All language subtitles for Alone.Together.S01E06

Please no water bill,
please no water bill,

please no water bill,
please no water bill.

I told you, move into a place
where utilities are included.

- You don't listen.
- Are utilities included

in the house that
your parents bought you?

They didn't get me a house.

They got my brother a house,
and I just live there, but...

yeah, utilities are included.

Oh, my God, it's them. Act normal.

They're just your neighbors.
Just say hi.

I can't just say hi
to women like this, okay?

They have perfect hair,

they have this magical smell,

and people are always
leaving their apartment

happier than when they went in.

They're coming. Say something smart.

What kind of smart?
Book smart or regular smart?

Just smart smart.

And that's when I said, "Listen",

"the data has been compromised."

- Hi.
- Hi.

- We're neighbors, right?
- That's right.

I'm Rose, and this is my wife, Camille.

I'm Esther, and this is my wife, Benji.

You'll have to excuse her.

She usually makes, like,
15% to 20% more sense.

We just saw a 3D movie,
and she's sort of like,

frazzled and stuff.

Don't you love those? It's incredible

what they can do with computers now.

I use computers. I do.

Well, this has been... fun.

We should do it again... sometime.

Yeah, get together or something.

Really? Oh, I would
do anything. Dinner?

Tonight? Right now?
What do you guys think?

- Yeah.
- Sure. Like 7:00?

I was gonna say 7:00.

Triple jinx.

Okay, perfect. We'll see you then.

We will see you then.

Can we, um, bring anything?

Please, no. Don't you bring a thing.

- Okay.
- Nice to meet you.

Perfect. I'll see you then.

What, are you Rachael Ray?

You're gonna make
people dinner tonight?

I guess they'll bring it.

You just told them
not to bring anything.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

This has to go really well, right?

These women could be
the perfect mentors for me.

I feel like mentors
aren't a real thing,

and you should just read a book
on leadership or something.

Benji, mentorship is very real.

Look at me. My life's a mess.

Ever since Oprah went off
the air, I stopped growing.

The only way I'm ever
gonna become a powerful woman

is if I have one around me
to copy off of.

- Tonight, I could have two.
- All right, all right.

Ask them to be your mentors.

You can't just ask, or maybe you can.
I don't know.

- That's why I need a mentor.
- That's why you need a CAT scan.

I don't know what I'm doing, okay.

Realistically, the only
dinner party I ever went to

was the wake after
my great-aunt's funeral,

and it did not go well, okay.

The turnout was low, my parents
got into a huge fight,

- I had a stomachache.
- Okay, fine,

I'll help you with the food.

- Really?
- I've been to a million dinner parties.

I can make a cheese plate in my sleep.

Okay, great. Thank you so much.

And you know what?

I'm gonna do something
really important, too.

I'm gonna sit in
the bathtub and visualize

this night going perfectly.

Okay, here's a thing.
Instead of visualizing,

I think you should
clean your apartment,

because it looks like
the returns counter at Ross.

Ross is a successful
corporation, so thank you.

Seriously, dude, tidy up.

Okay. Well, this is my taste, so...

Rotisserie chicken for one?

No, but that's very perceptive of you

to pick up my lonely vibes.

It's for a dinner party.

Um... just drinking
soy milk straight up like that.

It's kind of bad for your system.

I just stopped drinking it
because it was making

my genitals kind of atrophy.

- Neat.
- And you should be extra careful,

because soy can trigger
breast cancer in women.

Um, I'm sorry, are you,
like, a doctor or something?

No. Why? What does that matter?

You have, like, a lot of opinions

about breast cancer and what
I'm putting into my body.

Well, you appear
to have a healthy body,

and your breasts look healthy also,

so I thought you would wanna know.

Do you think it's okay that
you're talking about my breasts?

I mean, I talked about my genitals...

Why are we talking
about your genitals?!

I don't know, we're all human,

and we're gonna die one day,
and let's talk about

the things that make us mortal.
I don't know.

You need to go.

- I have to go?
- Out that door.

- Are you mad at me?
- Do you bring your bags?

Hey, are these statement glasses
too much of a statement?

I'm trying to say "I need your help,"

but without an exclamation point.

You shouldn't ask me anything.
I'm such an idiot, man.

The cashier at that market

pretty much accused me
of being a misogynist,

and I was just trying to be nice.

Yeah, that co-op is scary.

One time, I forgot to bring my bag,

and they made me carry my
groceries out in my sweatshirt.

- - Oh,
my God, they're early.

It's a power move, I think.

Wait. I have to answer.
It'll send the wrong message.

Welcome!

Hi.

Oh, it's so cute!

We got you a little something.

Are you kidding me? Thank you.

I love a little something.
You should have.

- Oh, so cute.
- Yeah.

Cute's for babies.

You guys are cute, though.

Um, appetizers or anything?

I can get you a tartine
with a sheep's milk cheese

that was pre-made,
but I'll take credit for it.

- Oh, sure.
- That'll be great.

We're famished. We've been walking...

Oh, honey, 17,000 steps today.

17,000? Get out of here!

In those wedges?

Exercise is good for you.

So, kids, what's on the menu?

Tonight, we are preparing

a rotisserie chicken, and it's
actually a wonderful recipe.

I got it off Elizabeth
Warren's Pinterest page.

She's a senator.

And then, for dessert,
we are going to do

Esther cake.

It's a homemade cake.

We love cake, Esther.

I love cake... the most. I love it.

Hey, hey.

Come here.

Please excuse me for one moment.

♪ Don't touch that dial ♪

What's up?

Okay, so I was really
frazzled at the market,

and I think I forgot
one of the bags there.

So all that we have
is lettuce and toilet paper.

- Wait, what?
- There's no rotisserie chicken.

Do you think they would eat
a toilet paper salad?

What is this, Panda Express?
I don't think so.

Okay, so obviously,

we can't throw a dinner
party without dinner.

'Cause then it would just
be a regular party,

and I didn't make
the right playlist for that.

Okay, I think
we should just reschedule.

Yeah. I'm gonna tell them
that you pooped your pants.

No, don't... okay, fine.

But just tell them
it's not a regular thing.

I'm not making any promises.

Why don't we just go back to the store,

and we can pick up the food?

I'm so glad you heard us.
That's a great idea.

I can't go back to that co-op.
I'm not welcome there.

- Why not?
- Why not?

People think when you're a man,

you can't be a victim,
but when you're short

and opinionated,
it happens more than you think.

It'll be fine. I'll go with you.

She'll go with you.
It's gonna be great.

We can mix it up
and get to know each other.

Oh, my God, like a one-on-one.

- Yeah.
- Benji, please go.

We'll never make it
to hometowns if you don't.

- Will you keep me safe?
- Trust.

Come on. I got you.

We'll be back.

Are you braiding my hair?

Yeah. It's a loose French braid.

It's gonna look amazing.

Okay.

It's not like I wanna
make people angry.

I wanna be liked
by everyone all the time.

It's paralyzing when
I say stupid stuff.

You know what, Benji, I'm just
gonna be stern with you,

because you seem to respond better

when people tell you what to do.

- That's true. You're very perceptive.
- Thank you.

Now go over there and apologize to her.

Yeah, I don't like that.
That's not my thing.

Benji, did you or did you not tell me

you were being
an asshole to this woman?

I guess.

Man up. Man up.

Let's go.

Okay, fine. You have to come with me.

Okay. You first.

Do you think I have
enough to make a salad?

I have a cheddar, a Swiss,

and a cheddar-Swiss blend.

Yeah, okay. That'll work. Take 'em out.

Let's start unpeeling,
and, uh, let's see.

I will take this cranberry juice,

and make a reduction.

- Start stringing those.
- Okay.

Um, what are you looking for?

Whatever wants to be found.

Wow.

Um, hey, Camille,

do you know those salads
that taste really good...

like they don't even taste like salads,

but you don't know why.
Do you know why?

What makes a really good
salad is minced garlic.

That's garlic?

Actually, candied walnuts are better,

but you don't have walnuts,
so we're gonna mince garlic.

- Got it.
- I'll show you how.

Just take a clove. This is a clove.

- It's like a petal.
- Of course. Right.

Now pick up your knife.

And you're not gonna
cut, you're gonna press.

So you're gonna lay it flat.
There you go.

- - Oh,
shoot, someone's here.

Benji must've forgot his keys.

You gave him keys to your apartment?

He doesn't deserve them,
does he? I'll take them away.

I'll take them away right now.

Oh, no, game night. No, no, no.

No. You didn't forget again.

My iCal hasn't been syncing. I'm
going through an Apple change.

Well, come on, man,
let's get this thing started.

We're having a dinner
party, you gotta go.

- Great. I'm starving.
- No, you can't...

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Look, a new friend.
- New friend? Old friend.

We've been friends for years.

New friend for me. Come on in.

- I'm Jeff.
- A pleasure. Camille.

I was just offering
Jeff a glass of water.

What a wonderful host.

We have plenty of
drizzle for everybody.

Jeff loves drizzle.

Thank you.

- Gianna.
- Hi.

Oh, great.

As we practiced.

I'm sorry I tried
explaining something to you

that you might've already known.

You know damn well what
you're putting in your body,

and I shouldn't have said anything.

Oh, okay.

Thank you.

Sometimes I just wanna be helpful,

and the tone I use makes it sound
like I know better than you,

when I don't. I'm...

I'm just a weak man with an
unnecessarily strong point of view.

Amen.

Thank you for that.

- Here is your bag.
- Ah, thanks.

- All right, bye, girl.
- Bye, babe.

- See ya.
- Bye.

- I'm making dinner tonight.
- Good. Enjoy your dinner.

Thank you. She's cool.

- Yeah.
- I should give her a hug.

No hug. No hug, no touching.

Wow. This looks great.

Camille, do you have, like, a
background in interior design,

because you're just so intuitive.

Yes, I do. Nate Berkus and
I have the same hypnotist.

Oh, my gosh. Wow, feng shui is real.

And multivitamins are...

- Very real.
- Yes.

- And 401(k)'s?
- Important. A self-IRA works, too.

- How about flossing?
- Occasionally. Once a week is fine.

Should I be more worried
about under my eyes or my neck?

Actually, you know what's weird?

- It's your hands.
- Of course.

- They give it away.
- 100%

Excuse me. Is El Chupacabra real?

You mean the Mexican vampire weasel?

- Yeah.
- Yeah, I'm not sure about that.

Okay.

This is coming together.
We need seating.

Yes, we do. We do need seating.

- Hey, Cami.
- How'd it go?

You won't believe how brave Benji was.

He apologized to a woman... in public.

Oh, my God. Did you
really do that, Benji?

It wasn't a big deal.

Since we're all back,
I wanna take a second,

and show you guys
something very special.

Wait, so what happened?
I want to hear it.

This was a huge deal.
This is real growth.

I mean, it felt courageous,

but I couldn't have
done it without Rose.

She's my rock. I mean, she's your rock.

In that moment, she was my rock, too.

- I'll share my rock.
- Thanks for rock sharing.

Wait, what are you... oh, right.

- Game night.
- Y'all bullshit people.

I love you, dude.

So one night, I was up late,

my parents were asleep,
I ordered these on QVC.

They're Princess Diana
commemorative dishware.

I really admire her for
her strength and her beauty,

but mostly her beauty.

I'm sorry. I think maybe
you should set those,

and get the table ready,

and I'm just gonna help
Benji out in the kitchen,

'cause I really wanna hear
more about his breakthrough.

Oh, actually, um... I think I
would be best suited doing

whatever it is that you're doing.

I'm an excellent copycat.

But we need someone to do this,

so you do that and we'll do this.

- Then we'll come back.
- Okay.

Where were you guys
when Princess Diana died?

- It was amazing.
- Thank you.

Hey, these women are so much fun.

They're great. They're very great.

My Pilates instructor, Benji,

can make you stand an inch taller.

Oh, my God, that sounds great,
but I feel taller already.

Jeff, I wanna feel taller.

My transformation's
slipping away from me.

Maybe there's a scenario
where everybody wins.

Jeff, you wanted to play a game?

Guess what. Tonight,
we're gonna play a game,

and the prize is those women,
and I'm gonna win them.

I don't think you should
say things like that.

As you know, there's an obesity
epidemic in this country, so...

to control my metabolism,

I eat 20 really small meals a day.

If it's bigger than my hand, I
won't even put it in my mouth.

Yeah, it's so important to
treat your body like a temple,

or however you choose to worship.

And that reminds me of this think piece

I recently read about Gwyneth.

I know we all have
mixed feelings about her.

But Gloria Steinem
had actually reposted it,

so I feel comfortable bringing
it up at the dinner table.

Oh, Gloria. She's so inspirational.

We have every last one of her books.

If you wanna borrow one,
just let us know.

I would love that.

Say good-bye to that book.

Funny thing about reading.
I'm a speed reader.

I'm not formally trained or anything,

but my words per minute
is pretty off the chain.

Huh.

I was in a gifted program growing up,

and I actually read books
back to front.

It's a Japanese tradition
that I've adopted.

In all fairness, though,

I have a biological
advantage with reading,

because I have very thick corneas.

Makes me a great candidate for Lasik.

I actually, whenever
I take a dance class,

the teacher always asks me
to stand in the front row,

just so that I can set a good
example, and other students

- can learn from me and my form.
- Okay.

I took the hardship of being
raised by a housekeeper,

and turned it into being bilingual.

Que bueno. Me gusta la playa.

- ¿Que esta pasando?
- Not much.

I actually went to the most diverse
high school in the nation.

We had a pep assembly about it.

I think it's called assimilation.
I'm sort of a wordsmith.

I can do a perfect
cartwheel from memory.

Do you guys wanna see?

What do you mean, from memory?

Like, I have it memorized.

Hey, Esther, shouldn't we
serve our guests dessert

before the acrobatic
portion of this evening?

I think that's wise.

So I think you should
just sort of chill out a little,

'cause I'm killing it.

Remember that you're not supposed
to be killing it tonight,

because you think mentors are stupid?

I changed my mind, okay?
Maybe I want mentors, too.

They're really body positive
with me, and I feel safe

asking them pretty much any question.

You are a man, and you feel
safe asking anyone anything.

I'm small, and everywhere I go,
life is a threat.

Those women are mine.

Did you ever think that
maybe those women

don't like being referred to
as objects that can be owned?

Did you ever think that that's
not really how you talk, right?

Oh, 'cause this is how you talk?

Yeah, and you know what I was thinking?

Maybe we should just go out there,

and we'll let them decide who
they want to be their mentee.

Okay, fine. Great.

- Don't.
- What?

It's my apartment,
I'm taking this cake out.

You can't be trusted with cake.

I can be trusted. It's my apartment.

I'll decide who can be
trusted and who can't be.

Give me the cake.

- Absolutely not.
- You're gonna get dandruff on the cake.

- I am not.
- Yes, sir!

- Frenchy.
- Stop! -

I don't mean to be intrusive,
but is this common,

the way they compete for attention?

This is nothing.

Usually on game night, we
never get to the actual game.

They just spend the whole evening

screaming at each other
about the rules.

It's actually a pretty good
metaphor for their relationship.

Wow. Nice moves.

Ballet for eight years.

Broadway jazz for five.

That might work as a wonderful way

to non-verbally express what
you're feeling on the inside.

You know what else is great?

- Games.
- I love games.

Especially something
with a performative element.

No, no, no, we're not playing charades.

She makes all the clues up,

and unless you know a ton of stuff
about late '90s girl groups,

you don't have a chance.

I actually send out a Spotify
playlist ahead of time,

so if you did your homework,
you wouldn't have a problem.

All right, now it's
feeling like game night.

Well, Benji, Esther, do you guys
like to be on the same team?

Oh, they always play on the same team.

It's been that way
since the day they met.

Actually, I'd love to hear that story.

- How did you guys meet?
- Yeah, how did you meet?

Of course, yes.

Um, I was at the Comedy Store
on stage doing stand-up

at the open mic, and I heard

this sharp, annoying,
almost painful voice

coming from the back of the room.

It was a heckler...

I wasn't heckling.
Esther was on stage bombing,

trying to do crowd work
by asking the audience

what their favorite
Cheesecake Factory entree was,

so I stepped in to save her...

I didn't actually need to be saved,

because I was doing just fine,

and even if I was failing,

failure is a part of the process.

That's how you grow, that's
how you achieve, et cetera.

Now Esther, how does it make you feel

when Benji questions your
recollection of how you two met?

Honestly, Rose,
it makes me feel terrible.

It's weird that you feel terrible

about certain things,
and not about other things,

like, for example,
her Etsy account got flagged,

'cause she was selling
unlicensed Heath Ledger merch.

Whatever. You're just jealous

that I was breastfed and you weren't.

You think I'm the only
formula baby at this table?

You don't know who you just offended.

I think maybe we should
just take a breath.

You're right, and here it is,
it's on full display.

This is the reason
why I, moving forward,

would love for you two
to be my mentors.

By mentor, you mean
mental health professionals?

Then sure, we can help you, no problem.

No, I mean mentor,
like someone who looks at

all the problems I'm having
and then fixes them for you.

Yeah, we do that for a living.
We're psychologists.

I'm sorry, you must've noticed that...

The clients coming
in and out of our apartment.

What are you talking about?

I thought you just
had a lot of friends.

No. We've actually been observing you

since you moved into the building.

It's interesting; we thought

that you were probably
an emancipated minor,

you know, because of
your dietary habits,

and then, we thought, no,

maybe it's Benji is keeping
you against your will

as an indentured servant.

I mean, how would I keep
someone against their will?

I'm 125 pounds.

We were wrong about that.

After spending time
with you two this evening,

this is clearly a textbook
case of codependency,

and it's keeping you both from
reaching your full potential.

Yes! Thank you!

My fault. Sorry about that.

- That was good. He's very healthy.
- Yes.

It's the truth.

So all of this was just
to drum up business

for your practice? I mean,

look around. She can't afford therapy.

What kind of therapist
spies on potential patients?

That sounds unethical to me.

We weren't spying. You're
so obviously unwell,

we couldn't help but notice.

Thank you for
the groundbreaking diagnosis

- that we're codependent.
- Really.

You go to University of Phoenix?
We know we're codependent.

I mean, we text each other every
time we have a bowel movement.

Yeah. We FaceTime
every night before bed,

and fall asleep to
each other's ambient noises.

Ambient noises to fall asleep;
that is not normal, girl.

I think you two should
just have sex with each other,

and call it a day.

Wow, what a revolution. Yeah, we know.

You think you're
the first person to say that?

Suggesting we have sex is the
most hack thing to say to us

right after "you're codependent."

Okay. You know what?

We didn't come here
to drum up business.

We don't need your business.

We came here to have a nice
dinner with our neighbors.

But I think it's time to leave, honey.

- Yeah, I do.
- I think that's a great idea.

I think you should just go.
Go. Please go.

We'll just show ourselves out.

Please show yourselves out
and go, I think that's great.

I'm so sorry. I've been
in therapy for ten years.

I want you to know, I'm on your side.

It's just, I gotta stay for cake.

Wait, before you go, can I ask
you one question for free?

How do you guys
smell so good all the time?

Is it a shower? What is it?

Small-batch lavender oil.

Very expensive.

Thank you. Get out!

- The jitterbug.
- Uh, ten-meter sprint.

- Wayne's World flashback.
- Jay-walking ticket.

Flashback.

"Don't Go Chasing Waterfalls."

'90s girl groups.

Always remember the category.

I'm sorry. Now that
you say that, you were nailing it.

- I know.
- I just missed it.

Okay, I'm up.

No.

Esther, I don't know
what any of these things are.

I mean, what is "No More"?

3LW. Dude, did you have no childhood?

- What's going on?
- Making games only you can win?

What are you, Angelica from Rugrats?

You guys, if you're not
doing the right research

before you play the game,
that's on you.

Where did you get this cake?

It's actually three old cakes
pushed into one cake,

and one of them is from
my half-birthday party,

which I'm still waiting
on my presents, guys.

So this cake's from three months ago?

When you push all the cakes
together, it's like recycling.

It was in the freezer, okay?

The icing is brand-new.

All right, I'm out.
See you guys next week.

- What?
- What's next week?

You guys suck.

- So negative.
- I know.