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1
00:00:08,528 --> 00:00:10,561
Once a month, when the moon
is a waxing gibbous
2
00:00:10,563 --> 00:00:13,197
we have to have procreation sex
with our dumb husbands.
3
00:00:13,199 --> 00:00:15,032
First, we have
to do a ritual dance
4
00:00:15,034 --> 00:00:16,600
to ensure we have a male heir.
5
00:00:16,602 --> 00:00:18,936
This world does not need
more girls.
6
00:00:20,440 --> 00:00:22,573
I don't know why we took all
that land from the Indians
7
00:00:22,575 --> 00:00:25,776
if we're just going to act
like them.
8
00:00:25,778 --> 00:00:28,646
I'd rather give birth to a goat
than another girl.
9
00:00:28,648 --> 00:00:31,849
At least a goat might have
a good idea once in a while.
10
00:00:32,885 --> 00:00:36,053
I'm ready.
11
00:00:39,891 --> 00:00:42,026
Having sex with Albert is
like being penetrated
12
00:00:42,028 --> 00:00:44,028
by a runny egg.
13
00:00:49,635 --> 00:00:51,335
Yeah, there it is.
14
00:00:51,337 --> 00:00:53,838
Well, having sex with Victor is
like drowning under a quilt
15
00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:56,040
moistened by halitosis.
16
00:00:56,042 --> 00:00:58,843
All right, here we go.
17
00:00:58,845 --> 00:00:59,944
Oh.
18
00:00:59,946 --> 00:01:01,178
Oh, Victor. Oh, Victor.
19
00:01:01,180 --> 00:01:02,947
Make your voice really deep.
20
00:01:02,949 --> 00:01:05,549
Oh, Victor.
21
00:01:05,551 --> 00:01:08,085
Uh...
22
00:01:08,087 --> 00:01:11,722
That's it. That's it, yes.
23
00:01:11,724 --> 00:01:14,658
Victor. Oh, God.
24
00:01:18,997 --> 00:01:20,564
Okay. Good.
25
00:01:20,566 --> 00:01:21,565
Aah!
26
00:01:22,602 --> 00:01:23,934
There and...
27
00:01:23,936 --> 00:01:25,603
Ah.
28
00:01:25,605 --> 00:01:26,604
Done.
29
00:01:26,606 --> 00:01:28,973
Ouch. Ow. Ow.
30
00:01:28,975 --> 00:01:30,207
Good.
31
00:01:30,209 --> 00:01:31,909
How did he get on the bed?
32
00:01:31,911 --> 00:01:34,745
I'm so surprised that he's here.
What? You're fired!
33
00:01:34,747 --> 00:01:37,481
Don't you come in when
I'm making love to my wife!
34
00:01:37,483 --> 00:01:39,784
♪ I want the
money, I want the fame ♪
35
00:01:39,786 --> 00:01:42,319
♪ I want the whole world
to know my name ♪
36
00:01:42,321 --> 00:01:44,588
♪ this is mine,
I got to get it ♪
37
00:01:44,590 --> 00:01:47,158
♪ I got to get it,
got, got to get it ♪
38
00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:48,964
♪ another period ♪
39
00:01:48,965 --> 00:01:52,700
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
40
00:01:53,765 --> 00:01:57,068
Thank you again for my job,
my handsome walrus.
41
00:01:57,070 --> 00:01:58,202
You're so welcome.
42
00:01:58,204 --> 00:01:59,603
Nothing brings me
as much pleasure
43
00:01:59,605 --> 00:02:02,440
as helping out
pathetic gutter wenches.
44
00:02:02,442 --> 00:02:04,708
Now, I'm off.
Business calls.
45
00:02:04,710 --> 00:02:08,279
Be back soon.
46
00:02:11,550 --> 00:02:13,784
What are you doing
out here, you muskrat?
47
00:02:13,786 --> 00:02:16,921
I was taking out the trash.
48
00:02:21,326 --> 00:02:25,062
Your eyes are the color
of really pretty eyes.
49
00:02:25,064 --> 00:02:28,199
Oh, your skin is like
a milk-fed piglet.
50
00:02:31,136 --> 00:02:33,437
Oh, I wish we could
sail away together.
51
00:02:33,439 --> 00:02:34,705
Me too.
52
00:02:34,707 --> 00:02:37,341
Faster, boy. I want to feel
the wind in my hair.
53
00:02:39,144 --> 00:02:41,946
Why are you two lawn boating?
54
00:02:41,948 --> 00:02:45,483
Afternoons are for defecating
and learning Latin.
55
00:02:45,485 --> 00:02:47,518
Mother, we can't work
all the time.
56
00:02:47,520 --> 00:02:49,186
Frederick, put on
a clean top hat.
57
00:02:49,188 --> 00:02:51,789
I've invited a widow
to the manor
58
00:02:51,791 --> 00:02:54,391
in hopes of making a match.
59
00:02:54,393 --> 00:02:55,993
Frederick
will never get married.
60
00:02:55,995 --> 00:02:58,562
All the women Mother's brought
so far have either left
61
00:02:58,564 --> 00:03:00,564
or had accidents.
62
00:03:00,566 --> 00:03:03,834
Pussy Von Anderstein's former
husband was a coon-tie tycoon.
63
00:03:03,836 --> 00:03:07,371
He made a fortune designing
raccoon-skin neckties,
64
00:03:07,373 --> 00:03:10,007
and as long as you don't do
anything stupid,
65
00:03:10,009 --> 00:03:12,243
that fortune will be ours.
66
00:03:12,245 --> 00:03:13,911
But we have infinite money!
67
00:03:13,913 --> 00:03:17,248
Yes, if we have infinite money
and we add Pussy money to it,
68
00:03:17,250 --> 00:03:19,049
we have double infinite money.
69
00:03:19,051 --> 00:03:20,384
But, Mother,
infinity can't be doubled,
70
00:03:20,386 --> 00:03:22,720
as its very nature is
its boundlessness.
71
00:03:22,722 --> 00:03:26,590
It frightens me when you
act all smart like that.
72
00:03:26,592 --> 00:03:28,626
Look, the day moon!
73
00:03:28,628 --> 00:03:31,762
Frederick,
you must take a wife.
74
00:03:31,764 --> 00:03:34,865
You're 23 years old.
75
00:03:34,867 --> 00:03:37,234
Mother, I'm 35.
76
00:03:37,236 --> 00:03:38,569
You're what?
77
00:03:38,571 --> 00:03:40,671
Yes. Right?
78
00:03:40,673 --> 00:03:42,940
Mm-hmm.
79
00:03:44,342 --> 00:03:46,443
Okay.
80
00:03:51,150 --> 00:03:53,083
♪ bitch, kiss the ring ♪
81
00:03:56,655 --> 00:03:58,322
Pussy, dear,
82
00:03:58,324 --> 00:03:59,990
Welcome to Bellacourt Manor.
83
00:03:59,992 --> 00:04:01,592
Oh, thank you, Dodo.
84
00:04:01,594 --> 00:04:04,328
Blanche, you shall be
Pussy's lady's maid.
85
00:04:04,330 --> 00:04:06,763
Actually, I prefer
a male attendant.
86
00:04:06,765 --> 00:04:08,065
I'll, uh, keep...
87
00:04:08,067 --> 00:04:09,900
him.
88
00:04:09,902 --> 00:04:12,836
Oh. Hmm.
89
00:04:18,510 --> 00:04:22,312
And here's where
you'll be staying.
90
00:04:22,314 --> 00:04:25,415
Just put this right here.
91
00:04:25,417 --> 00:04:29,653
And if you need anything else,
just let me know.
92
00:04:29,655 --> 00:04:31,522
Ow!
93
00:04:31,524 --> 00:04:33,390
What are you doing?
94
00:04:33,392 --> 00:04:35,592
Oh, no. That's my--
95
00:04:35,594 --> 00:04:38,028
I'm a pure boy, ma'am.
Please.
96
00:04:38,030 --> 00:04:40,230
Ow.
97
00:04:44,003 --> 00:04:46,436
What's happening now?
98
00:04:54,346 --> 00:04:56,647
Oh!
99
00:04:56,649 --> 00:04:59,349
Ah. Ow.
100
00:04:59,351 --> 00:05:01,251
Whew.
101
00:05:55,273 --> 00:05:57,941
Beatrice, I wonder if you might
tell me a little bit
102
00:05:57,943 --> 00:05:59,376
about your
twin brother, Frederick.
103
00:05:59,378 --> 00:06:01,177
Oh, I wouldn't bother with him.
104
00:06:01,179 --> 00:06:04,481
He only likes women his own age,
like, exactly his own age.
105
00:06:04,483 --> 00:06:08,551
Falling Charlie,
do your routine for Pussy.
106
00:06:08,553 --> 00:06:10,186
It's ludicrous.
107
00:06:10,188 --> 00:06:12,923
The falling routine is actually
quite physically taxing.
108
00:06:12,925 --> 00:06:16,359
But I have a loveable
new character
109
00:06:16,361 --> 00:06:18,595
called "The Little Tramp."
110
00:06:18,597 --> 00:06:23,266
Perhaps I might
try him instead?
111
00:06:23,268 --> 00:06:24,434
Blech.
112
00:06:24,436 --> 00:06:26,970
Practice your craft
in the bordello.
113
00:06:26,972 --> 00:06:28,738
Yes, we pay you for A material.
114
00:06:28,740 --> 00:06:30,073
If we weren't in
the mood for falling,
115
00:06:30,075 --> 00:06:31,841
honestly, we would have
hired Upright Reggie.
116
00:06:31,843 --> 00:06:34,077
The falling will do.
117
00:06:34,079 --> 00:06:36,546
Yes, of course.
118
00:06:48,726 --> 00:06:50,527
This fool reminds me
of my ex-husband.
119
00:06:50,529 --> 00:06:52,729
Oh, don't you mean
your dead husband?
120
00:06:52,731 --> 00:06:54,798
Oh, no, I procured a divorce.
121
00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:57,167
Well, I always thought divorce
was a legend,
122
00:06:57,169 --> 00:06:59,569
like the yeti
or the working poor.
123
00:06:59,571 --> 00:07:00,971
Oh, I've had a divorce.
124
00:07:00,973 --> 00:07:03,173
I had one in Paris
with apples and heavy cream.
125
00:07:03,175 --> 00:07:04,441
And it was delicious.
126
00:07:04,443 --> 00:07:05,976
That was pie, you idiot.
127
00:07:05,978 --> 00:07:07,644
Oh.
128
00:07:07,646 --> 00:07:10,447
A divorce is when you no longer
want to be married
129
00:07:10,449 --> 00:07:11,748
and, poof, you're not.
130
00:07:11,750 --> 00:07:13,416
I want a divorce, Mommy.
131
00:07:13,418 --> 00:07:15,018
Everyone knows
there are only three ways
132
00:07:15,020 --> 00:07:17,187
for a woman to be granted
a divorce--
133
00:07:17,189 --> 00:07:19,923
infidelity, abuse,
or a dead spouse.
134
00:07:19,925 --> 00:07:21,658
Well, Victor would never
cheat on me
135
00:07:21,660 --> 00:07:23,693
due to my overwhelming
physical attractiveness.
136
00:07:23,695 --> 00:07:25,595
Maybe I could get him
to beat me up.
137
00:07:28,300 --> 00:07:29,599
Oh, dear!
138
00:07:36,167 --> 00:07:38,300
Ooh, just a little nibble
for you.
139
00:07:38,302 --> 00:07:39,101
Oh, okay.
140
00:07:39,103 --> 00:07:41,036
Just a little something.
141
00:07:41,038 --> 00:07:44,540
Oh, I think I got
some crumbs in your lap.
142
00:07:44,542 --> 00:07:46,709
Ooh.
143
00:07:46,711 --> 00:07:49,545
Can I tell you something?
144
00:07:49,547 --> 00:07:50,846
I've been ravished.
145
00:07:50,848 --> 00:07:52,515
Men can't be ravished.
146
00:07:52,517 --> 00:07:53,983
When I was at the institution,
147
00:07:53,985 --> 00:07:56,452
the staff ravished all
the patients except for me.
148
00:07:56,454 --> 00:07:59,188
It really did a number
on my self-esteem.
149
00:07:59,190 --> 00:08:00,890
Well, see, as much as
I enjoy picnicking,
150
00:08:00,892 --> 00:08:02,358
I don't want to lead you on.
151
00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:04,693
I don't know if I can pick you
to be my wife.
152
00:08:04,695 --> 00:08:07,763
Sweet boy, I'm the one
who does the picking.
153
00:08:07,765 --> 00:08:10,866
But you're a woman. I'm-- I'm
the one who does the picking,
154
00:08:10,868 --> 00:08:13,502
because I have the geni--
155
00:08:14,672 --> 00:08:15,905
Oh.
156
00:08:15,907 --> 00:08:17,773
Oh, hello.
157
00:08:17,775 --> 00:08:19,508
What are you doing here?
158
00:08:19,510 --> 00:08:21,844
Oh, don't mind me. I'm just
having my own, different picnic.
159
00:08:21,846 --> 00:08:23,446
Um...
160
00:08:27,517 --> 00:08:29,852
Maybe I don't
want you to pick me.
161
00:08:29,854 --> 00:08:31,086
The only reason
I would be getting married
162
00:08:31,088 --> 00:08:33,489
is to ensure
our family's legacy
163
00:08:33,491 --> 00:08:36,225
and get mother to stop flogging
my bottom with a switch.
164
00:08:36,227 --> 00:08:38,761
Well, I can't say
that's not intriguing.
165
00:08:41,866 --> 00:08:43,499
Let's retire to my chambers.
166
00:08:43,501 --> 00:08:46,435
Oh.
167
00:09:03,253 --> 00:09:06,188
Oh.
168
00:09:09,359 --> 00:09:11,694
Having fun, Celine?
169
00:09:11,696 --> 00:09:13,729
I think you've mistaken me
for someone else.
170
00:09:13,731 --> 00:09:14,964
My name is Chair.
171
00:09:14,966 --> 00:09:17,666
Cut the crap, hmm?
172
00:09:17,668 --> 00:09:18,968
You know,
you're the whole reason
173
00:09:18,970 --> 00:09:21,003
that I'm here
in the first place.
174
00:09:21,005 --> 00:09:22,538
Before I met you,
I was a piano player.
175
00:09:22,540 --> 00:09:24,373
I had my own minstrel show.
176
00:09:24,375 --> 00:09:28,344
Lazy Black Hamish
and his Negro Knights.
177
00:09:28,346 --> 00:09:32,748
"I sure does wish job
was spelled S-L-E-E-P."
178
00:09:32,750 --> 00:09:35,217
Yeah.
179
00:09:35,219 --> 00:09:37,887
You know, I've been left
by a lot of strumpets,
180
00:09:37,889 --> 00:09:40,189
but you were the only one
with big enough balls
181
00:09:40,191 --> 00:09:41,991
to clear out my bank account.
182
00:09:41,993 --> 00:09:43,359
What do you want?
183
00:09:43,361 --> 00:09:45,394
I want to know what the hell
you're doing here.
184
00:09:45,396 --> 00:09:47,229
Why does a high-priced
woman of the night
185
00:09:47,231 --> 00:09:51,667
drop it all just to pluck fowl?
186
00:09:51,669 --> 00:09:54,803
I needed a job.
187
00:10:13,390 --> 00:10:15,891
I can't.
188
00:10:15,893 --> 00:10:19,361
My heart belongs to another.
189
00:10:19,363 --> 00:10:21,764
It's not your heart I'm after.
190
00:10:21,766 --> 00:10:23,666
You are so forceful.
191
00:10:23,668 --> 00:10:26,302
That is very unladylike,
and I won't stand for it.
192
00:10:26,304 --> 00:10:28,704
What are you doing back there?
193
00:10:28,706 --> 00:10:31,840
Are you--
Oh, my!
194
00:10:31,842 --> 00:10:35,311
That is
an unfamiliar sensation.
195
00:10:35,313 --> 00:10:37,379
Do you enjoy it?
196
00:10:37,381 --> 00:10:39,615
Ooh.
197
00:10:39,617 --> 00:10:41,417
I feel as though I shouldn't,
198
00:10:41,419 --> 00:10:42,885
but I-I do.
199
00:10:42,887 --> 00:10:46,121
The body has many
pleasure centers.
200
00:10:46,123 --> 00:10:48,357
You just have to know
where to look.
201
00:10:48,359 --> 00:10:50,292
Ooh!
202
00:10:54,831 --> 00:10:56,031
- Later.
- What if I did?
203
00:10:56,033 --> 00:10:58,634
What if I did?
Later.
204
00:10:58,636 --> 00:11:00,336
Chicken tartare?
205
00:11:00,338 --> 00:11:01,637
Oh, yes.
206
00:11:01,639 --> 00:11:04,206
My dear boy, you look as
though you've been ravished.
207
00:11:04,208 --> 00:11:07,643
Well, in fact, sirs,
I have been ravished.
208
00:11:10,414 --> 00:11:13,349
Oh, I do love a good
ravishing joke, don't you?
209
00:11:13,351 --> 00:11:15,217
Don't you find them
a bit distasteful, though?
210
00:11:15,219 --> 00:11:16,585
Some people feel that ravishing
211
00:11:16,587 --> 00:11:18,520
is not a topic that
should be made light of.
212
00:11:18,522 --> 00:11:20,055
Oh, not me.
213
00:11:20,057 --> 00:11:21,490
Do you know that
old chestnut--
214
00:11:21,492 --> 00:11:23,559
Why is it always
your ugliest friend
215
00:11:23,561 --> 00:11:25,995
who's the most afraid
of being ravished?
216
00:11:27,598 --> 00:11:31,200
That is amusing. You're right.
You're right.
217
00:11:31,202 --> 00:11:34,003
- There is no line.
- There's no line.
218
00:11:34,005 --> 00:11:36,305
Come on. Come on,
step lively, boy.
219
00:11:36,307 --> 00:11:40,142
Dear Lord, please let me
get a divorce.
220
00:11:40,144 --> 00:11:42,044
Although I have dreamed
of strangling the life
221
00:11:42,046 --> 00:11:45,214
out of Victor's body
or having him get hit by a train
222
00:11:45,216 --> 00:11:47,583
or drowning in a bath
of his own brandy vomit,
223
00:11:47,585 --> 00:11:50,719
I think it's kinder to have him
arrested for battery.
224
00:11:50,721 --> 00:11:53,489
Sorry about this, Victor,
but you're going to jail.
225
00:12:00,764 --> 00:12:02,531
Ah!
226
00:12:06,270 --> 00:12:10,272
And that's when he hit me.
227
00:12:10,274 --> 00:12:11,874
I'm so sorry
for your pain, ma'am.
228
00:12:11,876 --> 00:12:14,743
Ay, you'll tell us who the black
fella was who did this,
229
00:12:14,745 --> 00:12:17,212
and we'll throw him
in the pokey right quick.
230
00:12:17,214 --> 00:12:20,616
Oh, no,
it-- it was my husband.
231
00:12:22,019 --> 00:12:24,653
Well, that's another
matter entirely.
232
00:12:24,655 --> 00:12:26,088
Case closed.
233
00:12:26,090 --> 00:12:28,057
I'm telling you,
I was abused by my husband
234
00:12:28,059 --> 00:12:30,225
in a manner that only a divorce
would settle.
235
00:12:30,227 --> 00:12:31,960
Well, let me ask
you something, dear.
236
00:12:31,962 --> 00:12:33,362
Are you a bitch?
237
00:12:33,364 --> 00:12:34,797
What?
238
00:12:34,799 --> 00:12:36,365
Let's go about this
in a different manner.
239
00:12:36,367 --> 00:12:39,168
Were you menstruating
at the time of the incident?
240
00:12:39,170 --> 00:12:41,403
Were you riding the red river?
241
00:12:41,405 --> 00:12:43,939
And do you have
a raspberry bush?
242
00:12:43,941 --> 00:12:47,843
How dare you?
I was very abused!
243
00:12:47,845 --> 00:12:49,478
Looks to me like
you walked into a door.
244
00:12:50,915 --> 00:12:52,181
Well, that's an outrageous
implication!
245
00:12:52,183 --> 00:12:54,083
And precisely
the sort of assumption
246
00:12:54,085 --> 00:12:56,118
that makes women feel unsafe
to report their abuse
247
00:12:56,120 --> 00:12:57,953
to the police
in the first place!
248
00:12:57,955 --> 00:12:59,655
Well, the rule of thumb
clearly states
249
00:12:59,657 --> 00:13:01,356
that a man can discipline
his wife
250
00:13:01,358 --> 00:13:04,927
with anything no thicker
than his own thumb.
251
00:13:04,929 --> 00:13:08,130
Well, that's the dumbest rule
I've ever heard of!
252
00:13:08,132 --> 00:13:10,733
And that, my dear, is why
your husband hits you.
253
00:13:10,735 --> 00:13:13,702
If you were my wife, I'd smack
some softness into you.
254
00:13:13,704 --> 00:13:16,338
And I'd have hit ya
to be a bit taller.
255
00:13:16,340 --> 00:13:18,440
Perhaps some larger bosoms.
Now that we've settled that,
256
00:13:18,442 --> 00:13:20,542
would you mind running along,
sweetheart,
257
00:13:20,544 --> 00:13:22,144
fetch us a spot of tea?
258
00:13:22,146 --> 00:13:23,679
And perhaps a tour
of the premises.
259
00:13:23,681 --> 00:13:28,217
We hear there's a room
made entirely of candy.
260
00:13:28,219 --> 00:13:30,252
Well, infidelity and abuse
were a bust.
261
00:13:30,254 --> 00:13:33,522
I guess I'm going to have to
kill Victor if I want a divorce.
262
00:13:34,242 --> 00:13:35,457
♪ now, now, now ♪
263
00:13:35,551 --> 00:13:37,276
♪ it's mine, it's mine ♪
264
00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:41,607
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
265
00:13:41,609 --> 00:13:42,908
Hmm.
266
00:13:44,078 --> 00:13:45,478
Beatrice, what are you doing?
267
00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:46,979
I'm off to behead Pussy.
268
00:13:46,981 --> 00:13:49,815
Should I use my logging axe
or my murder hatchet?
269
00:13:49,817 --> 00:13:51,751
Father refuses to cover up
another murder.
270
00:13:51,753 --> 00:13:53,586
We can't have another
Weekend at Bernard's!
271
00:13:53,588 --> 00:13:55,888
You never let me do
anything I want!
272
00:13:55,890 --> 00:13:58,390
I have a better plan.
Let's not kill Pussy.
273
00:13:58,392 --> 00:14:00,159
- Let's kill our husbands.
- But I like Albert.
274
00:14:00,161 --> 00:14:02,094
He's the only one who can
make my bangs fluffy.
275
00:14:02,096 --> 00:14:03,496
No, not kill them kill them.
276
00:14:03,498 --> 00:14:05,364
Let's just have them disappear
for long enough
277
00:14:05,366 --> 00:14:07,399
to be declared dead, and then
we can marry whoever we want.
278
00:14:07,401 --> 00:14:10,536
Wait. Does that mean
I can marry Frederick?
279
00:14:13,173 --> 00:14:15,007
I'm sure that's what it means.
280
00:14:15,009 --> 00:14:17,309
Aah!
281
00:14:17,310 --> 00:14:18,928
_
282
00:14:18,979 --> 00:14:23,149
Everybody gather round.
Gather round, quickly now.
283
00:14:23,151 --> 00:14:25,184
I've heard some
very distressing rumors.
284
00:14:25,186 --> 00:14:29,622
Which among the staff
has been ravished?
285
00:14:32,159 --> 00:14:33,626
It was I.
286
00:14:33,628 --> 00:14:38,130
I was ravished
by Pussy Von Anderstein.
287
00:14:38,132 --> 00:14:40,432
Garfield, my God,
this is an outrage.
288
00:14:40,434 --> 00:14:41,734
Oh, thank you, Peepers.
289
00:14:41,736 --> 00:14:42,968
You ought to be ashamed
of yourself!
290
00:14:42,970 --> 00:14:44,136
Ow.
291
00:14:44,138 --> 00:14:45,704
You should be thanking
your lucky stars
292
00:14:45,706 --> 00:14:47,773
that she chose to ravish you,
instead of crying about it
293
00:14:47,775 --> 00:14:49,775
like a mewling kitten
with a pin in its paw!
294
00:14:49,777 --> 00:14:51,844
I'm docking you
six months of gruel.
295
00:14:51,846 --> 00:14:53,279
If you didn't want
to be ravished,
296
00:14:53,281 --> 00:14:54,647
maybe you shouldn't be wearing
297
00:14:54,649 --> 00:14:57,216
such an inviting
little valet's uniform.
298
00:14:57,218 --> 00:14:58,717
It's your fault.
299
00:14:58,719 --> 00:15:02,321
I wear my valet's uniform
for me.
300
00:15:02,323 --> 00:15:04,456
But must it be so tight,
Garfield?
301
00:15:04,458 --> 00:15:07,860
Hey, does this mean that
I can ravish Blanche?
302
00:15:07,862 --> 00:15:10,262
No.
303
00:15:10,264 --> 00:15:12,631
Thank you
for the thought, Hamish.
304
00:15:12,633 --> 00:15:14,266
Milady.
305
00:15:14,268 --> 00:15:16,235
All right, everybody
back to work. Skeet, skeet!
306
00:15:16,437 --> 00:15:21,240
Have you seen
a tiny Oriental man?
307
00:15:21,242 --> 00:15:22,708
He's--
308
00:15:22,710 --> 00:15:26,545
Ugh! How is it possible
your face is getting uglier?
309
00:15:26,547 --> 00:15:28,280
I ran into a door.
310
00:15:28,282 --> 00:15:29,314
Oh.
311
00:15:29,316 --> 00:15:32,584
Victor.
312
00:15:32,586 --> 00:15:34,586
I need you to fake
your own death.
313
00:15:34,588 --> 00:15:36,522
I would never fake
my own death,
314
00:15:36,524 --> 00:15:37,990
I'll give you $2 million.
315
00:15:37,992 --> 00:15:40,392
I'll have someone draft up
a contract right away.
316
00:15:40,394 --> 00:15:42,061
Also...
317
00:15:42,063 --> 00:15:44,463
I will be needing your...
318
00:15:44,465 --> 00:15:46,865
emerald princess crown.
319
00:15:46,867 --> 00:15:48,700
What? No!
320
00:15:48,702 --> 00:15:50,736
That's been in our family
for almost three years.
321
00:15:50,738 --> 00:15:53,472
The crown, or I live forever.
322
00:15:53,474 --> 00:15:55,040
Ugh, fine!
323
00:15:55,042 --> 00:15:57,209
Also, I'd like
your python slippers.
324
00:15:57,211 --> 00:15:58,510
Those won't even fit you.
325
00:15:58,512 --> 00:16:01,346
Oh, they're not for my feet.
326
00:16:01,348 --> 00:16:04,416
Victor is the most vile,
hateful person I've ever met.
327
00:16:04,418 --> 00:16:06,585
You'd think we'd get along.
328
00:16:06,587 --> 00:16:08,487
Well, I'm scared
I'm losing him.
329
00:16:08,489 --> 00:16:10,622
I'm afraid he's going to fall
in love with that weird lady.
330
00:16:10,624 --> 00:16:12,658
Darling, what do I always
tell you?
331
00:16:12,660 --> 00:16:14,993
To not walk in the room when the
green scarf is on the handle.
332
00:16:14,995 --> 00:16:17,162
Yes, but I always tell you
to follow your heart.
333
00:16:17,164 --> 00:16:19,865
My heart says he's mine and that
no one else can have him.
334
00:16:19,867 --> 00:16:22,468
Now, come on, if he doesn't see
335
00:16:22,470 --> 00:16:24,603
what a beautiful,
vacant treasure you are,
336
00:16:24,605 --> 00:16:26,738
then he's a fool.
337
00:16:26,740 --> 00:16:27,773
Thank you.
338
00:16:27,775 --> 00:16:29,942
I always feel better
after our talks.
339
00:16:29,944 --> 00:16:32,911
Oh! Can you fake your death
so I can marry someone else?
340
00:16:32,913 --> 00:16:35,347
Please?
Victor said he would.
341
00:16:35,349 --> 00:16:36,949
Well, of course, darling.
342
00:16:36,951 --> 00:16:38,383
If Victor said so,
I'm happy to do it.
343
00:16:38,385 --> 00:16:40,285
- Really?
- Of course.
344
00:16:40,287 --> 00:16:41,720
Now, just hold still.
345
00:16:41,722 --> 00:16:44,089
I'm gonna make
a real piece of art here.
346
00:16:44,091 --> 00:16:45,424
Ooh, I like that.
347
00:16:45,426 --> 00:16:47,226
Oh, yes. Mm.
348
00:16:50,364 --> 00:16:51,630
My current lover is beautiful,
349
00:16:51,632 --> 00:16:53,065
but she only does
the normal stuff--
350
00:16:53,067 --> 00:16:56,235
missionary, man on top,
possum style.
351
00:16:56,237 --> 00:16:58,504
That's where you lay there
completely still
352
00:16:58,506 --> 00:17:00,472
waiting for the danger to pass.
353
00:17:00,474 --> 00:17:01,907
Should we have
a spring wedding?
354
00:17:01,909 --> 00:17:04,476
I always thought of myself
as a June groom.
355
00:17:04,478 --> 00:17:07,813
Would you mind
not playing with my hair?
356
00:17:07,815 --> 00:17:09,882
I need my own space after sex.
357
00:17:09,884 --> 00:17:13,285
It's-- it's not you,
it's a physiological thing.
358
00:17:13,287 --> 00:17:16,889
It's called
a refractory period.
359
00:17:27,667 --> 00:17:30,202
I want you to know
I heard about what happened,
360
00:17:30,204 --> 00:17:31,870
and I believe you, Garfield.
361
00:17:31,872 --> 00:17:33,272
Oh.
362
00:17:33,274 --> 00:17:36,408
We live in a ravish culture.
It's everywhere we look--
363
00:17:36,410 --> 00:17:40,312
nickelodeons,
daguerreotypes, etchings.
364
00:17:40,314 --> 00:17:43,916
I was saving myself
for a summer at sea.
365
00:17:43,918 --> 00:17:46,451
I know.
366
00:17:47,488 --> 00:17:49,354
Here, you can keep it.
367
00:17:49,356 --> 00:17:51,857
Oh.
368
00:17:51,859 --> 00:17:54,726
This is for me?
369
00:17:54,728 --> 00:17:58,697
Oh, I've never received
a present before.
370
00:17:58,699 --> 00:18:01,633
Oh. Oh, I knew you felt
the same way about me
371
00:18:01,635 --> 00:18:03,168
as I feel about you.
372
00:18:03,170 --> 00:18:06,872
Wait. What way?
373
00:18:06,874 --> 00:18:09,308
Nothing. No ways.
374
00:18:09,310 --> 00:18:12,077
I will cherish this forever.
375
00:18:12,079 --> 00:18:14,246
And I shall name her Towel.
376
00:18:23,766 --> 00:18:25,800
Oh, there you are, Pussy.
377
00:18:25,802 --> 00:18:27,835
I've been looking
all over for you.
378
00:18:27,837 --> 00:18:30,104
Wait.
Are you going somewhere?
379
00:18:30,106 --> 00:18:31,406
Frederick, what do you think?
380
00:18:31,408 --> 00:18:33,541
I think about how pits
get into olives
381
00:18:33,543 --> 00:18:35,543
without making the holes.
382
00:18:35,545 --> 00:18:37,745
But why does it look
like you're leaving?
383
00:18:37,747 --> 00:18:39,013
Aren't we getting married?
384
00:18:39,015 --> 00:18:41,482
Sweetie, I was never
trying to marry you,
385
00:18:41,484 --> 00:18:43,551
I was just trying to get
into your pantaloons.
386
00:18:43,553 --> 00:18:45,887
But you touched me
where I expel my waste!
387
00:18:45,889 --> 00:18:47,789
I've touched a lot of men
in that place,
388
00:18:47,791 --> 00:18:49,791
and I plan to keep on doing it.
389
00:18:49,793 --> 00:18:51,426
You're not leaving.
390
00:18:51,428 --> 00:18:54,195
I know you.
I know my Pussy very well.
391
00:18:54,197 --> 00:18:56,931
You're-- This is-- There's a
hidden sketch artist somewhere.
392
00:18:56,933 --> 00:18:58,232
Where are you?
Come out.
393
00:18:58,234 --> 00:19:00,835
Come out.
394
00:19:00,837 --> 00:19:03,237
Mm, afraid not.
395
00:19:03,239 --> 00:19:04,739
Fine! Go!
396
00:19:04,741 --> 00:19:07,675
Go, Pussy! I don't care.
I don't need you.
397
00:19:07,677 --> 00:19:09,377
I've never needed you!
398
00:19:09,379 --> 00:19:11,212
It's a lie.
399
00:19:11,214 --> 00:19:13,781
Garfield, help me
with my cases.
400
00:19:13,783 --> 00:19:17,218
No, Pussy.
Pussy, Pussy, please!
401
00:19:17,220 --> 00:19:18,820
Please, Pussy!
402
00:19:21,858 --> 00:19:25,460
Whatever happens,
you stay with me, Towel.
403
00:19:26,962 --> 00:19:29,430
Don't go!
404
00:19:35,871 --> 00:19:37,538
I convinced Victor
to leave for six months
405
00:19:37,540 --> 00:19:39,140
so he can be declared
legally dead
406
00:19:39,142 --> 00:19:41,909
and I can have sex
with whoever I want.
407
00:19:41,911 --> 00:19:44,779
Well, you might wonder
why I agreed to leave,
408
00:19:44,781 --> 00:19:46,314
and the answer is simple.
409
00:19:46,316 --> 00:19:47,915
- Our true love.
- Money.
410
00:19:47,917 --> 00:19:51,853
Well, yes, but I married
into this family to stack cash,
411
00:19:51,855 --> 00:19:55,223
and I can't live my goddamn
life on a husband's allowance.
412
00:20:09,638 --> 00:20:11,239
What do you want?
413
00:20:11,241 --> 00:20:13,074
Shouldn't you be with
your creepy girlfriend?
414
00:20:13,076 --> 00:20:14,575
I sent her away.
415
00:20:14,577 --> 00:20:17,178
You did? Leave.
416
00:20:17,180 --> 00:20:19,280
That's right.
417
00:20:19,282 --> 00:20:20,581
I picked you
418
00:20:20,583 --> 00:20:23,818
over that heartless,
manipulative lotharia.
419
00:20:23,820 --> 00:20:25,987
I have never heard
of any of those words.
420
00:20:25,989 --> 00:20:27,588
I don't know. I heard them
from my book reader.
421
00:20:27,590 --> 00:20:29,323
But the point is, I love you.
422
00:20:29,325 --> 00:20:31,993
And I have no emotional
attachment or hurt feelings
423
00:20:31,995 --> 00:20:34,929
from being discarded
and used by Pussy.
424
00:20:34,931 --> 00:20:37,765
Oh, Frederick.
425
00:20:39,768 --> 00:20:43,271
I heard about this thing the--
the girls are doing in Europe.
426
00:20:43,273 --> 00:20:44,572
Divorce?
427
00:20:44,574 --> 00:20:47,875
No.
Uh, let me show you.
428
00:20:51,313 --> 00:20:53,181
Yep, right there.
429
00:20:57,508 --> 00:21:00,000
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www.addic7ed.com
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