All language subtitles for Curb Your Enthusiasm - 7x09 - The Table Read.HDTV.NoTV.en

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:18,758 --> 00:00:20,978 - Unbelievable, right? - Is this insane? 2 00:00:21,952 --> 00:00:23,552 Larry, it's exactly the same. 3 00:00:23,941 --> 00:00:25,297 Exactly the same. 4 00:00:25,417 --> 00:00:27,455 I mean... my gosh. 5 00:00:27,782 --> 00:00:29,341 It's like going back in time or... 6 00:00:29,508 --> 00:00:32,181 ...never leaving the past or something. 7 00:00:32,301 --> 00:00:33,881 - Right... Yeah! - It is 8 00:00:35,079 --> 00:00:38,476 So you and Cheryl are back together or what's happenning there? 9 00:00:39,496 --> 00:00:42,281 No... no, it's strictly professional. 10 00:00:44,042 --> 00:00:45,605 Oh, wow. I had no... 11 00:00:46,584 --> 00:00:48,894 ...you know, idea that she was an actress. 12 00:00:49,183 --> 00:00:50,602 Yeah, she acts. 13 00:00:50,815 --> 00:00:52,186 It's great. 14 00:00:53,959 --> 00:00:55,660 What has she done? 15 00:00:56,878 --> 00:00:58,107 You know... 16 00:01:00,025 --> 00:01:03,229 I don't know, she's done some stuff, I'm not sure. 17 00:01:03,549 --> 00:01:05,139 I don't know exactly. 18 00:01:07,576 --> 00:01:09,994 - We should get started. - Okay, yeah. Let's do it. 19 00:01:13,751 --> 00:01:14,773 Hey, Larry. 20 00:01:15,136 --> 00:01:17,187 I want you to meet my daughter, Emma. 21 00:01:17,739 --> 00:01:20,403 - Say hi to Larry. - Hi, I'm Emma. 22 00:01:20,651 --> 00:01:22,905 - Hi Emma, nice to meet you. - Nice to met you. 23 00:01:23,025 --> 00:01:24,761 How come you don't have red hair like your mum? 24 00:01:24,881 --> 00:01:26,214 My dad is blonde. 25 00:01:26,689 --> 00:01:28,440 - Do you want to give him a hug? - Yes, sure. 26 00:01:28,553 --> 00:01:30,138 She's been dying to meet you. 27 00:01:31,161 --> 00:01:32,448 Allright, nice to meet you. 28 00:01:32,568 --> 00:01:35,191 Go get someting to eat, okay sweetie, I'll see you in a minute. 29 00:01:35,407 --> 00:01:37,634 - Oh boy, what a sweetheart. - Thank you... 30 00:01:37,747 --> 00:01:39,252 ...that was really sweet of you. 31 00:01:39,727 --> 00:01:41,028 Yes, sure. 32 00:01:41,393 --> 00:01:43,008 We should get this thing going soon. 33 00:01:43,221 --> 00:01:46,003 Listen, I might be a few minutes late getting back from lunch so... 34 00:01:46,116 --> 00:01:48,205 ...I have to take Emma to the doctor. 35 00:01:48,318 --> 00:01:49,323 Really? 36 00:01:49,619 --> 00:01:52,934 - Is she okay? - She just has a rash on her pussy. 37 00:01:55,100 --> 00:01:57,351 I'm gonna get the table read started, okay?. 38 00:01:57,464 --> 00:01:58,521 Good luck. 39 00:02:02,110 --> 00:02:05,096 Look at you, this is very strong, this is good stuff. 40 00:02:06,684 --> 00:02:09,023 - You like it? - You done very good. 41 00:02:09,143 --> 00:02:10,565 I'm thrilled, thrilled! 42 00:02:10,678 --> 00:02:12,212 And the stuff with... 43 00:02:12,673 --> 00:02:15,325 What are you calling her, Cheryl? Is that the character's name, Cheryl? 44 00:02:15,445 --> 00:02:17,682 - No, Amanda. - Amanda. 45 00:02:17,802 --> 00:02:21,468 I got confused 'cos on the chair it says Cheryl David. 46 00:02:21,814 --> 00:02:25,502 Well, it says Jason Alexander doesn't say George Costanza. 47 00:02:25,622 --> 00:02:26,937 I understand, yeah. 48 00:02:27,217 --> 00:02:30,023 I'm just surprised, I didn't realize Cheryl was... 49 00:02:30,327 --> 00:02:31,724 ...was gonna do the role. 50 00:02:31,844 --> 00:02:34,332 Well, I don't know, she auditioned. 51 00:02:34,445 --> 00:02:36,711 Did she really? I wish I'd seen that. 52 00:02:36,831 --> 00:02:39,107 And she was the best. 53 00:02:39,227 --> 00:02:40,827 Really? Well, that's good. 54 00:02:41,140 --> 00:02:42,764 Who was the next best? 55 00:02:43,604 --> 00:02:44,671 Don't know. 56 00:02:45,851 --> 00:02:47,021 Don't remember. 57 00:02:47,134 --> 00:02:48,999 I thought we were gonna stay and dialogue it. 58 00:02:49,119 --> 00:02:52,125 I would've stay and dialogue, had you called me to dialogue. 59 00:02:52,245 --> 00:02:55,446 - I was supposed to...? - I was supposed to call? 60 00:02:55,566 --> 00:02:57,968 You're the executive producer. 61 00:02:58,081 --> 00:03:00,678 - And the executive producer... - A minion, I'm just a minion... 62 00:03:00,798 --> 00:03:05,251 Right, and generally the executive producer doesn't call the "minion". 63 00:03:05,795 --> 00:03:08,708 The "minion" would call the executive producer. 64 00:03:08,828 --> 00:03:11,250 - I made a mistake. - You reversed it. 65 00:03:11,363 --> 00:03:12,943 - I did, look what I did. 66 00:03:13,167 --> 00:03:15,972 Fortunately, it all worked out for the best. 67 00:03:17,212 --> 00:03:18,467 - Allright - Allright 68 00:03:18,923 --> 00:03:21,504 - Let's light this rocket. - Okay. 69 00:03:21,617 --> 00:03:22,752 Let's send it out. 70 00:03:22,965 --> 00:03:25,290 Oh, and speaking of which, do you have a pen or a pencil? 71 00:03:25,403 --> 00:03:27,197 I want just to take a few notes. 72 00:03:28,560 --> 00:03:30,655 - Very nice! Look at this! - Don't, don't... 73 00:03:30,775 --> 00:03:32,250 You return it. 74 00:03:32,519 --> 00:03:35,050 No, I'm gonna keep it. Of course I'm gonna return it. 75 00:03:37,853 --> 00:03:39,184 What's the matter? 76 00:03:39,297 --> 00:03:42,217 I just got a call from my doctor, and he thinks that I might have... 77 00:03:42,330 --> 00:03:43,963 ...Groat's disease. 78 00:03:44,577 --> 00:03:47,832 So, I don't know how can I be funny. 79 00:03:48,890 --> 00:03:51,250 Hey, you know what? 80 00:03:52,217 --> 00:03:54,577 Don't worry about it. Honest to God. 81 00:03:54,697 --> 00:03:57,473 I know this accountant, Danny Duberstein, he had Groat's disease... 82 00:03:57,586 --> 00:03:59,114 ...and he's completely fine. 83 00:03:59,234 --> 00:04:01,187 - You're not just saying this... - I'm not just saying. 84 00:04:01,307 --> 00:04:04,223 You know what? I'll have him call you, how 'bout that? 85 00:04:04,343 --> 00:04:06,490 - This is hard to concentrate. - I understand. 86 00:04:06,610 --> 00:04:09,679 Listen, you're gonna be fine. I'll have Duberstein call you. 87 00:04:09,792 --> 00:04:11,407 - Allright, great. - Okay? 88 00:04:21,845 --> 00:04:24,374 L.D.! Big day! 89 00:04:25,310 --> 00:04:27,314 - What are you doing here? - I'm here for support. 90 00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:30,617 I don't need support. This is not a social event. 91 00:04:30,730 --> 00:04:32,582 You can't just show up like that. 92 00:04:32,702 --> 00:04:34,367 What are you so upset about? 93 00:04:34,583 --> 00:04:35,583 You're not... 94 00:04:35,703 --> 00:04:39,824 You're not allowed to be here, the only people from the show is supposed to be here. 95 00:04:40,258 --> 00:04:44,256 Jerry sees you... He's gonna throw you away. He's not gonna want you here 96 00:04:44,476 --> 00:04:47,070 - Why don't you ask him? - I don't need to ask him. 97 00:04:47,190 --> 00:04:49,609 Ask him! If he tells me to go, I'll go. 98 00:04:55,980 --> 00:04:57,871 This friend of mine showed up... 99 00:04:58,184 --> 00:05:01,110 ...I didn't invite him, he shouldn't be here. 100 00:05:01,323 --> 00:05:02,794 I don't care, doesn't bother me. 101 00:05:02,907 --> 00:05:05,925 But he's not supposed to... We don't let outsiders in for a read through. 102 00:05:06,038 --> 00:05:09,248 - He's not supposed to be here. - He's a friend of yours, right? 103 00:05:09,368 --> 00:05:13,012 Yeah, but I didn't invite to the read through, and we have a policy... 104 00:05:13,125 --> 00:05:15,290 - Policy? What kind of policy? - We have a policy. 105 00:05:15,403 --> 00:05:17,494 - I never saw a policy. - It's an unwritten policy... 106 00:05:17,614 --> 00:05:18,689 - Oh, the unwritten policy. - Yeah. 107 00:05:18,809 --> 00:05:22,398 - I don't wanna stay on the way. - No, you don't stand on the way. 108 00:05:22,511 --> 00:05:24,309 - I couldn't. - Do it, stand on the way! 109 00:05:24,422 --> 00:05:26,553 - I would feel horrible. - No, don't. 110 00:05:28,891 --> 00:05:30,757 - Jerry, Marty Funkhouser. - Hey, Marty. 111 00:05:30,870 --> 00:05:32,058 - How you doin'? - Good. 112 00:05:32,178 --> 00:05:33,272 Wanna hear a joke? 113 00:05:33,392 --> 00:05:35,837 He doesn't want to hear a joke, we got a read through. 114 00:05:35,957 --> 00:05:37,508 Let me just get right through it. 115 00:05:37,721 --> 00:05:40,311 A woman is very afraid of the size of her opening. 116 00:05:40,431 --> 00:05:43,030 - What is she afraid of? - The size of her opening. 117 00:05:43,238 --> 00:05:46,474 So she calls to her mother and she says: "What am I going to do? I'm so big down there... 118 00:05:46,594 --> 00:05:48,659 ...when I marry Harry, he's gonna divorce me". 119 00:05:48,779 --> 00:05:51,217 Her mother says: "Don't worry, sweetheart, it runs in the family... 120 00:05:51,330 --> 00:05:53,636 Do what I did when I married your father, go to the market,... 121 00:05:53,749 --> 00:05:56,764 ...get some raw liver, put it in there, he'll never know the difference". 122 00:05:56,977 --> 00:06:00,757 So she does. They have eight hours of sex after their marriage. 123 00:06:00,870 --> 00:06:03,906 She wakes up at ten o'clock, he's gone but there's a note on her pillow. 124 00:06:04,069 --> 00:06:05,844 It says: "My darling Harriet... 125 00:06:05,957 --> 00:06:08,370 ...to think that I waited to you to consumate our loving relationship... 126 00:06:08,483 --> 00:06:11,089 ...makes my heart beat so loud, I'm surprised I didn't wake you up. 127 00:06:11,202 --> 00:06:13,353 The only reason I'm not here now, darling, is I'm going to work... 128 00:06:13,466 --> 00:06:16,011 ...to make enough money to buy you a house, a picket fence... 129 00:06:16,124 --> 00:06:17,717 ...we'll have dogs and children". 130 00:06:17,930 --> 00:06:21,183 - This is not so bad. - Oh yes, this is great. Will you finish the fucking joke already? 131 00:06:21,296 --> 00:06:23,011 "When the five o'clock diddlebow rings... 132 00:06:23,124 --> 00:06:25,233 ...I'll be at home like the winged gossamer of your love in your arms,... 133 00:06:25,346 --> 00:06:27,852 - ...your loving husband, Harry". - Aw, that's nice. 134 00:06:27,965 --> 00:06:30,376 "PS: Your cunt is in the sink". 135 00:06:33,004 --> 00:06:35,049 Okay, you told the joke, let's go. 136 00:06:35,329 --> 00:06:37,312 - How good is that? - You surprised me. 137 00:06:37,425 --> 00:06:39,788 I had no idea it would be that revolting. 138 00:06:39,908 --> 00:06:41,949 Ladies and gentlemen, please hold the work,... 139 00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:43,961 ...let's take our places for the table read. 140 00:06:44,181 --> 00:06:45,646 Okay, let sit us at the table. 141 00:06:46,302 --> 00:06:47,611 Go sit in the bleacher. 142 00:06:47,731 --> 00:06:49,841 - Great meeting you - Nice meeting you too. 143 00:06:50,796 --> 00:06:52,660 - Big fan. - Thank you. 144 00:06:53,444 --> 00:06:55,738  I like that guy. 145 00:06:55,772 --> 00:06:57,874 He's crazy. 146 00:06:59,010 --> 00:07:00,510 Hey. 147 00:07:00,544 --> 00:07:02,012 - I'm so nervous. - What? 148 00:07:02,046 --> 00:07:03,579 Don't worry. You're going to be great. 149 00:07:03,614 --> 00:07:05,081 It's nothing. Come on. 150 00:07:05,116 --> 00:07:06,716 Look how many people are here. 151 00:07:06,750 --> 00:07:08,451 Just... Just do it. You got it. 152 00:07:08,486 --> 00:07:11,787 Cheryl: okay. 153 00:07:11,822 --> 00:07:13,289 Okay, folks, please settle in. 154 00:07:13,324 --> 00:07:16,159 We're looking at the reunion," 155 00:07:16,193 --> 00:07:18,428 written by Larry david and Jerry seinfeld. 156 00:07:18,462 --> 00:07:20,930 Larry: yeah, give it up. 157 00:07:22,666 --> 00:07:26,503 Scene a opens in Jerry's apartment. Jerry and George. 158 00:07:26,537 --> 00:07:29,372 - It's unwritten etiquette, George. - Who says so? 159 00:07:29,407 --> 00:07:31,274 No one knows. That's why it's unwritten. 160 00:07:31,308 --> 00:07:33,876 You don't blow your nose in a cloth napkin in a restaurant. 161 00:07:33,911 --> 00:07:35,512 why? They wash it. 162 00:07:35,546 --> 00:07:37,914 It's just not done in polite society. 163 00:07:37,948 --> 00:07:39,849 It's not done in impolite society. 164 00:07:39,883 --> 00:07:42,652 - Even the impolite don't do it. 165 00:07:42,686 --> 00:07:45,221 - The other day you sneezed in a napkin. - That's different. 166 00:07:45,256 --> 00:07:47,357 - Why? - A sneeze is involuntary. 167 00:07:47,391 --> 00:07:50,260 You have 2.5 seconds before the bomb goes off. 168 00:07:50,294 --> 00:07:53,129 Jason: well, I live by my rules, not your rules. 169 00:07:53,164 --> 00:07:55,598 - You would do this in front of your wife? - All the time. 170 00:07:55,632 --> 00:07:57,100 I can't figure out why she left you. 171 00:07:57,134 --> 00:07:58,768 man: buzz. 172 00:07:58,802 --> 00:08:00,136 - It's me. - Oop. 173 00:08:00,171 --> 00:08:01,904 Man: Kramer enters holding a newspaper. 174 00:08:01,939 --> 00:08:04,474 Hey, George, did you see this? 175 00:08:04,508 --> 00:08:06,809 It's an article about bernie Madoff. 176 00:08:06,843 --> 00:08:08,578 - Kramer, I... - no, look at this. 177 00:08:08,612 --> 00:08:11,548 They got the floor plan of all his offices. 178 00:08:11,582 --> 00:08:13,583 - Here's where he was. - Kramer, he... He doesn't... 179 00:08:13,617 --> 00:08:15,452 No, you couldn't get to him. 180 00:08:15,486 --> 00:08:17,087 It was a ponzi scheme. 181 00:08:17,121 --> 00:08:20,356 Do I need this? I know what happened. 182 00:08:20,391 --> 00:08:22,158 All right, so you lost a couple of million. 183 00:08:22,193 --> 00:08:23,793 It was more than a couple. 184 00:08:23,827 --> 00:08:26,062 Well, it was more than a great idea. 185 00:08:26,097 --> 00:08:29,065 An iphone application that leads you via your gps 186 00:08:29,100 --> 00:08:30,967 to the nearest acceptable toilet 187 00:08:31,001 --> 00:08:33,369 wherever you are in the world. 188 00:08:33,404 --> 00:08:35,905 The itoilet. And I thought of it. 189 00:08:35,939 --> 00:08:38,408 Why'd you have to give that crook Madoff all of it? 190 00:08:38,442 --> 00:08:41,511 - I don't know. - How could you be so stupid?! 191 00:08:41,545 --> 00:08:44,414 all of it, Jerry. 192 00:08:44,448 --> 00:08:47,117 - All of it. - Man: Elaine enters. 193 00:08:48,785 --> 00:08:51,254 - Madoff? 194 00:08:51,288 --> 00:08:54,457 scene b, we're in Jerry's apartment. It's later. 195 00:08:54,492 --> 00:08:56,593 Jerry, Elaine, and Kramer. 196 00:08:56,627 --> 00:08:58,528 Jerr, can you do me a favor and babysit tonight? 197 00:08:58,562 --> 00:09:00,062 Jerry: oh, I don't think so. 198 00:09:00,097 --> 00:09:03,166 - Michael: hey, why don't you ask me? - Julia: um... 199 00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:05,602 I figured you were busy. 200 00:09:05,636 --> 00:09:08,538 Michael: no, I'm good with kids. I don't condescend to them. 201 00:09:08,572 --> 00:09:10,406 I get right down to their level. 202 00:09:10,441 --> 00:09:13,042 - right down. - You don't say. 203 00:09:13,076 --> 00:09:14,844 Oh, I do say. 204 00:09:14,878 --> 00:09:18,014 Jerry, hey, did you give isabel's doll a haircut? 205 00:09:18,048 --> 00:09:20,650 - The judy doll? - Yes, judy. 206 00:09:20,684 --> 00:09:24,254 - A little trim. - Well, now you got to find a new judy. 207 00:09:24,288 --> 00:09:25,988 Children need consistency. 208 00:09:26,023 --> 00:09:27,490 I can make that happen. 209 00:09:27,525 --> 00:09:29,192 I think uncle Jerry should do it, 210 00:09:29,226 --> 00:09:31,427 which is what she's calling you, by the way. 211 00:09:31,462 --> 00:09:33,996 - I'm not sure how I feel about that. - Why? 212 00:09:34,031 --> 00:09:37,467 Well, because I donated the sperm. 213 00:09:37,501 --> 00:09:41,137 I offered. 214 00:09:42,806 --> 00:09:44,907 I would have bought you a new house. 215 00:09:44,941 --> 00:09:46,409 That's easy to say now 216 00:09:46,443 --> 00:09:48,010 after you lost everything. 217 00:09:48,045 --> 00:09:51,013 - I was planning on it. - Ah, you're full of crap. 218 00:09:53,617 --> 00:09:57,153 Hey, Jerry, this economy is really hitting me. 219 00:09:57,188 --> 00:09:59,255 It's all dried up out there. 220 00:09:59,290 --> 00:10:02,058 It's dry, Jerry, dry as a bone. 221 00:10:02,092 --> 00:10:04,160 You weren't working in the good economy. 222 00:10:04,195 --> 00:10:07,997 Yeah, I guess that's true. 223 00:10:08,031 --> 00:10:10,866 Man: okay, please go to scene h. It's in the coffee shop. 224 00:10:10,901 --> 00:10:14,304 This is day 4. George, Amanda. 225 00:10:14,338 --> 00:10:16,739 I've been dreading having to... 226 00:10:16,773 --> 00:10:18,441 Tell you about the whole Madoff thing. 227 00:10:18,475 --> 00:10:22,111 - Oh, well. - You must hate me for losing our money like that. 228 00:10:22,145 --> 00:10:24,980 We're... We're wiped out. 229 00:10:25,015 --> 00:10:27,016 Actually, i'm fine, George. 230 00:10:28,686 --> 00:10:31,588 - Fine? - Yeah, I took my half out of Madoff 231 00:10:31,622 --> 00:10:34,357 right after we got divorced. 232 00:10:34,391 --> 00:10:37,727 - You what? - Yeah, I still have my half. 233 00:10:37,761 --> 00:10:39,929 W - why did you take it out? 234 00:10:39,963 --> 00:10:41,897 I bumped into Madoff on the street one day 235 00:10:41,932 --> 00:10:44,300 and he was wearing this quilted jacket with the collar up, 236 00:10:44,335 --> 00:10:46,902 and for some reason it creeped me out. 237 00:10:46,937 --> 00:10:49,672 So the next day, i pulled all my money out. 238 00:10:49,707 --> 00:10:51,774 Turns out I did quite well by him. 239 00:10:51,808 --> 00:10:53,776 Collar up? 240 00:10:53,810 --> 00:10:55,712 Creeped you out? That's my money! 241 00:10:55,746 --> 00:10:57,347 You have my money! 242 00:10:57,381 --> 00:11:00,383 Not according to the laws of the state of new york. 243 00:11:04,821 --> 00:11:07,690 - Julia: what's wrong? - Jason: what's wrong? What's wrong? 244 00:11:07,725 --> 00:11:09,692 I'll tell you what's wrong. 245 00:11:09,727 --> 00:11:11,694 She asked me to sign a prenup. 246 00:11:11,729 --> 00:11:12,995 So in case it doesn't work out, 247 00:11:13,029 --> 00:11:14,697 you won't be able to get to the money 248 00:11:14,732 --> 00:11:16,266 that was yours to begin with? 249 00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:18,501 michael: well, that's another ponzi scheme. 250 00:11:18,535 --> 00:11:22,004 So, George, are you marrying her for your money? 251 00:11:22,038 --> 00:11:23,939 no. 252 00:11:23,974 --> 00:11:25,441 no. 253 00:11:25,476 --> 00:11:27,310 And it's none of your business, Elaine. 254 00:11:27,344 --> 00:11:30,880 George takes out a napkin and brings it to his nose. 255 00:11:30,914 --> 00:11:33,015 - Cast: no! - As they reach for George, 256 00:11:33,049 --> 00:11:35,418 the shot freezes and we fade out. 257 00:11:35,452 --> 00:11:39,054 - Yay. - Very nice. Nice! 258 00:11:40,291 --> 00:11:41,824 Please take five. 259 00:11:41,858 --> 00:11:44,093 We're in Jerry's apartment in five. 260 00:11:44,127 --> 00:11:46,228 - Great great. Really great. - Yeah. 261 00:11:46,263 --> 00:11:49,031 The way... 262 00:11:49,065 --> 00:11:50,767 ...it was right there. 263 00:11:50,801 --> 00:11:52,702 - What did you think? - Oh, I loved it. 264 00:11:52,736 --> 00:11:55,505 - It was fantastic. - I'm glad you were here to see it. 265 00:11:55,539 --> 00:11:57,607 - Well, have fun. I will talk to you later. - Okay. 266 00:11:57,641 --> 00:11:59,141 - Thank you. - Sure. 267 00:11:59,176 --> 00:12:01,811 So let's go over some stuff in the office, a couple little spots? 268 00:12:01,845 --> 00:12:03,313 - Sure. - Okay. 269 00:12:03,347 --> 00:12:05,748 Eh, you know what? Great. 270 00:12:05,783 --> 00:12:07,617 - Really great. Really great. - Really? 271 00:12:07,651 --> 00:12:09,585 Yeah. Thank you very much, by the way. 272 00:12:09,620 --> 00:12:11,621 I appreciate the loan of your pen. 273 00:12:14,124 --> 00:12:17,527 You know what? You keep it. 274 00:12:17,561 --> 00:12:19,161 I don't want the pen. 275 00:12:19,196 --> 00:12:21,230 Yeah. No, you... You keep it. 276 00:12:21,264 --> 00:12:24,534 I don't want the pen. I just needed to borrow it for a couple of minutes. 277 00:12:24,568 --> 00:12:28,304 - No, I-I don't want it. - What's wrong with the pen? 278 00:12:28,339 --> 00:12:30,105 I was watching you during the read-through. 279 00:12:30,140 --> 00:12:32,074 The pen was in your mouth, the pen was in your ear... 280 00:12:32,108 --> 00:12:34,109 In my ear? What are you talking about? 281 00:12:34,144 --> 00:12:35,978 It was in every orifice of your body. 282 00:12:36,012 --> 00:12:37,447 - Oh, really? - Yeah. 283 00:12:37,481 --> 00:12:39,615 I had the pen up my ass while doing the read-through? 284 00:12:39,650 --> 00:12:41,584 - Except for the ass. - It's been tainted? 285 00:12:41,618 --> 00:12:43,653 - It's been tainted, exactly. - I see, I see. 286 00:12:43,687 --> 00:12:45,855 - What can I do for you? - I'll tell you what you can do. 287 00:12:45,889 --> 00:12:47,357 I'm here to serve you. What can I do? 288 00:12:47,391 --> 00:12:49,492 Why don't you get me a new pen? That would be nice. 289 00:12:49,526 --> 00:12:51,060 That's the fair thing to do, 290 00:12:51,094 --> 00:12:53,896 the nice thing to do, the right thing to do. 291 00:12:53,930 --> 00:12:57,533 - Will you do that for me? - For you, anything. 292 00:12:57,568 --> 00:13:00,236 - Thank you. - My pleasure. 293 00:13:09,045 --> 00:13:11,447 Wow, this place is packed. 294 00:13:11,482 --> 00:13:14,517 - monsieur david! - Hello. 295 00:13:14,551 --> 00:13:16,419 - Wonderful to see you. - Good to see you. 296 00:13:16,453 --> 00:13:20,256 Two for lunch? oul? just follow me. 297 00:13:20,290 --> 00:13:23,225 - I have for you here the best waiter in the house. - Thank you. 298 00:13:23,260 --> 00:13:24,927 - You will have a lovely meal. - Thank you. 299 00:13:24,961 --> 00:13:26,562 - bon app�tit. - Thank you very much. 300 00:13:26,597 --> 00:13:29,899 - Absolutely. - Okay. 301 00:13:29,933 --> 00:13:32,402 Best waiter? A table right away? 302 00:13:32,436 --> 00:13:35,104 What the hell's going on? 303 00:13:35,138 --> 00:13:37,607 - I greased him. - How much did you give him? 304 00:13:37,641 --> 00:13:39,108 - 20 bucks. - 20 bucks. 305 00:13:39,142 --> 00:13:40,576 I give it to him all the time. 306 00:13:40,611 --> 00:13:42,512 - Same thing every time. 307 00:13:42,546 --> 00:13:44,346 what's this? 308 00:13:44,381 --> 00:13:48,217 - Well, this is kind of odd. - What? 309 00:13:48,251 --> 00:13:50,720 Stacy's daughter just sent me a text. 310 00:13:50,754 --> 00:13:53,222 "got your info from my mom. Nice meeting you. 311 00:13:53,256 --> 00:13:55,224 Did you have fun at the table read?" 312 00:13:55,258 --> 00:13:57,359 you got a new little pen pal. 313 00:13:57,394 --> 00:13:59,595 I guess I have to answer her. She asked me a question, right? 314 00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:01,297 You don't have to. It's a little kid. 315 00:14:01,331 --> 00:14:04,634 Just say, "hey, went great, thanks." 316 00:14:04,668 --> 00:14:07,236 "went great, thanks." 317 00:14:07,270 --> 00:14:08,838 You know, I'm going to... 318 00:14:08,872 --> 00:14:12,708 Oh, michael is very concerned that he has groat's disease. 319 00:14:12,743 --> 00:14:14,744 He thinks he might have groat's disease? 320 00:14:14,778 --> 00:14:18,548 Yeah, and I told him that I'd hook him up 321 00:14:18,582 --> 00:14:21,751 with Funkhouser's friend Danny Duberstein. 322 00:14:21,785 --> 00:14:26,221 - Yeah, Danny Duberstein. - Do you know how to get in touch with him? 323 00:14:26,256 --> 00:14:27,990 Nobody can get in touch with him. 324 00:14:28,024 --> 00:14:29,759 He died like two months ago. 325 00:14:29,793 --> 00:14:31,928 Duberstein died? 326 00:14:31,962 --> 00:14:34,296 Mm-hmm, of groat's disease. 327 00:14:34,331 --> 00:14:36,866 Jesus. What the hell am I going to tell michael? 328 00:14:36,900 --> 00:14:38,501 I don't know. 329 00:14:42,038 --> 00:14:43,673 What did you think of that Kramer thing 330 00:14:43,707 --> 00:14:45,641 with the latch for the toilet, the itoilet? 331 00:14:45,676 --> 00:14:48,578 - Was that funny? - Well... 332 00:14:49,947 --> 00:14:51,581 I don't remember if that worked or not. 333 00:14:51,615 --> 00:14:53,483 What about Julia and the kid with the present? 334 00:14:53,517 --> 00:14:56,318 It kind of worked. no? 335 00:14:56,353 --> 00:14:58,020 Did you hear any of the jokes? 336 00:14:58,054 --> 00:15:01,223 Where was your mind at? 337 00:15:01,257 --> 00:15:03,425 I loaned jason my pen 338 00:15:03,460 --> 00:15:06,095 and I got very distracted 339 00:15:06,129 --> 00:15:07,463 because he kept taking the pen... 340 00:15:07,498 --> 00:15:09,465 First he was scratching his back with it. 341 00:15:09,500 --> 00:15:11,834 Scratching a back is no big deal. 342 00:15:11,869 --> 00:15:14,904 Well, then putting it in his mouth, then his ear... 343 00:15:14,938 --> 00:15:17,573 - Now you're talking about... - The whole thing was disgusting. 344 00:15:17,608 --> 00:15:20,275 You don't loan jason anything, 345 00:15:20,310 --> 00:15:22,845 anything that can be inserted. 346 00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:24,647 Anyway, I'm sorry, but I got... 347 00:15:24,681 --> 00:15:28,183 I got a little distracted, so I wasn't on every joke. 348 00:15:28,218 --> 00:15:30,486 You know, I like to keep my pens in a barbicide. 349 00:15:30,521 --> 00:15:33,489 - That blue liquid that the barbers have? - In the barber shop. 350 00:15:33,524 --> 00:15:35,725 I haven't really figured out what barbicide was. 351 00:15:35,759 --> 00:15:38,995 - They kill themselves with it. - Is that where they can't take being a barber anymore... 352 00:15:39,029 --> 00:15:41,564 ... And they just down that blue liquid 353 00:15:41,598 --> 00:15:44,567 and that's it, they commit barbicide? 354 00:15:44,601 --> 00:15:46,002 - It's unbelievable. - What? 355 00:15:46,036 --> 00:15:47,904 Stacy's daughter Emma. Did you meet her? 356 00:15:47,938 --> 00:15:49,839 Yeah yeah, that cute girl. She's so cute. 357 00:15:49,873 --> 00:15:53,509 - She's texting me now. She started texting me. - Oh, that's cute. 358 00:15:53,544 --> 00:15:55,711 - She texted me yesterday, okay? - Aw, she likes you. 359 00:15:55,746 --> 00:15:58,080 Come on, who needs this? She's getting on my nerves. 360 00:15:58,114 --> 00:16:00,683 How do I end this thing? This is never going to end. 361 00:16:00,717 --> 00:16:03,352 No, it will never end. That's why I don't have one. 362 00:16:03,386 --> 00:16:05,621 Once you have it, the door's open. 363 00:16:05,656 --> 00:16:07,489 Somebody knocks on your door, you have to answer it. 364 00:16:09,292 --> 00:16:11,994 - Great. - now you have a new friend, a nine-year-old friend. 365 00:16:12,029 --> 00:16:13,729 - Really? - Yeah. 366 00:16:13,764 --> 00:16:16,398 Larry... Oh hi, Jerry. Listen, I really think we're going to need 367 00:16:16,433 --> 00:16:18,034 a fourth camera for the exteriors. 368 00:16:18,068 --> 00:16:20,135 Is that okay with you? does that sound good? 369 00:16:20,170 --> 00:16:22,004 - yeah. - Stacy: thank you. 370 00:16:22,039 --> 00:16:24,006 Okay, I'll get right on it. 371 00:16:24,041 --> 00:16:26,576 You know, Emma's been texting me. 372 00:16:26,610 --> 00:16:29,011 - I know! - She's so cute. 373 00:16:29,046 --> 00:16:30,947 - Stacy: I know, it's cute! - so cute, yeah. 374 00:16:30,981 --> 00:16:32,381 How'd that happen? 375 00:16:32,415 --> 00:16:34,183 Was that her idea, your idea? 376 00:16:34,217 --> 00:16:35,818 yeah, it was her idea. I mean, yeah. 377 00:16:35,852 --> 00:16:38,353 Then you guys met at the table read and I gave her your number... 378 00:16:38,388 --> 00:16:41,323 - You gave her the number? - Mm-hmm. 379 00:16:41,357 --> 00:16:44,026 You know, when you're a kid and you like can relate to a grown-up, 380 00:16:44,061 --> 00:16:46,662 - it's a really exciting... - Stacy: it's such a big deal. 381 00:16:46,697 --> 00:16:49,031 - It is cute. - Jerry: someone to communicate with. 382 00:16:49,066 --> 00:16:51,067 Maybe you should give her Jerry's. 383 00:16:51,101 --> 00:16:53,469 Maybe if she meets Jerry, but she really bonded with you. 384 00:16:53,503 --> 00:16:55,504 Yeah, she seemed to respond to you. 385 00:16:55,538 --> 00:16:57,172 - Yeah. - Okay. 386 00:16:57,207 --> 00:16:59,141 - Stacy: yeah. - It just takes a second. 387 00:16:59,175 --> 00:17:01,677 - Hmm. - Cool. All right. 388 00:17:01,712 --> 00:17:03,613 - Jerry: all right. - How's her... 389 00:17:03,647 --> 00:17:05,014 How's her pussy, by the way? 390 00:17:05,048 --> 00:17:08,250 Stacy: it's good, actually. It's not as itchy. 391 00:17:08,284 --> 00:17:09,986 - So thank you for asking. - Oh, cool. 392 00:17:10,020 --> 00:17:12,187 Yeah, all right, I'm going to get on the camera thing. 393 00:17:12,222 --> 00:17:14,657 All right. Come on, let's do some work here. 394 00:17:14,691 --> 00:17:16,959 Let's look at... 395 00:17:16,994 --> 00:17:20,062 oh, forgot to tell her we cut the restaurant scene. 396 00:17:23,033 --> 00:17:24,566 - Jerry: all right. - I'll follow you. 397 00:17:24,601 --> 00:17:26,736 - Okay, so I'll go to the fridge on this. - Yeah yeah. 398 00:17:26,770 --> 00:17:29,705 - I'm not ready, Elaine. - Come on, Jerry, you have to. 399 00:17:29,740 --> 00:17:31,140 We had a deal. 400 00:17:31,174 --> 00:17:34,243 When you came to me, you said, "I need a donation." 401 00:17:34,277 --> 00:17:36,112 And I gave, and that was hard work. 402 00:17:36,146 --> 00:17:39,181 Elaine: so what are you going to be, uncle Jerry your whole life? 403 00:17:39,215 --> 00:17:42,451 I just think it would be nice if she knew who her father was. 404 00:17:42,485 --> 00:17:45,487 Clark kent didn't know who his father was till he was 16 405 00:17:45,522 --> 00:17:46,989 and he turned out pretty good. 406 00:17:47,024 --> 00:17:51,226 Jerry, his planet was destroyed. 407 00:17:51,261 --> 00:17:53,562 I think I continue. 408 00:17:53,596 --> 00:17:55,798 He was fortunate to discover the crystals 409 00:17:55,832 --> 00:17:57,566 in the fortress of solitude. 410 00:17:57,600 --> 00:17:59,769 Isabel's not going to have any of those crystals. 411 00:17:59,803 --> 00:18:01,303 You know about the crystals? 412 00:18:01,337 --> 00:18:04,640 Of course I know about the crystals. 413 00:18:04,675 --> 00:18:06,876 door. 414 00:18:09,680 --> 00:18:11,681 415 00:18:11,715 --> 00:18:14,616 - hello, newman. - Hello, Jerry. 416 00:18:14,651 --> 00:18:18,854 I wonder if you would tell your friend George 417 00:18:18,889 --> 00:18:20,990 that on my route I had occasion to use 418 00:18:21,024 --> 00:18:24,660 one of his so-called itoilets. 419 00:18:24,695 --> 00:18:28,164 - I found it anything but acceptable. - Oh, really? 420 00:18:28,198 --> 00:18:31,200 Well, I'm afraid in that particular scenario my sympathies... 421 00:18:31,234 --> 00:18:33,368 422 00:18:35,739 --> 00:18:37,940 now I'm going to close the door on you. 423 00:18:37,974 --> 00:18:40,676 - How am I going to do that? - I'll get out. 424 00:18:42,846 --> 00:18:44,714 - Do it. I want to hear that line. - Okay. 425 00:18:44,748 --> 00:18:47,249 - Ok... - I'm watching the show from here. 426 00:18:47,283 --> 00:18:49,518 All right, you watch the show. We'll do it for you, okay? 427 00:18:49,552 --> 00:18:52,722 - Action. - Wayne: I found it anything but acceptable. 428 00:18:52,756 --> 00:18:55,091 Oh, really? 429 00:18:55,125 --> 00:18:57,292 Well, I'm afraid in that particular scenario, 430 00:18:57,327 --> 00:18:59,895 my sympathies lie only with the toilet. 431 00:18:59,930 --> 00:19:02,164 Good day. 432 00:19:04,034 --> 00:19:06,202 433 00:19:09,505 --> 00:19:11,741 - are you Kramer? - No. 434 00:19:11,775 --> 00:19:13,542 Oh, hey, Kramer... 435 00:19:13,576 --> 00:19:15,745 - Are you monena? - Mm-hmm. 436 00:19:15,779 --> 00:19:17,512 I'm going to the ballgame. 437 00:19:17,547 --> 00:19:20,549 I take monena with me, I can use the carpool lane. 438 00:19:20,583 --> 00:19:23,452 I see. 439 00:19:23,486 --> 00:19:25,187 Michael: should she come in more? 440 00:19:25,222 --> 00:19:27,189 Well, I think you... You're a hooker. 441 00:19:27,224 --> 00:19:29,091 You should just go in and make yourself at home. 442 00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:31,160 - Okay, take charge. - And I could follow her. 443 00:19:31,194 --> 00:19:33,562 - Right, you follow her in. - Are you good? 444 00:19:33,596 --> 00:19:35,464 Okay, guys, take five. That's a tight five. 445 00:19:35,498 --> 00:19:37,566 We're back in Jerry's apartment. 446 00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:40,369 Hey, Larry, did you call Duberstein? 447 00:19:42,105 --> 00:19:44,807 Oh, um... 448 00:19:44,841 --> 00:19:46,642 - Well, I left a message... - Yeah? 449 00:19:46,676 --> 00:19:48,543 ...and, you know, 450 00:19:48,578 --> 00:19:50,445 i'm just waiting for him to call me back. 451 00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:52,815 How long ago did you leave the message? 452 00:19:52,849 --> 00:19:54,483 - Yesterday. - Yesterday? 453 00:19:54,517 --> 00:19:56,218 - Yeah. - I don't want to push you on this, 454 00:19:56,253 --> 00:19:58,020 but I can hardly think out here. 455 00:19:58,054 --> 00:19:59,755 You know what the doctor said to me? 456 00:19:59,790 --> 00:20:02,057 I'm supposed to stand by for the symptoms. 457 00:20:02,092 --> 00:20:04,626 Am I going to stand by in front of the camera with the symptoms? 458 00:20:04,661 --> 00:20:06,528 - I understand. I'll... - So you going to call him? 459 00:20:06,562 --> 00:20:07,830 - Yes. - Okay. Hi. 460 00:20:07,864 --> 00:20:09,799 - Hey. - Yeah, you guys... 461 00:20:09,833 --> 00:20:13,235 Oh, good. I, um... 462 00:20:13,270 --> 00:20:15,370 I'm having a bit of a problem 463 00:20:15,405 --> 00:20:17,840 just trying to find a tone. 464 00:20:17,874 --> 00:20:19,809 They have a cadence. 465 00:20:19,843 --> 00:20:21,610 Like, "yeah, I still have my half." 466 00:20:21,644 --> 00:20:23,913 You don't need a cadence. Just be yourself. You're doing great. 467 00:20:23,947 --> 00:20:26,115 Don't feel the seinfeldian pressure. 468 00:20:26,149 --> 00:20:27,582 I don't want you to sound like them. 469 00:20:27,617 --> 00:20:30,286 I want you to sound like you. I wrote it for you. 470 00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:32,087 - Thank you. - You're doing great. 471 00:20:32,122 --> 00:20:34,256 I feel like you're my only... 472 00:20:34,291 --> 00:20:36,025 - You know... - Yeah. 473 00:20:36,059 --> 00:20:38,393 - ... You're on my side. You know what I mean? - I am on your side. 474 00:20:38,428 --> 00:20:39,962 - Good morning. Good morning. - Hi. 475 00:20:39,996 --> 00:20:41,763 - Hey. - Hi, how are you? 476 00:20:41,798 --> 00:20:44,133 - Don't mean to interrupt. - No, go ahead. We'll talk later. 477 00:20:44,167 --> 00:20:46,601 - Hope I didn't... - No no, it's okay. 478 00:20:46,636 --> 00:20:49,872 - Okay. Good morning. - Hey. 479 00:20:49,906 --> 00:20:52,441 - Mission accomplished. - What is this? 480 00:20:52,475 --> 00:20:55,544 - A pen. - Yes, it is a pen. 481 00:20:55,578 --> 00:20:57,446 - You're right about that. - Yes, I am, sir. 482 00:20:57,480 --> 00:20:58,948 It's not the pen I gave you. 483 00:20:58,982 --> 00:21:00,782 This is not replacing the pen. 484 00:21:00,817 --> 00:21:02,284 This is just giving me another pen. 485 00:21:02,319 --> 00:21:03,785 You didn't say, "get the same pen." 486 00:21:03,820 --> 00:21:05,454 You said, "you need to replace the pen." 487 00:21:05,488 --> 00:21:09,325 It's not an eye for a lesser eye, okay? 488 00:21:09,359 --> 00:21:11,026 It's an eye for an eye, 489 00:21:11,061 --> 00:21:12,661 not an eye that doesn't see very well. 490 00:21:12,695 --> 00:21:14,163 Using your metaphor, no no. 491 00:21:14,197 --> 00:21:16,531 They both see exactly the same. 492 00:21:16,566 --> 00:21:20,569 That pen that I have in my possession 493 00:21:20,603 --> 00:21:23,405 - writes in blue ink. - Uh-huh. 494 00:21:23,439 --> 00:21:25,807 This pen writes in blue ink 495 00:21:25,842 --> 00:21:27,542 exactly the same. It's the same eye. 496 00:21:27,577 --> 00:21:30,079 This pen is almost blind compared to my pen. 497 00:21:30,113 --> 00:21:32,314 No, believe me. It sees the truth. 498 00:21:32,349 --> 00:21:33,682 It's not the pen I gave you. 499 00:21:33,716 --> 00:21:35,417 You asked me to replace the pen. 500 00:21:35,451 --> 00:21:37,386 - You didn't replace the pen. - I replaced it. 501 00:21:37,420 --> 00:21:38,988 - You didn't replace it. - You got a pen. 502 00:21:39,022 --> 00:21:42,358 - No replacement. - That's your pen. 503 00:21:42,392 --> 00:21:44,526 I'm going to get a coffee. 504 00:21:45,762 --> 00:21:47,329 Anyway, I screwed the whole thing up. 505 00:21:47,364 --> 00:21:49,231 Michael thinks that Duberstein beat groat's 506 00:21:49,266 --> 00:21:50,732 and he's expecting to meet him, 507 00:21:50,767 --> 00:21:54,036 and Duberstein's dead and I was thinking... 508 00:21:55,838 --> 00:21:57,539 - Fucking say it. - Oh, jesus. 509 00:21:57,573 --> 00:22:00,309 - What the fuck you thinking about? - Well, I had an insane idea 510 00:22:00,343 --> 00:22:03,879 that you could present yourself as Duberstein somehow 511 00:22:03,914 --> 00:22:06,681 and get... Just meet him for two minutes. 512 00:22:06,716 --> 00:22:09,285 And I'd be there too, so you wouldn't even have to talk. 513 00:22:09,319 --> 00:22:11,387 What, you think I can't do this shit, huh? 514 00:22:11,421 --> 00:22:13,655 I'll white that shit up. I'll white that whole shit up. 515 00:22:13,689 --> 00:22:16,558 - That whole fucking scene will be whitened the fuck up. - Seriously? 516 00:22:16,592 --> 00:22:18,860 You've seen a fucking black dude who acts fucking white. 517 00:22:18,895 --> 00:22:21,797 - He around too many fucking white people and shit. - You can be that guy? 518 00:22:21,831 --> 00:22:23,299 - I'll do this shit. - Let me hear it. 519 00:22:23,333 --> 00:22:25,301 "how are you doing today? I'm Danny Duberstein. 520 00:22:25,335 --> 00:22:27,769 I heard you have groat's disease." see that shit? 521 00:22:27,804 --> 00:22:29,871 Well, what about the name? Duberstein? 522 00:22:29,906 --> 00:22:32,107 - It's a jewish name. - Fuck it. 523 00:22:32,142 --> 00:22:34,176 - Tell him I'm a ethiopian jew. - You know what? 524 00:22:34,210 --> 00:22:35,677 You could tell him you were adopted 525 00:22:35,711 --> 00:22:37,313 by the jewish family... The Dubersteins. 526 00:22:37,347 --> 00:22:39,148 - I was fucking adopted... - You got bar mitzvahed. 527 00:22:39,182 --> 00:22:40,983 "bar mitzfit" and all that shit, yeah. 528 00:22:41,017 --> 00:22:42,484 - Say that again? - "Bar mitzfit." 529 00:22:42,518 --> 00:22:44,987 - It's not "bar mitzfit." - "Bar mitzfit." 530 00:22:45,021 --> 00:22:46,555 - Bar mitzvahed. - "Bar mitzfit." 531 00:22:46,589 --> 00:22:48,457 "vahed"! Bar mitzvahed. 532 00:22:48,491 --> 00:22:50,559 If we're gonna do this, you'd better learn how to pronounce this. 533 00:22:50,593 --> 00:22:52,494 "bar mitzfit." 534 00:22:52,528 --> 00:22:55,030 - Yeah. - Oh, christ. 535 00:22:55,065 --> 00:22:56,865 Another text from her. Can you believe it? 536 00:22:56,899 --> 00:22:58,834 I got this nine-year-old, and she keeps texting me. 537 00:22:58,868 --> 00:23:02,137 "Is Jerry as funny in real life as on tv?" unbelievable. 538 00:23:02,172 --> 00:23:06,308 "yes, Jerry is very funny." 539 00:23:06,343 --> 00:23:08,677 I'm telling you, it never ends with her. 540 00:23:08,711 --> 00:23:12,047 All right, I'm going to get this. 541 00:23:12,082 --> 00:23:15,684 - What are you doing? You going to get that? - Oh yeah, oh yeah. 542 00:23:16,819 --> 00:23:19,088 Monsieur david. How are you? 543 00:23:19,122 --> 00:23:20,289 - Great. - Wonderful to see you. 544 00:23:20,323 --> 00:23:22,491 - � bient�t. - Okay. 545 00:23:22,525 --> 00:23:24,259 Oh my god! 546 00:23:25,561 --> 00:23:28,163 - Yeah. - Hey! What?! 547 00:23:28,198 --> 00:23:31,066 - What happened? - He took... 548 00:23:31,101 --> 00:23:33,635 He took my $20. Are you kidding? 549 00:23:33,669 --> 00:23:35,704 He took your fucking money out your hand? 550 00:23:35,738 --> 00:23:38,207 What did he think? I was tipping him? 551 00:23:38,241 --> 00:23:40,342 Is he insane? 552 00:23:41,644 --> 00:23:43,845 "do you watch 'wizards of waverly place'"? 553 00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:46,181 All right, that's it. That's it. 554 00:23:46,216 --> 00:23:51,320 "no, I don't watch 'wizards of waverly place.'" 555 00:24:02,265 --> 00:24:03,732 why would you do that, Larry? 556 00:24:03,766 --> 00:24:06,035 - What? - What were you thinking? 557 00:24:06,069 --> 00:24:08,504 - Wh-what are you talking about? - Why did you yell at Emma? 558 00:24:08,538 --> 00:24:10,372 - Yell? I didn't yell at Emma. - Yes, you did. 559 00:24:10,407 --> 00:24:13,075 You texted her with all caps and a lot of exclamations points. 560 00:24:13,109 --> 00:24:14,843 - No no, that's not yelling. - Yes, it is! 561 00:24:14,877 --> 00:24:16,878 No, I was being emphatic. I wasn't yelling. 562 00:24:16,913 --> 00:24:18,947 What were you thinking? 563 00:24:18,981 --> 00:24:22,817 I was thinking maybe I can get her to stop texting me. 564 00:24:22,852 --> 00:24:25,720 Larry, I need you to make this right, okay? 565 00:24:25,755 --> 00:24:27,923 Okay, i'll make it right. 566 00:24:27,957 --> 00:24:29,525 - Great. - All right, okay. 567 00:24:29,559 --> 00:24:31,093 We're going to lunch at 1:00. 568 00:24:31,127 --> 00:24:33,828 I want you to be there, pretend like it was your idea, okay? 569 00:24:33,863 --> 00:24:36,165 I think it would be really nice if you took her out to lunch. 570 00:24:36,199 --> 00:24:38,600 - You'll bring her a little present. - We have to go to lunch? 571 00:24:38,634 --> 00:24:41,437 - Yeah, 1:00 lunch, okay? - Couldn't we have a little snack upstairs? 572 00:24:41,471 --> 00:24:44,639 - Some milk and cookies or something? - thank you, I appreciate it. 573 00:24:48,010 --> 00:24:50,279 Waiter: monsieur david, how many with you for lunch? 574 00:24:50,313 --> 00:24:51,780 - three. - Right this way. 575 00:24:51,814 --> 00:24:53,815 You look wonderful. Very fit. 576 00:24:53,849 --> 00:24:57,252 - Are you on a regime? - Oh no, I just kind of watch it, you know. 577 00:24:57,287 --> 00:24:59,221 Always wonderful. Bon app�tit. 578 00:24:59,255 --> 00:25:01,490 Thank you, thank you. 579 00:25:03,259 --> 00:25:04,859 - Have a good meal. - Okay. 580 00:25:04,894 --> 00:25:08,363 And, um, I hope you enjoy everything. 581 00:25:08,398 --> 00:25:10,532 If you need anything, call me. 582 00:25:13,035 --> 00:25:15,737 Monsieur david... 583 00:25:15,771 --> 00:25:19,174 Are you unhappy with the table? 584 00:25:19,209 --> 00:25:22,311 Okay, I see your problem here. 585 00:25:22,345 --> 00:25:23,912 Yesterday at the newsstand, 586 00:25:23,946 --> 00:25:26,415 you took $20 out of my hand. 587 00:25:26,449 --> 00:25:28,250 Mais non, you gave it to me. 588 00:25:28,284 --> 00:25:29,751 - Gave it to you? - oul. 589 00:25:29,785 --> 00:25:31,953 why... Why would I give you $20? 590 00:25:31,988 --> 00:25:33,455 I assumed it for the other day... 591 00:25:33,490 --> 00:25:35,124 The wonderful service, the dinner. 592 00:25:35,158 --> 00:25:36,891 I already paid you for that service. 593 00:25:36,926 --> 00:25:38,560 Well, what were you giving it to me for? 594 00:25:38,595 --> 00:25:40,662 - I wasn't giving it to you. - Why else would I have it? 595 00:25:40,696 --> 00:25:42,397 What was the $20 doing in my hand? 596 00:25:42,432 --> 00:25:45,567 - You think I was waiting for you to come? - I-I have no idea. 597 00:25:45,602 --> 00:25:48,437 Because I was using it to pay for a magazine. Can't you understand that? 598 00:25:48,471 --> 00:25:50,672 That money that you took out of my hands 599 00:25:50,706 --> 00:25:53,175 is the money that I would have put into your hands right now 600 00:25:53,209 --> 00:25:55,977 if not for the fact that you took it, so let's consider us even. 601 00:25:56,012 --> 00:25:57,879 I gave you $20 yesterday and you're not getting 602 00:25:57,913 --> 00:25:59,548 another penny out of me, okay? 603 00:25:59,582 --> 00:26:02,050 Fine. Bon app�tit. 604 00:26:05,355 --> 00:26:09,625 Oh, hey. hi. 605 00:26:09,659 --> 00:26:12,327 - Hello, Larry. - Hi. 606 00:26:12,362 --> 00:26:16,965 Okay, first of all... 607 00:26:16,999 --> 00:26:20,769 I just want to apologize for the... 608 00:26:20,803 --> 00:26:23,138 For the text I sent you 609 00:26:23,173 --> 00:26:25,374 with all the capital letters, 610 00:26:25,408 --> 00:26:27,609 the bad bad caps. 611 00:26:27,644 --> 00:26:30,679 - You don't seem sorry. - Well, I said I was sorry. 612 00:26:30,713 --> 00:26:32,614 Just because you say it doesn't mean you mean it. 613 00:26:32,649 --> 00:26:34,650 Maybe we should get something to eat. 614 00:26:34,684 --> 00:26:36,718 Excuse me, can we get some menus? 615 00:26:36,752 --> 00:26:38,753 Larry, do you remember when you were a little boy? 616 00:26:38,788 --> 00:26:40,355 - No. - Emma: if you can remember. 617 00:26:40,390 --> 00:26:42,090 - No, I don't. - Stacy: you probably don't. 618 00:26:42,124 --> 00:26:44,326 Hey, excuse me. Excuse me. 619 00:26:44,360 --> 00:26:46,928 S - sir? 620 00:26:46,962 --> 00:26:49,831 Obviously they're ignoring me on purpose. 621 00:26:49,865 --> 00:26:51,933 - Well, I can't imagine why. - I know why. 622 00:26:51,967 --> 00:26:53,535 - Really? - Yeah, I know why. 623 00:26:53,570 --> 00:26:55,204 why? 624 00:26:56,639 --> 00:26:59,074 Excuse me, could you please get us some menus over here? 625 00:26:59,108 --> 00:27:01,577 This little girl, she's got an appointment with the doctor. 626 00:27:01,611 --> 00:27:03,178 She's got a rash on her pussy. 627 00:27:03,213 --> 00:27:05,347 She needs to get out of here. 628 00:27:06,849 --> 00:27:08,550 629 00:27:09,919 --> 00:27:12,287 oh my god. Look, I made a mistake. 630 00:27:12,322 --> 00:27:14,723 It's been three years. Don't hurt me, please. 631 00:27:14,757 --> 00:27:18,093 Oh no no no no. I'm Danny Duberstein, CPA. 632 00:27:18,127 --> 00:27:20,696 - You're Duberstein? - I'm Danny Duberstein. 633 00:27:20,730 --> 00:27:22,197 Come in, I want to talk to you. 634 00:27:22,232 --> 00:27:24,099 Is Larry here yet? I'm waiting for Larry. 635 00:27:24,133 --> 00:27:26,067 No, I got to talk to you. This is very important. 636 00:27:26,102 --> 00:27:27,836 Larry said he'd be here at 2:00. 637 00:27:29,739 --> 00:27:32,841 - Stop looking at your watch. - No, I have to be out of here by 2:00. 638 00:27:32,875 --> 00:27:35,210 Is there anything else that Larry could do? 639 00:27:35,245 --> 00:27:38,714 Something that Emma likes? Presents? 640 00:27:40,149 --> 00:27:41,717 You know what? 641 00:27:41,751 --> 00:27:45,320 I heard somebody wants to be a writer. 642 00:27:45,355 --> 00:27:47,856 - Stacy: aw, you remembered! - what do you write with? 643 00:27:47,890 --> 00:27:50,225 - A pen! - A pen. 644 00:27:50,260 --> 00:27:52,327 Somebody gave this to me, and I'm giving it to you. 645 00:27:52,362 --> 00:27:54,329 - Stacy: it's a nice pen. - It's a beautiful pen. 646 00:27:54,364 --> 00:27:56,698 - Huh? - Yeah, I forgive you. 647 00:27:56,733 --> 00:28:00,101 - Yeah? Oh, yay! - yay! 648 00:28:00,136 --> 00:28:02,237 give him a hug and some sugar. 649 00:28:02,272 --> 00:28:04,839 Yay, Larry, that was thoughtful. 650 00:28:04,874 --> 00:28:06,742 - Okay. - Aw. 651 00:28:06,776 --> 00:28:10,445 I love it. Okay. 652 00:28:14,617 --> 00:28:16,752 Michael: so "Duberstein"... 653 00:28:16,786 --> 00:28:19,020 - that's a jewish name, right? - Yes, it is. 654 00:28:19,054 --> 00:28:21,390 I was adopted by some lovely jews. 655 00:28:21,424 --> 00:28:24,660 - And you were bar mitzvahed? - Oh, yeah yeah. Three times. 656 00:28:24,694 --> 00:28:26,795 The last time was a few months ago in atlantic city. 657 00:28:26,829 --> 00:28:29,364 But I thought you only got bar mitzvahed once. 658 00:28:29,399 --> 00:28:31,300 You know, when you're 13 years old? 659 00:28:31,334 --> 00:28:33,268 - No no no no, you misunderstood. - What? 660 00:28:33,303 --> 00:28:35,637 It's once every 13 years, you know. 661 00:28:35,672 --> 00:28:37,406 You got to recharge the mitzvah, 662 00:28:37,440 --> 00:28:40,709 so you always keep your mitzvah kind of full, at capacity. 663 00:28:40,743 --> 00:28:43,077 "capacitme... " mitzvah capacity. 664 00:28:46,449 --> 00:28:47,816 I don't know. 665 00:28:47,850 --> 00:28:51,252 - So tell me about the groat's. 666 00:28:51,287 --> 00:28:56,558 Well, everything I ate tasted like peaches. 667 00:29:01,497 --> 00:29:03,532 And I forgot how to multiply. 668 00:29:03,566 --> 00:29:06,134 I could subtract, but I couldn't multiply. 669 00:29:06,168 --> 00:29:08,169 If I'm fucking six women 670 00:29:08,204 --> 00:29:10,138 three times a day, seven days a week, 671 00:29:10,172 --> 00:29:12,407 how many times per week am I fucking? 672 00:29:12,442 --> 00:29:14,876 Was it 10? Was it 130? 673 00:29:14,910 --> 00:29:17,346 Was it 16? I was tripping out. 674 00:29:17,380 --> 00:29:20,349 That's some weird stuff, man. 675 00:29:20,383 --> 00:29:22,517 Pssh, you're telling me. 676 00:29:22,552 --> 00:29:24,419 Danny Duberstein's good at two things: 677 00:29:24,454 --> 00:29:27,656 that's math and fucking. 678 00:29:31,361 --> 00:29:32,961 But how did you beat the groat's? 679 00:29:35,431 --> 00:29:37,466 You know what? 680 00:29:38,768 --> 00:29:40,535 This hat. 681 00:29:41,437 --> 00:29:43,037 This hat saved my life. 682 00:29:43,072 --> 00:29:45,306 Tell... Tell me about the hat. 683 00:29:51,848 --> 00:29:53,515 Look who the fuck shows up. What happened?! 684 00:29:53,549 --> 00:29:55,149 I'm so sorry. I got held up. 685 00:29:55,184 --> 00:29:56,651 You missed the whole fucking show. 686 00:29:56,686 --> 00:29:58,387 I'm in that fucking room busting my ass for you. 687 00:29:58,421 --> 00:30:01,222 What's with these suits? You look like farrakhan. 688 00:30:01,257 --> 00:30:03,525 Look, I was trying to fuck this muslim girl. I had to join up for a month. 689 00:30:03,559 --> 00:30:05,560 Accountants don't look like this. 690 00:30:05,595 --> 00:30:07,396 This the whitest shit I got right here. 691 00:30:07,430 --> 00:30:08,864 What... What happened? 692 00:30:08,898 --> 00:30:10,632 What the fuck you think happened in there? 693 00:30:10,666 --> 00:30:13,502 I went in that room and whited that shit the fuck up. 694 00:30:13,536 --> 00:30:15,370 I had that fucking dude rolling with me. 695 00:30:15,405 --> 00:30:17,706 I don't know what the fuck a groat's disease is, 696 00:30:17,740 --> 00:30:19,474 but I'm going to that man in that room... 697 00:30:19,509 --> 00:30:22,110 That goofy motherfucking man in that room will survive that shit. 698 00:30:22,144 --> 00:30:23,779 - You better believe it. - And he bought it? 699 00:30:23,813 --> 00:30:25,781 Let me tell you how fucking well he bought it. 700 00:30:25,815 --> 00:30:28,216 He's going to give me $200,000 to invest for his ass. 701 00:30:28,250 --> 00:30:31,252 I Danny Dubersteined the fuck out that man in that room. 702 00:30:31,287 --> 00:30:33,822 Fucking viola. uh! 703 00:30:33,856 --> 00:30:36,257 - You know what I mean? - Good man. I got a rehearsal. 704 00:30:36,292 --> 00:30:37,826 - Let's go. - Good job. 705 00:30:37,860 --> 00:30:39,360 Elaine, clark kent didn't know 706 00:30:39,395 --> 00:30:41,229 who his real father was until he was 16, 707 00:30:41,263 --> 00:30:43,598 and I think he turned out okay. 708 00:30:43,633 --> 00:30:47,068 Jerry, his planet was destroyed. 709 00:30:47,102 --> 00:30:49,404 Who are these two right here? 710 00:30:49,439 --> 00:30:51,540 That's Jerry seinfeld and Julia louis-dreyfus. 711 00:30:51,574 --> 00:30:54,242 Oh, man. 712 00:30:54,276 --> 00:30:55,911 So Jerry tapping that ass, huh? 713 00:30:55,945 --> 00:30:57,646 What is it? You never saw the show? 714 00:30:57,680 --> 00:30:59,481 You never watched it? 715 00:31:01,717 --> 00:31:03,852 - Hello, newman. - Hello, Jerry. 716 00:31:06,188 --> 00:31:08,857 Who is this little fat bastard? 717 00:31:08,891 --> 00:31:10,559 Now that little motherfucker look funny. 718 00:31:10,593 --> 00:31:12,894 ...so-called itoilets. 719 00:31:12,929 --> 00:31:15,296 Christ, I'm itching all over. 720 00:31:15,331 --> 00:31:17,198 Hope I didn't catch anything from that Emma. 721 00:31:17,232 --> 00:31:19,000 Don't get that shit on me, man. 722 00:31:19,034 --> 00:31:22,737 - Are you Kramer? - No, actually... 723 00:31:22,772 --> 00:31:24,506 Hey, are you monena? 724 00:31:24,540 --> 00:31:26,341 You know it. 725 00:31:26,375 --> 00:31:29,177 - What's going on, Kramer? - I'm going to the ballgame. 726 00:31:29,211 --> 00:31:31,813 I take monena with me, I can use the carpool lane. 727 00:31:34,283 --> 00:31:37,886 Why... What the fuck is that hat? 728 00:31:37,920 --> 00:31:40,054 It's my hat. 729 00:31:40,089 --> 00:31:42,323 - Yours? - No, it's my lucky hat. 730 00:31:42,358 --> 00:31:44,058 You can't wear that in the scene. 731 00:31:44,093 --> 00:31:46,060 Oh, yes I can. I must. 732 00:31:46,095 --> 00:31:49,965 - What's with the hat? Why's he wearing that hat? - That's my hat. 733 00:31:49,999 --> 00:31:51,867 I told him to wear the hat to combat the groat's. 734 00:31:51,901 --> 00:31:53,468 What did you say to him? 735 00:31:53,503 --> 00:31:55,537 I told him, "you take that hat off, you will die." 736 00:31:55,571 --> 00:31:58,607 That's what I told him. 737 00:31:58,641 --> 00:32:01,776 See you at the house, man. 738 00:32:01,811 --> 00:32:04,178 Nobody remembers a guy with a dinner roll on his head. 739 00:32:04,213 --> 00:32:06,214 They remember Kramer with the hair that goes up. 740 00:32:06,248 --> 00:32:07,716 This is the look i'm going with, so... 741 00:32:07,750 --> 00:32:09,083 ...that's it. 742 00:32:09,118 --> 00:32:11,786 Jerry: I would say, in fact... 743 00:32:11,821 --> 00:32:14,022 - oh my god. - Is this great? 744 00:32:14,056 --> 00:32:16,457 What? Again? Why are you here? 745 00:32:16,492 --> 00:32:18,560 What... I don't understand this. Why do you keep... 746 00:32:18,594 --> 00:32:20,361 Jerry told me I could come whenever I want. 747 00:32:20,396 --> 00:32:22,631 - Jerry said that to you? - Yes. 748 00:32:22,665 --> 00:32:24,065 Oh, this is mrs. Duberstein. 749 00:32:24,099 --> 00:32:26,001 - this is Larry david. - Hello. 750 00:32:26,035 --> 00:32:28,136 It is an honor to meet you. 751 00:32:28,170 --> 00:32:29,905 Marty: she memorized all the shows. 752 00:32:29,939 --> 00:32:32,774 - she loves "seinfeld." - I am a huge fan. 753 00:32:32,808 --> 00:32:35,043 - Hi. - Look at this. Kramer. 754 00:32:35,077 --> 00:32:36,545 - Mrs. Duberstein? - Yes. 755 00:32:36,579 --> 00:32:38,046 - I'm michael richards. - Hi. 756 00:32:38,080 --> 00:32:40,381 I just saw your husband about 20 minutes ago. 757 00:32:40,416 --> 00:32:43,018 Oh, I think you must be mistaken. 758 00:32:43,052 --> 00:32:45,453 My husband has been dead for two months. 759 00:32:45,487 --> 00:32:47,923 - What? - Groat's disease. 760 00:32:47,957 --> 00:32:50,992 Yeah, it was a long, painful death. 761 00:32:52,562 --> 00:32:56,598 Larry! Larry! 762 00:32:56,632 --> 00:32:58,166 Larry! 763 00:32:58,200 --> 00:33:00,902 I know I may look clean and dapper right now. 764 00:33:00,937 --> 00:33:02,403 Bet the suit threw you, baby. 765 00:33:02,438 --> 00:33:05,006 - I ain't shittin'. - Michael: hey, Duberstein! 766 00:33:05,041 --> 00:33:07,341 yeah yeah, i'm talking to you. 767 00:33:07,376 --> 00:33:09,277 What kind of lowlife are you? 768 00:33:09,311 --> 00:33:11,245 - What kind of asshole are you? - Whoa whoa whoa. 769 00:33:11,280 --> 00:33:12,781 Okay okay, let's just calm down now. 770 00:33:12,815 --> 00:33:15,216 We're getting ourself all worked up for no reason, baby. 771 00:33:15,250 --> 00:33:16,952 No, don't "baby" me. Don't calm me down. 772 00:33:16,986 --> 00:33:18,920 I'm so pissed off, I could put this hat up your ass. 773 00:33:18,955 --> 00:33:21,923 - Leon: let's relax here. - what's this bullshit with the hat? 774 00:33:21,958 --> 00:33:24,559 - leon: put the hat back on your head. - you made a chump out of me! 775 00:33:24,594 --> 00:33:27,095 - no no no no! - if only there were a... 776 00:33:27,129 --> 00:33:29,898 A horrible name that I could call you 777 00:33:29,932 --> 00:33:33,101 that would make you as angry as I am! 778 00:33:34,971 --> 00:33:38,106 Wha... 779 00:33:38,140 --> 00:33:40,541 You... Ahh! 780 00:33:40,576 --> 00:33:43,912 Man: so what seems to be the problem here? 781 00:33:43,946 --> 00:33:46,447 - you know, I've got this rash. - Okay. 782 00:33:46,482 --> 00:33:48,950 First it was on my back, now my neck and my arm. 783 00:33:48,985 --> 00:33:50,652 Now it's on my hands and fingers. 784 00:33:50,686 --> 00:33:53,121 - Yeah, I can see that right there. - Yeah, look at that. 785 00:33:53,155 --> 00:33:55,957 Do you have any idea how you may have gotten this rash? 786 00:33:55,992 --> 00:33:57,659 The only thing I can think of 787 00:33:57,693 --> 00:33:59,527 is I've been seeing this nine-year-old girl, 788 00:33:59,561 --> 00:34:01,863 and she kind of has a rash on her pussy. 789 00:34:01,897 --> 00:34:04,733 Um... 790 00:34:04,767 --> 00:34:06,735 You know, I took her to lunch the other day 791 00:34:06,769 --> 00:34:11,272 and we had a fight and we made up and we hugged, so... 792 00:34:11,306 --> 00:34:13,274 It must... it's got to be her. 793 00:34:13,308 --> 00:34:15,944 one second. 794 00:34:17,312 --> 00:34:19,213 Yeah, that's her now. 795 00:34:19,248 --> 00:34:22,951 - Yeah. - She's so cute. We text all the time. 796 00:34:22,985 --> 00:34:25,286 For a while we weren't, but we're back on now, so... 797 00:34:25,320 --> 00:34:26,888 We'll get you taken care of. 798 00:34:26,922 --> 00:34:28,556 I have another patient to check on. 799 00:34:28,590 --> 00:34:30,525 - I'll be right back. - Okay, all right. 800 00:34:30,559 --> 00:34:32,560 "don't tell your mother, 801 00:34:32,594 --> 00:34:36,197 but I bought you another pen." 802 00:34:36,231 --> 00:34:38,800 Call the police. 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net 62752

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