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1
00:00:07,774 --> 00:00:09,741
(female announcer)
And now we're back
to "The Magic Van."
2
00:00:09,776 --> 00:00:10,742
(horn honks)
3
00:00:10,777 --> 00:00:12,878
(students chatting)
4
00:00:12,913 --> 00:00:14,246
(girl)
I wonder what she'll do today.
5
00:00:14,281 --> 00:00:16,882
Good morning, students!
6
00:00:16,917 --> 00:00:20,886
It's me, your whimsically
kooky teacher, Ms. Dazzle.
7
00:00:20,921 --> 00:00:23,755
(all)
Good morning, Ms. Dazzle!
8
00:00:23,790 --> 00:00:27,759
Who's ready to go on another
wondrous learning adventure
9
00:00:27,794 --> 00:00:29,327
in my Magic Van?
10
00:00:29,362 --> 00:00:30,529
Heck, yeah!
11
00:00:30,564 --> 00:00:32,230
Last week
I rode a dinosaur.
12
00:00:32,265 --> 00:00:33,598
I freed a slave.
13
00:00:33,633 --> 00:00:34,900
Only one, though.
14
00:00:34,935 --> 00:00:37,536
Let's find out what
we'll be learning today.
15
00:00:37,571 --> 00:00:38,637
Get ready to catch.
16
00:00:40,107 --> 00:00:41,407
Christopher Columbus!
17
00:00:42,542 --> 00:00:43,776
Ancient Egypt.
18
00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:47,112
Ow!
What does it say, Ronald?
19
00:00:50,383 --> 00:00:52,217
(gunfire, man screaming)
20
00:00:52,252 --> 00:00:53,618
Grammar.
21
00:00:53,653 --> 00:00:55,353
It says, uh, grammar.
22
00:00:55,388 --> 00:00:58,056
(giggles)
Delightful.
23
00:00:58,091 --> 00:00:59,624
Today, class, we'll
be learning
24
00:00:59,659 --> 00:01:01,927
about heroic
Christopher Columbus,
25
00:01:01,962 --> 00:01:03,528
exotic ancient Egypt,
26
00:01:03,563 --> 00:01:05,764
and the ironclad
rules of grammar.
27
00:01:07,300 --> 00:01:08,267
(all gasping)
28
00:01:09,803 --> 00:01:11,269
Hate to interrupt,
Ms. Dazzle,
29
00:01:11,304 --> 00:01:13,271
but the lessons we teach kids
about these topics
30
00:01:13,306 --> 00:01:14,873
are wildly inaccurate.
(crashing)
31
00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:17,776
Who in the gumdrop
flip-flops are you?
32
00:01:17,811 --> 00:01:19,311
Hi, I'm Adam Conover,
33
00:01:19,346 --> 00:01:21,480
longtime viewer,
first-time ruiner.
34
00:01:21,515 --> 00:01:23,482
And this is
"Adam Ruins Everything."
35
00:01:23,517 --> 00:01:24,549
♪♪
36
00:01:24,584 --> 00:01:25,617
(gasps)
37
00:01:25,652 --> 00:01:27,085
♪♪
38
00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:28,120
(screams)
39
00:01:28,155 --> 00:01:30,923
♪♪
40
00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:34,960
Oh, this is so exciting.
41
00:01:34,995 --> 00:01:37,662
I watched "The Magic Van"
every day as a kid.
42
00:01:37,697 --> 00:01:38,763
And as an adult.
43
00:01:38,798 --> 00:01:40,298
I don't have
many hobbies.
44
00:01:40,333 --> 00:01:43,502
Mr. Conover, I am the magical
host of the show.
45
00:01:43,537 --> 00:01:45,904
So I will be teaching
these children.
46
00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:47,539
Now sit down
and wrap it up.
47
00:01:49,176 --> 00:01:50,909
Okay, class, today
48
00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:53,311
we'll learn about
Christopher Columbus,
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00:01:53,346 --> 00:01:55,647
the heroic explorer
who discovered America
50
00:01:55,682 --> 00:01:58,517
and proved the Earth
was round.
51
00:01:58,552 --> 00:02:00,919
Actually, Columbus was
an incompetent buffoon
52
00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:03,021
who never even
set foot in America.
53
00:02:03,056 --> 00:02:04,022
(deflating)
54
00:02:04,057 --> 00:02:05,524
Hush, hush.
55
00:02:05,559 --> 00:02:07,692
We all know
Columbus wasn't perfect.
56
00:02:07,727 --> 00:02:09,194
That's an understatement.
57
00:02:09,229 --> 00:02:11,596
The real story of Columbus
is even worse
58
00:02:11,631 --> 00:02:13,131
and weirder
than you think.
59
00:02:13,166 --> 00:02:14,733
All aboard the Magic Van!
60
00:02:16,703 --> 00:02:19,037
Sorry, first-time driver.
Let's go!
61
00:02:19,072 --> 00:02:20,539
(horn honks)
Come on, guys!
62
00:02:20,574 --> 00:02:22,841
Let's follow this strange
adult into his van.
63
00:02:24,211 --> 00:02:26,878
Listen, you bargain-basement
Beakman,
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00:02:26,913 --> 00:02:28,680
if you pull
that magic lever,
65
00:02:28,715 --> 00:02:29,981
I swear to--
Here we go!
66
00:02:30,016 --> 00:02:32,217
(all)
Whoa!
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00:02:32,252 --> 00:02:33,618
(horn honks)
68
00:02:33,653 --> 00:02:35,954
First of all, Columbus
couldn't have discovered
69
00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:37,355
that the Earth was round
70
00:02:37,390 --> 00:02:40,525
because in his time, it was
already common knowledge.
71
00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:41,726
Globes for sale.
72
00:02:41,761 --> 00:02:44,729
Perfectly ordinary globes
for sale.
73
00:02:44,764 --> 00:02:46,231
Whoa.
What?
74
00:02:46,266 --> 00:02:48,800
Then why did it take
until 1492
75
00:02:48,835 --> 00:02:51,069
for anyone to sail
the ocean blue?
76
00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:54,072
Simple, back then they didn't
know the Americas existed.
77
00:02:54,107 --> 00:02:55,740
So navigators thought
there was no way
78
00:02:55,775 --> 00:02:58,410
a ship could make it all
the way from Europe to Asia.
79
00:03:00,747 --> 00:03:03,215
So Columbus set sail
because he was brave.
80
00:03:03,250 --> 00:03:06,017
Nope, he set sail
because he was a doofus
81
00:03:06,052 --> 00:03:07,819
who was terrible at math.
82
00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:09,521
Instead of trusting
the experts,
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00:03:09,556 --> 00:03:12,557
Columbus believed the Earth
was thousands of miles smaller
84
00:03:12,592 --> 00:03:14,559
than it actually was.
85
00:03:14,594 --> 00:03:16,261
Fools, all of them!
86
00:03:16,296 --> 00:03:19,331
My math says the Earth
is teeny tiny
87
00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:21,066
and shaped like a pear.
88
00:03:21,101 --> 00:03:23,835
And at the top,
it has a succulent nipple.
89
00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:25,904
He actually believed that?
90
00:03:25,939 --> 00:03:28,340
Yes, I actually believe this.
91
00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:31,876
I can sail from Europe to India
in a matter of days.
92
00:03:31,911 --> 00:03:33,411
That's extremely wrong.
93
00:03:33,446 --> 00:03:36,581
It took years for Columbus
to convince the king and queen
94
00:03:36,616 --> 00:03:38,183
his plan didn't suck.
95
00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:41,253
But competition in the spice
trade was getting intense.
96
00:03:41,288 --> 00:03:43,555
So Ferdinand and Isabella
were desperate to find
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00:03:43,590 --> 00:03:45,957
a new way
to get their fix.
98
00:03:45,992 --> 00:03:48,593
The Earth is tiny
and also a pear.
99
00:03:48,628 --> 00:03:50,028
Give me money, please.
100
00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:51,730
This man is an idiot.
101
00:03:51,765 --> 00:03:54,132
(sniffing)
I don't care.
102
00:03:54,167 --> 00:03:56,468
Fine, give this moron
the bare minimum,
103
00:03:56,503 --> 00:03:58,637
90 dumb men
and three dumb ships.
104
00:03:58,672 --> 00:04:00,472
If you die, who cares?
105
00:04:00,507 --> 00:04:02,874
Right, and that's when
Columbus showed them all
106
00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:04,809
and became a hero.
But--
107
00:04:04,844 --> 00:04:07,279
You know what happens
to mouthy students?
108
00:04:07,314 --> 00:04:08,580
They get extra credit?
109
00:04:08,615 --> 00:04:10,949
I turn them into iguanas.
110
00:04:10,984 --> 00:04:12,817
Say hi, Edward.
111
00:04:12,852 --> 00:04:14,552
(straining)
Kill me.
112
00:04:14,587 --> 00:04:15,920
(gulps)
113
00:04:15,955 --> 00:04:18,056
Now, children,
that's the Nina, the Pinta,
114
00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:19,557
and the Santa Maria,
115
00:04:19,592 --> 00:04:22,661
the ships Columbus sailed
to discover America.
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00:04:24,531 --> 00:04:26,498
I'm really sorry,
Ms. Dazzle,
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00:04:26,533 --> 00:04:29,334
but Columbus never
set foot in America.
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00:04:29,369 --> 00:04:31,503
Of all the modern-day countries
Columbus made it to,
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00:04:31,538 --> 00:04:33,838
like Cuba, Haiti,
and the Dominican Republic,
120
00:04:33,873 --> 00:04:36,908
none of them were
in the United States.
121
00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:37,976
Okay, fine.
122
00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:39,511
Then, uh, Columbus
discovered Haiti
123
00:04:39,546 --> 00:04:40,679
and the Dominican Republic.
124
00:04:40,714 --> 00:04:42,013
Sure, he did.
125
00:04:42,048 --> 00:04:44,249
If you don't count the
quarter-million Taino people
126
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:45,517
that lived there already.
127
00:04:45,552 --> 00:04:48,987
Uh, occupied.
Someone lives here.
128
00:04:49,022 --> 00:04:50,789
Right, I know this part.
129
00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:52,657
He thought he made it
to India.
130
00:04:52,692 --> 00:04:56,861
Aha, this is India
and these people are Indians.
131
00:04:56,896 --> 00:04:59,664
I will be rich
in spices and gold.
132
00:04:59,699 --> 00:05:01,766
(laughs)
What a silly mistake.
133
00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:04,035
Yes, if by "silly,"
you mean brutal,
134
00:05:04,070 --> 00:05:07,505
and by "a mistake,"
you mean one of several.
135
00:05:07,540 --> 00:05:09,674
The Taino treated Columbus
and his crew
136
00:05:09,709 --> 00:05:11,710
with the utmost hospitality.
137
00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:13,345
Hug?
(groans)
138
00:05:13,380 --> 00:05:16,381
We need reinforcements!
139
00:05:16,416 --> 00:05:18,550
Columbus repaid their kindness
140
00:05:18,585 --> 00:05:22,287
by returning with 17 ships
and 1,200 men
141
00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:25,357
so he could enslave the Taino
and steal their gold.
142
00:05:25,392 --> 00:05:28,126
There was only one problem,
they didn't have any.
143
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:30,562
You, gold.
Now!
144
00:05:30,597 --> 00:05:34,566
Oh, I want to help,
but what is gold?
145
00:05:34,601 --> 00:05:37,035
(Adam)
This infuriated Columbus.
146
00:05:37,070 --> 00:05:40,005
And soon, he and his crew
began to slaughter them.
147
00:05:41,107 --> 00:05:43,074
(people screaming)
148
00:05:43,109 --> 00:05:45,744
This is very inappropriate
for me to see.
149
00:05:45,779 --> 00:05:48,346
(Adam)
Columbus's regime was
so senselessly brutal
150
00:05:48,381 --> 00:05:52,050
that by 1542, the Taino
population on the island
151
00:05:52,085 --> 00:05:54,252
had fallen to 200.
152
00:05:54,287 --> 00:05:55,320
(groans)
153
00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:57,355
I can't believe it.
154
00:05:57,390 --> 00:06:00,225
I had no clue that Columbus
was this cruel.
155
00:06:00,260 --> 00:06:03,728
But after this, he must've gone
on to do great things, hmm?
156
00:06:03,763 --> 00:06:06,731
Nope, this was literally
all he did.
157
00:06:06,766 --> 00:06:08,266
He didn't discover America
158
00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:10,101
and he didn't prove
the Earth was round.
159
00:06:10,136 --> 00:06:11,936
He just bounced around
the Caribbean,
160
00:06:11,971 --> 00:06:14,239
slaughtered a bunch
of innocent people,
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00:06:14,274 --> 00:06:17,108
and died thinking
he had made it to India.
162
00:06:17,143 --> 00:06:20,678
Hashtag, no regrets.
(groans)
163
00:06:20,713 --> 00:06:22,447
Holy crow.
164
00:06:22,482 --> 00:06:24,949
Then why do we learn
about this guy in school?
165
00:06:24,984 --> 00:06:26,518
Oh, great question.
166
00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:29,954
For centuries, Columbus
was a historical footnote.
167
00:06:29,989 --> 00:06:33,458
But that changed in 1828
when Washington Irving,
168
00:06:33,493 --> 00:06:35,226
the author of
"The Legend of Sleepy Hollow"
169
00:06:35,261 --> 00:06:36,461
and other tall tales,
170
00:06:36,496 --> 00:06:39,798
wrote the first English-language
biography of Columbus.
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00:06:39,833 --> 00:06:41,966
"Columbus was
a murderous failure"?
172
00:06:42,001 --> 00:06:43,868
That ain't gonna sell copies.
173
00:06:43,903 --> 00:06:47,138
Let's say he was a brave genius
who proved the Earth was round
174
00:06:47,173 --> 00:06:49,407
and discovered America.
175
00:06:49,442 --> 00:06:51,943
Hmm, seems believable.
176
00:06:51,978 --> 00:06:53,978
And Irving's myth
caught on big-time
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00:06:54,013 --> 00:06:57,148
when some new Americans
were searching for a hero.
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00:06:57,183 --> 00:06:58,583
Throughout the 19th century,
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00:06:58,618 --> 00:07:01,286
a surge of Italians
immigrated to America,
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00:07:01,321 --> 00:07:02,787
where they were persecuted
181
00:07:02,822 --> 00:07:04,656
and treated like
they didn't belong.
182
00:07:04,691 --> 00:07:07,792
Dah! This is New York City.
We hate pizza.
183
00:07:07,827 --> 00:07:10,128
And we'll always
hate pizza.
184
00:07:10,163 --> 00:07:13,164
To help prove Italians were
a part of the American story,
185
00:07:13,199 --> 00:07:16,668
Italian-Americans latched
onto Irving's version
of Columbus
186
00:07:16,703 --> 00:07:19,003
and promoted it
like crazy.
187
00:07:19,038 --> 00:07:21,339
Ay, we know a guy
that knows a guy
188
00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:24,676
that discovered America
and is Italian.
189
00:07:24,711 --> 00:07:27,245
Huh, I guess Italians
are great.
190
00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,581
This guy deserves
his own holiday.
191
00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:30,949
(Adam)
And that's the true story
192
00:07:30,984 --> 00:07:33,284
of how an incompetent
and vicious nobody
193
00:07:33,319 --> 00:07:36,187
became the national hero
we celebrate today.
194
00:07:36,222 --> 00:07:37,288
Enough!
195
00:07:37,323 --> 00:07:40,124
Mr. Conover,
this is my show.
196
00:07:40,159 --> 00:07:42,994
And while I suppose
this information
is factually accurate,
197
00:07:43,029 --> 00:07:46,364
your little diversions deviate
from today's lesson plan.
198
00:07:46,399 --> 00:07:48,032
I am the captain now.
199
00:07:48,067 --> 00:07:49,868
Ugh, no, wait!
200
00:07:49,903 --> 00:07:52,370
Ah, I'll catch up with them
in ancient Egypt.
201
00:07:52,405 --> 00:07:54,772
(chuckles)
Plenty to ruin there.
202
00:07:54,807 --> 00:07:56,741
Uh-oh.
Whoa...
203
00:08:00,813 --> 00:08:03,114
Welcome to ancient Egypt,
students.
204
00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:06,885
Today we'll explore
the tomb of King Tut,
205
00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:08,887
the greatest pharaoh
of them all.
206
00:08:08,922 --> 00:08:10,688
Did someone say explore?
207
00:08:10,723 --> 00:08:11,723
(students)
Adam!
208
00:08:11,758 --> 00:08:13,691
Ruiner, no ruining.
209
00:08:13,726 --> 00:08:16,227
Lo siento, but Tutankhamun
was actually
210
00:08:16,262 --> 00:08:18,129
one of the least
important pharaohs.
211
00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:21,733
No way, pal.
Tut did great things.
212
00:08:21,768 --> 00:08:23,234
Hey, amigos at home,
213
00:08:23,269 --> 00:08:26,137
can you name one of King Tut's
accomplishments?
214
00:08:26,172 --> 00:08:27,405
(crickets chirping)
215
00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:29,407
That's right,
there are none.
216
00:08:29,442 --> 00:08:32,076
I'll show you on my scroll
of pharaohs.
217
00:08:32,111 --> 00:08:33,745
(scroll screaming)
218
00:08:33,780 --> 00:08:35,847
Tutankhamun was only
nine years old
219
00:08:35,882 --> 00:08:37,248
when he became pharaoh.
220
00:08:37,283 --> 00:08:38,650
And since he was
so young,
221
00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:40,418
other people did
the ruling for him.
222
00:08:40,453 --> 00:08:42,353
(grunts)
Out of my way, baby!
223
00:08:42,388 --> 00:08:44,022
Pharaoh's a big-boy job.
224
00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:47,392
(Adam)
And he died at the ripe
old age of 19.
225
00:08:47,427 --> 00:08:49,561
There was nothing notable
about his reign.
226
00:08:49,596 --> 00:08:52,564
In the annals of the pharaohs,
Tutankhamun was a blip.
227
00:08:52,599 --> 00:08:56,401
Even his tomb was smaller
and less ornate than the others.
228
00:08:56,436 --> 00:08:58,937
King Tut,
you're basic.
229
00:08:58,972 --> 00:09:00,939
Rest in peace,
or whatevs.
230
00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:02,173
(scroll screaming)
231
00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:04,576
Okay, senor,
if King Tut was so basic,
232
00:09:04,611 --> 00:09:07,612
then why is he the most famous
of all the pharaohs today.
233
00:09:07,647 --> 00:09:11,049
Good question,
and the answer is real weird.
234
00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:12,917
I'll show you.
235
00:09:12,952 --> 00:09:14,052
Whoa.
Is that thing safe?
236
00:09:14,087 --> 00:09:17,221
Looks like it was made
in the '60s.
237
00:09:17,256 --> 00:09:19,057
Oh, no.
No, no, no, no...
238
00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:22,894
But it's my birthday.
239
00:09:25,098 --> 00:09:28,132
(Adam)
In 1798, after Napoleon
invaded Egypt,
240
00:09:28,167 --> 00:09:31,269
he went totally gaga
for the ancient kingdoms.
241
00:09:31,304 --> 00:09:33,538
He brought in scholars
to document their findings
242
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:36,240
and they helped themselves
to whatever they wanted,
243
00:09:36,275 --> 00:09:39,544
even returning to France
with a severed mummy head
244
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:42,080
for Napoleon's wife.
245
00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:44,382
(Napoleon)
Oh, Josephine will love this.
246
00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:46,751
When images of the findings
reached Europe,
247
00:09:46,786 --> 00:09:48,953
scholars went cuckoo
for these corpses.
248
00:09:48,988 --> 00:09:51,990
And over the next century,
hundreds of rich Europeans
249
00:09:52,025 --> 00:09:55,326
started excavating Egyptian
cultural sites like crazy,
250
00:09:55,361 --> 00:09:57,929
pilfering thousands
of priceless treasures.
251
00:09:57,964 --> 00:10:00,231
Check out
this sexy-ass statue.
252
00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:02,000
I'm gonna put it
next to my toilet.
253
00:10:02,035 --> 00:10:03,835
(Ms. Dazzle gasps)
It gets worse.
254
00:10:03,870 --> 00:10:06,571
Rich Europeans even held
mummy parties
255
00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:08,506
where they unwrapped
the ancient remains
256
00:10:08,541 --> 00:10:10,108
as a party game.
257
00:10:10,143 --> 00:10:11,776
Last person to unwrap
the mummy
258
00:10:11,811 --> 00:10:14,178
has to grind it up
and snort it.
259
00:10:14,213 --> 00:10:17,448
Oh, fish sticks.
This is very disturbing.
260
00:10:17,483 --> 00:10:19,651
But what does it have
to do with King Tut.
261
00:10:19,686 --> 00:10:20,852
A lot, actually.
262
00:10:20,887 --> 00:10:23,921
Because this Egyptomania fad
led to the excavation
263
00:10:23,956 --> 00:10:26,524
of over 30 pharaohs' tombs.
264
00:10:26,559 --> 00:10:29,193
Except for one,
the tomb of Tutankhamun.
265
00:10:29,228 --> 00:10:31,195
Tut was so unimportant
that his tomb
266
00:10:31,230 --> 00:10:33,865
was pretty much ignored
by grave robbers.
267
00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:37,869
That's why, when Howard Carter
uncovered it in 1922,
268
00:10:37,904 --> 00:10:39,504
it was so well-preserved,
269
00:10:39,539 --> 00:10:42,940
that over 5,000 separate items
were found inside.
270
00:10:42,975 --> 00:10:45,510
(panting)
271
00:10:45,545 --> 00:10:49,113
I was in there
for thousands of years.
272
00:10:49,148 --> 00:10:51,482
Why did no one
come back for me?
273
00:10:51,517 --> 00:10:53,384
Why didn't I die?
274
00:10:53,419 --> 00:10:56,554
The discovery of the tomb
made international headlines.
275
00:10:56,589 --> 00:10:58,890
But not because Tut was
historically significant.
276
00:10:58,925 --> 00:11:01,893
It was because of that
ancient Egyptian bling.
277
00:11:01,928 --> 00:11:04,829
A brand-new Egyptomania
craze began.
278
00:11:04,864 --> 00:11:06,831
And the cool kids
of the Roaring '20s
279
00:11:06,866 --> 00:11:11,069
went crazy for Egyptian-style
clothing, makeup, and jewelry.
280
00:11:11,104 --> 00:11:13,571
Basically, Egyptomania
was the 1920s version
281
00:11:13,606 --> 00:11:16,541
of Coachella kids wearing
Native American headdresses.
282
00:11:16,576 --> 00:11:18,476
This Egyptian stuff
is sick.
283
00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:20,812
Let's make
a selfie painting.
284
00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:22,914
And in the 1970s,
Tut's artifacts
285
00:11:22,949 --> 00:11:25,883
made a sick city
museum tour in America.
286
00:11:25,918 --> 00:11:28,152
Eight million people
saw the exhibit.
287
00:11:28,187 --> 00:11:31,122
An executive for the
Metropolitan Museum of Art
even said...
288
00:11:37,797 --> 00:11:39,030
Mmm...
(kissing sounds)
289
00:11:39,065 --> 00:11:41,265
Uh, is this what sex is?
290
00:11:41,300 --> 00:11:44,268
I don't know,
but I hope not.
291
00:11:44,303 --> 00:11:45,369
Wait.
292
00:11:45,404 --> 00:11:47,071
So King Tut is only famous
293
00:11:47,106 --> 00:11:49,006
because of some weird
fetishization
294
00:11:49,041 --> 00:11:50,675
of Egyptian culture?
295
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:52,276
Yep, and that's a shame.
296
00:11:52,311 --> 00:11:54,612
Because ancient Egypt has
so much more to teach us
297
00:11:54,647 --> 00:11:56,414
than just mummies and tombs.
298
00:11:56,449 --> 00:11:58,015
They were one
of the first civilizations
299
00:11:58,050 --> 00:12:00,184
to independently develop
their own writing system.
300
00:12:00,219 --> 00:12:02,086
They revolutionized
agriculture
301
00:12:02,121 --> 00:12:03,955
by developing
the ox-drawn plow
302
00:12:03,990 --> 00:12:05,790
and irrigation systems.
303
00:12:05,825 --> 00:12:08,893
They even invented
the first yearly calendar.
304
00:12:08,928 --> 00:12:10,461
Huh, I love calendars.
305
00:12:10,496 --> 00:12:12,130
Quit while you're ahead.
306
00:12:12,165 --> 00:12:14,132
Compared to this
rich history,
307
00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:16,801
King Tut only deserves
an honorable mention.
308
00:12:16,836 --> 00:12:19,637
Huh, you didactic doofus.
309
00:12:19,672 --> 00:12:22,140
Fine, King Tut was basic.
Columbus was a maniac.
310
00:12:22,175 --> 00:12:25,109
Are you done?
Well, there's always
more to learn.
311
00:12:25,144 --> 00:12:27,211
Enough, I'm taking back
my show.
312
00:12:27,246 --> 00:12:29,113
A many, many children
rely on me
313
00:12:29,148 --> 00:12:30,314
to make learning fun.
314
00:12:30,349 --> 00:12:33,451
And I'm not gonna let some
basic-cable bozo stop me.
315
00:12:33,486 --> 00:12:34,819
Get in the van, kids!
316
00:12:36,022 --> 00:12:39,123
Well, history is
a fuzzy discipline.
317
00:12:39,158 --> 00:12:41,559
But you know what
never changes? Grammar.
318
00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:44,162
Wait, don't you want to hear
about how grammar rules
319
00:12:44,197 --> 00:12:46,097
are essentially pointless?
320
00:12:46,132 --> 00:12:47,331
No?
321
00:12:47,366 --> 00:12:48,633
(sighs)
322
00:12:48,668 --> 00:12:50,869
This is why you should never
meet your heroes.
323
00:12:53,706 --> 00:12:57,675
Okay, class, we're finally free
of that pompadoured punk.
324
00:12:57,710 --> 00:12:58,710
We're here!
325
00:13:00,213 --> 00:13:01,479
Where is here?
326
00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:02,747
Is this heaven?
327
00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:06,818
Not heaven, Ronald,
somewhere even better.
328
00:13:06,853 --> 00:13:11,956
♪ Welcome to the world
of grammar ♪
329
00:13:11,991 --> 00:13:15,026
Hey, Tonya, are you still
hanging out with Tyler?
330
00:13:15,061 --> 00:13:16,627
Nah, he ghosted me.
331
00:13:16,662 --> 00:13:18,262
I think I gotta
defriend him.
332
00:13:18,297 --> 00:13:19,363
(sighs)
333
00:13:19,398 --> 00:13:22,200
♪ Ghost is not a verb ♪
334
00:13:22,235 --> 00:13:25,369
♪ Defriend is not
a word ♪
335
00:13:25,404 --> 00:13:29,941
♪ Unless you are a fool
you must follow grammar rules ♪
336
00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:33,010
♪ Proper English
is the key ♪
337
00:13:33,045 --> 00:13:35,346
♪ Might I add
actually ♪
338
00:13:35,381 --> 00:13:36,948
(children gasping)
Hmm.
339
00:13:36,983 --> 00:13:39,784
♪ Language is too complex ♪
340
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:43,187
♪ To be pinned down
with such strict laws of-- ♪♪
341
00:13:43,222 --> 00:13:45,790
Ugh, sorry, I left my rhyming
dictionary at home.
342
00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:47,825
No, no, not this time.
343
00:13:47,860 --> 00:13:50,628
Grammar rules
are logical and exact.
344
00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:52,563
Everybody loves
to be corrected.
345
00:13:52,598 --> 00:13:54,699
I can tell you
from experience, they don't.
346
00:13:54,734 --> 00:13:56,634
The fact is,
while the grammar police
347
00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:59,737
act like these rules were
laid down by God herself,
348
00:13:59,772 --> 00:14:01,906
they can change and morph
over time,
349
00:14:01,941 --> 00:14:03,407
just like language does.
350
00:14:03,442 --> 00:14:06,210
How dare you!
The rules are the rules.
351
00:14:06,245 --> 00:14:07,745
She ain't listenin'.
352
00:14:07,780 --> 00:14:09,347
Don't say
"ain't," dear.
353
00:14:09,382 --> 00:14:10,514
It's low-class.
354
00:14:10,549 --> 00:14:11,883
Funny you say that.
355
00:14:11,918 --> 00:14:14,485
Up until the 1800s, "ain't"
was a proper contraction
356
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:17,421
of "am not," used
by the upper class.
357
00:14:17,456 --> 00:14:20,157
Are you attending
Lady Margaret's soiree?
358
00:14:20,192 --> 00:14:23,227
I won't, I shan't,
I ain't.
359
00:14:23,262 --> 00:14:25,863
It wasn't until the lower
classes began to use it
360
00:14:25,898 --> 00:14:27,498
that the word
fell out of fashion
361
00:14:27,533 --> 00:14:29,600
and was deemed
bad English.
362
00:14:29,635 --> 00:14:31,769
I ain't going either.
What luck.
363
00:14:31,804 --> 00:14:33,337
Now we can
hang out together.
364
00:14:33,372 --> 00:14:34,939
How vulgar!
365
00:14:34,974 --> 00:14:36,908
I'll never use
that word again.
366
00:14:36,943 --> 00:14:38,676
(both)
Shun, shun, shun!
367
00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:40,578
And now, when someone
says "ain't,"
368
00:14:40,613 --> 00:14:43,047
grammar nuts
literally go insane.
369
00:14:43,082 --> 00:14:45,583
(laughs)
Aha, I got you now.
370
00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:47,952
You said "literally"
when you meant "figuratively."
371
00:14:47,987 --> 00:14:50,121
That's actually the opposite
of what you meant.
372
00:14:50,156 --> 00:14:52,189
It's wrong
and it's always been wrong.
373
00:14:52,224 --> 00:14:53,491
So be gone.
374
00:14:54,827 --> 00:14:56,527
Whoa!
Wrong again, Ms. Dazzle.
375
00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:58,029
People have been using
"literally"
376
00:14:58,064 --> 00:15:01,799
as a hyperbolic intensifier
for literally hundreds of years.
377
00:15:01,834 --> 00:15:03,034
Hogwash.
378
00:15:03,069 --> 00:15:04,135
Charles Dickens used it.
379
00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:08,406
So did Charlotte Bronte.
380
00:15:10,743 --> 00:15:12,743
Not to mention Mark Twain,
James Joyce,
381
00:15:12,778 --> 00:15:14,979
F. Scott Fitzgerald,
and Vladimir Nabokov.
382
00:15:15,014 --> 00:15:16,981
(screaming)
383
00:15:17,016 --> 00:15:19,917
But those are the English
language's greatest writers.
384
00:15:19,952 --> 00:15:21,819
Didn't they know
about the rule?
385
00:15:21,854 --> 00:15:24,055
The fact is, there was
no documented rule
386
00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:27,158
against using "literally"
this way until 1909,
387
00:15:27,193 --> 00:15:29,327
when author Ambrose Bierce
wrote a grammar book
388
00:15:29,362 --> 00:15:30,995
titled "Write It Right."
389
00:15:31,030 --> 00:15:34,565
♪ To those who use "literally"
when you mean "figuratively" ♪
390
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:37,268
♪ It is bad enough
to exaggerate ♪
391
00:15:37,303 --> 00:15:40,171
♪ But to affirm the truth
of the exaggeration ♪
392
00:15:40,206 --> 00:15:42,273
♪ Is intolerable ♪
393
00:15:42,308 --> 00:15:43,975
Yes, I agree
with this good man.
394
00:15:44,010 --> 00:15:46,844
But you might not like
his other rules.
395
00:15:46,879 --> 00:15:48,679
♪ Lunch is not a noun ♪
396
00:15:48,714 --> 00:15:50,247
♪ Say luncheon ♪
397
00:15:50,282 --> 00:15:52,850
Well, ha-ha, that's
a little old-fashioned.
398
00:15:52,885 --> 00:15:54,819
♪ Never say pants ♪
399
00:15:54,854 --> 00:15:56,921
♪ Say trousers ♪
400
00:15:56,956 --> 00:16:00,024
Okay, Bierce.
No one says "trousers."
401
00:16:00,059 --> 00:16:03,127
♪ Women make a grave mistake ♪
402
00:16:03,162 --> 00:16:06,530
♪ When they misuse
"aggravate" ♪
403
00:16:06,565 --> 00:16:08,599
Now that's too much.
404
00:16:08,634 --> 00:16:11,035
You just aggravated
the wrong woman.
405
00:16:11,070 --> 00:16:12,970
(growls)
(screams)
406
00:16:13,005 --> 00:16:16,207
Why are his grammar rules
so different from mine?
407
00:16:16,242 --> 00:16:19,176
Simple, the English language
just doesn't have
408
00:16:19,211 --> 00:16:21,545
one single
definitive authority.
409
00:16:21,580 --> 00:16:23,381
Yes, it does,
the dictionary.
410
00:16:23,416 --> 00:16:25,349
It tells you what is right
and what is wrong.
411
00:16:25,384 --> 00:16:27,184
And that's that.
412
00:16:27,219 --> 00:16:29,987
Sorry, but dictionaries
aren't the language police.
413
00:16:30,022 --> 00:16:32,156
Oh, it's Anne Curzan,
professor of English
414
00:16:32,191 --> 00:16:33,491
at the University of Michigan.
415
00:16:33,526 --> 00:16:36,060
Hi, Ms. Dazzle, the people
who edit dictionaries
416
00:16:36,095 --> 00:16:37,395
really like new words.
417
00:16:37,430 --> 00:16:39,230
They aren't trying to keep them
out of dictionaries.
418
00:16:39,265 --> 00:16:40,898
They would say that what
they're trying to do
419
00:16:40,933 --> 00:16:43,567
is keep up with us
as we change the language.
420
00:16:43,602 --> 00:16:46,670
But then how am I supposed
to tell who's right and wrong?
421
00:16:46,705 --> 00:16:49,573
It's not about being
right or wrong.
422
00:16:49,608 --> 00:16:52,910
There are different
but perfectly valid
varieties of English.
423
00:16:52,945 --> 00:16:54,512
Just take American English,
424
00:16:54,547 --> 00:16:55,913
where you've got
lots of varieties
425
00:16:55,948 --> 00:16:58,182
such as Southern American
English, Appalachian English,
426
00:16:58,217 --> 00:17:00,718
African-American English,
the Ocracoke brogue.
427
00:17:00,753 --> 00:17:04,088
These "non-standard" varieties
give us really useful tools
428
00:17:04,123 --> 00:17:05,322
for communicating.
429
00:17:05,357 --> 00:17:07,491
As second-person
plural pronouns go,
430
00:17:07,526 --> 00:17:09,727
standard American English
is limited to "you"
431
00:17:09,762 --> 00:17:11,328
for both singular
and plural.
432
00:17:11,363 --> 00:17:13,230
But "y'all"
is a very handy way
433
00:17:13,265 --> 00:17:14,999
of addressing a whole
group all at once.
434
00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:17,835
And some common words
in "non-standard" English
435
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:20,738
are actually more logical
than in standard English.
436
00:17:20,773 --> 00:17:22,106
In Appalachian English,
437
00:17:22,141 --> 00:17:23,674
you'll hear "teached"
and "catched,"
438
00:17:23,709 --> 00:17:25,709
which follow the rule
for making past tense
439
00:17:25,744 --> 00:17:27,278
with a final E-D.
440
00:17:27,313 --> 00:17:29,914
Here's another example, this one
from African-American English.
441
00:17:29,949 --> 00:17:31,849
The word I have in mind
is "hisself."
442
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:34,051
I use "hisself"
all the time.
443
00:17:34,086 --> 00:17:35,920
I'm sorry,
but that's not right.
444
00:17:35,955 --> 00:17:37,655
It should be "himself."
445
00:17:40,092 --> 00:17:42,693
All these pronouns use
the possessive plus "self."
446
00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:44,462
But check out "hisself."
447
00:17:44,497 --> 00:17:47,198
It's consistent with the rule
and makes rational sense.
448
00:17:47,233 --> 00:17:49,233
But sadly,
when people use it,
449
00:17:49,268 --> 00:17:51,802
they're often told that
they're using "bad grammar."
450
00:17:51,837 --> 00:17:54,472
Oh, I never thought
about it that way.
451
00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:57,641
So, grammar rules
are meaningless?
452
00:17:57,676 --> 00:17:59,477
All this is for naught?
453
00:17:59,512 --> 00:18:01,112
Not at all.
454
00:18:01,147 --> 00:18:03,280
It's useful to have
a written standard.
455
00:18:03,315 --> 00:18:04,648
It allows us to communicate
456
00:18:04,683 --> 00:18:06,984
across all these different
varieties of English.
457
00:18:07,019 --> 00:18:10,754
At the same time, the ability
to coat-switch between dialects
458
00:18:10,789 --> 00:18:12,790
is a very valuable tool.
459
00:18:12,825 --> 00:18:14,925
I wish our English classes
would teach children
460
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:17,461
to value those differences,
not stifle them.
461
00:18:17,496 --> 00:18:20,397
Now you're talkin'
my language.
462
00:18:20,432 --> 00:18:22,500
Now it's time
for the expert rap.
463
00:18:22,535 --> 00:18:23,734
Hit it, Anne.
464
00:18:23,769 --> 00:18:26,237
Yeah, literally nobody
wants to hear that.
465
00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:28,072
Later, Conover.
466
00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:30,307
Oh, my.
Oh, what have I done?
467
00:18:30,342 --> 00:18:32,176
I've locked the children
into rigid grammar rules,
468
00:18:32,211 --> 00:18:34,512
spread a frivolous
history of Egypt,
469
00:18:34,547 --> 00:18:37,314
and glorified an incompetent,
murderous loser.
470
00:18:37,349 --> 00:18:40,184
I-- I'm a bad teacher.
471
00:18:40,219 --> 00:18:41,418
(sobbing)
472
00:18:41,453 --> 00:18:42,653
Look, there is
a bright side.
473
00:18:42,688 --> 00:18:46,690
I don't deserve this show
or these magic powers.
474
00:18:46,725 --> 00:18:49,627
I don't deserve
the Magic Van.
475
00:18:49,662 --> 00:18:51,829
Leave me
and never come back.
476
00:18:51,864 --> 00:18:52,997
(squeaking)
477
00:18:53,032 --> 00:18:54,598
Good-bye, students.
478
00:18:54,633 --> 00:18:58,302
Adam, you can teach them
better than I ever could.
479
00:18:58,337 --> 00:18:59,370
(sobbing)
480
00:18:59,405 --> 00:19:01,372
Ms. Dazzle, wait!
481
00:19:01,407 --> 00:19:05,042
Come on, kids, we have to show
her why she is a good teacher.
482
00:19:05,077 --> 00:19:07,378
All aboard Adam's magic
folding bicycle.
483
00:19:07,413 --> 00:19:10,881
(bicycle bell rings)
To the positive takeaway
we go!
484
00:19:10,916 --> 00:19:12,483
(crashing)
485
00:19:12,518 --> 00:19:14,986
Sorry, I am
a really bad driver.
486
00:19:17,356 --> 00:19:21,325
♪♪
487
00:19:21,360 --> 00:19:23,027
Hello, we are here
at The Farm LA,
488
00:19:23,062 --> 00:19:25,196
"Adam Ruins Everything"'s
post-production facility.
489
00:19:25,231 --> 00:19:27,031
And I'm here
with Anne Curzan.
490
00:19:27,066 --> 00:19:28,199
Thank you
for being here, Anne.
491
00:19:28,234 --> 00:19:29,466
I'm so pleased to be here.
492
00:19:29,501 --> 00:19:31,635
I had no idea
I wanted to be a bookworm...
493
00:19:31,670 --> 00:19:34,471
(Adam laughs)
...until I became a bookworm!
494
00:19:34,506 --> 00:19:37,474
How do you wish that
we taught grammar in school
495
00:19:37,509 --> 00:19:39,743
differently than
most people were taught it?
496
00:19:39,778 --> 00:19:43,714
I wish we taught grammar
more as how language works.
497
00:19:43,749 --> 00:19:46,183
Part of that would be,
where do languages come from?
498
00:19:46,218 --> 00:19:48,052
What are the rules
of school English?
499
00:19:48,087 --> 00:19:50,254
What are the rules
of texting English?
Mm-hmm.
500
00:19:50,289 --> 00:19:53,224
And figure out when
and how to switch among them.
501
00:19:53,259 --> 00:19:56,493
It's a much more empowering
and fun way to teach it.
502
00:19:56,528 --> 00:19:57,761
And you put those
right next to each other,
503
00:19:57,796 --> 00:19:59,029
school English
and texting English.
504
00:19:59,064 --> 00:20:01,332
All those kinds of English
follow rules.
505
00:20:01,367 --> 00:20:03,767
There are very intricate
rules of texting.
506
00:20:03,802 --> 00:20:06,103
For example,
now the period is angry.
507
00:20:06,138 --> 00:20:08,672
Oh, yeah, when someone
writes you a text
508
00:20:08,707 --> 00:20:10,241
and there's, and there's
a period at the end,
509
00:20:10,276 --> 00:20:12,109
they're mad,
and everybody knows that.
510
00:20:12,144 --> 00:20:13,444
Periods are
for when you're angry.
511
00:20:13,479 --> 00:20:17,181
Everybody under 30
knows that.
Okay.
512
00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:19,250
Yes, 'cause my mom
doesn't know that.
Exactly.
513
00:20:19,285 --> 00:20:21,552
Because she'll, because
she'll write me texts...
514
00:20:23,289 --> 00:20:25,789
Period. And I'm like,
why is she so mad?
515
00:20:25,824 --> 00:20:27,558
That's right,
and I love that example
516
00:20:27,593 --> 00:20:30,261
because it is-- here you've
got an older generation
517
00:20:30,296 --> 00:20:33,063
who doesn't know the rules.
Yeah.
518
00:20:33,098 --> 00:20:35,266
In the same way that younger
generations are learning
519
00:20:35,301 --> 00:20:37,134
the rules of academic writing
520
00:20:37,169 --> 00:20:39,470
and all the power
that can come with that,
521
00:20:39,505 --> 00:20:42,139
some of us older folks need
to learn the rules of texting
522
00:20:42,174 --> 00:20:44,208
so that we can
control the power
523
00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:45,643
that comes with being
a good texter.
524
00:20:45,678 --> 00:20:49,546
My message to older folks
would be, it's not chaos.
Yeah.
525
00:20:49,581 --> 00:20:51,815
That I think that people
think, oh, texting,
526
00:20:51,850 --> 00:20:54,051
these kids don't care
about punctuation.
527
00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:55,753
They don't care
about the written language.
528
00:20:55,788 --> 00:20:57,454
But actually,
they care a lot.
529
00:20:57,489 --> 00:20:59,890
Should it be two exclamation
marks or three?
530
00:20:59,925 --> 00:21:01,392
A winky face
or a smiley face?
531
00:21:01,427 --> 00:21:03,260
Do we put the period or no?
Mm-hmm.
532
00:21:03,295 --> 00:21:04,828
That they're thinking
very carefully
533
00:21:04,863 --> 00:21:07,665
about what really are
rhetorical choices.
534
00:21:07,700 --> 00:21:09,166
Well, we'll be back
in just a second
535
00:21:09,201 --> 00:21:11,335
with more Anne Curzan
and more "Adam Ruins Everything"
536
00:21:11,370 --> 00:21:12,503
right after this.
537
00:21:15,274 --> 00:21:18,575
♪♪
538
00:21:18,610 --> 00:21:20,144
Hello, I'm back
with Anne Curzan
539
00:21:20,179 --> 00:21:21,945
talking about
the English language.
540
00:21:21,980 --> 00:21:23,914
So how do you feel
in your daily life
541
00:21:23,949 --> 00:21:25,149
if someone corrects you,
right?
542
00:21:25,184 --> 00:21:26,684
Like my friends used
to give me a hard time
543
00:21:26,719 --> 00:21:28,485
about "I am well,"
not "I'm good."
544
00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:30,321
And that used to--
it bothered me so much!
545
00:21:30,356 --> 00:21:32,589
First of all, I'd like
to say you can say both
546
00:21:32,624 --> 00:21:34,158
"I am good" and "I am well."
Yeah.
547
00:21:34,193 --> 00:21:35,459
And they mean
something different.
548
00:21:35,494 --> 00:21:36,827
Oh!
Right?
549
00:21:36,862 --> 00:21:39,096
"I am well" means
I'm healthy.
Yeah.
550
00:21:39,131 --> 00:21:41,532
"I'm good" means
I'm in a good place.
551
00:21:41,567 --> 00:21:42,866
Like I'm good.
Yeah.
552
00:21:42,901 --> 00:21:43,934
Here's a phrase
that I love,
553
00:21:43,969 --> 00:21:45,536
"To go grammando."
554
00:21:45,571 --> 00:21:47,037
So "grammando" is a word
555
00:21:47,072 --> 00:21:48,672
that was introduced
by Lizzie Skurnick
556
00:21:48,707 --> 00:21:50,174
in "The New York Times"
Sunday magazine.
557
00:21:50,209 --> 00:21:52,443
And "grammando"
she defines as a noun
558
00:21:52,478 --> 00:21:55,312
that is a person who corrects
other people's grammar.
559
00:21:55,347 --> 00:21:57,214
I think all of us have
experienced it,
560
00:21:57,249 --> 00:22:00,050
when someone corrects
your grammar or your usage,
561
00:22:00,085 --> 00:22:03,220
it makes you want
to not talk.
Yeah, yeah.
562
00:22:03,255 --> 00:22:06,023
That your first reaction is
to go, oh, I'm-- I'm done,
563
00:22:06,058 --> 00:22:07,825
because they're listening
to how I'm talking
564
00:22:07,860 --> 00:22:09,126
as opposed
to what I'm saying.
565
00:22:09,161 --> 00:22:10,828
And you'll see it
in arguments online
566
00:22:10,863 --> 00:22:12,363
where people are arguing
about sports
567
00:22:12,398 --> 00:22:13,464
or they're arguing
about something.
568
00:22:13,499 --> 00:22:14,732
And then when
they get really angry
569
00:22:14,767 --> 00:22:15,866
and they want
to shut it down,
570
00:22:15,901 --> 00:22:17,234
they'll say, "I don't
need to listen to you
571
00:22:17,269 --> 00:22:19,403
because you don't even know
how to use an apostrophe."
572
00:22:19,438 --> 00:22:21,905
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Right? And game over.
573
00:22:21,940 --> 00:22:24,041
That's so funny, that's like
every YouTube comment
574
00:22:24,076 --> 00:22:26,143
devolved into an argument
about, about like
575
00:22:26,178 --> 00:22:28,512
whether the person used
the right version of "your."
576
00:22:28,547 --> 00:22:31,682
There are certainly times
as a teacher, with writing,
577
00:22:31,717 --> 00:22:33,684
that you will wanna
make sure that students
578
00:22:33,719 --> 00:22:35,252
control standard varieties.
579
00:22:35,287 --> 00:22:38,088
But the power of going
grammando on someone
580
00:22:38,123 --> 00:22:41,492
is something we need to wield
very, very carefully.
581
00:22:41,527 --> 00:22:43,193
Thank you so much
for coming on the show, Anne.
582
00:22:43,228 --> 00:22:45,262
And now, back to
"Adam Ruins Everything."
583
00:22:48,801 --> 00:22:49,933
(crashing)
Oh!
584
00:22:49,968 --> 00:22:51,535
Ms. Dazzle!
585
00:22:51,570 --> 00:22:53,837
Ms. Dazzle is
a fraud, children.
586
00:22:53,872 --> 00:22:57,574
I've taught you lies
and I deserve the worst.
587
00:22:57,609 --> 00:22:59,576
Send me to TV jail!
588
00:22:59,611 --> 00:23:02,346
All I ever wanted to do
was get kids in a van
589
00:23:02,381 --> 00:23:04,114
and show them something new.
590
00:23:04,149 --> 00:23:06,116
Oof, not the best
way to put it.
591
00:23:06,151 --> 00:23:07,751
But Ms. Dazzle,
592
00:23:07,786 --> 00:23:10,954
the world needs passionate
teachers like you.
593
00:23:10,989 --> 00:23:12,623
As a kid, watching your show
594
00:23:12,658 --> 00:23:14,625
helped me get excited
about learning.
595
00:23:14,660 --> 00:23:16,460
And despite the fact
that your listen plan
596
00:23:16,495 --> 00:23:18,395
wasn't totally up to date,
597
00:23:18,430 --> 00:23:20,431
your students actually
learned a lot today.
598
00:23:20,466 --> 00:23:21,565
They did?
599
00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:23,934
I learned that Columbus
was a brutal moron
600
00:23:23,969 --> 00:23:26,270
who was popularized
by a writer of tall tales.
601
00:23:26,305 --> 00:23:28,772
I learned where
grammar rules come from.
602
00:23:28,807 --> 00:23:30,574
I learned I can be
alone with my thoughts
603
00:23:30,609 --> 00:23:31,909
for thousands of years
604
00:23:31,944 --> 00:23:33,877
and that "hell"
is just a word.
605
00:23:33,912 --> 00:23:36,880
Behind every lesson plan,
there's a deeper story
606
00:23:36,915 --> 00:23:39,416
of why we teach kids
the things we do.
607
00:23:39,451 --> 00:23:40,818
When we peel back the layers
608
00:23:40,853 --> 00:23:42,653
and learn the history
behind the lesson,
609
00:23:42,688 --> 00:23:44,455
that's when
learning becomes fun.
610
00:23:44,490 --> 00:23:47,157
And that kind of curiosity
will benefit these kids
611
00:23:47,192 --> 00:23:48,392
for the rest
of their lives.
612
00:23:48,427 --> 00:23:50,093
Oh, you're right.
613
00:23:50,128 --> 00:23:51,995
There's still
so much more to learn.
614
00:23:52,030 --> 00:23:54,465
And we can explore it
all together.
615
00:23:54,500 --> 00:23:56,600
(children cheering)
616
00:23:56,635 --> 00:23:59,670
Oh, I missed you too,
Magic Van.
(horn honks)
617
00:23:59,705 --> 00:24:01,505
Thank you, Mr. Conover.
618
00:24:01,540 --> 00:24:04,241
I've learned that I can
always learn more.
619
00:24:04,276 --> 00:24:07,611
You made me
a better television witch.
620
00:24:07,646 --> 00:24:09,446
Oh, what a nice hug.
621
00:24:09,481 --> 00:24:11,215
I wish it was live-action.
622
00:24:16,388 --> 00:24:18,489
Hi, kids.
We had fun today
623
00:24:18,524 --> 00:24:20,090
on "The Magic Van."
624
00:24:20,125 --> 00:24:22,459
But you know what's just
as important as learning?
625
00:24:22,494 --> 00:24:23,994
Safety.
626
00:24:24,029 --> 00:24:27,531
Remember, look both ways
before crossing the street.
627
00:24:27,566 --> 00:24:29,366
Always buckle your seat belt.
628
00:24:29,401 --> 00:24:30,934
Don't explore
ancient tombs
629
00:24:30,969 --> 00:24:33,704
without your parent
or guardi-- ahh!
630
00:24:33,739 --> 00:24:35,706
(all screaming)
50227
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