

This one's a keeper.

This one?

There's something very special about this.

Yeah, yeah, we put our dicks in each other.

Was that really necessary?

Mom, we're gay. We're not special.

That's a little bit condescending and weird.

Well, would you prefer a mother who disowned you?

Or sat shiva for you?

Sometimes.

Yeah.

Well, I'm truly sorry, Henry,

that Ramon feels the need to denigrate me in front of you.

You must be pretty important to him.

Excuse me.

A gym membership?

It's not just a gym, Dad.

It's a platinum membership to Quantum Fitness.

You can use any part of the entire club, 24-7.

You know I'm 60, right?

You can start with some basic yoga.

We could go together.

You could use it. You're pretty stiff.

Well, stiff is a good thing at my age.

Doc Boatwright!

Michael!

Thank you, son.

Welcome.

Hey. Welcome, welcome.

Oh. Oh, sure. Come here.

Um, you remember my girlfriend, Emma.

- Hi. Happy birthday. - Of course.

Mmm.

Hey.

Hey.

Or perhaps I should say...

"Neigh!"

Great party, Mom. Is it?

Aren't you even remotely interested why I might say that?

Remotely.

Mom, if you want to tell me how you're feeling, tell me.

I'd love to hear, but it's not my job to dig it out of you.

Oh, is that how you "motivate" people's "architecture"?

Passive-aggressively?

Yes, and that was neither passive nor aggressive.

Celibately? Well, that was aggressive.

Women need men like you.

You should be making love constantly,

bringing that empathy into being.

You could be a conduit for healing the world.

Through fucking? Eh.

Look at your father.

So hungry for approval.

He wasn't always like that.

He always had the approval, so he never had to work for it.

He's been depressed for a couple of years now.

Any particular reason?

No, I'm waiting for him to tell me.

It's not my job to dig it out of him.

I look at him, and I love him so much,

it literally hurts.

I'm serious, like it might injure me.

And in the same moment, I wanna smack him repeatedly

in the face with big, wet fish.

Who's that kid talking to Dad?

Hmm. His TA, Michael something.

Oh, yeah?

Your father loves his acolytes.

...my ass.

Hmm.

Ah, I love that. That's so good. I'm gonna steal that.

Okay. Well, I stole it.

Mind if I grab him for a bit? Oh.

How are you doing? I'm great. I'm drunk.

Oh, honey. Only seltzer then, the rest of the party.

Here's your blazer.

No. I'm-- I'm good. For your speech. Oh.

If you wanna look nice.

I'm good.

Um, you-- you should probably know,

I'm a virgin.

We can use my shirt.

Can I have everyone's attention?

Attention, please! Aw.

We're here to celebrate the birth of my dear husband, Greg,

who I met at Berkeley many centuries ago.

Aw!

June 12th, 1982.

- The March for Disarmament. - Wow.

Still one of the largest protest marches in New York City history.

But I remember it as the day...

he proposed.

Aw.

I had never met a boy who was so comfortable around me.

Some people say I can be a handful.

What?

But Greg wasn't intimidated.

He got me. In fact...

he celebrated me.

Oh, that's so sweet.

And he's done so every day

of mine and our four children's lives,

and we love him for it...

...as I'm sure you all do.

Greg?

We love you both.

My darling.

The love of my life.

Wouldn't you like to say a few words?

Yeah! Come on, get up there, Greg.

Mm-mm. - Let's hear it.

Come on, Greg!

Greg!

All right, Greg! Yeah!

Thanks, honey.

Please don't say anything depressing.

Audrey, you dropped your bracelet. Oh, thank you.

Well...

I don't think anyone...

I don't think anyone's life...

turns out the way they thought it would.

That's for sure.

Things we didn't even know existed--

What's with the all black? Is he Johnny Cash?

He's struggling for autonomy. Oh.

While things we considered fundamental...

But the gray silk, he looks so good in that.

He doesn't want to look good. He wants to have his way.

You know, sometimes I feel like I'm still a teenager...

...like age is just an illusion...

and I'm gonna feel this way forever.

But other times, I feel like

there's a pair of invisible hands...

wrapped around my heart...

squeezing it so tight...

that I think I'm...

I think it's gonna stop beating.

I almost wish it would.

But it doesn't.

It just keeps beating...

and I just keep going.

I'm a philosopher...

whatever that means.

I spent most of my life trying to figure out...

what life is all about.

And here I am, 60 years old-- 60,

and I have no fucking idea.

Let me know if you...

need me to stop or slow down.

Okay, I will.

When I was young,

I thought the purpose of life

was to seek enlightenment,

to use our minds,

to try to imagine a better future...

Just breathe.

Okay.

...bring light into the darkness...

...to reject fear and despair

and cynicism...

...to honor intelligence and reason...

to choose love.

Love?

I feel embarrassed even articulating that, because...

I look at the world...

not even the world...

here, now...

and all I see is ignorance,

hatred,

terror,

and rage.

We lost, folks.

We lost.

I look back on...

my partnership with this amazing woman...

and this great experiment that is our family...

and I wonder,

I really do wonder...

"Did any of it make any difference?"

'Cause from where I'm standing...

What the fuck?

What the fuck is that?

What the fuck is what?

Hey.

Hey. What's happening?

Ramon?

What the fuck?

It's fucking 11:11!

Ramon.

Did you take anything tonight?

Who gave it to you?

No. Was it Henry?

Hey, hey.

I got you. I got you.

What's going on with him?

He's hallucinating.

I was hallucinating?

It's okay.

Wait. Nobody saw what happened with the fire?

It's okay.

What it did?

It's okay.

It's all right.

What's wrong with Ramon?

He doesn't have a fever.

We did a whole blood battery, nothing was abnormal,

so no liver or kidney failure.

No migraines. He's way too young for dementia.

He sleeps over eight hours a night, so no narcolepsy.

Full MRI revealed nothing,

so no tumor that might cause hallucinations. Mrs. Boatwright.

It's Bayer, like the aspirin.

Ms. Bayer.

Ms. Bayer...

hallucinations can be symptomatic

of many different conditions besides--

Well, of course I know that.

I was a therapist for almost 20 years

before I founded the Empathy Initiative.

It wasn't a hallucination. I saw 11:11 on the clock.

I mean, a friend of mine can corroborate. He was there.

A friend you've only known for a matter of days.

Mom, seriously?

Is it possible, Ramon,

that seeing or hearing that number

could've planted the idea in your subconscious?

That's what I've been saying.

No, these numbers mean something, Dad.

Sweetie, I know it's scary,

and you wanna find some sense of meaning in what happened,

but try not to be too-- Schizophrenic?

I know that's what you're thinking.

You're thinking I'm just like Uncle Ike.

This is why I thought it would be better if--

if your father and I spoke to the doctor alone at first.

You should probably know my older brother is schizophrenic.

But... But Ramon is not our biological child.

I'm aware of that.

I'm not saying it's genetic.

I'm saying I know what it looks like.

I've seen it start.

He was just high, and he imagined something.

Remember when he was little and he thought shadows were always following him?

Shadows were following me, Dad.

And you've been high and seen things. I was with you, Audrey,

when you thought you were in an Aztec pyramid

being prepared for sacrifice.

I wasn't high. I was tripping.

And-- and when we first met, you were terrified

that you would still turn out to be schizophrenic.

What is your point?

My point is, you weren't!

You-you-- you have so much fear about this,

that you almost are creating-- Leave your fucking philosophy in the classroom, okay?

Of course I'm terrified.

Ike was Ramon's age when he had his first psychotic episode.

Until we gather more conclusive information,

I need everyone in the room to stop using diagnostic terms

like psychosis and schizophrenia.

Can we all agree on that?

Mm-hmm.

These words are used much more than they should be

and can be very confusing, especially to the patient.

Thank you. She's been sending him links to web sites.

She's... fucking scared shitless.

I want him to be educated. I want you to know

what you might be up against.

You want to control everything

because you want to control everything.

Maybe you could mask your contempt for me in front of the doctor.

They waited too long

to diagnose my brother,

too long to medicate him.

Each hallucination can cause more damage.

I think we should start Ramon on Seroquel as soon as possible.

What? You have been lecturing me

about the evils of Western medicine

for the past 35 years. We have to head off a second hallucination...

Oh my God. ...which can only make a third one more likely.

Ms. Bayer. I'm sorry, Doctor, but you should probably know

I'm not one of those mothers who can sit back and watch from behind a glass.

I intend to take an active part in Ramon's diagnosis and treatment.

I genuinely respect your desire to be so involved...

but that decision is for Ramon to make.

Should he undergo treatment,

it would be based on strict confidentiality

between him and myself.

Well, of-- of course, but-- but if he agrees

to our being involved--

Do you want your parents to know

everything we talk about during your treatment?

You don't have to say "yes," Ramon.

In fact, I would advise you not to.

Excuse me?

You were a therapist, Ms. Bayer.

You know there can be no meaningful therapy

for Ramon with his parents in the room.

If you decide to become my patient,

they can't be here without your consent.

Do you understand?

And if they call or email to ask about your progress,

I can't answer them. I'm prohibited by law.

Ramon.

Ramon.

- Ramon? - I'm sorry,

but this clearly is not the best--

No, I want to be his patient.

I do.

- I do. - Sweetie.

Then you both need to wait outside

until we're done with our session.

Of course. Everything's going to be okay. All right?

We'll be right outside if you need us, sweetie. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Who is that woman in the picture?

What picture?

Who is she?

My mother.

Why?