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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,935 --> 00:00:02,970 - GLENNON FROM THE SHOTGUN. DROPS BACK-- 2 00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:04,738 - NO! INTERCEPTION! 3 00:00:04,772 --> 00:00:06,907 GOD-- 4 00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:13,947 UGH. 5 00:00:16,784 --> 00:00:19,620 [laughs] 6 00:00:21,255 --> 00:00:22,256 [phone ringing] 7 00:00:22,290 --> 00:00:24,225 - WHAT? - FROM THE COUCH, 8 00:00:24,258 --> 00:00:26,026 CROUCHED, FACE ALMOST TO THE FLOOR, 9 00:00:26,060 --> 00:00:28,062 SANDWICH IN MY RIGHT HAND, FLICKED THE PICKLE 10 00:00:28,096 --> 00:00:30,098 INTO THE TRASH CAN, SWISH, NO PLASTIC. 11 00:00:30,131 --> 00:00:32,200 - HMM, CROUCHED? - CROUCHED. 12 00:00:32,233 --> 00:00:34,868 - YOU KNOW WHAT THE MOST IMPRESSIVE THING ABOUT THAT IS? 13 00:00:34,902 --> 00:00:36,670 - THE DISTANCE. - NO. 14 00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:38,038 THE FACT THAT YOU DIDN'T EAT THE PICKLE SLICE 15 00:00:38,072 --> 00:00:39,407 WHEN IT FELL ON THE FLOOR. 16 00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:41,375 CALL ME BACK AFTER YOU HIT THREE IN A ROW. 17 00:00:41,409 --> 00:00:43,111 HEY, WHAT'S THE SCORE ON THE ATLANTA-TAMPA BAY GAME? 18 00:00:43,144 --> 00:00:45,113 - SHITTY HELMETS 17, 19 00:00:45,146 --> 00:00:46,514 SHITTIER HELMETS IN PEWTER PANTS 3. 20 00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:48,048 - THE BUCCANEERS ARE THE WORST. 21 00:00:48,082 --> 00:00:49,450 IF THEY GOT A GAY PLAYER ON TAMPA BAY, 22 00:00:49,483 --> 00:00:50,951 HE AIN'T COMIN' OUT OF THE CLOSET TILL 23 00:00:50,984 --> 00:00:52,253 HE GETS TRADED TO A TEAM WITH BETTER UNIFORMS. 24 00:00:52,286 --> 00:00:53,954 - YEAH, THIS GAME'S OVER. 25 00:00:53,987 --> 00:00:56,090 - WELCOME BACK TO THE NATIONAL SPELLING BEE. 26 00:00:56,124 --> 00:00:58,726 YOUR WORD IS "ELUCUBRATE." 27 00:00:58,759 --> 00:01:01,595 - SHIT. 28 00:01:01,629 --> 00:01:04,298 ASK FOR A DEFINITION, KID. 29 00:01:04,332 --> 00:01:06,634 - DEFINITION, PLEASE. - GOOD GIRL. 30 00:01:06,667 --> 00:01:08,035 - "TO WORK OUT WITH GREAT DIFFICULTY." 31 00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:09,870 - WHAT, LIKE IN THE GYM? - NO, ASSHOLE. 32 00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:12,773 IN LITERATURE, TO CREATE A GREAT LITERARY WORK. 33 00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:14,242 - 10 BUCKS SAYS THERE'S A "K." 34 00:01:14,275 --> 00:01:15,909 - THERE'S NO "K." - 10 BUCKS. 35 00:01:15,943 --> 00:01:17,945 - YOU ON, BITCH. 36 00:01:17,978 --> 00:01:18,912 - ELUCUBRATE. 37 00:01:18,946 --> 00:01:21,549 E-L-U-C... 38 00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:25,886 U-B-R-A-T-E. 39 00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:27,288 [ding] - CORRECT. 40 00:01:27,321 --> 00:01:29,157 - BAH, NO WAY THAT KID'S NINE. 41 00:01:29,190 --> 00:01:30,658 - KNOW WHAT ELSE DON'T HAVE A "K"? 42 00:01:30,691 --> 00:01:32,760 CASH. YOU OWE ME 10 BUCKS. 43 00:01:32,793 --> 00:01:33,961 - OHH. 44 00:01:33,994 --> 00:01:34,995 [knock at door] 45 00:01:35,028 --> 00:01:37,331 - WHO'S THAT? 46 00:01:37,365 --> 00:01:39,300 - OH, IT'S THERESA. - UH-OH. 47 00:01:39,333 --> 00:01:40,634 WHAT'D YOU DO THIS TIME? - I DON'T KNOW. 48 00:01:40,668 --> 00:01:41,969 I WAS GONNA ASK YOU THE SAME THING. 49 00:01:42,002 --> 00:01:42,770 - WHEW, CALL ME BACK. 50 00:01:42,803 --> 00:01:45,973 GODSPEED. 51 00:01:46,006 --> 00:01:47,675 - IS EVERYTHING OKAY? 52 00:01:47,708 --> 00:01:49,343 - MM. 53 00:01:49,377 --> 00:01:51,645 - MM-MM-MM. 54 00:01:51,679 --> 00:01:53,080 - MMM. 55 00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:55,583 - OH, YOU'RE DRUNK. 56 00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:59,019 - YEP. 57 00:01:59,052 --> 00:02:01,355 COME HERE. 58 00:02:01,389 --> 00:02:03,857 - OH. WELL, I-I CAN'T DO THAT. 59 00:02:03,891 --> 00:02:06,294 I'D BE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF YOU. 60 00:02:06,327 --> 00:02:08,429 - THAT IS THE WHOLE POINT. - OH, GOD. 61 00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:11,865 UM--I'M TRYING TO ELUCUBRATE 62 00:02:11,899 --> 00:02:13,100 THE RIGHT THING TO DO HERE. 63 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:14,168 - LUCA--WHAT? 64 00:02:14,202 --> 00:02:15,869 - BRATE. 65 00:02:15,903 --> 00:02:19,507 - I MUST BE DRUNKER THAN I THOUGHT. 66 00:02:19,540 --> 00:02:21,041 - OKAY, LET'S DO THIS. HOW MANY, UM, 67 00:02:21,074 --> 00:02:22,676 DRINKS DID YOU HAVE? 68 00:02:22,710 --> 00:02:25,279 - MM. FOUR GIN AND TONICS... - UH-HUH. 69 00:02:25,313 --> 00:02:28,182 - AND A LITTLE TASTY RED THING. 70 00:02:28,216 --> 00:02:29,016 - OKAY. FIVE DRINKS. 71 00:02:29,049 --> 00:02:30,684 FIVE DRINKS. 72 00:02:30,718 --> 00:02:32,119 WELL, CALCULATING YOUR BODY WEIGHT, 73 00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:33,854 I'M GONNA NEED SIX DRINKS TO CATCH UP. 74 00:02:33,887 --> 00:02:35,856 RIGHT? OKAY. - RIGHT. 75 00:02:35,889 --> 00:02:37,691 - SIX SHOTS TO CATCH UP. 76 00:02:37,725 --> 00:02:39,126 - SHOTS, SHOTS, SHOTS, SHOTS. 77 00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:40,194 - YEAH, OKAY. 78 00:02:40,228 --> 00:02:41,795 - OKAY. - OH, MY GOD. 79 00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:43,197 - YES. 80 00:02:43,231 --> 00:02:45,966 GET IT. - ONE. 81 00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:47,167 KEEP GOING. YOU'LL GET IT OFF. 82 00:02:47,201 --> 00:02:48,836 I TRUST YOU. 83 00:02:48,869 --> 00:02:50,070 YEP, KICK IT. JUST KEEP KICKING IT. 84 00:02:50,103 --> 00:02:51,372 YOU'LL GET IT. THERE YOU GO. 85 00:02:51,405 --> 00:02:53,006 BE CAREFUL. - OH, OH, WHOA! 86 00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:54,308 [groan] 87 00:02:54,342 --> 00:02:56,844 - I MIGHT NEED SEVEN. 88 00:02:56,877 --> 00:02:58,979 - I FOUND A DOLLAR UNDER YOUR COUCH. 89 00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:00,981 - OH, IT'S A TIP. 90 00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:05,085 - THANKS. 91 00:03:05,118 --> 00:03:09,257 - [chuckling] 92 00:03:09,290 --> 00:03:11,725 - [gasps] 93 00:03:11,759 --> 00:03:13,327 I FOUND ANOTHER DOLLAR. 94 00:03:13,361 --> 00:03:15,229 - IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAY, HUH? 95 00:03:15,263 --> 00:03:16,664 [chuckling] 96 00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:19,833 OKAY. WHERE YOU GOING? SLOW DOWN. 97 00:03:19,867 --> 00:03:22,870 [upbeat music] 98 00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:26,206 * 99 00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:27,741 - * SUCKER-PUNCHED BY THE CLOCK * 100 00:03:27,775 --> 00:03:29,410 * BUCKLED TO THE KNEES 101 00:03:29,443 --> 00:03:31,845 * CHECKER CAB CURLED BY THE SIDE OF A TREE * 102 00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:35,115 * INTO THE GROWL OF THE CITY WITH A DEAFENING CRY * 103 00:03:35,148 --> 00:03:36,884 * AGAIN I RIDE 104 00:03:36,917 --> 00:03:38,952 * AGAIN I RIDE 105 00:03:47,094 --> 00:03:49,062 - HEY, DUDLEY MOORE. - NO. 106 00:03:49,096 --> 00:03:50,298 - OOH. - NO! 107 00:03:50,331 --> 00:03:51,932 - WE'VE GOT TO GO TO WORK. 108 00:03:51,965 --> 00:03:53,967 [chuckling] 109 00:03:54,001 --> 00:03:55,303 - ON A SCALE OF ONE TO DEAN MARTIN, 110 00:03:55,336 --> 00:03:56,970 HOW DRUNK WAS I LAST NIGHT? 111 00:03:57,004 --> 00:03:58,772 - UM, TWO. 112 00:03:58,806 --> 00:04:00,974 TWO DEAN MARTINS. - OY. 113 00:04:01,008 --> 00:04:02,075 - UH-HUH. 114 00:04:02,109 --> 00:04:04,778 [chuckling] 115 00:04:04,812 --> 00:04:06,046 - SO THE SEX? 116 00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:07,448 - YEAH. 117 00:04:07,481 --> 00:04:09,383 - IT WAS FUN. - YEAH, IT WAS. 118 00:04:09,417 --> 00:04:11,285 - AND I WAS THINKING-- - UH-OH. 119 00:04:11,319 --> 00:04:12,753 - IT COULD BE FUN AGAIN. 120 00:04:12,786 --> 00:04:14,121 - YOU MEAN, LIKE, RIGHT NOW? 121 00:04:14,154 --> 00:04:15,956 - NOPE. RIGHT NOW MY HEAD IS A JACKHAMMER. 122 00:04:15,989 --> 00:04:18,826 - OKAY. - LOOK. 123 00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:20,494 WE ARE BOTH BUSY. - MM-HMM. 124 00:04:20,528 --> 00:04:22,095 - WE BOTH HAVE NEEDS. 125 00:04:22,129 --> 00:04:23,497 I MISS YOU. YOU MISS ME. 126 00:04:23,531 --> 00:04:25,799 - MM-HMM. - SO WHAT DO YOU SAY? 127 00:04:25,833 --> 00:04:26,934 YOU WANT TO HAVE SEX SOMETIMES? 128 00:04:26,967 --> 00:04:31,939 - UH, SO-- 129 00:04:31,972 --> 00:04:34,342 WHAT DO YOU MEAN? - SEX. 130 00:04:34,375 --> 00:04:38,512 JUST SEX, YOU KNOW, LIKE, A COUPLE TIMES A WEEK. 131 00:04:38,546 --> 00:04:41,849 - REALLY? - YEAH. 132 00:04:41,882 --> 00:04:44,352 - I--YOU WANT TO JUST HAVE SEX 133 00:04:44,385 --> 00:04:45,786 WITH ME A COUPLE TIMES A WEEK 134 00:04:45,819 --> 00:04:47,087 WITHOUT ANY OF THE RELATIONSHIP-Y STUFF? 135 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:48,522 IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE PROPOSING? 136 00:04:48,556 --> 00:04:51,325 - YEAH. IT'S EXACTLY WHAT I AM PROPOSING. 137 00:04:51,359 --> 00:04:52,826 - UH-- [laughs] 138 00:04:52,860 --> 00:04:54,027 - WHAT? 139 00:04:54,061 --> 00:04:55,529 - NOTHING. 140 00:04:55,563 --> 00:04:56,330 - YOU DON'T THINK I CAN DO THIS. 141 00:04:56,364 --> 00:04:57,965 - I DIDN'T SAY THAT. 142 00:04:57,998 --> 00:04:59,199 BUT I DON'T THINK-- - I CAN DO THIS. 143 00:04:59,232 --> 00:05:00,668 - I DON'T THINK YOU CAN DO THIS. 144 00:05:00,701 --> 00:05:03,270 - NO DATING, NO DINNERS, NO LONG TALKS 145 00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:04,938 OR TEXTING AFTER, NO STAYING OVER. 146 00:05:04,972 --> 00:05:06,474 WE JUST GET TOGETHER, HAVE A BLAST 147 00:05:06,507 --> 00:05:07,975 A COUPLE TIMES A WEEK. 148 00:05:08,008 --> 00:05:09,643 IT DOESN'T EVEN MEAN ANYTHING. 149 00:05:09,677 --> 00:05:11,379 IT DOESN'T MEAN WE'RE GETTING BACK TOGETHER. 150 00:05:11,412 --> 00:05:13,046 IT DOESN'T MEAN WE'RE NOT GETTING BACK TOGETHER. 151 00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:16,884 IT'S JUST PURE, RAW ANIMAL DESIRE. 152 00:05:20,053 --> 00:05:22,823 WHAT? 153 00:05:22,856 --> 00:05:25,125 - I MEAN THIS IS EVERY GUY'S FANTASY. 154 00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:27,361 A GORGEOUS GIRL WANTS TO HOOK UP WITHOUT ANY ATTACHMENTS. 155 00:05:27,395 --> 00:05:30,364 - WELL. 156 00:05:32,032 --> 00:05:33,200 - I'M IN. 157 00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:34,368 - COOL. - COOL. 158 00:05:34,402 --> 00:05:37,070 - CLINK ON IT. 159 00:05:37,104 --> 00:05:38,772 - COOL. 160 00:05:41,208 --> 00:05:42,976 - OKAY. 161 00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:44,177 - WELL, HERE WE GO. 162 00:05:44,211 --> 00:05:45,245 - WELL, HERE WE DO IT. - OKAY. 163 00:05:45,278 --> 00:05:47,014 - WE'RE DOING IT. 164 00:05:47,047 --> 00:05:48,181 - YOU JUST HAVE A-- - WE'RE GONNA DO IT. 165 00:05:48,215 --> 00:05:50,884 - NEVER MIND. 166 00:05:53,286 --> 00:05:54,254 - JUST 'CAUSE YOU CLINKED ON IT, 167 00:05:54,287 --> 00:05:55,889 DOESN'T MEAN SHIT. 168 00:05:55,923 --> 00:05:57,324 - I DON'T KNOW, CLINKING CAN BE 169 00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:58,692 PRETTY SERIOUS STUFF WHEN IT COMES TO GIRLS. 170 00:05:58,726 --> 00:05:59,993 - THANK YOU, BRIAN. - I CLINKED ON A BET 171 00:06:00,027 --> 00:06:01,529 WITH MY COUSIN MAGDA ONCE... - YEAH? 172 00:06:01,562 --> 00:06:03,196 - ENDED UP TAKING HER TO FOUR DIFFERENT WEDDINGS. 173 00:06:03,230 --> 00:06:04,732 AND BELIEVE ME, IT WAS NOT LIKE THE MOVIE. 174 00:06:04,765 --> 00:06:05,866 - SO YOU DON'T THINK THAT TWO PEOPLE 175 00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:07,067 CAN HAVE SEX THAT'S JUST SEX? 176 00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:08,869 - NO. I THINK TWO PEOPLE CAN DO IT. 177 00:06:08,902 --> 00:06:10,504 I'VE SEEN FOUR OR FIVE PEOPLE DO IT AT THE SAME TIME. 178 00:06:10,538 --> 00:06:12,072 I DON'T THINK YOU CAN DO IT. 179 00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:13,541 - NO. SEINFELD DID IT. - NO, HE DIDN'T. 180 00:06:13,574 --> 00:06:14,708 THAT WAS THE POINT OF THE EPISODE. 181 00:06:14,742 --> 00:06:16,076 - HEY, WHO DO YOU THINK WE'D BE? 182 00:06:16,109 --> 00:06:17,545 YOU'D BE JERRY, OF COURSE. 183 00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:19,112 YOU'D BE GEORGE... - WHAT? 184 00:06:19,146 --> 00:06:22,015 - AND I'D BE KRAMER AND ELAINE. 185 00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:23,417 - I DON'T GET WHY YOU GET TO BE ELAINE. 186 00:06:23,451 --> 00:06:25,419 I'M A MUCH BETTER ELAINE. 187 00:06:29,557 --> 00:06:30,758 HEY, WHERE'S THE PATIENT? - OH, HELLO. 188 00:06:30,791 --> 00:06:32,292 ACTUALLY, BEFORE YOU GUYS COME IN HERE, 189 00:06:32,325 --> 00:06:33,527 CAN I JUST FIND OUT YOUR DISCLOSURE POLICY? 190 00:06:33,561 --> 00:06:35,128 I THINK WE'RE OWED THAT. 191 00:06:35,162 --> 00:06:36,430 - WHAT? 192 00:06:36,464 --> 00:06:39,533 - ANSWER ME THESE QUESTIONS THREE. 193 00:06:39,567 --> 00:06:42,035 - OKAY, BOYS, LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE OURSELVES A WIZARD. 194 00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:43,604 - NO, NO. OKAY, LISTEN. 195 00:06:43,637 --> 00:06:45,739 YOU GUYS, DO WE HAVE DOCTOR-PATIENT CONFIDENTIALITY? 196 00:06:45,773 --> 00:06:47,140 - HEY, RELAX. WE'RE NOT COPS. 197 00:06:47,174 --> 00:06:48,876 - WE'RE JUST HERE TO HELP YOU GUYS. 198 00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:51,745 - YOU HAVE ANSWERED CORRECTLY. 199 00:06:51,779 --> 00:06:53,647 - DO YOU GRANT US SAFE PASSAGE? 200 00:06:53,681 --> 00:06:55,248 - OH, BRIAN, COME ON. - THAT'S GOOD, OKAY, SORRY. 201 00:06:55,282 --> 00:06:57,084 - WE WERE TOLD THAT SOMEONE WAS STRUCK 202 00:06:57,117 --> 00:06:58,486 BY SOME SORT OF SPORTING EQUIPMENT. 203 00:06:58,519 --> 00:07:00,588 - [chuckle] OH, NOT STRUCK BRO, IMPALED. 204 00:07:00,621 --> 00:07:02,055 - HE GOT STUCK BY HIS OWN JART. 205 00:07:02,089 --> 00:07:04,257 - HE SELF-JARTED. - THE MAN SELF-JARTED. 206 00:07:04,291 --> 00:07:05,292 [indistinct chatter] 207 00:07:05,325 --> 00:07:07,027 - OOH. [sigh] 208 00:07:09,597 --> 00:07:11,398 [overlapping chatter] 209 00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:13,066 - THIS COULDN'T BE OUR CUSTOMER RIGHT HERE, 210 00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,235 COULD IT? 211 00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:16,937 - SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN PEOPLE GET DRUNK? 212 00:07:16,970 --> 00:07:20,608 THEY DO STUPID SHIT THAT THEY'LL REGRET LATER ON. 213 00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:22,309 - ALL RIGHT, GUY, LET'S TAKE A LOOK. 214 00:07:22,342 --> 00:07:24,645 - HEY, GUYS. - HEY, HOW ARE YOU? 215 00:07:24,678 --> 00:07:26,747 - WE'VE GOT AN ALCOHOL-RELATED INJURY. 216 00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,115 THE PATIENT HAS WHAT APPEARS TO BE 217 00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:29,416 A LAWN DART LODGED IN HIS BACK. 218 00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:31,451 OBVIOUS CASE OF L.M.C. 219 00:07:31,485 --> 00:07:33,453 - L.M.C.? - LOW MARBLE COUNT. 220 00:07:33,487 --> 00:07:35,022 - [laughs] THAT IS AWESOME. 221 00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:36,857 - THAT IS AWESOME. 222 00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:38,458 - I THOUGHT THEY OUTLAWED THESE THINGS IN THE '80s? 223 00:07:38,492 --> 00:07:39,960 - OH, YEAH. WE'RE, LIKE, TOTALLY OFF THE GRID. 224 00:07:39,993 --> 00:07:42,129 - NONE OF THIS IS HAPPENING, MAN. 225 00:07:42,162 --> 00:07:43,997 - BUT IF IT WERE HAPPENING, THEN THIS WOULD BE 226 00:07:44,031 --> 00:07:46,299 THE NORTH SIDE JART INVITATIONAL. 227 00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:49,169 AND YOU WOULD BE WATCHING THE SEMIFINALS. 228 00:07:49,202 --> 00:07:50,270 - YES. - OH. 229 00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:51,304 IS THIS, LIKE, A GROUP THING, 230 00:07:51,338 --> 00:07:53,641 OR AN INDIVIDUAL SPORT, OR-- 231 00:07:53,674 --> 00:07:55,976 - IT'S FOUR TEAMS OF FOUR, ROUND-ROBIN PLAY. 232 00:07:56,009 --> 00:07:57,811 THE JART MUST BE THROWN AT LEAST AS HIGH AS THAT 233 00:07:57,845 --> 00:07:59,713 THIRD STORY APARTMENT WINDOW, BUT NO HIGHER 234 00:07:59,747 --> 00:08:01,381 THAN THE SMOLINSKI'S SUNSHADE. 235 00:08:01,414 --> 00:08:03,517 - QUESTION. WHAT IF THE SUNSHADE ISN'T OUT? 236 00:08:03,551 --> 00:08:04,852 - I'M GLAD YOU ASKED THAT. 237 00:08:04,885 --> 00:08:09,489 WINTER RULES APPLY. ANYTHING GOES. 238 00:08:09,523 --> 00:08:10,357 - WINTER'S COMING. 239 00:08:10,390 --> 00:08:13,293 - OHH. HE DOES THAT. 240 00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:15,228 - YOU KNOW, YOU'RE LUCKY THIS THING DIDN'T HIT AN ARTERY. 241 00:08:15,262 --> 00:08:17,965 - I THINK YOU MEAN A JARTERY. 242 00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:18,966 [laughter] 243 00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:22,035 - NEXT ONE GETS A PUNCH. 244 00:08:22,069 --> 00:08:23,303 - WE WERE JUST JARTING AROUND. 245 00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:25,505 [all snickering] 246 00:08:25,539 --> 00:08:28,175 - SIR, WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO TAKE YOU IN. 247 00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:31,011 OH, SEE, LOOK. WE GOT 12 DUDES HERE. 248 00:08:31,044 --> 00:08:33,346 GOOD TIME FOR THE UNOFFICIAL POLL. 249 00:08:33,380 --> 00:08:36,249 HEY, HOW MANY OF YOU GUYS ARE JUST IN RELATIONSHIPS 250 00:08:36,283 --> 00:08:39,720 TO HOOK UP AND HAVE SEX? 251 00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:45,225 - HOW MANY OF YOU GUYS ARE IN RELATIONSHIPS? 252 00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:50,598 - I NEED YOU TO LIE STILL, SIR. 253 00:08:50,631 --> 00:08:52,032 - I CAN'T GET A GOOD ANGLE. 254 00:08:52,065 --> 00:08:53,567 LIKE, I WANT TO GET THE JART IN MY BACK. 255 00:08:53,601 --> 00:08:55,168 BUT I WANT MY FACE TO BE, LIKE, 256 00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:56,503 "WHAT JART IN MY BACK?" 257 00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:58,071 - YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS IN YOUR BACK? 258 00:08:58,105 --> 00:08:59,206 YOUR SPINE. 259 00:08:59,239 --> 00:09:00,240 - GIVE ME THAT. 260 00:09:00,273 --> 00:09:03,010 DON'T MOVE. 261 00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:04,712 - HOW DO I LOOK? 262 00:09:04,745 --> 00:09:06,346 - LIKE A DAMN HORS D'OEUVRE. 263 00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:08,415 - YES, THAT'S THE CAPTION. 264 00:09:08,448 --> 00:09:10,350 OH, SHIT. 265 00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:13,921 - MM-HMM. 266 00:09:13,954 --> 00:09:15,689 - YOU DON'T THINK THERESA AND I CAN PULL THIS OFF? 267 00:09:15,723 --> 00:09:17,257 - OH, I THINK THERESA CAN PULL IT OFF NO PROBLEM. 268 00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:18,525 IT'S YOU I'M WORRIED ABOUT. 269 00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:20,193 - YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT ME? - YEP. 270 00:09:20,227 --> 00:09:21,895 - BRO, IT'S A NO-BRAINER. IT'S JUST SEX. 271 00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:22,696 IT'S THE PART OF THE RELATIONSHIP I'M GOOD AT. 272 00:09:22,730 --> 00:09:24,564 HOW CAN I SCREW THIS UP? 273 00:09:24,598 --> 00:09:26,366 - BECAUSE YOU'RE YOU, AND BECAUSE UNDERNEATH 274 00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:28,468 THAT SPORTS-LOVING MAN'S-MAN GUY'S-GUY HEART OF YOURS 275 00:09:28,501 --> 00:09:29,970 IS A TINY LITTLE VAGINA. 276 00:09:30,003 --> 00:09:31,271 NOW I DON'T MEAN THAT IN A BAD WAY. 277 00:09:31,304 --> 00:09:32,539 IT'S A LOVING, SUPPORTIVE VAGINA. 278 00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:33,707 - AW. - KNOCK IT OFF, BRIAN. 279 00:09:33,741 --> 00:09:35,108 - IT SOUNDED LIKE A GOOD THING. 280 00:09:35,142 --> 00:09:36,276 - IT'S NOT. - LOOK. 281 00:09:36,309 --> 00:09:37,911 YOU'RE NOT IN IT FOR THE ACTION. 282 00:09:37,945 --> 00:09:39,880 YOU LIKE THE TALKING AND THE EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT. 283 00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:41,281 FACE THE FACTS, BRO. - I LIKE THE SEX. 284 00:09:41,314 --> 00:09:43,083 I CAN DO THIS. 285 00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:45,552 - YOU'RE GONNA STEP ON YOUR OWN DICK HERE, PAL. 286 00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:46,620 - WHICH ONE IS IT? 287 00:09:46,654 --> 00:09:49,723 DO I HAVE A DICK OR A VAGINA? 288 00:09:49,757 --> 00:09:53,526 - HE HAS BOTH, ACTUALLY, IN A GOOD WAY. 289 00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:02,636 - NOTHING WRONG WITH A MAN 290 00:10:02,670 --> 00:10:04,504 WHO'S GOT A LITTLE SQUISH MITTEN IN HIM. 291 00:10:04,537 --> 00:10:06,473 - I DON'T HAVE A-- 292 00:10:06,506 --> 00:10:08,308 IS THAT WHAT YOU CALL YOUR-- - YEP. 293 00:10:08,341 --> 00:10:10,143 SQUISH MITTEN, LOVE TACO, 294 00:10:10,177 --> 00:10:11,945 CUPCAKE, DEPENDS ON THE DAY. 295 00:10:11,979 --> 00:10:13,313 - COME ON, I'M TRYING TO READ HERE. 296 00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:14,481 I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO HEAR ABOUT 297 00:10:14,514 --> 00:10:16,316 WHAT YOU CALL YOUR PRIVATE STUFF. 298 00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:17,617 - LOOK. 299 00:10:17,651 --> 00:10:19,286 WHEN I STARTED HERE 20 YEARS AGO, 300 00:10:19,319 --> 00:10:21,121 IT WAS JUST YOU, DOYLE, STEGS, 301 00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:22,589 AND A BUNCH OF GUYS TALKING ABOUT YOUR DICKS ALL DAY. 302 00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:24,424 NOW, IT'S A NEW WORLD. 303 00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:25,826 WE GOT SOME GIRLS UP IN HERE AND WE'RE GONNA 304 00:10:25,859 --> 00:10:28,195 CALL OUR BUSINESS WHATEVER WE WANT. 305 00:10:28,228 --> 00:10:30,297 HAM WALLET. - MM-HMM. 306 00:10:30,330 --> 00:10:32,432 - YOU HAD TO START IN WITH THE SEX TALK. 307 00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:33,533 - IT WASN'T ME. IT WAS HANK. 308 00:10:33,566 --> 00:10:35,268 - BIRTH CANNON. - CHA-CHA. 309 00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:38,438 - THE VELVETEEN RABBIT. 310 00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:40,273 THAT WAS MY SISTER'S FAVORITE BOOK. 311 00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:41,308 I TOTALLY RUINED IT FOR HER. 312 00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:42,943 [laughter] 313 00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:44,544 - YOU'RE A SENSITIVE MAN, FARRELL. 314 00:10:44,577 --> 00:10:45,979 YOU GOT A LITTLE BIT OF GIRL IN YOU. 315 00:10:46,013 --> 00:10:47,514 AND I, FOR ONE, AM GONNA GO ON RECORD 316 00:10:47,547 --> 00:10:49,516 AS SAYING I FIND THAT VERY ATTRACTIVE. 317 00:10:49,549 --> 00:10:51,484 - THERE ARE ACTUALLY SEVERAL VARIETIES 318 00:10:51,518 --> 00:10:53,220 OF FISH THAT ARE HERMAPHRODITIC. 319 00:10:53,253 --> 00:10:55,055 IN FACT, THERE'S ONE SPECIES OFF THE COAST 320 00:10:55,088 --> 00:10:57,825 OF AUSTRALIA THAT CAN GROW THE OTHER GENITALIA, 321 00:10:57,858 --> 00:11:00,193 AND HAVE SEX WITH ITSELF WHENEVER IT WANTS. 322 00:11:00,227 --> 00:11:01,528 - REALLY? 323 00:11:01,561 --> 00:11:03,697 - WHAT IS IT CALLED? - A HAPPY GODDAMN FISH. 324 00:11:03,731 --> 00:11:05,298 [laughter] 325 00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:06,900 - I NEED A RULING, HERE. 326 00:11:06,934 --> 00:11:09,069 DO YOU THINK THE JART QUALIFIES AS AN IMPALEMENT? 327 00:11:09,102 --> 00:11:10,303 - SURE, IF IT'S POKING OUT OF A GUY'S 328 00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:11,471 SHOULDER MEAT LIKE THAT. SURE. 329 00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:13,040 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 330 00:11:13,073 --> 00:11:14,908 - HE'S GOT AN E.M.T. BUCKET LIST IN THERE. 331 00:11:14,942 --> 00:11:17,878 THE THINGS HE HOPES TO SEE AND DO ON THE JOB. 332 00:11:17,911 --> 00:11:19,646 - IMPALEMENT IS NUMBER ONE. 333 00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:20,881 - CASH, COME ON. 334 00:11:20,914 --> 00:11:22,582 - YOU STOP EATING MY TWIXES, 335 00:11:22,615 --> 00:11:24,718 I'LL STOP READING STUFF YOU LEAVE LAYING AROUND. 336 00:11:24,752 --> 00:11:26,486 - DELIVERING A BABY-- YOU HAVEN'T DONE THAT YET? 337 00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:27,821 - WE DELIVERED A BABY LAST MONTH. 338 00:11:27,855 --> 00:11:29,656 HE WOULDN'T LET ME KEEP THE PLACENTA. 339 00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:31,591 - YOU'VE ALREADY GOT AN UMBILICAL CORD. 340 00:11:31,624 --> 00:11:33,260 - NARCAN? - YEAH. 341 00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:35,028 THE THING WHERE YOU JAB A PERSON WITH IT, 342 00:11:35,062 --> 00:11:36,563 AND BRING HIM BACK TO LIFE, LIKE IN PULP FICTION. 343 00:11:36,596 --> 00:11:38,198 - I FORGOT IT WAS EVEN CALLED NARCAN. 344 00:11:38,231 --> 00:11:39,499 SEVEN YEARS ON THE JOB, I'VE ONLY SEEN, 345 00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:40,734 LIKE, TWO DEAD JUNKIES. 346 00:11:40,768 --> 00:11:42,202 - THE DAYS OF THE SKINNY-ASS, 347 00:11:42,235 --> 00:11:44,537 HEROIN-DOPE-SHOOTING JUNKIES ARE OVER. 348 00:11:44,571 --> 00:11:46,740 - YEAH, IT'S ALL METH HEADS AND CRACK HEADS NOW. 349 00:11:46,774 --> 00:11:48,575 AND WE SHOW UP AND THEY AIN'T EVEN DEAD. 350 00:11:48,608 --> 00:11:50,177 - AND THEY'RE USUALLY RANTING AND RAVING 351 00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:52,379 AND THROWING CRAZY JACKIE CHAN KARATE KICKS. 352 00:11:52,412 --> 00:11:54,848 - HAD THIS ONE GUY A COUPLE MONTHS AGO 353 00:11:54,882 --> 00:11:57,250 WAVING A MACHETE AROUND, SCREAMING ABOUT 354 00:11:57,284 --> 00:11:58,852 BEING OBAMA'S COUSIN. 355 00:11:58,886 --> 00:12:01,354 IT TURNS OUT HE ACTUALLY WAS. 356 00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:04,557 [phone chimes] 357 00:12:04,591 --> 00:12:07,928 - IT'S THERESA, AND SHE WANTS TO HOOK UP TONIGHT. 358 00:12:07,961 --> 00:12:09,897 - ALL RIGHT, NOW, DON'T SCREW THIS UP. 359 00:12:09,930 --> 00:12:11,799 - I GOT THIS, MAN. 360 00:12:11,832 --> 00:12:13,566 I'M A SEX MACHINE. 361 00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:14,935 - I'M A SEX MACHINE. - WHAT? 362 00:12:14,968 --> 00:12:17,637 - OR I THINK I MIGHT BE PART MACHINE, 363 00:12:17,670 --> 00:12:19,807 BECAUSE I LIKE SEX WITHOUT ANY EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT. 364 00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:21,441 - RIGHT? WHO DOESN'T? 365 00:12:21,474 --> 00:12:23,710 - YOU...LOVE TACO. 366 00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:26,413 - SHUT UP, DICK. 367 00:12:26,446 --> 00:12:29,917 [both panting] 368 00:12:29,950 --> 00:12:32,652 - A LOT OF EYE CONTACT THERE ON THAT ONE, BUDDY. 369 00:12:32,685 --> 00:12:33,887 - OH, SORRY. 370 00:12:33,921 --> 00:12:35,655 - IT'S OKAY. 371 00:12:35,688 --> 00:12:38,758 YOU WERE FOCUSED, AND IT PAID OFF. 372 00:12:38,792 --> 00:12:39,626 - I WAS... - MM-HMM. 373 00:12:39,659 --> 00:12:41,428 - WASN'T I? 374 00:12:41,461 --> 00:12:42,462 I THINK THAT MY FOCUS HAS IMPROVED 375 00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:43,630 SINCE I GOT INTO TENNIS. 376 00:12:43,663 --> 00:12:44,932 - YOU'RE PLAYING TENNIS? 377 00:12:44,965 --> 00:12:46,566 - NO, I WAS JUST WATCHING IT. 378 00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:47,734 BUT IF YOU DON'T REALLY CONCENTRATE, 379 00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:48,836 IT GETS SUPER BORING. 380 00:12:48,869 --> 00:12:51,304 - [giggles] - YOU HUNGRY? 381 00:12:51,338 --> 00:12:53,573 - WHOA, HOLD ON THERE, BIG GUY. 382 00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:54,674 - WHAT? 383 00:12:54,707 --> 00:12:57,077 - WE AGREED, NO HANGING AROUND, 384 00:12:57,110 --> 00:13:00,580 NO FOOD, JUST SEX, REMEMBER? 385 00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:03,683 - RIGHT, RIGHT. 386 00:13:03,716 --> 00:13:05,085 HOW ABOUT A SANDWICH? 387 00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:08,588 - SORRY, THAT FALLS UNDER THE FOOD RULE. 388 00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:10,457 - YOU SAID, "NO DINNER." 389 00:13:10,490 --> 00:13:12,025 IF I'D KNOWN SANDWICHES WERE OFF THE TABLE, 390 00:13:12,059 --> 00:13:13,293 I MIGHT NOT HAVE AGREED TO THIS. 391 00:13:13,326 --> 00:13:14,627 - HEY, WE HAVE TO HAVE BOUNDARIES 392 00:13:14,661 --> 00:13:16,429 OR THIS ISN'T GONNA WORK. 393 00:13:16,463 --> 00:13:20,868 - IT JUST DID WORK, BABE. TWICE-ISH. 394 00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:22,269 AND A LOT OF WHAT I JUST DID, 395 00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:24,604 HONEY, FUELED BY SANDWICHES. 396 00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:25,605 - OKAY. YOU GOTTA GO. 397 00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:26,940 - OH, WELL, OKAY. 398 00:13:26,974 --> 00:13:29,542 JUST, CAN I HAVE A WATER? 399 00:13:29,576 --> 00:13:30,844 - YEAH. 400 00:13:30,878 --> 00:13:33,580 I CAN MAKE THAT HAPPEN. 401 00:13:47,727 --> 00:13:50,830 - YOU FELT USED? 402 00:13:50,864 --> 00:13:52,299 - AH, A LITTLE BIT. 403 00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:53,867 YES. 404 00:13:53,901 --> 00:13:55,903 - BECAUSE SHE WOULDN'T GIVE YOU A SANDWICH? 405 00:13:55,936 --> 00:13:57,737 WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? 406 00:13:57,770 --> 00:13:59,539 YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO TIP YOUR HAT, 407 00:13:59,572 --> 00:14:01,408 THANK HER FOR THE SEX, AND GET YOUR OWN SANDWICH. 408 00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:03,210 IT'S CHICAGO, YOU CAN'T WALK FIVE FEET 409 00:14:03,243 --> 00:14:04,811 WITHOUT RUNNING INTO A GODDAMN SANDWICH. 410 00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:06,546 - IT'S A VERY GOOD SANDWICH TOWN. 411 00:14:06,579 --> 00:14:09,282 - SHE TAPPED ME ON THE ASS. 412 00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:13,987 - I THINK A LOT OF GUYS WOULD LIKE 413 00:14:14,021 --> 00:14:16,056 TO HAVE THERESA TAP THEM ON THE ASS. 414 00:14:16,089 --> 00:14:18,992 NOT ME, JUST RANDOM GUYS. 415 00:14:19,026 --> 00:14:20,560 - I TAP GUYS ON THE ASS 416 00:14:20,593 --> 00:14:21,728 AS THEY LEAVE MY APARTMENT ALL THE GODDAMN TIME. 417 00:14:21,761 --> 00:14:23,163 IT'S A COMPLIMENT. 418 00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:25,098 - I FELT LIKE A PIECE OF MEAT. 419 00:14:25,132 --> 00:14:26,399 AND THEN I TEXTED HER THIS MORNING, 420 00:14:26,433 --> 00:14:27,834 TELLING HER I HAD A GREAT TIME, 421 00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:29,036 AND SHE HASN'T TEXTED ME BACK YET. 422 00:14:29,069 --> 00:14:30,103 AND I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY. 423 00:14:30,137 --> 00:14:31,771 THAT'S A MATTER OF MANNERS. 424 00:14:31,804 --> 00:14:33,273 - OH, MY GOD. 425 00:14:33,306 --> 00:14:35,108 - CHICAGO NORTH 911, MAN UNCONSCIOUS 426 00:14:35,142 --> 00:14:36,576 AT CORNER OF NORTH KEDZIE AND DIVISION 427 00:14:36,609 --> 00:14:38,711 INSIDE HUMBOLDT PARK. 428 00:14:38,745 --> 00:14:40,013 - A HALF MILE AWAY. 429 00:14:40,047 --> 00:14:42,916 - AMBULANCE 14 RESPONDING. 430 00:14:42,950 --> 00:14:47,921 [siren blaring] 431 00:14:49,923 --> 00:14:52,559 - [crying] 432 00:14:52,592 --> 00:14:54,527 - WHAT'S HE ON? WHAT'S HE ON, MISS? 433 00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:56,796 - HEROIN. - GREAT. 434 00:14:56,829 --> 00:14:58,765 - DON'T JUDGE US. - WOULDN'T DREAM OF IT. 435 00:14:58,798 --> 00:15:00,968 HELLO, SIR, WAKE UP. 436 00:15:01,001 --> 00:15:02,569 HE'S STILL GOT A PULSE. 437 00:15:02,602 --> 00:15:03,703 BRIAN, THIS IS YOU. 438 00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:05,238 - NARCAN NEEDLE? 439 00:15:05,272 --> 00:15:06,639 OH, MY GOD, IT'S HAPPENING. 440 00:15:06,673 --> 00:15:08,208 - HERE YOU GO, BRIAN. - COME ON, DO IT. 441 00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:09,709 - IT'S REALLY HAPPENING, SERIOUSLY? 442 00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:11,244 - YOU GOT THIS. - JUST SLAM IT RIGHT IN THERE. 443 00:15:11,278 --> 00:15:13,080 - NO, BUT IN MY CLASS, THEY SAID THAT I HAVE 444 00:15:13,113 --> 00:15:14,447 TO PUT THE NEEDLE IN SLOW, UNLESS THE VICTIM'S GONNA-- 445 00:15:14,481 --> 00:15:16,216 - PUKE? NO, YOU GOT A DEAD MAN HERE. 446 00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:17,617 NOT YET, I MEAN, THAT'S WHY WE'RE HERE. 447 00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:19,319 - LOOK, DO IT OR GIVE IT TO ME. 448 00:15:19,352 --> 00:15:20,553 - MY INSTRUCTOR SAID I HAVE TO PUT IT-- 449 00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:22,055 - THEY DON'T PUKE, BRIAN. 450 00:15:22,089 --> 00:15:23,223 THEY WAKE UP AND THROW CRAZY JUNKIE PUNCHES. 451 00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:24,891 NOW, JAM IT IN AND THEN DUCK. 452 00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:26,493 GO, GO. 453 00:15:26,526 --> 00:15:27,460 - LET'S GO. JUST STICK IT IN THERE. 454 00:15:27,494 --> 00:15:29,629 - AAH! 455 00:15:30,830 --> 00:15:32,932 - ONE MISSISSIPPI. 456 00:15:32,966 --> 00:15:35,735 TWO MISSISSIPPI. 457 00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:37,670 - [gasps] 458 00:15:37,704 --> 00:15:38,805 - OH, BABY! 459 00:15:38,838 --> 00:15:40,240 - IT WORKED. 460 00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,009 - YOU'RE A HERO, BRIAN. - ARE YOU OKAY? 461 00:15:42,042 --> 00:15:44,844 - YOU RUINED MY HIGH, MAN. 462 00:15:46,546 --> 00:15:47,614 [vomits] 463 00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:51,118 - OH. 464 00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:52,819 - LET'S TAKE A PICTURE. 465 00:15:52,852 --> 00:15:54,154 - MISS, WOULD YOU MIND TAKING A PICTURE 466 00:15:54,187 --> 00:15:55,122 OF THE THREE OF US? - UH, OKAY. 467 00:15:55,155 --> 00:15:56,823 - BRIAN, HAND HER YOUR PHONE. 468 00:15:56,856 --> 00:15:57,924 - WE'LL CHECK YOUR VITALS AND EVERYTHING 469 00:15:57,957 --> 00:15:59,359 IN ONE SECOND, SIR. 470 00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:00,593 IT'S ON HIS BUCKET LIST. - THANK YOU SO MUCH. 471 00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:01,961 - SURE, YEAH, UH, OKAY. 472 00:16:01,995 --> 00:16:03,696 I DON'T-- OKAY. 473 00:16:03,730 --> 00:16:04,797 - [laughs] - NICE. GOOD JOB. 474 00:16:04,831 --> 00:16:05,999 - I DON'T-- 475 00:16:06,033 --> 00:16:07,767 - OH, YOU HAVE TO-- 476 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:08,835 - HONEY, THEY CHANGED IT. 477 00:16:08,868 --> 00:16:09,769 IT'S RIGHT HERE NOW. 478 00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:11,471 - OH, RIGHT. OKAY. 479 00:16:11,504 --> 00:16:13,006 - SEE. THE KEY IS I SAY IT TO HER 480 00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:14,874 IN A WAY THAT DOESN'T DIMINISH HER. 481 00:16:14,907 --> 00:16:15,975 - SURE. - OKAY, OKAY. 482 00:16:16,009 --> 00:16:17,710 [overlapping chatter] 483 00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:19,979 ONE, TWO, THREE. 484 00:16:24,884 --> 00:16:27,787 - DAMN, THOSE SOME FAST JUNKIES. 485 00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:29,289 GUESS YOU GOT TO BE MORE CAREFUL WHAT 486 00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:30,657 YOU WISH FOR, HUH, BRIAN? - YOU KIDDING ME? 487 00:16:30,690 --> 00:16:32,292 I'M GONNA HAVE THIS MEMORY FOREVER. 488 00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:34,127 - YEAH, BUT YOU AIN'T GONNA HAVE THAT PICTURE. 489 00:16:34,161 --> 00:16:37,730 - IT'S ALL BACKED UP RIGHT HERE. 490 00:16:37,764 --> 00:16:39,532 - I DON'T GET IT. 491 00:16:39,566 --> 00:16:42,369 THERESA AND I ARE ALWAYS TRYING TO STAY TOGETHER. 492 00:16:42,402 --> 00:16:43,670 WE FIGHT, WE BREAK UP, WE COME UP 493 00:16:43,703 --> 00:16:45,305 WITH THESE CRAZY SEX PLANS. 494 00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:47,807 AND LOOK AT THESE TWO, THEY CAN'T EVEN 495 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:49,076 STAY ALIVE WITHOUT US, BUT SOMEHOW 496 00:16:49,109 --> 00:16:50,843 THEY CAN MAKE A RELATIONSHIP WORK. 497 00:16:50,877 --> 00:16:52,079 LOOK AT THEM, THEY'RE RUNNING AWAY HOLDING HANDS. 498 00:16:52,112 --> 00:16:53,880 - AW. 499 00:16:53,913 --> 00:16:55,515 - WHAT DO THEY HAVE THAT ME AND THERESA DON'T? 500 00:16:55,548 --> 00:16:56,983 - WELL, THEY DO SHARE A HOBBY. 501 00:16:57,016 --> 00:17:00,053 - MM. - [laughs] 502 00:17:05,092 --> 00:17:07,160 - SO THEN HE GOT-- 503 00:17:07,194 --> 00:17:08,595 SO THE NEEDLE'S IN, 504 00:17:08,628 --> 00:17:11,064 AND THEN HE JUST THROWS UP ALL OVER ME. 505 00:17:11,098 --> 00:17:14,033 [laughter] 506 00:17:14,067 --> 00:17:15,602 [phone chimes] 507 00:17:15,635 --> 00:17:16,836 - SEX ALERT. 508 00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:19,872 - YEAH, BUT I'M NOT IN THE MOOD, 509 00:17:19,906 --> 00:17:21,741 SO I'M JUST GONNA IGNORE THAT. 510 00:17:21,774 --> 00:17:24,244 - WHAT KIND OF REACTION IS THAT TO A SEX ALERT 511 00:17:24,277 --> 00:17:26,045 FROM A PRETTY GIRL, WHOSE JOB 512 00:17:26,079 --> 00:17:28,881 REQUIRES HER TO HAVE HANDCUFFS? 513 00:17:28,915 --> 00:17:31,584 - WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU, LOVE TACO? 514 00:17:31,618 --> 00:17:33,052 - YOU KNOW WHAT, JOHNNY, EVERYBODY'S 515 00:17:33,086 --> 00:17:34,954 GIVING YOU THE BUSINESS ABOUT BEING PART GIRL, 516 00:17:34,987 --> 00:17:36,523 BUT YOU'RE NOT. - THANK YOU. 517 00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:37,857 - BECAUSE IF YOU WERE, YOU WOULD KNOW THAT 518 00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:39,058 THERESA'S TEXTING YOU RIGHT NOW 519 00:17:39,092 --> 00:17:40,760 BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO BE WITH YOU. 520 00:17:40,793 --> 00:17:42,195 I'M PART GIRL, AND I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. 521 00:17:42,229 --> 00:17:44,131 THERESA WANTS TO GET BONED BAD. 522 00:17:44,164 --> 00:17:47,033 GO BONE HER. 523 00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:49,202 - LISTEN TO HER. 524 00:17:49,236 --> 00:17:50,870 - OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? 525 00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:52,572 YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU'RE RIGHT. 526 00:17:52,605 --> 00:17:53,873 I'M GONNA GO OVER THERE, RIGHT NOW. 527 00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:55,275 - BRING HER SOME FLOWERS. 528 00:17:55,308 --> 00:17:58,178 - AND, HERE, DRINK THIS. - OKAY. 529 00:18:03,850 --> 00:18:05,318 - BRAIN FREEZE. - PERFECT. 530 00:18:05,352 --> 00:18:06,653 YOU THINK TOO MUCH. - OKAY. 531 00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:08,655 - GO. - HE AIN'T GONNA MAKE IT. 532 00:18:08,688 --> 00:18:10,523 - NO. 533 00:18:13,693 --> 00:18:15,762 [knock at door] 534 00:18:15,795 --> 00:18:18,798 [rock music] 535 00:18:18,831 --> 00:18:26,839 * 536 00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:35,114 - * BABY, HERE COMES MY SIGNAL * 537 00:18:35,148 --> 00:18:39,986 * RINGING LOUD AND CLEAR 538 00:18:40,019 --> 00:18:43,323 * SHOUTING LIKE A BELTONE 539 00:18:43,356 --> 00:18:48,127 * IN THE ATMOSPHERE 540 00:18:48,161 --> 00:18:50,330 * THE RIVER IS RISING 541 00:18:50,363 --> 00:18:53,132 * I CAN'T HOLD BACK MUCH LONGER * 542 00:18:53,166 --> 00:18:54,867 * I'LL BE RIGHT OVER, DARLING * 543 00:18:54,901 --> 00:18:58,705 * OH, CAN'T YOU PICK UP MY SIGNAL * 544 00:18:58,738 --> 00:19:02,875 * OH, COMING ON STRONG 545 00:19:02,909 --> 00:19:06,846 * OH, THERE CAN BE NO DENYING * 546 00:19:06,879 --> 00:19:10,817 * OH, THIS FEELING IN MY SOUL * 547 00:19:10,850 --> 00:19:14,654 * OH, I'M ROARING LIKE A LION ON THE INSIDE * 548 00:19:14,687 --> 00:19:19,226 * BABY, WON'T YOU OPEN UP YOUR DOOR * 549 00:19:19,259 --> 00:19:22,161 * THE RIVER IS RISING 550 00:19:22,195 --> 00:19:24,997 * I CAN'T HOLD BACK MUCH LONGER * 551 00:19:25,031 --> 00:19:27,133 - YO! 552 00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:29,302 - HOLY SHIT. 553 00:19:29,336 --> 00:19:32,004 - 25 MINUTES. - WHAT'D I TELL YOU, HUH? 554 00:19:32,038 --> 00:19:33,973 WAS THERE GOOD BONING? - OH, THERE WAS. 555 00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:35,041 - OH, YEAH! - WERE THERE HANDCUFFS? 556 00:19:35,074 --> 00:19:36,876 - THERE WERE. 557 00:19:36,909 --> 00:19:38,044 AND MY DAIQUIRI'S STILL FROZEN. 558 00:19:38,077 --> 00:19:40,647 [laughter] 559 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:41,881 - REST IN PEACE, LOVE TACO. 560 00:19:41,914 --> 00:19:43,350 [laughter] 561 00:19:45,252 --> 00:19:46,853 - [laughing] 562 00:19:46,886 --> 00:19:47,854 - BUT ONLY IF IT'S REALLY HOT. 563 00:19:47,887 --> 00:19:48,855 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 564 00:19:48,888 --> 00:19:49,756 - JUST, IN THE WHOLE THING. 565 00:19:49,789 --> 00:19:50,857 JUST-- [laughs] 566 00:19:50,890 --> 00:19:52,158 - MANY LAYERS. 567 00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:53,092 - COME ON, TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED. 568 00:19:53,125 --> 00:19:54,827 - OH, I FEEL AMAZING. 569 00:19:54,861 --> 00:19:56,263 I'M GONNA START BOXING. 570 00:19:56,296 --> 00:19:57,864 DID I TELL YOU I USED TO BOX? 571 00:19:57,897 --> 00:19:59,098 - NO. - 'CAUSE I DIDN'T. 572 00:19:59,131 --> 00:20:00,767 - [laughs] 573 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:01,934 - BUT I'M GONNA START NOW. 574 00:20:01,968 --> 00:20:03,570 [both chuckle] 575 00:20:03,603 --> 00:20:07,173 I'M GONNA KICKBOX. WHAA-WHOO-WHAA. 576 00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:08,775 - HEY, EASY, EASY, MY DASHBOARD. 577 00:20:08,808 --> 00:20:10,076 MY DASHBOARD. - SORRY. OKAY. 578 00:20:10,109 --> 00:20:12,945 THANKS FOR THE RIDE. - SEE YOU, MAN. 579 00:20:12,979 --> 00:20:15,248 - OH, I FEEL LIKE A MILLION BUCKS. 580 00:20:15,282 --> 00:20:16,849 WHOO! 581 00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:19,719 - [howls] - [chuckles] 582 00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:21,020 AHH. 583 00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:23,055 OH, GIVE ME SOME. 584 00:20:23,089 --> 00:20:24,357 NEW DAY, NEW MAN. 585 00:20:24,391 --> 00:20:26,893 I FEEL LIKE A VIKING. 586 00:20:26,926 --> 00:20:28,261 - [laughs] 587 00:20:28,295 --> 00:20:29,862 - I'MA FEEL LIKE A VIKING. 588 00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:32,365 I'MA FEEL LIKE A VIKING. I'MA FEEL LIKE A VIKING. 589 00:20:32,399 --> 00:20:35,268 OH, WAIT. I FORGOT TO ASK YOU. 590 00:20:35,302 --> 00:20:36,803 DO YOU THINK IT'S WEIRD THAT SHE HASN'T 591 00:20:36,836 --> 00:20:38,237 CALLED OR TEXTED OR ANYTHING? 592 00:20:38,271 --> 00:20:41,040 I MEAN, IT'S BEEN, LIKE, THREE HOURS. 593 00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:42,475 - GIVE ME THE PHONE. - WHAT? 594 00:20:42,509 --> 00:20:43,943 - GIVE ME THE DAMN PHONE. - NO. 595 00:20:43,976 --> 00:20:45,545 - GIVE ME THE GODDAMN PHONE, JOHN, 596 00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:47,113 BEFORE YOU RUIN ALL THE PROGRESS YOU MADE TONIGHT. 597 00:20:47,146 --> 00:20:48,615 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 598 00:20:48,648 --> 00:20:49,982 - DON'T BE STUPID. - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 599 00:20:50,016 --> 00:20:51,318 - GIVE ME YOUR PHONE, JOHN. - NO, NO. 600 00:20:51,351 --> 00:20:53,152 GET AWAY. - YOU BETTER GIVE ME THAT PHONE. 601 00:20:53,185 --> 00:20:54,821 YOU BETTER GIVE ME THAT PHONE! - GET AWAY FROM ME. 602 00:20:54,854 --> 00:20:56,723 - [laughs] DON'T BE STUPID. 603 00:20:56,756 --> 00:20:59,392 - [speaking gibberish] 604 00:20:59,426 --> 00:21:02,261 - [laughs] GIVE ME THE PHONE. 605 00:21:02,295 --> 00:21:07,734 - [grunting] 606 00:21:07,767 --> 00:21:10,803 - HEY! 607 00:21:12,038 --> 00:21:15,342 [phone chimes] 608 00:21:15,375 --> 00:21:18,345 - YOU THINK THAT WAS HER? 609 00:21:18,378 --> 00:21:21,614 THAT WAS TOTALLY HER. 41715

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