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1
00:00:03,072 --> 00:00:03,934
Male announcer:
AS FOR JAY CUTLER'S KNEE,
2
00:00:03,969 --> 00:00:04,970
THE MRI CAME BACK CLEAR.
3
00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:06,420
GOOD NEWS FOR THE BEARS,
4
00:00:06,454 --> 00:00:07,869
AS HE'S EXPECTED
TO PLAY THIS SUNDAY
5
00:00:07,904 --> 00:00:09,906
AGAINST DREW BREES
AND THE RED-HOT SAINTS.
6
00:00:09,940 --> 00:00:11,597
CUTLER SAYS HE FEELS GOOD.
7
00:00:11,632 --> 00:00:12,885
THE KNEE'S NOT GIVING HIM
ANY PROBLEMS...
8
00:00:12,909 --> 00:00:14,566
- ANY WORD ON JAY CUTLER?
9
00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:17,569
- PUMP SAYS HE'S A GO.
10
00:00:17,603 --> 00:00:18,960
- GUESS I SHOULD BE GLAD
THEY DON'T HAVE PORN
11
00:00:18,984 --> 00:00:19,985
ON GAS PUMP TV.
12
00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:21,745
OR WE'D BE HERE ALL AFTERNOON.
13
00:00:21,780 --> 00:00:23,989
- LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING
ABOUT ME, HONEY.
14
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:24,714
THE DAY THAT WE
AS A CIVILIZATION
15
00:00:24,748 --> 00:00:26,129
GET TO THE POINT
16
00:00:26,164 --> 00:00:27,786
WHERE WE'RE BROADCASTING
PORNOGRAPHY
17
00:00:27,820 --> 00:00:29,305
FROM TELEVISIONS
ATTACHED TO GAS PUMPS
18
00:00:29,339 --> 00:00:31,755
IS THE DAY I START WORKING
AT A GAS STATION.
19
00:00:34,103 --> 00:00:38,141
HOW MUCH PORN
AREYOU WATCHING THESE DAYS?
20
00:00:38,176 --> 00:00:40,005
- YOU MEAN, SINCE WE'VE BEEN
ON BREAK?
21
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:42,628
- YEAH.
- WHY DO YOU ASK?
22
00:00:42,663 --> 00:00:44,089
- WELL, WHEN MY BROTHER DONAL
AND HIS GIRLFRIEND BROKE UP,
23
00:00:44,113 --> 00:00:45,079
HE WAS WATCHING IT ALL THE TIME.
24
00:00:45,114 --> 00:00:47,012
DID I TELL YOU
THAT I WALKED IN
25
00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:48,093
ON HIM AND HIS LAPTOP
IN MY PARENTS' BATHROOM
26
00:00:48,117 --> 00:00:50,084
LAST CHRISTMAS?
27
00:00:50,119 --> 00:00:51,844
TWICE.
28
00:00:51,879 --> 00:00:52,742
- DONAL'S A MORON.
I'M NOT DONAL.
29
00:00:52,776 --> 00:00:54,088
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
30
00:00:54,123 --> 00:00:54,951
AND THIS IS THE TRUTH HERE.
31
00:00:54,985 --> 00:00:56,021
- YEAH?
32
00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:57,850
- KINDA STOPPED WATCHING IT.
33
00:00:57,885 --> 00:00:59,507
- NO, YOU DIDN'T.
- YES, I DID.
34
00:00:59,542 --> 00:01:02,855
I LOST ALL INTEREST
IN OTHER GIRLS. COMPLETELY.
35
00:01:02,890 --> 00:01:04,419
AND PORN. FIRST TIME
IT'S EVER HAPPENED TO ME.
36
00:01:04,443 --> 00:01:06,480
- I AM SO FLATTERED.
37
00:01:06,514 --> 00:01:07,791
- BABE, THIS IS HUGE.
38
00:01:07,826 --> 00:01:09,483
MOST GUYS,
39
00:01:09,517 --> 00:01:10,977
THEY GET OUT
OF A LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP,
40
00:01:11,001 --> 00:01:13,659
THEIR PORN ADDICTION
GOES THROUGH THE ROOF.
41
00:01:13,694 --> 00:01:16,352
ME, I WENT THE OTHER WAY.
42
00:01:16,386 --> 00:01:17,939
- YOU HAD AN ADDICTION?
- WHAT?
43
00:01:17,974 --> 00:01:20,425
- YOU USED THE WORD "ADDICTION."
44
00:01:20,459 --> 00:01:22,806
- YEAH. ABOUT DONAL. NOT ME.
45
00:01:22,841 --> 00:01:24,118
I STOPPED. COLD TURKEY.
46
00:01:24,153 --> 00:01:25,015
UH, THAT DIDN'T COME OUT RIGHT.
47
00:01:25,050 --> 00:01:27,190
- NO, IT DIDN'T.
48
00:01:27,225 --> 00:01:28,950
- WHAT ABOUT YOU, SMARTY PANTS?
49
00:01:28,985 --> 00:01:30,469
- WHAT ABOUT ME?
50
00:01:30,504 --> 00:01:32,437
YOU WATCH ANY PORN?
51
00:01:32,471 --> 00:01:33,679
COME ON.
52
00:01:33,714 --> 00:01:35,129
YOU KNOW WHAT PORN IS TO ME.
53
00:01:35,164 --> 00:01:37,994
IT'S REAL ESTATE,
SHOES, AND GUNS.
54
00:01:38,028 --> 00:01:39,375
IF I COULD FIND A MAGAZINE
55
00:01:39,409 --> 00:01:40,809
WITH GLOSSY PICTURES
OF ALL THREE...
56
00:01:42,067 --> 00:01:43,172
THAT'D REALLY GET ME OFF.
57
00:01:43,206 --> 00:01:44,932
WHAT?
58
00:01:44,966 --> 00:01:47,245
- I'M THINKIN'.
- WHAT ABOUT?
59
00:01:47,279 --> 00:01:49,454
- STARTING A MAGAZINE.
- OH, MY GOD.
60
00:01:52,526 --> 00:01:55,839
♪
61
00:01:55,874 --> 00:01:57,154
- ♪ SUCKER-PUNCHED
BY THE CLOCK ♪
62
00:01:57,186 --> 00:01:59,153
♪ BUCKLED TO THE KNEES
63
00:01:59,188 --> 00:02:01,707
♪ CHECKER CAB CURLED
AROUND THE SIDE OF A TREE ♪
64
00:02:01,742 --> 00:02:04,779
♪ INTO THE GROWL OF THE CITY
WITH A DEAFENING CRY ♪
65
00:02:04,814 --> 00:02:06,505
♪ AGAIN I RIDE
66
00:02:06,540 --> 00:02:08,576
♪ AGAIN I RIDE
67
00:02:14,064 --> 00:02:16,964
- AH, SH...
- WHAT?
68
00:02:16,998 --> 00:02:18,010
- MY SISTER MAEVE'S
STUPID BOOK CLUB
69
00:02:18,034 --> 00:02:20,312
IS TOMORROW NIGHT.
70
00:02:20,347 --> 00:02:21,807
WE'RE READING GONE GIRL,
AND I HAVEN'T FINISHED IT YET.
71
00:02:21,831 --> 00:02:23,384
AND THEN BILLY SAT ON MY iPAD,
72
00:02:23,419 --> 00:02:26,560
WHICH HAD MY COPY
OF GONE GIRLON IT.
73
00:02:26,594 --> 00:02:29,701
- WELL, HERE YOU GO,
USE MINE.
74
00:02:29,735 --> 00:02:32,013
- REALLY?
- SURE.
75
00:02:32,048 --> 00:02:33,739
- THANKS.
- NO PROBLEM.
76
00:02:33,774 --> 00:02:34,844
PASSWORD IS "DITKA."
77
00:02:34,878 --> 00:02:37,191
- 'COURSE IT IS.
78
00:02:37,226 --> 00:02:39,987
LOOKS GREAT.
79
00:02:40,021 --> 00:02:42,886
- THANKS.
- WHOLE PLACE LOOKS GREAT.
80
00:02:42,921 --> 00:02:45,303
- YEAH. NEW PLACE, NEW START.
81
00:02:45,337 --> 00:02:48,064
OH, MY GOD, I WANTED YOU
TO HAVE MY SPARE KEY.
82
00:02:48,098 --> 00:02:50,722
- OH, OKAY.
- FOR EMERGENCIES.
83
00:02:50,756 --> 00:02:53,759
I DON'T WANT YOU TO
JUST WALK IN HERE UNANNOUNCED.
84
00:02:53,794 --> 00:02:56,314
- I WON'T.
- 'CAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW.
85
00:02:56,348 --> 00:02:58,039
NEVER KNOW WHAT?
86
00:02:58,074 --> 00:02:59,109
- WHO MIGHT BE HERE?
87
00:02:59,144 --> 00:03:01,008
- WHO ARE YOU EXPECTING?
88
00:03:01,042 --> 00:03:03,873
- TECHNICALLY, WE ARE BOTH
STILL FREE TO DATE.
89
00:03:03,907 --> 00:03:06,703
- HEY, I GAVE UP PORN FOR YOU,
REMEMBER?
90
00:03:09,706 --> 00:03:11,881
- I'M LATE. MEETING
THE GIRLS FOR LUNCH.
91
00:03:11,915 --> 00:03:13,054
YOU GOTTA GO.
92
00:03:13,089 --> 00:03:14,746
JUST FOR THE RECORD,
93
00:03:14,780 --> 00:03:16,068
YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED
TO JUST DROP BY MY PLACE
94
00:03:16,092 --> 00:03:17,404
UNANNOUNCED EITHER.
95
00:03:17,438 --> 00:03:19,682
- OH, IN CASE I WALK IN
ON YOU AND DITKA?
96
00:03:19,716 --> 00:03:21,073
- OH, MY GOD,
IF THAT EVER HAPPENS,
97
00:03:21,097 --> 00:03:22,143
JUST START TAKING TONS
OF PICTURES, OKAY?
98
00:03:22,167 --> 00:03:23,617
- GO.
99
00:03:23,651 --> 00:03:25,239
- BYE.
- BYE.
100
00:03:28,932 --> 00:03:30,451
- HOW'S HE DOIN'?
101
00:03:30,486 --> 00:03:32,419
- HE'S CONSCIOUS.
- BLOOD SUGAR'S AT 30.
102
00:03:32,453 --> 00:03:34,628
- GIVE HIM ONE EP OF D-50.
- YOU'RE GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.
103
00:03:34,662 --> 00:03:36,053
- THEY GOT
THE GOOD DOCTORS ON TODAY.
104
00:03:36,077 --> 00:03:37,941
- I-I NEED YOU
TO DO SOMETHING FOR ME.
105
00:03:37,976 --> 00:03:39,776
- SURE, BRO. CALL YOUR WIFE?
- NO, NO, NO, NO.
106
00:03:39,805 --> 00:03:41,266
NO, I NEED YOU TO GO BACK
TO MY APARTMENT,
107
00:03:41,290 --> 00:03:42,739
CLEAR THE HISTORY
ON MY COMPUTER,
108
00:03:42,774 --> 00:03:44,258
AND THEN CALL MY WIFE.
109
00:03:44,293 --> 00:03:45,604
- SERIOUSLY?
- PLEASE! PLEASE!
110
00:03:45,639 --> 00:03:46,709
YEAH, OKAY.
111
00:03:46,743 --> 00:03:50,713
OKAY.
112
00:03:52,853 --> 00:03:54,372
SO WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK IT IS?
113
00:03:54,406 --> 00:03:56,891
LIKE SOME SURPRISE
BIRTHDAY THING FOR THE WIFE?
114
00:03:56,926 --> 00:03:58,238
OR... OH, MY GOD.
115
00:03:58,272 --> 00:03:59,066
YOU THINK HE'S HAVING AN AFFAIR?
116
00:03:59,100 --> 00:04:00,757
- YEAH, WITH ONLINE PORN.
117
00:04:00,792 --> 00:04:02,380
- REALLY?
- IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT PORN, BRI.
118
00:04:02,414 --> 00:04:04,968
WHY ELSE WOULD A GUY
THAT WAS ON HIS DEATHBED
119
00:04:05,003 --> 00:04:06,901
ASK THREE STRANGERS
TO GO TO HIS HOUSE
120
00:04:06,936 --> 00:04:08,455
AND ERASE HIS COMPUTER HISTORY?
121
00:04:08,489 --> 00:04:10,905
- OR MAYBE HE'S A TERRORIST.
OH, MY GOD!
122
00:04:10,940 --> 00:04:12,435
WHAT IF IT'S SOME KIND
OF TERRORIST PLOT?
123
00:04:12,459 --> 00:04:14,426
MAYBE WE SHOULD CALL THE FBI.
OR THE NSA.
124
00:04:14,461 --> 00:04:15,910
- YOU KNOW WHAT
THE NSA CONSIDERS
125
00:04:15,945 --> 00:04:16,956
THE FIRST SIGNIFICANT SIGN
THAT YOU'RE PART
126
00:04:16,980 --> 00:04:18,741
OF A TERRORIST PLOT?
127
00:04:18,775 --> 00:04:20,467
- IF YOU DON'T HAVE PORN
ON YOUR COMPUTER.
128
00:04:20,501 --> 00:04:23,090
- WELL, THEN THEY'RE COMING
AFTER ME, I GUESS.
129
00:04:23,124 --> 00:04:25,610
- YOU DON'T WATCH IT?
130
00:04:25,644 --> 00:04:27,163
- NOT ANY MORE, NO.
I STOPPED.
131
00:04:27,197 --> 00:04:28,923
I FOUND THAT FREE ONLINE PORN
132
00:04:28,958 --> 00:04:31,478
WAS BECOMING A CANCER
IN THIS COUNTRY.
133
00:04:31,512 --> 00:04:33,997
THE YOUNG MEN IN MY GENERATION,
IN PARTICULAR,
134
00:04:34,032 --> 00:04:36,448
WERE BEGINNING TO GET
UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS
135
00:04:36,483 --> 00:04:40,245
ABOUT BOTH WOMEN'S BODIES
AND SEXUAL ACTIVITY.
136
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:43,283
I THINK IT MAY HAVE SCARRED
AN ENTIRE GENERATION OF MEN.
137
00:04:43,317 --> 00:04:45,975
SO I DECIDED TO STOP.
138
00:04:46,009 --> 00:04:49,668
AND BEGIN THE HEALING PROCESS.
139
00:04:49,703 --> 00:04:51,567
- HOLY SH...
140
00:04:51,601 --> 00:04:53,481
EXACTLY HOW MUCH TIME
DID YOU SPEND BEATING OFF?
141
00:04:54,363 --> 00:04:56,157
- UM...
142
00:04:58,056 --> 00:05:01,162
OH, THERE IT IS.
143
00:05:01,197 --> 00:05:02,681
- LET'S JUST HIT CLEAR HISTORY,
144
00:05:02,716 --> 00:05:04,107
ERASE HIS CRAP,
AND GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.
145
00:05:04,131 --> 00:05:05,270
- EVEN THOUGH HE'S A PC GUY.
146
00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:07,686
- MY FATHER'S A PC GUY, SO...
147
00:05:07,721 --> 00:05:08,963
I CAN HANDLE THIS.
148
00:05:08,998 --> 00:05:10,931
JUST, UH, TWO CLICKS,
149
00:05:10,965 --> 00:05:13,105
AND EASY PEASY.
150
00:05:13,140 --> 00:05:16,764
HERE WE GO.
151
00:05:17,972 --> 00:05:19,353
- YEAH, SEE? TOLD YOU.
152
00:05:19,388 --> 00:05:21,286
- OKAY, OKAY,
YOU GUYS WERE RIGHT.
153
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,944
I THINK WE ALL KNOW
WHERE THIS IS GOING.
154
00:05:23,978 --> 00:05:26,049
NOW HERE COMES THE...
155
00:05:26,084 --> 00:05:27,706
All: OH!
156
00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:31,676
WHAT IS THAT?
157
00:05:35,369 --> 00:05:37,889
- IT'S LOUD!
- IT'S SO LOUD!
158
00:05:37,923 --> 00:05:40,788
TURN IT OFF!
159
00:05:40,823 --> 00:05:41,823
- END IT!
160
00:05:47,726 --> 00:05:52,075
♪
161
00:06:05,054 --> 00:06:06,642
- I DON'T BLAME YOU.
162
00:06:06,676 --> 00:06:08,713
I BLAME SOCIETY.
163
00:06:08,747 --> 00:06:10,646
AND THAT DAMN INTERNET.
164
00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:12,061
HOLD ON.
165
00:06:12,095 --> 00:06:15,409
I GOT SOMETHIN'
MIGHT HELP YOU OUT.
166
00:06:17,273 --> 00:06:18,688
- YOU THINK HE HAS
A SPECIAL PILL
167
00:06:18,723 --> 00:06:20,794
OR A POTION OR SOMETHING?
168
00:06:20,828 --> 00:06:22,968
- BRIAN, HE'S NOT OZ.
- HE'S VERY WISE.
169
00:06:23,003 --> 00:06:25,454
- I THINK I MAY HAVE
TO GIVE UP PORN.
170
00:06:25,488 --> 00:06:26,983
- NOW, EVERYBODY,
JUST LET'S NOT PANIC, OKAY?
171
00:06:27,007 --> 00:06:28,042
IT WAS A HORSE.
172
00:06:28,077 --> 00:06:29,975
HAVING AN ORGASM.
173
00:06:30,010 --> 00:06:32,012
IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD.
174
00:06:32,046 --> 00:06:33,058
AAH, MAYBE IT IS THE END
OF THE WORLD.
175
00:06:33,082 --> 00:06:34,980
I CAN'T STOP SEEING IT.
176
00:06:35,015 --> 00:06:37,362
- DID ANYONE ELSE NOTICE
HOW BLUE THE HORSE'S EYES WERE?
177
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:42,022
- WHAT?
- JUST TRYING TO HELP.
178
00:06:42,056 --> 00:06:46,336
- WHENEVER
I FIND MYSELF ENGULFED
179
00:06:46,371 --> 00:06:48,511
IN BOTHERSOME THOUGHTS,
180
00:06:48,546 --> 00:06:52,032
I SIT DOWN AND HAVE ME
SOME PURE HEAVEN ON EARTH.
181
00:06:52,066 --> 00:06:53,343
GO AHEAD, TAKE A BITE.
182
00:07:00,523 --> 00:07:03,906
I SAW A LOT OF BAD SH...
IN VIETNAM.
183
00:07:03,940 --> 00:07:05,217
BUT IT'S WHAT I EXPECTED.
184
00:07:05,252 --> 00:07:08,462
WAR. AND ALL ITS UGLY PARTS.
185
00:07:08,497 --> 00:07:12,017
BUT ONE TIME,
ON THIS JOB...
186
00:07:12,052 --> 00:07:15,089
I DONE WHAT YOU FOOLS DID.
187
00:07:15,124 --> 00:07:18,265
I STUCK MY NOSE IN SOME PLACE
WHERE IT DIDN'T BELONG.
188
00:07:18,299 --> 00:07:21,475
SEE, EVERYBODY'S GOT A SECRET.
189
00:07:21,510 --> 00:07:24,133
SO WHEN YOU GO
IN SOMEONE'S HOME ON A CALL,
190
00:07:24,167 --> 00:07:26,756
YOU WANNA DO
WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO.
191
00:07:26,791 --> 00:07:28,965
SAVE THEIR ASS,
AND GET 'EM IN THE RIG.
192
00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:30,933
HOW'S THE CANDY?
193
00:07:30,967 --> 00:07:33,453
- DELICIOUS.
194
00:07:33,487 --> 00:07:35,938
- ANYWAY, SO ONE TIME
I'M SAVING THIS WOMAN
195
00:07:35,972 --> 00:07:37,871
CALLED IN A HEART ATTACK.
196
00:07:37,905 --> 00:07:40,494
SHE'S LAYING
ON HER APARTMENT FLOOR,
197
00:07:40,529 --> 00:07:42,462
AND ONCE I GET HER
ON THE STRETCHER,
198
00:07:42,496 --> 00:07:46,051
I THOUGHT I HEARD A NOISE
COMING FROM HER CLOSET.
199
00:07:46,086 --> 00:07:48,329
SHE'S LIKE, "NO, IT'S OKAY.
200
00:07:48,364 --> 00:07:51,609
IT'S JUST MY CAT."
201
00:07:51,643 --> 00:07:53,403
BUT IT DIDN'T SOUND
LIKE NO CAT.
202
00:07:53,438 --> 00:07:58,063
IT SOUNDED BIG.
203
00:07:58,098 --> 00:08:00,410
REAL BIG.
204
00:08:00,445 --> 00:08:02,896
MY CURIOSITY GOT THE BEST OF ME.
205
00:08:02,930 --> 00:08:05,312
AND I OPENED UP THAT DOOR.
206
00:08:05,346 --> 00:08:06,934
AND WHAT I SAW
207
00:08:06,969 --> 00:08:09,350
ERASED ALL FOUR
OF THOSE HORRIBLE YEARS
208
00:08:09,385 --> 00:08:11,801
I SERVED IN VIETNAM.
209
00:08:11,836 --> 00:08:17,151
- WAS IT A MOKAVE KING
PUMA CAT?
210
00:08:17,186 --> 00:08:20,258
THEY'RE
THE LARGEST DOMESTIC BREED.
211
00:08:20,292 --> 00:08:22,018
- NO.
212
00:08:22,053 --> 00:08:26,022
- IT WAS A 350-POUND MAN.
213
00:08:26,057 --> 00:08:27,058
NAKED.
214
00:08:27,092 --> 00:08:30,337
IN A DIAPER.
215
00:08:30,371 --> 00:08:33,478
NOT IN A DIAPER 'CAUSE HE HAD
INTESTINAL ISSUES.
216
00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:35,894
IN A DIAPER
BECAUSE HE WANTED TO BE A BABY.
217
00:08:35,929 --> 00:08:37,447
AGAIN!
218
00:08:41,486 --> 00:08:44,316
STILL THINKING ABOUT HORSES?
All: NO.
219
00:08:44,351 --> 00:08:45,915
- I'M THINKING ABOUT
THE WORLD'S LARGEST CASE
220
00:08:45,939 --> 00:08:47,285
OF DIAPER RASH.
221
00:08:47,319 --> 00:08:49,287
- SEE? IT WORKED.
222
00:08:49,321 --> 00:08:51,738
THE KEY TO THIS BUSINESS
IS MINDING YOUR BUSINESS.
223
00:08:51,772 --> 00:08:55,120
AND KEEPING YOUR MINDS
OUT OF THE GUTTER.
224
00:08:55,155 --> 00:08:57,019
'CAUSE WHAT YOU PUT IN YOUR HEAD
225
00:08:57,053 --> 00:08:58,848
WILL STAY IN YOUR HEAD,
MOUSSE.
226
00:08:58,883 --> 00:09:00,436
- WHY ARE YOU BUSTING ON ME?
227
00:09:00,470 --> 00:09:01,817
- HOW MANY TIMES
I CATCH YOU
228
00:09:01,851 --> 00:09:03,922
LOOKING AT THAT FILTH
ON YOUR PHONE, BOY?
229
00:09:03,957 --> 00:09:05,141
- YEAH, MAN, WHAT'S THE POINT?
230
00:09:05,165 --> 00:09:06,649
- IT'S LIKE PORN ON A THIMBLE.
231
00:09:06,684 --> 00:09:07,799
DO YOU EVER CLEAR THE HISTORY
ON THAT THING?
232
00:09:07,823 --> 00:09:09,203
- WHY?
233
00:09:09,238 --> 00:09:10,757
- IN CASE SOMEBODY TAKES
A LOOK AT IT.
234
00:09:10,791 --> 00:09:12,828
- I DON'T WATCH FILTH
ON THAT THING ANYMORE.
235
00:09:12,862 --> 00:09:14,381
I MOSTLY USE MY iPAD.
236
00:09:14,415 --> 00:09:16,797
- WHY WOULD YOU WANT
TO WATCH PORN ON AN iPAD?
237
00:09:16,832 --> 00:09:18,464
- WELL, FIRST OF ALL,
THE RESOLUTION IS AMAZING.
238
00:09:18,488 --> 00:09:21,112
AND SECOND, IT'S BIGGER...
OH, MY GOD!
239
00:09:21,146 --> 00:09:23,055
THERESA HAS MY iPAD!
- SO? SHE KNOWS YOU WATCH PORN.
240
00:09:23,079 --> 00:09:24,391
- I TOLD HER I STOPPED.
241
00:09:24,425 --> 00:09:25,506
- WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?
THAT'S IDIOTIC.
242
00:09:25,530 --> 00:09:26,980
- HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN ME?
243
00:09:27,014 --> 00:09:28,336
- GOOD POINT. SURPRISED
IT DIDN'T HAPPEN SOONER.
244
00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:30,293
HOW MUCH TIME WE LOOKIN' AT?
245
00:09:30,328 --> 00:09:31,823
- SHE'S HAVING LUNCH
WITH THE GIRLS AND HER SISTER.
246
00:09:31,847 --> 00:09:32,502
SO WE HAVE A BIT OF A WINDOW.
- WHICH SISTER?
247
00:09:32,537 --> 00:09:34,125
- MAEVE.
248
00:09:34,159 --> 00:09:35,412
- OH, THAT'S
A PRETTY BIG WINDOW.
249
00:09:35,436 --> 00:09:37,991
LET'S GO.
- OKAY.
250
00:09:38,025 --> 00:09:42,236
- DID THE GIANT BABY
HAVE A GIANT RATTLE?
251
00:09:42,271 --> 00:09:44,998
- BRIAN!
- LET'S GO!
252
00:09:50,900 --> 00:09:52,246
- I DON'T GET THE WHOLE
253
00:09:52,281 --> 00:09:53,800
MAYONNAISE-ON-FRENCH-FRY
THING.
254
00:09:53,834 --> 00:09:55,146
MM-MM. NO.
255
00:09:55,180 --> 00:09:56,526
- IT'S EUROPEAN.
256
00:09:56,561 --> 00:09:58,356
THEY DO IT ALL OVER EUROPE.
257
00:09:58,390 --> 00:10:00,185
IT DOESN'T MAKE YOU LOOK CLASSY.
258
00:10:00,220 --> 00:10:01,566
IT'S MAYONNAISE.
259
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:02,612
- IT'S SO CHIC.
- NO, IT'S NOT.
260
00:10:02,636 --> 00:10:05,363
- YES, IT IS.
- NO, IT'S NOT.
261
00:10:05,397 --> 00:10:07,203
- YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE
EUROPEANS DO THAT'S CREEPY?
262
00:10:07,227 --> 00:10:08,538
THEY DRINK SODA WARM.
263
00:10:08,573 --> 00:10:10,092
- I LOVE WARM SODA.
- SINCE WHEN?
264
00:10:10,126 --> 00:10:14,821
SINCE FOREVER.
265
00:10:14,855 --> 00:10:16,443
- ARE YOU OKAY THERE, STATS?
266
00:10:16,477 --> 00:10:18,341
- I CAN'T FIND A BRA
THAT FITS ME RIGHT.
267
00:10:18,376 --> 00:10:20,896
YOU GUYS ARE PRETTY WELL SET UP.
HOW'D YOU DO THAT?
268
00:10:20,930 --> 00:10:23,519
- LIFT YOURSELF UP, AND THEN
PUT YOURSELF IN THE CUP.
269
00:10:23,553 --> 00:10:25,832
SIZE UP, SIZE DOWN,
IT'S NOT THAT DIFFICULT.
270
00:10:25,866 --> 00:10:29,352
NOT SQUASHED. LIFT IT.
271
00:10:29,387 --> 00:10:31,389
- YOU KNOW WHAT?
272
00:10:31,423 --> 00:10:33,056
WE WILL ALL TAKE YOU SHOPPING
AFTER LUNCH.
273
00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:36,049
- THEY LOVE BOOBS IN EUROPE.
274
00:10:36,083 --> 00:10:37,844
- AWESOME.
275
00:10:37,878 --> 00:10:41,330
WHOO-HOO! HUH?
276
00:10:46,922 --> 00:10:48,406
IT'S 12:30.
277
00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:49,269
LET'S GET THE HELL IN THERE,
GET THIS THING,
278
00:10:49,303 --> 00:10:53,204
AND GET OUT.
279
00:10:53,238 --> 00:10:56,517
- I'M JUST SO THANKFUL
FOR CASH TELLING US THAT STORY.
280
00:10:56,552 --> 00:10:58,865
REALLY CLEARED MY HEAD.
281
00:10:58,899 --> 00:11:02,109
HOW BIG DO YOU THINK
THAT DIAPER WAS?
282
00:11:02,144 --> 00:11:04,525
- HEY, YOUR SHOE'S UNTIED.
- WHUP? SHOELACE SITUATION.
283
00:11:08,253 --> 00:11:11,187
- HEY, GUYS.
HOW'S IT GOING?
284
00:11:11,222 --> 00:11:13,742
- HEY, JIMMY.
YOU GOT TRANSFERRED TO MOUNTED.
285
00:11:13,776 --> 00:11:15,295
- NO, NO, REQUESTED IT,
YOU KNOW?
286
00:11:15,329 --> 00:11:16,537
CHICKS DIG HORSES.
287
00:11:16,572 --> 00:11:18,539
SO I HEAR.
288
00:11:18,574 --> 00:11:20,414
- YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE THE PUSSY
A HORSE CAN PULL.
289
00:11:20,438 --> 00:11:21,715
- OH, YEAH, I WOULD.
290
00:11:21,750 --> 00:11:23,072
- YOU GOTTA SEE THE COCK
ON THIS THING.
291
00:11:23,096 --> 00:11:24,062
IT'S LIKE
FOUR LOUISVILLE SLUGGERS
292
00:11:24,097 --> 00:11:25,581
ALL DUCT-TAPED TOGETHER.
293
00:11:25,615 --> 00:11:27,238
YOU GUYS GOT A COUPLE MINUTES?
294
00:11:27,272 --> 00:11:29,043
'CAUSE USUALLY IF YOU JUST
STAND STILL LONG ENOUGH,
295
00:11:29,067 --> 00:11:30,586
IT'LL JUST GET A RANDOM HARD ON.
296
00:11:30,620 --> 00:11:32,795
- ACTUALLY, WE'RE
IN A BIT OF A RUSH.
297
00:11:32,830 --> 00:11:34,624
WE ONLY GOT TEN MINUTES
FOR LUNCH.
298
00:11:34,659 --> 00:11:36,292
- MAYBE NEXT TIME.
- OH, YEAH, OKAY, COOL.
299
00:11:36,316 --> 00:11:38,156
REAL COOL, ALL RIGHT,
WELL, GIVE ME A CALL SOMETIME.
300
00:11:38,180 --> 00:11:41,562
WE'LL GO TO THE TRACK AND HANG.
301
00:11:41,597 --> 00:11:43,461
- GREAT.
- TAKE IT EASY, GUYS.
302
00:11:43,495 --> 00:11:45,256
- ALL RIGHTY.
- BRIAN, LET'S GO.
303
00:11:45,290 --> 00:11:46,290
HELLO! WAKE UP!
304
00:11:58,925 --> 00:12:00,305
GO, GO, GO, GO, GO.
305
00:12:00,340 --> 00:12:04,482
GO, GO, GO, GO, GO.
306
00:12:04,516 --> 00:12:06,346
- OKAY, WHERE IS IT?
- SHHH!
307
00:12:06,380 --> 00:12:08,486
- NOBODY'S HOME.
- SHHH!
308
00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:10,315
- SHE HAS A NOSY NEIGHBOR
WHO CALLS THE COPS
309
00:12:10,350 --> 00:12:11,351
AT THE DROP OF A HAT.
310
00:12:11,385 --> 00:12:12,766
- OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.
311
00:12:12,801 --> 00:12:14,192
LOOK, THIS IS HOW
THIS IS GONNA GO DOWN.
312
00:12:14,216 --> 00:12:15,665
BRIAN, YOU TAKE
THE FRONT QUADRANT,
313
00:12:15,700 --> 00:12:17,598
AND JOHNNY, YOU TAKE
THE BACK QUADRANTS.
314
00:12:17,633 --> 00:12:18,530
WHY ARE YOU ASSIGNING QUADRANTS?
IT'S MY GIRLFRIEND'S HOUSE.
315
00:12:18,565 --> 00:12:19,600
- I WAS IN THE MILITARY.
316
00:12:19,635 --> 00:12:20,716
I KNOW HOW TO ASSIGN QUADRANTS
317
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:21,706
IN A SPY MISSION SITUATION.
318
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:23,535
NOW, LOOK, BRIAN.
319
00:12:23,570 --> 00:12:25,020
- YOU TAKE THE KITCHEN QUADRANT.
320
00:12:25,054 --> 00:12:26,445
I'M GONNA TAKE
THE BEDROOM QUADRANT.
321
00:12:26,469 --> 00:12:27,515
BRIAN, YOU TAKE
THE LIVING ROOM QUADRANT.
322
00:12:27,539 --> 00:12:29,265
ALL RIGHT?
BREAK.
323
00:12:29,300 --> 00:12:30,656
- THAT'S ONLY THREE QUADRANTS.
- WHAT?
324
00:12:30,680 --> 00:12:31,543
- QUADRANTS MEANS FOUR AREAS.
325
00:12:31,578 --> 00:12:32,648
YOU ONLY ASSIGNED THREE.
326
00:12:32,682 --> 00:12:34,684
THE PREFIX "QUAD" MEANS "FOUR."
327
00:12:34,719 --> 00:12:36,145
- OKAY, FORGET THE QUADRANTS.
- IT HAILS FROM THE LATIN...
328
00:12:36,169 --> 00:12:37,964
FORGET THE QUADRANTS, OKAY?
329
00:12:37,998 --> 00:12:39,689
IT'LL BE JUST AN AREA,
ALL RIGHT?
330
00:12:39,724 --> 00:12:41,115
LET'S GET
THE THREE GODDAMNED AREAS.
331
00:12:41,139 --> 00:12:42,796
- I'VE MADE A DECISION!
- SHHH!
332
00:12:42,831 --> 00:12:44,325
I'M NOT WHISPERING
- KEEP YOUR GODDAMN VOICE DOWN.
333
00:12:44,349 --> 00:12:45,361
- BRIAN, YOU TAKE
THE LIVING ROOM QUADRANT
334
00:12:45,385 --> 00:12:47,214
AND THE KITCHEN QUADRANT.
335
00:12:47,249 --> 00:12:49,389
- THIS WOMAN IS A PSYCHOPATH.
336
00:12:53,669 --> 00:12:55,464
- YOU HAPPY NOW?
337
00:12:55,498 --> 00:12:58,294
- ALL RIGHT.
- ARE HAPPY NOW?
338
00:12:58,329 --> 00:13:00,641
- OKAY, OKAY.
339
00:13:00,676 --> 00:13:02,333
- OH, MY GOD.
340
00:13:02,367 --> 00:13:04,093
- WHAT?
- THERESA'S COMPUTER.
341
00:13:04,128 --> 00:13:07,787
- OH, DON'T DO IT, JOHN.
- DO YOU THINK IT'S WRONG?
342
00:13:07,821 --> 00:13:11,342
- YES. PLUS, I BELIEVE
THAT IT'S IN MY QUADRANT.
343
00:13:11,376 --> 00:13:12,343
- LOOK, NO GOOD
CAN COME FROM THIS.
344
00:13:12,377 --> 00:13:14,207
- HOW BAD COULD IT BE?
345
00:13:14,241 --> 00:13:15,667
- DIDN'T WE ANSWER THAT QUESTION
EARLIER TODAY?
346
00:13:15,691 --> 00:13:17,313
- LOOK, I KNOW
WHAT THERESA'S INTO.
347
00:13:17,348 --> 00:13:20,040
AND IT'S NOT HORSES
HAVING SEX, OKAY?
348
00:13:20,075 --> 00:13:21,317
IT'S REAL ESTATE AND GUNS.
349
00:13:21,352 --> 00:13:23,181
AND SHOES.
350
00:13:23,216 --> 00:13:28,393
AND I GUARANTEE THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT WE'RE ABOUT TO SEE.
351
00:13:32,225 --> 00:13:34,399
"THE ROCK"?
352
00:13:34,434 --> 00:13:37,506
THAT MUST BE A GLITCH.
353
00:13:37,540 --> 00:13:39,370
"THE ROCK" AGAIN?
354
00:13:39,404 --> 00:13:41,648
- HIT HISTORY.
355
00:13:41,682 --> 00:13:44,409
"'THE ROCK' ABS.
'THE ROCK' ARMS.
356
00:13:44,444 --> 00:13:46,653
'THE ROCK' ASS"?
357
00:13:46,687 --> 00:13:48,206
"'THE ROCK' EYES?"
358
00:13:48,241 --> 00:13:49,552
- WHO'S DWAYNE JOHNSON?
359
00:13:49,587 --> 00:13:51,727
- ALSO THE ROCK.
HIS GIVEN NAME.
360
00:13:51,761 --> 00:13:54,040
HE DEBUTED AS THE ROCK IN 1996,
361
00:13:54,074 --> 00:13:55,431
WHEN HE BECAME
A PROFESSIONAL WRESTLER.
362
00:13:55,455 --> 00:13:57,491
- OH, MY GOD.
- WOW.
363
00:13:57,526 --> 00:13:59,528
THAT PORN HORSE
AND THE ROCK
364
00:13:59,562 --> 00:14:02,013
HAVE THE SAME EXACT
MUSCULAR DEFINITION.
365
00:14:02,048 --> 00:14:03,601
- LOOK AT THE RIPPLES
ON THAT BACK.
366
00:14:03,635 --> 00:14:05,396
- OKAY, ENOUGH.
367
00:14:05,430 --> 00:14:09,849
THIS IS AN INVASION
OF THERESA'S PRIVACY.
368
00:14:09,883 --> 00:14:12,161
- "PENELOPE CRUZ LIPS,"
"PENELOPE CRUZ EYES."
369
00:14:12,196 --> 00:14:13,714
- OH.
- "PENELOPE CRUZ BIKINI"?
370
00:14:13,749 --> 00:14:16,165
"PREGNANT PENELOPE CRUZ
BIKINI"?
371
00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:18,236
YOU USE
YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S COMPUTER
372
00:14:18,271 --> 00:14:20,342
TO LOOK AT CELEBRITY CHICKS?
- N...
373
00:14:20,376 --> 00:14:22,354
- PREGNANT CELEBRITY CHICKS?
I'M SO DISAPPOINTED IN YOU.
374
00:14:22,378 --> 00:14:24,001
- NOT ME.
IT'S THERESA.
375
00:14:24,035 --> 00:14:25,599
PENELOPE CRUZ IS
HER LESBIAN FREE TICKET.
376
00:14:25,623 --> 00:14:26,589
IT'S THE ONE GIRL
SHE'D EVER HAVE SEX WITH
377
00:14:26,624 --> 00:14:28,453
IF SHE EVER HAD THE CHANCE.
378
00:14:28,488 --> 00:14:31,629
ME, BEING A GRACIOUS BOYFRIEND,
SAID SHE COULD DO IT.
379
00:14:31,663 --> 00:14:33,296
- WHO'S YOUR FREE TICKET?
- JENNIFER ANISTON.
380
00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:36,427
- OH, YOU MORON.
- WHAT? WHY AM I A MORON?
381
00:14:36,461 --> 00:14:39,602
- BECAUSE IF YOU PICK
PENELOPE CRUZ TOO,
382
00:14:39,637 --> 00:14:41,408
AND THE DAY HAPPENS TO COME
WHERE YOU BOTH MEET HER
383
00:14:41,432 --> 00:14:43,641
AND YOU HIT IT OFF,
YOU GET TO HAVE A THREESOME!
384
00:14:43,675 --> 00:14:45,712
- EVEN I KNOW THAT.
- OH, I DIDN'T...
385
00:14:45,746 --> 00:14:47,300
- PUT 'EM UP, MOTHERFU...
- OH!
386
00:14:47,334 --> 00:14:49,474
- HOLY SH..., YOU GUYS!
387
00:14:49,509 --> 00:14:52,650
I ALMOST WASTED Y'ALL!
- JESUS. BILLY!
388
00:14:52,684 --> 00:14:54,410
OH, MY GOD.
389
00:14:54,445 --> 00:14:56,102
WHY... WHY DON'T...
390
00:14:56,136 --> 00:14:58,794
WHY DON'T YOU HAVE
ANY CLOTHES ON?
391
00:14:58,828 --> 00:15:04,213
WHY IS YOUR PENIS SO BIG?
392
00:15:04,248 --> 00:15:05,939
- IT'S NOT THATBIG.
393
00:15:05,974 --> 00:15:08,321
- I SAY THIS AS A BLACK MAN
AND A GAY DUDE,
394
00:15:08,355 --> 00:15:10,116
YOUR COCK IS ENORMOUS.
395
00:15:10,150 --> 00:15:11,427
- REALLY?
THANKS, MAN.
396
00:15:11,462 --> 00:15:12,877
MY BROTHERS ARE BIGGER.
397
00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:14,568
I'M THE SMALLEST ONE
IN MY FAMILY.
398
00:15:14,603 --> 00:15:16,132
- I WOULD LOVE TO VISIT
THEIR HOUSE FOR THANKSGIVING.
399
00:15:16,156 --> 00:15:18,434
- GOD, YOUR BALLS LOOK TINY.
400
00:15:18,469 --> 00:15:21,644
- HOW... HOW DO YOU BUY PANTS?
401
00:15:21,679 --> 00:15:23,612
I DON'T KNOW WHO'S BIGGER,
HIM OR THE PORN HORSE.
402
00:15:23,646 --> 00:15:26,649
- HE IS, BY A NOSE.
403
00:15:26,684 --> 00:15:27,764
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE,
BILLY?
404
00:15:27,788 --> 00:15:30,032
- I WAS SLEEPING UPSTAIRS.
- NAKED?
405
00:15:30,067 --> 00:15:31,285
- YEAH. IT'S HARD FOR ME TO FIND
THE RIGHT SIZE UNDERWEAR.
406
00:15:31,309 --> 00:15:32,724
- MY HOUSE IS CLOSE
TO THE STATION,
407
00:15:32,759 --> 00:15:34,657
NO UNDERWEAR NECESSARY.
- STOP HITTING ON HIM.
408
00:15:34,692 --> 00:15:38,247
- HE'S NOT HITTING ON ME.
- OH, I'M HITTING ON YOU HARD.
409
00:15:38,282 --> 00:15:39,500
- DID YOU SLEEP
WITH MY GIRLFRIEND?
410
00:15:39,524 --> 00:15:42,389
- UM... I DON'T THINK SO.
411
00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:47,118
- HOLY SH...!
- OH, MY GOD.
412
00:15:47,153 --> 00:15:49,396
HE'S COVERING IT UP
AND I CAN STILL SEE IT.
413
00:15:49,431 --> 00:15:51,295
- 99TH PERCENTILE,
THAT'S HOW BIG THAT IS.
414
00:15:51,329 --> 00:15:53,228
99TH PERCENTILE.
- WOW.
415
00:15:53,262 --> 00:15:55,126
- UM, I THINK I'M GONNA
PUT SOME PANTS ON.
416
00:15:55,161 --> 00:15:56,507
- NO!
- NO!
417
00:15:56,541 --> 00:15:58,992
- I THINK THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
- OKAY.
418
00:15:59,027 --> 00:16:01,443
- WHAT ARE YOU GUYS
DOING HERE?
419
00:16:01,477 --> 00:16:03,307
- WHAT IS HEDOING HERE?
420
00:16:03,341 --> 00:16:04,929
- HIS APARTMENT'S
BEING FUMIGATED,
421
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:06,793
AND HE'S WORKING NIGHTS
COVERING FOR A GUY,
422
00:16:06,827 --> 00:16:08,874
SO I SAID HE COULD STAY HERE.
WHAT ARE YOUDOING HERE?
423
00:16:08,898 --> 00:16:12,005
- WELL, I JUST
CAME OVER TO...
424
00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:14,870
TO, UH, SHOW THE GUYS
THE NEW COFFEE TABLE.
425
00:16:14,904 --> 00:16:16,423
THERE IT IS, BOYS.
WHAT'D I TELL YOU?
426
00:16:16,458 --> 00:16:17,597
- OH, WOW!
IS THIS OAK?
427
00:16:17,631 --> 00:16:18,805
- DID YOU GET THIS USED?
428
00:16:18,839 --> 00:16:20,151
- YEAH, YEAH.
IT'S NICE.
429
00:16:20,186 --> 00:16:22,326
- WHY IS MY COMPUTER OPEN?
430
00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:26,433
- THE TRUTH IS THAT iPAD...
MY iPAD THAT I LENT YOU...
431
00:16:26,468 --> 00:16:28,332
IT'S, UH...
432
00:16:28,366 --> 00:16:31,438
IT'S GOT PORN ON IT.
- I KNOW.
433
00:16:31,473 --> 00:16:34,131
- YOU LOOKED AT MY iPAD?
- TWO SECONDS AFTER YOU LEFT.
434
00:16:34,165 --> 00:16:35,867
WANTED TO KNOW IF YOU WERE
TELLING THE TRUTH
435
00:16:35,891 --> 00:16:40,206
ABOUT GIVING UP PORN,
WHICH OF COURSE YOU WEREN'T.
436
00:16:40,240 --> 00:16:41,862
YOU LOOKED AT MY COMPUTER?
- YEAH, I DID.
437
00:16:41,897 --> 00:16:43,795
AND I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT.
438
00:16:43,830 --> 00:16:44,841
BUT JUST WHAT THE HELL
IS THE DEAL WITH ALL THE...
439
00:16:44,865 --> 00:16:46,212
- HEY!
- ROCK PICTURES, HUH?
440
00:16:46,246 --> 00:16:47,730
- HEY!
- CAN YOU TELL ME THAT?
441
00:16:47,765 --> 00:16:48,880
- FIRST OF ALL,
IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
442
00:16:48,904 --> 00:16:50,181
SECOND OF ALL...
443
00:16:50,216 --> 00:16:52,839
I LIKE THE ROCK.
HE'S HANDSOME.
444
00:16:52,873 --> 00:16:54,703
HE'S AGILE.
445
00:16:54,737 --> 00:16:56,394
AND HE'S FUNNY.
446
00:16:56,429 --> 00:16:57,682
- AND HE CAN DO THAT THING
WITH HIS EYEBROWS.
447
00:16:57,706 --> 00:16:59,328
- YES, HE CAN.
448
00:16:59,363 --> 00:17:00,916
- I LOVE WHEN HE DOES
THE EYEBROWS.
449
00:17:00,950 --> 00:17:02,687
- THE ROCK IS HUGE IN EUROPE.
THEY LOVE HIM THERE.
450
00:17:02,711 --> 00:17:06,887
WHAT'S WITH PENELOPE CRUZ?
451
00:17:06,922 --> 00:17:09,373
- SHE'S MY LESBIAN
FREE TICKET, OKAY?
452
00:17:09,407 --> 00:17:11,409
- WHO'S HIS FREE TICKET?
- JENNIFER ANISTON. PFFT.
453
00:17:11,444 --> 00:17:12,686
- IDIOT!
454
00:17:12,721 --> 00:17:14,240
- IF IT WAS PENELOPE CRUZ,
THEN...
455
00:17:14,274 --> 00:17:17,139
- YEAH, I GOT IT NOW, STATS.
THANKS.
456
00:17:17,174 --> 00:17:18,841
- SINCE WE'RE TALKING
ABOUT BROWSER HISTORY...
457
00:17:18,865 --> 00:17:20,729
HMM.
458
00:17:20,763 --> 00:17:24,181
- WHAT IS WITH ALL OF THE RACHEL
MCADAMS TOPLESS SEARCHES
459
00:17:24,215 --> 00:17:25,837
ON YOUR iPAD, HUH?
460
00:17:25,872 --> 00:17:28,875
"RACHEL MCADAMS
TOPLESS BERMUDA,"
461
00:17:28,909 --> 00:17:30,463
"RACHEL MCADAMS
TOPLESS ITALY."
462
00:17:30,497 --> 00:17:32,637
"RACHEL MCADAMS
TOPLESS MACAU"?
463
00:17:32,672 --> 00:17:34,501
- SHE TRAVELS A LOT.
- OH.
464
00:17:34,536 --> 00:17:36,538
- IT'S EMBARRASSING,
BUT THE TRUTH IS...
465
00:17:36,572 --> 00:17:38,505
I DON'T HAVE
ANY TOPLESS PICTURES OF YOU,
466
00:17:38,540 --> 00:17:39,655
AND SHE KIND OF
REMINDS ME OF YOU.
467
00:17:39,679 --> 00:17:41,508
THERE YOU GO.
468
00:17:41,543 --> 00:17:44,925
I WANTED
A TOPLESS PICTURE OF YOU,
469
00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:48,343
AND THAT WAS AS CLOSE
AS I COULD GET.
470
00:17:48,377 --> 00:17:49,861
- THAT'S ACTUALLY
KIND OF SWEET.
471
00:17:49,896 --> 00:17:51,863
- YOU NEVER GAVE HIM
ANY TOPLESS PHOTOS?
472
00:17:51,898 --> 00:17:53,417
IN EUROPE,
EVERYONE GOES TOPLESS.
473
00:17:53,451 --> 00:17:55,004
- SHUT UP, MAEVE.
474
00:17:55,039 --> 00:17:57,559
YOU SPENT ONE SEMESTER
STUDYING IN SCOTLAND.
475
00:18:00,113 --> 00:18:03,220
YOU THINK I LOOK
LIKE RACHEL MCADAMS?
476
00:18:03,254 --> 00:18:05,394
- YEAH. I DO.
477
00:18:05,429 --> 00:18:07,914
A LOT.
478
00:18:07,948 --> 00:18:09,512
SO MUCH SO THAT I'VE SEEN
ALL OF HER MOVIES...
479
00:18:09,536 --> 00:18:10,951
EXCEPT THE VOW.
- OH, MY GOD.
480
00:18:10,986 --> 00:18:12,505
WHAT ARE YOU SAVING IT FOR?
481
00:18:12,539 --> 00:18:14,265
- THERESA,
I CAN'T FIND MY PANTS.
482
00:18:14,300 --> 00:18:15,922
- DANG IT, BILLY.
483
00:18:15,956 --> 00:18:19,581
- YES!
- IS THAT MY iPAD?
484
00:18:19,615 --> 00:18:22,446
- IS YOURS THE ONE
WITH BIG BOOBY CAR WASHON IT?
485
00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:24,241
- YES.
- YEAH.
486
00:18:24,275 --> 00:18:25,725
- YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT'S YOURS.
487
00:18:25,759 --> 00:18:26,760
- REALLY?
- MM-HMM.
488
00:18:26,795 --> 00:18:27,934
- THANKS, MAN.
489
00:18:27,968 --> 00:18:29,280
- CHICAGO NORTH...
- NO!
490
00:18:29,315 --> 00:18:30,464
- AMBULANCE 14.
- OH, THANK GOD.
491
00:18:30,488 --> 00:18:31,593
- LIFE ALERT,
16 EAST GROVE.
492
00:18:31,627 --> 00:18:32,766
- THAT'S OUR QUADRANT.
493
00:18:32,801 --> 00:18:35,355
WE'D LOVE TO STAY, BUT...
494
00:18:35,390 --> 00:18:36,908
- AMBULANCE 14 RESPONDING.
495
00:18:36,943 --> 00:18:39,877
ONE OF YOU BITCHES
IS TAKING A PICTURE.
496
00:18:39,911 --> 00:18:43,191
- GUYS.
497
00:18:52,303 --> 00:18:53,546
- WHICH ROOM WAS IT?
498
00:18:53,580 --> 00:18:55,444
- 2-0-0-8.
499
00:18:58,033 --> 00:19:00,000
- EMERGENCY SERVICES!
500
00:19:00,035 --> 00:19:01,485
- WHY IS THE PHONE
STILL RINGING?
501
00:19:01,519 --> 00:19:03,003
- 911 DISPATCH.
NOBODY'S ANSWERING.
502
00:19:03,038 --> 00:19:04,591
- HELLO?
EMERGENCY SERVICES!
503
00:19:04,626 --> 00:19:07,698
HELLO?
ALL RIGHT, STAND BACK.
504
00:19:10,770 --> 00:19:13,393
HELLO?
505
00:19:14,843 --> 00:19:16,810
OH, MY GOD!
506
00:19:16,845 --> 00:19:18,778
OH, THAT'S IT.
OH, THAT'S IT.
507
00:19:18,812 --> 00:19:21,643
All: OH!
- OH! OH, MY GOD!
508
00:19:21,677 --> 00:19:23,645
GET OUTTA MY HOUSE!
- WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?
509
00:19:23,679 --> 00:19:25,198
- CALL THE POLICE.
- NO! NOPE, NOPE.
510
00:19:25,233 --> 00:19:26,624
EVERYTHING'S OKAY.
WE'RE PARAMEDICS.
511
00:19:26,648 --> 00:19:28,443
WE GOT AN EMERGENCY CALL.
512
00:19:28,477 --> 00:19:31,204
- THIS IS THE EMTs.
IT'S A FALSE ALARM.
513
00:19:31,239 --> 00:19:34,034
IT LOOKS LIKE THE LIFE ALERT
WAS SET OFF, UM...
514
00:19:34,069 --> 00:19:36,278
ACCIDENTALLY.
- OH, THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING.
515
00:19:36,313 --> 00:19:38,763
- SHH, OKAY.
- IT'S OKAY, IT'S OKAY.
516
00:19:38,798 --> 00:19:42,802
UM, JUST NEXT TIME YOU ENGAGE
IN ATHLETIC ACTIVITIES,
517
00:19:42,836 --> 00:19:44,020
UM, TAKE OFF THE NECKLACE.
- PLEASE.
518
00:19:44,044 --> 00:19:45,598
- THANK YOU.
- PLEASE.
519
00:19:45,632 --> 00:19:46,840
- WE'RE JUST GONNA...
- PLEASE.
520
00:19:55,711 --> 00:19:57,851
♪
521
00:20:26,501 --> 00:20:28,951
OKAY, CAN WE JUST...
- YEAH.
522
00:20:28,986 --> 00:20:30,712
- THAT WAS SO...
- BEAUTIFUL.
523
00:20:30,746 --> 00:20:32,645
RIGHT?
524
00:20:32,679 --> 00:20:35,889
TWO HUMANS IN LOVE,
THE WAY IT WAS MEANT TO BE.
525
00:20:35,924 --> 00:20:38,340
THAT...
THAT WAS POETRY.
526
00:20:38,375 --> 00:20:40,618
- IT WAS THE CALIFORNIA RAISINS
MAKING A SEX TAPE.
527
00:20:40,653 --> 00:20:41,481
- NOT TO ME.
528
00:20:41,516 --> 00:20:43,725
I WAS MOVED.
529
00:20:43,759 --> 00:20:47,384
HORSE... GONE.
530
00:20:49,938 --> 00:20:52,216
SEE YA, GUYS.
531
00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:53,711
- I DON'T THINK I'M EVER GONNA
GET THAT MAN'S SAGGY SCROTUM
532
00:20:53,735 --> 00:20:55,012
OUTTA MY HEAD.
- OR HER ASS.
533
00:20:55,046 --> 00:20:57,670
IT WAS SO, UH, WRINKLED.
534
00:20:57,704 --> 00:20:58,750
I MEAN,
I THOUGHT IT WAS HER ASS.
535
00:20:58,774 --> 00:21:00,328
MAYBE IT WAS...
OY.
536
00:21:00,362 --> 00:21:01,915
GIANT BABY, GIANT BABY,
GIANT BABY.
537
00:21:01,950 --> 00:21:03,054
GIANT BABY, GIANT BABY.
538
00:21:03,089 --> 00:21:05,988
GIANT BABY...
- TEXT FROM MAEVE.
539
00:21:06,023 --> 00:21:07,680
OOH, PLEASE BE
WHAT I THINK IT MIGHT BE.
540
00:21:07,714 --> 00:21:09,682
JACKPOT!
- WHAT?
541
00:21:09,716 --> 00:21:12,098
- GOODBYE, SAGGY SCROTUM.
HELLO, KING DONG.
542
00:21:12,132 --> 00:21:13,582
SHE SENT ME A PHOTO
OF BILLY'S DICK.
543
00:21:13,617 --> 00:21:14,583
SHE SENT ME A PHOTO
OF BILLY DICK.
544
00:21:14,618 --> 00:21:16,378
- AH.
545
00:21:16,413 --> 00:21:18,000
I'M A FREE MAN.
546
00:21:18,035 --> 00:21:19,726
I'MA SAVE THIS BITCH
RIGHT NOW.
547
00:21:19,761 --> 00:21:21,418
- WELL, WHAT AM I
SUPPOSED TO DO?
548
00:21:21,452 --> 00:21:24,317
GIANT BABY.
549
00:21:24,352 --> 00:21:28,045
IT'S A TEXT FROM THERESA.
- WHAT IS IT?
550
00:21:28,079 --> 00:21:31,048
- NOTHING.
38896
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