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1
00:00:22,622 --> 00:00:25,090
- Hey, Larry.
- Hi, Cha Cha.
2
00:00:25,125 --> 00:00:27,491
Thanks again for recommending
me for this job.
3
00:00:27,527 --> 00:00:31,361
- Thanks. You were so great.
- Oh. Good.
4
00:00:31,398 --> 00:00:33,298
And Richard says
thank you too.
5
00:00:34,601 --> 00:00:36,694
- Aren't these great?
- Yeah.
6
00:00:36,736 --> 00:00:38,328
You like 'em?
I could get you a pair.
7
00:00:38,371 --> 00:00:40,430
Nah, that's okay.
I'm going to the bathroom.
8
00:00:40,473 --> 00:00:42,873
It's like Ross down by the airport-
they don't do just clothes.
9
00:00:42,909 --> 00:00:44,604
They do housewares too,
if you're interested.
10
00:00:44,644 --> 00:00:47,442
- That's okay. I'll- I'll-
- So how are you today?
11
00:00:47,480 --> 00:00:50,415
- Good. I'm just going to the bathroom.
- Yeah? Is that Prada?
12
00:00:50,450 --> 00:00:52,543
- Hey, Larry.
- Oh, hey, Bert.
13
00:00:52,585 --> 00:00:55,645
00 lunch, right?
- Yeah, 1:00.
14
00:00:55,688 --> 00:00:57,315
Yeah, lunch
with the wives.
15
00:00:57,357 --> 00:00:59,552
Downstairs, yeah.
See you then.
16
00:00:59,592 --> 00:01:01,492
- He's great, isn't he?
- He is a good guy, yeah.
17
00:01:01,528 --> 00:01:03,462
I wanna be a producer.
How do you become a producer?
18
00:01:03,496 --> 00:01:05,088
You know,
you gotta know people.
19
00:01:05,131 --> 00:01:07,998
- Well, I know you.
- You know me, yeah. That's true. Okay.
20
00:01:08,034 --> 00:01:10,002
- Maybe we could talk about that...
- Yeah.
21
00:01:10,036 --> 00:01:11,731
- ... sometime over lunch.
- Sure.
22
00:01:11,771 --> 00:01:14,035
Great. Okay.
Just let me know when...
23
00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:16,941
- All right, okay.
- ... and I'll write it in my Filofax.
24
00:01:30,123 --> 00:01:32,114
Wow, that was quick.
25
00:01:34,828 --> 00:01:37,956
You don't really need
to comment
26
00:01:37,997 --> 00:01:40,898
on what's going on
27
00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:44,529
- in terms of that or anything.
- Oh, okay. I'm sorry.
28
00:01:44,571 --> 00:01:46,766
- Okay.
- How do you get here in the morning?
29
00:01:46,806 --> 00:01:49,798
I'm having a hard time getting here
on time. What if we carpooled?
30
00:01:49,843 --> 00:01:52,812
I really gotta get back,
okay? So...
31
00:01:52,846 --> 00:01:54,871
Okay, maybe you could
think about it and...
32
00:01:54,914 --> 00:01:58,350
Yeah, we're not- we probably won't
be able to work that out,
33
00:01:58,384 --> 00:02:00,113
but I'll-
we'll think about it.
34
00:02:00,153 --> 00:02:01,848
You have one of those
healthy cars.
35
00:02:01,888 --> 00:02:03,856
How does it work?
36
00:02:03,890 --> 00:02:06,381
You put your foot
on the gas.
37
00:02:08,728 --> 00:02:11,219
It was like having
a bathroom monitor.
38
00:02:11,264 --> 00:02:13,391
- I have a bathroom monitor.
- Oh, that's terrible.
39
00:02:13,433 --> 00:02:15,401
Why don't you go at home,
like I do?
40
00:02:15,435 --> 00:02:17,096
I don't like
to go in my house.
41
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:18,764
Who doesn't like
to go in their house?
42
00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:21,638
Cheryl has- you know,
she's an environmentalist.
43
00:02:21,674 --> 00:02:23,642
She has this recycled
44
00:02:23,676 --> 00:02:25,701
post-consumer toilet paper
all over the house.
45
00:02:25,745 --> 00:02:27,872
- Oh.
- It's coarse.
46
00:02:27,914 --> 00:02:29,643
It's like going
to the Port Authority
47
00:02:29,682 --> 00:02:32,708
- or a whaling vessel.
- A whaling vessel!
48
00:02:32,752 --> 00:02:35,482
I can't go here and I can't go there.
It's horrible.
49
00:02:35,522 --> 00:02:37,183
Oh, Jeez.
50
00:02:37,223 --> 00:02:39,748
All right,
let's go to lunch.
51
00:02:39,792 --> 00:02:42,488
I love that you have
a restaurant in your building.
52
00:02:44,597 --> 00:02:46,394
- Oh, and, Larry...
- Mmm.
53
00:02:46,432 --> 00:02:48,730
Again, I want to thank you
for Cha Cha.
54
00:02:48,768 --> 00:02:50,395
- That has worked out very well.
- What?
55
00:02:50,436 --> 00:02:52,666
- Cha Cha. It's been wonderful.
- Oh my God, Cha Cha?
56
00:02:52,705 --> 00:02:54,673
- Cha Cha's been wonderful.
- Are you kidding me?
57
00:02:54,707 --> 00:02:56,698
I apologize for having
even recommended her.
58
00:02:56,743 --> 00:02:59,268
- No no.
- You don't have to lie to me.
59
00:02:59,312 --> 00:03:01,075
Okay? You don't
have to lie to me.
60
00:03:01,114 --> 00:03:03,344
No, I wouldn't.
No, she's worked out very well.
61
00:03:03,383 --> 00:03:05,510
- No, she's terrible.
- Better than expected.
62
00:03:05,552 --> 00:03:07,577
She's terrible and if you want
to fire her, go ahead.
63
00:03:07,620 --> 00:03:09,212
Oh, right. No no.
64
00:03:09,255 --> 00:03:10,916
- Don't keep her on my account, okay?
- I won't.
65
00:03:10,957 --> 00:03:13,016
You're not gonna hurt
my feelings if you fire her.
66
00:03:13,059 --> 00:03:14,822
We're very happy with her.
What can I say?
67
00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:16,795
I tell you what: I've noticed
that every time
68
00:03:16,829 --> 00:03:18,797
I pass your office-
that she's not working,
69
00:03:18,831 --> 00:03:22,062
that she's reading or talking
on the phone. By the way...
70
00:03:22,101 --> 00:03:24,968
Well, that's her job. She's supposed
to- she's a receptionist.
71
00:03:25,004 --> 00:03:28,804
Is she supposed to use obscenities
every other word,
72
00:03:28,841 --> 00:03:32,538
say "fuck" and "fuck this,
cunt that" the whole time?
73
00:03:32,579 --> 00:03:34,308
- You're kidding me.
- No, I'm not kidding.
74
00:03:34,347 --> 00:03:36,747
- The "C" word?
- It's true, I swear.
75
00:03:36,783 --> 00:03:39,149
Oh, she's been very-
she really came along
76
00:03:39,185 --> 00:03:41,517
at a good time
for all of us.
77
00:03:41,554 --> 00:03:43,647
I am very impressed,
Barbara, that you are here today.
78
00:03:43,690 --> 00:03:45,658
- Oh, thank you. Me too.
- They've got nine kids.
79
00:03:45,692 --> 00:03:47,819
- Nine kids? Nine kids?
- Yeah. Yeah.
80
00:03:47,860 --> 00:03:49,987
- Nine kids? That's unbelievable.
- I know.
81
00:03:50,029 --> 00:03:52,088
Jesus, you're kidding.
82
00:03:52,131 --> 00:03:54,190
It's a little egotistical
though, isn't it...
83
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:56,168
No, it's really
not up to us.
84
00:03:56,202 --> 00:03:58,170
...to have
so many of you?
85
00:03:58,204 --> 00:04:00,468
You want to bring so much more
of you into the world.
86
00:04:00,506 --> 00:04:03,202
Hey hey hey, you should tell Larry
about your dad's shop.
87
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:05,438
Oh, my dad has opened
this barbershop.
88
00:04:05,478 --> 00:04:07,776
He wants you both to come,
special invitation.
89
00:04:07,814 --> 00:04:10,282
Completely retro,
very old-school.
90
00:04:10,316 --> 00:04:12,750
- You mean, like the old barbershops?
- Oh yeah, with the pole.
91
00:04:12,785 --> 00:04:14,514
I love that.
What a great idea.
92
00:04:14,554 --> 00:04:16,579
- First thing he did was get the pole.
- I'm gonna go.
93
00:04:16,623 --> 00:04:18,557
- I'm gonna go with you.
- Does he do the hot towels?
94
00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:20,752
- Should we go to the barbershop?
- I'm with you. Let's go.
95
00:04:20,793 --> 00:04:22,988
- We're gonna go.
- Yeah, get a cut and a shave.
96
00:04:23,029 --> 00:04:26,123
- A little Aqua Velva?
- Like "The Godfather."
97
00:04:26,165 --> 00:04:27,928
I hope that you
enjoyed your lunch.
98
00:04:27,967 --> 00:04:29,434
Daviday,
it was fantastic.
99
00:04:29,469 --> 00:04:31,835
Good. I want to let you know
that we are going to send
100
00:04:31,871 --> 00:04:35,671
our autumn food jellies made
of concentrated sugar, apricots
101
00:04:35,708 --> 00:04:37,539
and winter fruits
and nuts.
102
00:04:37,577 --> 00:04:39,545
- Oh, delicious.
- Winter fruits.
103
00:04:39,579 --> 00:04:41,547
- A nice treat, a nice treat.
- Yummy.
104
00:04:41,581 --> 00:04:43,378
Now tell me, is there anything else
I can do for you?
105
00:04:43,416 --> 00:04:45,941
You know what? You could wrap
this up for me to take home.
106
00:04:45,985 --> 00:04:48,783
Very good. You're going to warm
that up for a nice luncheon?
107
00:04:48,821 --> 00:04:51,790
Uh, no, actually.
It's for the dog.
108
00:04:53,159 --> 00:04:54,888
We have a policy
that we do not give food
109
00:04:54,927 --> 00:04:57,725
that was prepared for people
to animals.
110
00:04:57,764 --> 00:04:59,664
Well, I'm giving this
to the dog. You're not.
111
00:04:59,699 --> 00:05:01,860
So just wrap it up.
I'll give it to the dog.
112
00:05:01,901 --> 00:05:03,869
No, that is the policy
of the restaurant.
113
00:05:03,903 --> 00:05:05,871
All right, Daviday,
forget I said it.
114
00:05:05,905 --> 00:05:08,465
Just wrap it up.
I'm taking it home. Okay?
115
00:05:08,508 --> 00:05:11,238
We do not give
doggy bags to dogs.
116
00:05:11,277 --> 00:05:14,178
Why do you think they call it
a goddamn doggy bag, huh?
117
00:05:14,213 --> 00:05:15,976
If you want to feed an animal,
why don't you
118
00:05:16,015 --> 00:05:18,108
go to Petco
and get a bag of kibble?
119
00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:20,642
Well, I give him kibble
and I like to spice it up
120
00:05:20,687 --> 00:05:23,247
- with a little steak now and then.
- I can bring you corn.
121
00:05:23,289 --> 00:05:25,757
- I don't want corn. This is my steak.
- Okay, you know what?
122
00:05:25,792 --> 00:05:26,918
- Hey hey hey.
- What?
123
00:05:26,959 --> 00:05:29,587
You know what?
I'm gonna take that home.
124
00:05:29,629 --> 00:05:32,826
- Oh, okay.
- Do you mind? Do you mind?
125
00:05:32,865 --> 00:05:36,198
- You take it home.
- Daviday, I'm gonna take this home.
126
00:05:36,235 --> 00:05:37,998
- Do you have an animal?
- No.
127
00:05:38,037 --> 00:05:40,028
- Does he have an animal?
- No.
128
00:05:40,073 --> 00:05:42,701
So you are going
to eat that?
129
00:05:42,742 --> 00:05:43,800
Yes.
130
00:05:43,843 --> 00:05:45,811
- You promise me?
- Yeah.
131
00:05:48,614 --> 00:05:51,606
We shall see.
132
00:05:54,787 --> 00:05:57,847
- A fucking nutjob.
- "We shall see"?
133
00:05:57,890 --> 00:06:00,450
- What does that mean?
- It's a little crazy
134
00:06:00,493 --> 00:06:02,586
that you can't give
a doggy bag to a dog.
135
00:06:02,628 --> 00:06:05,222
- It's none of their business.
- Thank you. Thank you.
136
00:06:05,264 --> 00:06:07,664
- All right, I'm going to the bathroom.
- All right.
137
00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:09,725
You're excused.
138
00:06:12,605 --> 00:06:15,506
Hey, Larry.
Long time no see.
139
00:06:15,541 --> 00:06:17,168
- Hey, Cha Cha.
- Hey.
140
00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:19,144
- Have you had the fruit plate here?
- No.
141
00:06:19,178 --> 00:06:21,009
- It's excellent.
- Really?
142
00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:23,174
- You have to try it. Taste this.
- No, please.
143
00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:26,379
- It's the ripest cantaloupe.
- I've had fruit. Fruit's fruit.
144
00:06:26,419 --> 00:06:29,081
What did you have
for lunch?
145
00:06:29,122 --> 00:06:30,612
- I had some chicken.
- Chicken?
146
00:06:30,656 --> 00:06:33,250
Chicken and fruit go together.
You can have this for dessert.
147
00:06:33,292 --> 00:06:35,157
- Okay, I gotta-
- It's really really good.
148
00:06:35,194 --> 00:06:36,661
I highly recommend it.
149
00:06:36,696 --> 00:06:38,857
Mm, that time again, huh?
150
00:06:56,949 --> 00:06:59,281
- Oh, cool, you're here. I owe you.
- Oh, hey.
151
00:06:59,318 --> 00:07:01,218
Good to see you, man.
I was just over at Cha Cha's.
152
00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:03,814
Ooh, God, is she beautiful.
Whew. Jesus.
153
00:07:03,856 --> 00:07:06,654
Listen, I had an idea.
I want to go to a movie tomorrow night
154
00:07:06,692 --> 00:07:08,819
and maybe- it's been a while-
let's double-date,
155
00:07:08,861 --> 00:07:10,624
Cha Cha and me
and you and Cheryl.
156
00:07:10,663 --> 00:07:12,824
What do you think?
157
00:07:12,865 --> 00:07:15,231
- Uh...
- Why the hesitation?
158
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:17,930
I don't know. I mean,
I don't know what our plans are.
159
00:07:17,970 --> 00:07:19,631
I'll let you know.
I'll call you.
160
00:07:19,672 --> 00:07:21,731
What's wrong?
161
00:07:23,676 --> 00:07:26,702
You know, I got Cha Cha
this job and all...
162
00:07:26,746 --> 00:07:28,805
Yeah, and she loves you for it.
Me too, by the way.
163
00:07:28,848 --> 00:07:31,578
Yeah, well, it's not really
working out for me,
164
00:07:31,617 --> 00:07:33,084
I gotta tell you.
165
00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:34,814
Why not?
166
00:07:34,854 --> 00:07:36,788
Her office is right across
from the bathroom.
167
00:07:36,823 --> 00:07:39,348
- Yeah, I know.
- Every time I go to the bathroom
168
00:07:39,392 --> 00:07:43,123
I have to have this-
stop and chat with her
169
00:07:43,162 --> 00:07:47,258
both before I go
and after I go. It's too much.
170
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:49,495
She means well.
By the way, she's told me
171
00:07:49,535 --> 00:07:52,971
that you go to the bathroom,
like, 10 to 14 times a day.
172
00:07:53,005 --> 00:07:55,439
You move your bowels,
you piss...
173
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,170
are you all right?
She was concerned.
174
00:07:57,210 --> 00:07:59,235
Okay, do you see
what I'm saying?
175
00:07:59,278 --> 00:08:02,076
This is what I'm talking about.
This is none of her business...
176
00:08:02,114 --> 00:08:03,775
how often I go
to the bathroom,
177
00:08:03,816 --> 00:08:06,284
what I'm doing in there,
how long I'm in there.
178
00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:09,049
Talking to you about my
personal bathroom habits...
179
00:08:09,088 --> 00:08:11,955
that's not good, all right?
It's too much. It's too much.
180
00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:14,983
Someone's got to sit there. Would you
rather have a klansman sitting there?
181
00:08:15,027 --> 00:08:18,224
No, I'd rather have a stranger,
frankly- a stranger sitting there
182
00:08:18,264 --> 00:08:20,494
who I don't have to
report into.
183
00:08:20,533 --> 00:08:22,728
- She cares about you.
- Oh, she cares about me?
184
00:08:22,768 --> 00:08:25,566
- Yeah.
- Listen, it's none of her business.
185
00:08:25,605 --> 00:08:27,402
She has bowel concern
for you and I do too.
186
00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:29,340
I don't need
her bowel concern.
187
00:08:29,375 --> 00:08:31,843
- How much water do you drink?
- I drink a lot of water, that's all.
188
00:08:31,878 --> 00:08:34,005
- Big deal.
- A lot? You drink more than a porpoise.
189
00:08:34,046 --> 00:08:36,014
Yeah, usually I have
bottles of water.
190
00:08:36,048 --> 00:08:38,448
- I don't know where they are.
- No one pisses that often
191
00:08:38,484 --> 00:08:40,509
without drinking, like,
thousands of gallons a week.
192
00:08:40,553 --> 00:08:42,521
Okay, all right, let's stop
talking about this.
193
00:08:42,555 --> 00:08:45,285
My bathroom habits are
not your concern, okay?
194
00:08:45,324 --> 00:08:47,554
All right, I won't care
about your health. Fine.
195
00:08:47,593 --> 00:08:49,493
You don't need to care about-
I'm in very good health.
196
00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:51,497
- You are?
- I got a beautiful colon.
197
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,897
- You wanna take a picture of my colon?
- I have a VHS of mine.
198
00:08:53,933 --> 00:08:55,992
Fine. You can put my colon up
next to your colon.
199
00:08:56,035 --> 00:08:58,162
We'll see who's got
a cleaner, healthier colon.
200
00:08:58,204 --> 00:09:00,069
I'll have a colon contest
with you any time you want.
201
00:09:00,106 --> 00:09:01,733
Any time you want to have
a colon contest, buddy, yeah.
202
00:09:01,774 --> 00:09:04,174
You're shitting and pissing
almost 70 times a week.
203
00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:06,542
Get the hell out of here.
This is ridiculous.
204
00:09:06,579 --> 00:09:08,046
She's right next to you.
205
00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:10,048
I don't want her
monitoring
206
00:09:10,082 --> 00:09:13,245
my bathroom habits,
okay?
207
00:09:13,286 --> 00:09:15,254
What are you eating?
A lot of grains
208
00:09:15,288 --> 00:09:17,256
and fruit and nuts
like a Jew squirrel?
209
00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:19,383
- Okay.
- Where are you going?
210
00:09:19,425 --> 00:09:21,052
You're not going
to the bathroom again?
211
00:09:21,093 --> 00:09:22,617
No, I'm not going
to the bathroom.
212
00:09:22,662 --> 00:09:24,152
- You are going to the bathroom.
- No.
213
00:09:24,196 --> 00:09:25,823
I bet you are
going to the bathroom.
214
00:10:21,220 --> 00:10:22,744
So what happened?
215
00:10:22,788 --> 00:10:25,313
I flushed a toilet
and it was, like,
216
00:10:25,358 --> 00:10:28,191
the loudest flush,
like a sonic boom went off.
217
00:10:28,227 --> 00:10:32,129
- It was so loud that I was thrown back.
- Really?
218
00:10:32,164 --> 00:10:34,132
I was trapped
inside the stall
219
00:10:34,166 --> 00:10:36,225
and I'm telling you,
it's killing me.
220
00:10:36,268 --> 00:10:38,532
Okay, so you're having
some pain there.
221
00:10:38,571 --> 00:10:40,198
- Right ear, yeah.
- Right ear, okay.
222
00:10:40,239 --> 00:10:42,298
Let me just ask you
a couple other questions.
223
00:10:42,341 --> 00:10:43,968
Are you experiencing
any dizziness?
224
00:10:44,010 --> 00:10:45,671
- No.
- No.
225
00:10:45,711 --> 00:10:47,941
- Any shortness of breath?
- No.
226
00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:49,948
- Aches and pains anywhere else?
- No.
227
00:10:49,982 --> 00:10:51,779
Are you going
to the bathroom a lot?
228
00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:56,614
I don't see how that's
relevant, really...
229
00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:58,123
am I going
to the bathroom a lot.
230
00:10:58,157 --> 00:11:00,125
Are you urinating a lot?
231
00:11:00,159 --> 00:11:02,821
What does that have to do
with my ear?
232
00:11:02,862 --> 00:11:05,160
This is a standard
medical question. It's all...
233
00:11:05,197 --> 00:11:07,995
I know, but I really
don't think it's relevant
234
00:11:08,034 --> 00:11:09,865
to how often I go
to the bathroom.
235
00:11:09,902 --> 00:11:11,563
With all due respect,
I think I'm the one
236
00:11:11,604 --> 00:11:13,902
who should tell you
if it's relevant or not. And it is.
237
00:11:13,939 --> 00:11:17,966
Well, let's just say- let's just
move on. How about that?
238
00:11:18,010 --> 00:11:20,308
What, you're not gonna
tell me about your urination?
239
00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:22,314
I'd really rather
not talk about it.
240
00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:24,680
I don't see how it's anybody's
business, frankly, you know.
241
00:11:24,717 --> 00:11:26,912
It's kind of private
and I really don't think...
242
00:11:26,952 --> 00:11:28,749
- How is it private?
- It's private.
243
00:11:28,788 --> 00:11:31,450
How often I go to the bathroom
is kind of a private thing.
244
00:11:31,490 --> 00:11:33,549
Yeah, but I'm not some-
we're not on a bus. I'm a doctor.
245
00:11:33,592 --> 00:11:36,686
We'll just have to make a diagnosis
without this information.
246
00:11:36,729 --> 00:11:38,697
I'm normal.
Let's just say that, okay?
247
00:11:38,731 --> 00:11:41,427
- What does "normal" mean?
- Everything's normal. It's normal.
248
00:11:41,467 --> 00:11:43,332
Three times a day,
four times a day?
249
00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:44,495
Do we have to get
into a specific number?
250
00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:46,471
Do we have to get
a number attached to it?
251
00:11:46,505 --> 00:11:49,030
- Yeah, it's science.
- However often people are supposed
252
00:11:49,075 --> 00:11:51,100
to go, I go, unless I drink
a lot of water.
253
00:11:51,143 --> 00:11:54,840
And, you know, sometimes I drink
a lot of water and I'll go a lot.
254
00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:57,144
If you had an office next to the
bathroom and it was one of those days
255
00:11:57,183 --> 00:11:59,310
I was drinking a lot of water,
you'd say, "Boy, this guy goes a lot."
256
00:11:59,351 --> 00:12:01,080
But so what?
So what?
257
00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:02,917
- What are you talking about?
- I'm talking about,
258
00:12:02,955 --> 00:12:04,923
you know,
urination frequency
259
00:12:04,957 --> 00:12:06,925
if I happen to be
drinking a lot of water,
260
00:12:06,959 --> 00:12:09,450
which I have been doing lately,
so maybe lately
261
00:12:09,495 --> 00:12:11,258
I've been going more often
than I normally would.
262
00:12:11,297 --> 00:12:12,992
- Great.
- But it's good for you
263
00:12:13,032 --> 00:12:15,057
to drink water.
That's a good thing.
264
00:12:15,101 --> 00:12:17,365
- That's all I wanted to hear.
- That's a good thing, drinking water.
265
00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:19,667
Yes, sure sure.
Okay, let's move on.
266
00:12:19,705 --> 00:12:20,865
Please.
267
00:12:20,906 --> 00:12:23,101
How's your stool?
268
00:12:24,643 --> 00:12:27,168
- Please.
- Stool's fine. Let's move on.
269
00:12:27,213 --> 00:12:29,181
- All right.
- You know, again,
270
00:12:29,215 --> 00:12:31,183
I mean, if I do
drink a lot of water...
271
00:12:31,217 --> 00:12:34,186
and I eat a lot of salad too.
So that's good.
272
00:12:34,220 --> 00:12:36,051
It's normal, okay?
Is it more than once a day?
273
00:12:36,088 --> 00:12:38,613
Many times it is, yeah.
More than twice a day?
274
00:12:38,657 --> 00:12:40,682
Sometimes, you know.
Who knows?
275
00:12:40,726 --> 00:12:43,286
If you had an office next
to the bathroom and I was going
276
00:12:43,329 --> 00:12:45,763
and you looked at your watch
and you saw how long I was in there,
277
00:12:45,798 --> 00:12:48,028
you might say,
"Oh, boy, he goes a lot."
278
00:12:48,067 --> 00:12:49,967
But so what?
That's good. That's a good thing.
279
00:12:50,002 --> 00:12:52,493
- All right, I apologize for-
- Let's just- can we get to the ear?
280
00:12:52,538 --> 00:12:55,871
Sure sure. So here's- it's pretty
simple, really. I'm gonna suggest...
281
00:12:55,908 --> 00:12:58,069
I'm exhausted
from being here,
282
00:12:58,110 --> 00:13:00,078
you know, having to talk
about my stool,
283
00:13:00,112 --> 00:13:03,479
how often I'm urinating.
I mean, you know, my ear hurts.
284
00:13:03,516 --> 00:13:05,746
Okay, here's what I'm gonna
suggest for your ear:
285
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:08,515
just basically stay off it.
Use your left ear to talk on the phone
286
00:13:08,554 --> 00:13:12,354
If you need to for some reason favor
an ear, favor the left one.
287
00:13:12,391 --> 00:13:14,325
Don't use the phone
from my right ear?
288
00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:16,157
Yeah. I mean,
you just want to limit
289
00:13:16,195 --> 00:13:18,060
the amount of noise
that goes into it.
290
00:13:18,097 --> 00:13:20,065
You want me
to talk lefty?
291
00:13:20,099 --> 00:13:21,930
Yeah, just talk lefty.
292
00:13:21,967 --> 00:13:23,798
I have a hard time
talking lefty on the phone.
293
00:13:23,836 --> 00:13:26,236
Everything comes out wrong.
It's like throwing lefty. I can't do it.
294
00:13:26,272 --> 00:13:29,571
I'm not myself. I feel different,
strange, like I'm not me.
295
00:13:29,608 --> 00:13:33,374
I'm not comfortable
talking lefty.
296
00:13:33,412 --> 00:13:37,314
All I can do is give you
my expert opinion, okay?
297
00:13:37,349 --> 00:13:39,977
So that's what I'm suggesting.
I'm suggesting stay off the right ear.
298
00:13:40,019 --> 00:13:41,611
Okay, fine.
I'll talk lefty.
299
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:43,485
And I also think
it wouldn't hurt you
300
00:13:43,522 --> 00:13:45,490
to talk to a therapist
about your bathroom issues,
301
00:13:45,524 --> 00:13:47,890
'cause there's clearly
something going on there.
302
00:13:47,927 --> 00:13:49,019
Okay?
303
00:13:49,061 --> 00:13:52,087
I think I'd like to see
somebody else.
304
00:13:52,131 --> 00:13:53,792
All right.
That's your right. Fine.
305
00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:55,664
Is there somebody
in the office I could see?
306
00:13:55,701 --> 00:13:57,669
Now?
307
00:13:57,703 --> 00:13:59,694
No no, you have to
make an appointment.
308
00:14:01,574 --> 00:14:04,042
This isn't McDonald's, okay?
309
00:14:04,076 --> 00:14:06,044
Okay, fine.
310
00:14:06,078 --> 00:14:07,670
- Okay, all right.
- Okay, thank you.
311
00:14:07,713 --> 00:14:09,704
Thank you.
312
00:14:17,389 --> 00:14:19,380
What the fuck are you
looking at, Jewboy?
313
00:14:21,026 --> 00:14:22,755
Fucking faggot.
314
00:14:24,997 --> 00:14:26,658
That's right,
keep walking.
315
00:14:35,908 --> 00:14:38,138
- Hey.
- Come on, let's deal with it.
316
00:14:38,177 --> 00:14:41,146
- Can we talk to you?
- What? Wow. Hey hey.
317
00:14:41,180 --> 00:14:43,808
- I like Cheryl. She's sweet, but...
- Yeah.
318
00:14:43,849 --> 00:14:47,148
She's nice,
but the toilet paper...
319
00:14:47,186 --> 00:14:50,087
I've never seen no
toilet paper like that.
320
00:14:50,122 --> 00:14:51,680
Have you been
to Port Authority before,
321
00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:53,157
- the Port Authority in New York City?
- Yeah.
322
00:14:53,192 --> 00:14:55,160
That's what it feels like.
323
00:14:55,194 --> 00:14:57,321
- Real close.
- I said the same thing the other day.
324
00:14:57,363 --> 00:14:59,627
- Mm-hmm.
- Did you get that from me?
325
00:14:59,665 --> 00:15:03,066
- Yeah.
- Y'all got funny toilet paper here.
326
00:15:03,102 --> 00:15:05,332
- We can't deal with this toilet paper.
- Hey, tell me about it.
327
00:15:05,371 --> 00:15:07,339
- You know what I mean? It's rough.
- It's rough.
328
00:15:07,373 --> 00:15:09,841
Well, you know,
it's an environmental thing.
329
00:15:09,875 --> 00:15:12,810
She's doing it for the environment.
What can I do?
330
00:15:12,845 --> 00:15:15,609
Can you do us a favor? Can we
get some soft toilet paper to use?
331
00:15:15,648 --> 00:15:17,980
- All right, okay.
- The babies' behinds are hurting.
332
00:15:18,017 --> 00:15:19,985
All right.
333
00:15:20,019 --> 00:15:22,647
Here's what
I'm gonna suggest:
334
00:15:22,688 --> 00:15:25,623
- You want soft paper?
- Oh, yes. No doubt.
335
00:15:25,658 --> 00:15:28,525
- I'll get you your soft toilet paper...
- Okay, cool.
336
00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:31,961
...under one condition...
337
00:15:31,997 --> 00:15:34,727
I want access
to the toilet.
338
00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:37,065
- You want to use our bathroom?
- So what you're saying is
339
00:15:37,102 --> 00:15:38,797
you want to come in our bathroom
and use our bathroom?
340
00:15:38,837 --> 00:15:40,304
You got it.
341
00:15:40,339 --> 00:15:42,364
- I want some soft toilet paper.
- Okay, fine.
342
00:15:42,408 --> 00:15:44,876
- It's all about the tissue.
- Okay, you have a deal.
343
00:15:44,910 --> 00:15:47,743
- Auntie Rae, all right.
- Deal.
344
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:50,248
- My man.
- Leon. Oh, hey, by the way,
345
00:15:50,282 --> 00:15:53,080
if Cheryl finds out,
346
00:15:53,118 --> 00:15:55,586
you're all going down
with me.
347
00:15:55,621 --> 00:15:57,555
- We got your back.
- We got your back.
348
00:15:57,589 --> 00:15:59,489
- Cool.
- What it is what it is.
349
00:15:59,525 --> 00:16:01,493
Leon, come here.
I need to talk to you.
350
00:16:01,527 --> 00:16:02,755
What's going down, Larry?
351
00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:05,855
Listen to this, all right?
352
00:16:05,898 --> 00:16:07,525
I'm in the doctor's office earlier,
353
00:16:07,566 --> 00:16:10,364
there's a guy sitting there,
a skinhead, okay?
354
00:16:10,402 --> 00:16:12,267
He looks at me
and he says,
355
00:16:12,304 --> 00:16:14,829
"What the fuck are you
looking at, Jewboy?"
356
00:16:14,873 --> 00:16:16,067
- What?
- "Fucking faggot."
357
00:16:16,108 --> 00:16:19,407
What?
Okay, what'd you do?
358
00:16:19,445 --> 00:16:21,913
- What'd I do?
- Yeah, what'd you do?
359
00:16:21,947 --> 00:16:24,347
I slunk out.
360
00:16:24,383 --> 00:16:25,714
You slunk out?
361
00:16:25,751 --> 00:16:27,446
Slunk. I slunk out.
362
00:16:27,486 --> 00:16:29,283
So you didn't do shit
and you punked out.
363
00:16:29,321 --> 00:16:30,948
That's what the fuck
happened, right?
364
00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:32,617
Yeah, I punked out.
I punked out.
365
00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:34,558
- How'd that happen?
- Well, what was I gonna do?
366
00:16:34,593 --> 00:16:35,821
The guy could have killed me.
367
00:16:35,861 --> 00:16:37,522
Next time a man calls you
a fucking faggot,
368
00:16:37,563 --> 00:16:40,088
you get in that ass, Larry.
Know what I mean?
369
00:16:40,132 --> 00:16:42,430
You get in that ass, Larry.
That's what the fuck you do.
370
00:16:42,468 --> 00:16:44,368
- What are you talking about?
- You let that man slide today.
371
00:16:44,403 --> 00:16:47,338
You gotta immediately get in somebody's
ass when that happens to you.
372
00:16:47,373 --> 00:16:49,000
You pull their asshole open,
373
00:16:49,041 --> 00:16:51,134
step into their asshole,
close the door behind you,
374
00:16:51,176 --> 00:16:53,167
- pick up your spray-paint can, right?
- Uh-huh.
375
00:16:53,212 --> 00:16:55,180
"Larry was here."
You spray-paint
376
00:16:55,214 --> 00:16:58,081
"Larry was here," "Wash me,"
all that kind of shit,
377
00:16:58,117 --> 00:17:00,017
fuck his whole asshole up,
eat some Snickers bar,
378
00:17:00,052 --> 00:17:01,917
throw some paper on the floor,
read a newspaper,
379
00:17:01,954 --> 00:17:04,388
ball the paper up, the newspaper,
and throw the newspaper on the floor,
380
00:17:04,423 --> 00:17:06,584
fuck his whole asshole up,
you know what I'm saying?
381
00:17:06,625 --> 00:17:08,115
Then you open that asshole
one more time...
382
00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:10,560
open it again, open that asshole
again- uhh!
383
00:17:10,596 --> 00:17:13,463
Step out of his ass and leave
that motherfucker wide open,
384
00:17:13,499 --> 00:17:15,558
- so he knows you've been there.
- Open it up,
385
00:17:15,601 --> 00:17:16,829
- step in.
- Step in their asshole.
386
00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:18,734
- Spray-paint "Larry was here."
- "Larry was here."
387
00:17:18,771 --> 00:17:21,763
- Leave garbage, Snickers, eat Snickers.
- Spit, fuck it.
388
00:17:21,807 --> 00:17:23,001
- Get out.
- Mm!
389
00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:25,169
- Open it up again.
- Step out their asshole.
390
00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:27,144
- Step out.
- Don't even close that motherfucker.
391
00:17:27,179 --> 00:17:28,874
Leave it open
so he knows you've been there.
392
00:17:28,914 --> 00:17:30,814
- You feel me?
- I got you.
393
00:17:30,849 --> 00:17:32,783
That's how
you handle people.
394
00:17:32,818 --> 00:17:35,013
Mm!
Get in that ass, Larry.
395
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:36,351
- Don't worry.
- All right.
396
00:17:37,990 --> 00:17:39,958
I hope you don't
get me killed.
397
00:17:39,992 --> 00:17:42,119
My man.
398
00:18:02,781 --> 00:18:05,147
- Hello?
- Hey, is Richard there?
399
00:18:05,184 --> 00:18:08,176
Uh, no, he's not.
Is this Larry?
400
00:18:08,220 --> 00:18:09,653
Yeah.
401
00:18:09,688 --> 00:18:11,747
- This is Cha Cha.
- Ah.
402
00:18:11,790 --> 00:18:13,724
Cha Cha.
403
00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:16,694
Hi, Larry. You just caught me
in the middle of a workout.
404
00:18:16,728 --> 00:18:18,491
So I'm calling
about the movies.
405
00:18:18,530 --> 00:18:20,088
Yeah, the movies, right.
406
00:18:20,132 --> 00:18:22,532
You know, we were talking about-
wouldn't it be great
407
00:18:22,568 --> 00:18:24,229
if we could all go
to a really nice dinner
408
00:18:24,269 --> 00:18:26,328
in one of those
fancy-schmancy joints?
409
00:18:26,371 --> 00:18:30,364
Okay, I'll tell-
I'll tell Cheryl.
410
00:18:30,409 --> 00:18:31,535
Great.
411
00:18:31,577 --> 00:18:33,807
What are you wearing?
412
00:18:37,549 --> 00:18:39,073
What am I wearing
right now?
413
00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:41,450
Yeah, what are you
wearing?
414
00:18:41,487 --> 00:18:45,321
You're making me
uncomfortable, Larry.
415
00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:52,328
I'm gonna hang up
right now.
416
00:18:52,364 --> 00:18:54,025
I'm gonna
hang up right now.
417
00:18:54,066 --> 00:18:55,966
- Goodbye.
- Bye.
418
00:19:00,439 --> 00:19:03,340
I am loving this place.
Jeff, how great is this place?
419
00:19:03,375 --> 00:19:05,536
It's unbelievable.
I'm having a great time.
420
00:19:05,577 --> 00:19:07,477
It's like my old
barbershop in Brooklyn.
421
00:19:07,513 --> 00:19:09,140
Yeah, reminds me
of the old days, you know.
422
00:19:09,181 --> 00:19:11,877
I like the whole snip-snip thing,
the sound of it.
423
00:19:11,917 --> 00:19:14,613
I think I can do it too.
It doesn't look that hard.
424
00:19:14,653 --> 00:19:16,621
You know, it's like the bongos-
who can't do that?
425
00:19:16,655 --> 00:19:18,122
You know what I mean?
426
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:19,920
- Yeah.
- Anybody can play the bongos, come on.
427
00:19:19,958 --> 00:19:23,359
Do you have to be that skilled
to bang on something?
428
00:19:23,395 --> 00:19:26,296
- Come on, how hard is that?
- I never thought of that.
429
00:19:26,331 --> 00:19:28,458
When was the last time
you saw Bert?
430
00:19:28,500 --> 00:19:31,025
Oh, I just
had lunch with him
431
00:19:31,069 --> 00:19:32,730
the other day,
him and Barbara.
432
00:19:32,771 --> 00:19:34,636
You notice anything
different about them?
433
00:19:34,673 --> 00:19:37,107
No.
434
00:19:37,142 --> 00:19:40,202
'Cause she just had
a miscarriage.
435
00:19:40,245 --> 00:19:41,712
- Really?
- Yeah.
436
00:19:41,747 --> 00:19:44,307
It's a shame.
437
00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:45,816
Shame?
438
00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:47,978
They do have nine kids.
439
00:19:53,225 --> 00:19:54,852
- That's it?
- Yep.
440
00:19:54,893 --> 00:19:57,361
Wow, that was pretty fast.
441
00:19:58,764 --> 00:20:00,755
You didn't take
anything off.
442
00:20:01,767 --> 00:20:03,758
Hey! Ow. Ow ow!
443
00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:14,202
I'm good.
444
00:20:18,617 --> 00:20:20,448
Where the hell
have you been?
445
00:20:20,485 --> 00:20:22,146
I've been calling you
all goddamn day.
446
00:20:22,187 --> 00:20:24,621
- We were getting a haircut.
- This is a bag of shit.
447
00:20:24,656 --> 00:20:27,454
Oscar's been shitting.
I've been cleaning up shit all day.
448
00:20:27,492 --> 00:20:29,892
He ate those leftovers
that that asshole gave us.
449
00:20:29,928 --> 00:20:32,829
- Really?
- "We shall see."
450
00:20:32,864 --> 00:20:36,061
- "We shall see. " Daviday.
- That little piece of shit.
451
00:20:36,101 --> 00:20:38,399
- Is it possible that that nut did that?
- Yes yes.
452
00:20:38,437 --> 00:20:41,167
- He put crap in there.
- Jesus Christ.
453
00:20:41,206 --> 00:20:42,901
- Is he throwing up too?
- What a psycho.
454
00:20:42,941 --> 00:20:45,000
You gotta go down there
and tell this motherfucker
455
00:20:45,043 --> 00:20:46,908
- you're gonna kick his ass.
- Oh, yeah.
456
00:20:46,945 --> 00:20:49,539
No, wait a second.
He can't go down there.
457
00:20:49,581 --> 00:20:51,811
- Why?
- Because I took the food home.
458
00:20:51,850 --> 00:20:55,342
- I promised him that I would eat it.
- All right, you go down there.
459
00:20:55,387 --> 00:20:57,321
- You go.
- Yeah, better idea:
460
00:20:57,356 --> 00:20:59,290
You go, Larry.
You go tell him
461
00:20:59,324 --> 00:21:01,258
that you've been shitting
all over yourself all day,
462
00:21:01,293 --> 00:21:03,454
shitting in your pants,
you can't make it to the toilet,
463
00:21:03,495 --> 00:21:05,292
you got shit
running down your leg.
464
00:21:05,330 --> 00:21:06,592
Why can't I make it
to the toilet?
465
00:21:06,632 --> 00:21:08,657
Because it's more dramatic
that way.
466
00:21:08,700 --> 00:21:11,225
I don't wanna tell a guy
I got shit running down my leg.
467
00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:13,704
All right, tell him whatever
the fuck you want. Tell him you've been
468
00:21:13,739 --> 00:21:15,798
- sick sick sick as a dog, okay?
- All right.
469
00:21:15,841 --> 00:21:17,468
I'm gonna go to the restaurant
right now,
470
00:21:17,509 --> 00:21:19,272
- see what he says.
- Go!
471
00:21:19,311 --> 00:21:22,178
- You know, these waiters are nuts.
- He's nuts.
472
00:21:22,214 --> 00:21:24,580
You can't get on a waiter's bad side.
They'll do anything.
473
00:21:24,616 --> 00:21:26,914
- I never said anything back.
- You gotta be so nice to 'em.
474
00:21:26,952 --> 00:21:28,317
You gotta leave a good tip.
475
00:21:28,353 --> 00:21:30,287
- Jeff, throw this out.
- You throw it out.
476
00:21:30,322 --> 00:21:32,586
- You throw it out. I've been cleaning-
- No, you got gloves.
477
00:21:32,624 --> 00:21:34,387
- I've been cleaning this shit.
- You got gloves!
478
00:21:34,426 --> 00:21:37,259
- Throw it out.
- Aw, fuck.
479
00:21:46,905 --> 00:21:49,430
Hello, Daviday.
480
00:21:49,474 --> 00:21:52,568
Hello, Larry.
Nice to see you again.
481
00:21:52,611 --> 00:21:55,910
Good to see you, Daviday.
482
00:21:55,947 --> 00:21:58,609
You know,
I ate the leftovers
483
00:21:58,650 --> 00:22:02,017
and I just want you to know
484
00:22:02,054 --> 00:22:04,386
I got sick from them.
485
00:22:04,423 --> 00:22:06,288
Now when you say
that you got sick, do you mean
486
00:22:06,325 --> 00:22:08,020
that the animal got sick
or that you got sick?
487
00:22:08,060 --> 00:22:09,823
- No no, I got sick.
- You got sick?
488
00:22:09,861 --> 00:22:11,829
Yes, and I'm just
kind of wondering
489
00:22:11,863 --> 00:22:13,854
if the food
490
00:22:13,899 --> 00:22:17,699
perhaps was
tampered with.
491
00:22:17,736 --> 00:22:20,432
Well, it most certainly
was not tampered with.
492
00:22:20,472 --> 00:22:22,269
- Really?
- Absolutely.
493
00:22:22,307 --> 00:22:24,275
Are you sure?
494
00:22:24,309 --> 00:22:25,799
I'm very sure.
495
00:22:41,493 --> 00:22:44,553
- I don't believe you.
- Larry, how can you accuse me of that?
496
00:22:44,596 --> 00:22:46,689
Because I was sick.
I was running to the bathroom all day.
497
00:22:46,732 --> 00:22:48,029
- All day?
- All day.
498
00:22:48,066 --> 00:22:50,159
- Oh, really? I see.
- Really. Yeah.
499
00:22:50,202 --> 00:22:52,033
Aha.
Cha Cha?
500
00:22:54,106 --> 00:22:55,698
Come here
for a moment, please.
501
00:22:58,343 --> 00:23:01,369
Larry doesn't feel well.
He said that his bowels are irregular.
502
00:23:01,413 --> 00:23:04,405
How many times has Larry
gone to the bathroom today?
503
00:23:04,449 --> 00:23:06,815
Twice so far,
504
00:23:06,852 --> 00:23:08,410
two minutes
each time.
505
00:23:08,453 --> 00:23:10,444
Thank you.
506
00:23:11,957 --> 00:23:15,415
Larry, that does not sound
like a man who's sick at all.
507
00:23:32,177 --> 00:23:34,008
What's up, L.D.?
508
00:23:34,045 --> 00:23:37,014
Um...
509
00:23:37,048 --> 00:23:39,744
I'm just gonna
use the bathroom.
510
00:23:39,785 --> 00:23:41,480
- What?
- Hmm?
511
00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:45,889
Bathroom.
I'm gonna use the bathroom.
512
00:24:15,454 --> 00:24:16,978
What are you doing
in there?
513
00:24:17,022 --> 00:24:21,459
The toilet was... wasn't
working properly.
514
00:24:21,493 --> 00:24:24,087
- So you fixed it?
- I did, actually, yeah.
515
00:24:24,129 --> 00:24:27,257
- Oh, okay, great.
- I had to just jiggle it around.
516
00:24:27,299 --> 00:24:29,096
Oh, okay.
So it's all...
517
00:24:29,134 --> 00:24:31,193
Hey, stay here for a second.
No no, I just want to see
518
00:24:31,236 --> 00:24:32,396
your handiwork.
Hold on.
519
00:24:32,437 --> 00:24:36,100
Hey, don't go anywhere.
Don't go anywhere.
520
00:24:36,141 --> 00:24:38,006
Oh, wait a second.
521
00:24:38,043 --> 00:24:40,944
Larry?
522
00:24:40,979 --> 00:24:43,413
Do you know how many
millions of virgin trees
523
00:24:43,448 --> 00:24:45,507
are cut down to make
this toilet paper,
524
00:24:45,550 --> 00:24:47,279
which is contributing
to global warming,
525
00:24:47,319 --> 00:24:49,480
which is causing hurricanes,
which is why you're here?
526
00:24:49,521 --> 00:24:52,081
Do you have any idea
what I'm talking about, Larry?
527
00:24:52,123 --> 00:24:54,023
- Yeah, that's what I was telling them.
- This isn't the kind
528
00:24:54,059 --> 00:24:55,856
- of toilet paper we use in this house.
- No, it's not.
529
00:24:55,894 --> 00:24:58,226
We use recycled
post-consumer toilet paper.
530
00:24:58,263 --> 00:25:01,198
- That's what I've been trying-
- Why do we have tons of toilet paper
531
00:25:01,233 --> 00:25:05,966
in this bathroom? And why were you in
this bathroom using this toilet paper?
532
00:25:06,004 --> 00:25:08,529
Again, the toilet was broken,
533
00:25:08,573 --> 00:25:10,632
but they asked me-
they were very unhappy...
534
00:25:10,675 --> 00:25:13,576
We asked you?
Hold there, hold up.
535
00:25:13,612 --> 00:25:16,308
You liars, you were complaining
about the toilet paper.
536
00:25:16,348 --> 00:25:18,646
- He wanted access to our bathroom.
- Auntie Rae,
537
00:25:18,683 --> 00:25:21,709
don't blame this on me,
Auntie Rae.
538
00:25:26,992 --> 00:25:29,756
Hey, David,
come down here, pervo.
539
00:25:29,794 --> 00:25:32,024
Come down here,
you fucking pervo.
540
00:25:32,063 --> 00:25:34,725
What? What are you talking about?
How did you get in?
541
00:25:34,766 --> 00:25:36,495
The fucking door.
How else do you think I got in?
542
00:25:36,535 --> 00:25:38,503
These kids have got to stop
leaving the door open, man.
543
00:25:38,537 --> 00:25:40,664
This is it. If I didn't know you
my whole life,
544
00:25:40,705 --> 00:25:42,502
you know what?
I'd attack you right now.
545
00:25:42,541 --> 00:25:45,101
- What are you talking about?
- You called my girlfriend
546
00:25:45,143 --> 00:25:48,169
and hit on her and she doesn't respond
and you fucking get her fired,
547
00:25:48,213 --> 00:25:51,444
- you fucking piece of shit.
- What? First, I never hit on her.
548
00:25:51,483 --> 00:25:54,509
- What are you talking about, "fired"?
- Bert's dad at the barbershop.
549
00:25:54,553 --> 00:25:57,545
You made that fucking
miscarriage remark. So he fired her
550
00:25:57,589 --> 00:25:59,648
because he wants nothing to do
with anybody that knows you.
551
00:25:59,691 --> 00:26:01,591
Oh, he's supposed to be
getting back at me?
552
00:26:01,626 --> 00:26:03,594
Who are you to tell him
how many kids to have?
553
00:26:03,628 --> 00:26:05,255
She's got nine kids.
Come on, that's plenty.
554
00:26:05,297 --> 00:26:06,889
- She wants more children.
- How many does she need?
555
00:26:06,932 --> 00:26:08,763
Who the fuck are you,
the messiah, to count?
556
00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:10,665
I got news for you.
That's enough. By the way,
557
00:26:10,702 --> 00:26:12,135
in China
you're allowed two.
558
00:26:12,170 --> 00:26:14,138
- Those people would be killed in China.
- China what?
559
00:26:14,172 --> 00:26:15,400
Two- two babies in China.
560
00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:16,805
What happens
if you have three?
561
00:26:16,841 --> 00:26:18,934
- They execute you.
- They kill the baby?
562
00:26:18,977 --> 00:26:21,309
Not the baby, idiot.
They kill the parents.
563
00:26:21,346 --> 00:26:22,938
Get out of here.
564
00:26:22,981 --> 00:26:25,643
Well, maybe they don't execute,
but they give you a good dressing-down.
565
00:26:25,684 --> 00:26:27,982
How dare you lose
my girlfriend's job?
566
00:26:28,019 --> 00:26:29,418
She lost her health insurance,
567
00:26:29,454 --> 00:26:31,115
she has no self-worth anymore.
568
00:26:31,156 --> 00:26:33,716
- She lost her self-worth? Oh, really?
- That's right.
569
00:26:33,758 --> 00:26:36,591
You get on that goddamn telephone
and you get my girlfriend's job back.
570
00:26:36,628 --> 00:26:38,596
You call Bert
and you apologize.
571
00:26:38,630 --> 00:26:40,621
Okay, I'll make that call
under one condition:
572
00:26:40,665 --> 00:26:42,530
I want to be able
to use your bathroom
573
00:26:42,567 --> 00:26:44,899
- on the way to work in the morning.
- Sit on my toilet?
574
00:26:44,936 --> 00:26:46,494
- Yeah.
- There's no fucking way.
575
00:26:46,538 --> 00:26:48,506
- Why?
- Nobody sits on Richard Lewis's toilet.
576
00:26:48,540 --> 00:26:51,008
- You use every toilet in the house?
- That's right. I rotate.
577
00:26:51,042 --> 00:26:53,510
- I can't use the basement?
- No, that's for weekends.
578
00:26:53,545 --> 00:26:54,944
I have no place
to go to the bathroom.
579
00:26:54,980 --> 00:26:56,277
I can't go here,
I can't go at work.
580
00:26:56,314 --> 00:26:58,179
You just make the goddamn call.
You owe me.
581
00:26:58,216 --> 00:27:00,184
- Jesus Christ.
- I'll try.
582
00:27:00,218 --> 00:27:01,549
- That's all I can do.
- Yeah, fine.
583
00:27:01,586 --> 00:27:03,577
Just get her her job back.
584
00:27:09,227 --> 00:27:10,922
What are you doing?
I want a righty call.
585
00:27:10,962 --> 00:27:12,452
What's this lefty bullshit?
586
00:27:12,497 --> 00:27:15,193
I want a righty call.
587
00:27:15,233 --> 00:27:17,098
Jesus Christ.
588
00:27:19,204 --> 00:27:21,468
- Hello?
- Oh, hey, Barbara?
589
00:27:21,506 --> 00:27:23,098
- Yes.
- Hey, it's Larry David.
590
00:27:23,141 --> 00:27:25,405
Oh, hi, Larry.
591
00:27:25,443 --> 00:27:28,310
Fuck you!
592
00:27:34,753 --> 00:27:37,381
That woman's out of her mind,
screaming in my ear like that.
593
00:27:37,422 --> 00:27:39,390
Can you imagine?
Fuck.
594
00:27:39,424 --> 00:27:41,858
Thanks for taking me,
by the way.
595
00:27:41,893 --> 00:27:44,885
You're damn right, man. It's a big
favor I'm doing your ass, man.
596
00:27:44,929 --> 00:27:46,863
There's the building.
Pull over.
597
00:27:46,898 --> 00:27:49,025
All right.
598
00:27:49,067 --> 00:27:53,527
Okay, park the car
and come up, okay?
599
00:27:53,571 --> 00:27:55,163
His name's Dr. Schaeffer.
600
00:27:55,206 --> 00:27:57,766
Dr. Schaeffer. All right.
601
00:28:05,617 --> 00:28:07,517
So you're all set, actually.
602
00:28:07,552 --> 00:28:09,543
We'll see you
next Wednesday.
603
00:28:13,725 --> 00:28:15,352
You get in that ass.
604
00:28:15,393 --> 00:28:16,883
You get in his ass
immediately.
605
00:28:16,928 --> 00:28:19,260
- Get in that ass, Larry.
- Hey!
606
00:28:19,297 --> 00:28:21,265
Come on,
you fucking skinhead,
607
00:28:21,299 --> 00:28:22,630
you piece of shit, let's go!
608
00:28:22,667 --> 00:28:25,602
He is not a skinhead.
He just came out of chemotherapy.
609
00:28:33,611 --> 00:28:35,476
- Sorry.
- Asshole.
610
00:28:37,115 --> 00:28:38,810
I thought he was a skinhead.
611
00:28:38,850 --> 00:28:41,250
- Hey, skinhead!
- Stop it. I'm not a skinhead!
612
00:28:41,286 --> 00:28:44,278
- Leon! No, Leon!
- You done fucked with the wrong...
613
00:28:44,322 --> 00:28:45,789
Leon, no!
614
00:28:45,824 --> 00:28:47,553
- Motherfucker!
- Stop it!49305
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