All language subtitles for Curb.Your.Enthusiasm.S06E04.DVDRip.x264-SARTRE

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew Download
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian Download
ja Japanese Download
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish Download
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:22,622 --> 00:00:25,090 - Hey, Larry. - Hi, Cha Cha. 2 00:00:25,125 --> 00:00:27,491 Thanks again for recommending me for this job. 3 00:00:27,527 --> 00:00:31,361 - Thanks. You were so great. - Oh. Good. 4 00:00:31,398 --> 00:00:33,298 And Richard says thank you too. 5 00:00:34,601 --> 00:00:36,694 - Aren't these great? - Yeah. 6 00:00:36,736 --> 00:00:38,328 You like 'em? I could get you a pair. 7 00:00:38,371 --> 00:00:40,430 Nah, that's okay. I'm going to the bathroom. 8 00:00:40,473 --> 00:00:42,873 It's like Ross down by the airport- they don't do just clothes. 9 00:00:42,909 --> 00:00:44,604 They do housewares too, if you're interested. 10 00:00:44,644 --> 00:00:47,442 - That's okay. I'll- I'll- - So how are you today? 11 00:00:47,480 --> 00:00:50,415 - Good. I'm just going to the bathroom. - Yeah? Is that Prada? 12 00:00:50,450 --> 00:00:52,543 - Hey, Larry. - Oh, hey, Bert. 13 00:00:52,585 --> 00:00:55,645 00 lunch, right? - Yeah, 1:00. 14 00:00:55,688 --> 00:00:57,315 Yeah, lunch with the wives. 15 00:00:57,357 --> 00:00:59,552 Downstairs, yeah. See you then. 16 00:00:59,592 --> 00:01:01,492 - He's great, isn't he? - He is a good guy, yeah. 17 00:01:01,528 --> 00:01:03,462 I wanna be a producer. How do you become a producer? 18 00:01:03,496 --> 00:01:05,088 You know, you gotta know people. 19 00:01:05,131 --> 00:01:07,998 - Well, I know you. - You know me, yeah. That's true. Okay. 20 00:01:08,034 --> 00:01:10,002 - Maybe we could talk about that... - Yeah. 21 00:01:10,036 --> 00:01:11,731 - ... sometime over lunch. - Sure. 22 00:01:11,771 --> 00:01:14,035 Great. Okay. Just let me know when... 23 00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:16,941 - All right, okay. - ... and I'll write it in my Filofax. 24 00:01:30,123 --> 00:01:32,114 Wow, that was quick. 25 00:01:34,828 --> 00:01:37,956 You don't really need to comment 26 00:01:37,997 --> 00:01:40,898 on what's going on 27 00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:44,529 - in terms of that or anything. - Oh, okay. I'm sorry. 28 00:01:44,571 --> 00:01:46,766 - Okay. - How do you get here in the morning? 29 00:01:46,806 --> 00:01:49,798 I'm having a hard time getting here on time. What if we carpooled? 30 00:01:49,843 --> 00:01:52,812 I really gotta get back, okay? So... 31 00:01:52,846 --> 00:01:54,871 Okay, maybe you could think about it and... 32 00:01:54,914 --> 00:01:58,350 Yeah, we're not- we probably won't be able to work that out, 33 00:01:58,384 --> 00:02:00,113 but I'll- we'll think about it. 34 00:02:00,153 --> 00:02:01,848 You have one of those healthy cars. 35 00:02:01,888 --> 00:02:03,856 How does it work? 36 00:02:03,890 --> 00:02:06,381 You put your foot on the gas. 37 00:02:08,728 --> 00:02:11,219 It was like having a bathroom monitor. 38 00:02:11,264 --> 00:02:13,391 - I have a bathroom monitor. - Oh, that's terrible. 39 00:02:13,433 --> 00:02:15,401 Why don't you go at home, like I do? 40 00:02:15,435 --> 00:02:17,096 I don't like to go in my house. 41 00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:18,764 Who doesn't like to go in their house? 42 00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:21,638 Cheryl has- you know, she's an environmentalist. 43 00:02:21,674 --> 00:02:23,642 She has this recycled 44 00:02:23,676 --> 00:02:25,701 post-consumer toilet paper all over the house. 45 00:02:25,745 --> 00:02:27,872 - Oh. - It's coarse. 46 00:02:27,914 --> 00:02:29,643 It's like going to the Port Authority 47 00:02:29,682 --> 00:02:32,708 - or a whaling vessel. - A whaling vessel! 48 00:02:32,752 --> 00:02:35,482 I can't go here and I can't go there. It's horrible. 49 00:02:35,522 --> 00:02:37,183 Oh, Jeez. 50 00:02:37,223 --> 00:02:39,748 All right, let's go to lunch. 51 00:02:39,792 --> 00:02:42,488 I love that you have a restaurant in your building. 52 00:02:44,597 --> 00:02:46,394 - Oh, and, Larry... - Mmm. 53 00:02:46,432 --> 00:02:48,730 Again, I want to thank you for Cha Cha. 54 00:02:48,768 --> 00:02:50,395 - That has worked out very well. - What? 55 00:02:50,436 --> 00:02:52,666 - Cha Cha. It's been wonderful. - Oh my God, Cha Cha? 56 00:02:52,705 --> 00:02:54,673 - Cha Cha's been wonderful. - Are you kidding me? 57 00:02:54,707 --> 00:02:56,698 I apologize for having even recommended her. 58 00:02:56,743 --> 00:02:59,268 - No no. - You don't have to lie to me. 59 00:02:59,312 --> 00:03:01,075 Okay? You don't have to lie to me. 60 00:03:01,114 --> 00:03:03,344 No, I wouldn't. No, she's worked out very well. 61 00:03:03,383 --> 00:03:05,510 - No, she's terrible. - Better than expected. 62 00:03:05,552 --> 00:03:07,577 She's terrible and if you want to fire her, go ahead. 63 00:03:07,620 --> 00:03:09,212 Oh, right. No no. 64 00:03:09,255 --> 00:03:10,916 - Don't keep her on my account, okay? - I won't. 65 00:03:10,957 --> 00:03:13,016 You're not gonna hurt my feelings if you fire her. 66 00:03:13,059 --> 00:03:14,822 We're very happy with her. What can I say? 67 00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:16,795 I tell you what: I've noticed that every time 68 00:03:16,829 --> 00:03:18,797 I pass your office- that she's not working, 69 00:03:18,831 --> 00:03:22,062 that she's reading or talking on the phone. By the way... 70 00:03:22,101 --> 00:03:24,968 Well, that's her job. She's supposed to- she's a receptionist. 71 00:03:25,004 --> 00:03:28,804 Is she supposed to use obscenities every other word, 72 00:03:28,841 --> 00:03:32,538 say "fuck" and "fuck this, cunt that" the whole time? 73 00:03:32,579 --> 00:03:34,308 - You're kidding me. - No, I'm not kidding. 74 00:03:34,347 --> 00:03:36,747 - The "C" word? - It's true, I swear. 75 00:03:36,783 --> 00:03:39,149 Oh, she's been very- she really came along 76 00:03:39,185 --> 00:03:41,517 at a good time for all of us. 77 00:03:41,554 --> 00:03:43,647 I am very impressed, Barbara, that you are here today. 78 00:03:43,690 --> 00:03:45,658 - Oh, thank you. Me too. - They've got nine kids. 79 00:03:45,692 --> 00:03:47,819 - Nine kids? Nine kids? - Yeah. Yeah. 80 00:03:47,860 --> 00:03:49,987 - Nine kids? That's unbelievable. - I know. 81 00:03:50,029 --> 00:03:52,088 Jesus, you're kidding. 82 00:03:52,131 --> 00:03:54,190 It's a little egotistical though, isn't it... 83 00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:56,168 No, it's really not up to us. 84 00:03:56,202 --> 00:03:58,170 ...to have so many of you? 85 00:03:58,204 --> 00:04:00,468 You want to bring so much more of you into the world. 86 00:04:00,506 --> 00:04:03,202 Hey hey hey, you should tell Larry about your dad's shop. 87 00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:05,438 Oh, my dad has opened this barbershop. 88 00:04:05,478 --> 00:04:07,776 He wants you both to come, special invitation. 89 00:04:07,814 --> 00:04:10,282 Completely retro, very old-school. 90 00:04:10,316 --> 00:04:12,750 - You mean, like the old barbershops? - Oh yeah, with the pole. 91 00:04:12,785 --> 00:04:14,514 I love that. What a great idea. 92 00:04:14,554 --> 00:04:16,579 - First thing he did was get the pole. - I'm gonna go. 93 00:04:16,623 --> 00:04:18,557 - I'm gonna go with you. - Does he do the hot towels? 94 00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:20,752 - Should we go to the barbershop? - I'm with you. Let's go. 95 00:04:20,793 --> 00:04:22,988 - We're gonna go. - Yeah, get a cut and a shave. 96 00:04:23,029 --> 00:04:26,123 - A little Aqua Velva? - Like "The Godfather." 97 00:04:26,165 --> 00:04:27,928 I hope that you enjoyed your lunch. 98 00:04:27,967 --> 00:04:29,434 Daviday, it was fantastic. 99 00:04:29,469 --> 00:04:31,835 Good. I want to let you know that we are going to send 100 00:04:31,871 --> 00:04:35,671 our autumn food jellies made of concentrated sugar, apricots 101 00:04:35,708 --> 00:04:37,539 and winter fruits and nuts. 102 00:04:37,577 --> 00:04:39,545 - Oh, delicious. - Winter fruits. 103 00:04:39,579 --> 00:04:41,547 - A nice treat, a nice treat. - Yummy. 104 00:04:41,581 --> 00:04:43,378 Now tell me, is there anything else I can do for you? 105 00:04:43,416 --> 00:04:45,941 You know what? You could wrap this up for me to take home. 106 00:04:45,985 --> 00:04:48,783 Very good. You're going to warm that up for a nice luncheon? 107 00:04:48,821 --> 00:04:51,790 Uh, no, actually. It's for the dog. 108 00:04:53,159 --> 00:04:54,888 We have a policy that we do not give food 109 00:04:54,927 --> 00:04:57,725 that was prepared for people to animals. 110 00:04:57,764 --> 00:04:59,664 Well, I'm giving this to the dog. You're not. 111 00:04:59,699 --> 00:05:01,860 So just wrap it up. I'll give it to the dog. 112 00:05:01,901 --> 00:05:03,869 No, that is the policy of the restaurant. 113 00:05:03,903 --> 00:05:05,871 All right, Daviday, forget I said it. 114 00:05:05,905 --> 00:05:08,465 Just wrap it up. I'm taking it home. Okay? 115 00:05:08,508 --> 00:05:11,238 We do not give doggy bags to dogs. 116 00:05:11,277 --> 00:05:14,178 Why do you think they call it a goddamn doggy bag, huh? 117 00:05:14,213 --> 00:05:15,976 If you want to feed an animal, why don't you 118 00:05:16,015 --> 00:05:18,108 go to Petco and get a bag of kibble? 119 00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:20,642 Well, I give him kibble and I like to spice it up 120 00:05:20,687 --> 00:05:23,247 - with a little steak now and then. - I can bring you corn. 121 00:05:23,289 --> 00:05:25,757 - I don't want corn. This is my steak. - Okay, you know what? 122 00:05:25,792 --> 00:05:26,918 - Hey hey hey. - What? 123 00:05:26,959 --> 00:05:29,587 You know what? I'm gonna take that home. 124 00:05:29,629 --> 00:05:32,826 - Oh, okay. - Do you mind? Do you mind? 125 00:05:32,865 --> 00:05:36,198 - You take it home. - Daviday, I'm gonna take this home. 126 00:05:36,235 --> 00:05:37,998 - Do you have an animal? - No. 127 00:05:38,037 --> 00:05:40,028 - Does he have an animal? - No. 128 00:05:40,073 --> 00:05:42,701 So you are going to eat that? 129 00:05:42,742 --> 00:05:43,800 Yes. 130 00:05:43,843 --> 00:05:45,811 - You promise me? - Yeah. 131 00:05:48,614 --> 00:05:51,606 We shall see. 132 00:05:54,787 --> 00:05:57,847 - A fucking nutjob. - "We shall see"? 133 00:05:57,890 --> 00:06:00,450 - What does that mean? - It's a little crazy 134 00:06:00,493 --> 00:06:02,586 that you can't give a doggy bag to a dog. 135 00:06:02,628 --> 00:06:05,222 - It's none of their business. - Thank you. Thank you. 136 00:06:05,264 --> 00:06:07,664 - All right, I'm going to the bathroom. - All right. 137 00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:09,725 You're excused. 138 00:06:12,605 --> 00:06:15,506 Hey, Larry. Long time no see. 139 00:06:15,541 --> 00:06:17,168 - Hey, Cha Cha. - Hey. 140 00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:19,144 - Have you had the fruit plate here? - No. 141 00:06:19,178 --> 00:06:21,009 - It's excellent. - Really? 142 00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:23,174 - You have to try it. Taste this. - No, please. 143 00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:26,379 - It's the ripest cantaloupe. - I've had fruit. Fruit's fruit. 144 00:06:26,419 --> 00:06:29,081 What did you have for lunch? 145 00:06:29,122 --> 00:06:30,612 - I had some chicken. - Chicken? 146 00:06:30,656 --> 00:06:33,250 Chicken and fruit go together. You can have this for dessert. 147 00:06:33,292 --> 00:06:35,157 - Okay, I gotta- - It's really really good. 148 00:06:35,194 --> 00:06:36,661 I highly recommend it. 149 00:06:36,696 --> 00:06:38,857 Mm, that time again, huh? 150 00:06:56,949 --> 00:06:59,281 - Oh, cool, you're here. I owe you. - Oh, hey. 151 00:06:59,318 --> 00:07:01,218 Good to see you, man. I was just over at Cha Cha's. 152 00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:03,814 Ooh, God, is she beautiful. Whew. Jesus. 153 00:07:03,856 --> 00:07:06,654 Listen, I had an idea. I want to go to a movie tomorrow night 154 00:07:06,692 --> 00:07:08,819 and maybe- it's been a while- let's double-date, 155 00:07:08,861 --> 00:07:10,624 Cha Cha and me and you and Cheryl. 156 00:07:10,663 --> 00:07:12,824 What do you think? 157 00:07:12,865 --> 00:07:15,231 - Uh... - Why the hesitation? 158 00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:17,930 I don't know. I mean, I don't know what our plans are. 159 00:07:17,970 --> 00:07:19,631 I'll let you know. I'll call you. 160 00:07:19,672 --> 00:07:21,731 What's wrong? 161 00:07:23,676 --> 00:07:26,702 You know, I got Cha Cha this job and all... 162 00:07:26,746 --> 00:07:28,805 Yeah, and she loves you for it. Me too, by the way. 163 00:07:28,848 --> 00:07:31,578 Yeah, well, it's not really working out for me, 164 00:07:31,617 --> 00:07:33,084 I gotta tell you. 165 00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:34,814 Why not? 166 00:07:34,854 --> 00:07:36,788 Her office is right across from the bathroom. 167 00:07:36,823 --> 00:07:39,348 - Yeah, I know. - Every time I go to the bathroom 168 00:07:39,392 --> 00:07:43,123 I have to have this- stop and chat with her 169 00:07:43,162 --> 00:07:47,258 both before I go and after I go. It's too much. 170 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:49,495 She means well. By the way, she's told me 171 00:07:49,535 --> 00:07:52,971 that you go to the bathroom, like, 10 to 14 times a day. 172 00:07:53,005 --> 00:07:55,439 You move your bowels, you piss... 173 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,170 are you all right? She was concerned. 174 00:07:57,210 --> 00:07:59,235 Okay, do you see what I'm saying? 175 00:07:59,278 --> 00:08:02,076 This is what I'm talking about. This is none of her business... 176 00:08:02,114 --> 00:08:03,775 how often I go to the bathroom, 177 00:08:03,816 --> 00:08:06,284 what I'm doing in there, how long I'm in there. 178 00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:09,049 Talking to you about my personal bathroom habits... 179 00:08:09,088 --> 00:08:11,955 that's not good, all right? It's too much. It's too much. 180 00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:14,983 Someone's got to sit there. Would you rather have a klansman sitting there? 181 00:08:15,027 --> 00:08:18,224 No, I'd rather have a stranger, frankly- a stranger sitting there 182 00:08:18,264 --> 00:08:20,494 who I don't have to report into. 183 00:08:20,533 --> 00:08:22,728 - She cares about you. - Oh, she cares about me? 184 00:08:22,768 --> 00:08:25,566 - Yeah. - Listen, it's none of her business. 185 00:08:25,605 --> 00:08:27,402 She has bowel concern for you and I do too. 186 00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:29,340 I don't need her bowel concern. 187 00:08:29,375 --> 00:08:31,843 - How much water do you drink? - I drink a lot of water, that's all. 188 00:08:31,878 --> 00:08:34,005 - Big deal. - A lot? You drink more than a porpoise. 189 00:08:34,046 --> 00:08:36,014 Yeah, usually I have bottles of water. 190 00:08:36,048 --> 00:08:38,448 - I don't know where they are. - No one pisses that often 191 00:08:38,484 --> 00:08:40,509 without drinking, like, thousands of gallons a week. 192 00:08:40,553 --> 00:08:42,521 Okay, all right, let's stop talking about this. 193 00:08:42,555 --> 00:08:45,285 My bathroom habits are not your concern, okay? 194 00:08:45,324 --> 00:08:47,554 All right, I won't care about your health. Fine. 195 00:08:47,593 --> 00:08:49,493 You don't need to care about- I'm in very good health. 196 00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:51,497 - You are? - I got a beautiful colon. 197 00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,897 - You wanna take a picture of my colon? - I have a VHS of mine. 198 00:08:53,933 --> 00:08:55,992 Fine. You can put my colon up next to your colon. 199 00:08:56,035 --> 00:08:58,162 We'll see who's got a cleaner, healthier colon. 200 00:08:58,204 --> 00:09:00,069 I'll have a colon contest with you any time you want. 201 00:09:00,106 --> 00:09:01,733 Any time you want to have a colon contest, buddy, yeah. 202 00:09:01,774 --> 00:09:04,174 You're shitting and pissing almost 70 times a week. 203 00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:06,542 Get the hell out of here. This is ridiculous. 204 00:09:06,579 --> 00:09:08,046 She's right next to you. 205 00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:10,048 I don't want her monitoring 206 00:09:10,082 --> 00:09:13,245 my bathroom habits, okay? 207 00:09:13,286 --> 00:09:15,254 What are you eating? A lot of grains 208 00:09:15,288 --> 00:09:17,256 and fruit and nuts like a Jew squirrel? 209 00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:19,383 - Okay. - Where are you going? 210 00:09:19,425 --> 00:09:21,052 You're not going to the bathroom again? 211 00:09:21,093 --> 00:09:22,617 No, I'm not going to the bathroom. 212 00:09:22,662 --> 00:09:24,152 - You are going to the bathroom. - No. 213 00:09:24,196 --> 00:09:25,823 I bet you are going to the bathroom. 214 00:10:21,220 --> 00:10:22,744 So what happened? 215 00:10:22,788 --> 00:10:25,313 I flushed a toilet and it was, like, 216 00:10:25,358 --> 00:10:28,191 the loudest flush, like a sonic boom went off. 217 00:10:28,227 --> 00:10:32,129 - It was so loud that I was thrown back. - Really? 218 00:10:32,164 --> 00:10:34,132 I was trapped inside the stall 219 00:10:34,166 --> 00:10:36,225 and I'm telling you, it's killing me. 220 00:10:36,268 --> 00:10:38,532 Okay, so you're having some pain there. 221 00:10:38,571 --> 00:10:40,198 - Right ear, yeah. - Right ear, okay. 222 00:10:40,239 --> 00:10:42,298 Let me just ask you a couple other questions. 223 00:10:42,341 --> 00:10:43,968 Are you experiencing any dizziness? 224 00:10:44,010 --> 00:10:45,671 - No. - No. 225 00:10:45,711 --> 00:10:47,941 - Any shortness of breath? - No. 226 00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:49,948 - Aches and pains anywhere else? - No. 227 00:10:49,982 --> 00:10:51,779 Are you going to the bathroom a lot? 228 00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:56,614 I don't see how that's relevant, really... 229 00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:58,123 am I going to the bathroom a lot. 230 00:10:58,157 --> 00:11:00,125 Are you urinating a lot? 231 00:11:00,159 --> 00:11:02,821 What does that have to do with my ear? 232 00:11:02,862 --> 00:11:05,160 This is a standard medical question. It's all... 233 00:11:05,197 --> 00:11:07,995 I know, but I really don't think it's relevant 234 00:11:08,034 --> 00:11:09,865 to how often I go to the bathroom. 235 00:11:09,902 --> 00:11:11,563 With all due respect, I think I'm the one 236 00:11:11,604 --> 00:11:13,902 who should tell you if it's relevant or not. And it is. 237 00:11:13,939 --> 00:11:17,966 Well, let's just say- let's just move on. How about that? 238 00:11:18,010 --> 00:11:20,308 What, you're not gonna tell me about your urination? 239 00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:22,314 I'd really rather not talk about it. 240 00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:24,680 I don't see how it's anybody's business, frankly, you know. 241 00:11:24,717 --> 00:11:26,912 It's kind of private and I really don't think... 242 00:11:26,952 --> 00:11:28,749 - How is it private? - It's private. 243 00:11:28,788 --> 00:11:31,450 How often I go to the bathroom is kind of a private thing. 244 00:11:31,490 --> 00:11:33,549 Yeah, but I'm not some- we're not on a bus. I'm a doctor. 245 00:11:33,592 --> 00:11:36,686 We'll just have to make a diagnosis without this information. 246 00:11:36,729 --> 00:11:38,697 I'm normal. Let's just say that, okay? 247 00:11:38,731 --> 00:11:41,427 - What does "normal" mean? - Everything's normal. It's normal. 248 00:11:41,467 --> 00:11:43,332 Three times a day, four times a day? 249 00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:44,495 Do we have to get into a specific number? 250 00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:46,471 Do we have to get a number attached to it? 251 00:11:46,505 --> 00:11:49,030 - Yeah, it's science. - However often people are supposed 252 00:11:49,075 --> 00:11:51,100 to go, I go, unless I drink a lot of water. 253 00:11:51,143 --> 00:11:54,840 And, you know, sometimes I drink a lot of water and I'll go a lot. 254 00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:57,144 If you had an office next to the bathroom and it was one of those days 255 00:11:57,183 --> 00:11:59,310 I was drinking a lot of water, you'd say, "Boy, this guy goes a lot." 256 00:11:59,351 --> 00:12:01,080 But so what? So what? 257 00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:02,917 - What are you talking about? - I'm talking about, 258 00:12:02,955 --> 00:12:04,923 you know, urination frequency 259 00:12:04,957 --> 00:12:06,925 if I happen to be drinking a lot of water, 260 00:12:06,959 --> 00:12:09,450 which I have been doing lately, so maybe lately 261 00:12:09,495 --> 00:12:11,258 I've been going more often than I normally would. 262 00:12:11,297 --> 00:12:12,992 - Great. - But it's good for you 263 00:12:13,032 --> 00:12:15,057 to drink water. That's a good thing. 264 00:12:15,101 --> 00:12:17,365 - That's all I wanted to hear. - That's a good thing, drinking water. 265 00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:19,667 Yes, sure sure. Okay, let's move on. 266 00:12:19,705 --> 00:12:20,865 Please. 267 00:12:20,906 --> 00:12:23,101 How's your stool? 268 00:12:24,643 --> 00:12:27,168 - Please. - Stool's fine. Let's move on. 269 00:12:27,213 --> 00:12:29,181 - All right. - You know, again, 270 00:12:29,215 --> 00:12:31,183 I mean, if I do drink a lot of water... 271 00:12:31,217 --> 00:12:34,186 and I eat a lot of salad too. So that's good. 272 00:12:34,220 --> 00:12:36,051 It's normal, okay? Is it more than once a day? 273 00:12:36,088 --> 00:12:38,613 Many times it is, yeah. More than twice a day? 274 00:12:38,657 --> 00:12:40,682 Sometimes, you know. Who knows? 275 00:12:40,726 --> 00:12:43,286 If you had an office next to the bathroom and I was going 276 00:12:43,329 --> 00:12:45,763 and you looked at your watch and you saw how long I was in there, 277 00:12:45,798 --> 00:12:48,028 you might say, "Oh, boy, he goes a lot." 278 00:12:48,067 --> 00:12:49,967 But so what? That's good. That's a good thing. 279 00:12:50,002 --> 00:12:52,493 - All right, I apologize for- - Let's just- can we get to the ear? 280 00:12:52,538 --> 00:12:55,871 Sure sure. So here's- it's pretty simple, really. I'm gonna suggest... 281 00:12:55,908 --> 00:12:58,069 I'm exhausted from being here, 282 00:12:58,110 --> 00:13:00,078 you know, having to talk about my stool, 283 00:13:00,112 --> 00:13:03,479 how often I'm urinating. I mean, you know, my ear hurts. 284 00:13:03,516 --> 00:13:05,746 Okay, here's what I'm gonna suggest for your ear: 285 00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:08,515 just basically stay off it. Use your left ear to talk on the phone 286 00:13:08,554 --> 00:13:12,354 If you need to for some reason favor an ear, favor the left one. 287 00:13:12,391 --> 00:13:14,325 Don't use the phone from my right ear? 288 00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:16,157 Yeah. I mean, you just want to limit 289 00:13:16,195 --> 00:13:18,060 the amount of noise that goes into it. 290 00:13:18,097 --> 00:13:20,065 You want me to talk lefty? 291 00:13:20,099 --> 00:13:21,930 Yeah, just talk lefty. 292 00:13:21,967 --> 00:13:23,798 I have a hard time talking lefty on the phone. 293 00:13:23,836 --> 00:13:26,236 Everything comes out wrong. It's like throwing lefty. I can't do it. 294 00:13:26,272 --> 00:13:29,571 I'm not myself. I feel different, strange, like I'm not me. 295 00:13:29,608 --> 00:13:33,374 I'm not comfortable talking lefty. 296 00:13:33,412 --> 00:13:37,314 All I can do is give you my expert opinion, okay? 297 00:13:37,349 --> 00:13:39,977 So that's what I'm suggesting. I'm suggesting stay off the right ear. 298 00:13:40,019 --> 00:13:41,611 Okay, fine. I'll talk lefty. 299 00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:43,485 And I also think it wouldn't hurt you 300 00:13:43,522 --> 00:13:45,490 to talk to a therapist about your bathroom issues, 301 00:13:45,524 --> 00:13:47,890 'cause there's clearly something going on there. 302 00:13:47,927 --> 00:13:49,019 Okay? 303 00:13:49,061 --> 00:13:52,087 I think I'd like to see somebody else. 304 00:13:52,131 --> 00:13:53,792 All right. That's your right. Fine. 305 00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:55,664 Is there somebody in the office I could see? 306 00:13:55,701 --> 00:13:57,669 Now? 307 00:13:57,703 --> 00:13:59,694 No no, you have to make an appointment. 308 00:14:01,574 --> 00:14:04,042 This isn't McDonald's, okay? 309 00:14:04,076 --> 00:14:06,044 Okay, fine. 310 00:14:06,078 --> 00:14:07,670 - Okay, all right. - Okay, thank you. 311 00:14:07,713 --> 00:14:09,704 Thank you. 312 00:14:17,389 --> 00:14:19,380 What the fuck are you looking at, Jewboy? 313 00:14:21,026 --> 00:14:22,755 Fucking faggot. 314 00:14:24,997 --> 00:14:26,658 That's right, keep walking. 315 00:14:35,908 --> 00:14:38,138 - Hey. - Come on, let's deal with it. 316 00:14:38,177 --> 00:14:41,146 - Can we talk to you? - What? Wow. Hey hey. 317 00:14:41,180 --> 00:14:43,808 - I like Cheryl. She's sweet, but... - Yeah. 318 00:14:43,849 --> 00:14:47,148 She's nice, but the toilet paper... 319 00:14:47,186 --> 00:14:50,087 I've never seen no toilet paper like that. 320 00:14:50,122 --> 00:14:51,680 Have you been to Port Authority before, 321 00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:53,157 - the Port Authority in New York City? - Yeah. 322 00:14:53,192 --> 00:14:55,160 That's what it feels like. 323 00:14:55,194 --> 00:14:57,321 - Real close. - I said the same thing the other day. 324 00:14:57,363 --> 00:14:59,627 - Mm-hmm. - Did you get that from me? 325 00:14:59,665 --> 00:15:03,066 - Yeah. - Y'all got funny toilet paper here. 326 00:15:03,102 --> 00:15:05,332 - We can't deal with this toilet paper. - Hey, tell me about it. 327 00:15:05,371 --> 00:15:07,339 - You know what I mean? It's rough. - It's rough. 328 00:15:07,373 --> 00:15:09,841 Well, you know, it's an environmental thing. 329 00:15:09,875 --> 00:15:12,810 She's doing it for the environment. What can I do? 330 00:15:12,845 --> 00:15:15,609 Can you do us a favor? Can we get some soft toilet paper to use? 331 00:15:15,648 --> 00:15:17,980 - All right, okay. - The babies' behinds are hurting. 332 00:15:18,017 --> 00:15:19,985 All right. 333 00:15:20,019 --> 00:15:22,647 Here's what I'm gonna suggest: 334 00:15:22,688 --> 00:15:25,623 - You want soft paper? - Oh, yes. No doubt. 335 00:15:25,658 --> 00:15:28,525 - I'll get you your soft toilet paper... - Okay, cool. 336 00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:31,961 ...under one condition... 337 00:15:31,997 --> 00:15:34,727 I want access to the toilet. 338 00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:37,065 - You want to use our bathroom? - So what you're saying is 339 00:15:37,102 --> 00:15:38,797 you want to come in our bathroom and use our bathroom? 340 00:15:38,837 --> 00:15:40,304 You got it. 341 00:15:40,339 --> 00:15:42,364 - I want some soft toilet paper. - Okay, fine. 342 00:15:42,408 --> 00:15:44,876 - It's all about the tissue. - Okay, you have a deal. 343 00:15:44,910 --> 00:15:47,743 - Auntie Rae, all right. - Deal. 344 00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:50,248 - My man. - Leon. Oh, hey, by the way, 345 00:15:50,282 --> 00:15:53,080 if Cheryl finds out, 346 00:15:53,118 --> 00:15:55,586 you're all going down with me. 347 00:15:55,621 --> 00:15:57,555 - We got your back. - We got your back. 348 00:15:57,589 --> 00:15:59,489 - Cool. - What it is what it is. 349 00:15:59,525 --> 00:16:01,493 Leon, come here. I need to talk to you. 350 00:16:01,527 --> 00:16:02,755 What's going down, Larry? 351 00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:05,855 Listen to this, all right? 352 00:16:05,898 --> 00:16:07,525 I'm in the doctor's office earlier, 353 00:16:07,566 --> 00:16:10,364 there's a guy sitting there, a skinhead, okay? 354 00:16:10,402 --> 00:16:12,267 He looks at me and he says, 355 00:16:12,304 --> 00:16:14,829 "What the fuck are you looking at, Jewboy?" 356 00:16:14,873 --> 00:16:16,067 - What? - "Fucking faggot." 357 00:16:16,108 --> 00:16:19,407 What? Okay, what'd you do? 358 00:16:19,445 --> 00:16:21,913 - What'd I do? - Yeah, what'd you do? 359 00:16:21,947 --> 00:16:24,347 I slunk out. 360 00:16:24,383 --> 00:16:25,714 You slunk out? 361 00:16:25,751 --> 00:16:27,446 Slunk. I slunk out. 362 00:16:27,486 --> 00:16:29,283 So you didn't do shit and you punked out. 363 00:16:29,321 --> 00:16:30,948 That's what the fuck happened, right? 364 00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:32,617 Yeah, I punked out. I punked out. 365 00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:34,558 - How'd that happen? - Well, what was I gonna do? 366 00:16:34,593 --> 00:16:35,821 The guy could have killed me. 367 00:16:35,861 --> 00:16:37,522 Next time a man calls you a fucking faggot, 368 00:16:37,563 --> 00:16:40,088 you get in that ass, Larry. Know what I mean? 369 00:16:40,132 --> 00:16:42,430 You get in that ass, Larry. That's what the fuck you do. 370 00:16:42,468 --> 00:16:44,368 - What are you talking about? - You let that man slide today. 371 00:16:44,403 --> 00:16:47,338 You gotta immediately get in somebody's ass when that happens to you. 372 00:16:47,373 --> 00:16:49,000 You pull their asshole open, 373 00:16:49,041 --> 00:16:51,134 step into their asshole, close the door behind you, 374 00:16:51,176 --> 00:16:53,167 - pick up your spray-paint can, right? - Uh-huh. 375 00:16:53,212 --> 00:16:55,180 "Larry was here." You spray-paint 376 00:16:55,214 --> 00:16:58,081 "Larry was here," "Wash me," all that kind of shit, 377 00:16:58,117 --> 00:17:00,017 fuck his whole asshole up, eat some Snickers bar, 378 00:17:00,052 --> 00:17:01,917 throw some paper on the floor, read a newspaper, 379 00:17:01,954 --> 00:17:04,388 ball the paper up, the newspaper, and throw the newspaper on the floor, 380 00:17:04,423 --> 00:17:06,584 fuck his whole asshole up, you know what I'm saying? 381 00:17:06,625 --> 00:17:08,115 Then you open that asshole one more time... 382 00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:10,560 open it again, open that asshole again- uhh! 383 00:17:10,596 --> 00:17:13,463 Step out of his ass and leave that motherfucker wide open, 384 00:17:13,499 --> 00:17:15,558 - so he knows you've been there. - Open it up, 385 00:17:15,601 --> 00:17:16,829 - step in. - Step in their asshole. 386 00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:18,734 - Spray-paint "Larry was here." - "Larry was here." 387 00:17:18,771 --> 00:17:21,763 - Leave garbage, Snickers, eat Snickers. - Spit, fuck it. 388 00:17:21,807 --> 00:17:23,001 - Get out. - Mm! 389 00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:25,169 - Open it up again. - Step out their asshole. 390 00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:27,144 - Step out. - Don't even close that motherfucker. 391 00:17:27,179 --> 00:17:28,874 Leave it open so he knows you've been there. 392 00:17:28,914 --> 00:17:30,814 - You feel me? - I got you. 393 00:17:30,849 --> 00:17:32,783 That's how you handle people. 394 00:17:32,818 --> 00:17:35,013 Mm! Get in that ass, Larry. 395 00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:36,351 - Don't worry. - All right. 396 00:17:37,990 --> 00:17:39,958 I hope you don't get me killed. 397 00:17:39,992 --> 00:17:42,119 My man. 398 00:18:02,781 --> 00:18:05,147 - Hello? - Hey, is Richard there? 399 00:18:05,184 --> 00:18:08,176 Uh, no, he's not. Is this Larry? 400 00:18:08,220 --> 00:18:09,653 Yeah. 401 00:18:09,688 --> 00:18:11,747 - This is Cha Cha. - Ah. 402 00:18:11,790 --> 00:18:13,724 Cha Cha. 403 00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:16,694 Hi, Larry. You just caught me in the middle of a workout. 404 00:18:16,728 --> 00:18:18,491 So I'm calling about the movies. 405 00:18:18,530 --> 00:18:20,088 Yeah, the movies, right. 406 00:18:20,132 --> 00:18:22,532 You know, we were talking about- wouldn't it be great 407 00:18:22,568 --> 00:18:24,229 if we could all go to a really nice dinner 408 00:18:24,269 --> 00:18:26,328 in one of those fancy-schmancy joints? 409 00:18:26,371 --> 00:18:30,364 Okay, I'll tell- I'll tell Cheryl. 410 00:18:30,409 --> 00:18:31,535 Great. 411 00:18:31,577 --> 00:18:33,807 What are you wearing? 412 00:18:37,549 --> 00:18:39,073 What am I wearing right now? 413 00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:41,450 Yeah, what are you wearing? 414 00:18:41,487 --> 00:18:45,321 You're making me uncomfortable, Larry. 415 00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:52,328 I'm gonna hang up right now. 416 00:18:52,364 --> 00:18:54,025 I'm gonna hang up right now. 417 00:18:54,066 --> 00:18:55,966 - Goodbye. - Bye. 418 00:19:00,439 --> 00:19:03,340 I am loving this place. Jeff, how great is this place? 419 00:19:03,375 --> 00:19:05,536 It's unbelievable. I'm having a great time. 420 00:19:05,577 --> 00:19:07,477 It's like my old barbershop in Brooklyn. 421 00:19:07,513 --> 00:19:09,140 Yeah, reminds me of the old days, you know. 422 00:19:09,181 --> 00:19:11,877 I like the whole snip-snip thing, the sound of it. 423 00:19:11,917 --> 00:19:14,613 I think I can do it too. It doesn't look that hard. 424 00:19:14,653 --> 00:19:16,621 You know, it's like the bongos- who can't do that? 425 00:19:16,655 --> 00:19:18,122 You know what I mean? 426 00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:19,920 - Yeah. - Anybody can play the bongos, come on. 427 00:19:19,958 --> 00:19:23,359 Do you have to be that skilled to bang on something? 428 00:19:23,395 --> 00:19:26,296 - Come on, how hard is that? - I never thought of that. 429 00:19:26,331 --> 00:19:28,458 When was the last time you saw Bert? 430 00:19:28,500 --> 00:19:31,025 Oh, I just had lunch with him 431 00:19:31,069 --> 00:19:32,730 the other day, him and Barbara. 432 00:19:32,771 --> 00:19:34,636 You notice anything different about them? 433 00:19:34,673 --> 00:19:37,107 No. 434 00:19:37,142 --> 00:19:40,202 'Cause she just had a miscarriage. 435 00:19:40,245 --> 00:19:41,712 - Really? - Yeah. 436 00:19:41,747 --> 00:19:44,307 It's a shame. 437 00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:45,816 Shame? 438 00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:47,978 They do have nine kids. 439 00:19:53,225 --> 00:19:54,852 - That's it? - Yep. 440 00:19:54,893 --> 00:19:57,361 Wow, that was pretty fast. 441 00:19:58,764 --> 00:20:00,755 You didn't take anything off. 442 00:20:01,767 --> 00:20:03,758 Hey! Ow. Ow ow! 443 00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:14,202 I'm good. 444 00:20:18,617 --> 00:20:20,448 Where the hell have you been? 445 00:20:20,485 --> 00:20:22,146 I've been calling you all goddamn day. 446 00:20:22,187 --> 00:20:24,621 - We were getting a haircut. - This is a bag of shit. 447 00:20:24,656 --> 00:20:27,454 Oscar's been shitting. I've been cleaning up shit all day. 448 00:20:27,492 --> 00:20:29,892 He ate those leftovers that that asshole gave us. 449 00:20:29,928 --> 00:20:32,829 - Really? - "We shall see." 450 00:20:32,864 --> 00:20:36,061 - "We shall see. " Daviday. - That little piece of shit. 451 00:20:36,101 --> 00:20:38,399 - Is it possible that that nut did that? - Yes yes. 452 00:20:38,437 --> 00:20:41,167 - He put crap in there. - Jesus Christ. 453 00:20:41,206 --> 00:20:42,901 - Is he throwing up too? - What a psycho. 454 00:20:42,941 --> 00:20:45,000 You gotta go down there and tell this motherfucker 455 00:20:45,043 --> 00:20:46,908 - you're gonna kick his ass. - Oh, yeah. 456 00:20:46,945 --> 00:20:49,539 No, wait a second. He can't go down there. 457 00:20:49,581 --> 00:20:51,811 - Why? - Because I took the food home. 458 00:20:51,850 --> 00:20:55,342 - I promised him that I would eat it. - All right, you go down there. 459 00:20:55,387 --> 00:20:57,321 - You go. - Yeah, better idea: 460 00:20:57,356 --> 00:20:59,290 You go, Larry. You go tell him 461 00:20:59,324 --> 00:21:01,258 that you've been shitting all over yourself all day, 462 00:21:01,293 --> 00:21:03,454 shitting in your pants, you can't make it to the toilet, 463 00:21:03,495 --> 00:21:05,292 you got shit running down your leg. 464 00:21:05,330 --> 00:21:06,592 Why can't I make it to the toilet? 465 00:21:06,632 --> 00:21:08,657 Because it's more dramatic that way. 466 00:21:08,700 --> 00:21:11,225 I don't wanna tell a guy I got shit running down my leg. 467 00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:13,704 All right, tell him whatever the fuck you want. Tell him you've been 468 00:21:13,739 --> 00:21:15,798 - sick sick sick as a dog, okay? - All right. 469 00:21:15,841 --> 00:21:17,468 I'm gonna go to the restaurant right now, 470 00:21:17,509 --> 00:21:19,272 - see what he says. - Go! 471 00:21:19,311 --> 00:21:22,178 - You know, these waiters are nuts. - He's nuts. 472 00:21:22,214 --> 00:21:24,580 You can't get on a waiter's bad side. They'll do anything. 473 00:21:24,616 --> 00:21:26,914 - I never said anything back. - You gotta be so nice to 'em. 474 00:21:26,952 --> 00:21:28,317 You gotta leave a good tip. 475 00:21:28,353 --> 00:21:30,287 - Jeff, throw this out. - You throw it out. 476 00:21:30,322 --> 00:21:32,586 - You throw it out. I've been cleaning- - No, you got gloves. 477 00:21:32,624 --> 00:21:34,387 - I've been cleaning this shit. - You got gloves! 478 00:21:34,426 --> 00:21:37,259 - Throw it out. - Aw, fuck. 479 00:21:46,905 --> 00:21:49,430 Hello, Daviday. 480 00:21:49,474 --> 00:21:52,568 Hello, Larry. Nice to see you again. 481 00:21:52,611 --> 00:21:55,910 Good to see you, Daviday. 482 00:21:55,947 --> 00:21:58,609 You know, I ate the leftovers 483 00:21:58,650 --> 00:22:02,017 and I just want you to know 484 00:22:02,054 --> 00:22:04,386 I got sick from them. 485 00:22:04,423 --> 00:22:06,288 Now when you say that you got sick, do you mean 486 00:22:06,325 --> 00:22:08,020 that the animal got sick or that you got sick? 487 00:22:08,060 --> 00:22:09,823 - No no, I got sick. - You got sick? 488 00:22:09,861 --> 00:22:11,829 Yes, and I'm just kind of wondering 489 00:22:11,863 --> 00:22:13,854 if the food 490 00:22:13,899 --> 00:22:17,699 perhaps was tampered with. 491 00:22:17,736 --> 00:22:20,432 Well, it most certainly was not tampered with. 492 00:22:20,472 --> 00:22:22,269 - Really? - Absolutely. 493 00:22:22,307 --> 00:22:24,275 Are you sure? 494 00:22:24,309 --> 00:22:25,799 I'm very sure. 495 00:22:41,493 --> 00:22:44,553 - I don't believe you. - Larry, how can you accuse me of that? 496 00:22:44,596 --> 00:22:46,689 Because I was sick. I was running to the bathroom all day. 497 00:22:46,732 --> 00:22:48,029 - All day? - All day. 498 00:22:48,066 --> 00:22:50,159 - Oh, really? I see. - Really. Yeah. 499 00:22:50,202 --> 00:22:52,033 Aha. Cha Cha? 500 00:22:54,106 --> 00:22:55,698 Come here for a moment, please. 501 00:22:58,343 --> 00:23:01,369 Larry doesn't feel well. He said that his bowels are irregular. 502 00:23:01,413 --> 00:23:04,405 How many times has Larry gone to the bathroom today? 503 00:23:04,449 --> 00:23:06,815 Twice so far, 504 00:23:06,852 --> 00:23:08,410 two minutes each time. 505 00:23:08,453 --> 00:23:10,444 Thank you. 506 00:23:11,957 --> 00:23:15,415 Larry, that does not sound like a man who's sick at all. 507 00:23:32,177 --> 00:23:34,008 What's up, L.D.? 508 00:23:34,045 --> 00:23:37,014 Um... 509 00:23:37,048 --> 00:23:39,744 I'm just gonna use the bathroom. 510 00:23:39,785 --> 00:23:41,480 - What? - Hmm? 511 00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:45,889 Bathroom. I'm gonna use the bathroom. 512 00:24:15,454 --> 00:24:16,978 What are you doing in there? 513 00:24:17,022 --> 00:24:21,459 The toilet was... wasn't working properly. 514 00:24:21,493 --> 00:24:24,087 - So you fixed it? - I did, actually, yeah. 515 00:24:24,129 --> 00:24:27,257 - Oh, okay, great. - I had to just jiggle it around. 516 00:24:27,299 --> 00:24:29,096 Oh, okay. So it's all... 517 00:24:29,134 --> 00:24:31,193 Hey, stay here for a second. No no, I just want to see 518 00:24:31,236 --> 00:24:32,396 your handiwork. Hold on. 519 00:24:32,437 --> 00:24:36,100 Hey, don't go anywhere. Don't go anywhere. 520 00:24:36,141 --> 00:24:38,006 Oh, wait a second. 521 00:24:38,043 --> 00:24:40,944 Larry? 522 00:24:40,979 --> 00:24:43,413 Do you know how many millions of virgin trees 523 00:24:43,448 --> 00:24:45,507 are cut down to make this toilet paper, 524 00:24:45,550 --> 00:24:47,279 which is contributing to global warming, 525 00:24:47,319 --> 00:24:49,480 which is causing hurricanes, which is why you're here? 526 00:24:49,521 --> 00:24:52,081 Do you have any idea what I'm talking about, Larry? 527 00:24:52,123 --> 00:24:54,023 - Yeah, that's what I was telling them. - This isn't the kind 528 00:24:54,059 --> 00:24:55,856 - of toilet paper we use in this house. - No, it's not. 529 00:24:55,894 --> 00:24:58,226 We use recycled post-consumer toilet paper. 530 00:24:58,263 --> 00:25:01,198 - That's what I've been trying- - Why do we have tons of toilet paper 531 00:25:01,233 --> 00:25:05,966 in this bathroom? And why were you in this bathroom using this toilet paper? 532 00:25:06,004 --> 00:25:08,529 Again, the toilet was broken, 533 00:25:08,573 --> 00:25:10,632 but they asked me- they were very unhappy... 534 00:25:10,675 --> 00:25:13,576 We asked you? Hold there, hold up. 535 00:25:13,612 --> 00:25:16,308 You liars, you were complaining about the toilet paper. 536 00:25:16,348 --> 00:25:18,646 - He wanted access to our bathroom. - Auntie Rae, 537 00:25:18,683 --> 00:25:21,709 don't blame this on me, Auntie Rae. 538 00:25:26,992 --> 00:25:29,756 Hey, David, come down here, pervo. 539 00:25:29,794 --> 00:25:32,024 Come down here, you fucking pervo. 540 00:25:32,063 --> 00:25:34,725 What? What are you talking about? How did you get in? 541 00:25:34,766 --> 00:25:36,495 The fucking door. How else do you think I got in? 542 00:25:36,535 --> 00:25:38,503 These kids have got to stop leaving the door open, man. 543 00:25:38,537 --> 00:25:40,664 This is it. If I didn't know you my whole life, 544 00:25:40,705 --> 00:25:42,502 you know what? I'd attack you right now. 545 00:25:42,541 --> 00:25:45,101 - What are you talking about? - You called my girlfriend 546 00:25:45,143 --> 00:25:48,169 and hit on her and she doesn't respond and you fucking get her fired, 547 00:25:48,213 --> 00:25:51,444 - you fucking piece of shit. - What? First, I never hit on her. 548 00:25:51,483 --> 00:25:54,509 - What are you talking about, "fired"? - Bert's dad at the barbershop. 549 00:25:54,553 --> 00:25:57,545 You made that fucking miscarriage remark. So he fired her 550 00:25:57,589 --> 00:25:59,648 because he wants nothing to do with anybody that knows you. 551 00:25:59,691 --> 00:26:01,591 Oh, he's supposed to be getting back at me? 552 00:26:01,626 --> 00:26:03,594 Who are you to tell him how many kids to have? 553 00:26:03,628 --> 00:26:05,255 She's got nine kids. Come on, that's plenty. 554 00:26:05,297 --> 00:26:06,889 - She wants more children. - How many does she need? 555 00:26:06,932 --> 00:26:08,763 Who the fuck are you, the messiah, to count? 556 00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:10,665 I got news for you. That's enough. By the way, 557 00:26:10,702 --> 00:26:12,135 in China you're allowed two. 558 00:26:12,170 --> 00:26:14,138 - Those people would be killed in China. - China what? 559 00:26:14,172 --> 00:26:15,400 Two- two babies in China. 560 00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:16,805 What happens if you have three? 561 00:26:16,841 --> 00:26:18,934 - They execute you. - They kill the baby? 562 00:26:18,977 --> 00:26:21,309 Not the baby, idiot. They kill the parents. 563 00:26:21,346 --> 00:26:22,938 Get out of here. 564 00:26:22,981 --> 00:26:25,643 Well, maybe they don't execute, but they give you a good dressing-down. 565 00:26:25,684 --> 00:26:27,982 How dare you lose my girlfriend's job? 566 00:26:28,019 --> 00:26:29,418 She lost her health insurance, 567 00:26:29,454 --> 00:26:31,115 she has no self-worth anymore. 568 00:26:31,156 --> 00:26:33,716 - She lost her self-worth? Oh, really? - That's right. 569 00:26:33,758 --> 00:26:36,591 You get on that goddamn telephone and you get my girlfriend's job back. 570 00:26:36,628 --> 00:26:38,596 You call Bert and you apologize. 571 00:26:38,630 --> 00:26:40,621 Okay, I'll make that call under one condition: 572 00:26:40,665 --> 00:26:42,530 I want to be able to use your bathroom 573 00:26:42,567 --> 00:26:44,899 - on the way to work in the morning. - Sit on my toilet? 574 00:26:44,936 --> 00:26:46,494 - Yeah. - There's no fucking way. 575 00:26:46,538 --> 00:26:48,506 - Why? - Nobody sits on Richard Lewis's toilet. 576 00:26:48,540 --> 00:26:51,008 - You use every toilet in the house? - That's right. I rotate. 577 00:26:51,042 --> 00:26:53,510 - I can't use the basement? - No, that's for weekends. 578 00:26:53,545 --> 00:26:54,944 I have no place to go to the bathroom. 579 00:26:54,980 --> 00:26:56,277 I can't go here, I can't go at work. 580 00:26:56,314 --> 00:26:58,179 You just make the goddamn call. You owe me. 581 00:26:58,216 --> 00:27:00,184 - Jesus Christ. - I'll try. 582 00:27:00,218 --> 00:27:01,549 - That's all I can do. - Yeah, fine. 583 00:27:01,586 --> 00:27:03,577 Just get her her job back. 584 00:27:09,227 --> 00:27:10,922 What are you doing? I want a righty call. 585 00:27:10,962 --> 00:27:12,452 What's this lefty bullshit? 586 00:27:12,497 --> 00:27:15,193 I want a righty call. 587 00:27:15,233 --> 00:27:17,098 Jesus Christ. 588 00:27:19,204 --> 00:27:21,468 - Hello? - Oh, hey, Barbara? 589 00:27:21,506 --> 00:27:23,098 - Yes. - Hey, it's Larry David. 590 00:27:23,141 --> 00:27:25,405 Oh, hi, Larry. 591 00:27:25,443 --> 00:27:28,310 Fuck you! 592 00:27:34,753 --> 00:27:37,381 That woman's out of her mind, screaming in my ear like that. 593 00:27:37,422 --> 00:27:39,390 Can you imagine? Fuck. 594 00:27:39,424 --> 00:27:41,858 Thanks for taking me, by the way. 595 00:27:41,893 --> 00:27:44,885 You're damn right, man. It's a big favor I'm doing your ass, man. 596 00:27:44,929 --> 00:27:46,863 There's the building. Pull over. 597 00:27:46,898 --> 00:27:49,025 All right. 598 00:27:49,067 --> 00:27:53,527 Okay, park the car and come up, okay? 599 00:27:53,571 --> 00:27:55,163 His name's Dr. Schaeffer. 600 00:27:55,206 --> 00:27:57,766 Dr. Schaeffer. All right. 601 00:28:05,617 --> 00:28:07,517 So you're all set, actually. 602 00:28:07,552 --> 00:28:09,543 We'll see you next Wednesday. 603 00:28:13,725 --> 00:28:15,352 You get in that ass. 604 00:28:15,393 --> 00:28:16,883 You get in his ass immediately. 605 00:28:16,928 --> 00:28:19,260 - Get in that ass, Larry. - Hey! 606 00:28:19,297 --> 00:28:21,265 Come on, you fucking skinhead, 607 00:28:21,299 --> 00:28:22,630 you piece of shit, let's go! 608 00:28:22,667 --> 00:28:25,602 He is not a skinhead. He just came out of chemotherapy. 609 00:28:33,611 --> 00:28:35,476 - Sorry. - Asshole. 610 00:28:37,115 --> 00:28:38,810 I thought he was a skinhead. 611 00:28:38,850 --> 00:28:41,250 - Hey, skinhead! - Stop it. I'm not a skinhead! 612 00:28:41,286 --> 00:28:44,278 - Leon! No, Leon! - You done fucked with the wrong... 613 00:28:44,322 --> 00:28:45,789 Leon, no! 614 00:28:45,824 --> 00:28:47,553 - Motherfucker! - Stop it!49305

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.