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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,072 --> 00:00:03,934 Male announcer: AS FOR JAY CUTLER'S KNEE, 2 00:00:03,969 --> 00:00:04,970 THE MRI CAME BACK CLEAR. 3 00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:06,420 GOOD NEWS FOR THE BEARS, 4 00:00:06,454 --> 00:00:07,869 AS HE'S EXPECTED TO PLAY THIS SUNDAY 5 00:00:07,904 --> 00:00:09,906 AGAINST DREW BREES AND THE RED-HOT SAINTS. 6 00:00:09,940 --> 00:00:11,597 CUTLER SAYS HE FEELS GOOD. 7 00:00:11,632 --> 00:00:12,885 THE KNEE'S NOT GIVING HIM ANY PROBLEMS... 8 00:00:12,909 --> 00:00:14,566 - ANY WORD ON JAY CUTLER? 9 00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:17,569 - PUMP SAYS HE'S A GO. 10 00:00:17,603 --> 00:00:18,960 - GUESS I SHOULD BE GLAD THEY DON'T HAVE PORN 11 00:00:18,984 --> 00:00:19,985 ON GAS PUMP TV. 12 00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:21,745 OR WE'D BE HERE ALL AFTERNOON. 13 00:00:21,780 --> 00:00:23,989 - LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT ME, HONEY. 14 00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:24,714 THE DAY THAT WE AS A CIVILIZATION 15 00:00:24,748 --> 00:00:26,129 GET TO THE POINT 16 00:00:26,164 --> 00:00:27,786 WHERE WE'RE BROADCASTING PORNOGRAPHY 17 00:00:27,820 --> 00:00:29,305 FROM TELEVISIONS ATTACHED TO GAS PUMPS 18 00:00:29,339 --> 00:00:31,755 IS THE DAY I START WORKING AT A GAS STATION. 19 00:00:34,103 --> 00:00:38,141 HOW MUCH PORN AREYOU WATCHING THESE DAYS? 20 00:00:38,176 --> 00:00:40,005 - YOU MEAN, SINCE WE'VE BEEN ON BREAK? 21 00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:42,628 - YEAH. - WHY DO YOU ASK? 22 00:00:42,663 --> 00:00:44,089 - WELL, WHEN MY BROTHER DONAL AND HIS GIRLFRIEND BROKE UP, 23 00:00:44,113 --> 00:00:45,079 HE WAS WATCHING IT ALL THE TIME. 24 00:00:45,114 --> 00:00:47,012 DID I TELL YOU THAT I WALKED IN 25 00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:48,093 ON HIM AND HIS LAPTOP IN MY PARENTS' BATHROOM 26 00:00:48,117 --> 00:00:50,084 LAST CHRISTMAS? 27 00:00:50,119 --> 00:00:51,844 TWICE. 28 00:00:51,879 --> 00:00:52,742 - DONAL'S A MORON. I'M NOT DONAL. 29 00:00:52,776 --> 00:00:54,088 AND YOU KNOW WHAT? 30 00:00:54,123 --> 00:00:54,951 AND THIS IS THE TRUTH HERE. 31 00:00:54,985 --> 00:00:56,021 - YEAH? 32 00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:57,850 - KINDA STOPPED WATCHING IT. 33 00:00:57,885 --> 00:00:59,507 - NO, YOU DIDN'T. - YES, I DID. 34 00:00:59,542 --> 00:01:02,855 I LOST ALL INTEREST IN OTHER GIRLS. COMPLETELY. 35 00:01:02,890 --> 00:01:04,419 AND PORN. FIRST TIME IT'S EVER HAPPENED TO ME. 36 00:01:04,443 --> 00:01:06,480 - I AM SO FLATTERED. 37 00:01:06,514 --> 00:01:07,791 - BABE, THIS IS HUGE. 38 00:01:07,826 --> 00:01:09,483 MOST GUYS, 39 00:01:09,517 --> 00:01:10,977 THEY GET OUT OF A LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP, 40 00:01:11,001 --> 00:01:13,659 THEIR PORN ADDICTION GOES THROUGH THE ROOF. 41 00:01:13,694 --> 00:01:16,352 ME, I WENT THE OTHER WAY. 42 00:01:16,386 --> 00:01:17,939 - YOU HAD AN ADDICTION? - WHAT? 43 00:01:17,974 --> 00:01:20,425 - YOU USED THE WORD "ADDICTION." 44 00:01:20,459 --> 00:01:22,806 - YEAH. ABOUT DONAL. NOT ME. 45 00:01:22,841 --> 00:01:24,118 I STOPPED. COLD TURKEY. 46 00:01:24,153 --> 00:01:25,015 UH, THAT DIDN'T COME OUT RIGHT. 47 00:01:25,050 --> 00:01:27,190 - NO, IT DIDN'T. 48 00:01:27,225 --> 00:01:28,950 - WHAT ABOUT YOU, SMARTY PANTS? 49 00:01:28,985 --> 00:01:30,469 - WHAT ABOUT ME? 50 00:01:30,504 --> 00:01:32,437 YOU WATCH ANY PORN? 51 00:01:32,471 --> 00:01:33,679 COME ON. 52 00:01:33,714 --> 00:01:35,129 YOU KNOW WHAT PORN IS TO ME. 53 00:01:35,164 --> 00:01:37,994 IT'S REAL ESTATE, SHOES, AND GUNS. 54 00:01:38,028 --> 00:01:39,375 IF I COULD FIND A MAGAZINE 55 00:01:39,409 --> 00:01:40,809 WITH GLOSSY PICTURES OF ALL THREE... 56 00:01:42,067 --> 00:01:43,172 THAT'D REALLY GET ME OFF. 57 00:01:43,206 --> 00:01:44,932 WHAT? 58 00:01:44,966 --> 00:01:47,245 - I'M THINKIN'. - WHAT ABOUT? 59 00:01:47,279 --> 00:01:49,454 - STARTING A MAGAZINE. - OH, MY GOD. 60 00:01:52,526 --> 00:01:55,839 ♪ 61 00:01:55,874 --> 00:01:57,154 - ♪ SUCKER-PUNCHED BY THE CLOCK ♪ 62 00:01:57,186 --> 00:01:59,153 ♪ BUCKLED TO THE KNEES 63 00:01:59,188 --> 00:02:01,707 ♪ CHECKER CAB CURLED AROUND THE SIDE OF A TREE ♪ 64 00:02:01,742 --> 00:02:04,779 ♪ INTO THE GROWL OF THE CITY WITH A DEAFENING CRY ♪ 65 00:02:04,814 --> 00:02:06,505 ♪ AGAIN I RIDE 66 00:02:06,540 --> 00:02:08,576 ♪ AGAIN I RIDE 67 00:02:14,064 --> 00:02:16,964 - AH, SH... - WHAT? 68 00:02:16,998 --> 00:02:18,010 - MY SISTER MAEVE'S STUPID BOOK CLUB 69 00:02:18,034 --> 00:02:20,312 IS TOMORROW NIGHT. 70 00:02:20,347 --> 00:02:21,807 WE'RE READING GONE GIRL, AND I HAVEN'T FINISHED IT YET. 71 00:02:21,831 --> 00:02:23,384 AND THEN BILLY SAT ON MY iPAD, 72 00:02:23,419 --> 00:02:26,560 WHICH HAD MY COPY OF GONE GIRLON IT. 73 00:02:26,594 --> 00:02:29,701 - WELL, HERE YOU GO, USE MINE. 74 00:02:29,735 --> 00:02:32,013 - REALLY? - SURE. 75 00:02:32,048 --> 00:02:33,739 - THANKS. - NO PROBLEM. 76 00:02:33,774 --> 00:02:34,844 PASSWORD IS "DITKA." 77 00:02:34,878 --> 00:02:37,191 - 'COURSE IT IS. 78 00:02:37,226 --> 00:02:39,987 LOOKS GREAT. 79 00:02:40,021 --> 00:02:42,886 - THANKS. - WHOLE PLACE LOOKS GREAT. 80 00:02:42,921 --> 00:02:45,303 - YEAH. NEW PLACE, NEW START. 81 00:02:45,337 --> 00:02:48,064 OH, MY GOD, I WANTED YOU TO HAVE MY SPARE KEY. 82 00:02:48,098 --> 00:02:50,722 - OH, OKAY. - FOR EMERGENCIES. 83 00:02:50,756 --> 00:02:53,759 I DON'T WANT YOU TO JUST WALK IN HERE UNANNOUNCED. 84 00:02:53,794 --> 00:02:56,314 - I WON'T. - 'CAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW. 85 00:02:56,348 --> 00:02:58,039 NEVER KNOW WHAT? 86 00:02:58,074 --> 00:02:59,109 - WHO MIGHT BE HERE? 87 00:02:59,144 --> 00:03:01,008 - WHO ARE YOU EXPECTING? 88 00:03:01,042 --> 00:03:03,873 - TECHNICALLY, WE ARE BOTH STILL FREE TO DATE. 89 00:03:03,907 --> 00:03:06,703 - HEY, I GAVE UP PORN FOR YOU, REMEMBER? 90 00:03:09,706 --> 00:03:11,881 - I'M LATE. MEETING THE GIRLS FOR LUNCH. 91 00:03:11,915 --> 00:03:13,054 YOU GOTTA GO. 92 00:03:13,089 --> 00:03:14,746 JUST FOR THE RECORD, 93 00:03:14,780 --> 00:03:16,068 YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO JUST DROP BY MY PLACE 94 00:03:16,092 --> 00:03:17,404 UNANNOUNCED EITHER. 95 00:03:17,438 --> 00:03:19,682 - OH, IN CASE I WALK IN ON YOU AND DITKA? 96 00:03:19,716 --> 00:03:21,073 - OH, MY GOD, IF THAT EVER HAPPENS, 97 00:03:21,097 --> 00:03:22,143 JUST START TAKING TONS OF PICTURES, OKAY? 98 00:03:22,167 --> 00:03:23,617 - GO. 99 00:03:23,651 --> 00:03:25,239 - BYE. - BYE. 100 00:03:28,932 --> 00:03:30,451 - HOW'S HE DOIN'? 101 00:03:30,486 --> 00:03:32,419 - HE'S CONSCIOUS. - BLOOD SUGAR'S AT 30. 102 00:03:32,453 --> 00:03:34,628 - GIVE HIM ONE EP OF D-50. - YOU'RE GONNA BE ALL RIGHT. 103 00:03:34,662 --> 00:03:36,053 - THEY GOT THE GOOD DOCTORS ON TODAY. 104 00:03:36,077 --> 00:03:37,941 - I-I NEED YOU TO DO SOMETHING FOR ME. 105 00:03:37,976 --> 00:03:39,776 - SURE, BRO. CALL YOUR WIFE? - NO, NO, NO, NO. 106 00:03:39,805 --> 00:03:41,266 NO, I NEED YOU TO GO BACK TO MY APARTMENT, 107 00:03:41,290 --> 00:03:42,739 CLEAR THE HISTORY ON MY COMPUTER, 108 00:03:42,774 --> 00:03:44,258 AND THEN CALL MY WIFE. 109 00:03:44,293 --> 00:03:45,604 - SERIOUSLY? - PLEASE! PLEASE! 110 00:03:45,639 --> 00:03:46,709 YEAH, OKAY. 111 00:03:46,743 --> 00:03:50,713 OKAY. 112 00:03:52,853 --> 00:03:54,372 SO WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK IT IS? 113 00:03:54,406 --> 00:03:56,891 LIKE SOME SURPRISE BIRTHDAY THING FOR THE WIFE? 114 00:03:56,926 --> 00:03:58,238 OR... OH, MY GOD. 115 00:03:58,272 --> 00:03:59,066 YOU THINK HE'S HAVING AN AFFAIR? 116 00:03:59,100 --> 00:04:00,757 - YEAH, WITH ONLINE PORN. 117 00:04:00,792 --> 00:04:02,380 - REALLY? - IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT PORN, BRI. 118 00:04:02,414 --> 00:04:04,968 WHY ELSE WOULD A GUY THAT WAS ON HIS DEATHBED 119 00:04:05,003 --> 00:04:06,901 ASK THREE STRANGERS TO GO TO HIS HOUSE 120 00:04:06,936 --> 00:04:08,455 AND ERASE HIS COMPUTER HISTORY? 121 00:04:08,489 --> 00:04:10,905 - OR MAYBE HE'S A TERRORIST. OH, MY GOD! 122 00:04:10,940 --> 00:04:12,435 WHAT IF IT'S SOME KIND OF TERRORIST PLOT? 123 00:04:12,459 --> 00:04:14,426 MAYBE WE SHOULD CALL THE FBI. OR THE NSA. 124 00:04:14,461 --> 00:04:15,910 - YOU KNOW WHAT THE NSA CONSIDERS 125 00:04:15,945 --> 00:04:16,956 THE FIRST SIGNIFICANT SIGN THAT YOU'RE PART 126 00:04:16,980 --> 00:04:18,741 OF A TERRORIST PLOT? 127 00:04:18,775 --> 00:04:20,467 - IF YOU DON'T HAVE PORN ON YOUR COMPUTER. 128 00:04:20,501 --> 00:04:23,090 - WELL, THEN THEY'RE COMING AFTER ME, I GUESS. 129 00:04:23,124 --> 00:04:25,610 - YOU DON'T WATCH IT? 130 00:04:25,644 --> 00:04:27,163 - NOT ANY MORE, NO. I STOPPED. 131 00:04:27,197 --> 00:04:28,923 I FOUND THAT FREE ONLINE PORN 132 00:04:28,958 --> 00:04:31,478 WAS BECOMING A CANCER IN THIS COUNTRY. 133 00:04:31,512 --> 00:04:33,997 THE YOUNG MEN IN MY GENERATION, IN PARTICULAR, 134 00:04:34,032 --> 00:04:36,448 WERE BEGINNING TO GET UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS 135 00:04:36,483 --> 00:04:40,245 ABOUT BOTH WOMEN'S BODIES AND SEXUAL ACTIVITY. 136 00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:43,283 I THINK IT MAY HAVE SCARRED AN ENTIRE GENERATION OF MEN. 137 00:04:43,317 --> 00:04:45,975 SO I DECIDED TO STOP. 138 00:04:46,009 --> 00:04:49,668 AND BEGIN THE HEALING PROCESS. 139 00:04:49,703 --> 00:04:51,567 - HOLY SH... 140 00:04:51,601 --> 00:04:53,481 EXACTLY HOW MUCH TIME DID YOU SPEND BEATING OFF? 141 00:04:54,363 --> 00:04:56,157 - UM... 142 00:04:58,056 --> 00:05:01,162 OH, THERE IT IS. 143 00:05:01,197 --> 00:05:02,681 - LET'S JUST HIT CLEAR HISTORY, 144 00:05:02,716 --> 00:05:04,107 ERASE HIS CRAP, AND GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE. 145 00:05:04,131 --> 00:05:05,270 - EVEN THOUGH HE'S A PC GUY. 146 00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:07,686 - MY FATHER'S A PC GUY, SO... 147 00:05:07,721 --> 00:05:08,963 I CAN HANDLE THIS. 148 00:05:08,998 --> 00:05:10,931 JUST, UH, TWO CLICKS, 149 00:05:10,965 --> 00:05:13,105 AND EASY PEASY. 150 00:05:13,140 --> 00:05:16,764 HERE WE GO. 151 00:05:17,972 --> 00:05:19,353 - YEAH, SEE? TOLD YOU. 152 00:05:19,388 --> 00:05:21,286 - OKAY, OKAY, YOU GUYS WERE RIGHT. 153 00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,944 I THINK WE ALL KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING. 154 00:05:23,978 --> 00:05:26,049 NOW HERE COMES THE... 155 00:05:26,084 --> 00:05:27,706 All: OH! 156 00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:31,676 WHAT IS THAT? 157 00:05:35,369 --> 00:05:37,889 - IT'S LOUD! - IT'S SO LOUD! 158 00:05:37,923 --> 00:05:40,788 TURN IT OFF! 159 00:05:40,823 --> 00:05:41,823 - END IT! 160 00:05:47,726 --> 00:05:52,075 ♪ 161 00:06:05,054 --> 00:06:06,642 - I DON'T BLAME YOU. 162 00:06:06,676 --> 00:06:08,713 I BLAME SOCIETY. 163 00:06:08,747 --> 00:06:10,646 AND THAT DAMN INTERNET. 164 00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:12,061 HOLD ON. 165 00:06:12,095 --> 00:06:15,409 I GOT SOMETHIN' MIGHT HELP YOU OUT. 166 00:06:17,273 --> 00:06:18,688 - YOU THINK HE HAS A SPECIAL PILL 167 00:06:18,723 --> 00:06:20,794 OR A POTION OR SOMETHING? 168 00:06:20,828 --> 00:06:22,968 - BRIAN, HE'S NOT OZ. - HE'S VERY WISE. 169 00:06:23,003 --> 00:06:25,454 - I THINK I MAY HAVE TO GIVE UP PORN. 170 00:06:25,488 --> 00:06:26,983 - NOW, EVERYBODY, JUST LET'S NOT PANIC, OKAY? 171 00:06:27,007 --> 00:06:28,042 IT WAS A HORSE. 172 00:06:28,077 --> 00:06:29,975 HAVING AN ORGASM. 173 00:06:30,010 --> 00:06:32,012 IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD. 174 00:06:32,046 --> 00:06:33,058 AAH, MAYBE IT IS THE END OF THE WORLD. 175 00:06:33,082 --> 00:06:34,980 I CAN'T STOP SEEING IT. 176 00:06:35,015 --> 00:06:37,362 - DID ANYONE ELSE NOTICE HOW BLUE THE HORSE'S EYES WERE? 177 00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:42,022 - WHAT? - JUST TRYING TO HELP. 178 00:06:42,056 --> 00:06:46,336 - WHENEVER I FIND MYSELF ENGULFED 179 00:06:46,371 --> 00:06:48,511 IN BOTHERSOME THOUGHTS, 180 00:06:48,546 --> 00:06:52,032 I SIT DOWN AND HAVE ME SOME PURE HEAVEN ON EARTH. 181 00:06:52,066 --> 00:06:53,343 GO AHEAD, TAKE A BITE. 182 00:07:00,523 --> 00:07:03,906 I SAW A LOT OF BAD SH... IN VIETNAM. 183 00:07:03,940 --> 00:07:05,217 BUT IT'S WHAT I EXPECTED. 184 00:07:05,252 --> 00:07:08,462 WAR. AND ALL ITS UGLY PARTS. 185 00:07:08,497 --> 00:07:12,017 BUT ONE TIME, ON THIS JOB... 186 00:07:12,052 --> 00:07:15,089 I DONE WHAT YOU FOOLS DID. 187 00:07:15,124 --> 00:07:18,265 I STUCK MY NOSE IN SOME PLACE WHERE IT DIDN'T BELONG. 188 00:07:18,299 --> 00:07:21,475 SEE, EVERYBODY'S GOT A SECRET. 189 00:07:21,510 --> 00:07:24,133 SO WHEN YOU GO IN SOMEONE'S HOME ON A CALL, 190 00:07:24,167 --> 00:07:26,756 YOU WANNA DO WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO. 191 00:07:26,791 --> 00:07:28,965 SAVE THEIR ASS, AND GET 'EM IN THE RIG. 192 00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:30,933 HOW'S THE CANDY? 193 00:07:30,967 --> 00:07:33,453 - DELICIOUS. 194 00:07:33,487 --> 00:07:35,938 - ANYWAY, SO ONE TIME I'M SAVING THIS WOMAN 195 00:07:35,972 --> 00:07:37,871 CALLED IN A HEART ATTACK. 196 00:07:37,905 --> 00:07:40,494 SHE'S LAYING ON HER APARTMENT FLOOR, 197 00:07:40,529 --> 00:07:42,462 AND ONCE I GET HER ON THE STRETCHER, 198 00:07:42,496 --> 00:07:46,051 I THOUGHT I HEARD A NOISE COMING FROM HER CLOSET. 199 00:07:46,086 --> 00:07:48,329 SHE'S LIKE, "NO, IT'S OKAY. 200 00:07:48,364 --> 00:07:51,609 IT'S JUST MY CAT." 201 00:07:51,643 --> 00:07:53,403 BUT IT DIDN'T SOUND LIKE NO CAT. 202 00:07:53,438 --> 00:07:58,063 IT SOUNDED BIG. 203 00:07:58,098 --> 00:08:00,410 REAL BIG. 204 00:08:00,445 --> 00:08:02,896 MY CURIOSITY GOT THE BEST OF ME. 205 00:08:02,930 --> 00:08:05,312 AND I OPENED UP THAT DOOR. 206 00:08:05,346 --> 00:08:06,934 AND WHAT I SAW 207 00:08:06,969 --> 00:08:09,350 ERASED ALL FOUR OF THOSE HORRIBLE YEARS 208 00:08:09,385 --> 00:08:11,801 I SERVED IN VIETNAM. 209 00:08:11,836 --> 00:08:17,151 - WAS IT A MOKAVE KING PUMA CAT? 210 00:08:17,186 --> 00:08:20,258 THEY'RE THE LARGEST DOMESTIC BREED. 211 00:08:20,292 --> 00:08:22,018 - NO. 212 00:08:22,053 --> 00:08:26,022 - IT WAS A 350-POUND MAN. 213 00:08:26,057 --> 00:08:27,058 NAKED. 214 00:08:27,092 --> 00:08:30,337 IN A DIAPER. 215 00:08:30,371 --> 00:08:33,478 NOT IN A DIAPER 'CAUSE HE HAD INTESTINAL ISSUES. 216 00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:35,894 IN A DIAPER BECAUSE HE WANTED TO BE A BABY. 217 00:08:35,929 --> 00:08:37,447 AGAIN! 218 00:08:41,486 --> 00:08:44,316 STILL THINKING ABOUT HORSES? All: NO. 219 00:08:44,351 --> 00:08:45,915 - I'M THINKING ABOUT THE WORLD'S LARGEST CASE 220 00:08:45,939 --> 00:08:47,285 OF DIAPER RASH. 221 00:08:47,319 --> 00:08:49,287 - SEE? IT WORKED. 222 00:08:49,321 --> 00:08:51,738 THE KEY TO THIS BUSINESS IS MINDING YOUR BUSINESS. 223 00:08:51,772 --> 00:08:55,120 AND KEEPING YOUR MINDS OUT OF THE GUTTER. 224 00:08:55,155 --> 00:08:57,019 'CAUSE WHAT YOU PUT IN YOUR HEAD 225 00:08:57,053 --> 00:08:58,848 WILL STAY IN YOUR HEAD, MOUSSE. 226 00:08:58,883 --> 00:09:00,436 - WHY ARE YOU BUSTING ON ME? 227 00:09:00,470 --> 00:09:01,817 - HOW MANY TIMES I CATCH YOU 228 00:09:01,851 --> 00:09:03,922 LOOKING AT THAT FILTH ON YOUR PHONE, BOY? 229 00:09:03,957 --> 00:09:05,141 - YEAH, MAN, WHAT'S THE POINT? 230 00:09:05,165 --> 00:09:06,649 - IT'S LIKE PORN ON A THIMBLE. 231 00:09:06,684 --> 00:09:07,799 DO YOU EVER CLEAR THE HISTORY ON THAT THING? 232 00:09:07,823 --> 00:09:09,203 - WHY? 233 00:09:09,238 --> 00:09:10,757 - IN CASE SOMEBODY TAKES A LOOK AT IT. 234 00:09:10,791 --> 00:09:12,828 - I DON'T WATCH FILTH ON THAT THING ANYMORE. 235 00:09:12,862 --> 00:09:14,381 I MOSTLY USE MY iPAD. 236 00:09:14,415 --> 00:09:16,797 - WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO WATCH PORN ON AN iPAD? 237 00:09:16,832 --> 00:09:18,464 - WELL, FIRST OF ALL, THE RESOLUTION IS AMAZING. 238 00:09:18,488 --> 00:09:21,112 AND SECOND, IT'S BIGGER... OH, MY GOD! 239 00:09:21,146 --> 00:09:23,055 THERESA HAS MY iPAD! - SO? SHE KNOWS YOU WATCH PORN. 240 00:09:23,079 --> 00:09:24,391 - I TOLD HER I STOPPED. 241 00:09:24,425 --> 00:09:25,506 - WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? THAT'S IDIOTIC. 242 00:09:25,530 --> 00:09:26,980 - HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN ME? 243 00:09:27,014 --> 00:09:28,336 - GOOD POINT. SURPRISED IT DIDN'T HAPPEN SOONER. 244 00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:30,293 HOW MUCH TIME WE LOOKIN' AT? 245 00:09:30,328 --> 00:09:31,823 - SHE'S HAVING LUNCH WITH THE GIRLS AND HER SISTER. 246 00:09:31,847 --> 00:09:32,502 SO WE HAVE A BIT OF A WINDOW. - WHICH SISTER? 247 00:09:32,537 --> 00:09:34,125 - MAEVE. 248 00:09:34,159 --> 00:09:35,412 - OH, THAT'S A PRETTY BIG WINDOW. 249 00:09:35,436 --> 00:09:37,991 LET'S GO. - OKAY. 250 00:09:38,025 --> 00:09:42,236 - DID THE GIANT BABY HAVE A GIANT RATTLE? 251 00:09:42,271 --> 00:09:44,998 - BRIAN! - LET'S GO! 252 00:09:50,900 --> 00:09:52,246 - I DON'T GET THE WHOLE 253 00:09:52,281 --> 00:09:53,800 MAYONNAISE-ON-FRENCH-FRY THING. 254 00:09:53,834 --> 00:09:55,146 MM-MM. NO. 255 00:09:55,180 --> 00:09:56,526 - IT'S EUROPEAN. 256 00:09:56,561 --> 00:09:58,356 THEY DO IT ALL OVER EUROPE. 257 00:09:58,390 --> 00:10:00,185 IT DOESN'T MAKE YOU LOOK CLASSY. 258 00:10:00,220 --> 00:10:01,566 IT'S MAYONNAISE. 259 00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:02,612 - IT'S SO CHIC. - NO, IT'S NOT. 260 00:10:02,636 --> 00:10:05,363 - YES, IT IS. - NO, IT'S NOT. 261 00:10:05,397 --> 00:10:07,203 - YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE EUROPEANS DO THAT'S CREEPY? 262 00:10:07,227 --> 00:10:08,538 THEY DRINK SODA WARM. 263 00:10:08,573 --> 00:10:10,092 - I LOVE WARM SODA. - SINCE WHEN? 264 00:10:10,126 --> 00:10:14,821 SINCE FOREVER. 265 00:10:14,855 --> 00:10:16,443 - ARE YOU OKAY THERE, STATS? 266 00:10:16,477 --> 00:10:18,341 - I CAN'T FIND A BRA THAT FITS ME RIGHT. 267 00:10:18,376 --> 00:10:20,896 YOU GUYS ARE PRETTY WELL SET UP. HOW'D YOU DO THAT? 268 00:10:20,930 --> 00:10:23,519 - LIFT YOURSELF UP, AND THEN PUT YOURSELF IN THE CUP. 269 00:10:23,553 --> 00:10:25,832 SIZE UP, SIZE DOWN, IT'S NOT THAT DIFFICULT. 270 00:10:25,866 --> 00:10:29,352 NOT SQUASHED. LIFT IT. 271 00:10:29,387 --> 00:10:31,389 - YOU KNOW WHAT? 272 00:10:31,423 --> 00:10:33,056 WE WILL ALL TAKE YOU SHOPPING AFTER LUNCH. 273 00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:36,049 - THEY LOVE BOOBS IN EUROPE. 274 00:10:36,083 --> 00:10:37,844 - AWESOME. 275 00:10:37,878 --> 00:10:41,330 WHOO-HOO! HUH? 276 00:10:46,922 --> 00:10:48,406 IT'S 12:30. 277 00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:49,269 LET'S GET THE HELL IN THERE, GET THIS THING, 278 00:10:49,303 --> 00:10:53,204 AND GET OUT. 279 00:10:53,238 --> 00:10:56,517 - I'M JUST SO THANKFUL FOR CASH TELLING US THAT STORY. 280 00:10:56,552 --> 00:10:58,865 REALLY CLEARED MY HEAD. 281 00:10:58,899 --> 00:11:02,109 HOW BIG DO YOU THINK THAT DIAPER WAS? 282 00:11:02,144 --> 00:11:04,525 - HEY, YOUR SHOE'S UNTIED. - WHUP? SHOELACE SITUATION. 283 00:11:08,253 --> 00:11:11,187 - HEY, GUYS. HOW'S IT GOING? 284 00:11:11,222 --> 00:11:13,742 - HEY, JIMMY. YOU GOT TRANSFERRED TO MOUNTED. 285 00:11:13,776 --> 00:11:15,295 - NO, NO, REQUESTED IT, YOU KNOW? 286 00:11:15,329 --> 00:11:16,537 CHICKS DIG HORSES. 287 00:11:16,572 --> 00:11:18,539 SO I HEAR. 288 00:11:18,574 --> 00:11:20,414 - YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE THE PUSSY A HORSE CAN PULL. 289 00:11:20,438 --> 00:11:21,715 - OH, YEAH, I WOULD. 290 00:11:21,750 --> 00:11:23,072 - YOU GOTTA SEE THE COCK ON THIS THING. 291 00:11:23,096 --> 00:11:24,062 IT'S LIKE FOUR LOUISVILLE SLUGGERS 292 00:11:24,097 --> 00:11:25,581 ALL DUCT-TAPED TOGETHER. 293 00:11:25,615 --> 00:11:27,238 YOU GUYS GOT A COUPLE MINUTES? 294 00:11:27,272 --> 00:11:29,043 'CAUSE USUALLY IF YOU JUST STAND STILL LONG ENOUGH, 295 00:11:29,067 --> 00:11:30,586 IT'LL JUST GET A RANDOM HARD ON. 296 00:11:30,620 --> 00:11:32,795 - ACTUALLY, WE'RE IN A BIT OF A RUSH. 297 00:11:32,830 --> 00:11:34,624 WE ONLY GOT TEN MINUTES FOR LUNCH. 298 00:11:34,659 --> 00:11:36,292 - MAYBE NEXT TIME. - OH, YEAH, OKAY, COOL. 299 00:11:36,316 --> 00:11:38,156 REAL COOL, ALL RIGHT, WELL, GIVE ME A CALL SOMETIME. 300 00:11:38,180 --> 00:11:41,562 WE'LL GO TO THE TRACK AND HANG. 301 00:11:41,597 --> 00:11:43,461 - GREAT. - TAKE IT EASY, GUYS. 302 00:11:43,495 --> 00:11:45,256 - ALL RIGHTY. - BRIAN, LET'S GO. 303 00:11:45,290 --> 00:11:46,290 HELLO! WAKE UP! 304 00:11:58,925 --> 00:12:00,305 GO, GO, GO, GO, GO. 305 00:12:00,340 --> 00:12:04,482 GO, GO, GO, GO, GO. 306 00:12:04,516 --> 00:12:06,346 - OKAY, WHERE IS IT? - SHHH! 307 00:12:06,380 --> 00:12:08,486 - NOBODY'S HOME. - SHHH! 308 00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:10,315 - SHE HAS A NOSY NEIGHBOR WHO CALLS THE COPS 309 00:12:10,350 --> 00:12:11,351 AT THE DROP OF A HAT. 310 00:12:11,385 --> 00:12:12,766 - OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. 311 00:12:12,801 --> 00:12:14,192 LOOK, THIS IS HOW THIS IS GONNA GO DOWN. 312 00:12:14,216 --> 00:12:15,665 BRIAN, YOU TAKE THE FRONT QUADRANT, 313 00:12:15,700 --> 00:12:17,598 AND JOHNNY, YOU TAKE THE BACK QUADRANTS. 314 00:12:17,633 --> 00:12:18,530 WHY ARE YOU ASSIGNING QUADRANTS? IT'S MY GIRLFRIEND'S HOUSE. 315 00:12:18,565 --> 00:12:19,600 - I WAS IN THE MILITARY. 316 00:12:19,635 --> 00:12:20,716 I KNOW HOW TO ASSIGN QUADRANTS 317 00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:21,706 IN A SPY MISSION SITUATION. 318 00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:23,535 NOW, LOOK, BRIAN. 319 00:12:23,570 --> 00:12:25,020 - YOU TAKE THE KITCHEN QUADRANT. 320 00:12:25,054 --> 00:12:26,445 I'M GONNA TAKE THE BEDROOM QUADRANT. 321 00:12:26,469 --> 00:12:27,515 BRIAN, YOU TAKE THE LIVING ROOM QUADRANT. 322 00:12:27,539 --> 00:12:29,265 ALL RIGHT? BREAK. 323 00:12:29,300 --> 00:12:30,656 - THAT'S ONLY THREE QUADRANTS. - WHAT? 324 00:12:30,680 --> 00:12:31,543 - QUADRANTS MEANS FOUR AREAS. 325 00:12:31,578 --> 00:12:32,648 YOU ONLY ASSIGNED THREE. 326 00:12:32,682 --> 00:12:34,684 THE PREFIX "QUAD" MEANS "FOUR." 327 00:12:34,719 --> 00:12:36,145 - OKAY, FORGET THE QUADRANTS. - IT HAILS FROM THE LATIN... 328 00:12:36,169 --> 00:12:37,964 FORGET THE QUADRANTS, OKAY? 329 00:12:37,998 --> 00:12:39,689 IT'LL BE JUST AN AREA, ALL RIGHT? 330 00:12:39,724 --> 00:12:41,115 LET'S GET THE THREE GODDAMNED AREAS. 331 00:12:41,139 --> 00:12:42,796 - I'VE MADE A DECISION! - SHHH! 332 00:12:42,831 --> 00:12:44,325 I'M NOT WHISPERING - KEEP YOUR GODDAMN VOICE DOWN. 333 00:12:44,349 --> 00:12:45,361 - BRIAN, YOU TAKE THE LIVING ROOM QUADRANT 334 00:12:45,385 --> 00:12:47,214 AND THE KITCHEN QUADRANT. 335 00:12:47,249 --> 00:12:49,389 - THIS WOMAN IS A PSYCHOPATH. 336 00:12:53,669 --> 00:12:55,464 - YOU HAPPY NOW? 337 00:12:55,498 --> 00:12:58,294 - ALL RIGHT. - ARE HAPPY NOW? 338 00:12:58,329 --> 00:13:00,641 - OKAY, OKAY. 339 00:13:00,676 --> 00:13:02,333 - OH, MY GOD. 340 00:13:02,367 --> 00:13:04,093 - WHAT? - THERESA'S COMPUTER. 341 00:13:04,128 --> 00:13:07,787 - OH, DON'T DO IT, JOHN. - DO YOU THINK IT'S WRONG? 342 00:13:07,821 --> 00:13:11,342 - YES. PLUS, I BELIEVE THAT IT'S IN MY QUADRANT. 343 00:13:11,376 --> 00:13:12,343 - LOOK, NO GOOD CAN COME FROM THIS. 344 00:13:12,377 --> 00:13:14,207 - HOW BAD COULD IT BE? 345 00:13:14,241 --> 00:13:15,667 - DIDN'T WE ANSWER THAT QUESTION EARLIER TODAY? 346 00:13:15,691 --> 00:13:17,313 - LOOK, I KNOW WHAT THERESA'S INTO. 347 00:13:17,348 --> 00:13:20,040 AND IT'S NOT HORSES HAVING SEX, OKAY? 348 00:13:20,075 --> 00:13:21,317 IT'S REAL ESTATE AND GUNS. 349 00:13:21,352 --> 00:13:23,181 AND SHOES. 350 00:13:23,216 --> 00:13:28,393 AND I GUARANTEE THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT WE'RE ABOUT TO SEE. 351 00:13:32,225 --> 00:13:34,399 "THE ROCK"? 352 00:13:34,434 --> 00:13:37,506 THAT MUST BE A GLITCH. 353 00:13:37,540 --> 00:13:39,370 "THE ROCK" AGAIN? 354 00:13:39,404 --> 00:13:41,648 - HIT HISTORY. 355 00:13:41,682 --> 00:13:44,409 "'THE ROCK' ABS. 'THE ROCK' ARMS. 356 00:13:44,444 --> 00:13:46,653 'THE ROCK' ASS"? 357 00:13:46,687 --> 00:13:48,206 "'THE ROCK' EYES?" 358 00:13:48,241 --> 00:13:49,552 - WHO'S DWAYNE JOHNSON? 359 00:13:49,587 --> 00:13:51,727 - ALSO THE ROCK. HIS GIVEN NAME. 360 00:13:51,761 --> 00:13:54,040 HE DEBUTED AS THE ROCK IN 1996, 361 00:13:54,074 --> 00:13:55,431 WHEN HE BECAME A PROFESSIONAL WRESTLER. 362 00:13:55,455 --> 00:13:57,491 - OH, MY GOD. - WOW. 363 00:13:57,526 --> 00:13:59,528 THAT PORN HORSE AND THE ROCK 364 00:13:59,562 --> 00:14:02,013 HAVE THE SAME EXACT MUSCULAR DEFINITION. 365 00:14:02,048 --> 00:14:03,601 - LOOK AT THE RIPPLES ON THAT BACK. 366 00:14:03,635 --> 00:14:05,396 - OKAY, ENOUGH. 367 00:14:05,430 --> 00:14:09,849 THIS IS AN INVASION OF THERESA'S PRIVACY. 368 00:14:09,883 --> 00:14:12,161 - "PENELOPE CRUZ LIPS," "PENELOPE CRUZ EYES." 369 00:14:12,196 --> 00:14:13,714 - OH. - "PENELOPE CRUZ BIKINI"? 370 00:14:13,749 --> 00:14:16,165 "PREGNANT PENELOPE CRUZ BIKINI"? 371 00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:18,236 YOU USE YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S COMPUTER 372 00:14:18,271 --> 00:14:20,342 TO LOOK AT CELEBRITY CHICKS? - N... 373 00:14:20,376 --> 00:14:22,354 - PREGNANT CELEBRITY CHICKS? I'M SO DISAPPOINTED IN YOU. 374 00:14:22,378 --> 00:14:24,001 - NOT ME. IT'S THERESA. 375 00:14:24,035 --> 00:14:25,599 PENELOPE CRUZ IS HER LESBIAN FREE TICKET. 376 00:14:25,623 --> 00:14:26,589 IT'S THE ONE GIRL SHE'D EVER HAVE SEX WITH 377 00:14:26,624 --> 00:14:28,453 IF SHE EVER HAD THE CHANCE. 378 00:14:28,488 --> 00:14:31,629 ME, BEING A GRACIOUS BOYFRIEND, SAID SHE COULD DO IT. 379 00:14:31,663 --> 00:14:33,296 - WHO'S YOUR FREE TICKET? - JENNIFER ANISTON. 380 00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:36,427 - OH, YOU MORON. - WHAT? WHY AM I A MORON? 381 00:14:36,461 --> 00:14:39,602 - BECAUSE IF YOU PICK PENELOPE CRUZ TOO, 382 00:14:39,637 --> 00:14:41,408 AND THE DAY HAPPENS TO COME WHERE YOU BOTH MEET HER 383 00:14:41,432 --> 00:14:43,641 AND YOU HIT IT OFF, YOU GET TO HAVE A THREESOME! 384 00:14:43,675 --> 00:14:45,712 - EVEN I KNOW THAT. - OH, I DIDN'T... 385 00:14:45,746 --> 00:14:47,300 - PUT 'EM UP, MOTHERFU... - OH! 386 00:14:47,334 --> 00:14:49,474 - HOLY SH..., YOU GUYS! 387 00:14:49,509 --> 00:14:52,650 I ALMOST WASTED Y'ALL! - JESUS. BILLY! 388 00:14:52,684 --> 00:14:54,410 OH, MY GOD. 389 00:14:54,445 --> 00:14:56,102 WHY... WHY DON'T... 390 00:14:56,136 --> 00:14:58,794 WHY DON'T YOU HAVE ANY CLOTHES ON? 391 00:14:58,828 --> 00:15:04,213 WHY IS YOUR PENIS SO BIG? 392 00:15:04,248 --> 00:15:05,939 - IT'S NOT THATBIG. 393 00:15:05,974 --> 00:15:08,321 - I SAY THIS AS A BLACK MAN AND A GAY DUDE, 394 00:15:08,355 --> 00:15:10,116 YOUR COCK IS ENORMOUS. 395 00:15:10,150 --> 00:15:11,427 - REALLY? THANKS, MAN. 396 00:15:11,462 --> 00:15:12,877 MY BROTHERS ARE BIGGER. 397 00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:14,568 I'M THE SMALLEST ONE IN MY FAMILY. 398 00:15:14,603 --> 00:15:16,132 - I WOULD LOVE TO VISIT THEIR HOUSE FOR THANKSGIVING. 399 00:15:16,156 --> 00:15:18,434 - GOD, YOUR BALLS LOOK TINY. 400 00:15:18,469 --> 00:15:21,644 - HOW... HOW DO YOU BUY PANTS? 401 00:15:21,679 --> 00:15:23,612 I DON'T KNOW WHO'S BIGGER, HIM OR THE PORN HORSE. 402 00:15:23,646 --> 00:15:26,649 - HE IS, BY A NOSE. 403 00:15:26,684 --> 00:15:27,764 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, BILLY? 404 00:15:27,788 --> 00:15:30,032 - I WAS SLEEPING UPSTAIRS. - NAKED? 405 00:15:30,067 --> 00:15:31,285 - YEAH. IT'S HARD FOR ME TO FIND THE RIGHT SIZE UNDERWEAR. 406 00:15:31,309 --> 00:15:32,724 - MY HOUSE IS CLOSE TO THE STATION, 407 00:15:32,759 --> 00:15:34,657 NO UNDERWEAR NECESSARY. - STOP HITTING ON HIM. 408 00:15:34,692 --> 00:15:38,247 - HE'S NOT HITTING ON ME. - OH, I'M HITTING ON YOU HARD. 409 00:15:38,282 --> 00:15:39,500 - DID YOU SLEEP WITH MY GIRLFRIEND? 410 00:15:39,524 --> 00:15:42,389 - UM... I DON'T THINK SO. 411 00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:47,118 - HOLY SH...! - OH, MY GOD. 412 00:15:47,153 --> 00:15:49,396 HE'S COVERING IT UP AND I CAN STILL SEE IT. 413 00:15:49,431 --> 00:15:51,295 - 99TH PERCENTILE, THAT'S HOW BIG THAT IS. 414 00:15:51,329 --> 00:15:53,228 99TH PERCENTILE. - WOW. 415 00:15:53,262 --> 00:15:55,126 - UM, I THINK I'M GONNA PUT SOME PANTS ON. 416 00:15:55,161 --> 00:15:56,507 - NO! - NO! 417 00:15:56,541 --> 00:15:58,992 - I THINK THAT'S A GOOD IDEA. - OKAY. 418 00:15:59,027 --> 00:16:01,443 - WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE? 419 00:16:01,477 --> 00:16:03,307 - WHAT IS HEDOING HERE? 420 00:16:03,341 --> 00:16:04,929 - HIS APARTMENT'S BEING FUMIGATED, 421 00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:06,793 AND HE'S WORKING NIGHTS COVERING FOR A GUY, 422 00:16:06,827 --> 00:16:08,874 SO I SAID HE COULD STAY HERE. WHAT ARE YOUDOING HERE? 423 00:16:08,898 --> 00:16:12,005 - WELL, I JUST CAME OVER TO... 424 00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:14,870 TO, UH, SHOW THE GUYS THE NEW COFFEE TABLE. 425 00:16:14,904 --> 00:16:16,423 THERE IT IS, BOYS. WHAT'D I TELL YOU? 426 00:16:16,458 --> 00:16:17,597 - OH, WOW! IS THIS OAK? 427 00:16:17,631 --> 00:16:18,805 - DID YOU GET THIS USED? 428 00:16:18,839 --> 00:16:20,151 - YEAH, YEAH. IT'S NICE. 429 00:16:20,186 --> 00:16:22,326 - WHY IS MY COMPUTER OPEN? 430 00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:26,433 - THE TRUTH IS THAT iPAD... MY iPAD THAT I LENT YOU... 431 00:16:26,468 --> 00:16:28,332 IT'S, UH... 432 00:16:28,366 --> 00:16:31,438 IT'S GOT PORN ON IT. - I KNOW. 433 00:16:31,473 --> 00:16:34,131 - YOU LOOKED AT MY iPAD? - TWO SECONDS AFTER YOU LEFT. 434 00:16:34,165 --> 00:16:35,867 WANTED TO KNOW IF YOU WERE TELLING THE TRUTH 435 00:16:35,891 --> 00:16:40,206 ABOUT GIVING UP PORN, WHICH OF COURSE YOU WEREN'T. 436 00:16:40,240 --> 00:16:41,862 YOU LOOKED AT MY COMPUTER? - YEAH, I DID. 437 00:16:41,897 --> 00:16:43,795 AND I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT. 438 00:16:43,830 --> 00:16:44,841 BUT JUST WHAT THE HELL IS THE DEAL WITH ALL THE... 439 00:16:44,865 --> 00:16:46,212 - HEY! - ROCK PICTURES, HUH? 440 00:16:46,246 --> 00:16:47,730 - HEY! - CAN YOU TELL ME THAT? 441 00:16:47,765 --> 00:16:48,880 - FIRST OF ALL, IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. 442 00:16:48,904 --> 00:16:50,181 SECOND OF ALL... 443 00:16:50,216 --> 00:16:52,839 I LIKE THE ROCK. HE'S HANDSOME. 444 00:16:52,873 --> 00:16:54,703 HE'S AGILE. 445 00:16:54,737 --> 00:16:56,394 AND HE'S FUNNY. 446 00:16:56,429 --> 00:16:57,682 - AND HE CAN DO THAT THING WITH HIS EYEBROWS. 447 00:16:57,706 --> 00:16:59,328 - YES, HE CAN. 448 00:16:59,363 --> 00:17:00,916 - I LOVE WHEN HE DOES THE EYEBROWS. 449 00:17:00,950 --> 00:17:02,687 - THE ROCK IS HUGE IN EUROPE. THEY LOVE HIM THERE. 450 00:17:02,711 --> 00:17:06,887 WHAT'S WITH PENELOPE CRUZ? 451 00:17:06,922 --> 00:17:09,373 - SHE'S MY LESBIAN FREE TICKET, OKAY? 452 00:17:09,407 --> 00:17:11,409 - WHO'S HIS FREE TICKET? - JENNIFER ANISTON. PFFT. 453 00:17:11,444 --> 00:17:12,686 - IDIOT! 454 00:17:12,721 --> 00:17:14,240 - IF IT WAS PENELOPE CRUZ, THEN... 455 00:17:14,274 --> 00:17:17,139 - YEAH, I GOT IT NOW, STATS. THANKS. 456 00:17:17,174 --> 00:17:18,841 - SINCE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT BROWSER HISTORY... 457 00:17:18,865 --> 00:17:20,729 HMM. 458 00:17:20,763 --> 00:17:24,181 - WHAT IS WITH ALL OF THE RACHEL MCADAMS TOPLESS SEARCHES 459 00:17:24,215 --> 00:17:25,837 ON YOUR iPAD, HUH? 460 00:17:25,872 --> 00:17:28,875 "RACHEL MCADAMS TOPLESS BERMUDA," 461 00:17:28,909 --> 00:17:30,463 "RACHEL MCADAMS TOPLESS ITALY." 462 00:17:30,497 --> 00:17:32,637 "RACHEL MCADAMS TOPLESS MACAU"? 463 00:17:32,672 --> 00:17:34,501 - SHE TRAVELS A LOT. - OH. 464 00:17:34,536 --> 00:17:36,538 - IT'S EMBARRASSING, BUT THE TRUTH IS... 465 00:17:36,572 --> 00:17:38,505 I DON'T HAVE ANY TOPLESS PICTURES OF YOU, 466 00:17:38,540 --> 00:17:39,655 AND SHE KIND OF REMINDS ME OF YOU. 467 00:17:39,679 --> 00:17:41,508 THERE YOU GO. 468 00:17:41,543 --> 00:17:44,925 I WANTED A TOPLESS PICTURE OF YOU, 469 00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:48,343 AND THAT WAS AS CLOSE AS I COULD GET. 470 00:17:48,377 --> 00:17:49,861 - THAT'S ACTUALLY KIND OF SWEET. 471 00:17:49,896 --> 00:17:51,863 - YOU NEVER GAVE HIM ANY TOPLESS PHOTOS? 472 00:17:51,898 --> 00:17:53,417 IN EUROPE, EVERYONE GOES TOPLESS. 473 00:17:53,451 --> 00:17:55,004 - SHUT UP, MAEVE. 474 00:17:55,039 --> 00:17:57,559 YOU SPENT ONE SEMESTER STUDYING IN SCOTLAND. 475 00:18:00,113 --> 00:18:03,220 YOU THINK I LOOK LIKE RACHEL MCADAMS? 476 00:18:03,254 --> 00:18:05,394 - YEAH. I DO. 477 00:18:05,429 --> 00:18:07,914 A LOT. 478 00:18:07,948 --> 00:18:09,512 SO MUCH SO THAT I'VE SEEN ALL OF HER MOVIES... 479 00:18:09,536 --> 00:18:10,951 EXCEPT THE VOW. - OH, MY GOD. 480 00:18:10,986 --> 00:18:12,505 WHAT ARE YOU SAVING IT FOR? 481 00:18:12,539 --> 00:18:14,265 - THERESA, I CAN'T FIND MY PANTS. 482 00:18:14,300 --> 00:18:15,922 - DANG IT, BILLY. 483 00:18:15,956 --> 00:18:19,581 - YES! - IS THAT MY iPAD? 484 00:18:19,615 --> 00:18:22,446 - IS YOURS THE ONE WITH BIG BOOBY CAR WASHON IT? 485 00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:24,241 - YES. - YEAH. 486 00:18:24,275 --> 00:18:25,725 - YOU KNOW WHAT? IT'S YOURS. 487 00:18:25,759 --> 00:18:26,760 - REALLY? - MM-HMM. 488 00:18:26,795 --> 00:18:27,934 - THANKS, MAN. 489 00:18:27,968 --> 00:18:29,280 - CHICAGO NORTH... - NO! 490 00:18:29,315 --> 00:18:30,464 - AMBULANCE 14. - OH, THANK GOD. 491 00:18:30,488 --> 00:18:31,593 - LIFE ALERT, 16 EAST GROVE. 492 00:18:31,627 --> 00:18:32,766 - THAT'S OUR QUADRANT. 493 00:18:32,801 --> 00:18:35,355 WE'D LOVE TO STAY, BUT... 494 00:18:35,390 --> 00:18:36,908 - AMBULANCE 14 RESPONDING. 495 00:18:36,943 --> 00:18:39,877 ONE OF YOU BITCHES IS TAKING A PICTURE. 496 00:18:39,911 --> 00:18:43,191 - GUYS. 497 00:18:52,303 --> 00:18:53,546 - WHICH ROOM WAS IT? 498 00:18:53,580 --> 00:18:55,444 - 2-0-0-8. 499 00:18:58,033 --> 00:19:00,000 - EMERGENCY SERVICES! 500 00:19:00,035 --> 00:19:01,485 - WHY IS THE PHONE STILL RINGING? 501 00:19:01,519 --> 00:19:03,003 - 911 DISPATCH. NOBODY'S ANSWERING. 502 00:19:03,038 --> 00:19:04,591 - HELLO? EMERGENCY SERVICES! 503 00:19:04,626 --> 00:19:07,698 HELLO? ALL RIGHT, STAND BACK. 504 00:19:10,770 --> 00:19:13,393 HELLO? 505 00:19:14,843 --> 00:19:16,810 OH, MY GOD! 506 00:19:16,845 --> 00:19:18,778 OH, THAT'S IT. OH, THAT'S IT. 507 00:19:18,812 --> 00:19:21,643 All: OH! - OH! OH, MY GOD! 508 00:19:21,677 --> 00:19:23,645 GET OUTTA MY HOUSE! - WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? 509 00:19:23,679 --> 00:19:25,198 - CALL THE POLICE. - NO! NOPE, NOPE. 510 00:19:25,233 --> 00:19:26,624 EVERYTHING'S OKAY. WE'RE PARAMEDICS. 511 00:19:26,648 --> 00:19:28,443 WE GOT AN EMERGENCY CALL. 512 00:19:28,477 --> 00:19:31,204 - THIS IS THE EMTs. IT'S A FALSE ALARM. 513 00:19:31,239 --> 00:19:34,034 IT LOOKS LIKE THE LIFE ALERT WAS SET OFF, UM... 514 00:19:34,069 --> 00:19:36,278 ACCIDENTALLY. - OH, THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING. 515 00:19:36,313 --> 00:19:38,763 - SHH, OKAY. - IT'S OKAY, IT'S OKAY. 516 00:19:38,798 --> 00:19:42,802 UM, JUST NEXT TIME YOU ENGAGE IN ATHLETIC ACTIVITIES, 517 00:19:42,836 --> 00:19:44,020 UM, TAKE OFF THE NECKLACE. - PLEASE. 518 00:19:44,044 --> 00:19:45,598 - THANK YOU. - PLEASE. 519 00:19:45,632 --> 00:19:46,840 - WE'RE JUST GONNA... - PLEASE. 520 00:19:55,711 --> 00:19:57,851 ♪ 521 00:20:26,501 --> 00:20:28,951 OKAY, CAN WE JUST... - YEAH. 522 00:20:28,986 --> 00:20:30,712 - THAT WAS SO... - BEAUTIFUL. 523 00:20:30,746 --> 00:20:32,645 RIGHT? 524 00:20:32,679 --> 00:20:35,889 TWO HUMANS IN LOVE, THE WAY IT WAS MEANT TO BE. 525 00:20:35,924 --> 00:20:38,340 THAT... THAT WAS POETRY. 526 00:20:38,375 --> 00:20:40,618 - IT WAS THE CALIFORNIA RAISINS MAKING A SEX TAPE. 527 00:20:40,653 --> 00:20:41,481 - NOT TO ME. 528 00:20:41,516 --> 00:20:43,725 I WAS MOVED. 529 00:20:43,759 --> 00:20:47,384 HORSE... GONE. 530 00:20:49,938 --> 00:20:52,216 SEE YA, GUYS. 531 00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:53,711 - I DON'T THINK I'M EVER GONNA GET THAT MAN'S SAGGY SCROTUM 532 00:20:53,735 --> 00:20:55,012 OUTTA MY HEAD. - OR HER ASS. 533 00:20:55,046 --> 00:20:57,670 IT WAS SO, UH, WRINKLED. 534 00:20:57,704 --> 00:20:58,750 I MEAN, I THOUGHT IT WAS HER ASS. 535 00:20:58,774 --> 00:21:00,328 MAYBE IT WAS... OY. 536 00:21:00,362 --> 00:21:01,915 GIANT BABY, GIANT BABY, GIANT BABY. 537 00:21:01,950 --> 00:21:03,054 GIANT BABY, GIANT BABY. 538 00:21:03,089 --> 00:21:05,988 GIANT BABY... - TEXT FROM MAEVE. 539 00:21:06,023 --> 00:21:07,680 OOH, PLEASE BE WHAT I THINK IT MIGHT BE. 540 00:21:07,714 --> 00:21:09,682 JACKPOT! - WHAT? 541 00:21:09,716 --> 00:21:12,098 - GOODBYE, SAGGY SCROTUM. HELLO, KING DONG. 542 00:21:12,132 --> 00:21:13,582 SHE SENT ME A PHOTO OF BILLY'S DICK. 543 00:21:13,617 --> 00:21:14,583 SHE SENT ME A PHOTO OF BILLY DICK. 544 00:21:14,618 --> 00:21:16,378 - AH. 545 00:21:16,413 --> 00:21:18,000 I'M A FREE MAN. 546 00:21:18,035 --> 00:21:19,726 I'MA SAVE THIS BITCH RIGHT NOW. 547 00:21:19,761 --> 00:21:21,418 - WELL, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? 548 00:21:21,452 --> 00:21:24,317 GIANT BABY. 549 00:21:24,352 --> 00:21:28,045 IT'S A TEXT FROM THERESA. - WHAT IS IT? 550 00:21:28,079 --> 00:21:31,048 - NOTHING. 38896

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