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00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:31,839
Hello, and welcome
to the top of Norway,
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00:00:31,920 --> 00:00:37,119
and specifically, the third
most northerly football pitch
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00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:38,560
in the entire world.
4
00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:49,200
How far north are we?
5
00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:53,439
Really far. We're 127 miles north
of the Arctic Circle.
6
00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:57,799
And we're further north
than anywhere in Iceland.
7
00:00:57,880 --> 00:01:00,799
And this isn't just a football pitch
as in just a field.
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00:01:00,880 --> 00:01:02,015
This is quite proper, isn't it?
9
00:01:02,039 --> 00:01:04,200
- No, it is.
- Who do they play?
10
00:01:04,280 --> 00:01:07,560
The North Sea Oil Eleven,
The Oil Rig Eleven.
11
00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:09,536
- I don't know. The Trawlermen Eleven.
- Probably whoever passes!
12
00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:10,599
There's no other villages.
13
00:01:10,640 --> 00:01:12,120
- Anyway...
- See you tomorrow.
14
00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:13,256
- You go and get the ball.
- I'll go get the ball.
15
00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:15,256
Because I'll explain to the ladies
and gentlemen why we're here.
16
00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:17,640
You see, the thing is, we are here...
17
00:01:17,719 --> 00:01:20,640
We are here because...
18
00:01:20,719 --> 00:01:22,799
You nearly took my leg off!
19
00:01:22,879 --> 00:01:25,920
Because throughout the 2000s,
20
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:28,039
the world of rallying produced some
21
00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:31,719
of the most exciting four-wheel-drive,
22
00:01:31,799 --> 00:01:35,000
four-door, family saloon cars
anyone had ever seen.
23
00:01:35,079 --> 00:01:39,439
And what we want to know is,
which is the best?
24
00:02:15,879 --> 00:02:17,800
This is my choice.
25
00:02:21,159 --> 00:02:23,439
And before we've even begun,
26
00:02:23,520 --> 00:02:26,599
here it is.
The Subaru Impreza is the best.
27
00:02:26,719 --> 00:02:27,719
And that's that.
28
00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:32,079
It just is.
29
00:02:36,159 --> 00:02:38,039
At this point, James arrived
30
00:02:38,120 --> 00:02:40,439
with one of his favourite things,
31
00:02:40,520 --> 00:02:42,079
a contrary opinion.
32
00:02:44,079 --> 00:02:46,560
That is a fantastic car, Hammond.
33
00:02:46,639 --> 00:02:47,960
The Subaru is superb.
34
00:02:48,039 --> 00:02:50,079
It's not quite as fantastic
as what I've brought,
35
00:02:50,159 --> 00:02:53,479
which is a Mitsubishi Evo.
36
00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:56,039
Yes, and if you're on
an actual rally special stage
37
00:02:56,120 --> 00:02:58,439
or a racetrack,
the Evo is brilliant.
38
00:02:58,520 --> 00:02:59,936
But the fact remains,
to get home again,
39
00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:01,120
you will take the Subaru
40
00:03:01,199 --> 00:03:04,039
because it's just more suited
to the real world, somehow.
41
00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:05,719
It's more calm.
42
00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:07,120
- Calm?
- Yes.
43
00:03:07,199 --> 00:03:08,960
Who wants a calm rally car?
44
00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:11,319
This twat.
45
00:03:13,919 --> 00:03:16,159
At this point,
Jeremy demonstrated
46
00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:18,319
that he hadn't been
listening to himself.
47
00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:21,319
Hello!
48
00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:25,920
Didn't you say that you had
to bring the best rally car?
49
00:03:26,920 --> 00:03:29,000
It is. It's an Audi Quattro.
50
00:03:29,079 --> 00:03:30,360
That's not an Audi Quattro.
51
00:03:30,439 --> 00:03:33,280
- It is!
- Where does it say "Quattro" on that?
52
00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:42,520
- It doesn't.
- Because it isn't one!
53
00:03:42,599 --> 00:03:43,639
- There you go!
- Listen,
54
00:03:43,719 --> 00:03:46,199
it doesn't say "The Duke of Marlborough"
55
00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:47,719
on the Duke of Marlborough.
56
00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:49,439
But we know he is the
Duke of Marlborough
57
00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:52,240
because his ancestor
won a battle.
58
00:03:52,319 --> 00:03:54,879
And that car's ancestor
won a battle. Twice.
59
00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:57,120
- It won two battles.
- You've brought the wrong thing.
60
00:03:57,199 --> 00:03:59,039
It's an RS 4.
61
00:03:59,120 --> 00:04:00,975
- These are rally cars!
- It's an executive car!
62
00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:03,000
Listen, I am older than you two...
63
00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:04,120
And old. And older.
64
00:04:04,199 --> 00:04:07,039
- And with age has come wisdom.
- Weight.
65
00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:08,680
Greyness.
66
00:04:08,759 --> 00:04:09,759
And weight.
67
00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:11,159
Yeah, it is a bit heavy, I admit.
68
00:04:11,199 --> 00:04:13,159
Is it? They are a heavy car!
69
00:04:13,240 --> 00:04:14,639
He said, dodging that one.
70
00:04:16,439 --> 00:04:17,439
Very good.
71
00:04:17,519 --> 00:04:19,079
- Oh, sorry.
- What?
72
00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:21,000
My phone is buzzing.
73
00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:22,920
Inevitable, go on.
74
00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:25,439
There is no escape, is there?
There you go.
75
00:04:25,519 --> 00:04:27,240
- Yes.
- You knew. Yes?
76
00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:28,360
Mr Wilman.
77
00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:30,879
Right, hang on.
78
00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:33,800
In order to find out which
of your cars is the best,
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00:04:33,879 --> 00:04:35,920
you will drive across
what both the BBC
80
00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:40,600
and The Guardian call
'Europe's last great wilderness'.
81
00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:44,879
You will drive all the way across Norway,
82
00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:46,639
Sweden and Finland,
83
00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:50,600
never once dropping
below the Arctic Circle,
84
00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:54,120
and you must get to Ivalo Airport
near the Russian border
85
00:04:54,199 --> 00:04:56,759
by 5:00 p.m. on Saturday
86
00:04:56,800 --> 00:05:00,360
'cause that's when your
plane back to the UK leaves.
87
00:05:00,439 --> 00:05:01,495
- So we've gotta...
- How far is that?
88
00:05:01,519 --> 00:05:04,519
Hold on. We've gotta get to
the finish line in six days.
89
00:05:05,439 --> 00:05:06,920
What is it?
Five, six hundred miles?
90
00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:09,240
- Ooh, over a hundred.
- A hundred miles a day?
91
00:05:09,319 --> 00:05:11,199
In the Subaru Impreza! Ah!
92
00:05:12,199 --> 00:05:13,759
It doesn't sound very tricky this time.
93
00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:17,240
I mean, if we were in convertibles...
94
00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:19,216
- or in four-wheel-drive...
- Or roller skates.
95
00:05:19,240 --> 00:05:21,319
Yes, four-wheel-drive saloons,
near enough.
96
00:05:22,920 --> 00:05:25,560
This isn't a clearing-up shower, is it?
97
00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:29,040
Should we get going?
98
00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:30,240
- Yes.
- Yes.
99
00:05:30,319 --> 00:05:31,319
Holy cow.
100
00:05:49,199 --> 00:05:51,240
We set off, heading east
101
00:05:51,319 --> 00:05:54,079
through the monochromatic
Lofoten Islands.
102
00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:59,000
And at this point,
it's probably a good idea
103
00:05:59,079 --> 00:06:01,240
to warn our
non-petrolhead viewers
104
00:06:01,319 --> 00:06:04,639
that you're about to land on Planet Nerd.
105
00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:10,920
Now, I should explain that there have
been 212 different versions
106
00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:13,920
of the Subaru Impreza
over the years.
107
00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:15,480
There'd be a new model every year,
108
00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:17,800
and then there'd be a hot
new variant of that model,
109
00:06:17,879 --> 00:06:20,360
and then there'd be
special limited editions
110
00:06:20,439 --> 00:06:22,480
of the hot new variants
of the new model.
111
00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:25,959
And every member of the very active
112
00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:29,000
and committed Subaru community
has their own
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00:06:29,079 --> 00:06:32,840
very strong opinions
on which one is best.
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00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:34,399
I'm gonna say it's this one.
115
00:06:35,759 --> 00:06:41,959
2003 WRX STi
V-Limited edition and...
116
00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:47,040
that's the sound
of my Twitter inbox exploding
117
00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:48,920
with all the Subaru owner
community people
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00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:50,720
telling me I'm wrong.
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00:06:58,360 --> 00:07:00,920
I know exactly where
Hammond is coming from,
120
00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:02,360
because over the years,
121
00:07:02,439 --> 00:07:06,800
there have been ten iterations
of the Mitsubishi Lancer Evo.
122
00:07:06,879 --> 00:07:11,040
And every one has been available
in various states of tune
123
00:07:11,120 --> 00:07:13,279
and there have been various
accessories and extras
124
00:07:13,360 --> 00:07:14,399
and so on and so on.
125
00:07:14,480 --> 00:07:19,160
But I think peak Evo
arrived with this one.
126
00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:22,639
The Evo VIII GSR.
127
00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:28,040
And that is the sound of
everybody on every Evo forum
128
00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:31,360
on the internet ringing up
to tell me I'm wrong.
129
00:07:33,279 --> 00:07:39,279
This Subaru and James' Evo
have exactly 276 brake horsepower.
130
00:07:42,639 --> 00:07:45,800
And there was also a rule in
the World Rally Championship
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00:07:45,879 --> 00:07:48,920
which stated the engine
could have a maximum capacity
132
00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:51,519
of two litres,
it could be turbo-charged.
133
00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:54,920
So this has a four-cylinder,
two-litre, turbo-charged engine.
134
00:07:56,480 --> 00:07:58,519
It's a thoroughbred,
it's special.
135
00:07:58,600 --> 00:08:00,079
It's rugged, it's purpose-built,
136
00:08:00,160 --> 00:08:01,879
it was developed for rallying.
137
00:08:01,959 --> 00:08:03,680
It's just the business.
138
00:08:12,079 --> 00:08:13,439
I'll be the first to admit
139
00:08:13,519 --> 00:08:17,519
that most fast Audis
are a bit hopeless.
140
00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:22,279
But just occasionally,
they come up with a gem.
141
00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:30,720
There was the original 20-valve
Quattro, the R8, obviously,
142
00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:33,519
the TT RS, and this.
143
00:08:35,039 --> 00:08:38,360
The 2007 RS 4.
144
00:08:42,759 --> 00:08:45,399
The three best engines
ever made, in my book,
145
00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:51,200
are the Lexus V10,
Alfa Romeo's V6, and this,
146
00:08:51,279 --> 00:08:55,879
Audi's 4.2-litre naturally-aspirated
147
00:08:56,000 --> 00:09:00,000
414-horsepower V8.
148
00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:10,759
God, I love V8s.
149
00:09:15,360 --> 00:09:17,879
James, how many
World Rally Championship wins
150
00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:19,759
does your Evo have?
151
00:09:19,879 --> 00:09:21,176
Oh, well, I'm glad you
asked me that, Hammond,
152
00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:24,240
because actually I do know.
It's 26.
153
00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:26,440
That's impressive.
That's a big number.
154
00:09:26,519 --> 00:09:31,080
Here's a bigger number.
Mine has 46, which is many more.
155
00:09:31,159 --> 00:09:33,600
Jeremy, how many
World Rally Championship wins
156
00:09:33,639 --> 00:09:35,320
does your Audi have?
157
00:09:35,399 --> 00:09:36,399
Er...
158
00:09:36,480 --> 00:09:39,759
Let me think. It's none.
159
00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:41,240
Yes, none. None at all.
160
00:09:41,320 --> 00:09:44,320
What you have done
by turning up at this challenge
161
00:09:44,399 --> 00:09:47,519
in your Audi not-a-Quattro
is exactly the same
162
00:09:47,639 --> 00:09:52,000
as you turning up at your farm
with a Lamborghini Aventador.
163
00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:55,000
Yes, Lamborghini made a tractor,
but that isn't one.
164
00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:58,720
You could take a massive piss
in a Royal Doulton tea cup.
165
00:09:58,759 --> 00:10:02,879
Yes, they did make urinals,
but that isn't one.
166
00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:05,000
It's a damn sight faster than your cars.
167
00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:06,879
Well, it's not.
168
00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:10,080
This is the fastest car
in all environments.
169
00:10:10,159 --> 00:10:11,879
Well, we don't
know about rallies
170
00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:13,279
because it hasn't been in one.
171
00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:18,120
Can I just say,
172
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,320
it's not the most wildernessy place
I've ever been to.
173
00:10:20,399 --> 00:10:22,360
I mean, some of the scenery's
pretty spectacular,
174
00:10:22,440 --> 00:10:25,720
but roads, Armcos, telegraph poles.
175
00:10:25,759 --> 00:10:28,279
There's a great many
non-wildernessy things around
176
00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:29,720
for a wilderness, yes.
177
00:10:29,759 --> 00:10:32,360
Not for the first time,
I'm baffled by the views
178
00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:34,039
of the BBC and The Guardian.
179
00:10:35,879 --> 00:10:39,039
Convinced, however, that we
soon would enter the wilderness,
180
00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:41,879
we pulled up at a
car accessories shop
181
00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:45,120
to stock up on
important supplies.
182
00:10:46,639 --> 00:10:47,855
I'd like to buy
a windscreen wiper
183
00:10:47,879 --> 00:10:51,159
for a Subaru Impreza WRX
STi V-Limited edition.
184
00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:55,039
Well, I'm gonna see if I can
buy some SD cards to play music.
185
00:10:55,559 --> 00:10:56,799
Shit!
186
00:10:56,879 --> 00:11:00,799
Oh! Good God!
There's absolutely no grip!
187
00:11:00,879 --> 00:11:02,039
Right.
188
00:11:03,399 --> 00:11:06,000
Holy crap!
189
00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:07,336
You don't
need to move your legs!
190
00:11:07,360 --> 00:11:08,759
I thought in the wilderness...
191
00:11:08,840 --> 00:11:12,120
Oh. Director down.
192
00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:13,440
- Director down.
- Wow.
193
00:11:13,519 --> 00:11:15,919
We'd run over and help you,
but we can't.
194
00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:18,799
- You all right?
- Oh, yes. Sorry, carry on.
195
00:11:19,919 --> 00:11:22,279
Slowly and with dignity,
196
00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:24,840
we all worked our way to the entrance.
197
00:11:26,200 --> 00:11:27,679
Hell.
198
00:11:30,279 --> 00:11:32,360
No, that hasn't worked at all.
199
00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:33,919
-Oh, God,
-No, that's not worked.
200
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:37,159
Where, mercifully,
we found some friction.
201
00:11:37,240 --> 00:11:39,840
This, I quite enjoy going across.
Look at this.
202
00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:43,320
This is a wilderness, isn't it?
203
00:11:43,399 --> 00:11:45,399
- This is a...
- It's about survival now.
204
00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:47,679
I can see what the BBC
205
00:11:47,759 --> 00:11:49,840
- and The Guardian meant.
- Well, yeah.
206
00:11:49,919 --> 00:11:51,519
What do you need? Subaru?
207
00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:53,600
- Yeah.
- Well, what sort is it?
208
00:11:53,679 --> 00:11:55,039
Impreza, which one?
209
00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:56,320
- Outback, Impreza...
- WRX.
210
00:11:56,399 --> 00:12:00,320
It's a 2003 WRX STi
V-Limited edition,
211
00:12:00,399 --> 00:12:03,480
one of 555 made in Japan
212
00:12:03,559 --> 00:12:05,919
to celebrate the
2003 Drivers Championship victory.
213
00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:07,000
Yeah, all right.
214
00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:12,720
- In the World Rally Championship.
- Yes. Is it a G12, G22, G13, G23?
215
00:12:12,799 --> 00:12:14,000
I don't know.
216
00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:15,399
- You don't know?
- Well, I...
217
00:12:15,480 --> 00:12:17,240
- WRX. Here it is.
- Yes?
218
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:19,759
Got it. V10. Right, SD cards.
219
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:24,159
Erm, how do you say...
'SD card' in Norwegian?
220
00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:26,360
Erm... 'I'm a twat'.
221
00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:27,440
Hello.
222
00:12:28,039 --> 00:12:29,120
SD card.
223
00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:30,600
SD card?
224
00:12:30,679 --> 00:12:35,200
Have you got them?
Because my car is quite old.
225
00:12:35,279 --> 00:12:37,279
Jeremy?
226
00:12:37,360 --> 00:12:38,919
- What is it?
- Snow grip.
227
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:40,919
Well, it's all in Norwegian.
228
00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:42,056
Well, I mean,
it doesn't come out in Norwegian.
229
00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:43,519
Well, but we don't
know what it does.
230
00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:45,799
Well, it's, I dunno.
Let's think, snow grip.
231
00:12:45,879 --> 00:12:46,936
Yes, I think you spray it
on your tyres.
232
00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:48,015
It makes tarmac really slippery.
233
00:12:48,039 --> 00:12:49,936
- Yeah, well spray it on your feet.
- It's turtle wax.
234
00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:51,135
Why would you put
turtle wax on something?
235
00:12:51,159 --> 00:12:52,159
No, it's made by them.
236
00:12:52,240 --> 00:12:53,536
- Spray it on your feet!
- Spray it on your feet.
237
00:12:53,559 --> 00:12:55,279
- Like that.
- The bottoms of your shoes.
238
00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:56,639
- Yeah.
- These two?
239
00:12:56,720 --> 00:12:58,919
Purchases made,
we headed back to the cars.
240
00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:01,600
Yeah.
241
00:13:01,679 --> 00:13:07,679
With me using my inbuilt warm
fluid dispensing system to melt a path.
242
00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:10,120
Shuffle forwards.
243
00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:13,679
Genius.
244
00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:23,679
Back on the road,
245
00:13:23,759 --> 00:13:28,440
the black-and-white scenery
became even more spectacular.
246
00:13:28,519 --> 00:13:29,720
Holy shit. Look at that.
247
00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:46,559
But there was one blot in it.
248
00:13:46,639 --> 00:13:49,600
Have you noticed this red Volvo
that's been following us
249
00:13:49,679 --> 00:13:51,320
since we left the football pitch?
250
00:13:52,919 --> 00:13:55,039
I see, yes, I saw it then
as we came down there.
251
00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:56,759
Is that definitely
the same Volvo?
252
00:13:56,840 --> 00:14:00,279
With the four rectangular
rally lights on the front of it?
253
00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:01,679
Yeah, it's the same one.
254
00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:12,080
Soon, we were
getting low on fuel.
255
00:14:12,159 --> 00:14:15,879
How shall we buy petrol
in the wilderness?
256
00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:17,559
Perhaps we shall
have to make some
257
00:14:17,639 --> 00:14:20,559
out of tree bark and shale.
258
00:14:22,399 --> 00:14:24,679
Oh, no, it's all right.
Look, there's a petrol station.
259
00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:31,960
And, while we were loading
up with fuel and snacks,
260
00:14:32,039 --> 00:14:33,360
I noticed something.
261
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:34,960
- James?
- Yes?
262
00:14:37,159 --> 00:14:39,519
Now, we have made
some left and right turns.
263
00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:41,039
- Yes.
- And that,
264
00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:42,639
you know what I'm thinking?
265
00:14:42,720 --> 00:14:43,720
Yes.
266
00:14:43,799 --> 00:14:46,120
- Mr Wilman? Yes.
- Mr Wilman has provided us
267
00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:49,960
with a backup car because
he assumes that after...
268
00:14:51,679 --> 00:14:53,039
How long have we not been filming?
269
00:14:53,120 --> 00:14:54,536
Three years?
We'll have forgotten how to drive.
270
00:14:54,559 --> 00:14:56,919
And we'll crash into a tree,
which Hammond probably will.
271
00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:58,840
Hammond, we've
worked something out.
272
00:14:58,919 --> 00:15:00,120
Look.
273
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:02,759
- That's gotta be a backup car.
- It's a backup car.
274
00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:06,759
It's a Volvo three, four,
five, it's the five-door.
275
00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:09,360
My sister had one,
and I'm going to have to say,
276
00:15:09,440 --> 00:15:14,440
it's possibly the worst car
made by Western Europe.
277
00:15:14,519 --> 00:15:16,159
And it's been with us the whole time.
278
00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:18,679
- Yes.
- It is then, yep. It is.
279
00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:24,679
As we headed further north,
280
00:15:24,759 --> 00:15:27,639
the weather finally
turned wilderness-ish.
281
00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:33,600
Yeah, snowing.
Snowing. That's what it's doing.
282
00:15:34,399 --> 00:15:38,200
Which put the kibosh on me
demonstrating the superior speed
283
00:15:38,279 --> 00:15:39,799
of my Quattro.
284
00:15:39,879 --> 00:15:42,919
Yeah, we probably can't do
a nought-to-sixty run here.
285
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:45,360
Can we?
'Cause it's a bit squirrelly.
286
00:15:45,440 --> 00:15:46,576
This is infuriating, actually,
287
00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:49,720
'cause I genuinely do need
to put you two in your place.
288
00:15:49,799 --> 00:15:53,000
I've had a lot of abuse,
I've taken it well, I think,
289
00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:54,519
but now I just need to quietly
290
00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:57,000
and silently put you in your boxes.
291
00:15:58,000 --> 00:15:59,799
Good luck with that.
292
00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:04,240
Happily, however, after a few,
293
00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:08,559
let's be honest, wrong turns,
we ended up here.
294
00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:12,080
Ooh.
295
00:16:12,159 --> 00:16:14,639
What have we come to?
296
00:16:19,039 --> 00:16:20,840
This is interesting.
297
00:16:21,639 --> 00:16:22,879
That's rock.
298
00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:25,200
- It's a proper tunnel look.
- It's been concreted over.
299
00:16:25,279 --> 00:16:26,600
It's like a grotto.
300
00:16:26,679 --> 00:16:27,735
That's spray concrete, isn't it?
301
00:16:27,759 --> 00:16:28,960
- Just onto the...
- Yeah.
302
00:16:29,039 --> 00:16:30,399
- Ooh.
- Ooh.
303
00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:31,919
Ooh.
304
00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:35,879
So, do these lights now come on
like you see in those horror films?
305
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:37,799
- You're just...
- Ooh.
306
00:16:40,399 --> 00:16:42,639
Ha. You know what I'm thinking?
307
00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:48,480
- Er, this?
- Well, it's dry. It's not skiddy.
308
00:16:48,559 --> 00:16:50,279
- It's straight.
- And it's straight.
309
00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:52,960
So, do you want,
are you proposing timed run
310
00:16:53,039 --> 00:16:55,480
or who can achieve
the highest speed?
311
00:16:55,559 --> 00:16:57,495
Well, it would have to be
the highest speed, wouldn't it?
312
00:16:57,519 --> 00:16:58,600
What if...
313
00:16:59,039 --> 00:17:01,639
- Whoa.
- Is that the end?
314
00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:03,519
Jesus. This is astonishing.
315
00:17:03,600 --> 00:17:06,559
Somebody's got
a sense of drama here.
316
00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:10,799
Wow, this is,
you do, it is quite important,
317
00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:13,440
I would say, for comfort's sake,
you stop before this.
318
00:17:13,519 --> 00:17:14,759
No, you'll be fine, though,
319
00:17:14,799 --> 00:17:17,119
'cause there's a gravel trap
to stop you before you hit it.
320
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:20,935
So we're doing this individually,
'cause you can't do it at the same time.
321
00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:22,079
- What? Oh, no.
- Obviously.
322
00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:23,799
So, we do it one at a time.
323
00:17:24,319 --> 00:17:26,920
How would you actually
record what speed you've done?
324
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:31,640
We put a GoPro camera on the dash.
325
00:17:32,559 --> 00:17:34,880
- Yes.
- And then that will reveal the speed.
326
00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:37,559
Somebody else goes
in the car with you to verify
327
00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:38,855
- how fast you're seeing.
- No, we're not going
328
00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:40,655
- in a car with you.
- We're not getting in a car with you
329
00:17:40,680 --> 00:17:42,056
- driving towards a wall.
- We're not!
330
00:17:42,079 --> 00:17:43,880
We know you
don't know when to stop.
331
00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:46,559
- Yes, it's gotta be GoPros.
- Right. So I'll go first.
332
00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:48,720
- Yes.
- Actually, you better go second,
333
00:17:48,799 --> 00:17:50,536
'cause it'll be difficult
driving over the rubble
334
00:17:50,559 --> 00:17:51,559
after he's done it.
335
00:17:57,039 --> 00:17:59,039
With all the lights extinguished,
336
00:17:59,079 --> 00:18:01,799
I lined up at the
entrance of the tunnel.
337
00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:03,079
Are you feeling brave?
338
00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:06,400
I mean, I'm looking...
That's a scary thing.
339
00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:08,880
You can't even see where
the wall is at the end.
340
00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:10,079
You will when you get there.
341
00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:11,880
That's the trouble.
342
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:14,160
Moments before you arrive, those...
343
00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:16,079
As the car spins down the tunnel,
344
00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:18,079
it'll get shorter
as you knock each end off.
345
00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:20,480
- Mm-hmm.
- Until there's just your cabin going...
346
00:18:24,279 --> 00:18:26,000
Right. I think he's doing it.
347
00:18:29,039 --> 00:18:31,000
Come on, Jeremy. Be brave.
348
00:18:37,559 --> 00:18:41,160
Oh, there's wheel-spin there.
No, I'm not getting any grip.
349
00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:43,160
Oh, my God, the lights
aren't coming on. Oh!
350
00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:47,960
Oh, sh...
351
00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:55,519
Jesus Christ Al-bloody-mighty!
352
00:19:06,079 --> 00:19:07,079
Bloody hell.
353
00:19:10,079 --> 00:19:11,200
How was it?
354
00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:15,920
You're not going to enjoy it.
355
00:19:17,079 --> 00:19:19,519
While I parked my car in a side tunnel...
356
00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:23,880
James took his place at the start.
357
00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:24,960
Okay, you ready?
358
00:19:25,039 --> 00:19:26,039
- Yes.
- Right.
359
00:19:26,079 --> 00:19:27,175
- Can I just go?
- James May is ready
360
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:28,720
and will be setting off very shortly.
361
00:19:28,799 --> 00:19:31,000
Brace. Brace. Brace.
362
00:19:31,079 --> 00:19:33,880
Right. I've got the deck chair out
and a good book.
363
00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:37,640
In your own time, begin.
364
00:19:41,799 --> 00:19:44,559
That was a brisk start for a James May.
365
00:20:11,079 --> 00:20:14,000
Big one. Big one. Big one.
366
00:20:14,079 --> 00:20:16,079
Let's get the medics.
367
00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:21,240
All right, are you okay to stand up?
368
00:20:21,319 --> 00:20:22,400
Okay, hello.
369
00:20:22,480 --> 00:20:23,480
Come with me.
370
00:20:23,559 --> 00:20:26,559
I'm gonna get an ambulance in,
and we're gonna check you out, okay?
371
00:20:29,319 --> 00:20:30,759
Oh.
372
00:20:31,799 --> 00:20:32,880
Where is he?
373
00:20:33,519 --> 00:20:37,440
I saw his head clobber
the side of the B pillar.
374
00:20:37,519 --> 00:20:38,960
I mean, he went flying.
375
00:20:39,039 --> 00:20:41,799
You know, that was, he went
in sideways into this wall.
376
00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:44,039
The other ambulance is here,
377
00:20:44,079 --> 00:20:46,480
so they're gonna
take you in so we can...
378
00:20:49,079 --> 00:20:51,440
It hurts on the back of my back.
379
00:20:51,519 --> 00:20:53,799
Like where?
Down the centre or middle?
380
00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:57,079
Yeah, um...
Yeah, exactly where your hand is.
381
00:20:57,160 --> 00:20:58,960
How are you feeling?
382
00:20:59,039 --> 00:21:00,079
A bit shit.
383
00:21:00,799 --> 00:21:03,279
Erm, the car's, isn't it?
384
00:21:03,319 --> 00:21:04,799
It's not... It's not well.
385
00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:06,920
You won't drive it out of here.
386
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:08,319
Okay.
387
00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:09,559
I'm in the Volvo.
388
00:21:10,079 --> 00:21:12,680
- So nothing's broken?
- Doesn't seem to be.
389
00:21:12,759 --> 00:21:14,039
Head's not hurt?
390
00:21:14,079 --> 00:21:15,920
No, my neck hurts. I got a big...
391
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:17,000
- Whiplash?
- Mm.
392
00:21:17,079 --> 00:21:19,440
Well, well done for not dying.
393
00:21:23,720 --> 00:21:26,559
After James
was carted off to hospital,
394
00:21:26,640 --> 00:21:29,000
there was only one thing we could do.
395
00:21:29,559 --> 00:21:31,720
Stand by. Here I come.
396
00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:36,240
I'm putting it in gear. Right.
397
00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:38,240
Here he comes. Here he comes.
398
00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:09,440
Braking, braking. Yeah.
399
00:22:10,519 --> 00:22:12,160
Yeah!
400
00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:14,240
There has been
a disturbance in the force.
401
00:22:15,319 --> 00:22:17,039
You've arrived on
all four wheels
402
00:22:17,119 --> 00:22:18,455
- with your trousers still on.
- I know.
403
00:22:18,480 --> 00:22:19,855
Yeah, they haven't
had to cut them off.
404
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:21,240
He's in a hospital.
405
00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:26,200
With Hammond's run done,
it was time to reveal the results.
406
00:22:26,279 --> 00:22:30,839
Right, I've got mine here.
I'm going about 78 there.
407
00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:31,976
Yeah, just off the 80 mark.
408
00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:34,759
Just shy of 80, which I think
409
00:22:34,839 --> 00:22:36,119
- is pretty good.
- It's not bad.
410
00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:38,119
But I'm going to
surprise you now.
411
00:22:39,160 --> 00:22:40,319
James May's.
412
00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:43,519
It's exactly the bloody same.
413
00:22:43,599 --> 00:22:45,000
- I know.
- That's uncanny.
414
00:22:45,079 --> 00:22:46,079
It is uncanny.
415
00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:47,496
- Actually...
- And he's driving a car
416
00:22:47,519 --> 00:22:49,920
which we know is
massively slower
417
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:51,000
-than mine, -Yeah.
418
00:22:51,079 --> 00:22:54,599
Which means he did
what you usually do
419
00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:57,640
and accelerated
for far too long.
420
00:22:57,720 --> 00:22:59,279
He's stolen my thing.
421
00:22:59,359 --> 00:23:02,160
Actually, this is difficult because
you can't put him down as a DNF
422
00:23:02,240 --> 00:23:03,776
- 'cause he did finish.
- Oh, he finished.
423
00:23:03,799 --> 00:23:04,799
It's there.
424
00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:06,415
But I think he,
we'll have to say he lost,
425
00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:10,519
because I finished
and can drive home in my car.
426
00:23:10,599 --> 00:23:12,440
But let's, but first of all, come on, you.
427
00:23:12,519 --> 00:23:14,279
We're both 78.
428
00:23:15,519 --> 00:23:17,000
And that's 32.
429
00:23:17,079 --> 00:23:19,599
- Yeah.
- And that's KPH.
430
00:23:19,680 --> 00:23:20,720
A bit, yeah.
431
00:23:20,799 --> 00:23:25,960
I saw what James did,
and I just thought, 'No, this time'.
432
00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:28,799
Well, I think that
was a good experiment.
433
00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:31,279
- Well done us.
- It's not quite what I had in mind.
434
00:23:31,359 --> 00:23:32,359
No, it's...
435
00:23:36,119 --> 00:23:37,759
With our important work done,
436
00:23:37,839 --> 00:23:41,039
we could have gone to see
James in the hospital,
437
00:23:41,119 --> 00:23:43,400
but we decided it would
be more interesting
438
00:23:43,480 --> 00:23:46,960
to explore these spooky tunnels.
439
00:23:47,039 --> 00:23:48,240
What the hell?
440
00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:52,079
Ooh. A cavern.
441
00:23:54,279 --> 00:23:56,519
There's one down there!
442
00:23:59,319 --> 00:24:01,319
Wait a minute.
443
00:24:02,599 --> 00:24:03,880
Holy cow.
444
00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:09,000
It's a Cold War submarine base.
445
00:24:12,319 --> 00:24:14,799
No, it's not.
It is, it's a sub base.
446
00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:16,839
And it's full of...
447
00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:19,200
Marine, with gun, Marine.
448
00:24:24,519 --> 00:24:27,240
What, where, what are they doing?
449
00:24:27,319 --> 00:24:28,319
They're Special Forces.
450
00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:37,759
Right. These are landing craft.
451
00:24:40,759 --> 00:24:42,119
He doesn't look very happy.
452
00:24:46,359 --> 00:24:48,000
I think we're in the way.
453
00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:53,079
I'm very sorry!
454
00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:56,000
Oh, what's round here?
455
00:24:59,559 --> 00:25:02,480
Hammond, we may have
driven into an office.
456
00:25:02,559 --> 00:25:03,799
What?
457
00:25:06,079 --> 00:25:08,319
The Special Forces
are looking at us.
458
00:25:09,720 --> 00:25:12,880
Can I just ask,
are you Norwegian?
459
00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:14,359
- Sorry?
- Are you Norwegian?
460
00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:15,799
I'm not Norwegian, no, no.
461
00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:17,279
Where are you from?
462
00:25:17,359 --> 00:25:19,160
- The Netherlands.
- You're Dutch?
463
00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:21,640
Dutch. All Dutch.
464
00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:23,599
Dutch? Everyone's Dutch?
465
00:25:23,680 --> 00:25:26,039
- Everyone is Dutch.
- Of course.
466
00:25:27,599 --> 00:25:31,119
Sit rep, the Dutch
and the Norwegians are at war.
467
00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:34,000
The day's just got weirder.
468
00:25:34,079 --> 00:25:36,119
Oh, heavens!
469
00:25:36,599 --> 00:25:37,599
Hello?
470
00:25:38,799 --> 00:25:39,920
Jeremy, you're pulling
471
00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:43,000
a top-secret submarine's
hosepipe with you.
472
00:25:43,079 --> 00:25:44,079
Ah.
473
00:25:47,160 --> 00:25:48,599
Yeah. Sorry.
474
00:25:52,119 --> 00:25:54,039
- They're Dutch.
- What?
475
00:25:54,119 --> 00:25:55,119
They're Dutch.
476
00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:02,759
What's staggering me
is not one of them has said,
477
00:26:02,839 --> 00:26:03,935
- 'What on earth...
- 'What are you doing here?'
478
00:26:03,960 --> 00:26:06,079
are you doing here?'
479
00:26:08,799 --> 00:26:09,880
My apologies.
480
00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:11,400
Sorry. Sorry.
481
00:26:11,480 --> 00:26:13,440
- Sorry.
- Thank you.
482
00:26:13,519 --> 00:26:16,720
- You're welcome.
- Good luck. Carry on.
483
00:26:16,799 --> 00:26:18,016
I don't know
who's side we're on.
484
00:26:18,039 --> 00:26:21,240
When we come out, are we on the
Norwegian side or the Dutch side?
485
00:26:21,319 --> 00:26:23,960
I'm gonna bear the flag
of whoever's holding the gun.
486
00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:33,920
The next morning,
James was still in hospital.
487
00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:37,880
So Jeremy and I
got back on the road,
488
00:26:37,960 --> 00:26:41,880
our thoughts very much on
the tragic events of the day before.
489
00:26:43,519 --> 00:26:45,375
It's funny how these things
affect you afterwards.
490
00:26:45,400 --> 00:26:48,920
I mean, that was traumatic,
491
00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:51,920
running down that tunnel
and seeing at the end of it
492
00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:54,799
that fabulous car wounded.
493
00:26:58,039 --> 00:26:59,319
I'm just thinking, Hammond.
494
00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:01,375
You know, you've crashed countless cars
over the years
495
00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:02,615
and it doesn't really matter
'cause they're just
496
00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:05,920
metal and plastic and glass,
497
00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:08,200
but the Evo's more than that, isn't it?
498
00:27:08,279 --> 00:27:10,559
Yeah, it's not a car that you crash
499
00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:12,039
or ding in the usual way.
500
00:27:12,119 --> 00:27:13,880
It's a car that gets injured
501
00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:15,920
'cause there's so much passion
502
00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:18,200
wrapped up in it from a lot of people.
503
00:27:18,279 --> 00:27:22,039
And what's worse for me is
I've lost my playmate.
504
00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:24,920
Er...
505
00:27:25,680 --> 00:27:28,279
Yeah, I've lost my car's
natural sparring partner,
506
00:27:28,359 --> 00:27:31,279
the one car that could
keep up with it, live with it.
507
00:27:31,359 --> 00:27:32,799
I'm in an Audi Quattro!
508
00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:34,480
It's not an Audi Quattro.
509
00:27:34,559 --> 00:27:36,200
It's not a rally car!
510
00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:39,240
Stunned by Hammond's criticism,
511
00:27:39,319 --> 00:27:41,119
I made a proposal.
512
00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:46,960
What if I could find
a rudimentary wilderness workshop
513
00:27:47,039 --> 00:27:49,039
and turn it into a rally car?
514
00:27:50,839 --> 00:27:53,000
All right, well, if you
can find one and do that,
515
00:27:53,079 --> 00:27:55,319
I'll do the one thing
I can do to improve my car
516
00:27:55,400 --> 00:27:57,839
and give it more power, then we're on.
517
00:27:57,920 --> 00:28:02,720
So if I yobbify my car
and you up the power of yours,
518
00:28:02,799 --> 00:28:05,519
then they become natural rivals.
519
00:28:05,599 --> 00:28:06,680
Then we are talking.
520
00:28:06,759 --> 00:28:09,359
Right. Set sat nav.
521
00:28:10,759 --> 00:28:13,240
With our modding plan agreed on,
522
00:28:13,319 --> 00:28:17,119
we hunkered down and headed
for the Swedish border.
523
00:28:25,640 --> 00:28:26,920
Socket or spanner?
524
00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:28,279
- Socket.
- This one?
525
00:28:29,559 --> 00:28:31,200
Back where we'd
stayed the night,
526
00:28:31,279 --> 00:28:35,200
I was now out of hospital,
nursing a broken rib
527
00:28:35,279 --> 00:28:39,079
and trying to save the really
badly wounded patient.
528
00:28:43,119 --> 00:28:45,799
Starting from the front,
underneath there,
529
00:28:45,880 --> 00:28:48,240
the radiator is broken
and is leaking.
530
00:28:48,319 --> 00:28:50,400
The oil cooler is mangled.
531
00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:53,680
This is the intercooler pipe.
532
00:28:53,759 --> 00:28:56,880
As you can see, the air flow
through that is not going to be
533
00:28:56,960 --> 00:28:58,799
as the manufacturer intended.
534
00:28:58,880 --> 00:29:02,359
This brake calliper actually
cracked in the impact
535
00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:03,880
and now leaks.
536
00:29:03,960 --> 00:29:08,240
This is the drive shaft, which is...
537
00:29:08,319 --> 00:29:10,319
Ah, God.
538
00:29:10,400 --> 00:29:12,720
That is very broken.
539
00:29:12,799 --> 00:29:14,279
Body work is mangled.
540
00:29:14,359 --> 00:29:15,880
This wheel is in the wrong position.
541
00:29:15,960 --> 00:29:17,680
It's not pointing the right way.
542
00:29:17,759 --> 00:29:23,559
The exhaust, it's all now
several inches further that way.
543
00:29:24,559 --> 00:29:29,200
This car is extremely badly wounded,
but it isn't dead.
544
00:29:29,279 --> 00:29:30,359
Let's hope...
545
00:29:31,680 --> 00:29:33,319
Ow. I shouldn't have done that.
546
00:29:33,400 --> 00:29:34,759
We can push it back into shape.
547
00:29:42,359 --> 00:29:44,119
Many miles ahead,
548
00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:47,440
we were in yet another
winter wonderland.
549
00:29:48,519 --> 00:29:51,400
That is pretty impressive.
550
00:29:57,680 --> 00:30:01,160
But there were issues,
chief among which was
551
00:30:01,240 --> 00:30:04,799
the Quattro's satellite
navigation system.
552
00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:06,960
You are not on a digitized road.
553
00:30:07,039 --> 00:30:10,559
Oh, I am.
I am on a digitized road.
554
00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:11,640
Don't be stupid.
555
00:30:11,720 --> 00:30:14,319
Unable to
provide recommended route from here.
556
00:30:14,400 --> 00:30:16,319
You are not on a digitized road.
557
00:30:17,359 --> 00:30:20,519
Yeah, my sat nav
is saying I'm six kilometres
558
00:30:20,599 --> 00:30:23,000
into the wood on our left.
559
00:30:23,079 --> 00:30:26,720
Well, we're in the wilderness,
'Europe's great last wilderness'.
560
00:30:28,519 --> 00:30:30,640
I suspected that, this far north,
561
00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:33,680
sat nav struggled to see any satellites.
562
00:30:35,079 --> 00:30:37,279
But there was no time to check that out
563
00:30:37,359 --> 00:30:39,200
because of another problem.
564
00:30:41,519 --> 00:30:43,000
Terror.
565
00:30:44,119 --> 00:30:47,240
The speed of
the oncoming snowploughs.
566
00:30:47,319 --> 00:30:48,599
No. Oh, no.
567
00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:50,400
Oh.
568
00:30:50,480 --> 00:30:52,839
That is doing 170.
569
00:30:52,920 --> 00:30:55,960
They are properly committed,
aren't they? Here he comes.
570
00:30:57,759 --> 00:31:00,680
Yeah.
It's Kimi Raikkonen's winter job.
571
00:31:00,759 --> 00:31:04,400
Eventually, though, we managed
to find the Swedish border,
572
00:31:04,480 --> 00:31:09,000
cross it, and reach the town
I'd been aiming for.
573
00:31:09,079 --> 00:31:11,119
This is the town, Hammond.
This is the town.
574
00:31:11,200 --> 00:31:12,400
There will be a workshop here.
575
00:31:13,200 --> 00:31:15,000
I'd say there's a good chance
there will be.
576
00:31:15,079 --> 00:31:17,319
They'll have snow machines
and ploughs and things
577
00:31:17,400 --> 00:31:19,079
that need mending all the time.
578
00:31:20,960 --> 00:31:23,440
Sure enough,
we found a friendly local
579
00:31:23,519 --> 00:31:25,119
who lent us his workshop.
580
00:31:26,319 --> 00:31:29,880
And, after buying some parts
at a wilderness accessories store...
581
00:31:29,960 --> 00:31:31,240
Tape...
582
00:31:31,319 --> 00:31:33,119
We both got down to work.
583
00:31:34,160 --> 00:31:38,240
Me with some engine-mapping software,
and Jeremy not.
584
00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:50,799
How's your mapping coming along?
585
00:31:50,880 --> 00:31:52,759
I'm done.
I'm onto physical stuff now.
586
00:31:52,839 --> 00:31:54,039
I'm not doing a lot.
587
00:31:54,119 --> 00:31:55,839
You can really change
the map that quickly?
588
00:31:55,920 --> 00:31:57,119
Yeah.
589
00:31:57,200 --> 00:31:59,440
So you've just entirely
changed this car's brain?
590
00:31:59,519 --> 00:32:00,935
The main thing is
we're in the Arctic now.
591
00:32:00,960 --> 00:32:02,640
The air is cold and dense,
592
00:32:02,720 --> 00:32:05,279
much colder and denser
than where this is set up for.
593
00:32:05,359 --> 00:32:07,640
So that means
it's got more oxygen in it.
594
00:32:07,720 --> 00:32:08,776
- So there's more...
- The air has?
595
00:32:08,799 --> 00:32:10,175
Yes, the cold air is heavier, denser,
596
00:32:10,200 --> 00:32:11,599
sits there with more oxygen in it.
597
00:32:11,680 --> 00:32:13,415
So that's what you need to mix
with the petrol vapor
598
00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:16,359
to make lovely, big, rich,
juicy explosions in there.
599
00:32:16,440 --> 00:32:18,720
- That's amazing.
- Yeah. Right.
600
00:32:18,799 --> 00:32:19,935
- I'm going to...
- James is going
601
00:32:19,960 --> 00:32:23,559
to be horrified when he gets here
to discover that my jack...
602
00:32:23,640 --> 00:32:24,759
Where's my jack gone?
603
00:32:24,839 --> 00:32:26,039
Nowhere.
604
00:32:26,119 --> 00:32:27,240
Look at that.
605
00:32:27,319 --> 00:32:28,319
Moth.
606
00:32:29,440 --> 00:32:31,359
Meanwhile, back in Norway,
607
00:32:31,440 --> 00:32:34,920
progress in my workshop
wasn't so good.
608
00:32:37,039 --> 00:32:41,759
That bit should be there.
609
00:32:45,880 --> 00:32:47,680
That should be rectangular.
610
00:32:51,079 --> 00:32:52,079
Wow.
611
00:32:54,160 --> 00:32:55,559
Okay, what next?
612
00:33:11,279 --> 00:33:15,240
The next morning,
there was still no sign of James.
613
00:33:15,319 --> 00:33:18,319
But Hammond and I had
had a productive night.
614
00:33:35,319 --> 00:33:38,519
The yobbification program is complete.
615
00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:41,880
We have the Audi rallying livery.
616
00:33:41,960 --> 00:33:45,920
We have the full Pink Floyd lighting rig.
617
00:33:46,000 --> 00:33:48,519
And there's no denying
that it's a Quattro now
618
00:33:48,599 --> 00:33:51,440
because look, it says
'Quattro' everywhere on it.
619
00:33:51,519 --> 00:33:53,480
Where are my keys?
620
00:33:55,039 --> 00:33:58,960
I put them in that bath tub,
so you won't lose them. There.
621
00:34:03,319 --> 00:34:05,319
Oh. Oh, brilliant.
622
00:34:06,799 --> 00:34:09,400
Utter, utter...
623
00:34:09,480 --> 00:34:10,480
Has it frozen?
624
00:34:12,239 --> 00:34:14,880
Yes, Jeremy, the bath
full of water has frozen
625
00:34:14,960 --> 00:34:16,000
with my keys in.
626
00:34:16,079 --> 00:34:19,519
I tried to stop it freezing
by weeing in it.
627
00:34:20,440 --> 00:34:23,119
Yeah, that would
explain the yellow ice.
628
00:34:25,440 --> 00:34:26,800
You're sick in the head.
629
00:34:29,400 --> 00:34:30,920
But it's funny, it's very funny.
630
00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:33,039
- Well done, really.
- It is? Cause there they are.
631
00:34:33,119 --> 00:34:34,295
- Yeah, there they are.
- It's extra, I didn't...
632
00:34:34,320 --> 00:34:35,639
And yet they're not.
633
00:34:35,760 --> 00:34:37,920
It's just, it was cold
last night, wasn't it?
634
00:34:38,000 --> 00:34:39,840
- Wasn't it just?
- Isn't it?
635
00:34:52,599 --> 00:34:54,800
Having eventually freed my key,
636
00:34:54,880 --> 00:34:59,199
I was able to savour
the fruits of my labours.
637
00:35:06,840 --> 00:35:09,800
Right, my laptop wizardry
has taken the power up
638
00:35:09,880 --> 00:35:12,000
to 356 horsepower.
639
00:35:14,079 --> 00:35:15,760
I've upgraded the exhaust,
as you can hear.
640
00:35:19,159 --> 00:35:24,119
Induction air filter kit.
Launch control. Anti-lag on the turbo.
641
00:35:25,519 --> 00:35:27,159
And the best livery of all...
642
00:35:32,079 --> 00:35:34,519
This isn't just
the best car here,
643
00:35:34,599 --> 00:35:37,159
this is now the best car ever.
644
00:35:39,960 --> 00:35:44,079
I am like a dog with two dicks
and a super yacht.
645
00:35:48,039 --> 00:35:50,199
Meanwhile, a few miles away,
646
00:35:50,320 --> 00:35:53,480
I'd come across
something rather special.
647
00:35:55,440 --> 00:35:59,440
A frozen lake with
a race track carved onto it.
648
00:36:04,159 --> 00:36:06,880
And it was completely deserted.
649
00:36:09,599 --> 00:36:12,760
Until it suddenly wasn't anymore.
650
00:36:16,199 --> 00:36:18,800
Yeah, looks like Hammond
has got his keys back.
651
00:36:40,360 --> 00:36:43,119
Oh, my word. Come on!
652
00:36:43,880 --> 00:36:45,519
What a machine!
653
00:36:47,280 --> 00:36:49,000
Obviously, I haven't
touched the engine.
654
00:36:49,079 --> 00:36:52,119
There was no need.
It's already a masterpiece.
655
00:36:52,159 --> 00:36:55,760
But I have fitted a
magnificent new exhaust system.
656
00:36:57,880 --> 00:37:00,360
Listen to that V8 now!
657
00:37:00,440 --> 00:37:02,599
Oh, it's howling.
658
00:37:13,920 --> 00:37:15,559
I could crash when I like.
659
00:37:15,639 --> 00:37:17,079
This is my idea of heaven!
660
00:37:18,679 --> 00:37:20,920
Opposite lock.
Scandi-flick it in.
661
00:37:21,000 --> 00:37:22,000
Holding it...
662
00:37:24,159 --> 00:37:26,679
This just flatters the incompetent.
663
00:37:26,800 --> 00:37:28,440
I am now fully Swedish.
664
00:37:33,039 --> 00:37:34,559
Getting close.
665
00:37:35,800 --> 00:37:38,119
Right. Hammond, you think
you wanna come past, do you?
666
00:37:38,159 --> 00:37:41,440
Now I'm going to unleash
my secret weapon.
667
00:37:43,840 --> 00:37:45,000
Ready?
668
00:37:45,079 --> 00:37:46,880
Come on, Clarkson.
669
00:37:50,920 --> 00:37:52,119
What the hell?
670
00:37:52,159 --> 00:37:53,840
Whoa.
671
00:37:53,920 --> 00:37:55,079
You weren't ready for that!
672
00:37:55,159 --> 00:37:57,360
Businessman's car, my ass.
673
00:38:00,039 --> 00:38:03,599
It's my new handmade
exhaust system.
674
00:38:03,639 --> 00:38:06,360
And it's designed to
prevent you from overtaking.
675
00:38:07,519 --> 00:38:09,199
We're on a frozen lake.
676
00:38:09,320 --> 00:38:11,199
If you melt it,
it's just a lake.
677
00:38:13,199 --> 00:38:14,480
Whoa!
678
00:38:14,559 --> 00:38:16,760
Once I'd finished
barbecuing my colleague,
679
00:38:16,840 --> 00:38:19,840
we pulled over to inspect
the damage he'd done
680
00:38:19,920 --> 00:38:22,079
when he'd headbutted a snow bank.
681
00:38:22,159 --> 00:38:23,679
I've lost half the front of it!
682
00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:26,880
It looks now like
it's been in a pub brawl.
683
00:38:26,960 --> 00:38:29,039
- Anyway...
- More work to be done.
684
00:38:29,119 --> 00:38:31,599
Hammond then went off
to find the tools he'd need
685
00:38:31,639 --> 00:38:34,800
to mend his car and while he was gone,
686
00:38:34,880 --> 00:38:37,679
I modified one of his modifications.
687
00:38:49,119 --> 00:38:51,159
Before Hammond
noticed my handiwork,
688
00:38:51,280 --> 00:38:55,639
we received news that
Captain Slow was about to arrive.
689
00:38:55,679 --> 00:38:59,599
And this caused us to wonder, in what?
690
00:39:00,159 --> 00:39:01,800
I'm strangely conflicted
691
00:39:01,880 --> 00:39:05,639
because I desperately want him
to be in the Volvo
692
00:39:05,679 --> 00:39:07,760
and I desperately want him
to be in the Evo.
693
00:39:07,840 --> 00:39:08,896
Yeah, I know what you mean.
694
00:39:08,920 --> 00:39:10,735
I want him to be in the Volvo
because he deserves
695
00:39:10,760 --> 00:39:11,815
- to be in the Volvo.
- Yeah.
696
00:39:11,840 --> 00:39:14,079
- Just for hurting the Evo.
- Yeah.
697
00:39:22,159 --> 00:39:24,000
- No way.
- Oh, wow.
698
00:39:24,079 --> 00:39:25,079
No way.
699
00:39:30,440 --> 00:39:31,639
I am elated!
700
00:39:33,800 --> 00:39:35,000
Hello.
701
00:39:35,079 --> 00:39:38,880
We are pleased
and angry simultaneously.
702
00:39:40,119 --> 00:39:41,199
It's not pretty.
703
00:39:41,320 --> 00:39:43,039
No.
It's like Frankenstein's Evo.
704
00:39:43,119 --> 00:39:44,920
And it lives as well.
705
00:39:45,000 --> 00:39:46,679
What was broken on it?
706
00:39:46,800 --> 00:39:49,960
Well, the intercooler,
radiator, oil cooler,
707
00:39:50,039 --> 00:39:53,039
wheel wishbone,
top wishbone, drive shaft,
708
00:39:53,119 --> 00:39:55,679
chassis rail, door,
709
00:39:55,800 --> 00:39:57,639
exhaust, engine out of alignment.
710
00:39:57,760 --> 00:40:00,920
- You really did hurt.
- It's worse than that.
711
00:40:01,000 --> 00:40:03,000
Half the people in
the world hate you
712
00:40:03,079 --> 00:40:04,295
- because you destroyed an Evo.
- Mm-hmm.
713
00:40:04,320 --> 00:40:06,135
And people, it divides into
people who like Subarus
714
00:40:06,159 --> 00:40:07,280
and like Evos.
715
00:40:07,360 --> 00:40:09,920
But the other half
of the world also hates you
716
00:40:10,000 --> 00:40:11,775
because you took away
the Subaru's competitor.
717
00:40:11,800 --> 00:40:14,159
- So, everybody hates you.
- Erm, It's still here.
718
00:40:14,199 --> 00:40:16,199
- Yes.
- But you have missed a lot of testing.
719
00:40:16,320 --> 00:40:20,519
We've established that the Audi
is faster than the Subaru, in the tunnel.
720
00:40:20,599 --> 00:40:22,599
And we've established
that it's much more fun
721
00:40:22,639 --> 00:40:24,280
- on a frozen lake and faster.
- Well, no.
722
00:40:24,360 --> 00:40:25,775
- We haven't established that.
- We have.
723
00:40:25,800 --> 00:40:26,815
- Well, we haven't.
- We have.
724
00:40:26,840 --> 00:40:28,920
- We haven't.
- Other things you need to know, James.
725
00:40:28,960 --> 00:40:31,440
- Yes?
- Norway is at war with Holland.
726
00:40:31,519 --> 00:40:33,039
- Oh, God, yeah. Watch out.
- Is it?
727
00:40:33,119 --> 00:40:34,599
Real surprise.
728
00:40:34,639 --> 00:40:36,159
So, where are your cars?
729
00:40:36,199 --> 00:40:37,199
Well...
730
00:40:38,400 --> 00:40:39,599
Oh, that's actually it?
731
00:40:39,639 --> 00:40:40,735
- Yes!
- Oh, yeah. We've been busy.
732
00:40:40,760 --> 00:40:41,815
- Good on you.
- We've done.
733
00:40:41,840 --> 00:40:44,039
I'm telling you, we have
been really hard at work.
734
00:40:44,119 --> 00:40:47,199
We've done important testing
and this.
735
00:40:47,320 --> 00:40:49,159
Anyway, what are we doing next?
736
00:40:51,039 --> 00:40:53,639
Mr Wilman gave us
the answer to that.
737
00:40:53,679 --> 00:40:56,199
We were going to see which
of our cars was the best
738
00:40:56,320 --> 00:41:01,360
at skijoring, a sport in which
you race round a frozen lake
739
00:41:01,440 --> 00:41:02,960
while towing a skier.
740
00:41:04,159 --> 00:41:07,880
Mad? You don't
even know the half of it.
741
00:41:09,679 --> 00:41:11,880
One of them has only got one leg.
742
00:41:11,960 --> 00:41:13,000
What?
743
00:41:16,800 --> 00:41:19,480
But did he lose
the other one doing this?
744
00:41:19,559 --> 00:41:20,840
Good afternoon, gentlemen.
745
00:41:20,920 --> 00:41:22,000
- Hello.
- Good afternoon.
746
00:41:22,079 --> 00:41:23,599
Hi. Good afternoon.
747
00:41:23,639 --> 00:41:28,920
There then followed a typically
verbose Scandinavian conversation.
748
00:41:29,000 --> 00:41:32,000
Do you do it here because there aren't
very many mountains to ski on?
749
00:41:32,079 --> 00:41:33,559
Yeah.
750
00:41:33,639 --> 00:41:35,000
How do you win?
751
00:41:35,079 --> 00:41:36,519
The fastest wins.
752
00:41:41,079 --> 00:41:43,159
Soon, though,
the chat started to flow.
753
00:41:43,280 --> 00:41:46,599
You see that snow that,
what's that snowmobile towing?
754
00:41:46,639 --> 00:41:48,840
It's taking
a shed out for a drive.
755
00:41:48,920 --> 00:41:50,000
For fishing.
756
00:41:50,079 --> 00:41:51,800
- What?
- For fishing, ice fishing.
757
00:41:51,880 --> 00:41:53,000
Oh, it's like a fishing hut.
758
00:41:53,039 --> 00:41:55,039
- Ice-fishing hut.
- Oh, is it on skis?
759
00:41:55,119 --> 00:41:56,119
Yes.
760
00:41:56,159 --> 00:41:57,456
- So it's a caravan?
- So, that's like a caravan.
761
00:41:57,480 --> 00:41:58,615
- It's a caravan.
- Yeah, but on skis!
762
00:41:58,639 --> 00:42:00,119
That's quite good.
763
00:42:00,159 --> 00:42:03,559
Distraction over,
we got back to the job in hand.
764
00:42:03,639 --> 00:42:05,000
How fast do normally go?
765
00:42:05,079 --> 00:42:06,519
120.
766
00:42:06,599 --> 00:42:07,639
- What?
- What?
767
00:42:07,760 --> 00:42:09,840
- 120.
- I wouldn't do that without a skier.
768
00:42:09,920 --> 00:42:11,456
- That's kilometres an hour, yes?
- Kilometres per hour, yeah.
769
00:42:11,480 --> 00:42:13,440
- But it's still...
- That's still 70.
770
00:42:13,519 --> 00:42:14,519
Yes, I wouldn't...
771
00:42:14,599 --> 00:42:16,000
- 70 miles an hour?
- Yeah.
772
00:42:16,079 --> 00:42:17,079
Closer to 80.
773
00:42:17,159 --> 00:42:18,159
- What?
- Yeah.
774
00:42:18,199 --> 00:42:20,079
But what? We've never done this.
775
00:42:20,159 --> 00:42:21,440
Yeah, so we won't go that fast,
776
00:42:21,519 --> 00:42:22,599
but you can still enjoy it.
777
00:42:22,639 --> 00:42:25,440
- That's sort of up to us, really.
- That's the problem, it's up to us!
778
00:42:26,039 --> 00:42:27,735
We have done a little bit
of driving around this track.
779
00:42:27,760 --> 00:42:28,760
Well, I haven't.
780
00:42:28,840 --> 00:42:30,480
And when you're
following the other one,
781
00:42:30,559 --> 00:42:32,920
he doesn't know what he's
gonna do in the corner,
782
00:42:33,000 --> 00:42:34,880
how he's gonna do it,
is he gonna turn early...
783
00:42:34,960 --> 00:42:36,175
Well, I don't know what
the car's going to do.
784
00:42:36,199 --> 00:42:38,679
Yeah, but your cars are intact.
785
00:42:38,800 --> 00:42:40,000
- I mean, not...
- My Evo.
786
00:42:40,079 --> 00:42:41,880
- No, his isn't, yeah.
- But your cars.
787
00:42:41,960 --> 00:42:44,760
Yeah, he just looked at
the middle pedal and thought,
788
00:42:44,840 --> 00:42:45,840
'No, I don't need that'.
789
00:42:46,400 --> 00:42:49,920
Still not convinced
this was a good idea,
790
00:42:50,000 --> 00:42:51,679
we lined up for the start.
791
00:42:54,000 --> 00:42:56,679
It's the second stupid thing
we've done on this trip.
792
00:42:57,960 --> 00:43:00,840
How cold do you think
it's going to be on skis
793
00:43:00,920 --> 00:43:02,119
at 80 miles an hour?
794
00:43:03,559 --> 00:43:05,119
Unimaginably cold.
795
00:43:06,119 --> 00:43:08,519
Will there be a dribble
of warmth from my exhaust
796
00:43:08,599 --> 00:43:10,000
to keep him warm, do you think?
797
00:43:10,079 --> 00:43:11,896
Yes, but you don't want
to cross the finish line
798
00:43:11,920 --> 00:43:13,480
with some bacon
on the end of a string.
799
00:43:18,840 --> 00:43:20,400
Here we go.
800
00:43:26,679 --> 00:43:28,280
There's a man
in the rear-view mirror
801
00:43:28,360 --> 00:43:29,920
and he's keeping up with me.
802
00:43:30,000 --> 00:43:31,400
That's alarming.
803
00:43:34,760 --> 00:43:35,880
Where does it go?
804
00:43:41,119 --> 00:43:42,960
I'm cutting off Hammond.
805
00:43:44,639 --> 00:43:45,760
Oh, I've bollocks'ed that.
806
00:43:47,519 --> 00:43:50,199
Oh, sorry.
807
00:43:52,280 --> 00:43:55,880
65 miles per hour,
and he's still there.
808
00:44:02,719 --> 00:44:06,119
This is terrifying. I'd rather
drive in that tunnel again.
809
00:44:12,400 --> 00:44:16,079
And that's 80 miles an hour
we've just achieved.
810
00:44:16,159 --> 00:44:17,960
I want to catch Jeremy
more than anything else
811
00:44:18,039 --> 00:44:20,719
in the world, but I don't wanna
kill someone else doing it.
812
00:44:24,719 --> 00:44:27,039
Hammond's gaining,
he is gaining.
813
00:44:27,599 --> 00:44:29,760
He wants me to go faster.
He's bloody nuts.
814
00:44:32,400 --> 00:44:33,880
I went wide!
815
00:44:33,960 --> 00:44:35,199
No!
816
00:44:35,280 --> 00:44:36,679
No!
817
00:44:37,920 --> 00:44:40,079
I have the lead!
818
00:44:45,079 --> 00:44:48,239
That was a mistake.
819
00:44:51,800 --> 00:44:53,400
Shit, I've lost him.
820
00:44:55,519 --> 00:44:57,559
Right, last lap.
821
00:44:57,639 --> 00:44:59,400
Through the chicaney bit.
822
00:45:02,079 --> 00:45:03,079
Come on!
823
00:45:04,280 --> 00:45:06,800
Mapping's good,
but it doesn't beat cubes.
824
00:45:08,559 --> 00:45:10,639
And I have a lot of cubes.
825
00:45:17,960 --> 00:45:19,159
Come on!
826
00:45:19,239 --> 00:45:21,880
The power of the V8 is mighty!
827
00:45:23,360 --> 00:45:24,559
Yes!
828
00:45:24,639 --> 00:45:26,559
I got him back!
829
00:45:26,639 --> 00:45:29,119
Did he, oh, I forget to check.
He's still there.
830
00:45:36,960 --> 00:45:38,039
Where is he?
831
00:45:42,039 --> 00:45:43,320
Oh, thank God.
832
00:45:44,599 --> 00:45:47,800
Having bid a fond farewell
to these foolish men...
833
00:45:47,880 --> 00:45:49,320
- Well, thank you.
- Guys, yeah.
834
00:45:49,400 --> 00:45:50,655
- Yes, really.
- It was a pleasure.
835
00:45:50,679 --> 00:45:51,735
- Thank you very much.
- Thank you. Thank you.
836
00:45:51,760 --> 00:45:52,815
It was a terrifying experience.
837
00:45:52,840 --> 00:45:53,936
I don't know what the Swedish
for 'thank you' is,
838
00:45:53,960 --> 00:45:56,016
- but thank you.
- A great spectacle and incredibly brave.
839
00:45:56,039 --> 00:45:59,119
We continued on our way.
840
00:46:10,360 --> 00:46:14,639
And an hour later,
something dawned on me.
841
00:46:15,679 --> 00:46:19,119
This is the first time
since we set off
842
00:46:19,199 --> 00:46:22,199
that I've genuinely felt
like I'm in a wilderness.
843
00:46:24,039 --> 00:46:25,719
I mean, there's just
no evidence anywhere
844
00:46:25,800 --> 00:46:27,320
of man's existence.
845
00:46:28,199 --> 00:46:30,960
There's no town.
There's no village.
846
00:46:31,039 --> 00:46:34,440
There's no... hotel?
847
00:46:38,039 --> 00:46:42,440
Chaps, I'm loving the wilderness, but
where are we going to spend the night?
848
00:46:42,519 --> 00:46:43,639
I've been thinking the same.
849
00:46:43,719 --> 00:46:47,519
It's very nice to feel
we're finally out there,
850
00:46:47,599 --> 00:46:49,679
but there's no hotels.
851
00:46:49,760 --> 00:46:51,960
It is getting quite dark as well.
852
00:46:52,559 --> 00:46:55,119
Yeah. Well, why don't you
turn your light on?
853
00:46:55,199 --> 00:46:56,280
I say 'light'.
854
00:46:57,519 --> 00:46:59,079
I have got my light on.
855
00:47:00,119 --> 00:47:02,400
Would you like to
see my lights, James?
856
00:47:02,480 --> 00:47:05,960
Well, I'm gonna say no,
but, yes, there you go, well done.
857
00:47:09,360 --> 00:47:11,119
We drove for hours
858
00:47:11,199 --> 00:47:13,239
and there was still no sign of life.
859
00:47:18,559 --> 00:47:21,039
It's minus six-and-a-half degrees
out there.
860
00:47:22,360 --> 00:47:24,159
Seriously,
what are we going to do?
861
00:47:28,039 --> 00:47:29,039
Come on.
862
00:47:31,440 --> 00:47:34,840
Eventually, though,
as we approached a wood,
863
00:47:34,920 --> 00:47:38,440
we saw in my headlights
the outline of a building.
864
00:47:41,000 --> 00:47:43,079
- I wonder what it is?
- I don't know.
865
00:47:48,920 --> 00:47:52,360
This is like a survival hut.
866
00:47:52,440 --> 00:47:55,639
This is left so that,
if you're stuck in the wilderness,
867
00:47:55,719 --> 00:47:56,775
you come in and help yourself.
868
00:47:56,800 --> 00:47:58,159
It's got all the basics.
869
00:47:58,239 --> 00:47:59,800
So this is like a Sami hut?
870
00:47:59,880 --> 00:48:01,159
A pile of wood.
871
00:48:01,239 --> 00:48:02,639
Meat!
872
00:48:02,719 --> 00:48:03,775
Well, it'll all
be frozen, wouldn't it?
873
00:48:03,800 --> 00:48:05,880
Yeah, the meat'll be fine.
We can light a fire.
874
00:48:05,960 --> 00:48:08,079
Yeah, we need to get the fire lit.
875
00:48:18,360 --> 00:48:20,880
Are you still
going on about your ribs?
876
00:48:20,960 --> 00:48:22,719
Hello! Look at this.
877
00:48:23,480 --> 00:48:25,639
- Oh, bollocks.
- You massive tit.
878
00:48:25,719 --> 00:48:26,719
What, did he dropped it?
879
00:48:26,800 --> 00:48:28,440
Yeah, but it doesn't matter.
880
00:48:28,519 --> 00:48:31,039
Yeah! Meaty treat!
881
00:48:31,119 --> 00:48:32,416
Oh, bloody hell, that's fabulous.
882
00:48:32,440 --> 00:48:35,559
- Isn't it?
- Yeah. Mmm, mmm, mmm.
883
00:48:35,639 --> 00:48:37,456
We've had a little adventure
out in the wilderness.
884
00:48:37,480 --> 00:48:40,880
It's true, we are
living a wilderness lifestyle.
885
00:48:40,960 --> 00:48:43,440
But we could be eating Rudolph.
And who are the other ones?
886
00:48:43,519 --> 00:48:46,480
Donner and Blitz,
who were the other reindeers?
887
00:48:46,559 --> 00:48:48,360
Flatulence, Ball Bag and Stingray.
888
00:48:48,440 --> 00:48:50,000
Steve. Robert.
889
00:48:51,039 --> 00:48:52,719
- Rudolph.
- Yeah.
890
00:48:52,800 --> 00:48:55,079
- Donner and Kebab.
- Alimony.
891
00:48:55,159 --> 00:48:57,000
There wasn't one called Alimony!
892
00:48:57,079 --> 00:48:58,079
Bob.
893
00:49:38,960 --> 00:49:39,960
Guys?
894
00:49:48,679 --> 00:49:49,920
What the hell is that?
895
00:49:51,320 --> 00:49:54,079
This turf hut is
the central part of the camp.
896
00:49:54,159 --> 00:49:57,039
One of these was all, it's a,
we've slept in a museum exhibit.
897
00:49:58,559 --> 00:49:59,559
There's a gift shop.
898
00:50:01,119 --> 00:50:02,360
Jesus.
899
00:50:02,440 --> 00:50:03,519
They've got little...
900
00:50:03,599 --> 00:50:05,760
There's a petting...
They're petting reindeers.
901
00:50:05,840 --> 00:50:07,119
Now, wait, they don't know...
902
00:50:07,199 --> 00:50:09,496
- No, they think...
- that we've been in there all night.
903
00:50:09,519 --> 00:50:11,039
I haven't got any trousers on.
904
00:50:13,000 --> 00:50:15,639
Might I suggest you go
and put some trousers on.
905
00:50:15,719 --> 00:50:16,920
- Yeah.
- We can pack up.
906
00:50:17,000 --> 00:50:19,920
'Cause what I'm going to do
is sidle back to the cars.
907
00:50:20,000 --> 00:50:21,960
Oh, I enjoyed
looking at the hut.
908
00:50:22,039 --> 00:50:23,079
- Yeah.
- Did you?
909
00:50:23,159 --> 00:50:26,079
- That was interesting, I think, Hammond.
- Yeah, a really good look.
910
00:50:26,159 --> 00:50:28,056
Well worth 10 or 15 minutes
of your time, isn't it?
911
00:50:28,079 --> 00:50:32,000
Again, we thought we
were in the wilderness.
912
00:50:37,880 --> 00:50:39,480
Hammond!
913
00:50:56,559 --> 00:50:59,480
Oh, I can only imagine
914
00:50:59,559 --> 00:51:02,039
it's some sort of
freak weather event,
915
00:51:02,119 --> 00:51:03,639
like a shaft of cold that...
916
00:51:03,719 --> 00:51:06,360
I mean, it could
have hit any of us.
917
00:51:06,440 --> 00:51:07,480
But it's hit you.
918
00:51:07,559 --> 00:51:10,719
Now, if you get hit
by one of those blasts of ice
919
00:51:10,800 --> 00:51:12,840
- round these parts, it's a lucky...
- You did this!
920
00:51:14,079 --> 00:51:15,376
- Well...
- Because I put your keys
921
00:51:15,400 --> 00:51:16,920
in ice, you put my entire car...
922
00:51:17,000 --> 00:51:18,519
How did you do that?
923
00:51:18,599 --> 00:51:21,519
Slowly and whilst grinning.
Sorry.
924
00:51:21,599 --> 00:51:23,679
It's pretty, though, isn't it?
Look!
925
00:51:23,760 --> 00:51:26,039
It's undrivable, is what it is.
926
00:51:26,119 --> 00:51:28,400
- For now.
- It's an incredible effect.
927
00:51:28,480 --> 00:51:29,599
But by June...
928
00:51:29,679 --> 00:51:34,800
You are gonna help me
get the ice off that car.
929
00:51:34,880 --> 00:51:38,719
I am. And also, I'm not.
930
00:51:46,400 --> 00:51:47,800
What do you think Jeremy will do
931
00:51:47,880 --> 00:51:50,199
to solve the little conundrum
I may have given him?
932
00:51:50,639 --> 00:51:53,599
How long will it be,
do you think, before he says,
933
00:51:53,679 --> 00:51:55,960
'Right, I'll set fire to it'?
934
00:51:56,880 --> 00:51:58,079
Half a minute?
935
00:52:03,159 --> 00:52:05,960
Yes! This is good.
936
00:52:10,199 --> 00:52:12,960
Morning.
937
00:52:13,039 --> 00:52:14,760
This is gonna take forever.
938
00:52:24,599 --> 00:52:26,000
I've overdone it.
939
00:52:26,679 --> 00:52:29,039
Well, he could just
talk about it a lot
940
00:52:29,119 --> 00:52:31,400
'cause all that hot air
would eventually melt the ice
941
00:52:31,480 --> 00:52:33,039
on the car, wouldn't it?
942
00:52:35,519 --> 00:52:36,920
Traditional Sami fire extinguisher.
943
00:52:46,960 --> 00:52:49,199
Hammond and I
headed further east
944
00:52:49,280 --> 00:52:52,000
through the empty landscape,
945
00:52:52,079 --> 00:52:53,960
with me still a bit dumbstruck
946
00:52:54,039 --> 00:52:58,199
about how the Evo had
come back from the dead.
947
00:52:58,280 --> 00:52:59,936
Think what happened to
the front of this car.
948
00:52:59,960 --> 00:53:03,920
The front wishbone was bent
back on itself, but here we are,
949
00:53:04,000 --> 00:53:08,480
temperature absolutely stable,
steering rock steady.
950
00:53:10,559 --> 00:53:12,119
I wouldn't have believed it.
951
00:53:15,760 --> 00:53:18,280
If we were in an old black-and-white
British newsreel,
952
00:53:18,360 --> 00:53:20,840
it would be described
as a plucky chap.
953
00:53:21,400 --> 00:53:22,920
But it's more than a plucky chap.
954
00:53:23,000 --> 00:53:24,239
I mean, it's just incredible.
955
00:53:26,320 --> 00:53:30,920
Soon, Richard and I were nearing
the mining town of Kiruna.
956
00:53:31,000 --> 00:53:32,840
I don't know much about it
apart from the fact
957
00:53:32,920 --> 00:53:38,199
that it hosts the world's largest
underground iron ore mine.
958
00:53:39,440 --> 00:53:43,280
Which suggests it's not pretty?
959
00:53:43,360 --> 00:53:45,400
I'm not expecting
Bourton-on-the-Water.
960
00:53:46,239 --> 00:53:47,920
No. Agreed.
961
00:53:48,000 --> 00:53:50,159
Then again,
iron ore is very important
962
00:53:50,239 --> 00:53:52,239
and Swedish iron ore
was very significant
963
00:53:52,320 --> 00:53:55,280
to Britain's success
in the Industrial Revolution.
964
00:53:55,360 --> 00:53:56,360
History lecture.
965
00:53:56,440 --> 00:53:58,519
And once the Darbys
had worked out how
966
00:53:58,599 --> 00:54:00,400
to smelt iron with coke
rather than having
967
00:54:00,480 --> 00:54:03,719
to burn charcoal made
from wood, we were away.
968
00:54:04,519 --> 00:54:05,815
There's actually a bit more to it
than that.
969
00:54:05,840 --> 00:54:08,679
That was an over-simplification.
970
00:54:08,760 --> 00:54:11,039
And yet, still,
somehow more than enough.
971
00:54:14,679 --> 00:54:17,800
Eventually,
we arrived in the town itself.
972
00:54:19,920 --> 00:54:21,800
That must be it.
That must be the actual mine.
973
00:54:38,079 --> 00:54:41,360
Well, one good thing,
as this is a town,
974
00:54:41,440 --> 00:54:43,000
and it's a sort of practical town,
975
00:54:43,079 --> 00:54:45,239
we can stock up on all
the stuff we might need
976
00:54:45,320 --> 00:54:47,719
to continue our journey
through the wilderness.
977
00:54:49,119 --> 00:54:51,199
Meanwhile,
back at Ice Station Zebra,
978
00:54:51,280 --> 00:54:53,920
I was finally making progress.
979
00:54:55,079 --> 00:54:57,119
Fire, no use at all.
980
00:54:57,679 --> 00:55:00,119
Hammer, only thing that works.
981
00:55:03,239 --> 00:55:05,079
Ooh! Movement!
982
00:55:11,639 --> 00:55:13,615
See, my mother would look at
that hole there in the window
983
00:55:13,639 --> 00:55:14,920
and go, 'Yes, that's clear.
984
00:55:15,000 --> 00:55:16,840
We can go to school now, Jeremy'.
985
00:55:20,360 --> 00:55:21,920
Yes. We are away.
986
00:55:24,000 --> 00:55:25,119
Over in Kiruna,
987
00:55:25,199 --> 00:55:29,559
we had found the most
manly shop in the world.
988
00:55:29,639 --> 00:55:32,320
- Oh, right, this...
- Oh, hang on.
989
00:55:32,400 --> 00:55:33,880
Whoa!
990
00:55:33,960 --> 00:55:35,159
No!
991
00:55:35,239 --> 00:55:37,480
That says mining town!
992
00:55:37,559 --> 00:55:39,400
'What do you mine?' 'Iron-ore'.
993
00:55:39,480 --> 00:55:42,119
- That must...
- I'm going to put my car back together.
994
00:55:43,280 --> 00:55:44,280
That is...
995
00:55:44,360 --> 00:55:46,440
Have we shrunk or is
everybody bigger than us here?
996
00:55:46,519 --> 00:55:48,280
- I dunno.
- Yeah.
997
00:55:51,079 --> 00:55:52,400
I haven't got my glasses.
998
00:55:54,559 --> 00:55:55,599
It's an ax.
999
00:55:55,679 --> 00:55:57,199
Yeah.
1000
00:55:57,280 --> 00:55:58,880
Oh, hang on, these are like strops.
1001
00:55:58,960 --> 00:56:01,936
This is if we get stuck, which we could
'cause we're gonna be in the wilderness.
1002
00:56:01,960 --> 00:56:03,039
- Easy.
- These are strops
1003
00:56:03,119 --> 00:56:05,800
and winches and things.
A ratchet strap.
1004
00:56:05,880 --> 00:56:07,320
And we are prepared.
1005
00:56:08,480 --> 00:56:10,880
With our survival shopping done,
1006
00:56:10,960 --> 00:56:13,119
we went for a well-earned bite to eat.
1007
00:56:13,880 --> 00:56:16,519
It's funny, I don't
generally go for pizzas,
1008
00:56:16,599 --> 00:56:17,599
but sometimes...
1009
00:56:17,679 --> 00:56:19,559
Oh, hello.
1010
00:56:19,639 --> 00:56:21,239
You made it.
1011
00:56:22,480 --> 00:56:23,480
Oh.
1012
00:56:33,079 --> 00:56:34,079
What?
1013
00:56:36,239 --> 00:56:38,440
- Would you like some pizza?
- Yes.
1014
00:56:38,519 --> 00:56:40,920
- Did you get the ice off?
- Yeah, mostly.
1015
00:56:41,000 --> 00:56:43,199
I bet it was fun.
That was a proper challenge.
1016
00:56:43,280 --> 00:56:44,360
What did you do?
1017
00:56:44,440 --> 00:56:47,079
- Flame thrower, chisel.
- We guessed fire.
1018
00:56:47,159 --> 00:56:49,639
I hope you enjoy your pizza.
1019
00:56:49,719 --> 00:56:53,679
Shall we call a truce on
silly ice-related pranks?
1020
00:56:54,760 --> 00:56:56,280
- No.
- Okay.
1021
00:56:56,360 --> 00:56:57,960
You can have a small piece.
1022
00:56:58,039 --> 00:57:01,119
- Don't let him have any!
- Small piece, small piece.
1023
00:57:03,360 --> 00:57:04,960
- Have you seen this?
- What?
1024
00:57:06,519 --> 00:57:08,119
It's a mobile home.
1025
00:57:08,679 --> 00:57:10,039
I'll tell you
exactly what this is.
1026
00:57:10,119 --> 00:57:12,559
The iron ore mine, which you
may have noticed on the way in...
1027
00:57:12,639 --> 00:57:14,119
It's hard to miss.
- Mmm.
1028
00:57:14,800 --> 00:57:18,840
The seam is going under the town
that they're mining,
1029
00:57:18,920 --> 00:57:20,519
and the houses are starting to...
1030
00:57:20,599 --> 00:57:23,496
- They just disappear in the...
- Yeah, they're just falling into the hole.
1031
00:57:23,519 --> 00:57:24,920
So they're moving the town.
1032
00:57:25,000 --> 00:57:26,735
But there was a
whole house on a truck thing.
1033
00:57:26,760 --> 00:57:27,936
- They just move the house.
- Yeah, pick up the house.
1034
00:57:27,960 --> 00:57:29,800
They are moving house, literally.
1035
00:57:29,880 --> 00:57:31,135
They pick them up,
put them on a lorry,
1036
00:57:31,159 --> 00:57:32,960
and move them to an area
where the mine isn't.
1037
00:57:33,039 --> 00:57:35,480
- Wow!
- There, look, you can see.
1038
00:57:35,559 --> 00:57:36,559
Yeah.
1039
00:57:36,639 --> 00:57:39,039
There is the seam
and the town is falling down.
1040
00:57:39,760 --> 00:57:40,960
It gives me an idea, though.
1041
00:57:41,039 --> 00:57:43,000
- What?
- You know those houses
1042
00:57:43,079 --> 00:57:46,000
we saw on skis at the lake,
was it yesterday?
1043
00:57:46,079 --> 00:57:47,239
- Hmm.
- Mm.
1044
00:57:47,320 --> 00:57:49,239
Well, I know that once we go...
1045
00:57:49,320 --> 00:57:50,400
Where are we going?
1046
00:57:50,480 --> 00:57:52,199
- East of here.
- Yeah?
1047
00:57:52,280 --> 00:57:54,119
Towards Finland
and into Finland,
1048
00:57:54,199 --> 00:57:57,320
it does get more wildernessy
than it has been.
1049
00:57:57,400 --> 00:58:03,119
Why don't we get, like, houses
and tow them behind our cars?
1050
00:58:03,199 --> 00:58:04,199
What?
1051
00:58:04,280 --> 00:58:05,536
- That's just a caravan.
- Actual houses?
1052
00:58:05,559 --> 00:58:06,840
No, no, no, on skis.
1053
00:58:06,920 --> 00:58:09,760
Well, but we can't possibly
tow a whole house behind us.
1054
00:58:09,840 --> 00:58:12,519
Well, I'm not suggesting
we have a six-bedroom mansion.
1055
00:58:12,599 --> 00:58:13,960
So, what are you thinking of?
1056
00:58:14,039 --> 00:58:18,039
Something in between
a dog kennel and that.
1057
00:58:18,119 --> 00:58:19,440
On skis?
1058
00:58:19,519 --> 00:58:21,016
- It's the skis that...
- Yes, it's not some awful...
1059
00:58:21,039 --> 00:58:22,175
You can make whatever
house you like.
1060
00:58:22,199 --> 00:58:23,639
That is a smart idea.
1061
00:58:23,719 --> 00:58:26,320
So with that and the
provisions we've bought,
1062
00:58:26,400 --> 00:58:27,456
- we are good.
- Have you been shopping?
1063
00:58:27,480 --> 00:58:28,480
- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah,
1064
00:58:28,559 --> 00:58:29,800
we've got some fantastic stuff.
1065
00:58:32,559 --> 00:58:35,079
With that settled,
we found a workshop.
1066
00:58:38,079 --> 00:58:42,239
And the next afternoon,
the houses were ready.
1067
00:58:44,480 --> 00:58:48,920
Let me talk you through my genius,
if I may, Hammond.
1068
00:58:49,000 --> 00:58:52,360
- A simple bed, fur blanket.
- Synthetic?
1069
00:58:52,440 --> 00:58:54,920
Yeah, and then we've
got a wood-burning stove,
1070
00:58:55,000 --> 00:58:58,559
antler lighting here,
1071
00:58:58,639 --> 00:59:01,840
and then, external lighting
on my porch.
1072
00:59:02,719 --> 00:59:04,199
It's a bit big, isn't it?
1073
00:59:04,280 --> 00:59:05,719
It's not big!
1074
00:59:05,800 --> 00:59:07,519
Well, it is compared to mine.
1075
00:59:08,679 --> 00:59:10,559
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah!
1076
00:59:10,639 --> 00:59:14,639
Traditional Swedish hut.
Perfect in every way, this.
1077
00:59:15,880 --> 00:59:16,880
This is what they use.
1078
00:59:16,960 --> 00:59:18,400
Look, compact living.
1079
00:59:18,480 --> 00:59:20,039
In the middle, this is for cooking.
1080
00:59:20,119 --> 00:59:22,719
So, air comes in underneath,
goes out that chimney at the top.
1081
00:59:22,800 --> 00:59:24,400
- Yeah?
- Keeps the whole thing warm.
1082
00:59:24,480 --> 00:59:26,920
This seat converts into a bed.
1083
00:59:27,000 --> 00:59:28,215
- I've got lighting.
- Hold on. What?
1084
00:59:28,239 --> 00:59:30,000
You have to sleep in a C shape?
1085
00:59:30,079 --> 00:59:32,295
No, no, no, that bit goes in there
and then that comes over there.
1086
00:59:32,320 --> 00:59:34,639
This all converts into a bed
when you're in sleeping mode,
1087
00:59:34,719 --> 00:59:38,280
but this is sociable,
keep warm, cook food.
1088
00:59:39,719 --> 00:59:41,719
Pretty lights, honestly...
1089
00:59:41,800 --> 00:59:43,440
Why didn't you make
it square, though?
1090
00:59:43,519 --> 00:59:44,760
You'd have had more space.
1091
00:59:44,840 --> 00:59:46,480
Because they are
traditionally this shape.
1092
00:59:46,519 --> 00:59:48,536
You sit around. I actually
have one of these at home.
1093
00:59:48,559 --> 00:59:51,079
- Of course you do.
- For real, and it's brilliant.
1094
00:59:51,159 --> 00:59:53,719
You have a barbecue in it
with your friends and, you know...
1095
00:59:56,280 --> 00:59:59,400
Have you just stolen a bus shelter?
1096
00:59:59,480 --> 01:00:02,000
Well, my thinking was
that, when I'm in bed,
1097
01:00:02,079 --> 01:00:04,960
I can just look at the Northern Lights
without having to go outside.
1098
01:00:05,039 --> 01:00:06,519
I wish I'd thought of that.
1099
01:00:06,599 --> 01:00:09,239
This is a bit like those people
who go foraging for food.
1100
01:00:09,320 --> 01:00:11,000
Isn't it?
You've gone foraging for shelter.
1101
01:00:11,079 --> 01:00:13,760
Instead of some mushrooms,
you've come back with a bus stop.
1102
01:00:13,840 --> 01:00:14,840
It's a clever thing.
1103
01:00:14,920 --> 01:00:18,719
It's just, I don't particularly want
to look out of my window
1104
01:00:18,800 --> 01:00:22,760
and see you doing man things.
1105
01:00:22,840 --> 01:00:24,360
I'm not gonna park near you.
1106
01:00:28,079 --> 01:00:31,039
Unveilings over,
it was time to hit the road.
1107
01:00:31,119 --> 01:00:32,280
Here we go.
1108
01:00:33,480 --> 01:00:36,119
Ooh, it's going. I have begun.
1109
01:00:38,679 --> 01:00:40,360
We're moving.
1110
01:00:40,440 --> 01:00:44,079
Well, thus far,
everything works. It's perfect.
1111
01:00:54,280 --> 01:00:57,159
Chaps? I seem to
have frozen to the ground.
1112
01:00:58,960 --> 01:01:02,639
Richard and I, therefore,
got out to give him a push.
1113
01:01:02,719 --> 01:01:04,239
You ready?
1114
01:01:05,800 --> 01:01:08,840
- What are you doing?
- Three, two, one, go!
1115
01:01:13,920 --> 01:01:15,400
- Yes!
- Yes.
1116
01:01:15,480 --> 01:01:17,599
Keep going, James.
1117
01:01:17,679 --> 01:01:20,920
Thank you!
1118
01:01:21,000 --> 01:01:22,639
I'm off.
1119
01:01:26,039 --> 01:01:29,119
It works! It works!
1120
01:01:29,199 --> 01:01:31,559
Oh, no. No.
1121
01:01:33,440 --> 01:01:34,960
Oh, my word...
1122
01:01:37,920 --> 01:01:39,400
Panic. Panic.
1123
01:01:44,800 --> 01:01:48,000
It's difficult to describe
the handling of the Audi now.
1124
01:01:48,079 --> 01:01:50,079
Worse is one way of saying it.
1125
01:01:53,079 --> 01:01:54,760
On the plus side, however,
1126
01:01:54,840 --> 01:01:57,960
our grand designs had
solved our housing problems.
1127
01:01:59,760 --> 01:02:03,800
And we were now heading smoothly
towards the Finnish border.
1128
01:02:05,480 --> 01:02:08,559
I'm a proper nomad
in the snowy wilderness.
1129
01:02:08,639 --> 01:02:09,639
I've got my home with me.
1130
01:02:10,960 --> 01:02:14,079
Fabulous, it's a roaming village.
1131
01:02:15,079 --> 01:02:17,559
Hello, lovely Swedish people.
1132
01:02:18,599 --> 01:02:21,079
Now, the sat nav
is saying to go left here.
1133
01:02:24,440 --> 01:02:28,039
No!
1134
01:02:29,079 --> 01:02:33,719
I nearly rolled my shed there!
1135
01:02:34,800 --> 01:02:36,239
Buffeting.
1136
01:02:36,320 --> 01:02:37,960
Buffeting.
1137
01:02:39,480 --> 01:02:41,480
Oh. Steady.
1138
01:02:45,320 --> 01:02:47,920
Jeremy, are you
sure about this turnoff?
1139
01:02:48,000 --> 01:02:49,880
Yes. I'm not.
1140
01:02:49,960 --> 01:02:52,400
To be honest, I'm not,
'cause my sat nav won't admit,
1141
01:02:52,480 --> 01:02:53,480
'cause it's German,
1142
01:02:53,559 --> 01:02:56,679
that it can only see one
or maybe two satellites.
1143
01:02:56,760 --> 01:02:59,039
So, it doesn't really
know where it is.
1144
01:03:03,719 --> 01:03:06,840
Thanks to
the Quattro's superior power,
1145
01:03:06,920 --> 01:03:09,960
I was soon far ahead
of the two-litre boys.
1146
01:03:12,800 --> 01:03:17,360
But my heavy shed
did make my V8 a bit thirsty.
1147
01:03:19,840 --> 01:03:21,400
God, I'm gonna need
some fuel first.
1148
01:03:22,480 --> 01:03:24,079
Oh no, wait, a petrol station.
1149
01:03:26,079 --> 01:03:28,280
Whoa. Ooh, deary me.
1150
01:03:30,880 --> 01:03:32,719
Oh! Hell!
1151
01:03:33,719 --> 01:03:35,480
Shit!
1152
01:03:35,559 --> 01:03:38,800
I've crashed into a petrol station
is what I've done here.
1153
01:03:41,639 --> 01:03:42,840
Oh, shit.
1154
01:03:43,360 --> 01:03:44,760
Morning.
1155
01:03:47,679 --> 01:03:50,000
At that moment, my colleague arrived.
1156
01:03:53,119 --> 01:03:54,440
Right.
1157
01:03:55,039 --> 01:03:58,159
And kindly volunteered
to help me out of my pickle.
1158
01:03:58,239 --> 01:04:00,360
Shall I go? I'll stand on it.
1159
01:04:00,440 --> 01:04:02,360
Full-right in reverse,
It might just do it.
1160
01:04:02,440 --> 01:04:03,800
You reckon?
1161
01:04:04,960 --> 01:04:06,000
Ah. You see?
1162
01:04:07,239 --> 01:04:08,335
- Yes?
- Yeah, you're all right.
1163
01:04:08,360 --> 01:04:10,280
Keep your hard, hard right in.
1164
01:04:11,960 --> 01:04:13,039
Okay.
1165
01:04:13,119 --> 01:04:14,719
And then go forwards.
1166
01:04:16,480 --> 01:04:19,960
All right, with hindsight,
I've made a mistake.
1167
01:04:22,400 --> 01:04:23,400
Oh...
1168
01:04:33,360 --> 01:04:34,360
Shit!
1169
01:04:35,239 --> 01:04:36,280
What did I hit?
1170
01:04:36,360 --> 01:04:38,760
All those big metal bins.
1171
01:04:38,840 --> 01:04:40,239
Have I hit the recycling bin?
1172
01:04:40,320 --> 01:04:42,239
Yes, a number of them, in fact.
1173
01:04:43,599 --> 01:04:47,719
Oh. no. Look what we've done.
1174
01:04:47,800 --> 01:04:50,559
- We?
- It is a village notice board.
1175
01:04:50,639 --> 01:04:52,880
Music lessons,
they do recorder lessons.
1176
01:04:52,960 --> 01:04:55,175
- There's a kid's choir.
- Well, they, they won't notice.
1177
01:04:55,199 --> 01:04:57,079
Well, they will,
it's on its side.
1178
01:04:57,159 --> 01:04:59,159
Oh, it's bloody heavy.
1179
01:04:59,239 --> 01:05:01,800
No, we're not gonna,
we're never gonna get that back up.
1180
01:05:01,880 --> 01:05:06,880
It's the one thing they've got!
Snow and a notice board.
1181
01:05:08,760 --> 01:05:10,239
Given the situation,
1182
01:05:10,320 --> 01:05:13,960
it seemed churlish to
complain about my own damage.
1183
01:05:14,039 --> 01:05:16,280
Ooh, that's gonna
be breezy in there now.
1184
01:05:16,360 --> 01:05:19,880
So, after Mr Slowly
turned up, we left the scene,
1185
01:05:19,960 --> 01:05:23,599
trying to draw as little attention
to ourselves as possible.
1186
01:05:25,159 --> 01:05:26,719
Chaps, we're going the other way.
1187
01:05:26,800 --> 01:05:28,440
Stop. We're going the other way.
1188
01:05:28,519 --> 01:05:30,519
Well, why didn't you tell me
that before I set off?
1189
01:05:30,559 --> 01:05:33,559
No. No. Over-jackknifed.
1190
01:05:34,280 --> 01:05:37,559
Are we having a barn dance now?
1191
01:05:41,199 --> 01:05:43,800
Back on the road,
traffic was light.
1192
01:05:45,039 --> 01:05:48,599
So, after a few miles,
we got a big giddy.
1193
01:05:51,320 --> 01:05:53,920
Are you overtaking me, you maniac?
1194
01:05:54,840 --> 01:05:56,920
Ski-shed racing! New thing!
1195
01:06:01,599 --> 01:06:02,719
Oh, my God.
1196
01:06:04,519 --> 01:06:06,599
Yeah, with hindsight,
that was a mistake.
1197
01:06:07,519 --> 01:06:08,960
I've made it angry!
1198
01:06:13,639 --> 01:06:14,719
Ooh! Bank!
1199
01:06:19,119 --> 01:06:21,760
Oh no, there's a bus shelter
coming up on my inside.
1200
01:06:25,000 --> 01:06:28,000
Even James May's bus...
1201
01:06:30,039 --> 01:06:31,519
I'm gonna take him...
1202
01:06:38,159 --> 01:06:39,880
Oh, my word.
1203
01:06:39,960 --> 01:06:41,239
Oh.
1204
01:06:41,320 --> 01:06:43,360
I was a little over-exuberant.
I, yeah...
1205
01:06:43,440 --> 01:06:45,920
Well, I haven't done
anything funnier than this
1206
01:06:46,000 --> 01:06:49,079
in a car for a really,
really, really long time.
1207
01:06:50,639 --> 01:06:51,856
I just hope it isn't
that sort of funny
1208
01:06:51,880 --> 01:06:56,559
that ends in blood and court cases
and burst arteries.
1209
01:06:56,639 --> 01:06:59,400
- Turn left.
- Left turn. Ooh, sudden!
1210
01:07:00,880 --> 01:07:01,960
Shit!
1211
01:07:03,079 --> 01:07:04,159
Oh, hell!
1212
01:07:07,360 --> 01:07:09,760
There's a left turn,
and I've had a accident.
1213
01:07:14,480 --> 01:07:16,559
You're a dick.
1214
01:07:16,639 --> 01:07:18,960
Nevertheless,
for the second time in two hours,
1215
01:07:19,039 --> 01:07:21,519
my colleague did organize a rescue.
1216
01:07:21,599 --> 01:07:26,039
So if we get this strop and another strop
and take it to that tree...
1217
01:07:29,039 --> 01:07:30,599
Stand clear.
1218
01:07:39,920 --> 01:07:41,960
Ooh, a little,
a little tug might do it.
1219
01:07:42,039 --> 01:07:43,199
Yeah, there you go.
1220
01:07:45,719 --> 01:07:47,000
- Very good!
- Hoorah!
1221
01:07:47,079 --> 01:07:48,920
Something we did worked!
1222
01:07:49,000 --> 01:07:52,000
Something,
like, we did it and it...
1223
01:07:52,079 --> 01:07:53,159
I didn't do it.
1224
01:07:53,239 --> 01:07:55,480
- We were there.
- We were there when it did it.
1225
01:08:01,239 --> 01:08:06,480
There it is, the mighty shed
is once again on the move.
1226
01:08:12,079 --> 01:08:14,800
A few miles later,
my Amstrad sat nav
1227
01:08:14,880 --> 01:08:17,680
finally delivered us
to the Finnish border.
1228
01:08:20,159 --> 01:08:24,600
Now, that is Finland over there,
on the other bank of this frozen river.
1229
01:08:25,840 --> 01:08:27,920
This is an international border?
1230
01:08:28,000 --> 01:08:29,000
Yes.
1231
01:08:29,079 --> 01:08:32,319
So how do people cross
between Sweden and Finland if,
1232
01:08:32,359 --> 01:08:34,239
say, it's the summer?
1233
01:08:34,319 --> 01:08:36,920
Yes, you raise
a good point there, James.
1234
01:08:37,000 --> 01:08:39,720
This sat nav's taken leave of its senses.
1235
01:08:39,800 --> 01:08:41,199
Anyway, here we go.
1236
01:08:51,600 --> 01:08:53,680
Hello, Finland.
1237
01:08:58,640 --> 01:09:00,920
Yeah, this is a bit more
like the real deal now.
1238
01:09:01,000 --> 01:09:02,600
This is the wilderness.
1239
01:09:06,520 --> 01:09:10,119
If we get into trouble out here, we
are a long way from anyone and anything.
1240
01:09:10,199 --> 01:09:11,239
But it's okay.
1241
01:09:11,319 --> 01:09:12,920
We've got our houses with us.
1242
01:09:13,000 --> 01:09:16,960
We find a clearing in the woods
and we camp, in the wild.
1243
01:09:19,760 --> 01:09:23,960
As we climbed,
dusk gave way to darkness.
1244
01:09:24,039 --> 01:09:26,800
And then there was a storm.
1245
01:09:38,079 --> 01:09:41,560
Now, this has got
a bit perilous now.
1246
01:09:41,640 --> 01:09:46,079
A, it's gone dark
and B, it's a blizzard.
1247
01:09:46,720 --> 01:09:48,319
I mean a proper blizzard.
1248
01:09:53,119 --> 01:09:57,000
This is far from good now.
1249
01:10:00,079 --> 01:10:02,720
The inside of my windscreen has iced up.
1250
01:10:03,920 --> 01:10:05,119
I'm having to...
1251
01:10:13,159 --> 01:10:16,279
No, this is just hopeless.
1252
01:10:17,359 --> 01:10:19,159
I think we should stop here.
1253
01:10:19,239 --> 01:10:22,000
I don't think we should carry on.
1254
01:10:23,640 --> 01:10:26,880
I'm going in.
I'm gonna get my fire working.
1255
01:10:26,960 --> 01:10:28,000
Shall I come and help you?
1256
01:10:28,039 --> 01:10:29,880
By all means.
1257
01:10:29,960 --> 01:10:30,960
Jesus.
1258
01:10:33,159 --> 01:10:34,159
Oh, God.
1259
01:10:41,319 --> 01:10:42,319
Come on.
1260
01:10:47,319 --> 01:10:48,960
I might have put
some lighter fluid on it.
1261
01:10:49,039 --> 01:10:50,039
Thanks for telling me.
1262
01:10:57,199 --> 01:10:58,600
These are so cold.
1263
01:11:07,399 --> 01:11:09,600
Thankfully, the next morning,
1264
01:11:09,680 --> 01:11:11,880
the storm had passed.
1265
01:11:14,760 --> 01:11:15,880
Oh, I'm cold.
1266
01:11:20,439 --> 01:11:21,439
Ooh.
1267
01:11:22,680 --> 01:11:24,439
Jesus Christ.
1268
01:11:45,800 --> 01:11:47,520
Right, what we've done...
1269
01:11:51,000 --> 01:11:54,159
is camped on the ski run.
1270
01:11:57,960 --> 01:12:00,279
And a red run,
by the looks of things.
1271
01:12:49,800 --> 01:12:50,800
What the...
1272
01:12:50,880 --> 01:12:51,880
What the...
1273
01:12:58,720 --> 01:13:01,600
That's what you get for
encasing my car in ice, I guess.
1274
01:13:07,880 --> 01:13:08,880
What?
1275
01:13:34,920 --> 01:13:36,199
Good.
1276
01:13:43,680 --> 01:13:44,680
Time to get up.
1277
01:13:47,439 --> 01:13:48,920
Where are we?
1278
01:13:49,000 --> 01:13:50,920
Now, that's interesting.
1279
01:13:51,000 --> 01:13:53,000
It turns out we're in a ski resort.
1280
01:13:54,119 --> 01:13:56,640
- What?
- I know.
1281
01:14:03,319 --> 01:14:04,439
Jeez.
1282
01:14:04,560 --> 01:14:06,920
Oh, God, it's a good job
we stopped when we did.
1283
01:14:07,000 --> 01:14:08,079
I know.
1284
01:14:08,159 --> 01:14:09,880
Hammond's already at the bottom.
1285
01:14:09,960 --> 01:14:12,000
What? How?
1286
01:14:12,079 --> 01:14:13,319
On his skis?
1287
01:14:13,359 --> 01:14:14,600
Yeah, and his shed.
1288
01:14:15,600 --> 01:14:17,159
His shed went down the bottom?
1289
01:14:17,239 --> 01:14:20,119
Yeah, I might have given
a little bit of a push.
1290
01:14:20,199 --> 01:14:22,239
- A tiny push.
- You pushed his shed down the hill?
1291
01:14:22,319 --> 01:14:26,319
Well, I thought he, 'cause he always
said he wanted to go skiing.
1292
01:14:26,359 --> 01:14:29,319
Well, ignore him,
we've got the big problem,
1293
01:14:29,399 --> 01:14:33,880
'cause we've somehow
got to tow these down there.
1294
01:14:33,960 --> 01:14:35,439
And that's a red run.
1295
01:14:40,960 --> 01:14:42,880
Actually, I had the big problem,
1296
01:14:42,960 --> 01:14:48,000
because my house was now ruined
and I needed to get up to my car.
1297
01:14:49,199 --> 01:14:52,399
This meant using the pulling thing
that skiers use.
1298
01:14:52,520 --> 01:14:55,800
And the problem there was, I can't ski.
1299
01:14:58,840 --> 01:15:01,680
Skis? No.
1300
01:15:01,760 --> 01:15:03,560
More skis.
1301
01:15:03,640 --> 01:15:04,840
Snowboards.
1302
01:15:06,119 --> 01:15:07,119
No.
1303
01:15:08,159 --> 01:15:09,159
Oh, hang on.
1304
01:15:10,880 --> 01:15:11,960
Yes.
1305
01:16:21,119 --> 01:16:23,880
Meanwhile, back at the top,
1306
01:16:23,960 --> 01:16:27,319
I was trying to hitch
my car up to my bus shelter.
1307
01:16:37,960 --> 01:16:38,960
Bugger!
1308
01:16:39,960 --> 01:16:43,439
Right, my plan, to try and stop
1309
01:16:43,560 --> 01:16:47,279
my very long sledge slewing round
1310
01:16:47,319 --> 01:16:51,840
is to attach cables to the corner here
and the corner there
1311
01:16:51,920 --> 01:16:54,239
and the corner there
and the corner there
1312
01:16:54,319 --> 01:16:56,079
to keep it straight.
1313
01:17:10,079 --> 01:17:11,239
Sorry.
1314
01:17:12,439 --> 01:17:13,439
Sorry.
1315
01:17:16,000 --> 01:17:17,000
Sorry.
1316
01:17:38,079 --> 01:17:43,319
Right. Hang on. Right hand down, back,
a bit of left, a bit of right, line up.
1317
01:17:51,760 --> 01:17:53,239
Oh, shit!
1318
01:17:54,239 --> 01:17:55,319
Shit!
1319
01:18:02,039 --> 01:18:04,039
Jesus!
1320
01:18:15,199 --> 01:18:16,680
Ah! No!
1321
01:18:22,439 --> 01:18:23,560
Oh.
1322
01:18:27,279 --> 01:18:30,560
This left just me and two sheds.
1323
01:18:53,399 --> 01:18:55,199
Oh, for God's sake.
1324
01:19:08,119 --> 01:19:10,039
Right. Oh, it's Hammond.
1325
01:19:13,720 --> 01:19:15,439
Hammond?
Could you give us a hand?
1326
01:19:15,560 --> 01:19:16,680
No.
1327
01:19:39,079 --> 01:19:41,880
Having finally
got my shed hitched,
1328
01:19:41,960 --> 01:19:43,239
I was ready to go.
1329
01:19:45,239 --> 01:19:48,319
Right. Is everything in order?
1330
01:19:48,359 --> 01:19:50,399
Traction control is off. Good.
1331
01:19:50,520 --> 01:19:53,039
Jeremy, are you actually
coming down here today at all?
1332
01:19:53,119 --> 01:19:54,560
I'm coming. It's very difficult.
1333
01:19:54,640 --> 01:19:59,239
Because I've got a shed
on the back of my car.
1334
01:20:00,279 --> 01:20:01,600
Lights? Yeah.
1335
01:20:02,520 --> 01:20:04,680
Straps are on. Oh, shit!
1336
01:20:07,039 --> 01:20:08,960
Traction control is off.
1337
01:20:10,520 --> 01:20:11,520
Here we go.
1338
01:20:12,880 --> 01:20:14,520
Take this steadily.
1339
01:20:16,239 --> 01:20:18,239
That's what I've gotta do, steady.
1340
01:20:18,319 --> 01:20:20,800
Keep it straight, Jeremy.
Keep it straight.
1341
01:20:24,359 --> 01:20:25,640
Er, your shed's on fire.
1342
01:20:29,520 --> 01:20:31,880
How have I done this?
1343
01:20:31,960 --> 01:20:34,279
No, stopping not possible.
1344
01:20:35,319 --> 01:20:36,720
I'm speeding up.
1345
01:20:36,800 --> 01:20:38,176
Trying to put the flames out that way,
1346
01:20:38,199 --> 01:20:40,319
like they did in 'Memphis Belle'.
1347
01:20:46,640 --> 01:20:49,199
All right, I'm gonna try
and understeer my way to a halt.
1348
01:20:53,600 --> 01:20:54,640
Oh, God.
1349
01:20:57,079 --> 01:20:58,216
I think it might have something
1350
01:20:58,239 --> 01:21:00,880
- to do with your flaming exhaust.
- Shit!
1351
01:21:07,199 --> 01:21:09,520
Once the fire had been put out...
1352
01:21:11,399 --> 01:21:13,319
I inspected the damage.
1353
01:21:13,920 --> 01:21:16,239
Oh, Christ. Burned.
1354
01:21:17,399 --> 01:21:20,000
- Well, at least it's warm now.
- The straps worked.
1355
01:21:20,079 --> 01:21:22,000
- Yeah, but...
- But, no, no, stop and just,
1356
01:21:22,079 --> 01:21:23,920
before you get
onto your negativity...
1357
01:21:24,000 --> 01:21:25,000
Okay?
1358
01:21:25,079 --> 01:21:28,000
These straps stopped it.
1359
01:21:28,079 --> 01:21:31,319
You know, all the way here,
it was slewing round all the time?
1360
01:21:31,359 --> 01:21:33,560
- That solved the problem.
- Good thinking.
1361
01:21:33,640 --> 01:21:35,119
- Exactly.
- But as a result of that,
1362
01:21:35,199 --> 01:21:37,119
it's survived for you
to sleep in another night.
1363
01:21:37,199 --> 01:21:38,960
Oh, well, this has gone well.
1364
01:21:39,039 --> 01:21:41,680
We were all now homeless.
1365
01:21:44,520 --> 01:21:46,119
And we had another problem.
1366
01:21:47,920 --> 01:21:50,720
The airport may have only
been a hundred miles away,
1367
01:21:50,800 --> 01:21:52,920
but making it on time in Finland,
1368
01:21:53,000 --> 01:21:57,239
which has the toughest
speeding laws in the world,
1369
01:21:57,319 --> 01:21:58,359
would be tricky.
1370
01:21:59,640 --> 01:22:01,960
It did give me an idea, though.
1371
01:22:02,039 --> 01:22:06,159
Listen. What we've established
is the Audi is the only car
1372
01:22:06,239 --> 01:22:09,319
that can pull a sledge down a red run.
1373
01:22:09,359 --> 01:22:11,680
And set it on fire and destroy it.
1374
01:22:12,359 --> 01:22:14,176
Yes, yes, yes, but it's
the only one that did it.
1375
01:22:14,199 --> 01:22:15,720
Yours didn't.
1376
01:22:15,800 --> 01:22:18,159
I'm doing a thorough test on this car.
1377
01:22:18,239 --> 01:22:19,880
And actually, to be honest, early on,
1378
01:22:19,960 --> 01:22:23,159
May was doing
a very thorough test on the Evo.
1379
01:22:23,239 --> 01:22:24,359
So come on, Hammond.
1380
01:22:24,439 --> 01:22:26,239
Show us how fast the Subaru goes.
1381
01:22:26,800 --> 01:22:28,600
I'm not doing that here.
1382
01:22:30,159 --> 01:22:31,319
Why not?
1383
01:22:32,000 --> 01:22:36,319
Because they are
properly next-level strict on speeding.
1384
01:22:36,359 --> 01:22:38,159
They don't just
access your records
1385
01:22:38,239 --> 01:22:39,319
to see if your car's taxed,
1386
01:22:39,399 --> 01:22:41,920
they look at your tax returns
to see how much you earn
1387
01:22:42,000 --> 01:22:43,720
and then fine you accordingly.
1388
01:22:43,800 --> 01:22:45,640
He's right. They do.
1389
01:22:46,279 --> 01:22:51,119
It's true. A Finnish sausage magnate
was fined 116,000 pounds
1390
01:22:51,199 --> 01:22:53,960
for doing 80 kilometres
in a 40-kilometre zone.
1391
01:22:54,880 --> 01:22:56,800
They are serious about it.
1392
01:22:56,880 --> 01:22:58,800
Come on, Hammond.
You can afford it.
1393
01:22:58,880 --> 01:23:01,000
Put your foot down.
See how fast you can make it go.
1394
01:23:01,079 --> 01:23:02,359
I am not,
1395
01:23:02,439 --> 01:23:05,079
even I am not falling for that.
No.
1396
01:23:07,279 --> 01:23:08,760
Because of the speed limits,
1397
01:23:08,840 --> 01:23:10,960
I was worried we'd miss our flight.
1398
01:23:12,439 --> 01:23:16,079
But then I had a brainwave.
1399
01:23:16,159 --> 01:23:17,880
Well, we can't go
quickly on the roads,
1400
01:23:17,960 --> 01:23:20,880
but we can go
quickly on this lake,
1401
01:23:20,960 --> 01:23:25,560
which actually stretches
a long way towards the airport.
1402
01:23:26,239 --> 01:23:28,199
Okey doke. Here we go.
1403
01:23:31,520 --> 01:23:34,960
Speed and power.
1404
01:23:40,079 --> 01:23:42,319
You see? No speed limits here.
1405
01:23:44,960 --> 01:23:49,600
The swine! He cut me off
like a maniac and a yobbo.
1406
01:23:49,680 --> 01:23:51,720
You can't get me.
1407
01:23:53,840 --> 01:23:56,800
You should try
driving over here. It's all flat.
1408
01:23:57,439 --> 01:23:59,680
Oh, shit!
1409
01:24:02,600 --> 01:24:04,039
James has
gone through, everyone.
1410
01:24:04,119 --> 01:24:06,239
- Shit!
- James has gone through.
1411
01:24:06,319 --> 01:24:07,520
Don't move.
1412
01:24:14,760 --> 01:24:16,079
Shit.
1413
01:24:19,840 --> 01:24:24,680
Can you get out?
1414
01:24:24,760 --> 01:24:26,399
Are you on the bottom?
1415
01:24:29,439 --> 01:24:31,216
I mean, is he just, is it
the ice underneath him?
1416
01:24:31,239 --> 01:24:32,960
It could just be on a rock.
1417
01:24:37,439 --> 01:24:39,039
Ow!
1418
01:24:39,119 --> 01:24:42,279
James, what's happened
is your front spoiler
1419
01:24:42,319 --> 01:24:45,239
is wedged in what looks
like still-intact ice.
1420
01:24:49,319 --> 01:24:51,239
That's against
a rock or the ice.
1421
01:24:53,960 --> 01:24:55,640
Oh, my ribs.
1422
01:24:56,800 --> 01:24:58,159
Right, you're pretty much out,
1423
01:24:58,239 --> 01:25:00,199
if you can get on the boot lid.
1424
01:25:01,920 --> 01:25:04,399
I mean, do you think the car
is just sitting on a plate of ice?
1425
01:25:04,520 --> 01:25:06,960
No, I think it's just
wedged in some ice.
1426
01:25:07,640 --> 01:25:10,159
If it goes down, I'll swim for it,
but we've gotta save the car.
1427
01:25:11,079 --> 01:25:13,520
Find a way of dragging the car out.
1428
01:25:13,600 --> 01:25:15,880
If you drag the car out,
I'll come with it.
1429
01:25:15,960 --> 01:25:17,359
Have you,
we got, you've got a tow.
1430
01:25:17,439 --> 01:25:19,136
- Something I've...
- Yeah, but we can't get
1431
01:25:19,159 --> 01:25:21,720
close enough to pull it out with your,
with our cars, can we?
1432
01:25:21,800 --> 01:25:23,319
No, I'm not driving any nearer.
1433
01:25:23,359 --> 01:25:25,520
No, no, no, no, no, no,
I'm not gonna go near, but...
1434
01:25:25,600 --> 01:25:27,319
Don't drive any closer than there.
1435
01:25:27,359 --> 01:25:29,920
We're not going to.
So the tow rope is out.
1436
01:25:30,000 --> 01:25:31,680
But I have got tools.
1437
01:25:31,760 --> 01:25:33,095
Right, let's go
and think what we've got.
1438
01:25:33,119 --> 01:25:35,960
- That's halfway up the lights there.
- Yeah, okay, let's look at tools.
1439
01:25:39,039 --> 01:25:42,079
Mate, I saw a video, don't laugh.
1440
01:25:42,159 --> 01:25:44,536
But you know I like sort of, you know,
recovery and off-roading and stuff?
1441
01:25:44,560 --> 01:25:45,560
Yes.
1442
01:25:45,640 --> 01:25:47,399
I was watching them
do an ice recovery.
1443
01:25:49,840 --> 01:25:51,960
There's a way of doing this.
1444
01:25:52,039 --> 01:25:54,560
You can use a tree as a winch.
1445
01:25:54,640 --> 01:25:56,920
Don't go away, James.
We'll be right back.
1446
01:25:57,000 --> 01:25:59,760
Oh, no, I was gonna
go for a coffee.
1447
01:26:05,920 --> 01:26:07,239
This is a rescue mission.
1448
01:26:23,600 --> 01:26:27,600
I reckon there's just a chance
this could still go again,
1449
01:26:27,680 --> 01:26:29,840
if it didn't hydraulic the engine.
1450
01:26:31,760 --> 01:26:35,000
But we've gotta get it out. It's...
Oh, God.
1451
01:26:35,079 --> 01:26:37,279
I don't believe it's ready to go.
1452
01:26:38,800 --> 01:26:40,119
It's a survivor.
1453
01:26:49,680 --> 01:26:52,720
- So, what's the plan?
- Oh, he's got one.
1454
01:26:52,800 --> 01:26:54,840
I don't understand it,
I'm gonna be honest with you.
1455
01:26:54,880 --> 01:26:56,399
Saw this on the internet.
1456
01:27:04,439 --> 01:27:05,439
I've gone through.
1457
01:27:07,520 --> 01:27:09,439
- Ready?
- Yeah.
1458
01:27:09,560 --> 01:27:11,960
Right, you have a bridge to escape.
1459
01:27:13,399 --> 01:27:15,279
When are you gonna
say 'thank you'?
1460
01:27:15,319 --> 01:27:16,880
Well, it hasn't worked yet.
1461
01:27:16,960 --> 01:27:20,920
Is there a way we can get
the car out but leave him there?
1462
01:27:26,800 --> 01:27:29,279
- I reckon that's good.
- Right. May?
1463
01:27:29,359 --> 01:27:33,119
Give this a really good knot
and attach it to the tow bar, yeah?
1464
01:27:33,199 --> 01:27:35,439
Yeah, okay.
1465
01:27:39,199 --> 01:27:40,199
Ow!
1466
01:27:41,319 --> 01:27:45,520
- You're on.
- Yes?
1467
01:27:45,600 --> 01:27:47,039
Is that it, Hammond?
1468
01:27:47,119 --> 01:27:49,720
Yeah. It's built.
1469
01:27:49,800 --> 01:27:52,079
What?
So it's just a log in a hole?
1470
01:27:52,159 --> 01:27:54,439
- Yep.
- Tied to another log?
1471
01:27:54,520 --> 01:27:55,880
Yep.
1472
01:27:55,960 --> 01:27:57,800
And you reckon
that's gonna be enough
1473
01:27:57,880 --> 01:28:00,680
to pull a ton and a half of car that's...
1474
01:28:00,760 --> 01:28:01,760
Oh, yeah.
1475
01:28:02,760 --> 01:28:04,296
I think that log
in the middle's turning.
1476
01:28:04,319 --> 01:28:05,319
Yeah, it's supposed to.
1477
01:28:05,399 --> 01:28:06,800
- Oh, is it?
- That's the winch.
1478
01:28:06,880 --> 01:28:10,199
The log in the middle turns
and winds in the rope.
1479
01:28:11,760 --> 01:28:13,015
Actually, Hammond,
you know what?
1480
01:28:13,039 --> 01:28:14,176
- It's working.
- It's working!
1481
01:28:14,199 --> 01:28:17,119
I mean, I'm genuinely staggered,
1482
01:28:17,199 --> 01:28:19,199
'cause that is ice,
but, yeah, look at that.
1483
01:28:19,279 --> 01:28:20,840
Right, we've gotta get him off.
1484
01:28:20,920 --> 01:28:22,880
Can you put
the log between there
1485
01:28:22,960 --> 01:28:24,760
and the driver's seat?
1486
01:28:24,840 --> 01:28:27,880
And then I can climb across
the door to the nice bit, onto the land.
1487
01:28:38,479 --> 01:28:39,920
He is rescued.
1488
01:28:40,000 --> 01:28:41,119
Right, thank you.
1489
01:28:41,199 --> 01:28:43,880
Did the engine,
as far as you know, go under water?
1490
01:28:43,960 --> 01:28:45,199
I don't think it did.
1491
01:28:45,279 --> 01:28:48,680
So we've got to try
and keep the engine above water.
1492
01:28:49,560 --> 01:28:50,655
- Let's do it.
- Let's just do it.
1493
01:28:50,680 --> 01:28:52,399
We have got to just
get cracking, seriously.
1494
01:28:56,399 --> 01:28:58,039
We started winching,
1495
01:28:58,119 --> 01:29:00,319
praying that whatever
was holding the car up
1496
01:29:00,399 --> 01:29:03,279
would keep the engine out of the water.
1497
01:29:07,079 --> 01:29:08,640
What's the breaking strain
of the rope?
1498
01:29:08,720 --> 01:29:10,439
I don't know. It's just rope.
1499
01:29:13,439 --> 01:29:15,600
Oh, shit, it's gone in!
1500
01:29:15,680 --> 01:29:18,000
The car's gone in at the front.
1501
01:29:18,079 --> 01:29:19,720
Okay.
1502
01:29:19,800 --> 01:29:21,159
It's dropped off the edge?
1503
01:29:21,239 --> 01:29:22,239
Yeah.
1504
01:29:22,319 --> 01:29:24,399
Right, we really have got
a bit of a rush on now
1505
01:29:24,479 --> 01:29:25,880
'cause the engine's
in the water.
1506
01:29:25,960 --> 01:29:27,079
Okay.
1507
01:29:31,760 --> 01:29:34,439
- It's moving! Look!
- It is!
1508
01:29:38,479 --> 01:29:41,439
Once the back
of the car was far enough out,
1509
01:29:41,520 --> 01:29:43,840
it was time for
the next part of my plan.
1510
01:29:46,239 --> 01:29:47,520
Like this?
1511
01:29:47,600 --> 01:29:49,760
- Hammond?
- Yeah, that's correct.
1512
01:29:53,039 --> 01:29:54,159
Jeremy, are you ready?
1513
01:29:54,680 --> 01:29:56,079
Two secs.
1514
01:29:58,199 --> 01:29:59,279
The car's moving!
1515
01:29:59,359 --> 01:30:01,680
- It is under tension now.
- The car's moving.
1516
01:30:05,680 --> 01:30:08,680
Ooh, brake lights.
Why have the brake lights just come on?
1517
01:30:08,760 --> 01:30:10,520
Electrics. Fusing.
1518
01:30:15,079 --> 01:30:16,359
Right. James?
1519
01:30:16,439 --> 01:30:18,760
- Yeah?
- Your engine is out.
1520
01:30:18,840 --> 01:30:22,199
The biggest problem is,
it's stuck on the frame.
1521
01:30:23,880 --> 01:30:26,479
But, as it was now out of the hole,
1522
01:30:26,560 --> 01:30:29,439
I could get close enough
to use my V8.
1523
01:30:29,520 --> 01:30:31,039
Stop. Stop.
1524
01:30:32,840 --> 01:30:34,079
Right, you're on. There you go.
1525
01:30:38,079 --> 01:30:40,199
Another one.
1526
01:30:45,119 --> 01:30:46,920
- That'll do it. That'll do it.
- That is out!
1527
01:30:47,880 --> 01:30:49,359
What a car this is.
1528
01:30:49,439 --> 01:30:51,039
It's yanked the Evo out.
1529
01:30:51,119 --> 01:30:54,159
It's saved the Evo's life.
You beauty.
1530
01:30:55,199 --> 01:30:57,720
But the question was, had it?
1531
01:31:00,279 --> 01:31:01,640
- Oh.
- Oh, shit.
1532
01:31:04,279 --> 01:31:06,880
- Look at the off headlamp.
- Oh, God.
1533
01:31:06,960 --> 01:31:09,279
Right, well,
what you've got, James,
1534
01:31:09,359 --> 01:31:11,000
plainly, is some work to do.
1535
01:31:11,079 --> 01:31:14,039
- Yep.
- Hammond, what you and I have got to do
1536
01:31:14,119 --> 01:31:15,359
is catch this plane home.
1537
01:31:15,439 --> 01:31:17,159
Yes. Team comes first.
1538
01:31:17,239 --> 01:31:20,399
The team comes first.
We have been a team.
1539
01:31:20,479 --> 01:31:22,119
Thank you for that.
1540
01:31:22,199 --> 01:31:23,720
We'll see you in something.
1541
01:31:25,000 --> 01:31:28,640
Volvo.
1542
01:31:37,359 --> 01:31:39,279
I can't see him
fixing that this time.
1543
01:31:39,359 --> 01:31:41,000
It's a tough little car, that Evo,
1544
01:31:41,079 --> 01:31:42,800
and I love it,
but I think it's dead.
1545
01:31:44,119 --> 01:31:47,399
We are running late
for this plane!
1546
01:31:47,479 --> 01:31:50,000
Come on, come on.
1547
01:31:52,960 --> 01:31:57,079
The lake gave way
to fast forest tracks.
1548
01:31:59,279 --> 01:32:03,239
Which were the perfect environment
to sum up our cars.
1549
01:32:05,079 --> 01:32:07,880
If I can liken them to dogs,
and I think I can,
1550
01:32:07,960 --> 01:32:09,960
the Evo is like a rescue dog.
1551
01:32:10,039 --> 01:32:14,680
It's been appallingly mistreated
by its irresponsible owner,
1552
01:32:14,760 --> 01:32:17,000
and you sort of love it for that.
1553
01:32:19,359 --> 01:32:22,159
Then there's the Subaru,
which is like an endearing
1554
01:32:22,239 --> 01:32:26,600
but ultimately quite annoying terrier.
1555
01:32:30,319 --> 01:32:34,960
And then there's the Audi Quattro,
which is like a Labrador,
1556
01:32:35,039 --> 01:32:39,720
brilliant at absolutely everything.
1557
01:32:41,159 --> 01:32:43,359
A Quattro is not just for Christmas.
1558
01:32:46,399 --> 01:32:48,159
A Quattro is for life.
1559
01:32:55,239 --> 01:32:58,119
I'm not saying the Subaru
can do everything,
1560
01:32:58,199 --> 01:33:03,000
adapt to fit the captain of industry
and the bar-brawler within you.
1561
01:33:03,079 --> 01:33:07,199
It doesn't. You have to change
to fit it, and that's the point.
1562
01:33:08,920 --> 01:33:10,560
The most mild-mannered vicar in the world
1563
01:33:10,600 --> 01:33:13,079
could leave the pulpit
with kind words for his flock,
1564
01:33:13,159 --> 01:33:14,640
hop into a Subaru Impreza,
1565
01:33:14,720 --> 01:33:16,880
and he would drive,
well, like this.
1566
01:33:21,680 --> 01:33:24,880
Ooh, 'cause that's what it does!
1567
01:33:37,560 --> 01:33:40,239
We then got on
with our charge to the plane.
1568
01:33:43,560 --> 01:33:46,399
Right, that is the perimeter fence
for the airport.
1569
01:33:46,479 --> 01:33:48,239
Somewhere in there is our plane.
1570
01:33:53,119 --> 01:33:54,840
I'm now in Where Eagles Dare.
1571
01:33:57,920 --> 01:33:59,680
Oh, my word. A machine!
1572
01:34:07,840 --> 01:34:09,239
What an arrival.
1573
01:34:15,760 --> 01:34:17,760
That's gotta be it.
1574
01:34:35,000 --> 01:34:37,399
- Fancy plane!
- Yeah. Nice finish line.
1575
01:34:37,479 --> 01:34:39,119
Isn't it?
1576
01:34:39,199 --> 01:34:41,880
We'd actually got here
faster than expected,
1577
01:34:41,960 --> 01:34:44,880
which meant we now had
a bit of time to kill
1578
01:34:44,960 --> 01:34:47,159
while waiting for James.
1579
01:34:47,239 --> 01:34:49,000
I was just thinking,
driving along,
1580
01:34:49,079 --> 01:34:54,720
if your car was originally
designed to do rallying,
1581
01:34:54,800 --> 01:34:57,000
it's going to be pretty good,
whatever it is.
1582
01:34:57,079 --> 01:34:58,920
How would you know?
1583
01:34:59,000 --> 01:35:01,119
Well, it wasn't
designed to do rallying,
1584
01:35:01,199 --> 01:35:02,199
- was it?
- It was!
1585
01:35:02,279 --> 01:35:04,359
Did you look in your rear-view mirror
1586
01:35:04,439 --> 01:35:07,119
at any point in the last 40 minutes?
1587
01:35:07,199 --> 01:35:09,600
Yes, there was
an enormous Audi in it,
1588
01:35:09,680 --> 01:35:11,039
but not a rally car.
1589
01:35:11,119 --> 01:35:14,119
Your problem is
you're not very observant.
1590
01:35:14,199 --> 01:35:15,479
What?
1591
01:35:16,760 --> 01:35:17,840
What?
1592
01:35:18,399 --> 01:35:20,079
- Did you do that?
- Yes.
1593
01:35:20,159 --> 01:35:21,296
Have you done the doors as well?
1594
01:35:21,319 --> 01:35:22,399
- Yes.
- Oh, bloody hell.
1595
01:35:22,479 --> 01:35:23,479
And your windscreen.
1596
01:35:23,560 --> 01:35:26,199
Oh, come on, I thought I looked cool.
1597
01:35:26,279 --> 01:35:27,560
- You did.
- No, it didn't!
1598
01:35:27,640 --> 01:35:29,336
Everyone was going,
'There's a Martin Clunes fan'.
1599
01:35:29,359 --> 01:35:31,920
Or Martin Bashir.
1600
01:35:32,000 --> 01:35:33,319
Revelations dealt with,
1601
01:35:33,399 --> 01:35:36,760
we then waited to see
what James would arrive in.
1602
01:35:40,359 --> 01:35:41,600
And a short while later...
1603
01:35:45,199 --> 01:35:46,399
Is that him?
1604
01:35:46,479 --> 01:35:48,119
- And if it is...
- What's he in?
1605
01:35:48,199 --> 01:35:53,359
Is it the Mitsubishi?
Or is it the Volvo?
1606
01:35:54,640 --> 01:35:55,920
Is that the Volvo?
1607
01:35:56,720 --> 01:35:58,199
It was the Volvo.
1608
01:36:00,159 --> 01:36:02,359
And I wasn't in it.
1609
01:36:04,439 --> 01:36:06,680
What? Oh, my God!
1610
01:36:07,640 --> 01:36:10,560
Yes, what a car!
1611
01:36:11,479 --> 01:36:13,359
That is extraordinary!
1612
01:36:13,439 --> 01:36:16,880
How the bloody hell
is that possible?
1613
01:36:16,960 --> 01:36:19,760
It's totally wounded,
but it's here!
1614
01:36:26,800 --> 01:36:29,000
We worried
when we began this journey
1615
01:36:29,079 --> 01:36:31,199
that it'd be a bit nerdy.
1616
01:36:32,279 --> 01:36:33,479
But it wasn't.
1617
01:36:33,560 --> 01:36:35,000
And we sincerely hope
1618
01:36:35,079 --> 01:36:38,760
that all of you have found
these rally-bred titans
1619
01:36:38,840 --> 01:36:40,760
as amazing as we have.
1620
01:36:45,199 --> 01:36:46,399
You beauty.
1621
01:36:47,840 --> 01:36:51,680
They're cars that put up
with all of our nonsense,
1622
01:36:51,760 --> 01:36:54,359
never once losing their majesty.
1623
01:36:58,720 --> 01:37:01,079
But there's absolutely no doubt
1624
01:37:01,159 --> 01:37:04,159
about the real hero of this adventure.
1625
01:37:09,560 --> 01:37:12,920
The Evo died, not once but twice.
1626
01:37:17,600 --> 01:37:18,600
No way.
1627
01:37:18,680 --> 01:37:21,720
And both times,
it rose from the dead...
1628
01:37:21,800 --> 01:37:23,760
and soldiered on.
1629
01:37:23,840 --> 01:37:25,000
Oh!
1630
01:37:26,319 --> 01:37:28,960
That's why the Evo
and its traveling companions
1631
01:37:29,039 --> 01:37:35,119
are exactly the sort of cars a show
like this is honoured to honour.
1632
01:37:48,039 --> 01:37:49,039
Hi, there.
1633
01:38:00,399 --> 01:38:03,119
Shore to Jeremy, Richard, James.
1634
01:38:03,199 --> 01:38:04,815
- They're here.
- Why have they gone down there?
1635
01:38:04,840 --> 01:38:06,199
They're getting further away.
1636
01:38:06,279 --> 01:38:07,359
- I'm losing them.
- What?
1637
01:38:11,159 --> 01:38:13,199
Guys, you're supposed
just to taxi round.
1638
01:38:15,960 --> 01:38:17,560
What the...
1639
01:38:17,640 --> 01:38:19,680
They're not supposed
to be on that. That's a prop.
1640
01:38:20,760 --> 01:38:22,840
They're not supposed to take off.
1641
01:38:22,920 --> 01:38:27,079
They're supposed to be on that one.
113397
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