All language subtitles for Curb Your Enthusiasm - S07xE04 - The Hot Towel

( Theme music playing )

( Scratching )

Let me, uh... let me give
you a little tip, okay?

Mm-hmm.
For traveling... a little traveling tip.

Try not to wear shorts.

It's not all that attractive
to look at for five hours.

- Are you kidding?
- Honestly. No, I'm not.

- I wear these on every flight when I travel...
- Really?

- 'Cause it's very comfortable.
- Yes. Yeah.

These planes, if you
notice, get very hot.

- Ah. Yes, they do.
- I'm sorry, I didn't see where I had to check

with the person I'm sitting
next to what I should wear.

I'm comfortable in pajamas, but I
don't wear pajamas on a plane.

I like to sing.
I like to whistle.

I like to play
the bongos on my leg.

- I like to imitate horses...
- Okay.

- But I don't do it, okay?
- All right.

- Because there's somebody sitting next to me.
- Yeah, okay. Okay.

Wow, you're very uptight, dude.
Very uptight.

- Uptight? I don't think it's "uptight."
- It's just shorts, man.

- You've never seen a man's legs?
- Yeah, they're grotesque.

What if they were
a woman's in a skirt?

Would you say that to her
if a woman's in a skirt?

- If they were hairy.
- Okay.

Are you ready for a hot towel?

( Yelling )

She must've put it
in the microwave.

Don't you think? I mean, have you ever
seen anything like this is your life?

Huh. - Only me. Only
me this happens to.

I bet you I could sue 'em.
Don't you think?

Do I have a case? Tell me.

- Would you testify for me?
- No.

- You wouldn't testify?
- No, I wouldn't.

I find that odd and troubling.

Yeah, it would be hard to find a
doctor who, in good conscience,

could recommend a high-value
settlement for that burn.

Okay. I'll drop it.

- Forget about it.
- Okay. By the way,

I am loving the music
in the waiting room.

- Oh.
- The opera? Fabulous.

I'm glad you like it.

I got the idea
from an Italian restaurant...

A new Italian restaurant
called Matteo's.

They have live singers
who do some arias

- from various Italian operas.
- No kidding?

- Yeah yeah yeah yeah.
- What a fabulous idea.

I need to buy an anniversary
gift for my friends.

I'll bet you... that would be
a good gift, would it not?

- It'd be a great gift.
- A gift certificate to this restaurant?

Absolutely. Yeah. Do it.

- All right. Thank you. Thank you for everything.
- You're welcome.

- I'm sorry to bother you, you know.
- No problem.

- Well, should I come back?
- No, you don't need to come back.

It'll be healed before you
walk out the door. - ( Laughs )

Okay.

You know what?

I was just thinking.

I'd love to get
your home phone number

just in case of an emergency
or something else

with the hand. Who knows?
Something comes up,

- it's nice to have.
- I don't give out my home phone number.

You know, I understand all that,

but I would
feel better, you know.

It would make me feel
more secure.

Nothing's gonna happen.
I'm never gonna call.

You know, what are the odds
of something happening? Zero.

Well, if anything happened, you
can always call the service

- and they'll contact me.
- Yeah, then I have to deal with the middleman,

sort of, and maybe
the service isn't there.

Why does he have the privilege
of talking to you and not me?

- I'm your patient.
- You have a problem.

You make the call. They call me,

then I respond to you.

It works like a charm!
It works every time!

I like the idea of having my
doctor's number in my wallet.

I don't want to be
in your wallet.

I want you in my wallet.

- What do you think?
- I'll make an exception in your case

purely in the interest
of getting on with my day.

- Fantastic. Thanks so much.
- All right.

I do not expect you to abuse it

and I don't want you to call me
directly at home, all right?

But if it'll
make you feel better,

get the number
from my receptionist

- on the way out.
- Okay.

- Keep it dry...
- Keep it dry.

And don't call.

- Hello.
- Larry: Really?

- Wow.
- Wow.

Jeez. Mary Jane.

- Hey. Hi.
- Hi. Hi.

- Hi.
- How are you?

- It's been a while.
- Uh, yeah.

- Well, you look good.
- So do you.

Thank you. How are things?

I just came from the doctor.
I've got two months to live.

- It's terrible.
- Not very funny.

Yeah, I'm trying to get
women to take pity on me,

so they'll sleep with me,
you know. That's all.

So I just tell everybody that.

- Hmm.
- So, um,

what are you...
What's your social situation?

- Are you married?
- God no.

You regret breaking up
with me though.

You're still... you're still
having nightmares about that?

You... oh, Larry,
you're the same!

You can admit it...
You made a mistake.

We should go out. We should
go out and catch up.

- You know, that would be fantastic.
- Yeah?

- Yeah, let's do that.
- What about tonight?

Tonight I'm going to Ted
Danson's anniversary party.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, my friend Christian
slater's gonna be there.

- Christian slater?
- Yeah.

- He's a friend of yours?
- Yeah, tell him I said hi.

Uh, no, but I'll... I'll see him.

- Um, how about tomorrow?
- Okay.

- We're gonna have a date?
- Yeah.

- Do you have my number?
- I do.

- What? Do you think I threw away your number?
- You do not have my...

I've got the number of every woman
I've ever gone out with in my life.

Believe me. I'm gonna
see you tomorrow.

- Yeah. ( Laughs )
- I've changed.

- Bye.
- Bye.

( Chatting )

Mozzarella? Yeah.

- Hey.
- Hi.

Do you remember
Mary Jane Porter?

One of my favorites.

- I ran into her today.
- How's she look?

- Fantastic.
- Really?

- Oh my god, she's a doll.
- Oh god.

- You know?
- Yeah. Why'd she go out with you?

I don't know why
she went out with me.

I don't know.
That's a good question.

- A big bowl of out of your league.
- Way out of my league.

- Huge time.
- Well, that's why she got rid of me.

- Yeah. Really?
- Well, I was so desperate.

She could sense the insecurity.

- They pick up on it.
- Instantly.

- I'm seeing her tomorrow night.
- Really?

Yeah. She asked me.

Maybe she's got
the desperation this time.

- Hopefully.
- Hopefully.

It's a lot easier to work with
their desperation than mine.

- Let me ask you a question. Sexually...
- Yeah. Yeah.

Can I... can I pick up
where I left off with her?

Absolutely.
You put in your time.

I mean, it's like
15 years later, but...

Everything you've
done before counts.

Yes. I don't know.

In terms of unhooking bras, I'm
really gonna be in trouble.

- Look at this?
- Well, why don't you use your right hand?

I'm... I'm a lefty unhooker.
I can't unhook righty.

It's from the car,
I think, when you park.

Right.
You're making out in the driver's seat,

you lean over, it's your left
hand that's doing the unhooking.

Right, you get used to the left.
It's like the one thing

if you're a righty that you do
with your left hand with skill.

- That's true.
- So what's going on with Cheryl?

Hopefully we can
cast her in this thing

and see what happens.

What about the whole
Meg Ryan situation?

Oh, it's gonna...
It's gonna be about Jerry.

Yeah.
You know, I've just gotta convince Jerry

to use Cheryl,
'cause if I cast her...

Then I think I'll have a shot.

- I think it's a great plan.
- In the meantime,

I'm allowed to have
some fun, right?

Please! Why not?

Mary Jane Porter asking you.

Hey, what did
you get Ted and Mary?

Susie gets all
the gifts. No idea.

- Hello!
- Ted: Seriously, though...

- lar! I didn't see you come in.
- Hey!

- Hey, buddy. That's sweet of you.
- Hey, congratulations.

- Thank you, thank you.
- And look what I got.

Dee-dah! What is that?

- It's a present.
- Oh my god.

- Ho! Larry.
- Lar!

- What?
- Oh my god.

A $300 gift certificate
to Matteo's restaurant.

Have you been there? It's
supposed to be great.

Are you sure you wanna
give that much?

I can't believe you did that.

What? Why are you so surprised.

No, it's just,
you know, the last...

- What was the last gift?
- Both: "The freak book."

- "The freak book."
- That was a good gift,

- and it was expensive too.
- This is great. I shouldn't have even brought that up.

- I'm sorry. This is great.
- No, it's really nice.

- Thank you. Thank you.
- Very very generous of you, buddy.

- Thank you.
- Oh, okay. Well, you're welcome.

Is it a lot better than the
gifts you've been getting?

- No.
- No no no.

- Well...
- It's just...

- It's just that...
- It's just... it's...

- no, it's a great gift. Thank you.
- Thank you.

( Mumbles ) - thank you. Let
me... I've gotta catch up with...

Of course.
The host has to circulate.

- Hey, you circulate too, lar.
- Yeah, well, I... I know. You're the big stars,

- the hosts of the party.
- There's a lot of nice women here.

Everybody wants to talk
to the hosts of course.

I understand. "Oh, I'm the host."

Hello, I'm the host
of the party."

Hey. - Hey, l.D.
How are you, man?

Good. You know, I ran into
a friend of yours today.

- Who's that?
- Mary... Mary Jane Porter.

- Mmm! I love her. She's great.
- Mmm.

( Chuckles ) Jesus Christ.

What?
- You're really going to town on that caviar.

It's the best caviar
they could possibly get.

It's unbelievable. What do you
think I'm gonna do, pass this up?

I know, but I think you're going over
your allotment a little bit. No?

- My allotment?
- You know,

we're each entitled
to take a certain amount

so everybody else can have
a little bit too.

- Umm.
- It feels like you're going over.

Just an observation.
Not a big deal.

Okay.
Just something I'm observing.

Well, it's good that you're here
to patrol the hor d'oeuvres area.

- Yeah.
- Okay.

We have unwritten laws
in this society.

If I'm talking to somebody and
they said their friend has cancer,

I go "oh. Oh. Oh."

Even though I don't know
the person, I go "oh."

You know, it's an unwritten law.

You do something like that.

- Mmm. Okay.
- It's a nice thing to do.

What you should be doing here
is you take a little bit,

then you step away for 20 minutes,
see what kind of action there is.

- Oh.
- If nobody's taking any,

maybe take a little bit
more, step away again.

- So forth and so on.
- Okay, look.

Let me just scoop
a little more on here

and I'm gonna step away then.

- Wow.
- Enjoy the party.

- Okay. All right.
- Always good to see you.

Mary: Larry, did you
eat all that caviar?

- Huh? No.
- Why would you do that?

I mean, everybody knows
you take a little, right?

- Hey, it wasn't me.
- Then who was it?

Christian slater was
eating gobfuls of it.

- I hate that.
- I couldn't even look at it.

- ( Glass clinking )
- that's...

- So inconsiderate, no?
- It's an unwritten rule.

- You take your...
- Unwritten rule, exactly.

Can I have everyone's
attention, please?

Ted and Mary,
our gracious hosts...

Happy anniversary
to an incredible couple.

We didn't know what to get you.

You clearly have everything.

We're not gonna get you
a toaster or a blender,

so our incredibly
talented daughter Sammy,

as our gift to you,
is gonna sing a special song.

- Oh, that's so sweet.
- Susie: So let's have a nice round of applause.

- That's a gift? Are you kidding?
- Susie: Sammy is gonna sing.

- Let's hear it for Sammy.
- How is that a gift?

* you're just
too good to be true *

* can't take
my eyes off of you... *

( whispers ) oh my god. - * you
would be like heaven to touch *

* I wanna hold you so much *

* at long last
love has arrived *

* and I thank god I'm alive... *

( chuckles, whispers )
are you kidding me?

Are you kidding?

This is the worst thing
I've ever heard in my life.

- * I love you, baby...
- Larry: All right. Okay.

All right. Okay.
That's good. That's good.

- Very good, very good! Okay, that was wonderful.
- What are you doing?

- What are you doing?
- Very good talent.

- I'm not... I'm not done.
- No no no no, that was terrific.

No no, she's not done.
What are you doing?

That was very good. Very good.

Why are you
interrupting her, Larry?

Why didn't you wait until she
was finished singing the song?

- What were you doing?
- What? The song's over.

No, the song was not over. You
know the song was not over

- and you cut her off!
- The song is over.

You ruined the whole gift! That
was our gift for god's sake!

- Oh, I thought the song was over.
- Sammy, that was great.

Let's give her a nice round of applause.
That was good.

That was good. Yeah.

I'll tell you...
That's a talented kid.

Hey! Real nice. Real nice.

Come... I mean, Mary is pissed
at me about the caviar.

Thanks. Thanks a lot. Thank you.

What? What did she say?

She said that you told her

that I helped myself
to too much caviar.

Well, she noticed the caviar

and asked me who ate it.

What? What?
Was I supposed to lie?

- I was not taking too much caviar!
- Oh, please. Are you kidding?

- Who are you?!
- You were eating it like it was potato chips!

It's there
to be eaten, you know?

- Not by one person!
- It was out there on the table.

- You made it your dinner.
- Oh god.

( Chuckles )

Smile.

Hey, mind your own business.
How about that?

"Smile."

( Beeps )

- ( Rings )
- hello.

- Larry: Fat boy!
- What? Hello?

- Jeff?
- Umm, no.

- No, there's no Jeff here.
- Is this Dr. Morrison?

Uh, yeah, it is.
It is. Who's this?

Oh my god! It's Larry David!

Your patient Larry David.

And wasn't it just
a couple of days ago

that I saw you and asked
you not to call here?

No, I wasn't calling you.
I was calling Jeff Greene...

Listen... and your name is
right under his

and I must have pressed
yours by accident.

I distinctly recall
asking you not to call me.

No no, I didn't call.

How can you say
you didn't call?!

- You did call.
- I didn't call purposefully.

- It was an accident.
- An accident call is still a call.

Technically, I called, but...

Look. I'm in the other room

I'm working.
I had to walk in here.

I had to pick up the phone.

Now I'm talking to you.
That's a call.

It's a wrong number.

You know, I don't have
an hourglass set up here,

but it's
the longest wrong number

I've ever had in my life.

I have things to do, Mr. David.

- Really? What are you doing?
- I'm changing light bulbs

and cleaning
the cat's litter box.

What do you do at home? Does
anybody ask you what you do...

Don't ask me what I do at home.

All right.
I'm gonna hang up then.

You don't have to tell me everything
you're doing. Just hang up.

Okay. The next time
you hear from me

will be in case of an emergency,

and I hope
you don't hear from me.

You still have
my service number.

Call them, ask about their day.

Don't bother me.

- Hmm.
- So did you hang up yet?

Not yet. Should I hang up now?

Yes, I'm going to hang up now.

Did I mention that I'm going
to the restaurant tonight?

- Goodbye.
- ( phone clatters )

By the way, I'm not that
impressed with the food.

It's good.

No, I'm having a real problem
with this osso buco.

I can't believe Dr. Morrison
recommended it. It's terrible.

- You don't like food.
- What does that mean, I don't like food?

You don't like food.
Every time we've gone out,

- you're like "I don't like this food."
- No, I didn't like your food.

- That's what...
- You didn't like my food?

Your food... come on, you were
the worst cook in the world.

- Oh, stop it.
- You know that. "Stop it."

You are the only one
that thinks that.

I think you're not a good...
eater. - ( Both laugh )

- Really? You think I'm...
- yeah, you're not a good eater.

Anyway, I'd better shut up,
because I'm planning on...

I'm planning on a big move later

and I think
I might hurt my chances

if I keep criticizing your food.

- You're right.
- Yeah.

A big big move.

- Is that what this is?
- Yeah, exactly.

- A big storm warning?
- I'm babe Ruth calling the shot.

All right. Oh, there's
your friend Ted Danson.

Ted Danson?

No, he's over there.

- Mary Jane: Is that weird?
- It was great.

Yeah, it's really weird.

I'll be right back.

- You're... you're kidding.
- To the vineyard?

Yeah.
Yeah, you could. You could.

- Hey, Larry.
- Mary: Hi.

- Hi, lar.
- Hey, buddy.

- Are you having a nice time?
- Yes, thank you so much.

- Thank you, buddy.
- I find it a little odd,

frankly,

that I got you this

$300 gift certificate
to the restaurant

and you chose
to take them and not me.

But if we took you,

wouldn't that be you
giving a gift to yourself?

- No, not really.
- You somehow...

No, I gave you a gift
and I just think that

the nice thing to do
would have been

"hey, you know what?
Why don't you come with us?"

"Was there a stipulation
on the gift certificate"

- "$300 plus take me"?
- No. No,

but don't you feel
a little bit funny

- that you're eating dinner under... it's my money?
- Not at all.

- I paid for your gift.
- What, have you got a beef with me now?

- Yeah?
- I've got a side beef with you.

- I've got a beef with him.
- You know what?

- We've had a really nice fun night...
- Do me a favor.

Which is more than we would've
had if we'd brought you.

From now on don't get us a gift.
No more gifts.

At least I got you a gift, okay?

I didn't let my daughter
go up and sing a song.

- What the hell does that mean, Larry?
- Oh, come on now.

- Is that supposed to be a gift?
- Yes, that was a gift from the heart.

- That is not a gift.
- And you know what?

You had no right to shut her up.

- That was mean. That was cruel.
- It was horrible.

- It was over the line.
- Her self-esteem is down the toilet now.

I'm sorry about that, but it
had nothing to do with her.

I just... I can't stand the
sound of the human voice.

- You can't stand the sound of the human voice?!
- What are you talking about?

My father used to sing in the house
all the time. I couldn't take it.

And to this day,
any singing around me...

- You're full of it.
- Ted: Bullshit. Bullshit.

It's bullshit.
He's making it up.

I'm not making it up. This
happens to be the truth.

- Mary: I've never heard this about you, ever.
- Ted: Yeah.

- I'm sorry about that.
- ( Accordion music playing )

( Singing Italian Aria )

Hey hey hey. Hey hey.

That's okay. We've got it.
We've got it.

We've got it. We're good. Hey.

( Shushes ) we're good.
We're good.

Pipe it down.
We're good. We're good.

That's okay. Lock it up.
Lock it up. We're good.

Very good. It was very good.

- Honestly. Very good. Yeah.
- ( Applauding )

Yeah, we're... we're eating now.

We're eating.
We can't listen now.

Come on. Right, people?

Huh? While we're eating?
We don't...

We don't need that. Come on.

( Larry moaning )

( Groans ) damn it.

Hey, would you mind
switching sides?

Switch si... sides? Uh, okay.

- Okay.
- I kinda prefer that side.

- Oh. All right.
- Yeah.

Oh, here, you... you go.

- Thanks.
- Better?

- Much better.
- All good?

You're so agreeable. I
really love that about you.

Uh-huh. Thanks.

( Groaning )

What's going on here? ( Laughs )

Oh, damn it.

- Do you want some pie?
- Pie?

Oh my god, it's delicious.

- Mmm.
- Oh.

- This is so good.
- Really?

I made it. Do you want some?

- You made it?
- Yeah, I took a dessert class.

It is delicious
and I'm not kidding.

- ( Phone ringing )
- all right, I'll try it.

- Have it. It's good. Honestly.
- Okay, fine.

- All right.
- Sorry.

What is it? What kind?

Oh, shit.

- It's my boyfriend. You've got to be quiet.
- ( Phone beeps )

What are you talking... you didn't
tell me you had a boyfriend.

Hello? What's going on?

Uh... oh, nothing.

You know, I was
just hanging out,

- not really doing anything actually.
- Ah!

- Oh, wow! Wow!
- Oh! Oh!

Oh, god. No no, I'm watching TV.

It's like
on the discovery channel.

Why don't we talk
about it tomorrow?

Oh. Oh, you are.

Then I'll... I'll see you
in a minute. Okay. Bye.

- ( Beeps )
- fuck.

- You've gotta go.
- What?

My boyfriend's coming over.

You didn't tell me
you had a boyfriend.

It didn't come up.
You didn't ask me.

Well, it should've come up. No?

Listen. You've gotta go

'cause this will suck...
Seriously... for me.

- Do you like him?
- Larry, you've got to go.

I... I can't get into this now.

- Did I leave anything here?
- Hello? No, you're fine.

You've got to go. Larry, please.

He will not understand
this situation.

Yeah, I don't understand
the situation.

He will kill me. He will kill you.
We can talk about it later.

- Kill me? Is he a big guy?
- You don't want to find out.

I'm not kidding.
The food was just awful.

Terrible. Honestly, I can't even
believe you recommended that.

Well, I liked the osso buco.

It didn't taste like osso buco to me.
It was bad osso buco.

It'd be hard to find a
better osso buco than that.

Ah. Anyway, I'm sorry
about the call again.

It was a complete accident.

You know who never makes a
mistake like that? My service.

- Really? Interesting.
- That's right.

- Please don't call again.
- Okay, but like I said,

it was a wrong number. I did
not intend to call you.

Well, perhaps,
but it was intrusive.

You have a beautiful
home, by the way.

How do you know that?

Your assistant gave me all your info
when I asked for your home phone number.

You're right in my neighborhood.
You're right up the street.

You're the house on the
corner with that trellis...

- what do you call it, an arbor?
- An arbor.

Arbor. Yeah, you've got
the arbor in the front.

- I know that house.
- You know, I'm a little uncomfortable

- with you having all this information.
- What am I gonna do?

There should be a little more
openness in the doctor business.

Everything is
so confidential, you know?

I have too many patients. I don't
want them all to have my information.

Well, I'm the only one
who has it.

Well, don't call,
don't knock on the door...

Oh yeah. - ...But you're
welcome here any time

- you have a problem.
- Oh, thank you, thank you.

So what do you think we
should do about the hand?

There are two ways
to go with the hand:

Put a bandage on;
Not put a bandage on.

In my opinion, it'd be
better to leave it open.

Well, are you the same person

who recommended that
restaurant with the osso buco?

I don't quite
see the connection.

Well, your restaurant
recommendation was so awful,

I just don't see how I can trust
your medical recommendation.

They're different.

Not to me.

- Wrap it up.
- You want it wrapped up?

Yeah.
All right, doctor. Whatever you say.

( Phone rings )

( Beeps )

- Hello?
- Larry? Hi, it's Mary Jane.

Oh, hey, can I call you back?
I'm exercising.

Uh, no, you know, my friend...

He found your bandage
in the garbage can here

and he knows it's you.
He knows you were here.

What?
Yeah, it was really horrible.

I kind of freaked out
and I ended up giving him

your... your phone number
and your address.

Are you crazy?!
What did you do that for?

I know, I'm sorry. It's crazy,

but he just...
He just wore me down.

It was so horrible,

and he's on his way
to your house right now.

- Oh my.
- ( Beeps )

( Car approaches )

Oh, shit.

Hi, Dr. Morrison.
I'm so sorry to bother you,

honestly... somebody's after me.
They're at my house.

I didn't know what to do!

I was running
and I saw your house.

Mr. David, what the hell
are you doing here?

I'm... I'm telling you...
I just need a place to stay.

If I could just stay here for
a while, spend the night.

- Yeah, well, you can't. You can't... spend the night?
- I'll go in the guest room.

I'll close the door. You
won't even know I'm here!

I'm sitting here having a nice,
quiet night with my wife,

we're having a glass of wine,
and you bust in here saying

- you want to stay here all night?!
- Hello. I'm so sorry.

Please please please don't involve Mrs.
Morrison.

I'm not involving her. You
have a lovely home by the way.

- Thank you.
- Lovely. I love that print.

And I think it's
a little provocative,

coming in here like this
in front of my wife

with no pants on! You should
go home and get dressed.

I was running out!
I ran out of the house.

I give you my phone
number, you call me.

You drive by my house.
Now you're in my house?

How about if I just hang out here?
I'll sit on the steps.

What, all night?
Sit on the steps?

- Well, I can't go out!
- My family is here!

Do you mind if I stay
on the steps, Mrs. Morrison?

No no, Mrs. Morrison does...
you're not staying on the steps.

You know, you're a doctor. You're
sending me out to get hurt.

What about the hippocratic oath?

When you're hurt, come back
and I'll treat you.

- Go home, Mr. David!
- Do you agree with this?

- You say you only live...
- Do you agree with this?

Please! Don't bring
Mrs. Morrison into this.

Fine.
- And I think you ought to put some pants on.

You know what? You're going to
be getting a call from me soon...

An emergency call.
I have your home phone number

- and I'm going to be making an emergency call!
- Call my service!

I'm calling
an emergency call to you!

Don't call me,
and I'll call you!

I'm so happy you're home. You've got
to let me come in and spend the night.

Somebody's chasing me.
There's a guy after me.

I swear to god!
I'm not making it up!

- What are you wearing?
- What? I'm wearing shorts.

- That's disgusting.
- I workout in shorts. I'm sorry.

You know something? You really
disappointed me last night.

That sweet guy trying
to sing a song...

You absolutely destroyed his confidence.
You know that?

He can't sing
anymore because of you.

Well, I'll... you know,
I'll talk to him.

- Talk to him?
- I will. I will.

Yeah, build up
his confidence after that.

I actually will. I'll do that.

You are a selfish motherfucker.

- I'm selfish?
- You are.

I buy you a fantastic gift,

and you take Jeff Greene?
That's $150.

- So what?
- That's my $150!

- Is that what's bothering you? $150?
- At least I gave you

a present.
I didn't have my daughter

- sing some bullshit song...
- Here. Here's your $150.

Take your $150... - ...And
not be able to carry a tune!

And go buy yourself some
fucking pants, will you?

( Tires screech )

- Hey, I'm so glad you're home.
- Hey.

Mary Jane Porter's
boyfriend is after me.

- What's going on?
- I need to spend the night here!

I won't bother you. I won't
even use the kitchen!

I swear to you I'll just
stay in the guest room.

- Please. Come on.
- All right, all right.

- Come on in.
- Put something on. I don't want to have to look at this.

( Birds chirping )

Sammy: * you're just
too good to be true *

* can't take
my eyes off of you *

- * you'd be like heaven to touch... *
- Jesus. Shut up!

What the fuck? Shut the fuck up!

* I want to hold you so much...
* - shut the fuck up!

- ( Sammy crying )
- Jesus Christ!

- What the fuck?
- Sammy: Mommy! I was singing

- and Larry told me to shut the fuck up!
- Susie: He did what?!

- Out!
- Huh? What?

- Out! Out! Get the hell out of my house!
- What the hell?

You ingrate! You hurt Sammy
one more time, Larry!

Get the fuck out
of my house, okay?!

You squashed the spirit
of a talented young girl!

You piece of shit! You
heartless piece of shit!

Out!

- Anyway, I'm sorry that you took it so personally...
- That's all right.

Because it really...
Honestly, it really wasn't you.

- You mean that?
- Yes, absolutely.

- Now come on.
- Just go sing, will you please?

- Okay. Okay. Thanks.
- Okay.

- ( Accordion music playing )
- ( man singing Aria )

What the... - ( whispers
) what are you doing?

- What are you doing here?
- I had to go talk to that singer.

- What are you doing here?
- Uh, listen.

I'm meeting Christian slater
and his girlfriend here

and my boyfriend's
in the bathroom right now.

He's gonna come out
and... you should go.

- Don't stand there.
- Yeah, but he doesn't know what I look like.

- Go go go go.
- Yeah, but...

- I know.
- ( Exhales sharply )

- Oh, whoa, I'm sorry.
- Oh. Sorry. I'm sorry.

Oh, wait, are you Larry David?

No. Nuh-uh.

- No. No.
- What?

Hey hey! Excuse me. Hey hey!

Hey hey! Hey!

You're not looking for Larry
David by any chance, are you?

Yeah, I am.

Thank you. Thanks, man. Hey!

( Theme music playing )